Seeing You Again for the First Time
By Colleen
General Disclaimer: This is an alternate uber story. The physical descriptions of the two lead characters may remind you of two others we all know and love, but all characters in the story are from my own imagination. This story is an original work and is copyrighted by the author. It cannot be sold or used for profit in any way.
Love/Sex Disclaimer: This story depicts a loving relationship between two consenting, adult women and contains scenes of intimacy, but nothing explicit. If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live, please do not read it. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may wish to read something other than this story.
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Chapter 17
Erin pulled her legs up under her and sank into the soft chair in the living room. They had had an early dinner and now with the dishes done she chose to start on the new book she had gotten at a bookstore in LA during their last visit. Jamie had said she had something to do in the barn, so Erin was enjoying the quiet time alone.
It had been two weeks since the events that brought Jamie's memory back. They had been to three appointments with Dr. Webber and both felt on their way to finally becoming whole again. There would still be much more discussion about the stressful issues that plagued Erin and Jamie, but they felt the beginning of freedom from the constricting hand that held their souls in place. In the span of two weeks, there had been many small steps toward a new beginning…a beginning that hadn't really started in Ireland.
Their first visit to Dr. Jennifer Webber came on a cloudy, gray September afternoon. The two-hour drive from their home to the big California city was filled with soothing music, but very little talk. The mood inside the rolling vehicle was somber and tense. The tension was not directed at each other, but rather inward as each worried about what sort of emotional scars would be unveiled and just what it was going to take to finally heal those wounds.
Jamie pulled the car into the parking garage and drove all the way up to the sixth floor before she found an open space. Two slamming doors echoed off the cement pillars like a double cannon shot. The tall woman waited near the back of the vehicle for her partner. "Are you okay?" she asked when the tight-lipped author stepped around the corner.
"Yeah."
The timid answer was not encouraging.
Jamie led them across the hard floor to the row of elevators along the back wall. They waited about forty seconds before a set of doors finally parted at the far corner. They stepped on to find themselves all alone. Jamie felt the small shudder beside her and she reached over and took the cold hand in hers. Erin's eyes slipped shut and she sighed heavily as the touch brought an end to the twitching nerves. She looked up into the easy blue eyes and smiled for the first time that day.
Dr. Jennifer Webber was an attractive lady in her late thirties. A moderate mane of very dark, blonde, wavy hair just reached the therapist's shoulders. She was of medium height, falling exactly between Erin and Jamie and her light brown eyes shown with compassion from behind oval, silver framed glasses. She welcomed them each with a handshake and invited them to a small circle of comfortable leather chairs in the corner of the nicely decorated office. She set a tray of water filled glasses on the small, round table that marginally separated doctor and patients. The notebook in her hand was flipped open as she took her seat. "I know this is a very intimidating situation," she said. "But I want to try and make you as comfortable as possible. I'd like us to be on a first name basis, unless you object." At the nod of two heads the Doctor continued. "Before we get into any of the really heavy stuff, I'd like each of you to tell me a little about yourselves."
They each stated their ages and occupations, but not much else and she found that to be a typical response. Doctor Webber felt that the sharing of that information should be reciprocal. "My partner, Vicki and I have been together for fifteen years," she explained with a smile. "Our son is just starting fifth grade." She glanced over at the wooden framed picture of the grinning, carrot topped boy.
"He's a very handsome young man," said Erin as she studied the photo.
"Thank you." She went on to tell a few more incidental facts then paused as she took just a second to watch the body language of her new patients. They hadn't stopped holding hands since they walked thought the door, but she could tell that it was a natural act and not forced by either party. "Can you tell me what it is that you would like to accomplish by coming here?" she asked.
Erin and Jamie's eyes met, each waiting for the other to take the lead.
"Erin, why don't you go first," said Webber.
The blonde head tipped to one side and she cleared her throat. "I…I guess I want…I want to regain control…so my life with Jamie can go forward and we can finally put the past behind us."
"Jamie?"
The rancher didn't have an answer; at least one she thought was worth saying. "I guess I'm not sure. If I hadn't gotten my memory back recently that's what I would've said…now…now I don't know, except that I want the same thing Erin does; to be able to deal with all the recent stresses and strengthen our relationship so we can build a future."
