by
Bard
Editor
Bleu Gato
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyright 20th Century Fox Film Corporation . All original content of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.
Contact: bard@xena2.com
Blog: www.xena2.com/blog
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SUNNYDALE – BUFFY'S ROOM – EVENING
The window opens by itself and Mouse maneuvers his orange bulk inside and onto the bed. He imperially settles down on the bed.
Willow is involved in her studies at the desk and pays him no attention.
Mouse, deliberately antagonizing, mocking
MOUSE
Where's your dream girl, witch?
Willow, refusing to engage, nonchalantly
WILLOW
Out patrolling.
MOUSE
You know what he has that you don't?
Willow, turning her head, irritated
WILLOW
What do you want, Mouse?
There is no one there. There is no impression on the bed and it looks untouched; the window is closed.
Willow does not panic. Reaching down, she picks the repeating crossbow resting on the desks and flips the safety off. Armed, the witch scans the room for any threats but nothing jumps out or appears out of place.
Satisfied in room's security, Willow goes over and checks the window, finding it locked and latched. It is on the return trip that things go wrong.
The wall opposite to outside one is not empty. In big, bold letters, the word LOSER mocks her. And then the letters fragment and prove to be alive in black spiders, which disperse, vanishing behind and under furniture.
Willow puts an arrow into the wall before her civilized mind catches up to her primitive brain and one arachnid screams his last.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE – GILES' APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM – LATE EVENING
Giles surveys his domain with an air of pride. Refreshments are prepared and set on the table in a pot, under a tea cozy, cookies stand ready to give their all, and a packed pipe and wooden matches complete the experience.
The Watcher adjusts his comfortable robe and proceeds to the shelves. Selecting an ornate book from a large selection, Giles is about to begin the familiar ritual when something catches his eye.
Frowning he lifts the book to take a closer look and discovers a spot of damage, from rodent chewing most likely. Incensed, Giles immediately looks to the origin space of the volume in hand and comes face to face with a large, white rat. Tea time is over.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – STREET – NIGHT
Tired, Doublemeat employee Xander shuffles towards his house in the distance. The neighborhood looks better in the darkness, but the difference is relative, and depends entirely if you are prey or predator. Dangerous in daytime, the decaying suburban landscape transforms into a menacing, deep pool of black. The islands of sickly lamplight look lost at sea.
Xander shifts the plastic food bag into his left hand and readies the crossbow hanging over his back. No sooner is that done when a dog walks into the brightness closest to him and growls. The mangy, brown lab does not appear friendly.
More dogs emerge behind, signaling their arrival with growls. They run the gamut of breeds and sizes but they have bad intentions in common. The pack has found its target. Reflexively, Xander sniffs his shirt and gets a worried look on his face.
Xander drops the food and runs for it, clutching the crossbow. Behind him, a short fight erupts over the Doublemeat treat, but it does not last long.
Xander closes the remaining distance rapidly and cuts across the lawn, frantically picking at a ring of keys. The dogs are almost on top and it does not look like he will make it.
Desperate, Xander empties the entire magazine into the mass behind and buys a few precious seconds as the packs turns on itself, driven mad by the scent of fresh blood. Tossing the crossbow, he leaps onto the landing, shoves the key into the hole and manages to be thru and safe by the time the first animal hits the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – RODEO DRIVE – NIGHT
The garbage containers are not the only thing that is out. Where there is usually single someone scavenging for recycling, even in this town and at this hour, now there are three rough-looking BUMS picking thru trash. The Slayer walks down the squared cement path, not paying much attention to their nocturnal activities.
Buffy's clue that something is not right comes in the BUMS stopping their fundraising activities all at once. The BUMS don't look at the Slayer; they just go still in perfect unity.
Buffy continues without breaking step, neither slowing nor accelerating. Expecting a coordinated attack, she takes the stake out, blunt end leading the way.
The BUMS surprise Buffy by lifting and slamming the lids in rhythm. The coordinated and loud cacophony brings outside lights and sleepy neighbors into play.
Quickly deciding that discretion is better than valor, the Slayer takes off for her house, just down the block. The impromptu drums chase her.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE – BUFFY'S ROOM – NIGHT
Buffy and Willow rest in bed on their backs, heads tilted towards each other. The lone light is provided by a table lamp, revealing Willow clutching a crossbow to her chest.
BUFFY
We have rules in Summers' casa: no rifling underwear drawer, no wearing of any and all spoils that result from such, staying on your side of bed unless invited, and no redecorating. Willow, why is my room wounded?
Willow, petulantly
WILLOW
The wall had it coming.
BUFFY
I see.
