The Effects of Xena Warrior Princess
on Middle America
by Trisha Von Doss, aka Xenamour
Copyright 04/00
This is an essay of sorts, and since it doesn't
use characters, I don't think
it needs a disclaimer. If it does, just copy one from the other pieces I
sent please. Thanks, Trisha
In a small 1950's Tudor Style home, it's new paint job not yet complete, with
it's dented and dusty Subaru in the drive, and it's slightly overgrown front
lawn and weedy flowerbeds, sits an almost middle aged, almost middle class woman,
eating Cambells Homestyle Cream of Chicken Soup.
~
Between crushing crackers and spooning mouthfulls of her dinner, she is anxiously
attempting to program her VCR in time to record an upcoming episode of her favorite
television show... Xena Warrior Princess. She's heard really promising things
about this episode and she wants to make sure she records it for her flourishing
Xena Library (Complete with every Commercially Available Episode, in Boxed Set,
arranged by Season).
~
She is adorned in her adjustable Official Xena Warrior Princess Baseball Cap,
(distressed grey with purple logo), and her One-Size-Fits-All Xena sleep shirt,
with the sleeves rolled up 5 times so that they hang just above her elbows,
and the bottom edges tied just above her knees. Xena's dryer-worn screenprinted
profile, rests somewhere between the knot and her navel, an odd piece of lint
attatched here and there. She would be wearing her Official Xena Warrior Princess
Windbreaker too, except that... well... it's a bit like wearing blown fiberglass
insulation... and the weather has just begun to turn warm.
~
Fresh from her local Community College Adult Night Class in jewelry making,
she also sports a pair of mismatched Xena Warrior Princess Key Chains cleverly
redesigned as earrings, as well as her Official Xena Warrior Princess Chakrum
Pendant, which dangles discreetly by its Genuine Nawgahide Imitation Leather
Thong, from her neck.
~
Her cat is in the process of redecorating her couch in that oh so popular "textured"
look. Her dog, having given up on being fed anytime soon, is attempting to chew
her way through the side of the garbage container in the kitchen. (She'd be
more worried about this but the vet has recommended the animal get more roughage
in her diet, and well.... Isn't plastic roughage?)
~
Her mother is on the answering machine, attempting to guilt her into picking
up the phone.... Beeeeeeep. "Hi sweetheart...we haven't heard from you since
this morning...and well, we were just wondering how you were doing. I'm feeling
ok, except for this chest cold, and considering the lung transplant was more
than a year ago...*cough*, I don't think I am in any real danger, do you? Your
Dad, he's out mowing the yard... I told him not too... I mean the doctor did
say bed rest for at least 2 weeks after the back surgery... But you know your
Dad...*sigh*. Where are you anyway? It's 5:00 for goodness sake...you certainly
shouldn't be out and about by yourself at this hour...not where you live...do
you know I read that your area is ranked # 5 in the state for violent crimes.
You really should be more carefull. Call me when you get in honey." Beeeeeeep.
~
Despite the distractions, she continues her attempts to conquer the finer points
in VCR programming and, after wiping the soup off of the remote and changing
the batteries... twice... Finally succeeds... with hardly a moment to spare.
And so it is, with no small sense of accompishment, that she sits back into
her favorite chair, puts her feet up on the ottoman, and settles in with contentment.
~
For one hour there is no cat, no dog, no telephone, no flowerbeds waiting to
be weeded, no lawn waiting to be cut. The dented Subaru in driveway can wash
itself. For one hour there is respite from her middle aged, middle classed world.
She is fighting side by side with her heroines...her friends...as she has been
every week for as long as she can remember.
~
She is enveloped in a world where everything is not only plausible but possible...a
world where the enduring faith of two women...two soul mates... Never succumbs...but
instead grows stronger...with every blow designed to beat it to its death. Together
they oppose the forces of evil...defend others...and hold fast to courage, hope,
love, and the Greater Good.
~
She is completely lost in the Xenaverse... unaware for the first time in eons
of the loss of the *bond*, the problems in plot lines, character inconsistencies...
story arcs. And once again Everything... Everything... is Right with the World.