Innocent Hearts: Part 2
by Radcliffe
Chapter ten
A short walk from town, they found a secluded spot under a cluster of
trees at the very base of the foothills that climbed precipitously toward
the towering mountain peaks. Jessie helped Kate spread out a cloth on the
ground. Above them the sky was a deep blue dotted here and there with
dollops of white frothy clouds. There were no sounds save for the faint
buzzing of insects and the far away lowing of the cattle in the pens. "I'm glad that you suggested we bring the camera with us," Kate
observed, unfolding the legs of the support. Jessie watched the process, hands in the back pockets of her levis, a
curious look on her face. "I still think my horses would make a
prettier picture." Kate merely smiled and gestured to a spot where she could see the
mountaintop behind them. "Right over there, please." She
positioned the camera, framing Jessie in the foreground. "No, leave
your hat on. Just tip it back a bit." She looked up, meeting Jessie's
gaze. "I like you in that hat." The hint of teasing, and something else - something warm - in Kate's
voice, caused Jessie to blush. "What should I do with my hands?"
she asked to cover her embarrassment. Kate lifted the cloth over her head and, in a muffled voice, called,
"Just stand like you were talking to Jed. Pretend I'm not here." "That would be some kind of trick, for sure," Jessie muttered. Kate laughed. "And don't talk." Through the lens, Kate focused on Jessie. Isolated behind the black
covering, Kate was alone with her in a way that was so strangely intimate it
made her pulse flutter. Kate was struck anew by Jessie's confidant carriage
and supple strength. Jessie was unlike anyone, man or woman, Kate had ever
known. She was so beautiful it made Kate's throat ache. With a trembling
hand, she opened the shutter and began to count softly to herself. For a few
seconds after she finished the exposure, she continued to look at her,
absorbing every detail of her face and body. Finally she called, "We're done." Her voice sounded strange to
her own ears, and she was aware of an unsettling warmth in her depths. "Can't say as I mind," Jessie remarked, but her tone was light.
She stretched out on the ground next to the makeshift tablecloth, enjoying
the breeze that played over her face, inexplicably content. "Seems like an age since I've stopped more than a minute in one
spot," Jessie sighed. Kate sat down beside her, bringing the basket of food with her. She
studied Jessie's face, catching the weary undertones in her voice. Jessie
had tossed her hat behind her and was on her back, one arm behind her head,
her long legs sprawled out in front of her. Her eyes were closed, her hair a
thick golden mane that framed her tanned face, just touching her collar. A
patch of pale skin on her upper chest that the sun hadn't touched was
exposed where the shirt lay open. She looked terribly vulnerable, and Kate
suddenly realized that for all Jessie's ability and strength, she was still
but a woman barely older than Kate, and a very tired one. "Are you all right, Jessie?" she asked softly, her voice husky
with concern. Jessie turned her head toward Kate, her lids fluttering open. She found
herself looking up into Kate's deep, dark eyes and for a moment she did not
answer. Kate's skin was the most beautiful color that Jessie had ever seen,
like fresh cream. Her black hair and brows emphasized her loveliness, and
Jessie thought of a picture of angels she had seen in one of her father's
books. Just now, however, Kate's eyes were cloudy and there was a little
frown line above her nose. Jessie smiled then, a brilliant smile that chased
the shadows from Kate's eyes. "I'm fine, Kate. This has been a hard week for my ranch. I've sold
or traded most of my stock, and there were a few deals I wasn't sure I could
make. But I think it's over now." "You'll be leaving soon, won't you?" Kate asked, her expression
darkening even more. Jessie leaned up on one elbow, nodding. "The day after tomorrow,
Kate. The men have let off some steam, and we all have a lot of work to do
when we get back." Kate looked away, her hands tightening in her lap. "Of course. I
see." Now Jessie was troubled. Seeing Kate upset bothered her more than she
could say. "Kate. Is something wrong?" Kate turned to Jessie then, her cheeks flushed. "Oh Jessie, don't
pay any attention to me. It's just that all this will be over then."
Her eyes were suddenly, inexplicably, swimming with tears. "And-- and
you'll be gone, too!" she finished softly. "Kate, I -I..." Jessie hesitantly touched the back of her hand
to the single drop that had escaped Kate's long lashes, trailing unheeded
down her cheek. "Kate," Jessie whispered, a tightness in her chest
so heavy she thought she would stop breathing. Kate placed her fingers gently on Jessie's. "Shh, never mind. It's
not your fault." Jessie's eyes widened at the touch of Kate's hand. The air grew thick and
a fine tremor began in Jessie's fingers. Her head buzzed like it did when
she'd been too long in the saddle in the August heat. Kate gazed at Jessie, frozen. She could see so clearly the quick rise and
fall of Jessie's chest. She wanted desperately to run her fingers over the
bruise that still lingered on Jessie's cheek, but she didn't dare move. If
Jessie took her hand from Kate's skin, Kate feared she would die. Time
stopped, every sound stilled, as they leaned toward one another, their gazes
locked. Kate knew her face was high with color but all she could think about
was Jessie's eyes. How could anyone's eyes be so blue? Jessie felt as if she were falling with nothing to hold onto. Her legs
trembled so much she could not have stood. Something inside her stirred,
hungry and scared all at once. Her blood ran hot and fierce with a want she
had no name for. Jessie pulled away, struggling with an army of sensations
she had never known. Kate's hand fell back into her lap. "The sandwiches.." Jessie mumbled, reaching toward the basket. "Yes," Kate answered, her voice unsteady. They finished their lunch and walked back into town, each of them quiet. "You'll come to the dance, won't you?" Kate said finally as
they prepared to part. They stood very close, but they did not touch.
"Before you go?' Jessie nodded. "I'll be there." Kate smiled. "Promise?" "I promise, Kate," Jessie said with an answering smile. Kate did touch her then, a light brush of her fingers along Jessie's arm.
"Good," she said as she stepped away. Jessie watched Kate leave, wondering why it seemed like something was
tearing loose inside her. She stood there for a long time in the gathering
dust, feeling more alone than she could ever remember. Chapter eleven "Martha! We'll be late if we don't leave soon!" Martin and Kate were impatiently pacing the length of the sitting room,
dressed and ready to go. Martin didn't want to miss a moment of the night's
festivities. Kate's hadn't been able to think of anything all day except
that this was Jessie's last night in town, and that it would seem so dreary
with her and the other cowboys gone. "Well, Kate! Since almost everyone in town will be at the dance
tonight, it feels like your coming out ball all over again." He smiled
at his daughter. "You look lovely." She wore a midnight blue dress that her mother had carefully packed and
carried all the way from Boston. It was elegant in its simplicity, cut away
at the neck only enough to show a hint of bodice, the skirt skimming her
slender form in the latest style. Kate had worn it once before, but not with
the anticipation she did now. Tonight she felt like a woman, and not like a
young girl on display. "I think after this evening we'll be seeing more than a few young
men appearing at our door," Martin enthused, beaming with fatherly
pride. Kate smiled at him, dismissing the question of suitors with an easy
shrug. "We shall never know if we don't get there, Father. I'll go see
what's keeping Mother." Kate left Martin peering at his watch and made her way upstairs to her
mother's room. She found Martha seated before her dressing table, dressed to
go. "Mother! Is something wrong? Are you ill?" Kate was frightened
by the strange look on Martha's face. Martha turned to Kate and smiled slightly. "Frightened I think,
Kate. You and your father have settled in so well, it's as if you've always
lived here. We've been here for weeks and I still feel like a stranger. Oh,
everyone is kind and helpful, but I feel out of place. Tonight, with the
whole town there, I'm not sure I can manage!" She shook her head
helplessly. Kate went to her and put her hands on her mother's shoulders
sympathetically. "You expect too much of yourself, Mother. There's no
hurry. You'll discover in time that these people are really no different
than those we knew in Boston. You have to look past their clothes and their
different ways, and see them for the honest, good people that they
are." She met her mother's eyes in the mirror. "I don't expect
you'll like all of them, but I think you'll find most of them can be
friends. Some of them are quite extraordinary." She gave Martha a
little shake, laughing. "Come on now, before Father explodes!" Martha followed her daughter downstairs, far from convinced, but
determined to make the best of her situation since it was clear to her that
her husband and her daughter had already made New Hope their home. * Jessie packed her valise and stood it at the foot of the bed. She planned
to leave in the morning and had already settled her accounts at the bank.
She only stayed tonight because of the town gathering and dance. It was a
town tradition to celebrate the end of roundup, and despite the fact that
she didn't know most of the townspeople any more than to say hello, she had
been raised to respect tradition. And she had promised Kate that she would
be there. Thinking of Kate made her smile. There was something so fresh and eager
about Kate that when they were together everything seemed so much more
exciting than it ever had before. No one had ever made her feel at once so
comfortable and so alive. She knew there were other feelings Kate stirred in
her, but, not knowing how to explain them, she set them aside. Soon she
would be back at the ranch and she would probably never see Kate again,
except to nod hello in the street when they might happen to meet.
Unaccountably saddened by the realization, she turned to the mirror above
the dresser and surveyed her reflection, determined not to think about
anything except the evening ahead. She wore a black shirt with silver trim at the pockets and cuffs tucked
into close-fitting black pants. Her blond hair was tied loosely at the back
of her neck with a black ribbon. The heavy beaten silver trim on her ornate
holster matched the shimmering silver threads in her shirt. 'I look like a tenderfoot," she thought ruefully, but she was not
displeased. She reached for her black hat and closed her door. When Jessie arrived she found the crowd already beginning to spill out
into the street in front of the meeting hall. Music and the muted roar of
many voices wafted out through the open double doors. She sidled her way
through the crowd, nodding and exchanging hellos with wranglers she knew and
townspeople she recognized. When she entered the large crowded room, she
made her way slowly around the periphery toward tables in the rear where
women offered food and drink. In the center of the space people jostled and
talked and surrounded those couples dancing to the lively music of several
fiddlers. Suddenly she was very hungry. A robust arm reached out for her,
and she turned, meeting twinkling blue eyes and a broad smile. "Jessie Forbes! You look mighty fine tonight," Hannah Schroeder
bellowed to Jessie above the roar. "I heard that you did well at the
auction this year. I'm pleased to hear it!" Jessie broke into a smile and shouted back, "Thank you, and your
husband, too. I would say I'm pleased enough with how the Rising Star
did!" Hannah Schroeder nodded again and began to pile food on a plate. As she
handed it to Jessie, she seemed to remember something and shouted again,
"Jessie, I forgot to introduce you two. This here is Mrs. Martin
Beecher. She and her family are new in town! Martha, this is Jessie Forbes,
one of the ranchers from north of town." Jessie looked quickly at Martha, who was staring at her intently, and
doffed her hat. Now she could see the resemblance to Kate in that dark hair
and penetrating gaze. "Ma'am," Jessie said politely. "I'm pleased to know you. I
hope you're settling in well." Martha struggled to absorb the idea of a woman striding about in public
dressed like a man, and carrying a weapon. Different, Kate had said?