Willow, insistently
WILLOW
It called me names. Well, name.
Buffy, slowly
BUFFY
Okay.
Willow, imploring
WILLOW
Don't you see: example had to be made?
Buffy carefully takes the crossbow out of Willow's unresisting hands, checks that the safety is on, and only then puts it on table on her side. She turns the night light off.
The Slayer comes back to the witch, who shifts position in anticipation, and spoons her.
Buffy's arm goes around the witch's middle at first, but Willow has a different idea. Desiring more protection and closeness, she joins their hands. Next, Willow picks the Slayer's arm and brings it up, snuggling into tighter fit.
Willow, playing idly with Buffy's fingers in front of her face, anxiously
WILLOW
How was the patrol with Angel?
Buffy, starting noncommittal and then revealing her growing fondness for the vampire
BUFFY
Brooding – we came, we Slayed in tandem, we did not say anything. Lots of prolonged glances and near touches instead; it felt nice and warm. He was a perfect gentleman vampire.
WILLOW
You read his WAO file?
BUFFY
Badness.
Willow, grinning
WILLOW
You have a thing for tortured souls?
Buffy, innocently
BUFFY
You offering? Frustrated does not equal tormented.
Willow, working it out
WILLOW
Why would I be … oh. Buffy!
Buffy, teasing
BUFFY
Did you take care of the tingle since that time?
WILLOW
I am not talking to you.
BUFFY
Holding in a tingle can lead to torment.
WILLOW
Ignoring you.
BUFFY
Relieving tingle once a day keeps the frustration away.
WILLOW
Still ignoring.
BUFFY
Night, Willow.
WILLOW
Night, Buffy.
Pause.
Willow, whispering
WILLOW
You know I was kidding about ignoring you, right?
Buffy squeezes the witch in reply.
FADE OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INTRODUCTION
On the screen, various images of Buffy and the Scooby Gang appear and a voice reads the passage.
BUFFY VOICE-OVER
Into every generation she is born; one girl in the entire world, a Chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and the skill to fight against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – BUFFY'S HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
The entrance door opens and yawning Willow exits her friend's house; inside, Buffy is talking with Joyce. Immediately, several SPIDERS run out onto the walkway and form a word.
SPIDERS
Witch.
Willow closes the door and runs towards the gathering, merciless stomping foremost on her mind. The SPIDERS scatter but she gets one and grinds it into the ground with an expression of supreme satisfaction. The dying SPIDER makes a tiny cry of anguish, barely audible.
The arachnids are undaunted; further down, this time on the sidewalk, another message forms. Four groups come out and form a sentence. Lone SPIDER breaks off from one and adds a period.
SPIDERS
Witchy Wiccan wicked witch.
The front door opens and shuts. Buffy catches the grinding execution and the formation of new sentence as she walks towards Willow.
Willow starts forward, intent on introducing more eight-legged scoundrels to frontier justice, Rosenberg style.
Buffy, to Willow, joking
BUFFY
Heel girl.
Willow complies without protest and the SPIDERS spell out what they think of that.
SPIDERS
Buffy's bitch.
This time it takes a restraining hand on the witch's shoulder.
Buffy, moving in front of Willow, to SPIDERS, intrigued
BUFFY
Who are you? What are you?
The letters assemble and form into words in direct response to the Slayer's question.
SPIDERS
Servant of Triangle.
The SPIDERS rearrange again.
SPIDERS
Free us?
BUFFY
How?
More movement.
SPIDERS
Rack.
And they are off, into the grass and gone, leaving no trace and few vague clues.
Willow, lightly
WILLOW
Buffy, the spider whisperer.
Buffy, taking witch's hand and getting her moving, ribbing
BUFFY
Plenty bloodthirsty for tree hugger and a Christian; what happened to the way of love and peace?
Willow, sulking
WILLOW
Lippy critters.
Buffy, pitching Willow a soft toss, luridly
BUFFY
You going to do me … in?
Willow, resolutely
WILLOW
There will be doing. I have plans for you …
Buffy, suggestively
BUFFY
Researching the naughty?
Willow, visibly deflating, embarrassedly mumbling
WILLOW
No, I … um, that is … details are foggy.
The witch sputters to dead verbal stop and they continue in awkward silence.
Willow, out of nowhere, blurting
WILLOW
I was hoping to discover it with you … uh, together.
Buffy brings them to a halt and face to face; the Slayer places hands apart on Willow's shoulders and holds her fast.
Buffy, quietly and firmly
BUFFY
Willow: the proper response to flirting it to continue it, not invite the girl to mutual deflowering. Hormonal teenage boys have more subtlety. You really have to stop listening to Xander.
