Lesson One: Is that a Gun in Your Pocket?
Gail Kent drove into the northern Manitoba town of Beyond with a smile on her face. She had graduated from the RCMP Academy Depot Division in Regina, Saskatchewan just a few months ago. She had never felt more proud when she had put on the red serge uniform for the first time for her graduation. To stand at attention with her fellow officers at a Canadian Academy that had its beginning way back in 1885 had been an emotional moment and became more so when the Chief Inspector spilt his drink on it during the reception. Reality check. Still, the RCMP wasn't just a police force: it was a symbol of Canada. Their moto, Maintain the Right, was what Canada was all about, Gail thought. And now it was her turn to maintain that right in Beyond.
She glanced at the dashboard clock, an hour before her interview with the retiring officer, Sergeant Mark Hellman. There was time for a quick lunch. She parked her jeep on Main Street, noting there were no parking meters, locked the jeep and headed into the Sunnyside-Up Café. The buzz of chatter died away immediately and everyone turned to look at her. The only sound was the squeak of rag on glass as the middle aged woman at the counter dried a tumbler.
Not good , Gail thought. She walked to the counter and took a stool.
“You the new woman cop? Hellman will be waiting for you,” the woman said.
“Not for an hour,” Gail replied. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, how did they know who she was?
A weasel of a guy scurried up on her right. “Another damn queer. That all they got down south?” He threw some change on the counter and walked out. Gail's eyes were wide with surprise as she watched him leave.
The woman at the counter explained matter-of-factly. “That's Earl King. Richest man in town and the town's mayor. He's a widower and doesn't want to be. He isn't too impressed about another lesbian moving into town. Pickings are lean around here for men.”
“Who's the other lesbian?” Gail asked. She was going to have to have a word with Sergeant Hellman about revealing personal data.
“Nurse. Over at the clinic. Her name's Kate Kenner. You'll have to get her phone number yourself.” This brought a laugh from everyone in the café and a blush to Gail's face.
“Guess I can do that. What's your special?”
“Best damn chicken pot pie in the north.”
“Better give me some then and I'll check if I need to arrest you for false advertising.”
The woman laughed and stuck out her hand. “Ginger Root is my name. Georgia Root really but the idiots in this town all call me Ginger. Had to dye my hair to go with the handle.”
Gail looked at the woman's hair. Bright orange would be the best description but she wasn't about to say so. “Good plan.” she responded. “I'm Officer Gail Kent.”
Ginger chuckled. “Hey guys, we got the Gail Force in charge now.” The patrons of the café laughed. Gail blushed some more and waited while Ginger got her lunch. Gradually, the other patrons went back to their meals and talk. The chicken pot pie when it came was probably the best Gail had every eaten.
“Well?” asked Ginger as Gail pushed away her empty plate.
“Jury's out. I'll probably have to try it three or four more times at least before I can make a firm decision. Is it on the menu every day?”
“Only Thursdays and then only if one of these idiots runs over a chicken.”
Gail paid for her meal and stepped outside. Main Street consisted of the diner, a motel, a hardware store, grocery store, some small businesses and the police office. Gail headed to the latter.
Opening the door and walking into the store front building she found a woman sitting behind a counter.
“Hi, I'm Office Kent. I have an appointment to see Sergeant Hellman.”
“He'll be back in a minute. He had to go over to the clinic with a dead bat that bit him to see if it had rabies.”
“A dead bat bit him?” Gail smiled.
“Nope, an angry bat bit him. Then he was a dead bat.” the woman laughed. “Mark shot holes clean through the roof. You'd better get a bucket for your apartment before the next time it rains.”
“The bat was in the apartment?”
“In the attic. They like attics. I said get Hans Koff to get rid of them he knows critters but Mark thought he could just scare them out and patch the hole the squirrel made. Instead, that old bat scared Mark half to death. It was a hell of a fire fight up there. I swear I thought the bats were shooting back. I'm Maria Capra. I run this office. My husband is Lou. He runs the garage down the road.”
“Guess you pretty well have this town sewn up then,” Gail joked.
“Nope, that would be Earl King. If he don't own it, it's not worth owning.”
The door opened behind Gail. She turned and came to attention and saluted. Sergeant Hellman tried to return the salute but his centre finger had a big wad of bandages on it. Which made the move look more like a rude gesture.
“Ah forget it. Come into my office.”
“What did Kate say?” asked Maria as Hellman walked past.
“It's okay. I don't want to talk about it. Go home and you don't need to be telling the town about this!” he called as Maria packed up her things.
“Is she why the whole town seems to know everything about me?”
“Probably. She's the source of all the gossip for a hundred miles that's for sure.”
“Maybe she isn't such a good choice for a secretary if she can't keep official police business under the wraps.”
Hellman snorted. “Hell, people in Beyond will know who done it, why and what their sentence will be before you even get out to your patrol car. This aren't the city. Everybody is related to someone and the grape vein is alive and healthy.” Hellman sat down and grabbed the edge of his desk as the seat wobbled dangerously. “Welcome to Beyond, Kent, beyond civilization, beyond reason and beyond hope. Have a seat.” Gail sat.
“When will you find out if that bat has rabies?”
Hellman blushed. “Wasn't a bite. Grazed the tip of my finger when I opened fire.” Gail bit her lip but didn't say anything. “Don't you laugh. That's an order, Officer,” Hellman said and smiled, then they both laughed. “Hey, no one needs to know that but the two of us and Kate.”
“Okay.”
“She's going to have the bat tested just to be sure.”
“Yup, it would be a shame if you infected it before you shot it.”
“Wise guy. Okay, let me fill you in. Don't go asking too many questions about Mayor Earl King. In a manner of speaking Earl runs this town. He's a crook and everyone knows it, but Earl does more good than harm so let it be as long as things don't get too far out of line. The real power in town is Ginger Root. She's our unofficial mayor. She'd be our real mayor if there was any justice in the world. Earl is a worm. Ginger is a spitfire. Never cross Ginger. She'll run you out of town quicker than you can draw your gun.”
Gail's eyes widened. She said nothing about her encounter with Ginger at the diner. Hellman went on.
“We have an eight year old Ford, two rifles that are even older and a shotgun. It's got a hell of a kick so don't ever pull the trigger. The two way radio in the squad doesn't work but that's okay, there is no one to call. Use your cell phone. You got a revolver? I hope so because one doesn't come with the office.”
“Do we have crime kits?” Gail hesitated to ask.
“Nope, but Kate has rape kits and you can send down south for support if you have a homicide. Winters are long so chances are the body will keep until they get here if an animal doesn't get it.”
Gail blinked at the lack of police resources, but managed not to go screaming from the room at the obvious lack of professional standards.
“Your best weapon is Maria anyway. She'll know and eventually she'll give you enough hints so you can solve the case. It's best to always keep on her good side.”
Gail closed her eyes and imagined all that amazing training she just completed flying out the window. Hellman was still talking.
“Now Old Sam is our town lawyer and Friday night drunk. He don't cause us much trouble but he will insist on urinating on the library fence. Gladys Monk phones in a complaint every time and you gotta go and bring Old Sam in. I swear Gladys must sit in her window and just wait for Sam to pull out his wanger. Gladys is eighty-two and an old maid. I'm surprised she even recognizes a wanger when she sees one.”
