by
Bard
Editor
Bleu Gato
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyright 20th Century Fox Film Corporation . All original content of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.
Contact: bard@xena2.com
Blog: www.xena2.com/blog
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SUNNYDALE WITCH COVEN – CEREMONIAL ROOM – NOON
The room is back to its natural condition, lit by glowing leaves and absent any mark of violence save chips on the stone bowl where the bullets danced with the rock. The fire inside is out.
Buffy is meditating off to the side, her legs crossed under her, elbows bent, and her hands resting on the knees, palms up. Giles stands next to her.
Not far from them, Willow and Jenny sit on the floor in a circle of stones, opposite each other. Their position mirrors Buffy's, except the orientation and content of witch's hands. In Willow's cupped palms rests a large seed.
Buffy, projecting confidence
BUFFY
I am Zen calm, chi centered, and totally enlightened. I got pure enlightment coming out of places it was not intended to.
GILES
Enlightenment. Wish it worked on your murder of language.
BUFFY
Details. Behold, I am a fortune cookie worth of enlightenment. Want a bite of forbidden knowledge?
Giles, skeptically
GILES
In less than a minute what others don't achieve in a lifetime?
Buffy, smartly
BUFFY
Existence makes a thing useful, nonexistence makes it work.
Giles, sarcastic
GILES
Sure.
Buffy, squirming for a second and then reaching behind her to scratch, unapologetic
BUFFY
Okay, I lied. My butt itches.
Giles takes his eyes away from Buffy as she takes care of the itch with an audible sigh of relief. His eyes roam the room and then settle on Willow. They remain riveted to the witch.
Buffy, trying to get his attention, impudently
BUFFY
Giles, my Yin Yang is broken.
Giles, without breaking his focus on Willow, shushing in low tone
GILES
Shh, look.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE WITCH COVEN – CEREMONIAL ROOM – AFTERNOON
The seed in the cradle of flesh begins to sprout a shoot. Orienting and growing up, the tiny life reaches for the sky it cannot see yet innately senses. Below it, roots show as well.
Willow opens her eyes and a huge smile breaks out on her face at the sight she holds.
WILLOW
Wow.
Pause.
WILLOW
I did that?
Curled leaf at the tip, the plant continues to increase in size, seemingly drawing nourishment from Willow's unbridled joy.
Jenny, placing a hand on Willow's wrist, proudly
JENNY
Good job. What do you say we go plant it?
The spell is broken and the growth stops. In the background, Buffy is practically hopping in place and imploring Giles with silent plea. He nods and she is at Willow's side in a flash, but still outside the circle.
Jenny, addressing Buffy, invitingly
JENNY
Come, join us.
Pause.
Jenny, noticing the hesitation in Buffy, adding reassuringly
JENNY
Nine foot sphere, the number of the Goddess; the stones mark the intersection with earth. The magic circle outlines a consecrated space, where we meet the God and the Goddess. Enter, Slayer.
Buffy does and Giles makes a noise of objection but he is overridden by Jenny shaking her head at him; it is not his call. The Slayer kneels, touching the outer edge of Willow's thigh and eagerly wraps her hands around the witch's. The result is immediate and startling.
The shoot doubles in size and a tiny leaf unfurls. More roots stretch in the opposite direction.
Buffy, excited
BUFFY
Look, I made it bigger!
The plant experiences another growth spurt and Giles creeps closer, but raises no further objection. The reaction also results in a mischievous grin appearing on Buffy's face.
JENNY
Control.
Buffy, tweaking Willow, seductively
BUFFY
Do you like it when I make it bigger, Willow?
Willow turns red with a squeak and tries to pull away. Buffy however has a firm hold and she can't escape. More leaves appear and the shoot adds height, the growth now continuous.
JENNY
Concentrate.
The advice it not heeded by the witch and when the plant is a foot tall, Willow faints, breaking the magic. Buffy is there to catch her friend and the abandoned plant.
Giles, halting outside the circle, harshly
GILES
That was stupid and reckless!
Jenny, as Buffy opens her mouth, irritated
JENNY
It is a lesson she must learn. I say: better passed out early than dead late.
GILES
You know how she responds to Buffy! And the Slayer does not have a common sense of when to stop or shut it!
Buffy, upset
BUFFY
You teachers are the same: you either coddle or push too fast. You could have warned me. Just once …
At that moment Willow stirs and comes to in Buffy's arms; she lifts her face to look up at the Slayer's.
Willow, puzzled
WILLOW
Comfy but confused. Comfy winning, confused close second.
Buffy, tapping Willow on the forehead with the plant, smiling
BUFFY
The Lilliputians made it thru your one foot forest and bonked you a good one.
Willow, adorably lost
WILLOW
Oh?
