Contact: norsebarddk@gmail.com
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
DISCLAIMERS:
This humorous Yuletide romance belongs in the Uber category. All characters are created by me, though they may remind you of someone.
This story depicts a loving relationship between consenting adult Elves of the female kind. If such a story frightens you, you better click on the X in the top-right corner and find something else to read.
This story contains some humorous profanity. Readers who are easily offended by bad language may wish to read something other than this story.
All characters depicted, names used, and incidents portrayed in this story are fictitious. No identification with actual Yuletide Elves is intended nor should be inferred. Any resemblance of the characters portrayed to actual Yuletide Elves, living or dead is purely coincidental.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR:
Written: October 14th - November 10th, 2017.
As usual, I'd like to say a great, big THANK YOU to my mates at AUSXIP Talking Xena, especially to the gals and guys in Subtext Central. I really appreciate your support - Thanks, everybody! :D
1: Santa's Big Yuletide Parade.
2: Dear Epilotta.
3: Ye Olde Elfin Academie.
4: A Delightful Gathering Of Elves.
5: The Blushing Brides.
Description: Rockabye and Epilotta, Santa's A-Team Elves, return for the last time with further Elfin good adventures: Lotta loves big events, so she's over the moon when Santa asks her and Rocky to join him on a special parade. When they are accidentally separated from their food, they need to be clever-Elves to find a route back to it. Later in the Season to be Jolly, Rocky and Lotta spend a day as substitute schmutting instructors at Ye Olde Elfin Academie. There, they organize a realistic exercise for the current student-Elves who discover schmutting isn't as easy as it looks; and finally, the important Joining day gets off to a hectic start when the A-Team Elves are called out on an emergency assignment. The day only grows more hectic when the Pine Cone Villa is filled to the rafters with friends and family there to witness the sacred Joining of Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf… In short, there's action-adventure, humor and romance for the whole Elfin family.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
1: " Santa's Big Yuletide Parade"
CHAPTER 1
As had been the case every year since the birth of the Great Elf in the year dot, Elf Springs came alive on the first of December. The last memories of the dark, dreary, rain-affected days and stormy nights of November were swept away by not only the longed-for arrival of proper nippy-nosy winter weather, but also by the tens of thousands of little Yuletide lights that were put up on every house on every street in every neighborhood of the bustling capital of the Elfin world.
Elves of all ages, sizes and shapes decorated the exterior of their homes with plenty of traditional Yuletide favorites like tinsel, holly, garlands and wreaths; some even went as far as employing newfangled ideas like putting up dioramas of multi-colored, miniature reindeer teams in their garden - some Yuletide traditionalists considered that an Elfin step too far, but other Elves reveled in creating new traditions.
Elf Springs itself was all a-buzzing with life now that the Season to be Jolly was almost upon the Elfin population. The high streets were witness to endless lines of Elfin families strolling past the snack vendors and the illuminated storefront windows; plenty of Elfin noses left plenty of smear marks on the windows of the stores selling homemade toys, or bound books, or any of the thousands of ever-popular gift items that would be bought, hid and finally unwrapped on the Night Of Nights, Yuletide Eve.
The only thing wrong with the picture of Elfin serenity was the complete lack of the white stuff commonly referred to as snow. Although the Elfin weather-prophets had done their best to whip up the hopes of the residents of Elf Springs by predicting strong flurries, not a single snowflake had in fact reached the ground yet. The Magical Calshiweah Forest up north had already been covered by the familiar white blanket, but none of it had transferred further south to the Elfin capital.
A favorite pastime that had developed among the Elves in recent times was to lean their head back and study the sky, wishing, hoping, even praying to the Great Elf that at least one of the clouds above would provide the flurries every single Elf longed for - but so far, the snowflakes had chosen not to obey the wishes of the assembled Elves. Lately, a different kind of pastime among the Elfin population had been to grumble into their long beards about the curiously poor skills of the weather-prophets, but that was really nothing new.
---
Beyond those petty grumbles, all sorts of outdoor activities flourished now that the winter weather had finally turned nippy-nosy and rosy-cheeky. Ice skating in particular was an Elf magnet. The ice rink near the heart of Elf Springs always drew such a large crowd the Elves had to be let in in groups so they wouldn't risk bowling each other over while performing their wild and uninhibited programs. Every imaginable shade of woolly-gray, forest-green and Yuletide-red was present at the rink, and the swift nature of ice skating meant the colors blended into a blur that zipped past going in all directions.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" a particularly bubbly Elf squealed as she tore past the ice rink's main entrance going backwards at a high rate of knots. The Elf - who was clad in a traditional, Yuletide-red Elfin jacket, a pair of gray pants and black ankle-skates - performed a quadruple pirouette with a twist before zipping back to another, taller Elf who had remained by the gates.
Coming to an ice-scraping, and certainly impressive, halt, Epilotta 'Lotta' Elf whipped off her floppy-cone Elf hat to bow to her taller sweetheart, the long-haul sleigh driver Rockabye Elf. "Ohhhhh, this is soooooooooo much fun, Rocky! I wish I could persuade you to skate a little with me!" Lotta said, wiping the perspiration off her brow with the back of a mitten. When Rocky's only reply was a grimace, Lotta stuck her loose hair behind her pointy ears and let out a muffled snicker into her mittened hand.
Like most of their fellow Elves, Epilotta had flaming red hair, sparkling green eyes, a cute, pert nose and a milky-white complexion except for her cheeks that sported a pair of red blotches brought on by the excitement. She had a sprinkling of faint freckles on the upper part of her cheeks, and she had what appeared to be an old scar immediately above her right eyebrow - it was the lasting reminder of a ladder stunt gone wrong when she had been a stubborn ninety-year-old who had tried to convince her parents that a girl-Elf could work as a gift-dropper no matter what the traditions said.
The older, wiser - and above all, less nimble on the whole - Rockabye 'Rocky' Elf let out a grunt as she used both hands to clutch the railing lining the ice rink. "No thanks, sweet Lotta. You know my opinion… if the Great Elf had wanted us Elves to skate, she would've given us skates instead of our twinkletoes."
As always, Rocky stuck out from the norm among the Elves. Every other Elf at the ice rink was two-foot-ten at the most, and had reddish hair, green eyes and pale skin with a ruddy complexion. Rocky, however, was three-foot-three, with black hair, blue eyes and bronzed skin. She was the result of a secret, and highly romantic, tryst between a local lady-Elf and a dashing Southerner who had been working at the Central Administration as an exchange consultant.
On this day, she wore long-legged boots, a dark-gray, rigid-cone Elf hat, a pair of insulated, dark-blue pants with a black leather belt, and finally a dark-blue double-breasted jacket. In other words, the typical schmutting outfit as favored by all the long-haul sleigh drivers. The red ascot graced her neck as always, highlighting the fact that she had reached the third stage of Elfhood. Every-Elf started as Novices who carried green ascots; when they gained enough experience in all things Elf, they would graduate to a yellow, then a red, and finally a black ascot when they had reached an Elf-age where they could be called Elf elders.
Lotta snickered into her hand at her partner's by now legendary reluctance to even venture onto the ice. Rocky could perform near-magical maneuvers whenever she sat atop the fur-covered bench seat of her beloved long-haul freight sleigh, or when she schmutted around on the outside of impossibly tall buildings delivering presents at Yuletide, but she had the limb-coordination of a newborn Elf whenever she came into contact with the slippery stuff.
"Well, I'm not done yet! Watch this!" Lotta cried as she took off once again. After performing several daring jumps and stunts, the inevitable happened, and she found herself sliding along the ice on her tush after an attempted triple-salto that had resulted in a double-salto, a fumble and a near-faceplant. Almost as expected, she let out a delighted squeal and clapped her little, Elfin hands in glee. She jumped to her feet with remarkable agility and was soon tearing back in the other direction.
When one of the groundskeeper-Elves signaled the end of the session for the active group of skaters by trumpeting a long, elaborate signal on a cow's horn, Lotta whooshed back to Rocky and came to an elegant, sliding halt. "Cotton-candy, time sure does fly by when you're having an Elfin good time!" she said as she unbuckled the skates and stepped out of the rink. Once she was back on firm ground, she connected the laces and flung the skates over her shoulder.
Rocky wore a wide, proud grin on her bronzed face as she took in the ruddy blotches on Lotta's cheeks. "Very true," she said and wrapped an arm around the shorter Elf's shoulders. "How about we finished this great day by buying a mug of hot Yule-tea and some-"
"Roasted almonds!" Lotta cried, clapping her Elfin hands once more.
"Y'know, I was going to say roasted chestnuts, but almonds work for me, too," Rocky continued, pulling Lotta into a sideways hug.
"Oooohhh… chestnuts… almonds… chestnuts…" Lotta said, literally moving from side to side as she weighed the options. "Almonds… ches- couldn't we buy a sack of each? Or maybe a barrel? Or maybe just a little bundle?"
"I think we better stick to a cornet, sweet Lotta."
Lotta broke out in a wide smile, but it slipped from her face when she caught a glimpse of the snaking line of hopeful Elves that stretched out from the vendor selling the hot nuts. "Oh… corn-on-a-cob… wouldya look at that…" she said, counting twenty Elves before she ran out of fingers and twinkletoes to use for the task. Since twenty was only just past the halfway point of the line, the true figure was probably closer to thirty-five Elves waiting for the roasted nuts.
"Mmmm-yeah. I suppose we could go home and make some Yule-tea instead…" Rocky said, eyeing the same line Lotta had been counting. She looked around to find a different snack vendor, but the one selling the hot nuts was the only one there.
It didn't take long for Lotta's expressive face to shrivel up into a mask of deep disappointment. "But I wanted roasted almonds… or chestnuts… or both… oh!"
"I know that 'Oh!'," Rocky said and snickered into her free hand. "It's the sound you make when you've had an even better idea."
Grinning, Lotta slipped her arm inside Rocky's. "How about we drive home to my place and get some hot waffles with strawberry jam… and whipped cream… and spiced Yule-tea?"
"Sold!"
The two lady-Elves grinned at each other as they stepped out of the line. Soon, they were strolling over to the parking lot where they had left Rocky's sleigh and their rented reindeer.
'Hullo! Can any-Elf tell me where I can find Epilotta Elf and Rockabye Elf, please?' a male-Elf voice suddenly said somewhere behind them. Lotta and Rocky both turned around when they heard their names being called, but only the taller of the two Elves was able to spot a courier-Elf running up to the main entrance to the ice rink until the crowd spread enough for the shorter Elf to see as well. The courier-Elf held onto a square, white envelope of the type commonly used by Santa whenever he had something important to share with the members of his fabled A-Team.
The Elf looked high and low for the missing Elves, but he did so in all the wrong places. Lotta tried to wave at him, but it didn't help. When the first attempt at establishing a connection had failed, she took off her floppy-cone Elf hat and waved the bright-red thing in the air. As the second attempt failed as well, the petite Elf plonked her hat back on before she slammed her hands akimbo and let out an annoyed huff.
It wasn't until Rocky stuck two fingers in her mouth and let out a piercing whistle - that made a flock of winter birds take off from a nearby nut bush - that the courier-Elf noticed the two lady-Elves. "Works every time," she said and snickered into her hand.
The courier-Elf hobbled across the forecourt of the ice rink on flat, sore feet, so the two A-Team Elves decided to help a fellow Elf by meeting him at the halfway point. "Greetings. We're Epilotta Elf and Rockabye Elf. Oh… we're not actually both Epilotta Elf and Rockabye Elf. She's Rockabye Elf and I'm Epilotta Elf," Lotta said and pointed at her tall sweetheart and herself, respectively.
"Greetings, I'm Hambergh Elf," the ruddy courier-Elf said. He was dressed in black boots, a dusty-red, rigid-cone Elf hat and a pale-blue uniform that sported a pair of golden ribbons across his shoulders - the colors and symbols identified him as an Elf who worked for Santa's Courier Services. Like Rocky, he wore a red ascot around his neck which made Lotta perform a brief bow to the higher-ranking Elf. "I have an important message from Santa. I've been looking all over Elf Springs for you. I'm glad I finally caught up with you," he said as he offered the envelope to Lotta.
"We've been skating for most of the day. Are you in a hurry?"
"Yes, because the missus has promised to make me an oven-ful of honeycakes when I get home tonight, and I don't want to keep her waiting forever!" Hambergh Elf said, already licking his lips at the thought of the thick layer of chocolate his wife usually put on her home-made honeycakes.
"Oh! I can certainly understand that!" Lotta said wide-eyed. Her attention was soon snatched by the high-quality envelope, and she tore it open at once. Her eyes ran left-to-right several times as she took in the first part of the message that had been hand-written on the card inside. Only then did she notice she had forgotten all about the older courier-Elf. "Uh… thank you very much, Hambergh. It would be so rude to keep the honeycakes waiting…"
"You're welcome, Miss Epilotta. Miss Rockabye," the courier-Elf said before he hobbled away on his sore feet to get to the next item on his undoubtedly long list of tasks.
Rocky leaned in to peek at the elegant, swept scrawl on the card. "What does it say, sweet Lotta?"
"Well," Lotta said as she turned around and began to shuffle back to Rocky's sleigh. Her eyes flew across the note once more to make sure she didn't miss anything. "Santa writes that he needs our help with a Yuletide parade tomorrow. Ooooooooooooh! A Yuletide parade! I love Yuletide parades… well, I love all parades… parades and Elves go together like snow and Elves, or rice pudding and Elves, or sweet white ale and Elves… or rice pudding and sweet white ale, but I digress-"
"Mmmm-yeah-"
"But a Yuletide parade is something very, very, very, verrrrrry special!" Lotta said, clutching the note to her heart. "Oh, it's one of the age-old Yuletide traditions passed down from Elf-generation to Elf-generation… I remember one Season to be Jolly where I was an itty-bitty-little Elf, and Mammi and Pappi surprised me with a-"
"The note, Lotta?"
"Uh…" Lotta said and looked down at the note before her reindeer sleigh would leave for Memory Lane. "Santa asks that we meet up with him at the Central Administration this afternoon-" - she glanced up at the sky to see where the sun was; 'high' was the short answer - "Oh! Which is soon! Uh… so we can work out the details."
"Mmmm," Rocky said and brought them to a halt. "I think we'll need to give the hot waffles a snow-check, Lotta. We don't want to keep Santa waiting for too long."
Lotta grimaced at the thought of missing out on hot waffles, whipped cream and Yule-tea spiced with raisins, almonds and cinnamon. The thought of almonds made her look back at the snaking line of excited Elves that ran from the hot nuts vendor and halfway over to the ice rink. In the meantime, the line had grown shorter, but it was still substantial. Another peek at the sky confirmed they didn't have too much time. The corners of her little, Elfin mouth fell, and the somber look in her Elfin-green eyes proved what a sad, sad, little Elf she had suddenly become.
Taking pity on her special friend - not to mention the plunging mood she now found herself in - Rocky leaned down to place a little kiss on Lotta's forehead. "I have an idea. Why don't you go back to the sleigh and drive it over here, and I'll pull rank for once and get us a couple of cornets of roasted almonds?"
"Oh! I… oh, do… do you trust me with your sleigh?" Lotta said, shuffling left-to-right while a deep red hue tainted her ruddy cheeks. "I… I still don't have too much experience sledding…"
"No, and you never will if you don't get behind the reins, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and caressed a burning cheek. "I think you should. I'll get the almonds, you'll get the sleigh. G'wan, I know you can do it."
Lotta broke out in a snicker and an "Aw, shucks!" before she nodded and raced off towards the lot where all the sleighs were parked. The petite Elf ran so fast little puffs of dirt and dust flew up from the soles of her boots.
Rocky tracked her sweetheart for a few moments before she screwed a serious expression on her face and squared her shoulders - Operation Get Some Roasted Almonds For Epilotta Elf So She Wouldn't Be A Sad, Sad Little Elf was about to commence.
-*-*-*-
A short half hour later, a crimson and forest-green lightning bolt tore across the skies en route to the vast building known throughout the Elfin lands as the Central Administration. Rocky had spent an entire day spit-polishing her beloved sleigh and waxing the intricately designed, stainless steel runners so everything would be picture-perfect for the upcoming Season to be Jolly, and her hard work paid off as the sun caught all the metal bits and made them shine like Elfin diamonds.
Colorful, elaborate Elfin carvings covered every last piece of available surface on the sleigh apart from the wooden flatbed itself and the little sign that said Rocky's Parcel Delivery Service. Up front, the bench had an integrated, fur-lined seat cover that would keep Rocky and Lotta's tushes happy even after the sixth hour in the sky, and the seat itself could flip open so they could store all their necessary equipment inside - mostly Lotta's stash of fizzy drinks, raisin buns, chocolate chip cookies, marshmallows, and other types of yummy Elfin fingerfood, but also their snow goggles, the maps and the jingle stick that every sleigh was required to carry in the dark seasons.
Lotta had been relaying a humorous tale ever since they had left Elf Springs, but she paused to take a sip of one of the jars of raspberry-flavored fizzy water that she always kept in store for that very purpose. Shuffling around on the plush seat, she carried on from where she had left off: "-but then the older Elf said, well, if you can't see that's a loaf of rye bread and not a tin of sugar-coated butter cookies, then I can't help you!" she said, waving her arm in a gesture at the imaginary loaf of bread on the imaginary counter of the imaginary bakery.
A split second later, she was unable to contain herself any longer. Jumping up and down on the plush seat, she pressed her hands against her mouth to stop the inevitable stream of giggles and snickers from escaping.
Rocky sat stock-still while her Elfin mind tried to parse the somewhat puzzling punch line to the supposedly funny story. Furrowing her brow and staring straight ahead, she began to chew on her lips to have something to do with herself while she racked her mind. It was all to no avail as the hidden meaning refused to reveal itself to her. "I'm sorry, sweet Lotta… but I don't get that one," she said and broke out in a half-shrug.
Lotta kept celebrating for a moment or two longer until she realized she had lost her better half somewhere along the way. As she turned to face the long-haul sleigh driver, the infectious smile slowly turned into a puzzled frown that mirrored the one on the bronzed Elfin-face. "Uh… you don't get it? What's not to get… it's so simple! The customer-Elf comes into the bakery and asks for-"
"Lotta…"
"-a special type of white bread called- uh… yeah?" Lotta said, holding her hands ready to re-start relaying the lengthy tale.
Rocky turned to her sweetheart and offered her a wide, toothy grin. "How about we sang a little ditty instead?"
Lotta's eyes briefly narrowed down into Elfin-green slits, but she was unable to hold the glare for long. Snickering into her hand, she slid over to lean against the tough driver's warm side. "I s'pose we could do that. Any requests?"
"No. You're the singing expert in our little family."
Smiling, Lotta stretched up to place a peck on the bronzed cheek above her. "In that case, how about the Elf Trekking Song? That's such a goodie. Ohhhhhhhhh! Here we go a-wanderin'… a-wan, a-wan, a-wanderin' over the fields so green… and now for the second verse!"
---
The Elf-made structure known as the Central Administration soon came into sight as a dark-gray behemoth in the middle of the barren landscape. As Rocky tugged the reins to make a small course correction so the sleigh would line up with one of the main access bays, Lotta hurriedly stuffed the last of the roasted almonds that Rocky had bought for her into her yap so she would have her hands free to hang onto the metal rail upon landing.
"Oh! I wonder why it seems to-" - Crunch, crunch - "take less and less time to-" - Crunch, crunch! - "fly here? I mean, I know it-" - Crunch! Crunch! - "doesn't actually take less time-" - Crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch - "to fly here than any other time, but-" - Crunch, crunch - "it just feels that way… it's strange." - Crunch! Crunch - "And we always get here when I've just put something into my mouth." - Crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch - "Or maybe I put something into my mouth just when we get here… I don't know." - Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! Gulp! "It's hard to say. What do you think, Rocky?"
"Well-"
"Ohhhhhh," Lotta howled, cutting off Rocky before she could even start, "I hope they've put up just one ornament this year. Just one! Maybe two. I don't know why, but each time we get here, I always get so cotton-candy depressed over the fact that they never put up any Yuletide decorations. I mean, Elves who do not mark the Season to be Jolly? Why, that's practically un-Elfin-like behavior if you ask me!"
"Ah-"
"Oh, I remember when I was an itty-bitty-little Elf… one Night of Nights, Mammi had bought a verrrry special figurine of a northern Elf-"
"You need to tell me later, sweet Lotta… we're coming in to land in a moment," Rocky said once she was able to get a word in edgewise. She shot a sideways glance at her sweetheart to gauge if the younger Elf had begun her preparations for the landing procedure.
"I'm ready!" Lotta said and grabbed hold of the rail. She shuffled her tush firmly into the seat and pressed the tips of her boots up against the rear of the buckboard so she wouldn't fly out of the sleigh in case the ground was uneven - not that it would be inside the Central Administration's hangar, but it was a good procedure to learn for the countless times they had to land in places where they didn't know the condition of the ground before they touched down.
Rocky chuckled at her younger friend's enthusiasm. Using her years of experience, she tugged the reins of their rented reindeer to let the beasts of burden know they should slow down and aim for the access bay.
As they entered the bay, a lengthy, and highly disappointed, groan escaped Lotta's lips as she realized her wishes hadn't been heard. Unlike the toy factories, her own home on Chestnut Street, and indeed all of Elf Springs, there were no ornaments, tinsel, holly, ribbons, garlands or wreaths anywhere. The floor, the walls and the pillars holding up the roof were simply bare, dull, lifeless, gray structures made of stone.
"Oh, corn-on-a-cob… still nothing… it's not right… it's just not right… oh, this is depressing…" Lotta mumbled as she glanced around the vast hangar. "This isn't a place for an Elf to stay for any length of time… why the Elves working here don't complain, I'll never know…"
Rocky tugged the reins again which made the reindeer come onto the smooth strip in a calm, controlled landing. Their legs moved like drumsticks for the first part of the short journey, but they soon slowed down to a regular walk. Shaking their backs, the reindeer pulled the sleigh off the far end of the runway. They were soon onto a taxiway that would take them to the corral set up in the hangar.
Unlike the loading bays at the toy factories, there weren't any shunter-Elves or labor-Elves present, however, the regular service-Elves were all ready to take care of Rocky and Lotta's reindeer since the hangar was mostly empty. It didn't take long before a blacksmith-Elf checked the harnesses for wear and tear, and a groomer-Elf ran a brush across the furs to keep them shiny and healthy. While that was going on, a feeder-Elf prepared a couple of nosebags for the beasts while a junior pooper-scooper-Elf waited in the wings with a canvas bag, a wide shovel and a grim expression on his face.
---
Although some changes had been made to the Central Administration to keep up with the ever-evolving landscape of the hardnosed toy-making business world, Santa's offices were still located four floors down from the hangar, and Rocky and Lotta hopped, skipped and jumped arm-in-arm through the endless corridors to get there. They had retrieved their official A-Team Elf hats from the storage area underneath the seat, and the golden bobbles at the tips of the floppy cones danced left and right as the two Elves enjoyed themselves.
The tall hallways - that were built for full-sized Humans - were crammed full of Yuletide decorations as always, and it made Lotta let out a heartfelt sigh of relief. She slowed down to absorb everything in a wide-eyed stare as they went past the ornaments, the colorful knick-knacks, the tinsel, the festoons, the woven hearts, the jumping jacks, the countless sparkly stars of all shades along the spectrum, and even an entire shelf's worth of high-quality figurines and snow globes.
They had made good time on their way to the Central Administration so they were running a little early. Thus, it came as no surprise to them that they found the door to Santa's office closed when they entered the anteroom.
Yuttan Elf, Santa's personal secretary, stopping working on updating a parchment to look up at the fabled A-Team as they stepped inside. "Hello, Miss Rockabye… Miss Epilotta," the middle-aged Elf said as she moved away from her desk and into the center of the anteroom. "I'm afraid Santa isn't ready to see you yet. We're running a little behind our schedule today."
"And we're running a little early, Miss Yuttan," Rocky said, squeezing Lotta's hand. "All right. How about you called us on the P.A. system when Santa's ready? In the meanwhile, we'll be in the-"
"Cafeteria!" Lotta cried, spinning around on her heel and storming back out of the anteroom, much to the amusement of the other two Elves.
---
Lotta didn't stop zipping along until she came to a screeching halt at the glass display cases at the cafeteria's counter. All around her, the Elves working in the many different departments of the Central Administration enjoyed healthy, nutritious lunches consisting of well-buttered raisin buns, bowls of steaming hot rice pudding or elderberry soup, hot waffles, slices of chocolate layer cake that featured blackcurrant jam, or chocolate-chunk cookies straight out of the oven. The smells wafting up from the dishes went straight up Lotta's nostrils, into her mind, back down past her vocal cords and finally out of her mouth as a hungry groan.
After snatching a tray and a small plate, she licked her lips and mashed her nose against the display case. She was in a bun-kind of mood, so she bypassed the bowls of rice pudding for a change to head straight for the round, doughy treats. The buns made by the catering manager-Elf running the cafeteria had won numerous prizes and awards over the years, and the loaded trays certainly made Lotta's Elfin blood course through her veins.
One type of bun in particular looked inviting: they were new and didn't yet appear to have been given a name, but the irregularly-shaped treats contained candied orange peel, raisins and glaceed cherries. Lotta was still debating with herself on how many to buy when a junior-Elf working at the cafeteria slid a tray loaded with sixteen unusual-looking pastries into the display case.
The odd cakes - that were only an inch and a half wide but five inches tall - were shaped like mini-Yuletrees and clearly covered in a layer of melted chocolate. Though Lotta racked her mind, she couldn't recall ever seeing such a type of pastry before, not even during the trip to Forstbichl in Austria that she and Rocky had conducted the year before.
The Yuletree-shaped pastries looked delicious, but she needed to know a little more before she would buy one, two or the entire tray. "Oooh! Hullo!" she said, waving a hand at the junior-Elf before he could run off. "What are those yummy mini-pastry-cake-thingies called? And do you know what's in 'em?"
"I'm sorry, Miss… I dunno," the junior Elf said, shaking his head while shuffling left and right like all Elves were prone to do when caught in an embarrassing situation. This time, the awkwardness clearly stemmed from the fact that he was talking to a member of Santa's fabled elite A-Team.
"Aw, that's too bad…" Lotta said and took a step back. The mini-pastries looked too delicious to pass up, so she shrugged and found her coin pouch. "Oh, but even we Elves only live once. I'll have two of those yummy, irregular buns with candied orange peel, and one of those Yuletree-shaped cakes, please," she said while she found the coins needed for buying the pastries.
---
By the time Rocky caught up with Lotta, the younger Elf had found a seat at one of the tables. She had already devoured both well-buttered buns featuring the candied orange peel, and was in the process of sizing up the exciting, Yuletree-shaped mini-pastry.
Pulling out the chair opposite Lotta's, Rocky sat down and propped her head up on her arms while she studied the puffy pastry. "Wotcha got there, sweet Lotta?"
"I don't know what it's called, but it looks yumm-mmy. Don't you think?" Lotta said dreamily.
"Yeah. You wanna share?"
Lotta's eyes flew up from admiring the chocolate-covered pastry to land on Rocky's Elfin-blue orbs. She stared at her dearest friend for a few seconds without blinking before a blush covered her cheeks and she had to look back down. "Uh… I… I hadn't… I wasn't…"
"Just kidding, Lotta," Rocky said and reached across the table to tickle her sweetheart's pointy ear.
"Oh… I knew that," Lotta mumbled before she picked up the fragile-appearing pastry. It weighed next to nothing so she treated it like she would a newborn baby-Elf - the scent of pure chocolate it sent out was enough to make her Elfin mouth water. "Well… here goes," she said and attempted to stuff the whole thing into her mouth at once like she would an eclair or a cream puff.
A split second later, while the pastry was heading for her open yap, she realized that she should have started with biting off the top of the Yuletree to see what was inside before attempting more advanced stunts.
Even her gentle grip had been too hard: The layer of chocolate proved to be thinner than even an Elfin wafer, and it cracked between her fingers and distributed a thick and unbelievably sticky, off-white substance all over her chin, cheeks, lips, and even up onto her pert nose. The only place it didn't go was into her mouth, so not only did she get splattered, she was denied the pleasure of tasting the chocolate.
"Mohhhhh, mo! Mat mappened!?" she croaked, at once trying to lick off the sticky substance. Much to her consternation, even her skilled tongue was unable to get herself wiped clean. In fact, the off-white substance only appeared to grow even stickier when exposed to moisture. "Mo…. mo, mo, mo… Mocky? Mlease melp me! Mit's micky! My mips… my mips mare mickied mhut!"
Rocky's face was frozen in an expression that proved she couldn't decide whether to howl with laughter, help Lotta wipe off the substance, or break out in wild applause for the ingenious performance. Ultimately, she chose the middle option and left for the counter at once to scoop up a huge pile of napkins.
Before she could make it back, Yuttan Elf's voice was heard over the public address system: 'Miss Epilotta Elf and Miss Rockabye Elf, report to Santa's office at once, please. Miss Epilotta Elf and Miss Rockabye Elf are to report to Santa's office at once, please. Santa has time to see you now.'
"Moh, mooooooooooooooo!" Lotta howled, throwing her arms in the air.
-*-*-*-
Hurrying back through the corridors to get to Santa's office, Lotta wanted to pull the rim of her prized A-Team hat down to cover her eyes in shame. Unfortunately, the sticky substance had gone all over her hands and Elfin fingers as well and she would only ruin the priceless hat if she tried anything.
Yuttan Elf had to do a triple-take as Lotta and Rocky re-entered her small office, but she had seen so many eye-opening events through her years working for Santa that a sticky face barely registered on her list of Elfin disasters.
The two A-Team Elves were quickly ushered into Santa's office where they were led to a pair of chairs. As Yuttan Elf left the inner office to go back to her files, Rocky helped the sticky Lotta safely into one of the chairs before she shuffled over to the other one to sit down.
"I'll be with you in a moment, my dear Elves," Santa mumbled from his spot behind his large desk. As always, the man with the shock of bright-white hair and beard wore a Yuletide-red jacket with black buttons and a white line of fur at the upper hem. He had swapped his trademark white gloves for a fountain pen, and the writing utensil scraped across a piece of parchment to give it the proper signatures so he could finish up the paperwork from the last meeting.
While they waited, Rocky glanced around the office though she had already seen it all numerous times: the carpet was still plush and held in Yuletide-red as any Elf would expect. The sales charts on the walls still kept track of the latest figures coming in from the many different Yuletide departments, and the racks of colorful costumes and even more colorful robes that Santa could choose from depending on where in the world he would need to be were lined up and all ready to go for the Season to be Jolly. Rocky's favorite item in Santa's office was the extensive gallery of hand-drawn paintings that his millions of adoring fans had sent to their big hero over the years, but the collection of wish lists from all over the world was impressive as well - she knew that several of her own were on the wall.
She snapped back to the present when Santa grunted and put the fountain pen back into the inkwell. A grimace flashed across her features when she cast a sideways glance at Lotta's face that had become entirely frozen in a comical expression. Their usual connection was soon established between the two Elves which made them lock eyes - and Lotta's Elfin-green eyes were just about the only things still able to move in her face.
"All right, my dear friends. I've asked you to come over so we can work out a plan for-" Santa said and looked up at his guests for the first time. "Sugar! Plum! Mush!" he cried as he clapped eyes on the off-white substance smeared all over Lotta's face. "What in the world?! What's that on your face, Miss Epilotta?"
"My mon't mow, Mista Manta, Mir. My man't move my mips… mactually, my man't move my mace mow… mit's meally micky! Mo, mo, mo, mhis mis must mawful!" Lotta croaked, clapping a hand over her eyes in despair - then she realized her hand had just become stuck to her forehead.
"Uh… Miss Rockabye, I think I need your help translating what Miss Epilotta just told me," Santa said, scratching his chin under his full, white beard.
Rocky licked her lips as she watched Lotta try to yank her hand off her forehead. It became so bad she needed to get up from the chair and help her sweetheart separate her face from the unwanted facepalm. "Ah, Mr. Santa, Sir… Lotta tried a newfangled pastry in the cafeteria. It sort-of backfired when the chocolate cracked and sent that substance all over her face…"
"Oh, I know exactly which pastry you mean! Just last week, it took me three full days to finally get that sticky mess out of my beard. I do believe they need to make the layer of chocolate a bit thicker!" Santa said and let out a rumbling belly-laugh. "No, we need to do something about it at once. Miss Epilotta, please use my personal restroom. You need to get that off your face before it turns crusty and stays there for good," he said and got up from his desk.
As Santa opened the door and clicked on the lights to the bathroom, Lotta clambered to her feet which wasn't easy without the use of her hands. "My me mreat melf, Mista Manta, Mir… Mi'm mo mrateful…" she said as she staggered over to the restroom with Rocky's strong hands guiding her along.
Santa watched the two Elves for a few moments before he let out a chuckle and returned to his desk.
---
Inside the bathroom, Rocky needed to step up on a footstool to reach the wash basin which had been built for human-sized beings. She needed plenty of strong-arm tactics to open the hot water faucet, but she eventually succeeded which made water pool into the basin at a good pace.
"C'mon, sweet Lotta…" Rocky said as she took her sweetheart's priceless A-Team hat off her flaming red locks so it wouldn't be ruined, "dunk your head into the hot water so you can rinse your skin… oh, and don't drown."
"Mi'll mry mot mo!" Lotta said as she stepped up on the footstool to get to the water. Unfortunately, she wasn't tall enough to get her face anywhere near the hot water, and the fact made her let out a guttural growl. "Moh, motton-mandy! Mhat melse man mo mrong?"
"I didn't get all of that, but here's what we're gonna do. Hang on!" Rocky said and grabbed hold of the shorter Elf's legs. Since she matched the description of a strong long-haul sleigh driver to a T, she was able to pick up the petite Epilotta without breaking a sweat. She soon held her steady for whenever the younger Elf felt it was safe to carry on.
"Mokay! Mou man mower me mown mow!" Lotta said, pointing at the water.
"Here goes," Rocky said, lowering the Elf in her arms until the flaming red locks and the cute, ruddy, unfathomably sticky face were fully submerged in the hot water.
Plenty of blubbing, snickering and scrubbing followed until Lotta wiggled her tush to signal she had returned to normal. As Rocky pulled her up and out of the hot water, she shook her head, slapped her cheeks, wrung her hair and stuck her fingers in her pointy ears to get the last drops out. "Ohhhhhh, thank the Great Elf… and you, my dear, dear, Rockabye Elf!" Lotta said as she was lowered onto the footstool. "That was the last time… the very last time… the verrrrrry last time I tried one of those chocolate pastries. Corn-on-a-cob, I have never been so sticky in my life! Not even when I was an itty-bitty little Elf and I accidentally pulled a full jar of honey into my crib!"
"Uh-huh?" Rocky said, leaning in to place a kiss on Lotta's glistening skin at her neck. Turning around, she grabbed a towel that someone - most likely Mrs. Santa - had stitched the letters 'G-U-E-S-T' on. "Here you go… you need to dry your hair before you can put your hat back on."
"Good thinking!" Lotta said and pulled the entire towel over her head. Taking a deep breath, she started rubbing, scrubbing and just plain bop-bob-boppin' to get every last droplet of water out. Her little hands went so fast they were merely blurry lines in the air, but the shock treatment was enough to dry her long, red locks. By the time she removed the towel, her entire head of hair had turned into an Elfin-shaped haystack, but she solved that by closing her eyes and shaking her head every which way but loose. "Done!" she said as she threw the wet towel over a metal bar near the shower.
"You're so cute it tickles… just like a tiny marzipan piggy," Rocky said and snickered into her hand before she took the opportunity to steal a long kiss from her sweetheart's pink lips.
---
Back in Santa's office, Lotta hurried over to the chair she had vacated earlier while she had still been a sticky mess. Now that she had turned into a freshly-scrubbed, ruddy-cheeked lady-Elf of the finest order, she put her hands on her knees and got ready to be awed by Santa's latest plans.
"Oh, I'll call that a big improvement, Miss Epilotta," Santa said and let out another rumbling belly-laugh. Pulling out a drawer, he found two pieces of paper and offered his A-Team one each. "All right. Now that we're all ready, I can fill you in."
"Yes please, Mister Santa, Sir!" Lotta said, studying the piece of paper Santa had given her. It appeared to be an itinerary of some kind.
"Very well," Santa continued, leaning back in his big chair. "Tomorrow morning at ten or so, the annual Yuletide parade in Fredericksholm starts at the spot on the map that has been marked with the red X."
At once, Rocky and Lotta's eyes flew down to the map to find the red X.
"From there," Santa continued, "the parade follows a wide street that has been cordoned off for the event. The route ends in front of the Osterling Brothers' Department Store… the people who organize the whole thing."
"Will there be floats?" Lotta said; her cheeks were already burning with excitement.
"There will be plenty of floats, Miss Epilotta. Floats carrying balloons, festoons, garlands, inflatable Elves, Santas and reindeer… whichever Yuletide decoration you can think of, they'll have it!"
"Nøøøøøjjjj! Aj, det' bare for vildt. Ikk'oss, Rocky?" Lotta said in the strange, south-western Elf dialect that she could only get across her Elfin lips when she didn't think too hard about it. "Uh… isn't that right, Rocky?"
"Right, sweet Lotta. And yep, it'll probably be a wild affair," Rocky said with a grin though she seemed far more uneasy about the whole deal than Lotta was.
Santa laughed at the exchange. "Oh, it will! Mark my words! You see, they've contacted my agency to hire a rent-a-Santa as always, but I think I'll go myself this year. It's the seventy-fifth anniversary of the big Yuletide parade so they're going to pull out all the stops to make it the best one ever. And that's also why I'd like my A-Team there for this one… you're to take part in the parade to keep all the good, old Yuletide traditions going, but also to spot new trends that may become traditions later."
Lotta nodded in an excited fashion. Rocky still seemed less enthusiastic, and her concerns were soon voiced: "All those Humans… and we're to be in the cotton-candy middle of 'em for the whole cotton-candy day… it may end in tears."
"Well, Mister Santa, Sir!" Lotta said, moving up to the leading edge of her chair. "I think it sounds really exciting. In fact, it's been a long, long, looooong time since me and Rocky have had such an exciting job!" - Deep breath - "The last few assignments for the A-Team have been a little on the dry side… the health and safety inspection tour of the Night Owl Brewery to make sure they used the proper equipment… oh, that made me such a sad, sad, SAD little Elf 'cos I thought we were going to get a few taster bottles of their wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful sweet white ale which is just the best product on the market if you ask me" - Deep, deep breath - "and I don't know why you shouldn't since every-Elf knows that I drink so much sweet white ale that I'm practically an expert… but we didn't get anything while we were there save for a pair of cardboard coasters that I didn't know what to do with since I didn't, and don't, and never will, collect cardboard coasters or any of those things." - Deep breath - "I gave them to my opposite neighbor Miss Trickamore Elf who passed them onto a member of her family who is, and has been for a number of years, an avid collector. But this parade sounds oh-so-much-fun to be part of, Mister Santa, Sir!" - Deep breath!
Santa nodded several times while the stream of words spewed forth from the petite Elf. "Ah, that's good, Miss Epilotta. And I agree, it'll be a fun event," he said when he was finally able to get a word in. "Miss Rockabye, I understand your apprehension, but please know that it'll all be for a good cause. That's the most important part."
"I can't ask for more than that, Mister Santa, Sir," Rocky said with a smile and a thoughtful nod. "Will that be all?"
"For now, yes," Santa said and shuffled a few papers to the side to look for one he had misplaced earlier. "The next time we'll meet will be tomorrow morning in the loading bay of Toy Factory Three. All right?"
"Oh…" Lotta croaked.
"Does that pose a problem for you, Miss Epilotta?"
"No, but… Toy Factory Three," Lotta said, still speaking in the same croak. She glanced at Rocky before she looked back at Santa. "That's where Knarli Elf works…"
Furrowing his brow, Santa leaned back in his chair while shooting puzzled looks at the two A-Team Elves. "Indeed it is. So?"
"He… I… oh… well…"
"It's nothing, Mister Santa, Sir. We'll be there," Rocky said and got up from her chair before she grabbed hold of the mortified Lotta to make her come along.
She and Lotta both bowed several times at the Yuleman who had returned to his paperwork. On their way over to the door, Santa suddenly let out a grunt that made them turn around.
"Oh, I nearly forgot! Congratulations on your engagement, my dear friends!" Santa said, gesturing at the two Elves. "When's the big day?"
"December seventeenth, Mister Santa, Sir," Lotta said wearing a shy grin - and sporting a pair of blushes on her cheeks. "That way we can get back from our Elfin honeymoon in time for the Season to be Jolly." As she spoke, her left hand sought out her taller sweetheart. Soon, the two Elves exchanged a meaningful glance and a small, loving hand-squeeze.
"Excellent! Run along now. See you tomorrow."
"Goodbye, Mister Santa, Sir! See you tomorrow!" Lotta said while waving her golden A-Team Elf hat high in the air.
*
*
CHAPTER 2
As dawn broke just past nine-thirty in the morning on December second, it did so to a backdrop of leaden clouds. Every single Elf in Elf Springs and the surrounding hinterland hoped the massive, ominous front that loomed large over more than half the Great Elf's firmament would finally provide the thick layer of fluffy white flakes that all Elves craved, but so far, nothing had come out of it - literally.
Even if the promised snow did fall from the heavy clouds, the autumn had been so unseasonably warm that the front would have plenty to do simply to sprinkle the garden of Epilotta Elf's Pine Cone Villa at number seventeen on Chestnut Street. Some of the doom-and-gloom-mongers among the Elves had already begun whispering about a Season to be Jolly without any snow whatsoever for the first time in Elfin history, but the more romantically-minded among the Elfin population had made sure to redouble their efforts at wishing for a little snowy assistance from the Great Elf.
As the petite Elf stepped out of her home, she took a deep breath of the nippy-nosy winter weather to clear her lungs. The plume of steam that escaped her lips when she exhaled proved that at least some of the Elfin prayers had been heard. Another plume escaped her, but the second one had come from a sigh born from the fact that she had not yet had an opportunity to carry on her life-long tradition of making a snow-family.
Since she didn't quite know what to expect from the day's assignment, she was dressed for all eventualities: wearing a dusty-red, floppy-cone Elf hat, black ankle boots and her regular dark-blue schmutting outfit which consisted of a double-breasted jacket and wraparound pants, she also carried a pair of lined gloves, a pair of mittens, a nose-warmer, a set of earmuffs, her favorite Yuletide-red parka coat and even a spare set of schmutting pants in case she had an accident of the puddly kind somewhere along the way.
The supplies she had put in a carry-all covered all possible scenarios as well: eight raisin buns, eight cinnamon buns, a freshly made churn of butter, four small jars of jam - strawberry, blackcurrant, cowberry and rhubarb - a bag of squishy marshmallows, and a cookie tin holding a good selection of crullers, vanilla rings, peppernuts, chocolate-chip cookies and rum-cakes. The beverage of choice would be Yule-tea spiced with almonds, cinnamon and raisins. She had considered bringing a barrel of sweet white ale along for the day's events, but the view upon the leaden clouds from her kitchen window had made her come to the conclusion that a thermos filled with steaming hot Yule-tea would be a better option in case they needed to warm their Elfin insides after the long day.
A thought nagged at the back of her mind like there was something she had forgotten to bring, but her line of thoughts were interrupted by the easily recognizable sound of a jingle stick jingling loudly somewhere in the near distance. Smiling from ear to ear at the prospect of seeing her dearest friend again, she closed the front door behind her but didn't lock it - no Elf had locked their front door since the dawn of time, and she wasn't about to start now.
Once everything was in place, she shuffled down her garden path to get to the sidewalk in time for Rocky's arrival.
---
The flight to Snowyvale, Greenland was an uneventful one for the polished sleigh and the two Elves resting on the fur-covered bench seat - save for a teeny-tiny incident involving a flock of the perennially inattentive geese - and the concrete structure known as Toy Factory Three soon came into view as a gray dot on the horizon.
Rocky had been able to persuade her next-door neighbor to let her borrow the big, strong reindeer Sammi-Sima for the day's assignment, and the experienced beast of burden that had been a part of several of Rocky and Lotta's Elfin good adventures only needed the occasional steering input to find her way to the factory.
With Sammi-Sima doing all the hard work up front, the tough long-haul sleigh driver was able to lean back on the fur-covered bench seat; she relaxed her neck and shoulders now that she had a chance to. The uncharacteristic silence that had been a constant companion during the flight began to worry her, and she glanced at her sweetheart next to her to try to figure out why Lotta had been so quiet the whole morning.
Even now, the redheaded Elf just sort-of stared into the distance with an unreadable expression on her fair face. She had barely opened her mouth since they took off from Elf Springs, and even on the few occasions where she had spoken, it had merely been to inquire about the flight plan. She hadn't sung any of her Yuletide favorites, told any funny stories, or even offered much of a comment on the errant geese they had needed to evade - and that was just not like Epilotta Elf.
"You're far too quiet for my liking, sweet Lotta. Are you coming down with something? Maybe the cough or the sniffles?" Rocky said as she rubbed her sweetheart's thigh.
"Knarli…"
"Hmmm, I haven't heard of that one bef- oh… Knarli Elf," Rocky said and nodded to herself. "Right."
"Yes. Knarli Elf is waiting for me," Lotta said in a monotone mumble.
"Lotta, wouldya mind telling me why you're so adverse to ol' Knarli Elf? I mean, he's a cranky, crusty, cantankerous curmudgeon of an old geezer-Elf, sure, but-"
"He hates my guts, Rocky," Lotta said, still speaking in the same mumble. Sighing, the younger Elf turned to her dearest friend and spoke in her regular voice: "He always, always, allll-ways finds something wrong with me. It's been that way ever since I saw him for the first time when we came to the toy factory from Ye Olde Elfin Academie on a field excursion. He yelled at me for no good reason that day and I got spooked and did something wrong and then he yelled even louder at me and I almost started to cry and I became a really, really, realllllllly sad little Elf, but he just grew more impatient with me and I still dream about that day sometimes, especially when I feel alone and lonely at night…"
"Well, that was rude of him, I agree… but he yells at every-Elf, sweet Lotta. It's not just you. He yells at me all the time!"
Lotta cast a long, sad look at her dearest friend's bronzed face. "Well, maybe he does, but you're as tough as an old saddle. You can take it… my core is soft, just like the wonn-derfully creamy chocolate frogs that you surprised me with the other week. Oh, I can't help it… I'm just a sensitive, little Elf."
"First of all, thank you for calling me an old saddle," Rocky said and stuck out her tongue, "and second, I think you should just ignore the ol' tickle-monster no matter how loudly he yells. If you keep your back straight and your head up when we run into him, he'll perhaps see you in a new light."
A brief smile flashed across Lotta's features at Rocky's words, but it was reluctant to stay. Not long after, it made a second pass at the Elfin cheeks which seemed to stick better. "Thank you for trying to cheer me up," she said as she rubbed Rocky's hand that was still on her thigh.
"Aw, you're welcome."
Lotta appeared to want to say something more, but she pushed it aside for later and concentrated on getting ready for the imminent landing.
---
The artificial snow storm that always raged in front of Toy Factory Three to hide it from prying Human eyes had been turned off since no other snow was to be found anywhere in the vicinity. Not knowing about the change in procedures, Rocky and Lotta had already retrieved their snow goggles from the storage area underneath the bench seat, but the handy equipment was put back without coming into use.
Sammi-Sima's years of experience made the landing a smooth one, and the elegant sleigh carrying the two Elves soon moved off the runway and began gliding towards the busy loading ramps down the far end of Toy Factory Three's vast hangar.
As always, the toy factory was as busy as an Elf bakery on the eve of the annual Great Elfin Give-A-Cake-To-An-Elfin-Friend Week. Scores of shunter-Elves and labor-Elves were hard at work transferring wrapped gifts fresh off the assembly lines via fully loaded carts to the row of empty sleighs waiting at the ramps. Groomer-Elves, blacksmith-Elves, feeder-Elves and pooper scooper-Elves took good care of the reindeers' needs while the long-haul driver-Elves amused themselves playing cards, checkers, dominos or throwing dice while they waited for their sleighs to be cleared for take-off.
To maintain the positive spirit of every-Elf there, a constant stream of the good, old Yuletide favorites blasted out of many speakers inside the hangar. The song that played when Rocky's sleigh reached the ramps was Jingle Bells, and Lotta could hardly keep her vocal cords still as the traditional tune rolled through the hall. Hopping, bopping and bouncing on the fur-covered seat, she sang along to the merry lyrics while waving her hands like she was conducting an unseen orchestra.
"Epilotta Elf!" a surly, male-Elf voice suddenly boomed; it was loud enough to drown out even the Elfin-good rendition of Jingle Bells. "Corn-on-a-cob, this is a factory, not a playpen! Sit still and focus on your task!"
Lotta's vocal cords that had been strumming along to the lovely tune suddenly tied themselves into Elfin double-knots. Her face soon followed suit as she cast a spooked glance at the undeniable presence of Knarli Elf, the feared senior loadmaster whose motto was 'Laughter is serious business!' The Elf elder stood on the nearest loading ramp holding his indispensable clipboard that he used to keep track of all the loads allocated to the sleighs arriving and departing. As always, he wore an elegant dark-gray schmutting outfit and an immaculate, black ascot that clashed with his white hair, his ruddy cheeks and his fierce scowl.
Remembering what Rocky had tried to tell her, Lotta gulped down the nervous lump that had formed in her throat. Though a few frogs remained, she squeaked: "Just s- so you know, Kn- Knarli Elf, my f- focus is just f- fine!"
Knarli Elf narrowed his beady eyes at the unusual experience of having one of the green-ascot-wearing novice Elves talking back to him, but he was too busy to do more than that. Grumbling, he turned away from Rocky's sleigh to write down the details of the next batch of loads onto his clipboard.
After Rocky had slapped the reins which made Sammi-Sima pull the sleigh further toward the corral, she reached over to pat Lotta's thigh. "It's a start. I'm proud of you, Lotta."
"Th- thank you," Lotta squeaked before she let out a trembling sigh. She needed to stick a finger down the upper hem of her dark-blue schmutting outfit to let out some Elfin steam. Sighing again, she shuffled around on the bench seat to find the last traces of her confidence that had flown out of the proverbial Elfin window at the sound of Knarli Elf's voice. "I still don't like him. Oh, by the Great Elf… I need a raisin bun… a well-buttered raisin bun… do we have time to-"
"We sure do. Santa isn't here yet," Rocky said; they had arrived at the corral, so she tugged the reins to let Sammi-Sima know she could take a breather. Once the sleigh came to a halt, she put the leather reins across the metal railing ahead of her so she could have her hands free. "And we also have time for a little bite of gingerbread!" she continued, nudging Lotta's shoulder.
Finally able to smile again after the harrowing experience at the loading ramps, Lotta got to her booted Elfin feet so her dearest friend could get into the storage area to find her own yummy treats. While that went on, she dug into the special bag she had prepared at home so she wouldn't have to disturb Rocky too many times during the flight. "Raisin buns and gingerbread… and some Yule-tea. Wonn-derful!"
-*-*-*-
A quarter of an hour went by before Santa brought his impressive, sublimely elegant sleigh onto the special landing strip reserved for human-sized vehicles. Held mostly in gold and Yuletide-red, the sleigh had wooden runners, an elaborately designed buckboard, two rows of fur-covered bench seats, a long flatbed at the back, and a heavy-duty yoke up front to control the great forces of the eight-in-hand.
For the current flight, however, it was only pulled by two of his famous elite cadre of reindeer: Donner and Comet. The others were either in the final stages of being readied for the day's assignment, or off the roster on medical grounds. The latter list included Blitzen and Cupid who had no doubt voiced their strong displeasure when they had been told they needed to sit out the gig at the Yuletide parade.
Lotta took in the glorious spectacle with wide open eyes. She was so fascinated by the whole thing that she almost forgot to chew on the chocolate-chip cookies she had stuffed into her yap after she had finished the first of her well-buttered raisin buns.
Though Rocky was munching on a slice of her beloved gingerbread and sipping from a mug of hot Yule-tea that she had poured from the thermos, she couldn't help but notice the slack-jawed, dazzled state of Lotta's face. Putting down the gingerbread, she snickered into her free hand before she reached over to caress Lotta's cheek. "Don't breathe now, or you'll get cookie crumbs down the wrong pipe, sweet Lotta."
"Huh? Oh… the cookies… right!" - Munch, crunchie, munch-munch - "Thank you! Great Elf, that could have-" - Crunch, crunchie, munch - "been nasty. Why, I remember a time when-" - Munch, munch, crunch - "I was only an itty-bitty-little Elf-" - Munchie-munchie, crunch - "something got down the wrong pipe and-" - Crunchie-crunch-munchie - "I started coughing so hard that Pappi-" - Crunch, crunchie, munch - "needed to hold me upside down and-" - Munchie-munchie, crunch - "give me a strong shaking to-" - Munch, munch, crunch - "get all the bad stuff out- oh-" - Crunchie-crunchie, munch - "but never mind that now! Look! There's-" - Munchie-munchie, crunch - "Rudolph, the original Red-Nosed Reindeer! Isn't he just gorgeous?" - Munch, crunch, gulp!
"Yep, he's a strappin' deer, all right," Rocky said with a grin. Turning back to the colorful sight of three Elves helping the far taller Rudolph over to the sleigh and into the pulling harness, she drained the small cup and screwed the lid back onto the thermos. "Grab a final choccie chippie, Lotta… I think Santa is about ready to talk to us now."
"Ooooooh!" - Crun-crun-mun-crun-munch- CRUNCH!
---
In addition to Santa and Rocky's elegant sleighs, two further transport vehicles - that bore somewhat more rudimentary designs - were needed for the important assignment. With the moment of departure creeping closer, the Elves minding the corral worked flat-out to select and attach the four, strong reindeer that each vehicle needed to be pulled by.
As a whole bunch of Elves gathered around Santa's sleigh yapping to each other in excited tones, the Yuleman himself climbed aboard and sat down on the plush bench seat so the short Elves wouldn't need to get a crimp in their neck to establish eye contact. "All right, my dear friends," he said which made every-Elf put a cork in it in a hurry. "We're almost ready! Each of your sleighs will be loaded with bags containing toys and proper Elfin candy. Your-"
"Ooooooh! The good stuff!" an excited Elf cried - no one was surprised to learn it had been Lotta.
"Indeed it is, Miss Epilotta," Santa said, chuckling into his white beard at the sight of the strong blush that spread over his A-Team Elf's cheeks. "The candy usually sold down in the big cities is crammed so full of artificial flavors and food-coloring that I daren't even tell you about it out of fear of triggering some kind of Elfin seizure. Suffice to say, it's terrible compared to the Elfin candy."
A ripple of affirmative murmurs rolled through the assembled Elves. They had all tried to eat Human candy, and they had all spat it out as soon as their tongues had tasted it.
"Your flight plan is being distributed as we speak by my dear friend Mallerina Elf," Santa continued, pointing at his event-coordinator who was busy putting pieces of parchment onto the seats of the three Elfin sleighs that had lined up behind the human-sized one. "It's a simple one, but you need to follow it closely to avoid being spotted too soon. Remember we're going in in broad daylight. You can find details on where to land on the flip-side. Any questions?"
There didn't seem to be - not even from Epilotta Elf - so Santa shuffled around to get ready for takeoff. "Let's get this show on the road! We have thousands of starry-eyed children waiting for us!" he said as he slapped the reins to make Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Dancer, Dasher and Donner get settled in. As always, Rudolph had the lead, and the strong beast responded to the command by letting out a long sequence of brays that informed his colleagues they needed to get going.
Once Santa's sleigh took off towards the runway at a walking pace, the Elfin instincts took over, and all the Elves present waved and cheered at the legendary Yuleman. "Ohhhhh," Lotta breathed as she waved her priceless, golden-bobbled A-Team hat high in the air. "This is going to be so gooooood…"
"Let's hope so, sweet Lotta… let's hope so," Rocky said, leaning down to place a smooch on Lotta's forehead.
-*-*-*-
The big, strong Sammi-Sima had been joined by three of the finest reindeer the corral at Toy Factory Three had to offer, Wakkahakky, Koaflocka and Lidokamberka, and the four experienced beasts of burden worked so well together on their journey south to the Human world that they had the sleigh going at nearly full speed despite the heavy bags that had been loaded onto the flatbed.
However, even the combined strength of the four-in-hand wasn't enough to keep up with Santa's legendary nine-in-hand - or seven-in-hand to be precise with the absence of Blitzen and Comet - but it was less of a problem than it could have been since it gave Lotta plenty of time to perform a good portion of her favorite things: eat, drink, sing merry Elfin Yuletide songs and marvel at the landscape that raced past far below them. Snuggling up to Rocky was at the top of that particular list, of course, but they were going so fast she didn't want to cause any hazardous situations by surprise-snuggling so soon into the journey - she saved that for the return trip where she hoped they would be going a little slower.
While Rocky's entire focus was on controlling the reins of the four reindeer, the excitable Lotta constantly glanced over her shoulder at the four, huge bags that had been loaded onto the bed behind the bench seat. Knarli Elf and his labor-Elves had given them two bags of candy and two bags of wrapped toys that were intended for the children attending the big Yuletide parade. Though Lotta enjoyed playing with toys like all Elves did, the candy had the biggest pull on her, and she needed to sit on her hands to stop herself from crawling back there simply to sniff the many yummy treats.
The delightful scent of chocolate, caramel, cherries, and plain ol' sugar that emanated from the candy bags made her little - though entirely insatiable - Elfin tummy send out a series of distress signals that were wholly played in minor keys. Instead of being a bad, bad, little Elf and raid the bags that weren't meant for her, she reached over to tap her dearest friend's shoulder. "Rocky? Would you mind standing up for just a moment so I could find some of our food?"
"Not at all, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and got to her feet. Even going as fast as they did, the buckboard's swooped, aerodynamic design meant the fierce headwind was led away from the Elves manning the sleigh while they were seated, but as soon as she stood up, the gale-force winds caught her long, black locks and made her resemble an Elfin mermaid. "Ohhhhhh! Sugar plum mush!" she cried as her cheeks were forced back, and her priceless A-Team Elf hat nearly blew off her head.
With the four strong reindeer pulling the sleigh with little effort, it was easy to overlook the fact they were flying at their preferred cruising altitude of twelve-hundred feet, and doing so at a much higher rate of knots than usual. The sense of speed disappeared after a while going that fast, but the surprise onslaught of the laws of physics certainly poked the long-haul driver with a stick long enough for her to wake up and reassess their situation.
Rocky's surprised exclamation and subsequent profanity were echoed by Lotta who hurriedly dug into the carry-all holding her stash down in the storage area. She grabbed the cookie tin, the thermos of spiced Yule-tea, and a paper bag holding Rocky's favorite in-flight snack: a gingerbread man with little chocolate buttons for a nose and eyes. "I got it! I got it!" she cried, nodding for all she was worth as she slammed the lid of the bench seat shut. Not only would they be able to sit down once more and thus get out of the fierce wind, they could eat while sitting down which was even better.
Bumping her tush onto the fur-covered seat, Rocky shook her head to get her cheeks and Elfin-dark locks back in place. The golden-bobbled A-Team hat was still on crooked, but she stuck the leather reins between her teeth for the moment it took her to shift her hat back into a proper position. "Santa's Suspenders, you wouldn't think we were going that fast, huh?" she said once she had the reins firmly back in her hands.
"No. That was almost too much of a good thing. Sammi-Sima must be in a good mood today," Lotta said wide-eyed. She blinked several times before she leaned over the edge of the sleigh to cast another glance at the landscape far below them. Everything went by so fast it was difficult for her to keep up with the progress of their flight, but she did notice they were still nowhere near Human settlements.
"Yeah, and the three other guys are right there with her," Rocky said and shuffled around on her tush. Her shoulders were beginning to ache from having to grip the reins so hard, but she didn't want to tell the reindeer to ease off before they were closer to their destination. Although they didn't have a firm deadline as such, her professional pride - not to mention her Elfin pride - meant she didn't feel like being the last sleigh to arrive.
"Mmmm," Lotta said, unscrewing the lid of the cookie tin. "I can hear a yummy treat calling my name… now which one of 'em should I choose? A chocolate chip cookie? Oh, but I've had so many of them already. How about a cruller, then? Or a peppernut? Or one of the vanilla rings? I loooooove vanilla rings. I know, let's make the Great Elf decide. I'll just- oh, corn-on-a-cob! I just remembered… I forgot one of my favorites!" she said, letting out a long groan after she had pulled off the lid to stare at the mouth-watering gathering of cookies.
"What? It's almost full… how can you have forgotten something?" Rocky said, craning her neck to look at the large pile of cookies inside the tin.
"I did forget something…"
"Where? At the toy factory?"
"No, back home!" Lotta cried, slapping her forehead. "The kringle-bread! Oh-nooooo, it's still on my kitchen table… oh, sugar plum mush, that wonn-derful kringle-bread… I bought it 'cos the sugary frosting and the chipped almonds looked soooooo tasty and just ohhhh-so yumm-mmy, but then I… then I forgot it!"
"I think you may be getting old, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and snickered into her hand.
A gloomy mask fell over Lotta's expressive face; the mask was only eased when she bit into a tasty rum-cake to counter the deep disappointment. "You know… I think I am," she said somberly around chewing on the cookie. "Just the other day, I felt a twinge in my back when I chopped wood… that's never happened to me before."
Rocky cast a sly smile at her sweetheart - if a twinge in Lotta's back was the worst she would ever experience, she should count herself a blessed Elf indeed. Chuckling, she turned her attention back to the clouds ahead. "At least we have the Yule-tea and the other cookies… and the gingerbread. Where did you put it?"
"Right here," Lotta said and transferred the paper bag holding the gingerbread onto Rocky's lap so the driver could reach it.
"You can have a bite of it if you wish."
"Nuh-uh," Lotta said and shook her head so hard her flaming red locks flew this way and that. "That's your yummy treat. I don't want to steal your yummy treats, Rocky."
"I appreciate it. In that case, how about you poured us some Yule-tea instead? Make mine chunky."
"Now that I can do," Lotta said and flung a final rum-cake into her mouth before she screwed the lid on the cookie tin and put it down in the footwell. Soon, she had the thermos and their Yule-mugs all lined up and ready to go. "Little bit chunky, regular chunky, or super-duper-Elfin chunky?"
"Regular chunky, please."
"Okie-dokie," Lotta said and gave the thermos a good flipping to get the almonds, the raisins and the spices to mix well with the hot liquid.
---
As the fourth hour spent sitting on the fur-covered bench seat came to an end, the flight to the Human world began to get a little samey for the two A-Team Elves. The landscape that raced past far below them never changed much: they flew across lakes, rivers, fields, forests, more lakes, more rivers, more fields, more forests and then even more fields.
At least Lotta knew how to lighten the sameness with her extensive knowledge of assorted Yuletide chestnuts and other Elfin Traditionals: "In a cabin in a wood, a li'l ol' Elf by the window stood!" she sang, once more stomping her feet, clapping her hands and creating her own rabbit chirps and bird-song sound effects required by the old song. "Saw a rabbit hoppin' by, knockin' at his door. Help me! Help me Sir! it said, or the Human will cook me dead! Come little rabbit, come with me, happy, happy we will be!"
The merry song-and-clap act ended with another bout of bird-song that faded into expertly made distant chirps and tweets. "Oh, that's such a goodie, don't you think, Rocky? I learned that song when I was still a toddler-Elf. It's stuck with me ever since," Lotta said, throwing a chocolate-chip cookie into her mouth as the first thing she did.
"Yeah, it's nice."
Lotta nodded as she leaned over the edge of the sleigh to watch the landscape zoom past underneath them. Crunching loudly on the cookie, she eyed a river snaking its way across the terrain below. A very pretty silvery effect was created when the rays of the faint sun reflected in the body of water; it reminded her of the view down upon the Maliqqa River and the Roaring Falls north and north-west of Elf Springs. A sudden bout of homesickness rolled over her, and she had to hum the first verse of the Elfin anthem An Elfin Good Time to overcome it.
"It's strange… and I think I've already mentioned this to you," she said as she moved back inside the sleigh and shuffled around to find a good spot for her tush on the fur-covered seat, "but I've never warmed up to the songs in the second issue of the Great Elfin Songbook. I just can't figure out why. The old chestnuts are just better somehow."
"You know… I do believe I've heard you mention that, yes. Two, three… maybe fifty-four times," Rocky said with a grin.
For Lotta, the only possible comeback to such a statement from the dark-haired teasing-fairy was to stick out her tongue in a most juvenile fashion. A moment later, she did just that. Then she threw her arms in the air and broke out into another of her Yuletide favorites: "Ohhhhh, a little Elf traveled far! Up hill and down vale and oh-so far! O-le, o-le, o-lar! Ohhhhh, the little Elf saw a star! And she wished upon the star! O-le, o-le, o-lar! Ohhhh, the little Elf…"
---
The A-Team's flight to the annual Yuletide parade continued in high spirits with plenty of Yule-tea, merry singing and shared adventures of the cookie-kind. Well into the fifth hour, the landscape beneath the sleigh changed from wide open fields to settlements that continuously grew in size. Scattered and tiny at first, the Human settlements soon turned into villages that evolved into towns, then small cities, then larger cities. Once the Elves found themselves at that point of the Human evolutionary chain, it didn't take long before most of the horizon was made up of the big city they were about to conduct their important Elfin business in.
Rocky's face fell into a gloomy mask at the thought of the many humans waiting for them at their destination; though that in itself was enough to make any Elf somber to the point of being depressed, the poor quality of the air above a great deal of the bigger human cities provided the final push to make the whole thing land in the 'so bad it can't get any worse'-category.
Even Lotta crinkled her nose at the peculiar, and most unpleasant, smell. "Ew," she said, scrunching up her face as the pollution hovering in the air assaulted her nostrils as well. She turned to look at her dearest friend. "There's no mistaking we're getting closer now, huh?"
"No," Rocky said and cast a quick glance over the edge of her side of the sleigh. The brownish-gray haze that was plainly visible to their sharp, Elfin eyes said it all, and in fact said more than she ever needed - or wanted - to know. Snorting, she let the polluted Human world be and returned her focus to the task at hand, which was to steer the sleigh onto the designated landing zone somewhere down among the concrete canyons. "On a somewhat related note… did you know that some Elves have taken up permanent residence down here?"
"No! Really?"
