Disclaimers: Though these lovely ladies may
resemble women you know that belong to RenPics, well, they’re not, so ha! These two belong to me.
Subtext: Yeah, it’s in there, so if you don’t remember Parachute pants,
Richard Marx, or Laser Tag and big bangs, then your childhood probably
consisted of a partially shaved head, rap, and cell phones, and you’re probably
not old enough to be here. So out with
you!!!!
Language: Yeah, there is some, but probably nothing your grandmother
hasn’t heard.
Note: This story is kind of sort of a sequel to The New Season, but not
really ‘cause it’s the exact same story, just from the perspective of
Joie. This is her side of the story, if
you will. Reading The New Season I’d
say is a must before you read this one.
Note #2: This is a work of fiction, and I have no idea if Washington
State University, or that of Minnesota have a girl’s hockey team. If they don’t, well in my world they
do. If they do, well in my world
they’re different. So please don’t
email me telling me that I have the wrong mascots, or anything. Just pretend. : )
If you’d like to tell me what a wonderful
writer I am, or that I royally suck, feel free at: XenaNut@hotmail.com
I slammed the door of my truck shut as I stuck
the key in the ignition, staring
out the windshield at the post office, the business sized envelope in my hand.
I glanced down at it, its white plainness almost a mockery to me.
With a sigh I slid my fingers under the corner of the flap, and ripped
the sucker open. Just as always. A check for two thousand dollars for me, and
then another already made out to the University of Washington for next semester.
To my surprise there was also a letter.
I tossed the checks on the seat next to my Oakley’s, and unfolded the
piece of my father’s office stationary.
Josephine,
I talked to Dean Walker yesterday, and he
tells me that your grades have been slipping all semester, and that you ended
the semester with 3 B grades. That
is unexceptable! He also mentioned
your accomplishments on that hockey team you play on. You know full well that your job is to earn your degree with a respectable
GPA, and not that athletic foolishness. I thought you would have learned that lesson from Thomas. You are not upholding your part of the bargain.
Your Father.
I balled the
neatly typed letter up, and threw it out the window.
“Asshole.” I
muttered as I started the engine.
As I drove I
thought of my parents down in Florida, in their nice, big, two million dollar
beach front house with its six bedrooms, and absolutely useless space that they
filled with their priceless collection of sculptures, and art work. A family friend that still deemed me worthy
enough to talk to, told me recently that my mother had managed to get her hands
on a rare Picasso. Good for her.
I drove away
from the drive-up window at my bank, my monthly stipend neatly in my account,
and went in search of a good place for my daily run. I drove around for a bit, not sure where to go. I wanted to go somewhere different, see some
different scenery for a change. My life
had become so stagnant. I spotted a
path that led behind one of the older neighborhoods, and decided to give it a
try. Parking my truck in a make-shift
dirt parking lot, I stretched my legs and arms, locked the truck, and headed
out.
My mind began to
wonder back to that pompous letter from my father. Now, just what part of the bargain am I not holding up,
exactly? I live here in Washington
state, as far from south Florida as you can possibly get and still be in the
United States. I don’t let the Peterson
secret out of the bag that, oh my god!
The daughter is gay. I mean,
that would be such an awful thing, right.
I take their money, never ask for more, and stay out of their country
club, yacht owning, golf playing hair.
I shrugged my
thoughts off as I ran, feeling like a child pouting. I liked my life, and had
no room to complain. My grades were
good, not great, but certainly not bad.
I was able to get out on the ice and do what I loved best everyday, and
actually got recognition for it. I
smiled as I rounded a steep dip in the path.
I thought of my brother, Tommy.
He had played on the men’s hockey team at UW, and I had been so proud of
him. He had been older than me, and I
had been his biggest fan, and he was mine.
Until the accident, doing what he loved best. The doctor counted a total of thirteen cracks in his helmet. Thirteen.
Bad number.
I cursed myself
for not bringing any water, so I’d have to stop instead, and rest. Up ahead I spotted a bench with intricate
designs carved into the cement legs and back.
The path ran right in front of the bench, and on the other side was a
small pond, probably man made, complete with a bunch of giant gold fish. It would do. I sat, and stretched my legs out, my arm running along the back
of the seat. I leaned my head
back. It felt so good to sit. My breathing was finally beginning to return
to normal.
I stared into
the murky water, watching as the fish swam on as if they weren’t being watched
at all. I looked up into the intense blue
of the sky, enjoying its beauty before the rain clouds started later in the
evening. I should have brought my
journal. This would have been the
perfect place to write.
I heard someone
approaching, and I glanced up the path.
A woman. She had long, dark hair
pulled back in a tail, the end whipping back and forth as she ran. She was tall with long legs, well muscled,
beautiful. She glanced at me as she
passed. I looked up into her face, her
features sharp, well defined, her sunglasses kept her eyes hidden. She was incredible. As she passed I glanced back to the fish,
then watched her as she ran on. Hmm. She looked really familiar. Had we dated before? I drew my brows as I watched her
backside. No. I think I would have remembered her.
With a shrug I
stood and stretched my arms over my head, and bent at the waist, my chest
grazing my thighs before I stood again, my body thrumming with the familiar
feeling of active muscle, the blood pounding through my legs and arms with the
stretch. I closed my eyes, and smiled,
a sigh of contentment escaping my lips.
I opened my eyes, and followed the path that the woman had just run.
@@@@@
I threw my keys
on the table by the door as I entered my place, a large old Victorian split in
two, top level and a bottom level. I
rented the entire bottom level. I
removed my sweaty black tank as I went, wondering around in just a sports bra
and my shorts. I tossed the shirt on
the counter, and opened my fridge, craving a Gatorade. I downed half the twenty ounce bottle in one
gulp. Breathing hard, I glanced out the
double sliding glass door that led to the backyard, the cold bottle against my
forehead. As much as I loved this
stuff, it never tasted better than after a good, long run.
I walked into
the living room and switched on my stereo.
Hmm. What to listen to... Finally deciding on a Melissa Etheridge CD,
I pushed the play button on my answering machine as the first strands of “Ain’t
It Heavy” started.
“Joie, this is
Kelly. Umm. I’m kind of confused. Why
haven’t you called me back yet? We
really need to talk. Give me a call.”
I plopped down
on the couch with my black book and pen, and leaned against the arm. I thought about calling Kelly, but decided
against it. She would figure out soon
enough that I don’t promise women anything, because I generally don’t keep
promises. I don’t like to be tied to
anything, or anyone. Why bother. They never stick around long enough to deal
with it. I opened my journal to today’s
date, and uncapped my pen.
“Soooo, are we
still on for tonight, baby?” Erika purred into the machine, a chill running up
and down my spine.
“Oh, yeah.” I
grinned, as I thought of Erika’s pouty red lips, her long, wild red hair that I
loved to run my fingers through. Erika
Bennett was nearly ten years older than me, and came through town with her job
every few months. We had met at a bar
when I was still in high school, and whenever she came into town, she gave me a
call. No ties, no heartache. Just lots of fun. That’s how I liked things.
Keep it simple, was my motto.
That was the end of the messages, so I turned my attention back to my
journal.
Tuesday, June
13...
Today was like
any other, I suppose. I went to the
post office to pick up the mail, and wasn’t disappointed. Father’s bribe check was waiting for me, as
was a pompous letter. Bastard. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. I understand a little more every year why Tommy
left home as young as he did.
I found a new trail to run today. Very scenic, tranquil. The trail is lined with huge, old trees, hundreds
of birds singing and chattering. I
enjoyed it. The houses looked so old.
I’d say nothing had probably been built in the neighborhood since the
forties or fifties. I love old houses.
I’m thinking this entry won’t be too long
today. Well, at least not right now
{grin} I have a date tonight with Erika, and I’m sure after that I’ll have
plenty to talk about. {evil grin}
Joie
P.S. Today
during my run I saw a beautiful woman. Yeah,
so I see them every day; this one was different. I think I’ve seen her from somewhere, but can’t
place where. Maybe I’ll see her again.
I closed the
journal, and laid back on the soft couch, an arm over my forehead, and stared up at the ceiling, and all the little
glow in the dark stars that I had put on it when I had first moved in. I love to watch the constellations I built
come alive at night, glowing out all the sunlight they had sucked up during the
day. With a sigh I stood and grabbed
the cordless on the way to my bedroom to pick out my clothes for tonight, and
dialed Erika’s cellular phone number from memory.
Wednesday,
June 14,
Erika’s in the
shower, so I decided to scribble out a quick note. We had fun last night. We
went to Scones again. That woman loves
to dance. I sigh as I lay here writing.
Erika is heading back to L.A. later today.
I think we’re going to try and spend a little time together, but I
just don’t know. She’s not much for a conversationalist, so
I don’t know what we’ll do. Maybe
spend the day in bed. Who knows.
Joie
P.S. I had
the weirdest dream last night dealing with that woman I saw running on the
trail yesterday. I wish I could remember
it, but, alas, it eludes me...
@@@@@
“Okay,
guys. Round up. Cameron, Jordan, come on. Join your team.” I clapped my hands together
to get the attention of the two nine year olds that were standing near the far
goal, comparing skates. Finally I had
sixteen pairs of eyes looking at me.
Not necessarily listening, but at least they were all here. “Okay, you
guys did real good today. But remember
what I said about keeping your sticks on the ice?” a murmur of yeah rippled
through my young audience. I couldn’t
help but grin. “Okay, good. Now go take off your gear.” Thirty two little skates scrambled away,
leaving a fog of ice chips as they raced in the direction of the locker room
where their parents could help them out of their bulky pads.
I watched as my
kids, as I liked to call them, hobbled off the ice. They were still a little rough, but we had just begun the
camp. I knew that when they graduated
in six weeks, they’d be little mini Gretzky’s.
“You’re doing a
fine job with the little guys, Joie.” I turned to see the UW girls hockey
coach, Jim Maron standing at the side of the rink, his arms resting on the top
of the wall. I glided over to him,
still staring after the few stragglers.
“Thanks. I really enjoy these kids.” I smiled up at
the man who had been my mentor as well as my coach now for going on three
years. I had almost come to see him as
the father that mine refused to be.
“Some of ‘em are
still a little shaky, though.”
“I know. I think next week we’re going to concentrate
more on balance then technique.”
“You’re so good
with kids, Joie. Maybe some day you
should have one or two of your own.”
I drew my brows
in surprise, an impish grin on my face.
“Yeah,
right. Can’t you just see me as a
mother.” What a joke.
“Yes.” I met his
gaze for a moment, his blue eyes held amusement. He quirked a brow in challenge to my smirk.
“Whatever. I don’t know what you’ve been smoking,
Coach, but can I have some?” he chuckled and slapped me on the arm.
“I’ll see you
later, Joie. I just came by to see if
that shipment of new uniforms had come or not.” he turned to head back up the
center aisle.
I watched him
go, then turned back to the ice, pushing off with my left foot, and whirling
around the rink. I loved to skate when
the ice was deserted, and the entire thing was mine. I closed my eyes, and drew in a deep breath, the cold, heavy air
filling my lungs with the familiar
comfort. Freedom to be whatever it is
that you want to be, fly like an eagle if you so desire...
@@@@@
The rest of June
had flown by so fast that the next thing I knew, we were already in the middle
of July. My kids were doing great now,
and were coming to the middle mark of camp.
They no longer ran into each other on the ice, and I think the last time
one of them fell on another player from the other teams they played, was in
late June, early July.
Initially I had
been wrangled into heading the hockey camp.
I had had absolutely no reason, or desire to want to teach a bunch of
clumsy kids the art of skating, and following a little black round sliding
thing with bent sticks. But when I had
seen their faces when they were able to stay upright, and then actually move
around on those two blades, priceless.
I was hooked.
I stood in the
box for our team as my little Wild Cats flew around on the ice playing the
Prosser Wart Hogs, and a smile slowly spread across my face as Hendricks sped
his way with the puck mostly in his control, heading for the goal. He’s almost there, he may make it. The goalie for the other team. sees him, but
looks worried, he’s almost there, almost... I stood from the bench, clip board
in my hand forgotten.
“Go! Come on, Hendricks! Go, go, go!
Yes!” the puck flew into the net with a satisfying plop on the ice under
it. The team went crazy, as did the
parents in the stands behind me. Little
Ricky Hendricks turned to me, and with a toothy grin, the front two missing
thanks to the Tooth Fairy, he waved at me.
I can’t help but grin from ear to ear at his success. That put us up one, with only five minutes
left in the game. It takes them two minutes
just to get on the right sides.
Yes. Looks like another victory
for the Wild Cats.
Friday, July
17
I am beside
myself I am so proud of my kids. They
showed those Wart Hogs what they were made of, and beat the crap out of them!
The Wart Hogs are the leading team in the league.
Well, they were. {grin} After
the game I took the whole team out for pizza at Rupert’s.
Rico was there, and gave all sixteen an ice cream cone. He may be a queen, but he’s a great guy.
Okay. Those little squirts really took it out of
me. I’m going to bed.
Joie
@@@@@
I turned the
corner and glanced at the small, neatly kept houses that I passed along the
way. The Hendricks family lived in a
nice enough neighborhood, though I knew that Mr. Hendricks didn’t make much
money working in a vineyard outside of town.
His wife was bedridden now, the MS rendering her legs useless, and her
speech was nearly unintelligible. The
camp was coming to an end, this weekend was the last game, and I had promised
my little buddy Ricky that I’d take him out on a “date” before we had finished
up. He was such an adorable little guy
with big, curious brown eyes, his dark hair always mussed no matter how much
his father told him to comb it. Ricky
had been my shadow since the second week of camp, and I was going to miss him.
“Hello,
Joie. Come on in.” Mr. Hendricks smiled
as he stepped aside from the open door to let me in the small house. Ricky’s younger brother, Mikey was sitting
on the floor in front of the television watching the Teletubbies sing and dance
their way into his little heart, a scattering of different colored cars and
trucks surrounded him.
“Joie!” Ricky
called out as he ran in from a hallway that I assumed led to the bedrooms.
“Hey, kid.” I
grinned, catching him as he flung himself at my middle, his arms encircling my
waist, his head resting against my stomach. I smiled down at him, ruffled his
already messy hair. “Ready to go?”
“Yup.” he smiled
up at me, adoration in his dark eyes. I
smiled up at his father.
“Well, I guess
we better get. I should have him back
in a couple of hours.”
“Sounds good,
Joie. Here you go.” Mr. Hendricks
handed me a twenty dollar bill that I knew he probably couldn’t afford to part
with. I put my hand up to stop him.
“No, no. This dates on me.” I smiled at the little
guy who was starting to extricate himself from me.
“Thanks alot,
Joie.” Mr. Hendricks said. I could see
he was trying to hide the relief in his eyes, dark like his son’s. “You be
good, Ricky, or you’re not playing in the game on Friday.” he warned, wagging
his finger at the little guy.
“Okay, dad. I promise.”
“Don’t worry,
Mr. Hendricks. If he gets out of line,
I’ll hang him by his toes.”