Indecent was more like it. Lord, what were people thinking of out here! She answered stiffly, "How do you do, Miss Forbes." She turned
away gratefully when a new arrival extended a plate for her to fill. All she
could think was how relieved she would be when all this roundup business was
over and these cowboys would leave town. Jessie stared after her for a second, then nodded to Hannah and moved off
to a quiet corner of the room to eat. Kate had been watching for Jessie to arrive all evening, and when she
first saw her, she caught her breath sharply in surprise. She had not known
what to expect, but certainly not this! Jessie appeared neither as a dusty
trailhand nor as another frontier woman in her best Sunday dress. Jessie was
just herself - striking in shimmering black and silver, confident and sure,
she stood slightly apart from the crowd and in Kate's eyes was the most
interesting person in the room. Kate stepped quietly away from the group of
young women she was with and made her way through the crowd toward her. Jessie leaned back against a broad wooden pole a little away from the
edge of the dance floor, listening to the music and trying to relax. A cool
evening breeze drifted in from an open window nearby. She looked over the
crowd, searching for Kate. She hadn't thought about much else all day except
that she would see Kate that night, and she couldn't stop worrying over
their strange lunch the day before. Something was troubling Kate, and that
troubled her more than anything ever had. Then Jessie saw her and forgot completely what she had been fretting
about. Kate was a vision in blue, easily the loveliest woman in the room,
and the smile she sent Jessie's way set her heart to pounding strangely. "I thought you might not come!" Kate said breathlessly as she
stopped in front of her, her eyes searching Jessie's face. "And what else would I do during the biggest gathering of the
year?" Jessie asked teasingly. She grinned a little shyly.
"Besides, I told you that I would be here." "Yes, you did," Kate said softly. She knew somehow that Jessie
would always keep her word. Jessie looked down at her, surprised by the wistful note in her voice. "You look beautiful tonight. I like you in black." Kate said it
quietly, realizing she really meant it. Odd, because ordinarily she didn't
notice such things. Jessie had a way of capturing her attention without
doing anything more than smiling at her. Jessie blushed under her tan and looked away. When she spoke, her voice
was thick and low. "I'd say beautiful was more what you are tonight,
Kate." She looked into Kate's face, her heart racing as her gaze
traveled from Kate's eyes, dark and deep with feeling, to her full lips,
curled into a faint smile. She was dimly aware of blood pounding in her ears
as she watched the hypnotic rise and fall of Kate's breasts against the
brilliant blue of the dress. "You shine with it." Kate couldn't look away from her. The sound of Jessie's voice was all
that she could hear, the blue of Jessie's eyes all that she could see. She
took a step closer. Her head was even with Jessie's shoulder; she watched
the pulse beat quickly in Jessie's neck. Jessie's right hand was curled tightly around her silver studded belt, so
tightly her fingers ached. She drew her breath in sharply as she felt Kate's
fingers, feather light on her own, but she didn't move. Kate's eyes were
sparkling black diamonds and her face was misted with a fine perspiration. "Jessie--" Kate said softly. Jessie jerked her head around as a male voice said beside them,
"Why, Miss Beecher, you look too pretty tonight to be standing off here
all alone. I think you should be dancing. May I have that pleasure?"
Ken Turner, the town's only lawyer and a relative newcomer himself, was
smiling confidently down at Kate, waiting expectantly. "I'm not alone!" Kate retorted hotly, not bothering to hide her
anger at his rude interruption. "I'm talking with..." Jessie quickly pulled her hand from under Kate's, took a step back, and
added quietly, "He's quite right, Kate. This is a party, and you should
be dancing. Please go ahead." Kate glanced up at Jessie, unable to decipher the distant expression in
her eyes. She didn't know how to politely refuse Ken Turner's request,
although leaving Jessie to dance with him was the last thing she wanted to
do. She nodded silently to the man beside her and took his arm, letting him
lead her to the floor. As she followed, she struggled with her anger and
confusion. She had not wanted to dance with him, and she did not understand
why Jessie suggested that she should. As he placed his arm lightly around
her waist Kate looked back to where Jessie had been standing. Jessie was
gone. * Jessie pushed through the swinging doors of the saloon and surveyed the
empty room. Even Frank the bartender was at the dance. She walked behind the
bar and poured a brandy, leaving a coin on the countertop. She pulled out a
chair and sat at one of the tables, staring into the dark amber liquid
swirling in her glass. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there when she
heard footsteps on the stairs behind her. "Well, Montana," Mae's softly called as she made her way behind
the bar. "You're home early from the dance!" "I don't much feel like it tonight, Mae." "Oh? And everyone's there, too." Mae tried to read the thoughts
behind Jessie's smooth features and failed. She poured herself a whiskey and
came around to sit down on Jessie's right. "Something happen tonight, Jess?" she asked casually, noting
the hollow tone in Jessie's voice. She sipped the whiskey and watched
Jessie's face. Jessie was too honest to hide much. "What?" Jessie asked, as if from far away. She couldn't find
the words to describe how she felt, even to herself. Empty, in a funny sort
of way. "Oh, no. Just tired, I guess." "Maybe you've had too much of this easy town living, Jessie. Maybe
you're just homesick for a rocky bed and cold food," Mae teased
lightly. Jessie looked fondly over at Mae. "Maybe that's it, Mae. Too much
comfort can be bad for you." She stretched her legs out under the table
and shrugged her tense shoulders. "Maybe I just need to get back to the
ranch where I belong." Mae got up and stood behind her, her hands resting lightly on Jessie's
shoulders. She gently kneaded the tight muscles, leaning close to murmur,
"Tell you what I think you need, Montana. A good old-fashioned bath.
Finish your drink now. One of the girls was just drawing me a hot tub
upstairs. The way these muscles are strung, you feel like you could use it
more than me." Jessie sighed softly and leaned back, eyes closed. Mae's hands felt good,
and she was weary. "You'll have me asleep here in a minute, Mae." Mae stared down at Jessie's finely chiseled features and stroked her
fingers lightly over the silky smooth skin of her neck. Minutes passed and
Jessie remained motionless, her slender hands resting quietly on her thighs,
her head resting gently against Mae's body. Mae finally moved her hand and whispered with effort, "Come on,
Montana. I'll give you a hand with that bath." Jessie shuddered and roused herself. She followed Mae slowly up the
stairs, but her mind was still on the dance, and the way that Kate had
looked in Ken Turner's arms. She had no idea why it bothered her so much
that she wouldn't get to say goodbye. "Shed those duds," Mae instructed as she tested the temperature
of the water, and added a little more from a still steaming kettle sitting
on the fireplace hearth in the far corner of the room. "And climb in
here." Jessie stripped, laying her clothes over the chair next to the bed. She
lowered herself into the tin tub, sighing. "That does feel good." Mae stood behind her, working up a lather with a bar of soap. "Dunk
your head, Montana." Jessie did, then shook the water from her eyes and rested her neck on the
rim, stretching her arms out along the sides. The water came to just above
her breasts. She closed her eyes as Mae began to wash her hair, groaning
softly in appreciation. She drifted with the heat and the soothing rhythm of
Mae's fingers on her scalp. Mae watched as Jessie's limbs loosened and her breathing became slow and
deep. Gently she rinsed the soap from Jessie's thick sun-streaked hair,
smoothing the stray strands off her face. Mae rested her palms very lightly
on Jessie's shoulders, her fingers trailing over the edge of her collar
bone, just brushing the pale skin of her upper chest. Jessie shifted,
sighing faintly. Mae held her breath for a long moment, her hands trembling. "Jessie," Mae murmured. Jessie heard the soft voice call to her from a long ways away. She smiled
up into the face so close to hers, responding to the welcoming gaze with a
swift rush of pleasure. She lifted her hand and caught the fingers that
stroked her skin, turning the palm and pressing it to her lips. She was
warm, warm and liquid deep within, and her limbs trembled with a sweet
urgency that grew more insistent as she drew the hand she held onto her
breast. She tilted her head, eager for a kiss from the lips so near her own.
With the first gentle pressure on her mouth, she sighed again, the breath
stealing from her body on the wings of desire. "Wake up, Montana," Mae repeated, louder this time. Jessie came awake with a start, sitting up so suddenly that water
splashed over the rim onto the floor. "Lord," she muttered,
looking wildly about. Mae stood beside her, a towel in her hand. "What
happened?" "You fell asleep," Mae said matter of factly. "That's all?" Jessie asked, trying to piece together the
fragments of the dream. All she could clearly recall were wisps of color
-blue skies, and white bits of clouds, and dark eyes that held her. Eyes
that were very different from Mae's deep green ones. Her body was quivering
strangely and she thought her skin might catch fire from the inside. She
drew a ragged breath, reaching for the towel, stepping from the tub on
trembling legs. "You sure?" "What else?" Mae said, heading for the door. She wasn't about
to tell Jessie whose name she had murmured in her sleep. There wasn't any
point to giving her ideas if she didn't already have them. The one way
Jessie differed from the cowboys she rode with was that she was sweetly
unschooled in matters of the flesh. Mae loved Jessie's innocence as much as
it sometimes tried her. "You were just dreaming, Jess." Jessie stared at the door as it closed behind her friend, the memory of
the kiss still tingling on her lips. Chapter twelve "Kate, Kate darling! You must go upstairs and get ready. Mr. Turner
will be here for dinner any moment and you don't want him finding you like
that!" Martha called. She frowned as Kate turned away from the window where she had been
sitting most of the afternoon, silent and withdrawn. As her daughter
disappeared obediently upstairs, Martha turned to Martin who sat before the
fireplace, engrossed in the paper. "Martin, I'm worried about Kate. She
has been so quiet these last few weeks. She spends most of her time in that
dark room with her pictures, and she rarely visits any of her new friends. I
do believe she's losing weight. She needs to get out more!" Martin glanced up and chuckled. "Haven't you noticed all this
mooning about started shortly after the dance last month? Just about the
time young Ken Turner started calling? I should think you'd recognize the
way a young girl acts when she's being courted!" He smiled and shook
his head. "And I must say, I like that Turner. He's got a fine head on
his shoulders and a promising future in this town! He'd make a very good
husband for Kate." Martha looked exasperated. She wasn't as convinced as her husband about
the cause of Kate's moodiness. She knew how young girls in love acted. They
might moon about, but only when it suited them. She saw none of the
excitement in Kate's eyes that should have been there when Ken Turner came
to call, and none of the eagerness for his visits that was the normal
reaction. Ken Turner gave every indication that his intent was serious where
Kate was concerned. Kate was polite and attentive, as was proper and
expected under the circumstances, but when alone, she was melancholic. "I'm not so sure, Martin. Kate isn't acting at all like herself.''
