“Lonely Peasant”
© 2001 Nyxie



Disclaimer: These characters are mine and only mine. Please do not copy this work in part or whole.

Love/Sex: No sex…but there is a rather one sided love for a woman by another woman.

Violence/Language: No violence. Language is bad…

Dedication: To the nothing and no-one in my life. May it someday change.

Comments maybe sent to lil_super_nyxie@yahoo.com



Prologue:

        So a long time ago lived this peasant. She wasn't lonely, as she never knew companionship. She didn't hate, because she never knew love. She wasn't sad, nor was she happy; she was content living her meager life, because she never knew anything else. She simply built a wall around her heart and resigned herself to herself to what she knew.

        One day the peasant met a princess who in her opinion could make a piece of coal shine like a new diamond. She had a smile that could make the sun look like a small ember, and a laugh that could and did penetrate the strongest of barriers. The peasant knew that the princess was like no other. They talked and laughed for a while and the peasant knew happiness.

        So the peasant fell in love with this princess, opening up a dam of emotions she didn't know she could feel. The peasant also realized that she could never have the princess. So the peasant continued with her meager life no longer content with it. Her heart hurt and she knew no happiness. The princess opened her to feeling things and now she couldn't stop feeling. The things she never worried about were now the things she could no longer live without.

        How do I know this? I am the peasant…

One:

        “Max!” Randy yelped as I made my way down the line. He sighed in what appeared to be relief as he continued, “Shit, I thought you weren't gonna show up! Alan's out of town on an emergency so it's just you and me tonight.”

I glared and then frowned. I knew I should have called in sick! I asked, “Guess that means I'm dishwashing?”

A nod. Randy said, “And cooking and prepping. Don't worry kid, I'll take care of ya. We'll both be out by ten, tops.”

I smirked and replied, “Roll on, ten o'clock!” I knew he'd take care of me, they always did. Suppose being the lone female in a workplace had it's perks. So I went to clock in and get my apron and shit together. I could tell it would be long night, anyway.

        I clocked in and headed to the bar for a drink. Ginger Ale happens to be God's gift to me. I love the stuff. I headed back toward the kitchen and sighed as I looked at the mess. In walks Jim with a new waitress. I couldn't help but smile…she was really cute.

Jim said, “Max, this is Piper. Piper, that's Max.”

I smiled as he put down a tray of plates. I sarcastically exclaimed, “Gee thanks Santa! If I made a list what would you bring? Me?”

He smiled a genuine smile and replied, “Definitely not coal.” He turned and left to kitchen.

I focused my attention to Piper and kind of grinned. She was short, not that I have room to talk. Short brown hair and an amazing smile. “Hi, nice to meet you.” I wiped my hands on my apron and extended one to her. I couldn't get her all full of food, now could I?

She took it in her own and shook it. She replied, “You too, Max.”

Her hands were soft and so was her voice. Needless to say I was taken and I didn't really mind being at work that night.

She looked from me to Randy and asked, “Would you guys like anything to drink.”

“No thanks.” I said.

Randy shook his head, “No thanks.” She smiled and left the kitchen and Russ finished, “Unless it's from your furry cup…”

A wolfish smile spread across my face. “Right on, dude. I wouldn't mind…”

He messed up my hair and said, “Me either…”

Two:

        So the weeks passed as they tend to do, and I felt myself falling for her. Not in the initial physical way, but on a kind of deeper level. I found myself being nice and doing things that I usually don't do. I'd get stuff for her, pick stuff up, do anything she asked me too. Why? Easy, I knew if I did I'd see her smile…it was ridiculous. Anyway, I found out she graduated my freshman year and wasn't that much older than me.

One day I was closing by myself. The kitchen had been closed for about a half hour when the ticket machine went off. Needless to say I was royally pissed off; it was eleven and I wanted to go home! One of our busboys was just leaving the kitchen for more dishes when I let loose, “DAN! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW!” I bellowed. The two dishwashers froze and dropped their pans. I never yell…but I continued, “YOU TELL THEM DUMB BITCHES THE FUCKING KITCHEN IS CLOSED! IT'S ELEVEN AND I WANT TO GO THE FUCK HOME!” So some of it was uncalled for, but keep in mind I'm not usually like that and they've been called worse.