Ricky and I sat
in the dark theater as we waited for the Disney movie to start. I listened as he told me about school
starting in early September, and what he thought about his teacher, Ms.
Grinwould, and all the stories he’d heard about his upcoming forth grade
teacher. I laughed at his antics, and
marveled at how a child saw the world around him. Children are so simple, not knowing to be complicated, or
obstinate, or judgmental. I was totally
charmed by his wonder as he watched the vivid images come to life on the
screen. I finally came to the
realization that kids are truly amazing creatures. Pretty damn cool. I felt
a peace wash through me, a peace of just being who I was, and not having to
pretend, or entertain with wild stories.
Ricky looked up to me because of what he saw, not what I tried to be.
I’m lying here on my bed, on my stomach
watching my fish swim around in their glass house. Rocky and Bullwinkle seem to be doing fine. I can’t imagine the life of a fish. Eat, poop, swim, procreate, and then float,
belly up. Wow. How sad.
Hmm. Anywho...
Tonight I have a party to go to. It’s some friend of Stephanie’s named
Lori. I don’t think I’ve ever met her,
but what the hell? School will be
starting in just a few days. I might as
well. I’m not much in the mood to party
tonight, though. sigh
In
interesting news, today my little Wild Cats kicked ass, and took names! It was the last game of the camp, and I am
so utterly thrilled with my kids. They
really proved themselves a worthy bunch of nine year olds. What can I say, just a chip off the old
block. {grin} Ricky’s parents got
together with all the other parents, and had a huge plaque made for me. I was so stunned! It has a brass plate in the middle that says: To the best coach
in the world, Joie Peterson. All my
little guys’ names are enscripted below it, and then the team picture that we
took last week. Sneaky, sneaky. I will always treasure this. God, I’m becoming a softy!
Okay,
better go. It’s time to get ready for
the party. It’s an all 80’s party, so I
should at least like the music. But
then, you can dance to just about anything. {grin}
Joie
I glanced into
the full-length mirror that ran the
length of my bedroom door. Cut-offs
with a green tank, and flannel. Typical
Joie wear. I grinned at my reflection
as I grabbed my Seahawk’s hat off the hook on the wall, and plopped it
backwards over my blonde hair. Why
bother with hair when you only wear hats anyway? I shrugged, and walked toward the front door.
As I walked up
the driveway of this girl Lori’s house, I realized that things were just now
getting started. I had decided to come
a bit earlier than I normally would.
Usually ten or eleven was the time I started to hit a party. By then it was in full swing, and immediate
fun awaited you with a beer in hand, and a sexy smile on her face. Tonight I decided to show around
eight-thirty. The sooner I got here,
the sooner I could leave.
“Joie! You’re here early, hon. I didn’t expect you for another hour at
least.” I turned to see Stephanie sitting in the front seat with some
girl. Guilty red marks lined her
neck. I grinned.
“So I see. “
Stephanie looked away sheepishly.
Stephanie Norman was a wing on our girls hockey team, and a good friend,
well, actually I didn’t have good friend’s per se. Mostly good partying buddies was more the word. She struggled to get her shirt back in
place, but I stopped her with a wave of my hand. “No, stay there, Steph. I’ll be fine on my own.” her comment was
muffled as her front seat companion started where they had left off.
The house was on
the largish, if not messy side. From
what I’d been told, Lori and a bunch of other girls rented the place, all
fellow students at UW. I glanced around
to see if I knew anyone. I was
surprised to see many of my acquaintances here. I guess this Lori chick and I hung out in similar circles.
“Hey, hi. Who are you?” I turned to find a short
brunette smiling at me.
“Joie.”
“Oh, yeah. Stephanie’s friend. I’ve heard about you.” she said with a
grin. I smiled back. God only knew just what she had heard. “I’m Lori.
Where is she anyway?” I pointed out the front door with my thumb. She smiled.
Apparently she knew Steph pretty well, too. “Okay, well get whatever you
want. There’s a table set up in the
kitchen. If you want anything mixed, we
have a mixer under the sink.” and she walked off to join the quickly gathering
crowd. I looked around for a moment
longer, then headed toward the kitchen, trying to dodge happy-feeling-no-pain
partyers as I went.
An hour went by
and I stood in a corner with one of my teammates who had showed up to my
surprise and relief. I sipped my beer
and listened to her talk about her summer.
“So are you
still running that hockey camp during the summer?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I took a
long swig. “We just played our last game yesterday. Those kids are so amazing!
Okay, picture this. We’ve got a
handful of nine years olds, all dressed in these huge bulky pads that make
these kids look like they have no legs, very little for arms, and absolutely no
neck.” I took another drink, also allowing Melissa to catch her breath as she
had started to laugh. “So these guys are plowing down the ice at break-neck
speed, no grace whatsoever, hell, they’re just trying to stay upright because
all their gear is working with gravity, and against them! It’s hilarious. I’m really going to miss those little shits, though.” I noticed
that Missy’s attention had been grabbed by something else.
“Oh my god. it’s the Minnesota Wall.” she breathed. I drew my brows as I felt eyes on me. I turned and saw her. Whoa.
Sure enough. That’s who she
was. The best defensemen this sport had
ever known, and also the woman who I had seen running two months ago. I knew I had known her from somewhere. Any dyke in her right mind had a crush on
Jennifer Carlson, or better known as the Minnesota Wall.
She looked lost
as she was alone, and was looking for a friendly face. She was taller than even some of the guys here,
so she wasn’t hard to spot with her long black hair, swept back over her
shoulders. She wore a t-shirt of some
kind, and jeans. She met my gaze, and I
was startled at how beautiful her eyes were; they were the most brilliant blue
I had ever seen. Whoa. I raised my beer to acknowledge I had seen
her, and feeling more than a little confident with three and a half beers
running through me, I smiled at her, those little smiles that made many women
tremble, the kind that was usually reserved for the bedroom only. I saw her suck in a breath, then with a
small grin I turned back to Melissa.
“You lucky
bitch!” Melissa hissed, her eye still on the tall woman who had been approached
by some guy.
“What?” I asked
innocently.
“What, my
ass. God, she is a goddess. I wonder what she’s doing here.”
“Who knows.” I
shrugged, and took a sip of my beer. We
began to talk about other things, but my mind was completely on that beautiful
woman who was no more than twenty feet away from me. What was she doing
here?
The night was
getting late, and I was beginning to get tired, and wanted to get home. I had had a bit too much to drink, and
Melissa had gone off with some woman an hour ago. With a sigh I decided to go, but as I was making my way through
bodies dancing, and grinding together, I noticed Jennifer Carlson dancing with
Billy, who I knew was trouble. He had
his hands all over her. I decided that
if someone was going to have their hands all over that incredible body, it was
going to be me.
I walked up to them,
standing behind the tall beauty. Billy
noticed me.
“Hey, Joie.” he
said, a half smile on his lips.
“Go.” was all I
said. He knew better than to argue with
me, so he leaned in toward her ear and whispered something, then walked
away. Jennifer turned around, and I
could see the surprise in her face when she saw me. Good sign. I grinned at
her again. I noticed that Winger was
playing. I had always liked this song,
“She’s Only Seventeen.” Her daddy says
she’s too young, but she’s old enough for me.
Yeah, my kind of song. I placed
my hands on her waist, and pulled her to me.
She sucked in her breath, and then we were body to body.
As the song went
on, I began to move us in an extremely erotic dance, one of my legs easily
sliding between hers. I could see the
indecision running through those incredible sapphire eyes, and she placed her
hands tentatively on my shoulders. I
looked up at her; god, she was so incredibly beautiful. I have never in my
whole life seen eyes that color of blue.
I needed to feel her hands on my bare skin, so I took my hands from her
waist as we continued to sway to the heavy beat, and whipped my flannel off
before she even knew what had hit her.
Without missing a beat, the shirt was on the floor so now I only wore my
tank, her hands were on my bare shoulders, and I put my hands back on her body,
moving them down to her hips.
I stared down
the long length of her, taking her in.
Magnificent with slender hips, but had enough curve to make her all
woman. Her t-shirt was loose, but she
had been sweating from the immense body heat in the room of the dancing bodies,
and it clung to her full breasts that were heaving with every nervous breath
she took.
I began to sing
along, moving us even closer together as I moved my hands around her body until
they rested on her butt that fit so snugly in those jeans of hers. I pulled her into me. Her eyes were becoming cloudy and unfocused,
and I knew she was really drunk. I
wondered if she would remember this tomorrow.
No matter. I knew I wouldn’t
forget it.
The song was
winding down, and then ended all together.
I slowly drew my hands off her butt, around her hips, catching in the
belt loops before I let her go all together.
She took the warmth of her hands from my shoulders, but I wasn’t ready
to let her go just yet, so I caught one of her hands, and brought it to my
lips, never losing sight of those eyes as I kissed her knuckles. She met my gaze, then I let her hand drop,
and walked away, feeling just a bit light headed for some reason. Whoa.
Too much beer, maybe. Yeah,
right. Keep telling yourself that,
Joie.
@@@@@
I spent most of
Saturday morning sobering up, and then began to clean up my place. I knew that with school starting on Monday
morning, and then practice on Wednesday afternoon, that I would have no time to
do the deep cleaning that this place needed.
This was going to be a hectic semester.
Only one more year to go, then I could start on my life. Thank god.
I stood in the
middle of my living room, stared at the mess that was all around me. The clothes that I had worn last night were
scattered in a line from the front door to my bedroom, as I had started
striping as soon as I was in, and hadn’t stopped until I had been snug in my
bed, the sheet wrapped around my naked body.
I didn’t believe in sleeping with clothes on. Too restricting. I body
needed to be free.
I followed the
trail, and threw everything in the hamper in the bathroom in my bedroom, and
then made my bed. I really loved where
I lived. The rent was pretty steep, and
if I hadn’t been getting money from my parents, I would never in a million
years been able to afford to go to school, and try and work, and still pay for
this place. Maybe there was some good
in the situation. Well, if I didn’t
have their love, respect, and acceptance, then at least I had their money. I chuckled ruefully to myself, and began to
pull out the cleaning supplies that had lain dormant since my last cleaning binge,
which hadn’t been that long ago. I had
a thing about a clean home. Messy was
one thing; it happens, you get busy, things get strewn around, but dirty was an
entirely different thing all together.
An afternoon of
cleaning done, I decided to work out. I
had a second bedroom that was my computer/weight training room. I had a plethora of different sizes of free
weights, as well as a bag for my kickboxing.
With hockey just around the corner, I had to get my cardio back in
shape, though my running pretty much kept that going, but also I needed to
build my arms, and quads. During
breaks, and in-between seasons I let myself just tone, but bulked up again
during the new season.
I laid on my
bench, my legs off on either side, tennis shoes planted flat on the floor as I
brought the bar down to my chest, my breathing kept even as I stared up at the
ceiling, my mind a million miles away, body on auto pilot. Jennifer Carlson kept trickling into my
thoughts, no matter how much I tried to change the mental subject. My subconscious was determined to keep those
blue eyes floating before my eyes. I
wondered if we were going to play the Minnesota Wild Cats much this year. They were a damn good team, and always gave
us a run for our money. Our last
meeting with them hadn’t been pretty.
They had cleaned the ice with us.
I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t recognized her right away that day
running. How could I forget the
Minnesota Wall? If not in an athletic
sense, then that of a woman. She had
caught my eye before, her streamlined body, exuding natural femininity even
through her muscular body, and tough playing style. There was no doubt that she was all woman. Rumor was she was straight. But somehow I didn’t think so, even if she
didn’t realize it.
Finally
exhausted, I plopped down on the floor in front of the t.v. as I watched the
news, and opened my journal.
Well, the party went well last
night. I tried not to drink as
much. I’ve really got to behave
myself. Yeah, that’ll happen. {grin}
Steph met some girl that she just had to leave early with. Damn her.
She drags me to a party that I really don’t even want to go to, then she
takes off on me! Go figure. Oh, well.
At least Melissa was there. Oh,
but the best is yet to come. The
Minnesota Wall. Mm, mm. She was the beautiful woman that I had seen
running way back in June. God, she is
incredible, and she was there. She has
got to be the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever laid eyes on. If she ever comes back to Washington, I just
may have to see how far I can get. {evil grin}
I wonder if she is from Seattle?
That’s pretty far from Minnesota.
She certainly wasn’t in Kansas anymore. sigh
Well, I was productive today. I got my end of summer cleaning done. School starts on Monday. I’m glad, actually. I am ready to head back, and get it
done. Especially I am ready for hockey
to start up again. Makes me have some
meaning in my life again. I don’t know
what I’ll do after school. Maybe I can
find a weekend league somewhere. Who
knows.
Joie
I drove to
school Monday morning ready to go, happy to get back to it. This semester I was finally getting into my
major which was English with a minor in Mass Com. I was so glad that I had gotten all those absolutely pointless
classes out of the way last year. What
the hell was I supposed to do with Biology as an English major? Go figure.
The next week
flew by, and I knew I had my work cut out for me. On Friday after practice, Coach pulled me aside.
“Yeah,
Coach? What’s up?” I stood in the doorway
of his office, my bag slung over my shoulder, ready to go home and change. I was going out tonight.
“We’re getting a
new player.” he said, leaning back in his chair, rolling a quarter through his
fingers.
“What? Why?
Who? You kicking someone off the
team?” I was starting to get pissed now.
“No, no. Calm down, Joie. We’ve got a great group of girls this year. This is more out of a favor for an old
friend of mine. And this will be good
for the team, too.”
“What, getting
some flunky that can’t hang on his team?” I leaned against the door frame, a
smirk on my face.
“Not
exactly. She’s someone we all know, and
under other circumstances, dread. Jenny
Carlson.”
“What?!” I
dropped my bag at the unexpected news. “The Minnesota Wall is coming here? She’s on our team now?”
“Yup. She’s back in Seattle for personal reasons,
and wanted to play. She’s enrolled in
UW, and is now a Panther.”
I stared at the
coach for a moment, the information taking its time sinking in. Shit.
She was playing here now? Is
that what he had said?
“Are you
attempting to catch flies, Joie?” I closed my mouth, he chuckled. “Go home
now. Knowing you you’ve got some party
to go to.”
I drove home
quickly, my mind processing what I’d been told. So that’s why Jennifer Carlson had been here. I was thrilled to have her on the team. As the captain, it was my job to make our
team the best it could possibly be, and no doubt The Wall would be an
asset. Now I just had to get over the
fact that with the hockey player also came the woman.
@@@@@
I sat in the
locker room in practice gear, my helmet in my hands. God. I leaned my head
back against the wall, my eyes closed.
Why did I get so drunk last night?
Why, oh why?
“Let’s go,
ladies!” Coach yelled from the door. I
closed my eyes even tighter as his words bounced around my skull over and over
again.
“Come on,
slugger.” Steph muttered, grabbing one
of my hands and pulling me up. I opened
my eyes and glanced up at her. “You know, it was your damn party that I got so
drunk at. “ I growled. She grinned.