Martha hoped that Kate hadn't gotten some romantic notion about love
confused with practicality. Marriage was the first priority. Fondness would
follow, as it had for her and Martin. Martin sighed and went to his wife, putting his arms around her.
"Don't worry, my dear. No reason in the world why she shouldn't take to
Ken Turner, and given time, she'll see that, too." * "I'm sorry," Kate said, blushing. "What did you say?" Sitting with her parents and Ken Turner in the parlor after dinner, Kate
found her mind wandering. She was restless and had a hard time paying
attention to the usual topics of conversation that inevitably included
discussions of the weather, the newspaper business, and the increasing
lawlessness along the Overland Trail. As the conversation went on around
her, she wondered why she wasn't feeling what she should for Ken Turner. He
was pleasant and amusing and her parents approved of him. He had all the
attributes of a proper suitor. When he looked at her with fond regard, she felt like a bird in a trap.
She wanted to flee, and realized with ever deepening dread that she had
nowhere to go. She tried to imagine being married to him, for surely that
was why he continued to call, and she couldn't. She could not imagine waking
up next to him in the morning or talking with him over breakfast, and she
could not, no matter how hard she tried, imagine lying with him in the
night. When he kissed her cheek before leaving in the evening, she had to
force herself not to recoil from his touch. "I'm sorry?" she repeated. "Mr. Turner was asking about the help you've been giving Millie down
at the school," Martha chided gently. "Oh! yes," Kate replied, trying to sound enthusiastic, for in
truth helping Millie Roberts was the only thing preserving her sanity, or so
it seemed to her. "There are so many more children now, and since she's
expecting her own soon, Millie needed help." "Admirable," Ken remarked. "A very fine thing for you to
do until a regular teacher can be found, and you are married yourself!" Kate stared at him, at a loss as to how to respond. It was true that
teaching was usually considered an occupation for unmarried women, since
women rarely held any kind of employment after marriage. Kate had never
understood that, and as she considered her own future, it made even less
sense. What was wrong with her? Kate looked at the handsome young man in her parents' parlor and thought
about the evening they had met. The only thing she could recall about the
entire evening was a tall blond woman in black and silver. Jessie. Kate
hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye. The next morning after the dance
she had hurried through town to the auction yards, only to find that the
pens were all empty. With a sinking feeling she had surveyed the gates
standing open and the deserted corrals and a sadness had settled upon her
that would not lift. She ached, and longed for something she could not name. She had not seen Jessie since, but her memory of her was as clear as one
of her photos. She kept looking for her every time a cowboy rode into town
or she heard the jingle of spurs on the sidewalk behind her. When she lay
down to sleep, she remembered the glow in Jessie's eyes as they stood close
together, their hands lightly touching. She would find herself shivering,
first hot, then cold, her heart racing. Her dreams were filled with strange
half-visions of long, slender fingers, golden hair and blue, blue eyes. She
would awaken in the morning even more unsettled, with a curious trembling in
her stomach. What was happening to her? "Kate, Kate!" Martha looked at her daughter with concern.
"Mr. Turner has asked to see some of your photos, dear." Kate forced a bright smile. "Of course! How kind. I'll bring some
out for you." She escaped gratefully for a few moments to her room,
counting the minutes until she could be alone again. * Jessie paced uneasily up and down on the broad porch that fronted her
home. It was late, and the night was still under a black sky broken only by
the faraway flicker of summer stars. For some reason she couldn't read. Her
mind kept losing the thread. Her insides were churning, and even a bit of
whiskey couldn't settle her. She had taken to riding hours on the open range
every day, checking fences that didn't need mending and riding herd on
horses that didn't need tending. She slept poorly and was short-tempered,
flaring up at Jed over nothing at all. Even the sight of the sun setting
over the land she loved failed to calm her. This land, her home, which had
always been her comfort, seemed empty and barren. The sound of her boots on the wood floors echoed aimlessly off the walls,
and she was lonely. She sighed deeply and looked about her. She was tired,
but she knew she wouldn't sleep. Instead, she walked to the barn and saddled
her horse. She'd ride, and maybe she'd no longer feel the ache. Hours later, she dismounted in front of the saloon in New Hope. It was
near to closing and the bar was almost empty when she entered. She smiled
wanly at Frank's surprised face as she leaned against the bar.
"Evening, Frank. Got any of that brandy left?" "Sure thing, Jessie. Kind of surprised to see you in here
tonight." "Me, too, Frank. I just started out and this is where I ended
up." He didn't comment. He'd been a bartender long enough to know that
sometimes a cowboy just got tired of the silence out there in the night. He
poured her a drink and filled her in on some of the local news. Jessie listened and nodded, letting the warm glow of the brandy take the
worry from her mind. "Buy a lady a drink, Montana?" Jessie smiled, her spirits lifting. She turned to Mae, nodding. "I
sure will, if you'll sit and drink it with me, Mae." Mae's sharp glance took in the circles under Jessie's eyes and the uneasy
expression even the liquor couldn't smooth away. "You know there's
nothing I'd like better, Jess. What brings you in here this time of week?
Ranching getting too quiet for you?" "Couldn't sleep," she admitted. "Didn't know what I wanted
til I ended up here." "Oh?" Mae's eyebrows arched, and she said in a slightly mocking
tone, "and what might that be?" Jessie flushed, suddenly shy. "A friendly voice and a warm smile, I
think." Mae took Jessie's arm in hers and led her to a corner table. She lifted
her glass to her lips and stared intently into Jessie's troubled eyes.
"I'd say you've got something on your mind, Montana. Want to talk about
it?" "I don't know, Mae. I haven't been right lately. You know I love the
ranch, and the work has always made me happy. These last few weeks I've felt
sort of uneasy, like something was missing. Can't seem to get my head
clear." Jessie looked down at the table, confused. "Maybe you're just expecting too much from it, Jess. Work can't be
everything to a person. I'd say you need a little relaxing now and then.
Never could figure how a body could work as hard as you do!" Jessie laughed and tipped her brandy glass. Suddenly she didn't feel
quite so alone. She bought them both another drink, and they sat and talked
and waited for the sun to come up. Finally, Jessie arched her back and looked out toward the street.
"Lord, Mae! I've kept you up the whole night!" Mae swallowed the last of her drink and answered slowly, "Can't
think of anyone else I'd rather spend the night with, Jess." A small smile played across Mae's face. Jessie looked into her green eyes
and felt herself grinning like a fool. "I'll remember that, Mae." As she walked Jessie to the door and watched her walk out into the
morning, Mae answered softly, "You be sure and do that, Montana." Chapter thirteen Martin groaned softly and turned over, struggling to ignore the pounding
in his head. At last he gave in and opened one eye. It was then that he
realized that the barrage was coming from his front porch. He reached for
his watch on the nightstand and was astounded to see that it was not yet six
in the morning. "Who could that be?" Martha queried anxiously from beside him
as she sat up, the coverlet clutched protectively to her chest. "I'll go see," he muttered, searching on the floor for his
slippers. Kate's bedroom door opened and she peeked out, bleary-eyed and confused.
"What is it?" Martin shook his head, trudging sleepily to the stairs. "Don't know,
my dear." Kate pulled her robe tightly closed over her nightgown and followed
Martin down the stairs. Through the curtains covering the window in the
front door she recognized Thaddeus Schroeder's large form. He was raising
his fist to bang again on the frame, simultaneously rattling the doorknob.
The entire door shook on its hinges. "Wait a minute!" Martin bellowed as he fit the key to the lock. "Martin!" Thaddeus shouted before the door was half open.
"Get dressed. We've got to put out a special edition of the paper!
There's news, man!" "What's happened?" Martin asked, instantly awake and turning
back toward the stairs. "Let me get into some clothes." Thaddeus followed into the foyer, calling after him, "A stagecoach
was held up not far outside of town. It was on its way from the territorial
seat in Bannack with some fellows from the land title office. They were
carrying a fair amount of cash." "The stage!" Martin exclaimed, turning back at the top of the
stairs. "But who?" Thaddeus shook his head angrily. "Outlaws from further west in the
territory. Men who couldn't find gold on their own and decided to steal it.
They held up the coach and scared the passengers half to death. Robbed them
and then were fixing to shoot them all. Imagine that!" He glanced
impatiently at his friend. "Come on, Martin, we've got to get down to
the Doc's." Martin frowned. "Doctor Melbourne's? What for?" Thaddeus gave him an impatient look. "Because a couple of folks got
shot up. I told you those boys were looking for trouble!" Martin's face went pale. This was a little more excitement than he had
been prepared for. "Shot! My Lord, Thaddeus, who?" Thaddeus looked even more distressed. "The driver - Bill Marley -
and Jessie Forbes." Kate felt the blood drain from her face and she sat down quickly on the
stairs, her head buzzing. She was dimly aware of her father rushing down the
hall toward his bedroom, of her mother's frightened voice calling questions,
of Thaddeus shouting something in the background about Jessie. She pulled
herself up on the banister and waited for her head to stop swirling. "Mr. Schroeder," she gasped, her voice shaking, "Mr.
