by
Bard
Editor
Bleu Gato
Xena: Warrior Princess is copyright MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. All original content of Xena: Warrior Princess 2.0 is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.
Contact: bard@xena2.com
Blog: www.xena2.com/blog
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. DELPHI ORACLE 10 YEARS AGO/AFTERNOON
A blind OLD WOMAN in a simple white robe is standing in front of an altar of Apollo.
OLD WOMAN
Step forth, King Gregor.
The King walks up to her and stops a respectful distance away.
King Gregor, humbly
KING GREGOR
Greetings, seer Pythia. I made the offerings and prepared a sacrifice to Apollo.
PYTHIA
The God is pleased. Understand that some answers are better left unknown.
KING GREGOR
I accept.
PYTHIA
Very well, what knowledge you seek?
KING GREGOR
Will I be blessed with an heir?
Priestess of Apollo turns and gazes deeply into a bronze bowl of clear water.
PYTHIA
The son will be the death of the father.
KING GREGOR
What?!
PYTHIA
Apollo has spoken. Leave!
CUT TO:
INT. KING GREGOR'S CASTLE CHAMBERS NIGHT
The King is reading some scrolls at a desk when his ADVISOR enters. King Gregor notices the pleased expression on his ADVISOR's face.
KING GREGOR
Nemos, what tidings do you bring?
NEMOS
King Gregor, a spy just reported that the servant girl you were fond of has given birth in town. It's Philana and she has had a son. I paid off the midwife handsomely for the news and now one of my men is watching the house.
KING GREGOR
Are you sure it is my son?
NEMOS
The timing fits. We let few servants go before the winter due to low stocks, but we kept eyes on her as you requested.
KING GREGOR
No heir of my blood can be allowed to live. As long as there is even a slim chance of it being mine, it is a threat. Kill the bastard and the wench. Report when it is done.
Nemos, bowing, sycophantically
NEMOS
My King.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA PHILANA'S HOUSE NIGHT
Philana appears in a window and hands a small bundle the size of a baby to a WOMAN.
PHILANA
Hello Ophelia. Where will you take him?
Ophelia places the wrapped infant in a basket.
OPHELIA
Is he the king's son?
PHILANA
Yes, I left before the signs appeared. Still, I see strange men and furtive glances whenever I leave home. Nemos has spies everywhere and the ear of the King.
OPHELIA
The boy has a part to play in the prophecy, that is the will of Apollo. I will take him to the river and let the waters carry him. The Fates will not cut his thread before his time. He will be safe.
Philana reaches a hand thru the window and gently strokes her son's fine hair.
PHILANA
May you walk with the Gods, son of mine. I love you.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA PHILANA'S HOUSE DAWN
Nemos comes out of the house wiping off blood from his sword.
Nemos, addressing the King, worriedly
NEMOS
The child was sent down the river in a basket. He is your blood.
KING GREGOR
Send men to the riverbank. I will ride and join the search myself.
King Gregor, looking pointedly at Nemos, rebuking
KING GREGOR
This time it will be done right.
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS CAMP EARLY MORNING
Xena and Gabrielle are sparring with swords near the river in tunics. They talk between engagements, Xena pointing out the weak points with her blade for emphasis.
XENA
A gash on the arm or thigh and you opponent looses blood till he faints. Slow, but effective.
GABRIELLE
How is that used in combination with the earlier poking?
XENA
Every fight is a race against time. As you fatigue and injuries mount, you become less effective and the chance of a fatal mistake increases. You can't primarily go for weak spots I showed you. Take what the opponent gives you and move on. Think of it as an improvised tale with parts from different scrolls. You can do poke, cut, gash, and poke. Or you can decide to go with gash, poke, gash, and cut.
GABRIELLE
You are saying that this is an art. What happens when the other artist is better?
XENA
Then you take the fight to him. Really take the fight to him in a special fighting style. One on one, it's the last resort when you know you will die. Soon.
Xena ends the practice. They sheath their swords and start packing the camp. Gabrielle heads for the river to fill the waterskins; approaching the shore, she stops and takes off her boots to investigate a noise. She wades into the water, only to halt and listen intently. She fixes the location of the sound and then heads downriver, towards the reeds closest to open water. Gabrielle starts searching and quickly finds a basket bobbing gently, in rhythm with the pulse of the river. She looks inside.