“Whatever. Come on, captain.”
I watched as my
fellow teammates stumbled around, hanging onto the wall as they walked onto the
ice. I chuckled to myself. Steph had had a back to practice party last
night, and we were all paying the price.
Luckily for me once the cold air hit my face, I was fine. I did my laps with my usual grace and speed,
leaving my struggling teammates in my wake.
I could tell coach was not happy, his scowl deepening with every lap
around the rink.
“Okay, gather
around.” coach called out, blowing his whistle, which I knew he was doing on
purpose. Every girl present, including
me, winced at the shrill sound echoing through the rink. We all cut across the ice, and skidded to a
stop in front of the box where the coach stood. “Okay, ladies. Today is going to be a particularly rigorous
practice. Our first game is coming up,
and I want us to be in tip top shape.
Understand?” we all nodded, knowing exactly what coach’s accusing eyes
were telling us. I looked down as I hid
my grin. “Okay, I’m going to split you
all up into two teams. Here’s the
roster.”
Once everyone
got out on the ice with their positions, and were facing each other, it seemed
that all hangovers were gone. A few of
the players were a little slow on the take, but nothing major. Oh shit.
Natalie, no!, I mentally yelled.
Get your damn stick down.
“What are you
doing! Stevens, get over here, now!”
the coaches voice boomed in the large rink.
We all stopped in mid-play as Natalie skated over to the side of the
rink by coach. “You do that high
sticking crap again, and I’ll bench you for half the season, you got that?”
“Yes, coach.”
“Good. Now get your ass out there!”
I bent over to
resume starting position when I stopped, my gaze locked on the woman walking
slowly up to coach, a large duffel over her shoulder, a smile of anticipation
on her face. She got the coach’s
attention, and then she headed off toward the locker room. I followed her progress with me eyes.
“Joie?”
“Yeah. Let’s start.” the puck was dropped, and
Denise Gibson scuttled for it, but I was already long gone, puck in tow. People complain about being short, but I
find it an asset. No one expects the
speed, and no one sees you coming. My
thoughts were interrupted by the coach’s whistle again. Damn it, I am going to shove that damn thing
down his throat!
“Okay,
girls. Round up.” we all left our
positions, and skated toward the coach and our new teammate. I could feel the hostility oozing from the other
girls as they eyed the Minnesota Wall.
Uncertainty was in abundance as neither I nor Coach had told anyone of
our newest arrival. Jennifer Carlson
looked around somewhat nervously, and when those baby blues landed on me I had
to stifle a smile. They nearly bulged
out of that beautiful face. I could see
she recognized me, but an internal battle was going on. What was she thinking? “Okay, this is Jenny
Carlson. Most of you probably remember
her from Minnesota State when they wiped us off the map last year? Well, this is their Minnesota Wall. Nothin’ gets past this one. So I want you all to welcome her. She’s a transfer.” I could hear the girls around me whispering to each other. Come on, ladies. We are not in high school, for crying out loud! Jenny Carlson glanced at me again, and I met
her gaze for just a moment, then turned and skated back out to my position, and
tapped my stick. Come on, Carlson. Let’s see what you can do.
I watched out of
the corner of my eye as Carlson blocked one attempt after another. She was great, and she genuinely seemed to
love what she was doing, showing great enthusiasm for the game. Good sign.
I caught Coach’s eye, and he winked.
I winked back. Agreed. She was staying.
“Okay!” Coach
blew his whistle. “Good job girls. Hit
the showers!”
I glanced over
at her as I made my way to the side. I
nodded, quite pleased with her performance.
She seemed to deem this as important, and nodded back.
As was my usual
custom, I quickly showered, and split.
Practice went off great today. We were introduced to our newest player, the
Minnesota Wall herself, Jennifer Carlson.
The girls aren’t thrilled by the prospect; they feel threatened, as they
probably should. Carlson is the
best. We need her.
I sit here and I think,
staring up at the ceiling of my bedroom.
I don’t know what it is about her.
She’s incredible. This is going
to be a tough season I think. I want
her, but something in my gut deep down is telling me that it isn’t going to be
that easy, and that I don’t want it to be.
I don’t know. Too much to think
about. I’m tired.
Joie
Carlson wasn’t at practice today. Coach didnt’ seem pissed, or even
surprised. I wonder what’s up?
Joie
We were all
suited up and on the ice when Carlson decided to waltz in. What, one day of great playing, now she’s
queen of the rink and can do whatever, whenever? Fuck that. The other
girls obviously felt the same as they began to whisper to each other, sometimes
being less than nice. I glared at them simply because it was unsportsman like.
Once play got
started I was completely baffled. It
was like invasion of the body snatchers all over again. Who the hell is this girl, and where is the
real Jenny Carlson? She was all over
the place, missing block after block.
It was more than obvious her mind was not on what she was doing. Apparently coach agreed as the shrill sound
of his whistle cut through the air.
“Carlson! What the hell position you playin’, anyway?”
he bellowed.
“I know, I’m
sorry, sir.”
“I don’t give a
horses ass if you’re sorry! Don’t
apologize, just improve!”
I could hear the
girls behind me whispering again.
“The Minnesota
Wall, huh? I’d say more like the
Minnesota Guerilla.”
I glanced around
to see how Carlson would handle this.
If she was to make it, she would have to learn to take the shit from the
other players, especially catty ones like Martinez. Carlson turned and stared at them, evil intent burning in those
fire blue eyes.
“And you,
two? Are you a wing, Martinez?”
“No.”
“Then what the
hell you doin’ over there!” Coach was being pushed to his limit. I looked back to Carlson who turned her eyes
to me. I’d say she didn’t like the look
of disgust she saw on my face because she turned away pretty quick.
The other girls
headed off the ice, but I stayed out there on the rink for a moment trying to
get my anger under control. Jennifer
Carlson comes in here after the practice season starts, late, interrupts a
perfectly oiled machine of a team, and then pulls this shit. No way, not my team, not on my watch. Finally I headed for the locker room.
As I headed in I
saw Carlson trying to sneak out. She
stopped when she saw me heading for her.
“Hey, Carlson,”
I said, my voice loud, angry. “What the hell was that today? I know you can do better than that! Jesus!
You were pathetic today! You
looked like a goddamn circus clown!
What, you got a hot date your minds on, or what?”
I could see the
transformation of her face before my eyes.
A tiny spark of fear passed through me as she dropped her duffel, and
walked to me. I stood my ground. No way was she going to get the best of me,
not when the entire team was watching, breathless to see what I would do. What Jennifer Carlson would do. She reached me, and took two handfuls of my
jersey in her hands, and I felt myself being slammed against the wall. She was in my face. I could see the tiny trail of freckles that
crossed the bridge of her nose. Her
blue eyes were filled with electric heat that flowed from her in waves. I knew she could see the shock in my eyes,
but I was determined to hold it together.
“Tell me, have
you ever had to watch your mother as she slowly died from AIDS?” she growled through
clenched teeth, her voice low, dangerous. “No?
Well, yesterday my mother lost that battle.” I realized what she was telling me, and I felt my heart fall to
my knees. She stared into my eyes for
just a moment, but in that moment I could see the pain swirling around, filling
her like death itself.
She released my
shirt, and turned to see the girls staring at her, no one daring to say a
word. The silence was almost
palpable. She walked back over to her
duffel where she had dropped it, picked it up, and walked out of the locker
room. I stayed where I was against the
wall, my mind whirling. Tommy
immediately popped into my mind. I
could feel her pain, deep in my gut. I
wished that there was some way I could help her, comfort her. Something.
Anything.
@@@@@
Tuesday found me
sitting in the grass under a tree on campus.
It was chilly, but actually the weather was quite beautiful for mid
September. I leaned against the massive
trunk, my legs stretched out, and my journal balanced on a denim clad thigh.
I feel like such an ass for what I said
to Jennifer yesterday. God, how insensitive can I be? Yeah, so I didn’t know.
Doesn’t matter. I still feel
awful. I wonder how her mother got
AIDS? Pretty serious stuff. I just wish there was something I could do
to make her feel better. I wish I could
take her in my arms, rock her until she falls asleep. Hold her. Whoa! I have got to stop thinking like this. I do not even know this chick, but damnit I
feel so protective of her for some reason, like she could break. Get over it, woman. Just chalk it up to watching what I say, and
leave it at that. sigh If only it
were that simple. I
My pen stilled
as I noticed a shadow fall over me. I
looked up, squinting against the glare of the sun’s halo around the person who
stood over me.
“Hey.”
“Hey,
Coach. What’s up?”
Coach Maron sat
next to me, taking the perpetual baseball cap from his head and running his
hand through his thinning brown hair.
“Wow. You mean that thing is removable? Hell, I thought you were born with it on.” I
grinned, tapping the bill of the worn, red cap.
“Funny
girl. I could say the same for you.” he
smirked, and replaced the cap. “You look lost, kiddo.” he said.
“Lost, huh? ‘Fraid not.
I think I know exactly where I’m at.”
“Think so,
huh? Look, Joie I heard about what
happened in the locker room yesterday.
And if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were beating yourself up for
it.”
“Look-“ I began,
starting to get angry. He cut me off.
“Listen,
Joie. I know you don’t want to go into
this. But I thought you might find this
interesting.” he tossed a folded piece of paper on my lap, then noisily stood.
“I’m getting too old for this.” he muttered as he walked away. I watched him for a moment, then glanced
down at what he had thrown at me. It
was a newspaper clipping. I unfolded
it, and realized it was the obituary for Carlson’s mother. It gave her age of only 47. God.
So young, as well as the funeral time and place. With a sigh I glanced in the direction that
the coach had just went, though he was long gone, and then stared back down at
the paper in my hand.
@@@@@
I loved the
familiar hush of the cemetery. So
peaceful. It always amused me to think
that the resting place of the dead could be restful for the living as
well. The weather was absolutely
beautiful, certainly seeming to mock the sad occasion.
I easily
followed the map given to me by the woman at the main cemetery office. I could see the line of cars parked in a row
at the curb, the long black hearse in the lead, followed by a single black town
car, then the line of the cars driven by the other mourners.
I wondered what
was I doing here? I had no place here
among these people who didn’t know me, and I didn’t know them. Though my intentions were good, I wasn’t
sure how Jenny would take my being here.
The last time she had seen me had been during one of my thoughtless
tirades. I sighed as I continued on.
I could hear the
minister’s comforting words as I made my way around the crowd. Some people glanced over at me with curious
eyes, then turned their attention back to the center of attention. I walked around to the far side, about twenty
yards away, trying to keep a respectful distance away. I saw the casket with it’s shiny black
finish interrupted by a large bouquet of roses. Then I saw her. An older
African-American woman stood just to her right and behind, a reassuring hand on
Jenny’s arm. My eyes fell once again to
Jenny. She looked beautiful in a
fitting black dress, her hair loose about her shoulders.
I felt a sudden
heaviness settle over me as I watched her, not able to take my eyes from
her. She was pale, her eyes seemingly
empty. I must have stood there for
perhaps five minutes when suddenly her eyes met mine. She took in my black pant suit, then met my eyes that were hidden
behind my sunglasses. Our gazes met and
locked. I longed to hold her in my
arms, kiss those lips that seemed to tremble, as if she were trying to hold
herself together. I wanted so badly to
ease her pain. My heart began to ache,
and I felt the need to escape that intense stare. To my relief she looked away, back to her mother’s casket, and
that’s when I took my leave.
I sat in my
truck, tore the dark glasses from my face, and threw them on the seat next to
me, and covered my face with my hands.
I was breathing fast, my chest rising and falling as I attempted to get
myself under control. God, what is
wrong with me? Why do I feel like I
could cry? I hated to cry, and never,
ever did it in public. Not since the
funeral of my brother. That had to be
it. Being here, so close to where he
rested, and seeing the anguish of the mourners; that was it. Had to be.
@@@@@
I sat on the
back patio, my feet curled under me as I stared off into space, not really
concentrating on anything. My
roommate’s dog, Zephyr was playing, running around and chasing a ball that
Carla was throwing for him. He was
beautiful, a chocolate lab, only about 6 months old, yet to grow fully into his
huge paws.
“Go get it,
Zephyr!” she called out, which drew my attention. I chuckled as I watched the big dog run after the rubber ball,
and over estimate the distance, slamming into the fence. He shook his head, then grabbed the ball in
his mouth and began to run back to his “mom”, but instead made a detour and
headed toward me. His half-hearted bark
was muffled by what he carried.
“Hey, boy.” I
said, rubbing his head, and down one of his ears. I dropped my hand, and stared back out into the yard, but that
wasn’t good enough I felt his cold nose
nuzzle my hand.
“Come here,
Zephyr. I don’t think Joie’s in the
mood to play.” The dog ran to his
owner, dropping the ball along the way. “Maybe you shouldn’t have gone, Joie.”
Carla said as she made her way to the patio, and sat in the lawn chair next to
mine.
“Yeah.” was all
I said. Carla and I weren’t exactly
close, but she always seemed to be able to tell when something was wrong, and
had gotten the whole story out of me last night, and had offered to go to the
funeral with me. Nah. I need to do this alone, had been my answer,
and was usually my answer for everything.
“Did she see
you?” again she threw the ball for the puppy.
“Yes. I left right after that.”
“Oh.” she stood
and called the dog to her. “Well, it was a really nice gesture, hon. I’m sure she appreciated it. I’ll see you later. Work calls.”
“Have a good
one.” I said absently, still staring into the yard. In the distance I heard the back gate open and close, Zephyr’s
whines fading as Carla led him up the outside staircase on the side of the
house that led to her apartment. Carla
worked the graveyard shift as a security guard for an office building that
housed the headquarters for many of Seattle’s top businesses. With a sigh I stood, and went inside to make
something to eat.
I’m sitting here trying to concentrate on
the news, to no avail. I can’t get my
mind off of things. Do I agree with
Carla? Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to
the funeral this afternoon? Hell, I
don’t know. I know that I did miss a
couple of classes for it. Was it worth
it? God, I am awful. I didn’t go for the recognition, in fact, I
almost would have preferred that Jenny had no idea I was there. But I couldn’t stay out of sight. I had to see her, to let her know that I
cared. I don’t know why. I can’t seem to get her off my mind, and
this is something that I would not dare to say outloud, or even allow myself to
think in a casual way. What is it? Why has she captured my interest so
much? I do not know her, and something
is telling me that it would be better to just keep my distance from her; watch
and admire from afar. I think my heart
will thank me for it later.
Joie
@@@@@
I groaned as the
shrill beeping of the alarm woke me from a really good dream. I rolled over on my back, and reached an arm
out to shut the damn thing off.
Silence. I opened an eye, and
groaned again at the despicable hour of three-thirty am that glared at me with
its red numbers.
“Time to make
the doughnuts.” I mumbled, then giggled at my own joke. I sat up, and reluctantly gave up the warmth
of my large bed, and made my way to the bathroom.
It was just
before five when I reached the school.