Schroeder...." "Yes, Kate," Thaddeus said distractedly, pacing at the foot of
the stairs. "Jessie. How is Jessie?" Kate held tightly to the railing,
fearing that she might scream. Thaddeus looked uncomfortable. "I don't know, Kate. She rode into
it, apparently, and tried to stop the holdup. The Marshal and some other men
rode out with a wagon not long ago to get her and Marley. They should be
coming into town soon." He stopped as Martin brushed past Kate and
clamored down the stairs. Both men rushed out, slamming the door behind
them. Kate slumped against the wall, willing herself to think. In her mind's
eye she saw Jessie - her blue eyes, her golden hair, her shy grin. Kate was
not a stranger to death. In the arduous months of their journey west she had
seen accidents and illness claim the lives of men, women, and children. But
like this? Could the life of someone as gentle and kind as Jessie simply be
snuffed out by men with no regard for law or morality? For the first time,
Kate understood that the bright new world she had discovered held evil, too,
a darkness where death came quickly, without concern for goodness or
justice. "Oh Lord," Kate whispered, afraid for the first time since
leaving Boston. "Not Jessie. Please." Her fear was what finally galvanized her. She rushed to her room and
hastily pulled off her nightclothes. As she searched in her dresser for
undergarments, she uncovered the photograph of Jessie she had taken the day
of the picnic and then tucked away for safekeeping. "Oh," she gasped, lifting it tenderly in both hands. She stared
at the image, her eyes slowly filling with tears as she recalled Jessie's
easy smile and the soft touch of her hand as they sat side by side under a
cloudless sky that had held no hint of tragedy. The memory was so powerful
she trembled. "Kate!" Martha called from the doorway of her daughter's room.
"Where are you going at this hour?" Kate crushed the photograph to her breast protectively and said without
turning, "There's been a holdup. I'm going into town to see what's
happening." "That's no place for you," Martha admonished, more concerned
for Kate's safety than propriety. "There may be trouble." Kate finally faced her. "I must do something," she said
stubbornly. "I can't stay here not knowing." * A large crowd had gathered in the street, shifting and pulsating with a
life of its own. Men stood on the steps in front of the Marshal's office,
waving rifles and shouting to others to form a posse. Men, women, and
children milled about in front of the doctor's storefront office, craning
for a view and talking excitedly all at once. Kate stood at the outskirts of
the group, struggling to see, straining to hear any word of Jessie. With
each second her anxiety grew. "Excuse me," she asked of a man nearby. "Is there any
news?" He shook his head. "None for sure. Somebody's dead, but ain't no one
saying who." He turned away as a swell of voices signaled that
something was about to happen. Kate's head was pounding so painfully she was afraid she would faint.
Then she heard the rattle of wooden wheels on the rutted road and knew that
the wagon was coming. She began pushing her way through the crowd without
thought for good manners or behavior. She must see for herself or go mad! As she drew closer she saw men lifting blanket-shrouded bodies out of the
wagon bed and carrying them into one of the buildings. Her mind refused to
register the horror of that image. She struggled up to the side of the wagon
and looked in. Her eyes grew wide, and her breath caught painfully in her
chest. Jessie lay unconscious on the rough wooden boards, blood matted in her
hair and an ugly dark hole in her shirt just below her left shoulder. Her
chest and part of the blanket were soaked red. Her lips were white and she
was so still. So very still. "Jessie," Kate whispered, an eternity of agony in her voice.
"Oh no, Jessie." Strangers reached in to gently lift Jessie from the wagon, and Kate heard
her moan faintly. Kate bit her lip to stop a cry, her heart twisting to see
Jessie's pain. "Let me get a look at her," an irritated voice commanded as a
harried looking middle-aged man shoved his way through the press of people.
Kate recognized Doctor Melbourne. He looked under Jessie's shirt, shook his
head worriedly, then looked up into the faces of the townspeople gathered
around. "I need one of you women to help me with her. She's got a bullet in
her chest, and if we don't get it out, she's going to die. I can't have
somebody fainting when I start digging, so make sure you can take it." A blond woman with striking green eyes moved forward to the doctor's side
and looked quickly at Jessie's inert form. She met his gaze squarely. "Let's get going then, Doc," she said calmly. "She's
strong, but she ain't made of iron." The doctor nodded, his face determined. "C'mon, Mae. We've got some
work to do." Kate stood staring after them as they disappeared inside with Jessie,
feeling helpless and terribly alone. Chapter fourteen Kate sat motionless on the same bench where she had been sitting a little
more than two months ago when she had first seen Jessie Forbes. A lifetime
ago, it seemed to her now. As she watched the door to the doctor's office,
hoping for some word, she realized that all she had wanted these last few
weeks had been to see Jessie again. As soon as Jessie had ridden out of town
after the roundup, Kate missed her. Every day, as she went about her
business - learning about her new home and her new responsibilities, helping
Millie at the school, taking the occasional family portrait for new friends
and neighbors, even entertaining Ken Turner, she missed her. She missed her
easy smile and her gentle way of talking and the way that she made Kate feel
special. She missed looking at her in her dusty levis and work-dampened
shirt, and feeling her own heart race for no apparent reason. She missed the
way the sound of Jessie's spurs jingling could make her stomach quiver in
that oddly nice way. She missed the light touch of Jessie's fingers when
they brushed over her hand and the warmth it started inside. She missed her. Kate's mind was blank for long periods, and then suddenly she would
remember why she was waiting. Jessie was hurt. Her throat tightened and
tears threatened to spill. Hours passed, but she had no real sense of the
passage of time. The sun grew bright and hung high in the sky, casting a
harsh, merciless light over the brown earth of the street. People passed by,
some spoke to her, and she nodded automatically. Her eyes remained fixed on
the door across the street. Sometime in the morning a group of men came galloping hard into town and
clustered in a roiling pack in the street in front of the doctor's. A man
Kate had seen with Jessie at the roundup raced into the doctor's office
while the others paced about outside. He came out a short time later and
murmured something to the agitated men crowded around. Now they were sitting
on the stairs or leaning against the railings, smoking and waiting, too. Kate struggled for a way to describe emotions that she had no words for.
What would she feel, if she never saw Jessie again? Without fully
understanding it, she knew there would be an emptiness inside of her that
would never be filled. She felt connected to Jessie in some deep way that
she had never experienced before. It can't happen, she said over and over.
Not now. Not when I'm just beginning to see. It took Kate several seconds to realize that the door across the street
had opened, so far had she drifted into that unbearable place of loss. The
blond woman who had volunteered to help the doctor with Jessie was talking
to the waiting men gathered outside. Kate gave a small cry and jumped to her
feet. That woman would know about Jessie! As the woman started slowly down the street, Kate hurried after her, the
hem of her dress lifted in both hands, higher than was proper, so that it
would not trip her. She couldn't be bothered about how she looked now. As
Kate drew near, the woman's exhaustion became apparent. Her golden hair had
fallen from its pins, tumbling in disarray over her bare shoulders. Her
emerald green dress, far too revealing for walking about in, was rumpled and
stained. Kate registered, in a distracted way, that she was quite beautiful. Kate reached a trembling hand and touched the woman's arm. "Excuse me. I'm sorry," Kate, said, her voice wavering.
"Can you tell me how Jessie is?" Mae turned, her eyes bleak. "She's alive, barely." Kate swayed, suddenly dizzy. "Oh, thank God!" "God had nothing to do with it," Mae answered bitterly. "Please," Kate persisted, fighting to clear her vision,
"could you tell me ..." Her voice trailed off as spots danced in
front of her eyes. The turmoil of the day and the absence of any nourishment
were making her light-headed. Mae grasped the pale young woman's arm with a strong hand and peered at
her closely, trying to remember where she had seen her before, and why she
should be so upset. Mae sighed, too tired to be surprised by anything at the
moment. "Right now I need a drink, and from the looks of you, you could
use one, too. Come with me." Kate allowed herself to be led down the street, scarcely noticing their
destination. Relief washed through her and all she could see was Jessie's
face. Mae took her down an alley and through a side door into the saloon.
Mae pointed to a table in the rear of the deserted room, and Kate sank down
gratefully. Mae walked to the bar and slumped onto a stool. She pushed her hair away
from her face wearily. "Frank, give me a tall whiskey. And a
brandy." Frank poured the drinks and looked at Mae cautiously. "You want me
to get you something to eat, Mae? You look pretty done in." Mae started to shake her head no, and then caught sight of Kate's
trembling figure. The girl looked like she might swoon any second.
"Maybe a couple of sandwiches." He nodded, then asked quietly, "Jessie gonna make it?" She looked at him, a lifetime of sorrow written in her expression.
"If there is any justice in this world, she will." She took the drinks from him, crossed to where Kate was sitting, and put
the brandy into Kate's hands. "Drink this." Kate looked at it uncomprehendingly, still not herself. "Come on, now," she said, not unkindly. "Drink it. Then
we'll talk." As she spoke, Mae took a stiff gulp of her own drink and
welcomed the fiery trail it burned down her throat. The pain was much better
than the hopelessness she had felt looking at Jessie lying naked, a great
gaping tear in her, while her blood ran red onto Mae's hands. Mae closed her
eyes and held the glass tightly, her fingers white. Kate took a swallow. Her eyes widened and she coughed, half choking.
Color flooded her face and she seemed to waken, as if from a dream. "Oh!" she exclaimed. Mae opened her eyes and touched Kate's hand reassuringly. "First
time's the hardest. Drink some more." Kate gasped and took another sip. She straightened up a little and looked
intently at Mae. Her mind was clear although her stomach felt odd.
"Would you tell me now?" Mae smiled at Kate slightly, hearing the steel in her voice and thinking
that she was tougher than she first appeared. Mae had a feeling she might
like her under other circumstances. "Well," Mae said slowly, "she's pretty torn up but the doc
got the bullet out and he said it didn't do damage to any, uh, vital
organs." She shook her head, trying to dispel the image of him probing
in Jessie's shoulder with cold metal instruments while she held Jessie down.