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – ENGLISH CLASSROOM – MORNING
The bells rings and Buffy and Xander join the stampede towards the door.
TEACHER, standing in front of backboard, after making eye contact, over the noise
TEACHER
Sandro, I need to see you after class.
Sandro tries to break from a group of three HISPANIC BOYS and they hold him back, playfully pushing and shoving. Nothing is said but the message is clear when he is finally released. Subdued, Sandro heads for the teacher's desk and the HISPANIC BOYS leave in a group, being the last students out.
HISPANIC BOY #1, turning his head, threateningly
HISPANIC BOY #1
Don't think you better than us, esse.
Laughing, the HISPANIC BOYS depart, closing the door behind them.
TEACHER
Your friends?
Sandro, hesitating and then lying
SANDRO
… Yes, Mrs. Winters.
Winters, quietly
WINTERS
I know you do their homework.
Sandro puts his heads down, confirming his guilt. He stares at his shoes, seemingly absorbed in the fascinating details of craftsmanship.
WINTERS
You are too good for this class.
Sandro shakes his head negative without lifting it.
Winters, pleasantly
WINTERS
That's not why I wanted to talk to you. That reading, today; have you considered interpretive poetry contests?
Sandro's head shoots up and he is clearly interested. What is also apparent is his wariness in the intent behind the praise.
Winters picks up a piece of paper from the desk.
Winters, folding the flier and handing it over to Sandro, confidently
WINTERS
Annual Sunnydale High talent show, practice and tryouts are after school. Stop by today for poem selection. I think you can take first prize.
Sandro, taking the invitation, enthusiasm winning over caution, eagerly
SANDRO
Really?!
Winters, a glim of hunger in her tone, firmly
WINTERS
I know talent. In fact, I am a connoisseur of it. 4:15 PM sharp, young man.
Sandro does not notice in his excitement.
Sandro, happy
SANDRO
I will be there. Thanks, Mrs. Winters!
He rushes out.
Winters, predatory
WINTERS
I will be waiting, piglet.
FADE OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INTRODUCTION
On the screen, various images of Buffy and the Scooby Gang appear and a voice reads the passage.
BUFFY VOICE-OVER
Into every generation she is born; one girl in the entire world, a Chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and the skill to fight against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALLWAY – MORNING
Buffy and Xander walk down the hallway together and Willow approaches from the other side, chocolate offering in hand. The witch is smiling at them as she waves the yummy treat.
Xander, in an announcer voice, grandly
XANDER
Here she comes, Miss Candy Dispenser!
This catches the attention of Cordelia, fiddling with her locker's contents. She watches and listens but does not interrupt.
BUFFY
Considering we are coming out of English for idiots, still a better career potential.
XANDER
Just because the next step down in communication is an orangutan flinging poo does not, in any way, limit our options.
Buffy, Willow, and Xander meet just before Cordelia, who watches them coldly. They ignore her, so the cheerleader goes about her task, but pays close attention to what is being said.
Willow, who caught the last part of the banter, handing Buffy a Mars bar, grinning
WILLOW
Let's Learn Letter A is a laminated, one page classic.
Buffy, pretending sadness, sighing
BUFFY
Xander keeps trying to eat it. At this rate we will never make it through the alphabet.
Xander, playing his part to perfection, making monkey noises
XANDER
Ooh ooh ooh eee eee eee.
Buffy, sliding away from Xander, to Willow, conspiratorially lowering her voice
BUFFY
How do you manage being seen with him in public?
Cordelia finishes, closes her locker, and then turns.
Willow, moving to Xander's side and taking him arm, simply
WILLOW
He is my monkey.
Cordelia, shoving past Xander, mean
CORDELIA
Look who is devolving today, short the trip might be.
Buffy, offering her own monkey interpretation in response
BUFFY
Aah aah aah.
Willow offers her free arm to Buffy and the three of them walk down the hall, the friends bookending the witch, arms linked. They proceed away from Cordelia who meets up with her ever-present CORDETTES behind them.
WILLOW
My monkeys.
BUFFY
Can I pick your hair for M&Ms?
WILLOW
No.
BUFFY
Can I fish in you cle…?
WILLOW
Buffy!
Xander gets that daydreaming look in his eyes.
After a few steps Willow leans towards Buffy.
Willow, whispering into Slayer's ear, wickedly
WILLOW
Ask me later.
Buffy laughs, knowing her bluff was called. And how.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON
Mrs. Winters sits in the front row, grading papers. The stage is empty, except for a lone microphone on a stand.
The door to the side opens and Sandro enters. He walks up and shyly returns the flyer. Winters hands him another sheet and motions with her head at the mike.
Sandro, looking around, nervously
SANDRO
Where are the others?