"Cross my Elfin heart, hope to Elf. I spoke to one of them a few months back at the Hen's Teeth Pub."
"Oh, that's impossible!" Lotta said and slapped her thighs in shock.
"No, it's the honest-to-Elfness truth. They've relaunched themselves as spooky-Elves, polter-Elves or Elf O'Lanterns and are doing pretty good business for Halloween and the like. There are even guided tours… that's what I was told, at least. I don't even have to ask if you could imagine doing that…"
"By the Great Elf, no! Ugh, leaving the wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful bright and cheery Elfin world behind to live down here? For good?! And do spooky stuff for a living? No! Thank! You!"
Rocky chuckled. "I didn't think you would," she said with a grin.
"Ugh! I can't even imagine what a poultry-Elf looks like…"
"Uh… what? No, a polter-Elf. It's one of the family of spooky-Elves who make things go ba-da-bump-bang in the night when no one's around."
"Ugh. I hate it when that happens… I don't even like Halloween! It's scary. I hate being scared," Lotta said and stared straight ahead.
As the concrete high-rises came into sight, the petite Elf pushed all the negative thoughts of poultry-Elves, Elf O'Lanterns and assorted other spooky-Elves aside to find the flight plan. Flipping it over, she studied the details of the landing site a couple of times before turning back to Rocky. "Do you want me to read it out loud, or…?"
"No, you're a good map reader. Just tell me where to put it down, and I will," Rocky said with a beaming, supportive smile.
Lotta gulped while the praise made a proud blush taint her cheeks. "I'll do my Elfin best," she squeaked, returning to the landing details to study them closely. Once she had, she looked around for the landmarks the plan said she should keep an eye out for. "We need to go past a church tower… then a neon sign… then a park with a fountain… then a wide street lined with trees… then we need to look for a flat-topped building that's less tall than some, but taller than others. There's an alley behind it that we're to use. Cotton-candy, that's not very specific…"
"They never are…" Rocky mumbled, tugging the reins to make Sammi-Sima and her three companions slow down from the manic pace they had been going at. Once the sleigh flew more sedately, she tugged the reins again to instruct the beasts to prepare for a controlled descent and the subsequent landing.
---
"Ooooooh! There it is! That's gotta be our landing site!" Lotta cried a little while later as she pointed at a narrow strip of asphalt behind a flat-topped building that was less tall than some, but taller than others - or, in other words, they were to touch down in a secluded alley behind a multi-storey high-rise that wasn't quite as tall as the imposing buildings surrounding it.
The alley they were aiming for didn't appear to be much larger than an Elfin-sized stamp. On top of that, they needed to clear a tall, wire mesh fence cordoning off the alley before they could touch down. However, her faith in Rocky's skills behind the reins was unlimited, so she wasn't too worried - yet.
"Santa's Suspenders, that's even shorter than some of the landing strips from last year!" Rocky said, shuffling around on the bench seat to find a good spot for her tush. "All right. We have no choice. You better hang on, sweet Lotta. It might be a tight squeeze."
"Buh… really?"
"Really."
"Oh, by the Great Elf… perhaps I should crawl down into the footwell…" Lotta mumbled, looking at her booted feet. She considered it for a moment or two, but it was already too late for that particular maneuver - while she had mulled over the option, Rocky had given the reins the final tug instructing Sammi-Sima, Wakkahakky, Koaflocka and Lidokamberka to fall into the proper landing procedure.
The experienced reindeer positioned the sleigh with the intent of clearing the wire fence with the smallest of margins. Beyond the fence, they were to use the very first part of the landing strip which wasn't just short, but narrow as well.
Rocky scrunched up her face as she took a firm grip on the reins. Performing a small correction by tugging on the leather straps, she made the reindeer slow down to just above stalling speed so they wouldn't overshoot the far end of the strip. Touching down in the alley wouldn't have posed any problem whatsoever had the sleigh been empty, but the heavy bags of candy and wrapped gifts up on the bed meant their center of gravity had been moved to the back - it also meant there was a real danger of the sleigh coming around or even tipping over if Rocky forced the reindeer into slowing down too hard, too soon.
Sammi-Sima sensed that as well, and she let out several long brays to inform her fellow beasts of burden to stay sharp and be ready for anything once their hooves connected with the ground.
The dark-gray landing strip seemed to fly up toward them at far too great a speed, but Lotta still wasn't too worried. Two seconds later, her mood changed like some-Elf had snuffed out a candle when the stainless steel runners scraped along the upper edge of the wire mesh fence.
The glancing blow set off a chain reaction that started small but ended big, very big: first, the direct result of metal grinding against metal was a shower of bright-yellow sparks that flew everywhere. Then, the knock made the sleigh wobble on its axis which in turn made Rocky let out a long stream of Elfin curses as she tried to control the reins and the four beasts up front. When all those unfortunate events were added together, the combined sum made Lotta burst apart at the seams and let out a shriek akin to an air-raid siren that overpowered even Rocky's barked commands and rough curses.
As the sleigh touched down on the alley's uneven asphalt, the runners continued to create plenty of sparks as they helped scrub off the excessive speed. The sixteen hooves of the four reindeer clip-clopped like crazy to get the sleigh slowed down before they were forced into making a nose-first impact with the second wire mesh fence at the far end of the far-too-short landing strip.
Up on the fur-covered bench seat, Rocky pushed her cursing aside to slam her boots onto the buckboard and yank the reins back to control Sammi-Sima and the three other struggling beasts. Her contorted face proved that it was hard work for her, too, but it all paid off in the end when the sleigh came to a creaking halt with less than ten feet to spare.
"Sugar plum mush!" she croaked. Once the sleigh was calm, she put her boots down into the footwell where they belonged, but she still needed a moment to catch her breath - then she turned to her sweetheart to give the petite Elf a good check-up. "Lotta? We're down. And in one piece."
"Thank the Great Elf… not to mention Rockabye Elf… and Sammi-Sima," Lotta croaked, sitting up straight. During the last few meters of the hair-raising landing, she had pulled her golden A-Team hat down to cover her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at the fence at the far end getting too close for comfort. Now, she moved the furry rim back up to take in their surroundings. "Huh. Not much to write home about, is it?"
The alley they had landed in was dominated by poorly ordered piles of discarded cardboard boxes and plastic bags filled with what appeared to be garbage - it even had a rusty shopping cart that someone had left in a sorry state, namely upside-down and without wheels. Everything was held in shades of filthy-brown and dusty-gray that didn't do much good for any-Elf's Yuletide spirit, especially not the sensitive Epilotta Elf who could almost sense her enthusiasm come to a fizzling end.
A peculiar and highly importunate smell - that reminded Lotta of the times when a junior-Elf had had a little accident in his or her diapers - permeated the entire area and made both Elves crinkle their noses in disgust.
"Welcome to the glorious world of the Humans," Rocky said and jumped off the sleigh. After stretching her back, she shuffled up to the reindeer to give Sammi-Sima and the others a good rub-and-pat to show her gratitude for all their hard work at the landing.
"Thanks… you can keep the smell…" Lotta mumbled, pinching her nostrils as she jumped off the sleigh and wiggled her tush to get everything back in place.
Once the reindeer had been rubbed and patted, Rocky moved around the sleigh to get to the flatbed. "It can only get better from here, right? C'mon, let's get the bags. Santa must be here already."
*
*
CHAPTER 3
It soon became evident that where they needed to go to get to where they needed to be was any-Elf's guess. Even by pooling their brainpower to decipher the instructions - that were as vague and poorly-written as always - it took Rocky and Lotta a few minutes of Elfin tracking to discover that the oddly-shaped outline in a wall close to the alley where they had landed was in fact a fire door that would take them inside the tall, flat-topped building.
Cracking open the heavy door and holding it ajar, Rocky stuck her pointy ear into the crevice to search for clues that would help them go on - but even her sensitive hearing couldn't penetrate the constant humming that came from Lotta as the younger Elf tried to overcome the depressing surroundings through dipping into the proverbial bag of good, ol' Elfin Yuletide magic. "Lotta… please…"
"On the second day of Yuletide, my true love sent to meeeee two peppernuts and a shiny, red candy apple," Lotta mumbled, dancing around on the spot to take her mind off the peculiar smell and the dreariness of the Human city. She stopped from one move to the next when she realized she had been spoken to. "Uh… yes, dearest Rocky?"
"You know I love your singing, but right now, I need to be able to hear if Santa and the others are in there somewhere," Rocky said and offered her sweetheart an apologetic smile.
"Ah. Right. I understand. I'll keep quiet. Sorry." - Lotta soon began shuffling left-to-right like all Elves were prone to do when caught in an embarrassing situation.
Still smiling, Rocky turned back to the door and let her pointy ear do all the work. It didn't take her long to catch a faint echo of Santa's characteristic rumbling laugh. Nodding, she pulled back. "He's here… and I can hear a few Elves, too. You may continue," she said and pushed the heavy fire door fully open so they could fit through carrying the bags.
"Yippie! Oooooooooon the third day of Yuletide, my true love sent to meeeeee three cornets, two peppernuts and a shiny, red candy apple!" Lotta sang, wiggling her tush from side to side while she picked up the heavy bag of candy and flung it over her shoulder.
---
The two A-Team Elves followed the sounds of Elfin activity through a sequence of pale-gray, poorly-lit underground corridors that all looked so much alike only their perfectly-honed Elfin tracking instincts would enable them to find their way back to the alley where they had left the sleigh. When the confusing maze of hallways finally came to an end, they entered a much larger room that opened up into a hangar-like area - Rocky surmised it was what the Humans called an underground parking garage.
Seven floats that were to be the main attractions of the grand Yuletide parade were already lined up there along with Santa's sleigh. Most of the Elves that had come along on the assignment were hustling about, preparing all the important details for the day's many events. They still seemed to be a few Elves short - one of the transport sleighs was late in arriving - but the others just worked that little bit harder to make up for their missing friends.
Rocky put down the bag of wrapped gifts she had been carrying. It was whisked away only moments later by a couple of Elves who promptly emptied out the bag and distributed the small boxes onto the various floats so the Elves joining Santa on the parade route would have plenty of things to throw to the spectators.
The tough, long-haul sleigh driver furrowed her brow when it dawned on her that all the other Elves present wore costumes that had transformed them into mini-Santas: red suits, white beards and all.
The thought had barely entered her Elfin mind when Lotta broke out in a snicker that the younger lady-Elf concealed with her hand. "Oh boy, Rocky! Look at all those cute costumes! What's going on with that?"
"I don't know, sweet Lotta, but I think we're about to find out," Rocky said as she eyed one of the Elves hurrying towards them carrying a tall pile of red clothing.
"Greetings, Miss Rockabye Elf! Miss Epilotta Elf!" the lady-Elf said when she got close enough to the A-Team Elves. She too wore the miniature Santa-outfit which consisted of white gloves, a pair of Yuletide-red pants with black suspenders and a large, shiny belt buckle, a Yuletide-red jacket with black buttons and a strip of white fur, and finally a long, white beard that was designed to be tied around the pointy ears. "I'm Mallerina Elf, Santa's event coordinator! And these are your costumes. Please put them on in a hurry. The parade's about to start and we don't wanna be late!"
"We sure don't, Mallerina! And please, call me Lotta," Lotta said as she reached for the top part of the pile. Grabbing the gloves, pants, the jacket and the fake beard, she whipped it on over her own schmutting outfit in an Elf-mighty hurry. Only then did she notice the sleeves and the pantlegs were so long she could have used them as her Joining veil and still have fabric to spare. "Oh…" she said and broke out in an inevitable bout of snickering that soon claimed Rocky and Mallerina Elf as well.
"I think you got my suit, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and snatched the rest of the pile of clothes from Mallerina Elf's arms so the busy event-coordinator-Elf could get back to what she had been doing. "Thanks, Mallerina… we'll take it from here."
"Bye, Miss Rockabye! Bye, Lotta!" Mallerina Elf said, waving before she spun around and zipped back to the floats.
"Bye, Mallerina!" Lotta cried, waving one of the white gloves high in the air though she hadn't actually put it on yet.
Rocky helped Lotta get out of the over-sized costume before they swapped over and slipped into the correct outfit. "Well," she said as she put the two strings controlling the white beard around her pointy ears to complete the unusual ensemble. "I can't say I've ever imagined I'd be a bearded mini-Santa one day… but look at us now."
"Me neither! Awww, you look so cute wearing that beard, Rocky!" Lotta said and stood up on tip-toes to place a small peck on the beard in question. "Ooooooh! I'm Santa! I'm Santa! Look at me, I'm Santa!" she cried as she began to dance around in the wholly uninhibited fashion only an Elf could. First, she did a few moves of the Woods-Elf Clog Polka, then she went into a spirited rendition of the Fisher-Elf's Reel, and finally onto the Two-ahead-and-two-to-the-side Mazurka.
Lotta's wild dancing was interrupted by the motorized floats starting up one by one. The hard, mechanical nature of the sounds - not to mention the noxious exhaust fumes that spewed from the tailpipes - unsettled or even spooked many of the Elves, but it didn't take them too long to grow accustomed to them. Soon, Santa came on the scene putting on his gloves. "Mount up, my dear friends! We have a Yuletide parade to attend!" he said while he climbed up onto the bench seat of his sleigh.
"Yippie! We Elves looooooove Yuletide parades!" Mini-Santa-Lotta cried as loudly as she could. Clapping her petite, gloved hands in glee, she took off toward the nearest float going at the speed of Elf - Rocky followed at a more sedate pace.
---
One by one, the seven lumbering floats took off from the underground parking garage and headed for the ramp that would take them up to the starting point of the parade route. Santa's sleigh was at the head of the line, and the nimble vehicle didn't even need to slow down as it went up the ramp on its stabilizing wheels that Santa always used whenever the sleigh needed to be pulled along a street - the sleigh's wooden runners were made from pine trees felled in the Magical Calshiweah Forest and were thus far too delicate, not to mention valuable, to expose to the coarse asphalt found in the Human world.
Though the floats were merely motorized vehicles, they had all been dressed to resemble the town houses typically found in any Elf village: a green-and-white plastic carpet that reached over the edges of the flatbeds to hide the wheels was meant to illustrate a snow-covered garden. On top of that, a wooden picket fence complete with a traditional, Elf-ornamental garden gate had been put up all around the outer edges of the vehicle to give the Elves working on the float a sense of the boundaries. The structures atop five of the seven floats had been built as multi-story buildings to give the Elves a chance to go upstairs for their candy-throwing by climbing an internal ladder; the last two structures resembled other scenes from everyday Elfin life, namely the assembly line of a toy factory, and an open wishing well featuring a young lady-Elf who was no doubt meant to be the Great Elf herself.
Rocky, Lotta and five other Elves - who were all hiding behind the mini-Santa costumes save for the young lady-Elf portraying the Great Elf; she was dressed in a flimsy but rather attractive, snow-white costume - manned the float that carried the wishing well.
Theirs was the fifth vehicle in line so it took a while before it could reach the lower part of the ramp. Once it did, the Elves promptly needed to grab onto the picket fence to stay erect. The entire world tilted hard as the float scaled the ramp, and a few mumbled Elfin curses were let out as a result. The driver knew how to control the vehicle, however, and it was soon out of the danger zone and up onto the street.
The Elfin-replica structures around the disguised Elves appeared somewhat wobbly - after all, they were made of plywood and Styrofoam and not the real thing - but the Human craftsmanship proved to be up to the task as nary a problem arose save for a few strained noises that came from the weak, tired engines.
"Here we go, Rocky!" Lotta cried from somewhere underneath the white beard. Though the fake beard moved along with the petite Elf's jaw as she spoke, it muffled her voice as it didn't actually have a gap for the lips.
"Yeah… cotton-candy… whatever happens, I hope we can laugh about it some day," Rocky said, lowering her own beard to be able to articulate the words better.
Lotta let out a croaking groan before she grabbed hold of her dearest friend's arm. "Ohhh, Rocky… it'll be fine. Trust me!" she said, swinging their entwined arms back and forth.
"Let's see…" Rocky mumbled as she pulled the beard back into place and nudged it around to make it sit well across her jaw and pointy ears. Their float was about to enter the parade, so she took a deep breath to prepare herself for what she had no doubt would be a wild, noisy affair.
---
Not even Rockabye Elf could have predicted just how wild and noisy the Yuletide parade would turn out to be. The seven floats following Santa's sleigh had barely made the corner onto the first leg of the parade route before the entire world seemed to erupt in front of their Elfin eyes.
Even the most experienced among the Elves manning the floats stared wide-eyed at the spectacle that unfolded before them. As far as the Elves could see, Humans of all ages lined up ten-deep or more behind metal barriers that separated the street from the sidewalks.
A spectacular lightshow of flashes went off indicating that everyone snapped photos like crazy. The Humans cheered, whistled and waved their Santa-style bobble-hats at the floats even before the parade had begun to roll, and the cheering only grew more unrestrained when vast clusters of balloons were released into the air from somewhere behind the spectator enclosures. Soon, the sky turned Yuletide-red, forest-green and royal-purple as the gentle breeze that roamed between the tall buildings toyed with the thousands of balloons and made them perform impossible maneuvers.
Giant-sized inflatable Santas, reindeer, snowmen, Yuletrees, wrapped presents, tin soldiers, gingerbread-men and women, polar bears, penguins, geese and Yuletide Elves popped up behind the massed ranks of spectators which created another rippling cheer; unlike the balloons, the large figures were fixed to the ground so they wouldn't cause problems, but the gentle breeze still made them bob left and right.
Merry - and above all loud - Yuletide music blasted out of countless speakers, and it sounded like Santa had been issued with a microphone so he could lead the singing of one of the old chestnuts. It didn't take long for the spectators to follow suit and belt out a somewhat unique version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.
Even Lotta was taken aback at the joyous reception they were given, but the petite Elf soon recovered and began to sing and do the Elfin-boogie-woogie to the old Yuletide favorites. While she did so, she dug into the bucket of candy that each of the Elves had been given to scoop up big handfuls of wrapped treats. Throwing them into the expectant crowd with merry, Elfin abandon, all her initial apprehensions about the sheer number of spectators vanished like the morning dew, and she was able to enjoy herself fully. " 'Cos Mister Santa is coming to town!" she sang, wiggling her tush left-to-right as she hurried up and down the float to service as many revelers as she could.
When she noticed that two Elves she hadn't spoken to yet had joined her at the edge of the float, she put down the bucket of candy and extended her hand in the age-old Elfin tradition. "Greetings, I'm Epilotta Elf! Oh, isn't this just the most wonn-derful event you've ever attended?" she said to the pair of junior Elves who didn't appear to be a day over one-hundred-and-fifty.
Instead of replying, the junior Elves stared wide-eyed at the golden bobble at the end of the floppy-coned Elf hat, and it was clear that being so close to an Elf of the fabled A-Team left them severely tongue-tied. "Uh-huh!" was the only thing either of them was able to say.
Lotta shot them a puzzled look for a moment or two before she returned to her candy-throwing. After delivering nearly half a bucket's worth of wrapped treats and sweets to the eager, wildly cheering spectators, she turned back to the juniors and snickered into her free hand. "Oh, you don't have to be shy around me… I'm just me, Epilotta Elf. You do have names, don't you?"
"Kaunna…" -- "Johkki!" the two juniors said in unison.
"Greetings, Kaunna Elf! Greetings, Johkki Elf! Is this your first parade?"
"Uh-huh!"
"That's so Elfin neat! I hope you open your Elfin senses and take it all in," Lotta said in her regular voice before it turned dreamy behind the fake, white beard: "Ohhhhh, I remember my first parade… Santa's Suspenders, I was merely an itty-bitty-little Elf when Mammi and Pappi packed a picnic basket and told me we were going to the-"
Though Rocky had been busy working the other side of the float, she had kept a close eye on her sweetheart since she knew the petite Elf had a knack for getting distracted at the most inopportune moments. When it did in fact happen, she shuffled over to Lotta's side and gave her a little nudge with her shoulder. "Weren't we supposed to throw candy to the spectators, sweet Lotta?" she said as she scooped up a handful from her own bucket to underscore her words.
"Corn-on-a-cob! I forgot allllll about that!" Lotta squeaked, hurriedly digging into her bucket to find a good handful of treats. Once she had found a fitting group of recipients down on the street, she threw the candy with all her might and watched the wrapped treats fly towards the children.
The two junior-Elves Kaunna Elf and Johkki Elf had lost their voices all over again upon the arrival of the other of Santa's A-Team Elves, and they could do nothing but stare wide-eyed at the tall, bronzed Rockabye Elf. When Rocky grinned at the juniors, they hurried away from the A-Team Elves to give them some privacy.
---
The Yuletide parade showed no signs of slowing down as it continued moving along the cordoned-off streets circling the park with the fountain. The Yuletide music was still blasting out of the speakers, the spectators were still cheering and singing along to the old chestnuts, the balloons and the inflatable figures were still blowing around in the breeze, and the disguised Elves were still throwing plenty of candy to the people behind the metal barriers.
When a group of little children who all wore identical fluorescent-red vests indicating they came from the same school or perhaps kindergarten caught Lotta's Elfin eye, she jumped up and let out a happy squeal behind the fake beard. "Awwwwwwwwww! Rocky!" she cried, pointing furiously at the group. "Look at those cute Human kids! Look at the magical Yuletide dazzle in their eyes!" - Like Lotta had noticed, the eyes of the children all shone brightly proving they were having the time of their young lives. Their adult teachers stood between them and the rest of the spectators to shield them from the mad crush.
"I see 'em," Rocky replied, throwing a few handfuls of candy to the spectators.
"That's what it's all about right there! The magic of Yuletide, Rocky!" Lotta cried, rewarding the little children with plenty of wrapped treats.
"I suppose."
Coming to halt, Lotta turned around and shot her sweetheart a highly puzzled glance. "You suppose? No, it's definitely so, Rocky. What do you mean?"
"When the kids grow up to be adults, they forget all about the magic of the Yuletide. They turn into grumpy grouches that we can't reach no matter how much tinsel there is in the world… the Elfin one as well as the Human one."
Lotta scrunched up her face underneath the fake beard. "They're not all like that. Now you're so dark again, Rocky… you know I don't like it when you get so dark…" she mumbled.
"I'm sorry. Just enjoy yourself, sweet Lotta."
"But doesn't that glorious sight of those kids make you want to change your mind about the Humans?"
Rocky let out a grunt as she emptied her bucket of wrapped candy. No sooner had she put down the empty one before one of her fellow float-Elves had given her one that had been filled to the brim with colorful treats so she could carry on her solemn task. "Not really," she said and broke out in a shrug.
Lotta furrowed her brow and shot her sweetheart another puzzled stare. She didn't want to ruin anyone's Yuletide parade, so she decided to let it go - it was clearly a topic best saved for an evening in each other's arms in front of the raging fireplace, not on a parade float in the middle of a colorful chaos.
A few minutes went by filled with cheering spectators, loud Yuletide music and plenty of candy - Lotta may have accidentally eaten one, two, three or perhaps even twenty of the yummy treats - before Rocky shuffled over to the younger Elf and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
The taller Elf leaned down towards her sweetheart so she didn't need to yell to be heard over the racket. "But I will say I've been enjoying myself today, sweet Lotta. I'll give you that. It's okay. I wouldn't want to do this every day, but… it's okay."
Lotta smiled and rubbed her shoulder against the side of Rocky's mini-Santa costume. "It warms my little Elfin heart to hear you say that… maybe even as much as my little Elfin tummy is warmed by hot chocolate and whipped cream!"
"I'd call that a fair-sized success!" Rocky said and broke out in a snicker.
-*-*-*-
After the parade had turned the final corner onto the final section of the street, Lotta's jaw fell down from its comfy home though the comical sight was somewhat obscured by the fake, white beard. Her Elfin-green eyes flew wide open at the sight of the building housing the Osterling Brothers' Department Store that organized the entire thing. Or rather, at the sight of the Yuletide decorations gracing the building's facade: hundreds, if not thousands, of multi-colored Yuletide lights had been added to the facade in sheer endless reams of light bulbs and LEDs. A thick layer of fake snow had been sprayed onto every windowsill and even the edge of the roof, and there were blinking neon signs depicting several different Santas, sleighs, reindeer and Yuletide Elves in every nook and cranny.
The storefront windows on the ground floor were bathed in golden light, and the Yuletide displays inside rivaled anything Lotta had ever seen in Elf Springs. Though the float with the wishing well was still a good fifty yards away from the nearest window, she was able to see several mechanical polar bears, a handful of authentically-dressed Elves doing all kinds of Elfin things, an igloo surrounded by several Inuit-Elves, an ice castle, Santa and his sleigh, an ice-hole fisher-Elf and his helper-Elf, a moose or two, lumberjack-Elves carrying Yuletrees, and even a flock of geese doing what they did best - flying around in an unruly heap.
"Oh! Ye! Great! Elf!" Lotta croaked, furiously tugging at the sleeve of Rocky's mini-Santa costume to make the taller Elf turn around to get a load of the wonderful sight. "Rocky… Rocky… Rocky!"
"Whoa, whoa… I need my arm! What's up, sweet Lotta?" Rocky said as she was nearly bowled over by the constant tugging. When she turned around, she caught a glimpse of the colorful Yuletide lights on the building, and the golden light on the mechanical displays behind the storefront windows. "Oh, sugar plum mush! Maybe there's hope for them yet… wouldya look at that!"
"I know!" Lotta cried as she threw her hands in the air. She had forgotten all about the half-empty bucket, so the rest of the candy escaped it and flew through the air in an impressive arch. Not all of it reached the spectators, but most of it did - naturally, Lotta had been too busy gawking at the Osterling Brothers' department store to notice a thing. "Isn't that the bestest Yuletide display you've seen for years and years and years?! Ohhhh, this is so wonn-derful!"
Rocky nodded. "It's really something, sweet Lotta. It's gorgeous!"
"Yeah!" Lotta said, reaching into the bucket to scoop up a handful of candy before it would be too late. When all she found was the bottom, she looked down into it with a surprised, Yuletide-red question mark lighting up over her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat. "Corn-on-a-cob… I must have thrown it all. Oh, well," she said and put down the empty bucket.
Santa's sleigh had already reached the department store, and loud cheers rose from the spectators as he pulled Rudolph and the others to a halt in front of the main entrance. The Yuleman waved at all his adoring fans while he sang the final verse of White Christmas into the microphone.
Soon, several well-dressed dignitaries stepped out of the revolving doors to greet him, and they received a round of applause as well. The members of the department store's senior management ushered Santa inside just as the seven floats rolled into the small square that marked the final stop of the parade route.
"What's next on the agenda, sweet Lotta? Are we done here?" Rocky said, putting her bearded chin on Lotta's shoulder as their float came to a halt in the square.
Around the floats and the Elves manning them, quite a few of the spectators were still cheering and waving their hats, but all but the most diehard Yule-enthusiasts had already begun to drift away from the public viewing enclosures now the main parade had finished. No sooner had the majority of people moved away before an entire regiment of workers clad in coveralls and carrying brooms came onto the scene to begin Operation Clean-Up. The staggering amount of spent candy wrappers on the ground made it clear that the clean-up promised to be just as much hard work as the parade itself had been, though for different reasons.
Snickering at the intimate contact, Lotta moved her gloved hand underneath the mini-Santa costume to find the plan in the pocket of her schmutting pants. Once she had it, her eyes flew across the lines of text to read the next part. "Uh… let me see… in an Elfin moment… no, we're not done yet. We're to go inside and help organize the lines of people waiting to see Santa," she said as she refolded the plan and stuffed it back down her pocket.
"All right. Let's do that. Then we can go home," Rocky said and grabbed the handle of the final bucket of candy.
In the meantime, Human helpers had attached metal stepladders to the rear of the seven floats so the short Elves could get back down onto the street in good order. It was a bit of an insult since most of the Elves present were highly experienced gift-droppers with years if not decades of schmutting behind them, but since they were trying to remain incognito for as long as possible, they used the ladder rather than jumping off the sides like they would have done in any other situation.
To give the final diehards at the Yuletide parade a proper send-off, all the Elves emptied their buckets of candy - some filled their pockets instead - before they hurried away from the square and into the department store itself so the crowd wouldn't catch a glimpse of any-Elf's pointy ears.
---
The interior of the ground floor of the Osterling Brothers' Department Store was just as spectacular as the exterior: the floor itself was made of high-gloss marble, the displays were made of brass, chrome and smoke-tinted glass, and the counters, cash registers and banners advertising all sorts of well-known brands were all held in shades of black and gold to match the colors of the store's logo.
At present, the elegant floor was protected by a wide, red carpet that had been rolled out to lead to a throne-like chair where Santa was supposed to sit and listen to the wishes of his adoring fans. The Yuleman, or Jultomten as he was known in Fredericksholm, was still meeting and greeting the dignitaries and other senior staffers, so the disguised Elves had a moment to themselves - the quiet before the storm, as it turned out.
Fewer Yuletide decorations had been put up inside the store compared to the splendor of the facade, but there was still more than enough to keep all but the most Human-critical Elf satisfied.
Lotta gazed dreamily at the silver and golden tinsel, the green garlands and the Yuletide-red ribbons that graced the various sections of the ground floor. At regular intervals, delightful Yuletide-like scents of cloves, cinnamon, ginger and clementines were released into the air by atomizer nozzles hidden in the ceiling, and the warm, homey smells made Lotta's tummy growl.
Moving on auto-Elf, her hand slipped underneath the costume to find one of the wrapped treats that had ended up in her pocket rather than where it was supposed to have been. After unwrapping it, she wanted to pop the treat into her mouth at once so the piece of chocolate with a creamy center wouldn't melt between her fingers and thus stain her white gloves, but discovered she needed to wade through a thick layer of fake beard first. She snickered out loud when she realized she had forgotten the beard didn't have a hole where her mouth was. Instead of fumbling with it for any length of time, she just moved her hand up inside it and threw the yummy treat into her yap.
Rocky smiled at the little scene before she turned back to keep an Elfin-blue eye on the revolving doors that led to the street. Such a massive line of children and their parents had already assembled in front of the doors that it seemed the final item on their agenda would take just as long, if not longer, than the parade itself had done. Grimacing under her fake beard, she reached into a pocket of her schmutting uniform to find a sugary treat of her own that she would surely need to keep her energy levels up.
"Ohhhh, this is so exciting…" Lotta whispered for Rocky's pointy ears only. "Don't you think it's exciting? I think it's exciting. Actually, even if you don't think it's exciting, I think it's exciting enough for both of us!"
"I'm glad you're in a good mood, sweet Lotta, 'cos I think we're about to get a cotton-candy, Elf-bustin' workout for the rest of the day."
"Huh? A workout?"
"Mmmm," Rocky said, nodding at the line of people waiting to be let in.
Lotta's jaw once more fell down to her Elfin belly-button, and this time, the notion of the motion was so powerful it brought the beard down with it. "Santa's Suspenders… we're gonna be here alllllll day and then some!" she croaked as she grabbed hold of the errant beard and attached it to her pointy ears once more.
"My sentiments exactly…"
An insistent rumble that rose from Lotta's tummy proved the situation had just grown beyond a mere Elf-bustin' workout. "Corn-on-a-cob, I didn't realize how hungry I was until now… it's that smell of ginger and all those yummy things in the air… I'm nearly starved!"
"Well, you must have some candy left."
"Only one or two treats…"
"I kinda noticed that you kinda stuffed your pockets out there, sweet Lotta…" Rocky said and winked at her sweetheart.
Blushing, Lotta made a few, quick sideways shuffles before she let out an embarrassed snicker. "Mmmmmmm-maybe I did, but they were so yummy they didn't stay in my pocket long…"
"Yeah, well…"
"Ohhhhh, my lovely, lovely raisin buns… and the fresh butter… and the squishy marshmallows… and my wonn-derful cookies… and your yummy gingerbread… they're all out in the sleigh…" Lotta said dreamily before it dawned on her that she had skipped a cog in the thought process. It hadn't occurred to her before the present moment, but something wasn't quite right with the Elfin logic of the whole setup. She gradually fell out of her dreamy state while her brow gained furrows that grew deeper and deeper. Suddenly spinning around with a jerk, she pinned Rocky to the spot with an unrelenting, Elfin-green stare. "Rocky! Where are we?"
"Uh… we're here, sweet Lotta… in the department sto-"
"But where's the sleigh?!"
"Where we left it, sweet Lotta. In the alley behind the-"
"Rocky!" Lotta croaked, grabbing hold of the red jacket of her sweetheart's costume. "This is a real tickle-monster, you hear me? A big, hairy, rude tickle-monster! We're here , but the food is there! We need to get to the food! Right now! My Elf-guts will slap against my Elf-backbone if I don't get any healthy, nutritious food inside me in no time flat!"
Rocky's eyebrows went skyward at Lotta's colorful description of her intestinal Elfin workings, but though she dearly wanted to help, it just wasn't possible. "I don't think we have time for that, sweet Lotta…"
"But I need some foooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-oood, Rocky!"
Rockabye's gloomy prediction of a severe lack of time to cure their problem was proven right only moments later. While Lotta began hyperventilating at the prospects of not getting any food into her Elfin tummy any time soon, Santa strolled over to the throne-like chair. "My friends! Open the doors and let the fun begin!" he said, spreading his arms out wide before he sat down.
"Let the fun begin?!" -- "Bye-bye my beloved, buttered buns… I'll never see you again…" Rocky and Lotta said as one. A pair of Elfin lumps were swallowed by the pair of A-Team Elves, but the Elves in question understood this was one of the solemn tasks they had been given the golden-bobbled Elf hats for in the first place, so they were determined to push their own basic Elfin needs aside and perform to their absolute best.
*
*
CHAPTER 4
During the two-and-a-half-hour meet-and-greet that followed the call to open the doors, Santa listened to Christmas or Yuletide wishes from scores of little kids and even a few teenagers and young adults whose open minds hadn't yet been lost to the cynicism of adulthood. The lengthy session hadn't been without consequence: His beard had been pulled nearly a dozen times, he had been poked in the tummy at least five times to check if it was a pillow or the real thing, and he had been peed on once by a tiny-tot with an ill-fitting diaper.
A towel and a dry pair of Yuletide-red pants had cured the latter, but Santa's event coordinator, Mallerina Elf, had changed the seating arrangements after the peeing incident, so instead of having the adoring fans sit on Santa's lap like tradition dictated, they would be placed on the armrest of the throne-like chair.
A five-year-old, red-headed boy currently occupied the armrest. He was dressed in blue jeans and a Bugs Bunny sweatshirt, and it was clear by the shy look upon his face, and the way his hands crumpled up the sweatshirt, that he was very apprehensive about speaking to the large man clad in white and Yuletide-red. His mother, who stood behind him, had to give him a few nudges now and then to make him speak up.
The little boy finally let out a mumbled something-or-other that was nearly inaudible to Human ears, but Santa's hearing was finely tuned and he had received the message loud and clear. A broad smile spread over his bearded features. "A real choo-choo train set? Why, that is a wonderful wish, George! I am sure such a gift will find its way under your Christmas tree soon," Santa said and winked at not only the boy's mother, but at Mallerina Elf as well. The event coordinator winked back at the Yuleman before she updated a special list on her clipboard. Turning back to face his little fan, Santa offered young George a smile before he put out his gloved hand. "Thank you for coming today… it was a pleasure to meet you."
While the boy was helped off the armrest by his mother and one of the Human minders, Rocky nudged Lotta's side with her elbow. "Looks like we'll be visiting little George on the Night of Nights, huh?" she whispered through her fake beard. When no reaction was forthcoming from the petite Elf next to her, she leaned down and waved her hand in front of her sweetheart's face. "Lotta? Lotta? Yoo-hoo? Cotton-candy… Epilotta Elf, are you still in there?"
"Hungry…" Lotta said in a zombie-Elf-like monotone.
"I know, sweet Lotta. Trust me, I know. But we-"
"Hungry…"
"I know. You need to clench your jaw and bite down on your tongue. Maybe even swallow your disappointment. It'll help you forg-"
"Hungggg-ry…"
"Ooops. Bad choice of words," Rocky said and snickered into her hand. She briefly stuck out her tongue to show that her message hadn't been as innocent as it had sounded - she received a cocked eyebrow and a weak, lop-sided grin in return for her rare bout of mischief, though the latter was hidden by the fake beard.
She and the starved Elf had no time to continue their one-sided conversation as their assistance was soon needed at the throne-like chair. A small girl wearing an off-white, princess-like dress needed an extra pair of hands to get up on the armrest next to Santa, and Rocky and Lotta duly complied though they were barely taller than the girl.
"Hello, young lady," Santa said in his trademark deep, trust-inducing voice. He put out his gloved hand so the little girl could shake it. "How old are you, and what is your name?"
"I'm nine years old. And my name is Danni-with-an-I," the girl said and briefly touched the white glove like she was scared of the big paw inside it.
"Danni, oh that is such a pretty name. Do you have a Christmas or Yuletide wish you would like to share with me?"
Young Danni-with-an-I stared wide-eyed at the man with the large, white beard. Like many of the children who had visited Santa at his throne in the Osterling Brothers' Department Store, she was clearly awed by his undeniable presence, but she overcame it and leaned in towards the old fellow to deliver the message she had been mulling over for weeks: "I really, really want a set of action figures from the new Justice Fighters cartoon… do you think it's okay for a girl to play with action figures?" she said in a hushed voice like she didn't want the world to know about it. She clenched her little fists and held her breath while she waited for the answer.
"Oh, but of course it is, Danni!" Santa said, slapping his glove onto his thigh. "Everybody should play with whatever toy they wish to play with! Girls, boys, Elves, everybody!"
A sigh of relief escaped Danni's lips, and she unclenched her fists to smooth down the princess-like dress she wore. "Mommy and Daddy don't think so. They only ever buy me girly things…" the young girl mumbled while she shook her head.
Rocky and Lotta's reactions to the young girl's tale couldn't be more different. Where Rocky let out a dark grunt and sent a whole string of gloomy thoughts back to her own junior-Elf years that had seen her parents try, try and try again to get her interested in a life as a seamstress of traditional Elfin regional frocks rather than pursuing her own wishes, Lotta shook her head in confusion - she had never, ever been dissatisfied with anything her Mammi and Pappi had done for her, ever, so she couldn't fathom why some-Elf else would be, especially not when it concerned something as precious as Yuletide gifts.
She opened her mouth to inquire about the curious notion, but the atomizing nozzles in the ceiling chose that very moment to send a new burst of fragrances of ginger, cloves, cinnamon and clementines into the air and onto the Elves and people below. Her Elfin tummy wasn't about to let that one go unnoticed, so it voiced its displeasure at being ignored for so long there was nothing left for it to work with. "Ohhhhh… hunggg-ry," she groaned, reaching in under the mini-Santa costume to calm down her tummy by giving it a few pats.
"Well, Danni," Santa continued to his young guest who was sitting comfortably on the throne's armrest, "your parents only want what they think is best for you, but perhaps you could leave little clues around your house that would make them consider the action figures? Maybe draw a few pictures of them and hang them on the refrigerator door?"
"Oh! That's a good idea, Santa! I love to draw…"
"I thought as much. I think you should try that, Danni. You never know what might come out of it. Do you have anything else you would like to wish for?"
When Danni-with-an-I shook her head, Santa offered her a final smile before he waved his A-Team over so they could help the young girl off the armrest. "Thank you for coming today, Danni. It was a pleasure to meet you."
"Thank you for listening, Santa," Danni said in the dead-serious manner that only a nine-year-old could muster.
After Lotta and Rocky had helped Danni down onto the red carpet, Mallerina Elf, Santa's event coordinator, zipped over to the A-Team Elves to tap Lotta on the shoulder of the mini-Santa costume. "Miss Epilotta, I need a word with you over here," the Elf said into Lotta's pointy ear.
Lotta looked back at the long, snaking line of kids and parents that were still waiting to meet Santa. The end was nowhere in sight, not even close; worse, her Elfin tummy made its presence felt by protesting loudly at the unfairness of it all. "Uh… but Mallerina, I might need to help-"
Rocky had listened in and broke into the conversation though it was generally considered impolite by a vast majority of the Elfin population of Elf Springs and elsewhere: "Go on, sweet Lotta. I can manage the next few on my own."
"Okie-dokie!" Lotta said and zipped off after Mallerina Elf who had already returned to where she had come from after hearing Rocky's comment.
The next adoring fan was already waiting to be lifted up onto the armrest. It was a young boy wearing denim coveralls, a Yuletide-red sweatshirt with a picture of a glowing Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer on it, and finally a beanie cap complete with a purple propeller. Taking in the odd combination of clothing items, Rocky and Santa exchanged a brief, amused glance that was meant to make a silent comment on the curious fashion trends among the Humans.
"Hello, young sir," Santa said to his new guest. "How old are you, and what is your name?" he continued as he put out his gloved hand so the young boy could shake it if he wanted to.
---
A short ten minutes later, a sudden burst of hard, inconsolable crying reached Rocky's pointy ears. The crying went on and on and on and on, and it became so bad the long-haul sleigh driver stood up on booted tip-toes to cast an Elfin-blue eye over the snaking line of waiting children and their parents. She couldn't see anything untoward, and that made her furrow her brow.
Although it didn't sound like Epilotta's voice doing the crying, the petite Elf was so sensitive when it came to food - or rather the lack of it - that it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility that the boundless hunger had finally made her snap and come apart at the seams. Letting out a deep, thoughtful "Hmmm," Rocky began to shuffle down the line to not only quell her concerns about Lotta's state of mind, but to find the cry-ee and help him or her get happy again.
Much to Rocky's profound relief, the upset person at the root of the hard, unrelenting crying wasn't Epilotta Elf, but a young Human girl who had dropped her lollipop on the red carpet. The precious treat had turned all hairy and disgusting by the rough treatment, and the girl's mother had needed to throw it into the nearest trash can. It appeared the wasted lollipop had been the last one, and any candy-loving Elf could certainly sympathize with that terrible plight.
Grunting, Rocky returned to her regular spot at the throne-like chair where another young girl was relaying a lengthy tale of all the eighty-seven dolls she wanted for Christmas. Rocky had only been there for a few moments when Lotta returned from her private conversation with Mallerina Elf.
The petite Elf licked her lips several times while her jaw moved up and down behind the white beard like she was munching on something. When Rocky noticed, she let out a grunt and leaned down towards the shorter Elf. "Hello again, sweet Lotta. Did you find something to eat? Did you see any gingerbread while you were there?" she whispered out of the corner of her mouth.
"No and no. I think I'm hallucinating… I'm considering taking a bite out of the red carpet…" Lotta whispered back.
"Huh?"
"It was really Elfin-weird, Rocky… Mallerina Elf wanted to talk to me about the next part of the day's schedule, and on my way back to you, the red carpet… it… it… it… sorta… well…"
"What?"
"It came alive!"
Rocky narrowed her eyes down into Elfin-blue slits. She glanced sideways at her sweetheart to see if the petite Elf had her tongue in her cheek, but the blank look upon her fair face proved she wasn't trying to be funny. "The carpet came alive?" she said in a monotone mirroring the zombie-Elf one that Lotta had used earlier.
"The scented air did it! Honest! Just when I was walking back here, the scented air came out of those thingies up there and fell over me… mmmm… cinnamon… clementines… cloves… ginger… all my Yuletide favorites… and the fragrances made the carpet come alive! It turned into a huge strawberry cake on a marzipan base and- and- and- and it had a coat of yumm-mmy reddish jelly on top and everything! It was right there, Rocky… right there before my Elfin eyes. I thought all my prayers to the Great Elf had been answered. It looked to be a reallllly yummy cake, too! Cross my Elfin heart, hope to Elf!"
"Lotta…"
"No, no, it's true! A strawberry cake with a coat of reddish jelly! Oh, by the Great Elf, it would be the perfect thing for an afternoon snack, and- and- and I got down on my knees, and- and reached for it… but it was just the red carpet…"
Rocky let out a long, inarticulate grunt, and she turned around to shoot her famished sweetheart another long, funny glance. "Okay. Yikes."
"I can't help it, Rocky! I'm so hunggggg-ry I could… I could…"
"Eat the carpet," Rocky added flatly.
"Yes… tho' I'd rather feast on a cinnamon bun… a well-buttered cinnamon bun… maybe one of those special, well-buttered kanelbullar buns with extra, yummy cinnamon and that special blend of sugar that I've only seen a couple of times in Elfin bakeries back home in Elf Springs that I don't even know what's called, but it's like big, sugary crystals rather than the regular, dry white powdery sugary thing…"
"Lotta, you're raving."
"It's because I'm so hunggggg-ry, sugar plum mush!"
The exclamation turned out to be louder than Lotta had expected it to be, or even wanted it to be; the next time she looked up at Santa, the important man had a certain gleam in his eyes that proved he had overheard the comment.
Blushing, Lotta ducked her head down between her shoulders and began to shuffle left-and-right like most Elves were prone to do when they had been caught in - or had caused - an embarrassing situation.
-*-*-*-
A fair while later, even Santa looked less focused than he had been earlier in the proceedings. Although he still gave his young fans all the attention and respect they deserved, it was plain as day for all the Elves present that the Yuleman needed a break. When a small gap finally developed in the snaking line of children and young adults waiting to meet their big idol, he got up from the throne-like chair and waved his event coordinator, Mallerina Elf, over to him. A few whispered words flew back and forth between them before Mallerina zipped away only to return a moment or two later with a Yuletide-red, hand-written sign that made every single Elf there let out identical groans of relief - it said 'Santa will be back later!'
"Thank the Great Elf," Lotta croaked in a voice that didn't sound like hers at all. Her Elfin-green eyes were dull, her shoulders were slumped, and her face had lost some of its natural ruddiness from the lack of food in her Elfin tummy. As she moved away from the big throne, she could barely drag her feet across the red carpet that had tried to act as a temptress in the shape of a strawberry-and-reddish-jelly cake earlier in the day.
"I'll say," Rocky echoed, following her sweetheart away from the department store's many stylish display cabinets. The long-haul sleigh driver broke out in a wide yawn that the fake, white beard helped conceal. "And now we have to go all the cotton-candy way back to our sleigh to get something to eat."
"Would you mind carrying me there, oh, dearest Rocky?" Lotta said only half in jest.
"You know… I was going to ask if you would carry me, oh, sweetest Lotta," Rocky said and snickered into her hand.
Lotta echoed the snicker and shuffled around on the spot. "I don't think we would get very far if we carried each other… there wouldn't be any Elfin feet on the ground… we better not."
The silly conversation was interrupted by the presence of Santa who appeared with a mug of steaming hot coffee in his hand. The large man let out a rumbling laugh at the looks upon the faces of his A-Team Elves when they caught wind of the characteristic smell emanating from the hot beverage. "Miss Epilotta, I'm sorry to hear you didn't bring any food with you today. Would you like some coffee instead?"
"Oh, by the Great Elf… no thank you, Mister Santa, Sir!" Lotta croaked, instantly breaking out in a full-face grimace and a full-body shiver-shimmy-shimmy-shake that offered plenty of silent proof of what she thought of the grossly bitter liquid. Like any Elf anywhere in the Elfin world would say: a beverage that wasn't naturally sweet was a waste of time, and a beverage that was naturally bitter was an insult to the entire Elfin population.
Chuckling, Santa took a long swig of the coffee to show that he loved it.
"And I did actually bring my beloved buns, Mister Santa, Sir," Lotta continued once the shimmy-shakes had left her system, "but they're way-the-cotton-candy back in the sleigh… way, way, way back where we started. I didn't think the parade route would take us that far-"
"Wait… what do you mean 'back where we started', Miss Epilotta?" Santa said in a puzzled voice. He lowered the mug of coffee to look at the two Elves whose blank faces proved they hadn't received that particular memo. "The parade just drove around the block. Didn't you land in the alley like the flight plan said you should?"
"We did, Mister Santa, Sir," Rocky said.
"Then your sleigh is just out back. Only a two minute Elfin-zip away for you nimble Elves," Santa said before he heard his name called by one of the members of the department store's senior management. "Oh, I better find out what he has to say. When you get to your food, have another cinnamon bun for me, eh, Miss Epilotta?"
"Buh…" Lotta said while her jaw fell down to her Elfin belly-button. The fake beard went with it, but she caught it in time and hooked it back around her pointy ears. "Uh… buh… uh… yes. I will, Mister Santa, Sir. Goodbye, Mister Santa, Sir," she said in a croak while arranging the beard.
As Santa moved away in his large, cumbersome black boots that looked very much out of place against the backdrop of the elegance in the store, Lotta slowly turned around to offer her sweetheart a slightly disbelieving stare. She blinked several times before her Elfin mind had fully parsed Santa's words. "We've been next door to my beloved food the whole time? I could have slipped out to get some as easy as one-two-schmut… my buns… my cookies… my marshmallows… my vanilla rings… my peppernuts! And your gingerbread… had you worked that out?"
Rocky grimaced under her fake beard. As a supposedly expert Elfin tracker with countless years of experience flying long-haul sleighs all over the world, and nearly always under impossible conditions or circumstances, she should have paid more attention to her surroundings during the parade route - but she had been so caught up in the enjoyable moment that it had all gone by in a blur. "I'm sorry, sweet Lotta… I hadn't. Please forgive me…"
"Oh… but of course I will. And I'll do one better…" Lotta said and briefly stood up on tip-toes to place a muffled peck on the Rocky's fake beard, "I'll race you to the food! First one there is the first to choose! Yippie!"
Within a split second of making the announcement, Lotta spun around and zipped away from the throne-like chair; she went so fast the strawberry-red carpet bulged up at the edges in her wake.
---
Once the two Elves had found a way down into the familiar basement from the elegant ground floor, they raced each other through the confusing maze of pale-gray, poorly-lit underground corridors. It didn't take long before Lotta came to a sliding halt in front of the very same fire door that they had used to get in when they had arrived - now, its metal frame separated her and Rocky from the sleigh and thus their beloved food.
As the slightly slower Rocky caught up with her, Lotta grinned from ear to ear as she yanked the door handle down and pulled the metal fire door toward her. "Buns, here we come!" she cried.
That had been the plan, at least. Unfortunately for everyone, and especially for Lotta's Elfin tummy, the door didn't move an inch.
"Santa's Suspenders, what's this now?" she said, trying the door handle again. When the door still wouldn't move, she took a step back and threw her Elfin hands in the air. "Corn-on-a-cob, is this really happening? This isn't happening… is it? I think it is! Oh, Rocky, this is really happening…"
"Let me try," Rocky said and took a firm grip on the door handle. After trying twice more, she had to admit that even her greater strength couldn't make the door do anything. Letting out a "Hmmm," she studied the metal catch that seemed to have been extended into the doorjamb. Then her Elfin-blues eyes wandered over to the locking mechanism. Thinking back, she remembered seeing a key there when they had arrived. The lock was empty, meaning that someone had locked the door while they had been away - and not only that, but the person had taken the key as well. "I think I know what the problem is, sweet Lotta…"
"Oh, thank the Great Elf! Now fix it so we can get to our fooooooooooood!"
"I can't."
"Why not?!" Lotta howled while her Elfin arms flailed all over the place.
"The door's been locked."
"Oh… sugar plum mush." - All the air escaped Lotta's being in one, fell swoop, and it took several deep breaths for her to get back to her usual state of inflation. Just when it seemed she had come to terms with their dreadful fate, she let out a shriek akin to an air-raid siren and began to tear around in a circle. "I need my buns! My cinnamon buns! My raisin buns! All my beloved buns! And my butter! I need my buns and my butter and my peppernuts and my chocolate-chip cookies and my vanilla rings and my crullers and my rum-cakes and my Yule-tea that's probably gone cold and stale now and- and- and- and my kringle-bread that I know I forgot back home but I need it so badly now it's just not funny anymore, Rocky! It's just! Not! Funny!"
"Lotta…"
"I need food! If I don't get any food into my itty-bitty Elfin-tummy I'm gonna turn into a tickle-monster and not just any ol' tickle-monster but the Elfin world's and the Human world's and the Elfin world's-"
"You said that already," Rocky said, snickering into her hand.
"-biggest, nastiest, grumpiest, grouchiest tickle-monster! The tickle-monster that will put all other tickle-monsters to shame! I mean it! I need my fooooooooooooooooood!"
Once the red-faced, furiously panting Lotta had run out of steam, Rocky stepped forward and pulled the petite Elf in for a fair-sized hug. "Hush, sweet Lotta. Please calm down. I know you're hungry. I'm hungry too… but we can't use this exit. Let's find another route to the sleigh. Let's do what we Elves do best… we just gotta schmut our way out to it."
"Do… do you think… we can?" Lotta said in a muffled voice; a result of having her fake-bearded face squished up against Rocky's strong shoulder.
"Of course we can. We're Santa's A-Team Elves, remember?"
"I s'pose…"
"Mmmm," Rocky said, stepping back from the hug. "And I'm sure it would be an easy task if we sang the Elfin anthem while we worked."
"Y- you think?"
"Definitely."
"All- all right," Lotta said and cleared her throat of the hunger-induced frogs. As they shuffled off arm-in-arm down the pale-gray corridors to find an alternative route to their sleigh, her mood slowly improved by singing the timeless classic, An Elfin Good Time: "Ohhh, it's so good to be an Elf… Elves, always so kind and warm and free… Elves, the best friends you could ever hope to have…" she sang in a voice that grew ever stronger. Once the big chorus was coming up, she threw her free arm in the air to conduct the anthem. "Ohhhhhhh, we're Elves, Elves, Elves! We always have an Elfin good time! Elves, Elves, Elves. And we're simply so cute and fiiiiine! Let's sing it again, Rocky! Ohhh-hhhh, it's so good to be an Elf!"
-*-*-*-
What would have posed an insurmountable obstacle for all Humans, and even for a good portion of the Elfin population who weren't trained in the fine art of schmutting, proved to be a walk in the park for Santa's A-Team Elves - or a slice of raspberry pie, as Lotta would have called it had she been able to speak beyond a hunger-induced croaking.
Rocky and Lotta's Elfin tracking instincts led them to a section of the dull basement they hadn't visited yet; to be precise, they came to a shuffling halt at a metal grating that seemed to be connected to the heating ducts. While the morose Lotta kept a bleary-eyed look-out for unwanted Human interference, Rocky quickly disposed of the grating and stuck her head inside the dark opening. "Yup! We can use this one," she said as she came back out.
When Lotta had shuffled over to her, she began to take off the mini-Santa costume so the red fabric and the white gloves wouldn't risk getting stained by the kind of dust, soot and greasy residue often found in heating ducts. Lotta mirrored Rocky's actions which led to two piles of Yuletide-red clothing lying on the floor before long.
"All right, here's the plan," Rocky said, taking the opportunity to caress Lotta's cheek now the ungainly, fake white beard was gone. "We go up, past the ground floor and perhaps the next one after that."
"Will that be the first or the second floor, Rocky…?" Lotta said, leaning into the touch.
"Uh… I don't know. I can never figure out what the Humans are up to when it comes to naming their floors," Rocky said and snickered into her hand, "but it doesn't matter… we'll try our luck at one of them. The department store has multiple upper levels, but they may not have windows we can use. The directory just inside the revolving doors said there are offices at the very top."
"Ohhhh… I didn't even see that…"
"You were probably too hungry, sweet Lotta. Anyway, one of the offices is bound to have a window overlooking the back alley. We can use that and schmut our way back down to the sleigh."
"And the wonn-derful foooood," Lotta said dreamily.
"And the food," Rocky echoed, once more sticking her head inside the heating duct to give it a final check. Satisfied with what she found, she put her leg over the lower edge of the square hole and ducked down so she could move halfway through it. "So… are you ready?"
"Fully."
"Then let's schmut!"
Nodding, Lotta waited for Rocky to slip inside the heating duct before she followed her sweetheart through the narrow opening - next stop, one of the upper floors.
---
Several floors above their starting point, Rocky yanked a metal grating similar to the one they had found in the basement free of its hinges and moved it back into the metal heating duct. Moving with perfect Elfin-stealth, she let her Elfin-blue eyes scan their surroundings thoroughly. So far so good. They appeared to have landed in a hallway on one of the floors housing the offices; it was far quieter compared to the chaotic mess down on the busy ground floor, and the walls and carpet were utilitarian in nature rather than the splendor of downstairs. Somewhere in the middle distance, a radio was playing Yuletide favorites, and someone was typing on a keyboard.
'You see anything?' Lotta whispered from further into the duct.
"Not much yet… hang on," Rocky whispered back.
Though the hallway was equipped with four doors, they were all closed. Whether or not they were locked was impossible for Rocky to say without yanking the door handles, but such actions would undoubtedly stir up plenty of bother. She furrowed her brow at the unexpected snag, but decided that even a little bother - like being discovered by the person typing on the keyboard - was better than to watch Lotta shrivel down to nothing if she wouldn't soon get some of her beloved buns down her Elfin gullet.
"We're in a hallway," Rocky continued in the same whisper. "Four closed doors. I think we should try one of them. Come on!"
'Right behind you!'
Rocky jumped out of the duct's opening and came to a solid landing on the flat carpet. Crouching down, she waited for Lotta to join her before she got up and hurried over to the first of the four doors. She cast sharp glances at both ends of the hallway to scout for Human interlopers before she reached up to pull the handle.
Much to her and Lotta's relief - and surprise - the door was unlocked. As it squeaked open, Rocky briefly stuck her head in through the yawning crevice and gave it an Elfin-once-over. The coast was clear, and better still, the office had two large windows that offered a good view of the building located on the opposite side of the alley.
"Hustle, sweet Lotta!" Rocky whispered before she schmutted into the office and waited for her sweetheart to follow suit. Once the two A-Team Elves were inside, she closed the door with a soft click. "Check out the windows… see if you can get them to open," she whispered.
"Will do!" Lotta said before she shuffled over to the far wall of the office. Though she was a pint-sized Elf and the windowsill was a good distance off the ground, she spent very little energy getting up onto it. Back at the Elfin Academy, she had graduated at the top of her class when it came to ingenuity in schmutting situations, and she had lost none of those skills - this time, she used the edge of a garbage can, the armrest of a swivel-chair and the corner of a desk to get up there.
Finding the handles or controls that would get the windows to open proved to be a far more difficult task. She looked high and low for any clue as to how they worked, but she was unable to find anything that looked even remotely like buttons, handles or rods that would operate the large windows. "Cotton-candy, Rocky… I'm not sure they even open!"
"Corn-on-a-cob… are we in the right spot, though?"
Pressing her nose flat against the pane, Lotta was able to look down into the alley. "Yes! The sleigh is still where we left it… oh… by the Great Elf, I can almost smell the cinnamon in my beloved buns…" - She let out a groan, and her Elfin tummy joined the desperate chorus by letting out a prolonged growl that sounded very much like it was trying to break free to go on the hunt for some nourishment.
Rocky grunted and zipped over to the desk Lotta had used to get up onto the windowsill. Looking at it, on it, and even underneath it, she finally discovered a discreet panel next to the writing pad. The panel featured four buttons that were nothing more than soft indentations in the smooth surface. They carried no labels, so she needed to try each of them to figure out what they did. "Lotta… take care, I'm just gonna try a button here… we may get lucky," she said and pressed the first one.
A mechanical noise was heard; moments later, the noise was followed by a dark curtain that rolled down from the upper stop. "All right. It wasn't that one," Rocky said, removing her finger from the button. She gave the one next to it a brief test to see if it would roll the curtain back up, and it did. "Maybe this one," she continued, pressing the second-to-last button.
"Success!" Lotta cried, moving to the side on the sill while she kept track of the window's progress. The large pane seemed to roll into itself, but she discovered it was an optical illusion by sticking her head out of the open window once the gap was wide enough. "Ohhhh… clever," she said as she watched the pane roll aside on a metal rail.
"Typical Humans," Rocky said as she jumped up next to her sweetheart on the sill. "They always have to make it so cotton-candy complicated… why couldn't they just have an old-fashioned hook to operate the window like all Elves do?"
Lotta snickered into her hand at Rocky's tone of voice - as always, there was no love lost between the long-haul sleigh driver and the Humans.
"C'mon Lotta, let's get schmutting," Rocky continued as she climbed out of the open window. Standing on the outside sill, she helped Lotta over the edge so they could begin the descent. That they found themselves hanging on the outside of a building four floors up from a hard landing didn't seem to bother either of them. Soon, they schmutted down the bare wall like the professional Elves they were.
---
"Buns… buns… oh my beloved buns!" Lotta croaked as she jumped up into the sleigh and flung open the fur-covered bench seat. She stopped with a jerk and took a deep sniff of the Yuletide-esque air she found there. "Cinnamonnnnnn…" she said in a voice that didn't sound like hers at all. An Elfin-moment later, she had torn open the bag containing the buns and the churn of butter and started devouring the whole thing.
"Lotta! Don't eat the ceramic jar!" Rocky said, snickering into her hand.
"I won't! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is-" - Munch, munch - "-so good… so gooooooooooood… so yummy…" - Munchie, munchie - "I had forgotten how yummy-" - Munchmunchmunch, munchie - "-a well-buttered cinnamon bun-" - Munch, munchie, munchie - "-can be… not to mention a well-buttered-" - Munchie, munchmunchmunch - "-raisin bun… oh, just a well-buttered bun-" - Munch, munch - "-in general, I suppose. I love to bake buns-" - Munchie, munchie - "Don't you love to bake buns, Rocky? They're so-" - Munchmunchmunch, munchie - "-fun to make with all that cinnamon-" - Munch, munchie, munchie - "-or chocolate or raisins or why not all-" - Munchie, munchmunchmunch - "-three at once?" - Munchie, munchie, gulp! - "Oh… the buns are gone… where did they go? How can they be gone already? Well, it's onto the Elfin good cookies, then."
Rocky stared wide-eyed at her sweetheart while the petite Elf had flung down the buns like there was no tomorrow. She had barely had time to think before Lotta was onto the next part of her stash. "Sugar plum mush, sweet Lotta… you're gonna burst one of these days… I think you should slow down a little…" she said, but her suggestion fell on deaf, pointy ears.
"Oh, these cookies are just as yumm-mmy-" - Crunch, crunch - "-as the buns… chocolate-chip… rum-cakes…" - Crunchie, crunchie - "-peppernuts! Oooooooooh, my favorites!" - Crunchie-crun-crun-chrunchie - "Can't get too many peppernuts… love me some-" - Crunchie, crunchier, crunchiest - "-peppernuts… an entire handful and a whoooooole mouthful of-" - Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! - "-peppernuts at a time is just the-" - Crunch, crunch - "-Elfin-bestest thing ever! And the vanilla-" - Crunchie, crunchie - "-rings… ohhhh, I loooooooove vanilla rings-" - Crunchie-crun-crun-chrunchie - "-they're my favorites too! And the crullers…" - Crunchie, crunchier, crunchiest - "-are nice and greasy just like crullers should be…" - Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! - "-of course, they're cooked in lard so they-" - Crunch, crunch - "-better be, right? Oh, I do love crullers…" - Crunchie, crunchie - "-why, I remember once upon an Elfin time when-" - Crunchie-crun-crun-chrunchie - "-I was just an itty-bitty-little Elf… oh, the-" - Crunchie, crunchier, crunchiest - "-crullers are gone already. And there's only one-" - Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! - "-rum-cake left!" - Crunch, crunch, gulp !
While Lotta had been busy eating and speaking, a shower of cookie crumbs had exploded out to all sides of her mouth. Now that she was done with both, she picked off a few errant crumbs that had landed on her schmutting uniform. Once they had been disposed of as well, she turned back to face her sweetheart. "Dearest Rocky, I swear we've had a visit from a tickle-monster 'cos all my food is gone… oh sugar plum mush, there's only an empty cookie tin left."
"Yeah, huh?" Rocky said, working hard to contain the laughter that threatened to burst out of her at the drop of another crumb. "It was a tickle-monster, all right… and her name was Epilotta Elf!"
"Awww, it wasn't that bad…"
"Yes, it was! Santa's Suspenders, Lotta… you should have seen yourself!"
Blushing, Lotta began shuffling left-and-right in the Elves' trademark embarrassed dance. Looking down into the sleigh's footwell, she needed to snicker into her hand at the sight of the small mountain of cookie crumbs she found there. "I suppose it was kinda… uh… uninhibited."
"I'll say! Oh, we better get back. Santa's coffee break must have ended by now. Are you even capable of schmutting back upstairs?" Rocky said, pointing at the open window several floors up.
"Oh, sure… this was just a snack. There's still plenty of room for an Elfin-big bowl of warm rice pudding and some sweet white ale once we get home… you know, the good kind with cinnamon and a pool of melted butter," Lotta said, tracking her dearest friend's finger up the side of the building.
"Epilotta Elf, you're a very special, little Elf, you know that? A very, very special, little Elf," Rocky said and finally released the belly laugh that had been knocking on the door for several Elfin minutes. Still laughing, she pulled her sweetheart in for a brief sideways hug before they zipped back to the side of the building to begin the next part of their latest, Elfin good adventure.
-*-*-*-
The final three hours of the Santa-meet-and-greet at the Osterling Brothers' Department Store weren't as strenuous to get through as the previous ones had been, though the hidden atomizer nozzles in the ceilings still did their best to drive poor Epilotta Elf insane by releasing all her favorite Yuletide scents into the air at regular intervals.
However, by the time the revolving doors were sealed to signal the end of the final event of the big Yuletide parade, the Elves and Santa himself were ready to go home and hibernate for a year if not more. Like in the first session, Santa had been poked and prodded, his beard, bushy eyebrows and even his bulbous nose had been pulled, a kid had snatched his floppy-cone Elf hat and had refused to give it back, and he had been peed on once more - this time, it had been by a tiny, long-haired dog who had mistaken his black boot for a lamp post.
Even with all the big and small bumps along the way, it was ultimately a run-of-the-mill event for the large man who was known as Santa, Santa Claus, Saint Nick, the Yuleman, Julemanden , Jultomten , or just the Man With The Bag in the various countries and territories he visited throughout December and on the Night Of Nights, Yuletide Eve. As the day wound down, he went around the group of dignitaries and members of the senior management of the Osterling Brothers' Department Store to shake everyone's hand and congratulate them for planning and executing such a grand event for their seventy-fifth anniversary.
Lotta had plopped down flat on her tush in the middle of the red carpet. After her light snack out at the sleigh, she no longer considered the carpet a strawberry cake on a marzipan base with a coat of reddish jelly, so it didn't bother her to sit on it. She still wore her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat and her entire mini-Santa costume, fake beard and all, but she slipped off the Elf hat to scratch her Elfin scalp.
