Nicole woke to a telephone ringing near her ear. Confused for a moment, she reached over and did not encounter the nightstand like she would have at her house.
"The phone is on the other side, Hotshot," Laurel regained consciousness.
Nicole rolled over the other way and picked the phone off the charger. The voice began as soon as she grunted a salutation. Nicole sat up in bed and listened as well as she could. Laurel stayed on her side of the bed, sensing that this was a serious conversation. With a mumble of affirmation, Nicole hit the talk button, disconnecting the line. She got up and began pacing the apartment.
"You know, as much as I love to see such a beautiful woman pace naked around an empty flat, do you want to come back over here and tell me whats up?" Laurel stretched out under the covers. The sun was shining through the windows, letting her know that at least they had not overslept.
"We just have to go over to Grandmas house tomorrow. Margie is being released in the morning. We get to go do the whole welcome home thing." Nicole sat back down on the bed.
"Well, well deal with that later. I need a shower, and then we have a date with the others to go out," Laurel grinned. "Cmon, that shower is more than big enough for two." She waggled her eyebrows causing the photographer to laugh.
"Alright, you win."
"Oh, I always win."
Since they were the only people in the courtyard, Nicole and Laurel took seats at the glider instead of the table. Laurel lit two cigarettes and handed one to the photographer. She looked at her watch and realized they still had over half an hour before the others were to meet them.
"You know, were early."
"I know," Nicole took a long drag off her cigarette.
"Are all of us going to your grandmothers tomorrow?" Laurel was wondering if she should volunteer to stay at the Warehouse.
"Who ever wants to. Grandma likes Danny. She doesnt realize hes gay. Even the ugly shoe collection he takes so much pride in has failed to tip her off."
"She what? How can she not?" Laurel was bewildered. "Wait, if she doesnt know about him, how does she know about you?"
"I dont really know. I think Margie had something to do with it, but I cant prove it. Annie was the icing on the cake though. Grandma did not exactly walk in on us doing anything, but she did overhear part of the argument the two of us had right before graduation. I actually got off fairly light. Grandma blames Sheryl for it all."
"Sheryl?" Laurel was starting to feel as if she would never understand Nicoles family.
"Well, Grandma accused Sheryl of turning me gay. So, she bitched out Sheryl. Fortunately, she has learned to just laugh at my grandmother. I might have lost other friends over something like that," Nicole stood up and began pacing. "Grandma tried to get me to see a counselor so I could be "straightened out" and everything. I think I went for about two months. Long enough to get over Annie. She thought it helped, and Ive never said otherwise."
"Wow, I guess it must be a Southern thing. My parents sent me to a shrink, took away everything I had that could have been considered lewd, and tried to shelter me from everything else. I had gotten caught though."
"How old were you?" Nicole sat back down as Laurel lit another cigarette. "Chain smoking?"
"Seems like the thing to do," The bassist shrugged and offered Nicole one as well. "I was sixteen. My parents are pretty well known, my moms firm works with several businesses on the Coast, and my dad is a popular account. If you can believe that an accountant can be popular. A lesbian daughter was bad for their perceived self images."
"I guess its a good thing we arent faulted for our families then."
"Yeah, a very good thing," Laurel chuckled. "You really think Sheryl will want to go to your Grandmothers house tomorrow?"
"Yep, she loves egging the old lady on," Nicole laughed. She loved her grandmother, but sometimes felt the older lady deserved a little bad karma. "Its going to be a rough day tomorrow."
"Well worry about that tomorrow. Now, cmere," Laurel patted the cushion beside her. Nicole grinned and joined her on the glider.
Danny, Sheryl and Jessie appeared downstairs almost soundlessly. This time, when Laurel and Nicole became aware of their presence, they did not jump apart. They were sitting on the glider rather uncomfortably. Laurel had her back against the arm, one leg against the back of the seat and the other on the ground. Nicole sat as close to the bassist as she could, laying back and resting her head on Laurels shoulder. It was physically uncomfortable but emotionally stable.
"What Id give for a camera," Sheryl announced in a loud voice as she sat down at the table.
"You mean one of these?" Jessie pulled a disposable camera from her pocket. She managed to get one picture before Laurel and Nicole separated.
"If youre going to take a picture," Nicole sat up seeing a little green box before her eyes. "At least you could use something better than a point and click."
