The Choice
by Sara
Disclaimer : Obviously, this is set before Athena and the other
gods go mental. This really isn't a plot driven story. It is mostly just me
venting over the change that has come over Gabrielle in the last few seasons.
A partial monolog if you will. While I love the show and the characters, Gabby's
desent into self-complacency, and scorn over Xena has really irritated me. I
don't believe that she is only "goodness and purity". She is a flawed character,
like us all. It is just in the last season and a half she has become truly snarky.
If she is going to forever walk with Xena she is going to have to grow up a
bit, and realize that partners don't find their friends weak spots and repeatedly
twist the knife. Please, don't flame me, I bruise easily. But if you have something
nice or constructive to say,, go for it!
Other Disclaimers : Obviously, I don't own these characters (but wouldn't THAT
be great!) So please don't sue me, I only borrowed them from Renaissance Pictures
(or whoever) and I have no money, only an incredibly large Xena video collection
that you will have to pry out of my cold dead fingers!
The Choice
A sharp ‘crack' thundered through the previously quiet night. It was followed
by a flash of light. Gabrielle rose to her feet from her bedroll in a by now
smooth and practiced motion, grasping her sais. Standing in the center of the
camp leaning over a sleeping Xena stood a glowing woman dressed in white deerskin
and carrying a golden bow.
"Artemis? What are you doing here? What have you done to Xena?" Anxiety filled
the girl's voice. "Why can't you gods leave her, us, alone!" Gabrielle started
to move towards her friend, to wake her from this unnatural stillness in the
presence of an Olympian.
" Peace, Gabrielle, Xena is just sleeping, probably the first deep sleep she
has enjoyed in some time. Anyway, I am not here about her, but about you. There
is no need for Xena to awake, and more need for her to rest." The goddess laid
a gentle hand on the swollen belly of the warrior princess and chuckled softly
to herself. "You know, the only real knock-down, drag out
fight Athena and I ever had was over this one. So strong, so sure. We both wanted
her for our champion. We had to settle on simply blessing her..."
At this Gabrielle shrieked "BLESSING HER?!? Where was your blessing when she
gave in Ares and agreed to be HIS, where was your blessing when her darkness
filled her with hate and rage and she took it out on all of Greece? Where were
you when she was lost in the darkness of her own making, where were you-"
Artemis made a slashing motion with her hand and silenced the outraged bard.
"Don't test me Gabrielle, you may be the Queen of my Amazons, but don't push
me. You will not care for the results. I am not here about Xena's past. I AM
here to settle her future. Although she herself does not know it, and in fact
would never believe it, she has more than atoned for her past. We gods may quarrel
with her methods, but she has saved us all too many times for there to be any
question of that. No, my Queen" the goddess said mockingly "I am here about
you, and only you. Tonight you will be judged. For your past, your present,
and to determine your future."
The silenced bard again tried to speak, but nothing came forth. She fought the
invisible gag, wildly thinking that this couldn't be happening, not to her,
what was she being judged for. Xena had forgiven her over Solon's death, and
even of her betrayal her to Ming Tien. What could Artemis mean? She had done
nothing: Nothing to deserve the obvious wrath of the goddess.
Artemis sighed. With a word she forced Gabrielle to sit and spoke again "Even
in your own thoughts you refuse to take blame for the path you and Xena have
been on. If you can not be truthful to yourself, you will have to be taught."
With that the Huntress set her shoulders and began. " I brought you together
with Xena with the thought you would be good for each other. Now, I just don't
know. Of all the people in her life, no one, not even Caesar has hurt her as
much as you."
Gabrielle's eyes went round at this bald statement, this couldn't be true. She
was the one that kept Xena on her path toward redemption. She was Xena's light,
her source. She had been told this many times by her friend. If not for her
Xena would have long ago reverted into her darkness.
"So sure of yourself, aren't you? You know, pride is a sin, Gabrielle. One that
you regularly revel in. Xena doesn't need another light, she carries one inside
herself, but through your constant harping on her past she doesn't dare trust
it. If the one person that supposedly cares the most for her can not believe
in her, how can she believe in herself? Time and time again she has had to prove
herself to you, and still you believe that she could never really save herself.
She puts herself last in all things, risking all for
you, and you treat like a barely tamed animal. She allows you to abandon her
over and over again, lets you go off with every two bit shyster to ‘find yourself',
allows you to treat her as your personal whipping boy."
Gabrielle squirmed in her seat, and thought at the goddess, " I had to find
my own way, learn about myself-" and with this Artemis whirled on her"It is
always about you, isn't it? Xena had a debt to another, and you decided, without
knowing anything but your own jealousy, that she had to be stopped. You even
were willing to make a deal with Ares to get to Chin first. She warned you about
Krafstar, about Najara, Adain, and of course Tataka. You consistently follow
false prophets only to stroke you ego, expecting Xena to trail behind. You railed
over the loss of your blood innocence in Britannia, when you had already lost
that years ago!"
