DISCLAIMERS: No copyright infringement is intended by the use of titles, artist's names and/or lyrics of the songs contained herein. These have merely been used for entertainment value and possible storyline continuity. All the characters are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental.

WARNINGS:

Violence: This story contains scenes and/or references to physical, emotional and sexual violence.

Sex: It centers on an explicit sexual relationship between two women. It is intended for MATURE AUDIENCES. So if you're under age 18, this is illegal where you are or this just isn't your cup of tea, then you have been forewarned, please exit stage left. If you are mature enough and I've captured your attention, then moving right along here...

(Written 1993. Revised 2001)

        I was left standing at the door to her bedroom with my bullets in my hand, my pack at my feet, my cap on the floor behind me, my mind racing with thoughts I'd never dreamed of having about another woman and my body tingling with anticipation.

        "Damn!" I said, softly to the empty hallway. I could not believe that I was standing in a prostitute's house and thinking of what would transpire between us when she returned.

        I swallowed hard, reached down and picked up my pack and my cap, then proceeded into her room.

        A lamp on one of the nightstands, which was located by the bed in front of me, was on. Did she leave this on for herself or for me? I wondered. I shut the door behind me and looked around. Everything was very neat and smelled clean. There were no clothes lying around and nothing seemed out of place. Over on the left wall was a fireplace. There was a neat stack of wood in a brass carrying tray, but it was not cool enough for a fire, yet.

        The carpet at my feet was a dark gray, mingled with silver. The shiny black lacquer furniture: dresser, mirror, chest of drawers and nightstands all seemed to be matching pieces of a suit. The bed, however, was a dull black color, like wrought iron and had an open canopy top, over which mirrored tiles were mounted on the ceiling. It, along with the nightstands were recessed into the right wall. On either side were what appeared to be closets. His and hers, I assumed. On each bedpost, sheer lace curtains suspended from the sides of the canopy, were tied back, creating a window curtain effect. These were identical to the ones on a sliding glass door near the rear wall, which appeared to open onto a balcony outside. The shiny black bedspread, which matched the curtains on the windows on either side of the fireplace, as well as the sliding glass door, was turned back invitingly, revealing the white sheets and pillow cases.

        The thought leaped into my mind that she had shared this bed with Rick, and how many others? Somehow, what had seemed enchanting at first, was now tainted. I wondered if I could share this bed with her. Then I shook my head, still having a hard time believing that I was even thinking of doing so. And yet knowing in the back of my mind, that I most certainly would.

        I put my pack down at the foot of the bed, took off the cap and got out my toothbrush. I then proceeded towards the bathroom located on the rear of the front wall.

        It was decorated in pink and white. I assumed that this was the original color scheme, because the white tile floor and walls trimmed in pink, appeared to have seen years of use. Yet, it was not messy or dirty and had a very clean smell. I quickly located the reason for the latter; the scent belonged to a plug-in air freshener, over the vanity across the room.

        I walked over to the bathtub on the rear wall and peeked around the pink shower curtain, checking things out before I climbed in. The tub was fairly clean except for a few hairs here and there. There was a bottle of shampoo in a caddy suspended from the arm of the showerhead. A bar of pink soap was in a holder on the wall.

        The toilet beside the tub, held a blow-dryer and an assortment of facial cleansers upon its lid. Across from this was the sink, which held an antibacterial hand cleaner. Feeling nosy and suspicious for doing so, I reached up and opened the medicine cabinet above it. There was nothing inside particularly interesting, except a box of condoms. "Ribbed for her pleasure". I started to laugh, but didn't. Not finding the pharmacy I presumed I'd stumble upon, I then turned my attention to the vanity. Nothing very interesting in there, either, just two more boxes of condoms, several kinds of feminine hygiene products and an assortment of scented bath oil beads and skin softeners.

        I closed the door, satisfied for the time being, that she was neither a junkie nor a drug addict. But, then again, neither was she what I expected of a prostitute. I'd always assumed that they lived in rat hole apartment houses, were dirty and unclean and stayed high on something all the time, so they could go out and have their brains screwed out for money. She seemed to be none of these things, unless her stash of pills was somewhere else in the house. But, I doubted that, for she hadn't acted much different the first time I'd met her than she did when she waved at the stairs only a few moments before.

        Rick was right, I thought, she isn't ordinary. Owning her own club was not ordinary, either. "Strip joint", she had called it. And she was going there to "fill in" for a dancer who'd called in sick. Then it hit me. She was going to take her clothes off in front of a bunch of men.