Gail smiled. There were characters on everyone's beat.
“Just one last word of advice. You see these sergeant insignias. They took me my career to earn and I got them because I never, ever reported a UFO sighting. Remember that.”
“You've seen UFOs?” asked Gail in disbelief.
“Nope, never and neither have you if you want to ever get out of Beyond. Remember that.” Hellman got up. “Here's the keys to the car, the office, the gun case and the ammo drawer and hanging over there is the key to the cell. Old Sam has his own set of keys so he can get into the office if it's cold outside and you're not around. Your quarters are upstairs. Three rooms and a bath. Oh, the roof probably leaks. Good luck, Kent.”
Gail came to her feet. “But, Sir, aren't you going to be around for a little while before you hand over command?”
“I'm retired as of today. Fishin' season starts tomorrow at five A.M. I've never made the opening of fishin' season before but this year I plan to do just that. I've got my cabin cruiser gassed up and my gear all aboard. I'll see you in a few weeks to see how you are doing, Kent.”
Hellman picked up a cardboard box off the floor. Gail snapped to attention. Hellman looked at her, chuckled, and left. Gail was now in charge. The Gail Force.
The door popped open again and Hellman's head appeared around the frame. “Oh, one thing I forgot. Eddi Clarence is the game warden. He takes himself a little too seriously. It's the uniform. Sometimes the deer don't co-operate in huntin' season. Up here with a lot of unemployment, a person has gotta have meat for the winter, you understand. And don't be touching the venison I left in the freezer. It's mine.”
Gail got her bags stowed in her new apartment, checked out the damage to the roof and then donned work clothes. In the back yard, she found a shed with the tools she would need but she still needed to make a quick stop at the hardware store before starting her task.
“Hey, Gail Force,” what can we get you?” a voice called out as Gail stepped into the old fashioned hardware store. “I'm Vern Knight. My wife Bess and I run this store for Earl King.”
“Hi, good to meet you. I saw you two over at the Café this morning, didn't I?” Gail walked over to the counter smiling and shook their hands. Getting to know her town's people was important.
“Yeah. Bess and I have a lunch date every now and again to keep the romance alive.” Vern joked giving his wife a hug.
Bess blushed. “Don't listen to the idiot. He just likes Ginger's chicken pot pie. So how can we help you?'
“I'm patching some holes in the roof. I'm going to be needing an exterior caulking, a few roofing nails and a length of wood doweling,” Gail explained.
“What sized dowelling?” Vern asked, coming around the counter and heading down an aisle.
Gail leaned against the counter and tried to suppress a chuckle and failed. “Something about a 45 calibre bullet in diameter.”
Vern and Bess hooted with laugher. Vern came back with a half inch doweling. “I heard ‘The Hell-man' had a gun fight with some bats. I didn't know the only casualty was the office roof.” He dropped the dowelling on the counter for Bess to ring in and disappeared down another aisle.
“It was collateral damage. It's hard to hit a moving target,” Gail joked.
Bess snorted. “Mark Hellman couldn't hit the side of a barn door. He once missed a deer that was standing right in front of him.”
“How come he's got venison in the freezer?”
“He always hunts with Ginger. After he's missed a few times, Ginger gets bored and brings one down for him.”
Gail laughed. “Does he fish any better?”
Vern had now piled all the needed supplies on the counter and Bess was ringing them in. Vern nodded. “Give him a hook and line and he's a master. Give him a rifle and you'd be best to be standing behind him.”
“That's twelve dollars with tax, Gail.”
“Thanks. I'll be seeing you.”
“Be careful on that roof now,” Vern called after her. Gail waved and headed out the door.
In the work shed behind the office, Gail cut inch long plugs from the dowelling and shoved them in her jean's pocket. There was no utility knife available so she tucking a slotted screw driver into her back pocket to use to score the few pieces of roofing tile she had found in the shed. Then shoving a hammer into her belt and throwing the shingles over her shoulder she climbed the old wood ladder she'd put up against the back of the office.
She tore off the damaged shingles, hammered the dowelling into the holes, caulked everything really well and then scored, bent and jammed in new pieces of shingle, nailing and caulking them into place. Standing up, she surveyed her work and was pleased with her efforts. You wouldn't be able to tell where she'd made the repair except the replacement shingles weren't as weathered. Working in construction to pay for her law enforcement degree had paid off in more ways than one.
She carefully walked down the sloping roof and climbed on the ladder. A few feet from the ground the ladder rung broke and down she went. She managed to land on her feet and bend at the knees to absorb the shock, but she lost her balance and landed on her butt. Pain knifed through her.
“Shit!” She managed to get out through clutched teeth. Rolling on her side, she reached behind her and felt the bloody handle of the screw driver. “Damn!”
Whimpering in pain, Gail managed to get to her feet with the help of the ladder. She took a few deep breaths got hold of the screw driver and pulled. “Ahhhh!” Slapping her hand over her butt, she hobbled to the back door.
Half an hour later, wearing baggy sweat pants, she presented herself at the nurse practitioner's office. The office, she noticed, was much nicer and cleaner than her own. “I'd like to see the nurse.”
“Do you have an appointment, Officer Kent?”
“No, but it's a bit of an emergency,” Gail muttered.
“Okay. I'm Cindy Koff. Hans is my husband. I'll see if Kate can see you.”
“I hear Sergeant Hellman should have got Hans to see to the bats,” Gail managed to smile.
“You bet. Hans has a way with animals. Sit over there and fill out this new patient form while you're waiting.”
Gail smiled thinly. “I'll just fill it out right here at the counter if you don't mind.”
“No problem. Back in a minute.”
Gail filled out the form and stood waiting.
Finally Cindy returned. “Go right in, second door on the right.”
Gail nodded and found herself in an examining room. She stood and waited. A minute later a beautiful woman walked in. Petite, brunette and graceful. Wow!
“Hi, I'm Nurse Kenner. What's the problem? Cindy said it was an emergency.”
Gail blushed. “Ahhh, well, the ladder broke and I fell on my, ahhh, backside and there was a screw driver in my pocket and it..er…stuck into me.”
Nurse Kenner smiled and then covered her mouth with her hand trying to force back a laugh. “You screwed yourself?”
Gail snorted and then groaned. “That about sums it up.”
“Okay officer, drop your pants and lean over the table.”
“I was sort of hoping we might do dinner first, you know, get to know each other,” Gail sighed as she followed instructions.
“Hmmm,” Kate murmured noncommittedly. “The good news is the screw driver didn't go too deep. The bad news is it's ripped a good three inches of flesh. The sanitary napkin is a nice touch.”
“I didn't have a bandage big enough so I taped a pad on.”
“Have you had a tetanus shot?
“Yes.”
“Good. I'm just going to freeze your rear admiral, clean this up a bit and put in a few stitches. Okay?”
“Freezing would be good.”
Kate Kenner chuckled. “You are going to have one blue moon there, Officer.”
“Great. Just great.”
“Could have been worse. A few more inches to the right and…”
“Let's not go there! This is embarrassing enough!” Gail protested.
Kate laughed and went on with her work. By the time she'd finished, Gail was feeling much more comfortable. She pulled up her pants while Kate Kenner filled out a form.
“I've got a prescription for you. She handed it over with a smile. Gail read it. “A cushion?”
“It's going to be very uncomfortable for a while. Better not patrol down any back roads.”
