Night has fallen again in this surreal world we find ourselves in, and as I know, for me that means back to that dark, silent prison. Just for the shortest of moments I can feel Gabrielle’s spirit pass by, the merest of whispers, the barest of touches, and then she is gone, off to fight yet one more night on her own. No matter how well I think I got everything prepared for her, she is still so innocent, so new to this whole world I can’t help but feel guilty about her falling into. She has done well so far, and I am sure she will find a way now too…but this is the first time I am not there to guide her, to protect her if necessary, and that makes me so restless I can’t stand still for one moment longer than I have to.
“Damn you Ares!” I hiss for probably the hundredths time since we got here, and I turn, my steps carrying me surprisingly fast and sure through this black nothingness that surrounds me.
I was wondering when he would get back in touch with me after the whole thing about my Chakram, and if I was truly honest to myself, no one but myself, always, I was waiting for it. Not because I have the nerve to go through with one more of his little games, but if losing the dark part of myself has shown me something for sure, it’s that he has a way bigger impact on my soul than I ever thought possible, bigger than I might be comfortable with.
My steps lead me over hard ground as my thoughts wander back to the moment he came to me when I was taken hostage by Kal, and the moment he appeared, I instantly felt a connection. And as much as my logic sense wants to deny it, my heart knows that it wasn’t a past that bound us then, because I had forgotten about it all, but an attraction that went beyond anything physical.
The same attraction made me almost helpless in its grasp when he came back to me in the bath, his hands leaving burning trails of fire on my skin as they went, waking up something I had thought long lost, dead forever. And again, no darkness, no seduction into violence, nothing dangerous at all could he have used then to get me onto his side. There was only him, and his mere presence, and me, wanting it more than…
“Great, I am finally going insane.” I murmur to myself, my steps slowing down as I hear the faintest sound in the distant darkness. I cannot really make out what it is, so my instant reaction is my hand reaching for a sword on my back that is not there anymore.
I roll my eyes at that, annoyed not just at him stripping me from any possibility to fight if need be, but also for me at relying on a weapon way too much these days. Someone once told me that a weapon is merely the deliverer of skills born and forged in myself, so better never trust on steel, but on fire and strength that comes from deep within…I smile bitterly as I try to remember where that came from…
“Xena…”
His deep, alluring voice suddenly flows over my shoulders, and I can barely keep myself from being spooked by it.
“Right…that’s where it came from.” I remember, for a short moment even able to call back the memory of that one afternoon spent fighting and training and bleeding into the muddy ground beneath my feet, him attacking again and again and again until I had nothing to defend myself with other than my bare hands, and my stubbornness...
A faint laugh echoes off the walls around me, and I start walking again, now pretty sure that this was just the start of yet another one of his mind games.
“Xena…”
“Oh shut up you bastard!” I yell, wincing instantly as my body reacts to my alertness, every sore muscle and still burning cut screaming for me to get some much needed rest. I have to stop as the pounding in my head I have been feeling for days intensifies again, and I close my eyes, instinctively reaching out a hand to steady myself as I sway slightly…surprised to find hold on a stone wall that I am sure wasn’t there before.
Warmth hits my face then, and I can hear water splashing now, and a crackling fire close by, and as I reopen my eyes I am standing in the entrance of a huge cave. A small bathing pond lays not far away from me, the fire and a set of thick furs right next to it, and the smell of roasting vension is so intense I can instantly feel my stomach tightening in hunger.
I slowly step forward, and I can’t help but smile, knowing full well how all this appeared here all of a sudden. No hard guessing, really, because I can feel his presence all over the place now, and I am sure he is watching my reaction to his little stunt closely. My first thought is to say something nasty to it, to rub that stupid smile off my face, turn around and go back into my dark prison. But my body is aching, and tired, my head hurts and I haven’t properly eaten for two days now…and I am just too beat to fight against what my inner sense is telling me to do.
So I sigh, and walk over to the sleeping place he has created, my eyes taking in the surprising amount of details he has paid attention to. The furs the ones I like most, the vension smells of spices I remember from home, the water scented and gently steaming, a luxury I so adore, yet very seldom can arrange for.
“And now what, huh? You sit on your throne playing peekaboo?”
Another laugh, and then he is there, his energy flooding my senses like a tidal wave of sensual heat and pure, plain passion. Laying on his side on the furs, his face one huge grin, and no matter how angry I am at him for doing this to me and Gabrielle, right in this very moment, I just can’t find it in my heart to hate him.
“You rang?” he drawls, and his face is smug, his dark, intense eyes sparkling with definite triumph.
“What are you up to now, Ares? I thought you were moving on to greener pastures these days?”
I am surprised myself how bitter I sound, how hurt, and I can see by the sudden seriousness in his features that he has instantly caught on to it.
