Reluctant Love
aka Bobbie's Bedtime Story

by S. Derkins

© 2001

Once upon a time…just kidding hehehehe

Bev glared at her friend as she slammed her coffee cup onto the table.

"NO! Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind Josey? There's no way I'm going to let you set me up on some blind date, forget it!"

"But Bev, T J is a nice woman. You'd like her, I promise!"

"I told you, I'm not dating anymore. There's no way I'm going to ask some woman to take a chance on me, it wouldn't be fair." Bev looked away momentarily, not wanting her friend to see the tears that threatened to escape. Why did her friend push? Josey knew that no cure for her condition existed. Yes, her doctors had hopes for the future; medical science had made many new leaps in treating her condition, but no cure as yet.

"Bev, listen to me. You can't hide in your mother's house and pretend you aren't alive. You need to go out, see people, make friends," Josey saw her friend stiffen up and decided a new approach. She spoke softly and gave Bev her best puppy-dog look. "Bev, I worry about you. You're my best friend and seeing you shutting yourself away is killing me. You have so much to give to people and to a girlfriend. Don't refuse companionship because of fear of what may happen down the road. Live for today, please!"

The tears fell from Bev's eyes as her emotions overtook her. Josey walked around the table and placed her arm protectively around her friend. She murmured soft words, letting the pain escape as the slighter woman sobbed.

"Josey, I can't. Don't you understand? I don't want to be a burden to some poor woman. I can't ask anyone to take that on, it wouldn't be fair," she sobbed, wanting Josey to understand and drop it.

"You mean you're too proud to let anyone else see you weak and needing help, so you put on your noble act and say you don't need anyone. That's bullshit Bev. Any woman worth loving won't give a shit if you may get worse. She'd stick around for you, just like you'd stay with her if something happened. Wouldn't you?" Josey asked with a pointed stare.

"Yes," she answered meekly. "If I loved someone, I wouldn't leave them if anything happened to her."

"Then why do you assume no one else could feel the same way about you?" Josey lifted Bev's chin with her hand, wanted to see her eyes. "Look, I'm not asking you to commit to this woman, just go out for dinner or something. If you two get along, fine, you can tell her about your MS and let her decide, but don't slam the door in her face or anyone else's for that matter. Give people a chance to know you for the person you are, okay?" Bev nodded in defeat.


* * * *

Bev ruffled through her closet in frustration. She wanted something nice to wear on the blind date, but it had been years since she went out. Her clothing was outdated and nothing looked right. She ran her fingers through her short hair and considered her options. Wear her nicest of older clothing or face a tiring session of shopping. Sighing, she picked up her purse and headed out the door.

She walked to the bus stop and sat down. She had given up driving after several near accidents. Beverly had realized her reflexes were far too slow to drive safely anymore and sold her car. It had been one more piece of her independence to disappear. First had been her full time job when her strength would come and go. When her income trickled down to working part-time as a bookkeeper, she moved in with her mother, losing her privacy. With the loss of her job, her insurance had been dropped. Bev had to go to SSI to continue her medical treatment with the neurologist.

It seemed if it weren't for one thing, it was another. Bev shook away the depressed feelings and peered up the street, hoping to see the bus. It was rather warm for springtime and she prayed it wouldn't get too hot. The heat tended to leave her weak. She didn't dare cancel the date on the excuse she didn't feel well, Josey would accuse her of doing anything to get out of it. Sometimes friends were such a pain in the ass.

Finally, the bus for downtown picked her up. Stepping up into the bus, she wrinkled her nose at the smell. Someone must have traveled on it carrying a load of garlic loaded food. Luckily the ride was short and the day not overly warm. The scent left her a little sick to her stomach. Bev left the bus gratefully and took a deep breath of fresh air as she paused and looked along the street, deciding where to shop first.

Spotting one of her favorite stores, she happily headed for it. The sidewalks were busy and she had to dodge around several slower moving pedestrians. A man walking his little dog blocked her path so Bev veered quickly to the right and suddenly slammed into a human wall leaving a doorway. She hit the ground with a thud.