        "Shit!" I said aloud, wondering how I had ever gotten into this in the first place.

        Of course, the memory of that afternoon replayed in my mind, answering that unvoiced question. I cursed again then began removing my own clothes.

        I showered, brushed my teeth and blow-dried my hair, then walked into her bedroom buck-naked. I pulled back the covers on the bed and slowly crawled in. I was back up, rather quickly however, pulling out a T-shirt and a pair of panties, because I felt too naked.

        I reentered the bed feeling less exposed and snuggled underneath the cool sheets. In no time, I was in dreamland.

        It was all familiar. The curtains on the windows, the matching spread on the bed, the woman lying underneath the covers smiling and motioning for me to come to her. The chatter in my head was the same as before. "What am I doing considering this? Why am I attracted to her?" And then the much louder voice: "I want to go over there. I want to touch her. I want to feel her body next to mine."

        I was moving towards her, unbuttoning my shirt as I approached. Suddenly, she was behind me. I was confused. "Sweetie..." she was saying, as her arm went around me. I could feel her flesh against mine. It was cool on the back of my legs. But, I hadn't removed my pants yet. I looked down in a panic.

        "Sweetie," she said again in my ear. "Wake up, honey."

        The image faded away, as I jolted awake. For a moment, I wasn't sure where I was. Someone was behind me. That much I was sure of. I tensed up, thinking it was he.

        "I'm sorry," her soft voice said, as she kissed on my neck. "I didn't mean to startle you."

        This was not he and it was far from any dream; this was real. She was against my back, her body conforming to mine. And she was kissing on my neck, arousing me with each subtle movement of her lips, while her hand roamed underneath my T-shirt. I relaxed.

        "You're so soft," she whispered in my ear. "I can't believe how much I want you right now." She paused. "You are awake, aren't ya, honey?"

        "Um-hum," I answered, as I reached down and rubbed her thigh, which was pressed against the back of my own. I sighed with relief and something else that was new to me: desire.

        I rolled over onto my back, very slowly. She pulled her hair over to one side and moved closer, maneuvering one leg over and between mine. She was naked, which thoroughly aroused me. She pushed my T-shirt up over my breasts and then attacked each one in turn. I ran my fingers through her hair, enjoying every nuance of her ministrations.

        Her hand was on a journey downward, when she suddenly stopped. "Take off your clothes," she requested, kissing me lightly. "I don't want anything between us."

        I rose up and she helped me off with the T-shirt and then the underwear. She tossed them both off her side of the bed then she crawled over on me. Her long hair engulfed me, as she positioned herself between my legs then laid down.

        She lay very still for a good while, then finally swept her hair over to one side and started kissing on my neck. She worked her way up to my mouth then began devouring my lips.

        "My god, you have... a sweet mouth," she uttered, then began probing deep and hungrily with her tongue.

        I grabbed hold of her behind and pressed her against me. We both moaned at the same time.

        "Holy shit!" she said, coming up for air and holding her upper torso off me. She breathed deeply, swallowed hard, then gazed down at me.

        I took the opportunity to do a little exploring and manipulating of my own. "Oh yes, honey," she breathed, as I attacked her breast. "Oh yeah,... just like that. Umm... you learn fast."

        "I want to please you, like you pleased me," I told her. "Show me how. There must be another way."

        She stared down at me and nodded. "I'll show you anything you want to know," she said, lowering herself back down on top of me.

        "Ooh, baby," she uttered, as I kissed her neck. "Damn that was... so sweet. I... I thought I'd lost the ability to do that. Umph!" She shuddered, as if chilled. "Damn you're good."

        "I had a good teacher," I whispered in her ear, then filled it with my tongue, as she had done to me on numerous occasions.

        "Ummm... well, then damn I'm good," she said, with a snicker. She pressed our bodies together, then shuddered again. "I wanna do that again. I haven't felt this way since.... Hell,... I don't think I've ever felt this way."

        "You mean the neighbors don't hear you screamin' very often?" I teased.

        She chuckled, then wrapped her legs around my hips. "No, they don't. And I wasn't screamin'."

        I raised up and faced her. "Then what do you call it?"

        Her eyes darted from my eyes to my lips, then back again. "I'll show you screamin'," she said, arching her eyebrows up and down. "And it won't be me doing it, either." She rolled me over. And in what seemed one smooth movement, she was on top of me, stretched out between my legs. "Before I'm through with you, you're gonna be beggin' me to..." She whispered the rest in my ear, then filled it with her tongue, while simultaneously moaning.

        She knew exactly what she was doing. And true to her word, she had me begging and pleading in no time.