“You're enjoying this, aren't you?”
“I have to admit the police department of Beyond has brought a good deal of merriment to my otherwise routine day. Take Tylenol and stay off your backside if you can, Rear-Admiral Kent.”
“Thanks. I hope to get to know you just as well someday.”
Kate crossed her arms. “Ahh, I'm not a lesbian. I just tell the guys that to keep them at bay.”
“Damn, it's just not my day.”
“Please keep my secret.” Gail said offering her hand.
They shook hands. It was a nice hand to hold, Gail thought, and sighed. “Your secret's safe with me. Thanks for the patch-up.”
“Bottoms-up, officer.”
Lesson Two: Water Under the Bridge…
The next day, Gail donned her blue work uniform for her first foot patrol. She walked up and down the street stopping at each business and having a visit. Lunch was at the Sunnyside-Up. The special on Fridays was fish and chips.
Ginger dropped the plate in front of Gail. “Eat it quick before the game warden confiscates it,” she growled.
A mountain of a man sitting on the stool beside Gail muttered an explanation between shovelling fries. “Gail got caught fishin' without a license this morning.”
“Guess she needs to get one,” Gail said, breaking through the thin crispy crust to the white, flakey fish below. “I'm Gail Kent, who are you?”
“Hans Koff. Ginger's got a license but it aren't fishin season until tomorrow.”
Gail's fork stopped half way to her mouth. “I thought Mark Hellman said he was fishing today.”
“Yup, with Ginger. Them two gotta learn to read a calendar.”
That evening Gail posted herself near the library. She could have sat in the patrol car but preferred instead to stand behind a tree. Sure enough at eleven o'clock Old Sam came staggering down the street and pulled out his equipment to take a leak on the library wrought iron fence.
Gail came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Sam whizzed around and Gail felt warm liquid soaking through her pant leg.
“Oh gosh! Sorry, Officer Kent.” Sam turned around and she heard his fly being zipped up. He turned back to face her. “You shouldn't sneak up on a person like that especially when he's taking a leak.”
Gail looked down at the puddle she was standing in. “So I learned. Come on, Sam, jail, now.”
“But I haven't pissed on the fence yet!”
“You're not going to either,” Gail said firmly. “You're going to cool your buns at the station until you're sober. Pull it out again and I might charge you with assaulting an officer.”
“Pissin on an officer isn't assault. It was an act of God! He's got a damn good sense of humour!” Sam chuckled.
Gail shook her pant leg. “I don't. Get moving.”
Sam crossed his arms and stuck his jaw out defiantly. “Can't.”
Gail sighed and rolled her eyes. “Why not?”
“'Cause, I've been pissin' on the Albert F. Monk library fence every Friday night for the past forty-three years. It's tradition!”
“All traditions come to an end. Move!” Gail took Sam by the elbow and marched him over to the jail. She got Sam behind bars and then sat gingerly on a soft cushion she'd put on the chair behind her desk. The cushion had made the old chair more wobbly than it already was. She'd need a new chair one of these days. She wasn't really going to charge the old guy but this was one tradition that needed to be broke. She'd keep Sam in the cell until she could bring Gladys in and then the three of them would talk it out. In the meantime she had a report to type up.
A white haired head peeped around the corner of the door. “Is this the police office?”
“Yes, mam,” Gail said getting to her feet and limping into the main room.
“Oh my! Can I come in?”
“Sure. Can I help you?” Gail smiled. A bird-like old woman walked shyly into the office and looked around. She carried a large leather purse by two hands in front of her. “Sam! You're locked in!”
Sam got to his feet and looked through the bars. “Gladys! What are you doing here? This is no place for a lady.”
“Thanks,” growled Gail.
Gladys wrinkled her nose. “What's that smell?”
Gail blushed. The warm office had brought out a strong odor of stale urine from Gail's pant leg.
“There was an accident. Can I help you?”
Gadys looked at her with narrowing eyes. “Are you the officer who arrested my Sam?”
“Mr. Harrison committed an offense tonight.” Gail explained.
“Sam never hurt a fly! It's a scandal arresting him! He's a law obeying man and a good Christian.”
Gail blinked. “As I understand it, Sam has spent most Friday nights in jail for the same offense and you were the one who reported him.”
The tiny woman looked up at Gail with indignation written all over her face. “Yes, but he's NEVER been locked in! How else was I to let him know I saw him?”
Gail didn't even see it coming. For a little, old woman she was surprisingly strong and fast. She two handed the leather bag like a baseball bat and swung it at the side of Gail's head. Gail staggered back, tripped over Maria's chair and crashed into the wall. A framed picture of a waterfall fell off the wall and caught her on the bridge of the nose. Blood spurted out and Gail slid to the floor.
A sleepy voice answered the phone. “Hello.”
A nasal voice choked out an explanation. “Nursss do yo make ouse calls?”
“Officer Kent?” Kate sounded more alert now and Gail could hear the rustle of bed sheets as she slipped out of bed.
“I had un accident. Cood yo come to du office?”
“I'll be right there.” The phoned clicked off.
Gail stood against the wall holding a roll of paper towels to her nose and waited.
Ten minutes later, Kate Kenner showed up and walked over to Gail.
“I cand make it stob.”
“You couldn't make it stop? What happened?”
Gail nodded. “Dail Break.”
“Jail break? Who?”
Gail blushed as Kate led her over to sit on her cushion and reached to pinch her nose.
“Ouch! Gadys Monk sprong Od Sam.”
Kate leaned back on the desk and broke into gales of laughter. “You arrested Old Sam for peeing on the fence and Gladys came and broke him out? Who hit you, Sam or Gladys?”
“It's not fonny. Gladys hit me. It hert. I tink I broke my noos.”
“The good news is it's not broken. The bad news is its going to look like a turnip by tomorrow and you'll have raccoon eyes. I'm just going to freeze the area and then I'll pack your nose. Leave the packing in for at least twenty-four hours.”
“I gotta go get em.”
“Tomorrow, killer. You need to rest tonight or I'm going to have to end up cauterizing this turnip. What is the awful smell in here?”
Gail sighed. “Od Sam peed on my pants.” It was sometime before Kate stopped laughing enough to apply first aid.
Lesson Three: Where There is a Will…
Gail limped down the stairs the next morning to find Maris already at her desk. “Yikes! So the rumours are all true!”
“Pretty much. I put a screw driver in my ass, I got peed on by Sam and Gladys nearly smashed my nose with her purse when she broke Sam out of jail.”
Maria roared with laughter and demanded details. Gail drank a coffee and told Maria honestly what had happened the day before.
“I gotta go find them. They said they were going on the lam.” Gail put down her empty cup, looked at herself in the mirror that hung beside Maria's desk and cringed.
Maria was laughing so hard tears were running down her face. “Are you going to arrest them?”
“I don't want to arrest anyone. I just want to sort out this stupid situation. Don't you think forty-three years is enough?”
Maria considered. “I guess the fence is corroding pretty badly. You promise not to arrest them?”
“Yes. Tell me,” Gail sighed. It was embarrassing that her secretary knew more about the case than she did.
“They're up at Sam's fishing camp. Up the High Country Road. Hans saw them heading up there last night. It's rough. Take your cushion.”
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
“Forget it. I'll dine out on this story for months.”
