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Xena’s POV: Her plan got her what she wanted, but after all is said and done, the Warrior Princess can’t help but feel guilty…and decides to do something about it.***
I love the quiet darkness of the night. It’s like a soft, warm blanket covering every trace of a day long gone, and after a day like this, it’s something I am actually waiting for. It was a good battle, and I am proud of everyone. Gabrielle did one hell of a job, I already told her this, and although I told her otherwise, I am not completely sure if I like the way her eyes took on that little glint of pride at my words. I know she is a grown woman, and I know the time of me trying to shield her from violence is so far in the past it’s nothing but a shimmering trace of memory anymore. And yet, sometimes, when I watch her kill, I still feel sorry for leading her on a path that might never have been intended for her.
I sigh, pushing the hair out of my face, and lean back into the big, blood red pillow on the couch I sat down on three candle marks ago.
Three candle marks.
That’s how long I have been trying to reach him.
I don’t know what came over me to come here in the first place. I mean, everything went just smooth, like Gabrielle and I had planned it all along. Eve was safe, as was Amphipolis, and I am beyond glad for that. I know I wouldn’t have been able to stand the pain had anything happened to the people I love because of some crazy gods hunting me and my child.
And yet…during dinner, and watching Gabrielle play with Eve, and mother cuddling her grandchild, and getting ready for bed…something had been bothering me. It was weird, all kind of heavy and hurting, sitting on my chest, making it hard for me to draw a normal breath. And no matter how much I tried to fight it, it stayed, making me toss and turn on my bed, just long enough to get Gabrielle, who usually sleeps like a stone, up and crazy too. And when I told her about it, she just said to go out and get some fresh air, maybe some water, and not worry about it too much. She said after today, it didn’t surprise her at all that I was still restless.
She knows me well. That’s what I answered her.
And yet, I know she hadn’t intended for me to take a walk right into the ruin of that temple. Where I am sitting now. Waiting.
For him.
Part of me doesn’t understand why he is acting like a stubborn child. What is it about this that he doesn’t answer when I call him? Usually he comes running the second I think about him, bugging me and teasing me and trying to lure me back into his waiting arms. We have been at this cat and mouse game for years now, so long that it has become a part of us I guess, and maybe that’s why it never occurred to me he could actually be serious about all of this ‘you and me’ talk he keeps insisting on these days. He has been merciless with his mind games, and his little tricks, and the traps he laid out for me. Why should I feel bad about returning the favor?
“Ares. Come on now, I haven’t gotten all night.”
But he doesn’t answer, nothing, not even a gush of air, a distant humming of energy that usually alerts me of his presence.
It come to me, suddenly, that I never told him how I actually always liked that feeling. Liked knowing when he was near, that silent, dark energy that covered my senses, danger mixed with a raw sensuality that I never have felt before. This alluring combination of power and passion he carried with him was intoxicating, and more than once have I longed to just drown in it, loose myself in his very being, allowing him, for even just the shortest of moments, to make me his completely…
I shake my head and blink, my eyes searching the room again as I suddenly can feel it. It’s not strong, barely a whisper of something familiar, but it is definitely there now. And I can’t help but let that devilish grin appear that I know he secretly loves so much. He truly never could resist me.
I stand up, slowly walking through the room, stopping just a few paces in front of the huge throne that marks the center of the temple. Filled with dark satin and covered in a slightly golden hue from the candles they lit earlier, it almost has something comfortable, and yet one just needs to look at the three skulls on its top to know whom this belongs to. Most might be frightened by it, or stand here in awe. For me, it’s nothing compared to the mere presence of Ares himself.
“Come on cutie pie, don’t play hard to get.”
A strong rush of energy now, and I can’t help but swallow down a sudden lump in my throat as he, finally, appears, sitting on his throne right in front of me, his deep brown, usually smoldering eyes unusually cold and distant.
“You were saying?”
His voice hard as granite, a dangerous growl, and slowly I start to realize that maybe, just maybe, this time I might have actually played him too far.
“Not nice to keep a girl waiting like that.” He merely raises an eyebrow at my lame joke. And I don’t blame him. I definitely had better tries at that.
“What do you want?”
There is nothing gentle or sensual in his tone, and I sigh, putting my hands on my hips, trying to show a sureness I don’t feel anymore.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“Goody, everybody knows how big a chatterbox I am.”
He shakes his head at me, a hand already lifting, ready to make him disappear again.
“Go to Tartarus Xena.”
And he is gone.
And I stand there, my mouth slightly open, not quite believing what just happened. He blew me off. He really did it.
“Ares damn it, get back here!”
I yell now. Not understanding why. And yet, I can feel a sudden fear clenching my guts. What if he meant it?
“Ares!”
I know I played him, I know I used his interest in getting me to my advantage, but gods, I never thought he might take that so damn serious!
“Ares…please.” I want to yell all kind of bad things at him. I want to blame him for making me feel like I do right now. I want to blame him for making me feel sorry for what I did.
“Ares, really, I didn’t mean to…”
Another rush of air and he is back, still sitting there, looking at me. His deep, dark gaze searching my face, nothing in his features giving me a hint as to what he is thinking right now.
“What? Play me? Use me? Hurt me, Xena?”
And the way he says that one word, makes me understand that I did just that. I hurt his feelings. All those years I thought he didn’t have them, and now that I look back at him, see a glimpse of something sad appear in his look before he can hide it, I start to fear that he might actually have meant what he told me down in Tartarus not long ago.
“I never thought…” He laughs, shaking his head again.
“That a god can actually be true to his words?” A bit of stubbornness rises in me again.
“Actually, it’s more like you being true to yours.” A slight frown, letting me know the remark did find its goal.
“Something we have in common then.” Now I have to laugh, but it sounds more shaking and unsure than the triumphant ring I wanted it to carry.
“Don’t you dare, Ares! How many times have you tried to play me? And now you have the guts to whine because I gave you a taste of your own medicine?”
“It’s not about games and you know it!” His voice suddenly booming through the hall, making me wince slightly at the thunder it is waking in my head.
“You have hurt me so many times I lost count to it!” I shout back, not even knowing what exactly it is I am referring to right this moment.
But there is something I do understand now. The feeling that has brought me here in the middle of the night is, with no doubt, connected to him. It is back with a vengeance, getting worse by every word we say, and slowly, ever so slowly, is pushing me towards an edge I wasn’t aware of standing at until now.
“And you decide it would be the best way to turn around and slap me back?!”
“Oh, you poor thing! Really Ares, I am so sorry you didn’t get to play around this time!”
“Shut up! You are talking to the…”
“Yeah yeah, as if I ever cared!”
He is standing now, too, taking a few quick steps towards me, and the blink of an eye later his face is so close to mine I can feel his breath warming my skin.
“Get out!” His eyes are blazing with cold fury, but, and I am sure, so are mine right now.
“No!”
“Xena, don’t push me too far! You have done enough of that as it is!” I roll my eyes, more to break the fierce contact between us than anything else.
“Why? Because I made you horny or…”
“Because you made me feel!”
His words echo of the walls around us, only to get lost on a breeze of warm summer air. He looks at me, his eyes suddenly drained of all the fire they possessed, and left is only a vulnerable shiver of something I never have seen there before. His breathing is heavy, but so is mine, and we only stand there, our eyes searching for words our mouths aren’t able to form right now.
I don’t know what to say, what to think, what to feel right now. It is as if those words opened up a flood of emotions inside me, both good and bad, about to wage a war that nothing in this world is able to chance its outcome. He has done so many things to me, so many times he hurt me, tortured me, punished me for leaving his violent path I have every right now to laugh into his face. Every damn right to turn around and leave him in his misery.
And I can’t.
I can’t because today, when I was in his arms, I did feel something too.
“Ares…”
His eyes turn smoldering as I say his name, and before I even have a chance to stop him, he kisses me, kisses me hungry, and fierce, and so full of passion and desire I am scared I might faint from it. It drives me insane, the way his lips taste mine, the way his tongue caresses in my mouth different from anything I ever experienced in my life, and when he stops and pulls away, it feels like he leaves me thirsty for water, like he leaves me gasping for air.
“Damn you, Xena.”
This time his words are a mere whisper, but I can feel them vibrate inside me like a tidal force. And I can only stand there, and finally watch him turn around again, and vanish in that blue flash of light, because I can’t find a word to say that would stop him.
Because all of a sudden, I do believe what he said.
And all of a sudden, I am scared.
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