"Oh my God, are you all right?" a feminine voice asked. Bev looked up and almost forgot her pain. The pain was all that convinced her that she hadn't died and gone to heaven. The woman bending forward worriedly was gorgeous and as fem as someone who was over six feet tall and athletic could be. Soft auburn hair framed a sweet face with green eyes. White teeth bit on a full lower lip. Bev felt strong hands help her to her feet but she still felt a little apart from her body as their eyes locked.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" the woman asked.

"Huh?" Bev suddenly realized she sounded stupid and forced herself to concentrate. "No, um, I'm fine. Just a little stunned." Boy, was that an understatement Bev!

"Let me help, you have dirt all over you. I'm so sorry, I didn't see you coming," the tall woman commented as she lightly brushed away streaks of dust from Bev's jeans. It only gave Bev another bout of difficult breathing when she caught the enticing view of cleavage when she bent over. Without feeling any guilt, Bev gave the woman a quick once over while she was occupied with brushing her off.

The woman wore a soft gray business woman's suit, complete with an almost too short skirt. Long tanned legs gave Bev a few naughty ideas that she hadn't thought of in several years. Down Bev, down! She told her libido.

"I'm okay, really. I'm fine." Bev knew she had to get some space between them before she did something embarrassing-like pinning the woman against a wall and kissing the daylights out of her.

"Are you sure? That was quite a jolt you took. My brothers always teased I should have become a football player," she babbled nervously. "My name is Tori by the way. Why don't you let me buy you some lunch or something as an apology? I feel terrible about knocking you down."

Bev wanted to protest but heard her own voice accepting. She also felt a huge smile that had to be as goofy as she felt stretching her face.

"Sure, I'm Bev," her mouth said. The woman smiled back and hooked her arm companionably with her own.

"I know this nice little place just around the corner. Do you like Italian food?"

"Doesn't everyone?" the shorter woman asked.

"Great! I was just heading that way when we bumped into one another. You'll love it, I promise." They walked the short distance to the restaurant. Inside the building was cool and dim, a nice relief from the bright outdoors. The host at the door quietly seated them in a booth and promised to send over a waitress.

They made small talk until the food arrived, exchanging little bits of information about one another. It was pleasant and friendly up to that point. Bev watched as her new acquaintance eat with gusto, and before she realized it, her humor and flirtatious side popped out.

"Do you do everything with as much enthusiasm as you do eating?"

Tori looked up from her meal, her look suddenly serious, and her thoughts a complete mask to Bev. She wondered if she had ruined everything. The woman was probably straight and now was going to end the meal as quickly as she could and leave, glad to escape from the lesbian who hit on her.

Bev tried not to squirm, ill at ease as Tori examined her silently. Then as Bev watched, the look turned suggestive as Tori's features softened.

"But of course. I like to savor everything I do," she said, her voice dropping several octaves. A little wink from the tall woman sent pleasurable tingles shooting along Bev's spine. The cool room suddenly turned awfully warm. Breathe girl, breathe!

The mood for the meal changed, now playful and flirty. Bev felt her heart pounding hard and fast. Would Tori want to ask her out? Should she be the one to ask? She was nervous and excited all at once, unsure what she should do. Bev decided to let Tori lead. After all, she didn't even know if the gorgeous woman was taken or not. She almost missed what Tori said.

"..Need to go to the powder room, do you need to as well?" Bev nodded as they stood up. Tori entered the ladies room first, looking around. No one else was in there. Bev was stunned when Tori turned around and pulled her up against her. The shorter woman looked up in surprise just as Tori leaned down and kissed her.

The kiss was sweet and soft, instantly melting Bev into her Doc Martins. Her eyes closed as she leaned closer. She lost all track of where and when she was. All she could feel was the addictive kiss and warmth of the woman embracing her. Bev stepped up the pace, wanting even more from the kiss. Breathing quickened as they became aroused. Hands wandered, bodies pressed even closer. It wasn't until voices just outside the door let them know they weren't going to be alone for long.

They quickly parted and tried to look innocent as two other women entered. They quickly left the ladies room and returned to their table. Tori tossed some money onto the tray bearing the bill and lead her from the building. Both women sighed with relief as they stepped down onto the sidewalk.

"Whew, that was close." Tori commented. "I love that restaurant. I'd have hated to be banned from there, although that kiss was well worth it, " she said with a grin. "Maybe we can continue at my place? It's not far from here."