I saw the bus at the curb, engine rumbling as it idled, waiting for all
us walking zombies to board. I parked
my truck, then drug my two bags with me, one hung on my shoulder, the other
nearly dragging on the ground behind me.
I was not a morning person.
We all stood
around waiting for the rest of the team to show up. I noticed Jenny wonder up to the group, though as usual, she kept
a slight distance. She always seemed to
be by herself. I wondered if she liked
it that way, or if she was just shy. I
noticed that she looked well rested. It
had been a week since the funeral, and neither of us had spoken of it. Actually, we hadn’t spoken at all since that
day she rightly laid into me in the locker room. This morning she wore a pair of baggy chords, and some sort of
shirt under her jacket. Her hair was
lose, and blew slightly in the early morning breeze. It was a brisk morning, as it was early October. This was supposed to be a cold winter.
“Okay,
ladies. Here’s who you’ll be shacking
up with. Listen up!”
“We can’t pick
our own?” someone asked. I looked
around and saw the perplexed look on Stacy Eaks’ face. God, woman.
You know better than that. I
rolled my eyes.
“No, you cannot
pick your own. This is not summer
camp. Listen up, now. I do not want to repeat myself.” Coach
said. I grinned as I stared down at the
sidewalk waiting to see who I was going to be stuck with. “Stevens and Martinez. Gibson and Waller. Braden and Norman.
Carlson and Peterson...”
I groaned
inwardly. Damnit, Coach. Keep your nose out of things. Then I had to silently chuckle. I should have expected this. Shit.
I removed my Seahawk’s cap, and ran my hands through my hair, then put
it back on. This was going to be an
interesting trip. Then I felt a pair of
eyes on me. I glanced up in time to see
Jenny look away.
“Okay,
ladies. On the bus. We’ve got a thirty two hour trip ahead of
us. We’re going to stop for the night,
though. So let’s go!” Coach clapped his hands together to try and
wake us up, and stood by the door to the bus.
As the darkness
of early morning began to give way to the sun, and the day to come, I sat with
my teammates, and we joked, and we talked, and I told them outrageous stories;
some made up in my overly fruitful imagination, others true trials and
tribulations to the more humorous side of life, all the while I watched over
Jenny. She sat by herself in a seat
half way up the bus from where I was situated near the back. She watched out the side window, her
forehead against the cool glass, seemingly lost in thought. At one point I nearly got up and sat with
her, but stopped myself. No. I’d stay where I was, in this life that I
had built for myself, and felt comfortable in.
Eventually she drifted off to sleep.
Finally after
hours of talking and laughing, the girls decided that they wanted to do their
own thing, which usually meant sleeping or reading. I was grateful. It gets
old sometimes being expected to be the entertainment. I loved to tell stories, but there were times when I just wanted
to be alone, not entertain the masses.
And today was one of those times.
@@@@@
The jostling of
the bus as it pulled into the parking lot of the hotel woke me from a peaceful
sleep. I looked around disoriented, not
realizing that I had even drifted off.
Most of the girls around me were still asleep, including Steph who sat
next to me, as usual, her head resting on my shoulder.
“Wake up,
Steph. We’re here.” I said as I raised
my arms over my head, and stretched.
She mumbled, and rubbed her eyes like a child.
It was close to
eight when we finally all got off the bus, and our stuff together. I noticed Jenny headed for our room after
she was given the key, and I followed.
“God, you’re so
lucky.” Melissa whispered in my ear as she headed off toward her room. I glared at her, and continued on. I drew my brow as Jenny opened the door to
the room, then stopped dead in her tracks.
What, did we have a dead man lying on one of the beds, or what?
“Are you going
in?” I grinned, standing just behind her.
She glanced at me over her shoulder, then walked into the room, setting
her bag on the table in front of the large picture window. When I entered the room, I saw what had
captured her interest. One bed. Shit!
Yeah, this trip would definitely be interesting. Jenny headed off into the bathroom, and I
plopped down on the bouncy mattress, and reached for the phone. I was hungry!
“Yeah?” Steph
said into the phone. I could hear her
portable radio blaring in the background.
“Hey, you guys
ready? Wanna do Denny’s?”
“Yeah. Kim is in the bathroom. As soon as she gets out-“
“Wait a sec.” I
covered the phone when I heard Jenny open the bathroom door, and head toward
the door. “Hey, Carlson, some of us are heading over to Denny’s. Wanna come?”
She stared at me
for a moment, as if not sure what to do, then she seemed to come to a decision.
“Well, actually
I was just heading over there myself.
But I was going to study. you
know, with the transfer and all, I’m kind of behind.”
For some strange
reason I felt the hand of disappointment grip me, but I managed to keep my face
in its usual expressionless state when around her.
“Yeah, I
understand. Okay. I guess we’ll see you there, then.” I watched
as she grabbed her backpack, and slung it over her shoulder, almost as an
afterthought, I found myself saying, “Hey, Carlson?” Jenny glanced at me, her
hand on the knob. “I’m sorry.” I said quietly.
It was the best I could do right now.
Understanding washed through those magnificent eyes, and she smiled, and
left the room. I stared after her for a
moment, wishing that she’d come back.
“Yeah. I’m here.” I said into
the phone once I realized that Steph had been calling my name.
It took awhile,
but finally all eight of us met in the hotel parking lot, and headed toward the
restaurant.
We were all
still laughing at Risa’s red face as she had stumbled over one of those cement
things in the parking lot that prevent a car from rolling on into the grass. She had fallen on her face. After making sure she was okay, the laughter
just bubbled up, and had quickly spread out of control until all of us were
red. I think being cooped up in that
bus for so many hours had nearly driven us all crazy.
The place was
pretty busy, and I was grateful that we didn’t have to wait long for a
table. I was still somewhat chuckling
to myself as we were led to our table... right next to Jenny’s. Poor thing.
There was no way she would get any studying done with us so close to
her. I wasn’t sure what I thought about
this, but I did make sure that I went to the chair closest to her booth. That way I could keep the noise closest to
her down to a dull roar.
“Hey, it’s the
bookworm.” I smiled down at her as I plopped down into the chair. She smiled, then turned her full attention
back to the book she had been reading.
I glanced at the title: Modern Chemistry. I grinned, and shook my head as I picked up the menu.
I decided not to
stay too long at Denny’s. I didn’t like
to stay out late the night before the first game. That first game of the season made the first impression of the
team to our opponents, and it was imperative to me that it be a good one.
“Okay,
ladies. I’m going.” I threw some money on the table, and grabbed
my jacket.
“Ah, come on,
woman. Stay just a little longer.”
Steph pleaded.
“Nope. See you in the morning.”
“Yeah, if I had
Jennifer Carlson for a roomy, I’d want to go to bed early, too.” Melissa laughed.
For some reason that really pissed me off. How dare she talk about it that way.
“Watch your
mouth, Missy. It’s not like that.” I
said, my voice low, warning. The smile
slid right off her face.
“Sorry,
Joie. Damn.”
I walked out of
the place, and slowly made my way back to the room, enjoying the brisk night
air on my face. The night sky was
clear, and beautiful. I sighed, my
breath sailing through the darkness on a white cloud of steam.
I emerged
through the small cropping of trees, and saw the parking lot just ahead, the
big blue bus parked off to the side, out of the way. The door to the room was unlocked, which I was glad of. Chances were good that Jenny had already
gone to bed, and I didn’t want to wake her anymore than I already had to, but
to my surprise the bed was still made up, though her books were scattered near
the pillows by the headboard on the side of the bed nearest the door, and I
could hear the shower turn off just as I sat down in the chair next to the
door.
I grabbed a
paperback from my bag on the floor by the table, and opened it, but couldn’t
get into it, so I decided to sit and concentrate, and get into the zone for
tomorrow’s game. It was so important to
me that I did good. My mind flew back
to previous games, mistakes I had made, tricks that I had used, that were
legal, and certain plays that Coach and I had gone over and over. We were up against a tough team tomorrow,
and if we lost right off, it would temper our playing for the rest of the
season. Start out strong, then it gives
you some latitude later on. If you-
I jumped when I
realized that someone had spoken. My
head jerked up to see Jenny sitting on the bed in a pair of comfortable looking
flannel pants, and an old Wild Cats tee.
“The bathroom is
free.” she said, almost in question. I
had to swallow as I realized that I was staring at her chest. She had just gotten out of the shower, her
hair hanging in dark, wet strands around her head, and it was slightly chilly
in the room. Her breasts were outlined
by the thin material of the shirt, her nipples erect, and taunting.
“Oh, okay.” I
managed to say, then jumped up from the chair, and hurried around the bed. God!
What if she had seen you staring!
I hurried into the bathroom.
I closed my eyes
as the hot water of the shower ran down my body, like tiny little fingers
touching my skin that was already on fire.
I couldn’t get the sight of her out of my head. I felt like a school girl who had never been
touched, nor touched before. I really
needed to get a grip. The last thing
Jenny needed was my lust.
As I got myself
under control, and began to wash my hair, I thought of the look on Jenny’s
face. If I didn’t know better, it
looked to me like something was wrong.
She looked so sad, her eyes were so expressive at times. Sometimes I felt as if I could read her like
any book. Tonight she was having a hard
time, her emotions were resting on the surface. I had always been so good at reading other people; they could
just never read me.
I opened the
bathroom door, clad in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Jenny was in bed, her back to me. I reached down to pull the covers back, but
movement caught my eye. I stopped for
just a moment, still bent slightly, my fingers curled in the material of the
soft blanket. There it was again. Jenny’s shoulders seemed to be shaking a
bit, as if she was trying to hold in a breath.
I raised a brow, and got into the cool sheets.
I laid on my
back, staring up at the ceiling and the strange orange hue that covered it from
the sign outside our window. There it
was again. I looked at her, her dark
hair splayed out behind her, brushed behind an ear. Now her whole body was shaking, and I could have sworn I heard
something, like a muted sob. Realizing
that she was crying, all of my previous thoughts of Jenny’s body were gone; now
all I could think of was comforting her, holding her, letting her know that
someone was there, and cared. As if my
brain no longer controlled me, my body and emotion took over. I rolled over, and scooted my body over
until I was directly behind her, my chest pressed to her back. I slid my arm over her hip, and rested my
hand against her stomach, needing to feel her close, sensing that she needed to
feel it, too. The body heat that seeped
through the shirt on Jenny’s back, and met my body was immense. I felt her body stiffen at the contact, so I
moved my hand back and ran it along her forearm that laid against her body. She relaxed, and then the final walls that
held her emotion in check disappeared, and she really began to cry. I wondered if she had been holding all this
in for awhile.
I closed my eyes
and held her tighter as her body wracked against mine with the release. I wanted to turn her around, and hold her to
me, her face buried in my neck, but I didn’t dare. Finally, some minutes later, she began to calm, and then with a
deep sigh she fell asleep. I laid awake
for a short time, my fingers continuing to run along the soft skin of her
arm. My mind was clear of thought, now
only feeling existed.
@@@@@
I awoke to the
feeling of warmth surrounding me. A
smile of contentment crossed my lips as I snuggled the body that lay in my arms
even closer to me, feeling an arm resting over my mid-section, a leg over one
of mine, and the softness of a cheek against my neck, soft, warm breath against
my skin. I began to tumble back into
sleep when suddenly my eyes flew open.
I glanced down and saw the top of a dark head. Uh, oh. I began to try
and move myself out of Jenny’s nocturnal embrace, but immediately her embrace
around me tightened.
I closed my eyes
as I felt my body beginning to react to the contact. I could feel the heat between my legs turning into wetness. I looked down at Jenny again, and she sighed
as she readjusted the position of her head on my shoulder, her face tilting up
just slightly. I studied that sleeping
face, now so relaxed, peaceful.
Beautiful. I couldn’t help it; I
leaned down just slightly and placed the lightest of kisses on those full lips
that were parted a bit. Relieved when
she didn’t wake, but knowing that I had to disentangle myself from her all the
same, I gently removed Jenny’s arm from my waist, and scooted out from under
her. She grasped the pillow I had been
laying on, and sighed again, still deeply asleep. I sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, waiting to see if she
would stir before I stood. Nope. Good to go.
I stood, and stretched my arms above my head. I glanced out the window, still dark. It must be pretty early
still, and glancing at the alarm clock on the night stand told me that it was
only five-thirty in the morning. Hell,
yeah that’s early. Well, I could always
sleep on the bus.
I went into the
bathroom and did my morning thing, then went back out into the main sleeping
room, stood by the bed, and watched the sleeping form. She was stone still, and looked very
peaceful. I moved around and sat in the
chair by the door, curling my legs up under me. I rested my elbow on a raised knee, and my chin in my palm, and
sighed.
I aimed my
thoughts toward the game we’d play today, but Jenny kept appearing before me,
throwing my concentration. Finally I
gave it up, and gave in, watched her.
Who are you, Jenny? Why have you
come into my life now? I don’t have a
place for you, yet I can’t seem to keep myself away from you.
My thoughts went
on, words rambling around in my brain until finally the sun began to rise, its
rays shining through the window. I
decided I wanted to write, so I dug through my bag until I found my journal. I uncapped my pen, and balanced the book on
my knee.
I’m sitting here in this hotel room in
the middle of frigging nowhere, our first game of the seasons is to be played
tonight. I can’t seem to get into the
right mode, the right frame of mind to play.
Hmm. How strange. I don’t like this, because it makes me
nervous, not knowing how I’ll play tonight.
Usually I have a game plan totally played out, and I follow it to the
margin. sigh
I’m
watching Jenny as she sleeps. I wonder
how she would react to the news that she slept in my arms all night? Hell, I’m not real sure how I’m handling the
news! I don’t like things to have a
control over me like this. Erika says
I’m full of shit, and that I just hold people off to compensate for the lack of
love and trust that I get from my parents.
Is she right? Hell, I don’t
know. Seems I don’t know much of anything
these days. And it is way too early to
try and analyze myself.
Joie
I laid my pen
down, and gazed over at Jenny again, when someone knocked on the door, scaring
the shit out of me. I tossed my journal
onto the table next to the chair, then walked around to the door to see Coach
standing there. He grinned.
“Love the hair,
Joie.”
“Yeah,
yeah. What do you want?” I grumbled.
“We’re out of
here in just over half an hour.”
“Okay.” I softly
closed the door as Coach walked away, headed to the next room. I went to the bathroom and combed my hair,
having to spray some of the more wild strands with water, and brushed my
teeth. As I pulled on my jeans I
watched Jenny sleep. She rolled over
onto her other side, her back to me, but I saw her flinch as the bright rays of
potent, early morning sun reached her closed lids. I turned my back to her, feeling suddenly, and unusually shy as I
stood by the bed with only a pair of jeans, and a sports bra on. I held my red t-shirt in my hand, and raised
my arms to pull it over my head. I
turned as I lowered the shirt over my mid-section, and noticed Jenny laying on
her back, her eyes open.
