Sheriff Aris and Deputy Boxer



Disclaimer: Any resemblance to the characters of Ares or Joxer is planned coincidence. Those characters are the sole property of USA Studios and Renaissance Pictures and no copyright infringement or violation is intended in the content of this story. Any resemblance to characters from the ever popular TV show Mayberry, RFD is calculated risk and done only for the purpose to share humor and spoof a combination with the TV show Xena, Warrior Princess.

The putting monoxide mailman's vehicle is the property of my Uncles old car and no harm to its memory is intended.

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Old Miss Crumpet told sum tall tales in her day. On this day she finished fiddle-faddling around inner kitchen long 'nuf to catch the mailman on his root to her house thar in Rayberry, RFD. Lefty had done been delivering mail now on to fiddy years for the Rayberry citizens and wuzun't much he didn't know whut went on in the town. Fact wuz he'd been wundering quite a spell on the long afternoons Old Miss Crumpet spent over yonder at Widower Purdy's place. Lefty wuz all ears when Old Miss Crumpet come to be talking at 'em today.

Old Miss Crumpets Tale:

"Lordy! Lordy! Lefty - you shore dunt mean to tell that you ain't here'd of Sheriff Aris and Deputy Boxer's got ancient N'Cestors now do ya? You'ins has gotta git out from under yer rock more often!" Old Miss Crumpet, exclaimed. "Well Ima bout to tell ya."

After glancing quickly at her newly arrived Sears & Roebuck catalog Old Miss Crumpet begun a'speakun:

The Paw whut started the family line uh Sheriff Aris was thu god'a war himseff. It wurn't known who his Maw be cuz that god 'a war chased ever one of them WarYer'esses back thin. They wuz a twilight whut got the god a'war entombed but not afor his seeds was a planted all ore the area of grease. Back thin they 'uns inforced they own virgin of law til thar powers wuz took from 'em. After that, they cun tin ewed to metal in law inforce mints. (Old Miss Crumpet kinda giggled sum while telling this tale.)

Lefty enter rupted to clear out some a'his nasal stuffiness since he'd been speakun with a twang thru his nose near to a weak now. Twern't long til Old Miss Crumpet cun tin ewed -- so be sure

'n listen, cuz she dont chew her cabbage twice!

Surprize! Surprize! Lefty. Deputy Boxer has ancient k'nections in his family knickers too. I here'd from the Pansy twins that Deputy Boxer a wuz told by his Uncle Jolly thar be a Joxer the Mighty whut was an ancient War 'Yer started his family line. Word has it Joxer wuz as good with a sword as is Boxer with a gun. Ya gotta be powerful good to only be needun one bullet, dunt ya know.

Lefty had to inter'rupt Old Miss Crumpet about now on account of he's had more mail whut to delivur this day. Old Miss Crumpet bid him a good'un as he drove right on into Rayberry.

Lefty come up on Sheriff Aris at Boober's garage gittin the fancy Sheriff's car fixed up. He cud not take chance to fur'git whut intrest it wuz of him be'un a d'scent of the god a'war. Lefty parked his ole' sedan to speak at Sheriff Aris on this fine bit a'newz. "Sheriff Aris!" Lefty shouted out. "I dun hear you be re-lated clear back to a'god n'grease."

Sheriff Aris rolled his eyes knowing if'in he wuz to strike up letting Lefty flap his jaws too long, he'd 'ner make it back to the jailhouse. Ain't Dee wuz to bring Sherriff's boy, Obie thar after his school in. Juz as Boober got the car a'runnin, Sheriff Aris hopped behind the steerun and said, "Lefty - I gotta git on to the jail now. Lloyd,-- ore thar at the barber shoppe kin tell ya all bout it next time yer in fer ya haircut."

Sheriff Aris had a real nack fer near dissappearing quick like. Afor Lefty could git back into the sedan, a silly voice was a scream'un, " citizens arrest! citizens arrest! "

"Dern ye!" Lefty said to Deputy Boxer who had done stepped to Lefty's sedan and was a tarring a

ticket off his little ticketer book. "Whut n'tar nation are ye doing Deputy Boxer?"

Deputy Boxer wuz grinning bigger than a possum in yer headlights when he said, "Ima giving you a ticket fer illegal parkun, Lefty. Whut you mean leavun yer sedan settin here like this?"

LeFty grabbed the ticket from Deputy Joxer's hand, tore it into little ole' pieces & begun a'sayun, "You is one kooky deputy. I wuz only givun Boober his mail n' speakin at Sheriff Aris bout his family k'nections with grease. He's tied by kin to the god a'war dunt ya know!"

"Dang nabbit Lefty!" Deputy Boxer exclaimed in his pre-pubertized voice. "Ima givin ya a ticket, Now I dun got to right another 'un. Dunt go making me mad now."

Deputy Boxer went to write a second ticket but dropped the ticket-book, picked 'er up and dropped his pen which he flung backwards while mumbling sumthin. As he was fidgeting all around when Lefty told him, "I hair you is got history in grease. A mighty War'Yer, huh.. Deputy Boxer?"

Deputy Boxer got all hyper, stumbled ore the curb and begun telling Lefty all 'bout whut Uncle Jolly told of Joxer the Mighty back in the days of grease and time of ancient he'rows. He told of Joxer saving the famous Zeener and her come pan'yun GayBreeAle in grease and in roaming times.

Deputy Boxer wuz a wanting to talk on but once a'gin Lefty wuz a needun to git on with the days mail. He told the Deputy to have a goodun and cranked up his sedan with a ker'pop of carbun noxide n'drove on down the street of Rayberry.

Deputy Boxer bumped into the parking metur steppun off the curb but merrily headed on back his seff to the jail while he begun a'singing a song:

I'm Boxer the Mighty

Walk along the roadside

One bullet gun at my side

Rightun wrongs n'singin songs

Ima Boxer' rrrrrr……

Box'er , ------ the Mighty !!

-EpTalk- 05/11/00
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