Willow, biting her lip, near tears, upset
WILLOW
I'm sorry.
Buffy, lifting the witch's chin and bringing their eyes in contact, seriously
BUFFY
I worry about you; just as there are men who take advantage of naïve women, I am sure the same goes for girls. I don't want you to get hurt because you think that giving someone what they want is going to make them love you.
Willow, angry
WILLOW
You care enough to keep all others away, but not to do what we both want. You are a mean person and hypocrite, Buffy Summers.
Willow pushes the stunned Slayer away and runs towards school, crying.
Buffy sighs frustration and takes off after the witch.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – NEAR BUFFY'S HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Three YOUNG MEN watch the Slayer chase the witch.
YOUNG MAN #1
I think this is a dead end. One is in love, the other jealously possessive over a favorite toy – nothing here to exploit.
YOUNG MAN #2
Let's focus on Buffy exclusively.
YOUNG MAN #1
Isolate her?
YOUNG MAN #3, fretting
YOUNG MAN #3
No, there are too many people protecting the Slayer, plus Angel is a wildcard.
YOUNG MAN #2
We have daylight and mobile number we can triangulate from Giles. I and First will search and dust, you go to Sunnydale High.
THIRD
We agree then.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – LIBRARY OFFICE – EARLY MORNING
Giles is distracted by a book in his lap, Xander looks and yawns bored, and Buffy has reconciled with Willow; the witch is resting her head on the Slayer's shoulder and her hand rests on Buffy's thigh, aimlessly picking at the material of the skirt.
Xander spots Willow's roaming hand and becomes very fascinated in its journey.
Caching him, the Slayer looks down at the unbidden activity and after a short consideration, lets it go on. Instead, she shifts her attention to the problem at hand.
Buffy, miffed
BUFFY
Argh! Bully spiders, carnivorous canines, rat with a taste for expensive literature, and bums, the musical – I fail to see the pattern.
Xander, reluctantly ripping his eyes away, to the world in general, philosophically
XANDER
How come she gets the creepy, yet talented homeless and I get rabid dogs?
GILES
It was a first edition!
Buffy, insincerely
BUFFY
There, there.
Giles, emphatically
GILES
Illusions don't chew books, play fetch, or go squish.
Xander, genuinely puzzled
XANDER
Buffy stepped on an unfortunate?
Giles, annoyed
GILES
No Xander, you blooming cabbage. Willow killed her tormentors.
WILLOW
They give the cutest death screams.
Abruptly, the witch notices exactly how comfortable she nested on the Slayer and she takes her head and hand away, straightening up. Searching for something, anything, to do for distraction, she pulls out her cell and starts surfing WAO. Buffy does not let it go so easily.
Buffy, placing her chin on Willow's shoulder, grinning
BUFFY
That's how genocides start.
Willow brings the screen closer, but is unable to suppress a smile.
Xander, imitating Buffy, higher pitched
XANDER
Like, word.
BUFFY
Nothing beats the original.
WILLOW
In Slayer, Buffy beats you.
GILES
The Council did not mention suicide; they may have been wildly optimistic about this assignment.
XANDER
Sure, laugh at the guy with impaired humor.
BUFFY
There is so little to Xander and so much to mock …
Willow, interrupting Buffy, loudly
WILLOW
Ahem.
Buffy pouts and Willow digs into a pocket and offers her M&Ms, which the Slayer takes.
The witch returns to the phone.
Willow, quickly reading from the screen, paraphrasing the entry, informationally
WILLOW
Triangle: mixed assassins named First, Second, and Third. Major trouble; all are magicians and I am not talking rabbits out of the hat. They induce intense emotions via agents or directly to peek inside the mind and siphon off information flying about in resulting thoughts; can't read directly but what they get, they use to plan further attacks. There is no entry on Rack.
GILES
Powers?
Willow, troubled
WILLOW
Illusion, fire, temporary invisibility, and unsubstantiated rumors of mind control – evil is cheating. Triangle is fond of hiring extra muscle and their modus operandi is to target an individual with overwhelming force.
GILES
Congratulations Xander, you qualified for physical threat.
Xander, getting chills, immediately
XANDER
Pass.
The witch adds 2+2 and comes up with 4.
Willow, articulating the concern
WILLOW
Wait, that means …
Buffy, Willow, & Giles, crying out at once
BUFFY, WILLOW, & GILES
Angel!
Giles, ordering
GILES
Buffy: to class. Willow, Xander: protect him till nightfall.
XANDER
Ask me how much I care right now.
