Hindsight
by BCBard
Once again, these characters are Mine all mine. They belong solely to me. This is somewhat a Sequel of "First Look", so I would recommend reading that first so you can have an idea of the characters etc.
Also this contains graphic sexual situations between two women who are deeply in love. Yep, they make love. A LOT.
So if you are under 18, do not read this story. Once again let Mom read it, alone, in peace. She may explain it to you later.
If this sort of thing is illegal where you live, or if the concept offends you; You have 2 choices:
1. DON’T READ IT.
2. MOVE
There is some violence here. Guns and shootings etc. It is a Cop Story after all.
THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, ANY SIMILARITIES TO PEOPLE LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
As always, If you have a Right and a Desire to be here; READ ON.
"Oh God no, please this can’t be happening to me. Not now lord, not now. After all we’ve been through,
Not now". My mind screams as my body reacts.
We were just getting home from our son’s wedding; having just exited our Dodge Dakota, you on the driver’s side and me on the passenger side, as usual. I drove a Police Car for years, so I try not to drive at all unless it’s absolutely necessary. As you make your way to my side, I hear the gunshots.
I draw my Glock and go into Cop mode.
I dive for you, taking us both to the ground. I manage to get off two shots at the dark vehicle whose occupants continued shooting at us as it raced away. I am on top of you, which at most times is a position I enjoy. Now, however my mind and body functions only in Cop Mode. When you met me I was only a Police Lieutenant. A little over two years ago, I was appointed the First Female Police Commissioner of my fair city. The position came with a personal driver, but tonight because of the wedding, we didn’t use her. My how I am regretting that one little decision right now.
I need to get up.
I must get to the Police Radio I have attached to my belt.
Look even though I was at my son’s wedding; I am still the Police Commissioner. For years I had to be Mommie Cop, why should tonight be any different?
But it is.
This is truly a first.
"Oh God, what is that I feel"?
Suddenly I realize there is something warm and wet covering your back.
"Christina! Oh God! Please let her be ok", my thoughts scream.
"God, what is happening"?
I hear you screaming my name, but strangely your voice starts to fade. I feel like I’m falling. I hear you from far, far away. "Baby please don’t leave me, Oh God no, stay with me Baby, don’t go. It’ll be ok, just don’t leave me". I tried to answer you honey, please believe me I tried. My brain was screaming my answer, "baby I’m not going anywhere, I love you, you’re my heart, it’s ok, you’re my soul…" but it never gets off my lips. I can’t move, I can’t speak, and your voice is getting farther away. My brain screams, "talk idiot, tell her you’re ok", but my lips refuse to comply, I just can’t, God I’m so tired, "why can’t I answer her?" My brain queries. "God what is happening"? I feel my whole being slowing down. But my mind continues to race. Then, realization dawns…
"Oh shit" my brain whispers, "I’ve been shot".
"No God please! Not now…." I feel your arms wrap around me as I fall into unconsciousness.
So many things are happening. I no longer feel and all I can hear is a loud buzzing. Amazingly, I find my mind drifting back over our life together.
Not how I thought this life flashing before your eyes thing would be. I expected bright, short flashes of my life, but this is so different.
This can’t be happening to me.
"Christ, twenty years as a street cop and now I get shot in front of my own house". What an idiot I am.
"No God! This is not happening. I will not leave her" my heart screams. "No! We are too much to leave".
"Oh, but baby this is so hard. I want to sleep, I am so tired. No I can’t. I won’t surrender. The only time I’ve ever surrendered has been in bed; with you".
From somewhere far away I hear a faint whisper "fight stupid, fight this" It’s my brain stubborn as always.
Again, I hear your voice, so small, so far away; I have to strain to listen. "Fight baby, remember, remember us, FIGHT".
I can’t get my thoughts to my lips, but still my heart answers you.
"God I’m trying baby…I’m trying".
"I hear you honest…"
"I remember……."
The sunset takes my breath away, or maybe it’s what you’re doing with your hand, while you rest your head in my lap. It had been a wonderful day, spent mostly learning more about the woman who had captured my soul. We have been together over a month now, since the day you stepped off your yacht and into my arms, we have not been apart. God how I love you. I have never been one to surrender, especially in bed. But I find my body aching for your touch. In the past, I never let anyone this close. Oh sure I had lovers, even other relationships, but I controlled the sex. I made love to them, or what I thought was making love. Now I know it was sex, just sex. I never put my heart into it, just my body. You’ve taught me what it feels like to make love.
I willingly surrender to you.
I love the way your lips and tongue and hands feel on me.
I love the feelings you have been able to introduce my body to.
Like right now.
"God what are you doing"?
You are driving me insane.
Your fingers are lightly stroking along my inner thigh up to my still moist curls teasingly lingering, then moving back down for a return trip. I know you realize what you’re doing to me. Moving in tandem with your hand, your mouth is a very guilty coconspirator
You’re lightly kissing my belly just below where it meets my left hip as I ask you if you are trying to kill me. While small contractions course through my body, I feel your lips move from a kiss into a small smile.
Oh yeah I know that smile.
As your lips take the place of your fingers, you’re slowly kissing up my thigh. I feel you enter me. First one finger, then two, then your breath on my clitoris, followed by soft gentle kisses from my clitoris to my vagina.
Then everything stops.
For one brief eternally long second, you do nothing.
"Yep I’m right; you are trying to kill me".
Then you once again plant soft, soul-stealing kisses on that wonderful bundle of nerves that I know has got to be large and hard and swollen.
I can feel my vagina contract; my hips start to move of their own accord.
Without warning you suck my clitoris into your mouth, pinning it between your teeth, and begin running your tongue up and down it’s entire swollen length. Just when I think I can’t take any more, you thrust deeper into me; filling me, owning me.
My body explodes in climax.
I have no choice, I scream your name..
It is all there is to say, nothing else would make sense.
In that one moment, at my ultimate surrender and release, your essence consumes me, and I willingly dissolve into it.
I hear you whisper "oh yes baby, you are so wet, yes honey, come for me" and again my body explodes in climax.
As my body starts to reenter Earth’s atmosphere, I open my eyes.
I realize that your are now lying with your head on my thigh and your body on it’s side along mine. I am elated that just level with my lips is your most precious gift. I reach out and slowly run my fingers through the dark patch of hair that covers your sex. I move deeper and reach your clitoris, feeling it’s hardness under my fingers.
I roll you under me, as I run kisses up your belly. My legs naturally fall on either side of your face. I support my weight on my knees. My eyes wash over you. God you are so beautiful. My hands move to take over were my eyes have been. I stroke your neck and shoulders, move over your breasts, down your belly, and onto your thighs. I have to smile as your hips arch up to me. " Oh but no love, not yet, I will not go there just yet. In time baby, in time". My brain replies as you move. Slowly I take one of your hard dusty-rose colored nipples into my mouth as I suck gently, rolling my tongue over its hardness. God how I love you. I take your free nipple between my fingers and gently caress it. In time I switch my hand and mouth positions. By then I am ignited by my desire for you. I slowly place kisses on your belly as I begin my descent. I continue to support my weight on my knees, letting only my nipples touch your skin. I feel the sharp intake of your breath. God what a glorious feeling. I move lower, kissing your belly button, running my hands over your small muscular waist. I smile slightly as I feel your abdominal muscles contracting under my assault. I kiss your hips, first one, then the other. Then I lower myself onto you, as my nipples hard and aching, press into your stomach. We have now assumed my favorite position. I know that by doing this, my vagina is within your reach. You respond in kind. I feel your breath on my already swollen lips, and am amazed and the amount of wetness I feel flowing out of me. Your tongue enters me as I run my hands down your thighs, then under you, caressing your small muscular rear. I can’t stand this anymore. I lift you to me; I have to have you. NOW…
Quickly I bury my face in your moist curls. I can smell you, that warm, musky odor that is so you.
