by
(E-Mail: Am21Cards@yahoo.com)
Previously on To Live: Premastered.
"It's Britannia.This is where it started."
Chapter #3 - Back To The Beginning
Gabrielle's knees gave way; collapsing, as silent tears streamed down her face. As there was no shelter for them nearby, Morrigan managed to get herself and Gabrielle on the other side of the hill in which they just came.
Gabrielle curled herself into a tight ball, and panic soon filled her body.
"Gabrielle, look at me. Yes, this is Britannia. What happened here, this is where what stared?"
Exhaustion simultaneously hit Gabrielle in the middle of a panic attack.
".Angry mob.so many villagers wanting me dead.Banshees.By the Gods, the Banshees." Gabrielle quietly recounted, squeezing her eyes shut against the memories.
"What about them? What were they for?" Morrigan asked.
"Dahak. An evil no one should ever have to endure.." Gabrielle whispered, her body beginning to shake, almost violently, as if the temperatures plummeted in the blink of an eye. Gabrielle couldn't believe she dared to say his name aloud.
Morrigan's memory snapped back into place, now fully restored. ' Very glad I didn't mention Dahak, Hercules, or Iolaus earlier.Not about to mention them now either. I hate lying to her, but I can't add to her pain ..'
"What? Who's Dahak? What happened here?" Morrigan asked; concerned, confused, curious.
"Can we-can we find somewhere to go? I'm afraid.I'm afraid to talk about it here, so close to." Gabrielle shook her head. "Please?"
"Sure, we'll find something." Morrigan replied, her concern heightened even more.
About an hour later (after picking up more food to bring with them), Morrigan and Gabrielle found an abandoned barn. Gabrielle (gratefully) noticed it wasn't the one she was in the last time she was here. Finding blankets under some hay, Morrigan shook them out, and wrapped it around Gabrielle's shoulders.
Gabrielle wasn't hungry, so she declined to eat. Sitting on a bale of hay, she wrapped the blankets tighter around her, trying to warm the invisible chill in her body. Morrigan, sitting on the ground in front of her, stared her straight in the eyes. Fortunately for Gabrielle, the look in Morrigan's eyes wasn't of judgment, anger, or suspicion; but of concern.
"What happened here Gabrielle?" She asked gently.
Closing her eyes against the images, against the memories, against the pain, Gabrielle took a deep breath.
"I was traveling with my best friend Xena in Greece.We came upon three men who told us.who told us they were being brought here to Britannia by order of the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar. Caesar captured a temple of the God that the men were worshipping. Their acquaintance was a former enemy of Xena's who also wanted to stop Caesar. So, Xena and Boadicea (the former enemy) decided to join forces to stop him, because Xena and Caesar also have been enemies for quite some time. Originally, Xena stopped the Roman guards and freed the prisoners."
"After arriving here, Xena and I got split up; I was with the prisoner.Khrafstar." Gabrielle's voice shook, as she tightened the blanket around her. Morrigan nodded for her to continue when she was ready.
"Khraf-The-the prisoner and I, we were captured by Roman soldiers. We were taken to Caesar, and ordered that our legs were to be broken." Gabrielle paused, taking a deep breath. She shook her head, not wanting to continue. Morrigan gave her a look in which to say she didn't have to, and noted how Gabrielle only mentioned that man's name once, tried a second time but stopped altogether.
Gabrielle knows she has to continue; knows this is important to say. But to a complete stranger? ' Why? Why is it so important for me to tell her ?'
"Anyway, Xena saved us, and by that point she was so obsessed with stopping Caesar.Before and after Xena saved us.the prisoner spoke of his One God, and how this god would bring enlightenment, truth, goodness, and change the world."
"I was such a fool.Played me like a lyre." Gabrielle said bitterly.
Morrigan, even more intrigued than she was before sat forward.
"When, when we got to the temple with the prisoner's other followers, there was a woman leading the.ceremony. She mentioned that there had been some changes made to the ceremony, and as the woman continued with the prayer, the prisoner noted that things had changed a lot. The woman mentioned that there needed to be a blood sacrifice of an innocent to the one god named Dahak. The followers grabbed the prisoner and tied him to the altar, while he stated that Dahak wasn't the god he had been referring to, and "not our god." The woman held a dagger over him prepared to kill him."
Gabrielle took a deep breath. "When I realized what was going on, I had to do something. I couldn't just let an innocent man die. I was grabbed by the other followers, but broke free and went to him. I was able to push the woman out of the way, grabbing the dagger in the process, and started to release the prisoner.She had a sword. The prisoner shouted my name in order to warn me about the woman from behind."