Winters, soothingly
WINTERS
Closed auditions have individual times; yours was written in, next to your name.
Pause.
Winters, shrewdly
WINTERS
No one here now; plenty of time for stage fright later.
The choice of words has the desired effect.
Sandro straightens up and purposefully steps to the stage. He climbs the difference in height and positions behind the microphone.
Sandro, raising the paper and reading from it, dramatically
SANDRO
Whose woods these are, I think I know
His house is in the village though
He will not see me stopping by
To watch his woods fill up with snow
Winters learns forward, her concentration entirely on the student. On stage, Sandro stops and wavers in place, finding his balance suddenly difficult. A nosebleed trickles its way to the front of his shirt, staining visible his struggle.
Winters, not caring, ordering harshly
WINTERS
Read!
Sandro composes self, once again steady on his feet. The performance must go on.
Sandro, pouring his emotions into the delivery, giving it his all
SANDRO
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year
Tremors rack Sandro's body and he is now bleeding from both ears. The flow from the nose gets heavier. The teen can't last much longer.
Winters changes into a demon and sets aside the paperwork. She does not notice the folded flier drop onto the back of the seat and slip away when it springs up, free from the body weight holding it down.
Winters strides forward and nimbly jumps onto the stage, rounding on terrified Sandro.
Winters, roaring in boy's face
WINTERS
READ!!!
Sandro, shaking and unsteady, weakly
SANDRO
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound's a sweep
Of easy wind and downy f… f… …
Soundless mouth agape, seizure takes Sandro and he drops like a stone, smashing his head on the floor. It grows in severity until he goes completely taut, back arched. And then Sandro is no more; the body relaxes limply unto death.
Winters kicks him to ensure the student is truly dead and receives no response.
Winters, licking her fingers, lazily
WINTERS
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep
Pause.
Winters, sharply
WINTERS
Mouse!
The curtain parts and Mouse enters.
Winters turns without further word and jumps back down. She shifts back into human form and picking up the papers, proceeds to the exit.
Mouse takes out a black pouch and very slowly and carefully manipulates the object inside it. Positioning the opening over Sandro' chest, he sets it in place using the material as a glove. Done, he draws back.
The hemisphere's flat end is resting on the bloody shirt. The highly polished red jasper is unmarked.
At first, nothing happens. Providing a catalyst, Mouse dips his finger into Sandro's pooled blood and drips a few drops onto the stone surface. Instantly, the blood is absorbed and then, just as quickly, the body, including clothes and spilled red. There is no trace left of the crime, only a stone dropping onto the stage and tumbling to a stop.
Mouse sticks the bloody fingertip into his mouth, cleaning it in the most expedient way possible.
Mouse, grimacing
MOUSE
We have to find a different line of work.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY – NIGHT
Willow and Xander, crossbow in hand, keep a lookout while Buffy and Angel play with a VAMPIRE tossing him back and forth. Giles approaches the Scooby Gang younger members.
Giles, grumbling
GILES
What's taking them so long?
XANDER
Cold for a Slayer.
Pause.
XANDER
Sorry, Willow.
Buffy kicks VAMPIRE and he goes flying. Angel leaps into the air, intercepting the flying undead and using him as a landing cushion.
WILLOW
I am for hearing that joke. It should be framed and hung as a warning.
Pause.
Willow, adding playfully
WILLOW
Fighting makes Buffy happy to see me. Really, really happy.
Xander, eagerly
XANDER
Details, I want sexy, stripping and getting it on details.
Giles, sourly
GILES
Yes, do share more. Not.
Jumping up, Angel simply picks up the VAMPIRE and throws it at Buffy. The Slayer casually dusts the VAMPIRE midflight, ending this particular game in style while making it look very easy. She grins at Angel and he shakes his head at her antics.
Proving Willow's point, smiling Buffy runs up to the redhead and grabbing her hand, she pulls the willing, happy witch deeper into the cemetery with her.
Xander, Giles, and Angel follow, at a much slower pace.
Angel, joining Xander and Giles, looking at departing Buffy, wistfully
ANGEL
Like Eabha in spirit and soul; the zest for life is contagious.
GILES
Is that what your generation calls it? Cuckolded is more apt.
Angel, pointedly
ANGEL
She is your Slayer; she is not your daughter.
Giles, gruffly
GILES
You best find a way to be with her or there won't be her to be with.
XANDER
Could you stop using big words and tweed English? I want in on Angel bashing too.
Giles and Angel ignore him.
Angel steps in front of Giles, stopping him. He takes the end of the Watcher's repeating crossbow and places it against his heart.
Angel, vamping out and looking Giles straight in the eye, sincere and determined
ANGEL
Here is the man I am now. If there is even a shred of doubt, best pull the trigger.
