Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, they belong to RenPics and Universal. I just borrowed them.
Subtext: Yes, it's there!
- This is my first story. I'd love to get some feedback, so please email me at email@example.com -
And there she went. Happy, holding the hand of her new husband. I wish I could be happy for her, really, but I just can't. It's that selfish part of me taking over me. I knew this would happen someday. I knew from the moment I looked into those beautiful green eyes that she wouldn't stay with me forever. Someday she would leave me, because she'd have fallen in love with someone. She would marry, be a mother and live a happy life somewhere back in Potadeia. I knew this would happen, so why does it hurt so much? Why?
Maybe it's because I'm all by myself again. Maybe it's because somewhere, deep inside, I started to care for that little girl from Potadeia.
Who am I kidding? From the moment I first saw her, and looked into her eyes, I knew I'd fallen in love. I felt my guts twisting and I was stunned for a moment. After all those years of war, fighting, killing, conquering and getting as much power as possible, I, Xena, the Destroyer of Nations, fell for a young, innocent girl from Potadeia. And I fell hard.
When I was there, in that clearing just outside Potadeia, I wanted to make an end to my life. I couldn't live with myself anymore. I couldn't live with my thoughts and feelings anymore. I took the lives of thousands of men, women, and yes, even children. All because I wanted power. And when I got power, I just wanted more, it was never enough.
And just the moment I wanted to end all of it, those slavers came. And then, then I saw her. A young girl, fiery golden hair and the most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
All the other girls were so scared, but she, she wanted to sacrifice herself for them. I never expected that to happen. That such a little, young and innocent girl would step up to those slavers. She wanted them to take her and let the other girls alone. That just blew my mind.
After the fight she took me to her home to tend to my wounds. She knew who I was. Every other girl would've screamed her lungs out seeing me, but she didn't. She thanked me for saving her and the other girls and took me to her home. They didn't say it, but I know her parents thought she was absolutely crazy, bringing the former Destroyer of Nations to their home. Everybody wanted me as quickly as possible out of there. I couldn't blame them though. But she didn't. She tended to my wounds, shared her food with me and talked to me like I was some kind of goddess.
I didn't understand. I know she must've heard all the stories about me conquering villages and slaughtering people, everyone had. And yet she wanted me to take her with me.
And then I left. And the little girl actually followed me. She stood up to a giant to follow me! Why, for Zeus' sake would she follow a beat-up ex-warlord? But I have to admit, I was actually happy when she came through those bushes. I don't know why, but it gave me a happy feeling deep inside. A feeling I hadn't felt in a long, long time. And at that moment, I knew I didn't want her to go. Despite I knew that it wasn't the right thing for her. Such a little, young and innocent girl shouldn't be travelling with a person like me. But I knew that I wasn't going to send her home. I wanted her to stay. So I threw her a bedroll and let her stay.
I thought that after one night sleeping on the cold, hard ground she'd be running back to Potadeia. But no, she stayed.
Even when I went to Amphipolis and even my own mother didn't trust me and wanted me to leave, she was there. When my own mother didn't want anything to do with me, she stood up for me. I don't have the words to say how deeply that touched me.
Days became weeks, and weeks became months, and she was still by my side. She followed me everywhere, asked me to learn her everything I knew. And I started to care for her. I loved her stories. I loved how she saw every new day as a new, big adventure. She gave me reason to get up in the morning. She gave me reason to go on with my life.
She gave me reason to love.
I've been in love with her for so long. And although I know she loved me too, I just couldn't give into my feelings. It wasn't the right thing to do. It was too dangerous. I knew if we'd give in to our feelings, some day she'd get hurt. I didn't want to be the reason for her being hurt and heartbroken. So that's why I didn't let her get too close. I started pushing her away. And with every push, I pushed her right into Perdicus' arms.
I couldn't blame her. She found someone she loves and loves her back and isn't afraid to show it. She took the chance for happiness.
But it hurts so much. It hurts so much knowing, that if I'd said something, she'd still be here. She'd be laying in my arms this night instead of his. I would say that I love her instead of him.
But it's too late. Too late to say those things. She's happy now.
I love you, Gabrielle.
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