“Hey. Coach came by a little while ago. We’re out of here in a half an hour.” Jenny
gazed into my eyes for a moment, then began to sit up.
“Oh.” she said
as she rubbed her eyes. She looked so
tired, so wiped out. I had no doubt
that her eyes burned like crazy from all that crying.
“I didn’t wake
you because you looked like you were pretty peaceful.” I suddenly felt the need
to explain. “I know sleep is hard to get on these road trips.” I gave her a
look that told her I understood, but could not hold the gaze. So instead I sat on the edge of the bad, my
back to her as I loaded my overnight bag with all my clothes from yesterday.
“Yeah.” I heard
her finally say, her voice was soft, almost weak. She sat there for a moment, then got up and headed for the
bathroom. I sat there, my hands
dangling between my legs as I stared at my bag, my eyes unseeing. I wondered what she thought of my comfort
tactics now in the light of day.
@@@@@
I spent the
remainder of the bus trip concentrating on the upcoming game, or at least
trying to. The girls knew better than
to bug me during this time. More than
one of them had had their head bitten off for intruding.
We reached the
school in just enough to time to get changed, and for Coach to give us what he
calls a pep talk, but in actuality is him threatening us with our lives if we
lose. I knew his tricks well.
We were kicking
ass, though it was a hard battle to fight, and we were tied when I happened to
glance back and saw Jenny looking off into the stands while the best of the
Wild Cats was headed right for her.
What the hell was she doing?
Shit! She’s letting her get
through the line.
“Score! That brings our Wild Cats up one on the
Panthers!” the crowd was on its feet, and the buzzer sounded. Saved by the bell, Carlson, I thought
ruefully. I could tell she knew she had
screwed up as she hauled tail off the ice.
I was the last
into the locker room, but even as I rounded the hall to walk through the door,
I could hear a barrage of voices that I knew were aimed at Jenny. The last comment pissed me off.
“Minnesota Wall
my ass!”
“Enough!” I
shouted, and immediately every eye was on me, the locker room suddenly stone
still. Jenny looked at me; she looked
so miserable, like she wanted to find a hole in the floor, and climb in. I grinned at her, that smile that she seemed
to get a lot lately. I nodded to her,
almost inperceptively, wanting her to know that I still stood behind her, I
understood, and it was okay. Nothing
broke can’t be fixed.
I sat on a near
by bench and waited for Coach. Within
seconds he was pouncing.
“What the hell!”
The second half
of the game went off with an explosion, we were back, and we were kicking ass.
@@@@@
I was glad the
game was over. I was tired from waking
up so early, and we had had to fight hard to regain our lead, and ultimately
win. I was beyond pleased.
Some of the
girls had managed to talk me into abandoning my usual back of the bus seat so I
could sit with them. Sometimes I felt
like I was surrounded by a bunch of teenagers, all fighting for attention, and
place on the team. I felt all this had
to be earned, but hey, what did I know, right?
I grinned to myself at my thoughts.
I turned to my
seatmates, and we all began to recount the game. I could see Jenny out of the corner of my eye. She was across the aisle, and a few seats
back, her headphones securely in place.
I wondered what she was listening to.
I glanced out
the window for a moment, the dark night passing us by, the lights from the bus
the only light to slice through the inky night. This was going to be a
really long ride home. Sometimes this
was my favorite part of the trip, but not this time. I felt I had no patience for it, like I felt a need to escape this
close confinement. My feet felt the
urge to run, to lose some of the restless energy that was built up in my body
since this morning when I had woken up with Jenny. Maybe I would get lucky and Erika would be in town; she often was
this time of year.
I glanced in
Jenny’s direction again with a side glance, and noticed that she seemed to be
flushed, slightly readjusting herself in the seat. A small grin quirked my lips.
My overheated brain conjured up all sorts of reasons why she could be
blushing. Then suddenly her eyes
raised, and found mine. I quickly lost
the smile, just staring back. I saw her
slightly draw her brows in confusion. I
knew she couldn’t read me, and I liked it that way. I looked away, back out into the night.
@@@@@
Life marched on
after that first game, and life was busy; filled with school, parties,
practice, games, more parties, and an occasionally missed class or two. One day I got home from school to find my
machine blinking.
“Hello,
Joie. I’m sorry to call you at home, I
know you’re a very busy young woman, but this is Ricky Hendricks’ father. Um, Ricky’s mother has had a set back, and
was put into the hospital yesterday. My
boy is having a hard time, and um, well, I thought that maybe you could talk to
him. I can’t seem to get through to
him. Um, thank you, Joie.”
I stood there,
my hands on my hips as I stared out the back sliding glass door. Why was he calling me? What could I possibly do to help the little
guy? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to,
or that I didn’t care, but I have a hard enough time on my own dealing with
loss, let alone give some impressionable kid advice.
I ran my hands
through my hair as I headed into the kitchen for a Gatorade, and thought of
what to do. I could hear the hope in
Ricky’s father’s voice. I did think
that deep down I could get Ricky to listen to me. Just what would I say?
I had called Mr.
Hendricks back, and we had decided that I would show up at the hospital in an
hour, surprise Ricky, and take him to dinner.
This whole thing made me nervous; I didn’t want to let the kid down...
I hated
hospitals with a passion. The only
times I had even been in them were when I would get hurt playing hockey, or
during the time I had sat here with Tommy for three days until he had
died. A shiver passed through me as I
walked down the hall on my way to Martha Hendricks’ room. I had stopped in the gift shop on the way up
and had bought a plant for her, and a teddy bear for Ricky. He might be a little old for that kind of
thing, but I didn’t care. Give him
something to hold onto when he couldn’t hold onto his faith.
The door to the
single room was open, and I quietly stood just outside, and glanced in. Jonathon Hendricks sat by the side of the
bed, holding his wife’s pale hand.
Ricky sat in a chair against the wall across from the bed, his little
feel not quite able to touch the ground.
He had his small hands resting on the scarred arm of the chair, his chin
rested on his chest. I could tell he
was awake.
“Ding,
ding! The doctor is in.” I said
quietly, a huge smile plastered to my face.
Jonathon glanced over his shoulder, his sad eyes smiling. Ricky glanced up, his eyes wide in
surprise. I could tell that he was happy
to see me, and wanted to jump into my arms, but that stubborn part of him
wouldn’t allow him to move. I walked
into the room, handing the plant to Mr. Hendricks.
“Thank you,
Joie.” he said, not meaning the plant.
I smiled.
“How is she?”
“We don’t know
yet. She’s resting now.” he both looked
at his wife who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Jonathon noticed a bit of saliva that had began to seep from the
corner of her mouth. He quickly moved
to the bed, and wiped it away with a Kleenex.
I turned my attention to the little guy.
“Hey, you.” I
said, kneeling down in front of his chair.
Ricky refused to look at me. “Look what I brought for you.” I said
gently, setting the soft, white teddy bear on his lap. Ricky curled his fingers into the fake fur,
and glanced shyly up at me. I smiled.
“Hi.” he
mumbled.
“Well, that’s a
start. But don’t I rate a hug?”
suddenly his little arms opened up, and I raised myself on my knees, pulling
his little body into me. He laid his
head on my shoulder, and I could hear his breathing in my ear. Strong little guy. Just like his daddy, holding all those big emotions in that
little body. I rubbed his back, then
pulled away. “You know what I saw down the street that has your name written
all over it?” he shook his head, dark hair falling into his eyes. I smiled, and gently pushed the strands
back. “A Happy Meal. Want one?” his
eyes brightened, and he nodded with a touch of enthusiasm. “Annnnd,” I crooned,
standing, “I’ll bet they’ll have a Pokemon toy for you.” Ricky stood, and
grinned up at me, and grabbed my hand.
The restaurant
was busy as kids were getting out of school, and people out of work. Ricky and I found a table in the play area,
and sat down to eat our lunch. He
didn’t eat much of his hamburger, plain with only mustard and pickles, and only
shoved his fries around the tray. I
watched him closely as I ate my Big Mac.
“How you doing,
kid?” I asked, chewing on a fry.
“Okay.” he
muttered.
“Do you want to
go play?” I asked, flicking my eyes at the rowdy kids that were crawling all
over the play area with loud screams and giggles following in their wake. He shook his head. “You sure?” he nodded,
keeping his eyes on his little Pokemon toy on the table. I took a deep breath, not quite sure what to
say next. My heart was breaking for the
little guy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
I stared at him
for a moment, then an idea struck me.
“Tell you
what. Let’s play a game, okay?” he
glanced up at me with quizzical brown eyes. “You can ask me a question, any
question, and I have to answer honestly.
Then I get to ask you any question, and you have to answer honestly.
Okay?” a small smile spread across his small, pouty lips.
“Okay.” I smiled
at him. “I get to start?” he asked.
“Yup. Sure do.”
“Why aren’t you
married?”
I nearly choked
on my Coke. I swallowed, and set the
cup aside.
“Well, I guess I
just haven’t found anyone I want to marry.” I said honestly. He nodded, seeming to be satisfied.
“My turn.” I
leaned back in my chair and looked at him through half-hooded eyes. “Why do
your bangs always fall into your eyes?” Ricky giggled, his new front teeth in
partial view as they had begun to descend from his gums.
“I dunno.”
I smiled. “Your
turn.”
Suddenly Ricky’s
smile fell, and his little shoulders slumped.
“Why does God
make people die?” Here we go. I took a
deep breath, and leaned forward in my chair.
That didn’t take as long as I had thought it would.
“Well, that’s a
good question, Ricky. God doesn’t make
people die, sweetie. He, well,” Ah, the
god conversation. I wasn’t sure what
the Hendricks family beliefs were, so I knew I had to be careful on this one.
“You see, everyone has a time to be born, and they have a time when they’re
supposed to die.” I glanced at him to see if he was understanding what I was
telling him. I had his rapt attention.
“You know how you have your little brother, Mikey?” he nodded. “Well, once I
had a brother, too. But he was an older
brother, like you are to Mikey. Tommy
and I were really close, always. One
day something terrible happened, and he got hurt really bad while playing
hockey. He was in a lot of pain,
Ricky. I didn’t want him to have to
live in all that pain. Do you want to
see your mom in pain?” he shook his head, once again, his dark bangs falling
into his eyes. I smiled, and swept the
hair back. “God won’t let her live in a lot of pain. And, she may not even die.” I smiled.
“But my daddy
said that she might. The doctor said
so, too.” I could see his big, worried eyes begin to well up.
“Oh, sweetie,
come here.”
“No.” he angrily
swiped at his eyes. He held his breath,
trying to get the tears to stop pushing at his eyes. I leaned in, lowering my voice so just he could hear it.
“You know,
Ricky, it’s okay to cry.” he looked up at me with pained eyes, his lower lip
sticking out and quivering. I just
tried to give him the most reassuring smile I could, and that’s all it took. He jumped up from his chair, and ran to me,
throwing his small body into my arms. I
held him as he cried, whispering soothing words to him.
A short time
later I dropped Ricky back off at the hospital. I hope that he felt better after our lunch, but I didn’t
know. I felt so sorry for the little
guy. Martha had woken up, and as Ricky
talked to his mother, his father took me out into the hall.
“Well, the
doctor said that the medicine is kicking in, and she’s doing better. Hopefully she’ll be able to go home. Thank you Joie.” he took my hand and patted
it with his own. “Ricky just thinks the world of you.”
“Well, the
feelings mutual.” I grinned. I left the
hospital, and as I walked out into the early evening air, I took a deep breath,
filling my lungs. I felt happy for some
reason. Like I had accomplished something,
had made a difference. Who knows, maybe
I had.
@@@@@
Thanksgiving
break was upon us, and I was glad for the reprieve from school. I felt the need for some alone time with
just me and my writing. A break from
school, and even practice. Jenny and I
had not really spoken much since that road game, but I had noticed that once we
got back to Seattle, and back in the routine of things, she had seemed to
change almost over night. She now
walked with a certain confidence that I’m not real sure even she realized she
possessed. But I noticed, and I found
it irresistible.
I wondered what
Jenny was going to do for the holidays, where she would go. I didn’t know if she had any other
family. The obituary for her mother had
stated that her father was long dead. I
worried about her.
I decided that
just incase she was leaving for the holidays, maybe going back to Minnesota or
something, I’d stop by Rupert’s and wish her a good time. I had been told by a reliable source that
she was the assistant manager there, and that same reliable source, nameingly
their chief pizza maker, that she was working this afternoon.
I pulled up in
front of the pizza place, and sat in my truck for a moment, my heart beating
erratically in my chest. I took a deep
breath, and felt my confidence build anew with each breath I took. Finally opening the door, I hopped down to
the pavement, and made my way inside.
Rupert’s was a
largish place with colors done in reds and blacks. Tables were scattered throughout with hundreds of video game
machines lining the outside walls on three sides. I glanced around, and didn’t see Jenny anywhere, but did see the
Mortal Kombat machine pulled out near the corner. Might be a good place to start.
As I neared the
machine I could see a pair of long legs sticking out the side, ending in white
Nikes. I grinned to myself. Bingo.
Though I have to admit I was surprised to find her on the floor behind a
video game. I stood there with my
thumbs in my belt loops, waiting patiently for her to notice me. I’m not sure why. Usually I would more than make my presence known. Maybe I just liked to watch her work. Suddenly I saw a dark head peek around the
corner of the machine, and blue eyes scanned up my body from my boots to my
eyes. I shoved a shiver down, and
raised a brow in amused question instead.
A quick, nervous smile crossed her lips.
“Might I ask
what the hell you’re doing?” I asked.
“Uh,” she pulled
her arm out from behind the machine, and it was covered with grease from her
fingertips to her elbow. I chuckled
softly. She stood, bringing a towel
with her. “We’d have a major crisis on our hands if these machines don’t work.”
she grinned. God, she looked so
cute!
“Well, I’d say
you’ve got something on your hands.” I nearly purred. She stared at me for a moment, then stared down at the gooey
mess.
“Yeah.” she met
my gaze again, hers unwavering. I had
to glance away. I felt like an
idiot. I wanted to ask her if she would
like to get some coffee some time, or what she was going to do for the
holidays, but every thought I had in my head flew out my ear, and I was struck
dumb.
“Well, I just
wanted to tell you that you really kicked some serious ass these last couple of
games. We couldn’t have won without
you.” I found myself saying, mentally slapping myself. God, how lame.
“Thanks.” she
said quietly. I could see the surprise
of my comment in her eyes, as if that’s not what she expected to hear,
either. But she looked genuinely
pleased.
“And, I wanted
to tell you that I hope you have a really good Thanksgiving.” I said, trying to
stall the inevitable time when I’d have to leave. Gee, Joie. Some writer
you are. Can’t think of a damn thing to
say! I watched as she wiped her arm and
hand with the towel she’d been holding, turning the sucker black. I grinned. “Well, I guess you must be as
good with your hands as you are with your feet.”
“Yeah. They seem to think so here anyway.” she
indicated the restaurant with a jerk of her head. “And, thanks, Joie. You have a great holiday, too. You’ve probably got some big thing to go to,
huh?” she asked, her eyes curious. I
didn’t feel like going into my plans, or my situation, so I just said,
“Just the norm.”