He looked at me wide-eyed and ran out of the kitchen. Turns out they heard me out in the restaurant and Piper came back. She looked like she was going to cry or something and I actually felt bad. Yeah, me.

She said, “I'm so sorry, Max. No-one told me and I didn't know or I wouldn't have…”

I scratched my head and rested my forearms on the table I was cleaning. I said, “Hey don't worry about it…”

She kept apologizing, “I'm so sorry, but I put back the order and the people think…”

“Hey, Piper?” I questioned.

She looked at me and asked, “Are you mad?”

I smiled…I could feel that unlike most times it actually reached my eyes. I said, “No, I'm not mad.Tell me what you need and I'll do it.” I would do it…if it were anyone else they'd have been up shit's creek without a paddle.

“The ticket?” She asked with an amused look on her face.

I giggled pointed at the fryer. “I got mad…”

She rested her hand on my shoulder and commented, “You're crazy. Just a piece of carrot cake and a creme brulee.”

“You got it.” I said as I turned to the fridge.

“By the way…you do them beautifully. People have been commenting on them all night. I agree…” She said.

“Thanks…”I said as she left the kitchen. I tried to shake the blush from my face and then shot the dishwashers a dirty look. They seemed to have clue.

        So I did the order and I trayed it up and took it out to her. I don't do that kinda shit for anyone…mostly because I don't much like being the center of attention. I ended up closing and sticking around for a while…she actually engaged me in small talk. I can manage that for a minute tops. She kept me fifteen.

Three:

        “How did my life get so fucking complicated? How did I let myself get this lost on a woman? Why did I do that and why do I have to feel the way I do? She's way outta your league, Maxi. You like women, she likes men, and now you're bleeding because of it. It's not fair, and you know it. You also know that you can't possibly change her. You can't change you either.”

I was having a mental conversation with myself on the way to the pizzeria. I do that often…eat alone. In fact, there isn't much time outside of work that I'm with anyone. To make things worse, I was listening to depressing music. Melissa Etheridge. One of my favorites, but this particular song hit way too close to home. What did I do? I sang it anyway:
        “I saw you with your new friends
        You wear them so well
        Broken shoes and loose ends
        Gee you look swell
        Me I'm drinkin too much coffee
        And I'm smoking cigarettes
        A deputy of habit
        I just can't forget

        I'm only lonely when I'm driving my car
        I'm only lonely after dark
        I'm only lonely when I watch my TV
        I'm only lonely occasionally…”

        
My brother calls that my song. I smoke way too much and I'm constantly wired. I'm lonely as all hell, but for Christ sake it was never like that! I never ever like that! I never needed anyone but me and I never had to worry about love and emotions because I never had any! I never wanted anything other than my family and I never ever ever wanted to feel the way I'm feeling now. Honestly, I wanted to cry. I wanted to lay down and cry like a baby and let it all out, but I couldn't! Why? Why? Easy, why I couldn't. I don't know how anymore and I don't want to feel that out of control. Maybe I do love her. Maybe I think I need her, but I also know I can't have her. I can have any other I want…they've all told me.

I quote, “Max if there were a chance in hell you'd be with me, I'd lose Jay and I'd be with you in a second.”

The thing…I didn't want her and I don't want anyone else. Just Piper. So far out of reach.

        I went and I had my dinner. I looked around the place and noticed all the happy couples together and I noticed their smiles. I looked at myself and my table and I sighed. I thought, “Why can't it be like that for me? Why does it have to hurt so bad when I see her? Why can't I have a chance at happiness? Because I don't have the nerve to call her up and tell her how I feel. If I did that I wouldn't have her at all. I can't have it because maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe because I can't handle it? Maybe because I'd hurt her and I wouldn't mean to. It'll be this way for ever.”

        So I spent two hours brooding and realized there is no happy ending. I re-resigned myself to my lonely existence and mentally beat myself for being such a baby. I headed home and hung my head and finally let myself rest. I fell asleep that night knowing it was the first of many. Because of a Princess I'm forever changed and looking for something…someone to love. Now…I'm just a lonely peasant.

THE END

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