Bev felt suddenly shy. She hadn't been with anyone for a long time and didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, I guess I was being presumptuous. I guess I need a lesson on 'how to ask women out'. It's been a long time for me. I haven't dated anyone since my ex dumped me three years ago. I'm out of practice."

Bev was dumbfounded. This sexy woman didn't have a little black book bulging with names of every dyke who'd love to go out with her? She wasn't sure what to say.

"Three years? Are the women in this town blind? God, Tori, I can't believe no one has snatched you up before now. Jeez!"

"Please say that means yes Bev. Come over to my place, no strings. If you don't want more than chatting, I'll accept it. I just want to spend more time with you. It's been a long time since anyone made me feel this alive. Please?" Bev looked up into melting green eyes and smiled.

Once at the apartment, Bev looked around. The place was airy and neat, and matched Tori's personality. The taller woman pointed towards the bathroom in case she needed it and excused herself while she slipped into sweats. Bev made herself comfortable on a large cushy sofa and leaned back.

Tori came out of her bedroom and offered Bev a drink. She could only nod as she watched Tori walk to the small kitchen. Tight gray sweats clung to Tori's bottom like a lover. She had put on an oversized green T-shirt that brought out the color of her eyes. Bev realized that the suit Tori had been wearing hadn't had padded shoulders. Tori didn't need them. Her shoulders were wide without being bulky. Bev felt even more fragile and weak in her presence. The MS had prevented her from working out like she once did.

Remembering her condition, she felt regret. She couldn't let this go any further, it wouldn't be right. She'd chat with Tori for a little while then leave.

"Why do you look so sad Bev?"

"What? Oh, it's nothing really'" she lied.

"C'mon, I know something is bothering you. Be honest with me. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing you did. Just realizing I shouldn't have come is all. It's nothing you did."

"Why shouldn't you have come here Bev? Do you have a partner or a steady girlfriend already?"

"No, I have no one," Bev answered sadly.

"Then why shouldn't you be here if we like one another? Is there something wrong with talking?"

"It's not that." Bev placed her drink onto a coaster. "I have to go, I'm sorry Tori." She stood up.

"No, wait! Please, if you walk out without explaining it to me…Bev, we've only met a few hours ago, but I don't want to see you walk out of my life so quickly. I already had one woman leave for no reason, don't make me a feel like a failure again," Tori pleaded.

"It's not you, it's me. I have no right to get involved with anybody." She didn't want to tell Tori why. How do you tell someone about how you fear someone regretting being saddled with a cripple? That she could have an episode without warning and suddenly find herself worse off? She couldn't ask that of anyone, she thought miserably. She felt so badly that she led the taller woman on like this.

"That doesn't tell me anything Bev. Talk to me, please?" Tori brushed aside the tendril of hair that had fallen over Bev's eye. Feeling defeated, she looked up at the auburn-hair woman.

"Do you know anything about MS?"

"A little bit, a college friend of mine had it, but we never really discussed it."

"Well, I have it. That's why I shouldn't be here."

"What, is it contagious?" Tori mocked. "Look, I don't care about it-other than the fact that you're using it as an excuse to preventing us from getting to know one another."

Bev got angry. "An excuse?" she repeated coldly, "Do you know how it affects me? I have constant pains that shoot through me, where I'm not numb that is. Then there's the fact that I have to take so many medications that I rattled when I walk. Then there's the occasional dizziness and lack of balance. The doctors can't promise me a cure. All they can do is hope to prevent it from getting worse-maybe. So, what woman in her right mind would want to be with me?" she hissed.

"Me," Tori said simply. She stepped closer and took Bev into her arms and hugged her. "I want to be with you. I don't care about any of that Bev. All I know is how I feel with you. I feel alive and grateful for each second I'm with you. I haven't ever felt this giddy about anyone. Don't cheat us because of maybes, please? Give us a chance, that's all I ask."

Bev felt tears burn her eyes as her hands rose to cling to Tori's strong body. She just didn't play fair. She was supposed to let her leave, grateful she escaped getting involved, not beg her to stay.

Bev could feel warm fingers caress her nape soothingly before lifting her chin. Bev kept her eyes closed, only to feel soft butterfly kisses against her lips, brushing away the tears. The kisses continued, tracing her features. A kiss to the tip of her nose, along her cheeks, then finally on her mouth.