"Sorry, coz, but they dont make disposable SLRs," Jessie grinned impudently. "Ill make sure you both get a copy though." She quickly promised to avoid any repercussions.
"So did you two enjoy your time alone?" Sheryl asked innocently. Danny turned rather red.
"Yes we did," Laurel stood up so she could get the blood flowing back into her legs.
"Yeah, it was great until Grandma called," Nicole rolled her eyes. "Margie is being released from the hospital tomorrow and we are all expected at the house tomorrow afternoon." She looked pointedly at Jessica.
"Cool, well be there," Sheryl spoke for all of them. "Now, lets get out of here and start this party."
They ended up just walking toward Bourbon Street without any set plan. Sheryl took the lead with Jessie, leaving Danny to edge in next to Nicole and Laurel on the old cobblestone sidewalks. Several college aged men and women were scattered among the older tourist. They meandered their way down to Bourbon and joined the throng of people crowding the street.
Sheryl led the group to a blues club right off the corner they had just turned. Fortunately, this club did not charge a cover, and the bouncer at the door barely glanced at their drivers identifications. The critic chose a table not too far from the stage but still conveniently located near the bar.
"This is cool," Laurel was happy with the first selection. "I love playing jazz and blues."
"Does the rest of your band like it too? If I recall, a few of your songs had a definite jazz feel to them," Danny asked.
"Yeah, we write our own stuff, not always as a group though. One of the ones we played, I actually wrote."
"Which was that?" Nicole asked despite the fact that she could not remember a single word of any song they had played.
"Come to me, it was the um," She paused for thought. "Fourth one that we played that night."
"Ooo, Id love to hear your stuff. Do you have it on tape or anything?" Jessie asked, much to Nicoles relief. "Id love a copy."
"Me too," Sheryl, Danny and Nicole said in unison.
"Yeah I have a tape in my bag back at the apartment actually, Ill let you have it," Laurel looked around. "Now, do we get our own drinks or wait for a waitress?"
"Come on," Danny stood up and waved Laurel to join him. "Well go get the drinks." Laurel shrugged and followed him.
"Jessie," As soon as the bassist was out of earshot, Nicole turned to her cousin. "You have to get me a copy of that tape."
"Thought youd heard them play?"
"Oh, my god, Nicole, you didnt hear a note of that concert did you?" Sheryl looked amused and sympathetic.
"I could not tell you anything they sang. I was too caught up in watching her perform," Nicole shook her head.
"Ah, ok coz, Ill rescue you this time, but you owe me."
"Anything," Nicole was relieved. "Thanks,"
"Youre most welcome," Laurel sat a mudslide down in front of the photographer. "Danny is bringing the rest," She told Sheryl and Jessie as she sat down with her own drink.
As Danny was returning with the other drinks, the band took the stage. The five friends settled back into their chairs to watch the show. It was a very talented group that sang some old blues standards and several new creations. All five of them were highly impressed. They sat through one entire set, obeying the two-drink minimum before deciding to move elsewhere.
They had walked another two blocks before Sheryl steered them into a bar aimed more at the college set. This club had a cover charge but no minimum for drinks. It also did not have a band. It had karaoke. Laurel did not see that as a plus.
They found a tall table to stand around. This time, Nicole, Sheryl and Jessie went for drinks. Nicole handed Laurel a beer on her return, causing the blonde to smile her thanks. It was altogether too noisy in there for much conversation.
It was not long before Danny disappeared from the group. Collectively, they thought that he was off to seduce some young collegiate stud. However, his sudden appearance on stage proved all four of them wrong.
One thing Nicole had never told Laurel was how well her friend could sing. Danny had chosen a popular country song that had made the rounds on several rock stations years previous. He sang it well, but the bassist had to laugh. The poor man could not dance. He had absolutely no sense of rhythm. But, she felt that he deserved accolades for having the courage to try in front of a fickle, drunken crowd. They gave him a hearty round of applause when he was finished. He returned to the table flushed with acclaim.
It was after a pitiful rendition of Patsy Clines torch song that they all decided it was time to move on. Sheryl had apparently decided to spend the evening bar hopping, as she soon picked out another from the multitude of choices. This one had a deejay. Laurel was wondering if any bar in New Orleans, or at least on Bourbon, could feel comfortable doing something another was doing.