She shook her head in utter awe at Santa's stamina and perpetual good mood as he performed his final duties at the department store. She was quite sure that if her list of responsibilities was merely half as long as the one Santa was expected to fulfil every Yuletide, she would have lost her Elfin mind ages ago.
Yawning, she leaned forward to rub her ruddy face. It was high time to get home, but before they could take off, they would need to follow the excruciatingly long schmutting route through the heating ducts again. She wasn't too happy about it, but sometimes, an Elf had to do what an Elf had to do. Bootfalls next to her made her look up and flash a smile at the approaching Elf - it turned out to be Rockabye. "Oh, I'm an exhausted, little Elf… please tell me we're done here."
"We are, save for one thing," Rocky said and put out her hand to give her sweetheart a boost up. Though Lotta was heavier than she had been earlier in the day, it was no hassle to get her on her feet.
"Ugh… which is?"
"We need to return the mini-Santa costumes to the event-coordinator, Mallerina Elf. She's keeping a strict list on all the items she's given out. I think she's quite determined not to lose any of them."
"Oh. Phew," Lotta said and pretended to wipe some dampness off her Elfin brow. "For an Elfin moment, I was worried you had a really, really, realllllly nasty tickle-monster up your sleeve…"
"Would I do that to such a cute, li'l Elf like you?" Rocky husked, winking several times at the younger Elf whose cheeks suddenly caught fire.
---
Once the costumes had been shed and subsequently returned, Rocky pulled Lotta into a playful, though strong, sideways hug. The hug wasn't enough to compensate for the long, tiring day, so she took full advantage of their new, 'clean-shaven' appearance by placing a decent smooch on Lotta's Elfin lips. The first kiss was the cause of much smiling on the younger Elf's face, which in turn necessitated a second kiss even before the last traces of the first one had been forgotten.
With the kissing over and done with for the time being, they hooked their arms inside each other's and shuffled over to Santa to greet him farewell until the next time.
-*-*-*-
Downstairs in the basement's pale-gray, poorly-lit corridors, Lotta shuffled along on tired legs. For each step she took, it seemed the distance to their destination multiplied by a factor of two, and she needed to summon all her Elfin strength simply to keep moving.
Rocky had already gone far ahead, but she came back to give the younger of the two Elves a helping hand. When Lotta's forward motion became less and less effective - or rather, she moved slower and slower - Rocky stopped them both and hunched over. "Piggy-back! Jump on!" she said, wiggling her tush.
"Corn-on-a-cob… thank you," Lotta mumbled as she climbed up onto Rocky's strong back. Once she had settled down with her Elfin arms and legs around Rocky's Elfin torso, she let herself be carried like a toddler-Elf straight out of the crib. It didn't take but two steps for her to fall asleep. Two steps further along the non-descript corridor, she began to snore so loudly that it proved once more that Epilotta Elf was rarely quiet in anything she did.
---
Lotta didn't wake up until she felt Rocky's lips touch her own. Cracking open an eyelid, she took in her surroundings and marveled at the fact that she had been transported all the way out to the sleigh without noticing a thing. At present, she was lying on the flatbed with her empty carry-all as a pillow. Looking up, she noticed that Rocky was still near, so a return-kiss was in order. "Thank you, dearest Rocky. Did you really carry me up through the ducts and down the wall?"
"Nope," Rocky said with a grin. "All those buns and cookies you Elfed down before weighed a ton on my poor Elfin bones-"
"Ohhhhhh," Lotta said, playfully swatting at Rocky's leg.
"-So I went straight for the back door. Lo and behold, the key was back in the lock…"
"Imagine that!" Lotta said and shuffled upright to sit cross-legged. The entire day had passed them by while they had been hard at work at the parade and then inside the Osterling Brothers' Department Store. They had spent most of it working by artificial light, so the real dusk outside seemed far darker than it usually did, even with the massive light pollution found in any Human city. Yawning again, she rubbed her Elfin-green eyes to get them accustomed to the new conditions.
While Lotta had been doing that, Rocky had retrieved a few items from the storage area underneath the bench seat. "I need to take five before we start off for home. Would you like a bite of my gingerbread? Or some Yule-tea?" the long-haul driver said as she climbed back up onto the flatbed and got settled next to her sweetheart.
"I'd like some Yule-tea, please," Lotta said, once more rubbing her tired face. While Rocky unscrewed the lid and poured tea into it, Lotta looked up at the steel-gray skies high above them. "You know, I actually think we're going to get some snow tonight… or the Human world is. How it looks up in Elf Springs is any-Elf's guess."
"We may," Rocky said and transferred the cup to Lotta's waiting hands.
Slurping the chunky Yule-tea which wasn't as hot as it had once been, Lotta felt something wet land on her neck. She reached up at once to touch her skin where the sensation had been, but found nothing out of the ordinary.
About to shrug and return to the lukewarm tea, the sensation was repeated moments later. Looking up in a hurry, she let out a braying croak as the sight of big, fat snowflakes that fluttered down toward her filled her senses. "Look! Snow!" she howled, chugging down the rest of the tea before pointing skyward though the gesture seemed fairly superfluous since snow generally came from above. "Ohhhhhh, Rocky, it's snowing! It's snowing… we finally got some snow…"
"Looks like it," Rocky said, wiping her lips on a napkin that she had kept in the paper bag hosting her beloved gingerbread. She had barely opened her mouth to tell Lotta they needed to turn the sleigh around before they could go anywhere when the young Elf in question threw her arms in the air and broke out in loud, unrestrained singing:
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Snow! Snow! Snow! Oh, the joys of snow! We got snow, snow, snow… into the snow we go! We got snow! Snow! Snow! Oh, the joys of snow! Lovely snow, snow, snow… lots of snow to-"
While Lotta sang, she bobbed around on her tush which made the entire sleigh hop and dance about like it tried to keep up with the boppin' beat. Up front, Sammi-Sima, Wakkahakky, Koaflocka and Lidokamberka all let out confused brays like they didn't understand a word of what was going on behind them.
Just when it seemed Lotta had run out of steam, she drew a deep breath and started over: "Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Snow! Snow! Snow! Oh, the joys of snow!"
"Come on, songbird-Elf. We might get snow, snow, snow, but now it's off to home we go," Rocky said, pulling the singing Lotta to her feet so they could get an Elfin-move on back to Elf Springs before they found themselves in the middle of an Elfin-big snowstorm…
*
*
THE END of SANTA'S BIG YULETIDE PARADE
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
2: "Dear Epilotta"
The living room of Epilotta 'Lotta' Elf's home, the Pine Cone Villa on seventeen Chestnut Street in Elf Springs, was a perfect Elfin example of not only the traditional Elfin coziness, but of the countless Elfin Yuletide traditions as well. Though the Yuletree itself had not yet been put up since December had only just started - it was the sixth, and the Season to be Jolly was still more than two weeks away - the petite Elf had a superb collection of new and traditional Yuletide decorations:
Ornaments, tinsel, holly, garlands and ribbons in all colors: Yuletide-red, forest-green, silver, gold and even purple. Woven hearts, mobiles, wood relief carvings and single and double bells made of silver, gold and bronze. Candlesticks of all types, figurines, calendars counting down to the Night of Nights, evergreen wreaths, real poinsettias, reams of Elfin fairy lights, several different mistletoes and a hundred-and-one other things, doodads and assorted knick-knacks that rivaled that of any Yuletide museum in Elf Springs or elsewhere. It was an absolute must for any member of the Elfin population to collect decorations, and Lotta was certainly a prime example of that trait.
On top of all that splendor, the legendary Elfin coziness was alive and well with all the pre-requisite items on display in Lotta's home: several lit candles had been put in brass and ceramic candlesticks and placed on her table and sideboard to keep the lighting even. Logs were burning merrily in the fireplace creating the flickering, orange firelight so coveted by the Elves, she had a bowl of sweet-smelling figs and dates ready on the table, and delightful scents of Yuletide treats baking in the oven and cooking on the wood-burning stove wafted in from the kitchen.
When the snow that every Elf loved so dearly had finally come, it had done so with a vengeance. After the initial weak flurries had turned serious during the night to December third, Elf Springs and all of its hinterland had been covered in a white blanket, and the snow showed no sign of wanting to stop any time soon - thus, the look through Lotta's living room window into the back garden showed large piles of snow creating a pale-white sheen in the mounting darkness.
The sun had set at a quarter to four in the afternoon as always, but with the heavy snow clouds hanging so low, it had never really been there at all during the supposedly daylight hours.
A fumble at the front door heralded Epilotta Elf's return to her home. Stepping inside the hallway sporting impressive piles of snow on her floppy-cone Elf hat and on the shoulders of her Yuletide-red parka coat, she put down the large bag of mail that she had just picked up at the Elfin Mail Service central.
The bag was soon thumped free of excess snow before Lotta slipped out of her heavy snow-boots and her parka. Even though Elves were far sturdier creatures than the scrawny Humans, the absolute last thing she needed was to have a bad case of the sniffles on her Joining day. Therefore, she wore a dark-brown, wool cardigan over a traditional, long-sleeved Yuletide-red dress underneath her outdoor clothes now that the winter weather had finally arrived and had brought plenty of low, and wonderfully nippy-nosy, temperatures with it.
Whistling one of her countless Yuletide favorites, she slipped her Elfin feet into wooden clogs and made an Elf-line for the kitchen.
The near-perfect Elfin timing inside her made her appear at the oven just in time for the cinnamon-apple pie she had in there to be finished. Grabbing her heat-resistant mittens, she opened the oven door and pulled out the roasting tray that she placed on a free spot on her kitchen table. Leaning over the freshly baked circular pie, she took in a deep sniff to get every last trace of the Yuletide-y smells up into her nostrils. "Wonn-derful!" she said, taking off the mittens to find a carving knife that could cut the pie without ruining the tin underneath it.
Once the pie had been cut into a wheel of eight symmetrical slices, she began making preparations for the next part of her afternoon snacks: making the hot chocolate and plenty of whipped cream to go with it.
---
"Oh, I saw three Elves come sailing in on Yuletide day, on Yuletide day, I saw three Elves come sailing in on Yuletide day in the morning!" she warbled at the top of her lungs as she carried a plate carrying three slices of the new pie, another plate with a huge pile of whipped cream and a smaller pool of strawberry jam, and finally a large mug filled to the brim with steaming hot chocolate.
She resisted the urge to do a few Elfin polka moves as she carried the treats into the living room - first-hand knowledge of scrubbing whipped cream and hot chocolate out of the carpet told her it was just too much hassle - and put them on the low table next to the raging fireplace.
A spoon for the whipped cream, a pie-fork for the heavenly cinnamon-apple creation, and a pile of napkins for wiping the hot chocolate off her chin soon went onto the table as well. She couldn't sit down before she had taken another fond gaze at the snow outside, so she shuffled over to the window to the back garden to marvel at the massive piles of white. "Perr-fect," she whispered before she craned her neck to look at her snow-family that she and Rocky had had such a great time creating. "Greetings, Mister Cole Frost! How is the missus, the lovely Icéla? And the little Frosties? Oh, they're fine? I'm glad to hear it!"
Snickering into her hand at the Elfin silliness, she shuffled back to the chaise lounge at the low table to enjoy her afternoon snacks while they were hot and yummy.
---
A long, satisfied groan left her Elfin throat as she put the final forkful of hot pie, whipped cream and sweet jam into her mouth. The cinnamon-apple pie was tasty in itself, but it was enhanced tenfold by the richness of the whipped cream. The home-made strawberry jam was an extra treat that she only added on special days, and today was one of them: the monthly bag of mail awaited her.
One of the consequences that she had never expected when she had been chosen to be a member of Santa's legendary A-Team was that other Elves suddenly looked to her for advice, words of wisdom, or even guidance on a grander level. For a long time after first donning the golden-bobbled Elf hat, she didn't feel she had the right to suggest anything to any-Elf, but with her growing experience came an urge to help those for asked her for it.
After shuffling into the hallway to retrieve the large bag, she dumped it on the living room floor and dug her entire arm down into the mail to scoop up a handful of letters. The first handful was joined by a second one before she shuffled over to the sideboard to find an Elfin letter opener. Moving back to the chaise lounge at the low table, she stuck the letter opener between her teeth so she could push aside the two empty plates to make room for the mail her fellow Elves had sent her.
She still had some of the hot chocolate left, so that was duly sipped before she went any further. "Let's see what they have for me today," she mumbled as she sliced open the first letter.
---
An hour later, she had relocated to the floor to have room for the four piles of letters she had amassed in front of her. Each pile carried a piece of torn parchment on top that said 'Not so serious,' 'Serious,' 'Quite serious. Need to read again to understand,' and 'Soooo serious I don't know what to do with this one,' respectively.
She unfolded a piece of parchment and licked the tip of the pencil she had found so she would be ready to reply to the Elves writing her. The first letter in the 'Not so serious' -pile came from a bachelor-Elf further up north who asked for her hand in a traditional Joining. "Hmmm," she said before she put the pencil to the parchment to compose the answer - she needed to look at the envelope to get the Elf's name right. "My dear Karl-Anker Elf," she mumbled as she wrote. "I'm terribly sorry, but you're a year too late to ask for my hand. My dearest friend, the beautiful, beautiful Rockabye Elf gave me a wooden ring chipped from a spruce close to the Sacred Pine Tree up in the Magical Calshiweah Forest last Yuletide Eve, and we're to be joined on December seventeenth. I'm sure you know the Elfin creed 'One life, one partner,' so I'm afraid I can't be yours. Thank you very much for the pressed purple saxifrage; it's very pretty and I'll be sure to add it to my collection. Yours, Epilotta Elf."
Nodding to herself, she tore off the parchment she had written, folded it and stuck it into the letter from Karl-Anker Elf so she could remember she needed to send it to him.
After a few letters containing requests for swapping yummy Yuletide recipes - probably the best part of Lotta's newfound responsibilities as a member of the fabled A-Team - the next letter in the 'Not so serious' -pile came from a junior-Elf in a suburb to Elf Springs who wanted to know if Lotta had any suggestions as to what he could do to make a cute lady-Elf even notice he existed.
Chuckling, Lotta looked up from the letter to gaze into the flickering fire. A log crackled romantically as she reminisced about the day when she had received the first love letter from the Elf she had thought of only as a friend until then. Though she had secretly longed for far more than mere friendship since pretty much the first time she had clapped her Elfin-green eyes on the beautiful Rockabye Elf, she had never expected the bone-tough, long-haul sleigh driver to harbor similar feelings for her. However, Rocky had indeed harbored similar feelings, and the fact that she had written them down on the flip-side of a Yahtzee scorecard from the Hen's Teeth Pub only added another romantic layer to the already sweet memory.
Lotta smiled as she put the pencil to the next piece of parchment. "Dear Yensebasse Elf. I can only suggest you write the lady-Elf an unprompted love letter where you express what you feel for her," she mumbled as she wrote. "You will never know where it might lead you. Even if it ends up leading nowhere, it will give you good experience for the next lady-Elf who catches your eye and steals your heart."
She stuck the pencil in her mouth as she re-read the message she had for the junior-Elf. A love letter perhaps wasn't the Elfin world's most revolutionary suggestion, but it was always worth a shot. Like the previous letter, she tore off the parchment, folded it and stuck it into the original envelope.
Over in the raging fireplace, a log suddenly shifted which sent a shower of glowing embers up into the chimney. Grunting, Lotta got on her feet to rearrange it with the poker. Once she had, she realized she could use a mug of chunky Yule-tea, so she left the letters alone for a while to venture into the kitchen.
---
One thing led to another as it invariably did when Epilotta Elf was near food of any kind - and Yuletide food in particular - so she was soon back in the living room carrying a mug of steaming hot, chunky Yule-tea and a plate featuring a pair of slices of cinnamon-apple pie that had already been covered by a healthy glob of whipped cream sprinkled with chocolate shavings.
After putting the items on the low table, she realized she needed to look at one of the more difficult letters, so she took the top one from the 'Soooo serious I don't know what to do with this one' -pile and carried it back to the table. She held it between two fingers like she was afraid it would jump out of the envelope and bite her. She had already skimmed the contents when she had opened it, but it had caused her instant heartburn which had made her put it on the difficult-pile right away.
It read,
'Dear Miss Epilotta Elf.
For each passing year, it seems that crafty (or should that be sneaky) traders pull back the date where they introduce Yuletide products in our stores. This year, the first Yuletide cookies, the first rolls of marzipan, the first bottles of pre-mixed mulled wine, and the first barrels of sweet white ale appeared in mid-September! Frankly, Miss Epilotta, I find that far, far too early. The all-too brief summer was barely over by then!
I am sure I cannot be the only Elf who thinks this is merely a heinous attempt by the crafty/sneaky traders to try to wring our hard-earned coins from our pockets by exploiting our inherent love of all things Yule… or can I?
I would like to hear your opinion. Thank you in advance.
Yours,
Annileen-Suresen Elf.'
Lotta stared at the contents of the letter that she almost considered to be of the poison-pen variety. She stared and stared and stared and stared so hard that the piece of whipped cream-coated cinnamon-apple pie she had just scooped up on the pie-fork tilted, fell off, and landed back on the plate with a splattt .
The splattt made her snap out of the shock-induced stupor and try again with another forkful of the pie. Once she had put the bite-sized yumminess into her mouth, she let the rich tastes of Yule - cinnamon, apple, the whipped cream and the chocolate shavings - elevate her Elfin being into the Great Elf's realm for the moment it took for her to savor and then swallow it. "Santa's Suspenders, I still don't know how to respond to this one," she mumbled, looking at the letter while she spoke. "An Elf who complains about having access to alllll the wonn-derful Yuletide products… that's not right… it's just not right," she continued in a similar mumble.
Leaning back on the chaise lounge, she continued to stare straight ahead while she sipped her chunky Yule-tea. "I wouldn't mind it a teeny-tiny-Elfin bit if we had all those wonn-derful Yuletide products all year long!" she suddenly said out loud before her face gained a dreamy quality.
"Ohhhhh… peppernuts… and the wonn-derful cardamom brown cookies shaped like little stars… and rum-cakes… and cinnamon-and-sugar cookies… and those yummy orange-flavored cookies that I can't remember the names of right now… and vanilla rings… and figs and dates and roasted almonds and chestnuts… and runny kringle-bread… and… and… the yummy, yummy marzipan treats! Corn-on-a-cob, I have no idea what to say to Annileen-Suresen Elf."
Shaking her head in frustration, she scooped up the last bites of pie and whipped cream from the plate with Elfin-like speed before she drained the last of her chunky Yule-tea and got up from the chaise lounge. "No, I need to ask a real expert," she mumbled to herself on her way over to the sideboard to get the snow cone handset that she had left sitting in the base station.
As she returned to the chaise lounge, she punched in the numbers of the one person she knew would have the perfect answer for the peculiar letter. The family talk was a daily ritual that couldn't be skipped unless Lotta was away on a gift-drop or an A-Team assignment, and since she hadn't talked to her mother yet, it would be the perfect opportunity to do so.
"Greetings, Mammi!" she said as she flung herself onto the chaise lounge. Her head ended up drooping over the forward edge of the seat while her legs stuck straight up in the air against the backrest, but that was what she had wanted, so she was happy with the arrangements. "It's Epilotta in case you couldn't recognize my voice although I'm sure you could since I'm your only daughter. Yes. Oh, I've just enjoyed the yummiest afternoon snack… cinnamon-apple pie, whipped cream, some of the special strawberry jam and chocolate shavings… no, not the jam and the shavings at the same time. Mammi, I need your advice on something… do you think the Yuletide products arrive too soon in the shops? I'm sorry? No, I haven't been polishing off the fine Yuletide port! Honest! Yes, I know we need to save it for the Joining… Mammi, I haven't touched a drop! It's for one of the letters… oh, it's easier if I read it to you," she said, reaching up onto the low table to get the letter from Annileen-Suresen Elf. "Are you sitting down? You need to be because it's a right-old tickle-monster, let me tell you. All right, here goes… Dear Epilotta Elf…"
*
*
THE END of DEAR EPILOTTA
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
3: "Ye Olde Elfin Academie"
CHAPTER 1
Very few things in the Elfin world possess the single-mindedness of a snow-Elf on the prowl. Sneaking, tracking, stalking the prey in a relentless pursuit, the snow-Elf will use every last one of its inherent Elfin skills and instincts to bring itself into a position to surprise its hapless victim. Armed only with a sensitive nose and a pair of pointy ears, the snow-Elf is without doubt the best hunter in the entire Elfin realm.
After turning the final corner into a dead end of the deep, snowy trench it had used to track its target, the snow-Elf in question approached with great stealth and bated breath until the inevitable moment happened: "Peek-an-Elf!" Epilotta 'Lotta' Elf cried as she popped up just behind her younger opposite-neighbor, Trickamore 'Trixie' Elf, who had been trying to hide behind a large pile of snow in the back garden of Lotta's Pine Cone Villa on Chestnut Street.
"Ohhhhhh!" Trickamore howled, spinning around so fast her snow-boot snagged on the deep ruts at the bottom of the recently dug trench. As she keeled over, she had her hands flailing wildly in the air to find something to hang onto, but there was no help to be found anywhere. She landed on her back in the deep pile of snow; the soft phlum that followed kicked up a small flurry. An Elfin moment later, she let out a solid burst of unbridled laughter as she watched the snow she had kicked up flutter back down onto the piles it had come from.
Lotta snickered into her mittened hand as she hopped from one leg to the other at her successful campaign playing hide-and-seek. "Oh, that was a good spot to hide, Trixie! I needed to go alllll the way around the piles just to see you."
December eleventh was the first day for nearly a week that hadn't seen any new snow, but the massive amounts of white stuff that had fallen over Elf Springs and the hinterland since December third was already more than enough for all but the most snow-starved Elves. Piles, heaps, even mountains of snow had been created in every garden of every house on every street, and the Elves had flocked out into it to build snow-families or igloos, dig trenches and forts they could use for snowball fights, make snow-Elves, play hide-and-seek, use their cross-country skis on the snowy streets, or all of the above - and the really adventurous Elves would sometimes do it all at once.
In downtown Elf Springs, the ice rink had become less busy now the snow had finally arrived - thus reducing the need for regulated entertainment - but the streets had become far more crowded with experienced or rookie skiers mingling with sleighs pulled by reindeer or donkeys criss-crossing the Elf capital for all of the daylight hours, and even into the evening and early night.
Though the weak winter sun wasn't out as such, the layer of heavy clouds was more scattered than it had been for the past few days which allowed a few, brief rays of gold to hit the snow at irregular intervals. The onset of proper winter weather had brought freezing temperatures with it which necessitated the use of thick coats, lined boots and furry earmuffs to keep warm, even for the sturdy Elves.
As the Elves breathed, the escaping hot air stood out like huge plumes of steam that drifted away on the breeze. Every-Elf's nose and cheeks burned brightly in the low temperatures which once again explained why the Elves called that sort of weather nippy-nosy and rosy-cheeky.
"Well," Trickamore said as she got up from the white pile and beat herself down to get the excess snow off her dark-blue parka coat, "it sure didn't take you long to find me…"
"Hide-and-seek is one of my favorite games!" Lotta said, once more snickering into her mittened hand. Apart from the forest-green mittens, she wore black, fur-lined boots, a pair of dark-brown, triple-layer woolly pants, her regular Yuletide-red parka, and a dusty-red floppy-cone Elf hat that sat crooked on top of her flaming red locks. Though the parka was equipped with a hood, she didn't use it when playing since it impaired her peripheral vision which was oh-so-important in the age-old Elfin game of hide-and-seek.
"In that case," an Elfin voice said right next to Lotta's pointy ear - it made the red-headed Elf let out a shriek and jump up on booted tip-toes - "you should pay more attention to your Elfin surroundings. Peek-an-Elf!"
"What- where- who- Rocky?!" Lotta squealed, spinning around to see where her sweetheart had been hiding. She couldn't see the dark-haired sleigh driver anywhere, and she had already begun to think that she had imagined hearing the velvety voice when one of the piles of snow began to shift right next to her.
Out of nowhere, an Elf wearing a rigid-cone Elf hat and a dark-blue schmutting uniform rose from the cover of the snow to lean back on her thighs. "Yup! I've been here the whole time, sweet Lotta," Rocky said, taking the moment to pull a white sheet off her shoulders that she had used to stay perfectly camouflaged.
"Santa's Suspenders… well, I'll be an Elf's behind!" Lotta said, shaking her head in awe and wonder at her sweetheart's many skills.
The colorful description of the equally colorful A-Team Elf made Trickamore snicker into her hand. Lotta's younger opposite-neighbor wore sturdy, lined snow-boots and a traditional Elfin dress though the latter was protected by her dark-blue parka coat. Her long, reddish hair had been arranged into a pair of pig-tails that reached down on the front of her shoulders; the locks of hair were held in place through neat, Yuletide-red ribbons that both carried a bow tie at the bottom end. "We've all been found a bunch of times now… let's play something else. How about rolling a new Frostie for the snow-family?" she said, nodding at Lotta's collection of snow-people.
"Ooooooh!" Lotta said and clapped her mittens together. "There's always room for another little Frostie! Rocky?"
"Sure! I'm always up for rolling in the snow," Rockabye 'Rocky' Elf said as she jumped off the snowy ledge to join her sweetheart and Trickamore down in the trench. Holding hands, the two A-Team Elves hopped, skipped and jumped down to the other end of the garden to find the best snow for the task - Trickamore followed them while keeping a respectful distance.
---
By the time the ever-growing Frost-family had been granted not one, but two new members - Iceekel Frost and LeCube Frost, who both wore their knitted hats, button eyes, carrot noses and cork-lined mouths with pride - Lotta, Rocky and Trickamore were in need of a break from the Elfin-good fun they had had for several hours.
Looking up at the position of the bleak winter sun, Rocky calculated that dusk wasn't too far off. Soon, the tone of light would begin to change until the Great Elf decided that it was Father Night's turn to rule the Elfin world. "How about we tied an Elfin knot on this super day by hunkering down in the igloo with some hot chocolate?" she said, pulling Lotta in for a sideways hug.
"Oooooooooooooooh! It's time for the hot chocolate!" came the inevitable answer from the food-happy Elf.
---
Soon, the three lady-Elves crawled through the tunnel-like opening to one of their latest projects, a real igloo just like those used for housing up north. Like most Elves who originated from Greenland, and certainly all the Inuit-Elves from the icy, outer rim of the northern tip of the Elfin world, ice house-making was in their blood. The items needed to create the igloos were snow, a bucket of water and an ice-carving knife, and every Elf had access to all three.
The inner ceiling of the domed structure was high enough for Rocky to sit without ducking her head, even wearing her rigid-cone Elf hat, so she shuffled around to sit cross-legged on the blanket they had left in there when they had built it. A rucksack with all kinds of Yuletide goodies was still there as well, but Rocky knew that Lotta wanted to be the hostess of that, so she let it be.
Trickamore followed Rocky into the igloo, closely followed by Lotta who went for the rucksack at once. A thermos and a pair of extra mugs were soon dug out of the deep bag. Once the dark-brown, steaming hot beverage was poured into the three mugs, a wonderfully rich smell of chocolate filled the igloo making every Elf there grin in anticipation. The grins turned to moans of Elfin delight when they all sipped from the mugs, proving once more that hardly anything could rival hot chocolate when it came to filling an Elf's senses with pure bliss, although hot chocolate with whipped cream did have a shot at the title.
Lotta smiled from ear to pointy ear as she reached into the rucksack once more to find a rolled-up bundle containing freshly baked cookies. Not only was it a recipe she had never tried before, it was brand-new on the Yuletide market - it had been created and vigorously tested by a fellow lady-Elf who lived in another part of Elf Springs, and Lotta had come to know of it through the many letters she received each week as a member of Santa's fabled A-Team.
Although Lotta had followed the new recipe to the letter, she had been somewhat skeptical when the dough had been in the oven as the cookies had looked rather odd indeed, but an Elfin cookie was an Elfin cookie was an Elfin cookie, and Elves loved cookies, so she couldn't find a reason not to try making them. "Now, my friends… this is a test. But the nice lady-Elf who developed the recipe said they would be yummy, so… let's try them. Who wants to go first?" she said, unfolding the bundle on her thigh to reveal a roll of cookies of irregular shape and thickness - the irregularity was intentional, and not a sign of Lotta needing reading glasses when she had sliced the roll of dough.
"Me! Me! Me!" Trickamore said, bumping up and down on her tush while she waved her hand in the air. When she was given three cookies, she nipped at the first one before her face cracked open in a smile that, although somewhat puzzled, was genuine. "Oh, they're yummy, Lotta… though… they're not very sweet, are they? That's a little unusual… I mean… for you. I know how much you love sugary sweets and cookies…"
"They're not sweet? That can't be right," Lotta said and quickly flung a cookie into her Elfin mouth to find out for herself. After giving it plenty of chews, she discovered that Trickamore was right - it had a doughy, but not particularly sweet taste. No Elf anywhere in the Elfin world would ever speak through a mouthful of food so she kept quiet until she had swallowed the bite. While she chewed, she stared at the offending cookies like she would be able to extrapolate all she needed to know simply from their looks. "They aren't sweet! What the cotton-candy… I poured an entire bowl of icing sugar into the cookie dough!"
"Let me try one," Rocky said and reached for a cookie. She chewed on it carefully before she came to her verdict: "I agree. Not particularly sweet."
"Corn-on-a-cob, that's really, really Elfin strange," Lotta mumbled before trying the next cookie just in case something had been amiss with the first few. When the result was the same, she shook her head in confusion. "And they're even a little soft-ish, aren't they?"
"Uh-huh." -- "A little, yes," Trickamore and Rocky said as one.
"They're not supposed to be soft, they're supposed to be crunchy! Hmmm… I think I need to get back to the Elfin drawing board with these cookies… huh. At least the hot chocolate is yumm-mmy! To your Elfin health, my dear Elves!" Lotta said and downed the rest of her mugful of chocolate in one gulp.
When Rocky and Trickamore had downed their mugs as well, they all received a refill that sent large plumes of steam billowing off the hot surfaces and up towards the inner ceiling of the igloo.
As the young Trickamore watched the steam rise from the mug, a shyness rolled over her that tainted her cheeks red. She looked down at her hands that held the mug like she wanted to share something with Rocky and Lotta, or perhaps ask something of them; her pig-tails fell over her shoulders and nearly landed in the mug. Snickering into her free hand, she flung each of them back with a well-practiced gesture.
Lotta was too busy pondering the weird lack of sweetness of the new cookies to notice anything, but Rocky grinned as she studied the shy look upon Trickamore's face. "What's up, Trixie? You look like you have something you would like to say…?"
The young Elf living opposite from Lotta's Pine Cone Villa licked her Elfin lips several times before she looked up and cast shy glances at the two A-Team Elves. "Your Joining is only six days away… I was just wondering if I… if I… will be invited for the big event?"
A croak, a choke and a spew was heard from Lotta as hot chocolate stood out all around the mug. Coughing and spluttering, she needed to draw several deep breaths before she could turn to her neighbor: "You haven't received the invitation?!" she croaked between wheezes while she tried to wipe the droplets of hot chocolate off her chin, upper lip and nose.
"No," Trickamore said, shyly shaking her head.
"What in the Elfin world?!" Lotta croaked, wiping the last chocolate off her Elfin skin. "Sugar plum mush, if the Elfin Mail Service can't get the invitations across cotton-candy Chestnut Street, how will our families and dear friends elsewhere in Greenland ever get them?! Oh, that was all we needed!" she continued, throwing her free hand in the air in a dramatic flurry.
While Lotta went on a narrow-eyed, grumbling rant about the state of Elfin affairs in general and the Elfin Mail Service in particular, Rocky reached over to pat Trickamore's leg. "Of course you're invited, Trixie. You're family, too."
"Thank you," Trickamore said while the blush slowly faded from her cheeks. "Perhaps you need to call those you've invited… you know, just to make Elfin sure they know about it?" she continued, turning back to Lotta.
"Well," Rocky said since Lotta was still too preoccupied with her grumbled ranting, "I already have. I called my old folks down in Trentino, and they'll both show up for the Joining. My Dad hasn't been up here in the wintertime since, oh, I was an itty-bitty Elf, so I hope the weather won't trip them up too much. It's a pretty long flight for a couple of old Elves."
"Aww, I can't wait to meet your parents, Rocky!" Trickamore said before she took the final sip of her hot chocolate.
In the meanwhile, all the steam had been released from Epilotta Elf, but the surly expression remained etched onto her fair face. "I can't believe we need to call all of them to confirm they've received the invitation… oh, Trixie, I'm so, so, so, SO glad you mentioned that. If nobody had shown up on our Joining day, I would have been a sad, sad, sad, SAD little Elf indeed… so thank you, my friend," she said, reaching over to pull Trickamore into a quick hug.
Before the conversation could go on, the familiar ringtone of Lotta's snow cone could be heard ringing inside the living room of the Pine Cone Villa: 'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!' echoed loud and clear across the snow-covered garden.
"Cotton-candy, who can that be now?" Lotta said and quickly drained the last few drops of her hot chocolate before she scrambled to her feet. She was already the lady-Elf nearest the exit, so she zipped out of the tunnel, across the snow and through the front door going at the speed of Elf.
---
Since she didn't want to distribute snow all over her living room floor, she kicked off her lined boots in the hallway in an Elf-mighty hurry, but left the rest of her winter gear on. She was at the sideboard just in time for the snow cone apparatus to let out another 'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!' which meant that whomever was calling was still trying to get through - which in turn meant it was important.
As she tried to reach for the handset, she realized that she would never be able to grab it wearing her mittens. Grunting, she bit down on the paw on the right-hand mitten to yank it off, but the law of averages meant she couldn't - her hand had already turned so hot inside it from coming in from the cold that it stopped the mitten from sliding off. "Ohhhhhh," she groaned, waving her hand in the air to make the forest-green thing come off.
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!'
She waved and waved and waved and waved and waved her hand until the reluctant mitten finally flew off. Going in a perfect parabolic arc, it landed right next to the raging fireplace which wasn't a particularly good place for the soft, flammable fabric to be. "Ohhhhhh!" Lotta groaned again, zipping around the low table and the chaise lounge to kick the mitten away from the flames that had already taken a liking to its new, forest-green toy.
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!'
"Sugar! Plum! Mush! This isn't my day!" Lotta cried as she bolted back to the sideboard and the snow cone base station. Though she still wore the other mitten, she ignored it for now - she had no time for further dramas of the mittened kind.
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle-"
"Greetings! This is Epilotta Elf speaking!" Lotta said breathlessly after she had snatched the snow cone handset from the base station with her free hand. While she waited for the Elf at the other end of the connection to speak up, she put the left-hand mitten between her teeth and began to tug like a crazy-Elf to make it come off.
'Greetings, Miss Epilotta. This is Yuttan Elf, Santa's secretary.'
"M'oh, mello!" Lotta mumbled around the mitten. When she realized she needed to be a bit more respectful, she let the reluctant mitten be to concentrate fully on the conversation.
'I am calling on behalf of the Elfin Academy. They're in a tight squeeze so they would like to ask if you and your A-Team associate, Miss Rockabye Elf, could give them a hand?'
Lotta grimaced when she looked at the mitten that was nearly as stubborn as she was - right now, she only had one hand to give. "Oh, Miss Yuttan, that would be such an honor! Ye Olde Elfin Academie… Elf-ness me, I haven't heard from them in years! What kind of squeeze could they possibly be in?"
'One of their schmutting teachers has been taken ill, and-'
"Oh no, what a tickle-monster! And just before the Season to be Jolly, too!"
'Indeed, Miss Epilotta. As you will probably recall from your own years there, the second semester's schmutting exams are coming up in the following week. The students need to have someone experienced give them the final lessons, and the principal and the faculty suggested you.'
"Ohhhh!" Lotta croaked; her cheeks exploded in a burst of furious blushing. She always had a strong case of the warm fuzzies when she thought back to her days at the Elfin Academy. Not only had she graduated at or near the top of every class she had attended, it had been a wonderful few years filled with all kinds of Elfin good experiences, not to mention the Elfin good friends she had made there - some of which she still spoke to from time to time.
Of course, there was the odd downside as well. One lecturer in particular would always terrify her simply by walking through the door, and the competitive spirit among the junior-Elves could be a bit too much at times. Still, the years at the Elfin Academy had helped shape her into the wholly rounded Elf she had become.
'Miss Epilotta, are you still there?'
"Uh, buh… yes! Yes, Miss Yuttan, I'm still here," Lotta said and snapped out of her dreamy state. "Oh, Miss Rockabye and I would simply looooooove to help the Academy! When should we be there?"
'Tomorrow morning if you can, Miss Epilotta. When you get there, a member of the principal's team of consultants and secretaries will bring you up to speed on everything you need to know.'
"Tomorrow morning at Ye Olde Elfin Academie, right! We'll be there, Miss Yuttan Elf! You can count on Epilotta Elf and Rockabye Elf, Santa's A-Team Elves!" Lotta said, nodding hard into the snow cone receiver although Yuttan Elf wouldn't be able to see it.
'Oh, that's good news, Miss Epilotta. I'll call them at once to finalize the arrangements. Goodbye, and Merry Yuletide.'
"Merr-rr-rr-y Yuletide, Miss Yuttan!" Lotta said and pressed the little button on the handset to close the connection. "Oh, I can't believe it… we're going to visit the Academy," she said as she put the handset on the low table by the chaise lounge.
Now that she had time to try again, she went back to attempting to remove the reluctant mitten. As Elfin luck would have it, it slipped off without drama - Lotta rolled her Elfin-green eyes at the typical bother. After picking up the one that had flown through the air and stuffing it into one of the parka's pockets alongside the other one, she checked the burning logs in the fireplace.
They were going just fine, but needed a bit of poking to be perfect; she rearranged the glowing logs by grabbing a poker and giving them a shove or two.
Once the fireplace was minding its own business, she shuffled into the kitchen to write down the details of the snow cone conversation she had just had so she wouldn't forget anything - but then she came to an abrupt halt at the sight of a bowlful of icing sugar standing unattended on the kitchen table. "What in the Great Elf's Elfin world…?" she mumbled, crossing over the floor to get a better look at the bowl of sugar that was supposed to have been in the cookies rather than on the kitchen table. "But what the cotton-candy did I put in the cookies, then? Baking powder? More flour? No wonder they were mushy and not sweet… ohhhh, all this Joining business… it makes my Elfin mind an Elfin sieve… and now we have to call each and every-Elf on our guest list just to make sure they even know about it… oh, what a cotton-candy tickle-monster!"
---
An Elfin minute or so later, she crawled back into the igloo and joined Rocky and Trickamore who had been playing pattycake while they had waited for Lotta to come back.
"Who was that, sweet Lotta?" Rocky said, looking up from the Elfin-fun game.
"It was Yuttan Elf from the Central Administration," Lotta said as she shuffled her snowy boots around so she could sit cross-legged. The forest-green mittens were back on her hands as well although she didn't really need them now they weren't playing in the snow. "One of the schmutting instructors at the Academy has been taken ill. Yuttan Elf asked if we could fly up there tomorrow morning to take over one of the second-semester schmutting classes for a day."
"Oh!" Trickamore said. "That sounds so exciting! Ye Olde Elfin Academie! I've never been there, but I hear it's a beautiful, beautiful old place…"
Lotta nodded. "It really is, Trixie. It's so old that it's almost from the era of the Great Elf herself! Countless generations of Elves have walked through those gates…"
"It's really neat, too. I've made a couple of clerical deliveries there over the years," Rocky interjected before she turned to Lotta. "But why call the A-Team? It's definitely an honor, but we're not certified schmutting instructors."
A strong blush rolled over Lotta's cheeks as she dug her head down between her shoulders in a bout of shy pride. "Well, Yuttan Elf mentioned something about our names sorta, kinda coming up in a conversation between the principal and the faculty, or something…" she mumbled.
"Huh! Well, I don't think they know me from any ol' lady-Elf, so… in other words," Rocky said and reached across the igloo to rub her sweetheart's knee, "you made such a lasting impression that the Academy thought of you when they found themselves in a jam. That's high praise right there, sweet Lotta."
"I guess," Lotta mumbled while her cheeks exploded; Trickamore squealed and clapped her little Elfin hands in glee. Rocky joined the young Elf in celebrating her sweetheart's success by putting two fingers in her mouth and letting out a long, melodious whistle.
Once every-Elf had settled down, Trickamore drained the last of the hot chocolate before she handed back the mug. "Oh, it's getting late so I better head home. I've had a wonn-derful time today, Lotta and Rocky! Thank you for inviting me over to play in your garden! And for the hot chocolate and the cookies… and for inviting me to your Joining, of course," the young Elf said as she shuffled around so she could leave the mini-ice castle.
"You're welcome, Trixie!" Lotta and Rocky said as one, waving at their friend. Once they had the igloo to themselves, Elfin-green met Elfin-blue. The warm Elf-eye-gazing prompted a nice, little Elfin game known as trading kisses that went on for a little while longer.
-*-*-*-
In the early hours of the same evening - after a bowl of rice pudding with a nice sprinkling of cinnamon and a solid pool of melted butter had been made, shared, and devoured - Lotta sat on her chaise lounge with her legs pulled up in front of her. Resting her chin on her knees, she gazed into the flickering flames without seeing much of the fire itself.
Instead, a certain apprehension had fallen over her about a great many things: not only the apparent blunder by the Elfin Mail Service in failing to deliver Trickamore's invitation and the uncertainty it created, but the entire Joining in itself.
Getting Joined was a momentous occasion in any Elf's life. It meant a shift away from the carefree days of single-Elf-hood to the countless obligations and responsibilities created by building an Elfin union that would last for many an Elfin decade. There were countless expectations they needed to consider, fulfil, or even exceed, not least from the families involved - Lotta knew that for some Elfin couples, those expectations weighed so heavily on their shoulders they buckled under the pressure.
The undeniable love that existed between herself and Rockabye Elf would be the glue that would keep them together for all eternity, she was sure of that. Even thinking about the sensations that fluttered around in her Elfin tummy whenever Rocky was near made her certain.
The strange thing was that while the Joining was a life-altering decision on parchment, in the Elfin reality that Epilotta Elf found herself in, it wouldn't make that much of a difference to her everyday life:
Unlike most other lady-Elves who were about to get Joined, she already spent countless hours every week in close contact with the lady-Elf of her heart. They worked together, ate together, played together, laughed together and simply were together. Of course, one thing that actually would change after the Joining was that they would get to spend the nights together as well. A shy smile graced Lotta's features when she had to admit to herself that she was looking forward to that particular aspect.
Commotion at the front door proved to be the lady-Elf who represented the other half of Lotta's soul. Rocky fumbled into the hallway protecting an armful of dry firewood retrieved from the shed in the back garden. Hopping around on one Elfin foot at a time, she kicked off her boots before she moved into the living room to dump the stack of firewood into the appropriate basket next to the fireplace. "It's snowing again, believe it or not," she said - the statement was unnecessary as the small piles of snow on her nose, rigid-cone Elf hat and the shoulders of her schmutting uniform offered proof enough.
"Mmmm?"
"Yep, but at least we can keep the fire going for a while now. Do you have the mulled wine ready?"
"Oh…" Lotta said and bolted upright. A mask of disappointment fell over her fair face as she realized she had been so preoccupied with the myriad of things involving the Joining that preparing the chunky, mulled wine had slipped her mind. "Oh, corn-on-a-cob, I never got around to that… I'm so sorry…"
"That gives us a great excuse to make it together!" Rocky said and grabbed Lotta's hand so she could pull her to her feet.
---
In the kitchen, Rocky soon poured a jugful of sweet red wine into a large cooking pot before she added a handful each of all the ingredients that went into the hot beverage that all Elves loved: almonds, raisins, cloves, some cinnamon and a touch of vanilla. A few more raisins were added because she knew munching on the juicy treats would put a smile on Lotta's face. While she stirred the concoction with a wooden spoon to make sure the various items were well-distributed in the wine, she whistled one of her all-time Yuletide favorites.
Another smile slowly spread over Lotta's features as she took in the homey scene that was unfolding right there in her kitchen. There was nothing shy about the smile unlike the one she'd had in front of the fireplace; it was deep and warm just like the lady-Elf who did all the stirring. Unprompted, Lotta zipped across the kitchen floor and wrapped her Elfin arms around Rocky's torso from behind. Once she had given the taller Elf a good, strong squeeze, she stayed there to lean her head on the schmutting uniform to get the most out of the loving moment.
"Hey, what's this for?" Rocky said with a grin. She suddenly had four Elfin hands near the full pot, so she pushed it further onto the kitchen table to avoid an accidental tidal wave down her uniform and onto the floor.
"We're getting Joined in a week, Rocky. Isn't that Elfin scary?" Lotta said into the back of the dark-blue uniform.
"Are you getting cold feet?"
"No, I'm wearing two pairs of socks."
Rocky chuckled and slipped around so she and Lotta would face each other. The closeness was too good to pass over, so after a bit of Elfin-eye-gazing, they let their Elfin lips do the talking for a while.
Once they separated, they hugged again before Lotta moved away so Rocky could go back to mixing the mulled wine. "I'm just a little concerned about this, that, the other, and a hundred other tickle-monsters that can go wrong. It's almost the Season to be Jolly… and we have sooooo many obligations to Santa and all those things. And the honeymoon… if the snow continues, will we even be able to go? Or come back? Ugh. Tickle-monsters!"
"I'm sure it'll all work out just fine, sweet Lotta," Rocky said with a sympathetic smile.
"You're a pragmatist-Elf, but I'm a perfectionist-Elf with a strong romantic streak. I need everything to follow the plan or else I'll blow my Elfin lid!" Lotta said and snickered into her hand.
"That's probably why we're so great together, sweet Lotta," Rocky said as she carried the cooking pot over to the wood-burning stove. "You make me dream a little, and… perhaps I ground you?"
"Awwww!"
"It's true," Rocky said as she knelt to open the stove's cast-iron hatch and put some kindlewood into the chamber. Once the sticks had been ignited and were burning, she closed the hatch and grabbed the wooden spoon so she could stir the mulled wine - it shouldn't cook, just be heated up to the point of steaming.
"Oh, Rockabye Elf, I do love you so!" Lotta said; with the cooking pot going, she didn't want to do anything that would surprise the lady-Elf manning the spoon, so she settled for rubbing her shoulder against the taller Elf's side.
"That's fortunate, 'cos I kinda Elfin-love you too, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and made several Elfin kissies at her sweetheart.
---
Back at the chaise lounge by the fireplace, Rocky poured the steaming hot mulled wine into two heat-resistant tumblers and put a long-necked spoon in each so they could scoop up all the yummy chunks. Lotta provided a cookie tin full of home-made vanilla rings, and soon, they both did what Elves did best - slurp and munch-crunch .
Since no Elf would ever speak through a mouthful of food - well, almost no Elf; Epilotta Elf had done it a few times after all - she chowed down her latest vanilla ring before she licked her lips and leaned further into Rocky's touch. "Another thing that weighs on my Elfin mind is this business with the Ye Olde Elfin Academie. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't have said yes."
"Oh? Why not?" Rocky said, scooping up a pair of wine-soaked raisins from the bottom of her tumbler.
"Oh, it's just… corn-on-a-cob… I was one of the best in my time, but…" Lotta said, staring into her tumbler to see if the dark-red liquid would tell her anything. Since it didn't, she slurped it instead.
Rocky chuckled at Lotta's statement. "Your time was only a couple of years ago, remember? It's not like it was a century ago."
"I know, but-"
"Listen, you've lost none of your Elfin schmutting skills if that's what you're worried about. I can definitely attest to that."
"It's not. I know I can schmut with the best of them, but will I be a good instructor? That's a whole 'nother bowl of rice pudding right there," Lotta said as she drained her tumbler so she could snuggle up into the crook of Rocky's neck. "What if I disappoint my old tutors and lecturers who thought of me to do the task? And even beyond that… cotton-candy, the second-semester schmutting exams are so important for the junior-Elves. Poor grades can ruin their entire future! What if I'm so bad at giving instructions I'll make them flunk the class?"
"Lotta, if the juniors flunk, it's because they aren't good enough," Rocky said, reaching up to tousle her sweetheart's flaming red locks. "Frankly, there's nothing you can say or do in a single day that can offset what they have learned throughout the semester… or semesters, or whatever."
"Schmutting is a four-semester course. They're halfway there… Advanced Schmutting is next for them…"
"Santa's Suspenders… two full years? A single day won't make any difference what-so-cotton-candy-ever, Lotta."
"I s'pose."
"It won't. But you can give them an Elfin good experience by being your usual charming Elf-self. Just be true to Epilotta Elf, and the rest will follow. And that goes for your old teachers, too. Just be yourself."
"Yeah," Lotta said as she snuck her hand into the cookie tin to find a few of her home-made vanilla rings. While munching on them noisily, she once more drifted back to her days at Ye Olde Elfin Academie. "I did have an Elfin good time there," she said after swallowing.
"I'll bet you have a hundred anecdotes!" Rocky said and stuck out her tongue.
Lotta echoed the gesture before she snickered into her hand. "Well, maybe not a hundred, but… yeah. One or two. Or twenty."
"Isn't this the perfect moment to share some of them?" Rocky husked; she leaned down to place a tiny kiss on Lotta's red hair that made the younger Elf snicker again.
"Aw, I don't know if I should, but… oh… the Academy has an orchard in the back garden with hundreds of fruit trees. During the late summers, the orchard was often the target of much scrumping where a couple of Elves kept a lookout for the master gardener-Elf while others used their schmutting skills to climb up and grab a couple of apples. The fruit trees were Elfin-good kissing spots as well on the hot summer nights, as I recall…"
"Oh, you little rascal-Elf, you!" Rocky said and gave Lotta a loving tickle at the ribs. "I'll bet you were the cutest li'l Elf there… and I'll also bet you had kissin' suitors lined up everywhere you went!"
"Noooo, don't be a silly-Elf! I'll have you know I was the perfect image of a wholesome Elf," Lotta said, squirming under the relentless assault of Rocky's skilled digits. "Which isn't to say I never kissed any-Elf while I was there…" she continued after a brief delay where her cheeks had gained a reddish hue.
"I'll bet it isn't! Was there any-Elf in particular?"
"Mmmm-well, no… I mean, there was… but not really," Lotta said and squirmed a little as she cast her Elfin mind back to her days at the Academy and to a very special lady-Elf she had met there. "There was a lady-Elf that I… mmmm… but we never kissed… it wouldn't… that wouldn't have been… mmmm…. oh…"
"Sounds like you had one cotton-candy of an Elfin junior-crush on some-Elf, sweet Lotta! I know 'em all too Elfin well," Rocky said with a grin.
"Mmmm… yeah. And it wasn't just a little crush," Lotta said, squirming a little more. It wasn't long before they both let out muffled snickers at the touchy subject; then Rocky dove down to really dish out some good, solid tickling which ended the conversation.
---
They were lost in each other's presence for a fair while until they were satisfied with the amount of Elfin loving that floated around in the air in Lotta's living room. A few logs crackled merrily in the fireplace to show that the heat hadn't just developed between the two Elves.
After another bout of deep Elfin-eye-gazing, Lotta turned a bit more distant. "Of course, it wasn't all fun and games at the Academy. One of my lecturers was a stern, old Elf who always sent shivers down my Elfin spine whenever he walked into the lecture halls. Oh, I really, really did not like him. Karthago Elf. He used to hold lectures in Advanced Elfin Mythology. Just seeing his name on the lecture sheets gave me a tummyache."
"Was he that demanding?"
"No, but… it was a bit like what's happening with that mean, old Elf Knarli Elf. Karthago Elf was just Elfin angry with me for no particular reason. He was just… well, Elfin angry, full stop."
"Was he angry with every-Elf, or just you?"
"Oh, pretty much every-Elf…" Lotta mumbled. She caught a glimpse of the visage of the feared Karthago Elf on the wall opposite her; it stayed there until she blinked several times and returned her gaze to something far more worthwhile, namely Rocky.
"Then it's the same as with Knarli Elf, sweet Lotta. It's not directed at you, just-"
"I know. But I'm a sensitive, little Elf. I can't help being affected by it!"
Smiling, Rocky leaned in to place a peck on Lotta's nose. "Well, if he's still there when we visit the Academy tomorrow, I'll be your support. If you get upset, just hold my hand and I'll try to make it better."
"Awwww… thank you. Isn't this a good time for some more kissing?"
"It's always an Elfin-good time for kissin', sweet Lotta," Rocky said and once more leaned down to claim her sweetheart's lips.
-*-*-*-
The Elfin hands of time had already gone past six-thirty in the evening when Rocky put the tea towel on its hook next to one of the kitchen cabinets. The dirty dishes produced by their late afternoon snack had been done accompanied by a spirited rendition of the Elfin anthem, An Elfin Good Time, which meant the occasionally dull task had been a fun one for a change.
A quick look through the kitchen window proved it was pitch-black outside; the darkness was only held back by the thousands upon thousands of colorful Yuletide lights put up all over Elf Springs.
The long-haul sleigh driver shuffled into the hallway to prepare for going home. The first part was the easiest: take off the slippers and stick her feet into her lined boots. The second part was no harder, namely to don her rigid-cone Elf hat and nudge it into the proper position. The final part - saying goodbye to her sweetheart - was the most difficult, especially since the Elf in question looked so Elfinly cute standing in the doorway with a big, ol' grin on her Elfin face and her arms crossed over her Elfin chest.
"Mistletoe," Lotta finally said, pointing up at the ceiling.
"Uh-huh?"
"You know what that means… it would be a terr-rri-ble shame to ignore one of the most solemn Elfin traditio- mmmmph!" - That's how far Lotta made it through the sentence before her lips were once again getting intimately acquainted with those attached to the long-haul sleigh driver.
They kissed for a little while before Rocky pulled back and rearranged her Elf hat that had been knocked askew by the kissing. Physical contact was never too far away when it came to Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf, so two Elfin hands were soon connected. "Bye, sweet Lotta. I better get going so Sammi-Sima can get back to her owner for some feed and water."
"I wish you didn't have to…"
"So do I, but I'll come around bright and early tomorrow morning so we can fly to the Academy. Don't forget your lunch pack!"
"Ugh no, by the Great Elf… I'm going to bake a full tray of the finest, deeeeeluxe raisin buns, and this time, I'll put 'em in a shoulder bag so they're right there with me the whooooooooole time!" Lotta said and snickered into her free hand as she cast her mind back to the near-disaster when she had seriously considered eating the red carpet at the big parade in Fredericksholm earlier in the month.
They swung their entwined hands back and forth a couple of times before Rocky opened the front door which let King Frost inside for a brief moment. She stuck out her head to check out the conditions. "And it's still snowing!" she said over her shoulder before she blew Lotta a kiss and stepped out into the nippy-nosy winter weather.
"Bye, dearest Rocky!" Lotta said, waving her entire arm.
The front door had barely closed before some-Elf knocked on it. Lotta had just had time to turn around, but she spun back to face the door with a puzzled expression on her Elfin face. "What the cotton-candy?" she mumbled as she opened the door.
The surprise visitor proved to be none other than Rockabye Elf who said nothing; she simply pointed up at the mistletoe above the door.
"Oh, you silly-Elf!" Lotta said and stood up on tip-toes at once to lay a good'un on her sweetheart's lips. One became two, then three, but by then, the snow and King Frost had invaded the hallway to such a degree that a layer of white had blown onto Lotta's clogs. "Oh! I think a new ice age just broke out… my twinkletoes are quite frosty now!"
"We can't have that," Rocky said with a grin and a wink. "See you tomorrow morning. Bye, sweet Lotta!" she continued as she moved backwards out of the doorway and onto the snow-covered garden path.
"Bye, bye, dearest Rocky!" Lotta said, closing the door after the tough, but inherently silly, long-haul sleigh driver had left for the second time.
Lotta had barely made it into the kitchen to begin collecting all the ingredients needed to make the dough for the raisin buns when some-Elf knocked on the door. "Oh, Rockabye Elf! This is getting out of control, Miss Elf!" she said, snickering into her hand as she hurried into the hallway. This time, she didn't even bother to look at the identity of the lady-Elf waiting outside - she just closed her eyes, stood up on tip-toes and puckered up her lips to make a big, ol' Elfin kissy-mouth.
A few Elfin seconds went by before a young voice squeaked: "Mama, why is that strange lady-Elf standing like that?"
Lotta cracked open both eyelids at once to see what on the Great Elf's green, blue and white Earth had just happened. Instead of finding Rocky outside like she had expected, she stared wide-eyed at a young junior-Elf dressed in the traditional colors of the Elfin Pathfinder Corps - black pants, a forest-green jacket, a yellow scarf around his neck, and a Yuletide-red forage cap. He clutched a sheet of what appeared to be lottery tickets in his hands, though the sheet had taken some damage after he had been spooked by her kissing stance.
"Ohhhhh," Lotta croaked while her cheeks exploded in a shade of red not seen since the last proper sunset before the heavy snow clouds had arrived. She began to shuffle left-and-right like Elves were prone to do when caught in an embarrassing situation, and she had no idea what to do with her hands, or even the rest of her Elfin being.
The junior-Elf had a look upon his face that spelled out quite clearly that he thought Lotta was nuts; worse for Lotta, the Pathfinder-Elf's mother was soon at his side looking for an explanation.
"Uh, buh… greetings, I'm Epilotta Elf!" Lotta croaked, stepping back to the door to do some fast talking. "My sweetheart and I had just played a little game where we kissed under the mistletoe-" - Deep breath - "and then she came back and knocked on the door and we kissed a little more under the mistletoe so when some-Elf knocked on the door one more time less than naught-point-Elf-" - Deep breath - "after my sweetheart had left for the second time I thought she was back for a third time and so to save some time I just-" - Deep breath - "stood up on tip-toes and made a Elfin-kissy-face so we could carry on where we had left off but it turned out to be you instead and now I'm so embarrassed-" - Deeeeeep breath - "I don't know what to do with myself! I hope I didn't scare you too much?"
The junior-Elf had just had all his suspicions of the nutty quality of the strange lady-Elf confirmed by Lotta's lengthy soliloquy, but his mother had a hard time holding back a snicker. "Greetings, Miss Epilotta! Oh, that's all right… that sounds like a fun game! I wish my dearest did something like that… but alas, he doesn't."
"Oh, that's really too bad…"
"I'm Vrikkeline Elf and this is my little Petter Elf!" Vrikkeline Elf said and put her hand on her son's shoulder - the junior-Elf still shot Lotta a somewhat skeptical look. "We're here to sell lottery tickets for the Elfin Pathfinder Corps' annual bash on Little Yuletide Eve!"
"Oh! That's so Elfin neat!" Lotta said and clapped her hands. "Are there any prizes?"
"Certainly!" Vrikkeline Elf continued, "Among other things, you can win a big knitting set featuring high-quality pins and seven balls of yarn in traditional Yuletide colors, or gardening help for a month, or a set of four, hand-crafted candles for your Yuletide candle-wreath. The main prize is a month-long direct hotline to the famous bakery down on Beechwood Drive-"
"Oooooooh! That's my number one favorite bakery in alllllllllllll of Elf Springs!" Lotta said and jumped into the air at the mention of one of her favorite haunts. "Ohhhh, they make the yummiest buns and cookies and pastries and layer cakes and pies and muffins and cupcakes and macaroons and sugarpuffs and gingerbread and honeycakes and bread with poppy seeds and- and- and- all sorts of yummy treats!" she said, clapping her hands together and pressing them to her heart.
Lotta's outburst had once again made Petter Elf take a step back from the nutty lady-Elf, but his mother pushed him forward so they could finish the deal and move onto the next house. As he held out the sheet carrying the lottery tickets, his jaw fell down as the strange lady-Elf suddenly spun around and took off into her home. He had time to shoot his mother an exasperated glance before the lady-Elf returned with a leather coin pouch.
"I'll buy three sheets! How much is that?" Lotta said and untied the string that kept the coins secure down in the pouch.
"Twelve kroner," Petter Elf said through his teeth.
"Here's a twenty! Keep the change!" Lotta said, pressing a golden coin into Petter's palm.
A broad, genuine smile spread over Petter Elf's face as he clutched the shiny, valuable coin. While he handed over the first of the three sheets, his mother took care of the other two. "Thank you very much, Miss Ellibotta! Goodbye, Miss Ellibotta!" he said, bowing several times to show the proper respect for an Elf older than he.
Snickering at the way her name had been mangled, Lotta winked at Vrikkeline Elf before she closed the door to stop King Frost and his snowy minions from gaining further ground in their relentless campaign of assuming control over her entire hallway. Her twinkletoes had been severely chilled by the experience, so she zipped into her living room, kicked off the clogs and flung herself onto the chaise lounge so her Elfin feet could be near the raging fireplace.
The three sheets each held a good stack of individual tickets, and she tore them off one by one to see if she had won any prizes. Most turned out to be blanks, but two of them had earned her a little something: one was a gift voucher to a knitting shop in downtown Elf Springs on the value of three balls of yarn, and the other was for a deck of cards in a traditional Elfin design - she could pick up the deck at the Elfin Pathfinder Corps' Headquarters if she showed the winning lottery ticket. "Yippie! That's one of the Yuletide presents for Trixie and dear, old Pappi taken care of right there!"
An urge to share the good news with her sweetheart rolled over her, so she jumped off the chaise lounge, zipped over to the sideboard and picked up the snow cone handset. She flew back to the fireplace while she punched in Rocky's number.
After a few rings that led nowhere, she put the handset on the low table while the corners of her mouth pointed downwards. "Oh, of course… she needed to bring back Sammi-Sima to her neighbor… sheesh, my mind's a sieve these days," she said, slapping her Elfin forehead. "All-righty, then, I can hear a raisin calling my name! Epilotta, it says, I wanna be in one of your buns! Pleeeeeease! Tee-hee-hee!"
Snickering into her hand at her own silliness, Lotta zipped into the kitchen to carry on finding the ingredients for the tray of buns that she planned to make for the following day's activities.
It didn't take long before she wagged her tush left and right while a merry Yuletide song escaped her Elfin lips - it was the Hustle And Bustle Song, one of her absolute favorites: "Ohhhh! The hustle and bustle of Yuletide Eeeeeve, the air is chilly and we need long sleeeeeves! The lights go on at four o'clock sharp, the evening comes with song and harp! Mmmm, mmmm, hmmm, mmmm, hhh-mmmm! Eighteen verses to go-ho-hooooo!"
*
*
CHAPTER 2
The next morning dawned bright and sunny. Even as early as half past nine, a proper, deep-blue December sky dominated the heavens above Elf Springs, and the massive amounts of snow that had painted the landscape white now acted as a powerful mirror that reflected the strong sunshine.
Lotta stepped out of the upstairs bathroom in a pink, ruddy and freshly scrubbed state. Her damp, flaming red locks stood out in all sorts of curious angles after being given the full towel-rubbing-treatment, but it would be a waste of time brushing it before she had put on the clothes she would need for the day at the Elfin Academy.
Padding on bare Elfin feet over to her wardrobe, she found the nicest of her schmutting uniforms, the dark-blue one, and put it on her unmade bed. The boots soon followed, as did a clean, green ascot and a brand-new handkerchief that she had bought earlier in the year for just such an occasion. Letting out a "Hmmm," while tapping an Elfin finger against her Elfin nose, she selected a comfortable set of underwear and socks that she threw onto the bed behind her. She had already turned away from the wardrobe when she thought of another, little thing she wanted to wear. After a short bout of digging through the shelves, she found a white, short-sleeved undershirt as well.
---
Back in her traditional, Elfin bathroom - the centerpiece was a wooden tub perfect for long, hot soaks - she ran a brush through her wild locks to make them sit just right: bangs down onto her forehead, long locks at the neck, and short ones swept behind her pointy ears. She realized she was doing an awful lot of beautification work, but she wanted to present herself in the best possible way for the Elves she would meet at the Academy.
As all silly-Elves would do at all times, she flipped the hairbrush around and used it as a microphone. Wagging her tush left-to-right, she belted out a spirited rendition of We Wish You A Merry Yuletide that almost made her mirror steam up all over again.
The faint, distant sound of a jingle stick approaching made her put the hairbrush onto the narrow shelf underneath the mirror and zip into her bedroom to look out of the open window. Leaning out, she caught a glimpse of the familiar sleigh turning onto Chestnut Street from the side street that Rocky always used to get there. The tall, tough, long-haul sleigh driver - who wore a pristine schmutting outfit in the same shade of dark-blue that Lotta had chosen for herself - sat on the fur-covered bench seat with the reins in her hand and a determined look upon her face. "Aw, that Elf is so cotton-candy gorgeous… what in the Elfin world did I do to deserve her?" Lotta mumbled in a dreamy voice.
It didn't take long for Rocky to pull Sammi-Sima to a halt in front of the Pine Cone Villa. There wasn't room at the curb, so she double-parked the sleigh - it didn't matter since no other traffic had taken to the streets that early in the day. After throwing the reins over the buckboard, she leaned back on the bench seat, but her Elfin sixth sense made her look up at the villa. When she spotted her sweetheart leaning out of her bedroom window, she pulled off her floppy-cone Elf hat and waved it high in the air.
Lotta blew Rocky an Elfin kiss before she closed the bedroom window and grabbed her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat from the bed. On her way down from the upper floor, she went into the kitchen to take the shoulder bag carrying a thermos of Yule-tea, all her raisin buns and a ceramic jar of freshly churned butter. With the bag safely over her shoulder, she checked that she had snuffed out all the candles and closed all the windows on the ground floor - then she grabbed her parka coat and left the Pine Cone Villa behind to stroll down the snow-covered garden path.
"Greetings, dearest Rocky!" she said as she put the parka in the back, and the bag into the footwell on her side of the sleigh. Climbing aboard, she quickly scooted across the fur-covered bench seat to offer her sweetheart the first of the day's countless kisses. "Look at us! We're color-coded!" she said, poking an Elfin finger into their matching schmutting uniforms.
"Neato!" Rocky said with a grin.
"Oh, isn't it a lovely morning?" Lotta continued as she moved back to her own spot.
"Yep. Greetings, sweet Lotta. I'm glad to see you're in a good mood today. I was concerned you'd be a little down considering the things we talked about yesterday afternoon."
Lotta shrugged while Rocky slapped the reins. Sammi-Sima responded by braying and pulling the elegant sleigh into a forward motion. It didn't take long before they slid down the snow-covered Chestnut Street at a solid, but safe, speed. "I'm a little Elfin tense, but in a positive fashion. I'm not nervous as such. Oh, I don't know how to describe it."