I have to taste you.
Slowly, I part your lips, and dip my tongue lightly into your vagina. God you taste so good.
Your wetness covers my face. Sweet Jesus I have died and gone directly to paradise.
I must have you.
Now!
All of you!
I drag my tongue up and over your clitoris. I suck your clitoris into my mouth, and assault it with my tongue, while you are doing the same to me. I feel my hips moving against your face. I enter you with two fingers while my tongue continues its dance on your clitoris..
My body is alive with a hot soul consuming flame.
I want you, I need you, and I have to have you, as I give all I have to you.
"God come for me baby". I hear my brain plead. I need you to come for me.
You are so wet.
I slowly pull my fingers back, then enter you quickly and deeply.
You thrust upward to me hard and fast, as you scream my name into the last colors of the sunset.
I can’t hold back anymore. I feel my body erupt in the white, hot release of a climax that comes from a place I never knew before you. A place I now never want to leave.
Later, as I lay in that wonderful warmth that making love with you causes, my body tucked against you with my head on your shoulder, I hear you saying. "Hey babe, come back to me, come on you can do It.. Come back sweetheart. I’m here I’ve got you, you’re safe. Come back to me".
My brain whines in protest.
"No wait what is happening"?
"I am losing the warmth I felt while lying on your shoulder".
"God this hurts".
"What the hell is going on"?
"And what in God’s name is that awful beeping"?
I feel your fingers lightly stroking my face, I try to open my eyes, but I can’t. I try to speak to you, to tell you I’m here, but I can’t get my voice to my lips.
"Okay idiot", my brains shouts, "be afraid, be very, very afraid". And I am inclined to agree as my thoughts continue.
"This is not good ……Nope, can’t be. This just can’t be a good thing".
"Damn she is going to be so pissed at you". My ever-present antagonistic brain reminds me.
"Please don’t be mad baby, I’m trying, I’m trying".
"Honest honey. I just don’t know what else to do".
Now where have I heard that before?
Oh yeah I remember….
I walk out of Headquarters, a newly made Captain, (well 2 months in rank, but fairly new), still I do have command of my own district. As I walk into the parking lot, I hear a soft crying sound. I investigate as all newly made Captain’s do.
I see a bundle in a corner by the rear wheel of a Police Car.
"Oh isn’t that cute". I think as I approach the bundle. "Someone has wrapped kittens in a blanket and put them at my District, hoping we’ll take them in". Well, the softy that I am opens the blanket to comfort the kittens and it reveals, no not kittens, but a human, male child. I actually jumped back a foot or two. There was so much to the blanket I misjudged the size.
"Oh God, it’s an abandoned baby", I say out loud to no one but myself.
"Oh shit". Yep there’s a professional Police Response for ya, alright.
I quickly regain my composure, and take the appropriate action. Mostly to stop my brain’s continuous assault. I check the baby for any injuries, find none, then scoop him up blanket and all and take him into my Headquarters. I have the Child taken to the local Children’s Hospital for an evaluation, and then on to placement with the Department of Human Services.
He gets to the Hospital, but D.H.S., has no room at the Inn. So I make a Command Decision. I call D.H.S., and offer to take the child until suitable alternate placement can be found. They agree. I have to go to the hospital and meet the Social Worker and fill out some forms. They also ask if I want to become a Foster Parent. I had already decided that I would, before they asked the question. I painstakingly fill out form after bureaucratic form, and finally I am free to go to see the baby. But first I have to explain all this to you. I’d rather chase an armed suspect down a dark alley than have to explain to you how I made all these decisions without even a phone call. "Oh shit, now you’ve done it asshole"; my brain chips in as I pull up to the house.
"Honest, honey, I just don’t know what else to do. Please come look, he’s so little". I stutter, as I stand in our doorway while you block my entrance into our home. I begin to tell you the story, and don’t get past the someone left him in the parking lot in a blanket part, when you turn me around and head for my car. I am confused, but before I can speak, you state, "take me to the Hospital"
I as always, do as I am told, and off we go. Then as you do so well, the questions start. Sometimes I wonder which one of us is really the cop. Many criminals are glad it’s not you. You are relentless when you want answers. Hell, I am ready to confess to the Lindbergh Kidnapping if you’ll just stop with the gauntlet of questions I am enduring while trapped in this damn car.
I focus in on "well does he have a name"? I realize I must respond. So I tell you the truth. "No he does not have a name he’s a John Doe according to D.H.S. He would be short term placement, but I signed us up for Foster Parents, cause baby there’s such a shortage, and we can be his care givers and if no one is found and we’re certified Foster Parents then he can stay with us". My mouth is in overdrive, I never knew I could say so much so quickly. Fear. Yep that must be it, then I cringe; cause I know the argument is coming.
But to my amazement you state "we’ll call him James, after your dad".
"James Joyce, kind of catching don’t ya think"? You laughingly continue.
You walk into his hospital room, look down at his little body, and in a tone softer than I have ever heard before, you say, " It’s okay shortie, Mommie’s here".
You and he were inseparable from that day on. He became our Foster Son, and much to my delight, we adopted James a week shy of his fourth birthday. He had been so sick for so long. When I found him, he was 2 weeks old; he spent the next 8 and a half months in and out of various hospitals. He was on every monitor known to man, and had in home therapists of one type or another 6 hours a day. You never missed a minute with him. He was our son, and that was that. You learned his routines and read every book on Special Needs kids, and put it all into practice. He was so sick, and skinny, the Doctors gave him only a 40% chance of survival, and if he did survive, he would be mentally retarded. But you ignored all that. You just blew them off. You worked with him every day tirelessly and he responded. How could he not? You loved him. Doctors, ah poor things, they didn’t know the healing power of your love.
I remember you standing in the hallway at St. Christopher’s Hospital, your hands on your hips glaring at the Doctor, while you said, "give me the baby and keep your opinions to yourself". I knew he would survive, and thrive. I had first hand knowledge of your power. And thrive he did. He is all grown up, a married man. Actually a married Lawyer man. Well on his way. Wait…my son.
"Honey, I’m fighting to get back…You…James… his wedding… gunshots; Christina…Christina". I hear my brain screaming your name. I remember….
"God Christina, be okay. Lord don’t let anything have happened to her. Lord please, not now, dear God not now", my heart screams into my ears.
"There’s that damn beeping again. What the hell is that"?
I feel your hands on me, stroking my left arm, and I remember. I remember your touch; I need your touch. My body craves it, like an addiction.
"CHRISTINA……."
Again I hear your voice. "Yes baby that’s it, come back to me, I’m here sweetheart, just come back to me".
I scream your name again. But all my lips can manage is a whisper. "CHRISTINA"?
My eyes are heavy, but after several attempts I get them open, and close them quickly, then open them again. The picture I see scares the hell out of me. Standing over me is a man dressed in all white, with a bright light shining in my eyes. Directly above him are several other large bright lights. He softly asks "Commissioner, do you know where you are"? "Yeah", my brain teases, "you’re dead asshole, nicely done". I try several times before I can get the words out, "God I hope this is Temple Hospital. If not I messed up big time." He laughs and says, "yes ma’am it’s Temple and I’m Doctor Smith. You were shot, had some surgery and were out for a while, but now that you’re awake things are looking up. Besides there’s someone here who has been awaiting your return".
Slowly, oh so slowly, you come into view. "Hey, you’re crying. No baby, no tears. Don’t cry honey, just tell me you’re ok", I whisper. Well that didn’t get the response I expected. You burst into sobbing tears and bury your head on my good shoulder. "Oh great, now what do I do. You know I hate it when you cry. Help me out here. Wonderful moron, not a good time for a brain freeze. Think idiot", my brain screams.
"Baby, come on now, what’s with all the tears"? I ask innocently. Much to my surprise, I get a soft smack of my head followed by, "If you ever do anything that stupid again and scare me like this, I swear I’ll shoot ya myself." "Yep she’s ok". For once my brain and I agree.
