We sat side-by-side at our campfire, overlooking the city and in the shadow of the pyramids. The tombs of Cheops, Khafre and Menkaure reached skyward with imposing majesty. The night was warm and clear, the sand soft beneath us. Tendrils of smoke curled upwards carrying the scent of a place very different from home.
“Someday I’d like to come back here,” Xena said wistfully. “Travel the land of the Pharos, see the sights. A leisurely boat on the river is a wonderous thing, passing farms, marketplaces filled with colors and scents you can hardly imagine. Like India, in its own way.”
“When you were here before, did you stay long?” I asked. Xena shook her head, looking a trifle embarrassed.
“Let me guess. You and Cleopatra? Quick tryst, and then you broke up?”
“Not exactly,” she replied, slightly defensive. “Cleopatra was no more interested in a relationship than I was. There was no ‘break up’. It was a quick fling, I promised not to raid her ships and moved on to more lucrative targets.”
“She wasn’t captivated by your charms?” I teased. Xena saw my eyes travel hungerly over her and enjoyed the attention. There was something about all that time in the milk bath. Her skin glowed and she smelled of the most exotic orchids.
“Truth be told, she wasn’t really into women. I think I was an experiment, and curiosity satisfied, she was happy to move on.”
I reached for some of the fruit we’d brought with us. Xena stilled my hand.
“Here, let me,” she said choosing a ripe strawberry and gently dipping it in honey before bringing it to my lips. I bit the fruit, a thin stream of juice running down my chin.
“I’ll get that,” she husked before leaning in to lick the juice off my chin.
“I could get used to this,” I whispered. I was having a hard time concentrating, much less speaking. I looked at her knowingly.
“You’re apologizing for Antony, aren’t you?”
My lover’s eyes narrowed. “Apologizing for what?” she asked, helping herself to a bunch of grapes.
“It’s been a while since I’ve had to watch you make out with a man right in front of me. I know it was an act, but I’m still going to have feelings about it.”
Xena chuckled with a raised eyebrow. “Oh? What kind of feelings?”
Deftly I took the grapes from her hand and plucked a juicy one before bringing it to her lips. She opened her mouth, taking the grape as well as my thumb and forefinger inside.
“White-hot jealousy,” I replied, catching my breath as her tongue swirled around my fingers. “Watching your lips on someone else, watching you endlessly flirt with someone else, watching your long perfect fingers touch someone else. It makes me hungry Xena, I want to be the one kissing you, touching you.”
I was rewarded with a radiant smile. As much as I hated to spoil the mood, this brought up something serious I needed to discuss, so I pulled myself away from Xena and sat up.
Her eyes held questions as we sat there cross legged, our knees almost touching. The firelight was warm and I very much wanted to get back to our foreplay, but not until I’d voiced my concerns. Now seemed a good time. Of late it was Eve crying or needing to be changed, but with her safely in Alexandria with Cyrene, it was a chance to focus on Xena and myself.
“Mark Antony, recently Ares…are you missing being with a man?”
At first her expression was surprised, as if the question had come from nowhere. I could tell she was giving it serious thought. When she turned from the fire to look at me, I could see her searching my face, possibly looking for the young woman she’d rescued from Potidaea so long ago.
“My quick answer, Gabrielle, is ‘no’,” she began, taking my hands. “My long answer is more nuanced. Maybe? I don’t know. I can say I’m happier with you than with anyone I’ve ever been with. We’ve gone through so much together, it’s forged a bond that I could not see replicated with anyone else, ever, be they man or woman. Still, there are things about men that I can’t deny I find attractive. Sometimes it’s a scent, or a roughness to their skin in the evening. There is a harshness to men that can be as intoxicating as the softness of a woman’s curves. Both men and women can be wild, animalistic, passionate, or tender but there is a difference in style. But if the choice is ‘Gabrielle’ or a man, a woman, or whomever, my choice is Gabrielle. Every time.” She winked.
I sighed. As much as her words filled me with joy I wasn’t completely convinced.
“Xena, I don’t want to stand in the way of you getting something you need or want if it isn’t me, but at the same time, I’m not going to get in the way of what I want either. If a man turns your head, seriously turns your head, I am giving you fair warning now that I am going to fight like Tartarus to keep you. You are my heart’s desire and I say that as a woman who knows the whole of you. The dark, the light, the passionate, the silly, and the tender.”
Her eyes flashed with desire and I knew that she’d really heard me and my words mattered.
“Gabrielle,” she protested gently, her voice thick with emotion, “you aren’t ‘in my way’. I’m with you because I choose you. I have never felt so loved, and you’ve been my salvation. That doesn’t mean however, that if I’m in a situation with a handsome man and have to flirt with him that I’m not going to enjoy it.”
“I’m sorry you had to kill him.”
“I’m sorry you had to kill Brutus.”
“At least I didn’t have a thing for Brutus. He deserved what he got for killing Cleopatra and Ephany, and for kicking me in the face.”
Although bloodied, he hadn’t actually broken my nose or knocked out any teeth so I had that going for me. Still, the fight would render me with plenty of aches and pains in the morning.
~~~~~
“Here, let me see,” I urged as I gently touched Gabrielle’s chin and turned her face back and forth in the firelight to survey her injuries.
“That is going to become quite the black eye,” I muttered, noting where she’d been punched in the face.
Gabrielle shrugged. “If anyone asks, I can always say ‘you should see the other guy’.”
I was about to say something foolish about having no tolerance for anyone who’d put a hand on Gabrielle, but stopped myself, knowing I’d done it myself more than once. Clearly my expression darkened because Gabrielle dipped a strawberry in honey and offered it to me. I accepted the fruit, deftly taking a bite.
“Are we heading back to Alexandria in the morning?” Gabrielle asked absently, cutting a slice of melon.
“We should get back to my mother and Eve.” She nodded and I looked around our campsite. It was not lost on me that we weren’t far from where I’d met Antony the other night. We were well away from the palace, away from the city, no patrols or vendors heading to or from the marketplace at this hour. No assassins. The night was warm, the rain had come and gone, the sky was clear and filled with stars and for the first time since the birth of Eve, Gabrielle and I were relieved of that responsibility.
“In the meantime…” I said suggestively, taking the fruit and knife from Gabrielle’s hand.
“Oh, I see,” Gabrielle replied with a bit of challenge to her voice. “You got something to prove, Warrior Princess?”
I leaned in for a kiss, deep and slow. Taking my time, not wanting the sensations to end. I was gentle, but not overly so. I knew Gabrielle had taken a beating to her face, but she was not one to shy away from a passionate exchange. As we finished our kiss, I gently bit her lower lip.
“Something to prove? Maybe I just want to thank you for the wonderful service you provided to me in the palace.”
Gabrielle nodded. “I did work very, very hard.”
“Very hard,” I purred, leaning near her ear. She threw her head back and I took advantage of her exposed throat to kiss my way down to her breast bone.
You always know exactly how to kiss me,” Gabrielle panted, fueling my ardor all the more.
“I like to keep in practice,” I murmured as I removed her top so I could have access to her breasts. Gabrielle reached for the clasp at my leathers but I stopped her.
“Later,” I whispered. “Let me just love you.”
She smiled at me, a delightfully wicked smile that had me beaming in return.
“You’re not worried about someone out on a midnight stroll?”
“Are you?”
She looked around, then loosened the ties at her skirt. “Not tonight,” she said, her voice thick with desire.
Leaning forward, I claimed her lips once more, this time urging her backward onto our bedrolls, shoving the now forgotten fruit out of the way. It ended up in the sand somewhere, a feast for whatever animals might find it in the morning. I was about to toss the honey and stopped myself. The small clay jar only had a little left in it.
“What?” Gabrielle asked, seeing my expression.
“I can think of something more delicious than fruit,” I purred. With a hearty tug, I freed Gabrielle from her skirt, our boots and bracers having been discarded when we’d settled in for the night. With my bard naked and laying on her back watching me, I raised the small jar of honey high and tipped it, a thin strand slowly easing from the container and falling onto her abdomen.
“Xena!” she exclaimed in surprise.
I moved the jar this way and that, drawing the sweet sticky substance over her exposed flesh. When I finished, I tossed the clay jar over my shoulder and admired my handiwork. This was going to be fun.
“Oops.” I said in an impression of Princess Diana.
“You going to clean up your mess?” Gabrielle asked, running a forefinger through the honey and dragging it across a nipple. “Or I should say, would you please clean up your mess?”
One of my favorite things about Gabrielle is that over the years she’d really come to know me. Often better than I think I know myself. She knew how to tap into the memories of my past that could ignite my passion and somehow transform them into a healthy experience. I’d owned slaves, I’d had sex with slaves, I’d had any number of encounters with the willing and not so willing, where begging and pleading had featured prominently. A well-placed pant or moan could arouse me greatly, but that didn’t compare with being asked. Gabrielle knew that I loved it when she made her needs apparent as well as when she simply begged. The gesture with the honey had accomplished both.
I started at her neck and kissed my way down, making sure to lick up all of the honey as I went. There would be time to venture back to the baths tomorrow before making our way to Alexandria, but even so, I didn’t want Gabrielle to wake up with sand stuck all over her.
Thoroughly, passionately, I licked the honey from Gabrielle’s body as I made my way down her neck, across her collar bones to her breasts. In places I scraped her skin with my teeth, or simply kissed and licked as I moved from one spot of honey to the next. Truth be told, I don’t know what was sweeter, the nectar or the sounds emanating from my lover.
“Xena, that feels wonderful,” she panted when I’d found the nipple that she’d painted over. I reached for her hand that she’d used for finger painting and brought it to my lips as well. She cupped her breast as I drew her finger and nipple into my mouth at once, sucking them both clean.
I felt heat rising all around, the warm desert air, the glow from the fire, and the passion coalescing between us. In these moments that I cherished, my whole world was Gabrielle and I wanted to convey that to her once again without words. She’d rested her other hand at the top of my head, as a means of connection. She was not pushing me downward, content to let me work at my own pace. I was determined not to disappoint. When I reached her abdomen, I shifted to free one of my hands so I could drag my fingertips up her leg, enjoying the shivers and shudders it brought.
“Yesssss,” Gabrielle groaned as means of encouragement when I finally reached my destination at the juncture of her legs. I repositioned myself one final time, in between them where quite incidentally, a fair amount of honey had fallen. Taking my time, I nibbled at her thigh and hip, first one side then across to the other, lapping up the honey I encountered. I smoothed a hand up the outside of her thigh and across her slightly sticky abdomen to her breast and she placed her hand over mine, staying connected.
I lowered my face to her center where the last of the honey had mingled with that of Gabrielle. Sweet and tart, I languidly feasted, encouraged by the symphony of moans that found my ears. As I licked, determined to do the job with my mouth alone, I chastised myself for letting any man turn my head. Antony, Ares, Ulysses, Hercules, Marcus, Borias, Petracles, and all of the many others seemed so distant from me in this moment. The union with any of them paled in comparison to the connection I felt in the here and now, enjoying Gabrielle’s body, and Gabrielle rapturously enjoying my ministrations.
I wanted to take my time, to enjoy this all night, and encapsulate this feeling in amber never to leave. Forget trying to balance the scales of my past misdeeds, forget anyone and anything that wanted to pull me from this hedonistic paradise. As I licked, Gabrielle became wetter, her essence replacing the honey now long gone but just as sweet. She writhed and moaned, shifting her body to that perfect angle for release. I slowed but a little; I was in no mood to tease, but didn’t want to leave this fantasy just yet. The dawn would come too soon, bringing with it responsibilities and duty. I wanted to hold on to this slice of perfection just a little longer, this sanctuary where we were oh so perfect together.
