Summary: A dirty little homage to the brilliant TV Show “Pushing Daisies”. On her way to purchase Lady Emma a birthday gift, the Judge enters a shop and things go terribly wrong.
Disclaimers: There's…well…sort of sex between two women.
It was a glorious and sunny late morning at the Lodge, a perfect August day-- the 23 rd , to be precise. Princess Josephine Emma Catherine von Holtzberg, better known as Lady Emma, who'd come ready-made from the Play-Dough factory of royalty, hobbled dazed from slumber to the antique coffee table in her boudoir. At that very moment, the beautiful and desirable Lady was exactly X years (for a proper Lady never reveals her age), zero weeks, zero days, zero hours and 3 minutes old.
Five minutes and 24 seconds later, a dripping wet Lawmaker came out of the shower, leaving puddles of rose-scented bath water in her wake.
"Can't you dry yourself before exiting the bathroom, ruffian? Honestly, I can slip and break my neck," scolded the Lady but in a lukewarm tone, and poured herself a dose of steamy cup of caffeine, preparing herself for a splendid day of leisure.
"How bright you are to unearth my elaborate scheme to bring about your untimely demise by diabolical scattered bath water," replied the disagreeable Lawmaker and joined Emma for some morning coffee and a sweet handmade strawberry pie.
"What?! No morning kiss?" inquired the blonde in surprise as she saw the burly and immoderately unclothed Lawmaker bury her nose in the Lodge's every-other- daily newspaper, "The Lodge's Lodger's Ledger".
From above the rim of "The Lodge's Lodger's Ledger" came the Lawmaker's laconic reply, which Emma found most unsatisfactory, "I might give it to you later."
"I might refuse you later," the Lady displayed her worldly renowned defiance and effrontery.
"Then I might resort to violence, and take it by force later,"
"I'd like to see you try later"
"If you succeed in stopping me, I'll be your love slave forever," challenged the Lawmaker with a touch of disdain, and turned a page without meeting the Lady's annoyed gaze.
"Yes, but what do I win?!"
Now that remark caused the Lawmaker to momentarily forego perusing "The Lodge's Lodger's Ledger" and notice the derision in Emma's toothy smile.
And then it became quiet again.
"Listen to this," the Lawmaker called out to her lover after 5 minutes and 27 seconds had passed, "Corinth lady stabs Lord 42 times," she read out loud.
"I admire her restraint," murmured the Lady and sipped from her cup.
The Lawmaker laughed more out of amusement than resignation of her fate, and poked her fork into the appetizing pie before her.
Discerning that the subject of her birthday hadn't been mentioned yet, the Lady decided to mention the unmentionable with a deep sigh.
"What's the matter, Emma?" asked the Lawmaker, trying to sound as less concerned as she possibly could.
"I feel neglected and unhappy today," answered the Lady.
Neatly folding the paper and resting it on the table, the Lawmaker's green eyes searched and found cobalt ones, which never failed to disrupt her clockwork heart rate.
"I've always thought that becoming your lover was the smartest thing I've ever done," she attempted romance.
"I totally agree with you. It was the smartest thing you've ever done, but we're talking about me now," retorted the Lady whose patience was wearing thin.
"I was ruminating…" began the Lawmaker.
"Don't do that,"
"By ruminating I meant 'pondering', not 'chewing partly digested cud'…"
"Don't do that either,"
But the Lawmaker continued, "Being that this is your birthday, my little harpy, I'll take you to town for some shopping after breakfast, my treat," she promised.
"You mean I'll be seen with you in a public thoroughfare? !"
However, what troubled the lady most was the fact that the Lawmaker had refused her an affectionate touch. For the Lady knew only too well that there were, not many, but a couple of things that the Lawmaker could never resist -- namely her pair of meaty, succulent, pouting lips…both sets.
The facts were these: That morning, exactly one hour, 12 minutes and 55 second after dawn, the Lawmaker left the Kindred Spirit Lodge and rode into town for the purpose of purchasing a shiny, frightfully expensive birthday gift for her sensual beloved. However, during times of unbridled horniness, which was always in her case, the Lawmaker's mind had been prone to deflection from her intended goals. That is why she'd never employed women as clerks and bailiffs to serve under her, no pun intended. So when she saw a pretty young female thing strolling down main-street, the Lawmaker lost her train of thought and followed said tail into a somewhat tenebrous shop. But at 'Boutique Robes Robes Boutique', the Lawmaker got more than she bargained for.
On an eerie-looking manikin by the shabby door hung the most beautiful robe the Lawmaker had ever seen. It was rich in texture, black as tar and strips of black velvet and fine silk were sown into the quality fabric, tastefully and conservatively adorning the wide sleeves and collar - in short, a unique sartorial specimen worthy of her ownership.