“Great. Just great,” Gail muttered, heading out the door with her box of tissues and her cushion.
The road was rough and Gail was pretty miserable by the time she arrived at the fishing camp. The place, however, was a pleasant surprise. There was a lovely well maintained log cabin beside a small lake that was fed and drained by a forest creek that tumbled down the rocks on one side and cascaded over an embankment on the other.
Smiling at the beauty around her, Gail walked up the path towards the cabin. The classic shot rang out and Gail felt a needle-like pain jab her shoulder. She fell and rolled behind a boulder with a barrel of daisies sitting on top.
“Sam? Gladys? What the hell are you doing?”
Sam's voice rolled down the incline to where she hid. “Don't come any closer, copper! We've got nothing to lose. Gladys and I are the Bonnie and Clod of Beyond now.”
Gail sighed. As she wiped the blood from her shoulder with a tissue. BB shot by the look of it. “That's Clyde.”
“Who's Clyde?”
“It's Bonnie and Clyde not Clod.”
“Oh well it doesn't matter. We're prepared to die in a shootout. We're not going to be taken alive,” declared Sam. “I'm warning you, Kent, Gladys here is a crack shot.”
Gail rolled her eyes heavenward in frustration. “I'm not here to arrest you. I just want to talk this whole situation out.”
It was Gladys thin, high voice that answered. “You arrested Sam! Liar, liar pants on fire!”
“No I didn't. I just locked him up. Ask him, I never finger printed him or read him his rights, or told him he was under arrest. I was just going to hold him until today and then invite you over to the jail so we could talk things out.”
Silence. Gail waited. Finally Sam called out. “Okay, come out with your hands in the air. We'll hold our fire as long as there is no funny stuff.”
Gail shook her head in disbelief and raising her hands, she got slowly to her feet and walked towards the cabin. Sam and Gladys, alias Bonnie and Clod, stepped through the doorway. Gail smiled reassuringly. “How about the three of us just sit down on the porch and try to resolve the Friday night peeing issue? Okay?”
Gladys lowered her Daisy Red Ryder. “Sorry about hitting you. I aimed at the rock but the BB ricocheted. I could have put a BB right between your eyes if I wanted to,” she bragged.
“I'm glad you didn't. I'm still sore from the sand bagging you gave me last night.” Gail hobbled up the porch steps and leaned carefully against the rails. “Okay, who is going to go first to explain to me what happened forty-three years ago to lead to this unfortunate tradition.”
Gladys and Sam looked at each other, exchanging hidden communication. Then Sam took the rifle and held the rocker for Gladys to sit down in. He placed the Red Ryder against the wall by her side and then got himself lowered into a chair.
Sam cleared his throat. “Gladys's daddy, Albert F. Monk owned the lumber business in Beyond back at the turn of the century. He made himself a killing during the Great War and by the end of it he owned pretty well everything else in Beyond.”
“Like Earl King today,” Gail interjected.
“That would be Albert's great grandchild. Albert had two children, Albert Jr and Gladys here.”
Gladys sniffed in indignation. “I got the house and a small inheritance and Albert Jr got everything else. He married the Minister's daughter, Mabel and they had one daughter Clare who married Ben King and they had Earl. So Earl has the Monk money.”
“Wouldn't happen today,” Sam observed philosophically. “Gladys and I started to step out together after the spring dance in 1920. Asked her to marry me but my daddy was just a trapper and Albert wouldn't give his permission. So I worked hard and got a law degree and asked again.”
Gladys leaned forward. “Daddy refused again. He said blood would tell.”
Sam nodded. “By then Gladys' daddy had built the Albert F. Monk library to glorify himself. So each Friday night I let him know how I felt about that by peeing on it.”
Gladys smiled at Sam. “And I let Sam know that I knew he was doing it and still cared by complaining to the constable on daddy's behalf. It was our way of keeping in touch, you know. I never would let daddy press charges.”
“When did your daddy die, Gladys?” Gail asked, gingerly shifting her weight on the rail.
“Only ten years ago. He was one hundred and six.”
“The old bastard held out just to spite us,” Sam growled.
“So why haven't you two got together now?” Gail asked.
They looked at Gail in surprise and then at each other. “He's never asked me again,” whispered Gladys, blushing bright pink.
“Well, Sam?” Gail asked.
“Didn't know I had to! Well, I'll be damned. I'm going to do this right too.” It was a bit of a struggle but Sam got down on one knee finally and took Gladys' hand. “Gladys, will you be my wife? I've loved you all these years.”
“Oh yes, Sam!” She wrapped her arms around Sam and almost knocked him over. Gail helped him to his feet and he brushed her off once he was stable. “I don't need any help. I feel like a man of twenty. Gladys, what do you say we go and get Reverend Tucker to post the bans?”
Gail followed the proud couple back to Beyond and turned in at the Nurse Practitioners' Office.
Cindy was at the counter again and seeing Gail she chuckled. “Go right in Office Kent, you're a preferred customer. We're thinking of getting more staff if you stay here.”
“Funny,” Gail growled playfully and went down to the examination room.
Kate was waiting. “Hi, Rear-Admiral. How's the butt and the nose? What is it today?”
“Gladys accidently shot me in the shoulder with her 1940 Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. Her daddy got it for her in case Canada was invaded during the war.”
“Wow, that thing is a classic antique. You should feel honoured.”
“Maybe in a day or two. At the moment I don't feel up to seeing the greater picture.”
Kate examined the wound and giggled. “Right, you saw the picture last night. Okay, just a bit of freezing and then I'll dig it out. Compared to your other battle scars this will be nothing.”
“I'm reassured,” muttered Gail, enjoying having Kate's body close. Her hair smelt of wild flowers.
“Ah, I'll probably need observation for a while. Could we have a late lunch together? Not a date, just a friendly lunch.”
Kate leaned back and looked into Gail's raccoon eyes. “Okay. I'm warning you, though, Saturday's special is Molten Burgers at Ginger's. Buffalo burger spiced with chili peppers and covered in salsa.”
Gail smiled. “It's okay, I'm a preferred customer at your clinic. Did I tell you Gladys and Sam are getting married?”
Lesson Four: All that Shines…
Hans Koff opened the door and entered the small waiting room outside of Sam Harrison's office. Sam was on the phone and he waved to Koff to take a seat. Koff found a chair that looked like it would take his bulk and sat.
Old Sam was the only lawyer in town and no one had any complaints about the work he did. Besides, he worked weekends and took Monday and Tuesday off so that was darn handy. Sam did income tax forms too, as sort of a side line and that was why Koff was there. Koff worked as a wilderness guide in the summer and did wildlife painting in the winter months. These he'd sell to tourists the following season. He and Cindy weren't rich but they got by. He'd built them a log cabin along the water front and it suited them just fine. He sat leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. Staring at his big hands. Sam was running a bit late, which was unusual. Koff could hear some of his conversation through the open doorway as Sam talked excitedly on the telephone.
“You're my brother, Jed, I wouldn't want anyone else. Yeah, I've finally found gold in the stream of life and I feel like a millionaire already. I need you to stand up for me. Good, good. I'll see you in a day or too then and you can help me stake my claim on her.”
