There is no violence here.

But there is an expression of love between two women. You know I wish that someday I will not have to type this. Cause it won't be a thing. But since it is a thing. Here goes. If love between members of the same sex and subsequent expression of that love is illegal where you live, or you are not over 18, or if for some unexplained reason the expression of love between two women is offensive to you, please do not read this.

This really doesn't fall into any time line. It could have happened anytime, but more than likely not in the 5^thSeason. So humor me and put it wherever in the show you would like.

P.S. This story is actually a result of waiting for DSBauden to update
"Sacrifice", so if you don't like it. Hook up with her and tell her to
update more frequently. Y'all realize I am typing this with a smile.
Don't cha???

BCBard4U@AOL.COM
11-10-00
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THE PRESENCE
 
 
 
 
 

I wish I had the answer.

It feels like something is standing just outside of my sight. I know it's there, but I can't quite see it. It is standing just beyond the limit of my enhanced hearing too. I can sense it's presence, I strain to hear it, but I can't quite bring it to me. I struggle to identify what it is. But with no success. This is so hard for me. This presence is with me all the time. Nightly it invades my dreams. Just when I coax it into the identity zone, I am jerked awake, heart pounding and body soaked in sweat. What is this presence?
It haunts me.
It pursues me.
How did it get there.

I am a warrior. I am always diligent. Nothing can get inside my defenses undetected. I can't have this happen. I won't let this happen. I must know what this presence is. I have lived this long by trusting my instincts. I must trust them now.

There is something stalking me.
I am its intended victim.
I must stay focused.
Especially now.

I am not all I have to protect. If it were just me, then I would sit and wait for it to make its identity known. I would let it attack, then I would kill it or be killed. It would be that simple. But now it's not.
She is with me, she is here now. I've sworn to protect her, even to the limit of my life.
I must not fail her.
The thought of someone or something harming her makes my blood run cold. I love her for all eternity with all that I am, but this too she must never know.

I must find out what this presence is. I will identify this. I run all this over and over again as I sit by our campfire sharpening my sword. I must keep her safe. She senses my mood, and pulls me from my thoughts with a question of what's wrong. I shake my thoughts away and smile softly, and answer something vague and misleading. I find myself looking into her eyes. I see nothing but love and trust shining back at me.
She reaches up and touches my face.
My heart beats faster. I begin to shake. This can't be happening. She can't feel what I feel. Please can this be possible. I ask myself over and over as she looks deep into my eyes. "What's wrong?" she asks. Her hand never leaves my face while her other hand grabs my shoulder. "Tell me, please, let me help you", she whispers. Her eyes never leave mine. I feel the presence again. It is coming closer. I take her and move her behind me. It shall not harm her. It is coming closer now. I can make out its form. I can hear its voice. I know what it is. No! More importantly I know who it is. I know now what I must do. "No! Stop!" I scream at the presence. I draw my sword, I must keep her safe. It wants me. I will gladly die to keep her safe. I will turn my sword against me if that's what needs to be done to assure her safety. As I bury my sword into my chest, I hear her call my name. I feel her hand on my shoulder shaking me. She is calling me.

"Wake up, it's only a dream, it's okay, I'm here, it's only a dream. Come on honey wake up".

What?

Wake up, did she say, wake up? I'm dreaming?

Then she continues, "please baby come back to me". I feel her hands on my face gently stroking me back into reality. She is safe, It didn't harm her. I'm alive.

All good so far.

I roll onto my side as I feel her brush her hand across my face. Gently she pushes my hair out of my eyes. I raise my eyes to meet hers and I am once again frozen with fear. I know where the danger is coming from. I know who will harm her. She senses my fear, I see that in her eyes. She leans closer to me, I feel her words on my lips as she whispers, "I love you, I always have, I can't take not telling you anymore. I should have never left you. You are my life. I am so sorry I hurt you. I will never leave you again. It's okay baby, I love you. I'm okay. No one can hurt me, Warrior-mine". My world spins wildly out of control as she leans in and kisses me. Her lips are soft and warm. I feel my whole being melting into her. I feel her hands running slowly up and down my back, then down my arms and now on to my thighs.

Oh yes, I want this.

I want her.