Giles clicks the safety off as Xander backs off. The Watcher keeps the finger off the trigger.
GILES
Who am I really talking to?
Angel, firmly
ANGEL
Liam.
GILES
Why are you here?
Angel, honest
ANGEL
To die.
GILES
Does Buffy know?
Angel, sadly
ANGEL
Her time, like mine, is finite. I promise my utmost to go before her.
Giles, softening, kindly
GILES
You are known to Watchers' Council. Redemption is beyond you.
ANGEL
But not peace.
Giles puts the safety back on and lowers the crossbow.
GILES
You are a good man, Liam. You have my blessing and my help. I will research your problem.
Angel returns to human and shakes Watcher's hand extended in friendship. All that needed having been said, they head after Buffy and Willow.
Xander, bringing up the rear, whining behind them
XANDER
That did not end the way I wanted.
GILES & ANGEL
Shut up, Xander.
CUT TO:
INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – BEDROOM - NIGHT
The streetlights and moonlight wage a losing war with the shadows reigning in the room. The battlefield extends to the bed, where two pajama-clad shapes lie.
Buffy flops over; she exaggerates the effect and shakes the bed in the process. Few second later, she sights and moves again.
Willow, facing away, gives up on sleeping and drops onto her back. Her eyes fall on Buffy, looking at her across the empty space in the middle.
Willow, trying hard not to sounds negative or nagging, calmly
WILLOW
Buffy, stop tossing.
Buffy, frustrated
BUFFY
Can't sleep.
Willow, warmly and invitingly
WILLOW
Want Willow-snuggle?
BUFFY
No.
Buffy throws back the sheets covering her and sits up with a huff, arms spread and planted in support behind and to the side of her.
Willow watches the Slayer's taut profile, openly admiring.
Willow, after a spell, shyly
WILLOW
Want help with … it?
Buffy shakes her head negative.
Willow sneaks her left hands towards Buffy's right, stealthily advancing until she covers it. The witch waits breathlessly for a reaction. It comes swiftly.
The Slayer gets off the bed and goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Willow turns on her side, away from the rectangle of light, at first. Soon thou, she gets up and marches determinedly to the bathroom. Without knocking she walks inside.
Moments later, Willow comes out, leading Buffy by hand. She flicks the light off on the way and proceeds, Slayer in tow, to the bed. Pushing Buffy down and situating her on the side with little resistance, she draws the sheets over her friend and goes to her half of the bed.
Slipping in, Willows makes her way to Buffy and that is when her courage deserts her. She positions behind her friend, close but not touching, sort of spooning by mirroring the shape in front but without the actual contact.
It is Buffy who scoots back into Willow and taking witch's hand, places it around her middle. The bodies adjust and then settle, both teenagers closing their eyes. They doze off, comfortable in the closeness.
Willow, opening her eyes, her turn for insomnia, whispering
WILLOW
Buffy?
Buffy, sleepy
BUFFY
Yes?
Willow, worried
WILLOW
I'm tingly … there. Is that normal?
Buffy, mumbling
BUFFY
Go to sleep.
Silence falls for a while. Then
WILLOW
Buffy?
Buffy, going with humor, lightly
BUFFY
No to helping with the tingle. Helping with the tingle is best left to boyfriends and girlfriends. The real not the pretend.
WILLOW
Did you have a tingle earlier?
BUFFY
Yes.
WILLOW
Do you still have it?
BUFFY
Yes.
Willow, before her courage deserts her, hopefully
WILLOW
It makes sense to mutually help.
BUFFY
Tingle emergency is what privacy of one is for.
More silence descends.
WILLOW
Buffy?
Buffy, blowing air in exasperated fashion
BUFFY
…
Willow, timidly
WILLOW
… How?
Buffy, knowing full well what Willow means to ask, directly
BUFFY
How what, Willow? Tingle and you, table for one?
Willow, not quite sure if they are talking about the same thing, embarrassed
WILLOW
How … uh, what you … uh, you know … in bathroom?
Buffy, surprised
BUFFY
Seriously?
WILLOW
Yes. No. I mean, no to bathroom … not no to …
Buffy, cutting off the babble, with finality
BUFFY
Willow, I am not discussing care of tingle for one with you; not now, not ever. That is what Internet is for – picking up where strict, repressed Catholic parents left off.
Silence again.
Willow, giggling
WILLOW
Can I watch instead?
Buffy, her eyes flying open, stunned
BUFFY
Willow Rosenberg!
Willow, impishly
WILLOW
Sleepy now.