Buffy, bad intentions plain, growling
BUFFY
Xander!
Xander, throwing in a parting shot, unhappy
XANDER
Suddenly caring a lot. But if there are dogs and I get gnawed, my shambling, zombie corpse of righteous vengeance is claiming your brains. All your brains.
Willow and Xander grab a bag of weapons and hurriedly leave the office.
Giles, to Buffy, tossing a fat envelope
GILES
After school, see Willy. We need to find Rack so we can get that animal possessor tamed.
Pause.
Giles, seeing the imploring look, resignedly
GILES
Keep the change.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE – ANGEL'S HIDEOUT - MORNING
Willow and Xander burst into the room to find Angel ready for them. He wields a sword and does not look pleased to see the crossbows pointing in his general direction.
Xander, lifting the crossbow over his head, yelling enthusiastically
XANDER
We come in peace!
Angel shakes his head and sets the sword on the table.
ANGEL
Vampire. Hearing.
Willow lowers her weapon and approaches Angel.
WILLOW
He is Xander. Giles sent us to watch your back.
The vampire nods curtly and goes to lock the door. Once done, he props a chair under the handle and wedges it secure. Satisfied with the security, Angel heads to bed and gets in. He disappears under blankets.
Willow and Xander bring two chairs to face the door and begin their watch.
Xander, joking
XANDER
Cutting a whole day of school; how the honor student has fallen.
WILLOW
When the choice is school or friend, there is no choice.
Xander, pessimistically
XANDER
Some friend; he will take her from you.
Willow, wistfully
WILLOW
I know and I will fight it every step of the way. But I won't hurt her or him.
Xander, leaning in and lowering his voice, conspiratorially
XANDER
I don't get you two. Are you girlfriends or not? Because, my imagination – in overdrive every time you and her are us. The way you touched this morning: cold shower hot.
Willow, whispering back, sharing
WILLOW
She is not attracted to girls; I do nothing for her. I kissed her and she was like: don't do it again. I am safe to hug and snuggle.
Xander, confused
XANDER
Then what are you hoping for?
WILLOW
Love.
Pause.
Willow, smiling
WILLOW
Love without physical contact or love without desire; Angel or me. I like the odds.
Xander, uncertain
XANDER
Willow, you can't change straight.
WILLOW
We sleep in the same bed for months and you say it means nothing. Then one day Buffy allows me on her side. Yesterday, she took the initiative.
Pause.
Willow, sagely
WILLOW
Sometimes Xander, safe is anything but.
Xander looks at his best friend with newfound respect.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. SUNNYDALE – ANGEL'S HIDEOUT – AFTERNOON
Willow and Xander doze, their heads down. Crossbows sit in their lap, having slipped from relaxed grip.
A booted foot shatters the sleepy atmosphere, along with the door and chair behind it. Fortunately, survival takes over and First takes ten bolts into the chest, most in his heart as he enters the room.
Angel is already up and armed, moving to intercept. Willow and Xander fall back to reload, having set the bag down by the bed.
Second is next in and First motions towards the humans. The Second grins and leisurely stalks his victims; Willow and Xander are no match for him.
Meanwhile, the First makes quick work of the sword in Angel's hand. It is obvious these mixed are professionals. The assassin and vampire start trading heavy blows, with Angel getting the worst of the exchange.
Second closes the distance and takes the crossbow out of Xander's hands. Neither mixed has transformed into a demon, which is unusual; they are clearly perfectly able to fight in the human form while using their demon abilities and magic.
Willow, taking a chance, sharply
WILLOW
Bear hug!
Trusting Willow, Xander wraps his arms around the amused Second and squeezes with everything he has. It does absolutely nothing.
The assassin tilts his head back, preparing to smash the forehead into Xander's nose when the barrel of repeating crossbow is shoved into his eye.
Willow, pulling the trigger, grimly
WILLOW
No one harms my friends.
The bolt to the brain drops Second and his body becomes dead weight. Xander lets him go and the dead assassin crumples to the ground; both he and Willow look very surprised at the unexpected outcome of her gamble.
The witch is the first to regain her faculties.
Willow, humbly downplaying her contribution, demurely
WILLOW
Every boss in every video game ever has a weak point in the eyes.
Xander, falling on one knee, dramatically
XANDER
You are the geek of my heart. Marry me, Willow Rosenberg!
Willow laughs and helps him up. The sound of table breaking alerts them to the other half of the battle.
Willow, remembering they are not alone, shouting
WILLOW
Angel! His eyes!
First and Angel are rolling around in the remains of the table, each trying to gain the upper hand. Hearing the witch's advice, the vampire grabs the assassins face with his hands and presses the thumbs into eyes sockets.