Then it begins. I feel it start. It is like someone has lit a torch inside my chest. I know this feeling. I have kept it buried for so long, but I know what it is. I feel my old self, my old aggressive, warlord self begin to flow through me. It flows through my veins like liquid fire. I am a warrior, a warlord, a conqueror. I am not taken. I take. I possess.
I own the body of whomever I chose for sex. And today that is her. She is mine and I will do as I like and until I decide to stop. I sink deeper into the kiss. I reach up and grab the back of her head, I begin to roll her over to take whatever pleasure I so desireÖ

From somewhere deep in my soul I hear a scream slamming through my being. It makes its way to my brain and my lips simultaneously. "No!" explodes from my mouth, as I push her away. I am rocked to my core, I can manage nothing more than a whisper, "I cannot, I can't do this".

She begins crying. She doesn't understand. She thinks I don't feel the same. She can't fathom how hard this is for me. I hear her whispering and I stop beating myself up long enough to hear her anguished plea. "Oh, please forgive me, I won't say I'm sorry. I had to tell you. I love you Xena. I always have. Please don't hate me. I love you".

I have to explain this to her. I have to try.
 

"Gabrielle" I start, but she won't let me. She turns to me, holding up her hand she says, "Xena please don't say anything, I know you can't possible love me that way. But please don't hate me".

Hate her. Now she is going to have to hear me. How could she think I could ever hate her. "No Gabrielle, listen to me", I say in my best warlord voice. It appears to work, she stops and turns to look at me. Oh my, what sadness I see there. Okay big tough warrior, time to fess up. I start again, softer this time. I take her hand in mine, but it's not enough, I pull her to me and gently whisper, "I love you too". She throws her arms around me and begins kissing my neck and my face, I feel myself falling into her kisses again and force myself to stop her. "Wait please, Gab..wait..G a b r i e l l e
Wait! Please I need to talk to you". She looks up at me like I have three heads. She steps back and I see the passion burning in her eyes as she says, "Now? You want to talk now"? She is breathing heavy her chest rising and falling with each labored breath. I can't stop shaking. I am in the same state. I have to tell her. "Gabrielle please listen to me. You know something has been bothering me. A fear, a presence, I couldn't quite identify. Well I figured out who the threat is. I saw the person in my dream. I know who is going to hurt you".

"Oh Xena that's wonderful, so now you can relax and come to bed", she says as she pats her bedroll. "No baby please, I have to tell you, I have to do this, PleaseÖ" I find myself whispering. She appears before me, "Xena, it's okay, tell me. Who is it? Do I know them"? I lower my eyes to the ground, she is standing now as am I. I can't look at her. "Tell me", she whispers while taking my hand. "There is nothing that you and I can't handle together". I pick my head up and again meet her eyes. By all the Gods she is beautiful. I have to do this. I have to save her. I force myself to maintain eye contact while I tell her the truth.

"ME, I am the presence that will hurt you. I felt it when we kissed. It was my Darkness rearing its ugly head. I never want to hurt you. I would die first".

She gently runs her fingers on my face stroking my cheek as she softly says, "Oh, warrior mine, you can never hurt me by loving me. Don't you know, I am already yours to do with as you please, you already own me, body and soul".

I drop to my knees in front of her.
I know what I must do to keep her safe.
It is all I have left.
I must do this.

Slowly I lift my sword, and turn the blade toward my chest.
I hear her sharp intake of breath.
Before she can stop me, I fulfill both my promise and my quest.

I killed myself. Something I had never done before.

Well I figuratively died.

Actually I surrendered.
I surrendered by words and by deeds.

I hand her my sword, handle first and say, "I Xena Warrior Princess, Conqueror of Nations, surrender to you Gabrielle Queen of the Amazons. From this very moment, 'Xena Warrior Princess, the Conqueror of Nations' is dead and Xena is born again in her love for you. I pledge you my undying love and loyalty, my heart, my soul and my body to do with as you wish for as long as you desire".
She accepts my sword as tears run down her face. She begins to step towards me, but realizing I have not finished, she stops.
I am still on my knees before her. I reach and find my breast dagger, cutting my left hand I let my blood run into the soil around us. "I swear all this on my blood. I am yours".
Tears are running down her face, but her eyes shine with love and acceptance.
She reaches for my knife, but I stop her. She puts out her hand and says gently, "warrior mine, I love you, do not stop this". I am helpless, I will do whatever she asks.

She takes my knife, cuts her left hand and says, " and I yours, sworn by my blood".

I watch as she lets her blood drip on the soil joining with mine into a small puddle. She dips her fingers into the puddle of our blood pulls them back
And paints a crescent over my heart and then over hers. "We are one', she says. She then binds our left hands together. I am amazed at her knowledge, but then again I have to remind myself this is not the young girl who began following me years ago, this was a grown woman, an Amazon Queen. She is performing the Amazon joining ceremony. She did not have to do this part. She could have just accepted my bleeding as a sign of my loyalty and commitment to her. But she accepted me as her consort, her wife, and her partner. By her cutting her hand and joining our blood and now binding our hands together, she has joined her life to mine. I am her wife.
Her voice reaches my heart. "We are one", she says, "my blood flows through you as your blood flows through me. I accept your pledge warrior mine and pledge the same to you".

I am overwhelmed by her love for me. My body is shaking, I hear myself sobbing, but can not stop. She is such a gift. I will spend the rest of this life and all of any others I may have to please her. She is my life. She has accepted my surrender and made me her wife. I am not worthy of this wonderful woman.

She is kneeling in front of me. She leans in and kisses me. She softly whispers, " I have loved you for so long Xena, I've prayed for this moment. Please make love to me". I stroke her beautiful face and surprise myself with my reply. "No my Queen".

She looks at me as if I have just been possessed by demons. I smile at her and whisper, "let me do this". She looks me in my eyes and nods questioningly, while she whispers, "ok".
I kiss her deeply and feel the passions rise again. I move my lips to her ear and whisper, "please make love to me". I feel her moan into my mouth. She pulls back and looks at me. Her eyes are a color of dark green, I have never seen before. I continue my request, "make love to me Gabrielle, make me yours, I am your wife, your consort, make me your lover, takeÖ"
I don't get to finish as my small innocent bard becomes a full-blown Amazon Queen. Her lips capture me in a passionate kiss that takes my breath away. I can feel her passion burn into my soul. I slowly feel all my fears fade away. I begin to feel my warlord blood start its move through my body, but suddenly it is stopped. Gabrielle deepens the kiss as she removes my clothes and lowers me to our bedrolls. I willingly surrender to her. I am hers. I push my warrior blood to the deep recesses of my soul. But she knows me so well. As she nears me to climax, my body pounding against her hands and tongue, she stops, raises her head from between my legs and with my juices running down her chin, she demands, " Whose are you Warrior? Tell me, who owns you?" I whimper at the need for release, but answer, "yours, all yours my Queen." Then I do the last thing I have never done. I beg. "Please, Gabrielle, please take me now, please I am yours only yours, forever, please baby make me come for you, please". My words become nothing more than whimpers as she once again uses her fingers and tongue to bring me to the edge of climax. She continues to claim me, and then it happens. Something breaks in my soul and I feel the presence burned from my body as I feel her love filling me. I scream her name like a prayer of salvation as my body erupts in climax.

As I slowly descend to Earth she kisses her way up my body, finally wrapping me in her arms to hold me until the million aftershocks cease. She gently kisses my lips and it's then I realize that she is crying. I attempt to ask, but she places her fingers on my lips and whispers, "so beautiful, shh..".
I smell my essence on her fingers and another climax wracks my body. I look up at her and realize I am crying too. There really is no other response to what she has made me feel. I have never made love before and definitely never been made love to. All of the other times were about conquest and sex, never love and surrender. This beautiful creature truly does own my soul. I am hers; Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. She is indeed my past, present and future. I smile at the thought, and look up to find her smiling back at me. "Past, present and future, good term", she says as she wipes my tears from my face. I hadn't realized I had spoken out loud. I find my mind drifting, I want to make love to her. I whisper, "I love you", as she pulls me onto her shoulder. I start to run my hand over her stomach, but she stops me with a kiss. She softly says, "Sleep now warrior mine, I'll be here when we wake up". She wraps me up tighter in her arms. I can't fight it. I hear her breathing even out and realize she is falling asleep. I smile as my body also drifts into sleep, secure in the knowledge that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
 

The end?