How could a person live after something like that was done to her? She was
only thankful that Jess didn't seem to have had any awareness of it, only
moaning softly as the doc worked. "And she'll be all right?" Kate persisted, her eyes fixed on
Mae's face, looking for the truth. Mae sighed and finished her drink at a swallow. "The big problem, he
said, was all that blood she lost. If she does all right through the night,
she should get well." "Then it's not over yet," Kate whispered softly, feeling
something inside her grow hard and cold. "She'll be all right. I know
she will." Mae looked at the set to Kate's jaw and the way her spine stiffened. 'The
girl's got spirit, all right,' she thought to herself. She walked to the bar
and returned with a bottle, setting it down between them. "Let's have another drink, sweetie." Kate looked at her and smiled grimly. She held out her hand and said,
"My name is Kate Beecher, by the way." "Figured it might be," Mae said dryly, and took her hand. * Kate looked up as a man approached, his face set and grim. It was the man
she had seen with Jessie at the roundup, the one who had been waiting
outside the doctor's office. He sat down across from Mae and nodded a weary
greeting. "I want to thank you, Mae. For what you did for Jess." His
voice was very soft for such a big man. "No need to thank me, Jed. Not when it's Jess," Mae said
quietly. She turned to Kate. "This here is Jed Harper, Jessie's
foreman. Jed - Miss Kate Beecher." "Hello, Jed." "Ma'am," he said absently, still looking intently at Mae. He
continued angrily, "The damn doctor won't let me in there, Mae, and he
won't say no more than that she's alive. What's going on?" "I don't know much more than you do, Jed. We're just waiting."
Her expression hardened. "Did they catch those bastards yet, Jed?" Kate was shocked at first at the undisguised hatred in Mae's voice, and
then realized that she felt the same way. She looked at Jed expectantly. "Ain't but one to catch, Mae," Jed said, laughing darkly.
"Jess got one herself, with both of them firing on her, too. And from
the looks of things, she got a piece of the other fella before -- before he
got her." His voice trembled and he looked away. He swallowed several
times before he added, "I sure don't want nothing to happen to that
girl, Mae. I promised Tom I'd look after her and, and-- I think it's her
been looking after me." Mae put her hand on his shoulder and smiled a little. "You know how
hard-headed Jess can be, Jed. I don't imagine she's going to leave things at
the ranch up to you." Jed's grateful glance bespoke his thanks. He took a deep breath, suddenly
looked determined. "You know, I'd best get back out there and see to
things, or she'll be madder than a hornet when she gets home." "I'd keep an eye on your men, too, Jed," Mae suggested sagely.
"Jess wouldn't want them doing anything crazy if they catch this fella." "No need to worry about the boys," he growled, his eyes hard.
"When we get him, I'll take care of him myself." Mae regarded him solemnly, then nodded. "Be careful." "Thanks, Mae." Kate watched him go. "Would he? Kill the man?" "Probably," Mae said, studying Kate closely. Kate was silent for a long moment. Then she said with quiet conviction,
"If I had a gun, Mae, I'd be ready to do it, too." "Might not be a bad idea, even if you're not fixing to shoot
someone," Mae suggested. "Learning how to shoot, I mean." That was something that had never crossed Kate's mind, although she had
admired Jessie's apparent ability to protect herself. She looked thoughtful,
but did not reply. Instead she examined Mae's face carefully, realizing
fully for the first time how drawn and tired she looked. Mae had been
everyone's strength all day. "Mae," Kate said kindly, "why don't you go and get some
rest. I'll wait here for any news." Mae gaped at her as if she could not believe her ears. "Lord, girl!
Do you know where you are? And who I am, for that matter? Your folks'll take
a fit when they hear where you spent the afternoon! You can't stay
here!" That set look returned to Kate's face. "You helped save Jessie's
life - that's what I know about you. And so far, this place suits me fine.
Just fine." She placed her hand gently on Mae's, and looked intently
into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere until we know. Please let me do
something, Mae. I can't sit at home and talk about foolishness.
Please." Mae gave in to her tiredness. "All right, honey. But you stay back
here away from the bar. The boys are gonna be mean tonight, and I don't want
you hearing all that talk." Kate's eyes blazed, and she said bitterly, "Do you think words could
bother me after seeing Jessie like that this morning?" Mae nodded silently. She understood just what Kate was feeling, because
she felt the same way. She also wondered if Kate knew what it meant. Chapter fifteen Mae awakened to an insistent rapping on her door. "Mae, Mae-- wake up. The doctor sent word for you to come!
Mae!" Mae sat up, pulling the ties of her bodice together hastily. "Come
in, Kate. I'm awake." Kate hurried in, her face flushed. "What time is it?" Mae asked as she hurried about the room,
gathering her things and pushing her hair into some kind of order. "A little before ten." Mae stared at her. "Lord, girl! Your parents will have the Marshal
out searching for you." Kate shook her head. "No, they won't. I know my father won't go home
until there's word from the Marshal about the outlaws, so I sent John Emory
to tell my mother I was staying in town at the news office." "There'll be the devil to pay for that, Kate," Mae said
admiringly. "That may be, but I don't care." She held the door open, too
anxious to talk any more. "Hurry." They rushed down the hall, the sound of the dancehall piano and loud male
voices echoing up the stairwell from the bar below. Behind the closed doors
on either side of the narrow corridor, muted laughter and low moans filtered
through the thin walls. On any other day of her life, Kate would have been
shocked to hear what was happening in those rooms. She didn't think anything
would ever shock her again. They left through the second floor door to the stairs into the alley, the
same way Kate had come with Jessie their first afternoon together. The
streets were strangely empty, many of the men still out riding with the
Marshal's posse. As they passed the newspaper office, Martin Beecher stepped
out, exclaiming with surprise at the sight of his daughter. "Kate! What are you doing in town this late?" "I'm on my way to the doctor's," she explained. "I'll be
home later." He stared at her, open-mouthed. Kate thought she heard Mae chuckle
faintly beside her. "But Kate," he protested faintly, "without an escort
.." "Don't worry, Father. I'm fine," she said as she hurried on. "Wait for me there," he called after them. "I'll take you
home!" As they approached the door to the doctor's office, they slowed abruptly
and stared at each other. Kate's eyes were suddenly wide and frightened.
Mae's mouth was set in a grim line. Reaching out, Mae took Kate's hand. "Come on, honey. Let's go in." Kate nodded and together they entered the small anteroom. The doctor,
looking weary and rumpled, sat behind the scarred wooden desk. Kate held her
breath, waiting for his words like a sentence of judgment. "She's better, Mae. Weak, but better." Kate gave a little gasp and sat down quickly on one of the hard,
straight-backed chairs that lined the wall opposite the doctor, her limbs
suddenly refusing to support her. The doctor continued speaking. "She's not well enough to move yet,
but tomorrow I think we ought to get her over to your place. Can you look
after her there for a while? It'll be a few days before she's likely to wake
up, and the wound'll need tending." "Sure, Doc," Mae said immediately. "Won't be the first
time we've turned a room upstairs into a sickroom." He nodded as he recalled all the times that Mae had quietly provided a
bed and food and care to some unfortunate with nowhere else to go, and with
precious little thanks for it, too. He had always thought that Mae was a
damn fine woman. Too bad some of the good townspeople didn't think so. "Doctor," Kate asked, her voice low but steady, "may I see
her please?" The doctor replied in a startled voice, "But she's not awake yet, my
dear. She wouldn't know you were there." "I don't care about that," Kate insisted. "Just for a
moment. Please." Her voice was firm. "But--" he began. Mae took a deep breath, thinking how Kate had waited all day, pale and
patient and determined. Knowing she'd probably regret it, she said,
"Can't do no harm, can it, Doc?" He looked from one to the other; each regarded him steadily, their eyes
never wavering. Strange pair, a young society lady and a lady of the
evening. But he'd seen stranger things out here in this godless country, and
many things far worse. He decided that he was no match for the two of them
together. "Not more than a minute," he relented. "And don't wake
her." * An oil lamp in one corner, turned down low, cast flickering shadows
throughout the small windowless room. A single iron bed stood in the center
of the narrow space, a straight-backed wooden chair nearby. The sound of
low, raspy breathing broke the deep silence. As her eyes adjusted, Kate made
out the still shape of Jessie's body beneath the covers. She pulled her
lower lip hard between her teeth to stop its trembling, and quietly stepped
to the side of the bed. Jessie's eyes were closed, her face pale and impossibly defenseless. A
bandage covered the right side of her head, and the sight of a bright spot
of blood in its center tore at Kate's heart. She was reminded that Jessie,
for all her strength, was vulnerable, too. Kate watched the slow rise of
Jessie's chest beneath the thin blanket and realized how quickly life could
change, forever. She reached out and softly stroked Jessie's cheek. "It's Kate, Jessie," she whispered softly. "You're going
to be all right." She lifted Jessie's cool fingers and cradled them in
her hand, stroking the work-roughened palm gently. "You must sleep, and
get well." She wanted to make Jessie well; she wanted to give Jessie her strength
and shield her while she healed. Kate felt so helpless that her chest ached.