A few notes were quickly scribbled and the doctor took a sip of her water. "Okay. Jamie, why don't you tell me what's gone on in your life that brought you to this point."
It was very telling that the raven-haired woman began her description with meeting Erin. She told of their friendship, which lead to a tentative courtship to a marriage proposal to her disappearance and the rest of the events of the previous year.
After the long explanation, Doctor Webber commented, "That's quite a story."
"It's a miracle," said Erin.
"Of course." The doctor turned back to Jamie. "Do you feel as if your life really started after meeting Erin, because I asked about your life not your relationship?" She saw the almost panicked response in the blue eyes. "It's not a wrong response Jamie. I just want to know how you truthfully feel."
A shoulder shrugged. "Well, yes. That's the part of my life that matters most."
"And the twenty nine years before that where they that mundane?"
Jamie snorted. "God no, anything but." Without being prompted further, Jamie went on to tell about her childhood, the death of her parents and the dark mistakes she made thereafter. With a final, shaky breath she turned to smile at her partner. "But Erin helped me to come to terms with all that."
Jennifer just nodded and wrote more notes. "Erin, what about you?"
The author skimmed over her privileged childhood and her bout with blindness, instinctively knowing that that was not the root of her problems. "But the event that robbed me of control was Jamie's…Jamie's…"
"Say the word Erin," urged the therapist. "It's okay, it's just a word."
The first tears appeared and misted over the green eyes. "D…death." She finally stuttered the dreaded word.
"Tell me exactly how you felt about that and about everything that has happened since then."
Erin delved into the explanation of the darkest days of her life along with half a box of nearby tissues needed to dry the heavy flow of tears that accompanied the difficult sentences.
Doctor Webber listened closely to the choice of words being emotionally spoken by her blonde patient, but she paid even more attention to the body language of the woman's partner. Jamie clasped Erin's right hand in both of hers and her eyes were closed for the longest time. The facial muscles beneath her skin twitched and tightened as she tried to control her own intense reaction. Even though she had heard the story, it ripped at her heart even more then the first time. As it was coming down to the end of the story, Jamie's eyes popped open and she looked away with her head lowered. Her lips twisted into a snarl.
Erin finished and downed a glass of water in three quick gulps and her heaves of breath slowly calmed.
"Are you all right Erin?" asked Jennifer.
"Yeah. I just hope I don't have to go through that again," she joked weakly with a small, twitchy smile.
The doctor's right hand was busy making notations as she asked her next question. "Jamie, what were you thinking just now…when you looked away?"
The dark head shook.
Webber looked up from the paper when no answer was forthcoming. "Jamie we all have to promise to be completely honest with each other here. Please answer the question."
She reached up to rub the tight muscles at the back of her neck. "I was thinking maybe I made a mistake by bringing Erin here," said Jamie. "It's too painful for her to relive all of this."
"Don't you think she was in pain before?"
"Yes, but… Is it wrong to try to protect the one you love most in the world from any further pain?"
"No, of course not. But you know that the only way for Erin to get past this pain is to deal with it. Hiding it all these past months is what brought her here to this point. I know you have your own pain to deal with too. But I think you are both essentially strong people and with the love you have for each other you will survive this. And you can have that future you desire."
They left that hour-long session totally drained. Too tired to make the long trip back to the ranch, they checked into a hotel for the night, had a simple meal, a long hot bath and fell asleep curled around each other, for a peaceful and dreamless night.
Four days later they had their second visit to the blonde headed therapist. And it turned out to be even more intense than the first. The most difficult thing that Erin had discovered in the session was that she loved Jamie too much. At first she had been furious that Dr. Webber even suggest such a thing. Erin was adamant that that was impossible and she nearly stormed out of the office. She was only stopped by the comforting voice of the woman she loved. Jamie had led her back to the seat and held onto her hand, urging Erin to listen to what the doctor had meant. Dr. Webber had been recording their sessions, with permission and after hearing the events of the last nine months played back to her in the form of her own voice, Erin began to shake uncontrollably and she felt sick to her stomach. By the time that session was over the writer was an emotional mess, but she finally understood; it wasn't her heart that loved too much, it was her head. She loved Jamie to the exclusion of herself. Erin had lost her true self. And no one could continue to function as a healthy human being without acknowledging his or her own needs. She also learned that her heart had never really accepted Jamie's death. Erin had only placated her conscience to begin a relationship with Jane because of the very strong attraction she felt for her new friend. And when Jamie's true identity had been revealed, Erin just expected everything to be perfect once again. Truly accepting that Jamie could be taken from her again and that she could survive it was the single most difficult thing she had ever done. It was only after that admission that Erin finally began to feel that freedom.
During their most recent visit, Dr. Webber had spoken to them individually. Each had many questions and some serious issues were discussed, but not one tear was shed, leading them each to feel that they were finally regaining control. And with that, Jamie decided that the time was right to start that journey into their future.
* * * *
About twenty pages into the story, Jamie's head popped around the corner of the living room doorway. "I'm going for a ride, Hon," she said as nonchalantly as possible. "And I thought I'd take Arte with me. You know how much she likes to run."
Erin briefly looked up from her book. "Okay, Sweetie. Have a good time." She readjusted her glasses before returning her attention to the interesting story and she missed the crooked, half smile that was aimed in her direction.
* * * *
It was five minutes until the half hour and Jamie had been gone for almost sixty minutes. But Erin didn't give it too much thought. She knew her partner tended to lose track of time when she was out on horseback. The author reached up to turn on the lamp next to her chair as the sun had dipped past the trees in the front of the house. She also decided that a glass of wine would taste very good right about now.
Before she could reach the fridge, a golden body poked in through the doggie door. "Oh, you're back," she said to the canine.
The big dog set her hindquarters down in front of her human and panted.
Erin stooped down to her level. "Did you have a good run?" she asked, vigorously rubbing the dog's ears. Her hand scraped across something ruff under the long, yellow hair. "What did you get into now?" Erin rooted around and found something entangled in the dog's collar. She pulled out a folded piece of beige paper. A flash of panic passed through her, but quickly subsided when she began to read the neatly written note.
Sweetheart, please come to meet me at the glen just passed the white boulder. I have a little surprise for you. Simeron is saddled and ready to go. Lock up the house and make the dog stay home.
Love you, J
Erin smiled, conjuring up all kinds of scenarios in her very creative mind. Artemis obeyed her request and the blonde woman was traipsing out to the barn within minutes. A few nudges from the impatient author sent the white horse into a full gallop across the empty, green field.
Within ten minutes, Erin was approaching her destination. She pulled on the rein, guiding the steed around the huge stone landmark. Her green eyes grew wide as did her grin when she took in the sight before her.
Jamie stood there in her black, denim shirt, which was neatly tucked into a pair of brand new, but slightly faded blue Levi's. Her dark boots had been freshly polished and they walked across the tall grass to meet the new arrival.
Behind Jamie was a fully equipped campsite. A big log had been pulled up next to a roaring fire. Next to it was their very familiar picnic basket and several feet behind was a domed, two person tent.
Erin's feet hit the ground and her lover immediately embraced her. "What is all this?" she asked after a very long kiss.
Arm in arm they moved back toward the fire as Jamie answered. "Just a little idea I've had rolling around in my head for a while. Do you like it?"
Erin briefly squeezed the body beneath her grasp. "Of course."
They took a seat on the soft, red blanket in front of the fire and Jamie reached into the basket retrieving two glasses and a tall, dark bottle. She handed Erin the glasses and with a mighty hand removed the embedded cork from the long, glass neck.
They quietly savored the wine and relaxed in front of the glowing warmth. "This is nice," said Erin. "I'm glad you thought of it."
"Me too." Jamie agreed, nervously. She could barely hold back the grin as the happiness tapped danced around her heart and played a few dozen choruses in her brain. She did laugh out loud when she felt a few wayward fingers slip inside her shirt and brush across her belly.
"So," said Erin, "did you have anything else in mind for this evening? If not, I'm sure I can make a few suggestions."
Jamie savored the kisses that were spreading up her jaw line. Suddenly, through the arousing haze she remembered her main purpose for the special evening. She inhaled and let the breath out slowly. "Actually there is something we need to do," she said, reaching back into the woven basket at her side.
"What's that?" asked the blonde.
Jamie lifted the lid on the little box and held it up for Erin to see. "Get married," she whispered emotionally.
A sound something between a squeak and a gasp escaped Erin's open lips as she heard the words and spied the white gold band with its relief Celtic design and the shining clear solitaire that sparkled in the fire's light. Forcing her jaw to move she sputtered what few words her flabbergasted brain could form. "Oh, Jamie…I…it's…I didn't want to assume…after everything…"
Jamie smiled at her adorable partner. "Is there a yes in there somewhere?" she asked.
Erin finally pulled herself together and looked up at the beaming face. "Of course it's yes!" She threw her arms around Jamie's neck. "God I love you so much."
Jamie plucked the ring from its holder and discarded the velvet box. She slipped it onto the proper finger and added a kiss just like she had done the first time. "Committing my heart to you may not be the easiest thing I've ever done, Erin, but it is absolutely, without a doubt the best thing I've ever done. You've actually owned it from the very first; I was just too stubborn to see it. And you certainly are the reason we are here today. I only wish the road leading to this moment had been much smoother."
Erin cupped her hand around the chiseled face, which was silhouetted by the flickering flames. "I think that scaling those mountains has assured us that we will be together always and can work through any other obstacles that come our way in the future." Her forehead met Jamie's. "Together, we can do anything."
Jamie kept smiling as she felt the cool metal against her cheek. "We're getting a brand new start Erin, so I thought I should do it right. I know the first time I proposed was a little more romantic, but I had to be a little creative and come up with something new."
Erin turned and sat with her back up against the taller woman's chest. She pulled those long arms around her and snuggled in. "Sweetheart, the first time you proposed was wonderful, but this is so perfect because it is so much more you…so much more us. And believe me, this is extremely romantic."
"I love you," said Jamie.
They sat there for a long time, just enjoying being close. The comfortable silence was only broken by the occasional spit and crackle of the fire. The smell of the burning hickory added to the mesmerizing sway of the orange and blue flames as the wondrous seconds continued to slip away, although to the two lovers it felt as though time had stopped, suspending their love in an eternity of joy.
Jamie leaned in just a bit and placed a very gentle kiss to the temple just below the blonde locks. "Thank you," she whispered softly.
"For what?"
"Since I got my memory back, I don't think I've told you how much it means to me that you continued my dream. I know what buying this ranch cost you."
Erin knew Jamie wasn't speaking of money.
"After your breakdown you could have sold it. I'm sure you were encouraged to do just that." Jamie felt the tiny nod against her arm. "But you didn't and I understand the sacrifices you made. And it makes me love and respect you even more." The dark haired woman also understood why her partner made no verbal comments after her declaration. The kiss planted on the back of her hand said it all.
A loud rustling, in the trees behind them suddenly caused both heads to turn.
"Maybe that was a banshee," joked Jamie.
Erin laughed. "I believe that particular legend only exists on Irish soil."
"Speaking of, have you talked to your grandmother and told her about everything?"
Erin slowly pulled out of the loving arms so she could turn and see her partner's face. She scooted around and crossed her legs Indian style. "Yeah. I was on the phone almost two hours. She was thrilled of course and shocked." Erin began rubbing both hands over the solid, jean-covered thighs across form her.
"Do you think she'll come over for the wedding?" Jamie asked.
"Oh no!" Erin exclaimed, without stopping her hand movements.
"What?" Jamie frowned. "You don't think she'll want to come?"
"No. No, of course she'll come. I just remembered that I told my cousins that I'd organize a family reunion. But that will have to be postponed until next spring."
Jamie gave Erin a very sultry smile. "Oh and why is that?" She asked, knowing full well the answer.
"Because I will be much too busy getting married and going on a honeymoon and…well who knows what other spousal activities I'll be engaging in."
Jamie nodded. "Speaking of engaging in activities…" Her eyes dropped to the hands on her legs. "You do know that you are driving me crazy, right?"
Erin gave her a wide-eyed grin. "Right." She looked back over her shoulder. "I assume you intend for us to sleep in that tent over there?"
Jamie was apprehensive with her answer, not quite reading the expression that appeared. "Well, yeah that was the idea. You don't want to?" she asked. "We can always ride back to the house."
"No, no. I think it'll be great, very adventurous."
Jamie leaned way over and nuzzled the smooth neck. "It has a moon roof."
Erin worked a black button free. "Even better," she said. "Spending all night under the stars. I'm sure we could think of one or two things to do in the spotlights."
"Speaking of which, is it too early to turn in?"
Erin kissed her soundly on the lips. "Nope, right on time, whatever time it is. In fact time has no relevance…at least until the sun comes up."
Jamie proceeded to douse the fire as Erin led her horse over to join Teegan. She removed the saddle and gave her a quick brush down, suddenly feeling a tingling in her lower abdomen. Knowing it had nothing to do with the night's anticipated activities, she began looking around. She walked over and ducked her head into the blue tent. Not finding what she was wanting, Erin walked, with a rather funny gait, back to where her partner was tending the dying fire.
Jamie looked up and burst out laughing. She had been watching Erin's exploration and she knew what the blond was looking for.
Erin gave one last glance around. "I, ah don't suppose you thought to bring…umm…a…"
Jamie snickered at her friend's reluctance. "What Erin?"
The author glared at her tall lover. "Somewhere to go…" She let her nodding head finish her thought.
"Oh that! Sure thing." Jamie moved behind the huge log and rooted around in her pack.
Erin breathed a sigh of relief…until she spotted the small item in Jamie's hand. She eyed it suspiciously.
"Here." Jamie handed her a full roll of white tissue and swept her free hand across the landscape. "Pick your spot."
The golden brows went skyward. "You're kidding, right?"
"Nope." Jamie wiggled the roll with a smirk on her face.
Erin huffed then clinched her jaw. She grabbed it, turned and marched off for the trees.
Wrinkles formed on the tall woman's forehead. "Where are you going Erin, it's just me?" She asked the question seriously.
Erin waved a hand in Jamie's general direction. "It's bad enough that I have to do this, at least allow me some modesty."
Jamie just giggled as she snuffed out the remaining fire and stirred the glowing embers.
The blonde returned just a few minutes later and went to pack away the tissue.
Jamie stood and an uneasy expression graced her features. "Uh, Erin could you…"
The small woman turned and tossed it, flashing a knowing grin.
Jamie caught it with ease and headed toward the trees.
"Where ya goin Jamie?" The author teased.
Just before the tall figure disappeared into the shadows Erin heard, "Not another word."
* * * *
Much later they laid together under a soft blanket, cooling from the heated passion they had shared. The netted moon roof allowed a great view for star chasing and wishing. Erin had her head pillowed on the nearest shoulder and her left arm wrapped around the lean waist. She was rapidly relaxing under the tender fingertips that brushed against her back.
Jamie took the arm from her torso and lifted the hand to her face, where she studied the ring by moonlight. A broad smile soon appeared and she began kissing each of those fingers. Erin moaned her approval. "Sweetheart?" Jamie lowered the hand back to her chest. "Do you still have the first ring I gave you?"
Erin answered without looking up. "Yes. When I took it off in Ireland, I wrapped it up and put it away. I could never have gotten rid of it."
Jamie softly cleared her throat. "Well, I was thinking, maybe we should give that ring…to our daughter…maybe on her eighteenth birthday. It can be the beginning of a family heirloom and she can pass it on. It still has very special meaning to me, to us."
Erin couldn't help herself. She let the happy tears fall from her eyes, knowing that all her dreams were really…finally going to come true. She rose to her elbow, brushing away the water and stared down at the smiling face. "Honey, that's a wonderful idea. You have such an incredibly romantic heart." She paused a moment. "There's only one problem." Jamie gave her a perplexed expression. "What if we have a boy?"
In a flash the tall woman flipped her smaller lover onto her back and hovered over her. "I'll guess we'll just have to keep trying until we get a girl." She smothered her with kisses. "And there is no time like the present to start practicing." Jamie jumped just bit as a cold hand brushed between her legs. She questioned with just a look.
"Just checking to see if you've been keeping something hidden from me," the blonde explained.
"Nope. But that, my love is just a technicality. I'm sure we'll come up with something."