"You don't have to. I know exactly what you mean," Rocky said and reached over to rub Lotta's thigh.
---
Sammi-Sima effortlessly pulled the sleigh and the two Elves through the quiet streets of Elf Springs. On their way through the Elf capital's many densely populated neighborhoods, they greeted the towns-Elves who had just taken to the snowy sidewalks to get to work or to visit one of the city's many bakeries to buy warm bread or yummy pastries for the breakfast tables.
Even if an Elf didn't know the two lady-Elves personally, every-Elf recognized and respected the golden-bobbled A-Team hats, and there were plenty of waves and cheers for the Elves as they crossed through Elf Springs to get to one of the streets laid out to be runways. Though most sleighs could take off from most streets, the Elf Springs city council had requested that only light runabouts or empty family sleighs would do so. Any sleigh heavily laden with gifts or other similar cargo was required to use the designated runways to avoid unnecessary risks. After doing it for so long, Rocky was so used to that decree that she never even attempted to take off on one of the regular streets despite running empty.
The central square near the ice rink was devoid of Elfin life at that time of the morning, save for a night watch-Elf or two whose shifts were just ending. When Lotta spotted the Elf elder Theodore Elf, one of her fellow contestants in the 956th annual Amateur Elf Talent Show she had participated in a few years earlier, she whipped off her A-Team hat and waved it high in the sky while she cried his name. Theodore Elf had just time to wave in return before the sleigh had moved on.
"Who was that, sweet Lotta?" Rocky said while she tugged the reins to let Sammi-Sima know she should turn left onto a connecting street. The reindeer responded at once and pulled the stainless steel runners across the snowy ruts that had formed on the main street. It made the sleigh rock for a moment or two, but it soon righted itself.
"It was Theodore Elf! From the contest, remember?"
"Oh… yeah. The night watch-Elf who sang the old Yuletide favorites."
"Right! Ohhhhh, he was such a good bass singer. I wonder if he's still singing. Which reminds me… did you read in the Elf Springs Gazette that the Seven Snowflakes Caroling Choir won another amateur contest? They did! Aw, they were so wonn-derful. It's too bad we haven't had a chance to go to one of their free Yuletide caroling concerts lately. I would loooooove to see them again!"
"They were pretty good, yeah. Oh, here we are," Rocky said and tugged the reins to make Sammi-Sima come to a halt at the start of the open runway. The Elf Springs road services had done a good job of ironing out the worst ruts and removing the biggest blocks of ice that had fallen off sleighs coming into land, but a thick layer of snow remained, and that was still tricky enough in itself to catch out an inexperienced reindeer or driver.
"I'm ready!" Lotta said and grabbed hold of the rail. She shuffled her tush firmly into the seat and pressed the tips of her boots up against the rear of the buckboard so she wouldn't fly out of the sleigh in case the ground was so uneven the sleigh would start to shimmy, shake, rattle or roll.
"Good. Here goes," Rocky said, slapping the reins again which made Sammi-Sima take off at an increased pace. The reindeer's hooves clip-clopped faster and faster against the packed snow until the puffs of the white stuff that were kicked up grew from little clumps to all-out cascades. The speed by which the legs moved increased until they were merely blurry lines in the air. With the empty sleigh weighing next to nothing, the big, strong Sammi-Sima had no difficulty in getting airborne, and the reindeer soon left the ground behind to begin the long, steady climb up to their preferred cruising altitude of twelve-hundred feet.
"Ohhhh, I'll never get tired of flying! Watch out all you featherbrained geese, Rockabye and Epilotta are back in the air! And this… this is nice," Lotta said, scooting over to rest against Rocky's side as soon as they had completed the take-off. Snuggling down, she closed her eyes and was content with listening to the ambient sounds and the Elfin heart that beat steadily in Rocky's chest.
---
An hour into the flight, they reached the southern-most part of the Magical Calshiweah Forest. Below, the landscape changed from wide-open, snow-covered fields to dense, snow-covered stretches of impossibly tall pines. The Sacred Pine Tree, the birthplace of the Great Elf, stood proud in its small grove some distance ahead of them like it had done since the dawn of all things Elf - and close to it was the Norway Spruce that had provided the wood that had created the engagement ring that Rocky had given Lotta when she had popped the big question on the day after Yuletide Eve the year before.
Unlike the time they had been given the hauling job of delivering a birthday layer cake to the ice-hole fisher-Elf Snoozaby Snorri Elf and his granddaughter Gunni-Wink Elf way, way, way-the-cotton-candy up in Peary Land at the northern tip of Greenland, they needed to turn west almost at once to continue onto Ye Olde Elfin Academie.
It had been a few years since Lotta had been in the area, and she leaned over the edge of the sleigh to reacquaint herself with the landscape below. The mountains of snow dumped onto the terrain had erased all the discerning features and made it all look quite samey, so it wasn't easy for her to find the old landmarks that she remembered from days gone by. She did recognize the snaking flow of the Maliqqa River though the freezing temperatures had covered it in a layer of ice. The river ended in the impressive Roaring Falls that had nearly frozen solid - only a narrow trickle of water continued to flow in the center.
"Look, there's the Roaring Falls waterfall!" Lotta said, pointing over the edge as they flew past the landmark that had succumbed to the firm, icy grip of King Frost.
Rocky craned her neck to catch a glimpse of it as they continued on their way toward the Academy, but it was on the wrong side of the sleigh from her vantage point, so she was unable to. "I didn't see it. Is it pretty at this time of the year?"
"Ohhhh, very much so! Well, we rarely went here during the winter months because there's always so much snow out here, but Roaring Falls was a popular destination for spring and fall sleigh rides," Lotta said, scooting back near the center of the fur-covered bench seat. "And there's the Lisstrup Mill!" she continued, pointing straight ahead at a structure that appeared some distance ahead of them. The centuries-old mill was built in accordance with the traditional rules of Elfin design, i.e. a squat building made of hand-crafted bricks, with a black top and four long blades. It was still in use, but only in the summer and fall months when the local farmer-Elves were harvesting their grain. During those brief weeks of frantic Elfin activity, the mill operated around the clock using a four-shift rotation of master miller-Elves and their apprentice-Elves to keep up with the demand.
"Now I do see that," Rocky said and let out a chuckle.
"That means Ye Olde Elfin Academie is just beyond the next stretch of forest," Lotta said and leaned back in the seat. A few Elfin minutes went by in silence before she began humming a song that didn't sound like any of her regular Yuletide favorites.
"What's that you're humming, sweet Lotta?"
Lotta turned to look at her sweetheart like she hadn't even realized that she had been humming out loud. Piping down like it embarrassed her for some inexplicable reason, she snuggled up to Rocky's strong presence instead. "Oh, it's just the Academy's old anthem. I can't remember any of the lyrics… but it was a good song to sing," she said after a short delay.
"Maybe we'll hear it today."
"Oh, I'm sure we will… the anthem is as old as the Academy is. Would you like some yummy, chunky Yule-tea before we land?"
"Well… that depends on whether or not you remembered to bring the thermos," Rocky said and stuck out her tongue.
The only response available to Lotta that could possibly match the cheekiness of the sleigh-driver's comment was to narrow her eyes down into Elfin-green slits and stick out her own tongue. "Oooooh, that was just a little too Elfin-cheeky of you, Miss Teasing-Elf! Yes, I remembered the thermos!"
"In that case, I would like a mugful, please."
Lotta crinkled her nose as the laughter she had held back came to the surface. Moving up her hand, she snickered into it before she reached for the shoulder bag to retrieve the Yule-tea - and maybe the jar of butter and half a raisin bun now she was down there.
-*-*-*-
"There it is! There's the Elfin Academy!" Lotta cried, pointing eagerly at a cluster of buildings some distance ahead of them. That they were still no more than tiny black spots against the white background mattered little to her: she quickly drained her mug of Yule-tea and screwed the lid back onto the thermos. Munching noisily on all the yummy chunks and nutty treats she had found at the bottom of the mug, she stored the thermos in her shoulder bag before she assumed her patented landing position.
"It's still going to take us a couple of Elfin minutes to reach it, sweet Lotta," Rocky said, snickering into her hand at the sight of Epilotta Elf being ready for just about any eventuality when it came to the fine art of landing.
"Oh… I suppose that's true," Lotta said, relaxing her position. After casting a brief glance at Rocky, she transferred her supply of brief glances at the shoulder bag. The thought of having time for another nip at a bun ran across her face as a furrowed brow that turned into a smile, then a frown when she rejected it almost at once. Then she reconsidered with another smile, but rejected the reconsideration as well, which led to a frown that was deeper than the first one had been - the second one stayed on her face for a while, but it soon cleared. "The raisin buns were good, though… don't you think?"
"You betcha! I love your buns!" Rocky said, sporting a cheeky grin that reached from ear to pointy ear. A moment later, she looked dead ahead, but the cheeky grin never left her features.
The statement and the funny look in Rocky's Elfin-blue eyes made Lotta furrow her brow all over again. When nothing came to her as to why Rocky would consider such a comment to be so worthy of such an Elfin-cheeky grin, she shrugged and concentrated on the upcoming landing.
---
A short while later, Rocky tugged at the reins to let Sammi-Sima know she should reduce the pace and begin the descent; their destination would be a snow-covered landing strip that had been laid out beyond a barn-like building. With all the snow on the ground and elsewhere, it was difficult to see where the runway ended and the rough began, but Rocky aimed at the western end of the strip in the hope it would be the right one.
The Elfin Academy campus consisted of seven buildings that varied greatly in size: Two large, wooden utility sheds and a smaller one that had been built as a satellite to the larger ones stood off to the side like they were of less importance in the grander scheme of things. One of the large sheds had a tall chimney similar to those found in blacksmiths' workshops protruding from the center of the roof, offering a hint that such a service was present inside the shed.
Two wooden stables, one of which had a corral filled with reindeer outside, were standing right next to the landing strip so the beasts of burden could be given the proper care in the shape of feed, drink and personal attention when they came in.
A two-story, double-wide barn, from where a donkey-driven cart was underway carrying a full load of hay for the reindeer kept in the stables, was a bit further away from the landing strip, but still close enough to be practical.
The final building of the seven was the imposing, horseshoe-shaped, three-storey, palace-sized manor that housed Ye Olde Elfin Academie itself. The long, stately manor had a tall, sloping roof and a whole row of chimneys from where pale-gray smoke wafted up into the brisk, clear air. An abundance of wide windows covered most of the facade on the front, and the golden light shining through from the inside revealed that a myriad of junior-Elves sat in orderly lines behind their desks while listening to their lecturers. Other windows showed the dormitories, and there was even a glimpse of the famed, ancient library that housed copies of most texts ever written by an Elf since the birth of the Great Elf in the year dot.
At the exact center of the manor, the entranceway still displayed the original artwork and Elfin wood carvings that had been hand-crafted at the scene by expert artisans countless centuries earlier. The crafts-Elf-ship was amazing, and it appeared as solid as Mother Nature herself - any-Elf who saw it would attest to its timeless beauty and solidity.
A large, gravelly square had been laid out in front of the manor. Although the square was covered in snow at present, the Elves were sturdy creatures and continued to use it for a variety of purposes - inevitably, one of those purposes was to build snow-families. A flagpole that flew the Academy's standard stood proudly at the center of the square in a small stone-circle. The gentle breeze wasn't quite enough to make the flag flutter, but at least it moved occasionally to show the colors: the cloth was Yuletide-red with a thin, snow-white stripe moving across it diagonally. In the two triangular sections at the top and bottom, three golden dots in each represented the six founding members of the Elfin Academy.
Rocky tugged Sammi-Sima's reins again which made the reindeer steer the sleigh around the manor and aim for the landing strip at one of the stables. As they flew past the elegant entranceway, Lotta noticed that a lady-Elf in a dark-brown cape limped onto the snow and offered them a wave with her Elf hat.
Even while Sammi-Sima aimed to land at the first part of the snow-covered runway, Rocky realized they had reached the wrong end after all. "Naw, we need to come around and use the far end," she said and tugged the reins again. "The background is wrong for Sammi-Sima for landing. She'll only get confused by the distance to those trees you see over yonder. She might overshoot," she continued, nodding at a line of snowy pines.
"Oh… I see…" Lotta said, shielding her eyes against the clear sun to look at the blurry line of snow-covered tree trunks that stood some distance beyond the strip. She really had no idea what she was looking at, or what she was supposed to be looking at, but she trusted Rocky inherently - the tough, long-haul sleigh driver certainly knew what she was doing. "Or actually, I don't see, uh… it, but I'll take your word for it," she said and let out just a little snicker.
It didn't take long for the strong reindeer to swing the empty sleigh around and approach the runway from the other end. The second attempt to land ran smoothly from start to finish, even given the fact that cascades of loose snow stood up from the stainless steel runners and the four hooves as the sleigh touched down.
Rocky soon had Sammi-Sima down to a walking pace, and it didn't appear the reindeer had even lost her breath from the long flight there. Braying, it shook its back a little, but that was merely to acclimatize itself to the chillier conditions in the countryside.
"And here we are… Ye Olde Elfin Academie," Lotta said, relaxing her stance on the bench seat as the sleigh slid along the landing strip. She craned her neck to take in as much as she could of her old haunt, and she noticed at once the park at the rear of the manor still had its elegant fountain that would spew water at noon during the summer months. Of course, that, the numerous park benches put up around it, and the orchard beyond the park were covered in thick layers of snow that made them resemble big polar bears.
Swinging off the runway, they approached the first of the stables at a walking pace. They were soon greeted by a junior-Elf who shuffled out of the building wearing clog-boots, a leather apron that covered a dark-gray outfit similar to the schmutting uniforms, and finally a dark-gray rigid-cone Elf hat. "Greetings!" he said, waving at the two lady-Elves on the sleigh. His demeanor changed instantly when he spotted the golden-bobbled A-Team hats, and he hurriedly stood up straight while arranging his apron and his own Elf hat.
"Greetings!" Lotta cried, waving her entire arm as they pulled to a stop. The sleigh had barely come to a halt before she had jumped off to clasp the junior's arm in the age-old Elfin greeting. "I'm Epilotta Elf and this is my dear, dear friend Rockabye Elf!"
"Greetings Miss Epilotta… Greetings Miss Rockabye," the junior said, showing the necessary respect for the important lady-Elves by bowing to both of them. "I'm Humbert Elf. Do you wish me to drive your sleigh into the stables? We have plenty of feed and water for your deer."
"Naw," Rocky said, slapping Sammi-Sima's reins once more to make the strong reindeer aim for the open door to the stables. "I got it. Thanks, Humbert."
Lotta tracked the elegant sleigh with her eyes as Rocky steered it into the wooden building, but before she could speak further to Humbert Elf, the lady-Elf wearing the dark-brown cape that she had spotted when they were still in the air came around the corner. Up close, Lotta became aware that the lady-Elf was an Elf elder who walked in a labored fashion. Smiling at the stables-junior-Elf to excuse herself, Lotta hurried away from the large, wooden building to intercept the older, limping lady-Elf so she didn't have to walk that far.
"Greetings!" Lotta said, closing the distance between herself and the Elf elder. She put out her arm at once in the traditional Elfin greeting. "I am Epilotta Elf-"
"Oh, but I dare say we already know each other, Lotta!" The Elf elder said, flashing a big smile at the petite Elf. She put out her arms in an invitation for a hug instead of the arm-clasping.
"Silvermoon Elf! Ohhhhhhh, my-Elf-ness!" Lotta cried, flying forward to wrap her arms around the older Elf's body. The two lady-Elves gave each other a good hug before they moved back at an Elfin arm's length. Though Silvermoon Elf wasn't the youngest Elf on campus, she had a cheeky gleam in her Elfin-hazel eyes that proved she was more than happy to see Epilotta Elf again. She was dressed in clog-boots and a traditional Yuletide-red Elfin dress under the dark-brown cape, and a floppy-cone Elf hat sat crooked on her golden-blond locks. Her Elfin face had perhaps gained another wrinkle or two in the intervening years since Lotta had seen her last, but it only added spice and character to the face that had already been pretty Elfin-gorgeous to begin with.
"Oh, it's so wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful to see you again, Silvermoon!" Lotta continued as she dove in for another hug.
"And you! Look at you now," Silvermoon Elf said, reaching up to touch the priceless Elf hat. "A member of Santa's elite A-Team, no less… I am so, so, SO proud of you, Lotta. Who knew!"
"Oh, thank you so much, Silvermoon… well, I sure didn't," Lotta said and broke out in a wild snicker that she concealed with her hand. "But what's wrong with your leg? You're limping…"
Silvermoon Elf rolled her eyes at herself as she glanced at her left leg that was causing the limp and the labored walk. Reaching down, she massaged her thigh just above her knee. "I was trying to be a great, big wonder-Elf, but ended up being a great, big blunder-Elf instead. I slipped off a snow-covered roof on a gift-drop on Little Yuletide Eve two years ago. The first Season to be Jolly after you had graduated, actually. Broke my thigh-bone in two places."
"Oh no, how terrible! But… are you still a gift-dropping instructor?"
"I had to give it up," Silvermoon Elf said with a somber grimace that spoke volumes. "But at least I was able to stay here at the Academy. I'm sort-of the go-to lady-Elf when it comes to liaising with the Central Administration."
"Oh!"
"Yes, so when the schmutting instructor fell ill, your name was suggested to the faculty and the principal. Since Every-Elf could agree on the suggestion, I contacted Miss Yuttan Elf… and here you are."
"Ohhhh," Lotta said and dove in for a third hug. "Thank you, Silvermoon Elf! It means a lot to me… oh, by the Great Elf, I hope I won't let any-Elf down. I mean-"
"You won't. I know you too well, Lotta," Silvermoon Elf said in a decisive voice - and that was the end of that short debate.
Rocky shuffled up to stand behind her sweetheart while Lotta and the Elf elder were chatting. She cast a puzzled glance at the unusual amount of physical contact between Lotta and the older Elf, but it pleased her to see Lotta in such a good mood. "Greetings, I'm Rockabye Elf," she said and put out her arm.
During Rocky and Silvermoon Elf's traditional arm-clasping, Lotta jumped up and down in glee at all the Elfin positive vibes that suddenly floated through the Elfin air near her. "Ohhhhhhh, Rocky, this is Silvermoon Elf! The very, very, verrrrry bestest gift-dropping instructor the Academy has ever had! My favorite teacher bar none… and my mentor, too! Silvermoon Elf, this is Rockabye Elf… my dearest, dearest sweetheart! We're to be Joined on the seventeenth!"
A wide-eyed stare of surprise - and perhaps even Elfin disappointment - flashed across Silvermoon Elf's face for a brief moment before it was replaced by a broad grin that spread over her Elfin features. "Oh, really? Congratulations!" Her grin only broadened when she studied the classic looks of the two lady-Elves - tall and bronzed, and short and fair. "Greetings, Miss Rockabye. I'm Silvermoon Elf… nice to meet ya. I knew I saw a change in you, Lotta. Joined, huh? Wow."
"Yes, it's so wonn-derful!" Lotta continued, still jumping up and down. From one Elfin moment to the next, she came to a sudden halt and scrunched up her face in deep thought - "Oh… Silvermoon, I would be so honored if you could come to Elf Springs for our Joining… it would mean a lot for me if you were there…"
"The seventeenth? I can do that, Lotta. I'd love to come. Will there be hot buns and sweet white ale?"
"Tons of it," Rocky said with a grin.
"Then you're on," Silvermoon continued, winking at not only Lotta but Rocky as well.
Lotta's reply was immediate, and genuine: "Yippie!" she cried, throwing her arms in the air and almost performing a backflip in the snow that made the other two Elves snicker into their hands.
---
Once the three lady-Elves had walked through the breathtaking entranceway, they found themselves in a large hallway that featured a grand, sweeping staircase that led to the upper levels. Several junior-Elves zipped along the hallways as the Elfin guests entered, and the smooth, dark-brown hardwood planks meant their bootheels made clicking sounds as they hurried along.
Lotta couldn't help but break out in a warm, Elfin smile as she set foot in Ye Olde Elfin Academie for the first time in several years. The first thing she noticed was that it smelled the same - it was still a combination of ancient woodwork that came from the building itself, dust from the old tomes that were stacked up by the thousands in the Elfin library, and faint traces of cinnamon, ginger, cardamom and all the other Yuletide spices that wafted through the hallways from the upstairs plenum dining hall.
"Such a beautiful, old place… it's really something. It's got an Elfin soul of its own," Rocky said, studying the upper parts of the walls near the ceiling. Ancient, carved reliefs ran the length of the hallways depicting various events and highlights from the era of the birth of the Great Elf, or just thereafter. The Elfin reliefs had survived unscathed through countless centuries which was nothing short of amazing, but the crafts-Elf-ship of the time remained unsurpassed.
"I agree," Silvermoon Elf said, "the Academy has stood for thousands of years. And long may it last. Now… Lotta, Miss Rockabye-"
Rocky grinned at the formal tone in the voice of Lotta's former mentor. She'd had an inkling from the start that Silvermoon Elf had been the lady-Elf Lotta had mumbled about the night before when they had talked about junior-crushes; the distance the Elf elder had kept since being informed of the upcoming Joining seemed to confirm that she and Lotta had perhaps meant more to each other than met the Elfin eye. "Oh, please call me Rocky. We're not too strung up on the whole title thing… and besides, we're all just a big, happy, Elfin family here, aren't we?" she said and made a dismissive gesture.
"All right… Lotta and Rocky," Silvermoon said with a matching grin, "would you like a quick tour of the premises, or would you like to meet the other members of the faculty right away?"
"Uh…" Lotta said, snapping back to reality after a brief excursion to the halcyon days where she had been a junior-Elf having the time of her life in the hallowed halls of Ye Olde Elfin Academie. "Will we have time to visit the plenum dining hall later on?"
Silvermoon Elf snickered into her hand as a few memories of days gone past entered her mind as well - mostly of Lotta's insatiable need for food of all kind. "Of course. Some things never change, do they, Lotta?"
"Well, I sure hope not! Cinnamon will always be cinnamon, and buns will always be buns… but never mind that now. Okie-dokie, let's meet the other instructors," Lotta said and began to shuffle off down the long hallway to get to the staff room. While they walked at a slower pace than normal to allow Silvermoon Elf to keep up with the younger Elves, Lotta licked her lips a few times like she was trying to work up the courage to ask an embarrassing question. "Ah, Silvermoon… Karthago Elf… he must have retired by now… I hope?"
"Oh no, he hasn't. He's as spry and fit as a junior-Elf. In fact, you'll meet him in a moment."
"Oh… sugar plum mush…" Lotta mumbled as her Elfin legs suddenly slowed down even further. The corners of her mouth began to wander south as her Elfin mind parsed the implications, but she took a deep breath to keep her Elfin nerves in check.
Chuckling, Rocky wrapped an arm around her sweetheart's shoulders to offer the support she had promised she would give when it came to the scary Karthago Elf.
---
Approaching the staff room, Lotta grimaced at the recollections that rolled over her. Not so much of her fear of Karthago Elf since she had Rocky's strong presence to counter the grumpy, old grouch, but of the rare occasions where she had been called to the staff room or the principal's office to have a stern talking to. It hadn't happened often during her four-year stay at the Academy, only once or twice - or perhaps three, four or five times if she had to be honest - but they had certainly left an impression on the sensitive Elf.
Walking alongside her old mentor and gift-dropping instructor Silvermoon Elf, Lotta suddenly felt like she had been summoned to be punished for an incident that had perhaps started small but had ended in all-out Elfin disaster - like the time when she had accidentally knocked the Elf hat off the head of one of the lecturers when she had tried to throw a ball to another Elf out in the square. Or the time on a field excursion to the nearby forest when she had climbed a tree to show off her schmutting skills to her Elfin friends. One of the branches she had chosen to use for her attempt couldn't hold her weight because it had been old and withered, so it had snapped, and she had fallen right into the lap of her schmutting instructor who had chosen to sit under that very tree for his lunch break. It had turned into a mess in a hurry, and it had involved a pale-gray schmutting uniform, a knocked-over thermos of hot chocolate, and an irate instructor who failed to see the Elfin humor in the situation.
Lotta experienced a severe deja-Elf when she, Rocky and Silvermoon Elf turned left and entered the staff room itself. It hadn't changed a bit: it was still held in shades of brown with dark-brown panels on all walls and a pale-brown carpet on the floor. A handful of wooden chairs and low tables had been placed at the center of the room for the teachers, lecturers and instructors to use whenever they had some time off. A wooden rack carrying mail or messages for the teachers was just inside the door to the left, and a small wood-burning stove offered an opportunity to make some Yule-tea or re-heat a bowl of rice pudding if so required. The temperature was comfortable, created by a red-hot, pot-bellied stove that stood at the center of the staff room.
Three Elf teachers and lecturers were sitting at the chairs, and they looked up when Silvermoon Elf came in with the two guests of honor. Lotta's breath hitched when she clapped eyes on the only Elf in the entire Elfin universe that she never wanted to see again - Karthago Elf. Even the surly loadmaster Knarli Elf couldn't hold an Elfin tallow candle to Karthago Elf whenever the latter got into one of his infamous moods; although the Elf elder didn't look as frightening or intimidating now for some reason, Lotta was certain he was only waiting for an opportunity to be Elfin angry with her.
Rocky noticed her sweetheart's apprehension and gave her shoulders a squeeze that made the younger Elf carry on - though at an even slower pace.
"Every-Elf, meet Miss Rockabye Elf and Miss Epilotta Elf. Santa's A-Team Elves," Silvermoon Elf said, gesturing at Rocky and Lotta.
Karthago Elf - who was now in his mid-six-hundreds but seemed slim and fit for chewing out a new generation of junior-Elves - got to his Elfin feet and soon crossed the pale-brown carpet to meet and greet the A-Team. "Greetings, Miss Epilotta," he said and offered his arm to their guest in the traditional Elfin clasping. To match his surroundings, lecturer in Advanced Elfin Mythology Karthago Elf wore a dark-brown outfit similar, but not identical, to the schmutting uniforms. His complexion was as ruddy as ever, and his ash-blond hair seemed to have thinned out since Lotta had seen him last. He wore indoor shoes rather than boots, and a black ascot around his neck which marked him out as an Elf Elder.
"Greetings, Mister Karthago Elf, Sir," Lotta squeaked, clasping the arm of her old nemesis. The older Elf was smiling, which confused her, but she wasn't ready to lower her defenses just yet. When he let go of her arm, she and Rocky bowed to the Elder like traditions dictated they should.
Karthago Elf didn't seem to notice Lotta's insecurity. Turning around, he gestured at his fellow members of the faculty. "Please meet Mynte Elf and Dedamarie Elf. I don't believe you know them from your time here at the Academy."
"I don't, Mister Karthago Elf, Sir," Lotta continued in the same squeak. She exchanged a few "Greetings, I'm Epilotta Elf, pleased to meet you," with the lady-Elves who were both in their mid-four-hundreds. What Karthago Elf said next made her furrow her brow, open her eyes wide and pull her lips back in a confused grimace:
"I'm so relieved you could make it on such short notice, Miss Epilotta. You see, you were really the only Elf we thought of when the unfortunate accident struck our colleague."
"Buh… oh… hub… buh…"
"Yes," Karthago Elf continued, seemingly unaware of his former student's surprise, "we had a quick round-table debate, as we Elves do, to decide which course of action to take. I brought up your name, and Silvermoon Elf was able to find your contact information through the Central Administration. When we realized you had been handpicked for Santa's elite A-Team for saving two Human children from certain death, there was no need for further debate."
"Uh… buh…"
"I'm sure we all agree that we are most proud of your achievements, Miss Epilotta. Most proud, indeed!" Karthago Elf said, concluding his short speech by offering Lotta a broad smile while he put out his arm for another Elfin clasping.
"You- you brought up my name? And- and you're p- proud of me?" Lotta croaked, clasping Karthago Elf's arm again before looking up at Rocky to check if her pointy Elfin ears had been working correctly. When Rocky grinned and nodded, a big sigh of relief escaped Lotta's lips. "Oh, I am only too happy to help, Mister Karthago Elf, Sir. It would be so, so, SO bad for the junior-Elves if their preparations for the exams were interrupted."
"It would indeed, Miss Epilotta," Karthago Elf said and stepped aside to gesture at a tray carrying a dark-green carafe and six small tumblers. "Now, before we introduce you to the class, could we perhaps tempt you with a glass of fine port? You too, of course, Miss Rockabye."
"Not for me, thank you, Mister Karthago Elf, Sir. I'm holding the reins," Rocky said and held up her hands.
"Very well. Miss Epilotta?"
Lotta licked her Elfin lips - she could certainly sip a glass of fine port, but her sense of duty told her that she should hold it off for later. "I respectfully have to decline as well, Mister Karthago Elf, Sir, though I would like one later when the day is done. I'm afraid I might pass out if I drink fine port right now," she squeaked.
Silvermoon Elf interjected: "I've never said no to fine port, Karthago, but I promised to give Miss Epilotta and Miss Rockabye a tour of the premises. Then we probably need to meet the schmutting class. Lotta?"
"Sounds like an Elfin good plan, Silvermoon!" Lotta said, smiling at her old mentor. While she spoke, Lotta reached behind her to grab Rocky's hand so she could give it a little squeeze. One hurdle had been cleared, but another one still awaited her - and it might yet prove to be even more difficult than the first one.
*
*
CHAPTER 3
Lotta, Rocky and Silvermoon Elf soon reached the grand, sweeping staircase that connected the lobby-like area at the entranceway with the upper two storeys. The ground floor was home to most of the auditoriums and several of the regular classrooms that were used for the more physical activities. The upper floors held the dormitories, the library, the reading hall and the plenum dining hall. The principal's private quarters were located on the top floor just below the attic, but they had their own access in another part of the vast, horseshoe-shaped manor.
The two younger Elves had no problem in scaling the long staircase with the elegantly carpeted steps, but Silvermoon Elf's bothersome leg hindered her to such a degree she needed to take a break every fifteen paces or so.
Lotta grimaced as Silvermoon Elf was forced to come to another stop to massage her thigh. Thinking back to the spry, bouncy Elf Silvermoon had once been - and 'once' was just a few, short years ago - it filled her with sadness and sympathy for the plight that had fallen over the former instructor. "Silvermoon," she said, moving back down the staircase to come to the older Elf's assistance, "it's clear you're in an Elfin great pain… perhaps Rocky and me should just go on for our-Elfin-selves…?" she said and took her old mentor's elbow for support.
"What, and call it quits?" Silvermoon Elf said with a determined look upon her Elfin face. "Oh-ho no, I don't think so, Miss Epilotta! This is a challenge to overcome. Nothing more."
"Oh, Silvermoon… you're the bravest Elf I know… well, you and Rocky. You're both so brave…" Lotta mumbled, speaking softly so the lump in her throat wouldn't be too obvious. After a few moments, Silvermoon Elf carried on going up the stairs, and though Lotta's inherent Elfin nurturing instincts told her to give the Elf elder a helping hand, she thought better of it at once. "But have you considered using a cane?" she said a few steps on.
"A cane?! That's for old, old, old Elves! I'm only three-hundred-odd years older than you, thankyouverymuch! A cane… why, the cheekiness of you Elfin pups!"
Rocky snickered into her hand at the exchange between the old friends; Lotta's cheeks had caught fire, but it was for a positive reason, and the petite Elf let out a snicker as well as she watched Silvermoon Elf struggle through the last few steps.
---
Finally upstairs, Silvermoon led Rocky and Lotta into the dormitory reserved for lady-Elves of all ages. After opening the door to the first of five, fifty-bed rooms, the three lady-Elves filed into the large plenum room to look at the well-structured layout: there were sixteen rows of three beds, and a final row that consisted of only two beds. The latter row was reserved for the dorm mistress-Elves who had been appointed by the faculty to keep a watchful, Elfin eye on their fellow junior-Elves and act as counselors for those who needed advice, or perhaps even a shoulder to weep on in case their homesickness grew too heavy.
Since it was in the middle of the day, only a few beds were occupied by junior-lady-Elves. The Elves in question all jumped up and bowed to the former gift-dropping instructor and the two A-Team Elves like all social laws dictated they should.
"I take it you slept up here somewhere, sweet Lotta?" Rocky said, rubbing shoulders with her sweetheart.
"In this exact room… and rrrrrrrrright over there!" Lotta said, pointing at one of the empty beds that had been placed by the large windows at the far side of the dormitory. "Silvermoon, do you think it would be all right if I…?"
"Oh, be my guest, Lotta," Silvermoon Elf said and gestured at the empty bed.
Lotta zipped over to it at once and came to a sliding halt at the bed like she had done a thousand-and-one times when she had been a student at Ye Olde Elfin Academie. A trunk had been placed at the foot-end of the bed where the junior-lady-Elf using the bed would store her clothes, books and other Elfin gear, but Lotta didn't recognize it from the old days. Though the bedlinen had obviously been changed as well, the bed itself was still the same - it was made of dark-brown hardwood with a sub-frame featuring soft springs that were perfect for the good, old Elfin game known as Jumping For Joy. "Oooooh, this is the same bed!" she said, tapping her knuckles on the hardwood frame.
While Lotta was still admiring her old sleeping place, Silvermoon Elf and Rocky shuffled closer to it just for a laugh. Behind them, a junior-lady-Elf entered the dormitory carrying a stack of dry, old tomes. She wore clogs, long-stockings, a striped, knitted sweater and a pair of pale-gray pants of the design favored by the junior-lady-Elves who participated in one or more of the physical classes where the risk of ending up on their Elfin back with their Elfin legs sticking straight up in the air was quite large - in such situations, wearing skirts or dresses was just asking for a chilled Elfin tush.
Like most Elves, her complexion was to the ruddy side and her long hair was reddish. On top of her red locks, she wore the Academy's special Elf cap which was held in Yuletide-red and carried a small badge that showed a miniature version of the Academy's red-white-and-golden standard.
The junior-lady-Elf - who had just turned a tender one-hundred-and-seventy - came to a sudden stop at the sight of one of the Academy's employees, and not one, but two important-looking lady-Elves waiting at her bed. Almost at once, she began shuffling left and right like all Elves were prone to do when caught in an embarrassing or confusing situation. "Miss Silvermoon Elf? Is something wrong?" she squeaked, looking to the former instructor for a possible explanation to the visit.
"Greetings, Bette-Lil Elf," Silvermoon Elf said as she turned around to look at the junior-lady-Elf. "There's nothing wrong. Don't be shy… come over and meet Miss Epilotta Elf and Miss Rockabye Elf."
The look upon Bette-Lil Elf's face proved she didn't know whether to approach the three adult lady-Elves or flee for her life, but she chose the former option and shuffled across the smooth floor. When she was close enough to recognize the golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hats, she almost wished she had taken the second option instead. "Greetings, I'm Bette-Lil Elf," she squeaked and performed deep bows for Santa's A-Team Elves.
"Greetings, Bette-Lil Elf!" Lotta said, "I'm Epilotta Elf, and this used to be my bed!"
Bette-Lil's eyes grew wide for a moment before they narrowed down into Elfin-blue slits not unlike Rocky's. She glanced at Silvermoon Elf before she turned back to the younger of the two guests. "Uh… it's been my bed for the past two semesters…"
"Before that, Bette-Lil," Silvermoon Elf said and snickered into her hand.
"Oh…"
"Yes," Lotta continued, "I graduated a couple of years ago. Ohhhhhh, it's so much fun to be back here! Why, I remember soooooooo many fun incidents after candles-out that… that…" - she glanced sideways at her old gift-dropping instructor Silvermoon Elf - "that I can't even remember any of them…"
Silvermoon leaned her head back and let out a long, Elfin laugh at the furious backpedaling she had just been a witness to. "Oh, it must be hard to become an old and forgetful Elf, Lotta… we've always known about the mischief that goes on up here. Don't forget, most members of the faculty have been students here as well!"
"Oh… I suppose that's true. I never thought of that," Lotta said while letting out another snicker.
Bette-Lil Elf looked from one important lady-Elf to the other. It was clear she wanted to press on with her program, and equally clear that she couldn't work up the courage needed to say so. In short, she began to shuffle left-and-right. She was finally given a break when Silvermoon Elf put her hand on Lotta's arm.
"Let's move on. Lotta, you'll actually get to meet Bette-Lil Elf during the lecture," the former instructor said. "She's in the schmutting class you'll be taking over."
"Oh, that's nice!" Lotta said, smiling at the junior-lady-Elf who offered a more nervous smile in return.
"Bette-Lil," Silvermoon Elf continued as she turned back to the young student, "Miss Epilotta will be your substitute instructor for the day. So please, treat her well!"
"We will, Miss Silvermoon!" Bette-Lil Elf said, nodding hard in a wide-eyed state.
---
The next stop proved to the be the final one before they were to meet the class. Silvermoon Elf had decided to skip the tour of the library and the reading hall in favor of visiting the plenum dining hall since Lotta already knew the others so well. Rocky had let out a long snicker at the news; she knew what was coming.
True to form, Lotta carried a tray heavily laden with twenty pancakes, a bottle of golden maple-leaf syrup and three mugs of Yule-tea down to the table where the other two had found a seat. Sliding the tray into the center of the table, she put one plate in front of Silvermoon Elf and a matching one in front of Rocky. The mugs were soon distributed as well. Using a fork and her Elfin index finger for stability, she gave her dear friends three pancakes each before she moved the remaining fourteen onto her own plate.
Grabbing the bottle of golden syrup, she turned it upside down and gave it an Elf-mighty squeeze. As the sticky liquid ran out and coated the stack of fourteen pancakes, she began to whistle the Hustle And Bustle Song which was still one of her absolute Yuletide favorites.
Silvermoon Elf and Rocky both grinned at the sight - there was nothing new under the Elfin sun.
---
While the three lady-Elves were on their way back down the sweeping staircase to finally meet the class they were there to help, Rocky leaned in and bumped shoulders with Lotta. "I know you oh-so-well, sweet Lotta, but even I can't believe you can still be peckish after Elfing down that Elfin-big pile of pancakes!" she said out of the corner of her mouth.
Lotta looked up at her taller sweetheart as they shuffled along at a far slower pace than usual to allow Silvermoon Elf a chance to keep up with them. A puzzled expression flashed across her Elfin-green eyes for a moment or two, but it was soon gone. "But I only had fourteen… and they weren't all that big. Anyway, they don't last long down in my tummy."
"I had three! And I thought they were kinda heavy… not like the wonderful ones you make."
"Shucks, thank you…" Lotta said while her cheeks exploded in a blush, "but you're already fully grown… I need all the help I can get."
"I don't want to be a big, bad downer-Elf, but I don't think you should count on gaining another five inches, sweet Lotta… unless it's around your girth after gaining another five, ten, fifty pounds."
"Yeah… I would only be able to slide down extra-wide chimneys. That would put a damper on my gift-dropping career, wouldn't it?" Lotta said and crinkled her nose.
"It would."
Lotta fluttered her eyelids. "But would it stop you from loving me?"
"It would not," Rocky said with a grin. A moment later, the two Elves moved up close and rubbed against each other's side like only two Elves in love could.
Behind them, Silvermoon Elf let out a husky snicker while she worked hard to keep up with the fitter A-Team Elves. "Are you Elves sure you're not Joined already?"
"Quite sure, Silvermoon," Lotta said and stuck out her tongue at her old mentor.
-*-*-*-
The time had finally come to meet the class Lotta and Rocky were there for. Waiting in the hallway outside one of the auditoriums while Silvermoon Elf brought the class of junior-Elves up to speed, Lotta wanted to pull down her priceless A-Team Elf hat so it would cover her eyes. Her heart rate had picked up, her breathing had become shallower, her cheeks were covered in red blotches, and her palms had grown damp - all because of the responsibility she was about to take on.
Passing the second-semester schmutting exams was one of the most vital parts of the overall picture for the junior-Elves who had chosen the physical line at the Academy. If an Elf flunked Basic Schmutting, he or she couldn't continue in Advanced Schmutting or any of the gift-dropping classes until a re-examination had taken place. If that happened, it would throw all the Elf's carefully laid plans out of whack since those who needed to be re-examined would not get preferential treatment over the Elves in the next classes.
To Human eyes and ears, it would probably all appear somewhat confusing, but the art of schmutting formed one of the cornerstones of Elfhood. Mastering schmutting meant being able to climb around on the outside of impossibly tall buildings, or moving up endless heating ducts inside buildings to get to a specific spot; or, most importantly, drop down the chimneys on the Night of Nights, Yuletide Eve, to deliver the gifts Santa had assembled from the many wish lists he had received - and all with the same ease as taking a stroll in the park
Elves who failed to master schmutting would most likely never get into the gift-dropping classes, and certainly never onto one of the advanced levels. Gift-dropping was an extension of schmutting: it was simply the act of schmutting around carrying the bag of gifts they were there to deliver to children and adults alike.
If an Elf wasn't skilled enough to deliver any gifts, there wouldn't be much use for that Elf in any of the trades working directly with Santa's Central Administration - but of course, as the endless, Elfin hustle and bustle of Elf Springs would attest to, not every Elf needed to work there to be Elfin happy, or to make other Elves Elfin happy. There was always room for every-Elf in the Elfin world, and indeed the entire realm of the Great Elf.
As Lotta mulled over all those somber thoughts, her hands had never been let go by Rocky who had been there throughout like she had promised she would be. Looking up at her taller sweetheart, Lotta's face cracked open in a big smile.
"Are you nervous or excited, sweet Lotta?" Rocky said quietly.
"Both. But mostly excited, I think. Will you come in with me?"
"Oh, of course. What, did you think I'd go back to the dining hall and chow down a few dozen cinnamon buns?" - Rocky stuck out her tongue after she had spoken the final part.
Lotta replied to it in kind, but that was all they had time for before the door to the classroom was opened by Silvermoon Elf. "They're ready for you, Lotta," Silvermoon said with a broad grin as she stepped out into the hallway. "I wish you plenty of Elfin luck. You'll need it with this wild bunch!"
"Buh…"
"No, just teasing," Silvermoon Elf continued. "They're happy, little junior-Elves. I hope you'll have fun today, Lotta. See you later."
"Thank you, Silvermoon Elf," Lotta squeaked as she watched Silvermoon Elf hobbling away. Gulping down an Elfin frog that had somehow entered her throat, she grabbed hold of Rocky's hand and stepped over the threshold to enter the large room. She had often been in there, but only on the other side of the lecturer's desk.
The auditorium was divided into three sections: an open space with matting on the floor that offered plenty of room for all the practical exercises the students needed to go through at the end of each lesson; A smaller area just beyond the open space that saw a dark-brown, wooden desk with a swivel-chair and a portable blackboard behind it; and finally the enclosure for the students. Shaped like an amphitheater, the enclosure offered fifteen rows of seating that reached up to near the ceiling of the old room. Each row had twenty chairs or so, but only a small portion of those were presently filled by junior-Elves.
Lotta had time to count twelve sitting juniors before they all rose to bow at the important lady-Elves. One of them was Bette-Lil Elf whom she and Rocky had already met up in the dorm, but the others were all new to her. The Elfin frog in her throat grew bigger and more croaky, so she gulped it down all over again. "Greetings, I'm Epilotta Elf… and this is my dear, dear friend Miss Rockabye Elf. We're to be your substitute schmutting instructors for today, and we wish to thank you for your warm welcome," she squeaked before she cleared her throat several times to at least attempt to appear with some authority.
"Greetings, Miss Epilotta Elf! Miss Rockabye Elf!" the twelve junior-Elves said as one.
A nervous smile flashed across Lotta's face as she experienced yet another deja-Elf. She had so often been up there, among the junior-Elves, greeting a stuffy, old instructor-Elf. Now she was the stuffy, old instructor-Elf which she found exceedingly hard to fathom. "Please, like I told you, we're just subbing," she said, putting her Elfin hands in the air, "so instead of being so formal and calling us Miss Epilotta and Miss Rockabye the whooooooooooole time, we would like you to call us Lotta and Rocky. I hope that's all right with you?"
The junior-Elves shot each other sideways glances like the mere concept of speaking to an instructor in such familiar terms was a terrifying one to them, but most of them nodded or said "Yes, Miss Lotta," before they sat down again.
"Good. Ah… now. Where should we start?" Lotta croaked, shuffling over to the desk to take it all in.
"I'll just sit up there, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and waved a temporary goodbye to her sweetheart before she climbed the stairs to find a quiet seat among the juniors.
"Ah… good. I see. Very well. Elfin good," Lotta squeaked, shuffling left and right for a few moments before she realized she needed to present a strong figure and not a wishy-washy dishrag that the junior-Elves could toy with. Coming to a halt, she folded her Elfin hands behind her back like she had seen Silvermoon Elf do countless times back in the day.
Thinking of her old mentor gave her an idea of what to try first, so she shuffled over to the blackboard and found a piece of chalk. After writing her and Rocky's names in large, easily read block letters, she turned back to the junior-Elves. "Ah… yes. Oh! The attendance sheet… yes, it would be a good time to update that," she said, reaching for a piece of parchment that she spotted on the desk. A single glance proved that Silvermoon Elf had already done so when she had introduced the class to their substitutes. "Oh… corn-on-a-cob," she mumbled before she realized that swearing in front of the juniors would probably be considered a no-no.
"Ah… yes. So. Basic Schmutting. The final few lessons. Yes," she said, bobbing up and down on the balls of her feet to take her mind off the scary situation she was in. The Elfin circus act had gone on for too long already, and not only was she working herself into a state fit to frighten a tickle-monster, she could sense some of the juniors becoming worried that the day might turn into nothing at all. "Oh, here goes… let's get started on the part that I know all too well that you're not too Elfinly fond of. Let's carry on where I was told you left off the last time… on the theoretical aspects of schmutting viewed from a standpoint of the mathematical permutations of gravity versus the condition of the subject or subjects at hand," she said, once more grabbing the piece of chalk to begin the lecture.
Lotta heard a few groans being uttered behind her, and she experienced yet another deja-Elf of sitting up there among the juniors, staring wide-eyed at the instructor waffling on and on and on about something so wool-brained that half of it would have been too much already.
Snickering into her free hand, she decided to keep the first part of her lecture short so they could get on with the fun part that she knew every-Elf would enjoy far more - the practical exercises.
-*-*-*-
The rest of the morning flew by while Lotta was hard at work at the blackboard going through all the theoretical aspects of schmutting. She doodled and spoke, wiped something out and made a correction, spoke and doodled some more, wiped another thing out and made a few more corrections, doodled and spoke some more, wiped an entire section out to have room for the next illustration, spoke and doodled some more, updated one of her old calculations, answered questions from the juniors, doodled and spoke a little more, updated another of her old calculations, made one or two further corrections, wiped yet another section out to have room for more doodles, and spoke a little more - then she took another round of questions from the junior-Elves.
At the end of all that, the blackboard had been filled up to such an extent with all sorts of wild calculations, permutations, transformations and every other kind of mathematical -ations that Lotta herself had become utterly lost in the white lines of chalk that she had put on it.
Taking a step back, she wiped off chalk-dust from her hands, her nose, her cheeks, her eyebrows, her pointy ears and finally the chest area of her once-pristine dark-blue schmutting uniform while she looked at the horrible mess of doodles so she could reply to further questions from the juniors if they had any.
She scrunched up her face as she looked at the white lines. Some of it still made sense to her, some of it hadn't made any Elfin sense whatsoever even when she had doodled them, and some had never made sense - not even back in the old days. As any experienced schmutterer and gift-dropper knew, what really existed out there in the real Elfin world, had very little, if anything, to do with the theoretical stuff taught at Ye Olde Elfin Academie. "Hmmm," she said, picking up the chalk once more to continue the important task when she noticed that one of her calculations needed a touch-up.
---
Seventy-four doodles and a spent piece of chalk later, she put down the stump for good and turned back to the juniors. "Any further questions?" she said while a relieved smile spread over her features at finally getting through the dull part.
The stunned silence that met her spoke volumes, but since she wasn't the Elfin world's greatest reader, she didn't know how to interpret them - they could be in Norse-Elf for all she knew. Licking her lips, she began to shuffle left and right as she was caught in the embarrassing moment. "Ah… good. I think. So. No questions? No questions at all?"
Another wall of silence greeted her. "Ah. Yes. Good. Ah. Any que- no, I asked that already… oh, cotton-candy… my dear friends, what do you usually do at this point of the lecture?"
"Take a break!" a cheeky-lady-Elf said from somewhere at the back, no doubt taking full advantage of the fact that Lotta wasn't a stickler for protocol like so many of the real instructors were.
"Ah. Yes. I could do with a break!" Lotta said and snickered into her hand. The chalk-dust on her Elfin fingers caused her to sneeze, but she had just enough time to move up her arm and do it into her uniform so the auditorium and the junior-Elves wouldn't get coated in her Elfin germs. Her reply caused the first stirring of the juniors since she had begun her lecture, but she didn't know how to interpret that, either.
Then a highly familiar sound reached her pointy ears. It was unmistakable - it was the sound of an Elf snoring. Lotta cocked a reddish eyebrow at the sound. Though she had hoped to avoid being the Big Bad Elf on her visit to the Academy, it looked like she needed to be one after all. The snoring continued, so she moved over to the edge of the enclosure to be able to look up at the junior-Elves. "Who is that Elf snoring?" she said; she tried to keep a smile in her voice, but the message had still come across.
All the twelve juniors looked at each other while searching for the culprit. They were all wide awake, which failed to explain the snores that continued to roll through the auditorium. The Elves grew embarrassed when the horrible truth dawned on them, and they soon began shuffling left, right, backwards and forwards in their seats.
"I'm older than you, but my hearing is just fine. Some-Elf is snoring," Lotta continued, looking at the only Elf she had eyes for. Rocky was sitting suspiciously still. The rim of her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat had been pulled down to cover her eyes, and she was leaning back on the bench seat with her hands folded across her chest.
The realization caused Lotta to chew on her lips. She had found the lady-Elf producing the snoring, and now she needed to find a way to deal with it. She couldn't shrug it off since that would undermine her authority. She couldn't punish Rocky in public since that would put a severe damper on their relationship only a week before their Joining. The only analogy she could think of was having to wrestle a hairy tickle-monster for the last raisin bun on the Great Elf's green, blue and white Earth - a mess was guaranteed, but it was something that had to be done.
When everything else fails, use humor , Lotta suddenly thought. It was a golden adage she had heard her mother say countless times - one of which had been an early morning when the itty-bitty Epilotta had made another fine mess in the kitchen trying to make her very first dough for her very first batch of peppernuts. It was worth a shot, so she drew a deep breath, held it, and let it go in a strong: "Well, greetings and an Elfin good morning to you, Miss Rockabye Elf!"
Rocky's Elfin arms and legs flailed around as she bolted upright in her seat. Once the golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat had been pushed away from her eyes, she shot quick glances at the juniors closest to her before her Elfin-blue eyes slowly fell over the petite Epilotta Elf who stood with her hands akimbo down near the desk.
A horrified grimace flew onto Rocky's face, and she ducked her head down between her shoulders in a gesture of pure embarrassment - the latter didn't happen too often for the tough, long-haul sleigh driver.
"Good… now that we're all awake, I can continue," Lotta said, walking back to the blackboard to find the stump of chalk. The junior-Elves let out a few groans, but they turned into sighs of relief when Lotta wrote "Lunch break!" in large block letters in the only free spot remaining on the blackboard.
"My friends!" Lotta continued, putting her hands in the air to catch the last drops of attention she knew she could wring out of the mentally exhausted juniors. "After the lunch break, we'll begin the practical exercises."
A cheer and several utterances of "Yay!" were heard from the enclosure before the juniors filed out of the auditorium in perfect goose-step. Once they had all left, Lotta shuffled up the steep staircase until she reached the row where Rocky sat.
"Miss Rockabye Elf, we need to have a private conversation, you and I!" Lotta said in a stern voice that only lasted for two-point-Elf heartbeats. Then she broke down and snickered into her hand. Scooting onto the bench next to her dearest friend, she decided to dish out the sweetest punishment she could think of: lip-to-lip contact, and plenty of it.
---
Kissing and cuddling in the dim candlelight up on one of the auditorium's bench seats was something Lotta had never tried despite her four years at the Elfin Academy. Whenever anything amorous had taken place, it had always been outside in the park behind the manor, or in the stretch of forest near the centuries-old Lisstrup Mill. It did seem like she and Rocky were breaking a few hundred rules and traditions by exchanging kisses the way they were, so she moved back from her sweetheart's enticing lips to do a bit of Elfin-eye-gazing instead. "Corn-on-a-cob, I can't believe you fell asleep during my lecture!" she said quietly as she poked an Elfin finger into Rocky's ribs.
Rocky squirmed under the tickling touch, but soon caught Lotta's hand and held it tenderly so the Elfin fingers couldn't get too close for a second pass. "I'm so, so, SO sorry about that, sweet Lotta… I had been up early. And it was a bit on the dry side as well…"
"I know," Lotta said and snickered into her free hand. "I noticed all the Elfin dust that rained down whenever I started doodling."
"Mmmm-yes, about that…"
Lotta briefly stuck out her tongue at the cheeky tone of her sweetheart's voice. "So now you have a problem with my doodling as well, Miss Rockabye?"
"Oh no, I love to watch you doodle… especially the little Santa and Rudolph sleigh combo you drew in the corner at one point to lighten the mood. I just couldn't make heads or tails of any of the other stuff. Hand on my Elfin heart, I think it was too theoretical for the juniors, Lotta."
"Oh… corn-on-a-cob."
"They were zoning out left and right. I heard them whisper among themselves, and most of them thought it was too hard for the Basic class."
"Really?" Lotta said and furrowed her Elfin brow. "It was pretty much how the old instructors did it when I was a student here… but I suppose I might have gotten the Basic and Advanced classes mixed up a little… oh, it doesn't matter. I did my best. After lunch, it's time for the practical exercises… and that's when the real Elfin fun starts! That's also where you come into the picture, Miss Rockabye!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! I have something in mind for you, but I won't tell before it's time to try it," Lotta said and stuck out her tongue once more.
"Should I be worried?"
"Of course not, dearest Rocky," Lotta said and went in for a good hug to calm her sweetheart's apparent apprehension. "Do you want a little clue?"
"Just a little one…"
"Well, I was thinking that we could build a couple of schmutting scaffoldings and use them to schmut around a little. It'll be fun."
Snickering, Rocky pulled Lotta back for an encore in the hugging department. The next one lasted a little longer than the first one had, and it ended in a real Elfin kiss to back up the hugging. "Oh, I can do that. I'm a pretty good schmutterer. What do you say we go back up into the dining hall for some lunch now that we're all done kissin'?"
"I could eat a slice or two of the yumm-mmy layer cake I saw up there…" Lotta said dreamily.
"I knew you'd say that, sweet Lotta… that's why I suggested it," Rocky said and placed a final peck on her sweetheart's pert nose.
-*-*-*-
The upstairs plenum dining hall was quite full by the time Rocky and Lotta entered it. Most tables were occupied by junior-Elves, but there were a few teachers and lecturers there as well. That the two member of Santa's A-Team were holding hands did attract some attention, but not of the negative kind.
Lotta came to a halt just inside the stately double-doors to take a deep sniff of the scents found there - cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, ginger, clementines, oranges and orange peel, raisins, white chocolate, regular chocolate, dark chocolate and very, very Elfin-dark chocolate all trickled up her nostrils. Her sniff continued until she was standing on tip-toes; then, she fluttered back down while she let out an "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…." that sent a blissful smile over her features.
"Was that it, or do you need something to drink as well?" Rocky said and snickered into her hand.
"Oh, I haven't even started!" came the inevitable reply.
They walked past four tables that were all full before they found the one belonging to the junior-Elves that had been in Lotta's Basic Schmutting class. Since the number of juniors was smaller than the number of seats available at the long table, there were plenty of vacant chairs. "Greetings, every-Elf," Lotta said as she put her hands on the backrest of the first chair she reached. Much to her amusement, all the juniors rose to greet the older Elf - she had forgotten how much tradition and good manners played a part at the Academy. "Would you mind if Rocky and me sat here at your table?"
When all they heard was "Of course not, Miss Lotta!" and the like, Lotta pulled out the chair and gestured Rocky to sit down on it. "So… I'll have the yummy-looking layer cake unless it's gone in the meantime. What are you having, Rocky?"
"Oh, just a couple of buns or something. Anything. Surprise me," Rocky said with a grin as she found a stack of napkins that she arranged in front of her.
"Will do!" Lotta said and zipped up to the busy counter to get a tray, a few plates, and a pile of yummy treats that would no doubt turn out to be mountainous. Plenty of junior-Elves were already waiting in line to be served, but that only gave her more time to look at - and drool over - the items on display inside a row of glass cabinets.
---
To call the pile of yummy treats that Lotta carried back a short while later 'mountainous' would be a hefty understatement, even by Elfin standards. It turned out to be so mountainous that it rivaled the Alpine Grossglockner peak she and Rocky had flown over on their Elfin good adventure involving the yodeling Yuletree the year before.
The petite, but spirited, Elf could hardly see where she put her Elfin feet on her way back to the table she and Rocky shared with the juniors, but she managed to get there through her Elfin tracking skills and a pair of Elfin hands that had steered her in the right direction when she had been aiming at the wrong table altogether.
The Elfin hands belonged to Rocky who had been watching Lotta's daring mission with bated breath. Ultimately, it had become so daring it had required a bit of hands-on guidance. "Here you go, sweet Lotta," Rocky said as she pulled out the chair where Lotta already had her wiggling, Elfin tush.
"Thank you! Ohhhhhh, I was in the right place at the right time for once!" - Deep breath - "Just when I reached the counter, they removed an empty plate where the yumm-mmy layer cake had been and I was already getting a little sad and you know me, when I get a little sad, I soon turn into a sad, sad, little Elf," - Deeeeeep breath - "but then they slid in a full plate with a whoooooole new layer cake! Look at this piece of exquisite Elfin yumminess, Rocky! Doesn't this just spell out y-u-m-m-m-y with a double-Y, a triple-M and a U thrown in for good measure? Look, there's chocolate dough at the bottom, then a thick layer of cocoa cream-" - Deep, deep breath - "then another layer of chocolate dough, then a layer of pink frosting of some kind that looks sooooo yummy but that I don't know what is yet but I will as soon as I sink my teeth into it-" - Deeeeep breath - "then another layer of chocolate dough and then a fat crust of dark chocolate frosting! No, it isn't frosting-" - Deep breath - "it's a proper, honest-to-Elfness, genuine, thick layer of dark chocolate! Oooooooh!"
Some of the juniors were already in the process of staring wide-eyed at the pile of food that Lotta had brought back, and the lady-Elf's burst of fast talking only made them stare harder. A complete silence had spread at their end of the table, and a few of them were even shuffling left-to-right on their chairs.
"That's nice, Lotta," Rocky said as she narrowed her eyes down into Elfin-blue slits. That Lotta was happy to find some yummy food was one thing; that she had bought an entire chocolate layer cake for herself was bordering on something else altogether. A thought of her old schmutting partner Benny Elf and the tragic fate that befell him from his Sugabomb -candy addiction flashed through her mind. She glanced sideways at the junior-Elves to see how they reacted; they were staring so hard their Elfin eyes were practically falling out of their heads.
"Oh, and I got you one of those yummy orange peel buns with a good layer of fresh, yellow butter," Lotta continued, moving a plate featuring a single bun over to Rocky's side of the table before she picked up her pie-fork to go to work on her very own layer cake.
"Thanks. That looks yummy, too," Rocky said as she shuffled back to her own side of the table to sit down. "I guess they didn't offer anything to drink?"
"Well, of course they did," Lotta said in a puzzled tone, looking around the brown curves of the tall, chocolate layer cake. Then it struck her there weren't any mugs or tumblers on the table. "Cotton-candy, I forgot to get something to drink!" she squeaked. In naught-point-Elf, she flew up from her chair and zipped back to the counter.
Rocky glanced at the juniors who were clearly looking for an explanation. Unfortunately, she didn't have one for them beyond a smile and a shrug.
---
Much to Rocky's astonishment - and the juniors' utter shock - the entire chocolate layer cake disappeared into Lotta's Elfin yap in far less time than any-Elf would have thought possible. After the petite Elf had wiped her lips on a napkin and drained her mug of chunky Yule-tea, she leaned back on the chair and eyed the food on the other plates at the table like she still had a hole to fill somewhere.
"Oh, those crystal-sugar-coated kanelbullar … cinnamon buns… sure look yummy," she said to the junior-lady-Elf next to her - Bette-Lil Elf, the junior they had met in the dorm - after eyeing the contents of the Elf's plate. When she noticed Rocky staring at her with Elfin-blue eyes that were as wide as Elfin saucers, she snickered into her hand. "No, I'm not peckish or anything… I'm just Elf-chit-chatting."
"Oh," Rocky said, not entirely convinced by her sweetheart's statement.
"They are very yummy, Miss Lotta. There's cardamom in them as well," Bette-Lil said politely.
"Oh! Oh, that makes them even yummier! Neat! What are you all having?" Lotta said and flew up from her seat when she realized she had found the perfect icebreaking topic that all Elves would respond to twenty-four-seven: food. She moved past plates carrying cinnamon, raisin and orange peel buns; two of the juniors munched merrily on peppernuts, brown star cookies, orange-flavored cookies and vanilla rings. One of them had a good selection of crullers and a big chunk of halved, well-buttered kringle-bread, and one even nipped on a specialty rarely seen down south in Elf Springs: a pink-frosted donut with a filling of raspberry jam.
The food on the next junior-Elf's plate made Lotta come to a screeching halt, however. A moment later, she needed to hold onto her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat with both hands to stop it from flying straight up in the air and spin around in frantic circles like it had been possessed by the spirit of Yuletides Past. After blinking her Elfin-green eyes several times in the hope that she was merely hallucinating, she arrived at the Elf nerve-racking, Elf mind-numbing, Elf-shocking fact that one of the junior-Elves was eating, of all things, a salad: Lettuce leaves, sweet peas, cucumbers, sweet corn, tomatoes - the works. "A salad?" Lotta croaked, needing to grab onto the backrest of one of the chairs before she would keel over at the horrendous sight. "You're eating a s- s- s- a… a s- a sah- a sah- sah- a salad?!"
"Yes, Miss Lotta," the junior-lady-Elf said, balancing several sweet peas and a small lettuce leaf on her fork. "It's nice and crunchy. It helps me keep slim and fit for the schmutting. Uh… would you like to taste?"
"By the Great Elf, nooooooo!" Lotta howled, clapping both hands over her mouth to stop any rampant sweet peas, lettuce leaves or cucumber sticks from even considering getting too close.
The cry spooked the junior-lady-Elf so badly that she jerked her hand back which sent the lettuce leaf fluttering down onto the floor, and the sweet peas flying all over the table. She stared at the wasted food for a few seconds before she looked up at the substitute schmutting instructor with a look upon her face that spelled out quite clearly that she was well on her way to becoming a sad, sad, little junior-lady-Elf.
The sadness on the junior's face registered at once with Lotta who wanted to Elf-slap herself silly for not only spooking one of the juniors, but causing her to drop and thus ruin her food - the latter was inexcusable among Elves. "Oh, I'm so, so, SO sorry…" Lotta said and jumped forward at once to help round up the errant sweet peas. "I didn't mean to frighten you… it's just that a s- s- s- s- sah- a sah- mmmm- a sah- a salad is so strange and unusual and foreign to me. What's wrong with butter, whipped cream, hot chocolate, sweet white ale and hot rice pudding with cinnamon… you know, healthy, nutritious food?"
"Nothing, Miss Lotta," the junior-lady-Elf said as she continued to stare at the older lady-Elf. "What's wrong with a salad?"
"Uh… wrong with a s- s- s- a sah- a sah- salad… nothing. I suppose," Lotta said, handing back the last of the sweet peas that had tried to make a run for it. Once the errant pea had been put into to a napkin headed for the trash, Lotta rubbed her Elfin fingers so thoroughly on her pants that it looked just a little manic. "It's just that butter… well, butter is one of the pillars of Elfin society. So much of what we do and who we are today comes from what our sacred ancestors were able to do with butter… oh, the glorious, yellowish butter." - Deep breath - "And let's not forget what whipped cream has done for us as well. And we all know that whipped cream was born to partner hot chocolate… ooooooh, yummy hot chocolate and a large portion of whipped cream… something that alllllllll Elves enjoy…" - Deep breath - "or how about cinnamon-apple pie with a pinch of marzipan and a spoonful or two of that oh-so tasty, special home-made strawberry jam? Or sweet white ale and hot rice pudding, huh! Sweet white ale and hot rice pudding… oh, yum!" - Deep breath - "Well, isn't that just the very definition of the word Elf? Sharing a bowl of rice pudding with alllllll our friends… and butter-"
"You said that already, sweet Lotta," Rocky said, putting her hands on her sweetheart's shoulders to pull her back to her chair before she would make a lasting impression of the most un-Elfin kind on the juniors - she was well on her way already. "C'mon, let me buy you a couple of chocolate muffins with some blackcurrant jam or something, and we'll forget all about that salad business. Yeah?"
Lotta shook her head and blinked several times as she was led back to her chair like the salad incident had given her Elfin soul a good knock. When she sat down, she was only able to offer her dearest friend a weak smile, but she nodded to show that she could eat a chocolate muffin or two.
Perhaps the rescue mission had been too late: the young Elves around the table continued to stare at Lotta like she was one or two walnuts shy of a nutbread. One by one, they returned to their own food, but kept a watchful eye on the unpredictable member of Santa's fabled elite A-Team in case the petite Elf would fly into a wild, rambling defense of all things butter all over again.
*
*
CHAPTER 4
The mood in the auditorium had turned quite different after the high-strung incident during the lunch break. As Rocky and Lotta entered, a few of the junior-Elves put their Elfin heads together and whispered a few muffled sentences that all seemed to revolve around the petite Elf and her curiously old-fashioned ways. Not all the juniors seemed to be wary of Lotta, but some clearly were.
Lotta furrowed her brow at the unfortunate development. She knew she had gone a teeny-tiny-Elfin bit overboard in defending the glorious butter and the other, ancient Elfin traditions, but she failed to see how she could have done it any differently in the face of the green lettuce leaves and the Elf nerve-racking, Elf mind-numbing, Elf-shocking fact that an Elf seemed to prefer it over the sacred butter and all the other traditional, yummy Yuletide treats.