At long last I did relent and sucked down firmly at my bard’s release. She shouted her pleasure to the night sky as if to make the stars jealous with the brightness burning between us. I slowly licked a few times more as the spasms slowed then stopped and felt a very firm tug at the top of my head. Gabrielle had no interest in me wiping my face, or cleaning up in any way. No, she nearly dragged me up the length of her body leaving a trail of her wetness and what was left of the honey across my leathers. I didn’t mind. She kissed me with a fiery passion that I knew was painful given the beating she’d taken. But Gabrielle didn’t care, kissing me was more important.
Aroused as I was by my feast, this latest awareness rendered me ravenous with need. Strong fingers threaded themselves through my hair, pulling me close. Strong muscles contracted as she sat up and pushed me back. When our lips parted I got a glimpse of the firelight reflected in green eyes, wanton in her desire. She smiled at me, a deceptively sweet smile that told me she had an agenda. A plan that was sure to render me helpless and devoted in her wake. While the moon shone brightly above, our night was just getting started in the shadows of the great pyramids of Egypt.
I watched mother and Gabrielle up at the bow of the great sailing ship from my place on deck. Virgil dozed contentedly in the shade of a sail with a rescued slave curled up on either side of him sleeping peacefully. Warrior and Bard were watching the sun make its journey towards sunset, quietly talking together, lost in a world all their own.
How strange it must all seem to them; the world continued to spin for twenty-five years as they slept, frozen in time. I know that Xena ached at the loss of Cyrene, a grandmother I don’t remember, and worse yet, finding out the circumstances of her passing. Gabrielle was haunted by the deaths of her parents and her sister’s husband, whom she never knew. I was still haunted by my own misdeeds, most criminal of which may have been killing their dear friend Joxer, Virgil’s father. Gabrielle had been right when she told Sarah that she was in fit company, living with the weight of regret.
I had to wonder if the Fates were pleased with the symmetry they constructed, framing my life so closely to that of my mother. While I was born with the redeemed soul of a killer, like my mother I’d made all the wrong choices leading me down a path that was darker and darker still. But here my mother was, ever striving to balance the scales of her life. At her side stood a woman who loved her so completely, you could not but rejoice in its presence. Eli had been correct that love was the most powerful force on earth, a sentiment no doubt echoed by Aphrodite of the old Gods. While Gabrielle no longer considered herself a devotee of Eli’s teachings, here she was, living a loving devotion that had no equal. It gave me hope. If there was room in the world for someone like my mother to be worthy of the love of someone like Gabrielle, then maybe someday, with the help of Eli, my scales could be balanced too.
I don’t know if she could feel me thinking about them, but Gabrielle caught my eye and smiled, inviting me to join them. I walked over, receiving a warm smile from both.
“How is everyone doing?” mother asked.
“Some of the girls are below decks sleeping, a couple are curled up with Virgil, the rest are at the back of the ship, gossiping no doubt,” I replied. “They’ve got a small fire in a cooking brazier.”
“And Sarah?” Gabrielle asked.
I shrugged. “I think she’s at the back of the ship too, but not with the others. She prefers to be alone. I was going to give her a little time and then try talking to her.”
Gabrielle smiled at me. “That’s very kind of you, Eve.”
Xena smiled at me as well; the proud smile of a parent. “I was just telling Gabrielle that we will be making a stop at another North African port before continuing on to Greece. Some of the women may want to disembark there to make their way home, depending on where they were taken from.”
I nodded sadly. My own days as a slave trader had me taking young girls from all over North Africa and regions beyond.
“For the girls who can even remember where they came from. For the others, they may decide to band together and just start new lives somewhere.” Mother and Gabrielle nodded and returned their attention to the ocean.
“Look! There!” Gabrielle said, pointing off the port side of the ship.
Not very far away we saw a billowing plume of water as a whale exhaled. The bard’s enthusiasm was infectious. As the droplets of water rose in the air, they caught the sun, giving us a faint rainbow for a moment before it dissipated. Before long was a second, smaller plume from a calf.
“Probably one of the few things that seems familiar,” I offered as we watched.
“The sea never changes, not really,” mother said with a smile.
“I marvel at how the two of you take things in stride. No matter what the Gods or Fate or life throws in your path…”
“We have help,” Gabrielle replied, affectionately touching my arm.
Mother nodded in agreement. “Yeah, when you consider the alternatives.”
“Well, I will leave the two of you to your evening. I’m going to seek out Sarah and see if I can’t make her feel better with a round of ‘I’ve done worse things than you have.’”
“Eve…” mother said, achingly. I shook her off.
“It’s not self-pity. This is one of those rare instances where my own dark past can offer someone perspective on their own sense of darkness. If nothing else, she may feel less alone.” I smiled at the pair of them and turned, hoping to do some good before the sun finally set.
~~~~~
I watched Eve head to the ship’s stern and felt Gabrielle’s arm wrap around my waist with gentle comfort. “You’ve a daughter to be proud of,” she murmured at my shoulder.
“We do. I wish I could have saved her the dark path, but we play the hand that we’re dealt.”
“Xena, I want to thank you. For giving me the opportunity to kill Gurkhan and not judging me for wanting to. You knew I wouldn’t go through with it, didn’t you?”
I wrapped my arm around Gabrielle’s shoulder’s and pulled her close. It hurt a little, most of my body still covered with bruises from Gurkhan’s men. They’d faded to a dull yellow by now and would be gone in a matter of days.
“I hoped you wouldn’t, but wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. I’m the last person on earth that’s going to judge you. Every type of kill is a threshold you can’t walk back from. In battle it’s instant, kill or be killed, you hardly think about it. But killing someone in cold blood, assassination. It’s an even darker shade of black.”
“Is what we did any better?” She challenged gently. “Leaving him in the clothes of a woman to be beheaded?”
I shrugged. “It’s not going to keep me up at night.”
“Me either. I’m still trying to make sense of it all. When we died, together, I thought coming back from that was the most surreal thing that would happen to me. Then to wake up twenty-five years later? I don’t know what life is going to do next to top that for weirdness.”
“Don’t tempt Fate,” I warned, only half-joking. “When I’m recovered, and we aren’t shepherding a ship full of freed slaves, we’re going to have a conversation about your dancing.”
My bard laughed. “Look who’s talking! It was all I could do not to jump your bones right there in front of everyone.”
“They would have enjoyed that too much.”
“On my list,” Gabrielle continued, “is spending some time with you in a hot bath that isn’t populated by fifteen other women.”
“Depends on the women.”
“Listen to you. I wonder if that place in Alexandria where we stayed with your mother when Eve was a baby is still there? It had a nice bath.”
“We can certainly check it out. I promise, next opportunity we get, I ravage you in the bath.”
“I’m all for it! As long as I get to ravage you back, and just maybe we aren’t traveling with your daughter and our nephew.”
“Noted. Next bath where we can be alone. No point in scandalizing the children. You know, Gabrielle…”
She could tell my thoughts had drifted to the serious and she looked up at me, searching my face. “Yes?” she asked softly.
“I didn’t say anything before, but you…you’re what got me through – again. You saved me from the minions of Mephistopheles and that darkness, and it was visions of you that got me through Gurkhan’s…interview.”
“Visions?” Gabrielle asked, her face perplexed. “What visions?”
I shrugged. “Just you. Your face. You appeared in the cell, you were dancing, or just being there, distracting me from, well from everything.”
“The beating you took that was meant for me, you mean,” Gabrielle said sadly, turning from me to look out to sea.
~~~~~
“That’s not true,” Xena protested. We both knew it wasn’t so. Still, the choice had been hers to intervene, regardless of the consequences, just as the choice had been mine to make my way inside the palace at Mogador not knowing the consequences. I shrugged back at her.
“Xena, we were both tortured there. You, physically and me helplessly waiting to see if you’d make it through as I’ve done so many times before. You are the strongest person I know, but I always worry if one day it will be too much.”
“And still, we do what we do.” Xena replied, her arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close. “Did you want to spend some time and get to know Sarah?” she asked, changing the subject and trying to move me from my dark thoughts.
“I’ll talk to her, yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about her. Xena, I saw the look in her eyes. Before she was taken, I have no doubt that she felt the way I did in Potidaea. That she felt the place was smaller than a life meant for her. I could just recognize that hunger. If I hadn’t met you Xena, I would have lived her life.”
“I don’t know Gabrielle. I don’t see you as being needlessly cruel to hold your station. And unless the Fates tamper with our lives again – this is your life, and Sarah’s belongs to Sarah.”
“Yes, maybe. We don’t know. But I’d been caught by Draco when we met, who intended to sell us into slavery. I would have been her.”
Xena smiled. “Or more likely, you would have talked your way out of whatever fate befell you. You forget Gabrielle, I’ve met you. You are unique in all the world and no one is going to get the better of you.”
I chuckled at that. “Do you think she’ll recover?” That she’ll be able to be happy again?”
“I guess that depends on her,” Xena answered. “Sometimes people, like Callisto, are damaged to the point of no return and it takes something out of their lifetime to redeem them. But Eve, she walked a very dark road and is making the conscious choice to live with her demons and trying to best them every day. I don’t know that Eve is happy, but I think she is working her way there, I think she’s striving for an inner peace, maybe that is possible for Sarah too.”
The sun had begun to set filling the sky with bright oranges and pinks, the waves sparkled with the reflection of the setting sun and the breeze felt cold and clean. Xena moved behind me so she could wrap both of her arms around me and rested her head on the top of mine as we enjoyed the sunset.
“Gabrielle, with you I’ve had moments of the most amazing peace, and happiness, and joy, but life has it’s rhythm. Sometimes my dark past seems further in the distance, other times it seems ten paces behind me. I can tell you, everything I’ve become that’s good I owe to you.”
“And what about the parts of you that aren’t so good? Like your fondness for practical jokes?”
I could feel her body shrug behind me. “I’ll blame my not so good parts on you too.”
“I’ll take it,” I replied, and was rewarded with a reassuring squeeze.
“This way,” I said as I led our small group through the back streets in the poorer section of Rome. Mother, Gabrielle, Ares, and Aphrodite had all been more than ready to leave Caligula’s palace. There was no way we’d get out of the city, but we would get closer to the outskirts of it, away from the drama unfolding with Caligula’s suicide and the panic of a power vacuum.
“Where are we going again?” Ares asked gruffly, looking around.
“We are going to the home of an Elisian,” I explained. “We have a network. I can get you all set up there and then I’ll go get the rest of my group from the caverns. Caligula may be gone, but plenty of Centurions will be all about rounding us up, I’m sure.”
“Is that even appropriate?” Aphrodite asked uncertainly. “To stay at the home of someone who doesn’t think I exist?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that Elisians don’t think the other Gods exist, it’s just that…” I faltered, not wanting to be hurtful.
“We don’t matter?” Aphrodite finished for me.
“It’s just that Elisians are completely focused on love.” I realized my error as soon as I spoke the words.
“Kind of my bread-and-butter, yo?” The Goddess of Love replied with a frown.
“Here we are,” I announced as we approached the end of the narrow street. The homes where small, built side by side on both sides of the byzantine streets that meandered this way and that. It was at the doorway of one of these homes that we were warmly greeted by a short round woman in her early forties.
“Eve!” she exclaimed happily, drawing my forehead down to touch hers. “You are safe! Blessings of Eli. Come in child, bring everyone.”
She ushered us inside her home. It was clean and well-kept, but the furnishings were sparse and her possessions were few. Still, there was a joy to this space. Two young boys looked at us quizzically.
“This is Taavi and Ukrit.” Each boy bowed his head in greeting at his name.