All I can do is smile. All is right with my world again. I know that, cause right after you yell at me for getting shot, I feel your lips on my neck. I hear you proclaiming your love for me, cleansing your soul of your fears, as you spoke them against the flesh between my collarbone and my ear.
Then, you smack me again. Just because….
I find myself drifting back to sleep, but now it’s just sleep. You are safe, and I am in your arms. All is right with my world. I can sleep.
If only I could do something about that God awful beeping…
"Really what the hell is that"?
I wake to the sound of you arguing with someone. "Honey"? I whisper. Well that makes it worse. You launch into a series of, "see I told you, now you woke her, I don’t care who you are, or what you have to do. She is MY WIFE, and you will not bother her". "Baby what is wrong"? I manage to whisper, as I finally am able to open my eyes and turn my head in the direction of the noise.
I can only laugh, which sends bolts of pain through my entire body. Which of course launches you into another attack on the poor defenseless people being held at bay, in the doorway of my hospital room.
"Ma’am, we have to come in, we’re Police Officers and she’s the Police Commissioner, we’re investigating the shooting, Ma’am please…." Oh this is too good. You, My Wife, are holding back some of the highest ranking Police personnel in the city. I believe this must be the first time in years some of them were told "no". I manage to whisper out, "honey, it’s okay, let them in, they have to get this started". You turn your head towards me, but never leave your post, and ask, "are you sure you’re up to this?" I smile at my tigress protector. God you are so beautiful when you’re angry. I am amazed at the depth of your love and protectiveness for me. I am truly blessed. Then I nod my approval. I have to smile as I watch this group enter my room. They are like little boys, heads bowed and apologetic. God I wish I could get this on tape. What I really need is to bring you to my next Comstats meeting. You would get them in the right mood. Oh well anyway. Let me focus on this. But wait there it is again….
That beeping.
"Okay. Enough with the beeping.."
Then I realize…
I am hooked up to more machines than a Science experiment. No wonder you were scared. That’s when I notice there’s an Uniformed Police Officer on post at my door. Shit, it just never ends…I feel myself turning back into Commissioner Joyce, and safely tucking the part of me that is Your Wife away from these people. That is a part of me, that only you see. It is never shared with the Public.
I take a deep breath and move into character. You take a step towards me, our eyes meet and recognition crosses your face, as you stop. " I know baby, forgive me. I know you hate this façade. I have to do this, please let me". My heart telepathically sends to you. Without speaking a word, we have reached an agreement. You nod and turn to leave.
Before you reach the door, you turn and sign "I love you". I smile and nod back. Then I turn to the Police Officer at my door and instruct him to take you for something to eat, and to stay with you. I do not want you to be alone. I will not allow you to be alone. You laugh, and reply, "relax Commissioner I am just going to get you coffee then I’m coming right back. I really don’t care who these people are; they will not be staying long". God you are incredible. I shake my head, and laugh gently. You would take on the world for me. God help these people. I know when you decide they are done, they will leave. No power on earth could stop you. Hell if I’ll try.
I turn back to the contrite group that now surrounds my bed. "Ok boss woman, let’s get this over with", my ever present sarcastic brain interjects.
Just as I am about to speak, the door to my room is thrown open and there stands the only other woman besides you whom I fear. It’s my Assistant. Actually, she’s my best friend, second to you of course. Her and I were partners when I was first on this job and we have been as close as two women ever could be, without being lovers, closer actually. She is standing in the doorway with her hands locked on her hips, her mouth and head moving in unison. "Heard you wanted to stop the damn beeping, it’s your heart beat fool, be happy for the noise. But I have more important things to talk to you about. So, I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you get your sorry ass shot. Have you lost your mind? What in the name of God were you thinking? Do you realize you could have been killed? Leave me to deal with the media, and Christina. Sure scare everyone half to death cause you gotta do that Xena bullshit. Enough with the Super Cop stuff. Then I sit here for nearly a whole day waiting for your sorry ass to wake up and you wait until I leave the room to do it. Yeah well when you’re all better I’m gonna kick your ass. Got that, MA’AM"? I can’t respond. Nope, this is my partner, my protector; all the years we’ve worked together, neither one of us had gotten hurt. She was there for me during my time with Sharon, nursed me through my obsession with you, and rejoiced when we got together, and she’s James’s godmother. She was at the wedding with us, and offered to drive us home. But no, I wanted to stay in the mood of the wedding, didn’t want to have anything to do with Police Work, and besides you promised to reintroduce me to the fine art of gourmet dining. Oh well see what thinking with my hormones got me. " Shit, now I have them both on my ass. I truly am one lucky dead woman. Besides, I can’t even fault her professionalism. She ended her tirade with Ma’am. Always professional", I think as I find myself smiling. Before she can say anymore, I redirect her attention to the rank of the people in the room. "Captain Yolonda Earl, you know the Deputy Commissioner and the Inspectors gathered here, or do I have to introduce you"? Recognition crosses her face, as she smiles and moves to the side of my bed. "Yes ma’am I do, and I brought my notebook so I could keep a record of this meeting, and get this investigation started". She winks. "Not like I’m here cause you’re boo booed or anything. I am a cop after all. I trained YOU didn’t I"? She finishes and stares defiantly into my eyes. Nope, not me, I know that look, I will not take that challenge. I have seen her when she’s done that angered black woman thing. Nope not me. I bow my head, and turn to the startled men surrounding my bed. "Gentlemen, what do we have on this?" The head of our Homicide Unit is the first to speak, " ma’am we have a suspect in custody. Apparently when you returned fire, you shot her".
"Her" my brain screams.
Followed shortly thereafter by a whispered "Excuse me"? "Her"? "Did you say the person who shot me is a woman"? My brain really goes off now, "God this is just lovely. Christina’s going to think I’m having an affair and that this woman decided to take me out, or shit maybe Christina will think this person was trying to kill her. Oh God, how am I going to break this little bit of news to her"? I no longer care about the case, but how it will effect my wife. "Hey idiot, want to refocus, he’s still talking", my brain chimes in. "Oh yeah, that’s right. Must focus". I look over toward Yolonda, and realize that she has once again did that partner thing, and read my thoughts. Now we both look worried. The gaggle of men around my bed completely misinterprets this and continues talking as if my concern is for the scope of the investigation. Silly boys, constantly hampered by that Testosterone birth defect. "Okay. Let’s get this over with", I say as I refocus my thoughts.
"Tell me gentlemen, does this woman have a name"? I ask. As I am receiving my answer, you, my wife of almost 24 years, reenter the room with a tray of coffee and snacks. "Yep, that’s her Italian side, when under stress, administer food", my brain chuckles. All you manage to get out is "hi, I thought you all might like a little something", when you stop, look at my Homicide Director and shakily say, " what did you say"? I have never seen you look so panicked. Before I can explain, ‘Mr. Helpful’ chimes in, "well Ms Armani, it seems when the Commissioner returned fire she wounded the suspect. We have her in custody at Hahnemann Hospital ICU…."
You raise your hand and cut him off, saying "yeah ok, but what did you say her name was"? I see fear running across your face. Your feet have not moved since you entered the room. You are frozen in place; coffee service and snacks still in your hands. "Hon, are you okay"? I ask softly. You nod slightly,"Wait, just tell me her name", you shakily reply. "Yes ma’am", Mr. Helpful replies, "her name is Theresa Marino". He never gets to say anything else. The coffee and snacks fall from your hands, and you dissolve onto the floor sobbing, "oh sweet Jesus, this can not be happening, she can’t be here, how in the name of God could this happen"? Well now I’m ready to kill someone. I turn to the gaggle and force out, "What the hell is going on"? First on my hit list is ‘Mr. Helpful’, right after I ensure you are ok. But, I can’t get to you and I need to hold you. Yolonda is first to you, bringing you to sit by my bed. You bury your head on my shoulder, sobbing, "oh honey please forgive me, it’s my fault, I never thought she would ever be back. Oh sweet Jesus, I am so sorry". Well now it’s my turn to run the gamut of what ifs, or what for’s. My brain is in overdrive. I can’t even get one complete thought out. Oh the hell with it. I gently stroke your head. "Babe, who is she, what is going on"? I whisper into the top of your head. Your reply causes my blood to run cold.
