Because
I Love Her
Written By: Caina
Q. Fuller
Sometimes in life we meet people
who complete us. There are many names for such people. Friend, lover, soul
mate. Whatever you chose to call this person, he or she is the one that makes
your life complete. They are the one whom you love, and more importantly
they make you feel loved. They make you feel special, intelligent
and beautiful. They make you wonder: How could I have ever made it through
life without meeting this wonderful being? If I lose them, how will I continue?
I am a man who has met such
a woman. No, scratch that. I am an old, wretched being who was blessed with
a few moments of peace brought by this woman's presence. That's who I am.
I am one in an uncountable number of creatures in the universe who was blessed
to have known her for just a while. To have loved her and been loved
by her for just a little while.
Let us ponder together, just
for a moment, what love really is. Just so for once in my life someone try
to see this issue from my point of view. Yes I'm the bad one, but just listen
for a moment. Would you ask yourself what love is? I hear your first answer.
You just told yourself love is a feeling. But what is a feeling? A
feeling is something ethereal right? It's something felt by each individual
in life but at same time it's something that cannot be touched. And who is
to say that each person in life feels the same thing you do when you mention
love?
So it is a concept you reply
to me now. What is a concept? A concept is an idea right? So love
must be an idea that you feel. No my friend, an idea cannot be felt. It
can only be thought. So love is more than an intellectual concept you now
say, but it is substantial only when it touches you yet it will not allow
you to touch it. Unless...
There is only one time, I believe
(and you're free to disagree with me on this of course) there is only one
instance when one can touch love back, and that is when it is trapped in a
mirror. When you look into another's eyes, as I have looked into her eyes,
and see love looking back you, then have succeeded in trapping the ethereal
and giving it substance. Then, and only then, can you reach out and touch
this “concept”, for the one you love has become the embodiment of love. When
you have touched them you have touched love.
I loved her. I felt love and
I touched love, only to have had it ripped away from me by the changes she
has gone through in her heart. Don't you think that I know I'm not good for
her? I never was. Not even when we did love each other was I good for her.
I was a poison to her. I was a plague looming over her life. It's amazing
isn't it? How one such as I can feel something so tender and good, yet at
the same time be such a negative force in another's life?
She found her way past that
hate we'd shared. She found her way through the darkness that is still my
soul, and she entered into the light. She floated for a while in the sea
of its goodness and warmth, but she was always in danger of being swept back
to down into the depths of the Abyss of evil where I reside on the powerful
currents of her hearts wounds. Then she found an anchor made of innocence
and love, which is a powerful combination.
The anchor was and continues
to be a healing balm to sooth the deepest wounds ripped into her heart by
my evil ways and me. The anchor is still pure of heart, good of soul and
beautiful in disposition. She is the compass that points the eyes of the
one I love in the right direction, which is always directly away from me and
all I stand for and lust for. The anchor embodies the love that my dear one
needs to survive. Not only does the former lover of my soul touch the anchor,
but also the anchor has a firm hold on her heart.
Who am I you're asking? You
know me well and I think you figured it out in the beginning that I am Ares,
god of War. The one I love is Xena, and the anchor she loves is Gabrielle.
I am the epitome of black, filthy evil with only a seed of light in my cold
heart.
I would never say this to Gabrielle,
but whenever I see the joy in Xena's eyes when she looks at that blond bard,
I pray to whatever force is mightier than I to ensure that the one I love
never loses her anchor to the light. I hope, deep inside my heart where my
small amount of love resides, that Xena stays on her new path. I pray Xena
keeps her eyes on the prize and finds the redemption she seeks every day of
her life. I pray she finds the peace she so desperately needs. Are you shocked?
Sometimes I am shocked by it myself. I am a god and I know what you are asking
right now. Why would a god of War pray this kind of prayer? The answer is
really quite simple. I pray it...
Because I love her.
The End.