Koff was half listening. Old Sam's stream had gold in it? Enough to make him rich? He and his brother were going to stake a claim? Koff wasn't dumb but he was a slow, methodical thinker. He mused over what he'd heard while Sam sorted out his tax issues. Then he headed over to the Sunnyside-Up. He'd meet Cindy there for brunch after she got out of church. Sunday's special was poutine and hash and that was Koff's favourite.
“Hi Ginger. No one here yet?”
Ginger wiped her soapy hands on her apron. “Just opened and you're the first in. Church isn't out yet and the rest of the town is sleeping in. What can I get you?”
Koff wedged himself between two stools at the counter and got his bulk settled at one. “Coffee for now. I'm waiting for Cindy. I was just at Old Sam's getting my income tax sorted out.”
“Coffee coming up. What's new in your lot in life?” Ginger set a white mug in front of Koff.
“Not much. Heard Sam talking to his brother while I waited for my appointment. Sounded like he found gold in that stream of his. Told his brother he was feeling like a millionaire.”
Ginger dropped a spoon she was shining. “What? You sure?”
“Sounded like it. He said he needed Jed to come on account he found gold in the stream and he felt like a millionaire. He wanted Jeb to stand up for him. I guess he figured there might be trouble.”
Ginger whipped her apron off. “You're damn right there's going to be trouble and we're going to be part of it.” Ginger ran across the room and put a ‘closed' sign in her window. “Come on, Koff, we need to get supplies and then go stake our claim. Most of that creek is on Crown land so we got a right. Hurry before word gets out!”
They talked excitedly together as they crossed over and banged on the hardware store door. Ginger stepped back onto the street and yelled up to the windows of the apartment on the second floor where Vern and Bess lived. “Come on Vern. Open up! This is an emergency!”
Vern came running down the stairs and unlocked the door. “It's Sunday, Ginger, what's the matter with you?”
Ginger pushed Koff inside, looked up and down the street suspiciously and then closed and locked the door. “Sam's found gold in his stream up on Fish Lake. We need pans, shovels, string for marking off a section of river and plastic containers for storing our gold. Better give us some waders and work gloves too. Just charge it to the Sunny-Up.”
Vern started running around to various shelves grabbing the things they'd need. The pile kept getting bigger and bigger. “I'm coming too. You're not cutting me out.”
“Okay, okay but just you,” grumbled Ginger, who was loading Koff with armloads of equipment to take out to his truck.
Vern called upstairs. “Bess, Sam's hit gold up on Fish Creek. I'm going with Ginger and Hans Koff to lay a claim. Keep quiet about it. I'll be back when I can.” He followed Ginger out the door and locked his store behind him.
Left in a fluster, Bess got on the phone to her sister, Reverend John Tucker's wife. From the window, she could see a disappointed crowd of church folk forming a cluster around the Sunnyside-Up's locked door.
“Lynda? Vern told me not to tell anyone but I'm sure he didn't include you. Old Sam has found gold out on Fish Creek! Vern, Ginger and Hans Koff have gone out to make a claim on a section of the creek. Yes, gold!”
Gold! The word spread faster than the plague around town. Soon, trucks loaded with people and equipment were headed through town and up High Country Road.
Gail was having a hummy morning. Her various injuries were healing nicely and the luncheon un-date with Kate had gone so well that they had agreed to meet for Sunday brunch and then go for a hike along the shore. She dressed in navy shorts, runners and a RCMP t-shirt. A nod to the fact that as the sole law enforcement officer in town she was never really off duty.
She walked down town enjoying the quiet. Stores were mostly closed on Sunday this early in the season. Still, she was surprised that there were so few cars parked on the street. The Sunnyside-Up, she had been told, was usually packed for Sunday brunch.
An old Ford, screeched around the corner and pulled to an abrupt stop beside Gail. She was lost for a few seconds in a choking cloud of dust. The Ford's window rolled down and revealed Old Sam sitting inside. “Get in! Get in! We've got a situation!”
“What sort of situation?” Gail sighed, waving dust away. “I'm on my way to brunch.”
“Gladys phoned, said half the town is up on Fish Creek panning for gold and its turning ugly.”
Gail opened the door and got in. “Stop at the clinic so I can tell Kate I'll be missing lunch.”
They met Kate on the road. Gail opened the truck door. “Quick get in. I have to go sort out a problem up at Sam's fish camp.”
Kate pushed in beside Gail and Gail smiled despite the way things were turning out. Kate's body was warm and firm and close.
“What's going on? Sam, you and Gladys aren't having words are you?” Kate asked.
“Ha! Gladys and I are as tight as two peas in a pod. It's the damn town. They've come down with a bad case of gold fever and they're tearing up my back forty.”
“Gold fever! There is no gold around here.” Kate exclaimed.
There were cars and trucks parked everywhere around Sam's fishing camp. “Well, look at that! They're ruining the place!” Sam slammed out of the car and Gladys came out of the cabin and waved to him.
“Over here. I tried to stop them but they wouldn't listen,” Gladys grumbled.
“What caused all this?” Gail asked picking her way through the parking lot that had once been Sam's lawn.
“He did,” snapped Gladys, pointing at Sam.
“Me?” Sam's eyes got big in surprise.
Gladys folded her arms and frowned. “That's what I hear. Seems Hans heard you talking to your brother about the gold you found in the stream up here.”
“I never did! Ohoh…” Sam's expression went from indignation to embarrassment in a split second.
Gail raised an eyebrow. “Well?'
“I was talking metaphorically. I was inviting Jed to stand up for me at my wedding. Told him I'd found gold in the stream of life and I felt like a millionaire. I asked him to help me stake my claim on her.”
It was Gladys's turn to blush. “Oh Sam, you old romantic!”
Gail sighed. “Clearly Hans Koff doesn't grasp the concept of metaphoric speech. Come on, Kate, let's go and break the news to the fortune hunters.”
They trotted over to the river to find that the town's people had given up panning rock and were clustered around the stream. Swearing and a good deal of splashing could be heard from within the circle.
“My money is on Clarence. He's been trying to catch Ginger for years. I doubt if he'll let go now he's got her down.”
“Nah, Ginger is madder than a wet hen. She's likely to kill the little runt.”
Gail splashed through the crowds to see Ginger Root and the game warden, Eddi Clarence, rolling around in the steam trying to drown each other.
“Enough!” Gail ordered, grabbing Clarence by the collar and hauling him up. Ginger got another good punch in before Gail was able to latch on to her arm and drag her to her feet too. “Enough! What started this?”
“He horned in like he always does. Trying to jump our claims using the excuse this is a fish breeding ground. Everyone can see the water is running too fast here for fish to be laying their eggs.” Ginger choked, spiting water back into the stream.
“It could be a fish breeding ground! You should have checked with me before you destroyed an entire year's breeding.”
“Pretend breeding ground!”
“Arrest her, Officer!”
Gail pulled the two squirming combatants to shore. “Calm down. Who started it?”
“He did!”
“She did! She jumped me.”
“I might have slipped on a rock and knocked him over,” explained Ginger innocently. “He was jumping my claim.”
“There is no claim,” Gail stated. “There is no gold. It was all a misunderstanding.”
“What?” The crowd groaned. In the background Kate was trying to signal to Gail but at that moment Gail had her hands full.
“Ginger, I can recommend thirty days for assault or you can do community service. What's it going to be?”
Ginger sulked. “What's the community service?”