Willow buries her face into Buffy's neck and is out quickly. Buffy has a harder time joining the redhead in dreams.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALLWAY OUTSIDE ENGLISH CLASSROOM – MORNING
Buffy and Xander are stopped from entering by the same three HISPANIC BOYS from yesterday. Xander immediately moves behind Buffy, to the hidden amusement of the HISPANIC BOYS, who try not to show it but fail. Buffy knows better.
HSIPANIC BOY #1, pointing in turn, making introductions
HISPANIC BOY #1
I'm Puente; Carlos, Jose.
Buffy, doing likewise, hooking a thumb at self and then over her shoulder at Xander
BUFFY
Buffy, Xander; I am the muscle and that is not the brain.
Puente, nodding, trying to sound tough and street
PUENTE
My older brother runs with Latin Kings. He loco, rap goes back to juvie, yet he scared of you, chica. D-Wak ain't afraid of nothing; makes me think you Wonder Woman or some mierda. Word out on the street: don't mess with Summers blonde.
BUFFY
Word.
Carlos, adding helpfully
CARLOS
Sandro ditched us after school; he did not come home.
JOSE
His mother filed a missing report this morning. We don't think he left the grounds. We mess with Sandro, give him hard time, but he cool; we want our friend back.
Buffy, strongly
BUFFY
I will look into it. I will either find him or make someone pay.
Puente, flashing a hand sign, meaning it
PUENTE
Respect.
Puente, Carlos, and Jose file into the classroom and the door closes behind them.
Buffy follows them with her eyes and then focuses on the door, where a flyer hangs. It proclaims in big, bold letters the tryouts for the talent show. The Slayer steps up to it and takes it down. She starts reading the fine print.
Xander, wise to the ways of the Slayer, appreciating a fellow delinquent
XANDER
Skipping class?
BUFFY
I have interactive poetry, Sandro's fine show yesterday followed by request to stay behind, Mrs. Winters teaching English and Theater, and a missing student.
Xander, smart-ass
XANDER
The butler did it?
Buffy, giving no hint to whether she is serious or not, poker faced
BUFFY
Go away before I hurt you or you sprain a neuron.
Xander prudently makes for the door. Opening it, he squeezes inside as Buffy does not move.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM – LATE MORNING
Buffy, on all fours next to the mike, finishes checking the stage under her hands. She scrapes the blade of the Swiss army knife between the floorboards and sniffs it.
Buffy, sighing, disappointed
BUFFY
No blood here, no body backstage, no trace of Sandro. That was productive class cutting.
Buffy wipes the blade on her skirt, closes it, and puts away the utility knife.
Buffy, getting up stiffly, resigned
BUFFY
Might as well check the seats – what's few more hours of my rich, fulfilling life?
Buffy jumps down easily and approaches the folded seats. Looking under them, she finds her clue quickly.
The Slayer reaches in and retrieves the folded flyer, opening it and glancing over the contents.
Buffy, pleased
BUFFY
Hello evidence, goodbye Mrs. Winters. Give me B minus on last week's essay, will you, you old hag?
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – LIBRARY OFFICE – EARLY AFTERNOON
Buffy, Willow, and Xander are draped over various surfaces, eating lunch. The Slayer and witch are squashed together but don't seem to mind.
Giles drinks tea from a thermos cup. The Watcher is planted in the only chair in the room, facing his messy desk and computer.
Giles, swiveling and looking over the Scooby Gang, all business
GILES
Let's have it.
Willow, haltingly
WILLOW
Um … I was thinking … that is, if I don't panic or worse … then say, on a very, very dark set where I won't see the audience … definitely no to audience seeing … me them, or them me … um, I suppose I could recite π and Xander, dressed in black and glow sticks, can act out the numbers … um, that.
Xander, sticking his finger in his ear and wiggling it, grimacing
XANDER
That sounded as painful coming out as going in.
Pause.
XANDER
Willow, we talked about this before. Sexy math is like pheromones to science nerds.
WILLOW
I have my big, strong Buffy gorilla to chase them away.
BUFFY
Can we stop with the primates?
Pause.
BUFFY
And Willow? No girl wants to be compared to hairy ape. We have Xander for that.
XANDER
And the sunshine that is my life gets brighter and brighter.
BUFFY
True fact.
XANDER
You going to turn my emasculation into live theater?
BUFFY
Tempting, but no; more blindfolded knife throwing … with Giles.
Giles chokes on his tea.
Xander, sarcastic
XANDER
That should help his life expectancy. Remind me why we can't go after Mrs. Winters now?
Giles shoots Buffy a “we need to talk later” look and turns his attention to Xander.
GILES
We don't know if she is working alone or even if Sandro is still alive. Buffy?
Buffy, bummed out
BUFFY
I crawled, I sniffed, I licked, I even tasted; big, sucky nada.
The witch shuffles away in a hurry.