Her throat tightened with a longing so intense she had to close her eyes
against the pain, drawing comfort from the steady sound of Jessie breathing. Finally, she leaned forward and brushed her lips gently over Jessie's
cheek. "Rest now," she whispered. When she returned to the room where Mae waited with the doctor, Kate
said, "I'd like to help you look after her, Mae. You can't possibly do
it all yourself." Mae looked at her steadily for a moment, wanting to refuse, not entirely
certain why. "I don't think I could keep you away, could I?" she
asked quietly. "No, Mae. You couldn't." Mae nodded silently. Some things would have to be settled later. * "Martin," Martha Beecher began in an agitated voice after Kate
had made her announcement and gone up to bed, "you simply must speak to
Kate. It is just not fitting for her to be spending time in that - that
place. And with those women! She has her reputation to think of!" Her husband frowned, and replied shortly, "For heaven's sake,
Martha, she wants to help take care of a woman who was - injured -saving
people's lives." He thought it best not to remind his wife that Jessie
had been shot. Martha was already distraught enough. "No one is going
to think anything evil about Kate for that!" Martha was hurt by the harsh tone in his voice and tears came to her
eyes. "I'm only thinking of Kate!" Martin went to his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. "I know
you are, dear, but you must try to understand. Life is hard and women out
here have to be different. All of us must do things we never had to do
before. Kate understands that. She is doing the proper thing." Martha looked at him, clearly unconvinced. "What she needs is to be
settled and safe. I'm not at all sure that this place is good for Kate. Not
sure at all." He sighed, "This isn't the usual situation, Martha. I'm sure that
Kate will fine. You said yourself that you liked Ken Turner." Martha rested her head on his shoulder, her anger draining away. "Oh
Martin, I'm so worried about her. She seems to have changed somehow since we
came here. I feel like I hardly know her." He smoothed her hair, holding her carefully. "Kate is a good child,
Martha. Let's give her a little time, and if you still feel she's not on the
proper course, we'll talk about what needs to be done. I'm sure that you
know what's best for her." Martha nodded, wishing fervently that Kate had stayed behind in Boston. Chapter sixteen For a long time there was a horrible pain somewhere inside her, and when
it began, her mind retreated. She slept. While she slept, she dreamed. She
wandered over vast barren prairies and through dark mountain passes,
searching for a place to rest. Each time she stopped, she waited, lonely and
so cold, for the comfort that never came. She drifted in and out of
consciousness, dimly aware that she was not alone. Soft voices soothed her
and softer hands placed cool cloths on her burning forehead, bathing the
fever from her skin. Gentle, insistent hands held her and forced nourishment
between her lips. She struggled less and less with each touch, letting
herself be healed. In the end, it was hunger that woke her. Jessie opened her eyes and turned her face slowly toward the open window.
She blinked against the first assault of sunlight, even as she welcomed the
banishment of the dark that had surrounded her for so long. A breeze gently
fluttered the curtains. Kate was sitting before the window, a book open in
her lap. Jessie lay silently for a moment, studying her. She didn't appear to be
reading. She stared down into the street, her expression distant. Wisps of
black hair, too thick to be contained, framed her face. Her full lips were
unsmiling and there were dark smudges under her eyes. She looked worn and
weary, and older than Jessie remembered. Even in her exhaustion, Jessie
thought her beautiful. "How long have you been here, Kate?" Jessie said quietly. Kate gave a cry, turning to Jessie, her eyes wide. What she saw was what
she had prayed for, every moment of the endless days since the wagon had
carried Jessie into town: Jessie, her deep blue eyes clear and strong;
Jessie, perfect lips curled into a faint smile of greeting. Jessie. The resolve that had sustained Kate through near sleepless nights and
days of worry dissolved with the swift rush of relief, and tears sprang to
her eyes. She whispered Jessie's name, holding herself tightly, and cried. Jessie waited for the storm to pass, wishing she could comfort her.
"Kate," she said gently as Kate's quiet sobs abated. She made one
feeble attempt to sit up, but quickly abandoned the idea when a searing pain
ran down her arm. She gritted her teeth for a moment, then tried again.
"Kate." Kate swiped at the tears on her cheek and came to Jessie's side, smiling
tremulously. "Don't try to get up." "Don't worry," Jessie gasped, leaning back on the pillow.
"I'll save that for a bit later." Kate brushed her hair back, but the heavy locks would not be tamed.
"I must look a fright!" she said, suddenly selfconscious. "No," Jessie said seriously, "You're beautiful." Kate colored slightly, but her eyes shone with pleasure. She asked
tenderly, "Are you in pain, Jessie?" Jessie forced a grin. "Not as bad as the time the bull ran me down
when I was ten." She held Kate's eyes for a long moment, marveling at
their dark beauty, and quickly forget the throbbing in her shoulder.
"How long have I been here?" she asked at last. "Almost a week." A week during which she and Mae and several of Mae's 'girls' had taken
turns sitting by Jessie's bed, changing her nightshirt when she soaked it
through with sweat, replacing the bloody bandages and cleaning the terrible
wounds, forcing her to drink and soothing her when she had cried out in the
throes of some dream terror. Kate had come every day, despite Martha's
increasingly vocal objections, and she often sent the others away,
preferring to look after Jessie herself. All except Mae. Mae would often
come in when Kate was there, to simply stand at the foot of the bed and
watch Jessie sleep. When she was satisfied that Jessie was all right, she
would disappear into the night. Where she went and what she did were none of
Kate's affair, although Kate was fairly sure that she knew precisely what
Mae was doing. Kate found that she didn't care. Jessie had almost been
killed. Realizing that if it hadn't been a gunshot it might have been a
stampeding horse or a rockslide up in the hills, Kate suddenly had a new
appreciation of what truly mattered in life, and it certainly wasn't judging
what someone else did to survive. "The doctor says you'll be fine, but you need to rest," Kate
assured her. "Damn, I feel weak as a kitten," Jessie frowned. "And I'm
not going to get any stronger laying up here." Jessie tried again to push herself up again. A wave of dizziness rolled
over her, followed quickly by a fierce surge of pain. She groaned and
struggled not to faint. Kate reached for her without thinking, moving onto
the edge of the bed and supporting Jessie's shivering body against her side
with a protective arm around her shoulders. She held Jessie's face to her
breast, stroking the damp hair back from Jessie's forehead. Jessie trembled
and Kate caught her breath as something inside of her turned over. With an effort, she said quietly, "You can't get up. Not just
yet." Jessie relaxed into Kate, too weak to protest, and Kate just held her.
Kate had never been this close to another human being before, other than her
parents. Nothing she had ever imagined had prepared her for the wave of
tenderness that swept through her. She could scarcely breathe. "Well," Mae said acerbically from the doorway behind them.
"I guess our patient's getting better." She carried a tray to the
dresser before turning to the women on the bed. Kate released Jessie gently and stepped quietly to one side. She met
Mae's eyes squarely but could not read the expression in her cool green
gaze. Then Mae looked away from her toward Jessie, and her face softened. "How are you, Montana?" Mae asked, her voice husky. Jessie worked up a smile. "I'm downright embarrassed, Mae. Letting a
couple of no-goods get the best of me, and causing all this trouble!" Mae smiled fondly. "Jess, the only trouble you would have caused is
if you'd up and died on us!" Jessie grinned a little sheepishly, but the pain had taken its toll.
"I can't seem to stay awake," she complained weakly." Mae turned to Kate, a hint of challenge in her eyes. "I suspect we'd
both better go and let Jessie rest a bit." "Yes." Kate answered slowly. * Jessie awakened the next day to discover that the sun was already high in
the sky, and she had lost nearly another day. She didn't mind so much when
she found that she was not alone. "What is that you're reading, Kate?" Jessie asked, managing to
sit up this time with much less pain. "The sonnets of Mr. William Shakespeare." Kate placed her
finger on the page and lightly closed the cover on the leather-bound book.
She looked across the room at Jessie, heartened to see how much better she
appeared. There was color in her face and a sparkle in her eyes that Kate
had feared she might never see again. "Do you know them?" Jessie shook her head. "I've heard of him, but I'm not much for
poetry. I'd rather have a story, I guess." Kate smiled. "Every time I read one, I find something new to enjoy,
even though I know most of them by heart." Jessie nodded, contemplating Kate's words seriously. Finally she
ventured, "Like always being surprised at how pretty the sunset is,
even after seeing a thousand of them." "Yes," Kate said quietly, her gaze meeting Jessie's tenderly,
"exactly like that." Jessie flushed, having never known such quiet communion in the rough
world of cowboys. For some reason, it did funny things to her breathing, and
it wasn't from something broken, but from something right. Kate's hands
trembled as they held tightly to the thin volume in her lap, knowing that
Jessie saw her as no one ever had. To others she had always been just
another young woman with her future predetermined by virtue of her sex and
status. Her father had allowed her to be different than other young girls,
but only to a point. She might read in the college library, but he had not
suggested she attend classes there. Jessie seemed content to let her simply
be. The silence grew heavy as their eyes held, two women united not by
common experience, but by a common sensitivity that drew them together more
surely than convention or class. Eventually Jessie, comforted in body and soul, closed her eyes and slept
again. Kate, her heart full, smiled at her and returned to the poems. Chapter seventeen Jessie pulled the curtain aside, looking down the street for Kate. It was
well past the time that Kate usually arrived in the morning, and Jessie was
starting to worry. It was only a mile or so from Kate's home into town, and
almost the entire route was well populated, but still she was a woman out
alone. Ordinarily Jessie wouldn't have been so anxious, but her nerves were
jangling as she considered what she was about to do. "Well, you're up and dressed awfully early," a voice behind her
observed. Jessie turned. Mae stood just inside the door, still in her dressing
gown. "I want to go home, Mae," Jessie said without preamble. "Now Jess," Mae said, working to keep her voice even, "the
Doc said you couldn't ride yet. You know darn well if you go back to the
Rising Star that's the first thing you'll want to do!" Jessie leaned against the window and muttered under her breath. Her face
was thinner, but her color had returned. "Mae, I just can't stand it
anymore! Lord knows what's going on out there! Jed is a good man, and I know
it. But that's my ranch!" Jessie paced the room impatiently, frowning.
She just wouldn't be right until she got out into the air again, out of
town! "It won't be much longer, Jess," Mae tried again. Lord, you
couldn't tell these cowboys anything! "If you open up that tear in your
shoulder, you could be in real trouble." "Mae, I swear!" Jessie fumed, pushing her hands into the
pockets of her levis. "I just don't feel healthy in here. And as kind
as you've been, I feel like I'm fettered." Mae went to her, laughing, and put her hands on Jessie's tense shoulders.
She had to stand on tiptoe to look into Jessie's eyes, and she leaned
against Jessie lightly for support. She shook her head, smiling at the
perplexed expression in Jessie's eyes. "Oh, I know you're grateful,
Montana. And I know just what you're feeling. I've known a lot of cowboys in
my time, and I know better than to try to tame one. But if you go, you'd
better promise to look after yourself. You ain't seen nothing til you've
seen me mad!" Jessie smiled down at Mae and put her hands gently on Mae's waist.
