by Bat Morda
1997 Jul 21

Author's Comments:
Aug 09 2000

"So here I was finished with TSFA. Hard to believe UM hadn't even started yet. Seems a lifetime since then."

Late afternoon Burbank. The sounds of blaring electric guitars can be heard halfway down the block, getting closer to the house incredibly off key singing can be heard within. Janice and Bat are harmonizing away (sort of) as Mrs. Bat returns from the doctor.

Janice & Bat: She's an Alllllllll American Grrrrrllllll....

Janice and Bat look confused down at their instruments. Janice's has gone silent while Bat's has decreased in volume considerably. It's just as well. Bat can play guitar better than Janice can. They look over to see Mrs. Bat holding the plug on the amplifers.

JANICE: What's the deal?

MRS. BAT: I thought it was dying and decided to put it out of it's misery.

JANICE: Why if you wern't---- <she is roughly shoved into the kitchen by Bat>

BAT: So how did things go at the doctors sweetie?

MRS. BAT: My ears and throat are infected and I may be allergic to something. <she looks pointedly at the kitchen where Janice is still hiding> Why were you two singing? Reading too much Ronin and decide to commit ritual suicide?

BAT: Heh- good one, I'll add that to my list of 87 negative comments I've heard about my singing.

MRS. BAT: Write small, come August, you're going to hear more.

BAT: Yes well----

JANICE: We were celebrating. Okay? Simple, happy, joyous, spastic, unadulterated celebrating.

MRS. BAT: What? Bat had some backbone and killed you off?

JANICE: Well not quite. She's got some backbone and will kill herself off shortly. Say Bat- did you tell her you're single in TSFA and that you sleep with Xena?

MRS. BAT: WHAT?!!!!!!

BAT: Well I'm also str8. That should take some of the curse off it.

MRS. BAT: That's okay then.

JANICE: So we're celebrating that 1) Amphipolis is so close to finished Mel and I have booked a nice LONG vacation because it'll take forever for the Pirate to proofread this thing. AND the various mailing list buaracies have found someone to pick on who isn't a mammal and flies.

BAT: The Sensitivity Training Officer, Disclaimer Police and Pain And Suffering Officers have all paid Blue a visit.

JANICE: It was great. Bat managed to break two bones in my leg, have me partially consumed by insects, desecrate the skeletons of Xena and Gabrielle AND blow the bad guy to chunks and nary an eyebrow was raised.

Bat and Janice attempt to high five each other.

They miss.

They attempt again, concentrating harder this time.


BAT: Blue just has some splattering blood, a nice head kick, some slicing, dicing and a bad attitude and she gets nailed. Personally I love the gore, I love the darkness. I wanna see her rip that bitch limb from limb.

JANICE: You're just gearing up to write that sickeningly sweet story you've got planned.


Bat gives Janice the *don't make me kill you* look.

JANICE: I was agreeing, like you said. Well Bat, buddy 'ol chum. I gotta run. Mel and I promised to go over to Blue's. We're meeting Xena and Gabrielle there to watch some gory slasher films. I think she's doing research. If I come up with some really gristly nasty ways for you to off yourself I'll let 'cha know.

BAT: <seeing Janice to the door> Thanks, I appreciate that.


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