The Lawmaker pointed at the coveted garment. "That one," she boorishly growled at the storekeeper of 'Boutique Robes Robes Boutique', who had suffered from backdoor trots for the better part of the previous night.
The sweaty, sickish storekeeper took the robe off the manikin and handed it to the Lawmaker for try. She took it from him and unceremoniously veiled her freakishly lengthy frame with it. Examining her robed reflection in the mirror, the Lawmaker decided she was highly contented with what she was seeing.
She paid him what he asked, but when money exchanged hands, her fingers inadvertently brushed his palm, and a weird expression appeared on his face, which made the Lawmaker feel a good measure of uncommon discomfort.
By the time she reached the Lodge, the irksome reality of her current situation had dawned on her.
Emma rose to her petite feet and placed her well-groomed elegant hand over the Lawmaker's in the hopes of being swept into a fiery consuming kiss, but instead she experienced something she hadn't expected -- a sexual climax. Flushed and heavily breathing with her blood rushing in her veins, Emma dropped back feeble into her chair bewildered, upset and infuriatingly sated.
As soon as she was able, Emma got up again and stomped into the bathroom, neglecting to deposit a well-deserved slap, at least in her opinion, across the Lawmaker's arrogant face. Once in the bathroom, the Lady slammed the door behind her in protest.
The Lawmaker darted off her seat to siege the entrance. "This is pushing your luck, EMMA!" she snarled, for she was not at all used to doors being slammed in her face.
"Yeah, well, luck pushed me first," came Emma's response from the other side.
The Lawmaker pummeled the door that stood in her way with clenched fists, nearly ripping it off its hinges. "When are you going to talk to me about this?" she yelled in between mighty blows.
"When I can do it with a Ouija board," the fuming Lady answered. True, she was used to relinquish some power during her carnal dealings with the Lawmaker, but this abominable conduct was obviously beyond the pale.
The door was about to give in when Emma finally opened it. Out of habit, the Lawmaker reached and grabbed her Lady by the shoulders intending to give her a piece of her mind. But her actions resulted in another occurrence of the orgasmic nature. As the heartless fates would have it, exactly one minute later, while the Lawmaker looked at Emma with ferocious lust mixed with rare malaise, the sound of a maid achieving sexual release reached the Lawmaker and the Lady's ears from the nearby corridor.
"Let's hear it!" the Lady demanded an explanation as she put her hands against the Lawmaker's bare chest in order to shoved her away. That action only produced a third sexual peak deep within her core, and exactly 60 seconds later of-course two more innocent bystanders crested as collateral damage, as it were.
Time for the truth to come out. Embarrassed by her wandering mind during gift hunting, the Lawmaker's eye almost twitched in anticipation of the lie she was about to tell, but instead what she told was the cursory version of the truth.
"…And you should have seen the storekeeper' s face when I touched him…I haven't seen that look on a man's face in ages," she concluded.
"You fucked a man before!?" the Lady looked incredulously at her mate, and for the first time not minding the quivers and wetness between her thighs.
"Look at you, all judgy judge…Well I can't un-fuck him now! Besides it's not like I fancied him. He was a rapist, so I devised a punishment to fit his crime. Unfortunately, I was understaffed at the time and had to do it myself".
"Lucky for you he wasn't convicted of flashing and pleasuring himself in public, but back to the pressing matter at hand, or rather in yours, can't you stop it?"
"It's out of my hands, so to speak,"
But the Lady refused to see the humor in it. "And the others that…orgasmed soon after I did?"
"It's sort of a random proximity thing, from what I've gathered so far. First touch - only the touched cums, second touch - another close by after a minute, third time - two more…like a sequence…"
"When were you planning on telling me all this?" the Lady asked as she exited the bathroom and was standing in her bedchamber again.
"This afternoon or whenever it came up--whichever didn't come first. I've first learnt about this disturbing plight's rules on my way back to the Lodge. I rode my mare, and when I touched her…"
"I don't want to know, you perv" the lady covered her ears. "So what's causing this orgasms plague?"
"Hey! Orgasms are not a plague. A plague is a bad thing. Orgasms are…"
"It must be the robe," Emma suddenly suggested, as if stung by a bee.
"I agree…A magical robe," the Lawmaker concurred.
"Just what you need…A hex that turns you into the orgasminator -- Whoever did this didn't require wasting much magic juice…"
The lawmaker wished to offer some comfort to the distressed Lady, but as she approached her, Emma immediately took a step back. "If you don't keep your distance from me, I'll get a restraining order."
