Disclaimer: This is just a joke I wrote for a friend once, but it was inspired by the movie Ladyhawke and XWP, neither of which belong in any way to me.
Feel like sending me feedback on this? If so, please do J rosmari.karlssonfaltin@telia.com
The tall dark and stoic warrior stared with a chilling blue gaze down upon the clueless strangers that had dared to venture so close to her giant warhorse. She inclined an eyebrow in cool interest as she eyed the propeller-eared young man who wore a flattened pasta strainer on his chest and a broken bucket on his head.
Ah, this must be the village idiot, she surmised, and then proceeded to completely ignore him.
"Ohdearme, my good lord, what would such a big, handsome and manly warrior like you be doing in these parts?" The blond woman breathed heavily in a manner that most likely was meant to be coquettish, and slithered up against the warrior’s leg.
The small orange cat that had until then lain so lovingly curled around the warrior’s neck like a living scarf suddenly stopped it’s loud purring to open one large green eye in the woman’s direction.
"I actually happen to be a woman." The warrior pointed out in a hushed voice. The village idiot grinned.
"Perhaps a little rest from your journey would be in order, handsome fellow?" The woman apparently did not listen, and slithered even further up along the warrior’s leg.
The large warhorse began shuffling it’s feet nervously.
"Perhaps a little... entertainment as well?" The blonde panted and licked her lips.
"I am a woman." The warrior pointed out once more as politely as she could manage.
The horse whinnied a little and the village idiot scratched one of his gigantic ears.
The little cat had uncurled from around the warrior’s neck and was now standing on the warrior’s shoulder, hissing for all she was worth and staring at the clueless blond with murderous intent.
"Perhaps my lord would want to come with me behind that building over there, I can show you the err, ahh, hayloft and…" The woman panted on without listening to what the warrior was saying and started pulling on the warrior’s leg.
With a tiny pop-pop-poppetti-pop the cat bared all her claws, then threw herself at the blonde with a roar worthy of a lion.
"YAAAAAAAHH!"
*rrip*
"OW!"
*clawclawclaw*
"What the heck"
*bite*
"AAARRRRGGHH darn cat!"
*scratchscratchscratch*
"HEEEELLLLP!"
"I am a woman." The warrior repeated and petted her nervous horse to calm it down.
The screaming and hissing continued, with bloodcurdling howls and gurgling cries for help, but the warrior merely looked a bit thoughtfully at the sky. "Hmm... it is getting pretty late... perhaps it would be a good idea to take a break after all..." She mused.
The village idiot smiled happily. The bloody heap on the ground gurgled out a moaning "gnuuuuhrrrghhhh", then tried to slither away to hide itself under a rock.
"What do you think?" The warrior lovingly asked the little cat, who was now returned to her perch in the warrior’s arms and was busily cleaning her paws. "Would my dearest, most pwecious little snookums want a widdle warm milk?" The warrior asked with an overly sugary sweet voice.
The cat meowed contently.
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