“Free poutines and hash for two hours and you hold a window booth for Kate and me.”
“What kind of justice is that? It's blackmail!” Ginger protested.
Gail smiled. “I'm a desperate woman who is determined to have her lunch date. Take it or leave it.”
Ginger bit her lip. “Okay.” The crowd cheered.
“Get going then and get the deep firer heated up.” She watched as Ginger stumbled and limped on her way. Then she looked around. Kate was still trying to signal to her. “Now for the rest of you, I want every damn hole filled in and all this equipment picked up and taken back to town before any of you even think about heading to the Sunnyside-Up.”
Eddie Clarence looked about in anger as people started to clean up the mess. “I want justice! I was brutally attacked. All these people have broken the law and ruined a possible prime fish breeding ground. I want justice, do you hear!”
Gail shook her head. “Okay, Mr. Clarence. I agree that the theoretical destruction of a fish breeding ground is a serious issue, even if the stream is running too fast for that to be likely. You're wet, cold and bruised. I suggest you go home and take care of yourself. If you still feel like pressing charges on Monday, I'll fill out the forms, but I caution you that charging half the town is not wise if you want to live happily in Beyond. Think about it. I would suggest instead that a compulsory lecture on fish breeding grounds and their importance be presented at the community centre.”
“I want justice,” Clarence mumbled as he stomped out of the bush.
Kate walked over. “You handled that well.”
“Thanks. Lunch?”
“No.”
Gail frowned. “Why not?”
“I tried to tell you. You're standing in a patch of poison ivy. I'll see you at the clinic.” Trying not to giggle and failing miserably, Kate headed back towards Sam's truck.
“Son of a bitch!” Gail growled stepping clear of the leaves.
Lesson Five: Hell Hath No Fury…
Kate and Gail did manage a late lunch but the two hours was up according to Ginger, so Gail had to pay. She'd changed her clothes, had a shot and was given calamine lotion and pills but she'd still put in a miserable night of itching.
Around midnight she got up and made tea, standing at her window looking out over the street as she drank it. Her cup stopped half way to her mouth. Off in the distance over the lake hovered and oblong disk shining with lights. It was large, maybe the size of a transport Gail estimated. Then another one appeared. She had just decided she'd better investigate when they both disappeared. UFO? No, there was no such thing. What had Sergeant Hellman said?
“ You see these sergeant insignias. They took me my career to earn and I got them because I never, ever reported a UFO sighting. Remember that.”
Gail frowned. She'd make some discreet inquires tomorrow. For now, she'd had enough for one day.
Monday found Gail cranky and tired. It didn't help that Eddie Clarence was on her doorstep first thing in the morning insisting on charges. He'd reconsidered charging most of the town folk but he was determined that Ginger be brought to justice.
“She's served her time and yesterday cost her a hefty bit, what with paying for panning supplies and free lunches.” Gail pointed out.
“Ha! That wasn't justice. You just wanted poutine and hash. I'm laying charges. She should have checked with me! I'm the game warden not her.”
So Gail had spent the morning filling out paper work. At lunch time she served Ginger and then ordered the Monday special Irish Stew.
“That little weasel is charging me?” Ginger stormed.
“I'm afraid so. I tried to talk him out of it but he has a real grudge on.”
“Huh. Well, I believe in justice.” She filed the papers in the cash register and went to serve another customer. Gail frowned. What was Ginger up to?
It was early the next morning that Gail got the frantic call. “He isn't back!”
“Excuse me, mam, who isn't back?” Gail mumbled, trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
“My husband, Eddie Clarence! He took the boat out last night to spy on them UFOs for Homeland Security and he never came back.”
Gail sat on the side of her bed and reached to grab her duty notebook off her side table. “What time did he go out last night, Mrs. Clarence?”
“Ten-thirty. The UFOs don't show up until elevenish but Eddie has to get out to the site. It's way out in the lake on the Canadian-American border.”
“And you say your husband is working for Homeland Security?” Gail clarified.
“Well, not officially but them UFOs have got the border guys going crazy, so Eddie has taken it on himself to try and help solve the mystery. I think he's been abducted. How many times did I say to him, Eddie don't go, you'll get abducted, but men don't listen! Now it's happened. They probably got him on Mars doing God knows what to him. You have to do something! Contact NASA or something!”
“I'll be doing all I can, Mrs. Clarence. When did you notice Mr. Clarence was missing?”
“About half an hour ago. I woke up and he wasn't there and his boat isn't at the dock.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Clarence. Is there someone who can stay with you until we find out where Mr. Clarence is?”
“I called my sister.”
“Good. I'll be in touch as soon as I learn anything. Try not to worry. It's probably something as simple as his boat had engine trouble or he ran out of gas.”
“Do you think so?”
“It seems more reasonable than an alien abduction, but I'll certainly be considering all possibilities.” Gail hung up and hobbled towards the bathroom. Could her week get much worse? Alien abduction! Gold fever! Fence pissing! People in Beyond must suffer from frost bite of the brain.
A half hour later, Gail was limping down into the office. “Good morning, Maria, Eddie Clarence is missing. His wife phoned me at home.”
“Good Morning, Gail. She phoned here too. How's the butt, nose and poison ivy?” Maria smiled.
Gail grimaced, heading over to her office. “I ache, pain and itch. Mrs. Clarence thinks it was an alien abduction.”
“Stupid! Our aliens don't abduct people!” Maria protested.
Gail stopped mid stride and turned to look at her secretary. “You've seen UFOs?”
Maria shrugged. “Sure. We all have. People like to get a midnight snack down at the wharf and watch them fly about.”
“Ahh, every night?” Gail asked
“No, of course not. I mean they have other things to do, don't they? I think they come here to fish. A new moon or a cloudy night, you're likely to see them. They don't like moonlight.”
“They don't?”
“No. I mean no one likes to be watched, even aliens.” Maria slid some papers into a file and went over to the coffee machine. “Want a cup?”
“Yeah, I think so,” said Gail coming to stand at the counter. The whole damn town was mad. “Hasn't Homeland Security figured out who they are yet?”
Maria giggled and handed a cup of coffee to Gail. “They sure try. Once they even sent a fighter jet. But the aliens are always gone by the time they get there. Of course they're not supposed to cross into Canadian waters but it's hard to tell on a dark night if they do or not.”
“I hear Clarence is helping them out on the Canadian side.”
Maria snorted. “Getting in the way you mean! Homeland Security is always phoning here to complain about him. But Mark Hellman never minded. He figured them Yanks shouldn't be crossing into Canadian waters anyway bothering our aliens.”
“Right.” A phone call from Homeland Security, something to look forward too, mused Gail.
“If it wasn't alien abductors, next on my list would be Ginger.” Gail frowned. “I think I'd rather face a squadron of Martians.”
Maria laughed. “Aliens don't come from Mars, Silly, they come from Alpha Centauri.”
“Ah ha,” Gail said backing into her office. Nuts! They were all nuts.
She carefully sat on the old chair behind her desk and phoned Homeland Security in Minnesota. “This is Officer Gail Kent in Beyond. We have a missing person report. A Mr. Eddie Clarence. Last seen in a boat on the American-Canadian border looking for UFOs.” Someone laughed and hung up. Gee that had gone well, Gail thought.
Maria's voice drifted in from the outer office. “Try phoning the regional office at Baudette.”