"You need a judge for that, I think you'll find, and I'm the only Judge here,"
"Then I'll tie your hands behind your back."
When the Lawmaker was preoccupied with laughing her heart out at the preposterous notion, the ex-assassin that is called Emma launched a determined knee straight to the Lawmaker's crotch. The Lawmaker fell to her knees crumpled in pain like a cut-down timber, and though brimming with wrath she strongly believed that Emma should not meet her death on her special day.
The Lady took advantage of the Lawmaker's compromised state and briskly tied up her hands behind her back, cumming hard a fourth time on account of an unintended touch that was an inevitable part of the procedure. For a split second Emma relished the sensation of cumming whilst standing behind the nude proud Lawmaker when the latter was bent on her knees before her, even though she found it deliciously wrong. And when 60 seconds had passed she realized she forced sexual zenith on three others who did nothing but mind their own business in proximity.
"We're going to town," Emma informed the Lawmaker and pulled the tip of the rope she had used to tie up her lover, beckoning her to stand on her feet. Wearing snow-white mittens on her hands, Emma carefully packed the robe of mischief. "We'll take my carriage. You keep away from the horsies," she sounded bossier than ever.
The throbbing pain in her groin left the Lawmaker incapable of doing anything but walk funny to wherever Emma was leading her.
And so, the seemingly incongruous couple made their way to town.
When they finally arrived at 'Boutique Robes Robes Boutique' the hot-tempered Lady grabbed the shopkeeper, whose day just kept getting worse and worse, by his lapel. "Did you sell this robe this morning to that staggering Oaf, and by staggering I don't mean 'so surprisingly impressive as to stun or overwhelm' but 'moving and standing unsteadily'? "
"Yes I did," he was fighting to breathe.
"How did you come by it in the first place?" the Lady was in full interrogation mode but loosened her grip on the shopkeeper.
"Well, last night a wrinkly old woman for a land too far away, who looked not unlike a witch, and whom I've never seen before mind you, came to me with this fine piece of craftsmanship looking to trade. When I acquired it from her, she might have mentioned something about it being a magical robe whose pleasuring powers only fire can undo, however, you must understand, due to the late hour of the night and my…troubling runs, I thought she was speaking metaphorically. I paid no mind to it and put it out for sale,"
"Fire…I see," said the Lady, then thanked the shopkeeper and dragged her brute back to the street and then into a close by alley. With a warning expression on her amazing face, Lady Emma took out a dagger that was stashed in her garter. Avoiding physical contact with the body she usually lusted after, she cut away the binding from the Lawmaker's hands.
Free again, the Lawmaker put her hands in her pockets and kept them there to avoid committing future crimes of passion against Emma, at no small cost to her earthly desires.
The Lord-Lady dyad went shopping for birthday gift. True to her word, the Lawmaker bought a pair of high heel shoes, which caught Emma's fancy. However, the exquisite piece of jewelry she purchased, the Lawmaker handpicked herself. And when the sun was about to swap places with the moon, they dined in the best restaurant the town had to offer.
After they had returned back to the Lodge, outside in the yard, the Lawmaker assembled a bonfire. As the flames gave their warm glow, the Lawmaker turned to Emma, "Let's rethink the annihilating of the robe for a moment…I mean to give away such power…" she argued and absentmindedly touched the shorter woman. A minute after the lady endured a fifth sexual rapture; a quartet of women occupying the Lodge endured one in concert as well.
"Darling," said the Lady and looked intently into the Lawmaker's eyes, "I want you to labor arduously in every aspect of our relationship. Merely making me come with the smallest of touches won't do,"
Emma's words spoke volumes to the Lawmaker and she threw the robe into the fire without giving it a second thought. "Happy birthday, precious Emma," she offered with a soft loving smile.
At that very moment, which the Lawmaker would later describe as "Delight", Emma saw the Lawmaker, perhaps not as she really was, but as she would always appear to her: her Dark Prince .
As the Lawmaker was about the touch her ravishing Lady Emma for the first time since the destruction of the robe, Emma uncontrollably braced herself for another climax. But when the lawmaker embraced the Lady and lifted her up in her arms with no orgasmic consequences, Emma felt nothing save what she always felt when the Lawmaker encompassed her.
"So when others would ask me what birthday present did you give me, which one do I tell? The burning of the robe or the shoes and the bracelet you've bought me?" asked the Lady.
"The one that requires less explanation, " replied the Lawmaker with a joyful frown and carried the Lady into the Lodge and upstairs.
Exactly 3 minutes later, the Lawmaker would transform into a Love-maker and would take her only Ladylove to heights of desire, of ecstasy and beyond, the old fashion way, the hard way, the dark way.
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