        "Mimi, no... don't.. please, I can't take any more." I was trying to back crawl away from her, but she would have none of that. "Oh god, oh shit.... o-o-oh sh-h-it!" I exclaimed, feeling like my head was going to detach from my body and fly off into space for the second time in only a few moments. "No... Mimi, please... ple-e-ease.." I shuddered uncontrollably, then the tears started.

        I began boo-hooing like a child and could do nothing about it.

        "Darby, honey... what's wrong? Did I hurt you, baby?" she asked, seeming concerned. "Oh, baby I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was truly hurtin' you, I thought you were just pretendin'. I'm so sorry." She buried her face in my shoulder. "Please forgive me, baby. I didn't mean to hurt..."

        "You... didn't," I finally managed to say. "I... I don't... know why... I'm... cryin'." I held onto her and boo-hooed some more, unable to stop.

        "Oh, baby," she uttered, raising up and looking down at me.

        I felt so very embarrassed, but there was nothing I could do about it.

        She leaned down and started kissing away the tears on my cheeks. "I didn't mean to make you cry, baby."

        I boo-hooed even harder, knowing I had been unable to convey that she had not caused this to happen, it just had. She hadn't hurt me in the least. Pleasured me half out of my mind, perhaps, but nothing she did was really painful. Nothing that would cause this.

        "Maybe, I should leave you alone for..."

        "No-o-o!" I exclaimed and held on tighter. "Don't... leave me.. now."

        "Okay, okay, baby. I'm not goin' anywhere."

        The tears subsided several minutes later and I was left with a drained, but overwhelmingly peaceful feeling.

        "You alright now?" she asked, staring down at me.

        "Um-hum." I smiled and leaned up and kissed her lightly.

        "What happened, baby?"

        "I... don't know. I... it just started."

        "Are you sad about somethin'?"

        "No,.. it wasn't like that. I mean, it wasn't like I was hurtin' inside or anything. I didn't feel sad. Well,.. yeah I did, in a way. I... felt kinda sad that... you couldn't know what I was feelin'."

        She looked puzzled.

        "It... it was like... like maybe I was cryin' cause... I knew we would be... like separate people again because... that special closeness was... it was over for now. Does that make any sense?"

        A smile began to form at the corners of her mouth. "It does now. If you had told me this yesterday, I might not've understood. But... yeah, I think I know what you mean. Sorta like when you look into someone's eyes so deeply, you feel like... they kinda absorb you and you kinda lose touch with reality for a while."

        I shrugged, for I was not familiar with this sort of thing. "I... I don't really know how to explain it. I only know that you made me very happy and I love y..." I paused, realizing what I was about to say.

        Her eyes darted back and forth searching mine. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "You make me happy, too, Darby."

        "Mimi... I.."

        "Ssh..." She put her fingers over my lips. "It's really Anna," she said, pronouncing the "A" as "Ah".

        "W-what?" I asked, around her fingers.

        "My name. It's not Mimi. That's one I used to use... and still do, sometimes. But, not very often, cause when I came back here, there was little use for it. Too many people knew who I was. It's really Anna", she explained, pronouncing her name as Ah-nuh. "Anna Rollins. I... just thought you should know."

        I didn't know what to say. I knew that she must feel pretty close to me to reveal her true name. I felt as though a lot more than I suspected had happened here. Things had changed between us. This had not been a favor for a friend, nor had it been a new experience for either of us. This time we had shared ourselves with one another only because we wanted to.

        "Thank you," I said, softly.

        "For what?" she asked, raising up.

        "For sharing that with me. Anna is much prettier than Mimi. It fits you better. Anna..." I added, touching her face. "can we stay like this forever?"

        She hovered over me, her long hair failing all around us and blocking out everything except her face. "You'd really want to, wouldn't you?"

        I nodded.

        She glanced away, then back again. "Let's just... take it one step at a time, hmm?"

        I was shocked, because I hadn't really expected an answer to that question. It had no real answer; it was a fantasy. But, she had given me one.

        I had a feeling, as I gazed up at our reflection in the mirrored ceiling tiles, my naked body conformed to the back of hers, my hand snuggled between her full breasts, and a large red passion mark glaring at me from the side of my neck, that my plans had now changed. Possibly my whole life had been changed.

        And after she reached up and turned off the light, I drifted off to sleep feeling happy, content and unafraid, for the first time in my life.

        He was behind me. I could feel him against me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He groped my breast with his large hand. I knew better than to fight him.

        "Fuck-in' whore," he slurred, as he grabbed me around my waist, pressing himself against me.