“We are looking for a place to spend the night,” I explained. “We will be gone in the morning -”
“Of course, child!” she agreed happily, cutting me off. I did not need to tell her we were on the run. Elisians were always either on the run or hiding in plain sight. “You may be most comfortable on the roof. The evening is mild and I can find some blankets. Follow me.”
She led us to the steps that wound their way up to the top of the dwelling. Like all of the homes as far as we could see, every bit of living space had been utilized. Most had an open-air living area on the roof with a place for a cookfire and sleeping space. From our vantage point, we could see clothes drying in the windows of homes across the way, and families that had gathered on their own roofs for their evening meal. In the street below, people were going about their business, and all around us were the ambient sounds of this crowded section of town.
“We don’t want to put you out,” Mother said, concern threading her voice.
“No trouble,” Fatima replied. “All are welcome here. I have more than enough to share, so please make yourself at home. I will be back later with food.”
“No, please don’t go to any trouble,” Gabrielle replied, but Fatima had already hurried back down the steps.
“More than enough?” Ares grumbled dismissively as he surveyed his surroundings.
“Stop it!” Aphrodite chided him. “You will accept whatever she offers you graciously and with gratitude.”
All of us stopped abruptly to look at Aphrodite, surprised that she’d spoken so adamantly.
“What?” She said looking back at us. “She might not believe in me, but even without my Godly powers, I can detect the love in her heart. People with the least often know the value of kindness more than people who have excess.”
“I don’t want her kids to go hungry from feeding us!” Gabrielle protested.
Aphrodite shrugged. “She’s teaching them to be generous. If you’ve got any dinars in your bag, leave them up here for her to find when we’re long gone. It will more than make up for putting her out.”
Gabrielle nodded in agreement and went to the work of building a fire in the small hearth. I waited to make sure they were all right and I readied myself to leave.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Mother asked with the typical concern of a parent.
“Mother, I know the streets of Rome like the back of my hand. I’ll avoid trouble. There are a number of Elisians living here in secret, and I’ll get the people I brought with me settled in those homes before I come back. They’re my responsibility; I need to make sure everyone is safe.”
Mother nodded in understanding. A group of religious followers was not so different from an elite fighting force; they were still the responsibility of the person seen as the leader.
“Would you like our help?” Gabrielle offered.
I smiled at her. It was like having a second mother who was even more concerned for my safety than the first.
“I’ll be able to move more unobtrusively if I’m alone or with one or two Elisians at a time. Larger groups are more noticeable.”
Like mother, she nodded her acquiescence. I studied the four of them, two now-mortal former gods and two women who had lived a life as unbelievable as any god. While I might have been curious as to what this foursome would discuss over dinner, my mission to my people was paramount and after a quick hug and kiss from Mother and Gabrielle, I took my leave.
~~~~~
I watched Xena and Gabrielle say their goodbyes to Eve before she departed and once again longed for the Livia of old. I allowed myself a moment of self-pity, but, oh, how the mighty had fallen! There was something in seeing the two of them, side by side, mother and daughter. Oh, but Livia had been a masterpiece. While her soul may have been redeemed at birth, there was still enough of Callisto’s fighting spirit that didn’t take too much digging to uncover and with her mother’s good looks and lightening reflexes, she was a thing of beauty to behold.
And there she was with Gabrielle. Another mortal who had so much potential, yet chose to waste it on a pipe dream. Never had I longed so much to visit a warrior in the guise of another. But without my powers, I was left with nothing but a familiar ache in my loins.
This wasn’t the first time I’d lost my powers; I had no reason to think the condition permanent, but until I figured a way out of this mess, I was stuck with gritty mortality. Glad as I was that my sister was alive and safe, I knew that she’d enjoy mortality even less than I.
Again, I surveyed my surroundings, it was small, cramped possessing neither majesty nor opulence. I watched as Gabrielle build the fire, practiced movements automatic in their efficiency. I was glad she did as I was unaccustomed to feeling night air on my skin. My sister stood at the edge of the roof, looking off into the distance, no doubt thinking thoughts I would not be able to comprehend.
The scene brought to mind that annoying little bet she and I had made decades ago. Olympians had gathered around a table and were feasting on Ambrosia. Everyone was boasting about who was the strongest of all, and Zeus sat there, enjoying watching us vie for supremacy with each other, everyone shouting to make their case. Athena and I would go at it, arguing over who represented warfare the best. Apollo and Hades would argue the merits of light and darkness. Hephaestus and Hermes would try to outdo each other with boasts. Only my sister removed herself from these arguments, preferring instead to wander the gardens and smell flowers.
“What up sis?” I’d challenged her back then. “Some healthy family competition too much for you?”
She smiled at me and chuckled. “Whatever, bro.”
There was something in her assuredness that got under my skin. “I’m serious, ‘Dite. What is it? You recognize that you’re the weakest of us all?”
She laughed, this time in what was a genuine guffaw. “Oh dude, that’s rich. Tell yourself whatever you want, bro. I stay out of these fights because I’m stronger than all of you put together. It’s not really a fair fight for me to get involved.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “You can’t be serious! You think you’re stronger than me? Hades? Hermes, Athena, Demeter?”
“Do you not know what ‘all of you’ means? All. Of. You. Together.”
“This I have to see.”
She shrugged as if it were of little consequence. “Like I said, whatever. Pick your contest, bro.”
I thought for a moment. “I will groom the greatest warrior the world has ever seen; the world will bleed red with wars that will end mortal existence.”
She cocked her head. “And I’ll stop you.”
“There will be no stopping me!”
She looked at me sympathetically for a moment before speaking. “Sure you don’t want to pull back a bit from that lofty goal? You just want me to stop you from engaging the world in the domination of warfare. Like, that’s the bet?”
I nodded with cocky assurance.
“Ok, fine.” She went back to smelling flowers.
“What makes you think you have a shot at this?” I asked before heading back into the palace.
“What everyone who isn’t me forgets is love is patient.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I demanded.
She shrugged. “Once Poseidon bet me that I couldn’t make something out of a grain of sand.”
“And?”
“Where do you think pearls come from?” She winked at me before turning away.
“You’re awfully quiet tonight?” Xena asked, drawing me from my trip down memory lane. I tore my eyes away from my sister and focused on my former protegee.
“What? Me? What could be better? Caligula is just a preview as to what you’ll get without a God of War to demand order to warfare. Sex crazed psychos; it’s only going to go downhill from here. Rome is going to be wistful for the days of Livia or even Xena Destroyer of Nations.”
~~~~~
“Charming,” I replied, not impressed with the visual. Before I could respond further, the two boys arrived at the roof, carrying a platter of food. It was simple fare. Legumes, some barley bread, some wine to dip the bread in, and a few figs.
“Friend of Eve,” Ukrit, the elder of the two said, offering the platter to Ares. I was not surprised. It was the custom for men to eat first, and if there were no slaves to serve, then the children filled that role.
Ares frowned but accepted the platter with a gruff, “Thank you, Ukrit.” The boy seemed particularly pleased that the impressive man knew his name.
The younger boy, Taavi, handed each of us a clay cup, descending the stairs again to bring up a pitcher of water.
“Thank you, Taavi,” Ares said as the boy filled his cup.
He continued to fill each of ours in turn, adding “Blessings of Eli,” when he finished.
“Blessings of Eli,” Gabrielle murmured back with a smile.
“This is a feast,” I told the pair when they’d stepped back, awaiting instructions. “We will serve Ares, so you may go back to your mother with our heart-felt thanks.”
Before the boys could depart Aphrodite commanded, “Wait!”
I blinked in surprise, Aphrodite hadn’t spoken since we’d arrived, instead choosing to stand at the edge of the roof and look forlornly off into the distance. The three of us watched as she quickly walked over to the boys and knelt down so she was at eye level with them.
Taavi looked at her curiously while Ukrit shuffled his feet bashfully. She gently brought her forehead to each boy’s and whispered something them. They each said ‘thank you’ and ‘blessings of Eli’ and to her credit, Aphrodite didn’t look the least bit offended. The boys bowed one more time and descended the stairs.
As soon as they were gone, Gabrielle helped herself to a bit of bread and dipped it in the wine.
“Hey!” Ares protested. “Xena said you were going to serve me.”
“You can’t be serious,” Gabrielle replied with a chuckle. Turning to Aphrodite, she asked, “What did you say to the boys?”
Aphrodite helped herself to one of the figs before responding.
“I told Ukrit to remember the warmth of the sun on his face and I told Taavi to remember the sound of his mother’s laughter.”
“Why?” I asked.
The former Goddess of Love looked at me sadly. “Because love is leaving the world. Can’t you feel it? It won’t happen all at once, but it’s going. Those memories will help the boys hold onto it a little bit longer.”
“You see!” Ares crowed around a mouthful of fig and legumes. “The God of Eli might grant the power to kill gods, but at least we do something useful.”
“Did,” Gabrielle clarified. “And love is useful. War, not so much.”
Ares laughed heartily. “Tell me that when you’ve had your hundredth Caligula.” Without asking if anyone wanted any, he picked up the bowl of wine and downed it in one gulp, burping as he finished. Gabrielle shook her head in disgust.
“Yin and yang,” I said to Gabrielle quietly, also annoyed with Ares enough to ignore him.
She nodded sadly at me, looking first at Ares and then to Aphrodite who once more had resumed her vigil at the edge of the roof.
I followed Gabrielle’s gaze to our friend who, dressed in the sheerest of fabrics, would endure a chilly night. Unbidden, my mind wandered back to the previous day when in her stupor, Aphrodite had kissed Gabrielle in the hallway. I cast my eyes down, still somewhat embarrassed at the conflicting emotions that exploded in me at the sight. First jealousy, followed close behind by arousal. The jealousy I had no right to, how many times had Gabrielle watched me kiss someone right in front of her? There was usually a reason, of course, but on occasion it was nothing more than something I wanted to do at the time.
While my devotion to my bard did not waver, I had to admit that my lustful impulses could get away from me. I suppose most people would be jealous that they were not kissed by the Goddess of Love, whereas in my case, I was jealous that anyone’s lips were on Gabrielle but mine. As for the arousal, it immediately brought back remembrances of my past trysts of threesomes and more; of bodies tangled in passion, multiple mouths on me striving for pleasure.
While it was a little hard for me to picture myself with Gabrielle and Aphrodite, it was not hard for me to picture the two of them together. I knew that Gabrielle had found a special place in the Goddess of Love’s heart. How could she not? She’d found a special place in mine. And while the mental picture caused some jealousy, I would not let it master me. I trusted Gabrielle with my life. More importantly, I trusted her with my heart, as she did me.
My musings were stalled when Fatima ascended the stairs carrying some thin blankets in her arms.
“Here, my friends,” she called to us, “these are for you.”
Ares stood and accepted the gift from her as she smiled and affectionately patted his cheek. “You are a handsome one.”
“Yes, well…” he replied, uncomfortably. I couldn’t help but grin when he muttered “Blessings to you.”
She busied herself, picking up all of the plates from dinner. “Maybe Eve will bring more food and drink with her,” she suggested, as if to apologize for the meager fare.
“Fatima, we ate very well,” Gabrielle assured her. “Thank you.”
“And your sons,” I added. “You have much to be proud of.”
“You are all dears,” she said, pleased beyond measure. She glanced at Aphrodite and then chose the thickest of the three blankets that Ares still held in his arms passing it to Gabrielle.
“Here, take this to your sister, she is not dressed for this chill.” With another formal nod and big smile, she retreated back down the stairs.
Ares looked at the two blankets he still held. “Interested in arm wrestling for a blanket?”
“Only if you’re interested in losing,” I replied with a broad smile in return.