This bar catered to the collegiate set as well. Several heterosexual couples were on the dance floor. Laurel was under the impression that even two women dancing together would be seen as a hostile takeover. So, when Danny gallantly asked her to dance she accepted. She fought the urge to lead, and then to laugh as he proved once more how much he lacked that skill. They stayed on the floor for just one song. He finally pulled Sheryl and Jessie back onto the floor with him for a slightly slower one.
Laurel pulled Nicole outside. The two chose seats on a stairway next to the entrance. Nicole was glad; she was feeling slightly claustrophobic in the crowd.
"How ya holding up?" Laurel asked as she lit them both cigarettes.
"Im doing good. All the walking is keeping the alcohol away," She grinned.
"Good," Laurel was relieved. She was ready to hit the gay section. "Now, is there a bar around here I can dance with you at?" She lowered her voice as several guys in Greek shirts passed.
"Yeah, Ill see if we can go there next," Nicole was pleased that Laurel wanted to dance with her. She had watched the bassist closely during the dance she had shared with Danny. She had known Laurel could move, but seeing her on the dance floor had caused all new fantasies for the photographer.
"Why is it Nicole Herbert, that every time we go out in New Orleans, you end up smoking outside the club on a stoop?" Sheryl asked as she motioned for her to move over. Given their past history, the critic had instantly known where to find her old friend when Nicole was not at the table.
"Cause I hate crowds?" She turned the statement into a question.
"That must be it," Sheryl returned. She wiped sweat soaked hair from her bangs. "The other two wanted another dance. I think your cousin wanted to teach Danny how to dance. Like that will ever happen." The others laughed.
"That reminds me," Nicole grew serious. "Which side of the fence are you playing for tonight?"
"Excuse me?" Laurel had been under the impression that Sheryl was straight, but her lovers mixed metaphor filled comment caused her to question that. "I thought you were strictly dickly," She said to Sheryl.
"Well," The critic laughed. "Im all for dickly, but not strictly. Women have their appeal too, as you well know."
"Oh, yeah. I know that well," Laurel grinned lecherously.
"Well, then Im what you call an equal opportunity bedder. And my intentions for this evening?" She laughed again. "Why Nicole, do you think Im after your cousin?"
"Ive been wondering," The photographer admitted.
"Well, maybe. Just a little." She stopped when Laurel coughed. Danny and Jessie were heading towards them.
"Where to now?" He was starting to swagger.
"Pixelstix then the Oz?" Sheryl asked. They all shrugged so she took that for assent.
Pixelstix was a small bar located a block away from Bourbon. It had a policy of tolerance and was frequented by several different groups of people. Even the music went from retro to disco/dance to new age to top forty songs. Laurel had been there several times with different band mates and friends. It was a place where even she felt comfortable. It was a place where two women could dance together if they chose and suffer no major repercussions.
Jessie and Danny went for drinks while the other three staked out a pool table. Laurel was sticking to beer, knowing that too much pure alcohol would see her stumbling back to the Warehouse. She was already aware of the possibility of helping Nicole to her apartment. The photographer had been drinking mixed drinks all night, and she was beginning to show the effects.
Laurel played Sheryl in pool for two games and lost both. The critic was a talented player, and the bassist was impressed. Sheryl effortless cleared the table of balls and then hit the eight ball into the corner pocket despite challenge of Laurels remaining striped ball. Fortunately, neither had placed money on the game. Laurel just had to buy Sheryls drinks until they moved to another bar.
"Hey, sailor, wanna dance?" Nicole slipped her arms around her lover and leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"Sure thing, gorgeous," Laurel found the inebriated side of the photographer charmingly amusing.
Laurel let Nicole lead her onto the dance floor. The song was an older, slower one. Laurel wrapped her arms around Nicoles waist and pulled her close. The photographer placed her arms around Laurels shoulders. They moved together, swaying in time to the music. The bodies pressed against them on all sides melted into the background.
"Cause Im the only one wholl walk across the fire for you," Laurel sang along as she moved her hands to Nicoles hips and pulled her lover even closer. For a moment they were both able to imagine that they were alone on the dance floor.
"Why dont you sing more in the band?" Nicole was trying not to slur her words too badly.
"Im the bassist. I go wooohoooo thats my job," Laurel chuckled.
"Well, you can sing for me anytime," Nicole whispered into the bassists ear.
"Tonight?"
"As you wish," Nicole was more than ready to head back to the Warehouse.
"Check please," Laurel grinned and stepped away. Taking Nicoles hand, she led the way back to the pool table where Sheryl was teaching Jessica the finer points of pool.
"You two about ready to head to the next club?" Danny was well on his way to crossing the border of sobriety.
"Actually, I think were about ready to head back to the Warehouse. Nicole isnt feeling too well," Laurel winked at him.
"Ah, well you should go put her to bed then," Danny winked back. "Well see yall in the morning then."
Without saying goodbye to the other two, Laurel practically dragged Nicole out of the club. They avoided Bourbon Street for the most part. The bassist was getting a little concerned. Nicole was becoming increasingly unsteady on her feet. She really hoped the walk back to the apartment would help sober her lover.
Laurel sent Nicole upstairs while the bassist let Mozart inside. She avoided the elevator as usual and followed the dog to the fifth floor. To her dismay, Nicole was passed out on the bed when she entered the apartment. Sighing, she changed into her pajamas, woke Nicole up enough to get the photographer into her sleepwear and crawled into bed. She was asleep almost immediately.
Laurel woke a few hours later to a wet, sloppy tongue licking her face. Cringing away from the contact, she opened to her eyes to find herself being accosted by Mozart. Nicole was not in sight. She pushed the dog off of her, thinking that he wanted to be let out, and began looking for Nicoles bathrobe. It took her a few seconds to completely wake up enough to notice that the bathroom light was on. Mozart pushed the door open and whined to get her attention.
She followed the dog into the bathroom. Nicole was passed out on the bathroom floor near the toilet. The photographers face and hair was wet with sweat and she was moaning in her sleep. Laurel sat down on the floor next to her lover and pulled Nicoles head into her lap. She sat there for a long moment, stroking the photographers back and humming under her breath. Finally, she lay down next to her partner and pulled her in close.
Before she fell asleep, she wondered what it was about Nicole that brought out the softer side of herself. She had never been the type to cuddle, to go slow and gentle, or to be a full-fledged partner. Yet now she was finding herself making an effort to be everything she felt Nicole deserved. She was changing in ways she approved of, but they were still shocking her at times.
It must be love. She thought, right before she fell back asleep.
Nicole woke up to a pain in her bladder, cold tile beneath her left side, and strong arms wrapped around her midsection. She gingerly turned her head and noticed the short blonde hair first. Laurel looked peaceful in her sleep, but the photographer had an urgent need to relieve the pressure on her bladder.
"Laurel," She eased herself out of the embrace and tried to shake her partner into consciousness. "Laurel, honey, wake up please." The bassist was still sound asleep.
Not knowing what else to do, Nicole took care of her basic needs while Laurel slept soundly on the floor. She brushed her teeth, splashed water on her face and other sundry bathroom necessities. Laurel did not stir through any of it. Nicole was astounded at how deep the bassist could sleep.
"Hey, what was that for?" Laurel asked as she wiped the water from her face.
"Thought that would wake you," Nicole smiled mischievously. Her head still hurt, but at least she had gotten the bassist to wake. That at least had made it seem a little better.
"How are you feeling?" Laurel got off the cold floor and started rubbing the kinks out of her back. She located her toothbrush and began to brush her teeth.
"Ive been better. Howd we get in the bathroom?" Nicole was puzzled.
"You got sick. Mozart woke me and brought me in here to help," Laurel explained after she was done with the dental hygiene. "Ill throw some clothes on and take him downstairs. I think a nice long shower will help you feel better," She placed her hand on the photographers cheek to check for fever. Finding none, she patted the smooth skin and smiled.
"What? Youre just going to leave me after nothing more than a caress?" Nicole asked in mock indignation.
"Course not," Laurel pulled her close and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Better?" She grinned evilly as she left the bathroom. "Ill be back in a minute to do more," She pulled her jeans and shirt on.
"You better," Nicole grinned. "Now hurry back up."
Laurel called the dog to her and practically ran down the stairs. She was regretting her teasing remarks to the photographer, but Nicole did wake her up in a cruel way. She felt the payback was worthwhile. She would make up for it when she got back upstairs.