Tears now filled her eyes; she willed them not to fall. "I still had the dagger in my hand." Her tears now began to fall.
"I turned around, and stabbed her. Not in self-defense, not in defense of the prisoner.I just stabbed her. There was so much blood. I've seen my share of bloodshed, but this? This was different." Gabrielle closed her eyes.
Morrigan was tempted to say something, but not sure if Gabrielle was finished with her story.
"It was my first kill."
Morrigan closed her eyes. She remembered her first kill-she was sick for a month afterward. Sometimes, she still had the occasional nightmare from it.
"I screamed. The prisoner said it was my sacrifice of blood innocence-the fact that I never killed anyone before; that's what Dahak wanted, and I had given it to him. I was bringing him into the world." Gabrielle no longer held her tears at bay as she began to shake once again. Morrigan sat next to her and held her. Gabrielle reminded Morrigan of her young daughter when plagued by nightmares.
"I don't remember how long I was there for when Xena found me. She thought I killed in self-defense, but I didn't. I was so upset, so scared, so sick. Xena demanded an answer of the prisoner. He said that it was her fault that we were there, her hatred of Caesar that brought us there; brought me to Dahak."
Silently to herself, Morrigan took what she was hearing into consideration. ' Technically though, she did kill in the defense of another who was unable to defend himself ...' Morrigan thought.
"I think it was just one big set up.Dahak..He-he probably knew Xena's hatred of Caesar was as strong as it was, and that's exactly what he wanted.And he got it. Because he needed me."
Morrigan nodded in understanding. "You said you think Dahak set you up, that he probably knew Xena's hatred of Caesar was strong." Morrigan trailed off, hoping to have Gabrielle elaborate.
"I wonder.I wonder if that's why he sent the prisoners to cross our path; maybe he influenced Caesar, but if he didn't, I think I remember him telling Xena just the right things to keep her focused on him."
Morrigan nodded again. "She acted accordingly, and even if things weren't there, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy - Caesar reacted to Xena, and Xena reacted to Caesar."
"Yes.And because I gave Dahak what he wanted, we've been fighting him ever since."
"I, I don't think I can do this anymore." Gabrielle said suddenly; quietly, her gaze looking toward the ground.
"Then don't Gabrielle. If it's too hard, don't. It can wait."
"No it can't." Gabrielle said, an interesting note of determination (or stubbornness) to get through this, as her head rose and her jade eyes locked onto emerald. "I have to finish this.I have to tell you, and I'm not sure why it's so important, but it is. I feel like I have to admit to it again; own up for my past mistakes.Forgive myself all over again."
"Why 'again'?" Morrigan asked.
"I don't know. Maybe I never really forgave myself in the first place; even after those around me forgave me. A priest forgave my past misdeeds, but it still got so bad to the point where I thought about erasing my memory in order to stop the pain; the guilt.all of it."
"But you didn't." Morrigan acknowledged.
"No." Gabrielle said quietly.
"Do you regret your decision now? Do you wish you had erased your memory; do you wish you could erase your memory now?"
"I.I don't know. I've been having nightmares lately. Xena says I talk in my sleep but I've been taking herbs so I wouldn't talk, and so the nightmares wouldn't plague me. But, I just don't know why these nightmares are occurring again."
Morrigan hesitated briefly before speaking. "On occasion, I still have nightmares of my first kill. That was over 20 years ago."
The two women shared a look of empathy toward the other.
Suddenly, Gabrielle got up and began pacing. Morrigan knew Gabrielle's mind was back to her story. "When Xena demanded an answer of what had happened to me, the prisoner laughed. Suddenly, the altar exploded.These flames jumped out.they, they came to life."
Morrigan's eyes widened; realizing Gabrielle wasn't being dramatic.
"They started to come toward me. I tried to scramble away.The flames.it was like it had arms.Dahak's arms-I've never been a huge fan of fire since then. The flames started dragging me by my ankles. I screamed for Xena to help me; she tried but couldn't.The flames dragged me to the altar and hoisted me up, suspending me in mid-air. I don't know how long I was up there. It felt like an eternity."
"From what Xena told me later on the prisoner turned into a monster.Granted all that changed was just his appearance.Xena fought him, and threw him into the flames. She caught me as I fell, and we got out of there because the temple began to crumble."