Gabrielle, raising the basket and calling to Xena
GABRIELLE
Baby!
XENA
Contrary to popular belief, I don't eat them.
Gabrielle comes back to the shore and puts the basket on the ground. She then dresses and puts on her armor. Xena has wondered over and is watching the BABY with interest. Gabrielle removes the BABY from the basket and starts checking him. She wrinkles her nose at her findings, then wraps him up again and cradles the boy.
GABRIELLE
We need to change him.
The BABY starts crying.
GABRIELLE
And probably feed him.
Gabrielle starts rocking the boy and coos at him. Xena looks terrified.
XENA
You volunteer?
GABRIELLE
My dau sister Lila is four years younger. I raised her.
XENA
We are not keeping him.
GABRIELLE
If I wanted that life, all I had to do was stay in Potidaea and let Perdicus take care of it. Xena, why is the baby floating in the river? Where is his mother?
Xena, thinking out loud
XENA
If you are desperate enough to send your child downriver in a basket, there must be a very good reason for it. I believe the baby was in danger and his mother loved him and she tried to save him. Otherwise she would drown him or abandon him for animals.
GABRIELLE
That's horrible. Who kills their own baby?
XENA
Gabrielle, you are still young to the cruelty of this world and the darkness in the hearts of some.
GABRIELLE
Plan?
XENA
There is a town and a castle upriver. We ask around and if we find the mother, help her.
Xena dons her armor and secures her weapons. She takes a look a Gabrielle who has wondered closer to river and goes to Argo, to secure Gabrielle's staff. A motion catches her attention. Along the riverbank King Gregor is riding a horse and ahead of him are five SOLDIERS. They just emerged from the bushes along the riverbank. The SOLDIERS spot them and they all charge at Xena. King Gregor takes out a sword and goes straight for Gabrielle.
King Gregor, roaring
KING GREGOR
Die!
FADE OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. WILDERNESS CAMP MORNING
Gabrielle turns and starts running along the river, holding the baby close to her body.
Gabrielle, yelling over her shoulder
GABRIELLE
Running away!
Xena has no time to delay. She takes out one SOLDIER with her chakram, and quickly disposes of the four other SOLDEIRS with few quick thrusts and slashes. She runs after Gabrielle, her long legs eating up the yards. Ahead of her, King Gregor closes the distance fast and comes up on Gabrielle, raising his sword and preparing to strike. At the last possible moment, Gabrielle cuts sharply to the right and plunges into the river. Gregor's galloping horse takes him past her and it takes him a while to return to the spot. He sheaths his sword, jumps off the horse, and takes out a dagger. Gabrielle is swimming away on her back, struggling to stay afloat with the weight of the armor and the baby. Gregor wades in just as Xena tackles him. He goes down face first and she holds him down till he stops moving. She ignores his body and takes off her armor. Gabrielle is coming back to the shore, but she is tiring. Xena goes in and drags her back to the shore. They collapse on the bank.
XENA
Baby fine?
GABRIELLE
Learning to swim.
XENA
You okay?
GABRIELLE
Remembered to fight another day. However, I was not expecting to be chased by a horse and it was either the river or my head coming off. I like my head, it has all the cool bard stories.
XENA
I do my best to keep it on your shoulders.
Xena sits up and looks at the half submerged corpse and then goes back into water and brings it onshore. Gabrielle looks over and gets up. Gabrielle, somberly
GABRIELLE
Xena, those soldiers are in service to some king, with regular uniforms and matching colors. I understand them going for you, what with the reputation and killer leather outfit. However, their leader was coming for me and he was in the beheading mood. People don't target me over you without a reason. We in trouble?
XENA
New plan. We leave the soldiers, put the leader on his horse, take him to town and let them know. We try to find out about the baby, and then we walk away.
GABRIELLE
You know what will happen, right?
XENA
We could get lucky.
Gabrielle gives her a look that speaks volumes.
XENA
Right, it will get complicated.
GABRIELLE
It's what we live for.
XENA
It's not the live part I worry about.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA OUTSKIRTS LATE MORNING
Xena and Gabrielle have stopped on a hill overlooking the town. Xena is busy behind Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
What are you doing swaddling me in linen?
XENA
Building a cradle on you back.
GABRIELLE
What am I, baby pack horse?
XENA
We are going into town, which means riots, angry mobs, and occasional stoning.
