Speaking with the clan healer hadn’t given Xena any clarity on Gabrielle’s condition. But she couldn’t help the nagging suspicion that this was most likely a consequence of what she’d done after the fight with the tyrant.
She stopped by the kitchen to pick up Gabrielle’s dinner. When she returned to their room, her soulmate was sleeping peacefully, without any of the stress lines that had marred her face earlier. This soothed the worry that had been gnawing at Xena and her heart felt a little lighter as she placed the tray of food on the bedside table. She took a seat beside the bed, leaned back in the chair and watched Gabrielle until exhaustion overtook her and she too fell into a dreamless sleep.
The clink of china startled Xena awake and she caught herself in time to avoid falling off the chair. The sound she heard had been Gabrielle lifting the lid off the bowl she’d brought from the kitchen.
“Sorry, porcelain makes such a din.” Gabrielle said apologetically. “I was trying not to wake you.” She picked up a spoon and scooped out pieces of food, trying to identify the dish. “Chicken soup?”
“I had them add some ginger. There’s rice too.” Xena said, pointing to the other covered bowl on the tray.
Gabrielle took a couple mouthfuls of soup then eyed the rice, trying to decide if it would be worth the risk. As if reading her thoughts, Xena said, “Try drenching the rice with the soup.”
The bard scooped up some rice, dipped it into the soup and drank it down. When her stomach did not protest, she became emboldened and began taking bigger mouthfuls. Soon, she was shovelling food into her mouth like there was no tomorrow.
“Gabrielle, slow down.” Xena cautioned. She was heartened by her soulmate’s healthy appetite. It was a good sign. But eating too fast could stress the stomach and exacerbate her nausea.
Gabrielle smiled sheepishly and forced herself to take it easy. As she ate, it suddenly occurred to her that her soulmate must have been exhausted. It wasn’t like Xena to fall asleep in the middle of the day.
The warrior must have rushed back without stopping to rest or to eat. And here she was, making sure Gabrielle was well fed and taken care of when she was most likely dead on her feet and starving. “Xena, when was the last time you ate?”
Xena honestly could not remember. She’d been so worried about Gabrielle that the idea of food hadn’t even crossed her mind until that very moment. “It’s still early. I’ll grab a bite later.”
“You don’t remember, do you?”
The warrior shrugged, neither confirming nor denying Gabrielle’s statement. “I’m not hungry. I’ll get something from the kitchen when I bring the tray back.”
“Xena…”
To appease the bard, Xena dug inside her pack and came up with a somewhat shrivelled apple which might have been intended as a snack a few days back. She polished it on her armour and took a bite. “Happy?”
“That’ll do for now. You still need proper food. Who’ll take care of me if you fall sick?” Gabrielle said.
“I don’t fall sick that easily.” Xena grumbled around another bite of apple.
After Gabrielle had finished her dinner, Xena took the tray back to the kitchen and returned with two plates, one heaped with fruits and the other with some bread and cheese. There was also a tiny bowl of olives and olive oil on the side.
“That’s your dinner?” Gabrielle asked. She was expecting something more substantial, especially considering that her soulmate had probably not eaten anything other than that sorry excuse of an apple the entire day.
Xena took the plate of bread. “This is mine.” She pushed the plate of fruits towards Gabrielle. “That’s yours.”
Gabrielle looked at the fruits quizzically. “I already ate.”
“You’ll get hungry later. Watermelon’s for tonight. The bananas and oranges can keep for tomorrow. How’re you feeling?”
“My stomach stopped trying to turn itself inside out.”
“That’s good.” Xena said. “You look better. At least there’s some colour in your cheeks now.”
“That’s cos you took good care of me. Now lemme see you eat.”
“I hear and obey, Queen Gabrielle.” Xena said in a half mocking tone, popping an olive into her mouth and chewing the salty treat slowly before biting into a chunk of bread.
If only everything was that simple. Gabrielle thought.
***
With the change in her diet and Xena’s constant care, the worst of Gabrielle’s morning sickness was behind her. The nausea still hit her like clockwork every morning but her soulmate always ensured there would be a steaming cup of tea waiting for her when she awoke. And for those increasingly rare occasions where the nausea would come at some random time of the day, she always had a lemon to hand. The little experiment had proven to be a true lifesaver more than once and she’d developed a newfound appreciation for the mouth-puckering fruit.
Since Xena’s return, Gabrielle had been on edge. Every time her soulmate looked at her funny, her heart would skip a beat, certain the day had come when she would finally be forced to divulge the news of her pregnancy. But that moment never came.
Ji Yu had left the village early that morning. Without him around, the chances of anyone broaching the subject with Xena were infinitesimally small. And Gabrielle was starting to believe that she wouldn’t have to bring up the subject of her pregnancy until she started showing.