“Xena, listen…”
But I can’t.
The emotions that break free right now are too intense, too raw still. I didn’t have time yet to work things out with myself, to work around this strange mixture of feelings his actions have provoked.
I turn away from him, walking over to the pond, my unseeing eyes staring at the gently rippling water.
Until this very moment I haven’t even realized what it truly would mean for him to…take another Chosen. It would mean freedom for me, yes, and no more fighting in his name, and him…gone. And I barely hold back a gasp as I realize that something inside me would die from it.
“Xena, I know what I said, but…”
His hand on my shoulder now is stinging, as stinging as the realization was he had started to think about taking that blond stupid little…whatever, as his new champion. That he thought he needed a new champion at all. I cough out a laugh as I find myself faced with a sudden wave of jealousy so acute I almost growl from it.
“Don’t you have your new little pet to amuse somewhere?!” I snap, turning, facing his soft brown eyes. Instantly feeling the impact they have on my heart.
“I bet she would show her gratefulness for all this in just the right way, huh?”
I hear myself that my words slash like a blade. I can see in his face that they haven’t missed their goal, but I have to fight with every strength inside me to not cave right in and apologize for them…or better yet, make them unsaid, because they reveal too much of the feelings I always keep so securely hidden inside.
“It’s not her gratefulness I want!”
I almost laugh at how his eyes widen a little with the realization of what he just said. I can feel a cold blanket settle on my shoulders, one I am comfortable with. More comfortable than with the sensual attraction he has created within me lately.
“Really? So that’s what it’s all about? A roll in the furs?!”
“That’s not what it’s about and you know it!” I take a step back, adjusting my stance, ready for a fight that I can feel is forming like the clouds right before a huge storm.
“Oh, enlighten me please.” His eyes are brooding now, his jaw working, and even though I know he is getting angry, the energy flowing from him now is dangerously alluring.
“I did this for you okay?”
“A fight for my life? Gee thanks pal, just what I needed!” A growl that leaves shivers up and down my spine.
“Yes, it was!” He is yelling now, his voice booming of the stone walls.
“Ever since you came back from the dead you haven’t been the same! Oh, I am not good enough anymore…oh, I am such an old woman now…oh, no one wants me…it’s driving me NUTS!”
My mouth falls open as he calls me on my most darkest, scariest thoughts these days. How dare he…
“How dare you?!” The rolling of his eyes is my answer.
“Oh please, as if you don’t know I am watching your almost every step! And usually it gives me the tingles just trying to find out what you have up your head next…but excuse me, this pitiful whining I can hear the whole day every day now is just…it’s not you, damn it!”
“Then take your little schemes and pound them into your new Chosen! I hope she keeps you interested longer than I did!”
He stares at me for a moment, then suddenly closes the distance between us, his hands on my arms pressing down so tight it starts hurting.
“It’s YOU I want! It’s always been you Xena!”
And then he kisses me, rough and passionate, and I am too surprised by it to break away immediately. The moment his lips meet mine is like a fire breaking free of its cage, rushing, hunting, burning, and I am acutely aware of my insides slowly turning into molten lava.
“Let me go…” I want to scream it as he finally breaks the kiss, but all I manage is a mere whisper. For this short moment has reminded me what it means to be his, in every sense of the world. And what it would destroy inside me am I to lose it forever.
“Never.” His voice a hot wisp of air against my face.
“You are the one, Xena. From the first time I saw you in battle, I knew it. No one is like you, no one can compare, not now, not ever. Your strength, your fire, your passion…it’s all still there, it’s what you are. And it’s what I desire. For all eternity.”
The realization of how much I have been wanting to hear those words from him is the last thing I can remember before I just close my eyes, just let got of everything, and lean in to kiss him again…
A few candle marks later, after having shared a delicious dinner made of vension, fresh fruit and sweet wine, I am reclining in that heated pool he created, sitting on a small, narrow bench, my naked backside leaning against warm stone, watching him slowly swim towards me.
I know where this is all leading, and I know, that if I really wanted, I could stop it…but I have yearned for his attention for too long now, not just here, but ever since I left him. He has done all those things for me, years ago, when I was still leading his army, making sure his best was having all she needed. Young and stupid as I was, all I could see was him giving me a bonus for the body counts of the war won, or the village raided. Now, I understand that there is something behind that, that hasn’t been obvious to me before. I know we are both too scared by it yet to truly admit it, to call it by its name, but I am sure we are both aware, and both willing, if just for a few sacred moments, to revel in it.
He is close to me now, the water he is moving lapping gently against my already way too sensitive breasts, and I bite my lip as he smiles, his eyes clear on what he wants. The warmth of the pool has helped me relax sore spots, and I feel fresh and alive again, and more than ready for his hands to settle on my hips now, pulling me against his wet, smooth muscled chest for yet one more passionate kiss.
It ends much too soon for my taste, but then his lips start a tantalizingly slow journey over my neck down to my chest, and I throw my head back, not even trying to mute my moans as he finds my nipples, teasing and sucking them until their stiffness feels almost painful. His hands caress my stomach, move over my thighs, and the warmth of the water has nothing compared to the liquid heat pooling between my legs from his touch.
“Ares…gods…” He growls at this, coming back up, his hands moving around to my backside to lift me up in a movement so quick I almost miss it. He places me on top of the stone, almost completely out of the water, and my heart skips a beat as he moves after me, kneeling on the low bench underwater, his intention clear.
“I want to taste you, Xena.”
His words a bonfire against my moist lips, for I have already spread my legs for him, inviting him, needing this delicate touch more than I need the air to breath. His beard grazes my most sensitive area, and I am afraid I might explode from just this. I am so ready, so wet, so lost in the passion he creates within me I couldn’t care less if this fantasy world of his collapses around us right now, leaving us stark naked and in the throes of our lust in the middle of an Athenian market place.
“Fuck, yes!” I gasp as his tongue begins its seducing game, loving every fold, every rippling nerve ending thoroughly, passionately, and I can feel sweat breaking out on my forehead from the strain it takes me not to come right away.
I am almost sure I will win this battle, but then his hands leave my hips and come to lay on my breasts, massaging them in rhythm to the gentle tongue now trusting inside me, and I am lost, moaning his name as my desire spills over and into his waiting mouth. He is relentless, sucking, trusting, asking for more, and I give it to him willingly, my hands in his hair pressing him against me.
“Ares…Ares please…”
I beg him now, another hunger awakened inside me by this foreplay, and if he might have laughed at my desperation under any other circumstances, he is just as ready for me. I can feel it, hard and pulsating as he moves, lifting himself out of the pool to lay down on top of me, both our legs still dangling in the water, our bodies covered in dampness and sweat, our eyes hungry for the release we know awaits both of us.
“Xena…Xena…”
He moans my name over and over again and it only adds to my desperate desire for him, and then we both groan loudly as he finally, gently enters me, careful as to not move me too much with my body sliding over rough stone. But it’s not what my entire being craves for, no, I want him to possess me, even if just this one last time, like he possessed me from the first moment I saw him.
I lift my upper body, winding my arms around his shoulders, pulling him harder against me. I kiss him, long and deep, biting his lower lip, and I can feel him start to shudder, his motions picking up a little speed. I smile at that, assuring him that that is what I want, what I need, my blue eyes blazing into his as I start grinding my hips against him.
“Take me.”
Like water breaking a damn his lust explodes, on a growl so deep and animal it feels like claws against my skin he picks up his pace, fucking me now, really fucking me, harder, deeper, our bodies slapping against each other in mindless need, and we are both panting heavily. My fingernails mark his back as he winds one arm around my hips to pull me down on his pulsating cock with more force, and I can feel the heat inside me erupting, claiming him and his desire for me with a throbbing clenching that makes him moan wildly.
“Say it…oh gods Ares please…say it!”
He stops every movement, just pulling me close, forcing my legs as wide apart as he can, entering me so deep I can feel him everywhere.
His face gentle now, almost loving.
“I want you…forever.”
The orgasm that follows on his words is unlike anything I have ever known, breaking everything, breaking my heart, and I can feel tears spill over my cheeks as he throws his head back, calling out my name on wave after wave of his own passion…
A distant, pulling sensation alerts me of breaking dawn, and I lift my head slightly, turning it, looking down at him. It has taken us all night to quiet our lust for each other, only the last few moments spent laying on those furs next to the slowly dying fire, my head on his shoulders, my pulse still hammering from the last orgasm we shared moments ago.
He smiles gently, his features so different from what I am used to, and would my fear not still get the better of me, I would be close to saying that this was a look of the truest, deepest emotion.
I sigh, slowly start to pull away from his warm hold.
“I guess that’s my cue to leave.” It was meant as a joke, but sounds more serious than I wanted it to. He raises himself up on his arms, furs slipping off his body, revealing almost all his glorious nakedness to my still hungry gaze.
“Xena…”
His hand softly covers my cheek, his thumb ever so slowly caressing my lips…and in the next instant, it’s all gone, and I find myself in my clothes, in the faint glowing of morning sunlight, back in that forest. It stings, for sure, how abruptly it ended, me having wanted to say something to him, to let him know how much what he did means...
A laugh sounds again, somewhere, and I know now he knows. I smile slightly, shaking my head.
“Shut up.”
And off I am, to face the challenge of a new day as what I always will be…his Chosen.