Beep Beep Beep – slam – I hit the alarm, turn, look at the
readout and groan. It's 6am., January 1st – New Year’s Day and I have an early morning
appointment. Not that I should really be irritated by the alarm – I haven’t
slept all night – tossing and turning fruitlessly trying to find a comfortable
My friends keep trying to introduce me to the ‘right’ man but none interests me and I’ve never gone beyond the first date. Over the last six months the introductions have slowed to a trickle. Even my friends are beginning to see me as a hopeless case.
So where do I go from here – who can I turn to with my ‘secret’?
You see, I have met someone: someone who makes me laugh, who makes me feel complete, whole and worth something. I feel like I'm the first person to ever fall in love. I find myself waiting for the phone to ring, or daydreaming when I'm supposed to be working and forgetting what day it is or where I'm supposed to be. When we meet, my hands suddenly become clammy and my heart starts pounding …
So what's the problem I hear you say? The problem is that I've fallen for a woman. She's everything I'm not - pretty, slim, no - take back the pretty - she's gorgeous; I'm stockier built and just ordinary to look at. She's soft and feminine; I'm rough around the edges. She has long hair, endless blue eyes, a soft sexy voice; I've got short spiky hair, green eyes and a deep rough voice. She wears make up and pretty dresses; I'm butch all the way. And - she wants to spend time with me.
I get out of bed and turn the computer on, go online and check my email as I have done every morning since I met her. I wanted to make sure that the email wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.
Date:Wednesday, December 31, 2003 7:38:06 AM
Subject:Please Meet Me
My love, I have so enjoyed the time we've spent together and yet we've never spoken of the important things. I've been too scared I would frighten you away so have never told you how much I care for you. I don't want to just be your friend - I want to be your lover, your partner, your soul mate. I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together.
If (and I'm holding my breath here) you feel this way too, meet me at the beach - at 'our' spot - at 7:30 tomorrow morning.
I will wait for you.
I want to open the window and yell out to the neighbourhood - "she loves me – she wants to spend the rest of our lives together." Instead, I glance at the clock – 6:45am – I need to hurry now – I don’t want to waste one precious minute of the rest of my life.