by
Editor
Bleu Gato
Xena: Warrior Princess is copyright MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. All original content of Xena: Warrior Princess 2.0 is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.
Contact: bard@xena2.com
Blog: www.xena2.com/blog
TEASER
FADE IN:
EXT. WILDERNESS CAMP PRE DAWN
The world lightens and gathers color as Gabrielle leaves the stoked fire and proceeds towards the woods. Abruptly, she stops and listens. With a firm and determined stride, she moves beside Xena's bedroll and crouches near Warrior Princess' head. Xena has her back to the bard, but is not fooling her.
Gabrielle, quietly yet insistently
GABRIELLE
Fess up.
Xena groans as she lies flat and sees starts, literally and figuratively. And looking up at Gabrielle, the concern and kindness staring back at her dissolve her willpower in a blink. The resistance is moot anyway - betrayed by her body, she can't pretend or lie her way out. Also, Xena finds she does not want to. That does not mean she will share everything.
Xena, parceling out the truth carefully, admitting reluctantly
XENA
I slept wrong.
Gabrielle, reading more than she lets on, warmly
GABRIELLE
Take off you tunic and turn over.
Xena does, sighing with relief as strong, practiced hands quickly find the trouble spot on her lower back and begin to knead the sore muscles.
Xena, melting into the bedroll, blissfully
XENA
Ah, Elysium.
Gabrielle, massaging her friend into lowering her guard yet showing genuine concern
GABRIELLE
How did you hurt it?
Xena, caught, finds the truth slipping out, as it always does around the bard
XENA
Um practice last night.
GABRIELLE
Why not say something?
Xena, trying to dismiss the incident, lightly
XENA
Gabrielle, you spent an hour bathing. In cold stream - you two are beyond help. I was lucky to get dinner.
GABRIELLE
And after?
Xena, grinning
XENA
Athena was dessert; or maybe you were. Probably both.
Gabrielle, impishly
GABRIELLE
There was that.
Pause.
Gabrielle, feeling bad, guiltily
GABRIELLE
I am sorry. You were in pain and we ignored you.
Xena, holding no grudge, forgiving
XENA
No, you are young and recently married. Enjoy the fire.
Gabrielle, noticing the knotted muscles, wisely
GABRIELLE
There is more.
Gabrielle shifts her attention to the stiff shoulders, easing the sudden tension in Xena's body.
Pause.
Gabrielle, tenderly
GABRIELLE
Xena, I love you. What's wrong?
For a few seconds Xena fights and then surrenders, sagging into the bedroll.
Xena, confessing her fears, tearfully
XENA
There are no old soldiers.
Gabrielle, reassuring with words and touch, comfortingly
GABRIELLE
Xena, you did not fail at Thessaly. You fought brave and
Xena, sharply, unable to stem the emotions and doubt
XENA
How much longer? What is my fate in another few years? Body broken before its time, pain in the bones whenever the weather changes. Alone. Are you going to throw me away and find a younger, better replacement?
Gabrielle rolls Xena over and turns her. She lifts and hugs her tightly and Xena desperately clings to her.
Gabrielle, the memories rushing back, crying
GABRIELLE
Xena, you will always have a room in our house and a place in my heart. When the healing was not enough, I held you in my arms so close, neither Death nor Hades could pry you away from me. You did not die despite the limits of my arts; you lived because I refused to let you go. We fought for you, me and Athena. Never, Xena; never.
Xena, in small voice, trembling, pleading desperately
XENA
Please stay.
Answering her friend's urgent need, Gabrielle drops the weapons and armor and kicks off her boots. Unexpectedly, she removes one heavy tunic to reveal she has another on. Gabrielle tucks that one under the blanket. Following it, she gets in Xena's bedroll and draws her close. Xena nestles in the nook of Gabrielle's shoulder, and contently closes her eyes.
GABRIELLE
Did you ?
Xena shakes negative.
GABRIELLE
Rest; I have you.
On the other side of the fire, Athena sleepily exits the twin bedroll in her underwraps. Shivering, she makes a run her wife, who reaches under the covers and offers her the heated cloth she removed earlier. Athena slips into the heavy tunic with relief as Gabrielle watches her, captivated.
Athena, kneeling down and kissing Gabrielle, affectionately
ATHENA
I don't thank you enough; you spoil me, love.
Xena, opening one eye, puzzled
XENA
Huh?
Gabrielle, turning her head to Xena, smiling
GABRIELLE
I don two tunics in the morning so it will be warm for her when she wakes up.
Xena, pouting
XENA
Okay, now I am jealous.
Athena, pointedly
ATHENA
Gabrielle pillow or hunting in the cold, miserable predawn hours?
Xena, closing her eye and snuggling closer to the bard, happy
XENA
I win.
She is out in seconds, relaxed and sleeping peacefully. Athena steals another kiss from Gabrielle and gets up. She picks up the bow and quiver and yawning, heads into the forest to get breakfast.
Athena, rubbing dreams from her eyes, tiredly
ATHENA
Too early even for Gods.
