FADE IN:

Ext. Path - Day

Walking along a path, Xena is leading Argo by the reins. Gabrielle is walking beside her.

Xena?

 Xena steps thru a mud puddle as she looks toward Gabrielle.

Yes Gabrielle?

last time I was in the Amazon village?

Yes I do.

Xena turns toward Gabrielle.

Gabrielle, what are you getting at?

Well umm, what if I told you I made a promise to

Gabrielle looks anxiously at Xena.

I wouldn’t mind. When do we need to be there

Well that is the funny part. I don’t know for how

long and we really need to be there before planting season.

Xena pulls Argo to a halt and looks towards Gabrielle.

What do you mean you don’t know and before

Gabrielle sits down on a convenient rock and glances up at Xena.

Well umm, that’s the thing. The Amazons are going to

and seeing as how I am really the only person with farming

experience I told them I would help.

Letting Argo’s reins go, Xena sits down on the rock beside Gabrielle.

Gabrielle, you hated farming and to be more precise

you were a farmer’s daughter, not a farmer. Do I even

need to mention that you hated living in a village?

Gabrielle jumps up off the rock and faces Xena.

I did not hate farming or the village. I just hated being

stuck in that village with Perdicus.

Gabrielle starts pacing back and forth in front of Xena.

I think this is something we need to do, and being

fend for themselves. They would probably starve.

Xena stands up and moves toward Gabrielle.

Trust me Gabrielle, they would not starve.

Gabrielle looks skeptical.

Don’t give me that look, bard. I can hurt you.

You and what army, oh Conqueror of Nations?

Xena and Gabrielle both laugh, as the tension is broken.

Okay I concede. So where exactly is the new land?

You didn’t say where it is located.

Xena grabs Argo’s reins and they both start walking again. After a few moments, Gabrielle finally answers.

It’s in Hootervillius.

Xena arches an eyebrow as she looks at Gabrielle.

Hootervillius?

Yes, Hootervillius.

Oh great! A bunch of Amazons running around

a place named Hootervillius.

Innocently, Gabrielle answers.

They say there are a lot of owls nearby.

I just bet. I have never heard of Hootervillius and

I ruled half of Greece

It’s near Pixopolis.

Xena stops dead in her tracks and turns towards Gabrielle.

Gabrielle, you are pulling my leg. I have never heard

of Pixopolis or for that matter Hootervillius. I am

probably going to regret this but where is Pixopolis?

Hmm, as far as I could figure out its somewhere

around Athens.

Around Athens?

Well yeah. It’s near there.

Near there?

Xena just trust me on this.

Ext. Ramshackle Hut – Early Evening

Xena walking around the outside of a hut.

Gabrielle. You’ve got to be kidding me! This is

our hut? I have slept in better caves. That one side

doesn’t even have any walls.

Gabrielle puts her hand on Xena’s back and lightly rubs it.

Xena, I was told they are getting these two locals

Ummph I just don’t like it.

Xena trust me on this.

Xena turns towards Gabrielle.

Why do you keep saying that Gabrielle?

I don’t know but do you trust me?

Of course... with my life.

Okay then. Please just trust me on this.

Int. Hut - Early Morning

Xena stands off to the side at the ready of the non-existent hut wall as she hears voices.

Shh... you will wake them up.

Don’t shhh me. I am older than you.

Voice 2 takes off his hat and hits voice 1 with it.

Only by one drop of sand!

Voice 1 says as she rubs her arm where it had been hit.

As the voices move closer towards Xena, she jumps out of her hiding spot pointing her sword at the two strangers.

And who do we have here? Curlylis and Moesyis?

Stammering

Carpenters, ma’am.

Don’t call me ma’am.

Yes ma’am... umm... I mean, no ma’am.

Now who exactly are you two?

Gabrielle wakes up and speaks in a groggy voice.

Xena what are you doing playing with your sword

so early in the morning? Come back to bed. It’s cold.

Xena stares at the two strangers, not even looking back at Gabrielle.

As I said, who are you two?

Gabrielle kicks off her sleeping fur and trips slightly on it as she comes to stand beside Xena.

Hi I’m Gabrielle, and the brooding warrior is Xena.

Xena sheaths her sword but moves her hand down to her chakram.

I’m Ming T’ien and this here is K’ao Hsin and we were

here to fix your wall.

Great. We have been expecting you. How long do

you think it will take?

A few days, tops.

A few days?

Ming T’ien and K’ao Hsin look at each other, startled by Xena’s sudden exclamation.

Well yeah we have to convert the chicken coop

plans to a wall-building plan, then we can build

your wall.

Chicken coop?

Yep we are the best darn chicken coop builders this

side of Athens. Salmoneus also said you all would be

needing a chicken coop.

Xena turns towards Gabrielle .

Gabrielle, what does Salmoneus have to do with this?

Gabrielle gulps noticeably.

Umm well, he is the one who sold us the land.

Salmoneus comes riding in on a donkey, clanking from the pots and pans hanging off the animal

Did I hear my name called?

Xena growls.

Why Xena... long time no see. How’s kicks?

She grabs Salmoneus by the front of his tunic.

Oh just great! I am going to be doing some kicking

here shortly. Salmoneus, I don’t know what your

scheme is, but I want all this fixed and I want it fixed now.

Xena put Salmoneus down. He has been a tremendous

help to the Amazons, and I don’t want you hurting

him over a wall.

Xena lets go of Salmoneus’s tunic.

Thank you Gabrielle.

He straightens his tunic.

There is no scheme, Xena. My late uncle Haniam left

me this land when he died. He built this hut with his bare

hands. I even lived here a short time while awaiting

funding for my latest business venture.

Which is?

Oh this and that. Odds and ends.

Salmoneus, I thought this place was supposed to be

furnished?

Well you see, I couldn’t let my dear old Uncle Haniam’s

possessions be damaged, so I put them in storage over

in Pixopolis.

You can bring them back now.

Well that is the problem. I kinda owe the storage guy

some dinars and the cost of transporting it back.

Xena interrupts Salmoneus.

Salmoneus, get to the point!

I don’t have the funds at the moment to pay for it.

Xena, give Salmoneus some dinars.

Gabrielle!?!?

Trust me on this, Xena.

There you go with the phrase again.

Ext. Outside of hut - Mid Day

Xena gestures towards the two workers.

Gabrielle, I could build a wall faster than those two.

They have been measuring all morning.

Xena, we are trying to build a good relationship with

the nearby village, and Ephiny thought hiring locals

Thought you might like to know we are almost finished

converting the chicken coop plans into a wall building

plan. Wanna see?

K’ao Hsin hands Xena a piece of paper with a drawing of a chicken coop on it. The word chicken coop has been crossed out and replaced with wall.

This is a chicken coop!!!!!

No its not! It’s a house!

Gabrielle rubs Xena’s back lightly.

Xena, please.

Gabrielle, I don’t like this.

Xena, do you trust me?

Xena shakes her head, purses her lips tightly and starts walking away.

Now all we have to do is wait for the local inspector

to come out to approve the building.

Xena stops and turns abruptly.

What do you mean local inspector? We are on

Amazon land.

Ming T’ien points to a spot just inches from where the wall is to be replaced.

Everything up to this point is Amazon land, but you see,

your wall is on village land and it has to be approved.

Umm, how long does it take to be approved?

Oh, no time at all. Just have to get Pao S’su out to look at

it and it’s a done deal.

Okay then, get Pao S’Su out here to look at this today so

you can start working on it!

Well that’s a problem. She’s in Chin to visit our mother

and won’t be back for at least two weeks.

Two weeks?????

Ming T’ien and K’ao Hsin both start backing away from Xena.

Umm yeah, but we can start working on that chicken

coop since that is being built on Amazon land.

Xena throws up her hands and stalks off.

Int – Barn – Early Evening

Clank... Clank... Clank...

Please let that be Salmoneus back with the furniture,

and not who I think it is.

Door opens to the barn and light floods in on Xena and Argo.

Xena I have been looking all over for you.

No, this can’t be happening.

What can’t be happening?

Nothing. What brings you here?

I work here.

You work here?

Well yeah. I worked for Salmoneus when he owned

this land, and thought maybe I could get my job back.

I require two weeks paid vacation one week sick leave,

Athens insurance.

No.

Come on, Xena. I can help you. I know this place like

the back of my hand.

Joxer turns his hand and slightly jumps when he looks at it.

No.