I felt like there was just nothing more to be said plus the more time I spent
near her, the more like a child I felt, so I turned and walked away.
I left the
place, and sat in my truck again, glancing back into the place through one of
the numerous, large windows. Jenny was
looking back at me. I broke the
contact, and drove away.
As I drove home
I thought about this. The strange thing
was that I now realized that Jenny held a calming influence over me, whenever I
was near her, I felt at ease, at peace with myself. Now if I could only feel at ease with her. How can someone
possibly instill calm, and yet such severe agitation in the same breath? I didn’t understand it.
@@@@@
Monday, November 21
I officially started my Thanksgiving
break today. Yeehaw! I need this break. I talked to the girls yesterday, and told them that I really had
no intention of partying this week. I
wanted a nice, quiet, and low key Thanksgiving. I plan to do my normal on Thursday. Never deviate from that.
I
went to see Jenny at Rupert’s today.
She looked so beautiful with her arm covered with grease, looking like a
child with it’s hand caught in the cookie jar.
I think the thing that makes me so nervous when I’m around her is the
fact that even though we may not say a word, she makes me question myself, look
deeper into who I am, am I worthy? I’m
afraid I may not like what I’d see.
Joie
The next three
days passed quickly, until finally it was Thursday, Thanksgiving. I had a love/hate relationship with this
day. Part of me felt I really had
nothing to be thankful for, yet a different part of me. the part of me that I
didn’t allow others to see, knew that I was alive, had my passions of writing
and hockey to keep me, and I should be grateful everyday that I walked this
earth.
I stopped on my
way at Subway, and got my usual: a foot long on harvest wheat with turkey
breast, ham, cheese, and all the veggies she could pile on there, and
Mayo. A 36oz Gatorade, and I was on my
way.
The grounds
looked good, like they’d been kept up nicely since I’d been here last, a few
months ago. I just got too busy
sometimes. I saw a few people walking
around, some carrying flowers, others just looking, or staring at all the what
ifs, and where would you bes. I glanced
at all the neighboring plots as I made my way like a frequent sleep
walker. My smile was bitter/sweet as I
read allowed.
“Here lies
Thomas J. Peterson- Beloved son and brother.” I shook my head sadly. “Beloved,
my ass. When was the last time mom or
dad was here, Tommy?” I asked quietly.
I sat just off to the side of the grave, and spread out the small
blanket that I had brought. There were
just too many bugs here last year without the blanket. I took a long drink of my fruit punch
Gatorade, then started on half of the sandwich. “Happy Thanksgiving, bro.” I said as I swallowed the large bite,
and took another. I stared off into the
numerous trees as I ate, the few birds that remained in late November
chattering amongst themselves. I
smiled. It was so peaceful here. There was a time when I would come here to
do my homework, or to read, or write.
Or just to do be. I finished the
half of the sandwich, and glanced down at the other half, still wrapped. Usually I could finish one of these babies
off in mere minutes, then down a bag of chips.
But today I just wasn’t in the mood to eat, my stomach tight.
I stretched my
arms out behind me, leaning on my hands and raised my face to the clear, blue
sky, my eyes closed as the sun shone down on me. I reached up and took my Oakley’s off, tossing them on the
blanket next to me. I took a deep breath,
suddenly to my immense surprise, I felt like crying. I sat up, raised my knees to my chest, crossed my ankles, and hugged my thighs. Almost as if I thought I could protect
myself from the world with just my body.
I rested my chin where my knees met, and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, damnit. But I feared it just might be inevitable
today. My throat tightened, and I felt
a single tear run lazily down my cheek, spreading, then soaking into the
material of my jeans.
I thought back
over the years. I had been fifteen when
Tommy had been killed. Though I had
still been living with my parents then, I had felt like I would die right along
with him. He had been my hero, and I
did everything I could to emulate him.
He had been eight years older than me.
So now as I sit here, missing him, and only a year younger than he had
been when he died, I still feel the loss; still almost palpable after seven
years. Tommy had made me feel so safe,
and so much better about myself. He had
been one of the only ones to make me lower the walls that I had so successfully
built over the years because he had believed in me, accepted me for everything
that I was. I didn’t need to crave his
attention, because he gave it freely.
He-
My brow knit as
I felt someone behind me, a presence watching me. Suddenly I knew it was Jenny.
Don’t ask me how, I just knew.
Then I realized that that was what drew me to her so much. She had the same energy, yet peace that my
brother had. I’ve felt drawn to her
like any moth to a beautiful flame.
It’s just that this moth was terrified of getting scorched.
I brought up a
hand, and wiped that single tear away, then stood. I glanced down at the monument that was my brother, kissed two of
my fingers, and gently placed them on top of the stone.
“Until next
time, Tommy.” I whispered. I took a
deep breath as I stared off into the trees again, the late afternoon sun
beginning to descend, it’s dying light shining into my eyes. Isn’t it ironic that the dying rays of the
sun seem to be brighter than that of the sun at mid-day? I gathered my blanket, and my Oakley’s and
did not even glance back to see where Jenny was, and headed out of the
cemetery.
I think I figured it out. Why she scares me so much; she makes me want
to feel again. Dare I?
Joie
@@@@@
School was back
in session, and Christmas was swiftly coming.
I was not particularly looking forward to the holiday, but again, the
break would be nice. The hockey season
would be over in about a month and a half, and we only had five games left to
play.
Since
Thanksgiving, I had pretty much been keeping to myself. I felt like a bear, going into hibernation
for the winter.
I sat on my
couch trying to get into the movie, Braveheart, I mean, who can resist Sophie
Marceou? No one with the slightest bit
of human blood in them, anyway. But I
just could not lose myself in the incredible story like I usually could. I think I watched that movie about once a
month or so. For some god awful reason
my mother was on my mind. I wanted to
talk to her, hear her voice. I have not
had the inclination to jump off this bridge in a couple of years.
I glanced over
at the cordless that rested on the arm of the couch. Finally with a sigh I paused the movie, and grabbed the
phone. I took another sigh as I slowly
dialed my parent’s Florida number. I
wondered if they’d be home, or if they would have gone somewhere for the
holidays? Perhaps to their cabin in Colorado? The line began to ring, my heart increasing
tenfold with each shrill ring. Finally
on the fourth ring, someone picked up.
My mother.
“Peterson.” she
said, her voice held its usual rigid timbre.
“Hello, mom.” I
said quietly, grabbing my pen from the end table, and running my thumb along
the cap. She was silent, I could hear
the surprise breath she took.
“Josephine.” she
said, her voice expressionless.
“Mom, you know
how much I hate being called that.” I said, beginning to rub my temples as a
headache started behind my eyes. Maybe
this had been a mistake.
“Well, I
certainly hope you don’t expect me to call you Joie.”
“Whatever. I didn’t call to fight with you.” I said,
trying with every fiber in me to keep my voice calm.
“Did you not
receive your allowance this month?” she asked.
I could almost picture her, blond hair, so much like my own, piled into
a tight bun, the ever present crease between her eyes from years of worrying
about other’s business, her hands playing with some stack of papers on my
father’s desk, straightening, cleaning.
I was stung by her question.
“So you think I
called for your money.” this more a statement than a question.
“Well, I just
thought-“
“Have a happy
holiday, mother.” I said, and carefully hung up the phone. I walked to the back sliding glass door, and
stared out, my arms crossed over my chest, the material of my flannel soft
against my skin. I closed my mind off,
my thoughts would only be bitter ones, anyway.
@@@@@
“Come on,
Knutsen! If you’re going to be a
fucking center, then play like you are!” I raged, smacking my stick on the ice
for emphasis. Marla Knustsen just
stared at me, not quiet sure what to say. “Let’s play.” I bent down to position
again, eyeing her caustically.
“Jesus,
Joie. Calm down.” she whispered over
the puck. I just glared at her, and at
the whistle pushed past her across the ice, around Reva Martinez, faking Lily
Romani on the right wing, then slamming that bitch into the net with a force
that entangled the puck into the netting of the goal. A hush swept over the rink, every player’s eyes fixed on me. I lowered my eyes, and skated off the ice.
“I’ll be right
back.” I muttered to a stunned Coach Maron who only nodded. I walked into the bathroom, and tore my helmet
off, tossing it into the sink, and stared into the mirror. My green eyes were dark with fury
unchecked. I knew that had been a
mistake to call my mother yesterday.
Why do I put myself through this shit!
Too many fucking years of anger!
I turned on the
cold water, and splashed my face, rubbing my hands over my eyes, then grabbing
my helmet and heading back onto the ice.
“Let’s start
again.” I said quietly, not meeting Marla’s eyes.
Everyone filed
into the locker room murmuring quietly.
I knew that everyone was wondering what demon had possessed me, but I
was not in the mood to explain or apologize.
I quickly dressed, not even worrying about a shower. I just wanted the hell out of there. I turned from my locker to see Jenny
buttoning her shirt. She looked up, and
for just a moment our eyes met. I saw
sympathy pass through those incredible blue eyes, and compassion, and
understanding. I could only stare. Though it was just for a moment, it felt
like an eternity. God, I would have
done anything just for her to be close to me right then. She wouldn’t of had to say a word. Thunk.
I felt a piece of the wall that surrounded me so tightly fall away in
that moment. Then I quickly picked it back up, and put it back into place, my
stubbornness the mortar. I walked away.
@@@@@
Christmas break
came, and then Christmas came, and then it went. I was glad. I really
wasn’t much a fan of the holidays.
Carla insisted on putting lights on the outside of the house, so I let
her. I have to admit, coming home at
night I couldn’t help but grin at the bright lights that twinkled on and
off. It was charming.
Coach was having
his usual New Year’s party, and I was actually looking forward to it. I hadn’t partied in awhile, and I adored
Coach’s wife, Sally. She was just too
much fun.
I dressed
carefully in tight black pants that I knew showed off the shape of my thighs
and butt. Lingering in my closet for
awhile, trying to decide on a shirt.
Finally I came up with a sleeveless, silk number that was an intense
green color, and set off my eyes. I ran
my hands through my hair once, and out the door I went.
True to form, I
showed up at Coaches four bedroom rancher late. The driveway was loaded with cars, and I noticed Jenny’s Outback.
I smiled, and went in. I could hear
U2’s Angel of Harlem blaring through the speakers as I walked into the
house. I looked around trying to see
who all was here, and then I spotted Jenny.
I was taken slightly aback when I saw some guy standing with her. It looked like they had just gotten there,
too. Jenny was looking around, and when
she saw me, her eyes stopped. I walked
toward her, and that idiot next to her placed his hand on her lower back.
“Hey, Carlson.”
I said, my voice low, only wanting her to hear. “You look beautiful.” I was
nearly breathless as I took in the tight fitting sleeveless dress that matched
her eyes perfectly. Her dark hair and
bright eyes were set off by subtle lip stick in a shade of drop dead gorgeous
red. Wow.
“Thank you,
Joie. So do you.” he words brought me
from my reverie, and once again I noticed the guy standing with her, looking me
up and down. Yeah, dream on.
“Who’s this?” I
had to really fight to keep the bite from my voice.
“Hi. I’m Jenny’s boyfriend, Ron.” I almost
snickered when I saw Jenny close her eyes, and I could have sworn I heard a
groan somewhere. Perhaps she found this
parasite as annoying as I? But, still. I was surprised, and I didn’t like to be
surprised.
“Oh,” I said,
looking at Jenny, as usual, my face expressionless. “I’m Joie. Jenny and I play together.” I quickly
glanced at Jenny, the tiniest of smiles quirking the corner of my mouth at her
expression, and walked away.
“Strange chick.”
I heard Ron say.
“You have no
idea.” I mumbled as I joined the party.
Coach cranked up
the volume on the music, and people started to dance.
“Come here,
Joie. Dance with my.” Coach said,
grabbing my arm, pulling me away from the group of girls I was talking to.
“You got it.” I
smiled as I allowed him to lead me to the center of the large game room where
furniture had been moved to the sides, the pool table still down at the far
end.
“So how do you
like the party so far?” he asked, as we tried to keep up with Savage Garden’s
“Affirmation”. “I thought you were
going to bring a date?” he asked, his brows raised in question. I patted his arm lightly.
“Now, Coach, if
I brought a date who would dance with you?
‘Cause I know your wife sure isn’t going to.” I said loud enough for
Sally to hear me, and winked at her grin.
“Yeah,
yeah. Whatever. Jenny sure looks beautiful tonight, doesn’t
she?” we both glanced over to see her dancing with that guy, what’s his face.
“Yeah. She sure does.”
I spent most of
the party ignoring Jenny, trying to convince myself that she wasn’t even
there. I knew I was being childish, but
I couldn’t stand that sight of her standing there talking to that guy, or watch
him lay his hands on her, rub her back, pat her thigh, or make her smile. I could almost see my journal entry for the
night in my mind now,
I acted like a child because I was
jealous. So sue me...
I danced with
some of the other girls on my team, and actually did have a great time, downing
one beer after another, and then finally one glass of champagne after
another.
Out of the
corner of my eye I spotted Ron and Jenny talking, and she was obviously trying
to convince him of something, if his drawn brows were any indication. I looked away, glad to see that he didn’t
look like a very happy camper. Then
when I looked back again, my eyes bulged.
He was leaning over, and kissed her on the mouth. She pulled away from him with a hand on his
chest, and for a moment I was really tempted to rush over there and tell the
asshole to back off. She looked over,
our eyes met for just a second, then my hurt got the best of me, and I looked
away. Hurt? Did I just say hurt? Hot
damn. Suddenly I realized that I was
hurt; hurt that Jenny had come with someone else. How crazy is that?
I turned my back
completely on them, and gave my attention to the girls, mostly Adrienne Wilks,
a cute assed wing that was new on the team this year, and had made it more than
a little obvious all season that she was interested. She was just a couple inches taller than I with long, medium
brown hair, and steel blue eyes. Why
not have a little fun?
I was suddenly
being slammed against my truck, a hot mouth on my neck, and finally on my
lips. I squeezed the tight butt that
was beneath my hands, not entirely sure who’s it was. Didn’t matter, not in this severely drunken state.
“God, I’ve
wanted you all season, Joie.” was breathed in my ear, before my lobe was
immersed with wet heat. I closed my
eyes, and pressed my breast into the palm that was fondling me. “Come on, baby. Come back to my dorm.” my legs were parted
with a knee, and a thigh was pressed to me; I groaned at the contact. “Come
on.” the whispered voice begged.
Suddenly Jenny’s
face flashed before my eyes, her eyes smiling at me, inviting. I sobered quickly as I realized what was
about to happen In Coach’s driveway.
“No,” I
stammered weakly, trying to pry the mouth from my throat. “No,” I pushed a
little harder. “Stop!” I shoved Adrienne away, feeling guilty, but irritated at
the same time. “We can’t do this here.” I mumbled.