Opposite from where the Goddess entered the woods Ares appears, giving lie to that statement. Knowing that Gabrielle is awake and on guard, he dares not make a move or use his powers. Instead, he watches for a while and his gaze is not kind.
It does not take long. Fed up with the intimacy displayed and shared, a flicker of anger flares in his eyes and he raises his hand as if to strike. Immediately, Gabrielle's eyes fly open and fix on him unblinkingly. Rethinking his approach, Ares mock bows and vanishes.
FADE OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. WILDERNESS - CAMP AFTERNOON
In an unexpected role reversal, Xena is accoutred with armor and weapons and Gabrielle carefree in her tunic. The bard is busy mending the clothes laid at her feet, her back to the log. On the same, leg touching Gabrielle's shoulder and supporting her, Xena is lost in a scroll.
Gabrielle, out of the blue, casually, as if discussing the weather
GABRIELLE
Do you love Sophus?
It takes a moment for the question to sink into Xena and the answer to bubble out to the surface. Reluctantly, her mind returns from another world and she considers the words.
Xena, after few seconds, warmly
XENA
Yes; he is a good man. Back then, in the dream, sorry, other life, and in the present.
GABRIELLE
Thinking of finding him again?
Xena, wistfully
XENA
Mother said he waited for three years and then left, brokenhearted. Another life I destroyed.
Gabrielle, appearing to make an offhand statement, blithely
GABRIELLE
He trains war horses in Athens and dreams of you.
Xena, knowing her, knowing better, suspiciously
XENA
Gabrielle, what are you plotting?
Gabrielle, her voice even, betraying nothing
GABRIELLE
Wife inquired discretely; Hermes found him and made his own queries.
XENA
And?
Gabrielle, knowing Xena is not buying it, switching tactics, teasing
GABRIELLE
Nine children are not going to make themselves.
XENA
Watch it, bard.
GABRIELLE
Pass; not into spectating, men, or groups.
XENA
That is not what you told Hercules.
GABRIELLE
It's called artist's prerogative.
XENA
Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or line
Shall they dangle in the night?
Gabrielle, trapped and knowing it, mildly cursing
GABRIELLE
Sheep poop.
Xena, lightly tapping Gabrielle's head with the one she is holding
XENA
I read scrolls too and not just yours.
GABRIELLE
So: boys or girls?
XENA
You. And don't change the subject.
Silence falls.
Gabrielle, in small voice
GABRIELLE
I wanted to appear worldly and sophisticated in love arts.
XENA
That is not you and you are not interested. Why then?
Gabrielle, honestly, confessing
GABRIELLE
He is a famous hero, renowned for his deeds. For the first time in my life I felt inadequate. How do you compare to someone like that? I admit: to best him at something felt good. I'm sorry for my weakness.
Xena, with insight, quietly
XENA
Gabrielle, were you afraid he was going to take me away?
Gabrielle, admitting the rest of the truth
GABRIELLE
Yes. I needed to be this strong, confident woman who could stand up to you, guide you, and stop you if needed and I wanted him to see it.
Xena, lovingly
XENA
You were; you are. Gabrielle, you are a giant when it comes to love. Few have the courage to admit what you just did; freely and openly bare their fears and mistakes lest they be thought weak. You call me your hero, but the truth has always been the reverse. You are the toughest, kindest person I know or knew.
GABRIELLE
I am your bard.
Xena, lightly
XENA
Good, you know where you belong.
Gabrielle, softly
GABRIELLE
With you.
XENA
Always.
Gabrielle repairs the tunics, carrying conversation as she works. Now, she stops and sets the clothes and sewing kit aside. Gabrielle transitions to kneeling in front of Xena and rests her hands on top of Xena's lower thighs. Her determined eyes lock on Xena's and ask for the rest.
Xena, giving tacit permission, anxious
XENA
When?
GABRIELLE
After Chin; Athena will ask him to come home.
XENA
This won't bring Hope back.
Gabrielle, placing a hand over Xena's heart, tenderly
GABRIELLE
Your daughter lives.
Pause.
Gabrielle, poking Xena in the stomach with her finger for emphasis, importantly
GABRIELLE
And she wants lots of brothers and sisters.
Xena, laughing
XENA
She told you that?
Gabrielle, confidently and with just a hint of mischief
GABRIELLE
I have it on good authority.
Xena stands and helps Gabrielle up. They hug.
Xena, kissing the top of Gabrielle's head
XENA
Thank you.
Gabrielle breaks the embrace and starts to sit down. Xena's restraining hand on her arm stops her.
Xena, concerned
XENA
Apollo demanded life, Artemis your daughter, and she is not done. Gabrielle, I don't want my happiness at the cost of your misery. The Gods ask much, but give little.
Gabrielle, patting Xena's hand on her arm, reassuringly
GABRIELLE
The Centaurs promised to exterminate the Wild Ones and Artemis considers all favors paid.
Xena, spirits lifted, gives Gabrielle's arm a squeeze and drops her arm
XENA
Lila coming home?