Stan was up and outside smoking a cigarette when Laurel let Mozart out onto the patio. The bassist joined him at the table and lit a cigarette of her own.
"Just getting in?" He asked.
"No, Nicole and I called it a night pretty early last night. Why do you ask?"
"Jessie didnt come in last night. I figured all of you stayed out until dawn," He was starting to look concerned.
"She probably didnt want to bother you and is sleeping somewhere else," Laurel tried to reassure him.
"Yeah shes done that before. Especially if she picked someone up."
"Well, tell you what, let me go take a shower, get Nicole some aspirin, and find a change of clothes. Then, well meet you down here and well search the whole place over. Deal?" Laurel snubbed out her cigarette and whistled for the dog.
"Deal, meet you here in an hour?" He stood up as well. "Im going for breakfast. You want anything?"
"Yeah, but Nicole was feeling kinda queasy last night, so no beignets. Do you know of anyplace that sells decent breakfast food of the non greasy variety?"
"Yep, sure do," He refused to take the money she tried to hand him. "My treat."
"Thanks," Laurel watched him leave and then followed with Mozart.
Nicole was still in the shower when the bassist returned to the apartment. Grinning evilly, Laurel rid herself of her clothes and climbed in the shower with her lover.
"Can I get your back?" She took the washcloth from the photographer and started adding more soap to it.
"Nope, but you can get my front," Nicole turned around and leaned down for a kiss.
"As you wish."
"Yo, you two decent?" Stan peered around the partition keeping the apartment from view of the elevator.
"Yeah," Nicole called out from the bathroom.
"Food," Laurel shot of the bed where she was pulling on her boots and ran to help Stan with the bags.
"What?" Nicole walked out of the bathroom still drying her hair with a towel.
"Stan brought breakfast. Cmon and eat," Laurel started placing paper plates on the table.
"Thanks Stan," Nicole tossed her towel on the floor and joined her cousin and her lover at the table.
Stan had brought croissants, French bread, sourdough bread, and assorted pastries for their breakfast. The three were too busy to talk for most of the meal. Nicole however stayed with breads. Her stomach was still roiling and she did not want to chance anything else making her sicker.
"Did Jessica ever show back up?" Laurel asked around a croissant. "These are good by the way."
"Nope, I checked my apartment she wasnt there," He still looked a bit worried.
"After breakfast well see if shes upstairs anywhere. Then you can worry ok?" Nicole had been briefed on the situation by Laurel. She was not worried about her cousin yet. Though the thoughts that something could have happened to her friends and cousin were hard to ignore.
"Theyre probably all passed out somewhere. Well find them. Dont worry," Laurel placed her hand over Nicoles in a gesture of reassurance.
"Well, lets start now. You want to stay all together?" Stan asked.
"Yeah, might as well, you know what happens when people split up in the movies," Laurel grinned.
"Lets go then," Nicole gathered the plates and threw them away.
The three took the stairs instead of the elevator. They did not have far to go when they heard moaning. Mozart took off at the sound and led them up two more flights. Half way between the sixth and seventh floor, the trio found Danny curled in the fetal position. He was still in the same clothes he had worn the night before, including the black and white wing tips.
"Danny," Nicole knelt down by her friend. She knew that her hangover must have seemed tame when compared to his. "Danny, wake up. Cmon Cowboy, the day is wasting."
Danny moaned again and rolled over onto his back. He blinked several times in order to get his eyes to focus properly. Mozart tried to help the deejay regain consciousness by licking the mans cheek.
"Geroff," He sat up. "Ouch, man I have got to remember to make it to a bed next time. Morning all."
"Morning, Danny. Hows tricks?"
"Wouldnt know. I eat grits. Man, I feel grungy. Wheres the other two?" He managed to sit up and straighten his clothes.
"Well, this heres a search party, partner. Care to join us?" Laurel did her best western drawl.
"Yeah, I need to get cleaned up anyway. What time are we supposed to be at the Big House?"
"About one or two," Nicole helped him to his feet.
"Good, enough time for a shower."
The four continued up the stairway. By this time, both Stan and Nicole had admitted to themselves that if Danny had made it home then the other too probably had as well.
They were proved correct when they opened the door to the tenth floor. Sheryl and Jessie had made it back safely. They were currently spooned up together on Franks massive bed. Stan turned and ran back down the stairs. Danny was a step behind him.