Gabrielle was shocked. Before Meridian she had never killed. What did Artemis
mean?
"Remember the temple of Dreams? You may not have plunged the sword into the
men's chests yourself, but you may as well have. You knew what would happen
in the maze. You planned their deaths and caused them. And what of all the times
you refused to listen to Xena, blindly plowing your way into dangerous situations,
and expecting Xena to kill for you? If you had ever truly believed in the way
of peace, you would have said goodbye to Xena, allowed her to continue on the
path of the warrior, to search for a sense of peace in her own way. You would
have left to truly learn from Eli but even then you already "knew" the Way,
you didn't need much of him or his teaching, so instead you dragged her with
you on your self indulgent quests. It's so easy to keep your hands clean when
you have someone else to do your killing for you. And when Xena finally understood
her way? The way of the warrior? You acted as though it was a second-rate life
--that only you, the pure Gabrielle, knew the best way. It was a purity that
would cost Xena time and time again. You had her crucified, when she had told
you of the vision time and time again. But in your arrogance you led her to
her death."
Gabrielle was sobbing now, it wasn't true, it wasn't. She had only done what
seemed right at the time, she'd had no way of knowing the consequences. She
just wanted it to stop, wanted Artemis to go away, to stop saying these horrible
things to her. But the goddess was incessant,
"Even in death you betrayed her! She was willing to go to hell, to give up everything
she had fought for for so long; peace, redemption, heaven itself, to save you.
She would have walked through hell with you. She was willing to face Callisto,
again, over you. And when you were saved, when you had been ‘purified' were
you willing to save her? To even try? Did you even
think of questioning Michael? To find another way? No, you were ready to have
her ‘spend eternity in pieces'. Ah, the mark of love."
She stopped speaking for a moment. Sighing deeply, she looked Gabrielle square
in the eyes. " The choice is yours, will you swear, here and now, before us
all" and Gabrielle saw that they were no longer alone, that the woods were filled
with flickering shadows that she knew upon closer examination would reveal themselves
as Aphrodite, Athena, Cupid, Hades, Hephaestus, Apollo, even Ares, the whole
pantheon of gods " to admit your wrong-doings, to protect this woman and her
child, to accept a fitting punishment for your actions, or will you leave, now,
and vow to never return to her side. She will be hurt if you leave, but life
will continue for her. She will find joy in time. What is your choice? Decide,
Gabrielle."
The stricken bard sat on her log and shook, wracked with sobs. Memories of all
the events Artemis spoke of ran through her mind. Every hurtful word she had
spoken, every pained look that Xena had quickly hidden behind her warrior mask,
the lies, the betrayals took on a clarity that she had never allowed herself
to see. She realized that the goddess was right. Oh gods of
mount Olympus, what had she done? This was the person she loved most in the
world, and she had treated Callisto better. She looked at the goddess and touched
her throat. Understanding her unasked question, Artimis released the spell that
had silenced the bard, and waited.
"Forgive me goddess. I have wronged her so deeply, I don't know how I will face
her, I know that I should go, leave here, leave" she took a breath " leave her,
but I can't. I love her with all my being. What can I do to make amends. Name
it. Anything, any punishment, and I will do it. Just please tell me that there
is hope to fix this. Please say I still have a chance to make this right."
For the first time Artimis smiled at her champion. "The amends you will have
to make are your choice. Xena will never tell you of the pain she has felt.
Her love for you is too deep for that. Asking her for forgiveness is futile,
she would not see the need. There is only one fitting punishment that I can
think of. Bad times are coming, a war like the world has never seen before,
and Xena is caught in the middle of it. Hard choices and harder consequences
will have to be dealt with. You will guard her and her baby. Make her strong
again my Queen. Give her hope again. You will have to rely on yourself in this,
I, I cannot help you," The huntress looked, for a moment pensive "even now,
lines are being drawn that I cannot cross. You will be on your own, but I have
faith in you. Guard her well. Love her." With this said the goddess of the hunt
touched Gabrielle's cheek and disappeared. " I will trust you, my champion."
Gabrielle was alone now. Alone with her thoughts, and a slumbering warrior princess.
She crossed over to where Xena still slept, safe in the arms of Morpheus, unaware
of the transformation that had just occured in "her bard". "Forgive me Xena."
And with that, placing a gentle kiss on her friend's forehead, Gabrielle turned
to the fire and took up her place as Guardian to the Warrior Princess. For the
first time in a long time, things felt right.
Well, that's it folks. Did you love it or hate it? Drop me a line and let me
know,, please?
Sara
Riathasilv@aol.com