Willow and Xander look away as First howls in pain and trashes ineffectively. The assassin loses the fight, his eyes, and his life in quick succession.
Angel stands up, a little wobbly, and wipes his hands on nearby rag. He walks up to Willow as Xander moves off, guessing what this is about and giving them privacy.
Angel, darkly
ANGEL
The things Angelus would and could do to you.
Willow, scared
WILLOW
Thanks, I guess?
Angel, honest
ANGEL
I won't hurt you and I won't let him, no matter what you cost me.
Pause.
Angel, adding
ANGEL
That said, I'm sorry, but you are competition.
Willow, hesitantly
WILLOW
… You any good at courtship?
Angel, modestly, understating
ANGEL
Had a few centuries to work on it.
Willow, defiantly
WILLOW
I have moves too.
Angel, hint of a smile
ANGEL
The innocent, virginal girl?
Willow, naively
WILLOW
Does that work?
Angel, vamping out, hungry
ANGEL
Very well indeed, provided the man is of that persuasion; quite tempting in fact. It's stirring old memories.
Willow, protesting
WILLOW
Pull the fangs back, I am not a nun!
ANGEL
Semantics.
Willow, unconvincingly
WILLOW
You don't frighten me.
ANGEL
No, but Angelus does.
Willow refuses to yield ground, standing her own. She is intimidated by Angel but not enough. The witch clearly knows what she is getting into. Her days of running and screaming in blind panic are over. Angel nods imperceptibly, accepting the truth.
Angel, switching back to human, calmly and earnestly
ANGEL
Willow, I have a chance at happiness again.
Willow, shyly
WILLOW
Buffy is my first.
Angel, his feelings showing
ANGEL
It is a good thing to have in common.
Willow, sharing his sentiment, warmly
WILLOW
A very good thing.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALL OUTSIDE LIBRARY – EARLIER/MORNING
Buffy rushes from the library and the door slams open, nearly taken off the hinges. Surprised, she keeps going, into a group of STUDENTS and they go flying like bowling pins.
The rest of STUDENTS clear the hallway in seconds, pressing their bodies against the lockers. Phones come out and fingers get busy texting. Taking it as her cue to disappear, Buffy sprints to her class, unknowingly going at Slayer speed.
Ahead of her are shouts of “Incoming!” and “Clear the way!”
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALL – MORNING
Buffy comes to frustrated stop as STUDENTS dive and jump out of the way. Forgetting herself, she grabs the handle and rips the entire thing out of the door. The Slayer is near screaming when she hears the familiar voice.
Cordelia, sarcastic
CORDELIA
Could you be less discrete? Try going thru brick wall, perhaps?
Cheerleader captain's phone beeps and she checks it and puts it away.
Cordelia removes the lock mechanism from Slayer's hands and turning around hands it with perfect timing to huffing and puffing Snyder, newly arrived on the scene.
Cordelia, sweetly
CORDELIA
Contractors, what do you know?
Pause.
Cordelia, to Buffy, sternly
CORDELIA
No sudden movements and hands off at all times. Move!
Cordelia opens the ruined door and pushes Buffy inside the classroom.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – MATH CLASSROOM – MORNING
Buffy lets Cordelia guide her to the back and remove her backpack. The Slayer takes her seat very carefully; meanwhile, the cheerleader helps with the materials for class. Textbook, binder, and pencil are laid out.
Buffy, suspicious
BUFFY
You develop a soul?
CORDELIA
Let's say things happen around you. Let's say being around you is often fatal and not due to your discount fashion sense or loser company you keep. Let's say whole school keeps eye on she-hulk, your repressed girlfriend, and your hairy pet monkey.
BUFFY
I'm sorry, what did you say? It sounded like you had a heart there, for a moment.
CORDELIA
Call it self-preservation. Lately, Sunnydale High teachers are disappearing instead of teenagers. Comment?
Buffy, wondering out loud
BUFFY
Why?
Cordelia, high and mighty
CORDELIA
I can't hold hands with trophy boyfriend of the week and your skank has her all over you. Must be sensitive and inoffensive to alternative lifestyles – please, special much? Do you know how important proper boy-accessory arrangement is to my supreme social status? Do you comprehend the time it takes to acquire one?
BUFFY
I cry hot tears of not caring.
Pause.
BUFFY
Again, why help?
Cordelia, finally owning up, truthfully
CORDELIA
Buffy, we could have run this school together. Now? I will settle for crushing you, but for that I need you to be around.
Pause.
Cordelia, leaning in, muted
CARDELIA
Today, you attend Queen C.