Rocky moved off to the left, and the tough, long-haul sleigh driver leaned against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest to literally give the floor to Lotta. Though the stance could be interpreted as somewhat hostile, she tempered it by offering her sweetheart a little wink and a supportive smile.
Stepping up to the lecturer's desk, Lotta turned to the juniors and broke out in a grimace. To iron out the unexpected bump that her heartfelt defense of healthy, nutritious food had produced, she would need to come up with an Elfin good explanation, and fast, too. Sometimes, the best explanation was the truth, but she had a hunch that it could possibly make the juniors even more wary of her - however, the Elfin truth was the Elfin truth, and it went against every fiber of her Elfin being to fib. "My dear, dear Elfin friends," she said and put her hands in the air to restore the calm among the juniors. "I'm so, so, SO sorry for… uh… acting in such a peculiar way up in the dining hall. It's just that the subject of Elfin traditions is verrrrry dear to my Elfin heart, and I often fly into a spirited defense of all things Yule when I feel they come under threat… uh, not that they were threatened by the s- s- s- sah- oh, never mind that now. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope we can move on."
A few moments went by in silence before nods, affirmative grunts and a varied selection of "Yes," "Of course," and "I still don't know what was wrong with my yummy, crunchy salad…" wafted down from the twelve junior-Elves who sat on the benches; Lotta let out a sigh of relief, even if the last comment picked up by her pointy ears proved she still had some fast talking to do with the junior-lady-Elf in question.
"Thank you. Okie-dokie," she said and clapped her hands together, "now it's time for the practical exercises. I don't know how you usually do it, but I was thinking that Rocky and me would each select six of you to create two, small schmutting teams. When the teams have been assembled, we will build two schmutting scaffoldings. The teams will need to work together to shift a few items from the simulated sleigh to their proper spot underneath a wonn-derful Yuletree… that… uh, won't actually be there."
Another murmur rippled through the junior-Elves, but this time it was a positive one. The juniors seemed excited to learn of the plans, and they exchanged plenty of happy glances while they got to their Elfin feet to be ready for the selection process.
"Thank the Great Elf," Lotta mumbled, drawing a quiet sigh of relief before she carried on. "My dearest Rocky, please come over here," she said, waving her sweetheart over to her.
Rocky soon shuffled across the floor to stand next to the younger Elf. The sleigh driver wore a big grin like she was impressed by the way Lotta had handled the awkward, and potentially damaging situation.
Lotta grinned back before she reached out to playfully slap at Rocky's tummy. "I think we should use the Elf attendance sheet to select the teams. Let's do it alphabetically… you can start by picking the first, the third-"
"I get it, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and took the piece of parchment that had remained on the desk since Lotta had put it there at the start of the theoretical part of the day. After skimming it, she looked up at the junior-Elves. "All right, listen up… I need Ammalik Elf, Cilluma Elf, Ernest Elf, Gustava Elf, Oscar Elf and Silmarisso Elf to come down here, please."
Lotta snickered into her hand when she realized that she didn't have to call the names of the six junior-Elves who were to enter her own team since they were the only ones remaining, but she remembered from her own days at Ye Olde Elfin Academie that it was always fun to be mentioned in connection with something exciting, and that's what she hoped the exercises would be. "And that means I would like Bette-Lil Elf, Dengsemand Elf, Fannika Elf, Lance-Henrik Elf, Trillesine Elf and Viggo Elf to come over to me, please. Unless my Elfin mind has failed me from Elfing down that wonn-derful chocolate layer cake, I do believe that's the rest of you up there!"
A few snickers were heard as the Elves filed down the steep staircase in perfect goose-step. Half of the twelve went over to Rocky, and the remaining six joined Lotta. When Lotta realized the junior-lady-Elf who had acted as the Defender Of All Things Salad, Gustava Elf, went over to join Rocky's team, she let out yet another sigh of relief.
Bette-Lil Elf and Fannika Elf began to shuffle left-and-right almost at once, and Lotta made a mental note of that - she didn't want any-Elf to feel pressured into anything they weren't ready for; a second look at Fannika Elf hinted at a different reason for the shuffling, namely an inherent cheekiness, and Lotta made a note of that as well.
Two teams were soon formed near the safety mats laid out in the open space where the exercises were scheduled to take place. The difference in leadership displayed by the captains of the two teams couldn't have been greater. Where Rocky spoke softly but with plenty of natural authority to keep her excited junior-Elves in check, Lotta had a far harder time keeping on top of her own team while she dragged a wooden box labeled Safety Equipment & Various Schmutting Doodads back to the central area.
Lotta's juniors wouldn't stop yakking. Although it pleased her to hear they had moved beyond the embarrassing incident in the dining hall, she was annoyed that they had to display it in such a disruptive fashion. Narrowing her eyes, she cast a glance at Rocky's team who stood in an ordered group while they waited for the safety equipment to be distributed. Her own team was anything but ordered as they continued to yak. "Elves… my dear, dear friends… please… we need to- please…" she tried, pulling the wooden box the final few yards across the floor. "I'm… listen up, we- we need to… how about we… oh…" she continued with little success. Her Elfin lips slid back in an ugly grimace at the prospect of needing to act far sterner with the juniors than she would have liked.
The corners of her mouth began to wander south as the members of her team just wouldn't pipe down; she needed to do something quickly, so she chose to jump onto the lid of the wooden box to gain more gravitas than her two-foot-nine-inches frame would otherwise allow. To gain authority over the unruly group, she would need to dig deep within her Elfin-self and be the Elfin-best, Elfin-strongest Epilotta Elf she could possibly be.
"All right. Listen up, please!" she said in a strong voice while she put her hands in the air. It seemed to do the trick as the raucous members of her team finally fell quiet. "After your graduation, you'll be working in small teams for the Central Administration's schmutting department. Most often, it'll only be your own, good Elf and a driver sharing a single-sleigh outfit, but you might enter a multi-Elf team if the situation calls for it. A good example could be a very busy Night of Nights, Yuletide Eve. The object of this exercise is to prepare yourselves to be proficient schmutterers on your own, but at the same time, to be ready to assist your teammate if they need help. In other words, to work hard and smart at the same time. Any questions so far?"
While Lotta waited for any of her junior-Elves to speak up, she let her Elfin-green eyes roam over the six members of her team. Though they were on average seventy years younger than she, she had no trouble recognizing their types. She had seen, or been, all of them during her years at the Academy.
Bette-Lil Elf, the junior-lady-Elf they had met up in the dorm, was clearly the shy, reserved type who rarely made eye contact with Lotta - or any-Elf else for that matter - out of fear of being chosen to do something she really, really didn't want to do. Even now, she continued to shuffle left-to-right while her fellow juniors mulled over any questions they may have. She would never, ever open her mouth to ask any sort of question that would draw attention to herself, Lotta knew that for a fact.
Dengsemand Elf seemed to be quite the swot-Elf with his fancy, almost brand-new clothes and unusual, water-combed hair. He carried a clipboard under his arm that he used to take frequent notes of what was said. He didn't have an unfriendly look in his Elfin-blue eyes as such, but it was clear he had hoped the day would have turned out more structured and goal-driven.
Fannika Elf was the prototypical joker of the bunch - her Academy cap was on sideways, a grin always played on her lips, and her Elfin-hazel eyes were always chasing the next funny incident; they carried a constant, cheeky gleam like she could be trusted to do absolutely anything at any time. Similar to Bette-Lil Elf, Fannika wore a pair of pale-gray schmutting pants, and she had her hands stuffed so far down into the pockets that the upper hem reached halfway up to the elbows of her traditional Elfin shirt.
The wavy-blond Lance-Henrik Elf fit exactly into the category known as the suave, good-looking, cool-Elf that all the more impressionable of the Elfin juniors would look up to. Clearly an Elf who came from a wealthy background, he had a casual, but cool, stance that he didn't even need to fake - it just came natural to him. He wore a casual, but cool, outfit consisting of dark-gray pants and a pale-blue shirt that matched the color of his Elfin eyes.
Trillesine Elf was a different type altogether. Quieter and more intense than her fellow junior-lady-Elves, she had an air of authority about her that would no doubt help her greatly later on in her career. Unlike the cheeky, roving gleam in Fannika Elf's eyes, Trillesine Elf's Elfin-gray orbs were rock-solid and hinted at plenty of Elfin smarts behind them. She dressed mostly in gray, but she wore a snow-white scarf around her neck that was very similar - if not identical - to the one used by the Polar Bear Cubs, the division of the Elfin Pathfinder Corps preferred by young lady-Elves.
And finally, Viggo Elf was the kindhearted, helpful one, there wasn't much doubt in Lotta's mind about that. Even in the brief time she had known the juniors, she had seen him come to the aid of Bette-Lil Elf and two from Rocky's team. Viggo had a round, open face that never lost a friendly smile. He wore a dark-brown outfit consisting of a pullover, a long-sleeved shirt that also needed to be pulled over his head, and a pair of woolen pants that featured turn-ups almost like his Mama had sown them too long for his stubby legs to begin with so he could grow in them. Though he was a great deal rounder and stockier than the other junior-Elves in the class, he was of a sturdy build and no doubt physically strong; Lotta surmised he came from a family of farmer-Elves.
Back during her own years at the Academy, Lotta had been a combination of at least four of the six junior-Elves she was looking at. She had been the shy, reserved Elf to begin with before she had evolved into a gentle version of the joker-Elf. That particular trait of her Elfin being had never been too strong, but it had definitely been there. Also, throughout her time at the Academy, she had tried to help her fellow Elves wherever and whenever she could. She hadn't always been successful in her endeavors, but it had never stopped her from trying. She had never been the swot-Elf or the one with the natural authority, but in her senior year, she had been a 'Sister Cool-Elf' that others looked up to as a result of her good grades.
"Don't you have any questions at all?" she said as she jumped off the box. When she received nothing but shaking Elfin heads in return, she let out an "Okie-dokie!" before she moved to open the wooden box containing the safety equipment so they could get on with it.
---
Lotta made short work of dealing with the contents of the box, and it didn't take long before all the safety equipment and various Elfin doodads used for schmutting had been poured into an Elfin-big pile in the middle of the floor.
The schmutting utilities included snow-goggles, anti-slip mittens, heavier gloves, earmuffs, nostril-pinchers and plugs, and a basic jingle stick that had been added to the set so the juniors could become familiar with the tool though it was rarely used for the schmutting jobs themselves. The safety equipment consisted of knee, elbow and crotch padding as well as wrist and ankle-supports, and even an all-enveloping padded helmet that was sure to make any-Elf wearing it look the absolute fool-Elf.
Kneeling, Lotta waded through the unsorted pile of equipment that had just been thrown into the wooden box in a most haphazard manner the last time it had been used. "Padding… padding… padding… snow-goggles…" she said as she sorted the items into smaller piles, "padding… padding… mittens… padding… Santa's Suspenders, there's an Elfin buncha padding in here, huh? More padding… gloves… earmuffs… padding… more padding… and even more padding… another pair of snow-goggles… more padding… Great Elf… this helmet is too Elfin-ugly… uh… just put all of this on, my friends. We're about to start," she said over her shoulder.
All twelve junior-Elves looked at each other for a moment or two before they began donning the padding and various other items that Lotta had sorted into smaller piles. A flurry of activity followed where piece after piece of padding was put on, adjusted or discarded for being the wrong size.
At the end of the outfitting session, only a few, semi-broken pieces of padding remained. The ties were frayed on two of them so they couldn't be secured properly, and two further were cracked which rendered them useless for the job at hand.
"Ooooooookay… so far so good," Lotta said as she got to her Elfin feet. To set a good example to their teams of junior-Elves, she had put aside two complete sets of protective padding for herself and Rocky though they would never dream of using any out in the real, Elfin world. While she slipped her own set of elbow-protectors up her Elfin arms, she shuffled down the line of her six Elves to verify they had put the gear on according to the regulatory usage of the equipment. Four of the six were in perfect shape gear-wise, but Viggo Elf and Fannika Elf weren't yet fully equipped.
For Viggo Elf, it was a result of his broader frame. He wore the pads that fit the knees and crotch, but the wrist and ankle-protectors, as well as the padding designed to cover the elbows, couldn't be opened up wide enough to slide over his meaty limbs. The junior-Elf looked a little uncomfortable with the fact as Lotta stepped up to him. "I'm sorry, Miss Lotta… they won't fit," he squeaked in a most embarrassed voice.
"Oh, that's all right, Viggo. Just be careful of twists, sprains and bumps once you climb the scaffolding."
"Will do, Miss Lotta."
Epilotta had to hide a snicker as she shuffled on down the line to reach Fannika Elf. The joker wore the elbow pads and the supports for the wrists and ankles like she should, but had somehow mistaken the knee pads for a breast plate. She had tied the two pads together and held the connected piece of gear up to her chest like an Elfin brassiere. She had stuck the loose ties under her arms that she kept glued to her sides so the ingenious garment would stay in place. An Elfin-big, cheeky grin played on her lips as usual.
"Hmmm," Lotta said, squinting with one Elfin-green eye while she put an Elfin finger on the side of her Elfin nose. "Now Fannika, while I can sympathize with your idea, I think you've misunderstood something. Those pieces of padding are to be put just a little bit further south…"
"Ohhh," Fannika said, pulling her arms away from her body. The double-cups fell off as the ties were exposed, but she caught them handily and began to untie the laces at once.
"But if you're interested in additional padding, Fannika," Lotta said and turned around to point at the item that had been left all by its lonesome at the wooden box, "that wonn-derful padded helmet over there is just crying out for some-Elf brave enough to slip it over their pointy ears."
Fannika Elf stared wide-eyed at the horrible contraption before she shook her Elfin head in a most decisive manner. "Ah… no thank you, Miss Lotta. I'll behave, Miss Lotta."
Still hiding her snicker, Lotta settled for nodding at the joker before she checked the remaining four junior-Elves. The rest of her team wore all the regulatory padding in all the proper places, so she took the opportunity to shuffle over to the other side of the open area where Rocky was busy with her own team.
Lotta's experienced eye once more picked up the different types of the other six junior-Elves. Like in her own team, she spotted the responsible one, the swot-Elf, and the shy one. Rocky didn't have a cool-Elf, nor a joker, but she did appear to have two helpful, kind ones in their stead. "Dearest Rocky, I can see you're not wearing any padding… it's an Elfin good thing I brought you some," Lotta said on her way over to her sweetheart. She held out the items she had selected like they were Yuletide presents.
"Padding?" Rocky said in a voice that held something akin to a whine.
"Why yes, we need to set a good example," Lotta said and pulled her sweetheart aside so the junior-Elves couldn't hear what was being said. "The last thing we want is for one of our juniors to fall off the scaffolding and get hurt. That would be a really, really, realllllly bad thing, Rocky. That would be oh-so-bad not only for the junior-Elf in question, but for the Academy, for the A-Team, for Santa… and for us."
"Oh, abso-Elfin-lutely. I agree about the juniors, but padding for me is just… silly," Rocky said, and this time, there was no mistaking the whine in her voice. When she caught a glimpse of the determined look upon Lotta's fair face, she shrugged and reached for the items. "Oh, well. I suppose a little padding won't harm me."
"No, and it might even help you," Lotta said and stood up on tip-toes to place a little kiss on Rocky's lips.
---
Returning to her own team, Lotta clapped her hands twice to make the junior-Elves cease their Elfin yakking and turn their attention toward her. "My friends," she said in her strong-Elf voice, "as any Elf will tell you… before we can start with any of the more strenuous physical activities, we need to warm up first. Stretch our Elfin muscles, loosen our Elfin joints, and allllll those neat things that will prevent us from pulling an Elfin hamstring, or an Elfin tendon, or even worse during our schmutting jobs. Trust me, there's nothing remotely funny about being stuck up on a snow-covered rooftop with a pulled Elfin muscle that makes you unable to perform the task Santa sent you there for. Unfortunately, we don't have any musical accompaniment today, so we'll just have to provide our own while we warm up. Let's get started!"
The twelve juniors exchanged glances that were shy, puzzled or even confused - and their confusion only grew deeper when Lotta began to belt out one of her Yuletide favorites while she stretched out:
"The snow was cooooold but you were so warm to hooooold, as we drove in the sleeeeeigh along the waaaaay back home todaaaaay!" the petite Elf sang, using the easy-going, laid-back Yuletide chestnut to give herself an easy entry into her warm-up routine. While she belted out the old tune, she put her hands on her hips and gyrated her entire Elfin being in accordance with the slow rhythm. "Come on, every-Elf! Follow my lead! The snow was cooooold but you were so warm to hooooold, as we drove in the sleeeeeigh along the waaaaay back home todaaaaay!"
The juniors were slow in following Lotta, and it was clear they were in two minds about what to do. Eventually, they put their hands on their hips and followed their substitute schmutting instructor through the somewhat embarrassing-looking gyrations. Dengsemand Elf and Lance-Henrik Elf, the swot-Elf and the cool-Elf, respectively, weren't too pleased - or even comfortable - with the odd routine, but Bette-Lil Elf, Fannika Elf, Lance-Henrik Elf and Viggo Elf were along for the ride; Viggo even began to sing along with Lotta.
Once Lotta and her team had made twenty gyrations each, she chose a Yuletide favorite that was faster than Sleigh Dreams had been: "Santa said to the little Elf, don't be sad, don't be sad-" - As she sang, she began to jog in place. She noted with some pride that all her six Elves followed her into pumping their Elfin arms and legs; even Dengsemand Elf and Lance-Henrik Elf who seemed more at home with this particular type of exercise. Viggo Elf was at a disadvantage since he had more bulk to carry around, but he tried to keep up with the nimbler Elves to the best of his abilities. "Lookin' good, my dear friends! Ohhhhhh, Santa said to the little Elf, please be glad, please be glad! Yuletide is near, and a good time will be had… by aaaaallll!"
By now, Lotta had upped the pace to one notch below all-out Elfin-sprinting-in-place. Changing the tune to one of her absolute favorites, she began to dance one of the older polkas around Rocky and all twelve junior-Elves to make them join her. "Dashing through the snow in a one-deer open sleigh. Over the fields we go, laughing all the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Bells on bob tail ring, making spirits bright! What fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaaaaaaaaaaay! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-deer open sleiiiiiiigh-Hey!"
As expected, the combination of the evergreen Yuletide song and the Cluckin' Chicken Polka - Elfin knees held high, Elfin arms flapping, and the Elfin head bobbin' back and forth like a pecking chicken - stirred the Elfin souls of every-Elf there and sent both teams into a dancing, singing frenzy. "Again! Only louder! Dashing through the snow! In a one-deer open sleigh! Over the fields we go! Laughing all the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Bells on bob tail ring! Making spirits bright! Oh, what fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight! Ohhhhhhhh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-deer open sleiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!"
After a long bout of doing the Elfin-good polka, Lotta wound down the glorious spectacle by changing the song to the Elf Trekking Song which was less fast than Jingle Bells, but still fast enough to keep up the pulse of the dancers: "Ohhhhh, a little Elf traveled far! Up hill and down vale and oh-so far! O-le, o-le, o-lar! Ohhhhh, the little Elf saw a star! And she wished upon the star! O-le, o-le, o-lar! Slower… slower… slow down, every-Elf… slower… okie-dokie, now shake your Elfin arms and legs! Shake your Elfin arms and legs, please!"
Coming to a gradual halt from the fast-paced polka-ing, Lotta showed Rocky and the juniors what she meant by turning into an Elfin rag doll whose limbs didn't seem to be connected to anything underneath the Elfin skin. "Yuletide Eve is nigh and the bells jingle… oh, hear the bells jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingle so sweet!" she sang while her shaking turned into swaying like a leaf rustling in a gentle breeze to finish off loosening her muscles.
The slow Yuletide carol was the perfect way to end the warm-up, and it pleased Lotta no end to see that the eyes of all the juniors - and even Rocky - were well-alight meaning they were now on top-Elfin form to go ahead with the schmutting exercises. Viggo Elf's meaty cheeks were flushed, but even the rotund Elf looked to be ready for some heavy-duty schmutting.
"All right!" Lotta cried, clapping her hands again. "Let's build the scaffolding so we can get some Elfin schmutting done around here!"
A chorus of cheers greeted her as twelve junior-Elves rushed up to the easy-assembly building materials and began to haul them back to the open area - it was clear they were eager to get started on the part of the day's class they had all been looking forward to the most.
While Lotta watched her six junior-Elves work together to get their section of the scaffolding done right, Rocky snuck up on her from behind and leaned in to kiss the flushed skin at the petite Elf's neck. "That, my sweet Lotta, was cotton-candy fantastic. A stroke of genius-Elf."
"Awww, shucks," Lotta said as she squirmed under the repeated kissing. "I just did a little singing and dancing… allllll my favorite Yuletide things. If we could throw a bun or a bowl of rice pudding in there somewhere, I'd be in Elfin heaven!"
"Mmmmm, I'll think about it… when we get home," Rocky purred, kissing Lotta's neck again before she moved over to her team of juniors to assist them putting together the building materials.
-*-*-*-
The junior-Elves worked swiftly and efficiently even without A-Team supervision, and it wasn't long before two identical scaffoldings had been built some distance from each other in the open area designed to host the practical exercises. The schmutting scaffoldings reached nearly fifteen feet into the air and were made of countless large and small logs and planed planks of pinewood that could be assembled or disassembled by tying, or untying, the leather straps that each log and plank was equipped with at the ends.
Wrapped boxes that represented Yuletide gifts had been piled up in front of both scaffoldings. Just like in the real Elfin world, the gifts were of varying size and material: one was large and round almost like the smooth wrapping paper hid a ball of some kind, another was soft and squishy like it contained home-knitted Elfin garments like long-stockings or perhaps even woolly unmentionables. A third box was square and rigid at one end, but rounded and soft at the other just like certain deliveries from Elfin garden centers, and yet another box felt like it contained fluid of some kind. Whatever the colorful wrapping paper concealed, the weight shifted depending on how it was held - and that meant the container was no doubt fragile.
Rocky and Lotta performed a final safety check of the two scaffoldings by yanking here, pushing there, tugging above and nudging down below. When the A-Team Elves were satisfied with the solidity of the schmutting racks, they stepped back to confer.
"So," Lotta whispered, leaning in towards her dearest friend to keep their conversation out of reach of any pointy junior-Elf ears in the vicinity, "what do you think?"
"I think we can call it a-go-go for schmutting, sweet Lotta."
"I agree, and… uh… whut?"
"It was a joke," Rocky said and snickered into her hand.
Lotta briefly narrowed her eyes to try to figure it out, but the joke had gone clear over her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat and her flaming Elfin-red locks. "Oh… I see. Or not. I didn't get th- but never mind that now. If you're ready, I'm ready!"
"And I am."
"Right-o! Let's go!"
"A-go-go!" Rocky echoed before she broke out into another snicker.
"Uh… whut?" Lotta said, coming to fast stop. She shook her head in confusion, but shrugged it off and returned to her team of six junior-Elves while Rocky continued to snicker at her own joke that had proved to be so advanced that it needed its own clue-book to be fully understood.
"My dear, dear Elfin friends!" Lotta said once she slid to a stop in front of her junior-Elves. "On the floor there, you see a pile of Yuletide gifts. Santa has entrusted you with the solemn task of delivering these Yuletide presents to the Human children and adults who have sent him a wish list. Imagine the gifts being on the flatbed of a sleigh that has landed in an alley somewhere. Now, up there," - Lotta turned around to point at a platform that had been created at the very top of the schmutting scaffoldings - "you see the chimney. For this particular exercise, your task is to schmut these wrapped presents up to the chimney… and they obviously need to be in one piece once you get there. Any questions?"
When none came, Lotta nodded and stepped away from the scaffolding. Looking across the room, she noted that Rocky had reached the same spot in her own program. Whether or not it was on the curriculum for the class they were attending, it would turn into a team contest, she was sure of that - it had always been thus every time she had been involved in the schmutting exercises in her years at Ye Olde Elfin Academie.
"Okie-dokie, since you have no questions, I want you to form three teams of two Elves… and… well, get schmutting. Off you go!"
The junior-Elves looked at each other for a few Elfin moments before they began to gravitate closer to the Elf they hoped would accept their request. The swot Dengsemand Elf and the cool-Elf Lance-Henrik Elf came together as a natural pairing, but the four remaining juniors were more reluctant to team up. The shy Bette-Lil Elf shuffled from side-to-side, and the rotund Viggo Elf bore a look upon his round face that said he had been selected last so Elfin-many times it hardly even hurt anymore. The joker Fannika Elf and the glumly-serious Trillesine Elf were oil and water, but neither wanted to be paired up with the shy-Elf or the heavy-Elf.
While the two lady-Elves continued to stare each other down, Viggo Elf shrugged and decided to take matters into his own hands for once. Turning around, he shuffled over to Bette-Lil Elf and offered the shy lady-Elf a smile. "So… Bette-Lil Elf… while those two Elves are busy doing The-Great-Elf-knows-what, how about you and me got started here?"
A shy smile flashed across Bette-Lil Elf's face as she nodded at her rotund fellow junior-Elf. "I would like that, Viggo," she squeaked, much to Viggo Elf and Lotta's pleasure.
Lotta turned her attention to Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf who still hadn't spoken a word to each other despite the fact they were the only Elves not yet in a team. "Looks like you're working together, my friends," she said to cut the long matter short.
The look upon Fannika Elf's face was surly rather than cheeky for a change, but she nodded and shuffled over to the scaffolding to get ready. Trillesine Elf remained where she had been the whole time like she was debating with herself if she should ask the substitute schmutting instructor to be moved over to Rocky's team. When a quick glance at the other side of the open area proved that all six of the other junior-Elves were already schmutting, she let out a sigh and shuffled over to stand next to Fannika Elf.
"All right," Lotta said, bringing up the rear of the small group of Elves that was made up of many different shapes and sizes, "Bette-Lil Elf and Viggo Elf, I would like you to schmut first. Take a couple of gifts each and get started. Remember, help each other if it's needed, but go on your own if that's best for you."
Bette-Lil Elf and Viggo Elf each stuffed three wrapped gifts under their Elfin arms and moved over to the scaffolding. After a bit of reconnaissance to find the best way to the platform at the top, they began to schmut upwards. Despite his larger frame, the strong Viggo Elf was quicker than the slender, but oh-so-careful Bette-Lil Elf in schmutting up the scaffolding, but he held back the whole time to keep an eye on his lagging team mate. When Bette-Lil Elf dropped one of her gifts much to her vocal displeasure, Viggo Elf abandoned his own route to put his shoulder under the shy lady-Elf's tush to keep her steady. Working closely together, but not going particularly fast, they reached the platform with all but the gift Bette-Lil Elf had dropped halfway there. It was one of the square boxes, so chances were it would not have survived being dropped in a real situation.
Lotta kept a close eye on the proceedings. She took mental notes of every step, every grip the two junior-Elves took on their way to the top; while she was pleased with the outcome - save for the dropped gift - she was less pleased with the speed of the endeavor, and the fact that Viggo Elf had been so quick to offer his support that it had been to the detriment of his own efficiency.
She crinkled her nose when it dawned on her that she was now expected to critique the efforts of the two junior-Elves. An Elf putting another Elf in a harsh spotlight using words or actions that could hurt the individual was just about the most un-Elfin-like thing in the entire Elfin-universe, but it was something that needed to be done if the junior-Elves were to get better. She had often enough been on the receiving end of scathing comments to know what not to do or say, but she hadn't yet worked out how to do it the proper way - she hoped it would come to her before she needed it.
To push off the bad stuff for later, she stepped forward and put out her hands. "That wasn't too bad, Bette-Lil and Viggo. Think of what you did and how you did it, and learn from it for your next attempt. Yeah?" - Bette-Lil Elf and Viggo Elf both nodded up on the platform - "Okie-dokie! You can come down now… don't forget the gifts. Dengsemand Elf and Lance-Henrik Elf, get yourselves ready. You're next."
The swot-Elf and the cool-Elf soon shuffled over to the pile of wrapped gifts to grab an armful each. Only a few Elfin moments went by after they had started schmutting before Lotta recognized that the two junior-Elves were only prepared to take, not give. An internecine struggle developed between the two almost before they had left the ground, and it turned Elfin-ugly very fast with Dengsemand Elf and Lance-Henrik Elf reaching for the same support beam at the same time. Something had to give, and it ended up being Dengsemand Elf who was thrown off balance when he had to readjust his grip. Not only did he drop all his presents, he lost his footing and fell seven feet down onto the matting where he landed with a bump.
Sitting up, the sturdy Elf let out a few mumbled Elfin cuss words before he adjusted his safety padding and reached out to collect the wrapped boxes he had dropped. Before he could get too far, Lotta came onto the scene and stopped him. "Wait an Elfin minute, Dengsemand Elf… that went wrong, and do you know why?"
" 'Cos Lance-Henrik Elf wouldn't give me enough room up there," the swot-Elf said, assuming a grumpy expression as he looked up at his supposed team mate who had reached the platform in the meantime.
"That Elfin door swings both ways, Dengsemand. It went wrong because you didn't work together," Lotta said decisively.
Dengsemand Elf looked up at her like he wanted to complain, but the fire left him at once and he got to his Elfin feet instead. With a final look at the platform where Lance-Henrik Elf was busy smoothing down his cool, blond wave, he let out a few grunts as he slinked off back to his clipboard to update his progress - or the lack of it.
"All right. Lance-Henrik Elf, you can come down now. Don't forget the gifts," Lotta said and stepped over to the final pairing, Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf. Those two lady-Elves would never be the best of friends either, but Lotta hoped they would at least bury their disagreement while the exercise was unfolding.
A quick glance at Rocky's six junior-Elves proved that the tough sleigh driver experienced pretty much the same types of problems that Lotta did, so it wasn't all bad - it still irked the petite Elf that the problems had even arisen, however. She had expected, or hoped, the juniors would be more cooperative with one another, but the competitive spirit among the Elves appeared to be one of the things that had remained a constant since her own days at the Academy.
Just like she had done that memorable Night of Nights when she had met a real, top-professional Elf - in the shapely shape of Rockabye Elf - for the first time, the juniors would experience a rude awakening once they began working for the Central Administration and were selected for their first, true gift-dropping runs. They weren't the end-all and be-all of the Elfin universe though they thought they were; in fact, they were so far down the Elf-pole they were barely visible above ground. It took a strong willingness to learn, and subsequent years of hard work, to earn the trust and respect of other schmutter-Elves.
Zoning back to the present, Lotta put her hands akimbo as she watched Lance-Henrik Elf jump the final two feet onto the matting. Similar to Bette-Lil Elf and Viggo Elf's hiccup, she didn't want to critique his schmutting attempt before they had all finished, so she offered him a brief smile instead. He took it and slinked off to watch Rocky's team.
"Okie-dokie, Fannika and Trillesine… you're up. Take a few gifts and find the schmutting route that works best for you. Go ahead," Lotta said and took a step back.
Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf shot each other a surly glance before they shuffled off to grab some of the simulated presents. Fully armed with two presents each, they returned to the schmutting scaffolding and began to assemble a list of the various beams they were going to use.
Lotta could almost sense in her Elfin tummy that the joker-Elf and the glumly-serious one wouldn't be able to work together at all once they were schmutting, but her fears were put to shame for the first part of the short trek upstairs. Though the two lady-Elves never once helped each other, they didn't hinder each other either which was a clear improvement over the last pair of Elfin juniors. Lotta just had time to think that it was all going quite well before the inevitable happened and the two lady-Elves went for the same beam nearly up at the top.
"Well, excuse you! I got here first, Fannika Elf!" Trillesine Elf said, struggling to keep her Elfin hand on the beam that her team mate had suddenly decided she wanted to use as well. "If you mess up my schmutting run, I'm gonna be really, really, reallllllly angry with you!"
Down on the ground, Lotta buried her face in her hands and let out a long groan. She had only just returned her gaze to the two junior-lady-Elves grappling for the underside of the platform when wrapped presents started raining down towards her. "Cotton-candy! Oooooh! Sugar plum mush! Ohhhhh! Uffda!" she cried, sidestepping one, two, three, four gifts that rained down from the sky and landed with hard knocks on the matting all around her. One of the gifts had been the one that simulated a set of bottles from an Elfin brewery, and the way it landed would have smashed the contents into a thousand shards and a tidal wave of sticky liquid had the present and the accident been real.
The two junior-lady-Elves balancing at the top of the scaffolding had pushed the primary objective out of the way to be at each other's Elfin throats instead, despite being so close to the platform they could have moved up there in half an Elfin heartbeat if they had wanted to. "Look what you made me do!" Fannika Elf cried, pointing down at the dropped presents. "You think you're so cotton-candy smart, dontcha?!"
"I beg your pardon, Miss Obnoxious-Elf?" Trillesine Elf said in a sharp voice. "If you hadn't gone for the same-"
"Enough of that, please!" Lotta barked from down on the ground. "That's it. We're cotton-candy done. All right. Thank you. I think. Come down and we'll… we'll… we'll… talk it through. Please. Corn-on-a-cob… and I got out of a warm bed for this…"
Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf each shot the other a dark glare that spelled out quite clearly that not only did they blame the other for the utter fiasco, the smoldering feud that had developed between them could turn to proper flames at the drop of a floppy-coned Elf hat. A few moments later, they schmutted back down and slinked off to join the others.
Lotta's face resembled that of an Elf who had just been told that an entire tanker sleigh carrying the Elfin world's last remaining barrels of sweet white ale had gone missing somewhere over Greenland's frozen tundra. She kept her hands akimbo simply because she didn't know what to do with them otherwise. Breathing deeply and evenly to keep her Elfin temper in check, she turned around and shuffled over to her team of junior-Elves to break down the various breakdowns that had occurred.
Assistance arrived in the shape of Rockabye Elf who came to Lotta's rescue before she could make it all the way over to her Elves. When the long-haul sleigh driver reached her, Lotta made a ninety-degree left-hand turn to fall into the taller Elf's arms. "Ohhhh, my dearest Rocky," she croaked to her sweetheart's pointy ears only, "this wasn't the Elfin good idea I had hoped it would be… it was actually an Elfin bad idea…"
"Don't worry too much about it, sweet Lotta… my juniors weren't a crumble cake better," Rocky said in a matching whisper.
"They weren't?"
"Naw."
"Oh…" Lotta said and looked back at her Elves. "Uh… take five. Eat 'em if you got 'em," she continued before she faced Rocky once more. "I think I've forgotten more about the life at Ye Olde Elfin Academie than I thought I had… I knew it was competitive back in the old days as well, but I can't recall it was ever like this! By the Great Elf, they can hardly work together for two cotton-candy minutes before they end up trying to take an Elfin-great bite out of each other's tushes!"
Rocky nodded. "Same with mine. Exactly the same. So… the day is almost over-"
"Whut? That can't be right…"
"Time flies when you're having, uh…"
"Heartburn," Lotta added flatly.
Leaning in, Rocky rubbed her shoulder a couple of times against that of her sweetheart. "And you're sure that wasn't the Elfin-big chocolate layer cake?"
"Quite sure, Miss Rockabye!"
"But anyway," Rocky continued, hiding a snicker, "we probably need to be thinking about wrapping up here so we can get back home to Elf Springs. There's going to be hard frost tonight… the sky was clear the whole day, remember? The temperatures will plummet, and Sammi-Sima doesn't like flying when it's that cold. Her breathing becomes labored."
"Oh! Ohhhh, we don't want that to happen! Sammi-Sima has been soooooo good to us! Well… uh…" Lotta said and shot a quick peek at her juniors who were sitting on the floor awaiting further Elfin instructions. "I only need to critique their schmutting and then we can call it a day and head for home."
"Works for me, sweet Lotta. I'll do the same with mine," Rocky said and leaned in to place a peck on her sweetheart's pert nose. She winked at the petite Elf before she shuffled off to her own junior-Elves to carry out a similar plan featuring many, similar complaints.
Lotta walked over to her juniors and put her hands on her hips to fall into her patented strong-Elf persona. She wanted nothing more than to break out in a wild bout of left-to-right shuffling like Elves were prone to do, but she knew she needed to keep herself in check for the important critiquing. "Okie-dokie… my friends, that was good and bad. Uh… more bad than good, I will admit, but there were a few positive points. Bette-Lil Elf, you dropped a gift by accident. Every-elf in general, and Elfin schmutterers in particular, know that accidents can happen at all times, but the trick is not to get frazzled by it. You slowed down so Elfin much afterwards you would have been in trouble with your schedule. I've been doing real schmutting for a couple of years now, and I've never been on a gift-dropping run that didn't have an impossibly tight schedule."
"I'm sorry, Miss Lotta," Bette-Lil Elf squeaked. Unlike Lotta, the shy lady-Elf zoomed into the shuffling routine at once, and Viggo Elf came to her aid like he had done on the scaffolding.
"Oh, don't feel too bad about it, Bette-Lil Elf. You made it to the top as one of the few. You can take real, Elfin pride in that fact. Viggo Elf."
"Yes, Miss Lotta?" the rotund, farmer-junior-Elf said.
Lotta stopped to offer the young Elf a smile to show that while she wasn't fully satisfied, she wasn't displeased either. "It was realllllly neat that you came back to help your team mate Bette-Lil, but you made a tickle-monster out of your own progress because of it. Since you were close to your destination when the bad thing happened to your partner, the better solution would have been to deliver your own gifts first so they would be out of the way, then return to help Bette-Lil Elf the rest of the way up."
"I'll do that next time, Miss Lotta," Viggo Elf said, nodding hard.
"I know you will. Now… Dengsemand Elf," Lotta said and scratched her fair brow underneath her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat while she searched for the right words so she could continue. "Ah… a little competition is just fine, but you can spoil any rice pudding by adding too much spice. You and Lance-Henrik Elf were competing just a leeeeeeetle too hard. This isn't the ice rink. The true, Elfin heart of schmutting is to ensure that Santa's presents get through to the proper child. I believe we can agree on that?"
"Yes, Miss Lotta," Dengsemand Elf mumbled.
"And Lance-Henrik Elf, the same goes for you, except that you actually made it to the platform which is neat. Unfortunately, it looked verrrrrrrry much like you never thought about helping your teammate when he was in trouble… not even once. Am I right?"
The cool-Elf's cheeks exploded in a deep-red hue, and he ducked his head in an acute bout of strong embarrassment at having been caught so red-handed in his merciless approach to get to the top ahead of Dengsemand Elf. "I'm afraid so, Miss Lotta," he croaked, nodding so hard that he needed to smooth down his blond wave afterwards.
"Right. We're Elves. We help each other," Lotta continued, turning to the final two junior-Elves. "Which brings me to you two. Well… I don't know what to say here, Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf. Your attempt was… ah… uh… just on the wrong side of being a big, hairy tickle-monster. Or to put it shorter, it was not good. I think I'll leave it at that."
The joker-junior-lady-Elf and the intense, glumly-serious-junior-lady-Elf shot each other dark glares like they were still blaming the other for the failure to even reach the platform. Lotta caught it and let out an Elfin-long sigh. "Hold it, I've changed my mind. I am gonna say something, and that is that even though you failed to deliver any of the gifts, you were successful in showing your fellow Elves how Elfin important chemistry is, and how Elfin negative… or even disruptive… a lack of chemistry can be."
Taking a deep breath, Lotta shuffled closer to the junior-Elves to make her next point come better across. "It is so, so, SO vital that you and your sleigh-driver have a good working relationship. You depend on each other out there… there may not be another Elf within a hundred miles of you in any direction. If you can't stand the other Elf manning your sleigh, the gig will turn into the Elfin world's sourestes… uh… sourer… sour- never mind, most sour lemon within moments of take-off. But by then, you won't have any choice but to accept it."
Fannika Elf and Trillesine Elf shot each other another dark glare. It didn't appear that Lotta's words had appeased the two junior-lady-Elves, or even trickled past their pointy ears - their Elfin-orbs still shot lightning bolts at the other.
"Oh, ye Great Elf, I'm wasting my Elfin breath on these two," Lotta mumbled before she continued in her regular voice: "Chemistry, my dear Elves. Remember that. Befriend the sleigh-drivers and find out who you can work with and who you can't. We all have verrrrrrry different personalities though we're all Elves. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. And with that, my dear friends, Rocky and me have to leave before-"
"Aren't you gonna show us a few schmutting moves, Miss Lotta?" Fannika Elf said. The joker seemed sincere for once, but it was hard to tell since the familiar cheeky gleam had returned to her Elfin-hazel eyes now that she was looking at Lotta rather than her new Elfin-enemy Trillesine Elf.
Thirteen Elves turned to Lotta with excitement written all over their ruddy - and bronzed, in Rocky's case - faces. It was clear that Lotta's reputation at being a master at the discipline had preceded her, and that every-Elf was looking forward to seeing her in action on the schmutting rack.
"Well… I hadn't planned to, but… uh…" Lotta said, unable to stop herself from shuffling left-to-right. When she realized she was doing it, she stopped at once, but the motion continued up her legs and into her tush that began to wiggle without conscious input by its owner. "Uh… now that I'm here and the scaffolding is here and the presents are here… I suppose that I could schmut a little," she said and shuffled over to the wrapped boxes that represented the gifts.
Rocky and the junior-Elves all broke out in a cheer, even those Elves who hadn't been too successful in their own attempt at reaching the platform. One by one, they sat down and shuffled around on their tushes in the middle of the sea of protective matting to behold what would undoubtedly be an Elfin spectacle.
Lotta blushed hard at the attention as she collected the wrapped gifts, but a part of her Elfin being felt proud that she was remembered at the Academy as some-Elf who was Elfin-good at something they all tried to master. "Okie-dokie," she said, stuffing two presents under each arm. She narrowed her Elfin-green eyes when another thought entered her mind - instead of bringing all the presents up to the platform at once, she would only take one at a time, but schmut numerous times instead using various techniques.
Selecting the clumsiest of the four gifts so it wouldn't look too easy, she stepped up to the scaffolding and plotted a course for the top. Then she took off in true Epilotta Elf-style: going at the speed of Elf, she schmutted up to the platform in no time at all; then she schmutted back down to pick up the next present. For her second schmutting run, she chose an alternative route upstairs, but made it there even faster than when she had used the primary route. After schmutting back down for the third present, she crabbed sideways up the scaffolding before she turned around - like she didn't hold onto anything at all - and completed the run schmutting backwards. Down she went for the fourth and final present. For the last run, she went up the inside of the scaffolding to simulate the many times she and Rocky had schmutted up heating ducts or the like. When she reached the underside of the platform, she schmutted out through a gap between two support beams that shouldn't have been wide enough for her, but was, and flipped up onto the platform with no effort at all. Once there, she picked up all the presents and stuffed them under her arms.
The final part of Lotta's schmutting exhibition was one that made all the junior-Elves draw deep gasps or even let out little, Elfin shrieks - she stepped up to the edge of the platform and took the quick route down by simply jumping off the side of the scaffolding while letting out an Elfin-cheery "Yoo-hoo-hoo!" like she always did when she dropped down a chimney on the Night of Nights, Yuletide Eve.
She came to a perfect landing where she cushioned the impact by using her knees as shock-absorbers. The four presents were still safely tucked under her arms, and she hadn't even broken a sweat from the manic schmutting. To complete the illusion of a real schmutting gig, she tip-toed across the matting and pretended to arrange the presents under an imaginary Yuletree - then, she broke out in a wild snicker that she had to use both hands to conceal.
Rocky and all twelve junior-Elves bolted to their Elfin feet and let out a long series of cheers, whistles, hoots, hollers and Elfin whoops that made the petite Elf's cheeks explode in a deeper shade of red than even her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat. "Thank you! Thank you, my dear, dear friends!" she said, bowing to the audience.
'Amazing! Just amazing!' a mature lady-Elf voice cried out from somewhere deep among the rows of benches further into the auditorium. The comment was followed by enthusiastic clapping and cheering that rivaled that of the junior-Elves.
"Huh?" Lotta said, glancing up at the benches to see who it could be sitting up there. When the lady-Elf in question stood up, Lotta's face cracked open in a wide smile. "Silvermoon! Am I ready to graduate?" she said and broke out in a new bout of snickering.
"Just about! We still need to smooth out a few rough edges!" Silvermoon Elf joked as she limped down the steep staircase. Karthago Elf gave her a helping hand all the way down, and the stern, elder Elf looked just as ecstatic as all the juniors at having witnessed Epilotta Elf's five-star schmutting routine.
While Silvermoon Elf hobbled closer, Rocky slid up to stand behind her sweetheart and once more leaned down to give the shorter Elf a good kiss on the neck behind the flaming red locks. "That was oh-so-Elfin brilliant, sweet Lotta! Schmutting done right. Cotton-candy, you looked so cool, so calm, so-"
"Thank you, my dearest Rocky," Lotta said and twisted around so she was face to face with the lady-Elf of her heart. Her ruddy face was glowing from the exertion, but she wore an Elfin-big happy smile on her lips - that is, until they puckered up and were used for the very purpose the Great Elf had created them for.
Silvermoon Elf grinned at the tender exchange between the two A-Team Elves, but when the kiss went on for quite some time, she coughed into her hand to remind them that others were waiting, too. "Ah," she said once the Elves separated, "that was so wonn-derful to watch, Lotta. You haven't lost a thing… actually, you've learned a lot since I evaluated your effort at the schmutting finals. I'm so, so, SO proud of you!" she continued as she pulled the younger Elf in for an Elfin-big hug.
"Thank you, my dear, dear Silvermoon!" Lotta said in a muffled voice as her mouth was squished up against Silvermoon's shoulder. "It means a lot… it realllllllly means a lot to hear you say that…"
"Aw, you're very welcome, Lotta. You and Rocky are always welcome if you want to pop by the Academy for a chit-chat and a cinnamon bun or a mug of hot chocolate."
"Yipp-ppieeeeeeeeeeee!"
"I knew you'd say that!" Silvermoon Elf said and snickered into her hand. "Oh, and I spoke to the principal before I snuck in to see you… he's most pleased with how the day has progressed. If we ever get another opening for a substitute, or perhaps even a full-time schmutting instructor, would you be interested?"
"Oh… a subbing job, I don't know, Silvermoon… perhaps. But hand on my Elfin heart, a full-time gig as an instructor wouldn't interest me. I already have a full-time job that I love. And, uh…" Lotta said, glancing at Rocky.
"Say no more," Silvermoon Elf said, pulling Lotta in for a brief hug.
Moving back from her old mentor, Lotta clasped arms with her opponent of years gone by, the stern Karthago Elf. The Elf elder didn't look nearly as intimidating now, and Lotta filed that under 'S' for success in her Elfin mind. "Mister Karthago Elf, Sir," she said, bowing to the Elf elder.
"Thank you for coming here today, Miss Epilotta," Karthago Elf said, returning the bow which set Lotta's cheeks on fire all over again. "It was most delightful to see you again."
Rocky chose the moment to clasp the arm of Lotta's old lady-Elf friend. "Miss Silvermoon Elf, it was Elfin good to meet you. I'm afraid that Lotta and me need to fly home to Elf Springs now before it gets too cold for our reindeer."
"Ohhhhh, already?" Silvermoon Elf said and turned back to Lotta. "I had hoped we had time for dinner or something…"
"Dinner?" Lotta croaked, grabbing her schmutting uniform where it met her Elfin tummy. Her Elfin-green eyes darted from Silvermoon Elf to Rocky to Silvermoon Elf to Rocky to Silvermoon Elf to Rocky to Silvermoon Elf to Rocky to Silvermoon Elf before they stopped at Rocky who wore what seemed to be a strained smile on her face. "Oh, I'm so, so, SO sorry, Silvermoon… but we don't have time for that. The day has just flown by, hasn't it?"
"It really has…" Silvermoon Elf said, pulling Lotta in for a new hug.
Once they separated, Lotta smiled at her old friend. "But like I said when we arrived… you're invited to our Joining on the seventeenth. Actually… I know that Mammi is secretly arranging a hen night for me on the fifteenth. Do you think you could get down to Elf Springs in time for that?"
"Oh, the fifteenth? Santa's Suspenders… I don't know, Lotta. I'll need to look into it," Silvermoon Elf said and scrunched up her face. "But anyway, I'll give you a call in any case. Santa's secretary Yuttan Elf gave me your number, but I didn't want to intrude before. Now that we've reconnected, I wouldn't mind as much, ha ha!"
Now it was Rocky's turn to look from Silvermoon Elf to Lotta repeatedly before her eyes fell on her sweetheart. "Uh… yeah. Lotta… I think it's time for us to skedaddle and find Elf Springs," she said, putting a tender hand on the petite Elf's elbow.
"I know, I know, dearest Rocky… but we can't leave yet! We haven't sung Ye Olde Elfin Academie's anthem! Oh… you still sing that, don't you?" Lotta said, turning back to Silvermoon Elf.
"But of course we do! You want the full treatment or just the first verse?" Silvermoon Elf said with her tongue firmly in her cheek - she already knew the answer.
So did Rocky, and she groaned under her breath. "How many are there, Silvermoon?"
"Oh, twenty or so."
That was even worse than what Rocky had expected, and she narrowed her eyes down into Elfin-blue slits at the prospects of spending several more hours at the Academy. "I'm really, really sorry, but we only have time for the first verse," she said as she pulled Lotta in for a quick, sideways hug before the Yuletide-traditionalist-Elf had time to complain.
---
Soon, all twelve junior-Elves lined up to sing the Academy's anthem. They had been joined by Silvermoon Elf, Mynte Elf, Dedamarie Elf and Karthago Elf, and the latter had brought his brightly-colored accordion that looked odd in the gray Elf's hands.
Lotta was already jumping up and down in giddy expectation, but Rocky took it easier.
Karthago Elf showed yet another side of himself when the stern lecturer's Elfin fingers began flying across the accordion's keyboard. He played the intro to the age-old anthem with cheery aplomb and plenty of foot-tapping rhythm before he belted out the first few stanzas. One by one, his colleagues and the junior-Elves joined his singing, and the group was soon belting out the ancient song.
"Oooooh! I remember it now!" Lotta squealed, jumping high in the air as the lyrics came back to her. Drawing a deep breath, she sang along with the members of Ye Olde Elfin Academie at the top of her lungs; she wiggled this way, waggled that way, shimmied left, shimmied right, jumped up and crouched down - in short, she was being Epilotta Elf at full blast.
Despite the fact they were getting pressed for time, Rocky had to admit it was a catchy song though she didn't know any of the lyrics. Just looking at her sweetheart Elfing-out to such a degree was reward enough, however, and she even began wiggling along with her. A kiss was in order, and a good one was exchanged between the two lady-Elves whose Joining day was getting awfully close.
"Epilotta Elf, you're just the cutest lady-Elf on the Great Elf's planet. Love ya," Rocky whispered into Lotta's pointy ear.
The declaration of love made Lotta cut off her singing to jump high in the air and let out a wild cheer. The juniors and the lecturers mistook that for a request to continue the anthem, so they went ahead into the second, third and fourth verses with just as much Elfin energy as Lotta put into her Elfin dancing - in short, they carried on and on and on and on even as Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf waved goodbye to them and began to hop, skip and jump over to the door to head home…
*
*
THE END of YE OLDE ELFIN ACADEMIE
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
4: "A Delightful Gathering Of Elves"
The all-too short winter days in the week leading up to December fifteenth had seen plenty of furious activity from every-Elf involved in arranging the Elf hen nights for the two Elfin brides-to-be. Barrels of sweet white ale, bottles of fine port, tins and trays of various cookies, and crates of lollipops, sweets and deluxe chocolate frogs with a soft, caramel center had been bought and hauled over to the Elfin homes on Chestnut Street and Spruce Lane.
December fifteenth itself had been overcast, so dusk began falling just after three in the afternoon. As the tone of light changed and grew murkier, the breeze picked up and a tell-tale whiff of snow was carried along with it - not that it mattered to the Elfin population of Elf Springs who couldn't be happier if a five-foot blanket of snow covered the ground from October to March.
As with most things the Elves did in their daily lives, the list of customs and traditions connected with the Joining ceremony was lengthy and elaborate. One of the sacred traditions was to have the Elfin bride - or in this case, Elfin brides - light seven torches on her garden path at the fall of dusk so that any tickle-monsters out to spoil a Joining or an Elf hen night wouldn't dare to enter that particular Elfin home.
Thus, Rockabye 'Rocky' Elf shuffled down the garden path in front of her one-story home carrying a burning torch that she would use to ignite the seven that her Elf-hen-night guests had already dug into her snow-covered front lawn. She had decided to save her fancy duds for the big day itself, so she wore black, lined boots, a floppy-cone Elf hat, and her regular, dark-green schmutting uniform. The breeze was unpredictable so she held the torch away from her long, dark tresses to save herself from a quick, but messy trimming.
Thrusting that many spears into the frosty soil had caused plenty of cursing and sweating among her friends, but they had ultimately been successful through the good graces of the Great Elf and more than one round of sweet white ale. With the hard work done, the five guest-Elves were in high spirits in more ways than one as they lined up by the unlit torches.
Rocky let out a snicker as she cast an Elfin-blue eye at the excited Elves who were swinging mugs of sweet white ale while they were eagerly awaiting her arrival. Her old buddies from the long-haul sleigh-driving business Sven Elf, Jasper Elf and Valdemar Elf were there, along with Lotta's father Thorbjorn Elf, and finally Nooribent Elf, her neighbor who owned the big, strong Sammi-Sima - the latter needed to go to work later on so he couldn't stay for the rest of the evening's entertainment, but he had wanted to be a part of the torch-igniting ceremony ever since hearing about Rocky getting Joined. Canute Elf, the master reindeer-groomer from Toy Factory Three, was supposed to have been there as well, but he got held up at the last moment by a drama involving a sick reindeer and had to settle for sending a congratulatory Elfin-gram.
"Will ya get a move on, Rocky! We're turning into cotton-candy icicles out here!" Jasper 'Jas' Elf said, rubbing his arms in the mounting chill. Like his colleagues, he wore an insulated schmutting uniform, but the ladies-Elf - he was in his mid-two-hundreds and thus a century younger than his colleagues - was skinnier than the other Elves so the chill would creep through the fabric and into his Elfin bones first.
"Yeah, yeah… you got a hot date or something?" Rocky said as she lowered the burning torch onto the first of the seven that had been dug into the ground. It caught at once, so she moved onto the next one.
"Yeah, but not half as hot as yours!" Jasper Elf said and broke out in a wild snicker that died down when he suddenly noticed that Thorbjorn Elf was shooting him a dark glare. "Oh… uh… not your daughter, Mister Thorbjorn, Sir, but… uh… not that your daughter isn't a very pretty lady-Elf- uh, but… and… and, uh… not that Rocky has a date with another lady-Elf than your daughter… but… but… but the torches are… are hot- never mind."
"Don't mind the li'l pup, Thorbjorn, he's just yappin'," Valdemar Elf said to Lotta's father. As always, the mature Elf - he was in his late five-hundreds - wore his black ascot and his long, graying beard with pride. His schmutting uniform was dark-blue, and he and his wife Lillimum Elf had spent an entire evening polishing the unusual brass buttons of his double-breasted jacket so they would look good for the big occasion. His beloved, crimson floppy-cone Elf hat that was nearly as old as Jasper Elf hadn't been touched as he loved the lived-in, worn look it had.
The second torch caught at once as well, but as Rocky moved onto the third one, it fizzled out even before she had moved away from it.
"Jas," Sven Elf said, nudging his colleague with his elbow, "wasn't that the one you dug in?" Though Sven was typically the quiet one among the bunch of long-haul sleigh drivers, the self-selected life-long bachelor was known to have a sharp wit and an equally sharp tongue when he finally let rip.
Beyond rolling his eyes, Jasper abstained from making further comments.
Rocky snickered at the exchange before she turned back to the torch that had fizzled out. "Oh, come now, my friends… we should all be nice to the junior Elf among us," she said as she tried to re-ignite the reluctant torch. It caught on the second attempt so she could move onto the next one. "I mean, now that his Mama and Papa have given him permission to go out after dark," she said, sporting an impossibly wide grin.
"Ohhhhh!" Jasper howled, leading to much snickering from the other Elves present, even Thorbjorn Elf.
Rocky had soon ignited the final torches, and the one she had been using to do so was buried in the snow so it could be extinguished. A solemn silence fell over the rowdy bunch of Elves as the flickering flames rose from the seven torches - no tickle-monsters would dare to enter now, that was a undeniable fact.
"Three fast cheers and a slow'un for Rockabye Elf!" Thorbjorn Elf said, thrusting his nearly-full mug of sweet white ale high in the sky. The dark-brown liquid sloshed over the side and into the snow, but he didn't even notice. "Elf! Elf! Elf! And the final, slow'un! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!"
All the tough, long-haul sleigh drivers, Nooribent Elf and Thorbjorn Elf held the final Elfin cheer for so long that a window was opened in a house on the opposite side of the street. A lady-Elf stuck her head out and yelled: "Oy! What in Santa's Suspenders is all that racket over there?!"
"Nothin'!" Jasper, Sven, Valdemar and Rocky all shouted back in one voice. Soon after, they broke down in snickers fueled by the ale they had already consumed, and the prospect of the barrels that still awaited them inside.
After draining his mug in a series of deep gulps, Thorbjorn Elf - who was no denier of liquid refreshments in the shape of sweet white ale or fine port; mulled wine tended to give him an Elfin tummy-ache so he stayed far away from that - turned around and shuffled up the garden path. "This is getting too cotton-candy chilly for the likes of this old Elf… I'll be inside at the fireplace," he said over his shoulder.
"And I'm right behind you, Thorbjorn," Valdemar said and followed in the footsteps of Lotta's father.
With the torch-igniting ceremony winding down fast, Rocky went over to her neighbor Nooribent Elf and clasped his arm in the age-old Elfin tradition. "Thank you for coming over, Nooribent… it's too bad you can't stay for the rest of the evening. We're gonna play cards and stuff. If there are any leftovers, I'll put 'em in your woodshed."
After waving goodbye to her neighbor, Rocky wrapped her arms around the shoulders of her friends Jasper and Sven as they shuffled up the garden path. She took a moment to gaze at the myriad of Yuletide lights that she and Lotta had stapled to the entire facade of her home, and even across the low garage next to it where her beloved, elegant sleigh was kept when she wasn't using it to fly around the Elfin and Human worlds.
Prior to meeting the petite Elf, Rocky had never been too bothered with Yuletide lights or any of the flashier decorations. She had obviously always had wreaths, garlands, holly, candles, red ribbons and all sorts of neat Yuletide stuff to put on her Yuletree, but never the big, time-consuming things. Lotta, whose fascination with all things Yule was legendary - not to mention contagious - had convinced her to put up as many multi-colored lights as possible to keep the traditions alive. The first year had been a chore, but she had warmed up to it gradually, and the moment the lights came on for the first time on December first had turned into a memorable event.
"What's next on the agenda tonight, Rocky?" Sven Elf asked.
"Well…" Rocky said, returning to the present, "we have sweet white ale, salty pretzels, four kinds of cookies, lollipops, a ton of candy, several bottles of fine port, a full box of creamy chocolate frogs, two brand-new decks of cards, and a table all set for playing Olsen 'till the break of dawn."
"Now that definitely works for me!"
Jasper Elf snickered into his hand before he nudged his elbow into Rocky's side. "But will there be semi-undressed lady-Elves jumping out of cakes and stuff?"
Rocky and Sven both let out identical groans at the juvenile nature of their young colleague, but only Rocky had an answer ready to shoot back: "Hmmm… well, I haven't arranged anything…"
"Ohhhhh, corn-on-a-cob…."
"But if you play Olsen as badly as you always do, you'll lose your shirt before long," she said, sporting yet another wide grin. "Then you can jump off your chair and do the Elfin tush-waggin'-boogie if you wish."
Now it was Jasper Elf's turn to groan, and the groan only deepened when his two older colleagues both laughed at his expense.
Up ahead, Thorbjorn Elf stuck his head out of the front door to see where the remaining members of the party were at. "Are you Elves coming or what? I can't find the Elfin-thingamajig-doodad-wotchamacall'it that'll open the fine port…"
"Corkscrew," Rocky, Sven and Jasper all said as one.
"May the Great Elf bless you all," Thorbjorn said with a straight face.
After snickering into her hand at the situation's unintentional humor, Rocky shook her head at Thorbjorn's personality that was so similar to Lotta's she almost got a deja-Elf from talking to the old Elf. "It's in the kitchen, Thorbjorn… I'll get it," she said as she stepped over the threshold of her home. She continued to chuckle under her breath; the so-called Elf hen night - though she was the only 'hen' there - hadn't even started yet, but it was crystal clear that it would turn into an Elfin-merry affair, she had very little doubt about that.
-*-*-*-
At the same time in a different part of Elf Springs, Epilotta Elf whooshed open her front door to greet her young opposite-neighbor Trickamore Elf. Squealing, the two friends fell into each other's arms at once though they had only just seen each other earlier in the day.
"Happy Elf Hen Night! Ooooooooh, not long to go now, Lotta!" Trickamore said as she pulled back an Elfin arm's length from her friend. She carried a bag over her arm that she put down on the floor at once so it wouldn't bump into either of them.
The door was soon closed to keep King Frost's icy tendrils off the legs of the two lady-Elves, but the seven unlit torches were lined up outside waiting to be lit once all the guests had arrived.
"No… can you believe it? I Elfin-sure can't," Lotta said and shook her head. Her face was ruddy even on her calm days - not that she had many of those - but it was positively flushed now. To keep with the many sacred traditions of the Elf hen night, she wore an old-fashioned Elfin outfit that was made up of brown clogs, gray long-stockings, a pale-gray skirt, a knitted, striped sweater held in dark-gray and Yuletide-red, and a Yuletide-red cape-like cardigan that didn't have any buttons. Her flaming red locks were graced by her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat.
"I hope I'll get to experience an Elf hen night before I'm too old to chew oatmeal," Trickamore said as she took off her parka coat to reveal a simple, but nice, long-sleeved Elfin dress in forest-green with golden highlights at the hem and the cuffs.
Lotta snickered into her hand at the colorful descriptive. "Oh, I'm sure you will, Trixie… please, head into the living room. The fire is wonn-derfully warm tonight. Mammi's already there with Yuttan Elf… I don't think you know her yet. She's Santa's secretary."
"Oh! I'll do that," Trickamore said while she kicked off her snow boots. She quickly reached into the bag that she had brought with her to find a pair of furry slippers that she stuck her Elfin feet down into - then she zipped off into the living room to greet those who were already there.
Lotta remained at the front door for a brief while longer hoping that her final guest would arrive soon so they could get on with the evening's program. When nothing happened, she shuffled back into the kitchen to stir the pot with the mulled wine, and to prepare the egg nog and the countless yummy treats that she and her Mammi had baked for the special event.
-*-*-*-
A short twenty Elfin minutes later, Lotta had moved into the warm, cozy living room to share a cookie or two with her mother, Yuttan Elf and Trickamore Elf. Her keen, pointy ears suddenly picked up the familiar sound of a jingle stick approaching the Pine Cone Villa out on Chestnut Street. It was the kind of jingle stick often found on reindeer-cabs, so she jumped up from the armrest of the chaise lounge to race back into the kitchen.
Peeking through the window, she spotted a sleigh-cab from the Antler Cab Company pulling over at the curb; a lady-Elf soon paid the driver before she turned around and began to hobble up the garden path. "She made it!" Lotta said to herself before she zipped into the hallway, swapped her pair of indoor clogs for sturdier outdoor ones, and whooshed open the front door.
She raced down the garden path with no concern for her own safety to get to Silvermoon Elf before the injured Elf elder could trip and fall in the snowy, slippery conditions. "Greetings, Silvermoon Elf! Ohhhh, it's so good to see you!" Lotta said and took hold of her old mentor's elbow to offer a steadying hand.
"Greetings, Lotta," Silvermoon said with a smile that was tinged with fatigue brought on by the long journey. Her Elfin-hazel eyes twinkled as she took in the appearance of the petite Elf, and the hand that touched her elbow.
"Before you say anything," Lotta continued while concealing a snicker, "I remember what you told me at the Elfin Academy about needing help, but it's so Elfin slippery here… I insist."
"Oh, that's all right for a change. I'd rather not have a faceful of snow to go with my bum leg!"
"Good!"
Silvermoon Elf shook her head as she thought back to the many problems she had experienced on the trip from Ye Olde Elfin Academie to Elf Springs. "Listen… I'm so, so, SO sorry I'm late… first my charter sleigh was delayed because it had been snowing further north… then I couldn't get a reindeer cab out at the sleigh-port… then the cotton-candy driver got lost trying to find Chestnut Street! And then he got miffed when I refused to tip him!"
"Ouch… what a tickle-monster…"
"I'll say! I'm here now so it doesn't matter. Oh, my Elf-ness, I must say this is a fine, fine neighborhood, Lotta. Really nice! And look at your neat home!" Silvermoon Elf said, waving her free hand at the hundreds upon hundreds of Yuletide-lights that covered the entire facade of the Pine Cone Villa.
Lotta's flushed cheeks turned another, deeper shade of red at the praise from the Elf who had been the most important Elf for her during her years at Ye Olde Elfin Academie - even more important than her Mammi and Pappi who had been so far away. Silvermoon Elf had been there the whole time, never further away than what a brief knock on the door to her office could overcome. They had spoken at length on a wide range of topics, and somewhere along the way, the spark of a junior-crush had developed inside Epilotta. "Ohhh, I'm glad you like it, Silvermoon. I love, love, looooooooooooove all the wonn-derful, old Elfin Yuletide traditions."
"I know," Silvermoon Elf said and let out a deep chuckle. When they reached the safety of the hallway, she leaned down to rub her aching thigh. A few choice Elfin curses came out as mumbles before she stood up and removed her overcoat to reveal a proper, dark-green schmutting outfit and her black ascot. Reaching into one of her coat's deep pockets, she retrieved a floppy-cone Elf hat that she put on crooked.
"Oh, you simply must come in and meet my Mammi, Silvermoon… and my opposite-neighbor Trickamore Elf, and Yuttan Elf from the Central Administration. You probably know her already. The fire is going well in the fireplace, and everything is soooooooooooo cozy! The mulled wine is almost ready and will be served after we've been out to ignite the torches!"
"Sounds Elfin neat, dear Lotta," Silvermoon said with a grin that turned into an expression of slight embarrassment, "but first, I need to use the little Elf's room… it was a looooooooong flight down from the Academy."
"Oh! Of course… the downstairs bathroom is right over here," Lotta said and once more put her hand on her old mentor's elbow.