She got lost in the gentle kisses and caresses, never noticing when they had gotten into bed, her clothing disappeared piece by piece. Tori seemed to be touching her everywhere at once. Helpless in the waves of sensation, she could only cling helplessly to the woman who was making love to her until she shattered apart. Comforting arms then held her closely as she drifted into the darkness.


* * * *

Bev woke up slowly, realizing it was after sunset. The room was almost dark except for the dim light coming from the hallway. Tori was sound asleep beneath her, breathing deep and steady. Tori's arms kept her warm and close even in sleep. She shifted a little to ease the numbness of a cramped arm and Tori shifted with her, keeping her close. The sleeping woman dropped a soft kiss on her forehead. Bev felt the walls around her heart crumble into little pieces. She had done it now, she felt herself fall hard and fast. It wasn't fair, but by God, she was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

A smile curved her lips as she gazed at the tempting pink nipple just inches away. She wondered how heavy a sleeper Tori was. What the hell, if she woke, she woke. She shifted slowly, moving closer to her target. She gazed at the nipple just below her eyes and felt her mouth water. A quick swallow to stop herself from drooling then she leaned closer. She let her tongue lightly graze around the tip, feeling how soft it was under it. Bev felt it stiffen under her touch and she moaned softly as she took it into her mouth. She suckled it gently but felt her control weakening as Tori arched in her sleep. The taller woman's breathing changed, becoming faster.

The reaction drove Bev crazy. She suckled harder, aroused and burning for more. She quickly moved her mouth to the other breast and suckled frantically on it. Tori suddenly woke up and grasped tightly at her back. Bev didn't let go. She drew harder on the nipple then letting it escape but letting her teeth scrape along it. Tori gasped and arched beneath her. Now Bev was wild. She shifted so she saddled one of Tori's thighs, pressing her dampness against the strong leg. Tori moaned out in her pleasure, writhing under her.

Bev took advantage of her lover's willingness to let her lead and grasped both breasts. She pressed them together and sucked on both nipples at once. Tori gasped and moaned, urging her on. God, she was so responsive. Bev couldn't wait and take it slowly. She released her nipples and began kissing and nibbling her way down. Tori arched and moaned at every touch, just as hot. Bev used her hands to urge Tori to spread her thighs as she scooted further down. She was lost in her lover, barely hearing the pleas and moans. Bev felt fingers grasp at her hair, urging her lips closer to the goal they both wanted.

Bev could smell Tori's arousal and felt her mouth watering. A quick, teasing probe with her tongue made the writhing woman go wild. Bev couldn't resist anymore. She took an eager taste and began touching her everywhere, loving how Tori reacted. The woman under her couldn't stay still, she squirmed and jumped, and all too quickly, Tori screamed out her pleasure. Bev wanted more and kept at her actions. Hands suddenly grasped at her, pulling her upwards along Tori's body.

"Oh God, stop before you kill me!" Tori said without anger as she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. "God, what a way to wake up!" She panted out, her voice pleased. Bev chuckled and snuggled into her lover's shoulder, almost purring. Tori caressed her back softly as her breathing began to slow down. They remained silent as they both recovered.

"I feel like a limp noodle," Tori joked. "You should have warned me that you're a tigress in bed, I would have taken some vitamins," she said, making Bev bounce up and down when she giggled. They settled down, pulling the covers over them. Neither was sleepy but they settled happily into a snuggle until Tori's gurgling stomach made them laugh.

"Are you hungry? We can get up and fix something. What time is it anyway?"

Tori looked over at her alarm clock. "Seven thirty one. No wonder I'm hungry. I usually have dinner about six."

"Oh God!" Bev blurted out.


"I forgot, my friend set me up with a blind date tonight. I was supposed to meet her at seven for dinner! I'm so dead!"

"Blind date? Oh God, don't tell me, your friend's name is Josey?"

Bev sat up quickly and stared at her before bursting out laughing. "Wait, don't tell me, you're TJ?" Tori grinned.

"Yup, Tori Jean, but most of my friends call me TJ. Nice to meet you Beverly," she giggled as she thrust out her hand for a handshake, "how do you do?" Bev took it and laughed.

"Oh God, do we dare tell Josey how we met? Or do we make up some nice tale for her?"

"How about we just tell her it ended happily every after?"

De End

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