Gail found the Homeland Security number for Baudette and pushed the numbers in. “Hello, this is Officer Gail Kent of the Beyond RCMP office. We're looking for a missing man. He was last seen in a boat close to the Canadian-American boarder off Big Island. His name is Eddie Clarence and he's the local game warden here.”
“Hold the line, please.”
Gail waited. And waited. At last there was a pick up.
“Officer Kent?”
Gail sat up. “Speaking.”
“We got an anonymous tip and picked up the suspect last night at 11:49 pm. He's been a bit of a nuisance for us over the years.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Clarence,” Gail smiled.
“Mr. Clarence has been charged with smuggling. It explains why he was always out on the lake. He'd told our people he was investigating the UFO sightings.”
“Smuggling? What did he have aboard his craft?”
“Five cartons of cigarettes. Marlboros.”
“Hardly big time.” Gail leaned back in her seat and it creaked ominously. Gotta get a new chair .
“Smuggling is smuggling and frankly we were looking for an excuse to neutralize this man's activities.”
Gail frowned. Clarence was a pain in the ass but she was sworn to protect him. “So what is he facing?”
“For now, boat impounding for sure. We want that guy off the lake. A fine of $200 and of course we confiscate his contraband. He'll get his day in court in due time.”
“Keep me posted on that. When will the paper work be done?” Gail asked as she wrote the information on a sheet.
“He'll be released by noon I imagine and escorted to the nearest border crossing. That would be International Falls,” came the gruff American voice.
“Thanks. I'll have his family meet him there if you'll let him know,” Gail said.
“Will do and keep that idiot off the lake.”
Gail pulled a face at the receiver and hung up. “Maria could I see you for a minute?”
Maria walked in and sat down in the visitor's chair looking remarkably innocent.
“How did Ginger do it?”
“Today's special at the Sunnyside is Shepherd's Pie. Excellent. You want me to phone Carol and tell her to go pick up her husband?”
“Shepherd's Pie?”
“It's really good. Ginger is hot headed but she's a real asset to the town. Eddie Clarence not so much. Too much letter of the law and not enough spirit, if you know what I mean.”
“You mean let it drop,” Gail sighed, throwing down her pencil.
Maria shrugged. “Some issues people work out for themselves. I'm sure when Eddie gets back he'll be dropping the charges against Ginger. He sure isn't going to want any more bad luck.”
“Do you know about the UFOs too?”
“They're from Alpha Centauri.” Maria repeated.
“Well, at least this is one case closed that didn't cost me a visit to the clinic. She leaned back in her chair and kept on going, landing wedged between the wall and desk with bits of chair about her.
Maria's worried face looked over the desk at her. “Should I call the clinic before I call Carol Clarence?
Lesson Six: It's Always Greener…
It was Tuesday and Gail had done her morning patrol and was waiting in a booth for Kate to join her for lunch. Tuesday's special was cabbage rolls at the Sunnyside-Up and the wonderful smells wafting from Ginger's kitchen was making her tummy growl.
Kate slipped into the seat opposite her. “Hi, sorry I'm late. I had to put in a quick supply order.
“Where do you get your medical supplies?”
Gail got busy rearranging her knife and fork, then answered vaguely. “Oh, Earl King usually picks things up for me when he's out of town.”
Gail looked hard at Kate and watched her go even redder. She was a lousy liar.
“Ahhh, it's a new moon. There should be UFOs tonight. Would you like to have a picnic down at the water front?” asked Kate, trying to change the subject.
Gail waited a beat before responding. “Sure. That would be interesting. Are we still un-dating or is this invitation an official date?”
This time Kate hesitated. Then she smiled and blushed. “I guess I just asked you out on a date.”
“In that case I'm delighted. Can I bring anything?”
Kate shook her head. “No. On new moon nights in the summer, if the weather is good, Ginger sets up a booth and sells tacos and burritos. You have to bring your own liquor though.”
Gail raised an eyebrow. “Liquor in a public place with no license?”
“It's a tradition. I'm sure there was a license issued at some time.”
Gail sighed. “I'll write one up and post it tonight.”
“Thanks,” Kate smiled then her expression froze. “Oh oh, here comes Earl King. Don't lose your temper.”
Gail looked surprise but a second later she understood Kate's warning. A short, rat faced man going thin on top scurried over to their table. “Kate. Naughty of you to phone in an order. You know I like that personal touch.” He leered at her and patted her hand.
Kate managed a thin, tight smile as she pulled her hand away. “I don't think you've met our new police officer. Earl, this is Gail Kent.”
Gail unfolded from her seat and extended her six foot frame so it loomed over Earl, forcing him to look up at her. “I've been looking forward to running into you, Mr. King. I'm sure you will give me all the cooperation that I need to make sure Beyond is a safe, comfortable community for everyone to live in. Agreed?”
Beads of perspiration appeared on Earl's forehead. “Sure, sure, Officer Kent. Excuse me. Things to do.” Earl scurried off like the rodent he was.
Gail sat. “You let me know if he causes you anymore trouble.”
“Wow! That was impressive. It wasn't so much what you said, it was the way you said it. I think half the people in here peed themselves.”
Gail smiled. “I hope there aren't that many people in town who need to fear the law.”
Kate laughed but it sounded to Gail to be just a little forced. What was going on?
At ten thirty that night she made her way down to the public dock with a blanket, binoculars, liquor license, and a stapling gun. The town's folk were already starting to arrive and Ginger was doing a good business. Gail got her license duly posted and then spread out the blanket in a prime spot for UFO viewing.
Kate showed up a few minutes later with a cooler and sat down beside her. “UFO night's bring out the whole community. It's fun as long as Homeland Security doesn't chase them away.”
“Do they do that a lot?” Gail asked wrapping her arms around her knees as she sat on the rug.
“For a while CSIS used to help Homeland in investigating the UFOs and so the UFOs just didn't come around. Finally our Secret Service decided it was swamp gas or something and went back to Ottawa. Homeland still tries its best to chase our UFOs. Fortunately, the UFOs have learned to stay on the Canadian side of the border and even the Americans won't violate the border too far in.”
Gail shrugged and joked. “Works for me. Fortunately, aliens do not fall in my jurisdiction. They're a national security issue.”
Just after midnight the first UFO appeared. It hovered about three miles off shore and well above the lake. Slowly it drifted closer to the water and then another appeared. They took turns lowering and rising but never going below five hundred or so feet, Gail estimated. This close, she could see shimmering lights, green, blue and violet. The UFOs seemed heavy and solid and yet almost transparent at times. What the hell where they? Gail wondered. By one the show was over. The UFOs lifted rapidly into the sky and disappeared.
Gail walked Kate home, carrying her wine cooler for her. At the doorstep she stopped. “Thanks for the wine and the invitation. You are gay aren't you?”
“Yes. I wanted to learn a little more about you before I found myself in an awkward position. In little communities it's hard to avoid people.”
Gail nodded. “I understand.” She leaned forward and kissed Kate on the cheek, then saying her goodbyes, she left with a silly grin on her face. She went home and changed into her uniform. If her hunch was correct it was going to be an interesting night. She got in her cruiser and headed west along the shore road pulling in at the old fish warehouse. She mightn't have figured out what the UFOs were but she had a damn good idea why they only came out on dark nights and on the east side of the lake.