~~~~~
I left Xena and Ares to their duel for the blankets and took the other one over to Aphrodite. She stood at the edge of the roof like a silent sentry looking out over the city. Her expression was lost and sad, and my heart ached for her. In a very short time, she’d been violated by Caligula and lost her powers. I tried to put myself in her place, to imagine what it might be like to firstly fall in the thrall of someone like Caligula, and secondly to become mortal after a lifetime of having been a god.
“Here,” I said softly as I reached up to wrap the blanket around her shoulders. She touched my hand briefly as she accepted the ends of the blanket from me.
“Thank you, Sweet Pea,” she said.
“Are you going to be alright?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
She turned to look at me, her placid blue eyes still beautiful but having lost a little of their sparkle. “Gabrielle, I’m not sure. It’s a lot to process. I’m not worried about being mortal, I’m tougher than I look. But I do worry for a world without love, and I’m mad as Hades that someone took what was mine, bit by bit, and I didn’t realize what was happening. Hard not to blame myself for that one.”
I nodded in painful understanding. I’d also been violated, by Dahak. And intellectually knowing that it was through no fault of my own did not make the rape less excruciating.
“How was he able to do that?” I asked. “Take your powers I mean?”
She shrugged, and a shiver made her pull the blanket more tightly around her. “He probably had an edge because my brother lost his powers. Xena is right, without love and war, the world is out of whack and shit happens.”
“And you don’t remember anything?”
I saw it in her eyes, the briefest flashes of guilt.
“Not really,” she answered looking back out at the city. “Like one of those dreams, where you know that you’re dreaming while you’re dreaming, but are still helpless to do anything about it.”
I nodded, memories flashing in my mind about my time with the Mystics of Morpheus.
“Caligula was one sick puppy,” she continued, her voice fairly deadpan. “The things he was into. I’m not squeamish about kink, believe me. I can appreciate a well tied knot, and a hearty spank. Group sex, big whoop. The more the merrier – when everyone is consenting.” She winked at me and I blushed. “I’m a love and let love kind of gal. But this guy had real power issues. He was cruel, insecure, and void of empathy. That is a nasty combination. I feel…” she trailed off, embarrassed.
“What? You can tell me.”
“I feel like I’m never going to be clean. You ever feel that way Gabrielle?”
All of the things that made me feel unclean come rushing to mind. The people I’d killed, lying to Xena about Hope, the things I’d said and done that had caused harm be inflicted on my love. I nodded, needing a moment to find my voice and not choke up.
“Sometimes.”
“How do you make it stop?”
I shrugged helplessly. “You try to do your best. You were violated, Aphrodite. That isn’t on you, it’s on him.”
I knew she’d heard me but wasn’t going to respond because she didn’t believe me. In fact, I could almost hear her thinking that maybe it held true for mortals, but that she had higher standards for herself. I tried changing the subject instead.
“Why are you looking out at the city?”
She smiled briefly, glancing down at me. “I’m listening to it with mortal ears. Usually, I just hear bits and pieces of what I choose to focus on. Now, it’s all coming in at once. Can’t you hear it?”
I listened, but didn’t hear much of anything beyond the ambient sounds a lot of people living in close proximity to each other. “The people?”
“There is a raven over there,” she pointed. “Calling to her mate. The couple across the way is arguing about someone’s mother visiting too often. Some boys below are playing a game with sticks and their various parents are calling them home for supper. I also hear crickets, the crackle of the fire behind us, my brother grunting every time Xena beats him at arm wrestling. A couple of minutes ago, two hummingbirds chased each other around this roof before nesting for the night. The world seems bigger now.”
As if shaking her head against the onslaught of sounds she looked at me once more, flashing her customary radiant smile. “But how are you Sweet Pea? You’ve been through a lot. Dying, freezing, Valhalla, demonic possession, dealing with asshole angels. Did I miss anything?”
“It has been a lot.”
She cocked her head, studying my face before running the back of her knuckles across my cheek.
“Like everyone else, I thought you and Xena had died, Gabrielle. It nearly broke my heart, I missed you.” She looked at me for long moments as if she were memorizing my face before adding, “Both of you.”
I smiled up at her. While my back was to Xena I was well aware she could see our interaction even if she couldn’t hear what we were saying. I could feel the jealousy radiating from behind me. Or, perhaps that was just wishful thinking; me hoping for payback. I had no idea if she remembered kissing me, and it made me a little sad because it wasn’t something I was never going to forget. I swallowed hard, worried that my thoughts may make their way to my face.
“I’m sure it’s hard,” I said, trying to steer my own mind back to safer waters, “having mortals that you’re fond of go to the Elysian Fields.”
~~~~~
“This time was harder than most,” I replied, deciding to elaborate no further. I could feel Xena’s eyes on us; you didn’t need to be a God to know she was jealous as fuck. I smiled at Gabrielle once more and kept my hands to myself.
“We should probably join the others,” I said, noting the relief on Gabrielle’s face. She’d been remembering the kiss we’d shared, wondering if I remembered it too. Maybe someday we’d talk about that, but here and now were neither the appropriate time nor place.
As we walked back to the fire, I thought about opportunities lost. I well knew of my brother’s fondness for posing as his warriors from time to time to be with their wives, and on the rare occasion, husbands. In some ways I found the gesture sad and hollow. If you have to pretend to be someone else to get laid, then what was the point? But in the case of Xena and Gabrielle, I couldn’t help but wonder what that might have been like. With Xena, I could imagine. Standard top with a fondness for leather; the story writes itself. But Gabrielle, there was a nuance there that let the imagination run wild.
I took a seat next to Gabrielle, across from Xena with Ares on my right. The fire was a healthy flame radiating heat. Xena frowned at me as I sat down, so I winked at her. At least she had the decency to look embarrassed.
“So, what’s the plan? Going after the cultists of blood?” Ares asked, rubbing the arm that had nearly been torn from its socket.
Xena shrugged, disinterested. “I’m confident the Romans can clean up their mess.”
“What are we going to do?” Gabrielle asked.
“Maybe we wait for Michael to make the next move,” Xena mused.
“What move?” Ares retorted. “The Olympians are dead and all that remain are powerless. They’ve won. The field is wide open for Eli’s God to move in like so much vine rot in a Cirrian vineyard.”
“Michael didn’t look like much of a winner when you knocked him into that tub in the Palace,” Gabrielle replied. “You were going to kill him. He looked worried.”
“And she lost her powers,” Ares complained.
“I have plenty of powers left Ares,” Xena replied. “We’ve bested you more than once when I didn’t have the power to kill Gods.”
“There is always more than one way to peel a grape,” I added.
Three sets of eyes turned to me and my brother frowned. “How? I mean, you just peel the grape, with a knife.”
“Whatever,” I replied.
The three of them argued a moment more about a plan. I didn’t really pay attention, instead looking into the firelight. I was grateful for the warmth it provided, and for the blanket that Gabrielle had so lovingly wrapped around my shoulders. I was grateful to still have family, even if it was my stupid brother. I was also grateful for the two women in my company. It was a strange thing, perhaps to be grateful for: a woman who had killed so many of my loved ones. But even Gods know that choices have consequences, and Xena had given them every opportunity not to come after her child.
I wondered what it would be like to grow old and die, but even as I considered it, the notion seemed fanciful. Here I was in the company of two women who had bested death, beaten any number of Gods, traveled the world and done the impossible time and again. If there were a way to get our powers back, Xena would find it. Patience – this was something I had that most people didn’t. Patience and insight. While my brother and I might be engaged in a never-ending battle of wills and currently at a standoff, I was still ahead. Ares himself didn’t realize that he’d played on more than one occasion for my team, even sacrificing his mortality to save Eve and Gabrielle. Sure, I may have a serious jealousy fit from time to time, but that was a damn sight short of going to war.
“Well, chatting with the three of you has been a blast, but I’m ready to turn in,” Ares announced reaching for a blanket. With a predictable whoosh, Xena’s hand was on his, stilling him. He pulled his hand back, annoyed.
“What? You and Gabrielle are gonna share a blanket aren’t you?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Gabrielle said with a chuckle. “Xena is going to wrap this blanket around her, and wait up for Eve to return, and I’m gonna lay down next to her, so I need mine.”
“Sis?” He asked pleasantly. “Sharezies?”
I looked askance at him. “Ew! Inappropriate.”
He frowned. “That isn’t what you said earlier -” Xena swatted his arm to silence him.
Gabrielle made herself comfortable at Xena’s side, still within the warmth of the fire. Under Xena’s watchful eye, I took my place within the warmth of the fire but a respectful distance away from the bard.
Xena smiled sweetly at Ares and wrapped the blanket tightly around her shoulders.
He moved a little closer to the other side of fire, trying to get comfortable.
“Women,” he muttered.
While I couldn’t see them, I could feel Xena and Gabrielle sharing a self-satisfied smile with me.
I don’t know how long we rode Son of Argo through the mist, but it seemed never ending. My head was swimming, my equilibrium unbalanced, and I was grateful to be in the saddle as opposed to on foot. Gabrielle riding behind me, her strong arms wrapped around my middle, keeping me grounded. In the span of a moment, it was as if our lives expanded and contracted, leaving me shaken and unsteady. In that moment, I saw glimpses of myself in many lives, many incarnations and bodies. I saw myself in a maroon skirt and ivory blouse with an archeologist, though I had no idea what an archeologist was. I saw myself eating pizza in a surreal, minimalist setting, There was a glimpse of myself falling to my knees, shot through with arrows, dying once again. In the last image, I was tumbling naked in the ocean, desperate to get my bearings and searching for air, then Gabrielle at my side, helping me to stand.
What struck me was that in every life, in every bizarre and alien setting, there was the familiar: Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite. People I loved, rallying to my side time and again. But, just as I had allies, there were enemies and forces that sought my undoing, like Alti, Ares. It was as if I now had knowledge that was not meant to be mine. Information that surely must fade when the sun came up. This life was marching towards death as all lives do, but after it was another, and another, and another. The marching does not end, only the scenery around it changes.
Son of Argo stopped in a meadow near a flowing creek. It was as good a place as any. With practiced ease, Gabrielle slipped from the horse’s back as I dismounted. The mist was still thick, like a cloud that reached down to individual blades of grass. There would be no fire tonight. It wasn’t cold, but it was damp, like that day so many years ago when we became lovers. Unlike the mist that day, which was full of discovery and promise and life’s adventures, this mist was its counterpoint. A veil closing in on the two of us who had seen more than we were should have been permitted to see.
“Xena,” Gabrielle said from my side, the cadence to her voice never failing to fill me with reassurance and hope. “Xena,” she repeated. “I feel like I should be afraid, but I’m not. I’ve seen some things.”
“Me too, Gabrielle. I’ve seen things, and while the memory is going to fade, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”
“No? Do you want me to write it down?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s like peeking at the end of a scroll to see if it’s going to turn out okay, and when you know it does, you can read from the beginning and enjoy the journey.”
My bard stopped in her tracks. “Wait. You read the end of scrolls before reading the rest of the story first?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
She frowned. “Do you believe you’ve seen the future?” I nodded. I had to admit it, it was true.
“I wonder if this is what it’s like to be an Oracle?” she wondered aloud, mostly to herself.
“Maybe,” I allowed. I turned to look at her, touching her shoulder and making eye contact as I searched her face.
“In that other place, you said that the words just came to you. Can you tell me how? How you had a connection to here, to us? Gabrielle, I…I was struck by you, seeing you, hearing your words, but I didn’t know where that came from until Alti…” my words trailed off.
Gabrielle sat down and I joined her. This much I needed to understand before this unique perception left us for good, before the mist lifted.