"I want to thank you, Mae, for everything you've done for me. I know
how bad off I was, and I owe you my life, I guess." "I had help," Mae acknowledged as she tilted her head back and
searched Jessie's face. Suddenly serious, she said softly, "Something
special would have gone out of my life if I lost you, Jess." She
pressed closer, sliding her arms around Jessie's shoulders, and put her lips
gently on Jessie's mouth. Kate pushed open the door and let out a startled cry of surprise. She
stared, speechless, at Jessie holding Mae in her arms. Jessie looked up, quietly releasing Mae. The kiss had taken her by
surprise, and she was momentarily stunned by the softness of Mae's lips. She
remembered dreaming, that night in the bath, of kissing lips as soft as
those. But it had not been Mae she dreamed of, and, with a hint of relief,
she said, "Why, Kate! Come in." "I'm sorry. I should have knocked," Kate said coolly. Kate's
first flush of embarrassment at coming upon such an intimate scene was
quickly replaced by something else. She wasn't sure with whom, or why, but
the sight of Mae in Jessie's arms made her angry. Jessie smiled, innocently pleased to see her at last, the kiss forgotten.
"I've been wondering where you were!" Kate stared from one to the other of them, confused. Jessie's greeting
was warm and welcoming, the way it always was. She chided herself for making
too much of what she had seen, but a feeling of disquiet still lingered. Mae stepped slowly away from Jessie, turning toward Kate with an
enigmatic smile. "Yes, Kate. Do come in. I was just, uh, saying goodbye
to Montana here." "Goodbye!" Kate cried, her anger forgotten. She had consciously
avoided thinking about what would happen when Jessie was healed, because she
knew that Jessie would leave. Then, Kate feared, she would be left as she
had been before, alone in a life she found increasingly oppressive. Her
heart sinking, she repeated softly, "Goodbye." Mae touched Jessie lightly on the arm as she headed for the door.
"Don't forget to come calling now, Jess." Kate turned sharply to Jessie, who was awkwardly trying to strap on her
gun belt without using her injured arm. "What are you doing?" Kate asked, fear making her tone sharper
than she intended. Jessie looked up in surprise. "Why, I'm going home, Kate." Kate put the parcel of books and basket of food she had been carrying on
the dresser and crossed to Jessie. "You'll hurt yourself," she
admonished, struggling not to raise her voice. Jessie held up a hand when she saw the frown on Kate's face. "Now
don't you go at me, too! Jed is coming in the buckboard so I won't have to
ride." "You haven't been out of bed but for a day, Jessie," Kate said
softly, reaching around Jessie's waist with both arms to settle the wide
holster on Jessie's narrow hips. She stood close to her, threading the worn
tongue through the silver buckle, fumbling slightly with the clasp. Jessie went very still as Kate worked, acutely aware of Kate's fingers
brushing over her legs. Kate's hair smelled fresh, like flower petals ripe
with spring pollen. "I promise to lie low when I get home," Jessie insisted.
"But I need to get home, Kate." "How does this thing tie?" Kate asked, her head bent as she
studied the thong hanging from the holster. "Around my leg," Jessie answered a bit hoarsely. She was
starting to shake, but she didn't feel ill. She stiffened as Kate's hands
encircled her thigh. She felt again as she had in the dream, stirred deep
inside. "Oh," she murmured in surprise as swift heat hit her in the
stomach. Suddenly unsteady, she placed her good hand on Kate's shoulder to
keep her balance. "Kate," she breathed uncertainly. Kate stood quickly, reaching for her. Jessie's hands came around her
waist. They stood, a whisper apart, while the room and reality receded,
leaving only the two of them in a place out of time. Jessie leaned her
forehead to Kate's and closed her eyes, content to rest. Kate rubbed her
palms gently up and down Jessie's back, liking the hard strength of her.
Somewhere out in the hall a woman laughed. "You're not well yet Jessie," Kate whispered, her lips close to
Jessie's cheek. "I know," Jessie conceded, her voice trembling. "But I
will be, Kate. I promise." Kate sighed, half in anger and half in exasperation. She leaned back in
the circle of Jessie's arms, her dark eyes probing Jessie's blue ones. She
took a step back when she saw that the decision was made, breaking their
embrace. "Jessie Forbes, you are the most stubborn woman I have ever
met!" Jessie nodded, a grin flickering at the corner of her mouth, and she
moved to the side of her bed where her valise stood open. "It's not funny," Kate snapped, but she couldn't look at her
and hold onto her anger. She thought Jessie was never more attractive than
she was now, leaning against the bedpost, her arms folded across her chest,
one leg crossed in front of the other, all leather and worn denim and
cocksureness. Kate felt her face grow hot and she knew Jessie saw it. Jessie recognized the lingering blaze of anger in Kate's eyes, and saw
the worry there, too. Seriously, she asked, "What is it, Kate? Have I
done something to upset you?" "I just can't bear to see you hurt," Kate whispered. "Will
you be careful, Jessie? Please?" "Of course," Jessie answered softly. She closed the satchel and
lifted it in her right hand, wishing she could erase the unhappiness that
still clouded Kate's face. "Come visit, Kate," she said suddenly,
realizing that she didn't want to say goodbye. The best thing about being
here had been seeing Kate every day and the peaceful hours they had spent
just quietly talking. For the first time it occurred to her how lonely the
ranch would be now. "Come out to the ranch one day soon." Kate smiled. "You did promise me a tour." The glow Jessie's
suggestion had brought to her eyes disappeared just as quickly. "But
it's an hour's ride, isn't it?" Jessie nodded. "Less on a good horse, but you'll need a buckboard.
Have John Emory bring you around. He's always itching to spend time with Jed
and the boys. I don't imagine he'd need much prompting." "I will," Kate affirmed, thinking that she intended to have
John Emory do more than drive her. "This week?" "Yes," Jessie said as she walked to the door. As an
afterthought, she added, "Will you do something for me, Kate?" Kate caught her breath, feeling in that moment that Jessie could ask her
anything and she would agree. "You know I will, Jessie." "It's Mae." "Mae?" Kate echoed, not understanding. "You're the only friend, besides me, that Mae really has in this
town. I don't get by nearly enough and I expect it gets hard for her with
only cowboys for company. Will you look in on her now and then?" "Of course I will, Jessie," Kate promised, wondering if she and
Mae were friends after all. Chapter eighteen Jessie sat on her front porch, her boots up on the rail, oiling the stock
of her rifle with more vigor than it required. Across the yard she could
make out Jed and several of the men cutting tree lengths for fence posts.
She muttered colorfully to herself about foremen who didn't have an ounce of
respect. Jed had finally lost his temper after the third time he had to take the
saw away from her, and told her he was sorry he ever went to pick her up.
"Would of left you there in that damn hotel, if I'da known you'd be
this much trouble to have around!" he complained. "You won't be
worth nothing the rest of the year if you don't let that shoulder heal. And
I don't plan on doin' your share of the work forever, so just let that damn
saw be!" She knew that he was right, but after three days at home, she was
chaffing under the weight of inactivity. She had worked every day of her
life in some capacity, with the exception of Sundays, when even nonbelievers
took a few hours' rest. There was work to be done but most of it required
physical strength, which left her sitting on her porch or pacing a path
outside the corrals watching the men work her horses. She saw the clouds of dust before she heard the clatter of wheels on the
road to her house. She was on her feet in an instant, straining to make out
the driver and passenger. When she saw who it was, she bounded down the
steps to meet the buckboard pulling up in her yard. "Kate!" she cried. She walked alongside the wagon, looking up
at Kate in undisguised delight, while John Emory slowed the team.
"You've come!" Kate looked down from her perch on the high seat, almost too happy for
words. She forgot completely the struggle she had had with her parents to
get permission for John Emory to take her about in the buckboard. Properly,
the two of them should have been chaperoned, but even Martha acknowledged
that no one in town would object to the Schroeder boy escorting Kate for her
own safety. And since Kate insisted that she needed the buckboard to carry
her camera while visiting some of her new friends who lived outside of town,
her parents had agreed to the arrangement. It had taken very little
convincing to get John Emory to take her to Jessie's ranch. "You look wonderful," Kate said, pleased to see the healthy
color in Jessie's face. "How are you?" Jessie grinned and reached up as Kate stepped onto the runningboard to
climb down. She wasn't thinking about her shoulder. She didn't seem to be
able to think of much of anything except Kate when they were together.
"I'm better now. Let me get you down from there." Kate frowned, placing one hand on Jessie's right shoulder to steady
herself, holding her skirt up with the other. "You can't lift me. Let
John." Jessie merely laughed and slipped her right arm around Kate's waist,
pulling Kate into her arms, supporting most of Kate's weight on the side
away from her injured shoulder. Jessie held her for just a moment, surprised
by her firm suppleness. Then she gently released her. "I'm fine,"
she repeated, her eyes on Kate's flushed face, thinking how much better she
felt whenever Kate was near. She looked over at John Emory, who had jumped down and was standing by
the back of the wagon, hands stuffed in the pockets of his trousers, looking
uncertain. "Jed's over in the corral behind the main barn with some of
the men," Jessie said. "Why don't you go on over." "Sure thing, Jessie," he exclaimed, looking relieved.
"I'll be back in a bit, Kate," he added as he hurried away. Kate nodded, unable to take her eyes from Jessie. Jessie wasn't wearing
her usual workday vest and chaps, and the levis and soft cotton shirt
accentuated her slender body. Kate knew very well what Jessie's body looked
like under those clothes, but for the first time she was thinking of her not
as a patient, but as a vital, attractive woman. Kate realized that she was
staring and said shyly, "It's so good to see you." "Yes," Jessie replied, finding it hard to do anything but look
at her. Finally, she asked, "Would you like to walk around a little?
See the ranch?" Kate slipped her hand through Jessie's arm. "Oh, yes. Please."
