R.G. Heller

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Xena or Gabrielle or Argo. Universal does. No infringement is intended. Actually, I have them in my basement, don’t tell anyone.

Sex, Violence, and Bad Language: No, No, and No. C’mon don’t switch to another story. Give it a chance. It’s not long. You can read it. You want to read it. Yes, Yes, read it.

Thanks: To anyone who reads the story. It’s much appreciated.

This is a short one. No spoilers. Hope you enjoy it, and please feel free to mail me. I’m a nice bard. I’ve been declawed and my owners even had my teeth filed down. You can reach me at Also, you can check out some original work of mine at



The morning began as any other. Good line huh? I like that one. No, I think I’ll set you up with a big bright sunrise. The morning began as any other, with a big bright sunrise. Have I captured your attention with my big bright sunrise? Do you want to know more about this morning that was just like any other morning? You know, I have been told a good beginning can make or break a story. So, I don’t want to leave out any details. Ok. Well, soon after the big bright sunrise, I awoke to a warrior’s stare…oh suspense… and this is what I said…



"Xena? Why are looking at me like that."

"Nothin. You’re just so darn cute in the morning that’s all."

"Hmph. Sure. Hey, were you up last night?"

"Yeah, I got up once."

"Mmm. Why what’s up?"

"Nothin’s up. You know I just woke up."


"I was watching you sleep."

"What? Why?"

"I don’t know. You amaze me at how peacefully you can do it sometimes. You don’t hardly move an inch or make a noise all night. I’ve wondered if you were dead before you know."

"Well Xena there’s a simple explanation for that. You wear me out. I’m hungry."

"What’s on the menu?"

"Whatever you put there."

"How about fish?"

"Go for it."

"You want me to cook too?"

"Xena? Why would I ever want that?"

"I’ve been watchin you cook for a while now. I could do it."

"Xena you don’t watch me, you try to instruct me, and I never listen anyway. I’ll cook."

"Fine. I’ll go get the fish."

I could feel tension in the air as we ate our excellently prepared breakfast, and it grew thicker as we tore down camp. Preparing to go, somewhere.

"You ready?"


"You got everything?"


"You sure?"

"Xena, I was sure when you asked me, ‘are you ready?’ and I said, ‘yeah.’ "

"That’s what you told me last time, but if you like unseasoned fish and rabbit that much, then I guess I shouldn’t worry."

"That was not my fault!"


"Xena. No, I’m not gonna get into it. I’m ready, the seasoning’s ready, everything’s ready. We’re ready."

"You sure?"


"Gods, sorry. Calm down. You wanna ride?"


"C’mon we’re making such good time."


"Hmm. Fine."

"We’re making such good time." She’s said that everyday for what seems like a season now. Where are we going? How am I supposed to write if we don’t go anywhere, or fight some bad guys, or do something? I’ve started talking to myself. She’s driven me to talk to myself, and now I’m writing to myself. Note-Keep the dialogue maybe you can use it for something in the future.


"Tell a story Gabrielle." I’m not completely positive how it came out, but I know that one of the characters was a big mean warrior who rode a big stupid horse, and another, a bored sidekick who I may have mentioned usually carried around more crap than the big stupid horse, but I’m not certain. I’m certain. I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot. I’ve pretty much told everyone that’s passed through the tavern, so I thought, why not make it official and write it down. So, here it is, I am an idiot. I am an idiot, and I have been left. I don’t know where I am and I don’t really care enough to ask. What’s one little village from the next anyway? Two days ago I woke up in a little bed, in a little room, alone. My story got worse. After being told "that’s enough," I stood up in protest, slurring, "I’m not finished." Before passing out, or toppling over and knocking myself unconscious, (I’m not exactly sure what happened) I managed to blab out something about how the big mean warrior used to travel the countryside helping people in order to atone for her evil past, which I made sure to add she hardly ever discussed with her friend, but lately had been wandering around in circles leading her sidekick to drunkenness. Note- is this believable that I remember what I was saying when I was drunk. No. I do though. If you ever use this just put you were reported to have said, or the barmaid told me I said-


"Hey Xena."


"It’s early."

"Yeah. Why don’t you go back to sleep."

"Hmm. What’d you got there?"

"Nothin. An old scroll of yours I snagged from Meg’s."

"Really? What’s on it?"

"Just some dialogue and an old journal entry."

"Can I see it?"

"You weren’t supposed to catch me reading it."



"Wow. That was a long time ago huh?"

"You know you tripped over the bar stool and landed smack dab in the middle of my breastplates and passed out. It was real smooth."

"Hmm. I did?"

" Yeah. I love your little notes in there too."

"Xena I don’t know what to…I’m certain I threw this out."

"You did."

"You kept it with you? Why this?"

"Listen, just give it back to me."

"No, it’s sweet. I…"



"Stop grinning."

"What? I’m flattered. I…"

"Oh go cook breakfast or something. Stop it."

"You wanna try it? You’ve been watching me for a while now. I think you could do it."


"Ok, I’ll stop. Where are we headed today?"

"I don’t know, but we're making good time."


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