Horace gives his canine perspective on the 6th
season’s OLD ARES HAD A FARM, in which the former God of War must adjust to the
mortal state he chose to save Xena in MOTHERHOOD.
September 2006
IseQween@aol.com
“It’s
a dog’s life.” Yup. Humans say that. Not always in a good way, if I’ve learned to understand them
right. What do they know? They ever been one? Oh, right.
I hear some of `em have lived before.
You know, as another creature.
Makes sense they might be a dog at some point. Too bad if they don’t appreciate it. What goes around comes around.
Gotta take the ups with the downs.
That’s how it’s been with me.
Except, far as I can remember, I’m the dog I always was.
I got born
into a pretty good situation. At least
with the little humans. The big ones
didn’t bother with me too much. Said I
had “mismatched” eyes. Spooked `em I
guess. But not the mean pack that attacked when I was still a pup. They left with just about everything,
including me. Their leader didn’t seem
that keen on dogs, so much as my eyes being different colors, like his. Called me his “good luck charm.” He sure wasn’t mine. Stunk from the inside out. Killed for no reason. His idea of “play,” not mine. Probably why they called him “Gasgar the
Terrible.”
Soon’s I
could survive on my own, I was outta there.
Harder than I thought it would be.
Dodging wild animals. Satisfying
myself with their leftovers. Not the
same as meals the humans ate and put out for me. I was used to shelter too.
Being rubbed and talked to.
After two or three cold seasons I decided to hook up with this old
human. He went on the road with stuff
humans wanted from his wagon. He liked
my company. Treated me well
enough. I got to move around, sniff out
other situations without worrying about my health.
Thing is,
when we were alone, the old one slept a lot.
Or talked a lot. Expected me to
lie there staring at him like that was better than chasing rabbits or having my
underside scratched. I got restless. My nose twitched when we stopped near a
place that reminded me of when I was young.
Lots of land, water to drink and cool off in. Shelter if I needed. No
big creatures with fangs. Only thing
missing was nice humans. Then I saw
three of `em headed that way. Two females and a male. I followed.
Sure
enough, they pulled up at the place and started settling in. I got a good feeling about the smaller
female right off. Warm voice, easy on
the ears. Wasn’t sure yet about the
other two. With what they had on and
carried, they reminded me more of the mean pack. I watched `em awhile.
They changed into “clothes” that looked less threatening. Didn’t knock each other down or get loud in
a way that meant trouble. Helped each
other. The two females anyway. All in all, I didn’t sense anything
bad. A lot more interesting than the
old one. Loyalty has its place, but
nothing wrong exploring something better.
Now, you
can’t always rush into new situations.
You want attention, but in the right way. You have to test.
Train. I started with the
male. He sat around outside a lot,
maybe waiting for more fun than what the females were doing. Heh.
I hid their things when they weren’t looking. I saw the male do the same.
Yes! He understood the
game! I buried more of their things,
mostly what reminded me of the mean pack.
Pretty soon all three humans came out to search and dig. This was more like it!
I hid
myself where I could see them. And be
seen, if one of `em was smart enough.
The male found me. I growled a
bit to throw him off, then leaped out onto him and marked his face with my
tongue. He didn’t know what to do with
me, like he hadn’t met my kind before.
The females had. Their hands
felt so good on me! Got my tail wagging
like leaves in the wind. Maybe they’d
help teach the male how to win me over.
I could
tell the male and I had something else in common. He expected attention – more than he got from the females. When they weren’t busy with the place, the
smaller one attended the bigger one.
The bigger one petted that horse of hers more than either me or the
male. He had his nose open for her,
even though she didn’t seem the kind to jump up and down just because he was
there. Well, loyalty’s a two-way
street. No sense whining over what’s
higher than you can leap. I’d have to
show him why I would be better than any human at making him feel like top
dog.
My first
chance to get on his good side came when the females left us alone and another
one showed up. The male puffed up like
the dog’s “ruff ruff.” Tried to shoo me
away until he saw how my charms drew the new female’s attention to him. He fell through the top of his shelter. I rushed in to make him feel better. Later, I helped him chase those feathered
creatures that try to peck you if you get too close. Something else he didn’t seem to know much about. What mattered is, he was learning what to do
with me. I rewarded him with licks
whenever I could. I’m pretty sure he
appreciated that.