“Like I said,
let’s go back to my dorm.” she took a step closer, but I held my hand out to
stop her.
“No. I’m sorry, Adrienne, but I need to get
home.”
“What the hell?”
she asked, her eyes turning angry.
“I’m sorry.” I
said, my voice gaining a bit more strength as I dug my keys out of my pocket.
“I can’t do this.” she gave me the once over, a rueful smile on her face.
“You know, she
left with him.” she said quietly, then walked away. I watched her leave, my mouth hanging open. What?
I unlocked my truck, and sat there for a moment. God, was I sober enough to drive? I thought of Adrienne’s words as I turned
the ignition. Yes, she had left with
him. I slammed my hand into the wheel,
then drove home.
@@@@@
Well, once I was able to wake up from my
total, and complete alcohol-induced 12 hour sleep, I was able to realize how
bad I felt about Adrienne. I should
never have led her on like that. At
least the season is just about over, so I don’t have to face her much.
I’ve
made a decision; I am going to get Jenny out of my head. I knew better than to get interested in
her. I knew it would be a huge
mistake. Sometimes being right isn’t
cool. This is one time I wish I would
be wrong. But I just don’t think that’s
the case. I should have known Jenny
would show up with someone, I just never honestly thought that it would be a
guy! God, how stupid can I be? I’m a fool.
Joie
@@@@@
The holidays
were now officially over, and we were starting the countdown till the end of
the season. We had played our asses
off, and had done well, but had not made the championships. That was okay. We were sort of a young team this year, so I knew that next year
we would really kick ass; then everyone would know how to play off each other,
and it would be my final year as a Panther, and I intended to go out strong.
I had started to
avoid Jenny altogether, deciding that that was the better way to go. Then no one gets confused. Besides, it’s not like I’d pledged myself to
be her, or anything.
Practice had
ended, and I quickly showered, dressed and was on my way out. Ricky had called, and wanted me to come to
the welcome home party for his mother.
She had been in and out of the hospital, and now looked good to go. So I headed out of the locker room, my bag
slung over my shoulder as usual. To my
surprise I heard Jenny call out to me.
“Joie?” I
ignored her, and tossed my bag into the back of my truck, and unlocked the door
to my truck. “Joie, wait.” she said again.
Please, please just go, Jenny. Please.
I turned to her, my pride rearing it’s ugly head.
“Yeah? Make it quick. I have to be somewhere.” I could see she was trying to hide her
surprise and hurt, and I immediately regretted my words, but I had to stay
strong.
“What’s the
deal?”
“What deal? What, is there a sale somewhere?” Damnit,
Joie! Cut it out. She stared at me, her eyes pleading.
“Why are you
treating me like shit? What did I do?”
You came into my
life, Jenny. That’s all. I couldn’t look her in the eye, so I stared
down at the parking lot instead. How to
answer this? I shoved my hands in the
back pockets of my jeans, then met her gaze again.
“Why don’t you
ask your boyfriend.” I said finally, my voice quiet. I wanted her to hurt as much as I did. I am such an awful person.
I couldn’t stand the look on her face, so I turned, hopped into my
truck, and drove away. I stopped at the
stop light at the corner, rubbed my eyes that were burning, the emotion like
little pins prickling my eyes. Taking a
deep breath, I stepped on the gas.
@@@@@
“So are we still
on for tonight, baby?” Erika purred in my ear.
I grinned. Her voice alone could
turn me on. It would be good to get out
of the house tonight. I needed to go
have some fun, get drunk, get laid. The
hockey season was over now, and I wanted to celebrate.
“You know
it. How long are you in town for?” I
asked, laying on my couch, staring up at the little stars that were just
beginning to glow as the sun fell.
“Only for tonight. I’m going back to my offices in L.A.
tomorrow.”
“Well, are you
sure you want to go out, then? I mean,
if you have to go back so early-“
“No. I’m in the mood to dance. Scones?” she asked.
“Yup. You got it.
Pick you up at your hotel around eight?”
I was feeling
frisky, so I dressed in the tightest jeans that I owned, a black sports bra,
and my sleeveless flannel, left open. I
knocked on the door to Erika’s room, and it was immediately answered. I grinned at her.
“Ready?” I
asked.
“Yeah.” she
hungrily looked me over. “Where’s the rest of your outfit, Joie?” she purred.
“Well, if all
goes well, on my bedroom floor next to yours.” I stepped in, and kissed
lightly, but enough to maker her want more.
“God, you are
bad.” she said, patting my butt. I
grinned again and took in her black, suede pants, and tight tank top. A half dozen bracelets jingled on her
arms. Her long red hair was teased just
slightly, and her pouty lips were red, sexy as hell.
Scones was
already packed, the music pounding through my ears, making my legs itch to
dance. I was here a lot, and always
knew tons of people, and tonight was no different. We were invited to sit at a table with some girls I knew from
UW. Erika was also well known, and we
were having a blast when out of the corner of my eye I noticed Rico walk
in.
“I’ll be right
back!” I yelled over the music. “A friend of mine just came in!” Erika nodded,
and I grabbed my beer and walked in the general direction I had seen him
go. I ended up at a small table near
the dance floor, and nearly choked when I saw Jenny with him.
“You want
anything, sweetie?” Rico asked her, nodding toward the bar. I couldn’t help but step forward.
“Yeah, how about
some rum?” I asked, looking at Jenny.
For some reason Lori’s party came back, and I remembered seeing her
drink that there. I grinned at Jenny’s
shocked expression. To my shock, she
gave me the once over, her eyes becoming very bright, almost electric. I wondered what she was thinking. But she was making me hot thinking it.
“Girlfriend,
damn, if I already didn’t have my heart given away to all those cute boys,
you’d be in my bed!” Rico exclaimed, and pulled me to him in one of his massive
hugs. When he pulled away, a slapped
his arm.
“Hey, Rico,
man. What’s up?” the little shit
proceeded to pat me on the butt.
“You are so
yummy, sweetie. Anyway, oh, not much.”
suddenly it struck me that Rico was alone.
“Where’s Todd?”
I looked around; he wasn’t at the bar like he usually was. I stared into Rico’s dark eyes, and shook my
head. “Not again.”
“I’m afraid
so. He broke my heart.” I burst out laughing.
“Oh, I’m sure he did. Rico, you are
such a slut!”
“Well, I’m a
thirsty slut. You want anything,
sweetie?”
“Nope.” I showed
him my half empty bottle of Corona.
What can I say? I’m a beer girl.
“Okay. Be right back.” he leaned into me. “Behave.”
I chuckled and
turned back to Jenny who had been watching our banter with interest.
“I must say, I’m
a bit surprised t see you here, Carlson.” I grinned.
“Rico thought
it’d easier to pick up guys if he had a lowly woman on his arm.” she said
shyly. I raised a brow, and looked
Jenny over, taking in her comfortable looking jeans, and UW tee, and then her
long, dark hair that was pulled back. I
liked it better down, but this way her graceful neck was exposed. She was beautiful.
“I wouldn’t say
lowly.” I grinned, that little smile that she seemed to like so much, and I
loved to give her. “So,” I said,
feeling extremely cocky. Jenny was in
my element now, “Wanna dance?” she opened her mouth to answer.
“Here we
go. Amaretto Sour for you, three shots
for me.” Rico’s voice cut through the moment.
Damn it, man. He sat down, and
looked from one of us to the other. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked.
“No.” I said,
never leaving Jenny’s gaze. For some
reason tonight she seemed bolder, more confident, and I loved it. “If you
change your mind....” I grinned at Rico, slapped him on the shoulder, and
walked back to my table.
“Everything
okay?” Erika asked as I plopped down into the chair next to her, took a long
drink of my beer.
“Oh, yeah. Let’s dance.” I stood, and pulled her
up. I needed to get rid of some of this
excess energy. I led her to the dance
floor, and pulled her to me as we began to move to the slow, erotic beat of a
salsa.
“What has gotten
into you , Joie?” Erika grinned, running a finger along my jaw. I shrugged, and led us further into the
throng of moving bodies. I laid my head
down on Erika’s shoulder as her hands wondered up under my flannel, her nail
scraping the skin of my back. A shiver
passed through me, and then her hands were on my butt. I was on fire. I raised my head, and to my surprise, was looking right at
Jenny. She was sitting in her chair,
Rico talking to some guy, her legs crossed at the knee, the top leg swinging
slowly, hypnotically back and forth.
Our gazes met, and my body temperature went up at least ten
degrees. So many feelings were flashing
through those baby blues as she watched us dance, Erika’s hands on me. I stared at Jenny, the fire that was
gathering in my body shining through my eyes.
I wondered if she realized that all that fire was for her. I wanted her so bad I could taste it. She watched us almost with voyeuristic
interest. Then she stood, and I felt my
heart plummet. She was leaving. I caught her gaze, and mouthed,
“I want to make
love to you.” her brows drew, and she mouthed back, what. I only grinned. It was better that she didn’t know. Our gazes locked for a painfully short moment, then she turned to
Rico, said something, then was gone.
God! I could scream, I was so turned on. The beer in my system, a warm body against
mine...
“Let’s go.” I
whispered into Erika’s ear. I smiled at
the shiver I felt run through her body....
As soon as my
front door was closed, I slammed Erika against it, and began to attack her
mouth, my hands running over every inch of her body I could reach. She was moaning into my ear, her thumbs
hooked into my back belt loops. I
tugged her tank out from the waistband of her suede pants, and pulled it over
her head, tossing it to the floor.
“Oh, baby.” she
moaned as I attacked her naked breasts, her nipples hard, waiting for my
tongue. While my mouth was busy, I
began to shove her pants down her body until they lay in a black puddle at her
feet. No underwear. That’s my Erika. My hands trailed down her stomach until I reached her patch of
fire red hair between her legs, and felt how wet she was, her excitement oozing
down her thigh. I thrust two fingers in,
quickly setting a fast, intense rhythm.
“Baby, Joie, yes, yes.” she panted, her eyes closed, nails digging into
my shoulder. She was close. I continued to suck and bite her engorged
nipples, as my hand mercilessly pumped in and out of her. Finally with a scream, she came, and I began
to attack again, not ready to relinquish control just yet. “Wait, baby, wait.”
she whispered, gently pushing me away.
I took a step back, my face flushed, eyes wild, chest heaving. “Baby, what has gotten into you?” her blue eyes were concerned. She reached a hand out, and gently pushed my
bangs out of my eyes.
“Nothing is
wrong.” I pushed into her again, but she pushed me away. “What?” I asked, irritated.
“Baby, this
isn’t a race.” I walked away from her, and tore my flannel off, tossing over
the back of the couch. Erika pulled her
pants back up, and walked over to me.
She placed a hand on my shoulder, and I pulled away from her.
“Fuck off. “ I
muttered.
“Joie, what is
it?” I turned my back to her, staring out into the dark night.
“I’m sorry.” I
said finally with a deep sigh, turning to face her. I smiled at the look of concern I saw there. “You don’t deserve
this, Erika. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry I attacked you like that.” I said,
gesturing toward the door, where just minutes before I had ravaged her.
“It’s okay,
baby. I like it wild, but come on, now.
“ she smiled, and I smiled back. “That girl at the club, was that Jenny?”
My eyes opened
wide in surprise.
“How did you-“
“Well, sugar,
she’s all you’ve talked about for months.
I know you well enough to know that you don’t just talk about someone
for the hell of it. For her to stay in
your mind for so long, she must have made one hell of an impression.”
“Yeah, I guess
she did.” I smiled, and plopped down on the couch. She joined me, tugging her shirt back on. “I’m really sorry.” I
said quietly, noticing a small tear in the fabric.
“It’s okay,
sweetie.” she caressed my cheek, then grabbed my hand. “Want to tell me about
it?” she asked, her sweet, southern draw running over me like honey. Before I knew what I was doing, I had
relayed the last eight months events to her.
She listened quietly, nodding, her eyes never leaving mine, her hand
never letting go of mine. When finally
I had finished my story, she brought my hand to her lips, and ran her lips
along my knuckles. “Don’t let her go,
Joie.” she finally said. I was
surprised, not expecting to hear this from her.
“What?” she
smiled, and released my hand.
“Don’t let her
go. This woman seems to have touched
you deeper than anyone I have ever heard you talk about, and honey, I’ve known
you a long time. Go with it.”
“But she’s
straight, Erika!” I exclaimed, pulling my hand from hers, my heart hurting all
over again. “I can’t have her.” I said, so much finality in my voice.
“Says who? If those looks she was sending you tonight
mean anything, I’d say you’re in the running, honey. You’re just refusing to see the Forrest for the trees."
“But she’s-“
“Not all of us
came out of the womb a lesbian like you, honey.” she smiled. “I can see a
difference in you, Joie. She has
affected you, gotten through some of that hard headedness of yours. I’d really hate to see it go to waste.” she
stood, and grabbed her purse off the floor where it had been flung when I had
slammed her against the door.
“Where are you
going?” I asked, still sitting on the couch.
“I’m going to go
get some sleep, and you should probably do the same, honey. I’ll call you when I get back to L.A.” she
walked over to me, kissed me softly on the forehead, and left. I laid my head back on the back of the
couch, and stared up at the ceiling.
What should I do? Tommy used to
say, the worst that can be said is no, but in this case, would my heart be able
to deal with that?
@@@@@
Steph called me
up; the gang wanted to get together and get something to eat, so I suggested
Rupert’s. All decided, that’s where we
went.
March was coming
on, and the weather was unseasonably warm, and pizza place was very busy. We all gathered at a couple tables they had
dragged together to accommodate all of us.
It was fun, we all laughed, and giggled. It was a much needed release for me. I was slowly building my confidence to go in alone and talk to Jenny. She worked almost every night, and she would
glance often at our little group, sometimes smiling at some loud comment made
by someone, or sometimes just looking, watching. I made sure we came in regularly for nearly the whole month of
March.
As the month of
April came on, I started to come in alone.
I figured that this would be a good time to get caught up on my writing.
I’m sitting in Rupert’s right now
munching a heavenly slice of Canadian Bacon and Pineapple pizza. Rico has certainly found his niche in life
as a pizza maker.{grin} Anywho, I
haven’t written anything in awhile. I
think I’ve been afraid of the almighty pen.
It is mightier than the sword, you know? This whole diary thing makes me look into my self, and that my
friends is a scary thing sometimes.
Jenny
is working tonight. She is a good boss;
firm, but very kind, and pretty funny, too.
I’d love to have her as a boss, and other things. But that’s another story all together. I’ve given alot of thought to what Erika
said. And I think for the most part she
is right, but damn am I afraid to find out.
What if I let my walls fall, allow Jenny to see into that deepest part
of me that no one has seen, including me, and she rejects me? She laughs at me? I don’t think that would happen.
I think I’m just trying to talk myself out of this ruse. Is that it?
Yes, I believe it is.
Hmm. She is standing there talking to Rico as she
goes through receipts. I wonder what
that little queen is telling her? God
only knows! It looks serious,
though. She is staring at him like he
just told her to cut off her own finger.