Gabrielle, sighing
GABRIELLE
No. It's complicated.
Xena, sympathetically
XENA
Artemis?
GABRIELLE
It's personal and petty. The Centaurs abandoning Ares and embracing Athena added to the fire.
Pause.
Gabrielle, sadly
GABRIELLE
She hurts Athena thru our daughter, limiting the visits.
XENA
Her and Lila close?
Gabrielle, chuckling
GABRIELLE
Latched like a leech, in a loving way.
XENA
That's a visual.
GABRIELLE
True. There is something else.
XENA
Go on.
GABRIELLE
Ares is monopolizing the market on our markers: mine, yours, Athena's.
Pause.
Gabrielle, thoughtfully
GABRIELLE
He was sniffing around this morning. Know what I think?
Xena, smiling
XENA
Take him for everything he has?
Gabrielle, beaming
GABRIELLE
You read my mind.
Xena, shouting
XENA
Ares!
There is a prolonged cacophony of numerous war trumpets and drums and then Ares appears on the black throne. He wears a bored expression and affects the same. Considering the speed with which he appeared and the fancy entrance, he wants something from Xena and Gabrielle. Badly; Ares is at his most boastful and bluffing when he has a weak hand.
Xena smiles insolently and looks right thru him. Gabrielle draws a throwing knife and starts working her nails.
ARES
Ten smalltime warlords are traveling to the isle of Baracchus. I want them dead.
Gabrielle, not looking at him, critically examining her nails, indifferent
GABRIELLE
Why should we care about your small issues?
Ares, involuntarily taking a step towards the bard before halting himself, sourly
ARES
Gabrielle, even a God can develop a complex with you demeaning their manhood constantly.
XENA
It's working, don't stop now.
Ares, gritting his teeth, patiently
ARES
Larger, more successful and established warlords don't wage scorched earth campaigns, having already made their name. Not that I don't approve, but there is a time and a place for wanton slaughter and now is not it. The ten are little more than rabid, vicious dogs, snarling and biting at anything in their reach. Put them in the ground.
XENA
No.
GABRIELLE
No sale.
Ares, arrogantly
ARES
You owe, I collect.
GABRIELLE
Your favorites can't gather a large enough army for the purpose without bringing retribution on their necks. You are bereft of noteworthy Champions and your last Chosen is standing here. And you are limited to agents, unable to murder the men yourself without triggering involvement from Olympus. You sure want to save your faithful followers if you come to us.
Pause.
Gabrielle, after making him sweat for a while, firmly
GABRIELLE
The price is clean slate.
ARES
Not good enough.
Gabrielle, enticingly
GABRIELLE
How would you like Xena all to yourself?
Xena, shocked
XENA
Gabrielle!
Ares, eagerly
ARES
Wait! What do you have in mind?
GABRIELLE
You and Xena: together, at her discretion. You don't interfere; in return she plays nice and talks to you.
Ares, instantly
ARES
Deal.
Gabrielle, extending her hand, mixing steel with sugar, taking yet giving, seriously
GABRIELLE
For everything. And a promise of a sympathetic ear in the future.
Ares, forearm shaking, sealing the pact, pleased
ARES
No debts.
Xena, finally recovering, barely able to get out the words in anger, outraged
XENA
How how could you?!
Ares disappears and reappears in front of Xena.
Ares, taking advantage immediately, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand
ARES
Fire; it's what I love about you, Xena. Seems your friend sold you out at the first opportunity. You are mine until the task is complete. And after, we will see
Xena and Ares vanish.
CUT TO:
EXT. VILLAGE TAVERN LATE AFTERNOON
Xena and Ares appear behind the tavern, with a noisy and rowdy party in full swing.
Ares, continuing his advances, suggestively
ARES
However shall we pass the time?
Xena, capturing and crushing his hand, calmly
XENA
Discretion says: remove your fingers or I will break them.
Ares, flexing the numbness from his hand after it is released, reproachful
ARES
Nice; you agreed.
Xena, with a straight face
XENA
Please?
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS - CAMP LATE AFTERNOON
Gabrielle does a short, happy dance.
Gabrielle, speaking to the air, triumphantly
GABRIELLE
It's done.
Athena, popping in, surprised
ATHENA
That easy?
Gabrielle, her mind very much on celebration, hinting naughtily
GABRIELLE
I got into your tunic the first night.
Athena, smiling invitingly
ATHENA
Love, you can get in my tunic anytime.
GABRIELLE
Is that an invitation?
Athena, singing out, taunting
ATHENA
Catch me and find out.
The Goddess takes off in a straight line and Gabrielle has no problem tackling her and sending them both tumbling into the grass.
Gabrielle, pinning down the wife, disappointed
GABRIELLE
Wasn't a challenge.
ATHENA
Wasn't the point.
In a swift move that Gabrielle does not resist, Athena reverses and ends up on top of the bard.
Athena, looking down, her face close to bard's, playfully dangerous
ATHENA
I'm hunting.
Gabrielle, affecting meek, timidly
GABRIELLE
Who is your prey, o great huntress?
ATHENA
You are.
Gabrielle, coyly
GABRIELLE
And what are you going to do with me, now that you have me trapped and at your pleasure?
Athena, tugging on Gabrielle's tunic for emphasis, promising breathily
ATHENA
I am going to skin you
Pause.
Athena, nipping Gabrielle's nose, hungry
ATHENA
and eat you.
Gabrielle, giggling
GABRIELLE
What a way to go!
The nibble on Gabrielle's lower lip turns into a kiss. Gabrielle pulls her wife closer, eager to be devoured.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. VILLAGE TAVERN EVENING
The night breathes black behind the establishment, the lights and the noise inside hardly venturing into the space. The separation is interrupted when WARLORD #1 exits the tavern, mug of mead in one hand and a large, intact thigh (with bone) in the other. The intrusion lasts the time the solid, wooden door closes shut behind him and then the darkness and quiet holds sway again.
WARLORD #1 stops after reaching the bushes, looks down at the leather ties on his trousers, and realizes the limitations of his situation. Shrugging, WARLORD #1 bites into the meat, intent on finishing before taking care of business.
Xena, rising out of the shrub, right in front of the WARLORD #1, deadly
XENA
Let's dispense with small talk. How do you like your death: messy or clean?
She flashes him her weapons and his gasp of surprise lodges the food in his airway. Dropping everything, he desperately clutches at his throat, unable to make any noise. Without help, his struggle ends predictably.
Area, appearing behind Xena, his disappointment growing with every word
ARES
Accident? Accident! You call that an assassination?!
XENA
The game has started, you can't run now.
ARES
I was promised slaughter!
XENA
Life is a disappointment and then someone stabs you in the back.
Ares, eagerly
ARES
Gabrielle?
XENA
You.
XENA VOICE-OVER
Ten little warlords went out to dine
One choked his little self and then there were nine.
CUT TO:
EXT. VILLAGE TAVERN LATE MORNING
WARLORD #2 wakes up face down in an empty town square, just outside the tavern. Sleepily, he looks around for water trough, but finds none. Clutching his pounding head and doing his best to keep his eyes closed, he stumbles to the well. WARLORD #2 pays no attention to the tall, cloaked figure by the well, his eyes and attention on the water bucket.
Timing the moment perfectly, Xena puts her foot out. WARLORD #2 loses his balance and flapping his arms lurches forward, out of control. The wall of the well is there to greet and trip him, and the depths of it welcome him face first. There is a delayed splash and then silence.
Ares, appearing in front of Xena, hissing
ARES
I know what you are doing.
Xena, reaching out and delicately tracing his jaw with her fingers, seductively
XENA
Am I giving you no satisfaction?
ARES
The warlords will know someone is after them. Strike now and finish this.
Xena, taking his hand back to Ares' obvious disappointment, wickedly
XENA
That was always your problem Ares: too quick on the release. The buildup, the anticipation the disappointment.
Xena strides away, leaving him speechless. Surprisingly, he chuckles, and catches up to her by teleporting. They walk closely side by side, arms almost touching.
ARES
Gabrielle is rubbing off on you. If you recall, you were not into conversations.
Xena, with a small smile
XENA
Oh, I was very vocal; eloquent in passion Gabrielle might say.
ARES
And how. You are going to make this a challenge?
Xena, simply
XENA
You know me.
Ares, looking at Xena, softly
ARES
I do. I won't disappoint.
Pause.
Ares, joking
ARES
We both may yet get satisfaction out of this.
Xena chuckles and Ares smiles, pleased to get a reaction and a chance for more.
XENA V.O.
Nine little warlords sat up very late
One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Pause.
Xena, singsong
XENA V.O.
One little, two little, three little, four little, five little Greek Warlords,
Six little, seven little, eight little, nine little, ten little Greek Warlords.
CUT TO:
EXT. VILLAGE TAVERN AFTERNOON
The VILLAGERS wearily watch eight WARLORDS shout and argue over the bodies of WARLORD #1 and WARLORD #2. WARLORD #3 throws his hands up in disgust and stomps away from the group, towards the tavern.
WARLORD #3 reaches the entry door and shoves the heavy door forcefully, venting his anger on the first hapless object to cross his path. It does not budge, so WARLORD #3 explodes on it, kicking, punching, and cursing in blind rage.
Apparently, the door takes offense at the abuse; emphatically. The frame and its contents leave their secure moorings and flatten WARLORD #3. WARLORD #3 departs this world without a final word, ignobly squashed by a tavern door. Complete silence falls in the square; the VILLAGERS and the WARLORDS stare in disbelief. Inside the now visible - room, shocked PATRONS gaze at the hole where the entrance used to be. Unnoticed by any in the background, Xena returns to her table.
CUT TO:
INT. VILLAGE TAVERN AFTERNOON
Xena drops in her seat, facing Ares across the narrow, worn table. Empty plates litter the surface, along with two full containers of mead. Ares briefly claps without bringing his hands together, congratulating her effort silently. They both pick up their drinks.