Ah, talk
about a dog’s life. The females took
care of us, made sure we had all the comforts of home. My male let me lay my head on him. Just when I thought I had it made, the worst
of the old times came back to bite me.
A mean pack rode up. The small
female acted nice to `em, like other humans who let danger in, but get picky
over the littlest bone. She watched as
one of them knocked my male to the ground.
Before I could move, the bigger female appeared, dressed in her
threatening clothes. The mean men
helped my male up, then she growled at him! Was this one of their rougher games? I barked in confusion, no longer certain who was friend or
enemy.
Suddenly
her fingers struck my male. He
fell. No! Next thing I know I’m planting my teeth where she sits. It’s not much, but her yelp says she got the
message. She helps my male. Soon after, she rides off one way and the
mean pack another. My male seems to be
okay. I’m sitting atop a horse, trying
to make sense of it all, when she reappears.
This time speaking nice to my male.
But not to me. I had a feeling
those threatening clothes fit her more than the soft ones. I sure wouldn’t want to see again that look
she gave me when she threw something to make me scamper off. Turned out okay though. My male picked me up, defending me as I had
him. Carried me off like we belonged
together. Finally!
I still
don’t understand what these three humans were to each other. For all the scolding between them and that
incident with the mean pack, they did seem to care as much as they’d led me to
believe. Once again we settled into a
nice life. Once again I went from up to
down. This time at the sound of the old
one calling out. He’d found me! I took off, maybe hoping neither he nor my
male would see me with the other. That I
could make space to choose.
Loyalty
can be so hard sometimes. My male still
had his females. The old one came after
me, reminding me he was alone. I
returned to him. I brought with me one
of my male’s things. I was playing with
it in the wagon when I heard a voice that made my fur stand on end. Gasgar The Terrible! He didn’t get a good look at me, but he saw
what I had in my paws. The old one gave
it to him. I had a bad feeling he meant
to hurt my male and that I had put him on the scent.
I ran
faster than I ever have to warn my male.
I found him sitting outside as usual.
And so happy to see me! The
females rode up with the air that everything would be all right. Dressed as when I first saw them. They didn’t go inside. The bigger one walked up to my male. I got a little nervous when she leaned
toward him. Would she strike him
again? No, it seemed she might lick his
face. Instead, she petted it. She gave me a warm look that said she
forgave me for attacking her. She
looked at my male as if to say he should be happy about me. And then she and other one rode away.
The
females have not returned. Perhaps
they’re playing one of those human games.
If it’s for good, my male may need some convincing. He misses them more than I. Sure makes a mess of what they did
well. I’ve sometimes had to bury what
he’s put out for me to eat. Instead of
getting better at being busy, he stares at things as if they’ll do what he
wants on their own. Often strikes the
air with his hands or with shiny sticks that aren’t much use for digging in the
ground. He keeps telling me we don’t
belong here. Points his finger at us,
shakes and growls like some wild thing, spreads his arms, yells, “Go!” He looks both sad and happy that I stay.
Sometimes
he points at me and says “dog” and at himself and says “god backwards.” Does it mean he’s more like me? Not quite like other humans? When he says it, he lifts his head, his body
rumbles, and a strange sound comes out his mouth. Kind of happy and ticked off at the same time. I do the best I can at understanding
him. Keeping him playful. Warming him when he sleeps. Giving him my ears, which he likes
best. He’ll look into one of my eyes,
then the other, and pull my head to him to rub. Like I’m his “good luck charm.”
I hope so, as I feel he’s mine.
Where do
we go from here? Hard to tell. I don’t mind staying. The way his nose twitches, maybe we should
try new places. For now, we sniff the
ground each other walks on. Paw in
hand. Whatever he has in mind, all I
think about is how good I have it now.
He’ll always have my loyalty, even if he sees something better. Other humans have called me many things,
like the bigger female’s “Your Little Dog.”
Far as I’m concerned, I answer to the name he gave me. “Horace.”
The females called him “Ares.”
To me he’ll be what he’s called himself while he’s been all mine. “God Backwards.” Hey, maybe it means we’ve rubbed off on each other. He’s certainly learned about a dog’s life. Maybe he’ll even come back as one! In the same litter as me! Ruff ruff!
THE END