Xena starts walking towards the barn door.

Okay, how about one week paid one week sick and

Mutual of Corinth Insurance?

The barn door slams shut as Joxer gets his last word out.

Okay, Xena... we can talk later.

Joxer turns towards Argo.

They always say never accept the first offer anyway.

Int. Stable - Mid morning

Xena is brushing Argo and whispering quietly in the horse’s ear.

If I didn’t know better, I would think the Furies were

playing games with my head again. This farming life is

driving me mad, and we have been here only one day. I

think those crazy people from that next farm over had a

talking pig. I need to find something to do to occupy my

time while Gabrielle wanders around the field.

Xena puts down the brush and looks approvingly at the horse.

Well girl, looks like you have the shiniest coat this side

of Corinth.

Xena pats Argo one last time and head toward the hut.

Int. Hut - Early afternoon

Xena is rummaging through the various drawers and baskets lying around the hut. She throws them out the non-existent wall as she straightens up the hut.

Hey, a scroll! Maybe it’s a copy of Pentopolius Hut.

Xena has a lecherous grin on her face.

Xena slowly unrolls it and across the top it says "Good Hut Keeping".

Well, I guess you can’t win them all.

Xena slowly sits down and starts reading the articles coming to a section about cooking. Getting a smile on her face, she looks around the hut and then back to the scroll.

Int. Hut - Evening

Gabrielle and Joxer enter the hut. They hear various sounds coming from the hearth area and look at each other with a questioning look.

Come on in, you two. I am making dinner.

Gabrielle mouths "Xena’s making dinner?" with her eyebrows raised towards Joxer.

Come on, you two. It’s almost ready.

Gabrielle enters the makeshift dining area and sees Xena with an apron around her waist flipping something in a frying pan.

What are you up to?

Making dinner. I found this scroll in those baskets that

were lying around in here and thought I would try the

recipes in it. I have hot pita which I am making now.

Gabrielle looks around Xena to spy what looks like a piece of dough bubbling up in the frying pan.

And something called a vasilopita. Had problems

finding a big enough pan to hold it all but finally found

an old oat pan and got all the dough in it.

Xena gestures towards what looks like a wagon wheel sitting on the table.

Gabrielle answers in a confused voice.

It looks good, Xena. Umm, how much flour did you

use for that vasilopita?

Well it said one flour so I used one bag of flour, one bag

of sugar, one bushel of eggs and one churn of butter.

Gabrielle looks over at the empty five-pound bags of flour and sugar lying on the floor.

Sit down. Dinner is ready.

Joxer and Gabrielle sit down and Xena dishes out the hot pita onto both of their plates. Joxer’s hot pita makes one last bubble that pops shooting dough towards his face. Joxer swings his hands around trying to avoid the splatters.

You going to eat with us, Xena?

Oh no. I have been munching on dried meat all day, and

I couldn’t eat another bite.

Oh ok.

Gabrielle pokes at her hot pita for a minute not seeming to know what to make of it. Joxer in the mean time picks his up and bites down on it. Sounds of breaking teeth are heard as Joxer drops his hot pita back onto the plate.

They both look at each other.

Are you thinking what I am thinking?

Joxer and Gabrielle both whisper at the same time, "Chicken coop shingles". Gabrielle picks up both hot pita and pitched them out a convenient window

So how is it?

Delicious. I don’t think I could eat another bite.

Do you, Joxer?

Oh no. I am so full I could bust.

Darn! And here I made a whole stack of them.

Midnight snack maybe?

You do like to snack at night.

Xena winks and Gabrielle grins at the comment.

Int. Bedroom - Night

Xena and Gabrielle are laying on their bedroll looking out at the stars through their non-existent wall.

So are you going to tell me why Joxer is still hanging

around?

Well as much as I hate to admit this, he did something

I couldn’t do.

And what was that?

You know that old mule Salmoneus sold us?

Yes...

Umm well, it didn’t want to move. Joxer just happened

to be walking by, and that old Hoytus-Clagwellus mule

started following Joxer down the road. Now I wasn’t about

to let my 10 dinars walk away so I hired Joxer to walk in

front of the mule until we can get another one. You’re not

mad are you?

Of course not. I trust you, remember?

Gabrielle kisses Xena on the cheek and they settle down to sleep.