Willow, wrinkling her face, disgusted
WILLOW
And the big “you are fired, girlfriend” to the last two.
Buffy hustles after Willow and throwing an arm over the witch's shoulder, she brings her close again.
Buffy, leaning in and planting a big, wet kiss on Willow's cheek, saucily
BUFFY
Sorry, you already kissed it.
Willow makes no effort to wipe the saliva.
Willow, defiantly
WILLOW
Not going to happen again.
Buffy unwraps a Snickers and offers the first bite to Willow, who takes it without a second thought.
Buffy, munching on the rest of the sweet treat, knowingly
BUFFY
You say that now.
Giles, uncomfortable with the easy, mutual closeness between Buffy and Willow
GILES
Uh yes, I trust that if there was anything, you would have found it.
Pause.
Giles, raising his voice, briskly
GILES
Talent show it is. Willow, Xander: would you excuse me and finish quickly so I can have a word with Buffy?
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALLWAY OUTSIDE AUDITORIUM – LATE AFTERNOON
Buffy walks to the auditorium double door, lost in thought. She starts to open when a hand on the door pushes it closed again. The man behind the action is not a surprise; the sneakiness of his approach is.
Snyder, with fake sincerity and pleasantness
SNYDER
Good job missing your morning classes; that's what we in the business call progress. Unfortunately, it's taking too long.
Pause.
Snyder, looking at throwing knives Buffy carries, smugly
SNYDER
You going to stab somebody?
Buffy, locking eyes and not backing down, smiling
BUFFY
I am thinking about it.
Snyder, leaning closer, showing two can play that game, deceptively nice
SNYDER
Think harder: free room and board for life. I want you to know I am willing to sacrifice a student or two for a good cause.
Buffy, unsure if the Principal is serious, skeptical
BUFFY
Isn't caring required in education? Not to mention preventing murder instead of actively encouraging it?
SNYDER
Principal, not a teacher; less vermin scurrying the halls is the desired outcome.
BUFFY
Yet another illusion of higher authority figure dies in me.
SNYDER
Well, anytime you want to extend the killing to the real world, go ahead.
Snyder breaks the weird exchange by straightening up and removing his hand from the door. He skitters away and Buffy is so caught up in watching him that a second person in a row gains advantage on her.
Xander, startling Buffy, distrustful
XANDER
What did Snyder want?
Buffy, quickly regaining her footing and wit, naughtily
BUFFY
Caged Heat.
Xander, approvingly
XANDER
A true 70's classic; Willow borrowed my copy permanently.
Buffy, grinning
BUFFY
We watched it and every time there was nudity, Willow would cover her eyes.
XANDER
Did she peek from between her fingers?
BUFFY
We went Mystery Science Theater 3000 on it and the flimsy modesty only added to the experience.
XANDER
She makes the worst nun.
BUFFY
I think it is adorable.
XANDER
If anyone can convert to the other side, Willow can. Welcome to the girl on girl danger zone.
Buffy, with conviction
BUFFY
The straight is strong in this Slayer.
XANDER
You should see yourself around her now. Yours is either Oscar winning performance or you are girlfriends.
Buffy, striking a pose, breathlessly
BUFFY
And I want to thank my dog, Pooches …
Xander, critically
XANDER
The Xander is not fooled by your glib acceptance speech.
Pause.
Xander, shifting to safer territory after making a point, neutrally
XANDER
So, troll?
Buffy narrows her eyes and fixes him in place; she makes him squirm before reluctantly allowing and relaxing.
Buffy, cheerfully
BUFFY
The hatred warms his icy, shriveled heart.
XANDER
At least he is consistent.
BUFFY
And homicidal; knowing my luck, every Sunnydale High teacher, excepting Giles, Jenny, and him, is mixed.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM – LATE AFTERNOON
Buffy and Xander enter chaos. There are STUDENTS, single, paired, and in larger groups. No costumes and few accessories; most of the talent appears to be singers and dancers. A NERVOUS STUDENT fidgets on stage, awkward before the microphone, waiting for his cue to go.
Mrs. Winters talks with Giles and they appear to be the sole gatekeepers for the contestants to enter the show. Both ignore the NERVOUS STUDENT and are likely discussing the previous act.
Willow is off to the side by herself, in the seat farthest up. She enthusiastically waves to Buffy and Xander and they head for her.
Xander, demonstrating a few moves on the way there, arrogantly
XANDER
Prepare to witness greatness in motion.
Buffy, pointedly
BUFFY
You are a monkey in the suit twisting your body for our amusement.
Xander, mock hurt
XANDER
When you put it that way, is sounds humiliating and degrading. I prefer performance artist.
BUFFY
You go on right ahead believing that.
The NERVOUS BOY finally gets the go ahead from Mrs. Winters and he belts out something that can only be described as an audial hazard.