"She was my lover".
Well, if I was not already lying down, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I turn to the collected group of men surrounding my bed, and order them out of the room. The discussion I know we are going to have does not need them as witnesses. Only Yolonda stays. "Like I could get her to leave", my brain reminds me.
"She was your what"? "When"? "How"? "Why"? I weekly ask.
Now I am not known for restraint, as far as my temper goes, but after all I was recently shot, so I am just too weak to get angry. Well that’s not true. I am however, too weak to get loud and angry. Before I can go off completely, I feel you pressing your lips on my neck. I feel, more than hear, your words. "Baby, please don’t go there. I have never been unfaithful to you".
My stubborn Irish temper tries to fight back, "yeah sure, well who the hell is this woman then"?
You take a breath and begin a story I have never heard before.
"Honey, before I met you, I was involved with her. She was the person I told you that I had broken up with just before you met me. I had met her at Grandmothers Atlanta store, she was the manager. I was just a kid, barely 18. At first I thought she was nice, so when she invited me for dinner, I accepted. God what a mistake. She was the reason I was at my Grandmothers Ski Resort. She was abusive, and downright crazy. She used to follow me everywhere. If she saw me talking to anyone she would accuse me of cheating on her. Damn, we never even lived together, we only dated briefly. But once I allowed myself to become her lover, it was like I became her property. Finally I moved into the Chalet just to go somewhere she couldn’t get to me. She was, no IS, totally nuts. The last time I saw her was at her commitment hearing. She turned out to be the person who had planned and executed all of the Armani Jewelry store robberies. The last one she shot and killed the security guard. God she is crazy. She told the Court that she did it to get enough money to win me back. The security guard meant nothing to her; he was stopping her from getting what she wanted. Money. She believed if she had more money I would come back. She never got that I ran from her because she was a wacko. She was completely obsessed. Baby I am so sorry I never told you about her. I thought once she was put in the Mental Hospital, that I would never have to deal with her again. I had to testify at her Mental Health Court hearing because she followed me home from the Atlanta Store and told me the whole story. She acted like I was supposed to fall at her feet in gratitude. Somehow I got her to believe I thought it was wonderful and made a date to meet her the next day for drinks. I never went, I called the FBI instead and told them what she said. They said her statement and your investigation were more than enough to lock her up. They arrested her, but her court ordered psychological showed her to be a certified whacko, so they kept her. God I am so sorry, how can she be here? They put her in a Forensic Unit at Norristown State Hospital, even if she were miraculously cured she would not be released since she still had State and Federal Capital Charges pending against her… this can’t be happening…. My God why now, it’s 25 years. This just can’t be happening". You can’t continue you’re body is shaking, and you are sobbing into my shoulder. Up until now, I have been too stunned to do anything but just sit there and listen. But my ever-present brain screams at me, "hold her moron". As much as I can I wrap my good arm around you and kiss the top of your head. You lift your face up to me, and again it happens. I feel again as if I’ve been struck by lightening. The love I see in your eyes burns into my soul, melting any doubt that may have been hiding in there. God how much I love you. This is not your fault. You are right however, I wish you had told me about her. I turn to Yolonda and instruct her to bring back in the gaggle. Then I ready you for their gauntlet. "Baby listen, they’re going to ask you tons of questions about her, if it gets too uncomfortable just tell me and it’s done". I try to sound unafraid, but fail miserably. I know these guys; they’re like sharks when it comes to clearing jobs. Hell I hand picked them myself. They may be stuffed shirts, but they get the job done. Oh well, let’s do this. I turn to say something to the group as they enter the room, but you stand up, gently squeeze my hand and move towards them. "Gentlemen I’m sure you have a million questions, I’ll do the best I can, but I haven’t seen this woman for almost 25 years", you state. Softly you whisper, "well lets get this out of the way, shall we"? Then you lead them out of the room and away from me. I am amazed, even in this you protect me. You know I won’t allow them to question you like they want. But yet you know that as the Police Commissioner, I am supposed to let them. In sacrifice, you surrender to save my image, as you lead them away.
You continue to amaze me.
I turn to Yolonda, my constant companion during these last minutes, and get the "hey she’s your wife, don’t ask me. I’m not gay remember, I got man problems at home. You’ll have to figure all this out on your own Sister. I love you, but I can’t help you. Nope, and even if I could. I will not go there.
Yeah I can always count on her to tell me the truth, even to the point of pain. When I can respond, all I can manage to say is "thanks". I can’t argue. Here I am lying in a bed looking like a Science Experiment, all hooked up to machines and IV’s and all that, and my wife, my soulmate is undergoing the gauntlet of questions without me.
I never felt more useless in my life.
After what feels like an eternity the door opens and you and the gauntlet return.
You look like someone kicked you hard in the stomach. Like someone took your breath away.
"Baby you ok"? I whisper. "Yeah sweetheart, it just hurts so much that she hurt you because of me", you reply.
I glare at the gauntlet. "Well, do we really know that? After all no one has talked to her, I’m more concerned that maybe she was coming after you. And there was more than one person in the car. Where is the second person". I spit out through clinched teeth, as I turn to my Homicide director. He replies sheepishly, "Ma’am we don’t have any of that information yet". I swear I heard myself growl as I turned on him, "What do you mean you don’t have the info, go and get it and don’t come back until you have it. All of you get out. I want a Cop on my son, do you hear me. I want round the clock protection on Christina’s family, and someone BRING ME MY GUN"! God I never knew these guys could move so fast. In seconds and after several "yes Ma’ams" the room was back down to you, Yolonda and me. Before I can speak, I hear Yolonda’s voice in my ear saying, "hey I’m going to see about that gun, be back later. ‘C’ it’ll be okay honest, hang in there".
As she leaves I feel you touch my face. God your hand is trembling. I turn to you and press my lips to your palm. God help me, even in this, I am consumed by the taste and feel of you.
We will get through this.
Before I can think anymore, you squeeze into the bed with me, careful of the wires and tubes, and ever so gently lie next to me. "Honey let me hold you, I love you so much I need to feel you, I can’t believe that bitch almost took you away", you plead. I can’t help but smile. You gently put your head on my left shoulder, lightly putting your leg over both mine and softly placing your hand on my stomach, just below my belly button. "Holy shit", my brain screams. "I’ve been shot, learned that one of the doers is my wife’s ex lover and now; with her in this position, all I want is to make love. God this is too much". I want to turn and kiss you and make love to you, but I can’t. I can’t use my right arm or shoulder. Apparently I was shot in the right upper back and the bullet traveled out my right shoulder. Could have been worse. She could have shot you. I will survive the gunshot. Probably not be able to bowl or play softball for a while. Shit the hell with that, right now, I’d give a year’s salary to be able to move that arm and make love to you. Oh the hell with the arm movement, I’d give a year’s salary just to be able to make love, to touch you and be touched and ignited by you. "Yeah survive the gunshot, die of horniness", my brain pipes in.
I turn and kiss the top of your head and whisper, "I want you so badly baby". You gently put your fingers on my lips and reply "shh baby, just let me hold you, let me, please". Hell who am I to argue with that? "Hold away babe, Tomorrow’s a new day".
I feel you stroking my belly, and find myself relaxing into your touch. As I drift off to sleep, I feel your lips on my neck whispering "I love you" into my skin.