“It’s hard to say, Xena. I’d sit out in the vineyard, and it was as if the words were already written down somewhere; I’d just had find them. Then, they’d come out in a rush and I’d write as fast as I could to keep up. I knew I had these feelings, the love, longing, all of it. But the feelings didn’t have a home, an anchor until I saw you at the window.” Her eyes widened in alarm. “Xena, I’m worried – these lives we live over and over, all the permutations. It’s like a wheel. We return, but so do the others, Cesar, Alti, Ares, warlords…”
“I know Gabrielle.”
“Do you think there is any point to it? Beyond the journey? Why this happens over and over?”
I considered my response before speaking. “Maybe the journey is enough? Maybe the power of falling in love for the first time is such that one life can’t contain it? Or that much joy? Or that much sorrow?”
Gabrielle nodded but did not seem convinced. I watched her look around. My equilibrium was slowly returning and unsettled sense of being was fading faster than the memory of all I’d seen.
“This mist. It reminds me of that first time we made love. It almost seems a lifetime ago so much has happened. Do you remember that Xena?”
“I remember it like it was yesterday, Gabrielle.”
While the two of us had seen many seasons come and go and the years having left neither of us unscathed, that moment with Gabrielle and all the moments since were infinitely precious to me.
“I remember that too. I don’t think I’d ever been so nervous and determined in my life. Xena, I am who I am because you let me love you. You gave me the space and security to find myself, and find you in the process.”
~~~~~
One didn’t have to be an Oracle to see that my words had moved Xena. Her eyes misted over which was not a common occurrence. Maybe it was the sensation of vertigo, having looked down the width and breadth of life to once again exist in a single moment, or maybe it was the honesty; I’m not sure.
“Xena, do you have any regrets, from that day in Potidaea with Draco’s army, knowing everything we know now?” I’m not sure why I asked it because I was fairly certain I knew the answer, but something in me released the words before I could stop myself.
Xena looked at me, her blue eyes open, honest, as if I could see the very depths of her soul.
“Gabrielle, if I knew even a fraction then of what I know now, my only regret would not be professing my love to you that day. Of not finding some way of letting you know that our souls are together, not just in this lifetime, but for lifetimes beyond, and possibly lifetimes before.”
“Did you see anything of us before?” I wondered aloud. All of my visions, strange as they’d been, seemed to be of the future.
She shook her head. “I think that because we look forward, because the events that unfolded impact what is to be, not what has already happened. Cesar tried to go backwards and look what it got him. Gabrielle, you saved us. Whatever you did, you saved me.”
“I do try to return the favor from time to time.” I smiled. “I destroyed the loom, and I hope it’s destruction resets everything and freed the Fates. But I’ve no doubt that Cesar will try again. If not in this life, then in the next.”
Xena shrugged. “Or the next power-hungry man, or the next. He’s a type more than an individual.” I nodded in agreement. There was always a battle to be fought somewhere.the life I’d lived in Athens. It all seemed so odd watching grapes grow, putting pen to scroll, finding the words to express the longing I felt for the other half of my soul. Wanting so desperately to find the vessel for the love that I felt I had to give. And there she was. When she’d stopped to talk to me after the play, my pulse raced and my lungs got tight, as if any release would somehow give evidence to my instant attraction. When I saw her at the balcony, I felt naked. Like her blue eyes could see into the very depths of what I wanted to keep most hidden. It was unsettling, and I craved it at the same time. I pulled myself from a past that wasn’t really mine.
“Xena, if we are ever separated, I will find you.”
Xena nodded. “I will find you too, Gabrielle.”
“Regardless of whomever is in the way, a future Alti, Cesar, Ares or whomever.”
“That is a solemn promise, Gabrielle.”
The mist did not show any signs of dissipating, and for the moment much of what I’d seen and felt was available for recollection.
“Do you want to tell me about any of the futures you saw?” I asked, curious if her visions aligned with mine.
“Sure. But first I need to ask – do you know what an ‘archeologist’ is?”
There is a moment when I look at you, where no speech is left in me, my tongue breaks, fire races under my skin, I tremble and I grow pale, for I am dying from such love. Or so it seems to me.
The sun had long set, and the words of Sappho’s poem drifted through my consciousness over and over. I glanced at Xena, bathed in orange from the fire on the clifftop overlooking the expanse of ocean. In one deft move, her gift had humbled me in ways she could not fathom.
With all my heart, I loved Xena. With every fiber of my being, from the day we met through death, hardship, joy, and beyond. For all my efforts, all the evolutions my life had seen, I could not distill our love so succinctly as the poet from Lesbos who had never met me. I don’t think Xena realized that in that gift, she laid bare my inadequacies as a bard as a chronicler of adventure, yet I didn’t mind. If anything, it gave me something to strive towards, to craft words of similar simplicity and power that would articulate what my mediocre fumblings to date had not.
“You’ve been quiet, Gabrielle,” Xena said softly at my side. We were sitting on the ground, resting our backs on the stones we’d sat upon earlier while we were drinking wine and watching the sunset when she gave me the scroll.
“I keep thinking about Sappho’s words. And the power they have. I feel very moved and humbled by them.”
“She’s okay I guess. I think her words sound better when you read them.”
“Xena,” I protested, “she is a genius. With so few words she said so much. She perfectly described how I feel about you. How my feelings for you burn with such intensity…”
She shrugged noncommittally. “I think you write action better. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same way,” she added, softly. I knew Xena. I knew she was being sincere, and while the words of a famous poet might not move her the way they moved me, I had no doubt that her love was as genuine and as intense as my own.
“Admit it, your favorite part of my birthday was flying around in the helmet of Hermes.”
Xena looked at me, blue eyes smoldering. “Maybe my favorite part of your birthday hasn’t happened yet,” she said, smirking. “But you are right, this helmet isn’t half bad. It’s fine by me if we take an extra day or two to get to Thebes.”
I chuckled at that. In all our years traveling together, this was the Xena that was for me alone. The playful Xena. The Xena that didn’t really get to have a childhood to be silly and fun loving. After all, she was barely into her womanhood when she found herself having to save Amphipolis from a warlord, trading her soul in the process. As she clawed back her humanity, she also regained her sense of humor and (somewhat childish) love of pranks. I endured it with the same grace she displayed with my brief infatuation with the pan flute.
“Today was quite the day for turn-around,” I commented. “Genia’s journey from human sacrifice, to acolyte of Aphrodite, to going out on her own and starting a shelter for those in need. I’m glad when you wanted to introduce her to a God, Aphrodite’s the one you chose.”
“I’ll bet you did,” Xena muttered back, winking at me to take the sting out of her words. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that she remembered it was your birthday.”
I laughed at that. “What? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you thought she was a king of Ithaca, or Helen of Troy, or a Celtic woman who knew pressure points, or a wise woman from Chin, or warrior, or other warrior, or that slaver or that other, other warrior…”
“You’ve made your point, Gabrielle,” she rumbled, humor taking the edge off her growl.
I shrugged. “What can I say, I picked myself a floozie.” Xena frowned. “But she’s my floozie and I’m keeping her.” She smiled at me, causing the fire to race under my skin.
“Is there any wine left? It’s delicious.” Xena nodded and once again filled my cup. “I’m surprised we haven’t drunk it all?”
Xena shook her head. “Your other girlfriend gave us the wine skin before she blinked out. It’s still full. I suspect it stays full until your birthday is over.” She handed me the wineskin. Sure enough, it was still heavy.
“Not as impressive as waking up with a cold clammy eel in my bedroll, but thoughtful nonetheless.”
“Hey now! I had to get up in the middle of the night to catch that eel.”
~~~~~
Gabrielle laughed at me and honestly, I never thought my heart could feel this light. In spite of it all, the sacrificial virgin, the warlords, the zealots, the Goddess of Love, and the famous poet, it had been one of those rare perfect days. Sure, I might have to clean my breastplate another time or two to get all of the fish stink out of it, but it was well worth it. Gabrielle was happy, and that meant more to me than all the perfect poems Sappho could ever write.
“You know,” Gabrielle said after filling her cup once again, “Genia had a really valid point with Aphrodite. She asked her why, with her godly powers, she just didn’t fix everything instead of doing party tricks. Have you ever wondered that?”
I considered the question, my own head swimming a bit with all the wine we’d had. “What tastes better? A fish you’ve caught yourself or one I caught?”
“Are they both prepared the same?”
“Yes.”
“Then the one I caught. And yes, I see your point.”
“Besides, sometimes people need parlor tricks, right?”
Gabrielle nodded, a slight sway in her movements. “Anyway, I think Aphrodite does more than she lets on. I think she wants to seem more superficial than she is. I think there is sometimes a darkness to love, or to the places that don’t have love that she has to contend with. I don’t think an animal like Caligula could have captured her if there wasn’t some darkness there.”
I considered her words. Light and dark always seemed to be in a never-ending battle, at least with Aphrodite, lightness seems to have won and that gave me hope. We fell into a comfortable silence once more and I thought back to the moment I’d used the helmet to get to Sappho to ask her for the poem.
“You’ve changed since our first meeting,” Sappho said, approvingly. There was no denying it so I just nodded. She however had changed; her rich black hair was now beginning to show some gray and her face was beginning to show the deeper lines of one who laughed often. Her face was fuller, the years seeming to have been kind. I had to admit I was relieved now to have been unsuccessful in my seduction when our paths had crossed so many years ago. Her wealthy family paying her ransom, I returned her to Lesbos unharmed and untouched. She seemed to take the whole event in stride, almost as if humoring the young woman who fancied herself a heartless mercenary.
“I hear you travel with a woman now,” she asked, breaking into my thoughts “I hear she’s a bard? A warrior? Amazon queen? That part of the story seems to keep changing.”
“All of that is true. She is why I’m here, it’s her birthday and she is an admirer of your poetry.”
“And so, the Destroyer of Nations is conquered?” she asked with a light laugh.
“Something like that,” I replied tightly. “Look, Sappho, I owe you an apology. I’m not who I was then -”
“Xena, please,” she said cutting me off with a wave of her hand. “You’ll notice I didn’t flinch when you landed on my balcony, I haven’t called for help. I may live on an island, but certainly I’ve heard of The Warrior Princess and all the good she’s done from Thrace to Messenia. I’ve been quite intrigued with your career as I’m someone who can actually say ‘I knew her when’. This bard must be really something to have righted that ship. What’s her name?”
I looked down, uncomfortably. “Gabrielle.”
“Relax Xena. I’m not telling anyone; this isn’t an interrogation. I know how private you are. I hope you’re more open with her about your feelings. But if you want art, you’ve got to give me something to work with. Tell me, how would you describe your love for her? Pretend for a second you’re a poet.”
I blurted out the first words that came to mind. “Drowning, in a sea of love, where everyone would love to drown.”
Her eyes widened in appreciation. “My, you do have many skills,” she said, only half joking. She studied my face for long moments while she thought and I felt naked in front of her, exposed, my heart and emotions laid bare. I endured it, determined not to let her have the satisfaction of me flinching.
“She’s the other half of my soul.” She smiled at me with an affirming nod. Finally, she reached for a scroll and wrote.
Handing it back to me she said, “Xena it’s all over your face, is this what’s in your heart?” As I read the words my breath caught and my chest felt tight. She captured the likeness of my love for Gabrielle with such perfection that it might as well have been a mirror into my soul.
“Thought so,” she added with some satisfaction. “Take this to your bard, and I wish for you my friend, that it captures her heart too.” I looked up in surprise at the word ‘friend’ and she smiled. “No hard feelings. Maybe someday you’ll bring her by so I can meet her.”
“Hey!” Gabrielle said, drawing me from my thoughts, “you’re a million miles away.”
“I was just thinking,” I replied with a smile. Someday I might tell Gabrielle how Sappho and I met, but I didn’t want to spoil today. “I’m glad you like the poem,” I said instead.