-*-*-*-
Later in the evening, after the traditional seven torches had been lit to keep out any nasty tickle-monsters roaming the streets, the Elf hen night lived up to its name and reputation. In the warm living room, Lotta, Silvermoon Elf, Ingeborg Elf, Yuttan Elf and Trickamore Elf were all sitting in, or at, the chaise lounge holding heat-resistant tumblers containing mulled wine, and balancing small dishes carrying marzipan 'snow ball' treats, vanilla rings with a filling of raspberry jam in the center hole, small slices of runny kringle-bread and several other types of high-quality Yuletide specialties.
The Elfin chit-chatting was constant, not to mention relentless, and revolved around such timeless topics as baking recipes, perfect Yuletide presents for the choosy Elf, and recipes for variations of traditional rice pudding as well as the newer version that had become popular over the past decade: extra-extra creamy, cold rice pudding with almond chips and whole-berry cherry sauce on top. Once those topics had been exhausted, the chit-chatting turned to cleaning tips for the busy housewife-Elf, recipes for egg nog and mulled wine, tradition versus breaking new ground when it came to fashion statements for mature Elves, tips on knitting, sewing, embroidering and crochet work, and onto the headlines from the Elf Springs Gazette. Finally, Silvermoon Elf and Lotta had made the other lady-Elves lose their Elfin jaws when they began to describe and explain all the intricate details of schmutting and gift-dropping.
Lotta slurped the mulled wine, munched the 'snow ball' marzipan treats and the yummy raspberry-enhanced vanilla rings, broke into the chit-chatting whenever she had something to add, and kept quiet to listen to what her fellow lady-Elves were saying whenever she didn't. As she drained her fourth tumbler of mulled wine, the slight dizziness she experienced spelled out quite clearly she shouldn't have a fifth tumblerful of the potent, deceptively sweet wine. She scooped up all the yummy almonds and raisins from the bottom of the glass with a long-necked spoon before she excused herself from the cozy party to shuffle into the kitchen.
---
She snickered out loud at the chaotic mess upon the kitchen table as she put her tumbler in the wash basin; it resembled the dish-washing room of an Elfin eatery. There were filthy cups, mugs, small plates, large plates, side plates, tumblers, bowls, the breadboard, several knives, spoons and pie-forks, as well as the empty shot glasses used for a home-blended cherry liqueur that had been just a touch on the strong side for every-Elf's liking. Taking it all in, she decided on the spot that the Elfin-big mess would have to wait until the following day to be cleaned up and put away.
Her smile faded as she came to a halt by the burning tallow candle that stood on the windowsill. The evening had gone so well she had no right to want more, but she did - she wanted her dearest Rocky to be there. It would defeat the entire purpose of the Elf hen night, but she was willing to break a few of the sacred customs and traditions if it meant she could snuggle up to the lady-Elf of her heart.
Having her home full of family and dear friends was Elfin fun, no doubt about that, but sitting by the fireplace in Rocky's arms, basking in each other's presence while gazing into the flickering flames went far, far beyond that. They didn't have to chit-chat, or sing, or even enjoy healthy, nutritious, well-buttered cinnamon buns - they just had to be. For Epilotta Elf, that was all she would need to be happy for the rest of her Elfin life.
A plan took shape in the back of Lotta's mind as she turned away from the kitchen window. It would require a little help from Trickamore Elf, a little Elfin-good fortune, and a lot of Elfin-sweet-talking to her mother afterwards. Though the latter part would no doubt be somewhat awkward considering how much Ingeborg Elf was a stickler for the sacred traditions, it would be worth it, Lotta had very little doubt about that.
Nodding to herself, she shuffled back into the living room to rejoin the hearty, Elfin chit-chatting.
-*-*-*-
Over on Spruce Lane, the other Elf hen night was going full-Elf ahead. Rocky and her Elfin friends sat around the playing table engaged in a furious bout of Olsen. The number of spent lollipop sticks, candy wrappers and pretzel crumbs on the table proved it had been a raucous affair so far, and the evening was far from over. They were playing for chocolate frogs and lollipops as usual, and the five players each had a fair amount of loot in front of them.
Rocky's Elfin-blue eyes peeked over the rim of her cards. She had two left, Sven had three, Jasper had three as well, and Valdemar had four which meant he was pretty much out of this round. Thorbjorn Elf, Lotta's father, had become too woozy from imbibing a little too much on the fine port to participate, and he was presently resting his Elfin eyes on the couch by the fireplace.
The open card on the table didn't match either of the two Rocky held so she needed to take one from the active pile. That too failed to provide the hoped resolution, so now she had three cards on her hand. Letting out a grunt, she reached for her mug of sweet white ale only to find it empty. "What the cotton-candy… who drank my ale?" she said in a voice that held a slight slur.
"You did," Jasper said and let out a snicker.
"Oh. Sugar plum mush. I musta missed it. Oh, well."
As the game of Olsen went around the table, Sven put down one of his cards which left him with two. Jasper needed to pick up one, and Valdemar put one down. The new open card was better for Rocky, so she was able to get rid of the extra card she had only just picked up. The game went around the table again, and Sven put down his second-to-last card.
The other Elves groaned out loud which stirred Thorbjorn Elf awake. "Huh… buh… Ingeborg? Sweetie? Uh… is it time to go home?" he said and rubbed his bleary eyes.
"Not yet, Thorbjorn," Rocky said over her shoulder. "You have plenty of time for another forty winks."
"Thank the Great Elf," the Elf elder said; the next thing that came out of his mouth was a long, drawn-out snore.
It was inevitable that Sven Elf would win the round, and he did the next time the game went around the playing table. Grinning, he put down his final card and scooped up all three lollipops that had been the stakes they had been playing for. "Oh, thank you, my dear, dear friends," he said as he unwrapped the first one right away and began to suck on the orange-flavored lollipop.
"Ugh," Rocky said and threw down the three cards she had been left holding. "A deuce, a three and a four… that's eight… no, nine. Chalk up nine for me, Valdemar."
"Nine… gotcha, Rocky," Valdemar Elf said, keeping track of their scores. Beyond the individual hands of Olsen, they kept a running scoresheet of the value of the cards they had been left holding after each round since the start of the evening. Almost inevitably, the somewhat inebriated Thorbjorn Elf was in the unenviable lead of that particular list, with Jasper Elf, Rocky, Valdemar Elf and Sven Elf further down.
"The next hand will have to be without me, fellas," Rocky said as she got up from the chair. Several pretzel-crumbs fell off her schmutting uniform as she stood up, but she would have plenty of time to deal with that once dawn broke.
Shuffling into her kitchen with her empty mug, she went straight for the barrel of sweet white ale that she had put on a table. She slid the empty mug into the proper spot on the small pad underneath the barrel before she pulled the bung out of the Elfin-big container and watched the dark-brown liquid flow into the mug. A sticky substance on the surface of her kitchen table next to the pad proved that not all attempts at filling a mug had been successful. Another thing she would have to deal with later.
After she had received the amount of ale she wanted, she thumped the bung back into the barrel and waited for the pale-brown head of foam to settle down. Once it had, she moved the mug away from the pad and shuffled over to the window to look outside - though it was chillier in the kitchen than in her living room since her stove or bread oven hadn't been in action during the day, her pointy ears needed a rest from all the Elfin yakking that went on during the games.
Though she'd had a pretty Elfin-good time all evening playing cards, drinking ale, eating sweets and swapping tall tales of Elfin life in general and that of long-haul sleigh drivers in particular with her friends and Lotta's father, her Elfin heart had never really been in any of the fun activities. Something had been missing, and she knew exactly what it was. Unfortunately, it was the only thing she couldn't have on her Elf hen night.
The sound of a jingle stick approaching out on Spruce Lane made her pull the curtain a bit further aside to look out. She furrowed her brow when a sleigh pulled by a single reindeer came to a halt at the curb in front of her house. While she kept an eye on the unfolding scene, the driver flung the reins over the buckboard and stood up.
"What the cotton-candy?" Rocky said out loud, putting down the full mug of sweet white ale on the table behind her without looking where it landed. "Santa's Suspenders, I wonder if something's happened," she continued as she spun around and zipped out of the kitchen.
She didn't have time to explain the unusual situation to any of her friends; instead, she quickly hopped into a pair of ankle boots before she flung the front door open and hurried down the garden path past the seven torches that were still burning.
"Lotta?" Rocky said with more than a little worry in her voice, "Lotta, is something wrong?"
Lotta had only just walked around the front of the sleigh and the reindeer Trickamore Elf had lent her. The sleigh was a smart, little two-seater runabout similar to the one she hoped to buy one day, and although controlling the unfamiliar reindeer had been challenging for her, she was pleased with her trip through Elf Springs.
When she heard the clear worry in her sweetheart's voice, it struck her that she had never considered for an Elfin second that showing up unannounced might cause grave concern. "No, no, dearest Rocky! Nothing is wrong… I… I just wanted to see you," Lotta said, putting her hands in the air to show that she was just fine. As she spoke, her words drifted down the street as a large plume of steam.
"See me? On our Elf hen nights?" Rocky said and pulled her sweetheart in for an Elfin-good hug to quell her worries.
"Yes, I'm… oh, I'm so, so, SO sorry for giving you a fright… perhaps I should just have called you instead…" Lotta said into Rocky's strong shoulder.
"It's so loud in there I wouldn't have heard the snow cone…"
"Oh…"
"But that's all right, sweet Lotta. Was there something you wanted to say, or…?"
"No," Lotta said and pulled back. She grimaced at the unexpected, and unfortunate, turn the events had taken - making Rocky worried hadn't been part of her plan. "No, I just wanted to see you. To be with you," she said in a soft voice.
"That's sweet… you know…" - Rocky came to a halt to let her fingers caress the side of Lotta's chilled face - "I've been thinking the same for most of the evening."
"Oh… you- you have?"
Chuckling, Rocky pulled her sweetheart in for another hug. "Yeah. I've missed you."
"I missed you, too! Ohhhhh, we're just an old, Joined couple, aren't we?" Lotta said and let out a snicker that once more drifted away on the breeze as a plume of steam. "And we haven't even been Joined yet… Ye Great Elf, if we're this mushy now, what are we going to be like afterwards?"
"Well, I certainly hope we're gonna be two Elves in love!"
"That's a given," Lotta said and snickered again. "Two days. Well, less than that now. Just over a day and a half to go, Rocky… un-be-Elfin-lievable."
"I can only agree with you there, sweet Lotta." Stepping back, Rocky got a good look at the runabout and the new reindeer. She had seen neither before, and she couldn't even recall ever hearing about any of Lotta's neighbors having such a smart vehicle. "So… where did you find that Elfin neat thing? And the deer?"
"Oh, they both belong to one of Trixie's relatives who's home for the Season to be Jolly. Trixie promised that it would be all right if I borrowed 'em tonight, so… well, I did."
"Mmmm. It looks good. Clean lines… fast runners. Recently waxed, too. Did you have any problems driving it over here?"
"Nope! Everything went well!" Lotta said with plenty of pride in her voice.
"That's Elfin neat, sweet Lotta. You'll be racin' around the streets before long. Uh… so, what happened to your own Elf hen night? Did you send them all packing so you could get over here?"
"Well," Lotta said, shuffling left-and-right for a few Elfin moments before she came to a stop, "no, we were pretty much done. Silvermoon Elf made it though she came a little late. She's going to sleep at Mammi's for the next couple of nights. We called for two reindeer cabs. One for Yuttan Elf, and the other for Mammi and Silvermoon. Once they left, so did I."
"So tell me, how did your Mammi react when you said you were going to drive across town to meet the only Elf in the entire Elfin world you weren't supposed to meet on your Elf hen night?" Rocky teased, leaning in to bump shoulders with her sweetheart. When the petite Elf didn't respond beyond an embarrassed croak, she turned around to get a better look.
"Weeeeeellllll…"
"You didn't tell her?"
"Weeeeeellllll…"
"You didn't tell your Mammi! Why, Epilotta Elf, I'm shocked!" Rocky cried, clutching her Elfin heart.
"Simmer down, you big teasing-Elf! What won't your neighbors think?"
"Ah," Rocky said, making a dismissive gesture while she looked at the houses near her home. They were all lit up by countless Yuletide lights, and several of them still had burning candles in the windows, "they know weird stuff happens over here on a regular basis."
Lotta narrowed her eyes - the comment had gone clean over her Elfin head, but she didn't want to ask about it. "Uh… I see… uh… or not. Anyway. Oh, I told Mammi that I was really, really, realllllllly tired. And I was! She was tired, too, so she agreed to go home a little early. It worked out just fine."
"And now you're here," Rocky said and wrapped her arm around Lotta's slender shoulders.
Lotta nodded as they began to shuffle along the sidewalk. The snow creaked under their boots as the overcast day and the promise of more snow had given way to a clear night. Hard frost had followed as it invariably did, and their breaths continued to produce huge clouds of steam that wafted down Spruce Lane. "And now I'm here," she said as they came to a halt once more.
Elfin-blue met Elfin-green, and the two lady-Elves closed the rest of the distance between them to confirm their love. One of the best ways to do that had remained unchanged since the dawn of the Elfin realm once upon an eon ago - namely sweet, tender lip contact. A warm, loving Elfin kiss duly followed. The first turned to several, but Rocky and Lotta pulled apart eventually to save a little for after their Joining.
Lotta moved away from her sweetheart's lips - but remained in her arms - just long enough to notice a pulsating, green sheen on the heavens beyond Rocky's shoulder. "Oh! Look!" she said, turning Rocky around so the sleigh driver could catch a glimpse of the glorious spectacle. "The Great Elf is playing with her veil! Do you think that means she's giving us her blessing?"
"I'm sure of it. It's neat!"
"Awwwww, I'll never get tired of looking at that. Dearest Rocky, isn't that just the prettiest sight in the entire Elfin world?"
"Yeah," Rocky said; her eyes were firmly trained on Lotta's excited face rather than whatever the Great Elf did high in the sky. Smiling, she did eventually look up to marvel at the northern lights while she pulled the lady-Elf of her heart close to her to give her a little squeeze. "By this time on the day after tomorrow…" she whispered mostly for the benefit of her own, pointy ears, "we'll be Joined…"
*
*
THE END of A DELIGHTFUL GATHERING OF ELVES
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
5: "The Blushing Brides"
CHAPTER 1
The big day had finally come. December seventeenth. Though the date in itself wasn't particularly exciting - it was five days before Santa would declare the Season to be Jolly to be officially opened; seven days before the Night of Nights, Yuletide Eve, and a fortnight before the last day of the Elfin year and the start of the new one - December seventeenth was to be Epilotta Elf and Rockabye Elf's Joining day.
They had chosen the date to have time to hold their honeymoon and still be back for when Santa needed his A-Team in action for the biggest event of the Elfin year. They would return at noon on Little Yuletide Eve so they could catch a few winks, shower and don a fresh pair of schmutting uniforms before they would be off again, working flat out from late on the twenty-third and well into the twenty-sixth of December.
Although they had kept the destination for their Elfin honeymoon a secret so practical joker-Elves among their extended family of friends and colleagues wouldn't get any bright ideas of surprising them there, they weren't going anywhere too fanciful - just a quiet, Elfin holiday resort near the south-eastern coast of Greenland that would offer the required peace and quiet for such a momentous occasion.
---
The bedroom of Epilotta 'Lotta' Elf's home, the Pine Cone Villa on Chestnut Street in Elf Springs, had an unusual, white light playing across the ceiling. The curtains were drawn as always, but the bright-white sheen was so strong it was able to penetrate the thick fabric.
Lotta herself was curled up into a little ball of Elf-ness underneath the heavy winter blankets that she had pulled up over her Elfin head and the night cap. She was lying on her left side, trying to catch the last few traces of sleep although the Sand-Elf had failed to sprinkle her with much sleepy-dust the night before - she had been tossing and turning for most of the night while a bazillion thoughts about this, that, and everything else had blasted through her Elfin mind.
So many things could go wrong on a Joining day, she knew that all too well from being a guest at a Joining some years ago that had turned into a tickle-monster right from the start. Not only had a good deal of the guests at the Joining suffered from a rebellious Elfin tummy caused by home-made butter that had been tainted - and they only had one outhouse at their disposal - the Elf party band that had been booked had been awful and nobody knew the songs they had attempted to sing and play. The Elf catering company hired for the task had been bottom-drawer as well: the buns had been coarse and had contained poor quality raisins, the rice pudding had been gritty, and the cook preparing the chunky whole-berry cherry sauce for the serving of the extra-extra creamy cold rice pudding had taken the 'chunky' description a bit too literal by not removing the cherry pits before he set the bowls on the dinner table. To top that off, the Elfin groom had become drunk and had needed to be carried away from his own Joining, and the Elfin bride had slipped and fallen off the dinner table she had climbed onto for some inexplicable reason. They hadn't even reached the dancing part yet, but at least the fall had only bruised, not sprained, her Elfin tush.
None of those disasters would happen for her and Rocky, Lotta was quite sure of that. She and her mother would prepare all the food, and her father would provide the musical accompaniment on his accordion. Still, being a perfectionist-Elf meant worrying about a bazillion things, most of which were outside her sphere of control.
Yawning, she rolled over onto her back underneath the covers. After a short game of hide-and-seek trying to find the corner of the heavy winter blanket so she could sweep it aside, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed that turned away from the window.
She took off her Yuletide-red night cap so she could rub her face in the hope of locating her Elfin-green eyes; she was sure they would be in there somewhere. An Elfin moment later, she broke out in another wide yawn and looked around her bedroom for the first time on the important day.
When she noticed the strange, white sheen that played across the ceiling and the wall opposite the window, she let out a puzzled grunt and turned around on the bed to look at the heavy curtains. For a moment or two, she thought she had forgotten to snuff out one of the tallow-candles, but then she realized that no candle could produce such a bright light. Fresh snow and the Great Elf's Elfin-life-giving sun were the only things in the Elfin world that had such a luminance, and the sun wouldn't be up yet.
"Oh…" she croaked as she put her Elfin feet into a pair of furry slippers and got up from the bed. Smoothing down her forest-green nightgown, she zipped over to the window and pulled the heavy curtains apart.
Then she wished she hadn't.
"Oh… my… Great… Elf…" she croaked when she came to the conclusion that the cause of the strange, bright-white sheen was indeed snow rather than the glorious sun she had hoped for on their Joining day. And not just a little snow, some snow, or even a lot of snow. No, over the course of the night-time hours, it appeared that a tickle-monster had moved her cozy Pine Cone Villa from Chestnut Street in the heart of Elf Springs and dumped it in a new location somewhere up in the endless wilderness of the far northern regions.
What she looked at was a mountain of snow that covered a great deal of the Elfin world outside. She could just about see the houses across Chestnut Street as gray outlines in the white, blurry mess; the rest was buried in what had to be ten feet of fresh snow. She had noticed the wind had been howling and gusting throughout the night, but she had never imagined it would have created drifts that almost reached the gutters of Trickamore Elf's home. When she had gone to bed the night before, a few snowflakes had fluttered down on top of those that had already been there, but nowhere near enough to create such piles.
"Sugar. Plum. Mush," she growled, closing the curtains with a strong yank like it would help. "Well, that's just Elfin perrrrrr-fect. Now the whooooooooole cotton-candy Joining is gonna be a cotton-candy disaster! Perrrrrrrrr-fect!"
---
After slapping some icy water in her face to become fully awake, Lotta donned a warm housecoat before she shuffled downstairs to see to the fireplace and cook herself some hot breakfast. At the foot of the staircase, her Elfin-green eyes fell on the bottles of fine port and barrels of sweet white ale that she had brought up from the cellar the day before so they wouldn't be too cold.
Her upper lip curled into an Elfin grimace at the thought of all the untold problems the snow would undoubtedly cause for the guests who were scheduled to come from all over Greenland, or even further away in the case of Rocky's parents. A dull ache rose from her Elfin tummy that had nothing to do with the lack of food down there. She had already been concerned about hosting - not to mention participating in - the Joining day, but now her Elfin intestines performed a reverse somersault with a twist that turned her concerns into all-out Elfin worries.
Sighing, she shuffled into the living room to poke some life into the logs resting in the fireplace. The fire was down to the last two pieces of wood, so she added several more to keep it going hot and cozy through the important day. "Not that it'll Elfin matter…" she mumbled as she dusted off her hands. " 'Cos nobody will be able to get through that cotton-candy snow… sugar plum mush."
Her Elfin tummy chose the moment to cry for food, and she patted it through the housecoat to let it know she was aware of its plight. "Oh, I s'pose I better get some healthy, nutritious food in me… I'll need it for shovelin' all that snow today," she mumbled to herself as she wrapped the housecoat tighter around herself and shuffled into the kitchen.
---
Hot waffles with home-made raspberry jam was the breakfast du jour , and Lotta soon carried a stack of the golden treats and a mug of steaming hot Yule-tea into the living room. She had barely put her tush on the chaise lounge before her snow cone sent out its usual ringtone:
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!'
Groaning, she left the yummy waffles behind to shuffle over to the base station on the sideboard. Snatching the snow cone handset, she shuffled back to the chaise lounge and bumped down into it. She pressed the little button and held the apparatus with her left hand while the right one took the first of the hot waffles.
"This is Epilotta Elf," she said, sticking the waffle into her mouth and biting off a big corner of it. Although Elves usually wouldn't slurp, munch and speak at the same time, she made an exception now the important day had already gone off to such a bad start.
'Greetings, dear Epilotta, this is Lissimore Elf!' a mature lady-Elf said at the other end of the connection. 'We don't often speak, so I hope you can remember who I am. First of all, Happy Joining Day!'
"But of course I remember you! Greetings, Lissimore Elf… and thank you very much," Lotta said after swallowing the first bite. Lissimore Elf was one of Lotta's distant relatives; and that was to be taken literally since Lissimore and her husband Rappamartin Elf lived on the other side of Greenland, in a small hamlet up in the mountains. Lotta sighed under her breath - she knew what was coming.
'Oh, I'm so, so, SO sorry, dear Epilotta… we would have loved to be there for your big day, but it's just IM-possible for us to get to Elf Springs now. We're simply buried up here. I have never, ever, evarrr seen this much snow… it's almost… I can't even describe it! And I'm afraid it means we won't be able to get to you. It's a really, really, realllllllllly bad tickle-monster this time, and it really pains me, but…'
"I understand, Lissimore Elf… it's pretty bad here, so I can well imagine what it looks like up in the mountains," Lotta said and broke off another corner of the first hot waffle. She dipped it in the pool of raspberry jam and let it soak for a few Elfin moments before she popped the yummy, crunchy treat into her mouth.
'I've already called your Mammi so she knows we won't be able to come. Epilotta, despite the weather, I hope your big Joining day will be one you'll cherish forever. Though it's been nearly a century since Rappamartin Elf and I were Joined, we still get all Elfin mushy when we talk about it. I hope that'll happen to you, too.'
"Oh… thank you very much, Lissimore Elf… I hope it will… no, I know it will. There's so much love between me and my beloved Rockabye Elf we can't fail to be happy together…" Lotta said, swallowing not only the bite of waffle, but the Elfin lump that had appeared in her throat.
'That's so wonderful to hear, Epilotta. Well, I'm sure you'll have so much to do you won't even know where to start… I'll let you get on with your day now. Once more, Happy Joining Day!'
"Thank you very much, Lissimore Elf. Give my regards to Rappamartin Elf. And thank you for calling. Bye-bye," Lotta said and closed the connection.
As the law of averages would have it, Lotta had just stuffed an entire, raspberry jam-coated waffle into her Elfin yap when the snow cone came alive all over again:
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!'
"Awwww-mmmmppphhh!" she croaked, going off on a furious munch-and-gulp routine to get the waffle-jam combo down so she could reply to the next call; she hoped it would find its way down the proper pipe, or it would be the shortest-ever Joining day in the history of the Elfin nation.
'Oh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet. Ohhhhhhhhh! The bells will jingle, jingle, jingle, the bells will jingle, jingle, jingle so sweet!'
"Yeah, yeah, cotton-candy!" she growled as she pressed the little button again. "It's Epilo-"
'Miss Epilotta! I'm glad I caught you!' a familiar male voice said at the other end of the connection.
Lotta shot to her feet upon hearing Santa's booming tones in her pointy ear. "Mister Santa, Sir!" she cried, almost jumping into a salute. On her way up, her Elfin knee connected with the edge of the low table at the chaise lounge which sent the plate with the remaining waffles and the pool of home-made raspberry jam dancing across the tabletop. It ended up clanging against the mug of Yule-tea, but at least she had already had so much of the tea that the impact didn't cause a tidal wave, nor did it distribute jam all over her table.
'Oh… are you playing that good, old party game Smash-A-Plate, Miss Epilotta?'
"No, Mister Santa, Sir," Lotta said through clenched teeth as she rubbed her knee.
'Anyway, I know this is the worst possible day for what I am about to say, and if the situation hadn't been this chaotic, I would never have dreamed of intruding on an Elf's Joining day… but I fear I must.'
Lotta moved her hand up from her knee so she could smack it against her face. Although she couldn't remember when it had happened, it seemed she had annoyed a teasing-fairy somewhere along the way, and that the little creature had chosen December seventeenth to pay back the favor. "I am sure it has something to do with the Elfin-gigantic amounts of snow outside the windows, Mister Santa, Sir…" she said through clenched teeth.
'It has, Miss Epilotta. I'm deeply sorry, but I need my A-Team in action at once. It's an all-hands-on-deck situation, and we've called in all the sleighing and schmutting teams we have. The weather has been quite bad already, but it would be manageable for us if it remained constant. However, the next front is scheduled to arrive at some point within the next few days-'
"There's more snow coming?!" Lotta croaked, staring wide-eyed at the snow cone handset like it was the root of all evil.
'That's what the Elfin weather prophets say, but… in any case, we need to haul as many presents as we can from the toy factories down to temporary warehouses in the Human world while we still have time. If more snow does come, we may get caught on the wrong foot. If that happens, there's a risk the entire Season to be Jolly or even Yuletide Eve could be in jeopardy this year-'
"Oh, noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Lotta howled at the top of her lungs.
'Uh… yes… Miss Epilotta, have you fainted?'
"I'm still here, Mister Santa, Sir!" Lotta croaked, rubbing her brow. "I… oh, Ye Great Elf! Oh, my Elf-ness! I'll… I'll… Rockabye and me will get on it right away, Mister Santa, Sir! You can count on your A-Team, Mister Santa, Sir!"
'I knew I could, Miss Epilotta. Miss Rockabye has already been notified, and I believe she will be with you shortly. I thank you, Miss Epilotta. Goodbye.'
"Goodbye, Mister Santa, Sir…" Lotta said and closed the connection. She spent the next thirty Elfin seconds staring at nothing at all. It couldn't have been just a single teasing-fairy that she had upset - it must have been an entire holiday camp of them, though she had no Elfin idea how it could have happened.
Shuffling away from the low table, she put the snow cone handset on the base station before aiming at her upstairs bedroom to get dressed for work - then she changed her mind and shuffled back to grab the remaining waffles. Although they weren't hot anymore, no Elf anywhere in the Elfin world would let perfectly good waffles go to waste, and especially not if the Elf in question had the near-insatiable hunger of Epilotta Elf.
-*-*-*-
Lotta's already gloomy mood only grew darker during the flight to Toy Factory One. Rocky had picked her up not too long after her surprising, and unwanted, conversation with Santa, but the poor weather, the lack of sleep, and the simple fact they had to work on their sacred Joining day made her a grouchy, grumpy, grousing, griping, grumbling little Elf.
It didn't help an Elfin bit that she and Rocky had been caught in a strong flurry just shy of halfway there. The snowflakes were flung at them with such Elfin-fierce ferocity that their uniforms, their hair, and even their golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hats had turned white. They both wore their sturdy, all-enveloping snow-goggles, but they needed to wipe them clean every other Elfin minute just to see which way was which.
Up front, Sammi-Sima let out frequent, annoyed brays that proved she wasn't too pleased with the situation either. Her dark-brown fur had turned wet, white and ice cold from the snow, and the inclement conditions meant she had to slow down - she too had trouble seeing through the heavy downpour.
"Sugar plum mush! I can't see a cotton-candy thing!" Rocky growled as she wiped her goggles clean for the umpteenth time since finding the forward edge of the strong flurry. The weather system had been far too large to fly around, so they had been forced to go straight through it. No sooner had her Elfin hand gone past the left-hand side of the snow-goggles before she could move it back to the right-hand side to start over. "What the cotton-candy did we do to deserve this?!"
"Don't ask me, dearest Rocky… I'll be Elfed if I know," Lotta mumbled, spitting out the snow that had found its way into her mouth in the two Elfin seconds it had taken her to speak the sentence.
"This is… this is… just too cotton-candy much!" Rocky growled, slapping the reins to keep Sammi-Sima going in roughly a straight line.
The flurry finally let up, and the sleigh, the reindeer, and the two Elves came out on the other side resembling a family of polar bears. Shaking her head in annoyance, Rocky reached up to remove her goggles when she suddenly realized how low they were flying. Worse, they were still descending - and worse still, they were on a collision course with the tops of a cluster of tall pines.
"Hang on, Lotta!" she cried, yanking the reins toward her which made Sammi-Sima let out a long, surprised bray. The experienced reindeer noticed the imminent danger as well and upped her pace considerably to have enough thrust to gain altitude in an Elf-mighty hurry. The snow weighed her down, so the beast shook her back to get rid of all the white stuff before it was too late.
"Oooooooooooooooooh! Treeeeeees!" Lotta cried, slamming her hands onto the metal rail atop the buckboard. She had already taken off her goggles, and Sammi-Sima's frantic shaking sent a whole back-ful of snow straight into her Elfin face. "Oh… what… in… the… Elfin… world?" she said in a croaky voice before she began to cough and splutter from the sudden assault by the massive, wet wave.
The dangerous situation was overcome by teamwork and plenty of Elfin heart - and reindeer heart - but it was yet another thing that proved that it couldn't just be a holiday camp of teasing-fairies that Lotta had upset, but an entire town's worth of teasing-fairies.
Lotta continued to splutter for a few Elfin moments longer before she had managed to wipe most of the cold, wet, white substance from her face. The snow remained in her hair, her eyebrows, and on her chin and cheeks, and made her resemble a petite version of Santa. Staring straight ahead without seeing anything at all - there wasn't much to see after the heavy snowfall, so it didn't really matter - she began to shake her head slowly. "Any moment now, I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be the early hours of December seventeenth, right? And I mean the real December seventeenth… our Joining day. Not this tickle-monster-nightmare. I can't even count the number of Elfin customs and traditions we're breaking, Rocky! This! Just! Isn't! Elfin! Fair!"
"I know, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and reached across the fur-covered bench seat to rub her sweetheart's thigh. "I thought it was Jasper Elf doing a prank call when the snow cone rang. But it was Santa."
"But it was Santa…" Lotta echoed though she didn't have to. "And the whoooooooole day turned into the Elfin world's worst tickle-monster…"
-*-*-*-
The massive group of long-haul sleighs flying in a sheer endless holding pattern all around Toy Factory One underscored Santa's words that he had activated all sleighing and schmutting teams for the emergency. Rocky gave up trying to count the number of sleighs after reaching twenty-five. Twenty-five sleighs would of course mean twenty-five schmutting teams which in turn meant that at least fifty Elves had been called up to fly out of this facility alone - and there were two further toy factories. She and Lotta had already made four laps through the crowded airspace above the vast complex, and it didn't seem they would be allowed to land any time soon.
The weather had improved over the last stretch of the flight. Though still overcast, it had turned colder which meant the threat of further heavy snowfall had been reduced - however, the big flurry they had encountered still lingered on the eastern horizon. It seemed to have stalled there which meant they would perhaps need to cross through it again if they were given a route that went in that general direction.
"Corn-on-a-cob… how long do they want us to wait up here?" Rocky mumbled, letting out a sigh as the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf down on the ground swung his lantern left-to-right which meant the landing strips inside the hangar were still occupied. Pulling straight, she guided Sammi-Sima around for yet another pass of the entire facility.
"You know, dearest Rocky," Lotta said, shifting around on the fur-covered seat so she could look her sweetheart in the eye, "I'm not having an Elfin good time today. This whooooole thing is getting me down. It makes me a sad, sad little Elf… and I really, really, realllllllly don't want to be a sad, sad little Elf… especially not on the day of our Joining. I mean…"
"I know. There is one bright point, however," Rocky said with a smile.
Lotta let out a sigh that said she couldn't quite see which bright point Rocky was talking about. "There is? I fail to see it…"
"Mmmm! We're doing this together. Imagine what your mood would have been if you had needed to share a sleigh with, oh, Deadbeet Elf, or Cardbort Elf, or Drowsybub Elf or-"
"I get the Elfin picture," Lotta said and snickered into her hand. The moment was too good to pass over, so she scooted to her left to snuggle up next to the big, tough, and somewhat annoyed, long-haul sleigh driver. "Oh, I suppose you have a point there, dearest Rocky. It's not even the nature of the job… had it been at any other time this winter, I think I would have found it exciting to be part of… it's just the poor, poor, poor timing."
"Corn-on-a-cob, I'll call it rotten timing!"
"Oh, well… the snow would have ruined a lot of our day, anyway," Lotta said and broke out in a half-shrug. "One of my distant Elfin relatives called me this morning to cancel. Lissimore Elf and her husband Rappamartin Elf. They live up in the mountains, and they couldn't even get out."
"Yeah. I hope Mama and Papa haven't become stranded in a sleigh-port somewhere… y'know, this is exactly why Mama moved south to Trentino. They have snow too, but never this much."
"Snow, snow, snow… oh, the joys of snow…" Lotta sang before her Elfin voice trailed off into nothing. "Snow, snow, snow… oh, please just gooooo!" she continued in a mumble.
Snickering, Rocky wrapped her free arm around Lotta's body to give the downcast lady-Elf a little squeeze designed to keep up her spirits.
---
Even Rocky's patience had worn parchment-thin by the time the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf swung his lantern up-and-down as they passed over him - in the meantime, they had completed nine full, achingly dull, laps of the facility. They had finally been cleared for landing, and Rocky slapped Sammi-Sima's reins at once to make the beast enter a slow descent that would take them into the vast hangar. "Lotta… sweet Lotta, wake up… we're landing in a moment or two… Lotta?"
"Uh… wha'? Mmmmh… oh… I must have fallen asleep," Lotta said, cracking open her eyelids. When she found herself resting across Rocky's lap, she broke out in a blush and a snicker - she had to hide the latter with her hand. She scooted over to her own side of the sleigh in a hurry and jumped into her preferred landing position - hands on the metal rail, tush dug well into the seat, and the tips of her boots pressed up against the rear side of the buckboard.
---
As the sleigh blasted through the hangar's double-wide opening and into Toy Factory One, Lotta gave her head a good shaking at the boundless chaos that reigned there. There were Elves everywhere: worker-Elves, shunter-Elves, loadmaster-Elves, groomer-Elves, blacksmith-Elves, veterinarian-Elves, pooper-scooper-Elves, sleigh driver-Elves and even a large group of lady-Elves who wheeled in carts laden with food and beverages for the other Elves who must have worked non-stop for countless hours.
"Flyv da helt ud i skoven, hvad i grønlangkålen sker der lige her, hva'?" Lotta said in the strange, south-western Elf dialect that she could only tap into when she wasn't thinking too hard about it. "Uh, I mean… by the Great Elf, wouldya look at all this mess! What in the Elfin world's going on here?"
"I guess this is an all-hands-on-deck kinda situation," Rocky said just as Sammi-Sima's hooves touched down on the smooth surface of the landing strip. Tugging the reins, she controlled the experienced reindeer until it was going at a fast walking pace.
Down the other end of the runway, another sleigh-traffic controller-Elf was already waving them off the smooth strip; Rocky responded by waving back and pulling Sammi-Sima to the left as soon as the speed would allow it. It didn't take long before they were on a taxiway that brought them down to the loading bays at the far end of the vast hangar.
---
"I don't think I've ever seen it this Elfin busy before… this is just Elfin incredible!" Lotta mumbled to herself, kneeling on the bench seat to stare wide-eyed at the two shunter-Elves who worked hard to shove three large bags of toys into position on the flatbed of Rocky's elegant sleigh.
The loadmaster-Elves supervising the bays all used whistles, and the air was full of the shrill noises produced by the small instruments. Each time a sleigh had been fully loaded at the cargo bays, one of the loadmaster-Elves blew into his whistle which signaled the Elf manning the reins that it was safe to move out and back to the takeoff strip.
Rocky had been on her hands and knees underneath her sleigh inspecting the underside of the flatbed, and checking the stainless steel runners to make sure they were up to the task of carrying the heavy load, but she got to her feet when she noticed a new team of reindeer arriving.
A shunter-Elf and his haggard-looking junior-Elf apprentice brought a full team of four, fresh reindeer over to Rocky's sleigh. The beasts were already decked out in harnesses that were connected to a sturdy center-yoke, so all it took for the sleigh to be ready was for the shunter-Elf to back the reindeer up to the buckboard and attach the yoke to the sleigh's metal eye.
"Oh! We're not gonna use Sammi-Sima?" Lotta said as she watched the big, strong reindeer being pulled away by the junior-Elf apprentice.
"Not this time," Rocky said and climbed aboard her sleigh to be ready for whenever the loadmaster-Elf signaled her. "These beasts are already used to one another. Have you recognized them yet?"
"Uh… no," Lotta said and stood up to get a better look at the four reindeer. "Why, that's… that's… Bob! Ooooooooooooooh, I don't believe it, it's Bob! Ohhhh, the dear, dear, dear deer, Bob! Greetings, Bob! It's me, Epilotta Elf! How do you do, dear Bob? It's so Elfin good to see you! And work with you again!" she cried, waving her entire arm in the air which drew a good deal of attention from the shunter-Elves near her.
It was inevitable that Rocky would snicker into her hand, so she did. "I don't think he understands you, sweet Lotta," she said around the laugh.
"Oh, you never know… and… and… that's Wreck! Ohhhhh, my Great Elf… Wreck and Bob! Why, this is just like the goooooooooooooooooood, old days!" Lotta cried again, waving her other arm just because.
"Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky and Kiliqqawalla. They'll get us anywhere on the Great Elf's green, white and blue… mostly white… planet. I just hope we'll get a short run, or else we may have problems getting back in time."
"Oh…" Lotta said and sat down with a bump. "Now that really would put a damper on my Elfin-good mood… Oh, Great Elf, hear me!" she suddenly cried, throwing her hands in the air and jumping to her feet all over again - "This is your faithful follower Epilotta Elf! Please, please, please make sure that we only get a short run so we can return in good time for our Joining day and all the friends and family who are probably already waiting for us! Not to mention the buns and the cookies and the rice pudding and the hot chocolate and the-"
While Lotta continued to pray to the Great Elf, another haggard-looking junior-Elf zipped over to Rocky's sleigh with her maps and the cargo manifest. After tipping her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat at the junior-Elf, she skimmed the few lines of text - then a relieved smile spread over her features. "Siddown, sweet Lotta! Your prayers have been heard… our run is an overseas one, but definitely on the short side."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, thank you, Great Elf!" Lotta howled even louder than before. The volume of her howling was so loud she drowned out even the shrill whistling of the loadmaster - a surly Elf by the name of Hardtkorn Elf - who tried to signal Rocky that her sleigh was ready for take-off.
Another shrill whistling followed, but when it still wasn't enough to cut through the wall of Elfin noise produced by Epilotta Elf, Hardtkorn Elf jumped off the loading ramp and stomped up to the sleigh on Lotta's side. "Sugar! Plum! Mush! Stick a long-stocking in it already, Miss Elf!" he barked. His complexion had already been ruddy before the mad rush, but the hard work in general and Lotta's loud celebrations in particular had made his cheeks as red as the skin of a ripe tomato. "And driver! You're ready to go! So go!"
As Rocky slapped the reins which made Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky and Kiliqqawalla pull the heavy sleigh away from the loading bay and the irate loadmaster-Elf, Lotta sat down with a miffed expression on her face. "Well, that was just rude. There was no need for all that yelling. Why couldn't he just say it?"
"I got no idea, sweet Lotta… no idea whatsoever," Rocky said, working hard to hold back the laughter that had threatened to bubble over ever since Lotta had started praying to the Great Elf.
-*-*-*-
Rocky did her best to cheer up her sweetheart as they flew over the dark-gray, stormy Atlantic Ocean on their way south-south west. They played Guess The Animal , Who Am I? , Twenty Questions, Complete My Sentence and even I Spy , though the latter was made almost impossible by the fact that all they had to work with were gray clouds, gray waves, white seagulls and white foam atop the gray waves.
This particular run would only involve a relatively short blast over the sea, but every ocean crossing presented a list of dangers that were never factors when flying over land. With the distances at sea being so vast, an injury to a reindeer could spell disaster for the entire team if the others weren't strong enough to compensate for the missing pulling power. Similarly, mechanical maladies on the sleigh or the yoke could jeopardize the lives of the Elves and the beasts. Inability to navigate at sea had caused many an accident over the Elfin years, as had the monotonous, sleep-inducing nature of the gray world they flew in during wintertime.
The call from Santa had come so unexpectedly that Lotta hadn't had time to whip much together in the shape of food and beverages - and she hadn't wanted to raid her pantry considering that most of the things in there had been bought specifically for the big Joining dinner party - but she had snatched a jar of vanilla-seasoned applesauce off her kitchen table on her way out of the door. The dessert was supposed to have been served at room-temperature mixed with redcurrant jelly, crushed macaroons and whipped cream as an in-between for the sweet tooth, but now it was served without any of the special extras, and at a temperature that was only just above freezing.
Rocky had managed to buy a big slice of her second-favorite in-flight snack, her beloved honeycakes, on her way over to Lotta's Pine Cone Villa earlier in the day. She also had a thermos of Yule-tea, though without the chipped almonds, juicy raisins and Yuletide spices they both loved. She had offered Lotta a piece of the honeycake, but the younger lady-Elf had declined out of sheer politeness.
The monochrome seascape they flew over didn't really lend itself to Elfin singing, and when a new game of I Spy went flat at the second question because of a lack of suitable subjects to play with, Lotta did the next best thing: she shuffled down into the footwell on her side of the sleigh to catch a few winks.
After rolling herself up into an Elf-shaped ball, she pulled the rim of her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat down across her Elfin eyes and got ready to return to the dreamland she had left behind upon reaching the final approach to the toy factory. "G'night, my dearest Rocky!" she said over her shoulder.
"Sweet dreams, sweet Lotta. I'll wake you up when we get there."
ZZZZzzzzzzz…
"Lotta?"
Zzzzzzz… ZZZZzzzzzz…
After snickering into the hand that didn't hold the reins of the four-strong team of reindeer up front, Rocky put the bag holding her honeycakes across her lap and tore a big chunk out of the treat.
While she enjoyed the rich taste of the chocolate, the runny honey and the vanilla cream filler, she kept an eye on the snow-front that was slowly drifting toward them from the east. There was a risk they would intercept it - or vice versa - on their way back to Greenland. It seemed that someone wasn't about to let them have an easy run of it, not even on their Joining day.
-*-*-*-
The massive snowfall that had almost crippled the Elfin world had made less of an impact on the Human world. As the elegant sleigh reached the north-eastern coast of the vast continent, Rocky was still able to find plenty of landmarks to navigate by. The maps she had been given with her cargo manifest were as useless as always, but she vaguely remembered the route since it had been the first leg of a longer trip she had been on several years earlier.
Flying at their regular, and preferred, cruising altitude of twelve-hundred feet, they were to traverse an uninhabited territory until they reached a specific river. Once they had located that, they were to follow it toward a large, Human city. A few miles out from the city, they were to leave the river behind and first find, then follow a road that would lead them to a warehouse in an area that was so remote that the wildlife outnumbered the Humans on a factor of ten to one. It meant that Santa's Elfin ground team would be safe from prying eyes who could witness the countless transports flying in and out of the area.
The warehouse had been bought by the Central Administration for purposes of temporary storage of goods and miscellany connected with the various seasons and Human holidays, but now, it would be used for tens of thousands of hastily relocated Yuletide gifts.
Up front, the lead reindeer Wreck had good control over his three colleagues. Bob, Wakkahakky and the relative newcomer Kiliqqawalla were solid beasts and could pull the heavy load all around the globe if they had to. They were so in tune with one another they didn't need much input from the lady-Elf manning the reins; Rocky took full advantage of that by resting her neck and shoulders while she had a chance to. One of the most perilous situations was still to come - the landing.
She could only vaguely recall the landing strip at the warehouse, and even beyond that, it had been several years since she had been there last. Chances were that it had been re-designed, or at least repaved, in the intervening years to allow it to keep up with the increased demand and thus the heavier sleighs that had taken to the skies in recent times.
Finding the river they needed to follow proved to be as easy as one-two-Elf. Soon, she kept a watchful eye on the river's snaking path below her as the four-in-hand up front kept a solid pace going on their way toward the Human city. The skyscrapers at the center of the city were already looming large on the horizon, so Rocky narrowed her Elfin-blue eyes to locate the road she had been told to follow to get to the warehouse.
---
"Lotta?" Rocky whispered, gently nudging her sweetheart's tush with the tip of her boot. "Lotta? Wakey-wakey… wakey-uppey-honey-bunny…"
"Mmmmmh… just ten more Elfin minutes, Mammi…" came the predictable response; further snoring was heard soon after that.
"We'll have landed by then, sweet Lotta," Rocky said, continuing to speak in a whisper so she wouldn't pull the sleeping Lotta too rudely from her dreamy state.
Zzz… Zzzz… Zzzzz… "Huh? Landed? Are we going somewhere, Mammi? Ohhhh… right," Lotta said and rolled herself out of the Elf-shaped ball. Yawning, she pushed her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat off her eyes to look around - the view of the sleigh's footwell hadn't improved much since she had gone to sleep. "Sugar plum mush, I had forgotten allllllll about this cotton-candy mess… I was long gone."
"I noticed," Rocky said and snickered into her hand.
Yawning again, Lotta climbed up onto the fur-covered bench seat and used her Elfin hands to rub her bleary eyes. Once she had smacked her Elfin lips a couple of times, she reached for the jar of applesauce to recharge her energy levels a little more. "So… we're here. But where's 'here'?"
"Well, here is…. right there," Rocky said and pointed over the edge of the sleigh.
Lotta leaned over her side to take in the sights below. They were once more in a holding pattern, but one that wasn't as long as the first one back at the toy factory had been. They, and four other Elfin reindeer sleighs, were circling over a pale-gray, depot-like building that had been built in the middle of absolute nowhere. Unreclaimed meadows half-covered in snow framed the depot on three of the four sides, with a few, scattered pine trees taking up the final side. A paved road that cut through the scattered pines led to the flat-roofed building that had two loading ramps for Human-sized transport vehicles on the side nearest the road.
A single, Elfin-sized landing strip had been laid out on the far side of the warehouse next to a square section of pavement that had several odd markings on it - a big, Yuletide-red 'H' had been painted at the center of the square.
The reason for the annoying holding pattern was soon revealed: one of the sleighs arriving ahead of them had had an Elfin accident touching down, and a host of worker-Elves were busy scooping up all the presents that had gone flying from the back of the sleigh after it had performed a bump-bump-ba-da-bing-bong-bump landing rather than a textbook-smooth one.
"Oh!" Lotta croaked as she watched the worker-Elves drag the wrecked single-deer sleigh off the runway; not only had it lost its cargo, the left-hand runner had been broken off upon landing. A sheepish-looking reindeer was being pulled away by one of the groomer-Elves, and a long-haul sleigh driver wearing a regular, dark-blue schmutting uniform shuffled behind it - it appeared he was cursing and swearing at the reindeer while he pressed an Elfin hand against his Elfin tush. "Some-Elf has had an accident…" she said somewhat redundantly as she leaned back inside the sleigh and assumed her landing position.
"Yep. It often happens when all teams are activated," Rocky said, keeping an eye on the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf who had taken up position at the start of the landing strip holding a lantern. He continued to swing it left-to-right which meant the runway was still unsafe. "Some of the inexperienced beasts get called up and stuff like this happens. Perhaps inexperienced drivers, too. Can't say."
"Oh… but Wreck and Bob are both experienced… and so are you… so we shouldn't have a problem… right?" Lotta said and cast a worried glance at her sweetheart.
"But of course not, sweet Lotta. Sooner or later, all the Elfin negative stuff will come to an end. It's our Joining day!"
"Mmmmm-yeah… but the teasing-fairies may think differently…" Lotta mumbled; she didn't have time to finish that thought before the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf swung his lantern up-and-down while gesticulating wildly at Rocky's sleigh though they weren't at the head of the holding pattern.
"Now wouldya look at that!" Rocky said while she slapped the reins to make Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky and Kiliqqawalla enter the landing procedure. "Seems our golden hats speak louder than our spot in the line… betcha the other drivers are grumbling about us now!"
"Thank the Great Elf… and the others can grumble all they like… it's not their Joining day," Lotta mumbled as she moved into her regular landing position.
The four experienced reindeer - and the experienced long-haul sleigh driver holding the reins - made sure the landing was a smooth one that followed the regulations to a T. Though the sleigh carried a heavy load, it never jerked, jumped or even wobbled as the stainless steel runners touched down on the landing strip. The beasts of burden soon wound down their pulling power, and the speed was reduced to a fast run, then a jog, then walking pace.
Tugging the reins, Rocky made the four-in-hand swing off the landing strip once the speed was low enough to do so in a safe manner. She leaned over the edge of the sleigh to keep a close eye on the runners as they came off the hard surface and moved onto hard-packed, frozen soil; behind them, the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf had already called the next sleigh in to land.
A worker-Elf ran out to greet them, and they were soon guided across an open area and into the warehouse itself. Just before they slid through a chain-driven sliding door that had been locked open at the top stop so the worker-Elves wouldn't have to waste any of their precious time on it, Lotta happened to cast a glance at the unfortunate reindeer involved in the accident.
The beast had never made it further than the front of the warehouse, and it was being tended to by a veterinarian-Elf who was bandaging a small abrasion on its left hind-leg. "Oh, isn't that Gustaf? Rocky, look… isn't that reindeer Gustaf? Remember, we used him last year for our trip to Forstbichl!"
Rocky only had a few Elfin seconds to look at the reindeer in question, but it didn't take her longer than that to recognize him: "Sure is, sweet Lotta. Looks like he hasn't learned a lot since then."
"No…" Lotta said, offering the unfortunate reindeer a smile of sympathy before they disappeared inside the warehouse. "Whoa! Cotton-candy!" she cried at once as her Elfin-green eyes were overwhelmed by the sheer number of Human-sized wooden crates that had been stacked up in tall towers that nearly reached the inner ceiling.
Wooden crates were here, there and everywhere, and they all carried serial numbers or letters that provided the information needed by the Human loadmasters so they could distribute them to the right toy stores in the city. Although there weren't any Humans present at the moment to take care of the finished crates, Elves by the dozens were hard at work unloading the sleighs as soon as they slid up to a makeshift loading ramp that had hastily been built in the middle of the floor.
The worker-Elf who had guided Rocky and Lotta into the warehouse continued to zip along next to the four reindeer to show Rocky where to pull over; she steered the elegant sleigh into the proper slot with no problems at all. She had barely pulled Wreck and the others to a halt before three worker-Elves had jumped onto the flatbed to drag off the bags of toys that had been hauled south from Toy Factory One.
Lotta didn't even have time to comment on the proceedings - and that didn't happen often - before the last bag had been removed from the flatbed. The worker-Elf standing ahead of the sleigh signaled to Rocky that she should move away from the makeshift loading ramp and drive back out into the open. Acknowledging the Elf with a brief wave, Rocky slapped the reins which made Wreck and his team move away at walking pace.
Once they were back outside and moving toward the far end of the runway, Lotta shuffled around on the fur-covered bench seat so she would be ready for take-off. She shook her head in amazement: "By the Great Elf, I never thought we Elves could be that efficient… I guess that when the glorious Yule comes under threat, we can move fast… and I didn't even see any snacks anywhere!"
"They wouldn't have time to eat anyway, sweet Lotta," Rocky said, waiting for the sleigh-traffic controller-Elf to signal her that it was safe to use the runway for their departure. A sleigh was on final approach, so they would have to wait an Elfin minute or so.
"Ohhhh… I'm glad I'm up here with you, then, my dearest Rocky!" Lotta said, reaching for the jar of applesauce at once.
After the next, heavily laden sleigh had touched down on the runway without any dramas, it was Rocky's turn to use the paved strip, and she soon had Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky and Kiliqqawalla back up to the speed needed for take-off. Once their hoofed legs moved in a blur, she tugged the reins to make the elegant sleigh take off and head for the sky - a sky that had turned grayer and more threatening while they had been busy inside the warehouse.
-*-*-*-
The day that had already been too Elfin tough to begin with had received another twist of the tickle-monster-screw when Rocky and Lotta had returned to Toy Factory One after their first run: they were instructed to take another full load back to the same warehouse to fill in for the sleigh that had been scratched off the roster when the unfortunate Gustaf had crashed upon landing.
Rocky hadn't liked it, but she had kept quiet - Lotta had liked it even less, and she hadn't kept quiet. Begging, pleading, wailing, moaning, complaining and cursing hadn't helped, and neither had a bad case of gnashing of Elfin teeth.
---
Thus, upon returning from their second long-haul trip south on their sacred Joining day, Lotta had her Elfin arms crossed over her Elfin chest in a rare display of all-out, fur-lined, five-star, ocean-going Elfin grumpiness. The jar of applesauce had long since been emptied out - licked clean, to be exact - and her Elfin tummy was knocking on the door to let her know it could do with a roll of vanilla rings, kringle-bread of the hot and runny kind, a tray of fresh buns, or perhaps even a bowl of steaming hot rice pudding sprinkled with cinnamon and graced with a pool of melting butter.
Rocky's stash of her beloved honeycakes was long gone as well, and she only had the empty paper bag to remind her of how yummy they had been. The thermos was as dry as her throat, and had been stored underneath the fur-covered seat for safekeeping. The tough, long-haul sleigh driver was no stranger to working for days without end, and sometimes without nourishment for a good deal of that time, but that it had to happen on her Joining day was an experience she could have lived without gaining.
She cast a sideways glance at her sweetheart's glum, grumpy, grouchy, surly face that was scrunched up in a way she had never witnessed before. Lotta was severely miffed, there was no doubt about that - best illustrated by the fact that she had given a monosyllabic answer that started with an 'N' and ended with an 'O' when she had been asked if she wanted to sing a Yuletide song or two, or even the Elfin anthem An Elfin Good Time.
It was the single-worst case of rotten timing that Rocky could remember being exposed to. That it snowed in the Elfin world was nothing new; that a mountain of snow fell upon Elf Springs and the hinterland happened twice a winter on average; that such a massive amount of snow fell upon Elf Springs on their Joining day was nothing short of rotten timing, not to mention rotten Elfin luck. Still, when Santa called, they had to respond. They were his hand-picked A-Team Elves, after all, and they had to accept the bad times when they came. Letting Santa down in such a situation would have been Elfin unthinkable, and it would have ruined all the good things they had accomplished wearing the golden-bobbled Elf hats.
At last, the dark-gray structure of Toy Factory One appeared on the horizon. The sky around them hadn't turned grayer since returning from their first round-trip, but a tell-tale whiff of snow still lingered in the air. It told an experienced Elf-nose like Rocky's that the next flurry was just around the corner even if there didn't seem to be any precipitation in the areas closest to them.
The holding pattern of waiting long-haul sleighs that circled the toy factory hadn't grown shorter since they had been there last, but their third time of asking still turned out to be different from the first two: Rocky had barely slotted Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky and Kiliqqawalla into the pattern before one of the supervising sleigh-traffic controller-Elves swung his lantern up-and-down while gesticulating wildly at them.
"I wonder what that's all about?" Rocky said as she tugged the reins again to pull Wreck and the others out of the line of circling sleighs. Moving further down toward the controller-Elf to get a better view of the situation, she noticed that he pointed at her, then at the hangar like he was instructing her to land out of sequence.
She gave him a big thumbs-up as she flew past before she tugged the reins to let Wreck know that he and his colleagues should enter the landing procedure. "Maybe we've caught a break, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and reached across the bench seat to rub her sweetheart's thigh.
"Doubt it," Lotta said in a downcast voice as she shuffled into her regular landing position. "They're probably sending us halfway… or the whooooooooole way… around the Great Elf's green, white and blue Earth for our next run. It'll be next year before we can celebrate our Joining day… and all the buns will have gone stale… and the sweet white ale will have gone flat… and all those yummy cookies will have turned into crumble-dust…"
"Cheer up, sweet Lotta. It may be good news," Rocky tried, but a glance at Lotta's sad, sad, sad Elfin face proved she might as well save her breath for a better time later on.
---
The landing went without drama in the touch-down phase, but Rocky had barely pulled Wreck and his team off the runway and onto the taxiway before a junior-Elf came zipping over to them carrying a note in his Elfin hand. "Miss Rockabye! Miss Rockabye! There's an important message for you! Miss Rockabye!" he cried, waving the note in the air to catch the driver's attention.
"Told you," Lotta mumbled, once more crossing her Elfin arms over her Elfin chest. While Rocky pulled the sleigh to a halt and allowed the junior-Elf to catch up to them, Lotta pulled her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat down over her Elfin-green eyes so she didn't have to look at the Elfin-pandemonium that was still taking place in the hangar of Toy Factory One.
Rocky let out a grunt after she had skimmed the note. "Thanks," she said to the junior-Elf before she slapped the reins and pulled off the taxiway to head for the only calm place in the entire hangar - which happened to be the reindeer corral.
When they reached the pens, Rocky whoa'ed Wreck and his colleagues. While she threw the reins over the buckboard, she cast a glance at the corral that had been all but cleared out of reindeer save for Sammi-Sima - who looked bored though happy to see Rocky and Lotta - and two that had been benched for various injuries. Even the reserves had been called up to take part in the great Elfin scramble that took place all over the Elfin world.
"Now what?" Lotta said, pushing up a corner of the Elf hat so she could cast an Elfin eyeball at her sweetheart and the note.
Rocky skimmed the note again before she put it between them on the fur-covered bench seat. "Well… seems we're to call Santa at once. He has some news for us," she said as she climbed down from the sleigh. Stretching her aching Elfin back - and tush - she walked on stiff legs around the front of the four reindeer to give them a check-up. Nothing seemed to be wrong with Wreck, Bob, Wakkahakky or Kiliqqawalla which was fortunate since all the groomers and veterinarians were busy at the loading ramps. A pooper-scooper-Elf was on standby with a canvas bag, a wide shovel and a gloomy expression on his ruddy face, but it didn't look like he would be needed for the time being.
Lotta let out a sigh that came from the very bottom of her Elfin soul. She reached for the note to skim it as well, but her Elfin heart wasn't in it, so she let it be. Shaking her head, she jumped off the elegant sleigh to join Rocky at the reindeer. A quick hug was in order, so they did just that. "I had gone through a bazillion scenarios of how our Joining day would be," she mumbled into Rocky's uniform. "None of 'em were like this. This is just the Elfin world's worst tickle-monster of a Joining day. Ever. Since the dawn of Elfin time. Since the birth of the Great Elf herself. It's even worse than that one with the tainted butter."
"I can't argue with that… tho' I didn't get the tainted butter part…"
"Never mind…"
"Cheer up, sweet Lotta," Rocky said and gave her sweetheart a peck on the forehead. "I'll find a snow cone and get the lowdown from Santa. Whatever happens, we'll need to get some supplies, so… how about you went up to the cafeteria and got us some buns and some Yule-tea-"
"No. I wanna stay with you, dearest Rocky…"
Rocky's Elfin-blue eyes flew wide open - that was the first time in the years she had spent with Epilotta Elf that the petite, though thoroughly insatiable, lady-Elf had turned down an opportunity to get something to eat. "Oooookay. Well, let's find a snow cone, then… but we still need to get some supplies afterwards."
"I'll be right by your side," Lotta said; true to her words, she slipped her arm inside Rocky's as the two Elves shuffled across the floor of the busy hangar to get to a snow cone apparatus.
---
A public snow cone booth was soon located in one of the hallways leading away from the hangar, and the number for the Central Administration was soon punched in. The hallway was an Elf-hive of activity with all kinds of Elves running this way, that way and every other way, so Rocky needed to plug her free pointy ear with an Elfin index finger to be able to hear anything through the connection. While they waited for the snow cone to be picked up in Santa's office, Lotta sat down on the Yuletide-red carpet and rested her tired back against the wall.
'This is Santa's office… Yuttan Elf speaking,' the familiar voice said at the other end of the connection.
"Miss Yuttan, this is Rockabye Elf. Miss Epilotta and I were told to contact Santa at once."
'Oh! Yes indeed… hang on, Santa is talking to someone else at the moment, but I know he'll want to speak with you right away. Hang on!' - a few fumbles were through the line before it went dead.
"I'm hangin' on, all right… it's just about all we can do right now," Rocky said with a snicker; Lotta merely yawned and pulled down her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat so she could shut out the cruel Elfin world.
A few more fumbles were heard through the line before Yuttan Elf came back: 'Miss Rockabye, here's Santa now.'
"Thank you, Miss Yuttan," Rocky said while she waited for Santa to pick up the receiver. "Santa's almost on the line, sweet Lotta… you wanna talk to him? Or listen in?" she whispered to her sweetheart whose only reply was to shake her head.
'Miss Rockabye, this is Santa!' the important man said - not that he needed to introduce himself since the booming voice that came through the snow cone could only belong to the Yuleman. 'First of all, I can't tell you how proud you have made me for doing all this on your Joining day. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I'll make double-sure to grant you all the wishes on your lists this year!'
"Oh! Thank you, Mister Santa, Sir…"
'Now, I almost had a marital crisis here when I told Mrs. Santa that I had sent my A-Team out on an assignment on this day of all days. She told me in no uncertain terms that I better get you back in due time for the ceremony, or she would… well, that doesn't matter now, ha ha. Ahem. Mrs. Santa told me that the Joining day is the single-most important event in any Elf's adult life, and if I kept you away from it, there would be hell to pay. For me. Ahem. Therefore, Miss Rockabye, I am pulling you and Miss Epilotta off the roster for the rest of the day…' - fumble, fumble, mumble, mumble, fumble - 'Oh, and Mrs. Santa has just informed me that you're off the roster for the rest of the week as well so you can go on your honeymoon.'
"Oh! Thank you, Mister Santa, Sir! Thank you verrrrrrrrrrrry much, Mister Santa, Sir!" Rocky croaked, giving Lotta several good nudges with her boot so she could come up and share the good news.
'Miss Rockabye, I'll talk to you again after your honeymoon on Little Yuletide Eve. Merry Yuletide.'
"Indeed you will, Mister Santa, Sir! And thank you once more, Mister Santa, Sir! Merrrrrrry Yuletide, Mister Santa, Sir!"
Santa let out a booming laugh at the other end of the line - 'Sounds like Mrs. Santa was right about the importance of the Joining day. Well, I can't recall a time where she wasn't right, so… goodbye, Miss Rockabye. Please give my regards to Miss Epilotta.'
"Will do, Mister Santa, Sir! Goodbye, Mister Santa, Sir!"
The receiver of the public snow cone had barely been returned to the apparatus before Rocky let out a long, celebratory cry for joy that not only made every Elf in the busy hallway come to a sudden stop to stare, but also made Lotta flail her arms and jerk up in surprise. "We're going home, sweet Lotta!" Rocky cried, yanking Lotta to her feet and into a severe crush.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fih-nally… we're finally going home… for our Joining day," Lotta breathed, pressing her face into Rocky's strong being without ever having had the time to push the golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat up from her eyes. Once the first contact had been relished, she took a step back and moved up the hat so she could shoot her sweetheart an Elfin-green gaze; then the Elfin-floodgates burst and she grabbed hold of Rocky's hands to dance a wild, celebratory Elfin jig through the hallway and all the way back to the busy hangar while cheering, whooping and hollering at the top of her lungs.
*
*
CHAPTER 2
The snow-covered streets of Elf Springs were no less busy when it came to hectic activity of the Elfin kind than the vast hangar of Toy Factory One that Rocky and Lotta had just left behind had been, but it mattered less now they were on the home stretch. The ever-efficient Elf Springs road services had been working flat-out to clear the streets designated as runways, so Rocky was able to get Sammi-Sima down onto the ground in good order even if huge plumes of snow were thrown up by the stainless steel runners as they slid across the white stuff.
Once the reindeer had settled down to a walking pace, Rocky pulled the sleigh off the runway and headed for the regular city streets. She and Lotta made sure to salute and shout words of support and encouragement to the road worker-Elves who were busy shoveling the massive amounts of snow onto donkey-driven carts; the Elves waved back and cheered at the sight of the golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hats.
It appeared as if every Elf in Elf Springs was taking part in Operation Grab A Shovel And Start Digging because there were Elves everywhere, from the youngest junior-Elf to the oldest Elf elder, and they all wielded wide snow-shovels in their Elfin hands. Every-elf among them worked hard to clear the city streets so that regular traffic could be resumed. To cheer up the Elves while they swung their shovels, caroling choirs were performing all the good, old Yuletide chestnuts, and hot drinks vendors had put up their carts at strategically important corners to get business from both connecting streets at once.
Several of the bakeries in Elf Springs had decided to pitch in as well by handing out free cinnamon buns hot out of the oven. Though they were hot buns, they went like hot cakes and were indeed soon gone. The scent of cinnamon remained, however, and sent Lotta's Elfin tummy into a frenzy when they drove past one of the bakeries. She hung over the side of the sleigh in the hope of sniffing up just the littlest bit of cinnamon, but the powdery spice refused to trickle its way up her Elfin nostrils.
"Ohhh, cotton-candy," she said as she bumped back down onto the bench seat. An Elfin moment later, she let out a brief snicker.
"No luck?"
"No luck. No cinnamon either."
"We're soon home, sweet Lotta… then you can eat it out of the jar with a spoon if you wish," Rocky said while flashing a broad grin at her sweetheart.
"Ooooooh! Now there's an Elfin good idea!"
When it didn't seem that Lotta had caught the gist of the jest, Rocky reached over to pat her sweetheart's thigh. "Lotta… that was a joke…"
"Oh… never mind," Lotta mumbled.
Rocky cast a sideways glance at the petite Elf next to her - ever since hearing about the incident at the Osterling Brothers' Department Store where Lotta had seriously considered eating the red carpet, she wouldn't put anything past her.