        "Ouch," I cried out, as he poked me with his finger.

        "Shut up! And roll over." I hesitated. "Do it goddammit!"

        I had no choice. I did as he asked. He pressed me to the mattress. I whimpered, as he violated me. I groaned as he forced himself further and began pounding in and out. The tears were coming silently, as they always did. I knew that if he heard me crying, he'd hurt me much worse.

        "Darby," said a soft, scratchy voice. "Darby, what's wrong, baby?"

        Where had that voice come from? I wondered. Was it my mother? Where was she? What was going on here?

        "Darby, honey... wake up." A hand was on my shoulder, shaking me. I jolted awake, tears in my eyes. "You alright, baby?"

        I laid there, my head off the pillow, trying to make sense of this. Then suddenly it hit me who the voice belonged to. I glanced over my shoulder.

        "Baby, what's wrong?" she asked. "Were ya dreamin'... huh?"

        I quickly rolled over, my back now against her. She kissed me on the shoulder and I burst into tears.

        "Oh sweetie, it's alright. It's all gonna be alright." She put her arm around me and pulled me close. "Roll over here, baby."

        I didn't hesitate. And was soon in her arms squalling again. "Ssh... sweetie," she said, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "It was just a dream. Just a bad dream." She caressed the side of my face. "You're safe with me, baby. I won't let nothin' hurt ya. I promise."

        I pressed my face against her breasts, wanting to crawl inside her, where I felt I just might be safe at that. Would I never be able to escape him? I wondered.

        When I awoke again the next morning, it was not to the sound of a rooster crowing, nor was it to that dawning feeling of dread that had drained the life right out of me each and every morning of my life. Instead, it was quite a different sound and a newly acquired feeling that greeted me: the sound being a moan that accompanied the latter feeling of arousal. This in turn, was caused by the hand that was gently caressing my breast, lips that were tenderly teasing my ear and a warm body that was pressed against the backside of my own, moving ever so slightly in a rhythmic fashion. This time, I had not mistaken her for him. Evidently, she was becoming more than just a part of my conscious existence.

        My eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the brightness of the sun filtering in through the windows, while my body, already awake and sensitive to its surroundings, was flowing in concert with her rhythmic movements. I eased my hand behind me and across the soft, curved hip, molded to my own.

        "Good mornin'," a soft, but husky voice whispered in my ear.

        "Umm... good mornin' to you, too," I responded, my own voice thick from sleep.

        "Sleep well?" she breathed.

        "What do you think?" I answered, glancing over my shoulder.

        "I think... you feel... wonderful," came the reply, as fingers lightly squeezed my nipple, sending waves of delicious warmth flowing over me.

        "What is that... your way of gaugin' how well I slept?" I queried.

        "Umm, no... Just my way of... testin' your... arousal threshold."

        "My, what big words we're usin' this mornin'."

        "It's a big subject, lover. A very big subject." The fingers squeezed again and the rhythmic motion increased.

        I attempted to roll over, wanting to touch her, but she objected, holding me firmly. "Stay like this, hmm? For me?" I nodded in compliance.

        Her hand then moved downwards, as the other one sought to ease underneath my side. I hesitated, then raised up slightly, allowing it access.

        The manipulation began, unaccompanied and unfettered by very little foreplay.

        A little while later, I found myself spread eagle on my stomach, her body covering mine fully from hands to feet. I hadn't said anything when she first started maneuvering on top of me, but now I beginning not to like this, at all. Images of my father started leaping into my mind. This had been his usual way, so that he could control me better, I assumed. It had worked, too, because after awhile, I had found it useless to struggle against him. For, it had only made the pain worse, during and afterwards. Especially, since if I fought him, he'd inevitably burn me with his cigarette, when he was done.

        "Anna, please... don't," I said, trying to squirm out from under her.

        "I know, baby," she responded, speaking softly, yet keeping me pinned down. "That's why I'm doin' it. Trust me, baby. I'll make the hurt go away, I promise."

        She laced her fingers around mine and merely lay very still. I was still scared, still seeing the images floating behind my eyes.

        A few moments later, she began kissing on my neck, ever so gently. "You're beautiful, Darby," she whispered. "So very beautiful. So soft, so sweet and so very innocent. I enjoy bein' with you, baby." She kissed on my neck again.

        Those horribly, frightful images were starting to dissapate like scattered rain clouds on a summer's day.