Hmm. Now he’s looking over at
me. What the hell are you winking at me
for, Rico? Perhaps I should
investigate....
I closed my
book, capped my pen, and stood. Rico
had walked back to the kitchen, and Jenny had turned her attention fully to the
receipts. I decided on the subtle
humor/ digging for info approach.
“So how’s Ron”
Jenny looked up,
seeming to be genuinely surprised to see me standing there. God, she was so beautiful, her sky blue eyes
wide.
“I don’t
know. Why don’t you ask his
girlfriend.” she raised a brow, the smallest quirk at the corner of her
mouth.
“Well, aren’t
I?” I asked, my own brow quirked.
“No.” she said,
her voice low, and was that just the slightest bit of a flirtatious tone? I smiled, slow, and cute. Or so I’m told. I nodded slightly as if to myself, and began to turn away.
“Interesting.” I
walked back to my table, grabbed my stuff, and left.
Joie
I awoke early, the
warm sun making sleep uncomfortable.
When you’re used to nice, but still cool weather, an unusually hot day
makes it a bit uncomfortable. Today was
supposed to be a warm one.
I got out of
bed, dressed quickly in a pair of shorts, and tank, and went for a run. Once I got back home I settled on the floor
with an orange Gatorade, and watched the noon news. I had no classes today, and so tried to decide how to spend my
day. My first thought was heading down
to Rupert’s, but I stopped myself.
No. Space. Distance.
Time to think.
I managed to
while the day away cleaning, doing homework that had been ignored for a week,
and then worked out. It was dark out
now, and I decided to take a drive. I
showered, dressed in a clean tank, jeans, and threw on my hiking boots.
The city was
rowdy on this warm night. I smiled at
the groups of gathered teenagers who roamed the major streets. God, I would not want to be that age again
for nothing! Suddenly I realized I was
headed to Rupert’s. I thought about turning
around, taking a different road, but changed my mind.
The place was
clearing out, obviously closing time.
They must have been busy from the number of cars leaving the lot. I parked my truck directly in front of the
front door, not really sure why. I
climbed out of the truck, staring up into the star-filled sky, the moon was
full and brilliant. I jumped up and sat
on the hood of the truck, my forearms resting on my thighs. I sighed.
What the hell am I doing here?
Time slowly
trailed by as people continued to leave.
Some people I knew stopped and chatted with me, then headed out to the
next party. I was invited to how many,
I don’t know. But that’s not what I had
on my mind this night. Tonight I felt
as though I was ready to take a leap, no matter how blind it may have
been.
After awhile
everyone had left, and the parking lot was empty save for the Outback parked
not too far from my truck. I saw the
shades on the front doors go down, and then the doors opened, and Jenny backed
out. I could feel my stomach lurch, my
heart in my throat. She locked the
doors, then turned and nearly jumped out of her skin. I smiled.
“Sorry if I
scared you.” I said quietly.
“That’s okay.”
she folded her jacket that she had been carrying over her arm. She chewed on her bottom lip, then said,
“Oh, did you forget something?” she indicated the restaurant behind her with
her thumb. I smiled.
“No.” I hopped
down from the high truck, and leaned against the grill, my hands in my front
pockets. I glanced up into the sky,
gathering my courage. This felt so
strange. I had never been lacking in
confidence, in fact I often got myself in trouble for being too cocky. I looked at her once more. “To be honest,
I’m not real sure why I’m here.” I answered honestly. She said nothing. “do you ant to take a walk?”
“Yeah.” she
smiled. “Let me put this in my car.” I followed her the short distance to her
Outback, and watched as she threw the jacket in the backseat, then she turned
to me with a smile. We walked for
awhile in silence, neither feeling the need to talk. I remembered Swallow Lake that wasn’t too far up the path, and
began to head in that direction. Jenny
walked on without question.
“It’s such a
beautiful night.” I smiled, thoroughly enjoying, but was shocked by, the
comfortable silence that I shared with her. “This is the kind of night that
poets write about.”
“Are you a poet,
Joie?” I smiled up at her, and nodded. “So that must be what you write in that
little black book of yours.” again I nodded, pleased.
“So you noticed
my little black book, huh?” I grinned up at her. We walked onto the bridge that covered the small lake, stopping
half way and resting against the rail.
It was so incredibly peaceful. I
really don’t think I could have written of a better one.
“Yes, I
noticed.” she said quietly. I glanced
over at her, not sure what to say to that.
“Want to go sit
down?” I asked instead, pointing to the little grassy hill that lined the lake.
“Okay.”
We both sat,
nearly grazing arms. Jenny stretched
her long legs out, sighing in the relief of sitting after what I’m sure was a
long, grueling day. Her hand gently
wiped across the tips of the blades of grass.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my thighs.
“So why did you
break up with Ron? He seemed like a
nice enough guy, though he kind of dressed like an idiot” I smiled, she grinned
back.
“Yeah, he did,
didn’t he?” I nodded. “We never were really going out, well, at least not in my
mind. He had other ideas.” she turned
to look me in the eye. “I broke it off on New Year’s eve.” I stared at
her. I knew that there was meaning
behind that admission, that Jenny wanted me to know that he was gone, and it
had been on a significant night. I felt
stupid now. That had been the night
when I had decided to let her go; she was out of my reach. “Why did you come
here tonight, Joie?” she asked quietly.
I stared into her eyes, mine no longer afraid to hold her gaze in a
frank contemplation.
“I wanted to see
you.” I said finally, deciding that I
was tired of games. I wanted to be
honest.
“I was
disappointed that you didn’t come in today.” she admitted. I could tell that for a moment she was
surprised at her own words, but then seemed to come to the same realization
that I had. Games were done and over
with. Now was a time for truth, for
better or for worse.
“I debated all
day on what to do. I can’t keep going
on like this, Jenny.” Jenny stared at me, and I could see a tempest of emotions
and questions running through her eyes, but she said nothing. “Can I tell you
something?” I asked, my voice just barely above a whisper.
“Yes.” she said
just as quiet. I felt my courage
surround me, and fill me anew, like a was reborn.
“I think
somewhere along the way these last eight months, I’ve fallen for you.” I
glanced down to my knees, then looked over at her again. “Pretty crazy, huh?” I
grinned.
“No.” she
breathed. I felt my chest inflate as my
heart seemed to grow to double its size.
There was a look of such adoration and love in her eyes now that she
took my breath away. “Joie.” she whispered, her voice full of need and
desperation. I needed to touch her, to
see if she was really here, if I was really here. I brought a hand up and cupped the side of her face, her skin
warm against my palm. Her eyes closed,
and she leaned into my touch. I
untangled my body from itself, and leaned over, moving my face closer to
hers. I could feel her breath, so warm
against my face. She opened her eyes,
our faces now just mere inches apart. I
searched her eyes for any sign of hesitance, or change of heart. There was none.
I leaned in
slowly, her eyes closed, as did mine, and just barely brushed her lips with
mine. More beautiful then I had ever
imagined. I pulled away just barely,
then came back for fuller contact, pressing a bit more, seeking. Suddenly one of her hands was tangling in my
hair, and I suppressed a small moan. I
brought up my other hand, and began to caress her neck, my thumb rubbing
against her jaw. She was so soft under
my touch. I eased my tongue out, and
just barely brushed it against her lips, testing. She started ever so slightly, so I pulled back, but her hand in
my hair guided me back, and I tasted her lips again, this time her mouth opened
in silent invitation, and I tasted her again, deepening the kiss. God!
I’d never experienced anything like it.
This was all so new to me.
Usually I didn’t bother to ask.
I knew the women I was with wanted me, and so I made sure they had their
pleasure, but I did it my way, certainly not soft and gentle as I craved with
Jenny. As her tongue met mine, a moan
did escape my throat. I was on fire.
I needed to feel
her against me, under me, so I gently pushed her back to lay in the grass, our
bodies joining on the way down. Jenny
ran her hands through my hair, over my neck, and finally to rest upon my
shoulders as we continued to kiss. I
could have just kissed her all night.
She was incredible. I felt
overwhelmed. I pulled back from her,
and held myself up on my arms, looking down into the beautiful face below
me. Her eyes fluttered open and she
stared up at me.
“I’ve dreamed of
this.” I admitted as I ran my fingers through her dark hair that was laid out
around her head, the strands like cool silk.
Just as I had imagined.
“So have I.” she
said, her hands running down my back.
My heart stopped at her words, and I leaned in again to kiss her,
softly, just a touch, a promise. I
moved to her neck, and began to taste the skin there, my body beginning to out
weigh my emotions. Her fingers curled
into my hair again, and I reached down to the waistline of her jeans, and
slowly began to untuck her shirt. I
heard her suck in a breath as my hand slipped underneath the material, and ran
along the hot skin of her torso. I
continued to kiss her throat, running my tongue along her collar bones. My hand made its way up until finally I felt
the material of her sports bra, and moved up to cup a full breast. The nipple was standing erect, waiting for
my touch. Jenny groaned as I played
with the stiff tips, and she reached her hands down and cupped my butt, pulling
me closer into her. I maneuvered a leg
over, and spread her legs with my knee, slipping my leg between hers, pressing
myself into her. God, she felt so good!
I slowly made my
way down her body with my lips and tongue, pulling her shirt up higher as I
went. I needed to see her, feel
her. I pulled the red polo completely
off. She was incredible. I moved back to her mouth, and tried to put
everything that I was feeling into that kiss as I pulled my own tank from my
jeans, and yanked it off, tossing it aside.
I laid my full body ontop of hers again, and closed my eyes at the
exquisite feel of her hot skin against mine.
I kissed her again, and soon it became wild, passionate, hungry. I felt like I was sipping from a spring of
life that I’d been searching for my whole life.
Jenny ran her
hands up and down my back as she pressed her body up into mine, her fingers
finding the back of my sports bra, and running them under the tight
material. I needed to feel more of her,
so I pushed up from her, kneeling between her legs, and pulled the bra over my
head, now completely revealed to her. I
watched her face intently as she studied me.
For some reason it really mattered what she thought. I had never doubted my own body or ability
before that night. A shiver passed
through me as I saw the fire in those blue eyes intensify. She reached her hands out, and touched me,
small, careful caresses. Then the
touch became more sure, needing. She
cupped my breasts, and I could feel my nipples harden immediately. I closed my eyes at the incredible
sensation. I needed to be apart of the
exploration, not just the recipient, so I placed my hands on the smooth skin of
Jenny’s arms, slid them up her forearm until I covered her hands, pushing
myself even more into her touch. God,
did she know what she did to me? Jenny
sat up, and I readjusted our position, so I was straddling her hips. She kneaded the flesh, running her palms
over the pebbled tips, then I swore I saw stars as I felt her tongue find
me. I threw my head back, never knowing
truly what pleasure was until that moment.
“Jenny,” I
breathed, almost a plea. Jenny really
went wild then, her confidence in her own abilities increasing tenfold, and she
began to suckle me, tease me. I
couldn’t take anymore. I reached down
and pulled her own sports bra off, and rubbed our breasts together. Jenny closed her eyes, and moaned into my neck. I realized then that I was losing control of
this. No, no tonight was about Jenny,
Jenny’s pleasure, not mine. I slowly
pushed her back to the grass, still straddling her. I kissed her again, slow, gentle, full of promise of what was to
come. My hands were itching to feel her
skin, so I began to explore, touching her breasts, squeezing and pinching the
rock hard nipples until Jenny’s breathing had increased, and she was softly
moaning. As one of my hands continued
on her breast, the other trailed down her body, softly tickling the hot skin
until I reached the rough material of her jeans. I toyed with the snaps for a moment, then slowly, ever so slowly,
undid every one, feeling and caressing the skin along her lower belly as I
went. As my hand got closer to its
destination, I could feel the incredible heat that met my skin. I slipped down beyond the waistband of her
silky underwear, once again teasing, avoiding where her slowly rocking hips
were telling me she needed me.
“Joie.” she
breathed, her plea full of desperation.
I smiled and kissed her again.
“Patience.” I
whispered into the skin of her neck, as I began to explore the hot flesh with
my tongue. My hand slipped a bit
further down until I was caressing her light she was the precious gift she was,
but with each stroke, I added more and more pressure until my fingers were
becoming slick with her need. I closed
my eyes as I wanted so bad to taste her, drink her nectar. Soon.
I moved way down
her body, my tongue working against her breasts, taking her into my mouth,
loving the feel and taste of her salty skin.
I made my way lower until I was running a wet path down the plains of
her belly, stopping at her belly button until I reached my other hand. I knelt between her legs again, and pulled
her jeans from her body, followed by her underwear. I stared into her beautiful face the entire time, watching all
the emotions that washed through her eyes.
I was transfixed. I slowly
lowered myself until I was laying on my stomach, the blades of grass tickling
my bare skin. I grazed her inner thighs
with hot breath, then found what I had been dying to taste, feel. I used my mouth that night to show Jenny
what she meant to me. I wanted to show
her all the pleasure I could bring her.
It seemed to me at that moment that all the other many women I had been
with up until that point had all been teachers for me, teaching me what I
needed t know for that one moment.
Jenny’s hands
shot down into my hair as she threw her head back, her hips rising to meet my
tongue. I brought my hand back up to
her, stroking her, until finally I slipped inside to fill her. Soon I had a slow rhythm that Jenny matched
perfectly. I could tell she was getting
close, so I picked up the pace until I knew she was about to explode, then
slowed again until she was panting, moaning my name to the heavens. Then it was time. I used all the power I had within me to bring Jenny to the brink,
and go over with her, holding her to me on the way down. Jenny cried out, and I could feel her body
clamp my fingers within, then release, then clamp them even tighter.
I crawled back
up Jenny’s body, and rolled over onto my back, pulling her heaving body with me
until she rested partially on me, partially on the grass beneath us, stroked her
hair, her back until finally her breathing was back to normal, her heartbeat
slowing.
I almost felt
like crying. I had never in my entire
life experienced anything quite like that.
Jenny had reached in, and without saying a word, had changed me. Made me better, want to be better. Jack Nicholson’s words to Helen Hunt in “As
Good As It Gets” came to me just then when he said, “You make me want to be a
better man.” I smiled softly.
“Jenny.” I
whispered as I kissed the top of her dark head, “My Jenny.”
I jumped into my
truck, a long day as the head coach for the Panthers behind me. We were doing good this year, I was pleased
with my girls. I glanced down at the
seat of the Explorer next to me, and couldn’t help the grin that spread across
my face. The little box wrapped in sky
blue paper to match Jenny’s eyes, and a sea green bow on top. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face
when she sees the ring I bought her.
White gold band with a row of small emeralds and sapphires intertwined. Six years.
God, it goes so fast. I loved
her more today than I had on this day laying with her in my arms on the bank of
the Swallow Lake. It grew
everyday. I can’t help but wonder what
she got me. She is usually so much
better at picking great gifts than I am.
No matter. She is a gift to me;
one that I am thankful for every day of my life.
The End