GABRIELLE
I claim the first one, the others are yours.
XENA
Gabrielle, this is not a contest.
GABRIELLE
Admit is Xena, I find the best trouble.
XENA
Yes, that is something to be proud of.
GABRIELLE
I do my part.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA TOWN SQUARE LATE MORNING
Few VILLAGERS walk around. There is a small group of three SOLDIERS and their COMMANDER near the inn. Xena heads for them, leading the dead leaders' horse with him draped over it, face down. Gabrielle stays a distance behind with Argo and unslings her bow. VILLAGERS scatter at the sight of her archery stance and the square empties out. Xena walks up to the COMMANDER and dumps the body, which falls on its back. The SOLDIERS move their hands to the sword handles.
COMMANDER
I am Kleon, commander of the King Gregor's guard. What is the meaning of this?
XENA
Man here charged my unarmed friend who was cradling a baby. Said man became dead man. So did five soldiers who were with him.
Stunned silence from SOLDIERS.
Kleon, angrily
KLEON
You killed King Gregor and his guard?
XENA
See that woman with the bow? Best archer in Greece. Don't make it four more bodies.
KLEON
What do you want?
XENA
Why did the King attack us?
Kleon, gesturing at the BABY on Gabrielle's back
KLEON
Is that your baby?
Xena takes a measure of him, and then decides to trust him.
Xena, honestly
XENA
No, Gabrielle found him floating downriver in a basket.
Kleon, wonderingly
KLEON
The son will be the death of the father. That was the prophecy from Delphi and King Gregor made sure he had no male heir. Except the one that was dropped in the river last night. You saying this Gabrielle was holding his son when King Gregor attacked her?
Xena, honestly
XENA
Yes. The King drew his sword on spying her and charged with war cry. Kleon, the King chose his fate and fulfilled the prophecy.
Kleon, resignedly
KLEON
Will of the Gods.
Xena, looking him directly in the eyes
XENA
Are you an honorable man, Kleon?
KLEON
I served the King and now my sword is his son's. Nemos will be a problem, he is a ruthless and ambitious man. He was the King's chief advisor and is in place to be a regent until the child comes of age. Knowing Nemos, that probably will not happen.
Xena, forcefully
XENA
You will protect him.
KLEON
My oath is to the young King and the one appointed his representative. That means Nemos as regent. To do otherwise would start a war. Nemos has a large power base, with spies and supporters across the land.
XENA
What if Nemos had an accident? I mean, before he was sworn in as a regent.
KLEON
Then he is a man whose death few will mourn and many will cheer. I will send a trusted messenger to castle with the news of King's death, the recovery of the heir, and a request for reinforcements. Nemos is yours. One condition: you will harm none of my men in the course of this ambush. Clean and simple, agreed?
Kleon looks meaningfully at Gabrielle, the one expected to carry out the assassination.
XENA
You have my word, only Nemos will die and no other blood will be spilled.
Kleon signals one of the SOLDIERS and that designated SOLDIER takes off.
KLEON
What are you called, warrior?
XENA
Many names, none of them spoken in polite company. I'm Xena.
The COMMANDER and two SOLDIERS react with startlement and fear.
XENA
I walk a new path now.
Kleon recovers but remains guarded. Kleon, noncommittally
KLEON
The Fates work in mysterious ways. What is your plan for Nemos?
XENA
You and your soldiers stay with Gabrielle, hidden on the side of the road. Protect her and the infant. I am going to personally say hello to Nemos.
Xena calls Gabrielle over with a wave of her hand. Gabrielle slings her bow and walks over, questioning look in her eyes.
Xena, to Gabrielle
XENA
Meet Kleon, commander of royal troops and the next regent.
GABRIELLE
What happened to the first?
XENA
Nemos has an appointment in Tartarus.
Xena, to Kleon
XENA
One more thing. Where is the mother of this baby?
KLEON
Nemos tortured and killed her this morning. That's how we knew the boy was in the river.
GABRIELLE
Tartarus sounds fine by me.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA ROAD TO CASTLE AFTERNOON
Nemos rides alone in the middle, with groups of MOUNTED SOLDIERS in front and behind him. Large trees sprawl over the band of dirt heading for town. Xena drops on Nemos' horse from a tree branch above and lands behind him. She deftly cuts his throat with a dagger and pushes him to the ground. He dies twitching on the ground.
MOUNTED SOLDIERS
Assassin!
Kleon steps out onto the road from the bushes, pushing Gabrielle ahead of him at sword point.
KLEON
Hold!
The MOUNTED SOLDIERS freeze.
Gabrielle looks at Xena and Xena shakes her head no. Kleon catches the exchange and considers Xena with an appraising look.
Kleon, wondering
KLEON
If you indicated yes, would Gabrielle take me and my men out?
XENA
My word binds me. For now.
Kleon, surprised
KLEON
We know of merciless warlord, who gave no quarter and honored no agreement. Yet here you stand and offer no resistance. Prove it Xena. Surrender.
XENA
I surrender.
Xena nimbly dismounts. The soldiers bring Gabrielle over and remove their weapons and armor. The SOLDIERS start to search for hidden weapons.
GABRIELLE
Hey, watch those hands. I have a marriage to attend and I am saving myself for my beloved. Easy on the merchandise.
Xena just glares threateningly, her body language speaking volumes.
The SOLDIERS give them a brief pat down and appear relieved to move away.
Xena and Gabrielle have their hands tied behind their back tightly with rope.
Kleon, announcing loudly
KLEON
Those two will be charged with regicide, murder of King's soldiers, and assassination of chief advisor.
GABRIELLE
Why stop there? Throw in royal kidnapping and kicking of puppies. Now those are some high crimes.
Kleon, ignoring her, to MOUNTED SOLDIERS
KLEON
Move out!
GABRIELLE
I always start the day by executing two innocent souls. Gets the blood flowing.
Kleon clenches his teeth and moves to the front. Gabrielle's words chase him.
GABRIELLE
What's your word worth, Kleon? Guess we know now.
The column starts moving and Xena and Gabrielle walk onward.
Xena, amazed
XENA
You never stop. Digging that verbal knife in a little deeper and planting a seed of doubt. They never see it coming until it is too late. You know, we could have ruled the world, you and I. I can break and twist people in my image, but I could never capture their minds the way you can. They always left me in the end. You bind them and hold them in chains of belief stronger that the Hephaestus' finest work. If only we met earlier
GABRIELLE
Result would be the same as now, minus the whole conquering the world thing.
Xena, admitting
XENA
True.
GABRIELLE
Remember, I talk, you punch. This is still at the words not swords stage. Let's visit their world famous dungeon and enjoy the hospitality of stale straw, watery soup, rats, and that exotic aroma of unwashed bodies and human waste mixed with mold and dampness.
XENA
You are a romantic at heart.
They see the castle come into view, with lots of SOLDEIRS milling around.
XENA
Gabrielle?
GABRIELLE
Yes?
XENA
We are in trouble.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. KING GREGOR'S CASTLE DUNGEON CELL EVENING
Xena and Gabrielle are in dark, dank cell. Gabrielle sniffs the air.
GABRIELLE
Less stenchy than expected, I like it.
XENA
This is only your second dungeon, give it time before you start awarding stars.
GABRIELLE
You saying there are others in my future?
XENA
You wanted adventure.
GABRIELLE
At least they chained my hands; I am moving up on the danger list.
Xena, mumbling under her breath
XENA
One day they will learn to chain you mouth.
GABRIELLE
What did you say?
XENA
Just talking to myself.
GABRIELLE
Thought so.
Xena moves around and tests the chains. They hold fast.
XENA
How many kids survived?
GABRIELLE
Three out of ten.
XENA
For decency's sake, I will take the one in your upper underwraps. Seriously Gabrielle, that way lies injury. And it attracts the wrong set of suitors.
GABRIELLE
They are in front and back of my lower underwraps. Satisfied?
XENA
Disappointed.
Gabrielle, teasing
GABRIELLE
Guess you are no longer attracted then?
XENA
I am a very flexible person.
GABRIELLE
Move your flexible self behind me and get the kid out already.
Gabrielle lifts her tunic up and Xena slides her hands up her back. After a bit of fumbling, she removes her hands, now with a throwing knife in them.
XENA
Leave this part out of the story.
GABRIELLE
Tales travel fast, you know. Last thing I want is my parents finding out you had your hands under my tunic. No worries, all my tales are censored with them in mind.
XENA
Decided when you are going to start telling the stories at the inns?
GABRIELLE
We that desperate for money?
XENA
No yes.
Xena's stomach growls as if in confirmation.
Gabrielle, chuckling
GABRIELLE
One employed bard on the way. Once we get out. Speaking of which
Xena gets to work on her wrists and is soon free. Xena reaches under her tunic and removes something.
Gabrielle points to the small, leather wrapped bundle.
GABRIELLE
Hey, what is that?
XENA
Lock picks.
GABRIELLE
If you had them, why didn't you have me remove them?
XENA
I don't like to be touched and they were at the front.
GABRIELLE
Oh, so it's okay for you to paw all over me but I can't?
XENA
Not unless you want to. Do you want to paw my front?
GABRIELLE
I would, but strictly as a friend removing lock picks.
XENA
I bet.
GABRIELLE
Still not interested.
XENA
I could develop a complex from all the rejection.
GABRIELLE
Lock pick, now.
XENA
Your heart is made of stone.
GABRIELLE
With a delicious honey middle. Plan?
XENA
Lure, bonk, and run.
GABRIELLE
I lure and run, you bonk. Go team.
CUT TO:
INT. KING GREGOR'S CASTLE DUNGEON HALLWAY NIGHT
Xena and Gabrielle are sneaking down the hallway. The more secure cells with doors end and now the less secure ones with just bars start. There is a click ahead and one of the doors swings open. A head peeks out and is grabbed by Xena. She raises a fist, only to drop it, and lets the man go.
Xena, cordially
XENA
Autolycus.
AUTOLYCUS
Xena!
Autolycus, stepping out of the cell and looking around
AUTOLYCUS
Hey, who is you friend?
GABRIELLE
I'm Gabrielle.
XENA
Not available.
AUTOLYCUS
Pity.
GABRIELLE
Cellmate from the past?
AUTOLYCUS
I am the great King of Thieves. And yes.
XENA
The great King of Thieves that got caught sneaking around.
AUTOLYCUS
Not a chance in Hades.
GABRIELLE
They caught you with your trousers down with one of the chambermaids?
Autolycus, rakishly
AUTOLYCUS
I have a reputation to maintain.
Gabrielle, looking at his former cell with a grin
GABRIELLE
Yes and you are doing it so well.
AUTOLYCUS
Say Xena, why is your friend wearing trousers? I know you like men Xena, but dressing that woman up as a man is twisted even by your warlord standards.
XENA
Gabrielle had a difficult childhood.
AUTOLYCUS
So did I, but you don't see me wearing a dress. Wait, I take that back. I wear dresses for my job and even in my off time. But we will keep that our little secret. Double dress date?
XENA
I am not available either.
Gabrielle, smiling at Autolycus
GABRIELLE
The prisoners here look desperate enough.
AUTOLYCUS
Unless this is an all women's section of the dungeon, Gods no.
XENA
So what's a thief like you doing in a place like this?
GABRIELLE
Not his job, apparently.
AUTOLYCUS
You know, when I dreamed of double the fun, this is not what I had in mind.
XENA
Either you talk or Gabrielle continues to mock you.
AUTOLYCUS
You always had the best tortures. All right, I am scouting for the rebels; they plan to overthrow King Gregor. It appears in his haste to stop the prophecy the good King might have killed a few infants too many.
GABRIELLE
The King is dead.
AUTOLYCUS
That does not help, Nemos is even worse. Where the King was the mad mind, Nemos was his bloody sword. From what I was told, Nemos went about his tasks enthusiastically and with a great deal of initiative.
XENA
Killed him too.
AUTOLYCUS
Xena, it is not wonder you have no friends. People drop dead around you like Death herself was walking thru them.
GABRIELLE
I am immune.
XENA
What she said.
AUTOLYCUS
Is there anyone important left alive here? Obviously, there must be, someone ordered you locked up.
GABRIELLE
King's son and Kleon, the next regent. We rescued the son and helped Kleon.
AUTOLYCUS
Great. Wait, why are you here then?
XENA
Our execution.
GABRIELLE
Xena has a reputation and when bodies stopped dropping, Kleon turned on us.
AUTOLYCUS
Who did not see that coming.
GABRIELLE
Kleon is an honorable man. Plan?
XENA
Autolycus, go to the rebels and set up a meeting in the town with the reeve. We need to show them that they can trust Kleon and meeting them in their place goes a long way toward that. Make it at dawn, location of their choosing.
Autolycus nods and takes off.
XENA
Well, look at that. My vow of nonviolence just expired. Let's go see Kleon.
GABRIELLE
Hope it goes better than the last time.
CUT TO:
INT. KING GREGOR'S CASTLE CHAMBERS NIGHT
Kleon is going over the scrolls left by King Gregor. The servants' door opens soundlessly and Gabrielle slides in. She is wearing her armor and weapons sans bow and staff. She moves like a shadow behind Kleon and slides a dagger around his throat.
Gabrielle, whispering
GABRIELLE
Not the same when the blade is pointed at you.
She removes his sword and dagger and tosses them away. They skitter on the floor across the room. Her own dagger is lifted and Gabrielle sits on the table next to him, looking down at Kleon.
Kleon, swallowing audibly
KLEON
Who becomes regent, you or her?
GABRIELLE
What is your duty soldier?
KLEON
My duty is to the young King.
GABRIELLE
There is your answer.
KLEON
Xena removes two people in line to power and helps an heir who cannot rule for years. Quite a coincidence.
GABRIELLE
You say you know Xena. Was that Xena today?
KLEON
How should I know what infernal plan is she pursuing?
GABRIELLE
The woman walked up to you, told you the truth, and offered to help. She was concerned about the young King and his mother. She kept her word and honored the agreement you both made.
KLEON
She is Xena.
GABRIELLE
Has she lied to you, deceived you, or betrayed you? That you can prove.
KLEON
No.
GABRIELLE
You did.
Kleon lowers his head.
Kleon, ashamed
KLEON
GABRIELLE
She is out of the dungeon and armed. The only thing harmed on your guards is their pride. Why are you still alive?
KLEON
You have power over her. You stopped her from killing.
GABRIELLE
No one controls Xena, God or man. Again, what stays her hand?
Kleon, realization downing in his eyes, accepting the truth, quietly
KLEON
She does. She chosen not to harm the guards or take revenge on me.
GABRIELLE
Were her actions up to now honorable?
KLEON
Yes.
GABRIELLE
Were yours?
KLEON
No.
GABRIELLE
Xena is my friend and I trust her. I know you are a good man, but you did a wrong thing. You know that?
KLEON
Tell Xena I'm sorry. Forgive me, I am an old soldier; I see the world in black and white. My eyes saw the past when the present was standing right in front of me.
GABRIELLE
Tell her yourself. She is here.
XENA
There is a civil war brewing in your kingdom. Your first act as regent will be to meet with the rebels and address their concerns. The meeting is at dawn in town. Gabrielle and I will be there.
GABRIELLE
Regency is about steadfast leadership and politics. You have the first and the town elders will advise on the second. Bring the people together under the young King and peace will follow. This kingdom has seen enough strife.
Kleon, accepting the truce
KLEON
You have the wisdom yourself. The cursed prophecy is over and we will rebuild what was lost. I will be in town on the morrow.
Gabrielle, gently
GABRIELLE
There was more than the baby in that basket. There was hope for a better life born out of a mother's love.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. LERNA HOUSE DAWN
Xena and Gabrielle are guarding a nondescript house. Gabrielle is in her archer setup.
GABRIELLE
You know how you told me about centaurs firing on the move?
XENA
You can run and fire.
GABRIELLE
And trip over my feet.
XENA
That could be bad.
GABRIELLE
Sword in the gut bad.
XENA
You plan on challenging a centaur to an archer duel? Standing still, you can take their best. It is the moving part where things get bloody.
GABRIELLE
One step at a time. Staff is great against thugs and budget mercenaries, in groups of no more than a dozen. With liberal help from the kids, of course.
XENA
You can throw those with either hand, right?
GABRIELLE
It gets awfully boring staring at sheep for half a day. I made up challenges.
Xena, thoughtfully
XENA
I think you are ready with the sword if you keep it down to no more than three opponents. You had the advanced part down before and I demonstrated the rest. Now comes the hard part, practice and integration until it becomes instinct.
GABRIELLE
Speaking of training, we have company. They are masked, so you know they are bad guys. That is so considerate of them.
Xena, without turning
XENA
You can't know for sure.
GABRIELLE
They are carrying torches.
Xena backflips and twists in midair so she lands facing a group of MASKED FIGHTERS.
GABRIELLE
Showoff.
XENA gives her yell and does a few running front tucks, drawing her sword on the last one and ending with the point of it buried in the lead MASKED FIGHTER's chest. He starts to speak just before the stab.
MASKED FIGHTER
Nemos will be aveng
The spitted MASKED FIGHTER looks down at his chest.
MASKED FIGHTER
That could be a problem.
Xena takes her sword back and he dies in a spray of blood.
Gabrielle, sensing she needs this, watches Xena's back, content to hang back and let Xena work out whatever issues she has on the hard heads of the MASKED FIGHTERS. Her bow is ready and notched as she follows the action.
Xena uppercuts a MASKED FIGHTER in the jaw lifting him up and out of his boots. She sidekicks a MASKED FIGHTER square in the chest, sending him flying back, into the rest. Remaining MASKED FIGHTERS drop their weapons.
MASKED FIGHTER
You know, spying and extortion are not what they used to be. Hours are long, pay is low, and now the boss is dead. I think I will go back to robbing people.
XENA
Good luck pursuing your old career. Stay away from us and it will be a long one.
The MASKED FIGHTERS run away and Xena walks back to Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
What got into you?
XENA
Kleon was off limits and I needed to hit someone. Work off some anger, that kind of thing.
GABRIELLE
Normal people talk about their feeling, not bottle them up until they smash that bottle over someone's head.
XENA
I am normal. I just hit things.
Gabrielle grows somber.
Gabrielle, seriously
GABRIELLE
Do you hit people in a relationship with you?
Xena, uncomfortable, defensively
XENA
I am in control. Always. Everything is on my terms and at my pleasure.
Gabrielle reads between the lines.
Gabrielle, sadly
GABRIELLE
You do. You hurt them physically and emotionally to manipulate and control them and that is why they leave you.
Xena turns and starts to walk away.
GABRIELLE
No! Get back here.
Pause.
Gabrielle, pacifying
GABRIELLE
Please.
Xena stops and comes back. She is not happy.
XENA
You walk a dangerous ground.
GABRIELLE
Let's start with one small step. Every time you want to hit something, tell me. Just say Hesperos and we get our staffs and go at it, full out. It is the only weapon I can more than hold my own against you, at least for a while.
XENA
Why?
GABRIELLE
I can defend myself and I give as good as I take. The next person you explode on probably can't.
XENA
I don't understand you.
GABRIELLE
Just as you are responsible for me, I am responsible for you. One for two and two for one. Friends.
Xena, softly
XENA
Friends.
CUT TO:
EXT. LERNA HOUSE AFTERNOON
Xena and Gabrielle are talking to Kleon.
GABRIELLE
Old men talking in circles for hours about nothing. That about sums it up?
Kleon, holding his head in his hands, grunting
KLEON
Ugh. I learned one thing: talking is harder than fighting. I rather be in battle all day than sit thru one of their town council meetings.
XENA
Don't encourage Gabrielle, I have to travel with her.
Kleon laughs and looks a tad guilty.
KLEON
Then I better hold the next bit of news.
GABRIELLE
No, I insist, do tell.
XENA
Cue the triumphant march of the ego.
KLEON
I decided to name the King's son Gabriel. I hope he will be wise and noble King, with a heart that places the value of the word before the sword. Like his namesake.
GABRIELLE
Yes! I mean I am honored and pleased of the trust placed in me.
XENA
Bet you are.
GABRIELLE
Be nice. Gabriel is a fine name, well chosen.
KLEON
Xena, first the heroics then joking around with Gabrielle. What's next, tales at the inn?
XENA
Hesperos.
KLEON
What?
GABRIELLE
That is your cue to leave before Xena murders you. Jesting with Xena is a fatal idea for anyone but me and few select others.
Kleon, apologetically
KLEON
This old soldier knows when to retreat. Apologies Xena, too many blows to the head loosened the tongue. When Gabriel grows up, I will tell him a story about the women who saved his life and prevented a war, bringing peace to our land.
GABRIELLE
What a fine tale that will make. Health and prosperity Kleon.
KLEON
Walk with the Gods, heroes.
Kleon departs, leaving them alone.
Xena, grumbling
XENA
I do all the fighting and they name the child after you.
GABRIELLE
You still want to wail on me with a staff?
Xena, with evil grin
XENA
Oh yes, now more than ever.
Gabrielle, confidently
GABRIELLE
My ego says: bring it on.
FADE OUT:
THE END