“Xena,” she said warmly, her eyes twinkling with delight, “for you I will endure practical jokes on my birthday for the rest of my life.”
“You see, Gabrielle,” I replied with a laugh, “Sappho’s got nothing on you when it comes to declarations of love.”
Sheets of angry rain stung my face as I ran into the courtyard. I don’t know how long I had been running, it felt like it had been days, but was likely only several hours. With senses heightened from battle, I ignored the searing pain of muscles overwrought. I stopped short at my first glimpse of Xena; naked, headless, strung up between two posts. She’d been washed, probably by the rain, as there was no blood, but holes from arrows were numerous. She’d been shot in the shoulder, arms, legs, and abdomen. My love had suffered.
There was no question this was Xena. I knew every inch of her body. I’d touched it with my hands, kissed it with my lips – there was not a fraction of skin that I’d not enjoyed over the years as we’d woven our hearts and souls together. I felt the bile rising in my stomach, and I was starting to puke when I awoke with a jolt.
There was no rain, no courtyard. I listened for a second to the quiet sounds of night and gentle lapping of waves against the hull of the ship taking me away from Jappa and all that had happened there.
“Gabrielle, it’s okay – it was a nightmare,” Xena said softly as she leaned over the brazier to make eye contact. The coals were nearly dead and she was almost completely in shadow but I knew it was her. The glint from her eyes, the sparkle from her reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and the pieces fell into place. I’d not slept in the two days since leaving Jappa. Overcome with grief and exhaustion, I’d sat down near the small cooking brazier the captain had provided for my use so I wouldn’t have to eat the fish raw if I didn’t want to. The crew left me alone, no doubt unsettled by my conversations with someone they couldn’t see. I’d taken a spot near the bow, my back against the hull, the small filet charred beyond recognition on the grate.
“No Xena. This is the nightmare. It’s all a nightmare. Sleeping, conscious, same nightmare, different landscape.”
Xena looked wounded, sad, and I couldn’t help but ache for her. With all that I had learned in the years of traveling with my love, with all I had seen and experienced, I never would have predicted that I could feel so many overpowering and conflicting feelings at once. Not even when we’d tried to kill each other had it been like this.
“Talk to me,” Xena urged. “Tell me.”
Fine. If she wanted a heart to heart, she would get it. “Xena, why wasn’t I enough?”
Xena took a deep breath and if I had not been so angry, I’d have tried to sooth the worry and sadness from her brow. “Gabrielle, you were enough – you were more than enough. I wanted to be worthy of you.”
I shook my head deflecting her words. “If you had lived, you wouldn’t have stopped, would you? It’d be another land, and then another and another – until you finally died – for good – you wouldn’t have stopped.” She knew I was angry and had the decency to look guilty.
“I loved you with every fiber of my being. I still do, and that was never enough.”
This is not the conversation I wanted to have with my love. It felt petty, and I wanted to be better than this.
“Xena, I can’t do this. I can’t be angry at you. Anger and bitterness led us to Illusia and we only got through that because we had each other. I have to let this anger go.” I’m on my own now, I thought to myself but stopped short of saying it out loud.
“Gabrielle, it’s been two days. You have every right to your anger. And your fear, and your sorrow – all of it.”
“What would you have done? If our places were switched?”
She looked down. “I’d have been selfish,” She whispered.
I nodded. “I should have been selfish,” I whispered back.
Xena shifted from her place across the brazier to sit next to me against the ship’s hull. Her legs outstretched, she reached for my hand and held it but I felt no warmth.
“Gabrielle, the love you showed me meant more to me than words could ever hold. You stood with me against my darkness and buttressed me at my weakest. You warmed me like the sun when I was cold and gave my heart clarity. I was who I was because of the love you gave me. I grew beyond what I could be. You were my true north. And you’ve done what is most painful time and again. Without a doubt you are stronger than I ever was.”
I shrugged. “And still it wasn’t enough.”
She continued, undeterred by my negativity. “I truly thought we’d figure a way out of this like we had so many times before. I guess dying a few times and coming back made me cocky.” I chuckled in spite of myself. I was miserable, I would be miserable for the rest of my days, but that didn’t keep Xena from being funny. With my free hand I reached over, past Xena’s chakram, to touch the urn of ashes in my bag. Something I would keep close to me for the rest of my life. The chakram looked out of place on my hip.
“It’s your chakram now,” Xena said, reading my thoughts.
“I’m never going to be you.”
Leaning into my shoulder, she enthusiastically replied, “You’re going to be better than me Gabrielle. You’ve learned everything I could possibly teach you. You are the very best parts of you and me. You don’t have my darkness, and you can approach problems differently. Besides, I’ll always be with you.” She shrugged, almost self-satisfied.
In the distance, I saw one of the ship’s crew hurriedly crossing the deck from the cabin to a hatch that led below deck. He glanced at me once, fearfully, then darted away from the crazy woman talking to herself.
“We were better together,” I muttered. She squeezed my hand but I couldn’t feel it. “But I guess this way no one is going to try and kidnap me to get to you.”
“That’s true.”
Unable to stop myself I added, “I won’t be prey to any more of your ex-lovers showing up and asking for the impossible.”
“I hope not.” She smiled sadly, looking at the embers in the brazier.
“Gabrielle, did I ever tell you this story?”
I arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to tell me a story?”
She continued, ignoring me. “Once upon a time I was a whole person and I began my life like everyone else. But the Fates wanted to test me and persuaded Zeus to hurl down lightning bolts and separated me from the other half of my soul. Well, I was disoriented, as you might expect, trying to live my life with half a soul. I went any number of places looking for it, I tried looking in the dark, but clearly didn’t find it there. No, it wasn’t until I started looking in the light. One day I was near this little village called Potidaea…”
“Really?” I interjected.
“Please,” she said with mock offense, “I’m orating here.”
“I’m sorry, please continue.”
“At this little town there were these villagers who’d been captured by Draco’s men. I saw a spark, a spark of something that so distracted me a guy hit me in the back of my head with the pommel of a sword. Well from that day on, like a golden thread, I felt the knitting of my soul to another. I had found the rest of my heart which made all things possible. I felt more joy in that time with her than I had in my entire life up to that point. Never was I so loved, so believed in, so cherished. She saved me.”
I’d begun to tear up, and angry as I was, I didn’t want Xena to have that satisfaction. “Are you going to say I made you the woman you are today? Because you’re dead.”
“What did you find that day?” she asked instead, not taking the bait.
I thought about it for a moment as I watched the last bit of color fade from the embers. It didn’t matter, the sun would be rising soon and there would be light.
“Xena, when I was five, I met the Oracle of Aphrodite. She was traveling and came through Potidaea. She’d dropped a flower while making the procession through town and I’d run over to pick it up for her. She knelt down to thank me and looked in my eyes.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that I would know greatness. I would know the greatest joy, the greatest pain, the greatest longing, but also the greatest love that could be experienced. My heart would be full and I would find all the things I didn’t know I needed and never thought could be mine. She also told me that I would have the gift of sight, to see people beyond what they presented. I was destined to live out different lives, to explore different facets of myself, and I would bring light to darkness. Xena, you are all of that.”
I glanced at the chakram on the hook at my waist. “You’ve given me a world and a place in it that I could never have dreamt of before. You gave me room to grow and find myself and find you in the process. I fell for you from the second our eyes met, although I had no idea what that meant. I saw in you, at your side, my place in the universe. I will never stop loving you and I won’t give up looking for a way to bring you back.”
She shook her head, defiant. “But the souls…”
“Yeah, whatever. I promise that I will not undo what you sacrificed yourself to do. But the land of the Pharos – they have a unique relationship with the dead. It won’t hurt to ask some questions. And in the meantime…”
Xena smiled at me, the way she always did. “I’ll be right here.”
I sat down at the cooking fire where water was being heated for tea and looked across the hearth at my companion. The orange glow of the embers cast her features in shadowed relief, revealing a face that was guarded; unsure but not afraid. She had no need to be fearful, her mother, the Elder of Cirra, had hired me to deal with the pirates that harassed the shipping lines between Cirra and Corinth. I was not surprised that Elder Agathe had moved on to the Elysian Fields in the months I was gone, nor was I surprised that her eldest daughter had been chosen by the townspeople to take her place as their leader.
The room was cozy and warm and I was full from the feast. Relaxed, and for the moment reasonably content, I wanted nothing more than to get a good night’s sleep on dry land, but this business had to be attended to first.
“Chara, you look at me with different eyes than you did months ago when I left. I am sorry to hear of Agathe’s passing, but I feel that she’d well turned over the reins of leadership to you long before I arrived. Why the suspicion, why now?”
Upon my return to Cirra with all of my crew alive, we’d been greeted like conquering heroes and a celebratory feast was hastily prepared in our honor. Everyone ate and laughed, joyful in their return home. Chara and I did not speak of my journey at the feast; instead, we spoke of my future intentions, which were to retrieve my horse, Titus, and to travel on to Delphi. Still, within the mundane the unsaid can be inferred, so I’d waited until her duties were concluded and we could retire to her home to talk privately. Now, across a glowing fire, I watched as she smiled sadly and poked at several embers before adding more wood. The flame began anew and she adjusted the hook holding the pot of water to keep it over the heat.
“When you arrived that first time, there were rumors that you were Gabrielle of Potidaea, Xena’s companion.” She glanced at me almost shyly and I nodded for her to continue. “We know our history. While to many Callisto is but a footnote of little import, here she is a memory that we both honor and despise. She was Cirrian. She survived the sacking of our city, one of the precious few to do so. And she was a monster. My mother didn’t care if you were the Gabrielle, you’d offered to help us, and she was desperate for the help.”
“And were the decision solely yours, you’d have been more suspicious that I would have lied to you as an act of retribution? Joined the pirates perhaps?” I supplied when she seemed hesitant to say it.
Chara nodded, her shoulder-length blond hair reflecting the glow of the fire. Her face showed her shame.
“Callisto did a lot of damage as both a warlord and a goddess. She killed your husband the day after you married him. We have heard the stories.” She prepared the tea and waited for me to say something. I looked at the fire and took a deep breath. Cirra would be forever a part of my history, and it seemed I would forever be a part of Cirra’s.
“Those things are true, and I confess that even now, many years after all that has happened, my feelings about Callisto are still conflicted. I am a much different woman now than when I first met her. I was so young back then. Life sculpts us all. Now I know how pain and grief can eat away at who we are. I know that trauma does things to us for survival and we scarcely recognize our reflections after. Callisto was just a girl when Xena’s army sacked this city…”
My words drifted off as the memory of Callisto’s face surfaced. The wild blond hair, the taunting brown eyes and sultry voice, so precise in its cadence. I shook the image away and returned my focus to the conversation.
“In the end, I suppose Callisto’s soul was redeemed even if her memory can’t be. Xena spent many years working very hard to undo the damage that she had caused in the world. And in some corners, I’ve no doubt that people still cling to the stories of who she was at her darkest, not what she became. Here, in the place of her birth, it should be remembered that Callisto ultimately did all she could to undo the hate that she put into this world.” I decided it would be best not to go into the details of how Callisto’s redemption was manifest.
Chara sipped her tea thoughtfully before replying. “This is coming from a place of generosity and wisdom. You are gracious, Gabrielle.”
I shook my head, uncomfortable with the praise. “I am still trying to be my best self where she is concerned. I often fall short. Xena did a better job of forgiving her than I did. You see, I hated Callisto not for just who she was but for who she was to Xena. She and Xena were equals, at a time when I very much felt that I was not. I don’t know that I will ever feel like I’m Xena’s equal and I’ve made my peace with that. Xena respected Callisto, she regretted Callisto, and felt responsible for Callisto. I was jealous to have any of Xena’s attention diverted, even in the negative way Callisto diverted it.”
I sighed, not quite knowing how to put my own past into words. “The three of us had a very strange relationship. Callisto knew of my heart where Xena was concerned before I did. She knew a lot about the world and I foolishly envied her for it, not knowing where her worldliness came from.” I shut my eyes, getting angry with myself. Now, more than a decade later, I knew from my travels the kind of trauma and abuse that could foster that sort of worldliness, but I was innocent then and reacted with misplaced jealousy.
I felt a gentle hand on my arm “Your tea, don’t let it get cold.” I opened my eyes. After a moment she added, “I don’t think this is what you didn’t want to tell me at the feast, I apologize if I’ve distracted you.”
Grateful for the opportunity to compose myself and change the subject, I extracted a large black pearl from the pouch at my waist and placed it in front of her.
“Yes, of course. This is from Poseidon. It is a token of a pact I made with him on Cirra’s behalf. He says that as long as Cirra has this pearl, your sailors will never be bothered by pirates. It is for you to keep safe.”
She picked it up, wide-eyed in wonder at its size and color. “If there had been any doubt before that you are the woman of legend, this rather clinches it. You were tasked with besting one group of pirates and instead you free Cirra from the hazard of pirates for all time? You must tell me this tale. I’d be honored to hear a story from Gabrielle of Potidaea.”
I smiled in spite of myself. It had been a long time since I’d been called that. For ten years in Egypt, I was not known as a storyteller. Certainly, my ability to think on my feet had served me well, but the people there did not know of me. Some knew of Xena, of course, but not to the degree she was known back home. Tonight felt like putting on a very warm, comfortable cloak on a cold night.
“I will tell you the story,” I said, after a sip of tea. “You decide how much of it you want to believe or share. I assure you though, this is just how it happened.” I settled myself to begin. I took the chakram from my belt and set it on the hearth to make myself more comfortable, having draped my sword in its scabbard on a peg at the door as soon as I’d entered Chara’s home. I was far from unarmed though. My sai stayed in my boots – I was so used to them they might as well have been made of feathers, and Xena’s breast dagger was always near my heart. It’d been a long time since I’d had an audience of one over the glow of the firelight. I cleared my throat almost nervously and began my tale.
“I spent seven years traveling with Xena the Warrior Princess, one-time Destroyer of Nations who, in her darkest of days, destroyed this city. When I met Xena she was not the same person who watched as Cirra burned. She was not the same person who unintentionally caused the death of Callisto’s mother and sister that started Callisto on her path. I was with Xena when she died, and even now, ten years later, separated for more time than we spent together, the tears come readily at the thought of her, of us, of what I’ve lost.”
Chara sipped her tea, watching me. She was a good listener and seemed content to let me proceed at my own pace.
“You’ve heard those stories: Xena outwitting Ares and a countless parade of warlords, helping people, doing the impossible time and again. We made friends, traveled the known world and lived our lives on our own terms. After Xena died, I spent a decade in the land of the Pharos. I tried to continue the life that Xena and I shared, helping people; fighting for the greater good. I even feel like Xena is with me, sometimes; that I can talk to her. Not as much as those first years, but still, from time to time I feel that she’s with me.
“Anyway, my time in the land of the Pharos was fraught. Sadness and grief can toss us in a way that a storm swept sea can only dream of. We have to fight for every inch we maintain on the tether of who we are, and get buffeted by the elements into who we will become. The pain, the grief, my steadfast determination to do good, to continue the life I’d lived with Xena, all of that consumed me for that decade. It’s what consumes me still. When you’re driven by sadness and looking for any challenge to distract you, well the time seems to fly by. There were villages, there were warlords, there were stolen treasures returned and loved ones rescued. I learned the dialects of the places I traveled, immersed myself in new customs and cuisines, made my way from one strange place to the next and I was finally ready to come back to my homeland, at least for a while. I came upon Cirra as I revisited some of the various places Xena and I had been. I guess I’m retracing my steps now, making sure I commit things to memory. I don’t want to forget anything. Being in these places and seeing the landmarks brings everything back into sharp focus.
When I met with Agathe and your leadership council, I decided it was only fitting that I again try to make amends with my own conflicted feelings about Callisto, child if Cirra. I agreed to help deal with the pirates, took several weeks to meet with men and women in town and at the docks, and then chose a crew. The ship you’d provided for my use was most generous, and my travels have left me fairly well off, so I could pay craftsmen to make further improvements before setting sail. Both Xena and experience have taught me plenty and I’ve been an avid student.”
I chuckled to myself remembering boarding that ship the first time. Xena walked the length of the deck and below with me, deciding which weaknesses local pirates might try to take advantage of and how we could improve the ships maneuverability. She also helped me decide which combination of Cirran volunteers would make the best crew. Had anyone come upon us they’d have heard me talking to an unseen companion. Not that such a reaction bothered me anymore.
“When it was time to set sail, it didn’t take us too long to find our quarry. We’d sailed east to the Ionian Sea, down south of Olympia towards Sparta, where I suspected they were coming from. We had several skirmishes with the pirates, sending volleys of flaming arrows from one ship to the next, trying to get close enough for boarding. Each crew was determined to get the upper hand. We were either chasing or being chased, not wanting to be boarded until we were in the better position for it.
“Near the island of Zakynthos, the weather turned ugly, the rain was cold and sharp, the sea rolling with angry waves. Both ships were trying to avoid the rocks and each other. Water washed over the deck in cold salty torrents; men and women were knocked over struggling to hold on, keep the ship together and bail out water from below deck. Anything not lashed down was lost. I’d long since mastered my tendency to get sea sick, but this crew, people who had sailed all their lives in all kinds of weather were sick, exhausted, and terrified by that storm. I shouted at everyone to hold onto a rope, to keep hold of something, anything that would keep them from getting washed overboard.”
I paused my tale to take in Chara’s expression. She was rapt. She knew I survived because I’d returned safe to Cirra with everyone who’d left with me, and was merely recounting the story, but her concern for the very people she’d dined with that night was evident, nevertheless.
“I was at the wheel when I saw a strange swirling of the water. Between the stinging rain and the howl of the wind, it was hard to make myself heard by the crew but I could see them lashing themselves to the mast or other parts of the ship.
“Something moved in the swirl of sea off of our starboard bow, like a whirlpool, with the other pirate ship on the far side, each ship moving at the same speed around and around. Finally, a huge wave moved up from below and hurled the ships to the reef, floundering both boats onto the rocks.
“At least, it seemed as if we were on the rocks. We were, and we weren’t. The wave had taken shape into the form of Poseidon and both ships were on their sides on the sandy ocean floor, leaning against the reef. Instead of swimming for our lives, the water was encircling a large area enclosing both ships on relatively dry land, to include a path to the shore. The water reached up and up, like a cliff face, you could even see fish swimming through it and the sand was wet with shallow puddles.”
“So, you were encircled by a wall of water?” Chara asked for clarification.
“Exactly,” I explained. “Imagine the Coliseum in Rome, the stands going straight up are water, the area in the center is dry. Only this was much larger. The pirate ship was a dozen ship lengths or so from us, I could make out the form of a number of bodies on the sand and coral of pirates that had either drowned or died from the fall as the ships went into the ocean floor. I looked up to my left and as I suspected, a wall of water that made the form of Poseidon was looming over us.
“‘Not a good day for sailing,’ he bellowed. I couldn’t hear what was being said in the distance, but I could tell from the panicked movement of bodies that there was shouting. I told my crew to keep quiet and let me do the talking. No one objected.
“‘Poseidon, it’s been a long time,’ I said, my voice calm but loud enough to carry. The water shifted moving down closer to our ship, as if the hulking form of the God of the Sea were bending down to get a closer look at me.
“‘Do I know you?’ he demanded.
“‘We’ve met a couple of times. My name is Gabrielle, I traveled with…’
“‘Xena’s companion!’ he supplied, and seemed quite satisfied with being able to place me, but took a more defensive posture at the mention of the Warrior Princess. I could see his huge head shift as he regarded my crew. We’d climbed off the ship’s hull to stand on the sand as our vessel was nearly laying on its side. The other crew had climbed from their ship and was walking closer. Poseidon cocked his head, puzzled that Xena was not with us.
“‘Xena isn’t here. She was killed in Jappa – ten years ago.’
“‘I am sorry to hear that.’ I think was meant to be soft but still came out as nearly a bellow. ‘I am both relieved and saddened.’
“‘If you don’t mind my asking,’ I began.
“‘You thought Xena killed me,’ he finished, chuckling to himself. ‘Gods live a very long time. Mortals are always trying to kill us. Sometimes it’s best to let them think they succeed and stay out of their way until they –’
“‘ –die.’ I finished.
“It seems strange to say, but Poseidon seemed as if he wasn’t sure what to do with us. It wasn’t until the other crew started yelling at him that he regained his god-like composure.
“‘I have a proposition for you,’ he offered, looking at both me and the captain of the other ship. ‘This path leads to a beach, not far up the beach is a cave, and in the cave is an anvil. I would like that anvil destroyed. Whichever crew successfully destroys the anvil gets to live. The other drowns. Fair enough?’ The words were hardly out of his mouth when the other crew started running for the path that led to the beach. My crew looked at me for direction and I shook my head. They stayed put.
“‘What? That other crew is getting a head start. You have a death wish?’
“‘No,’ I replied. “I want a better deal.”
“Poseidon crossed his great watery arms across his chest and a fish fell out. It landed not far from me, flopping on the sand. I picked it up and tossed it back into the water wall. Poseidon turned his head in the direction of the other crew then back to us.
“‘I don’t think I framed this as a negotiation,’ he said dryly.
“I spoke with more bravado than I felt, ‘I don’t think we’re the first ship’s crews you’ve enlisted. I think you know I’ll get the job done – given who I traveled with.’
“He turned his watery head towards the beach than back to us. ‘I’m listening.’
“‘In addition to our survival I want protection for the sailors of Cirra that they won’t have their ships raided by pirates.’
“He looked at me, askance. ‘This is a forever request, I’d expect? That isn’t a modest ask.’
“I nodded. ‘In addition, I want you to bring Xena back.’ Again, he looked in the direction of the other crew, to see if they’d completed the task already, I suppose. Clearly, they had not because he turned back to me.
“‘That is out of the question.’ At this point, my crew started to shift nervously.
“‘Then enjoy living in a world with that pesky anvil.’”
I didn’t mention to Chara that while the crew couldn’t see her, I felt Xena standing next to me telling me Poseidon was bluffing, and that he’d acquiesce to my request.
“He shrugged. ‘That type of request often has unforeseen consequences, child, but you’ve both died a few times, right? I guess you know the pitfalls. Very well. Destroy the anvil and we can discuss the rest of your demands further’
“‘Before heading to the path, I had the crew get some supplies from the ship. Water skins, basic provisions. We headed up the path at a decent pace, and after a couple of hours, we found the first pirate body. Someone had wandered too close the wall of water and something had taken a bite out of him. He’d died from blood loss and shock.
“Once we made it to the sand of the beach the cave was easy to spot. A number of bodies were strewn around the outside of the cave. The other captain had sent sailors in to be killed by whatever was in that cave. I watched for a moment as more pirates were ordered in, only to meet the same fate as their fellows did.
“The Cirrians looked at me with apprehension, clearly expecting me to do the same as the other captain.
“I heard Xena’s voice in my head. ‘What tools do you have at your disposal? Look at what’s around you.’
“I could see a trail lead from the beach towards a forest where there was distant smoke; clearly, a village lay in that direction. I couldn’t tell what was down the other direction from the cave but I decided we should find out. It had already been several hours and the other crew hadn’t completed the task, nor did the captain seem inclined to consider a different strategy. The fact that Poseidon accepted my offer made me think that this might be more difficult than one might expect.
“I divided the crew in half. One half would walk up the path to the village and see what there was to see. The other half would walk in the other direction. I would stay put and when they had anything to report, they were to return to me.”
“Were you worried that the other pirates would try to kill you?” Chara asked, clearly swept up in the story. She refilled our tea mugs, to my relief.
“Not really,” I replied. “Given the number of bodies strewn about the cave entrance, the pirate crew was down by at least a third. All the same, I gave them wide berth, staying close enough to observe them, but far enough away they were less apt to notice me. A few did, but...” I let my voice trail off meaningfully. I was never happy to recount the tales of people I’d killed.
“It was the dead of night when the first group of Cirrians returned, the ones that went up the beach. They had not traveled far, and had found a cave with a sleeping Titan inside. I’ve encountered three sleeping Titans not long after Xena and I started traveling together, and I remembered the incantation necessary to wake them up. Several hours later, the group that went to the village reported a giant was wreaking havoc, destroying the village’s livestock pens and churning up crops. He wanted to be paid a ransom of livestock and he’d already nearly consumed all the sheep that the villagers had. A solution seemed to present itself, if I was willing to be ruthless about it.
“My crew and I walked to the village first and I met with the magistrate there – a man named Hogarth. I offered to take care of their giant problem if indeed they really wanted him gone. If you pay a giant, they can be useful security.
“Hogarth said that they were tired of being double and triple crossed by the giant, who went by the name Agrius. Time and again he’d demand payment to leave them alone only to demand more. Hogarth agreed to my terms. We then set off for the cave with the Titan. I entered the cave alone.” I left out the reason I entered the cave alone, which was to keep anyone else wreaking havoc with Titans in the future.
“This fellow, whose name was Menoetius, was large,” I continued, “easily the size of Prometheus, and he had an angry face. Upon waking, he frowned at me, none too happy that he owed me for waking him.
“‘All I ask is one favor. There is a giant named Agrius who is bothering the village down the way. He needs to be stopped. If it’s any help, there is a large anvil in a cave on the beach, I think that would be a good weapon to use to teach Agrius some manners.’
Menoetius was suspicious. ‘After I finish this, our business is concluded?’
“‘Well, I will need assurances that you won’t take Agrius’ place harassing the village. You’re free to move on and make your way when the job is done.’
“He nodded in agreement. We couldn’t really shake on it because of his immense size, but I took his nod to mean the same thing.
“We all made our way back to the cave. It took a steady jog to keep pace with his casual lumbering, each stride a ship length or more. When he got to the beach what was left of the pirates were alarmed, to say the least. They tried to shoot him with arrows, but he merely swatted them away with his huge hand. That was enough for them and they cleared out.”
“How did he get the anvil?” Chara asked. “You didn’t describe the cave as being large.”
“Indeed, the cave was not large,” I assured her. “I’d say the opening was roughly the size of a ship’s hull. Maybe twice again my height. Not nearly tall enough for a Titan to walk in. However, he didn’t need to. He got to the mouth of the cave and got down on his hands and knees to look through the opening. I walked into the cave with a torch and looked around.
“There were bodies everywhere, badly burned, as if by explosions. The carnage was centered around the anvil. It was gleaming black and almost seemed to reflect dark light in its depth. It was icy cold to the touch and was without a scratch. Most unusual for something that weapons or armor get hammered on.”
“Hephaestus?” Chara breathed, reverently.
“I think so. There was a hammer hanging from a hook on the wall from its leather strap, and a cold forge nearby, but no one and nothing else in the cave. Holding the torch, I verbally guided Menoetius’ as he reached his hand into the cave, all the way to the back where the anvil was. He picked it up, and I think surprised himself at its heft and size. Still, he managed to pull it out of the cave. With a single nod to me he marched off in the direction of the village.
“Nothing happened for nearly an hour. We then heard a thunderous sound, like a heard of war horses charging our way. It was the sounds of battle as Agrius and Menoetius fought their way to the beach. They were trading punches and grappling with each other. Agrius was dressed in armor that had scorch marks and was split in several places. Menoetius was bruised and bloodied from the giant’s sword. I ordered the crew into the cave and followed behind them. From where we stood, you could see the fight take place down the beach.
“Finally, Menoetius was able to raise the anvil and strike a blow on the helmet of Agrius. The force of the explosion that followed knocked us all off our feet. Every one of us was flat on our back, ears ringing, trying to see from the billowing smoke that blew into the cave.
“Bewilderedly we got to our feet and looked around. I told the quartermaster to check on everyone while I went outside to investigate. I will spare you the details of what I found. Suffice it to say, both giant and Titan were dead and the anvil was nowhere to be seen. There were scorch marks emanating from the blast point of where the final blow landed. Both of the bodies were black and still smoking.
“It was then that the crew noticed our ship was now anchored just offshore and a small row boat on the sand for ferrying us to our ship. I sent them ahead without me, I wanted to wait for Poseidon. No sooner had they made their way to the breakwater, I was joined by the God of the Sea. He came out of the cave as if he had been in there with us the whole time, but I assure you, there was no one but myself and my crew.”
“But isn’t he made of water?” Chara asked, confused.
“Not anymore. To be honest, now he sort of looks like my grandfather on my mother’s side. White hair, but spry and fit, with blue mischievous eyes. He was holding this,” I withdrew the hammer from my satchel. Chara’s eyes grew wide.
“I told him, ‘I want to be clear about what we discussed earlier. When you bring Xena back, it’s not going to affect the 40,000 souls that perished at Higuchi. The souls will stay in a state of grace – Yodoshi stays defeated and Xena can be returned.’
“‘Little one, the gods of Jappa do not have dominion over me. You followed their rules for that event. Xena died, freed the souls of the dead, and was not resurrected by the life-giving waters of the fountain. The gods of Xena’s homeland bringing her back has nothing to do with events of Jappa.’
“‘Then, where is she?’ I asked, looking around the beach.
“‘I can’t bring her back myself, Gabrielle. I told you I would help you get Xena back and I will do just that. I will help you. But first you need to bring me something. It belongs to Aphrodite and it is undoubtedly her most treasured possession. If she is willing to part with it of her own accord, I can then provide Xena a rebirth. Xena will have two parents, Aphrodite, and myself.’
“‘Alright then I’ll head to her closest temple and call her, I’m sure she’d be willing to help.’
“Poseidon shook his head sadly. ‘I’m sorry Gabrielle,’ he began, ‘but the gods of Olympus can no longer hear you at their temples, nor anywhere else. Through you I have destroyed the Anvil of Hephaestus, severing the connection that my family has to each other, Mt. Olympus and the world.’
“Naturally, I had a lot of questions about this, but he would not let me ask them.
“‘While I appreciate your help, I do not owe a mortal an apology or an explanation.’ As he spoke, he extended his hand out to me. He was holding a small golden plate, and on it was a piece of Ambrosia, no larger than half a dinar.
“‘The journey to resurrect Xena will not be child’s play and should not be left to a child. This is going to take time, more than a mortal lifetime will allow. You are going to have to search through all humanity to find my niece. It will be like seeking a specific grain of sand on the beach. If you are up to this task, take the Ambrosia and give yourself the time to develop the maturity and wisdom you will need to complete your quest. When you return with the key, I will fulfill my promise and Xena will be resurrected. Your life will be long Gabrielle, make sure to take the time to live it. That is the only way you can possibly survive.’”
“Did you do it?” Chara asked. “Did you eat the Ambrosia?”
I nodded. “I asked Poseidon if I could think about it. I was there when both Velaska and Callisto consumed Ambrosia. I did not want that to happen to me.
Poseidon chuckled ‘Your apprehension is misplaced, little one, the time to ponder what might happen was before you set a Titan on a giant armed with the Anvil of Hephaestus. You didn’t ask who’s property you were about to destroy, nor ponder the implications. Now is a curious time to be careful. Eternity is a long, child and I don’t blame your fear – but I will not leave Ambrosia unguarded. So, you do this now or you don’t.’”
I did not tell Chara that as he said this, I could see Xena standing next to me, telling me it was too dangerous. She cautioned against risking myself to save her and to leave her as I did ten years ago. But I had ten years of regret. I had ten years of wanting to undo what I’d done, wishing every night that the urn of ashes was the living, breathing woman who was the other half of my soul. I was not prepared to go another day without the hope of possibly being reunited.
Instead I said, “I ate it, without a moment’s thought or hesitation, I accepted his offer and ate the Ambrosia.”
“What did it taste like?” she asked, eyes wide with wonder.
My mouth watered at the memory. “If the truest happiness had a flavor, it would be that. If you could taste bliss or put the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen in your mouth, it would be that. For an instant, I could see beyond time and space, that I was radiating with the power of the universe, and nothing was beyond my grasp – but quickly, in the space between heartbeats, it faded and I was left feeling refreshed and healthy.”
Chara was quiet for long moments while she considered what I’d told her. Thoughtfully, she looked at the pearl in her hand and rolled it between her thumb and forefinger. I considered that she might not have believed what I’d said but before I could ask, she spoke.
“My heart says to believe you Gabrielle, fantastic as your story is. It is no more amazing than the stories we tell nightly around the campfire. But this is also very personal, and I have to wonder why you are entrusting it to me.”
“When I got to the beach, the rowboat was back, drifted back to shore without any crew. After saying my farewells to Poseidon, I had time alone to think as I rowed myself back to the ship. Chara, with you I am planting a seed. I do not know if Poseidon was telling me the truth any more than you can be sure I am telling you the truth. However, like you, my intuition says to believe. I cannot say what the years ahead of me will bring. But I can say that there is power in having a history. A place where I can return in time, perhaps after everyone here is gone and maybe catch bits of my story that will remind me of who I was before and after this fateful day. Maybe I will come to Cirra a hundred years from now, with Xena perhaps, and hear myself in story.”
“Do you think this task will take a hundred years? How will you find Aphrodite?”
I shrugged. “I hope not that long, but I’m prepared if it does. I think I’ll set out for her different temples and see if I can find her there. Poseidon didn’t tell me exactly what destroying the anvil did, but I think it will be harder for the gods to hear us, the ones that are left at any rate. I suppose I’ll figure that out over time.
“Chara, I do not know what my future holds, but I want to hold part of my past here. I want to keep safe with the people of Cirra a bit of who Gabrielle of Potidaea was, and be able to come back here and remember.”
Chara nodded, and I could tell that she understood and appreciated my request. “You have saved us from pirates and we will save a part of you from the ravages of time. You are forever welcome in Cirra. May each day bring you a step closer to reuniting with your love and I hope our paths cross again.”
I smiled and stood, preparing to take my leave and retire to the room she’d let me use before starting my journey. I returned the chakram to its place on my belt and put the hammer back in my satchel. The night was not cold and now that our tea was finished, I asked Chara if she wanted me to put the fire out before retiring.
“No,” she said with a smile, her previous reservation about me long gone. “I’d like to sit here a bit and watch the embers. There is something about a fire that I find comforting. I’d like to write your story down and better commit it to memory, and the glow of a fire helps the right words find me. Do you ever feel that way, Gabrielle?”
I gazed into the fire for a couple of moments before answering. There had been so many fires and for the first time, I felt the possibility of more. More of the connection and promise that time spent around a campfire brings. I still ached; my heart was still heavy. My Xena was gone. But, for the first time since I’d lost her, I gazed into those embers and for a fleeting moment, I felt the faint stirring of hope.
“With the right fire, all kinds of things can find you.”
The End
Author’s Note: This final story ends with a heartfelt “thank you” to anyone who ever bothered to pick up one of my scrolls to see what was inside.