Authors Note: Keeping my promise on updating my stories quicker. This chapter is told from Gabrielles POV, and the lyrics are from Trading Yesterday - My Last Goodbye. I hope you guys enjoy it, and if you wish to email me with some comments, which would be very much appreciated, my email is


I Will Be

Part Three

I've got to walk away

While there's still hope

Learn to erase

The love I know

And let you go

It was the hardest thing she ever had to do, walking away from the love of her life, but she had to. It was neccesary, because in her lover's prescence she could no longer breathe, and her heart broke a little bit more with every step she walked beside her. For so many years they had travelled together, fighting for the greater good, and she never expected for their journey together to end like this. She truly believed they would eventually settle down, let someone else take over the fighting for a better world, and live happily ever after in each other's arms. She hoped to die peacefully in her lover's embrace as they slept, or at least fighting for their cause beside Xena.

That was not to be, it seemed.

It felt like she was dying now, after the past moon and a half, as she sat in the Queen's hut in the middle of the Amazon village. She knew it would hurt to leave Xena, to leave their life and love behind, but she never expected this complete and utter emptiness to come with it. She had hoped to be relieved of her pain, of watching her lover repeatedly fall into another's arms, but if anything it only intensified it. She couldn't help but wonder what her soulmate was doing now, whether she had returned to Amphipolis for their daughter as planned, and if she had found another companion in her journey. Knowing her lover's sexual appetite, she couldn't deny that Xena had probably already filled her bed with another, replacing her love and touch with someone elses. Someone more willing to bend to her every need, and without the jealousy that she possessed. The thought made her furious, and even more jealous than when she watched Xena kiss Antony with such passion that should have belonged to her.

Cause what I thought was love

Was only lies

Taking what you want

Left me behind

As my heart dies

She was just the foolish girl that had followed the Warrior Princess from her home. And when Xena had seen how pathetic she truly was, she took advantage of her feelings of love, and used her to rid herself of her lust. She was something to conquer, something to take up spare time when not fighting evil. That's all she was to the woman she gave her heart to, a pretty girl to keep her bed warm, and stop her food from burning.

The optimistic side of her knew that what she was thinking was a lie. That side of her knew that Xena had loved her, knew that their love was neverending, that they were meant to be together. But she wasn't listening to the optimistic side of herself right now. She needed the pessimistic, angry and betrayed part of her heart to get past all this pain and heartbreak. She needed to think she meant nothing to the warrior, so that maybe, just maybe, she could move on, and not feel this guilt and loneliness that had crept into her heart when she left her lover.

So here we are again

Knowing this will never end

So I must let go

This is my last goodbye

Leaving all the memories of you behind

I will not wait here and waste my whole life

And waste my whole life

She couldn't continue this way anymore, not knowing if her soulmate would leave her in the next village they entered. Not knowing if there would be another woman, or man, more attractive or more intelligent than she was that would catch Xena's eye. There was nothing concrete between them, no home to go to, no quiet life together outside of the fighting. The only thing they had together, the one thing they had shared, besides from their love, was Eve.

Gods, Eve, I thought to myself, closing my eyes tightly to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down my cheeks. My daughter, our daughter, the Gods know how much I miss you. I miss your tiny hands, your ticklish feet, your beautiful face that's so much like your mothers. God, I miss your mother...

No! No, Gabrielle, don't think about her like that. You left her for a reason, do you remember Marc Antony? The man that had his hands and lips all over your soulmate? The man that Xena fell for, completely forgetting about your pathetic existance. She isn't missing you, she's probably replaced you already, so don't miss her, don't waste your breath loving someone who can never love you.

I can see you now

With opened eyes

When you come around

And realize

That I don't need you to survive

By the Gods, that man, Marc Antony. If I had been on the ship with him, instead of being stuck with Brutus, I would have killed him myself. How dare he touch the love of my life? And how dare she let him. She didn't think about me once when she was kissing him, she didn't care that my heart was shattering in my chest when she was loving him. She didn't care about me, the life we had together, the love we shared, or the daughter we had waiting for us. All she cared about was her lust and satisfaction and the body of Antony beside her or more importantly, inside of her.

Everytime I thought about it, I felt a small part of me die, and I fear that soon there will be nothing left of me, that I will be a hollow shell of the woman I used to be. I can't find the joy in the gift of life anymore, I can't see the colours of the world around me, everything is dull compared to her love.

I'm dying without her, and I'm dying when I'm with her. I can't win this battle.

I will not begin

A fight that we can never win

So I'm letting go

This is my last goodbye

Leaving all the memories of you behind

I will not wait here and waste my whole life

And waste my whole life

I don't know what to do with my life, without her strong hands to guide me. I came to the Amazon village because I had no where else to go. I wanted desperately to go to our daughter, so I could at least hold her one last time, but I was scared once I saw her, I would never be able to leave. So here I am, with my people, attempting to start a new life. It would be so much easier if I could let her go, if I could just stop thinking about her for just one second.

I can see the glances and approving looks that are thrown my way from more than half the Amazon's in this village. I can feel their lust for me as I walk by, but I cannot act upon it. Everytime I think of bedding a woman, when I wonder what it would be like to feel their hands on my skin, my thoughts go straight to her. I think about how it feels with her strong hands on my body, her hot skin pressed against mine. Her hungry lips conquering my own, drinking the love and passion that I offered to her so willingly. I remember the way it felt to have her inside of me, buried so deep I could feel her in every nerve in my body. The way she set my senses on fire when she moaned my name, and the cries that were torn from her lips when she came.

I wondered if there would ever be another for me, someone that I could look at without wishing they were Xena. Without wishing I had just been enough for her.

My passion, my poison

The life and death of me

I can't take you taking everything

From a love never meant to be

This is my last goodbye

Leaving all the memories of you behind

I will not wait here and waste my whole life

I try everyday so desperately to forget her, but I can't. I can't forget her, and I can't forget our love but most of all I can't forget our daughter. I can't forget Eve, and I shouldn't have to I've decided. She may not be of my blood, but she is my heart and I love her more than life itself. I can't live without her any longer, because if I can't be with Xena, then I at least need to be with Eve. If only for a little while, I need to hold her, breathe in her life that gives me hope and makes me want to live to see her grow. I will go to her, and I will be the mother she deserves.

It will break my heart to see Xena, and not be able to touch her. I want her so badly, need her so much, but if I have come away with anything from our time together, it is my pride. I won't give in to her this time, because I know deep in my heart that I deserve more. I deserve someone that will love me, and only me, and whose body will be mine alone to touch and to love. She can't promise me that, she can't promise me a peaceful life with our daughter. She needs to fight for her soul, fight for redemption for the lives she has taken, and there will always be another to fill her bed. I need to let her go and I need to say goodbye, because I can't keep wasting my life wishing for something that will never be. Maybe in the next life or the life after that, we will find each other and she will love me completely, but I can't keep dreaming my life away on something that could never happen.

I will say my final goodbye, and I will leave again, and maybe, just maybe, I will be okay.

This is my last goodbye

This will be one final tear for love to die

I will not wait here and waste my whole life

With my last goodbye

With my last goodbye

To be continued in Chapter Four.


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