Gabrielle became silent. Morrigan knew there was more to her story; there had to be. She wasn't sure if, by the mere mention of Dahak's name, that would cause this kind of pain. There had to be more. ' What in the world was Dahak's fire for.It's not like it-No.Although it is Dahak, and it wouldn't surprise me. But.it's absolutely absurd !'
"Gabrielle.What happened next?" Morrigan debated on wanting to know. No, this was too important; for Gabrielle, for Hercules, for Iolaus.
"About a week later, I was still having nightmares, still sick. Logistically, it made sense that I was still reacting to my first kill. It made perfect sense; by the Gods it had only been a week. That day, we had set out toward the harbor in attempts to get a boat back to Greece. We stopped at a tavern by the water, Xena had left to pay for passage on the boat. I had ordered some food."
Gabrielle gave a small wistful smile. "I had never remembered eating so much food before.or food that was so different from one order to the next."
' Morning sickness.Oh for the love of the Druids, hasn't the poor lass been through enough ?'
"Apparently, it was an ambush. Villagers thought I was a witch, and lit the tavern on fire. I ended up getting out, but fled as fast as I could to escape the angry mob running after me. Xena saved me.she's always doing that.Soon these Banshee's were saying they were there to protect me.that I was carrying a child."
"I was so overwhelmed, and confused I refused to believe them. Xena and I ran to a castle; my stomach was hurting, but I thought it was just stress. Xena noted that I was around my fourth month, but I thought I was just freaking out."
"Until."
"Until what?"
"Until something moved inside of me." Gabrielle looked at Morrigan briefly, her eyes held a deep hollowness within them.
About a million words that would be nowhere near appropriate to say in front of her young daughter ran through Morrigan's mind.
"We made our way into a barn.much like this. I thought I was being punished. Xena said no, and went to talk to the guards of the castle to find out more information. Minutes later I screamed in pain.I was in labor."
Summaria -
Nabula had been making plans to return to Greece. It was getting late, and she probably should be getting some sleep. However, thoughts of Iolaus, thoughts of Dahak plagued her mind.
"You really did love him didn't you?" Says a voice from behind.
Nebula swiftly turned around, only to face the God of War himself.
"What do you want? And why did you separate Morrigan and I from the villagers?" Nebula hissed, glaring at him.
"I have my reasons. Look, Morrigan will be here soon. A day at most. She is bringing someone with her. You just might want to drop Dahak's name-"
"What are you talking about, why?" Nebula asked, although intrigued.
"Let's just say this person Morrigan will bring with her knows Dahak all too well."
"What's that supposed to mean? What about Hercules and Iolaus?"
Ares shrugged. "Oh, you'll see. I'd also wait until you get the information you want about Dahak. But of course, I never said anything."
Nebula nodded, but eyed Ares skeptically. "Right.It's just a hunch."
"Exactly my dear." Ares said. Pleased, he left.
Britannia -
Morrigan listened; offering quiet words of comfort and support as Gabrielle continued her story, and the aftermath of Hope's birth.
She struggled the most when she got to the next time they encountered Hope; her lies coming to the forefront and the deadly consequences of her well-meaning intentions.
Gabrielle spoke of the rift between she and Xena, and expanded more on her visit to Mnemosyne's temple, and their next encounter with Hope - now identical to Gabrielle as an adult.
Finally Gabrielle spoke of her sacrifice to save Xena, and then their reunion, and once again finally killing Hope and her and Ares' evil child, the Destroyer. (1 of 7).
It was hours into the night as Gabrielle finished up her story, and exhaustion took over as she fell into a fitful sleep.
Morrigan watched over her maternally. She wished Mavon was still here.He'd know what to do.
Sumaria - The Next Day -
As Ares had said, Morrigan did bring someone with her as they approached Nebula's palace. Morrigan still retained her speed from being the Druid of Justice, so they got there quite quickly. (However it only worked outside of Eire, and Summaria). She asked Gabrielle to wait a moment, while she went up to speak to Nebula privately.
Gabrielle nodded quietly, as Nebula initially studied her demeanor: quiet, very timid, anxious of her surroundings, and scared. But it was the almost wild look in Gabrielle's eyes, the look of a frightened, caged baby animal that caused Nebula to pause in what Ares had hinted to her the night before.
"Are you all right?" Nebula asked, focusing on Morrigan, but keeping an eye on Gabrielle. They were almost out of earshot of Gabrielle, but kept their voices quiet; Gabrielle was too preoccupied to even think of paying attention to the pleasantries.