---
Because of the mad scramble, the day had already reached the middle of the afternoon by the time Rocky steered Sammi-Sima around the final corner to head onto Chestnut Street. The dark-gray cloud cover had never lifted once during the entire day, but at least the whiff of fresh snow lingering in the air had moved on to haunt other pastures.
There was room at the curb in front of Lotta's Pine Cone Villa for a change, so Rocky steered Sammi-Sima into it at once and pulled her to a halt. As the big, strong reindeer let out a bray and shook her back, Rocky threw the reins over the buckboard and fell against the backrest. An Elfin moment later, she let out a long sigh before she turned to look at her sweetheart. "Well… I'm as tired as an old, old, old Elf… but in my opinion, we can be pretty cotton-candy satisfied with our efforts today, sweet Lotta."
Lotta nodded and broke out in a yawn that she needed both her Elfin hands to cover. Her complexion had changed from its regular ruddy hue to one that was closer to pale-gray because of the lack of sleep and the myriad of thoughts that had plagued her little, Elfin mind all day with regards to their Joining, and the ever-shrinking amount of time they had to get back to Elf Springs. They had made it, but the uncertainty had taken its toll on her sensitive Elfin being. "I think so too. Like I said earlier, if it hadn't been for that Elfin rotten timing, it could even have been an Elfin exciting assignment… I mean… the glorious Yule was under threat! How could we not react? But the timing was rotten. Rott-tten!"
"At least we're home now," Rocky said and jumped off the sleigh. The Elf Springs road services hadn't made it to the less-important Chestnut Street yet, so she needed to wade through deep snow to check up on Sammi-Sima. When she found the strong reindeer was none the worse for wear, she patted its flank and gave it a little rubbing. After checking the harness and the single-yoke as well, she shuffled back to Lotta's side of the sleigh and let out another long sigh. "So… what do we do now?"
"Do? Go in and make some Yule-tea. And maybe find an apple crumble-cake in the pantry… I'm hunnnnn-gry," Lotta said and jumped off the sleigh. The snow was so deep it came to her waist, but she was a sturdy Elf so she just put one leg in front of the other and plowed her way through the white stuff until she reached her garden gate. When she realized Rocky hadn't followed in her plow-tracks, she turned around and shot her sweetheart a puzzled look. "You're not coming?"
"I don't know if I should, sweet Lotta. I mean, we've gotta be breaking at least fifty Elfin customs and traditions…"
Lotta let out a tired snicker that she couldn't even be bothered to hide with her hand. "I think we're past that number already. Cotton-candy, I think we're past double that number now. You know I love, love, looooooove all the age-old traditions, so I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but… does it matter?"
"I guess it doesn't," Rocky said with a chuckle.
While Rocky shuffled up the garden path in the deep ruts made by Miss Epilotta Snowplow ahead of her, Lotta turned to her wooden mailbox that had been nailed to the wall of her villa next to the front door. Opening it, she was pleased to see a stack of Elfin-grams inside it as well as the latest edition of the Elf Springs Gazette. "Oh! Yippie!" she said, taking the five cards and the newspaper.
"Congratulatory Elfin-grams?" Rocky said, peeking over Lotta's shoulder.
"Yep!" Lotta said, opening her front door and stepping inside. She waved Rocky inside in a hurry so King Frost wouldn't get any bright ideas like following them in to nibble on their twinkletoes. Once the door had been firmly shut, she pointed up at the mistletoe above the jamb.
Rocky was only too happy to comply with the silent request, so she leaned down, grabbed hold of her sweetheart and gave her the El-finest kiss of all time - the Elfin kiss to end all Elfin kisses - the Elfin kiss that could have ignited a tallow candle had one been nearby - the Elfin kiss that would have set an Elfin world record had any-Elf been there to time it. It wasn't really ferocious or bruising, or even unrestrained, it was just a sweet, warm, loving Elfin kiss that went on and on and on and on and on and on until Lotta dropped the congratulatory Elfin-grams and the newspaper and let out a long, husky moan into Rocky's mouth that proved she was enjoying herself quite an Elfin bit.
Once they separated - with thumping Elfin hearts and coursing Elfin blood - they pulled each other into a quiet hug that went on for just as long as the Elfin kiss had.
"Oh… my… Great… Elf… I needed that," Lotta whispered. Her pale-gray hue had faded and had been replaced by a bright-red tidal wave that had swept over her Elfin cheeks, her pert nose, her forehead and even out to her pointy Elfin ears.
"So did I," Rocky whispered back. After moving apart again, she bent down to retrieve the newspaper and the Elfin-grams that Lotta had dropped from her limp Elfin hand. "I'm gonna put on some Yule-tea and stir the fire. Why don't you sit down and look at these in the meantime?" she said as she kicked off her snow-covered boots.
Lotta could barely think after the Elfin-good assault on her sensitive being, but she managed to nod and even to take her own boots off which was quite an accomplishment given her boneless, putty-kneed state.
---
The five congratulatory Elfin-grams had been opened and were spread out on the low table by the chaise lounge by the time Rocky entered the living room with two mugs of steaming hot Yule-tea and two plates featuring Elfin-neat slices of the apple crumble-cake that Lotta had briefly mentioned.
Lotta leaned forward on the chaise lounge to pick up her mug. The ruddy cheeks she had earned through the lovely kiss had once again succumbed to the pale-gray hue, and her Elfin-green eyes were bleary from the lack of sleep. "Ohhhhhh, I needed this as well…" she said after taking a long gulp of the hot tea. As the warm liquid trickled down her Elfin gullet, she warmed her Elfin hands on the hot mug before she took the plate with the crumble-cake. True to form, the Elfin-neat slices were gone as quickly as one-two-Elf. "Look dearest Rocky, we got five Elfin-grams… one of which is from the faculty up at Ye Olde Elfin Academie. It's co-signed by Karthago Elf!"
"That's nice," Rocky said while staring at Lotta's empty plate where only a few, scattered crumbs remained. Snickering, she sat down next to her sweetheart with her own, full plate.
"Three are from distant relatives… and then there's one from Gunni-Wink Elf way, way, way-the-cotton-candy up in Peary Land! I wonder how she heard about our Joining…?"
"Mmmm… we were hired by some of her relatives here in Elf Springs. Maybe they saw the paragraph in the newspaper? Mystery-Elf knows, but Mystery-Elf ain't talkin'," Rocky said before she took a bite of her apple crumble-cake and a sip of her Yule-tea. She hadn't had time to make any whipped cream for the cake, or add any of the juicy treats that usually went into the tea, but they were just fine on their own.
The day had been so long already they didn't need to speak much; simply being with the other was reward enough for all the effort they had put into the emergency assignment. Thus, they were content with munching and slurping in silence.
The new logs in the fireplace had caught well, and neat, orange flames were already flickering from the glowing wood while smoke and embers escaped up into the chimney. One of the logs crackled more than the others like it was trying to tell the two Elves a tall tale, but since they ignored it, it gave up and settled for burning merrily.
A few more Elfin minutes went by in silence before Rocky put down her empty plate and rose from the chaise lounge to retrieve the snow cone handset. "I think I'll try to call the sleigh-port to hear what kind of delay they're having out there."
"Oh… that's right, you're gonna pick up your parents… huh, I had forgotten all about that," Lotta said around a sip of her Yule-tea. A wide yawn interrupted her slurping, but she couldn't be bothered to hide it since Rocky had her back turned. "Oh, Ye Great Elf, the day is going to be so un-be-Elfin-lievably busy from now on… it's gonna be ca-Elf-razy. Ohhhh, I need a few winks before I can do anything…" she mumbled as she sloshed the Yule-tea around in her mug.
Once Rocky had punched in the number for the passenger information hotline, she sat down next to Lotta while she waited for the connection to be established. Snickering, she held the snow cone out so Lotta could hear a horribly mangled version of the Hustle And Bustle Song, one of the petite Elf's favorite Yuletide songs.
"Oh, what in the name of all things Elf is that?" came the inevitable response from Lotta. "What… huh… who… how did they make that wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful song sound so… so… so… cotton-candy awful?!"
"Can't say, sweet Lotta- oh… there's a pre-recorded Elfin message," Rocky continued as she pulled the snow cone back and moved it up to her pointy ear. "They're experiencing severe delays due to the snow… huh, no news there… but… all overseas passenger flights are on course to land within the next few Elfin hours."
"Oh, that's something at least."
"Yeah," Rocky said and closed the connection. She took a long sip of her mug but didn't make a move to leave the chaise lounge, nor her sweetheart, behind. She almost reconsidered when she happened to sniff her uniform. "Ew. Well, it was a tough morning. Good thing I'll have time to head home for a shower before I need to be at the sleigh-port."
"Aw, you're not ew-ie, dearest Rocky… not by a long-Elf. Trust me."
"Thanks, sweet Lotta… but I'm… uh… ew-ie," Rocky said and let out a chuckle.
Lotta snuggled up a little closer while her Elfin index finger drew a little pattern on the back of Rocky's bronzed hand. "Or you could just shower here, you know… would save you the round-trip."
Smiling at the tender touch, Rocky shuffled even closer to the lady-Elf of her heart. "Would you be all right with that? I mean, that's another couple of Elfin customs and traditions broken right there…"
"Oh, I think we're past that. Aren't we?" Lotta said shyly.
"Yeah. Well… if you don't mind?"
"I don't."
"Works for me. I'll just pop downstairs and-"
"No, I meant you could use the big bathroom upstairs. The one next to my bedroom."
The nosy log in the fireplace chose the moment to let out a couple of really loud crackles like it wanted to tell the two Elves they were getting awfully close to something a pair of un-Joined Elves shouldn't even be thinking about, but its warning was thoroughly ignored by the lady-Elves in question.
"Ah, Lotta…" Rocky said and licked her Elfin lips, "thank you for the offer, but I think we should wait until tomorrow until we go there. It needs to be right… special. And it wouldn't be. Not after the day we've had. Not to mention the day that's still ahead."
The shy smile was still etched onto Lotta's face, but it slowly faded upon hearing, and understanding, Rocky's words. "Oh, I suppose you're right," she said and let out a long sigh. Her Elfin-green eyes never left the Elfin-blue ones of her sweetheart. An Elfin kiss was in order, and the two lady-Elves crept even closer to each other to fulfil the promise.
An inch before their Elfin lips would have touched, they both picked up a familiar sound through their keen hearing that worked in close companionship with their pointy ears. "A jingle stick!" they both said as one. "The kind of jingle stick used by the Antler Cab Company," Lotta said - "Your parents!" Rocky concluded, jumping up from the chaise lounge in an Elf-mighty hurry.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, just when the going was about to be goooooood!" Lotta croaked, slapping her forehead. She grabbed the mugs and the two empty plates, and hustled after her sweetheart who had already zipped into the kitchen.
Peeking through the window, Lotta spotted her parents Ingeborg Elf and Thorbjorn Elf standing at a reindeer-cab. A square, wooden box was at Thorbjorn Elf's booted feet, and she recognized it as containing his beloved accordion. The older Elves were busy paying the driver, and they both had their backs turned to the Pine Cone Villa. "Quick, dearest Rocky! If Mammi sees you here, she'll go all tickle-monster on us!"
"I know," Rocky said and stole a kiss before she zipped into the hallway to get her boots. She had no time to put them on downstairs, so she flew up the staircase to Lotta's bedroom with the boots in her hand.
"Wh- where are you going?!" Lotta cried after the eloping Rocky.
'I'm gonna schmut outta your bedroom window! See you later, sweet Lotta!' Rocky cried back, already well out of sight.
"Schmut out of my bedroom window… huh! I wouldn't have thought of that. Ohhhh, Rocky is such a clever Elf… but I knew that already!" Lotta said and snickered wildly into her hand as a release of the sudden bout of drama and excitement that had jumped her like a tickle-monster. Zipping back to the kitchen window, she noticed a brief flurry of snowflakes drifting down from upstairs before a dark figure dropped out of the sky and hid among the banks of snow in an Elf-mighty hurry.
A quick wave was exchanged between the two A-Team lady-Elves before Lotta returned her Elfin-green eyes to her parents who were still debating with the cab driver down at the garden gate - mission accomplished.
Snickering into her hand all over again, she gulped down the very last drops of the lukewarm Yule-tea from the two mugs before she gave them and the two plates a brief wash-and-wipe. Once the mugs and plates were safely back in the cupboard, she closed the little door leaving all traces of Rockabye Elf's improper presence at the Pine Cone Villa on seventeen Chestnut Street thoroughly erased.
Just in time, too, because not an Elfin moment later, the front door was opened and Ingeborg Elf stepped into the hallway with her husband Thorbjorn Elf close behind. After putting down the square, wooden box, Thorbjorn pressed a hand against his back and let out a short groan.
"Mamm-mmi! Papp-ppi!" Lotta cried as she ran into the arms of her parents. She didn't even have to exaggerate her enthusiasm - after the tickle-monster of a morning she'd had, she was only too happy to see a few friendly Elfin faces.
"Greetings, my dear, dear Epilotta…" Ingeborg Elf said as she pulled her daughter in for a fair-sized Elfin hug. "Despite all the snow, this is your big day! Oh, I hope that it's all going to be so, so SO wonderful for you, and- what in the Elfin world is that you're wearing?"
Lotta winced as she looked down at herself - she hadn't had the time to take off her schmutting gear. "Uh… my uniform, Mammi…"
"But why are you wearing that horrible thing and not the Yuletide-red dress we found for you?"
"Well… uh…" Lotta said and began to shuffle left-to-right. "Oh, I was up early and I thought I wanted to chop some extra firewood for the fireplace since it's been a little chilly today with all that snow and the breeze was a little cold as well and maybe even clean up a little down in the basement and I found the bottles of fine port and a few barrels of sweet white ale while I was down there and I didn't want to get my beautiful, beautiful, bayu-tiful Yuletide-red dress filthy so I put on my schmutting uniform… that's why." - Deep, deep breath.
"Ah. I see. That was good thinking, dear," Ingeborg Elf said, so used to her daughter's rapid-fire speeches she didn't even bat an Elfin eyelid at the flurry of words that burst forth from the petite Lotta's mouth.
Taking off her pale-brown overcoat, Ingeborg Elf revealed she wore a forest-green dress in a traditional Elfin design. It had long sleeves that ended in puff-cuffs, and a pleated lower hem that showed off the Yuletide-red reverse when she moved. She had worn a dark-gray, floppy-cone Elf hat as well while travelling, but she took it off and put it into the pocket of the overcoat. Instead, she found a Yuletide-red rigid-cone Elf hat that she put on crooked to add a stylish touch.
"Oh Mammi, you look so wonn-derful!" Lotta said and clapped her Elfin hands. "You too, Pappi… that's a really good look for you!" she continued, falling into her father's arms as well.
"Haw, this old thing?" Thorbjorn Elf said as he hooked his thumbs inside a vest that covered a pale-gray, four-button shirt with long sleeves that ended in wraparound cuffs. The stylish vest was forest-green on the front and shiny-gray on the back; his pants were dark-gray and were held in place by a belt rather than his favored suspenders.
Ingeborg Elf shot her husband a critical gaze before she reached out to slap his hands away from the edges of the vest. "Remember what I told you about that, dear."
"Yes, dear," Thorbjorn said at once in a well-rehearsed drill.
"Now," Ingeborg continued, turning back to Lotta, "your Pappi wanted to wear his beloved suspenders, but I insisted on a belt. Why? So your Pappi would perhaps hold back from devouring all the pleasures of the table on his own. A belt can only be adjusted so far, after all."
"Ah…" Lotta said, looking at her father who just shrugged in return.
"Yes," Ingeborg continued, "and you know what happens when your Pappi gets into a show-off contest with his brother… your uncle, Rumlefrans Elf."
Lotta nodded and snickered and nodded and snickered a little more.
Thorbjorn rolled his Elfin eyes at all the hardship he would undoubtedly suffer over the course of the Joining ceremony. Leaning down, he grabbed the square, wooden box that contained his favorite musical instrument. "Oh, enough of all this chit-chatting. Let's get to the fireplace so we can warm our Elfin tushes. Have you opened a barrel of-"
"It's far too early for that, dear," Ingeborg Elf said - she knew exactly what her husband was going to ask for: the sweet white ale.
"Yes, dear."
"Sit down by the fire like you said you would, dear. Leave the stage to us lady-Elves. We are far better equipped to deal with this sort of thing," Ingeborg said, but for once, she said it with a cheeky gleam in her eye.
Lotta's father wasn't about to complain when he was finally given free reins, so he shuffled into the living room at once. Turning back to her daughter, Ingeborg Elf assumed a far more serious expression. "My dear child, you didn't sleep well." It was a statement rather than a question, and she held up her hands when Lotta opened her mouth to reply. "I know, you had far too many things on your mind to relax, but your skin is gray and you have dark circles under your eyes. We can't have you looking like this on your Joining day… what won't your lovely bride think? Off to bed you go. You'll have time to close your eyes for a few Elfin hours before the first part of the ceremony gets underway. No, don't argue with me."
"I wasn't going to," Lotta said and snickered into her hand. "I am realllllly tired. I didn't sleep well at all last night… and then… oh, it was a real tickle-monster of a night. All those thoughts about today…"
Ingeborg smiled at her daughter before pulling her in for a tender hug. "I know, dear. It's something we all have to go through before our Joining. Go on, try to find some rest. I'll get the kitchen wound up down here in the meantime."
A yawn was Lotta's best answer, and that's exactly what happened. "Thank you, Mammi," she said and smacked her Elfin lips a couple of times before she shuffled upstairs to her bedroom - then she realized the bedroom window would still be open after Rocky's hurried escape, so King Frost would have been busy setting up a permanent winter camp in there. Grimacing, she hurried up the final, few steps so she could kick the tickle-monster out of her private room.
-*-*-*-
Lotta had such a lengthy list of important things she needed to take care of over the remaining hours of her Joining day that she only intended the rest to be a short nap despite her fatigue and her mother's words. After grabbing King Frost's minions by the seat of their pants and the scruff of their neck and throwing them back out of the window so they could return to their own, freezing realm, she drew the heavy curtains and let out a long sigh.
Shuffling back to her bed, she pulled off her schmutting uniform and threw it into an unruly pile on the floor for later; then she donned her nightgown and her night cap before she folded the winter blanket aside and sat down on her soft bed. The frame offered her a few, little creaks like it wanted to welcome her into its warm bosom. Another yawn rolled over her as she swept her short legs up underneath the blanket.
Her flaming red locks had barely touched the pillow before loud, insistent snoring left her wide-open mouth.
---
She was still in the same position when she woke up three hours later. Her Elfin mouth had turned so bone-dry she could barely croak, and she needed something to drink worse than she ever had. Instead of leaving the warm bed behind to get a glass of water from her bathroom, she tried smacking her lips to create enough saliva to lubricate her dry mouth - she didn't have too much success in her endeavor.
Happy sounds produced by a house full of Elfin Joining guests wafted up from downstairs. The laughter and good-natured Elfin chit-chatting made a smile grace her features though she hadn't even opened her Elfin-green eyes yet. When she finally did, she marveled at the fact that it had already gone dark outside. She knew that Humans would typically celebrate their Joining far earlier in the day, but she failed to understand how that could even work - with all that needed to be done, she could use a day with twice the number of hours than the regular twenty-four.
Her bed was far too cozy and warm to abandon just yet, so she pulled the heavy winter blanket up to her pointy ears and snuggled down again. Closing her eyes, she tried to get back to the dream she had just left behind. Once more, like so often, she had dreamt of her dearest friend - and soon to be so much more - Rockabye Elf.
Rocky had appeared so frequently in her dreams in the few years they had known each other that she had lost count. They were all very different, and not all were continuations of events that had happened in real life.
One of her favorite dreams of all time had been the one where she and Rocky had danced in a spring-time meadow. They had worn Joining dresses a long, long time before they had even begun thinking about the notion in real life; even before kissing for real. Sure, there had been a few pecks here and there, even on their first-ever assignment, but that was so common between Elves and lady-Elves alike that it didn't count… much. One thing was for sure, though - now they really were getting Joined, dancing in loose dresses and bare feet was out of the question unless they wanted to get instant frostbite in their twinkletoes. An Elfin snicker rose from underneath the blanket; Lotta shuffled around to put her arms behind her head. It was still too chilly for that, so they disappeared down below in a hurry.
This new dream had been different from the one with the spring-time meadow. They had spoken, but Lotta couldn't remember what had been said. The warm fuzzies she still felt when she thought of the dream proved that it had been a loving affair. They had been standing outside in the snow in front of a large bonfire of some kind. It had looked like the kind of bonfire Elves used when they celebrated the Great Elf's New Year, but she wasn't too sure about that. She and Rocky had been holding hands, and they had gone inside to continue the celebrations in a way that hadn't involved hot chocolate or whipped cream. Another snicker rose as Lotta's pointy ears suddenly turned red from a vivid moment that flashed across her mind's eye.
More laughter and clinking of ale mugs wafted through the closed bedroom door from downstairs. Lotta decided to leave the fascinating dream behind before it would make her lose track of time.
She thought she could recognize her uncle Rumlefrans Elf's voice and that of his wife Agnes Elf as well, but she wasn't too sure. It had been a few years since she had seen them last: it had been at her father Thorbjorn Elf's five-hundredth birthday party, and there had been an unfortunate incident involving a somewhat inebriated Rumlefrans Elf, a waitress working at the Elfin ale hall where the big, Elfin party had been held, and eight full mugs of sweet white ale. Lotta had never been told all the details, but it didn't take a professor of advanced reindeer flight dynamics to figure out that it had been messy.
Snickering, she swung the heavy winter blanket aside to sit up. The night cap was quickly taken off so she could scratch her entire Elfin scalp and liberate it from the last of the sleepies. She felt far more relaxed than after her first, pitiful attempts at sleeping earlier in the day, and in fact felt more ready than ever to face the trials, tribulations and bouts of high anxiety that were sure to crop up on her Joining day. Getting up, she padded on bare feet into her bathroom to give herself a hot bath and a thorough scrubbing.
---
The hot bath had been so relaxing for her Elfin muscles that she had decided to stay in the wooden tub until the water turned lukewarm. Once it had, she got up and gave herself an Elfin good scrubbing that made every last square inch of her skin flush piggy-wiggy pink.
With the Pine Cone Villa full of Elfin guests of all kinds, she had taken her underwear into the bathroom so she would be presentable before she stepped back into her bedroom - she could well imagine what kind of Elfin meltdown would happen if any of the more prudish Elfin guests caught a glimpse of things they weren't supposed to see.
Snickering, she cracked her bathroom door ajar and peeked into her bedroom. It was all-clear, so she padded over to her wardrobe on bare feet to find the plain, Elfin Yuletide-red dress she and her mother had selected for her to wear before she was to don the real Joining dress later on in the ceremony.
The silky underskirt, the woolen shirt and the dress itself were all put on in good order, and the little things that needed to be adjusted were taken care of in front of the mirror: it was a sleeveless, pleated dress that was held in place by two narrow straps that rested on her petite, though well-defined shoulders. She could have chosen a crimson cape to go over the dress to keep her bare arms warm, but she had gone for a dark-gray, long-sleeved woolen shirt instead.
One of the reasons for her choice of garments was the simple, and unfortunate, fact that her arms were far too toned from all her schmutting to leave bare. The 'unfortunate' comments had been voiced by several of the older Elfin family members who thought it was highly inappropriate for a young, charming lady-Elf like Epilotta Elf to have such well-defined muscles regardless of her line of work.
"At least Rocky loves that part of me… oh, she loves every part of me," she mumbled in front of the mirror as she finished up arranging the plain dress. Shrugging, she turned back to the wardrobe to find a pair of wooden clogs that had been painted Yuletide-red and subsequently lacquered so they would shine.
The golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat came last, and she made sure the priceless accessory sat just right on her flaming red locks - a little lower over her right eye to give her that much-sought-after cheeky, though stylish, look. She cast a critical eye at her reflection in the mirror and came to the conclusion that it wasn't a bad combo at all.
---
Opening the door to the staircase, the wall of happy Elfin voices that rose to greet her made her break out in a long snicker that she had to conceal with her hand. Her Elfin heart began to thump in her chest at the prospects of what was to come - not just munching on the freshly baked buns or cookies whose warm scents she could sniff out from the kitchen below, or slurping the fine port, the chunky Yule-tea, the egg nog or the sweet white ale, or even chit-chatting with her cherished Elfin friends and family, but meeting Rockabye Elf under circumstances that were so special that she could hardly believe it was really happening. A bazillion thoughts tore through her mind at once, and she needed to grab hold of the banisters to stay erect.
Lotta grinned like a fool-Elf as she ka-lomped down the staircase - the weight of the lacquered clogs prevented any kind of zipping, full stop - and entered the kitchen to take in what her mother had been up to in the intervening hours. Most everything looked like it should, but Ingeborg Elf had re-arranged a few things on the table and in the cabinets like she always did whenever she was alone in Lotta's kitchen.
A wire rack of freshly-baked vanilla rings had been put on the kitchen table to cool off before they would be transferred into cookie tins and onto the empty tray that had already been put next to it. They smelled far, far too good to ignore for any Elf, and especially the insatiable Epilotta Elf, so she napped one, then another one, then a final one before she flung them into her yap one by one.
Munching merrily on the yummy, crunchy cookies, she ka-lomped into the living room to greet her family. She never made it further than the doorway before she came to a hard stop. Epilotta Elf was rarely speechless, but she was now. She couldn't even munch on the last of the vanilla rings which never, ever happened under regular circumstances - of course, the 'circumstances' in her living room that she had stopped to stare at were anything but regular.
The number of Elves in there was so overwhelming she could barely see the walls for colorful Elf hats. There were tall Elves, short Elves, old Elves, young Elves, heavy Elves and even a few skinny Elves although the latter group could be counted using two fingers. One of the older Elves - Silvermoon Elf - blew Lotta a kiss and waved her Elf hat when she spotted her.
Lotta waved back at her old mentor from the Elfin Academy, but kept on gawking wide-eyed at the vast number of Elves that had settled down in her living room. In addition to the Elves she had already counted, there were standing Elves, sitting Elves, laughing Elves, weeping Elves, eating Elves and drinking Elves - and every single one of them was a chatting Elf. She couldn't help but think of the Elves who had canceled because of the weather, like Lissimore Elf and her husband Rappamartin Elf. Had they been there as well, it would have been an Elf-hive of gargantuan proportions. "And then there's the Elf elder who's gonna conduct the ceremony… and I'll bet he's got aide-Elves with him… and then there's Rocky… and her Elfin parents… and her Elfin friends… and their Elfin wives… or lady-Elf-friends… and… oh-my-Elfness… oh-my-Elfin-Elfness… this isn't just a tickle-monster… this is… this is nuts!" she croaked, clutching her Elfin head so her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat wouldn't fly clean off and run back to Santa.
"Look! There she is! There's Epilotta!" an Elf cried from somewhere among the cluster of Elves - the voice was muffled by the constant din, so it could have been absolutely every-Elf.
The chit-chatting stopped like some-Elf had flicked a switch, but what came instead was even louder: they all began to cheer, sing, wave their Elf hats, and shout various congratulatory messages at Lotta. It would have been a wonderful gesture had the countless Elves been able to agree on doing one of the above, but the Elfin cheering, the Elfin singing, the Elfin waving and the Elfin shouting all came at once which made it turn into an Elfin great, big muddled mess that made Lotta's arms flail in the air from the shock.
Staggering back from the wall of noise in her clumsy, lacquered clogs, Lotta nearly tripped over the doorstep behind her before a pair of strong Elfin hands on her shoulders righted her. For the briefest of moments, she thought it was Rocky there to surprise her, but it turned out to be uncle Rumlefrans Elf, her father's brother.
Rumlefrans Elf was an Elf in his prime: In his early five-hundreds, he was fifty years or so younger than his brother Thorbjorn Elf, but nearly twice the weight, and thus nearly twice the breadth. Although there was a strong family resemblance around the bulbous nose and Elfin eyes, his frame - not to mention his tush - were far wider than Lotta's father's, and his cheeks were positively round. His beard was less salt-and-pepper than Thorbjorn Elf's, and it was less well groomed, too. In fact, it looked as if he had trimmed it in the dark, but it did the job it was grown for, namely hiding his double-chins.
Like his brother Thorbjorn Elf, Rumlefrans Elf wore a nice vest though his was Yuletide-red and covered a regular, long-sleeved shirt of dark-gray wool. In addition to those garments, he wore black clogs and pale-gray pants that were held in place by a pair of hard-working suspenders. His Yuletide-red, floppy-cone Elf hat had seen better days - or decades - but it wasn't too bad all things considered.
True to form, Rumlefrans Elf's eyes were already somewhat watery and out of focus, indicating that he and his brother had found - and shared, and maybe even emptied - one of the barrels of sweet white ale or a bottle of the fine port before the real ceremony had begun. "Greetings, my sweetest little Epilotta. My! You've certainly filled out! I haven't seen you in… what? Fifty years or so?" the Elf said as he pulled her in for a hug.
"Greetings, uncle Rumlefrans… yes, I think that's about right. It was at Pappi's five-hundredth birthday party…"
"Ah. Yes. I see," Rumlefrans Elf said, clearly thinking about the incident he had caused with the Elfin waitress and the full mugs of ale. "I thought as much. So… are you excited? I sure was for my Joining."
"Oh, I am, uncle Rumlefrans! Verrrry much so," Lotta said, nodding hard. The air around her uncle confirmed that he had indeed dipped into the port, but she chose not to make a comment. The port had been bought so the guests could enjoy it, and since Rumlefrans Elf didn't own a sleigh, there was no risk of him driving home under the influence. "How have you been, dear uncle Rumlefrans?"
"Aw, jus' fine, thank you, Epilotta. Jus' fine. Up and down, you know. Say, have you seen my wife Agnes Elf anywhere around here? I had to take a leak but now I can't find her…"
"I'm sorry, uncle Rumlefrans, I've only just arrived…"
"Oh… I guess I'll have to find her myself, then. See you later, sweet Epilotta," Rumlefrans Elf said and pulled his niece in for a new hug that left her breathing in a strong scent of port.
The broad-tushed Rumlefrans Elf had barely left Lotta's side before a happy squeal assaulted her pointy ears. This time, there was no mistaking the identity of the Elf who had let out the squeal, and she spun around to pull Trickamore Elf into a good, old Elfin hug-and-shake. "Trixie! Ohhhh, I'm so glad you could make it!" Lotta said, giving her opposite-neighbor an Elfin good squeeze.
Like so many other lady-Elves at the ceremony, the young Trickamore wore a Yuletide-red dress in a simple cut that was designed not to outshine the bride-to-be. It had puffy shoulders and cuffs, and it carried a wide, forest-green ribbon of embroidered, sunflower-yellow flowers across the chest. Her reddish hair had been styled into her regular pair of pig-tails that both carried a Yuletide-red ribbon at the lower end. To mark the special day, she wore a rare snow-white, rigid-cone Elf hat that sat crooked on her Elfin head.
"Me too!" Trickamore said and swung Lotta's arms back and forth once they had separated from the hug. "Ohhhh, I'm so excited for what the evening will bring! I can't wait to see how Elfin-neat Rocky's dress will look! But-" - Sniff, sniff - "perhaps you should take it easy on the port, dear Lotta… I mean… we still have a long way to go-"
Lotta shook her head vehemently. "I haven't touched a drop, Trixie. Cross my Elfin heart, hope to Elf! I haven't even had any hard Yule-tea. It's from my uncle Rumlefrans Elf. He likes to, uh…"
"Ah, I understand," Trickamore said and snickered into her hand. "I didn't think you'd go overboard, but you never know… your Elfin nerves could be like piano wires!"
The two lady-Elves snickered into their hands at that image; earlier in the day, Lotta's nerves had indeed been like piano wires when her mood had been at its lowest point. It had come at the exact moment when she and Rocky had been told they had to return to the warehouse in the Human world for another run. Rocky had kept quiet, but Lotta certainly hadn't. The Elfin explosion had been loud but brief; it hadn't helped a bit.
Looking around her living room, the sea of chit-chatting Elves hadn't grown less, or quieter, since the last time Lotta had cast an Elfin-green eye over it, so she put her hand on Trickamore Elf's elbow and leaned in toward her. "C'mon, Trixie… let's go into the kitchen so we can chit-chat a little. An Elf can't hear herself think in here!"
---
Being far calmer, the kitchen was the perfect place for a pair of lady-Elves to do some good, old-fashioned Elfin chit-chatting of their own. Better still, Lotta's mother Ingeborg Elf had continued to be busy swinging the pots, saucepans and baking trays even after the guests had arrived, so a steaming hot cinnamon-marzipan-apple pie had been placed on an extra table for it to cool off. A jar of the rich, home-made strawberry jam and a bowl of freshly whipped cream were ready for whenever the pie was scheduled to be served.
The next batch of pastries was already going well inside the oven: chocolate muffins. After that, it would be scones, then Elfin Yuletide cupcakes, then home-made pleskner sprinkled with crystal sugar and cinnamon, and then a variation of the new type of cookie that Lotta had tried before she and Rocky had been called up to Ye Olde Elfin Academie - a simple adjustment of the recipe had made the specier all yummy and crunchy like they should be. Ingeborg Elf had already lined up the flour, the icing sugar and the butter for the specier , as well as the saucepan needed to melt the butter over the glowing stove.
Lotta licked her Elfin lips many a time as she took in the awesomely yummy look of the hot cinnamon-marzipan-apple pie, but she decided to play fair to her countless Elfin guests and only sniff in the warm, scented steam that rose from the round pie.
"Ohhh," Trickamore said, lining up next to Lotta to steal a few whiffs of her own. "Your Mammi is just the bestest, bestest, bess-tesss-t Elf in the kitchen in allllll of Elf Springs… I wish my cakes and pastries would look and smell this yummy!"
"Aw, it's all a matter of experience, Trixie. Keep at it… it'll come to you eventually," Lotta said and pulled her young opposite-neighbor in for a sideways hug.
Nobody would notice if one, two, five or even ten cookies went missing from the cookie tins that had been lined up in order of type - vanilla rings, peppernuts, star-shaped brown cookies, crullers, chocolate chip cookies, orange-flavored cookies, almond cookies, hazelnut cookies, walnut cookies, Finnish bread cookies, flat cookies sprinkled with cinnamon, and flat cookies sprinkled with crystal sugar - so Lotta and Trickamore dove into a few of the tins to fill their petite Elfin hands with treats.
"Ah yes," Lotta said as she began munching on one of the crunchy Finnish bread cookies that had a stripe of rum-flavored icing down the center, "the trial-and-error of learning the ins and outs of a kitchen. Why, I remember once on a Little Yuletide Eve many, many, mannnnnny years ago. I was only an itty-bitty-little Elf when I-"
"Oh, here you are! Hullo, dear Elves," Thorbjorn Elf said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "Greetings, Miss Trickamore. Uh, Lotta… I was thinking…"
"Yes, Pappi?"
"The fine port…?"
"It's in the hallway, Pappi. Under the stairs, next to the barrels of sweet white ale. I took care of that last night."
Thorbjorn Elf turned around and looked at the spot his daughter had referred to. "Ah! Oh, it's a reallllly good port this year, Lotta. Come, have a glass or two with me and your uncle Rumlefrans!"
"A little later, Pappi," Lotta said and screwed a strained smile on her face. She began to realize why her mother had been so wary of inviting Rumlefrans Elf and his wife Agnes Elf. Once those two got hooked up with Thorbjorn Elf, anything could happen ranging from gentle teasing-fairy-mischief to all-out tickle-monster-calamity, and it often involved beverages of the potent kind.
Once her father had gone back into the busy living room, Lotta snatched a fresh vanilla ring before she turned to Trickamore to continue her story from when she had been an itty-bitty-little Elf: "Oh, it was a fun Little Yuletide Eve, but I wanted to make it even more fun by-"
"Epilotta, it's time for your speech of Elfin Gratitude," Ingeborg Elf suddenly said from the doorway. When she eyed the cookies held by both her daughter and Trickamore Elf, an Elfin eyebrow crept up her forehead.
"Oh… already, Mammi?" Lotta said, trying to hide the offending vanilla ring that she had just taken a bite out of - too late as it turned out, since her mother had already spotted it.
"It's actually overdue. We need to have it done before the Elfin high-priest arrives. Which means now, Epilotta," Ingeborg Elf said before she shuffled back into the living room.
Lotta and Trickamore looked at each other with cheeks that blushed from having snuck into the cookie tins out of turn; an Elfin moment later, they both snickered into their hands and shuffled after Lotta's mother.
---
The Elfin pandemonium hadn't grown less by the time Lotta and Trickamore entered the steaming hot living room - the Elves produced all the heat: the fire had almost died down from a lack of suitable oxygen to keep the logs going. There were still Elves everywhere, and they were still letting out a constant stream of chit-chatting that could drive any strong-Elf to tears.
Ingeborg Elf and Thorbjorn Elf tried hard to install some sense of order to the chaotic mess, but the noisy Elves were reluctant to give up their cheerful Elfin conversations just because there was a Joining going on. "My dear, dear friends, I have an announcement to make- oh…" Thorbjorn Elf said, stopping when he realized he had so little success it couldn't even rate a nought-point-Elf on the Elfin scale. Blinking several times in stark puzzlement, he put his hands in the air to try again: "Elves and lady-Elves, will you please… listen… my dear friends! Please… oh."
"May we have some Elfin quiet, please!" Ingeborg Elf roared like only a mother could when she was about to announce something important in connection with her daughter.
Most of the Elfin conversations in the living room came to a halt as the Elves craned their necks to see what was going on. The Elves at the back needed to get up on tip-toes to have a clearer view, but as Elfin luck would have it, some of the shorter Elves found themselves at the far, far back. An itty-bitty junior-Elf among them broke out in a wild, Elfin wail when he wasn't able to see anything of the undoubtedly exciting business that went on at the other side of the room.
The wailing made several Elves and lady-Elves who were standing nearby come to the junior-Elf's assistance, and he was soon patted, mussed, tousled, tickled and bribed into being quiet again.
"Thank you!" Ingeborg Elf continued in the same, strong voice before she relaxed her Elfin vocal cords. "We have reached the point of the Joining ceremony where my dear, dear daughter… my dear, dear Epilotta Elf… come over to me, Epilotta," - she waved Lotta closer to her - "will hold the traditional speech of Elfin Gratitude to express her-"
"Oooooh! Let's hope it's shorter than a long one, and longer than a short one!" some joker-Elf said; it came as no surprise to any of the Elves present when the beery humor had been produced by Rumlefrans Elf who appeared amid the group of Elves holding a full mug of sweet white ale.
Lotta and Trickamore Elf looked at each other and broke out in snickers all over again. Ingeborg Elf didn't even react to her brother-in-law's attempt at being funny. To cut a long story short, she gave Lotta's shoulder a little squeeze as she stepped aside to let her daughter have the stage.
So many Elfin eyes suddenly zoomed in on Lotta's presence that the petite Elf's throat tied itself into a whole string of Elfin double-knots - one of them even morphed into being one of the rare Elfin triple-knots. She stared wide-eyed at the many Elves for several long Elfin seconds before she remembered that it would be best for all involved if she actually continued to breathe. "My fr-" she croaked, but the countless knots in her throat needed to be cleared twice before she could continue: "My dear, dear friends. My dear, dear family. I welcome you all to my humble abode, and I welcome you all to my Joining day. I wish to express my gratitude to you all for coming despite the Elfin-awful weather. I promise the sacred Joining ceremony will be reward enough for braving the snow… and if not, I am sure the buns, the cookies, the pastries and the-"
"Free ale!" Rumlefrans shouted, holding up a half-full mug of sweet white ale.
"Uh… yes," Lotta continued, shooting a sideways glance at her mother whose thundery facial expression proved that she should indeed have torn up Rumlefrans Elf's invitation like she had threatened to. "Ah… I was going to say, the warm and cozy atmosphere that having so many Elves in one place is sure to create. But the sweet white ale is yummy too, I agree."
Much snickering ensued which gave Lotta an Elfin moment or two to collect her thoughts. Once the snickering had died down, she continued: "I wish to express my gratitude to my dear, dear parents Ingeborg Elf and Thorbjorn Elf who have not only given me my Elfin life, but so, so, SO much Elfin love over my entire junior-Elf-hood, adolescence and adult-Elf years." - Lotta spread her arms out wide like she wanted to pull her parents into a hug. The Elves all awwwwww'ed; Thorbjorn Elf raised a glass of port, and Ingeborg Elf dabbed away a tear from the corner of her eye.
"Now," Lotta continued, turning back to her Elfin guests, "as any Joined Elf will know, an Elf's Joining day is the most important day in our Elfin lives, because that's the day where we are bonded to our life-long mate. Therefore, I wish to express my gratitude to the lady-Elf of my heart, the love of my life, Miss Rockabye Elf, whose mere presence made my little Elfin heart go all a-flutter-"
"Aw, she gotta be a real cutie-pie-Elf! When are we gonna see her?" Rumlefrans Elf said, draining the last few drops of sweet white ale from his mug before he held it up.
"Rumlefrans! Pipe down, Elf!" Thorbjorn Elf said in a stage-whisper that was so loud he might as well have shouted at his brother.
"Aw, but I just wanted to-"
"Now you have, so pipe down!"
An embarrassed, highly awkward, silence spread among the Elves while Agnes Elf patted the miffed Rumlefrans Elf's hand to calm him down. Several of the Elves present began to shuffle left-and-right before Lotta cleared her throat to get back on track:
"Ah. Uh. Mmmm-yeah. Now, where was I… oh yes, uh… Rockabye Elf… a-flut… uh… all a-fluttering from the first moment I laid eyes on her. It only took us a short while to realize we could not live without the other, which is realllllly fortunate since we've worked closely together for three years now, ha ha. And finally, I wish to express my gratitude to the Great Elf. For creating the Elves, for creating the Elfin heart, and for creating the concept of Elfin love that binds the two together. My dear, dear friends and family, I propose a toast to the Great Elf, to Miss Rockabye Elf, to my parents Ingeborg Elf and Thorbjorn Elf, and to you all."
A loud cheer rolled back at her while the Elves found their mugs or glasses. Lotta let out a deep sigh of relief at having completed the necessary speech of Elfin Gratitude without any blunders - then she realized she didn't have anything to drink for the closing toast. "Uh… port… ale… Yule-tea… mulled wine… pear cider… egg nog… anything," she said, looking around for a beverage that she could use.
Trickamore soon pushed her own glass of port into Lotta's hand. "Thanks, Trixie! Cheers, my dear, dear, Elfin friends!" Lotta said, raising the glass of fine port high in the air.
All the Elves mirrored her actions before letting out another long, echoing cheer that made dust trickle down from the rafters of Lotta's living room. As the free beverages were knocked down, Rumlefrans Elf appeared holding a full mug of sweet white ale. Now that every-Elf around him imbibed, it was all right for him to do so as well, so he opened his Elfin yap and poured down the entire mug of ale in four gulps that any tickle-monster would have been proud of.
Ingeborg Elf noticed but chose not to make a comment apart from creating Elfin lightning bolts with her Elfin eyes. Thorbjorn Elf noticed as well, and rubbed his Elfin face out of sheer embarrassment. Lotta and Trickamore Elf had watched it all unfold, and snickered at each other. "Thanks for your swift help, Trixie… it came in handy!" Lotta said and gave back the glass of port without having touched it - she needed to keep a clear head for the important part of the ceremony later on.
"Aw, you're welcome," Trickamore said and took a long sip of the fine port now she had it back.
A host of happy Elves began to flock closer to Lotta so they could meet and greet the bride-to-be; a broad smile spread over the petite Elf's features as she began to mingle among all her friends and family - now she was in her right element.
*
*
CHAPTER 3
A little later on in the festivities, Lotta was back in her kitchen and up to her Elfin elbows doing one of her all-time top-three favorite things. While it couldn't quite measure up to the event that had recently reached number one on her personal hit list, namely kissing Rockabye Elf, it was a rock-solid number two - or perhaps number three. It depended on the circumstances since numbers two and three were closely connected: Lotta was busy spreading soft, creamy, yellow butter onto freshly-baked, halved raisin buns. She couldn't quite decide whether making the dough and watching the buns turn golden in the oven, or applying soft, creamy, yellow butter onto them was the most fun. She knew it would be a close call between them no matter how that particular cookie - or bun - crumbled. Of course, neither were as fun as actually eating the buns once they had been baked and buttered, but that was another Elfin story entirely.
Whistling the Hustle And Bustle Song through her teeth, she wiggled her tush left-to-right-to-left-to-right in a constant rhythm as she swung the butter knife with the skills of a trained professional - she should, she did have years and years of Elfin experience creating well-buttered raisin buns, after all.
After buttering-up twenty-four halved buns, she put the butter knife in a safe place on the kitchen table while she rummaged around for a new, full ceramic jar of the creamy, yellow substance. Upon finding it, whistling the Hustle And Bustle Song wasn't enough anymore, so she began to belt out the traditional Yuletide ditty: "Ohhhh! The hustle and bustle of Yuletide Eeeeeve, the air is chilly and we need long sleeeeeves! The lights go on at four o'clock sharp, the evening comes with-"
THUMP! CRASH!
"What the cotton-candy?" she said, interrupting her singing at once when the loud noises reached her pointy ears.
KA-CRUNCH! CLING-CLANG-CLINGEDY-CLING-CLONG-CLANG.
Lotta's Elfin-green eyes flew wide open while her face contorted into a mask of straight-up horror the kind of which only a big, hairy tickle-monster could produce. In this case, it was a big, hairy tickle-monster that sounded very much like some-Elf had knocked something onto the floor, and that the fragile 'something' had been smashed into a hundred pieces.
A shriek akin to an air-raid siren burst forth from her mouth; a split Elfin second later, she spun around and ka-lomped into the living room with her arms flailing ahead of her. She ka-lomped far faster than the cumbersome lacquered clogs could keep up with, and the first of the two went flying even before she had left the kitchen. The second followed soon after which left Lotta zipping through the hallway and into her living room on her delicate long-stockings.
"Oh, Rumlefrans," Thorbjorn Elf mumbled, scrunching up his face as he looked at the sorry remains of the once-pristine set of four Yuletide mugs that had been knocked onto the floor by his brother's sweeping gesture as he had retold a tall tale he had heard in a mulled-wine bodega somewhere.
The Elfin air-raid siren entered the living room soon after, but Lotta was held back by her father before she could step on the broken remains of the four mugs.
It certainly caught the attention of the Elves around them who piped down at once to gawk at the disaster that clearly reached a seven, if not an eight, on the Elfin-scale. Elves were rarely strong in awkward or embarrassing situations, so there was plenty of Elfin shuffling left-to-right among the Joining guests, and a few even slipped away quietly so they didn't have to listen to the inevitable fallout of the Elfin catastrophe.
The four Yuletide mugs - all hand-made, hand-painted and carrying decorative artwork of the Great Elf, Santa, Rudolph-the-Original-Rednosed-Reindeer, and a glorious Yuletree, respectively - had turned to sixteen; or rather, each of the four mugs had been reduced to four ceramic fragments of irregular shape and size. At least the mugs had been empty so they wouldn't have to wipe up a tidal wave of Yule-tea.
Lotta's frantic shrieking fizzled out into nothing. Then she shot Rumlefrans Elf a dark, gloomy glare. The corners of her mouth soon underwent a long journey south, and she even had to sniffle a little. In short, she had once more turned into a sad, sad, sad Elf on her Joining day.
"Aw!" Rumlefrans Elf said, scratching his meaty neck. The broad-tushed Elf shuffled around on the chair that was too narrow for his wide frame. It gave off a few, terrified creaks and groans at having to carry such a hefty load compared to the featherweight Epilotta Elf it usually supported. "Aw, I… uh… didn't see that tray. Oh, but why was it that close to where we're sitting?" he continued, reaching for a half-full mug of sweet white ale.
"Rumlefrans," Thorbjorn Elf said in a deep, dark voice that held promise of imminent Elfin chewing-out of the uncool kind, "you broke Epilotta's mugs! What we need is a cotton-candy apology, not a cotton-candy excuse!"
"Uh, yeah," Rumlefrans said, wiping the ale-foam off his lips with the back of his hand. "Sorry 'bout that, Epilotta. Uh… tell you what… uh…" - he reached into his pocket to find a coin pouch - "if I give you a tenner, will that cover it?"
Ingeborg Elf had been down in the cellar finding more cookie dough for the specier that she had put there for cooling, but she entered the living room with the determination of an Elfin fury. "Thorbjorn Elf, what's going on up here? What's all that shrieking?" she said before her Elfin eyes fell on the ceramic fragments. Scrunching up her face, she sent Rumlefrans Elf such a withering glare that he had to look away - undaunted, he used the opportunity to take a long swig from his mug of sweet white ale.
Thorbjorn sighed before he got down on his knees to pick up the fragments. The sad, sad Lotta knelt next to her father to give him a helping hand. "It was an accident," Thorbjorn said as he held up the ear and half the front of the Rudolph mug. Rudolph's famous red nose had been sliced in half to underscore the Elfin scale of the catastrophe. "A little bump, and the tray went flying."
It was clear to every-Elf involved that the bump had been by Rumlefrans Elf and not Thorbjorn Elf, and it became equally clear to every-Elf involved that Ingeborg Elf understood the importance of not making an Elfin scene on her daughter's Joining day. "I see," she said while she simply turned her back on her brother-in-law to shut him out. "It leaves us four mugs short, and that won't work at all. Thorbjorn, dear, some-Elf needs to go out and buy a new set. We need at least three, and we need them fast."
Thorbjorn Elf leaned back on his stubby thighs and shot his wife an exasperated grimace. "Yes, dear," he said, pre-empting any further requests. "Rumlefrans… get your coat on, Elf. You're coming with me."
Rumlefrans Elf barely had time to put down the mug of sweet white ale before he broke out in a pitiful whine: "Aw, but it's probably still snowing outside!"
"Now," Thorbjorn Elf said as he shuffled into the kitchen to throw the fragments into the trash.
Rumlefrans opened his mouth to complain again, but he seemed to realize there was no point to it. Draining his mug of sweet white ale, he moved his broad-tushed frame away from the narrow chair and lumbered through the living room.
While that had been going on, Lotta had picked up the last few fragments of her ceramic mugs. She stared at the little portrait of Santa that had once graced the side of one of the mugs. Like Rudolph, Santa's face had been cracked straight down the middle. She had to sniffle again as she got to her Elfin feet and shuffled into the kitchen to give the fragments a proper send-off.
---
The evening went on, and Lotta didn't have much time to lament the loss of her set of mugs. Only a few Elfin minutes after Thorbjorn Elf and Rumlefrans Elf had left the Pine Cone Villa, the door bell rang, signaling the arrival of more Elfin-merry Joining guests.
Lotta had returned to applying plenty of soft, creamy, yellow butter to the halved raisin buns, but the pleasurable activity had lost some of its magic and she couldn't even work up the energy to sing the Hustle And Bustle Song. When the door bell sounded, she took off her apron and ka-lomped - she had put the traditional, though hugely clumsy, lacquered clogs back on - into the hallway. After peeking through the prism window in the door, a smile finally spread over her Elfin face once more.
"Welcome, my dear, dear friends!" she said as she whooshed the door open.
"Greetings, Epilotta! Happy Joining day!" no less than five Elves all cried at the same time: Sven Elf, Jasper Elf, Valdemar Elf, Valdemar's wife Lillimum Elf, and finally a young lady-Elf who wore too much make-up to compensate for her clothes that were hardly there.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Lotta cried in return, clapping her Elfin hands together before holding them to her chest. "Come in, come in!" she continued, stepping aside so Rocky's colleagues and friends could enter the cozy Elfin Joining party.
Almost as expected, the three long-haul sleigh drivers still wore their schmutting uniforms after spending nearly the entire day in the air going from one of the toy factories and south to the Human world. They hadn't had time to get beautified and thus had dark circles under their eyes and twelve-hour stubble on their chin - well, it was hard to see if Valdemar's long beard had grown longer. It didn't matter an Elfin bit to Lotta who was so accustomed to a fatigued look on her dearest Rocky that she didn't even see it anymore; not that Rocky had much stubble, of course.
Lillimum Elf wore a heavy winter overcoat, but she took it off at once to reveal a traditional Elfin dress held in Yuletide-red and forest-green that looked fabulous on the mature lady-Elf's somewhat rotund frame. Like her husband, she wore a floppy-cone Elf hat, but hers was in mint condition unlike the decades-old, battered, greasy thing worn by Valdemar Elf.
"Greetings, Lillimum Elf! Greetings, Sven Elf! Greetings, Valdemar Elf! Greetings, Jasper Elf!" Lotta said, clasping arms with Valdemar's wife and all the sleigh drivers in sequence until she came to a halt at the young lady-Elf whose Elfin expression told a revealing tale of not really wanting to be at a Joining party for a pair of Elves she didn't know personally. "Greetings, I'm Epilotta Elf. I don't believe we've met before."
"Greetings. I'm Pynte-Aase Elf," the young lady-Elf said, clasping arms with the bride-to-be. In her early two-hundreds, Pynte-Aase was even younger than Lotta, and she already had a look in her eyes that said she was bored out of her Elfin skull. She had pale-blond hair that reached halfway down her back in a neat ponytail, and her royal-purple winter cape - that had golden stars woven into the fabric - covered a low-cut Elfin dress that ended in a short-short, pleated skirt. To complete the ensemble, she wore stylish knee-length long-stockings. She wore boots like all the other Elves in the hallway, but she carried a small bag that contained a pair of niftier shoes fit for any party. Like Lotta had already noticed, the starry theme from Pynte-Aase's cape continued on her cheeks that had been dabbed in blush highlighted by tiny, golden stars.
"Please, my dear, dear friends," Lotta said, stepping aside, "come inside! We have a full house of Elves already, but there's always room for one more Elf! Have you been over at Rocky's place?"
"Yes," Valdemar Elf said, sporting a wide grin under his beard.
"Aaaaaaaaand?" Lotta said, unable to stop herself from breaking out into an Elfin shimmy. When every-Elf there kept mum, she shimmied even harder. "Ohhh! What's she gonna wear? How does she look? When is she gonna come over?"
"Our lips are sealed, young lady-Elf!" Valdemar Elf said, winking at his friend's sweetheart.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Lotta croaked, shimmying even harder at the gentle refusal. When she realized Rocky's colleagues and friends weren't about to spill the pudding rice, she pushed all those pleasurable thoughts aside to focus on the things she had at her Elfin hands. "But all right. We've got buns and cookies and pastries and kringle-bread and gingerbread and honeycakes and cinnamon-apple-marzipan pie and a ton of other yummy, yummy, yumm-mmmy treats! We have plenty of fine port and sweet white ale, but if you gentle-Elves need to go back to work later on, we have alllllllllllll the pear cider and egg nog and hot chocolate and Yule-tea you could ever want!"
Jasper Elf drove an elbow into his mate Sven Elf's side and leaned in toward the self-elected, life-long bachelor. "Isn't she just the cutest lady-Elf alive? See what you're missing by being so reserved with the lady-Elves, huh?" he said, pointing his thumb at Lotta.
The comments made Sven Elf and Valdemar Elf cast a glance at Jasper's date. Predictably, Pynte-Aase Elf's face was already locked in an annoyed grimace. They rolled their eyes at their friend's lack of Elfin tact before they shuffled into the living room to leave him to stew in his own blunder.
Lillimum Elf followed Valdemar Elf, but took Jasper Elf by the shoulder before she left the hallway. "Not to mention what you're missing from not paying attention to your date, Jas," she said before winking at her husband's colleague.
"Aw, but Pynte-Aase knows me, Lillimum," Jasper Elf said, reaching for his sweetie. "Don't you, Pynte-Aase?"
"Mmmm!" the young lady-Elf said, brushing past her date.
Lotta had been silent throughout the awkward exchange, but even she had a limit to how much she could chew on her lips while being acutely embarrassed. Letting out a choked-up snicker, she offered Jasper an apologetic smile before she zipped back into the kitchen to finish buttering-up the halved raisin buns.
---
A short half hour later, the Joining day moved into its next phase. After the speech of Elfin Gratitude and all the Elfin coziness produced by having so many Elves assembled in one place, after the rich, yummy food and hot beverages, and after the endless, spirited Elfin chit-chatting, things were about to get serious.
Lotta heard the door bell ringing once more, but she had moved into the living room and was pinned down on the chaise lounge with the toddler-junior-Elf who had wailed his little lungs out earlier in the evening, the junior's mother and several doting auntie-Elves. Unusually, she still had half a well-buttered raisin bun left on her plate, but the little tickle-monsters known as a pack of pre-Joining butterflies had begun to stir inside her Elfin tummy as the Elfin hands of time progressed toward the inevitable, ceremonial conclusion to the evening. Her appetite had diminished as a result, and she had a hard time even paying attention to the lengthy story relayed by the toddler-junior-Elf's Elfin mother about his diaper habits.
An Elfin moment later, Ingeborg Elf hurried back into the living room and waved her daughter over to her with frantic gestures.
Excusing herself, Lotta got up from the chaise lounge and ka-lomped through the living room in her cumbersome, lacquered clogs. Heading into the hallway, she recognized the shape of the Elfin high-priest waiting there even before she turned the corner.
Dressed in a full-length, snow-white robe and cape, and wearing an elaborate, pale-gray headpiece, the Elf elder who was there to conduct the ritual aspects of the Joining ceremony presented a striking figure in the narrow hallway.
Grankowle Elf had reached the grand old age of nine-hundred-and-forty years, but he was still going strong and harbored no plans to return to the Great Elf's side any time soon. His vast, white beard reached his knees, and it was tied into four, puffy ponytails that were held together by Yuletide-red ribbons. At the back, his white hair had been tied into a single ponytail as well.
Leaning forward like his Elfin back prevented him from standing fully upright, his aged hands gripped the head of a gnarled cane to keep his balance. The cane had been carved from a branch of one of the spruces close to the Sacred Pine Tree in the Magical Calshiweah Forest, and was thus a sacred object in itself.
The two aide-Elves the Elf elder had brought along for support kept in the background for the time being, but they were busy unpacking the items needed for performing the rituals later on in the evening.
When Grankowle Elf's Elfin-gray eyes fell on Lotta, a warm, friendly smile spread over his wrinkled Elfin face. "Ah! The young lady-Elf who's about to be Joined!" he said in a voice that continued to hold plenty of strength despite his advancing years.
Lotta bowed so deeply the tip of her pert, Elfin nose almost touched the lacquered clogs. "I'm Epilotta Elf, and it is a great, great, GREAT honor to meet you, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir!"
"Oh, please… rise, Epilotta Elf! I can't look down that far," Grankowle Elf said and broke out in a chuckle. "And besides, as one of Santa's fabled A-Team Elves, you very nearly outrank me!"
Snickering wildly into her hand, Lotta pulled up straight. The strong blush never left her cheeks as she gazed at the legendary Elfin high-priest. The fact that Grankowle Elf was standing in her hallway suddenly hammered home the fact that she was only a very short time away from being Joined with the lady-Elf of her heart, Rockabye 'Rocky' Elf. It sent her little, Elfin heart into a thumping frenzy that she needed to take several deep breaths to overcome.
"Has the other bride-to-be arrived yet?" Grankowle Elf asked, shifting his weight to the other foot like be was looking forward to resting his old Elfin bones on a chair somewhere.
"Oh no, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir!" Lotta said and shook her head. "We follow the old traditions to the letter here!"
"Well, that's nice. Oh, it's just that I heard that she was a long-haul sleigh driver, so I thought she might have been involved in the hectic activity that's been going on all morning. And with both of you being members of Santa's A-Team…?"
Ingeborg Elf came back into the hallway while Grankowle Elf spoke. Lotta's eyes darted from Grankowle Elf to her mother to Grankowle Elf to her mother to Grankowle Elf to her mother before they stayed at the Elf elder. "Oh no, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir. We are very, very, verrrrrrry determined to follow the old traditions here!"
Grankowle Elf was old, but certainly no fool. He grinned into his long beard at the way the young lady-Elf's eyes had gone on a panicky tour of the hallway and the Elves there. He had already seen it all twice over - and with every kind of Elfin twist imaginable - so nothing would surprise him any longer. "That's nice," he said again, once more shifting around.
Ingeborg Elf chose the moment to butt in: "Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir, we have cleared a nice chair for you in the living room. It's close to the fire. If you care to sit down, I shall bring you a yummy slice of Stollen -Yulecake and a mug of Yule-tea in a moment."
"Wonn-derful!" Grankowle Elf said and began to hobble through the hallway with the aid of his two helper-Elves. "Ah, Mrs. Ingeborg Elf… please add a fat layer of butter to the Yulecake, and a healthy handful of juicy raisins to the tea. Please, no almonds. They're too hard for me to chew."
"But of course, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir!" Ingeborg Elf said, nodding hard.
Lotta just snickered into her hand - it seemed that no matter the age of the Elf, the love of butter and chunky Yule-tea never withered.
-*-*-*-
The front door and the hallway had seen more action over the course of the joyous evening than even the raging fireplace, and it wasn't over yet. Not long after the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf's arrival, the door opened once more to reveal Thorbjorn Elf and Rumlefrans Elf who returned from their brave quest to find a set of Yuletide mugs that could replace those Rumlefrans had knocked onto the floor. Thorbjorn carefully put down a carrier bag holding a set of three mugs while he took off his overcoat and kicked off his snow-covered boots.
Rumlefrans Elf had time to do neither - instead, he made a hurried, cross-legged Elf-line for the little Elves' room. Though the snow had relented for now, the evening of December seventeenth was still plenty nippy-nosy and rosy-cheeky. The low temperatures had forged a tickle-monster of a conspiracy with the sweet white ale that Rumlefrans Elf had been pouring into himself all evening, and the devious tag-team had already necessitated one awkward incident of the yellow-snow kind a block or two further up Chestnut Street. To prevent an even more awkward incident, Rumlefrans Elf preferred to conduct his business in the bathroom - that his boots left little piles of snow behind on the carpet was less of a concern to him than leaving little puddles behind.
Hearing the hurried bootsteps, Lotta ka-lomped out of the kitchen where she had been doing some of the dishes. After seeing the enormous pile of dirty dishes that had been produced by the enormous group of Elves in her living room, she had realized she needed to do something to help her mother or else the older Elf would be stuck in the kitchen half the Season to be Jolly while Lotta was away on her honeymoon.
Her Elfin-green eyes zoomed in on the small piles of snow right away. Letting out an Elfin-deep sigh at all the peculiar teasing-fairy business that continued to happen, she wiped her wet hands on the tea towel before grabbing a heavy-duty floorcloth from one of the cupboards under the kitchen table; then she ka-lomped out there to mop up the snowy piles. When her father came out of the hallway carrying a small bag, she shot him a worried smile as she got down on her knees to put the floorcloth to good use. "I thought I heard the door, Pappi. Wasn't uncle Rumlefrans with you when you left?"
"He had to go-" Thorbjorn let out a comical whistle to illustrate his point.
"Ohhhh… that explains the snow. Were you able to find some mugs?"
Thorbjorn scratched his eyebrow. Then he scratched his bulbous nose. Then he adjusted his Elf hat. Then he scratched his eyebrow all over again. "Yes," was all he said, clearly hoping it would be enough to appease his daughter.
Lotta scrunched up her face while her Elfin-green eyes zoomed in on the carrier bag in the hope that she could develop a new skill and use Elf-Ray vision to see through it. When she couldn't, she finished mopping up the snow and ka-lomped back into the kitchen uttering a mumbled "I don't wanna ask…"
A sigh of relief escaped Thorbjorn's lips at the reprieve, but it soon became a croak when he turned around only to face his wife. "Hullo, my dear, dear Ingeborg! Just the Elf I wanted to see…"
"Never mind that now, Thorbjorn!" Ingeborg Elf said, reaching down to relieve her husband of the carrier bag. "The mugs?"
"Ah… yes. Oh, it's late in the day… and the year, and-"
Pulling out the first mug, Ingeborg Elf stared at it with Elfin eyes that first went wide, then narrowed down into slits. "Thorbjorn Elf, what in the name of all things Elf is this?" she said in a strangled voice.
"Why, it's a mug, dear!"
Lotta couldn't stand the excitement any longer, so she ka-lomped back into the hallway to see what kind of mugs her father and her uncle Rumlefrans Elf had brought back. Like her mother, her Elfin eyes grew wide, then narrow.
The first ceramic mug was shaped like a moosehead, complete with a big muzzle, bigger ears and even bigger antlers - it reminded Lotta of the rude moose she had encountered on one of her A-Team assignments. The second mug that Ingeborg pulled out of the carrier bag turned out to be a reasonable copy of a little Yuletree where the top could be removed so an Elf could actually drink from the mug. The cone-shaped top had a hole for a drinking straw in case the Elf wanted to keep the beverage hot while still enjoying it. Ingeborg Elf looked at Epilotta Elf who looked at Thorbjorn Elf who looked at Ingeborg Elf who looked at the Yuletree-mug. Putting it away so it could hide in shame with its moosehead colleague, she reached into the carrier bag to find the third mug. The final one was plain and white, and made in a dull, utilitarian design that looked like it came from Deadbeet Elf's personal collection.
Activity at the door to the little Elves' room heralded the broad-tushed Rumlefrans Elf's return to the Elfin land of the blessed relieved. This time, his boots left wet patches on the carpet following the melting of the snow he had brought in from the hostile world outside the front door - the floor of the little Elves' room saw even larger puddles where his boots had been during the rapid-fire emergency. "What I miss? Aw, aren't those mugs just an Elfin-buncha fun? I picked out the one with the moose!"
Thorbjorn Elf rubbed his brow. Lotta chewed on her lips as she looked at the wet patches on her carpet. Ingeborg Elf looked like she wanted to chew on Rumlefrans Elf. "Male Elves!" Ingeborg growled. "Unable to complete even the easiest task without messing everything up… grumble-grumble-grumble ," she said in a voice that trailed off as she spun around on her heel and stomped into the kitchen to scald the three mugs so they could be pressed into service post-haste. Her voice had held so little warmth King Frost would have been impressed had he been there to witness it.
"What?" Rumlefrans said, breaking out in a shrug. "Ah. Lady-Elves. I'll never understand them if I live to be a thousand years old. Thorbjorn… ya wouldn't happen to know where I could find another barrel of sweet white ale, would ya? I mean, it's a real yummy brand you've bought this year… I do believe it's from the fabled Night Owl Brewery, right? Well, in any Elfin case, it would be an Elfin-cryin' shame to let it go to waste."
Lotta followed her mother into the kitchen to continue to do the dishes before the next weird incident would crop up - and it would, she was certain of it. Picking up the tea towel and the next plate, she wiped it down while mumbling to herself: "I didn't just upset a single teasing-fairy… or a holiday camp of them… or even a town's worth of them… but the entire sugar-plum-mush, cotton-candy World Teasing-Fairy Convention!"
---
The next weird incident took place exactly nineteen minutes later. The tickle-monster-butterflies in Lotta's Elfin tummy were flapping their wings to the best of their abilities at that point in time, and she had to keep herself busy or else her Elfin nerves would make her come to a dead stop where she would simply stare into the middle distance.
Her appetite had abandoned her fully, and she didn't even have enough of it left to finish a mug of Yule-tea, much less munch on the juicy raisins she had found at the bottom of the mug. After emptying out the last of the tea in the kitchen sink and rinsing the mug, she shuffled around in the hallway unable to find a spot where her Elfin soul could relax. A bazillion thoughts still ran through her Elfin mind about the important ceremony that loomed ever-larger on the horizon.
It wouldn't be long before Rocky would have completed her own pre-ceremony rituals in her home on Spruce Lane. Then she would show up on the doorstep of the Pine Cone Villa with her parents in tow. Once they had arrived, Lotta would be sent upstairs by her mother so the brides wouldn't see each other, and so she could begin her final preparations. Ingeborg Elf would soon join her in the bedroom to help her put on the proper, eight-piece Joining dress that they had each sewn, knitted and embroidered sections of for the past several months.
In the living room, the Elf elder's aides would have used the time to set up the altar where the Joining was to take place. While the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf would begin the ritual part of the ceremony by reading excerpts from the sacred texts to the assembled guests, Thorbjorn Elf would join his family in the bedroom to lead down the Elfin bride - and then magic would ensue.
Lotta took several deep breaths to calm down as her Elfin heart began to go pitter-patter all over again. While she was doing that, she stepped aside for the broad-tushed Rumlefrans Elf who had once again visited the little Elves' room. At least he had put his outdoor-boots on the proper snow-tray by the front door so they could avoid any further wet patches. Following the accident with the mugs, he had avoided eye contact with Lotta, and it continued as he stared at the floor while he shuffled past her.
She followed him into the living room at a few paces' distance, ka-lomping along in her clumsy, lacquered clogs. Since she couldn't quell her jittery nerves by herself out in the hallway, she might as well try to look for some distraction or other among her Elfin friends and relatives inside the over-Elfin-crowded room. It annoyed her that she still hadn't had time to speak with Silvermoon Elf, but now she was determined to find and chit-chat with her former mentor.
Unfortunately, Rumlefrans Elf had other plans. On his way over to the first free chair he could find, he grabbed a full tin of peppernuts. Just like one of the mugs he had accidentally destroyed, the lid of the Yuletide-red cookie tin carried a hand-painted picture of a smiling, waving Santa - maybe that was the trigger for what happened next. He unscrewed the lid before sitting down so he could scoop up an entire handful of the small, crunchy treats.
A creaking, croaking cry came from somewhere underneath his heavy frame. Then the chair gave up the unequal struggle and broke under his broad Elfin tush. One leg went one way, the three others snapped in half and went somewhere else entirely. Then the seat collapsed. Once it did, the backrest lost its supports and thus tilted backwards.
As Rumlefrans Elf followed the backrest into a horizontal position while going down, his arms flailed in the air to find something to grab onto. That meant he was unable to keep a firm grip on the full tin of peppernuts which in turn meant that the peppernuts inside the aforementioned full tin gained a mind of their own. Finally liberated from the confining role of existing solely to be munched on, the crunchy treats decided to fulfil their life-long dream of reaching the Elfin moon high in the sky and headed for the ceiling in the hope they could use that as a pathway.
Rumlefrans Elf went the other way. As he continued on a downward trajectory that would soon introduce him to the living room carpet, he let out an Elfin squeal that reached into the highest register; he landed on his broad tush with a bump, an embarrassed groan and a rolling fart.
All of that took place within a space of four Elfin seconds. Then the crunchy treats discovered that peppernuts just weren't meant to fly to the Elfin moon, or even to fly on a grander scale, full stop. As they lost propulsion in mid-air, their momentum soon followed. The tickle-monster known as gravity took over and sent them hurtling back to the Great Elf's green, blue and white Earth - or in this case, Epilotta Elf's Yuletide-red carpet.
Scores of peppernuts rained down from the sky like a brown hailstorm; the crunchy treats landed everywhere: in glasses of fine port, or mugs of Yule-tea or hot chocolate - buried deep in slices of cinnamon-apple-marzipan pie - as an added treat on top of well-buttered raisin and cinnamon buns - in the coiffures of the elegant lady-Elves there - down the cleavage of Pynte-Aase Elf who let out a wild squeal at the itchy sensation of peppernut-on-Elfin-skin - into the folds of Valdemar Elf's battered, old Elf hat - into the raging fireplace where they met a fiery doom within Elfin seconds - and one of the crunchy astronauts even made it back to the tin it had tried to escape from. Finally, a few landed in the open palm of the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf who leaned his head back and roared with laughter at the whole thing.
Ingeborg Elf roared as well, but it wasn't of laughter. Lotta just stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared at the mayhem unfolding in her hitherto quiet home. "We shoulda eloped… we shoulda eloped… I knew we shoulda eloped…" she muttered over and over again as she took in the unbridled chaos that once again had her uncle Rumlefrans Elf at the unenviable center of attention.
Grankowle Elf continued to chuckle as he threw the peppernuts into his mouth and munched on them noisily. "Say, these peppernuts sure are yummy," the distinguished Elf elder said, already searching for more of the small, round treats. "They're definitely home-made. I taste cinnamon, cloves, mace and ginger… why, I must congratulate the master baker-Elf!"
"Thank you, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir. I'll tell my Mammi when she calms down," Lotta squeaked, bowing and then curtseying at the important Elf elder just to show the proper respect.
While a good portion of the Elves in the living room began to round up the scores of escaped peppernuts, it soon became clear that it would take several strong Elves - or possibly a donkey-operated crane - to get the bottom-heavy Rumlefrans Elf back on an even keel. Sven Elf, Jasper Elf and Valdemar Elf stepped forward while rolling up the sleeves of their schmutting uniforms.
Even the three tough, long-haul sleigh drivers had to admit defeat, however - they weren't strong enough to get the heavy-set Elf off the carpet. Thorbjorn Elf and several other of the strong-armed Elves at the Joining party needed to join in, and in a one-two-heave-ho, they worked together to get the broad-tushed Elf back on his feet.
Grankowle Elf chuckled on while munching on the peppernuts, but at least Ingeborg Elf had stopped roaring. Most other Elves in the packed living room shuffled left-and-right like they had no idea what to do with their Elfin beings.
Lotta didn't need to see more, especially not of the remains of the chair Rumlefrans Elf had crushed; fortunately, it wasn't one of the priceless heirlooms, but an old one she'd had in her cellar since moving in. Turning away from the chaos, she ka-lomped out of the living room while the corners of her mouth began to travel south all over again.
Then she remembered what she had entered the living room for in the first place, and she ka-lomped back inside. Silvermoon Elf and Trickamore Elf were soon located, so she waved at her mentor and opposite-neighbor and ka-lomped over there to take her mind off the upcoming ceremony. It didn't take long before the three lady-Elves were chit-chatting to their hearts' delight.
---
While the Joining party slowly returned to calmer waters after experiencing plenty of rough seas connected with the Great Peppernut Escape, Thorbjorn Elf grabbed hold of his brother's elbow and led him away from any of the delicate furniture. "Rumlefrans, I'm telling you one more time… and for the last time. This day is a very, very, verrrrrrry important one for my sweet daughter. Don't foul it up any further, or you'll find your tush out in the snow. Get it, Elf?"
"Yeah, yeah," Rumlefrans Elf said, massaging his broad tush that had taken the brunt of the impact. "Aw, it musta been an old chair-"
"No excuses, Rumlefrans!" Thorbjorn said, pinning his younger brother to the spot. "Just behave yourself from now on. No more accidents! Where's Agnes Elf?"
"I dunno… somewhere…"
"Find her. And stay with her. Please! Thank you," Thorbjorn Elf said before he shuffled over to Grankowle Elf to explain all the unusual drama.
-*-*-*-
The next time the door bell rang, a silence pregnant with plenty of mounting excitement spread like wildfire among the Elves assembled in the living room of the Pine Cone Villa. Glancing at each other, they quickly came to the conclusion that every-Elf who was supposed to be there had already arrived - save for the other participant of the evening's main event.
Lotta froze in place as her Elfin heart really went to work in her chest. The palms of her Elfin hands grew damp, so she put them on her knees where she could feel the heat they produced at once. It wasn't long before the rest of her Elfin being followed suit, and she needed to put a finger down the upper hem of her dress to let out some of the Elfin steam that was created by the bucketload. She had an expression on her Elfin face that was a mix between giddy expectation, nervous trepidation, hopeful longing and all-out Elfin fear. Her Elfin-green eyes crept over to land on Silvermoon Elf's face that offered plenty of smiling support in return.
"This is your big moment, Lotta. May the love between you and Rockabye last forever," Silvermoon Elf said and rose from her chair. Leaning in, she caressed Lotta's left cheek before she placed a tender peck there like she was giving the younger Elf her blessing. She sniffled as she sat down, but found an Elfin handkerchief at once so she could blow the trumpet.
Trickamore Elf followed suit by placing a similar peck on Lotta's right cheek. "I wish you all the best, Lotta," she whispered into the pointy ear.
"Thank you… thank you both," Lotta croaked, turning her Elfin head to look at her mother who had just returned from the hallway. When Ingeborg Elf nodded and broke out in a warm smile that only a proud mother could produce, Lotta got up from her chair and ka-lomped into the center of the living room on rubbery legs. The Elfin double and triple-knots in her throat came back with a vengeance and prevented her from speaking, but she spread out her Elfin arms and pulled them to her chest like she wanted to give every-Elf there an Elf-mighty big hug.
Thorbjorn Elf had tears in his eyes as he took in Lotta's presence, and even Rumlefrans Elf and his wife Agnes Elf offered Lotta a polite smile to apologize for all the brouhaha and Elfin heartache he had caused over the course of the evening.
Sven Elf, Valdemar Elf and Lillimum Elf all waved their Elf hats at her. Jasper Elf did too, though he didn't look as pleased with the whole thing as his colleagues - his date Pynte-Aase Elf had suddenly remembered she had left a candle on in her home across town, so she'd had to leave the party early.
Every-Elf in the living room broke out in a cheer as they waved their Elf hats, and the cozy room turned into a sea of waving Yuletide-red or dark-gray. After answering the waves with her own, golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat, Lotta turned around and ka-lomped out of the living room and up the staircase to her bedroom.
Her knees were knocking hard which didn't exactly make controlling the cumbersome, lacquered clogs any easier, so she took off the ceremonial footwear and carried them the rest of the way up to her bedroom door.
Elfin traditions dictated that she could not appear before her groom - or in this case, bride - before they met at the altar set up by the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf who would be in charge of every aspect of the Joining ceremony, so she wouldn't get a chance of catching a glimpse of Rockabye Elf in her finest get-up. Clever Elves would always find a solution to even the trickiest problem, however, so after closing the bedroom door behind her, she didn't ignite the tallow candle - instead, she cracked open the door to peek out.
"I'm juuuuuuuuuust gonna see what my dearest Rocky is wearing, then I'll close the door…" she mumbled to herself like it would justify breaking the age-old tradition. "Ooooooh, I hope… no, I know she's going to look so Elfin fine…"
Downstairs in the hallway, Ingeborg Elf opened the front door to welcome the three waiting Elves inside. "Greetings, my dear, dear Rockabye," she said and stood up on tip-toes to place a pair of smooches on Rocky's bronzed cheeks.
"Greetings, Ingeborg Elf," Rocky said in a strangled voice, proving she was just as nervous about the whole thing as Lotta was. "I brought you a little something as a thank you for all the Elfin hard work you've put into the Joining," she continued, holding out a double-stemmed plant in a petite ceramic flowerpot.
"Awww, you shouldn't have! Why thank you, my dear, dear Rockabye!" Ingeborg said and quickly put the hostess gift in a safe place in the hallway.
"You're welcome. It's the least I can do," Rocky said and put a gentle Elfin hand on the back of the mature lady-Elf who had waited behind her. "Please meet my parents… my Mama, Bellflower Elf…"
"Greetings, Bellflower Elf. I'm Ingeborg Elf, the mother of the bride… well, I suppose we both are!" Ingeborg said, clasping arms with her opposite number.
The three lady-Elves in the hallway snickered into their hands at the undeniable truth of that statement. It would be an unusual Joining on several levels, but when Elfin lightning struck, it struck - and it had.
"Greetings, Ingeborg Elf… it's so nice to finally meet you," Bellflower Elf said in a voice that was very reminiscent of her daughter's dulcet tones. In her late five-hundreds, Bellflower Elf was a mature Elf whose face held a permanent friendly expression. She had the regular Elfin coloring comprising of a ruddy complexion and reddish hair, but her Elfin-eyes were blue which was somewhat unusual.
She soon took off her overcoat to reveal a classy, maroon dress that reached past her ankles. The fact that she wore Elfin snow-boots looked somewhat odd next to the elegant dress, but they were quickly replaced by shoes that were far better suited to the homey nature of a Joining party. A stylish, rigid-cone Elf hat that matched the color of the dress sat crooked on her reddish hair.
"And here's my Papa, Lamberto Elf," Rocky said and put a hand on her father's elbow. "Now, Ingeborg, he doesn't speak much Northern Elfish, so I may need to translate a few things for him."
"Oh, how exciting!" Ingeborg Elf said as she put out her arm and looked up at the tall Southerner who was over three feet tall like his daughter Rockabye. "Greetings, I'm Ingeborg Elf," she said, making sure to speak slowly and pronounce every syllable in a proper fashion so her Southern Elf guest would understand.
The language of clasping arms was universally understood, and Lamberto Elf gave Ingeborg Elf's arm a good squeeze in return. "Greetings, Signora Ingeborg. My name is Carlo Michele Lamberto Elf. Please, say Lamberto like every-Elf," he said in a heavily-accented Northern Elfish while he performed a small bow at his hostess.
When he finished off his introduction by kissing Ingeborg's Elfin hand as the most natural thing in the world, Ingeborg Elf let out a happy squeal at the unexpected attention. She glanced up at Rocky who grinned and shrugged in return.
Though Ingeborg had often heard of the inherent politeness of the Southern Elves, she had never actually spoken to one. Lamberto Elf met - indeed he exceeded - all her expectations by being a tall, bronzed and strikingly handsome Elf even in his late-five-hundreds. His midnight-black hair and high cheekbones were identical to Rocky's, as was the bone structure around the bridge of his nose, his eyes and his brow. His Elfin eyes were an unusual shade of mahogany-brown that was so rare in and around Elf Springs that Ingeborg Elf couldn't recall the last time she had seen a brown-eyed Elf.
He wore shiny, patent-leather shoes and a forest-green pair of pants that ended in wraparound legs; the pants were held in place by a suede belt. Further up, he wore a white, collar-less, long-sleeved, seven-button shirt, and a Yuletide-red vest that reached below the seat of his pants. At the very top, he wore an unusual pale-green, rigid-cone Elf hat that looked ceremonial rather than practical in nature.
"Has the Elfin high-priest arrived yet?" Rocky said, putting her Elfin hands on the backs of her father and mother.
"Yes he has, Rockabye," Ingeborg Elf said and stepped aside for her guests. "The distinguished Grankowle Elf is in the living room. Why don't you go inside and greet him while Epilotta and I get ready? There's still plenty of buns, pastries and Yule-tea left, though the fine port is down to the last bottle in case you prefer that. If you need anything else, you need to look for Thorbjorn because I'll be upstairs with your lovely bride-to-be."
It was clear that Lamberto Elf hadn't understood all of that, so Rocky leaned in to translate it into Southern Elfish for him. After he had nodded and smiled at her, he and Bellflower Elf shuffled into the living room to introduce themselves. Rocky stayed behind to take her own overcoat off. "How is sweet Lotta today?" she said as she hung it on the only available nail left in the entire Pine Cone Villa.
"Nervous," Ingeborg Elf said with a smile.
"Well," Rocky continued as she smoothed down her hair and donned her golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat, "if she's half as nervous as I am, she's verrrrrrrrrrrry nervous…"
Upstairs, Lotta continued to peek through the crack in the bedroom door to catch just the tiniest of glimpses of her sweetheart, but when Ingeborg Elf began to shuffle up the stairs before Rocky had even left the entryway behind, Lotta needed to act quickly. Closing the door with all the Elfin-care she could muster, she jumped over to the tallow candle on the small table by the window and ignited it with her firestone so it looked like it had been burning the whole time. To finish off the small charade, she opened the door to her wardrobe and stood akimbo in front of it like she couldn't quite decide on what to wear.
---
Downstairs, Rocky entered the living room. She came to a jerking halt at the sight of the crowded Elf-hive in there just like Lotta had done hours earlier. She shook her head while pulling out the confining upper hem of her shirt. Her Elfin heart thumped courtesy of the jumbled mess her Elfin nerves had turned into, and it all refused to go further than underneath her fancy outfit.
When she eyed Lotta's friends Silvermoon Elf and Trickamore Elf, she offered them both a smile and a polite wave. Her own friends Sven Elf, Jasper Elf, Valdemar Elf and Lillimum Elf were given a longer, more heartfelt wave. She noted that Jasper Elf had a look upon his face that said he was Elfinly annoyed with the fact that he had to go home by himself yet again from what was supposed to have been a fun night out. Even the mug of sweet white ale that he held didn't look as if it could cheer him up.
After clasping arms with Thorbjorn Elf - and giving him a hug and calling him 'Papa-in-law' to his great pride - the distinguished, robed figure of Grankowle Elf caught her attention. She strode across the living room's Yuletide-red carpet to meet the important Elf elder. "Greetings, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir," she said and performed a deep bow in front of the Elfin high-priest.
"Ah! Greetings, Miss Rockabye Elf," Grankowle Elf said and held out his arm. Once Rocky had clasped it, he gestured at the only available chair in the entire Pine Cone Villa. "Please, have a seat. This Joining is somewhat different to most I am involved in, so I suppose I can safely skip the part about asking if the bride is pregnant on the day…"
"I can assure you that neither bride is, Mister Grankowle Elf, Sir," Rocky said with a lopsided grin.
Grankowle Elf grinned back. "Quite! However, we still have a few things to discuss prior to the ceremony. Perhaps we should get started."
Nodding solemnly, Rocky sat down on the chair without checking the seat. An Elfin second later, she jumped back up and looked down to figure out what in the Elfin world the odd lump had been that she had felt through the seat of her pants. "Oh…" she said, reaching for the oddly random peppernut. She looked around for a tin of peppernuts the stray could have come from, but found none. Since it hadn't been crushed by the impact with her Elfin tush, she shrugged and popped the crunchy treat into her mouth.
-*-*-*-
While Rocky and her parents spoke to the Elfin high-priest and then did their mingling rounds downstairs in the over-Elfin-crowded living room, Ingeborg Elf arranged the last of the eight sections of Lotta's Joining dress on the bed that had already been covered by a protective sheet since it wouldn't see any use for the following week. Stepping back from the Elfin work of art, she put an Elfin finger on the side of her Elfin nose and let out a prolonged "Hmmmmmmmmm…"
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't tell me there's a problem with any of it, Mammi," Lotta said on her way out of the bathroom. Her nervous Elfin tummy alternated between bouts of rumbling and pretending to be a solid knot, but the rumbling had won out recently - thus, she had conducted some business to pre-empt any embarrassment during the ceremony itself.
"No, everything looks fine," Ingeborg Elf said, squinting an Elfin eye while she took in the sight of the eight sections that she and Lotta had worked so hard on creating. A small crease was smoothed out. Another small crease was smoothed out in another spot. When the second smoothing-out negated the results of the first smoothing-out, she furrowed her Elfin brow and smoothed-out both creases at once. "I hope…"
"Ohhhhhhhhh, Mammi," Lotta croaked, clasping her nervous tummy all over again.
Ingeborg Elf snickered into her hand using a gesture that was very reminiscent of the one her daughter always used. "No, I'm merely jesting, my sweet Epilotta. Come over here, we might as well begin."
"Yes, Mammi," Lotta said and snuffed out the candle in the little Elves' room. Shuffling over to the bed, she stared wide-eyed at the breathtaking, Elfin-chic Joining outfit. Held mostly in snow-white and Yuletide-red - though with a few forest-green and pine cone-brown highlights as well to respect their ancient Elfin heritage as being a people of the forest - the eight sections were:
A pair of snow-white, lace-top shoes that were quite dainty and all-lady-Elf-like in their design. As Lotta had remarked when she and her mother had bought them in a shop that specialized in Joining garments, they certainly wouldn't last longer than nought-point-Elf out on a schmutting gig.
Two identical, knee-length long-stockings made of the finest merino wool were next. The foot and most of the leg were snow-white, but four horizontal stripes graced the very top of the leg: two held in Yuletide-red, and one each in pine cone-brown and forest-green.
The next section was a pleated, full-length skirt with a lower hem that had been reinforced by a leather trimming so it could be dragged along the floor without damaging the delicate fabric. Like so many other Elfin skirts, the garment was snow-white on the face and Yuletide-red on the reverse, creating a shimmer of red as the Elf wearing it would move.
The form-fitting, sleeveless top had been a difficult one to sew for Ingeborg and Lotta. It was noble and elegant rather than revealing and sexy, and narrow strips of forest-green fabric had been interlaced into the single piece of snow-white cloth the top had been sewn from. It had a slightly oval-shaped upper hem that offered a narrow band of skin that was just wide enough for an Elfin necklace or the like.
A snow-white, lacy undershirt was next. It had been designed to fit under the form-fitting top to conceal Lotta's toned Elfin arms so that some of their older Elfin relatives wouldn't grumble too hard when they saw her - it annoyed Lotta so much she could hardly express it; according to Ingeborg, she would have to live with it, however. The lace used for the body and sleeves was sheer when viewed up close, but when three layers of it were draped over her Elfin arms, not even Eagle-Eyed Elf would be able to see her well-defined muscles.
A pair of silky gloves that would almost, but not quite, reach Lotta's elbows. She and her mother had tried to buy a pair in the Joining-garment shop, but Lotta's Elfin fingers were shorter than average, so the gloves looked bizarre on her - the fingertips had flopped around in a most peculiar fashion. Thus, they'd had to get out the cloth, needle and thread for one more item. The gloves were snow-white like most of the rest of the ensemble, but Ingeborg had embroidered a pair of purple saxifrages on the back of each glove since that was Lotta's favorite winter flower.
A lacy veil that was to be draped over Lotta's flaming-red locks was the penultimate item of the Joining dress. Once it was in place, it would reach a short distance down Lotta's back. When the call came to kiss the bride - or let the brides kiss, in this case - she would flip open the front so she and her new Elfin-wife could kiss in front of the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf and the assembled Elves to make it official. The front was designed to stay open after the Elfin kiss, but the tiny button that needed to be done up by Elfin fingers that would undoubtedly be trembling at that point had been reinforced by a backup plan in the shape of an Elfin-safety-pin. The front of the veil could not be allowed to fold down again, because yet another of the countless Elfin customs and traditions considered it a bad omen for the Joined couple if the front of the veil slipped down after they had kissed officially for the first time.
The final section of the eight that made up the Joining outfit was a cape with a Yuletide-red face and a forest-green reverse. It was designed to be draped over the snow-white dress while Lotta walked up to the altar, and it was held together at the throat with a small lock made of bone. Once Lotta came to a halt, she would undo the lock and release the cape - Ingeborg would then take it and fold it up. All in all, it would be in use for only an Elfin minute or two, and it had taken Ingeborg and Lotta three weeks to create.
"Ohhhh," Lotta croaked in a strangled voice as she looked at the exquisite garments that she and her mother had worked so hard on. She ran her Elfin hand over the fabric like feeling it would help her come to terms with the momentous event that awaited her downstairs. "This is it, Mammi… isn't it? I mean… this is really, honest-to-Elfness it… I'm about to be Joined."
"Yes you are, my darling Epilotta," Ingeborg said and quickly pulled her daughter in for a swinging hug. "Frankly, I can't believe it either. Oh, ye Great Elf, I still dream about the Yuletide festivities last year where Rockabye proposed to you… it was so Elfinly romantic!"
"It realllllllly was," Lotta said with her face squished up against her mother's comforting presence. "And I love her. Just so you know."
"Haw, I knew that from the start, Epilotta!" Ingeborg said as she pulled back from the petite Elf in her arms. "And she's the right one for you, too. Ohhhh, when I look at some of the Joined couples we meet in our lives… com-PLETE-ly unfit for each other. But you and Rockabye… you're two parts of one Elfin being."
"Awwww…."
"Well, you are. Now…" Ingeborg said, sporting an excited gleam in her Elfin eyes, "before we turn on the Elfin waterworks, how about you tried to take a look underneath the cover at the foot-end of your bed?"
Lotta furrowed her brow as she cast a puzzled glance at her bed. When she couldn't see anything unusual, she looked back at her mother. "Under the cover?"
"At the foot-end of your bed, yes. Go on, Epilotta," Ingeborg Elf said, snickering into her hand all over again.
By now, Lotta understood that something important was up, so she shuffled over to the bed and pulled the protective cover aside. Her Elfin-green eyes flew wide-open when they landed on a small, wooden box that hadn't been there when she had made the bed earlier in the evening. Taking the box, she noticed a tiny latch on the front.
Her Elfin heart nearly burst out of her chest as she worked the tiny latch and opened the lid. Her Elfin-green eyes caught the golden sheen first: the wooden box contained a vintage seven-nugget amber necklace on a narrow chain made of gold. "Ohhh… Mammi… Ye Great Elf!" Lotta croaked as she took out the amber necklace. She briefly held it to her throat, but realized she couldn't see past her Elfin chin. Hurrying over to the mirror, she held up the priceless necklace where it was supposed to go. "Ohhhhhhhhhh, Mammi!" she croaked before her voice grew too strangled for her to use.
"I hope you'll cherish it as much as I have," Ingeborg Elf said in a voice that matched her daughter's when it came to being strangled. "It's Thorbjorn and my Joining gift for you. My Grand-Mammi made it herself for her sacred Joining many, many Elfin years ago… I got it from my Mammi for my Joining… and now it's yours."
"Oh, Mammi… I love it so," Lotta said again in a voice that had only grown croakier.
Ingeborg sniffled hard to stop the inevitable tears from coming. Dabbing her eyes on her sleeves, she moved over to her daughter and put her hands on the petite shoulders. "I'm glad you do. It's very dear to our family, and it's only fitting that you carry it from this moment on. Now… let's get you into this dress that cost us so much Elfin blood, sweat and tears."
Lotta had already gone a step or two further than sniffling. Her throat would allow no speaking or else the floodgates would burst, so she settled for nodding and sniffling while she shuffled over to the bed to begin the final preparations.
---
Ingeborg Elf stepped up on a low footstool to place the Joining veil over Lotta's head. Once the tail-section fell down the younger Elf's neck in a proper fashion, and the small flap was safely down covering her face, Ingeborg stepped off the footstool and went back to the bed to get the last piece of the Joining outfit.
"That's it… now we can weep!" Ingeborg said in a thick voice when she added the Yuletide-red cape over her daughter's shoulders as the final touch.
Shuffling over to the full-sized mirror wearing the dainty shoes, the long-stockings, the pleated skirt, the form-fitting top, the lacy sleeves, the long gloves, the veil, the protective cape, and most importantly, the amber necklace, Epilotta Elf could hardly believe her Elfin-green eyes when she finally got a look at herself. She stared at the figure in the mirror, wondering who in the Elfin world the lady-Elf she was looking at could possibly be.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Mammi… it's so pretty…" - Sniff, sniff, sniff - "you know I'm a happy, happy, happ-ppy little Elf in my-" - Sniff, sniff, sniffle - "regular schmutting uniform, but I must admit that-" - Sniff, sniffle, sniffle - "this Joining dress is so, so, SO pretty…" - Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle - "I knew it would be 'cos the sewing needles-" - Sniff, sniff, sniff - "pricked my Elfin fingers a hundred-and-nineteen times-" - Sniff, sniff, sniffle - "when we worked on it, but I had never-" - Sniff, sniffle, sniffle - "expected it to be this… this… this…" - Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle - "gorrrrr-geous!" - Sniff, sniff, sniff - "Ohhhhhhh, I can alllllmost hear all our-" - Sniff, sniff, sniffle - "ancestor-Elves clapping at us, Mammi…" - Sniff, sniffle, sniffle - "and the Great Elf is leading the cheer…" - Sniffle, sniffle, sniff-ff-ffle!
Lotta spun around and drew an Elfin deep breath - "Mammi, oh, Mammi… I want to thank you for all you have done for me over the many, many years of my Elfin life and everything surrounding this Joining and the beautiful, beautiful necklace that I'll cherish forever and the fact that you and Pappi accepted my dearest, dearest Rocky just like that when others may not have accepted her just like that but you and Pappi did and I am oh-so-grateful and- and- and- and- " - Deep, deep breath - "Ohhhhhhhhhh, I am so wonn-derfully happy and nervous and scared and nervous and wonn-derfully happy about the whole Joining experience though it did shock me a little when uncle Rumlefrans destroyed my mugs because I was really fond of those mugs and- and- and-" - Deep breath - "but at least the chair he broke was an old, old, OLD one from the cellar… Great Elf, that tickle-monster moose-head mug he and Pappi bought… I don't know what they were thinking… maybe we should give it to charity or a museum for novelty Yuletide artifacts but maybe it's so weird even they wouldn't want it…" - Deep, deep, deep breath - "Oh, no, I'm rambling, but it's because I'm so, so, SO nervous about the whooooooooooooooole thing and in two Elfin minutes' time, we'll be going downstairs you and me and Pappi and you and I'll finally get to see my dearest, dearest, beautiful, beautiful, ba-yu-tiful Rocky and I know, I just know that I'll burst into tears and howl and wail and weep and cry my Elfin eyes out! But I love her and I love Pappi and I love you, Mammi and I love you all…" - Pant, pant, pant! Deep breath. Sniffle-sniffle-sniff-ff-ffle!
"You're welcome. And we love you too, my sweet, little Epilotta," Ingeborg said with a wistful smile playing on her lips. "But I still can't believe you want to change into that dreadful uniform when you fly to your honeymoon," she continued, pointing at Lotta's dark-blue schmutting uniform that had been placed on the bed so it would be ready for her to jump into once it was time for her and Rocky to head off into the blue - or dark, to be precise.
Next to the bed, a travel bag had been packed with all the Elfin clothes Lotta needed for the week away. The golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hat was draped across the suitcase so she could slip it on across her flaming red locks until it came to her pointy ears.
"I just don't wanna risk this gorrrrr-geous dress, Mammi…" Lotta said, sniffling hard.
A knock-knock-knock on the bedroom door was quickly followed by a: 'It's me, Thorbjorn Elf… it's time. Are you lady-Elves all dressed up and ready to go?'
Ingeborg opened the door at once so Thorbjorn Elf could come inside and get his first glimpse of his daughter's Joining dress while it was being worn. "We are, dear," she said, stepping aside.
"Ohhhhhhh… ye Great Elf!" Thorbjorn croaked, whipping off his floppy-cone Elf hat at the sight that fell upon his Elfin eyes. "Well, I'll be a right-old tickle-monster! Elfness me, that is a cotton-candy amazing dress… I almost can't believe my Elfin eyes! Lotta, is that really you in there?"
Despite her Elfin nerves that did their worst to make her queasy, Lotta could not hold back a strong snicker at her father's silly words. "It's me, Pappi… and I can't believe it either!" she said through the lacy veil - and a veil of tears.
"Are you ready for the big event, my sweet, little Epilotta?" Thorbjorn Elf said, shuffling over to his daughter to put a tender hand on her Elfin arm.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I don't know, Pappi… but I think so…"
"Good. Because we're going now. Rocky is there, and Grankowle Elf is waiting."
Nodding, Lotta turned around and put out her arms. With her mother holding her left arm and her father taking the right, the three Elves walked toward the bedroom door - though the shoes were dainty, at least they offered her far better comfort than the ka-lomping , lacquered clogs had.
She was surprised to find she had an excited spring in her step. Not that she had ever expected to feel like she was about to get chained rather than Joined, but she had thought the nerves and trepidation would weigh more on her Elfin mind than the love she and Rocky shared. It didn't, and it made true happiness bubble up inside her Elfin soul. She couldn't wait to see her sweetheart, and Grankowle Elf, and get started on the ancient, sacred ceremony that countless generations of Elves had experienced before her.
*
*
CHAPTER 4
The Elves in the over-Elfin-crowded living room were so enraptured by Grankowle Elf's reading of the ritual texts it was actually possible to hear an Elfin hairpin being dropped on the soft carpet. Every-Elf looked in the direction of the culprit-Elf, but Silvermoon Elf was no stranger to being looked at by a host of Elves, so she just grinned back at them all while she reached down to pick up the errant pin. Trickamore Elf wasn't even involved apart from sitting next to Lotta's charismatic old mentor, but she blushed hard enough to color the cheeks of both lady-Elves and still have red to spare.
The two aides to the Elf Elfin high-priest had put up a ritual altar that may have appeared simple to Elfin eyes, but that acted as a physical embodiment of the Elves' distant past as a group who lived in and near the vast forests further north. The altar consisted of a three-foot long, halved log of a birch tree that rested with the flat side up on two, two-foot tall boulders; a deep indentation had been hand-crafted into the stone pillars so the log wouldn't fall off.
Several small items had been placed on the flat part of the birch log, four of which represented the elements: a lit tallow candle, a miniature cup of pure water that had been created by melting a handful of snow, a small clump of dirt from the Magical Calshiweah Forest, and a feather from a gosling. Strands of fur from the White Wolf, one of the Great Elf's sacred animals, had been spread out between the representations of the four elements to show that the Great Elf was the one who had created it all, and the one who held everything together through her omnipresence.
Grankowle Elf sat on a chair behind the altar, reading from the ancient scroll. Normally, the Elfin high-priest in charge of the ceremony would be standing, but the lateness of the hour and the fact that Grankowle wasn't a spry junior-Elf anymore had made it necessary for the old Elf to sit down.
The scroll was written in an ancient dialect only understood by a minority of the guests, but since it had been an integral part of the ceremony since the time of the Great Elf herself, no Elf would ever dream of suggesting the first part of the sacred scroll should be translated into regular, everyday Northern Elfish. Ultimately, it didn't matter as Grankowle Elf was a rock-solid storyteller, and he was able to convey the exact message of the ancient texts to the assembled Elves through carefully-selected body language, intonations and pauses.
As the Elf elder reached the end of the first scroll, he handed it to one of his aide-Elves who rolled it up and put it back into its protective case. "My dear Elves," the Elfin high-priest said in a strong voice that belied his age, "the moment you have all been waiting for has arrived. Miss Rockabye Elf, will you please come to the altar."
Rocky clasped arms with her father Lamberto Elf, and gave her mother Bellflower Elf a big hug and a couple of quick smooches on the mature Elf's cheeks; then she moved up to the altar on legs that were no less rubbery than Lotta's. Her bronzed hue had paled considerably, and she needed to concentrate on breathing or else she would forget it and subsequently keel over out of sheer nervousness.
"Thank you, Miss Rockabye Elf," Grankowle Elf continued before he craned his old neck to look at the doorway to the hall. "The bride… uh… the other bride may enter now," he said as he put out his hand palm-up. One of his aide-Elves soon put another scroll into it so everything would be ready for the next part of the sacred ceremony.
In the hallway, Lotta was on the brink of passing out. She had listened to the last part of Grankowle Elf reading from the old scroll, but had only understood the odd word here and there. When the Elf elder had called Rocky to the altar, she had understood every word, however - and she had understood that the moment had truly arrived, like the elder had announced.
After they had been called in, Thorbjorn Elf and Ingeborg Elf each took hold of one of Lotta's arms and helped the wobbly-kneed bride-to-be into the living room. A stir rolled over the assembled Elves before they all fell silent to marvel at Lotta's elaborate, and just plain gorgeous, Joining outfit.
The three Elves moved across the carpet in silence. Lotta could hardly believe her eyes when she caught the first glimpse of her beloved Rocky through the lacy veil: the tough, long-haul sleigh driver had forgone her regular schmutting uniform for a snow-white wonder that was a cross between a dress and a pant suit. The lower half had legs rather than a skirt, but they were made by a loose fabric that would no doubt puff out when she moved. The top was akin to a coat that reached down below her tush on the back; the front was cut in a big V, and the entire upper section was open to reveal a forest-green vest, a white shirt and a Yuletide-red necktie. The coat was held together by six pine cone-brown buttons that had been placed in a tight cluster from her tummy and down to the lower hem.
Rocky wore no gloves or indeed a veil, but she didn't need those traditional Elfin garments to look Elfinly fantastic, or so Lotta thought as she walked the final few paces over to the altar to stand next to the taller, older lady-Elf. When Lotta's elegant Yuletide-red cape was removed and folded up, another stir rolled over the assembled Elves at the near-perfect way the brides-to-be matched.
Once Thorbjorn Elf and Ingeborg Elf had completed their official part of the ceremony, they hurried away from their daughter after giving her Elfin hands a pair of good squeezes. Clutching the cape, Ingeborg Elf sniffled hard all the way down to one of the few vacant chairs in the living room. Thorbjorn had no time for sniffling - instead, he hurried over to the chair that had been reserved for him. He had unpacked and readied his beloved accordion before he had gone upstairs to fetch his daughter, and he soon put his arms through the two broad loops that were made of leather to provide the best comfort during the playing.
After looking at his brother to make sure that Rumlefrans Elf wasn't about to do anything that would interrupt - or disturb, or disrupt - the ceremony, Thorbjorn shuffled around on the seat to find a good position and to get his Elfin hands and legs synchronized. He held his Elfin fingers ready over the keys so he could play some of the traditional music when the appropriate cues would come.
The mood was so tense in the living room as every-Elf waited for the big moment that Thorbjorn Elf was struck by a rare teasing-needle of mischief. Instead of playing one of the age-old spirituals like he was supposed to, he set off playing the first few bars of a spirited rendition of 'Tis The Season To Be Jolly that made every-Elf there break out in wild bouts of snickering - well, except Ingeborg Elf who nearly fainted.
Grankowle Elf broke out in a wide grin at the sound of the Yuletide favorite, and Lotta snickered wildly under her veil at her father's antics. Rocky grinned as well and took the moment to sneak a peek at her bride-to-be. Her Elfin-blue eyes could hardly believe that it was really Epilotta Elf at her side - not that she was able to see much of the petite Elf through all that fabric and layers of lace - and she could believe even less that they were about to get Joined. Joining was for the romantic Elves among the Elfin population, not the tough, no-nonsense long-haul sleigh drivers like her who spent so much time in the air with their reindeer that some of them almost grew fur and antlers. That she and Lotta could live together, and work together, was the best of all Elfin worlds.
When the accordion-induced ripple of snickering among the Elves had mostly died down, Grankowle Elf put his hands in the air to let the rest of the Joining guests know it was time to be quiet and respectful. Nodding, he signaled Thorbjorn Elf to play one of the spirituals so the sacred ceremony itself could begin.
Lotta's Elfin heart only thumped harder in her chest when her father began playing the familiar introductory piece. It was the same piece that was played at the start of all Joinings so she had heard it quite often, but now that she was the lady-Elf at the altar, she thought it had never sounded lovelier. She could tell that her father really put his Elfin heart and soul into performing the spiritual, and that made her own Elfin heart soar and thump harder still. Her mouth turned bone-dry and she wished she had time to gulp down an entire barrel of sweet white ale - it would have to wait.
"My dear, dear Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf," Grankowle Elf said once the last notes of the musical accompaniment rang out. While he spoke, he signaled his aide-Elves to place two cushions on the floor in front of Rocky and Lotta. Once the ceremonial cushions were in place, he began to read from the second part of the ancient scrolls; this time, he translated the important words of the Great Elf as he went along to make them understandable for all: "The time has come where you must bid farewell to a life without companionship. From this moment on, your Elfin lives will be shared by the Elf standing next to you. In good times and bad times, the Elf at your side will provide support and Elfin love, and expect support and Elfin love in return. If either of you cannot accept those terms, then you must leave now and suffer the eternal loss in solitude."
Peeking over the rim of the ancient scroll, Grankowle Elf paused to look at the two lady-Elves in front of him. When neither seemed the least interested in making a last-chance mad dash for freedom, and indeed even reached out to one another to let their Elfin fingers play against each other, he smiled as he continued:
"Very well. And so, my dear, dear Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf, I ask you to kneel before the altar that holds the four elements that define our distant ancestors, Mother Nature and Father Earth… the fire, the water, the soil and the wind."
While Grankowle Elf spoke, Rocky and Lotta knelt on the two ceremonial cushions. Because of Rocky's breezy pantlegs, she had a far easier time of kneeling than the lady-Elf of her heart. When she noticed that the elaborate Joining dress caused trouble for Lotta as she tried to get down onto the cushion - or even see it through her veil - she broke ranks to help her down.
Yet another stir rippled through the assembled Elves at the highly unusual sight of seeing the two Elves about to be Joined touching before the Elfin high-priest had given them permission to do so, but Grankowle Elf just grinned at the display of Elfin love between the two lady-Elves. Once Rocky and Lotta were safely down on the ceremonial cushions, he continued:
"As Mother Nature and Father Earth bonded, they created the Great Elf who became the founding mother of the Elfin world in which we live. Therefore, my dear Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf, I ask you to bond like Mother Nature and Father Earth did by clasping hands in honor of the original joining that made it all possible."
Rocky's Elfin heart nearly thumped off its hinges and through her chest as she sought out Lotta's hand. Her pointy ears were ringing, and a cold trickle ran down her spine upon realizing that this was it. This was the defining moment of the Joining, and indeed the rest of her Elfin life. A quick peek to her right yielded little as she couldn't see through Lotta's lacy veil, but her Elfin soul was trying to tell her that it would all be fine in a moment - unless she passed out first, of course.
Lotta vaguely saw Rocky's hand through the veil, and she moved her own to meet it halfway there. Her palms were hot and sweaty inside the gloves, but the heat was nothing compared to the blast furnace that thumped through her Elfin insides. The heated Elfin blood coursing through her veins raced past her eardrums to drown out most of the ambient sounds, but it didn't really matter. All that existed in her little, Elfin world now was Rocky and her outstretched hand.
When Lotta reached out to clasp Rocky's hand, Grankowle Elf nodded at his aide-Elves who tied a ceremonial ribbon around the joined hands to illustrate that the two lady-Elves were now bonded together until the end of Elfin time. The ribbon was an unostentatious, dark-brown leather strap that was tied once around their wrists and twice around their clasped Elfin fingers.
"My dear Rockabye Elf and Epilotta Elf," Grankowle Elf continued, "only the Great Elf herself can now break the eternal bond that has been created between you. The Joining represented by the sacred ribbon tied around your hands cannot be broken by any Elf, beast, or Human. Any Elf who tries shall be cast out of the Elfin order. Any beast who tries shall be slain. Any Human who tries shall suffer the wrath of the Great Elf. You may release the ribbon, but know the Joining will last until your final breath."
As the aide-Elves released the sacred ribbon, several dozen sniffles were heard among the assembled Elves. The sniffles grew louder and louder until one of the lady-Elves broke out in a wild wail that she immediately tried to muffle with a handkerchief. The wail prompted others to follow suit, and several trumpet calls were soon heard as Elfin noses were cleared into similar hankies.
"Rockabye Elf," Grankowle Elf continued in a solemn voice, "you may kiss the br- uh… I mean… the brides may kiss!"
Every-Elf in the living room drew a deep breath at the same time while they waited for the magical moment. The collective intake of air left so little oxygen floating around that the crackling logs in the fireplace almost fizzled out.
Lotta was already holding her breath as her trembling, gloved fingers had turned from super-heated to ice cold within the space of two Elfin seconds - the rest of her Elfin being followed close behind. Shivering from the chill brought on by her frayed nerves, she reached up to lift the veil and attach it to the small button on the top.
She just knew the teasing-fairies had reserved a final, devious twist for her, so she concentrated so hard on finding the tiny button on top of her lacy headpiece that she stuck the tip of her Elfin tongue between her lips and almost went cross-Elfin-eyed. When her gloved fingers found the button, she was able to get it done at the first attempt. The success caught her by surprise, and she let out a croaking, cackling, snorting snicker that made her embarrassed even before she had finished it.
Then it was time to kiss her bride - Rockabye Elf, the lady-Elf of her heart. Elfin-green met Elfin-blue, and the two Elves were soon to meet in the middle as well. Leaning toward each other, they claimed the other Elf's lips in a kiss that perhaps didn't feel any different from the countless kisses they had already shared, but that meant so much more it was near-impossible for Lotta to fathom it.
The first, big kiss grew into several smaller ones, but the amount of Elfin cheering, whistling, whooping and hollering that went on behind them prevented any further sweet contact. Snickering, Rocky and Lotta turned back to their Elfin friends and family and offered them strong waves that were responded to in kind.
"That went Elfin well if I do say so myself… and I'll bet this one really is forever!" Grankowle Elf said as he looked at the Elfin love that flowed so freely between the Joined couple that it was almost tangible. Ingeborg Elf was at his side in an instant with the promised glass of fine port; grinning, he raised the glass in a salute before he took a long sip of the rich, golden liquid.
After Rocky and Lotta got back on their feet, they bowed deeply at the Elfin high-priest before they shuffled into the massed ranks of Elves who all wanted a piece of the newly-Joined couple's time, or at least pat their backs, hug them or steal a couple of kisses. Their parents were first in line, and it took several Elfin minutes just to move on from those four Elves.
As the Joined couple made the rounds of the living room, they both sported identical expressions of fatigue, rampant excitement and even slight echoes of disbelief at having been bonded under the watchful eye of the Great Elf.
Elfin hands were shaken, Elfin backs were slapped, Elfin cheeks were kissed, Elfin hugs were exchanged, and Elfin tummies were caressed by some of the doting auntie-Elves who perhaps failed to see that the possibilities of this particular Joining producing offspring any time soon were slim to non-existent - and Slim Elf had never even shown up at the Joining party despite the near-unlimited supply of free cookies and sweet white ale. Still, Elfin traditions were Elfin traditions, and doting auntie-Elves were supposed to caress Elfin tummies, so they did.
In the middle of all that unbridled Elfin happiness, Thorbjorn Elf quickly put his Elfin arms through the leather loops of his accordion and jumped up onto the chair he had used earlier. Striking a merry chord or two, he drew a deep breath and let out a resounding: "I hope all you Elves are ready 'cos now it's time to Elfin paaaaaaaaar-taaaaaaaaaaay 'till the break o' dawn!"
"Yay! Fih-nally!" Rumlefrans Elf cried. "Where's the ale? There's more sweet white ale left, right?" he said as he tried, tried and tried again to get his broad-tushed frame up from the low chaise lounge he had sat in ever since being told to behave. He got up eventually and bounced into the center of the living room to shake his considerable tush to the merry sounds created on his brother's accordion. "Hey Thorbjorn, give us something to dance to!" he cried, grabbing hold of his wife Agnes Elf's hand and swinging her around and around even before the music had started for real.
---
In a quiet corner of the living room that had been invaded by a myriad of Elves who were all participating in all-out Elfin celebrations, Rocky and Lotta leaned against the sideboard and each other. They shared another long Elf-eye-gazing moment before they let their lips do the talking once more. "We're Joined… can you believe it?" Rocky said directly into Lotta's pointy ear to be heard over Thorbjorn Elf's playing and Rumlefrans Elf's unbridled dancing.
"No. But I have a wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful feeling inside me," Lotta said and took Rocky's hand in her own. She brought it to her chest so her new bride could feel how strongly her Elfin heart was beating.
Another lengthy session of Elf-eye-gazing ensued before Rocky leaned back down to Lotta's pointy ear. "I love you," she said quietly. Nothing more needed to be said at that point in time, so she didn't.
Lotta let out a husky snicker as she brought Rocky's hand to her lips to give it a little kiss. "And I love you too, my dearest, dearest Rockabye… I have for so long I can't even fathom it."
"We've already experienced so much together, haven't we?"
"We have. And I hope there's a whoooooooooooooooooooole buncha Elfin-neat things to come for us!" Lotta said and snickered into her free hand.
Echoing the snickers, Rocky leaned in to place a small peck on Lotta's forehead. "On that note… would you care to dance a little with me?"
"Santa's Suspenders! I thought you were never gonna ask!" Lotta cried as she took a firm grip on Rocky's hand. Letting out a pair of wild snickers, the two lady-Elves flew onto the Yuletide-red carpet that had been transformed into a dance floor. Soon, they were shaking their Elfin tushes to the endless hit parade of merry Yuletide and other Elfin party favorites that Thorbjorn Elf played on his accordion.
-*-*-*-
All of Chestnut Street, a good deal of the local neighborhood, and even further into Elf Springs itself echoed with the merry sounds of the Elfin celebrations that went on in Lotta's home. The Pine Cone Villa was rocking from the cellar to the top of the chimney, and even the family of snow-people in the back garden had joined in on the fun by doing the Frostie-boogie-woogie although none of the Elves inside the house had had time to witness that yet.
One Yuletide or Elfin party favorite after the other was played with great gusto and sung at the top of every-Elf's lungs. While the Elves were busy enjoying themselves like only Elves could, they danced around in the traditional Elfin chain dances as well as more individual or paired tush-shakers like every-Elf's firm favorite, the Woods-Elf Clog Polka - four revolutions one way, four revolutions the other way, hop-hop-hop and a hand clap, and then start over - but also the Merry Widow Polka, the Two-ahead-and-two-to-the-side Mazurka, the Sweetheart Shuffle, the Cluckin' Chicken Polka and even the Sleigh Driver's Jig. The last one in particular was a hit with Rocky and her friends Sven Elf, Jasper Elf and Valdemar Elf who jigged to their hearts' content, but the other Elfin guests found it a bit too hectic and difficult to learn. They all agreed that one of the most beloved slow-dances, the Snow Waltz, was a good'un for snuggling up to their sweethearts, so it was played and danced to more than once.
Every cookie, every pastry, every piece of kringle-bread and every slice of the cinnamon-marzipan-apple pies vanished like snow in May. Even the peppernuts that had tried to aim for the Elfin moon when Rumlefrans Elf had dropped the tin all found their fate between Elfin teeth. The few remaining barrels of sweet white ale were emptied as was the very last bottle of the fine port. Nobody had any interest in stepping away from the wild-and-wonderful Elfin singing and dancing to make some chunky Yule-tea, egg nog or hot chocolate with whipped cream, but it didn't matter since it wasn't really that kind of party anyway.
---
Over the course of the next, several Elfin hours, the number of Elves thinned out as one after the other headed home after congratulating the Joined couple and showering them with hugs, Elfin kisses and well-wishes for a safe and Elfin happy future. When the Elfin high-priest Grankowle Elf and his two aide-Elves left, every-Elf stopped to bow at the important Elf elder, and he took the opportunity to bless the party by chugging down the final glass from the final bottle of fine port.
Rumlefrans Elf and his wife Agnes Elf had finally had enough a little later on, so the large Elf had lumbered over to his niece to pull her into a bear-hug before calling for an Antler Cab on Lotta's snow cone. Since the party was all out of sweet white ale, anyway, there wasn't much left for him to do. During the wild Elfin celebrations, he had very nearly created another scene of Elfin embarrassment when he had come to within an inch of having danced his pants off. While shaking his Elfin tush and pumping his Elfin arms like a chicken to the ripsnortin' Cluckin' Chicken Polka, one of the fasteners of his hard-working suspenders had blown clean off and had been on a direct collision course with one of the windows to the garden. The window had been saved by a brave, brass candlestick that took one for the team by bearing the brunt of the impact - though knocked askew, the candlestick was still among the living and could in fact be straightened out by a small tweak.
Further Yuletide favorites were played, sung and danced to for another Elfin hour or so, but it was clear that every-Elf there had peaked. Rocky's friends and colleagues needed to be at work bright and early, so they and Valdemar Elf's wife Lillimum Elf got ready to leave - but not before singing a bawdy song about the Joined couple's first mutual night and honeymoon that produced plenty of Elfin snickering, and made plenty of Elfin cheeks catch fire.
To save her mother and father's Elfin cheeks from further scorching, and their pointy ears from further embarrassment, Lotta decided to end the whole thing while the going was good. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeev'ry-Elfin-buddy!" she cried, zipping into the middle of the living room floor. Thorbjorn Elf hadn't noticed and continued to play: the next Yuletide favorite was the Twelve Days Of Yuletide that he delivered with great gusto and plenty of foot-stomping. "Pappi… Pappi… Pappi! Papp-ppi! You can stop playing now!" Lotta said in a voice that grew ever louder and stronger.
Thorbjorn Elf finally realized something was up and stopped playing from one note to the next. "Uh… okie-dokie," he said and put down the accordion. The sudden silence was deafening, and some-Elf snickered somewhere in the background.
"Every-Elf," Lotta continued, "I just wanted to say that I looooooooove you, but Rocky most of all, of course!" - Snicker, snicker - "My dear, dear friends, we have had the most wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derrrrr-ful Joining day, evening and night, but now I think it's time for us to say nighty-night and go our separate ways. Now, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't behave too badly while Rocky and me zip upstairs to get dressed-"
"Get dressed on your Joining night? Never heard that one before!" Jasper Elf said, snickering wildly at his own joke. When Ingeborg Elf shot him a dark glare and a raised eyebrow, he ducked his head down between his shoulders.
Valdemar Elf and Sven Elf came to their younger colleague's rescue by patting him on his back while snickering at his blue shade of humor.
"Uh… yeah," Lotta continued, scratching her forehead that had once again turned Elfin-red. "But anyway, uh… that's what we're going to do now. It's been so, so, SO wonn-derful to see you all on this wonderful, wonderful, wonn-derful evening! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I've had the time of my life, and I'm sure you have too!"
The remaining Elves broke out in a lot of nodding and "Uh-huhs."
Lotta threw a final smile at her friends and relatives before she and Rocky zipped upstairs to get out of their fancy duds and jump into their schmutting uniforms that had already been laid out. That they were going to do so in each other's presence was just a taster of the Elfin magic that was sure to be created over the course of the next few Elfin days and nights.
---
It only took a few Elfin minutes for Rocky and Lotta to change clothes, and the two, golden-bobbled A-Team Elf hats sat proudly on their locks as they walked down the staircase arm in arm while wearing snow-boots and their full schmutting uniforms. They put their packed travel bags at the foot of the stairs before they shuffled into the living room to say their goodbyes. For the umpteenth time, they came to a jerking halt in the doorway. This time, however, it wasn't because the living room was overcrowded with Elves of all ages, shapes and sizes, but because it had been cleared out save for an errant peppernut or two that had managed to escape the jaws of doom.
"Hmmm," Rocky said, scratching the side of her Elfin nose. "Not that I'm an Elfin expert or anything, but I have a feeling that our Elfin friends may be up to something sneaky."
"I think you may be right, dearest Rocky," Lotta said and snickered into her hand. Now they were there she might as well do something useful, so she went over to the fireplace to stoke and rearrange the logs. Another few pieces of kindling were added so it would keep burning for a while longer. Her parents were going to come by at least a couple of times during the honeymoon week to check the mailbox for congratulatory Elfin-grams that had been late in arriving, and Trickamore Elf had promised to come over and light a fire on the morning of Little Yuletide Eve, the day of their return from the Elfin coastal holiday resort, so the Pine Cone Villa wouldn't feel like an outpost of King Frost's dominion.
"Perhaps we should be double-sneaky and schmut out of your back door, sweet Lotta?" Rocky continued, shuffling over to the windows that overlooked the back garden. She had to do an Elfin double-take when she realized that the big snowman Cole Frost, his wife Icéla Frost and their big, and ever-growing, family of little Frosties had moved into positions that were different from those they had been in when they were made. She squinted at the snow-family for a short while before she shrugged and turned away from the window.
"Nooooooooooo," Lotta said and snickered again while she broke out in a little Elfin shimmy. "That would just make them so, so, SO disappointed. No, we better leave the regular way. Oh… how are we even going to fly on our honeymoon?"
"How? Using my sleigh, of course. It's parked right outside," Rocky said and pulled her new wife into a sideways hug.
"But Sammi-Sima doesn't like it when the air is realllllllllly cold… and the air is reallllllllllllly cold, Rocky…"
"Sammi-Sima isn't coming with us… my neighbor Nooribent Elf had use for her during the week, so I pulled a few strings out at the Toy Factory though they've been so stressed out today. I got us a full four-in-hand of trusty, strong reindeer that were released from the roster. Don't worry about that. We're in good hooves." - Snicker, snicker!
Lotta echoed the snickering before she got up on tip-toes to place a big'un right on Rocky's kisser. "Let's get the bags and get on our merry way, my dearest wife."
"Yes, dear," Rocky said, sticking out her tongue.
---
As expected, their Elfin friends and family were indeed up to something sneaky. As Rocky opened the front door to step out into the night that wasn't just nippy-nosy but rosy-cheeky as well, she was greeted by a loud cheer that came from all the remaining Elves who had lined up along the garden path holding lit torches and small packs of rice. "Ohhhh!" she cried, shooting the Elves a toothy grin.
Behind Rocky, Lotta stepped over the threshold and received a similar, enthusiastic greeting. "Ohhhh, this is gooooood!" Lotta said, once again dumping her travel bag so she could clap her hands.
"Let's hear it for the Joined couple!" Thorbjorn Elf cried, throwing his Elfin hands in the air while minding the torch. "Three fast cheers and a slow'un! Elf! Elf! Elf! And the final, slow'un! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!"
As Rocky and Lotta strolled down the garden path during the Elfin cheering, all their Elfin friends threw their rice high into the air which made the little, white grains rain down upon the Joined couple and every other Elf there. Lotta's entire face was wide open in a nonstop giddy laugh at the spectacle, and Rocky slapped Elfin hands, clasped Elfin arms and bumped Elfin fists with her friends and colleagues as she went past them.
"Again!" Thorbjorn Elf cried. "Three fast cheers and a slow'un! Elf! Elf! Elf! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!"
When Lotta reached her old mentor Silvermoon Elf, she dumped her travel bag for the umpteenth time to fly into the Elf elder's arms. The two lady-Elves gave each other a good, ol' Elfin crush-and-back-rub before they moved back an Elfin arm's length to exchange a look that showed they were both thinking about the very special relationship they'd had back at Ye Olde Elfin Academie.
"Congratulations, Lotta," Silvermoon Elf said, quickly diving in to place a pair of pecks on Lotta's cheeks. "You and Rocky are the beautifullest Joined couple I have seen in many a year. You look sooooooooooo good together. Cotton-candy, you are so good together! And I hope you'll be together forever and a day."
"We will, Silvermoon…" Lotta said in a thick voice, "you don't have to worry about that. I Elfin love that lady-Elf!"
"That's so Elfin wonn-derful to hear. If you ever feel like chit-chatting about the old days, just give the Academy a call, and they-"
"Oh, but you can just call us whenever you wish… you have my number. We talked about that already…" Lotta said in a puzzled voice.
Silvermoon shrugged while a faint blush spread over her ruddy cheeks. "Oh… I don't wanna intrude. That wouldn't be Elfin proper."
"Aw! What a cotton-candy thing to say, Silvermoon Elf!" Lotta said, shaking her head so hard the golden bobble at the end of the floppy cone flew left and right. "I want you to call us because I want to stay in touch with you! And that's all I have to say about that, you hear?"
"Yes, Miss Epilotta Elf, Ma'am!" Silvermoon Elf said with her tongue firmly pressed into her cheek. The two lady-Elves let out wild snickers and flew into each other's arms for another hug-and-rub before Lotta moved onto her opposite-neighbor Trickamore Elf who was the next lady-Elf in line.
"Bye, Lotta! Have a wonn-derful honeymoon!" Trickamore said, throwing her head to flip her pig-tails away from the two torches she was holding - she had taken possession of Silvermoon Elf's torch while the Elf elder had spoken to Lotta. It was soon handed back so she could clasp arms with her opposite-neighbor. "As I promised, I'll come over to light the fire! Everything will be warm and neat and cozy when you get back on Little Yuletide Eve!"
"Thanks, Trixie! Ohhhhh, I'll tell you alllllllllll about the honeymoon afterwards… or most of it, anyway," Lotta said and broke out into another wild snicker. "And you're invited for our big Yuletide party on the day after the day after Yuletide Eve, too!"
"Ohhhhhhh, thank you!"
"You're most Elfinly welcome!" Lotta said before she leaned in between Silvermoon Elf and Trickamore Elf's torches to place a quick peck on her neighbor's cheek.
Down the other end of the Elfin line, Thorbjorn Elf was still going strong: "And one more tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!" he roared, waving his arms high into the night-time sky. "Three fast cheers and a slow'un! Elf! Elf! Elf! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!"
"That about does it, Thorbjorn," Ingeborg Elf said out of the corner of her mouth. "We don't want to wake up the entire neighborhood… I think it's too late to do anything about the street…"
The inevitable reply was soon uttered: "Yes, dear."
The enthusiastic group of Elves followed the newly-Joined as Rocky and Lotta strolled down the garden path headed for the gate. Although the massive amount of snow in the front garden made it somewhat difficult for the Elves to crab sideways, nobody as much as slipped or tilted, not even the limping Silvermoon Elf. The flickering torches did their best to add to the cozy atmosphere by casting warm cones of orange light onto the snow, the Elves and the newly-Joined.
Out at the curb, Rocky's elegant sleigh had been beautified by a rascal-Elf who had tied reams of evergreen garlands to the sides, and several yards' worth of jingle bells to the sleigh's rear panel. Up front, the four reindeer had received special attention as well: all carried Yuletide-red blankets across their backs to give them some protection from the nippy-nosy chill.
Rockabye Elf pulled her parents Bellflower Elf and Lamberto Elf in for a big, crushing hug. She exchanged several whispered words and hurried kisses with both of them before she waved a temporary goodbye to her friends and colleagues; then she climbed aboard her sleigh and shuffled around on the fur-covered bench seat to find a good spot for her Elfin tush. The jingle stick was ready, the reins were ready, the beasts of burden were ready, the snow-goggles were ready in case they were needed, and Rockabye Elf had been born ready.
Epilotta Elf needed a few more Elfin moments to complete the run through the gauntlet of Elves since she and her mother Ingeborg Elf were competing to see which of the two lady-Elves could shed more Elfin tears in the shortest amount of time. When Ingeborg Elf seemed to win that particular contest, Lotta moved onto her father Thorbjorn Elf and gave him the hug of an Elfin lifetime.
"But you can't leave yet!" Trickamore Elf cried, waving her Elf hat at the Joined couple. The other Elves turned around to shoot her plenty of funny looks, but she countered them by saying: "We haven't sung our anthem… An Elfin Good Time!"
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!" Lotta squealed, jumping so high in the air it took several Elfin seconds before her boots returned to the snowy garden path. "C'mon, every-Elf! Rocky… Rocky! It's time to sing! Ohhhh, it's so good to be an Elf! Elves, always so kind and warm and free! Elves, the best friends you could ever hope to have!" - Lotta threw her arms in the air to prepare for the big chorus - "Ohhhhhhh, we're Elves, Elves, Elves. We always have an Elfin good time! Elves, Elves, Elves. And we're simply so cute and fiiiine! Yippie-dippie-doooo! Again! Ohhhh, it's so good to be an Elf! Elves, always so kind and warm and free! Elves, the best friends you could ever hope to have! Ohhhhhhh, we're Elves, Elves, Elves. We always have an Elfin good time! Elves, Elves, Elves. And we're simply so cute and fiiiiine!"
The encore still echoed down Chestnut Street as Lotta zipped around the front of the elegant sleigh. She came to a sliding halt on the slippery snow when she recognized Wreck, Mutt, Lillyputty and Bob - the four reindeer that had pulled Rocky's sleigh on their very first mutual assignment on the very first night they had met. "Ohhhhh, Lillyputty! Mutt! Wreck! And Bob! Mmmmmua!" Lotta said, giving the latter beast of burden a smooch on its fur before jumping up onto the bench seat.
Rocky couldn't stop grinning at her new wife's perpetually bubbly Elfin mood and personality. Slapping the reins, she made Wreck and his team pull away from the curb, and they were soon heading down the snowy Chestnut Street while the bells tied to the sleigh's frame jingled merrily.
Lotta spun around on the bench seat to wave at their friends and family for as long as she could see them. Once the sleigh turned a corner and drove off Chestnut Street, she sat down proper and snuggled up next to her new wife. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh," she said, rubbing herself against Rocky's strong side. "Does it get any better than this?"
"I'll try my Elfin hardest to make sure it will," Rocky said and wrapped an Elfin arm around Lotta's shoulder while the sleigh slid through the quiet streets of Elf Springs. "Actually… I'll try my Elfin hardest to make sure you'll never say that time spent in my company was wasted."
"Oh! Rocky, that will never happen… never, never, never, ever, evarrrrr happen!"
"I just wanted you to know 's all," Rocky said and dipped her head down to place a smooch on Lotta's flaming red locks. "Love you, sweet Lotta."
"Love you too, my dearest, dearest wife…" Lotta whispered, clawing Rocky's Elfin tummy through the schmutting uniform.
A contented silence spread among the two Yuletide Elves as they drove through the snow-covered streets of Elf Springs. When they reached one of the roads designated to be used as runways, they gave each other a big, ol' kiss before Rocky slapped the reins to let Wreck, Mutt, Lillyputty and Bob know they could begin the take-off procedure.
Soon, the elegant, colorful sleigh took to the skies once more, heading for the great beyond with the twinkling stars and the Great Elf's green veil guiding it on its way - and as the sleigh grew smaller against the night-time sky, a pair of Elfin voices could be heard singing An Elfin Good Time at the top of their Elfin lungs…
*
*
THE END of THE BLUSHING BRIDES
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*
*
THE END of THE BLUSHING BRIDES AND OTHER ELFIN GOOD ADVENTURES