Carefully and quietly she made her way down past the old wood structure to the shore. Sure enough a small crowd of locals stood around in a group, highlighted by a number of flashlights.
“Who ordered the vodka?” Han Koff's voice floated over to her.
“That would have been me. Pass it over,” came a male voice Gail thought might be Vern Knight.
“Kate, here's your medical supplies.”
“Thanks. I really need this order.”
Gail rolled her eyes. They had all lied to her, even Kate. She stood out in the open. “Okay, everyone. The game's up. I want the contraband placed on the ground and your hands placed on the back of your…” A fishing net came down over her head. She struggled, tripped and fell forward hitting her head on a rock. Blackness closed in around her.
Gail's head throbbed. She tried to move but she was paralyzed. No. Not paralyzed, tied. Someone placed ice on her head. It felt good.
“I didn't push. She tripped. Did I kill her?” Ginger's voice.
“No. I won't know how serious it is until she comes around. You shouldn't have thrown that heavy net over her.” Kate's voice.
“Ginger had no choice. She was snooping. We'll have to do something with her or we'll all be going to jail.” Lou Capra maybe.
Gail opened her eyes and looked up at a circle of annoyed and worried looking citizens. “Ouch!”
Kate's hand appeared in front of her eyes. “Can you tell me how many fingers, Gail?”
“Two. It's Wednesday. I'm in Beyond by the old fish warehouse. And you lot ought to be under arrest.” Gail groaned and managed to sit up with help from Kate. She felt dizzy and her hands were tied. “What the hell hit me?”
“You stumbled and fell against a boulder. Your skull seems stable but you've got quite a goose egg. Can you wiggle your fingers and toes?”
Gail tried. “Yes, I seem to have good feeling and movement. Untie me.”
The crowd looked at each other. “Sorry. Can't do that, Gail,” Old Sam said.
“It's a shame but we'll have to get rid of her. We could take her out into the lake and drop her over. They'd think she got the bruise when her boat tipped over,” Ginger suggested practically.
“What if she's a good swimmer?” Earl King asked. “She might make it to shore and rat us out. She's in good shape.”
“Trust you to notice,” sniffed Maria Capra. Her husband, Lou, looked over her shoulder. “Maybe she could have one of those woodland accidents. Everyone knows she's accident prone. You know, a tree could fall on her.”
Ginger snorted. “And how are we going to get a tree to suddenly fall over? I say a wild animal could get her. Hans how about a bear?”
“No way! I'm not getting a good bear in trouble over a nosy cop!”
“Really, folks. I hope this is just silly talking. We need to pray and ask for guidance.” Gail looked up in surprise. Sure enough even Rev. Tucker was among the conspirators.
Kate stood up. “Stop teasing her. Gail, no one is going to kill you,” Kate reassured her.
Kate turned to look at the crowd of villagers. “I'll talk to Gail. Everyone get your supplies and get out of here and I'll bring her back to her apartment. Now go!”
“Ahhh, Kate! We were just having fun. Don't get all huffy.” Old Sam protested.
“Go! Now!” People picked up their various boxes and bags and disappeared into the night.
“Can you untie me now?” Gail asked.
“Not yet.”
“Do you want to do some bondage things first?” Gail managed to joke, although it made her head ache.
“No, I want to take this box to my car first.” Kate picked up the box of medical supplies and headed into the night leaving Gail lying on the beach trussed up like a Christmas turkey.
“Hey, what if one of Hans' bears comes along?” Gail called out.
“Play dead,” a voice floated back to her out of the darkness.
Things got a little blurry for a while and Gail found herself sometime later lying on her bed still in her uniform. A bag of frozen peas sat on her head. “Kate?”
“Here.” Kate came into the bedroom and pulled up a chair. How do you feel?”
“I'm fine,” Gail lied.
“No, not fine. You have a concussion. I'll have to spend the night to make sure you are okay,” Kate sighed.
Gail pulled a face. “Hey, is that so hard? Besides, I don't have a concussion. I'm fine.”
“Right. That's why you climbed up to the car on all fours and got into the passenger side of the cruiser.”
“Did I do that?”
Kate chuckled. “You did. Bet you don't know where your gun is?”
Gail sat up in horror. “My service revolver! Where is it?”
Kate pushed her back and put the peas back on her head. “Don't panic. It's locked in the trunk of your cruiser. Ginger wanted to keep it and have it mounted for having bagged a Mountie but I made her give it back.”
“Shit,” Gail grumbled. “Beyond is going to kill me.”
“No, they were only trying to get you riled up. But we do have to talk.”
“You are all under arrest for smuggling,” Gail slurred, trying to keep her eyes open.
“You can't arrest the whole town. Look, it's a six hour drive to the nearest large town and everything there is overpriced because it's been shipped all the way from Ontario. It's an hour trip by boat across the lake to the United States and prices there are much cheaper. It might not be technically legal, but it just makes common sense. People up here were paddling canoes over to the Yankee side before they even established the border. It's tradition. Besides, smuggling doesn't come under your jurisdiction. That's Federal.”
“Does Hellman know about this?”
“Not officially but he does order his haemorrhoid medication just before the new moon each month. He's had the good sense not to investigate.”
“Okay. I get the picture but I can't believe I'm agreeing to this.”
Kate shrugged and leaned forward to kiss Gail on the forehead. “There is the letter of the law and there is the spirit of the law. Don't let it bother you.”
Gail reached for Kate's hand. “What about those UFOs? How do you guys create that diversion?”
“Oh they're real. We just take advantage of their appearance.” Kate smiled.
“Holy shit!” Gail mumbled and fell to sleep.
Lesson Seven: All's Well…
Kate did spend the night but Gail was sadly unaware of it. She woke late to the smell of coffee and a note saying that she should come to the clinic at four or earlier if she didn't feel well. Groaning, Gail hobbled to the shower once more and by noon she'd managed to get into a clean uniform, retrieve her gun and walk down to the Sunnyside-Up for lunch.
Conversation stopped as she walked in and gingerly took a seat at the bar. “How did you get that bump on your head?” Ginger asked, all innocently. Everyone froze and waited for Gail's answer.
“I fell down the stairs this morning,” Gail smiled weakly.
“Happens,” Ginger admitted grudgingly, placing a mug of coffee in front of her. “Chicken pot pie?”
“That would be good,” Gail said and heard the conversation start up again in the café.
At four, Gail arrived at the clinic. Cindy looked up. “How are you feeling? I heard you fell down the stairs.”
“Better thanks.” Gail leaned over the counter. “Can Hans really make a bear eat someone?”
Cindy shrugged. “He has a way with animals. You can go in now.”
Gail headed down the hall. It was perhaps better not to investigate the bear issue. She was learning. Kate got up from her desk and walked over as Gail came in. “Hi.” She wrapped her arms around Gail's neck and kissed her gently. “How is my Mountie feeling this afternoon?”
“Better already,” Gail smiled and kissed Kate back. Life in Beyond. Beyond civilization, beyond reason but with lots of hope for a happy future.
Officer Gail Kent, Captain Mark Hellman, Ginger Root (café owner), Kate Kenner (nurse) Old Sam (town drunk) Earl King (saleman and mayor) Lou Capra (garage owner) Maria Capra (secretary) Hans Koff (trapper) Cindy Monk Eddir Clarence (game warden)
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