Xander, wincing
XANDER
At least I am not him.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM – EARLY EVENING
The crowd is made up of STUDENTS and their FAMILIES, pushing the capacity to the brim. Electronics are out, primed and ready to capture the best and especially the worst of the tonight's entertainment. You can almost smell the desire for later.
The curtain parts and reveals Willow and Xander.
Willow wears Statue of Liberty costume, the only difference being a white circle in place of a face and the symbol π, written in black, in the middle of it.
In sharp contrast, Xander's garb resembles ninja outfit, black concealing head to toe. Strips of tape are strategically placed around his body, waiting for lights out to announce themselves into patterns. Or at least that is the idea.
Unsurprisingly, as soon as she is revealed and the spotlights find her, Willow screams and runs away, leaving Xander alone on the stage. He looks around and bolts after her. The curtain closes to the laughter of the audience.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM – EARLY EVENING
The curtain parts and “oohs” and “ahs” ring from the audience.
Buffy stands on one side, dressed in her old cheerleader outfit. Giles, near the opposite end, wears a tuxedo with top hat. The lights dim, spotlights come on, and a bit of music starts building the tension, ratcheting up in intensity. Behind Giles is a wooden target board that will serve as the prop in this act.
While Buffy produces a throwing knife, Giles really gets into the role. With deliberate showmanship, the watcher takes out an apple, polishes it with a handkerchief pulled from a front pocket, and then carefully sets it on top his hat. Just as he starts to drop his hands, Buffy strikes.
Without warning, the Slayer lets fly with the blade and - to the cresting of music - pierces the apple. The synchronization means the hurried throw was actually part of the act. Enthusiastic clapping is their reward.
Giles tips his hat to the audience and begins to move in front of the board.
Few steps from it, another surprise comes unscheduled.
DEMON, from the side of the stage, moaning
DEMON VOICE-OVER
Pain!
Buffy, to Giles, yelling a warning
BUFFY
Drop!
The Watcher does; the DEMON comes stumbling from off stage and crashes into the prop. The DEMON goes right thru it when a throwing knife takes him in the chest. It does not appear to slow him down much, but successive ones do.
In addition to the growing number of holes, oozing green ichor, the DEMON is suffering an affliction that has his body racked by pain and his hands on his head, as if trying to stop it from exploding.
While the wounds caused by the Slayer stop the DEMON'S advance, they eventually draw his attention. Spreading his clawed arms, he yells and rushes blindly … only to trip on sprawled Giles and plant face first into the stage. The weapons are driven into his body by the impact and the DEMON twitches violently before going still. The audience erupts to their feet, clapping and cheering wildly.
A tendril of red reaches out of Buffy's nostril and splashes warmly on her blouse. Absently, she wipes at it before turning her attention to the source of the trouble.
In a spectacular end, the DEMON and his spilled blood vanish in a burst of smoke, leaving no trace. This earns Buffy and Giles an even louder ovation.
As Giles stands up hatless and soaks in the praise, the Slayer runs across the stage and in the direction the DEMON arrived from. The curtain starts to close as the blonde exits stage left.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – AUDITORIUM – EVENING
Principal Snyder climbs the stage and moves to the center of it. In his left hand is a wireless mike; his free one reaches inside the jacket and takes out a pen. Snyder rhythmically taps the pen five times and then raises it over his head. The eyes of STUDENTS and FAMILIES fix compulsively on the writing instrument.
Snyder, speaking into the microphone, evenly
SNYDER
You have trouble remembering the last ten minutes and you will erase all footage and images during that time.
Pause.
Snyder, adding maliciously
SNYDER
No votes for Buffy and Giles.
The Principal brings the pen down and repeats the tapping.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – LIBRARY – LATE EVENING
Buffy sits on the counter and Giles is behind it, leaning on the worn surface. They both look seriously down.
Buffy, despondent
BUFFY
We were robbed – big donut. My own mother disowned me.
Giles, sharing in the misery, morosely
GILES
Undone by no talent twit, her cursed dog, and chorus of airheads.
BUFFY
I bet Cordelia stole him.
Giles, gloomily
GILES
Popularity contest is what it was.
Their stormy thoughts are interrupted by the spectacular entrance of Mrs. Winters in demon face. Bursting thru the door, she drags unconscious Xander in her left hand and has Willow by the neck in her right.
Giles squints and puts on his glasses, trying to get a better look at the mixed.
Willow, trying to put a positive spin on things, overdoing the chipper mood
WILLOW
Hey everyone, guess what?
Buffy, wryly
BUFFY
You captured the demon?
WILLOW
You are half-right.
BUFFY
You have her where you want her?
WILLOW
That one.
Mrs. Winters unceremoniously drops Xander and he grunts on hitting the ground. At the same time, Giles gasps as he recognizes the demon. He is not fast enough as Winters tosses Willow at him.
Giles, to Buffy, shouting a warning
BUFFY
Bolgara dem…!
Willow connects with the Watcher and they go down in a tangle of limbs.
Buffy, bewildered
BUFFY
Bulgaria? Is that supposed to mean something?
Winters invites Buffy with a gesture to take her best shot and that is all the invitation the Slayer needs to string a combination starting with running jump kick.
The series of following punches sends the mixed into the wall but the demon is gaining strength instead of losing it. Winters laughs openly into Buffy's bloody face. The nose waterworks have started again.
Giles, his head appearing over the counter, screaming
GILES
Run!
Buffy natural instinct is to continue fighting but her trust in Giles overrides that. She backflips away from the mixed and on the last one smashes the table with her back as she lands awkwardly.
Something is wrong. Buffy is hemorrhaging from the nose and her coordination appears to be affected. Light flow has started from her ears as well.
The upper rest of Giles emerges, disheveled but no worse for wear.
GILES
Bolgara demons feed on creative energy.
Willow pops up next to the Watcher.
Buffy gives them a “duh?” look.
Giles, patiently
GILES
Martial art is that. You are an all you can eat Slayer buffet.
Willow, crying out as an idea strikes her
WILLOW
Drunken Master!
The witch pats Giles before he can slap her searching paws away and locates the flask. Reaching under the tuxedo, she retrieves her prize and pitches it to Buffy.
WILLOW
Down it all! Quickly!
Soon, a prodigious belch and a sound of metal hitting the floor announce the completion of that urgent request.
Giles, understanding downing, to Buffy, ordering enthusiastically
GILES
Attack her!
Buffy, griping, whiny
BUFFY
Retreat, fight; make up your head-stuck-in-the-ass mind, you uptight excuse …
Pause.
Buffy, detecting a new problem, rubbing her eyes clumsily, uncertain
BUFFY
Which her?
Willow, helpful
WILLOW
Hit both!
Buffy stumbles and lurches her way to Winters and commences walloping and swinging wildly. There is no technique or grace, just sloppy, wild punches. There are no kicks either; the Slayer can barely stand as it is.
The unfocused and undirected barrage has the desired effect and shortly has the mixed on the retreat. The backing further into the library ends when Giles runs up and skewers Winters' heart from behind.
The demon, sword and all, collapses in front of the Slayer. Buffy falls down on her knees and throws up all over it.
Giles backs away but Willow is right there to hold the hair back and support the heaving Slayer. The witch rubs Buffy's back and offers assurances.
There is a loud groan by the entrance and Xander stirs into life. Lifting his head, he surveys the room and the current situation.
Xander, his gaze coming back to settle on Mrs. Winters, cracking innocently
XANDER
Giles, out of curiosity: where are you hiding all the bodies?
CUT TO:
INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – BEDROOM - NIGHT
Buffy and Willow are in bed, covered to the waist. The Slayer has a cold compress on her head and Willow has her hand moving under Buffy's PJ top, placating the rumbling beast of a belly. Buffy is on her back and Willow is on the side, facing the Slayer.
BUFFY
At this rate, we will murder the entire faculty by spring break of my senior year. And Snyder thinks I have no ambition.
WILLOW
That is something you might want to keep to yourself.
Pause.
WILLOW
Mrs. Winters was mixed. Who sent the pure demon after you?
BUFFY
Two.
WILLOW
Two who?
BUFFY
Just Two. In the nearby closet, there were remains of summoning circle with funky symbols of diabolical fun and a note with the word “Two” followed by “ha, ha”. Took pictures for Giles, gave pictures to Giles, case pending.
Willow, thoughtfully
WILLOW
On a scale of evil that is like egging the front door.
BUFFY
Problem is: we have to put them out of commission before they bring something that can survive on this plane. And it won't be friendly.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE – ANDREW'S ROOM – NIGHT
Posters of sci-fi movies and comics plaster the walls. Massive quantities of collectibles, pristine in their original packaging turn this room into a shrine of geek.
Jonathan, agitated in manner, pacing and whining
JONATHAN
You said the demon would rampage. You said they would be talking about the Two. I want to be important for once! If not Cordelia and Cordettes, it is Buffy this and Buffy that. And if not her, it is her Scooby Gang. Okay, she and Willow are hot and doing it. But Boy Blunder Xander? Xander gets more respect than us. Loser Xander!
Andrew, defensive
ANDREW
It is not my fault it was defective! Besides, what would Captain Kirk do?
Jonathan, ironically
JONATHAN
Succeed?
ANDREW
Exactly.
FADE OUT: