Warnings : This story features... um.... nothing much. No SEX, no VIOLENCE, no bad language, no subtext, no gods, no AMAZONS, no Joxer, (huge sighs of relief from the Anti-Joxer brigade), no references to bodily functions, no ELEPHANTS, no fruit or vegetables, (minor warning : may contain traces of nuts), no ALCOHOL, no I could write anything here because you’ve probably got bored and skipped to the story already, no plot, well, not much of one. Oh! Wait a minute, there is a reference to BREASTS in the story. I highlighted the word breasts in order to attract the casual reader, by the way. Maybe I should change the name of the story to "Xena And Gabrielle Have Hot Sex" that might attract even more. Yeah I think I’ll do that.

Bard's Boring Bits : Thanks to Incognotter and Pam for beta reading. Thanks to Michael and Ann for not beta reading. I didn’t send it to you so I’d have something more to write in this part of the disclaimers. It’s only a tiny story anyway. Perhaps if I say I wrote this NAKED I could attract even more readers.

Hi to Laura, please stop stalking me <g. Hi to everyone on the ex-guards list. Hi to everyone not on the ex-guards list. Get well soon, And, we miss you and need you. Murphy, go to bed, get plenty of rest and plenty of fluids, (This only applies if you’re still suffering with the flu like you were when I wrote this). Thanks to Raine for the good review of "Impressions". Thanks to Lawls for recommending it, too.

Wait a minute, I have to go and check something. Nope still not there.

Message for Kam: I still think my scene is better! :-) That reminds me, here’s some character emoticons:

(_8^(|)

Homer Simpson

(:|)><

Baby Ike

Hmm... not long to go now. I hope people are reading this after all the trouble I’ve gone to.

Some more people to thank: My mother and father, my brother and sister. Bill Gates for founding the Microsoft empire so I could use Word to write this story. Levi for making my jeans. Pepsi for the cola. Laura is probably cursing me because Sam has to read all this before getting to the story. <g Don’t worry Laura, it’ll be here soon.

Tum-te-tum. Not much longer to wait. Here it is.

Sorry, I lied.

Historian's Note : This story takes place whenever you want it to.

Note : I believe all this disclaimer and thanks crap is now longer than the actual story. Thank you. Okay Laura, here it is.

Gabrielle stared hard at the scroll, then stared at the warrior sharpening her weapons. She sighed heavily.

"What's the matter?" asked Xena, looking up from her work.

"I just can't...." Gabrielle waved at the scroll.

"Oh," said the warrior with little interest and returned to her weapons.

Silence settled over the camp only to be broken by the bard.

"Xena?"

"What?" snapped the warrior.

"Do you think you.... could you.... I mean... sort of.... help?"

"No!"

"Please?" asked Gabrielle hopefully.

It was difficult for the warrior to refuse a request from Gabrielle, but she called on all of her resolve. "Scrolls are your department, remember."

Silence settled once more; again it was broken by the bard.

"Xena, please," Gabrielle put on the most pitiful voice she could. "I'll get all your meals for a month."

Xena shook her head. "You get all my meals, anyhow."

"I'll sharpen your weapons for you."

"No! The last time I let you have a go at sharpening my breast dagger, you blunted it."

Gabrielle flushed. "I didn't like the thought of anything sharp... you know... down there," she admitted. "Okay, I'll.." she chewed her lip in thought. "I'll... um... I'll... I know! I'll groom Argo-"

"Definitely not! I won't put her through that again," shouted the warrior. She continued sharpening and muttered under her breath. "Pink bows on a war horse...."

"Aww," Gabrielle sighed in defeat. She pouted at the warrior. "Xeeennnaaa," she whined.

"No!"

"Please."

The warrior gritted her teeth and growled. "Oh alright. Anything to stop your pathetic whining."

"Great," grinned the bard clapping her hands. "General to Alexander executed in Persia, eight letters: two blanks, 'R', three blanks, 'I', blank?"

"Parmenio," sighed Xena.

"Yes!" whispered Gabrielle triumphantly, and started writing on the scroll.

THE END