Laurel walked a little closer and discovered why he fled. From the skin she saw tangled in the beds comforter, Laurel easily deduced that neither woman was wearing clothing. Nicole just stood in the living area shaking her head.
"Should we wake them?" Laurel asked her lover.
"Yeah, we should get them up, fed and clothed before we have to leave to go to Grandmas." Nicole was at a loss as to how to wake the two women. Laurel saved her from the embarrassment.
Laurel took three running steps, leaped onto the bed and started jumping up and down. She began singing an old nursery rhyme. She was careful not to actually land on either Sheryl or Jessica.
"Come on Nicole, sing along. The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water oww," Sheryls right hand darted out and tripped the bassist as she went to jump over the two women. Instead of landing on the other edge of the bed, Laurel landed right between two very naked, very embarrassed, very upset Southern women.
"Hi, morning. How ya doing Sheryl?" Laurel tried to get up before Nicole had a chance to get upset, but the critics arm across her chest held the bassist in place.
"Morning Laurel. To what do I owe this pleasure to?" The look on Sheryls face could only be described as evil. "Whats your girlfriend going to think when she finds you here?"
"That youre trapping her onto the bed," Nicole stepped closer to the bedroom area. "We have to be there in two hours, Sheryl. Let her up and get dressed."
"Sorry, Nicky," Sheryl looked chastised. It was not often that Nicole put her foot down about anything. The critic knew that pushing her too far in this situation would not be a good idea. She also knew that this had nothing to do with Laurel falling between them on the bed. This was all about a family thing.
"Ok then, guess well leave you two alone to eat and get dressed," Laurel managed to find a way off the bed. "I mean well let you have breakfast. Well leave you two alone now." She grabbed Nicoles hand and practically pulled the photographer after her.
The pair ended up back on the patio. Mozart had found his way there as well; apparently he had followed Stan and Danny. Stan was sitting in the seat Laurel had previously found him in that morning, and was smoking a cigarette.
"Well, that was a shocker. I knew those two were always flirting with one another, but I was not expecting that," He informed the two women who had joined him at the table.
"I figured it would happen soon, after the way they were acting last night," Nicole seemed weary of the subject. She was already dreading the trip to her grandmothers house.
"That was a shocker to me," Laurel added. She really had not suspected that Sheryl was bisexual. Then again, given what she had seen of the critic, not much would have surprised her. Laurel felt that Sheryl surpassed the third dimension. The critic operated in the fourth dimension at the very least.
"Well, we started the day off with a bang, didnt we?" Danny joined the discussion about half an hour later. He looked freshly showered but still had an air of discomfort around him. He was walking very stiffly.
"You ok, Danny?" Nicole asked with some degree of concern.
"Yeah, Ill just have to remember that stairwells do not make the best beds. I feel like a freshman," He grinned ruefully.
"Remember that time when Greg had to hoist you over his shoulders and carry you back to the dorm?" Sheryl grinned from the French doors.
"That was the night you danced on the tables in your underwear wasnt it?" He added in reply.
"Damn, you werent supposed to remember that," She laughed and took a seat on the glider.
"You kinda made that impossible. Its not all that easy to forget someone doing the funky chicken in a g-string and demicups," Nicole decided to add her memories to the discussion.
"And just how much attention were you paying, there Hotshot?" Laurel asked her lover. Her tone was teasing, but Nicole heard the seriousness that was hidden in it.
"Not that much actually. If I recall, and I maybe mistaken, by that point I was convinced that a certain TV show from the 1970s was the best thing ever written. It was a wild party at some Frat house that Greg was trying to impress. I think we ruined his chances."
"They had just never seen how people from the Crescent City party. They werent used to it," Sheryl clarified.
"Not many people are. You should see how they react to me in New York," Jessica finally joined the party. "Are we ready to go?"
"Yeah, as ready as well ever be. Everyone sure they want to go?" Nicole asked as she stood. She was not going to make anyone go if they did not want to.
"Nope, no one is staying. Were going to be behind you all the way, hon," Laurel spoke for the group.
"Then I have just one more question. Drive or trolley?"
"Drive, please. My poor back wont be able to walk the ten blocks itll take us to get to the nearest trolley stop," Danny complained.
"Lets do it," Stan added his desire to the others.