"Yes.well sort of. We're okay." Morrigan lowered her voice even more. "Look, don't mention Dahak or Hercules and Iolaus." Giving a glance Gabrielle's way, Morrigan continued. "She's been through enough in the past day. The poor girl is shaken to the core. She doesn't need this bad news right now."
"What do you mean? What happened?"
"I'll tell you later.Maybe. It isn't my story to tell. Look, she's headed to Greece. Right now, she's still willing to help us fight. Let's all head there, then we can break the news to her when we meet up with Hercules. It's his story to tell too, not ours."
"What do you mean willing to -"
"Can we please just go in now and get settled? Just for the night and we'll all head out tomorrow. Okay? Trust me Neblua, she's been through enough. If you don't trust her, fine. But trust me."
Later That Night -
Gabrielle, with a blanket draped around her, has remained quiet most of her time in Summaria. Her mind was too preoccupied on where she just was, and trying to comprehend 1. how she got there in the first place, and 2. that nothing happened to her. She shivered most of the day, despite the rather warm temperatures.
Morrigan and Nebula too knew it wasn't the nighttime chill. They watched her carefully; Morrigan worriedly; Nebula suspicious, yet worried.
A few minutes later, Gabrielle thanked Nebula for her hospitality, and said she'd be happy to help them fight whatever monster they were up against. Nebula noted how exhausted Gabrielle was, and had one of her maids show Gabrielle to her room to get some sleep.
Once out of earshot, Nebula spoke. "What's going on Morrigan? You need to tell me."
"I told you, it's not for me to tell. We just can't mention who we're fighting or either of our friends. They're her friends too. It will kill her to find out."
"What does she have to do with it?"
Morrigan sighed."Nothing and everything."
"Morrigan." Nebula said in a low growl.
"Nebula, I'd tell ya more if I could. Wait, why are you suspicious anyways?"
Nebula remained silent.
"Oh for the love of.A little 'birdie' whisper in your ear did he? Just great. Don't listen to him. Let it be, let things happen as they will. We'll all find out what is what when the time comes."
Nebula sighed. She knew Morrigan was right, and that Ares was in all likelihood trying to stir up trouble.
After speaking briefly about when to head out in the morning and what to bring, the two remaining women bid each other good night, and went to sleep.
The Next Morning -
When Gabrielle awoke, she shivered. Opening her eyes she saw woodland, her body no loner resting on a soft silk bed but hard ground and exposed to the elements. Dawned in a black hooded cloak, she kept the hood up. Getting up she cautiously walked around. Noting some signs, she realized she was back in Greece.
But how did she get there? Where were Morrigan and Nebula?
Taking a deep breath, she continued to walk until she came upon a temple. She wasn't sure if it had been there previously, but gathered not, as it looked relatively new.
She noted her instincts were hesitant on approaching the temple, however she was in Greece now. That small fact made her feel a little better. Gabrielle, although not wanting to ignore her instincts thought with everything going on, she was just on overdrive.
Norway -
An invisible Ares smiled as he watched Xena and Eli. "Time to stir the pot some more."
Suddenly, he grabbed Eli from behind. At Eli's sudden movement backwards, and gasp of surprise, Xena turned, her sword in hand.
"Ares, let him go!"
"Sorry Xena, I can't do that. Eli here is going to come with me."
"Why, what do you want with me?" Eli asked.
"Don't worry, Eli. Everything will be just fine. You'll be doing exactly what you're meant to do."
"Ares! Leave him alone!" Xena warned. "What do you want with him?"
"Like I said, Xena, don't worry about where he's going. He'll be just fine."
"I don't buy it, Ares. Especially coming from you. Release him."
"We'll be sure to see you later." Ares said, as he and Eli disappeared.
"Just great." Xena muttered to herself, as she continued on the path she and Eli were on.
Greece -
Gabrielle debated on the temple. Though, the closer she got to the temple, the more her instincts screamed to stay away. Finally listening to her instincts, she pivoted and made a 90 degree turn, walking past a doorway.
She hears a voice as she passes by, and though not intending to look, it catches her attention.
' Iolaus! What is he doing there? ' Gabrielle thought. She sees he's laying on the altar, and the blue beam of light keeping him there, along with the chains catches her attention.
Dahak sees the figure from where he is, though does not know who it is. "Please, please someone help me. My best friend won't be here for days because of the Gods. Please, someone help me."
' I have to help him. ' Gabrielle's mind was made up.
She went into the temple.