Cordelia puts on her bitch mask, straightens up, and then departs royally.
Cordelia, fake cordial, throwing loudly over her shoulder
CORDELIA
I enjoy our little conversations so much; especially when I win, which I do. It is fabulous not to be you.
Snickers from surrounding STUDENTS; Buffy does nothing. Then again, she probably kills someone by accident if she breathes too hard.
CUT TO:
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – HALL – AFTERNOON
Cordelia is sorting the backpack for Buffy while the Slayer waits patiently. STUDENTS give them wide berth.
Buffy, in rare moment of generosity toward the cheerleader, reaching out, tentatively
BUFFY
Want to come?
Pause.
Buffy, quickly qualifying
BUFFY
With.
CORDELIA
Where is with?
BUFFY
Willy's Place.
Cordelia, coldly but without an insult
CORDELIA
We are not friends.
Buffy, upbeat
BUFFY
Sorry, I already have an archenemy: tall, handsome, snappy dresser, custom head to toe, old money.
Cordelia closes the locker and turns around.
Cordelia, assisting with the backpack, inquisitively wary
CORDELIA
He available?
The MAN appears behind Cordelia, leaning against the wall of metal boxes.
Buffy, smiling
BUFFY
He likes candlelit, romantic dinners on sacrificial altars, in the gentle light of the blood moon. I will give him your number.
Cordelia, as if recalling something, offhand
CORDELIA
I just remembered: I have an appointment with life.
Cordelia walks off, already absorbed in the fancy gadget she pulls out.
MAN
And that is why I am single.
BUFFY
We could have a love child that will bring about the end of the world. After college – I have standards. No baby mama for this Slayer.
MAN
Tempting. Third is pure demon yet not whole; he is a host, but he is not mixed.
True to form, he vanishes.
Buffy, huffy
BUFFY
Typical male: overpromise and under deliver.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – WILLY'S PLACE – LATE AFTERNOON
The building has not changed but the motorcycles outside are new. Harleys announce that the company inside is likely rough. It does not bother Buffy the least as she approaches. The Slayer receives a call before she gets to the door.
Buffy, checking the number, smartly
BUFFY
Outside Willy's; the place, not the man.
Giles, barreling ahead and paying scant attention to banter, talking fast
GILES V.O.
Two assassins down and their bodies disappeared. Council sent over translations and originals; I and Willow are sorting the data dump, mostly obscure, digitized manuscripts. Xander and Angel are on the move, they will join at the library after dark.
Buffy, teasing
BUFFY
Apocalypse now?
Giles, oblivious, still in lecture mode
GILES V.O.
We need its name. The demon arrived in Middle Ages and split his essence into three, the Triangle. The arrangement grounds him in this dimension.
Buffy, wryly
BUFFY
Apocalypse soon?
Giles, catching onto what the Slayer is doing, gravely
GILES V.O.
We have an unstable demon on a mission, with days to spare. The binding vessel that constricted his powers is no more. If I hear apocalypse one more time, you will be patrolling city landfill for a month.
Buffy, markedly chastised, subdued in tone yet still sneaking fun in
BUFFY
How do we find He Who Is Not Named?
GILES V.O.
That is the least of our problems.
Buffy, sneakily rebellious
BUFFY
Sweet, with a hint of sour and a dash of a… gony.
Giles, done playing, direct
GILES V.O.
Find Rack, Slayer.
BUFFY
Yes, Big Boss Man.
GILES V.O.
Do I even want to know?
Buffy, knowing she is trouble and will pay for it later, evasively
BUFFY
Uh, no. Bye, Giles.
Buffy hangs up and pockets the phone.
Buffy, grumbling
BUFFY
Thank you Xander and the legends of wrestling: that is ten brain cells that I will not get back.
Buffy shakes her head clear of images conjured and delicately grabs the door handle.
Buffy, cautiously opening the door, her mind on important matters, dreamily
BUFFY
I wonder what Angel looks like shirtless.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – STREET – EARLY EVENING
It is one of the nicer neighborhoods, near a city park. Family cars, toys in the yards and driveways, well maintained yards, manicured lawns – nothing here screams warlock.
After taking one last look at the surroundings and sensing nothing, Buffy rings the bell.
There are running steps and a girl of about ten opens the door.
GIRL, chattering very fast, excited
GIRL
Hi! You here to see dad? You got money?
Rack, coming out behind his daughter, amused
RACK
Liathe; leave the nice Slayer alone, honey.
Liathe, strongly
LIATHE
You better have money! Mom promised to take me shopping this weekend.