My body surrendered to sleep, but my brain was working overtime. Your soft gentle stroking was causing me to fall into the most wonderful memory.
You had just returned from a business trip. In the past few years most of the day to day operations of Armani Inc., had fallen on your shoulders. You found that more and more it required trips, which took you away for days at a time. James was in Law School, and had asked to join you in the business. You agreed and allowed him to be hired as an Intern. During breaks in school, he was able to accompany you, as he had on this one. But as you walked into our house, I realized he was not with you. He had chosen to spend a few days in Miami Beach, with ‘Nana", your grandmother, who was now in her 90’s, and soak up some rays, as he put it. I felt my lips curl into a smirk at the news. "Oh that’s a cute look, what in God’s name is that for", you ask. "Oh, I was just imagining all the things I’m going to do to reacquaint myself with your body", I reply as a slowly move towards you. "Oh really"? You tease back, "think so, huh"? "Know so" I retort. Your next comment is buried in my mouth as I consume your lips. My thoughts burn into my brain; "I have missed you. God how I ache for you. I hate being away from you. The phone just doesn’t do it. I need to physically reconnect to you. To feel you. To feel you touching me. To smell you, to taste you, to absorb your very being into my every sense". I continue the deep passionate kiss, letting all of my longing and desire flow from me into you through my lips and tongue. Finally I break the kiss, and begin kissing your neck, then your tender earlobe, then back to your neck. You moan softly, "God I’ve missed you", as you drop your head back giving me more access to your throat. I continue placing soft, sucking kisses all over your exposed skin. I then make my way back to you mouth. Slowly I suck your lower lip into my mouth and lightly nip it. With it’s release, I once more become involved in a soul stealing kiss that you are so damn good at. After what feels like an eternity, I slip my left arm under your knees and lift you up to cradle you in my arms. You gently place your head on my shoulder, just under my right ear and whisper, "please baby, make love to me". Yep, almost dropped you right there. My knees buckled and I knew I could never carry you to the second floor bedroom. So being an inventive person, I carried you into the livingroom. Now, while the fire danced in the fireplace, just a few feet from us, I lowered you to the soft powder blue rug, our lips once again consuming each other. I found my hands running up and under your black sweater, feeling your muscles contracting with the contact. I slowly removed your clothing until you lay naked and wanting in front of me. God what a sight. Your tanned skin illuminated by the firelight, desire so present in your eyes, I found myself licking my lips. I love looking at you. You are so beautiful. You reach up and touch my face, and I find myself breathing again. "Oh baby, please, I need you inside me, please make love to me", you gently whisper. I watch your eyes close as you run your hands down your body. "Please baby", you moan. I am helpless in my adoration for you. My lips take the place of your hands. I kiss your belly, your thighs, your breasts. I feel you squirm under my lips. Still fully clothed, I pull back, wanting to undress, to feel your skin on my skin. Your eyes open and realization sets in, "let me", you whisper. I comply. I watch your eyes as you undress me of my T-shirt and sweat pants. Finally I am naked, except for your hands which run my body. I lower myself onto you, placing my right leg between yours. This is truly a win-win. As I assume this position, I feel your leg come between mine, and press up against the wetness I know is there. I feel our mutual gyrations, as our hips develop a rhythm of their own. I can feel your hot slickness on my thigh as I try to slow this dance down. I want to take my time, to reclaim you slowly. Ah, but you will have none of it. You reach up and grab my hand, placing it directly on your vagina. "Now baby, inside, now", you plead. Oh god I can’t stop this, my entire being contracts. I am ignited by your need for me, for us. I enter you and am amazed at the wetness that coats my fingers. Your hips set the pace, grinding hard and fast against my hand. "Oh yes baby, please baby, make me come, I’ve missed you so much, I love you inside me, oh baby please…" you moan over and over. I am overwhelmed and consumed. I want you so badly. I move my leg, slide down and bury my face in your crotch. I run my tongue over your swollen wet clitoris then suck it into my mouth and continue sucking with the same rhythm your hips are following. I feel the walls of your vagina contracting against my fingers, and am covered in your juices. Then all conscious thought leaves me as your throw your legs over my shoulders as you climax hard against my hand and face. I feel my body explode as you go over the edge screaming my name. I can’t hold back, I climax again and thrust into you deeper. You lift your hips off the floor forcing me inside deeper still. I pump into you hard and deep, "oh God yes baby, yes, don’t stop, harder please, fill me, take me, I am yours, all yours, Yessssss", you yell into the air around us. I continue thrusting into you, feeling your contractions pulling my fingers deeper into you and holding them inside you. Slowly you return your body to the floor as your legs slip from my shoulders..
I feel your hands running through my hair, as I start to place soft kiss on your now wet curls. You gently lift my chin so that our eyes meet. "I love you", is all I can say. I slowly remove my fingers from inside you and kiss my way up your body. I collapse along side you with my head tucked into your shoulder and my lips lightly brushing your right breast. "Oh baby", you whisper, "I want you so badly". "Oh god, my brain moans, I can’t move." I have come so many times; I am unable to function. All I can do is hold you, to reconnect with the warmth I always find in your arms. I put my fingers on your lips and reply softly, "Shh baby just let me hold you, let me, please". I roll onto my back and take you into my arms as you bury your head on my shoulder….
At that very minute shooting pain courses through my body and I jolt awake. My body, which has a mind of its own, had been picking up the rhythm of the dream, and I had moved way too much for my shoulder’s liking. Now as I try to calm myself enough to dull the pain, your voice finds my ears,"Hey hon, nice dream"? I wearily open my eyes and am met by your smiling face. I can only respond with a sheepish, "yes, um, yes it was". A dream. Shit bet you I’m wet regardless. We had fallen asleep in my hospital bed, and as I awoke the entire trauma of the last two days rolled back into my brain. I felt you start to move from my side and turned my face towards you. The mind reader that you are pipes in, "relax baby, I’m just going to freshen up, and get us some coffee, I’ll be right back. Think you might feel like feel like sitting up in bed today"? I nod my head yes. I can’t speak right now; there is an enormous lump in my throat, as I blink away the tears, which threaten to fall from my eyes. God how much I love you. The depth of our love overwhelms me. I find at times like this, that I continually fall in love with you, again and again. I watch as you walk toward the bathroom door, amazed at just how lucky I am. Yes I said it right, lucky. Shot, hospitalized, all hooked up to monitors and weird gadgets, IV’s and needles everywhere, one big ass nasty looking scar which covers a whole lot of bikini exposed area. And yes, as I look at you, I feel truly blessed. Go figure.
Well I got released from the Hospital 5 days later with a cast on my right arm and a sling. Much to my displeasure we still had zero information on the second person from the car. I had round the clock protection on you and James. He wasn’t happy. Try spending your honeymoon with 24-hour surveillance. He had rescheduled it to begin with because of the shooting. It took both of us to convince him that he should go. Finally you won him over and he agreed. They left 2 days late, but they went. But they were never alone. Guess I forgot to tell him about the little ‘gift’ I had arranged for him. Hey I’m a Cop remember, and someone could want to hurt my family. Color me paranoid. But you know, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Anyway….
I found out what happened at Norristown State Hospital. Apparently Ms. Obsessed Whacko had just walked off a locked Forensic Unit with someone posing as a hospital employee, never to be seen again until I shot her. I found that so hard to believe, so I requested the help of the State Police since Norristown is a State Hospital. They graciously agreed. So now we had a 2-prong investigation happening. One was trying to find suspect number 2 and the other was trying to find how your ex-lover could have just walked away, and why you weren’t notified.
Captain Earl was now spearheading the City’s part of the Investigation and would call with periodic updates from the different teams we had in the field. Then something amazing happened. The FBI called and offered their assistance. It seems the Agent In Charge for the Eastern Region was the same Agent who had handled the Armani Robberies. He had cracked the case primarily because of the information you gave him, and my initial investigation and interview with ‘Nana’ Armani. He had moved up the FBI ladder several rungs at a time after that and didn’t forget. He asked if I had anyone I would recommend to coordinate the workings of our two Units. I almost had a heart attack. The FBI asking if they can help, and trying to play nice with others. It must be the medication. I made the poor man repeat his offer 3 times. Finally I agreed, but as always with my modifications. We would establish a Task Force including State, Federal and Local Police, and Captain Earl would be the Task force leader. We would have several teams working on this, plus a State psychologist and a Federal profiler. I didn’t bother to tell him; we already had our own Task Force up and operational, granted without the psychologist or profiler. I wasn’t sure about that addition, but what the hell, maybe they could help.
Three days later, we hit a roadblock. Theresa Marino died at Hahnemann ICU. I had hoped we would be able to talk to her, but I really wasn’t sad. If the truth were known, I was actually relieved. I knew that with this woman the only thing that would stop her from stalking Christina would be death, and as it turned out, it was. Nope I wasn’t even a little bit sad.
We still had suspect number 2 to find.
Good news, bad news, rumors, long nights, dead ends etc. That’s all part of a Task Force. But I was afraid we’d never find this person.
I couldn’t handle not being involved, so I came back to work one-week later, restricted duty of course my right arm in a soft cast and ever- present sling. The Doctors had agreed I could do light work, and also promised that within 3 days the soft cast would be gone also.
I was sitting on Yolonda’s desk at Task Force Headquarters, inside the "round house", which is the nickname for the Police Administration building, 700 Race street, when the phone rang. It was the FBI. They had found a car stripped and burned, or ‘raped and baked’ as we call it, outside of Miami with 2 guns inside. They were able to do a ballistics check on the weapons and one gun matched the one that had shot me. Everything else with the weapons was a dead end. The serial numbers were filed off, and the guns had been wiped clean, leaving no way to trace whom had used them. Actually it was a fluke that they identified the car at all. A Florida Highway Patrol Officer came across the car fully engulfed on I-95. When the fire was extinguished she was conducting an inventory search of the vehicle prior to impound and found the weapons. A DEA/ATF Drug Interdiction task force happened to be working the I-95 corridor out of Miami and she requested their help. Thinking that maybe it was a drug courier’s car they ran the ballistics test in the Federal System and got the match. Then we got the call.
So we all headed South, you included. Since all of this started I had not let you out of my sight, and I sure wasn’t going to start now. This made most members of the task force happy. Most members. I noticed that some of the new members of the State teams had a definite disdain for our relationship. I hoped they could work through it, but only time would tell. I didn’t have close contact with them so I let my worries drop. I had other things on my mind than trying to combat homophobia.
I knew that Miami was the one place I didn’t want suspect number 2 to be. Yolonda or Captain Earl to the other Task Force members came up and softly placed her hand on my good shoulder, as we were boarding the Eastern Airlines Flight to Miami. "Yo ‘C’, it’ll be okay. I notified all the Police Departments down there to put a guard on ‘Nana’. The FBI has had her house under surveillance since before you were discharged from the Hospital. She’ll be okay". I could feel the concern in her voice, but I couldn’t shake this fear. "Oh Lonnie, we don’t even know what this person looks like, no description at all, what the hell good is a surveillance if you don’t have an idea who you’re looking for"? Then you walked down the aisle wearing a form fitting black turtleneck and tan khakis, which caressed your hips and thighs, like my hands and lips wanted to. I couldn’t think, even now after all these years, you still take my breath away, God you are truly amazing. You take your seat next to me. Yolonda sensing that the conversation is over, gently squeezes my shoulder and moves across the aisle to her seat. We’re ready for take off. You fasten your seat belt, raise the arm rest between us, bury your head on my shoulder, drape your arm around me and before the wheels are off the ground, you’re sound asleep. I smile softly to myself as I kiss the top of your head and allow my hand to run down over your hips and thigh. "Just had to huh"? " Yep"! Went the battle between my brain and heart. God if you only knew what I want to do to you while we were in the airplane. "Ok wacko, back it down, you’re in no condition, she’s asleep and there are homophobes on this plane. Ease off already." My pragmatic brain tossed out. "Ok, you win". I answered silently. Once again I had fought a battle with myself and lost. Oh well. At least I get the soft cast off in a couple of days. It was only there to help stabilize my shoulder. But to me, all it did was impede my being able to touch you as much as I would have liked. " Soon baby, so soon". I hear my heart say. I close my eyes and lean my jaw against the top of your head. I find myself offering up a silent prayer to whoever is listening that when we get to Miami let all be well. That done I allow myself to melt into your presence and slowly drift off to sleep.
"Yo, wheels down Commish, time to go". I hear Yolonda say. I jolt awake. "Shit, I didn’t dream. Not good, every time I don’t dream bad things happen". My brain reminds me and my heart remembers.
We had been together for almost 9 years. I had been assigned to work in conjunction with the Police Department Advisory Council. Lucky me. My district was one that PDAC was heavily involved in and their president had requested me personally. I had to comply. Over a period of time I began to notice that no matter where I was, so was the president of PDAC, at first I thought it was nice. She would come into the District for ride alongs with my cops; she always stopped in to visit, usually with snacks. Hey, food and cops unbeatable combination. She started to volunteer to accompany me to my many TownWatch meetings, which usually were at night, and which everyone knew I was not fond of. Not because I didn’t like TownWatch, but rather because I didn’t want to be away from you and James. Most people just thought I wasn’t pro community policing. I never corrected that assumption. She was actually a wonderful addition to the meetings, at least from the Community’s point of view. She was articulate and gave them the feeling of empowerment. It was nice for a while. On one such night, I had returned to my Office after a meeting, and she came with me. Earlier that day, she had asked if I could pick her up since her car was in the shop. Looking back, how I could have been so stupid, still to this day that amazes me. Yeah, you know it; I picked her up and took her to the meeting in my car. So there we were in my Office. I had some orders I had to get out before morning. I had told her I would only be a few minutes then went to my desk to type and sign those I needed. While doing that I realized just how stiff my neck was. I couldn’t wait to get home to you so that you could rub out my shoulders. I must have been twisting my neck, cause suddenly I felt hands kneading my neck and shoulders. "Shit, how did she get there"? My brains screamed. "Stop her idiot, there is something very wrong with this". I reached up and attempted to grab her hand to stop her, when she took my hand leaned in and kissed me, saying, "I’ve been wanting to do that all night".
I pulled back, our eyes locked and I spit out, "I’m not going to sleep with you and please don’t ever do that again. I am happily married and have no intention nor desire to change that ever". I reached over, picked up the interoffice phone and had a Police Officer take her home. I got up from my desk and went to my car to go home. I opened the door and slid behind the wheel and nearly jumped out of my skin. You were sitting in the passenger seat. When I realized it was you, I tried to grab you and pull you to me, but you put your hand against my chest and pushed me away. I had never seen the look you had in your eyes. "Oh shit". My brain whimpered. "Baby, what’s the matter?" I sheepishly asked. Your reply made me fear for my life. "So how long has that been going on? And please don’t insult me by saying what. I came down here to see you cause I remember you saying that after the meeting you had to do paperwork. I knew you would not have eaten so I brought down some Chinese for us to share. James went to Lonnie’s for the night. Silly me, if I had known you were already entertained, I could have stayed home. I made it to the doorway of your office, just as your little friend began to massage your neck. I couldn’t look away, as much as I wanted to. Then I just stood there while she touched you. But the kiss, now how I didn’t throw the food at your head really amazes me. So how long? Had to be awhile if she wanted to kiss you all night. So? Tell me?" You had seen it all, but did not know it was one sided, nor that I had turned her down flat, and sent her off. I had to try and convince you. "Baby, I know what you saw was awful, but please believe me. I did not initiate that. Nothing has been going on. This was the first time anything like that happened. Please believe me. As bad as it was, I wish you had stayed to hear my response. I told her I was not going to sleep with her and to not ever do that shit again because I was happily married and had no intention nor desire to ever change that". Then my brain chimed in, "oh the truth, now there’s a novel idea, should have lied asshole, the truth sounds so lame. Short of throwing yourself on your sword have any other great ideas"? I picked my eyes up to meet yours, but you looked away. I had to try I couldn’t let this go. I turned to say something else, anything else, but you just shook your head saying, "Please don’t say anymore, I’ll be at the house if you decide to come home". Then you opened the door and left. I sat there with tears flowing down my face; feeling like someone had just ripped my heart out and thrown it on the floor. From somewhere deep inside me a scream built ‘til it exited my lips into the darkness that surrounded me. "No……….." I turned on the ignition and exited the parking lot at Mach 10. " If I decide to come home? Shit, I must get to you, I must stop this. You have to believe me. Jesus, Christina, you are my soul. No one else could ever be my lover. How can you not believe me"? My heart said over and over, ‘til I pulled up at our house.
I ran into the house to find it in total darkness. As I ran from room to room turning on the lights and searching for you, I began to panic. "Christina please baby, where are you’? I called out. When I got no answer, I became more frantic. "Christina, goddamn it answer me"!
From inside our son’s room came; "I’m in here". By now I was furious, panicked and scared. So I entered the room, turned on the light and screamed out before I could stop myself. "Look, I’m in love with you, I don’t want anyone else, I never could. How could you not believe me? You’ve been there when I surrendered to you. You held me the first time it happened. You know the very depths of my soul. Damn it, you are my soul. I have not, nor will I ever cheat on you. I am yours body and soul. But I don’t have anything to back that up, but my word. I have never lied to you, even when it would have been so much easier to do so. I have always told the truth. I can’t tell you more than the truth, it’s all I have. I am not having an affair. She apparently has a thing for me, and I corrected her mistake. Her problem. I don’t care what you saw, I can’t believe you don’t believe me. How could you not believe me"?
And with that I slammed the door and went downstairs and sat on the rug staring at the unlit fireplace, while I leaned my back against the sofa. I fell asleep and woke up 2 hours later with you lying on the sofa behind me stroking my face. I sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the touch, but I also realized that something was missing. I hadn’t dreamed. As I thought about it, I hadn’t dreamed the night before either. That should have been my clue to stay home. Every time I don’t dream, bad things happen. I leaned into your palm and kissed it deeply as my tears started to flow again. "Baby I am so sorry, it must have been hell to see that, thank you for not killing me, or her". I whispered into your flesh. You reply, "Shh baby, it just rocked me to see someone else violate my space. Believe me, I wanted to put HER face through the desk. I would never hurt you. But SHE was not long for this world. I couldn’t do that to you at work though, so I just left. I wasn’t going to stay, but I had to talk to you. Something this bad couldn’t be held back, it would have killed us, if I didn’t get it out and dealt with. Oh and yes I believe you. I was wrong to question your faithfulness, but damn Cecilia". You paused and I panicked. "Oh shit you called me Cecilia, you only do that when you are truly angry and I am in deep shit", my brain quickly registered. "She kissed you". You continued. "I couldn’t stand it, I was more scared than angry, please forgive me". I looked at you and pulled you into my arms saying, "Forgive you? Oh baby com’ere, I am so grateful you believe me, I couldn’t live without you, I thought someone ripped my heart out after you left. I never felt such loss. I would have done anything to get you back. You are my heart, my soul, my light. I need you with every ounce of my being. Please God don’t ever leave me Christina". I continued to beg. You put your fingers on my lips to silence me, gently saying, " baby you don’t have to do that, I feel exactly the same way, please don’t ever leave me, I would never want to be without you". I nod in agreement as more tears flow from my eyes. You lift my chin, we make eye contact, and you bend to me lightly touching your lips to mine. It was cathartic. I am healed. I moan into your mouth as the kiss deepens. You break the contact and whisper against my lips. "Take a hot bath with me and let’s wash and love all this away. Besides you haven’t told me what you dreamt last night or earlier. You know I look forward to you recounting and then reenacting your dreams". "I didn’t". I reply. You look puzzled, then reply, "no baby you didn’t tell me, when did you have time…" I interrupt you by placing my index finger on your lips. "No honey, I don’t mean I was asking if I hadn’t told you, I mean I didn’t dream. Either time. I should have known something bad was going to happen. It always does. Whenever I fall asleep and don’t dream, something bad always happens. It’s like someone’s trying to send me a message or something. From now on I’m going to listen".
"Yo, Commish you okay, you look like you saw a ghost"? I hear Lonnie say from what seemed like far away. I raise my head up and look her in the eyes, she was my partner, and she knows the depth of what I am about to say, I have to tell her. She looks at me, trying to read my mind and I whisper, "I didn’t dream". Our eyes are still locked on one another and I watch the realization burn across her eyes.. "Oh shit ‘C’, does Christina know"? "No", I reply, "and she won’t neither. Understand"? She just nods in agreement, turns and starts to disembark from the plane. You and I get up, you grab our carryon luggage from above the seat and we set off into my nightmare. See that’s how it works and I know it. If I don’t dream. I live the nightmare while I’m awake. I must be on full alert. I must protect you. Nothing can happen to you.
Just as we exited the terminal to pick up our rental car, I hear the gunshots………….I watch in horror as the woman I know as the President of PDAC fires 3 shots point blank into Lonnie’s chest. And turns and continues firing at us.
"Oh God no, this can’t be happening to me, not now, not here", my thoughts race as I reach for you and pull both of us to the ground. I manage to get off a shot, as we are tumbling and rolling for cover. Then I feel something warm and wet on my face. "Oh sweet Jesus. NO…" I scream. Blind rage overcomes me. I turn and stand, firing and walking toward this woman until my slide is locked to the rear but I continue to pull the trigger as I stand over her bleeding body. I feel hands closing over mine and voices saying senseless words. Someone takes my empty Glock from my hand. Slowly my senses begin to come back to me "LONNIE" "CHRISTINA", I scream. To my amazement I get one "I’m here babe, I’m okay", from where Christina is. And a rather weak, "do you think you could stop all the noise now, I have one hell of a headache", from where Lonnie is lying on the pavement. Both Christina and I run to Lonnie, while the other officers are dealing with the ex president of PDAC, who is lying shot and bleeding not more than 3 feet from where Lonnie laid. I bend to my partner expecting to find blood everywhere, but I find none. As I run my hand over her looking for wounds her ever present sense of humor kicks in, "Yo ‘C’ you’re not my type. Think you can stop trying to get a cheap feel here"? I sit back in amazement. "How"? That’s about all I can get out. Lonnie sits up and begins unbuttoning her shirt, revealing a Ballistic Vest with 3 bullets embedded in it. "Sure hurts like hell though. They’ll definitely leave a mark. When we get back to Philly you’re taking me out to dinner. Shit wait. While we’re here, you’re taking me to Wolfies. Got it Commish". I laugh as tears run down my face. "A vest, you wore a vest"? She looks up at me and shakes her head. " ‘C’, I’m your partner, I know what no dreams mean. I took it out of my bag and put it on before we left the plane. Remember when Christina and I stopped to say something to the stewardess?" I nod yes and then she continues. "Well, I put mine on and made her put one on too. Kind of glad I did, but see if she’ll ever stop at the airport coffee shot and buy you French Vanilla Cappuccino ever again. You wear it well little one". I turn and look at you and realize that you are still holding the crushed cup, which used to contain the hot liquid. "Babe, did you get burned"? You shake your head no as your eyes travel to my right arm and sling. I track your movements and start to laugh. Since my right arm was in a sling and cast, I didn’t feel the hot liquid as the cup got crushed, and the sling absorbed most of the heat and moisture, so that by the time I did feel it on my face it was just warm and sticky. Of course that made me think it was blood and it sent me over the edge. Christina had gotten wet just from lying under me, and never really had contact with the liquid while it was hot. Then I find myself turning into Commissioner Joyce. All my loved ones are safe, now I have to find out what the hell this is all about. Why did this woman try to kill me? What is going on? I move over to where they are placing her on a stretcher for transport to the Trauma Unit. I bend down, but just can’t bring myself to touch her. I know she’s dying and so does she. But God forgive me I can not show her any compassion. With out warning, you kneel beside me and I watch in stunned silence as you gently take her hand. You smile weakly at her and ask, "why do you want to kill me, do I know you"? This woman who had tried to end your life and mine, surrenders to the power of you like all other living things who encounter you. She replies, "because Theresa Marino was my mother. She loved you and not me. After she was committed I spent my life in one foster home after another. I worked and planned for these events my whole life. All I needed was to become strong enough and connected enough and I knew I could get my mother back. That’s why I joined PDAC and requested Cecilia. I needed to get close to her to learn her routine and bide my time. I never expected to fall in love with her. We had planned on killing the Commissioner, and when I read about the wedding, I knew the time was right. I had gone to college and got my Ph.D. in psychology and got a job at the Hospital my mother was committed to. I had a different name than my mother’s so no one knew. Actually I was one of my mother’s therapists. It took me awhile to get there, but eventually I was assigned to the Forensic Unit and took her case. All it took was signing her out for a session and we left. Not one person questioned it. Then we just sat and waited at your house for you to come home. I was pleased you didn’t have the driver, of course, I would have just killed her then, instead of now". At that Lonnie leaned over my shoulder and said, " umm, think again". With that this now ex President of PDAC and Former State psychologist, went into a tirade. Her name was Angelina Marino, not Angelina Smith, as I had known her. She spilled all the horrid details of this sick twisted play. She and her mother had waited outside my house until we had come home. Angelina was the shooter, but she was trying to kill Christina. That wasn’t the plan. But Angelina realized that her mother only wanted Christina, and after she had her she wouldn’t want Angelina anymore. In her sick twisted way, Angelina believed she was in love with me. So she believed killing Christina was a win-win for her. She’d get her mother and me. When her mother realized who Angelina’s target was she swerved the wheel and caused Angelina to shoot me instead. I had indeed wounded Theresa Marino when I returned fire. But Angelina had killed her. She had gotten into her hospital room as a State psychologist, which she was, under the guise of being a member of the State Task Force. While in there, she held a pillow over her mother’s face long enough to stop her breathing, then just walked out and never looked back. She headed to Miami with full intentions of killing Nana, Lonnie and Christina. She had driven the car down and took a plane back, knowing she would be coming back. After all she had the perfect cover. She was travelling with the Pa State Police detachment, as their psychologist. Until we got to the Rental Car checkout. Her credit card was in her name, Angelina Smith, but she was decompensating so badly, she signed her name as Angelina Marino and the rental company asked for Id. Lonnie had walked over trying to help, but Angelina assumed that Lonnie knew what the truth was and shot her. Then with the cat out of the bag, she went after Christina. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I turn to be sure someone else in Law Enforcement heard all this, besides my wife or my partner. Sure enough Agent Green Lead Agent FBI was standing along side me with a handheld tape recorder getting her dying declarations on tape. In the other hand he held my Glock, still empty with the slide locked to the rear. It was he who had taken it from my hands, and he had been processing all areas of the crime scene since the shooting.
As the paramedics wheeled her to the waiting ambulance. I turned to Agent Green, Lead Agent FBI, placed my hand on his forearm looked him in the eye and could only say "thank you". Somehow it seemed so inadequate. But he understood. We were both Cops, and he read the meaning in my tone and voice. He nodded and said "you’re welcome Commissioner, glad I could help", as he handed me back my empty gun. With a wail of a siren the ambulance containing Angelina Marino a.k.a. Smith left the Airport. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find Lonnie standing there, waiting. "What’? I said innocently. "Don’t what me, you son of a bitch, get your ass over here. We are both going to the hospital. They need to check and make sure you didn’t boo boo anything else and I sure as shit am not going to go alone. So get your sorry ass into this nice Miami-Dade Police Car before I kick your ass all the way to the hospital. Oh and come on Christina honey, I know you want to be there too, so lets go. My ribs are no joke here. I think I need some Motrin. Think you could move now boss? Please". I turn to look at you and get smacked on my head as you say, "I told you if you ever scared me again like this I’d shoot you myself, be glad your gun is empty, now get into the car". Then you throw your arms around my neck and give me your famous soul-stealing kiss, and as my knees buckle you move me towards the car. You softly whisper against the side of my face, "baby after a checkup at the hospital, I want to take a long hot bath with you and wash and love all of this away. Then I want to make love to you until you can’t breathe". My brains chimes in, "what you mean like now? Breathe Commissioner, breathe".
As I laid in the king size hotel bed after the promised hot bath, which was aided by the fact that the hospital had taken my cast off and I could actually get my entire body under water. I was a little stiff, but the hot water and 20 minute massage afterwards with the hot scented massage oil had worked most of the stiffness out of me. Well actually if the truth be known, I was so turned on by the sight and touch and feel of you, I didn’t even remember that my shoulder and arm had ever been hurt. Anyway as I lay in this big wonderful bed with you snuggled up to my left shoulder, and your arm possessively across my chest, the events after the long hot bath came running back through my memory. I felt my breathing quicken, and allowed myself to fall into the memories. As if they had a mind of their own I felt my hips start to move. I remembered how my body had surrendered to you, over and over again as you gave me everything you had. It was a rejoining, a confirmation of our love. We reaffirmed that nothing, nor anyone could come between us. As we jointly exploded in the white-hot surrender of climax, I realized that both of us were crying. But before I could speak you quieted me with a touch to my lips, and then gently kissed me before snuggling on my shoulder and falling asleep. Now I lay there remembering your touches, your scent, your taste and my body moves. Without warning you enter me, and my entire being contracts, "Jesus baby, are you trying to kill me’? I say as my hips move with you, drawing you deeper into me. "Yes baby I am. I told you if you scared me again, I’d shoot ya myself. But I decided to kill you like this instead", you say as you lower your mouth to my throbbing wet swollen center. You suck my clitoris into your mouth, do that ‘hold it with your teeth’ thing you’re so good at, and run your tongue up and down it’s swollen length. I can barely breath, but I have to say this. I gently put my hand down and lift you from your prize. "Baby stop for a second I need to tell you something. You look up and our eyes meet. "Yes" you whisper. I answer hoarsely "Honey we need to get you a concealed weapon permit". You look at me in disbelief. "What? I am in the middle of making love to you and you are thinking about weapons permits. Great". You go to rise from me and I hold you in place and lift your chin so our eyes meet again. "Baby, we need to get a license for that tongue, it truly is a deadly concealed weapon". I watch your eyes soften, then I shiver as your pupils dilate. "Oh really? Well as long as it’s a lifetime permit", you retort. I had just reached for the glass of orange juice next to the bed, thinking you would be taking a short break, when you lower your head to my sex and lightly pass your tongue from my vagina to my clitoris. My entire being jumps in response, which pulls your fingers deeper into me. "Oh shit, she is indeed going to kill me", my brain stutters. You whisper into my ear, "Baby, I love you, and as slowly as I can I am going to consume every single inch of you, until all you feel is me. My tongue wants to taste every bit of you". With that, my soul contracts. My breathing is instantaneously impaired by orange juice. "Oh God not again". My brain continues. "When will you ever learn this concept"?
Breathe air, swallow liquid"?
Yes. I have truly died and gone to heaven, over and over and over.
Yep. I am one lucky dead woman. And for that I am truly grateful.
The end?
BCBard.