Shall We Go A-Shearing?
A.K.A. Jamie Buys A Clue
By Elena
Disclaimer:
Just your average run of the mill standard disclaimer. These characters are mine and will tend to resemble everyone and no one in particular. Oh yeah, the nursery rhymes aren’t mine and can be found in any good Mother Goose book.
Violence:
There is a rather nasty run in with some trees and bushes, but before I have Green Peace breathing down my neck rest assured that they fair better than our two heroines.
Sex and Subtext:
Well we’ll see. I can assure you that there is more than enough subtext. You may need to take Jamie’s advice and jump in a nice cold lake.
Type: This is a filler story for the time between "Now I Lay" and "My Soul To Keep". It’s my first attempt at a script type format so I must ask kindly that you bear with me. J
There will be Xena-Uberness in this for those who know how to watch for it.
Constructive comments can be sent to: elena@beltran.nu
As Always: A thank you to my editor, Sinjen Kai. And also, to my own "Jenny", you know who you are. J
Old woman, old woman, shall we go a-shearing?
Speak a little louder, sir, I am very thick of hearing.
Old woman, old woman, shall I kiss you dearly?
Thank you, kind sir, I hear you very clearly.
- Mother Goose
Thursday October 14th, 1999
Large chain grocery store in mid-western city
2:10 pm
Scene opens in a supermarket. Jamie pushes a shopping cart in front of her while Jenny walks beside her looking down at a long list.
Noticing that Jamie is no longer beside her Jenny turns around to see the dark haired woman has stopped to stare at a group of people who are mobbing a woman giving out free samples.
Jenny (coming up to stand beside Jamie): What’s wrong with you?
Jamie (still staring at the mob and trying to decide if she should intervene.): This is a really surreal place you know that?
Jenny (a thought dawning as she views her companion): Haven’t you ever been in a grocery store before?!?
Jamie (looking sheepishly back at her friend): Uh, no. Never had to go to one.
The crowd has dispersed now that all the free samples are gone. The woman passing out the samples looks completely unraveled.
Jenny (pulling Jamie and the shopping cart away from the scene): Okay I can understand that Alfred or Cook would get the groceries and all, but what about when you’ve been camping before? Haven’t you had to get stuff then? Or did you just get handed a pack that had everything in it?
Jamie (giving her a slightly disgusted look): I always pack my own pack whenever I go camping! I am not spoiled!
Jenny (in slight exasperation): Ok, but who packed your food?
Jamie: What food?
Jenny (looking at her in shock): The food you take with you to eat when you’re out camping! Don’t tell me you do some weird shaman fasting thing.
Jamie (frowning): No, of course not. I eat what I catch. Naturally!
The two women are now walking through the fruit and vegetable aisles. Jamie has begun to wonder why the shopping cart keeps turning to the left as she pushes it. She starts to search through her coat pockets for her all-in-one tool when Jenny interrupts her train of thought.
Jenny (the light bulb virtually exploding above her perky little blond head): You mean, you hunt and eat what you can find when you go camping?
Jamie: Uh, yeah.
Jenny (swallowing hard): Like little bunnies?
Jamie: Yes, among other things.
Jenny: Little fluffy bunnies?!?
Jenny’s words end in a slight squeak and Jamie wonders if Jenny has some sort of morbid fear of rabbits.
Jamie: Uh you do remember I’m a werewolf right?
Jenny: .
A long silence has ensued and Jamie is happy for the peace and quiet as she steers the now even wobblier cart towards the bread aisle. Halfway there she remembers to be concerned at the blonde’s silence.
Jamie: Uh, Jenny? You ok?
Jenny (in whispered horror): Little fluffy bunnies
Same day
Children of Gaia clan house
2:45pm
Jamie and Jenny walk in the front door, loaded down with grocery bags. The two women walk back to Jamie’s office with the bags. Jamie has her head down and her ears are slightly red. Jenny looks a little perturbed.
Jenny (putting down her bags): I can’t believe you knocked over all those cans. They’ll be cleaning that up for weeks!
Jamie (in a quiet voice): I didn’t mean too.
Jenny: Well, you shouldn’t have been riding on the cart like that. You almost hit several people in the aisles.
Jamie: I was watching out for them. I wouldn’t have hit them or anything.
A short length of silence follows as Jenny sits quietly on the couch. She appears to be muttering to herself. Jamie starts to edge towards the door.
Jenny (muttering more): taking anywhere
Jamie stops edging towards the door and against her better judgment
Jamie: What was that?
Jenny: I said, I’m never taking you anywhere again!
Jamie (putting on her best whipped dog face): You mean we aren’t going camping.
Jenny sighs and realizes that she’s a sucker for puppy dog eyes, especially on the dark haired werewolf.
Jenny: No, I didn’t mean that. I’m just annoyed that you were goofing around and knocked over all those cans. We didn’t get thrown out of the store but stillyou were defiantly in ‘little shit’ mode.
Jamie: I promise not to do it again.
Jenny: Well, at least I know you’ll try not to do it again. Okay, we are still going camping.
Jamie wisely keeps her mouth shut and her victory dance quiet.
Friday October 15th, 1999
Two lane state road
11:00 am
Our two heroines are driving down a two-lane road, farms pass by on either side of the car as Jamie leans forward to switch radio stations. Jenny has her eyes closed and has been dosing on and off for the past two hours.
Jamie (wondering why she can only find country music): This sucks. You’d think at least one station would have something a little lesstwangy.
Jenny: (snores lightly with her mouth beginning to fall open)
Jamie looks over at her traveling companion and wonders how the blonde woman can sleep so soundly in a moving vehicle.
Jamie (switching the station yet again and starting to sing along): Well, this is slightly better "Oh-hh, I feel like a woman!"
Jenny (with a snort): I’m sure you do.
Jamie (startled): Thought you were asleep.
Jenny: Sort of was, you keep switching stations and it’s hard to sleep with the sound up.
Jamie frowns slightly, she has turned the speakers over to her side of the vehicle.
Jamie: I put the sound to my side though.
Jenny (smiling contritely): Yes, you did. But I can hear the back speaker on your side when my seat is down more. That and you have the bass up quite a bit.
Jamie: I like bass
Jenny (realizing she must have give the wrong impression): I do too, I didn’t mean that it was bothering me. I don’t always fall sleep so easily in cars. I’m just dosing off and on I think because we woke up so early.
Jamie blinks and nods her head, grunting affirmatively. Jenny tilts her seat back up and gets out a map, opening it completely as Jamie looks on with apprehension.
Jenny (peering up at a passing sign for a township): We should be at the back road to the cabin in a few minutes.
Jamie: Just tell me when I need to turn. Ummm. actually, tell me now what I’m supposed to be looking for.
Jamie says the last as she remembers their earlier mix-up from Jenny’s map reading skills. Jenny narrows her eyes slightly as she too catches the jest of what the dark haired woman is saying.
Jenny: You don’t trust my map reading do you?
Jamie (wisely picking up on the sudden chill from the passenger side of the car): Uh, no it’s not that. I just have better eyes than you so I should be able to see the sign before you do.
Jenny: Are you saying I need glasses?
Jamie (not quite noticing the change in temperature): I don’t think so, though if you want you can schedule an eye appointment when we get back.
Jenny: .
Jamie: Uh, what road am I looking for again?
Jenny: .
Jamie: Jen? What’s the road?
Jenny (breathing in calmly and mentally picturing calm blue waters): The one we just passed.
Jamie (deciding to buy a clue for $100): Oh, okay. I’ll just turn around here.
Jenny (smiling a rather cat like smile): You do that.
Part 2