The small girl turns and marches off. Rack follows her with his eyes, father's love in plain view.
Buffy, sounding surprised
BUFFY
Evil is so not evil. Family?
Rack, the proud papa, beaming
RACK
The oldest of five.
BUFFY
Not worried about strangers?
RACK
Half demon and that is before you meet her mother. Trust me; you don't want to meet her mother.
Buffy, giving the warlock a funny look
BUFFY
Demons don't walk this plane.
Rack, dismissively
RACK
Generalization.
BUFFY
I feel so much better.
RACK
Succubus is categorized as low threat. Course, we talking relative; Hell's pushover is our funeral.
BUFFY
And you married one?
RACK
Advancement requires connections and her family is ancient. Our courtship: she attacked, I survived, we fell in love, and the rest is blissful matrimony.
Buffy, laughing
BUFFY
You crazy kids.
Rack, smoothly making a pitch
RACK
Getting intimate with evil is kind of a requirement in my line of work. I can help you there.
Buffy, grimacing
BUFFY
No thanks, my romantic life is complicated enough. A man I cannot have but want and a woman I have but don't want to know in biblical way.
RACK
And if there was something I could do? About Angel; can't change who Willow is.
Pause.
Rack, thoughtfully
RACK
Although if desire is a problem, Gypsies bottle it; Jenny Calendar is a natural and very discrete chovihani.
Buffy, after a moment, allowing
BUFFY
I will think about it.
The warlock steps aside and opens the front door invitingly wide.
Rack, smelling a sale, pleased
RACK
Step into the office and let's talk shop.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE – STREET – NIGHT
Buffy and Rack quickly move down the deserted streets, passing BUMS along the way. The creepy thing is the way the BUMS stand still, tracking the Slayer and warlock with their eyes, but not moving a muscle. The other difference from previous night is that they now come in the other gender. Well, that and the fact that the human statues are spread randomly over the pavement, sidewalk, and grass.
Buffy checks her phone when it makes a new text sound and then puts its away.
BUFFY
New rendezvous.
Abruptly, the previously rigid BUMS all point their right arm at the advancing pair and open their mouths. They are screaming, soundlessly.
Rack, worried
RACK
He's near.
Buffy and Rack start jogging; they don't want to be caught in the open in the middle of hostiles. Not with demon lurking the neighborhood.
CUT TO:
EXT. SUNNYDALE HIGH – TEACHERS' PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Buffy and Rack rapidly enter an expense of partitioned asphalt and lampposts and then head for the group in the middle. Everyone not them is gathered around weapon bags.
Buffy, to Giles, ribbing
BUFFY
Got the change of plans; too bad. I was looking forward to trashing the library. The school gym I burned down is feeling lonely. It is my delinquent duty to give it company. Honestly Giles, how do you feel about blowing up the entire place, preferably with Principal Troll inside?
Giles, handing the brass knuckles to Buffy, muttering under his breath
GILES
No one sins that profusely or terminally; how did I offend thee?
Buffy, her sharp hearing up to the task, pouting
BUFFY
I'm hurt.
An eruption of massive ring of fire heralds the arrival of the Third, heading right for them. It forms a protective circle with a radius of about hundred feet.
Willow, deeply concerned
WILLOW
That's not going to keep him out, is it?
Xander, gesturing towards dozens of dogs emerging from darkness, optimistically
XANDER
No, but it will keep them out.
Pause.
XANDER
Buffy, Angel; no pressure, but warlock dies and we become doggy treats. Just saying.
BUFFY
Your heart positively bleeds compassion.
XANDER
I am a giving guy; I give till it hurts. Then I am gone.
The demon walks thru the circle of fire like it is not even there. Angel and Buffy move to intercept, while Giles and Willow stay in front of Rack.
Xander, joining the Watcher and the witch, prudently
XANDER
And that is my cue.
Angel is first with the sword and the Third nimbly dodges him but he is a decoy.
Buffy times it perfectly and delivers a superman punch that staggers the demon to one knee.
Rack, urgently
RACK
Ears!
Angels runs the demon thru the heart as Buffy cuffs Third's ears with everything she has. That finally brings about a transformation.
With a roar, the human form transitions into something resembling gargoyle, complete with wings. The Third does not look happy.
BUFFY
That just made it angry. Good job, genius.
Rack rushes up to the Slayer, leaving his guardians behind.
Rack, placing his glowing hand on Buffy's head and pushing it, commanding
RACK
Scream!
Buffy brings her mouth into contact with the beast's ear, while Angel grabs the demon's snout and holds the jaws closed; it makes the rest of the face relatively immobile.
Buffy lets rip with a scream that makes distant Willow, Giles, and Xander wince; Rack and Angel are likely temporarily deaf.
The ring of fire flickers and goes out at that moment, but the dogs turn tail instead of attacking. It seems either the sound has scared them or the control is broken.
The Third turns to stone even as the scream fades, making for an ugly stone statue.
Rack, taking out a tuning fork and striking the buried sword, casting a spell
RACK
Shatter!
Cracks appear in the gargoyle and spread; inside them, red light seeps into the night.
Rack, sprinting away
RACK
Run away!
Everyone follows his advice, with Giles and Angel having the presence of mind to snatch the weapon bags on their way. Once sufficiently clear, they watch.
The cracking spreads until reaching critical; the Third appears to implode, sucking in everything within few feet into a single point of red lights. The light show is intense and short lived; it leaves nothing behind it except an afterimage.
Suddenly, a whole bunch of WHITE SPIDERS run out and form a word.
WHITE SPIDERS
Thanks!
The message lasts seconds and the WHITE SPIDERS are gone as fast as they appeared.
Rack extends an open palm towards Giles and the Watcher grudgingly places the ring they got from Luke in it. The warlock affects a curt nod toward the rest and departs without delay, swaying a little.
Xander, disappointed
XANDER
We rock in anticlimactic ways.
Giles, correcting, wearily
GILES
Rack maintained the barrier, bound the demon's power, and destroyed him. He did not nearly kill himself for nothing – we owe him and big. The ring is down payment. Rock that.
Pause.
GILES
Buffy, follow him and see he gets home safe.
The Slayer is at the warlock's side in no time flat and offers her shoulder. Together, they melt into black.
CUT TO:
INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
While her mom eats her toast with cream cheese and drinks coffee, Buffy sets two bowls next to each other and pours cereal into them. Joyce is dressed for work; The Slayer has damp hair and wears a pink robe.
Once one is full to the brim and the other halfway, Buffy puts away the sugary goodness box and then gets milk from the fridge. She comes back and tops them off, spilling cereal from one and covering the chocolate treats in the other. The Slayer catches her mother asking a silent question.
Buffy, sheepishly
BUFFY
Willow likes hers soggy and extra drowned. She does this adorable thing …
The Slayer drifts off before she digs the hole any bigger and takes her seat, hoping to hide her traitor of a mouth behind crunchy sweetness. Quick on the draw, Joyce capitalizes by capturing the hand reaching for the bowl and trapping it in both of hers.
Joyce, softly
JOYCE
Does Willow make you happy?
BUFFY
That is not a euphemism for sex?
Joyce, poker faced
JOYCE
I know you and her are not intimate; I wash your sheets.
Buffy, blushing
BUFFY
Mom, some things … better kept unsaid.
Joyce, having thrown Buffy off balance, persisting
JOYCE
Does she?
Buffy, no thought required
BUFFY
Yes.
JOYCE
Good.
Pause.
Joyce, secretly enjoying this, calmly
JOYCE
I watched you two this morning; took pictures.
Buffy, shocked
BUFFY
Mom!
JOYCE
Have to show friends and relatives.
Buffy, hanging her head down, moaning
BUFFY
Oh, God.
JOYCE
I still want grandchildren.
BUFFY
I am never talking to you again.
Joyce pats her daughter's hand and releases it. Loaded silence fills the space.
Willow walks into the quiet, her white robe open in the front, wearing white panties and bra; the cleavage is visible, but little else.
Willow, nervously seductive
WILLOW
Like what you see?
Except the person looking back at her is Joyce, Buffy's mother. Willow shrieks, closes her robe, and nearly knocks herself out trying to get out of the kitchen. Buffy does not even lift her head, fairly certain her life is over.
Joyce, grinning
JOYCE
Buffy, your girlfriend flashed me. I don't think those sheets are going to stay clean much longer.
Buffy, burying her head in her folded arms, mortified
BUFFY
Kill me now.
Joyce stands up and comes over onto Buffy's side. She pulls the other chair and sits.
Joyce, hugging her daughter close, kissing the head, affectionately
JOYCE
I trust you with her.
Pause.
Joyce, prodding gently
JOYCE
Honey, you have to go after Willow and settle her down. Them's the rules.
BUFFY
Well mom, thanks to you being late for work, there goes progress. If I see her without ten layers of clothes and parka before graduation, it will be a miracle.
Joyce, rubbing it in, smugly
JOYCE
Parenting done right.
Buffy groans and freeing from her mother's arms, she goes off to find her runaway acquaintance - friend is too much to hope for at this point.
FADE OUT: