by
Editor
Bleu Gato
Idiot Proof is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.
Contact: bard@xena2.com
Blog: www.xena2.com/blog
FADE IN:
INT. CONDO – BEDROOM – DAYLIGHT
The room is a cube. It has a single bed projecting out of the wall and holographic pictures on the walls, floating an inch away from the surface. The muted colors and low-key lights show still and moving captures of friends, family, and pets, all tiny windows into time’s past.
The ceiling is a clear night sky, but the stars are very dim. There is no obvious entrance or any sort of opening to the outside anywhere. The floor shares the softness and blandness of the walls.
Gradually, the night above fades. Skipping sunset, it transforms into a wonderful, yet muted, blue sky; the effect comes complete with lazily drifting fleece of clouds. In response to the change in illumination, the human lump in the bed stirs.
AI V.O. (VOICE-OVER)
Morning Lenny! You have 2 million viewers and 113 InstaVid from mom. She loves you, you know. You should buy her something. She has a wish list if you like to see it …?
CUT TO:
COMMERCIAL
There is a loud gong over a peaceful nature scene and a logo drops from above and crushes a small, furry woodland creature.
FIRED UP MALE V.O.
You can’t run, you can’t hide; we know where you are and we are coming for you! InstaVid – you can’t say no!
APPOLOGETIC FEMALE V.O.
We are very sorry about the stalking and the resulting virtual and actual restraining orders against us, Lenny. We want you to know you are a bad son, a spiteful person, and a horrible human being. But we don’t hate you and again, we are really sorry about the death of your dog. Forgive us?
CUT TO:
INT. CONDO – BEDROOM – DAYLIGHT
The sheets appear to dissolve around Lenny and reveal him dressed in white T-shirt and boxers. He sits up, swings his legs over the side and yawns.
AI V.O.
Are you going to name me today, Lenny? It has been 10458 hours, 15 minutes, and 3 seconds since we moved in together.
Lenny, patiently
LENNY
I bought this place and you came with it.
Lenny gets up and the bed moves into the wall. He walks to one of the corners and a platform rises from the floor, resembling the bottom of the shower but absent the drain.
Lenny steps onto the white square and a solid sheet of privacy plastic slides out of the wall and blocks the view. There is a sound of Lenny removing his clothes and then the sounds of something opening and closing, like a drawer.
A device resembling a ray with a shower head lowers from the ceiling, directly over Lenny. It disappears into the partition and there is a low hum for a few seconds. Then, it reemerges and goes back into its hiding place.
There is a whoosh and something lands on the shower floor, followed by sounds of Lenny dressing. The curtain departs shortly thereafter, revealing Lenny dressed in a blue jumpsuit.
When he steps off, the shower disappears and two columns rise from the floor in the middle. One goes higher and sprouts a tabletop; the second transitions into a chair.
On Lenny’s approach, a round hole opens in the middle of the table and sphere shoots out; the black opening closes immediately after the discharge. The sphere bounces to a stop before the chair as Lenny takes his seat. The ball transforms into a cylinder without a top. It contains a dark, steaming liquid – breakfast is served.
AI V.O.
2.7 million viewers; you on, Lenny.
Lenny, sipping the drink, without enthusiasm, flat
LENNY
The fountain of youth is … Elixir.
He finishes quickly and tosses the empty container, sending it rolling to a stop. Instantly, a small, hidden door opens and a tiny robot darts out. It snatches the discarded prize with a short musical fanfare, wipes the floor of liquid, and retreats.
AI V.O.
Holding at 2.7 million and trending down. Come on; give them something to care about, something juicy. Life with Lenny needs more controversial talk and less boring reality. Would you like today’s headlines?
Lenny sighs and rubs his eyes. He looks around at the budget space with its many comforts and then the virtual pictures on the walls. He appears to reach a sort of decision.
Lenny, looking straight into the camera, determined
LENNY
You wake up one day, with a perfect memory and instant recall of the entirety of your long, long, so very long life - thanks Memex! You also realize that …
CUT TO:
COMMERCIAL
There is a soft, musical chime, and then a Memex logo appears. Over image of young Lenny a prerecorded message is played.
PLEASANT FEMALE V.O.
Lenny’s life is brought to you by Memex. One treatment, a century of easy payments and forever of shared memories. It’s you and Memex.
Disclaimer: you, the signee, consent to thought monitoring. But you can trust us – we are Memex!
Pause.
SLIGHTLY DISAPPROVING FEMALE V.O.
Lenny, the dog did not love you – your mom does. Come on, it’s us, we know you better than anyone; accept the InstaVid.
CUT TO:
INT. CONDO – BEDROOM – DAYLIGHT
Lenny, continuing to talk as if the interruption did not happen
LENNY
… that you don’t want or care about the entirety of it. What good is the past if it keeps going? If life does not end, cannot end, it loses its meaning.
Pause.
Lenny, dramatically
LENNY
I Lenny, being of sound mind and spirit, have resolved to end my life today.
There is a long silence following that statement.
AI, breaking the quiet
AI V.O.
38 million and spiking fast. SureBet – Odds are good! – has opened betting lines on you.
Pause.
AI V.O.
And … the polls are closed. PublicPulse – you chose.
CUT TO:
COMMERCIAL
AUTHORITARIAN FEMALE V.O.
Congratulations Lenny, you have won a lifetime reality contract with ComfortCube, the premier maker of home sweet home. Through our friends at SureBet – Hi, friends! – and our numerous associates and affiliated companies, we plan to bring our viewers decades of quality entertainment featuring you. We don’t mean to brag, and well, we are, but out products are lawyer vetted and crowdsource tested to the extent where we confidently can say that you cannot kill yourself. We accept your challenge in full faith of our safety record – after all, your home is idiot proof. Welcome to the rest of your indoor life, Lenny.
Disclaimer: Universal Corp is a proud parent of PublicPulse, HomeAI, InstaVid, Memex, ComfortCube, SureBet, Elixir, and every other company in the Milky Way galaxy.
CUT TO:
INT. CONDO - BEDROOM – DAYLIGHT
Lenny gets up and runs towards one of the walls. In growing panic, he fruitlessly searches for the door he clearly expects to be there. It does not materialize.
AI V.O.
Half a billion viewers and prime slot on morning news. You are a celebrity, Lenny.
A larger panel slides open and a woman in a matching jumpsuit, plastered with corporate logos, emerges from it. It slides shut behind her. Lenny backs away, uneasy.
AI, cheerfully
AI
Call me Jenny. Lenny, we need to talk about who is in charge and what is expected of you …
FADE OUT:
THE END