Xena, saluting Ares with her mug, innocently
XENA
Reminds you of someone?
ARES
You saying I have a temper?
Xena, making a motion with her head towards the missing door, deflecting, glibly
XENA
He sure did.
ARES
Poor bastard. You are not going to grant them a warrior's death?
Xena, enticingly
XENA
Would you like that?
ARES
Yes.
Xena, smiling
XENA
Then no.
Ares, immediately, smoothly
ARES
Don't kiss me.
Xena reaches out and grabs him by the front of his armor. Effortlessly, she pulls him over the top of the table, bringing their lips a breath apart. When he closes his eyes and tries to kiss her, she shoves him back into his chair, which he almost falls out of.
Ares, half expecting this, sighing
ARES
I miss you; I do not miss your head games.
Xena, smirking
XENA
Don't want you forgetting.
Ares, reaching out and covering Xena's hand resting on the table, gently
ARES
No one can forget you. Xena, I am not asking for much just another chance. I wish you believed that.
Xena looks at him, then at his hand, and then back to Ares. Revealing nothing, she resumes her drinking. Ares will take it.
XENA V.O.
Eight little warlords traveling under blue heaven
One said he'd stay and then there were seven.
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS FOREST NEXT DAY/EARLY EVENING
The woods are quiet, the nature frightened by a large creature trashing thru the thick greenery towards a sparsely overgrown clearing. Nothing pays heed to Xena, hidden in the shadows. Motionless and well camouflaged, she blends in, awaiting her prey. Her victim, in form of a human, wades thru the thick bushes forming the border on that side.
WARLORD #4 is a mountain of a man, barely matching Xena's prodigious height but making up for it in bulk. On his back, in its scabbard, rests an immense two handed great sword. The owner and the weapon are a perfect marriage.
WARLORD #4 tosses away the few small sticks that barely pass for firewood and heads for the ragged stump in the center, the rest of the short tree downed by lightning and easy pickings next to it. He appears capable of shouldering the dead tree and carrying it whole. He does not get there as the twig snapping behind WARLORD #4 alerts him to the presence of another.
Xena deliberately steps on another twig. Unnecessarily, as WARLORD #4 is already spinning around, the huge sword drawn and wielded with expert precision. Foolishly even, for the big man is deceptively fast, and already on the attack.
Xena gets out of the way of the singing steel, cutting thru small trees and bushes in its lethal dance with her. She picks her spot, blocks with her own sword, and then disarms WARLORD #4 with a move that sends his blade skyward. Since this was done with her full strength, the two handed sword flies straight up to the top of the trees as it spins pommel over tip.
At the top of its arc, it reverses direction. The blade points downward and the rest of it follows. WARLORD #4, apparently not greatly concerned over the loss, pulls two large knives from his belt. Xena points up with her finger and WARLORD #4 unwisely takes her advice.
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS FOREST EARLY EVENING
The massive sword descends, streaking like a missile towards earth, blade pointing straight down. It is heading right for WARLORD #4, whose poor brains cells are straining to understand the implications. It grows larger and looms ever closer as the sound of its approach gets louder. Split second before it connects
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS FOREST EARLY EVENING
Xena and Ares are standing in front of a stump. The sword, now bloody, is embedded in the ground and scarlet grass surrounds it. The blade and the guard are in a shape of a cross, unintentionally marking a grave. To either side of the weapon are WARLORD # 4's legs. The soles of WARLORD #4's boots face each other, shoulder width apart. One limb points east and the other one west. The field of view is such that nothing is seen above the upper thigh, but the implication is clear that WARLORD #4 was split in half by his own blade and the resulting halves fell in opposite directions.
Ares, stunned
ARES
That. Did. Not. Happen.
Xena, smugly
XENA
I have many skills.
Ares has nothing.
XENA V.O.
Seven little warlords chopping up sticks
One chopped himself in halves and then there were six.
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS FOREST EARLY MORNING
Grumbling and clearly unhappy, WARLORD #5 advances thru the woods. His bow is out and he is on high alert. Considering the way the other four died in mysterious circumstances, he does not want to be out hunting breakfast alone. However, he suspects the others of those murders and rather take his chances than a knife in the back.
And then a vision of beauty steps into his view, probably Aphrodite herself. Xena's outfit is a wet tunic, revealing much, hiding little. She smiles coquettishly and crooks her finger at him, beckoning him. Mesmerized, he drops the bow and takes a few steps towards her.
Xena laughs and pirouettes away. Seeing him hesitate, she slowly and sensually pulls the hem of her tunic up, exposing more of the leg. The invitation is blatant and WARLORD #5 stops fighting desire. He runs for her, reaching out with his arms to capture the enchanting vision.
Xena dances away and the chase begins. Few times WARLORD #5 almost has her but finds her slipping out of his reach, his fingertips grazing but finding no purchase. Then he gets lucky and backs her against a wide trunk. The only escape is to the left and right and he knows he has her. Wide, lusty smile breaks out on his face and WARLORD #5 lunges, spreading his arms wide.
He does not realize Xena is toying with him. Using her speed and reflexes, Xena ducks and explodes to the side, leaving WARLORD #5 kissing the tree. He runs into it with authority and the impact shakes both tree and man.
That is not the only thing that is affected. An enormous beehive above gives up on gravity and plunges to the earth. One minute WARLORD #5 in wobbling dizzily; next moment he is wearing a beehive. It drops on his head and covers it completely. While certainly a bad fashion choice, the accessory is not what kills him. It is the bees, who swarm him mercilessly and very painfully.
Xena watches impassively from a distance. Then Ares pops in behind her, rubbing up and down her arms and breathing warmly on her neck.
Ares, concerned
ARES
You look cold.
Xena leans back into him, signaling acceptance of the attention. Encouraged, Ares steps closer and closes the distance. As he is about to press his body against Xena's back, she abruptly yet elegantly moves away and turns, facing him. His empty hands fall to his side and turn into clenched fists.
Xena, somberly
XENA
When you don't feel anything inside, you will do anything to fill the void. I was alone, empty, and frozen.
Ares takes a deep breath and relaxes his hands; his fingers unfurl and he steps back. The God of War almost walks away and then stops himself. Ares looks torn between leaving and staying. In the background, WARLOD #5 falls down and starts twitching.
Ares, opting to remain, bitterly vents his frustration
ARES
You had me; I gave you everything you wanted. Love, gifts, status, and loyalty flowed from my lips, heart, and hands. You lacked for nothing and you walked away.
XENA
Not what I needed.
Ares, fed up, gesturing with his hands
ARES
Forget it.
Xena, patiently
XENA
I am not that which I was and the woman you remember does not exist. I look like her, I sound like her, and I have her memories, but I am not her. Ares, you are in love with the past.
Ares, temper getting the better of him, angrily blurting out
ARES
I am not good enough for you but you did and would again spread for Sophus?!
Xena, icily
XENA
Leave.
Ares vanishes.
Xena, to the space where Ares vanished, with sorrow
XENA
Sophus loved who I was and he loved who I became. You love only yourself and that is who you will always be with.
Xena takes one final glance at the expired WARLORD #5 and leaves.
XENA V.O.
Six little warlords playing with hive
A bee stung one and then there were five.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. WILDERNESS FOREST EARLY EVENING
Five WARLORDS are walking along a coastal dirt road. The day is hot and the sun unrelenting. The men keep a distance between them and hand on the pommel. The air is thick with mistrust.
Just past a turn they come upon a giant tree, blocking the road. The fresh stump is on the right, where the forest gives way and the blue of the Aegean playfully peeks thru the gaps. On the left, the crown joins with the woods, forming an impenetrable green wall. The path around the obstacle is obvious. The question is: who cut the massive trunk and why?
The WARLORDS draw swords and look at each other. At first, no one wants to volunteer or turn his back on the group. The silent standoff is finally broken by WARLORD #6. He departs from the group at a brisk pace and only slows when he gets to the stump. Giving it a wide berth, WARLORD #6 creeps forward slowly, eyes darting in all directions as the other four WARLORDS watch him. Regrettably, he forgets to look up or down.
There is a loud snap and WARLORD #6 disappears from view; his scream starting strong and rapidly weakening. It stops suddenly and silence fills the gap. Carefully, the remaining WARLORDS advance to his last known location and find a large hole in the ground. It appears to be a cave, oozing darkness.
WARLORD #7 pulls out and lights a torch. He tosses it inside and the four watch it disappear. There is no sound of it hitting; nothing comes back to them.
WARLORD #7, ominously
WARLORD #7
As far below the earth as over earth
Is heaven, for even so far down lies Tartarus.
Nine days and nights would a bronze anvil fall
And on the tenth reach earth from heaven.
And then again falling nine days and nights,
Would come to Tartarus, the brazen-fenced.
Still looking into the darkness, the spooked WARLORDS shudder and pull back from the opening. They cautiously avoid the gateway to Hell and make their way to the other side, taking to the road again. They walk away subdued, not in the mood for talking.
Xena walks out of the forest on the other side and watches the four WARLORDS disappear into the distance. Ares does not make an appearance.
XENA V.O.
Five little warlords walking along the shore
One fell in a hole and then there were four.
CUT TO:
EXT. SEA COAST SHIP NIGHT
The small ship rocks with motion of the waves. It is moored a distance from the shore: not close enough to swim to it but not too far out to beat a pirate ship to the solid ground.
WARLORD #7 is snoring loudly on the deck, sleeping by the stern. There is no sign of the others and they are likely below deck. WARLORD #7 has the watch and is doing a poor job of it. It will be his undoing.
Proving to be the exception, a hand reaches for the rail and grabs it. The rest of Xena, sea dripping from her tunic-clad body, follows. She pulls herself on board and surveys the situation.
Satisfied with the outlook and possibilities, Xena picks up a length of coiled rope and secures one end to the WARLORD #7's leg. He mumbles incoherently and moves a little, but does not wake up. Xena unravels the rest and ties it to a nearby water barrel, after checking its contents. Dagger flashes in her hand and frees it for use. That same blade lands next to WARLORD #7's groin. Quickly, grunting with effort, Xena lifts the heavy barrel over her head.
WARLORD #7's eyes spring open. In quick succession, he takes in the barrel overhead, the rope extending from it, Xena under it, the steel embedded next to his family jewels, and last, his own shackled leg.
WARLORD #7, wasting precious time, surprised
WARLORD #7
Xena?!
Xena, giving him a chance, counting slowly and deliberately
XENA
3
Sitting up, WARLORD #7 panics and futilely rips at the knots with his bare hands, accomplishing nothing. He forgets the dagger to his demise.
XENA
2 1.
Xena tosses the barrel and it lands with a splash. WARLORD #7 flies after it and the sea swallows him just a quickly. Xena removes the evidence of tampering with the water barrel's restraints and secures it on her person. She walks over to the rail WARLORD #7 passed over in his unscheduled and unexpected flight and rests her hands on it.
Xena, looking out at the coast, quietly
XENA
How do you know about Sophus?
Ares, joining her at the rail and copying her pose, reflectively
ARES
After Aphrodite, Isidora, and ongoing obsession with Gabrielle, it was clear you prefer the company of women.
Pause.
Ares, wryly
ARES
Xena, when you change, you really change.
Xena, with a sad smile, wistfully
XENA
I was ignorant and I did wrong by Gabrielle. Her soul merged with mine; I am joined to her, filled with her love, and warmed by her affection. Gabrielle opened my heart to love and Sophus completed the transformation. Thessaly and the Fates showed me what I had. I loved Gabrielle from the first; I just did not know how to love her right.
Pause.
Xena, wonder in her voice, as if she still finds it hard to believe
XENA
When Gabrielle is with her wife, in all things, I sing inside. Her happiness is mine. I realize that our never means exactly that yet I want what she has with the Goddess. What changed is that I respect and honor their bond and no longer insert myself into their relationship. Ares, I want to find my Athena.
Pause.
Xena, placing a hand over Ares', looking him in the eyes, earnest
XENA
You lie and deceive others but you were nothing but honest with me. I shared my soul with you. Tell me the truth.
Ares, covering her hand with his free one, baring his hope, vulnerable
ARES
Sophus meant we could be together again, someday.
XENA
How did you know and what did you do?
ARES
Xena, Ares' silence answer and confirmation in one, tentatively, not sure she wants it
XENA
This a habit?
Ares, removing his hand on top, unable to free the other one
ARES
Yes.
Xena, tightening her grip, steel seeping into her voice
XENA
Toris?
Ares, wincing
ARES
Yes.
Xena, crushing his hand, the sound of bones breaking sharp in the night, forcefully
XENA
Father.
Ares, in emotional and physical pain, whispering
ARES
I am sorry.
She releases his mangled hand and Ares cradles it to his body but does not heal it. Silence falls and lengthens.
Xena, facing Ares, fists tight, angry
XENA
Sophus.
To his credit, Ares turns and faces Xena square on. Holding his useless hand with the other, he accepts her wrath. He has changed too, even if he won't admit it to himself.
Ares, sincerely
ARES
I'm sorry.
Ares knows what is coming and does not defend. Vicious straight right snaps his head, breaks his jaw and sends Ares crashing to the wooden deck. Only the fact he is a God saves him from broken neck and unconsciousness. Remarkably, after the punch that would put down Hercules for a good while, Ares shakes his head to clear it and groggily gets up. He stands before Xena, wobbling.
Xena, growling
XENA
Fight me.
Ares, hanging his head, slurring badly
ARES
No.
Without another word, Xena moves away from him, vaults over the rail and dives into the water.
Ares stands there, dripping tears and blood, neither healing nor leaving.
XENA V.O.
Four little warlords going out to sea
A fish swallowed one and then there were three.
CUT TO:
EXT. ISLE OF BARACCHUS FOREST EARLY MORNING
Xena sprints thru the forest with mother bear chasing her, the cub trashing in her tight grip. The distressed cry of the young one resembles the cry of an infant. She runs right into WARLORD #8 and throws the cub into his chest; he catches by involuntary reflex. He will come to regret his good reflexes. Like soon; very soon.
Xena, running away, airily
XENA
Bye!
The next thing that flies at WARLORD #8's chest is the massively larger version of the one he is holding. WARLORD #8 drops the cub and tries to escape; he gets caught in a bear hug, of the unfriendly variety.
WARLORD #8, voice high pitched, terrified
WARLORD #8
Mommy!
The bear is not amused with the stark irony of that word.
XENA V.O.
Three little warlords shopping for stew
A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
CUT TO:
EXT. ISLE OF BARACCHUS KEEP COURTYARD LATE AFTERNOON
The ruined structure sits on a high cliff and half of it is in the sea below. The courtyard has a great view of it, seeing as it ends in sheer drop. Despite a good chunk missing out of the main stone building, it's remarkably intact.
WARLORD #9 is busy draining the wineskin and enjoying the sun and the view from the top. WARLORD #10 comes out of the building thru the side door and joins him. WARLORD #9 looks at him and notices WARLORD #10 intently looking at the alcohol in his hand. He drinks more and belches.
WARLORD #9, shrugging
WARLORD #9
He is not coming back. What's in there?
WARLORD #10, fixated on the wineskin, calculatingly
WARLORD #10
Great hall, kitchens, and storage; roof is intact. Gagnon did not have a wineskin.
WARLORD #9 rapidly lowers the wineskin as if it gained weight between gulps and the burden became too heavy.
WARLORD #9, temporarily confused until understanding dawns
WARLORD #9
Then who You!
WARLORD #9 tosses the wine to Poseidon and shakily takes to his feet, facing WARLORD #10. Unsheathing his sword, he tries to maintain his balance, not far from the edge.
WARLORD #10 draws his blade as well but does not appear concerned in the least.
WARLORD #9, on unsteady legs, roaring his empty bravado
WARLORD #9
I will kill you!
WARLORD #10, with contempt
WARLORD #10
The weak and the stupid are dead and I claim the entire stash; no splitting it ten ways. For what it is worth, I did not murder the others and poison you.
Pause.
WARLORD #10, preparing to strike, practical
WARLORD #10
Does not mean I won't take advantage. Goodbye Tegason.
WARLORD #10 does not get the chance as Tegason is blinded with a reflection that takes away his vision. Tegason backs up to escape the glare and in his haste runs out of ground. By the time his lungs start to empty, the waves below are opening their arms in welcome. Hades' judgment and Tartarus are not far behind.
XENA V.O.
Two little warlords sitting in the sun
One got frizzled up and then there was one.
A polished bronze shield whistles thru the air and strikes WARLORD #10's right wrist, shattering it. The blade falls from his useless hand as he frantically searches for the hidden enemy. His eyes find Xena and WARLORD #10's body trembles in fear.
Warrior Princess comes down the keep outer wall stairs. Xena is carrying a coil of rope and as she steps on the level surface of the courtyard she begins to twirl it.
WARLORD #10 overcomes the paralyzing surprise and bolts for the wide-open keep gate.
WARLORD #10, over his shoulder, screaming defiantly as he runs
WARLORD #10
You will not get my treasure, Xena!
Xena lets the rope fly and it wraps around WARLORD #10's neck, bringing an abrupt stop to the escape. When he turns to face her, she offers him a warrior's death by dropping the rope. He does not take it.
Out of options, short of breath, and not willing to give up the combined funds of ten warlords, WARLORD #10 abruptly sprints for the cliff and jumps. His last act is cowardice. Considering that the ten warlords were all bullies, not unexpected.
Xena grants him a merciful and quick end. She steps on the rope and the unraveling of its length comes to a sudden, taut stop.
XENA V.O.
One little warlord left all alone
He went out and hanged himself and then there were none.
Xena removes her foot and heads out of the crumbling ruin. The sound of the main keep door closing shut stops her.
XENA
Ares!
Xena turns and walks towards the stone structure and the intact, heavy entrance door.
Xena, impatient with Ares and his games, irritated
XENA
Ares, show yourself! Ares!
Xena kicks the double door and they crash open in half, striking the entrance walls with dull thuds before rebounding slightly. She walks inside.
CUT TO:
INT. ISLE OF BARACCHUS KEEP'S GREAT HALL EARLY EVENING
The great hall looks like the aftermath of the tornado. Smashed furniture climbs the walls and small remains of it litter the floor. There is a particularly high concentration towering over the main entrance. Two closed, metal reinforced doors lead to other areas. The windows are set high on the wall and numerous wooden columns support the skeleton of roof beams above. The still-standing vertical trunks are, in fact, the only reason the place has not collapsed.
That is not what catches Xena's attention. Towards the back is an impressive four-poster bed, completely out of place. It is barren of fabric on its upper parts. A brilliantly white sheet covers the large, adult-sized shape resting under it, on top of the made bed. There is nothing benign about the arrangement it paints; the sheet is heavily stained with red, wet splotches of blood. Numerous, lit oil lamps and hundreds of roses spread around the bed complete the bizarre, deranged effect.
Xena slowly approaches this mockery to love with dread, already suspecting what she is going to find. She ignores everything to the exception of the bed. There is no reaction to the double doors closing behind her.
Xena, dizzy and sick to her stomach, moaning
XENA
Gods no!
The sound of a crossbar sliding home echoes behind her and Callisto, torch in hand, steps into the huge room.
Callisto, sweetly scolding, all smiles and cheer
CALLISTO
Tsk, tsk, my dear Xena. Where is the warm welcome for your lover?FADE OUT: