She made me promise I would
write this down. I'm not the bard and I don't really want to do this, but I
owe her one so I'm filling up this scroll. Don't expect much -- I'm a warrior.
This is not my thing.
So I'd whacked Yodoshi,
yadda yadda -- I'm sure Gabrielle's written out all that stuff so I don't have
to repeat it here. Anyway, after the sun went down I was stuck as a ghost. There
were a bunch of other ghosts around, freed up from Yodoshi. They jollied it
up for a while then they'd stretch out their little arms and wisp away. They
passed through a cloudy portal a ways yonder to go do whatever it is you do
in Japa after you're dead.
One by one they'd gone.
I'd even seen a bunch I recognized from the time Higuchi got burned, the ones
I'd been told needed a state of grace or whatever. They looked pretty graceful
to me and they didn't pay me much mind as they gassed off like all the others.
That ratty little samurai came by, the one that had whopped off my head and
kept it as a paper weight. I was happy to see that Gabrielle had finished him
off and I rubbed it in.
It was the only good laugh I had because I saw Akemi too. She told me some things
I didn't want to hear, including that she'd lied to me. What a surprise, I'd
said, who'd have ever expected that? She said she had a good reason for it,
but doesn't she always? Dammit, I'm such a sucker. I walked away from her and
she wisped off after a while like the others and I was alone.
I could see a little of
the living world – I saw Gabrielle walking down the mountain looking sad
and pissed off. Such a beautiful woman, such nifty ears -- I love her so. I
watched her as long as I could. Her sadness was breaking my heart. I felt really
crappy, you know what I mean? I'd let her down.
I've promised Gabrielle that I'd be with her always, even in death, and
that's a promise I intend to keep. I wasn't sure how to get back to Gabrielle
from here, though. I was in this emptiness, and I couldn't seem to contact Gabrielle,
even though I saw her for little snippets of time. When she would appear briefly,
it was a bit in the distance and hazy, but I'd run for her. Yet it never did
any good – I couldn't get over – not even close. It became clear this
was not the way to get to her. I thought maybe if I got to the other side of
that death portal I'd have a better shot at it. Certainly I wasn't getting anywhere
from here.
I figured I'd gas off pretty soon like those other dead souls and I waited.
Nothing. I stretched out my arms like those other souls did to wisp off. Nothing.
The portal was in the distance but it was clear I wasn't going to float off
nicely into it like the other dead folks. I should have known that whatever
I had to do I was going to have to do the hard way. I got on my feet and started
walking to the portal. Naturally it would be me who was the only ghost that
had to hoof her way to hell.
That portal was a hell
of a lot farther away than it looked. I suspected it was backing up. I'd pause
now and then when there would open up little windows of sights into the land
of the living and Gabrielle. I saw her on a boat on the sea. I wished with everything
I still had in me that I was with her. Damn, I love the sea. And damn, I love
her. It was such a downer. Of all the times I've died, this had to be the worst.
Afterlife in Japa is mighty
dull. Nothing to do but walk at a portal. The only thing that kept me from going
crazy was that time to time seeing Gabrielle in the land of the living. She
was talking to someone the way she used to talk to me. I couldn't see who it
was but often I pretended she was talking to me and it made me feel a little
less lonely. But sometimes it would make me feel a little jealous too, I mean,
who was she traveling with now? Lucky stiff.
I got to the portal eventually
and what did I find? A big dragon sleeping in front of it. Yup, big scaly thing,
big teeth, big claws. Well, what did I expect, virgins dancing around a maypole?
We warriors always get the butt end of things – dragons and stuff like
that. Anyway, I tried to sneak passed it. I thought I was doing pretty well
when the big lizard stretched and slapped a big nasty claw over me that pinned
me down. It went back to snoring and I was trapped.
I punched, I pushed, I bent
my teeth on it til I was ready to howl. Finally I managed to wiggle out. I made
a couple of more tries at getting past the dragon but the results were always
the same. Sleeping or not, that dragon always managed to get me tangled up in
its claws before I could get past it to the land of the dead. I couldn't get
to Gabrielle from this limbo I was in and I couldn't get out of limbo because
dragon needed a nap.
I sat down. Obviously it was
time to come up with a plan. I waited for one. I wasn't coming up with anything.
I wondered why the big lummox had to take its nap in front of my portal. Maybe,
I figured, if I woke it up it would go sleep somewhere else. Yes, I know that
didn't seem like such a smart plan but at the time I figured any change would
be something. Besides, if it woke up maybe I could fight it. I felt like fighting
something. Like I said, there wasn't anything else to do but sit watching it
snooze and that was getting old.
I climbed up on the dragon's
flank and shinnied along its neck to its big floppy ears. I grabbed one and
yelled "Halloo!" into it as loud as I could. It started to shake.
I lost my footing -- it was covered with scales after all -- and I hit the ground.
The dragon slapped a sleepy paw on top of me and there I was again.
The dragon had its eyes sort
of half open. It put its nose to me and then, for crying out loud, it began
to lick me. I have to tell you something about this dragon -- it was sort of
cold. I was wet all over with dragon slobber and it felt like that cool, refreshing
feeling you get when you swim in a clear blue mountain lake. Brisk and alive.
I sort of liked it although I figured after it got done cleaning me off I would
be dragon food.
For a brief moment I considered
just going with it. Eaten by a dragon or gassed off into a portal -- who was
to say which was better? Problem was -- simply giving up is not my way. I got
a little leverage on a claw and slipped out from the dragon's grasp again. But
I still felt wet and cool all over -- I couldn't get the dragon slobber to dry
off.
Then, as usual, just when you
think things can't get any worse they do. I heard "Hello, Xena!" behind
me and there she was -- Callisto. It was not even the cleaned-up, look-they-let-me-into-heaven
Callisto. It was the old, bugged-out, over-the-top one in the chain-mail and
leather with the poison darts, swords, daggers and Ares only knows what tucked
in her belt.
"Welcome back, Xena! Do
you know where you are? You've arrived in Chin! Such a lovely country! These
beautiful mountains and rivers and waterfalls, although it doesn't look like
much from limbo here. You really should try one of the scenic overlooks!"
She ran her long finger along my wet face. "Ah, I see you've made the acquaintance
of the Blue Dragon. How nice! Isn't it something?"
"Yeah," I said, "it's
a real doozie. Why don't you go over and see if it's hungry?"
"Xena, how I've missed
you! Have you missed me?"
"I've got nothing to say
to you, all right?"
"All right, dear,"
she said. "I'll just sit right down here in case you think of something."
She sat on the ground and sidled up next to me. Amazingly she kept her mouth
shut. Why Callisto? I thought. I thought this Callisto, the crazy dangerous
one, was long gone. I thought... I didn't know what to think. I must be dreaming
or something. She stayed by my side. Occasionally she would wink at me. I couldn't
take it any longer. She'd won -- I had to ask.
"What are you doing here?"
I asked. "Are you really here?"
"Why darling, I'm visiting
you! And I'm really, really, really here!"
"I thought you... I thought
Eve..." I mumbled.
"Oh yes, Eve. That's a
little complicated. Another time perhaps." She twirled a lock of her hair
and smiled coyly. I could punch her but what was the use? "Little Eve,"
she went on. "How do you suppose she's doing?"
"Ha! I suppose she's fine."
"She loves you, you know."
"Yup, she's full of love.
And peace. And vegetables," I said. "She was such a good fighter.
She has passion, you know, real passion! Where's that passion going now, I ask
you? Praying? Meditation? If you're not fighting or you're not making love what's
the point in being Greek? Shoot," I said, "I blame the Romans. Always
acting like they have a pole up their rump!"
So this made Callisto laugh.
"Well, she was raised by Romans."
"That was not my idea!"
I said. "She's got the Peloponnesus running through her veins just like
me! She should get off her high horse and fall in love! That'll bring the Greek
out in her!" Callisto fell over laughing which sort of ticked me off. I
had no intention of amusing her. Talking of love though made me look around
to see if I could see Gabrielle. Callisto spotted me and figured it right out.
"Oh yes, your little friend,"
said Callisto. We could both see her, laying under a blanket, sleeping on the
edge of a cliff. "Look at her," said Callisto. "She drank some
magic water, she has a magic sword, she has your chakram and she wears a magic
tattoo. All that magic and all she's doing is sleeping."
I didn't have anything to say -- I could see that Gabrielle had been crying.
"Such a pretty girl," Callisto went on, "Sunny hair, big strong
thighs, ears like a set of chariot wheels..."
"Hey! Lay off those
ears! You don't get to talk about her ears!" I gave her a kick in the side
to help her remember.
"Oof," she grunted.
"I was just recalling how she listened to you. And talked to you. And talked
to you and talked to you..."
"Yeah," I said.
"I wish I knew who she's talking to now!"
"Oh, I know that,"
said Callisto, smirking.
"Who? You?"
I said and I grabbed her by her breastplate to pull her to her feet. No point
in being delicate; no one else was there but the sleeping dragon.
"Why Xena,"
she said. "Can't you tell? She's talking to her love of you. It follows
her around."
"What?" I said.
"I'm here, dead, nowhere!"
"You're alive in
her heart. She just can't seem to let it go, poor thing."
This pierced me right
through and even though Callisto was there I had to cry a little bit. Poor Gabrielle.
Poor us. Me in limbo here, her in limbo on the other side, never meeting. "She
should go back home," I said. "If you see her, tell her to go back
west." Callisto nodded. Me, I felt, I felt crummy. More than ever I wanted
to get my turn to go off in a puff of smoke into the nothingness of that portal.
If only that stupid dragon would move.
"I wish I had my
chakram," I said. I figured a couple of pops from that might shake up that
dragon.
"Oh yes, your chakram,"
Callisto said. "What happened to that? Did you toss it one day when your
sense of geometry was off?"
"It's not geometry
that makes it come back. I mean, it's not just geometry. You have to will it
back, really hard. Then, one way or another, you get it back." Then I noticed
that even though I couldn't hold my chakram as a ghost Callisto was decked out
like an armory. Real fast, I reached over, snatched her sword and made a rush
for that dragon.
I was all ready to make some
dragon sashimi, but halfway to the dragon the sword disappeared. I didn't want
to play dodge the claw again so, sadly, I turned back. As I got back to Callisto
the sword reappeared in my hand. Somehow she had another sword and she was holding
it pointed right at my throat.
"Oh Xena," she said.
"As long as we have eternity let's do what we do best!" She lunged
at me. I parried and the fight was on. I have to admit, Callisto is a swell
fighter. Good form, nice technique, very creative attacks. At times I caught
myself almost enjoying the fight. But, of course, ghosts don't have to sleep.
After what seemed like a couple of weeks straight of fighting I'd really had
my fill. I didn't want to fight anymore but every time I slacked up, every time
my attention wandered just a little, she was on me. Often I wanted to turn my
attention to killing that doggone dragon, but that thought alone seemed to open
a hole in my defenses and Callisto would smack me around like a handball until
I was so fired up I could only think of getting her again.
Then, one day, in the middle
of a dagger-tossing fight Callisto stopped and pointed with her sword. I looked
and I was able to get a glimpse of Gabrielle in the land of the living. When
I turned back Callisto was gone. It was over.
I turned my attention back to
Gabrielle. I could tell that she was in some sort of temple or retreat, talking
with this strange looking guy wearing blue. They were making some kind of deal.
They seemed to come to an agreement and he put his arm around her shoulders.
It didn't take long for it to become obvious to me what her part of the deal
was.
Well, Gabrielle was her own
woman, free to do as she wants and maybe she was lonely, me being dead and all.
And the guy was sort of good-looking in a creepy, magician sort of way. Still,
I wasn't happy about it and I thought that if I ever got out of here that son
of a Bacchae better watch his back. Then I heard my name. I looked and saw the
real Gabrielle standing behind me.
She was real. I could touch
her. I could hold her and I did. I was still all wet with dragon slobber, I
felt sort of soggy, even. That stuff just doesn't give up, but she didn't seem
to mind. She wasn't talking but that was okay because we were communicating
just fine. To my mind people talk about things too much anyway. Call me old-fashioned
but I prefer action. But Gabrielle usually will talk some and she wasn't saying
anything. It took me a while though to settle down, take a breather and ask
her what was up.
She caressed my face with her
hand and stood up. She walked right up to the dragon, turned and stretched her
arms. Someone brushed past me and walked right into her. I don't mean bumped
into her, I mean she walked right into Gabrielle like she was a hut. The walker
turned and smiled at me just as she disappeared. It was Lao Ma, my mentor, my
savior really, that I had known the first time I was in Chin. She had been treacherously
killed long ago by her rotten son. There was never anyone like her.
After Lao Ma entered Gabrielle
the dragon changed. It turned clear and the color of the sea; I could see waves
of water roiling within it. Gabrielle pointed to the top of the dragon and said
"Xena, where is your chakram?" That was the only thing she said and
then she was gone.
I stared into the dragon and
I thought I saw something round in it. I dove into the dragon. I was in water
and it tasted like the sea. My lungs filled up with water and I was floating
in it like a baby in its mother. I guess I was drowning. I felt myself going
apart sort of and sea water flowing in and through me.
After a while somehow, don't
ask me how, I saw sunlight and something round. My chakram -- mine. I reached
for it. It pulled me up to the surface and to the light of a setting sun. I
saw Gabrielle on the shore. You don't need to know the rest.
Okay, that's it. End of scroll,
I'm done. I'm off to get my reward and she says she has something to tell me.
This would be a good time for you to get lost, okay? Don't make me come over
there.
X