Almost as an afterthought, she added, "And I was hoping that you could
teach me how to drive the buckboard, too." Jessie stopped dead. "The buckboard?" "I can't very well drag John Emory out here every time I want to
come visiting, now can I?" "Well, you can't drive out here alone, either, especially
unarmed," Jessie said with finality. She began walking again toward the
horse barns. "I thought that I'd save the shooting lessons until the next
visit," Kate remarked calmly. Jessie glanced at her quickly, saw the look of determination in her eyes,
and grinned. "We'll let your hands heal from the blisters you're gonna
get handling that team before we start in with the Winchester." Kate nodded. "That's sounds quite reasonable." Then she smiled
at Jessie, an excited smile so brilliant that Jessie was lost. "I'll show you the brood mares down at the corral, then we'll take
the buckboard out to the north pasture where the yearlings are
summering," Jessie announced. "Don't see why you can't
drive." When at length they returned to the shade of Jessie's porch, cool drinks
in hand, Kate had seen most of the Rising Star ranch within easy riding
distance of the house. She had also discovered that driving the buckboard
was quite a bit easier than controlling the heavy wagon she and her family
had traveled west in. There had been times during the trip when her father
needed to lever the wagon's wheels from some mud laden trench or to lead the
horses by hand through a dangerous stretch, and Kate had taken the reins.
She had loved the excitement of handling the team then, and she loved the
freedom that it would give her now. "Try this," Jessie said, handing Kate a tin of some thick
yellow salve that smelled surprisingly like honey. "It's so peaceful here," Kate remarked, smearing the ointment
over the sore spots on her palms. Jessie's gloves had protected her some,
but she wouldn't want her mother to see these blisters! She placed the tin
on the rail and surveyed the slowly rising expanse of hills that climbed
steeply toward the mountains edging the horizon. A stream ran in a ribbon of
blue across the golden brown flatland. The gently undulating plains were
marked here and there by patches of greener grass and clusters of trees. As
she turned her head, she caught sight of Jessie's face in profile. She
thought how much Jessie was like her land, bold and strong and sure.
"Beautiful." Jessie nodded. "Yes." "Do you ever get lonely?" Kate asked, wondering if perhaps she
were the only one who longed for something more. Jessie met her questioning gaze. "Sometimes." she said quietly.
"Sometimes I miss you." Kate smiled, feeling far, far less alone. * As the days passed, Jessie's strength returned. Her shoulder healed, and
she could finally ride again. From sunup to sundown, she kept busy with the
ever-present demands of the ranch, but when evening came, she stood on the
porch surrounded by silence, feeling the disappointment of another day when
Kate had not come. Sleep remained an elusive respite, and she grew weary in
body and soul. One morning she decided to survey the creek where she meant to build a
dam. There was a small hollow between two wooded knolls that would make a
fine natural shelter for the animals to winter. All it needed was water. The
day was warm and she let Star have her head, riding low over her neck as
they flew across the countryside. Nearing the hill overlooking the gully,
she saw figures moving under the trees. Rustlers were not uncommon and she
approached slowly, one hand casually on her gun belt. Kate had been watching the rider race across the flatlands, and she knew
long before she could see her face that it was Jessie. She couldn't mistake
her lean figure or graceful seat on the galloping horse for anyone else. As
Jessie drew closer, Kate saw the wary tension in her face. Ken Turner napped
contentedly beside her, lulled to sleep by the effects of a hearty lunch and
the warm sun. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder and shook him as
Jessie rode up to them. "Jessie," Kate cried, elated to see her. She had tried for days
to convince her father to let her take the buckboard out alone, but all her
arguing had been to no avail. She wanted desperately to visit Jessie again,
but John Emory had been needed to at the newspaper office and could not
accompany her. To complete her frustration, she could no longer politely
refuse Ken Turner's repeated invitations for an afternoon drive, and so she
had found herself in the only place she wanted to be, on the Rising Star
ranch, with precisely the wrong person. It had been agony sitting for hours
with Ken Turner, making casual conversation while her mind was on Jessie. "Hello, Kate," Jessie replied, her voice tight as she looked at
the man slowly sitting up beside Kate. Her glance quickly surveyed the
picnic lunch and Kate's hand on Ken's shoulder, and she flushed. "I'm
sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I didn't know who you were." Ken, awake now, smiled in a rather superior way. "Oh, not at all,
Miss Forbes! After all, we are trespassing, so to speak!" He slipped
his arm possessively around Kate's waist. Jessie stared at him coldly, her eyes impenetrable. "Kate is always
welcome on my land. I think she knows that." She tipped her hat
slightly to Kate and said tersely, "Good day then." Before Kate could answer, Jessie whirled Star around and galloped away.
Kate shook Ken's arm off, staring after Jessie, her heart sinking. She had
hurt her, and that was the last thing she ever meant to do. She barely heard
Ken as he informed her that he had news of some import to discuss. All she
could hear was the receding thunder of hooves and the fading jingle of
spurs. Chapter nineteen That evening, sitting with Ken Turner and her parents in the parlor, Kate
was especially uneasy. Ken's polite but possessive manner was becoming more
difficult to bear, and his subtle but persistent caresses harder to avoid.
The longer she spent trying to act as if nothing were wrong, the more
certain she became that she needed to make a decision. Something must be
done, but she couldn't help but feel that there was some vital point she did
not understand. When she could bear the social pleasantries and forced
cheeriness no longer, she pleaded a headache and escaped to the quiet of her
room. Now she stared into the darkness, struggling to understand her feelings.
Not being able to see Jessie these past weeks had been an agony in itself,
but to finally see her with Ken Turner by her side had been even worse. She
had not been able to tell Jessie how much she had missed her. The pain in
Jessie's eyes that afternoon haunted her. When Jessie had ridden away, Kate
feared that her heart might break. She needed help, and she knew of only one
place to go. * Kate hesitated outside Mae's door, her confidence suddenly waning. When
she had awakened early after a restless night, it had seemed so clear to
her. Now that she was there, she wasn't so certain anymore. Finally she
forced herself to knock. "Kate!" Mae said with surprise when she answered the tap on her
door. The sun had barely risen, and since she kept late hours, she had
barely been to bed. She tied her robe and gestured Kate into her room.
"What is it?" "Can I talk with you, Mae?" Kate asked, standing awkwardly just
inside the door. She had never been in Mae's bedroom before, and the sudden
intimacy of the moment embarrassed her. "Of course," Mae replied, gesturing to two chairs on either
side of a small dressing table. "Sit down." Kate sat quickly, afraid that she might suddenly lose her resolve and
run. Mae's sharp eyes took in the tremor in Kate's hands and the uneasiness
in her expression. She pulled a chair close. "What is it, Kate?" she asked softly. Tears brimmed behind Kate's lashes. "Mae, Ken Turner intends to
speak to my father about marriage." Mae looked at her intently, not particularly surprised. There wasn't much
going on around town that she didn't eventually hear about. She had hoped
that the rumors about Turner and Kate were true and that there was a match
in the making. But looking at Kate now, she began to doubt it. "You
don't look too happy about it, Kate. I always thought that's what a girl
like you would want. I should think he'll make a good catch, well-respected
and responsible and all that." Bitterly Kate said, "Oh, you're quite right. He is a fine man, and I
have nothing against him. But--" Her voice trailed off, and she
struggled for the words. "But what, honey?" Mae said gently. "I don't love him!" Mae laughed, although there was an edge to it. "Do you think you'll
be the first woman to make a good match with a man she doesn't love? If he
provides for you and doesn't mistreat you or disgrace you, you may find
after a while you'll love him. The heart does funny things, sometimes. And
if not, you'll be no different than a lot of women and better off than
many." "I don't want to spend my life with someone I don't love," Kate
insisted. Mae eyed her sharply. "Love doesn't put a roof over your head, Kate,
or feed you, or earn you respect from your neighbors. I know." "I won't marry him just for that," Kate said with finality. "Then wait for a fellow more to your choosing," Mae acquiesced,
having heard that stubborn tone in Kate's voice before. "You're young
yet." Kate looked at Mae and said in a low voice, "What if --- what if
there's someone else?" Mae had been expecting something like this, but the girl's honesty
surprised her. "Is there someone else, Kate?" Kate nodded slowly, relief softening her tense features. "Yes." "Who is it?" Mae asked, needing to hear the words. Maybe she
was wrong. Because if she wasn't, she didn't know quite what she would say. "Jessie." Mae sighed, closing her eyes briefly. When she opened them, Kate was
staring at her intently. "Jessie is it?" "Yes," Kate answered, her voice filled with sudden wonder.
"Yes. Yes, Mae! I love Jessie." After so many weeks of not seeing,
of being so close but not knowing, saying the words made everything clear. "I've been wondering if you'd ever figure that out," Mae said
quietly. Kate drew a surprised breath and looked at Mae questioningly. "You
knew?" Mae laughed darkly. "I was pretty sure, but I was hoping you
wouldn't keep on. That you'd marry your Mr. Turner and settle down the way
you should." "But why, Mae?" Kate asked, hearing Mae's opposition but still
not comprehending it. How could it be bad when what she felt for Jessie
seemed so right? Kate's obvious naiveté finally ignited Mae's anger. She got quickly to
her feet, seething. "Why? Because of Jessie, for Lord's sake! You say
that you love her. She'll love you, too, you know. Probably already does. Do
you have any idea what that's going to do to her?" Kate stared at her. "Mae - I-" Mae continued as if she hadn't heard. "Jessie's been waiting her
whole life for this and she doesn't even know it. You'll let her believe,
Kate, and then you'll leave her, sooner or later. That will destroy
her." "No!" Kate cried passionately. "I won't hurt her! I
couldn't hurt her. Believe me, Mae, I won't change!" Mae looked at her silently, uncertain whether to go on. But Kate had come
to her, and there might not be another time. "Kate, you're young. When
you're young, blood runs high. I believe you've got feelings for her. I
do." She took a breath, then finished, "But think what you're
saying. If you let Jessie love you, how long do you think it will be before
Jessie wants to love you like -- like --- a man loves a woman?" Kate felt her face redden, but she would not avert her gaze. She thought
about the way her heart raced when Jessie was near, and the way her breath
tripped when she looked into Jessie's eyes, and the way she trembled at the
barest touch of Jessie's hand. She envisioned Jessie, sweat-dampened and
dusty and so incredibly beautiful, and she was suddenly warm all over. She
knew what she felt. She studied Mae calmly, her face composed. "And
you, Mae. Could you love her like that?" Mae's expression was proud, but her eyes were sad. "I would now, if
she'd let me." Kate nodded slowly, and rose. She touched Mae's arm lightly as she left.
"Thank you, Mae." Mae looked after her, admiring her grit, and praying that she'd come to
her senses before it was too late. *****
|