        "I'd like to get to know you better, Darby. I'd like to spend a lot more time with you. A whole lot more, baby. I'd... like you to stay here with me... a while longer. At least a day." She paused. "Then, if you still want to go to Atlanta,... I'll take you, myself." She kissed on my neck, working her way down to my shoulder. "You're so good, baby, I don't wanna give you up, so soon." She moved over to the other side of my neck. "You feel so good." She made her way down my neck. "I love laying with you like this. Say you'll stay, hmm?"

        The images were gone. It wasn't his body holding me down, it was hers. Yet, she really wasn't holding me, anymore. There was nothing threatening about this. Matter of fact, it was becoming a bit stimulating. I could feel her against me now. Her full breasts pressed against my back, that triangular patch of hair lightly tickling my behind. This, coupled with her manipulation of my neck, was bringing me back to a state of arousal. I wiggled ever so slightly beneath her, in order to feel her body move against mine.

        She gripped my hands and pressed herself against me. "Does that mean yes?" she asked.

        I nodded.

        She began moving in a slow rhythmic fashion. Before long, I was moving with her and she was licking on my ear, as well as breathing in it, knowing full well she was teasing me to distraction.

        "Like the way I start the day?" she queried.

        "Um-hum," I answered, knowing now what she'd had in mind by doing this to me. She was replacing hurtful memories of him, with pleasant ones of her.

        "Are you ready for what else I have in mind?"

        "If it involves more of the same... yes."

        "Much more," she whispered. "I think you might like this... a lot." She eased off me. "Roll over here, baby."

        I did as she asked. She then put both pillows behind my head. I had no idea what this was for, but everything she'd done so far had been just great. Who was I to question?

        She attacked both breasts in turn, then began making her way downward, while turning herself around in the bed. One silky, smooth brown leg crossed over me, giving me my first glimpse of the small, dark brown, oval shaped birthmark on the inside of her left thigh. I realized fairly quickly just what the pillows were for.

        "Umm, baby," she said, a little while later, as I nibbled on her ear, my body stretched out on hers. "That was the... sweetest lay I ever had. Where've you been all my life, hmm?"

        "Growin' up," I answered teasingly.

        She chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose so." She ran her fingers through my hair, then sighed audibly, sounding satisfied and content. "Tell me you'll stay and... be my lover, Darby," she whispered. "I need you here with me, baby."

        I was stunned speechless, although in the back of my mind I had been hoping she would ask me to stay longer than a day.

        "I know I can't offer you much more than a roof over your head and food in your stomach, but... I'll do my best to take good care of you, baby. You can even have your own room, if you want." She paused, giving me time to answer, which I didn't. "Please consider it, if... if only for a while, hmm?"

        I raised up and looked down at her. Those mesmerizing dark eyes were rimmed with tears. I kissed her cheek lightly and lay back down. I wanted to say, Yes, yes of course I'll stay with you. But, I was afraid if I did, this would all turn out to be some wonderful dream, that would fade away into nothingness, the moment those words passed my lips.

        I was pulled away from my own thoughts, when I felt her tense up beneath me, as if she were hurting or straining herself in some way. Then, her body began to jerk and shake, ever so slightly.

        I raised up. "Anna,... what's...?"

        She took my face in both her hands. "Please... stay," she said, her lips trembling, tears careening down her cheeks.

        Then she pulled me to her and kissed me. It was a long kiss, that she perpetuated with pecking, nibbling and probing. Throughout which, she continued to cry. I'd never seen, much less experienced anything like it before. I felt as though she were drawing me inside her; making me a part of her. And with each joining of our lips, she pulled me deeper and deeper, until finally I felt her sadness, her pain and her longing.

        I was captivated, caught up in her emotions, as they intermingled with my own. I was soon crying, too. For me or for her? I couldn't tell anymore, nor did I care. The only thing that really mattered was that I had truly touched and connected with another human being.

        Someone who barely knew me, wanted me. I wasn't worthless, helpless and ugly. Neither was my body a sinful, disgraceful thing filled with demons that needed to be marred and scarred as punishment for its shapely development. She had shown me it could be looked upon, cherished and even loved for that very same shapeliness, without leaving me feeling used, degraded and abused. And that I, of all people, could be wanted, needed and yes, even loved by another human being. That I could share my pain, my sadness and my need to feel love and be loved by someone like myself.

        I knew, when I tasted her tears intermingled with my own and felt her pain, that the inner scars of my former life would heal. And were, at that very moment, receiving their first ministrations of tender loving care. I knew also, as she lay in my arms, one leg between mine, her head tucked underneath my chin and her breathing steady and even in peaceful slumber, that I would indeed stay, as long as she would have me.

Continued in Chapter 5