She should have known better than to jinx it because the very moment that thought crossed her mind; she became aware that her soulmate was standing at the doorway of their room observing her. The warrior had a look on her face—a look that told Gabrielle that whatever time she thought she had, that time had just run out. Her mouth was parched as a desert wasteland as she watched Xena’s mouth open in slow motion.
The words that followed were the stuff that Gabrielle’s nightmares had been made of. “Are you pregnant?”
Silence ruled the room as Gabrielle gaped at her soulmate. Her mind was a complete blank. She’d thought about this moment every day since she’d found out that she was expecting. She’d been prepared for questions about her sickness and how she’d ease into the subject of her pregnancy. But never once had she imagined Xena asking her point blank. What was she supposed to say?
“You’re glowing.” Xena said when it became apparent that no answer was forthcoming. “The nausea and vomiting. The sensitivity to smell. Your breasts barely fitting into your top.”
Gabrielle scrambled frantically to find a response and the only thing her mind could latch on to was Xena’s last statement. “You’ve been staring at my breasts?”
The warrior shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. And it really wasn’t. Xena stared at Gabrielle a lot, but it did not take a rocket scientist to notice that the bard’s top was no longer fitting as well as it used to. “Are you?”
“Xena, I haven’t been with a guy since Perdicus.”
“Answer the question.”
Gabrielle’s shoulders sagged. This wasn’t how she’d imagined this conversation going but Xena was laser-focused and none of her attempts at deflection were working. So she did the only thing she could—she answered the question. “The clan healer believes so.”
Xena was silent for a long time. Now that her suspicions had been proven correct, she wasn’t sure what to think. She’d known this had been a possibility. When she finally spoke, her tone was very gentle. “How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t know.” Gabrielle said in a small voice. “I’ve been struggling with the news since I learned about it. I keep coming back to the same thing—I cannot be pregnant. It’s just not possible.”
“Well, the same thing happened to me with Eve.”
“Are you telling me Eli did this?”
“Eli?” Xena looked genuinely confused. “What has Eli got to do with you being pregnant?”
Gabrielle looked at Xena suspiciously. The warrior wasn’t acting like someone who’d just found out their partner was pregnant. She thought over the past few days, the remedies that her soulmate had provided and the foods that had been prepared for her. Once the idea took root in her mind, it became very clear that Xena had known about her condition from the very beginning. “I was expecting you to be all jealous, like when you found me snuggled up with Phyleus. Or when I became too chummy with Iolaus and you dragged me away. And let’s not forget Najara…”
A dark shadow passed over Xena’s face at the mere mention of Najara, the look reminding Gabrielle of thunderclouds and lightning striking the ground so close that she could feel the prickle of electricity running across her skin, causing the hair on her flesh to stand on end. “Never mind that.” Gabrielle mumbled, waving her hand in front of her as if she could banish the name from existence. “Xena, you’re unnaturally calm. You knew, didn’t you?”
“I suspected.”
“You knew.” Gabrielle insisted, her tone accusatory.
“I… I wasn’t sure.”
The idea that Xena had known but not bothered to tell her anything brought anger rushing through Gabrielle’s veins like hot water, causing her face to flush. “You knew I was pregnant. I bet you knew how it happened. And you couldn’t be bothered to tell me? If you had, I wouldn’t have to go through the morning sickness alone, thinking I was deathly ill. And I wouldn’t have to worry about Dahak getting his claws into me again.”
Xena’s face had lost its colour at the mention of Dahak. It had been her fault that Gabrielle had been in Britannia. The bard would never have lost her blood innocence if she hadn’t left her alone. And none of what followed would have ever happened. “Gabrielle…”
Gabrielle did not even wait for Xena to say another word. She put out a hand to stop the warrior and said, “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t even want to see you right now.”
The bard got up to storm out of the room but did not make it to the door before Xena said, “No, I’ll go.” She walked over to her pack, pulled out a few packets and placed them on the table. “Use one for each cup. This should last you for a few days. If you run out, you can get more from the clan healer.” From one of the cupboards, she took out a lemon and placed it beside the packets of tea. “This is the last one. Hopefully, you won’t need more.”
Xena tied her bedroll to her pack and slung it over her shoulder. She stood staring at her soulmate for a long time, as if trying to commit the sight to memory. “I love you, Gabrielle.”
Gabrielle did not look at Xena or acknowledge her. It was not until the warrior had turned and walked out the door that she finally looked up, her forest green eyes glittering with tears.
***
For the next few days, Xena wandered around the countryside. She had no particular place to be and no particular timeline to keep. The only criteria she’d set herself was to remain within a day’s travel from the Southern Forest clan, just in case Gabrielle needed her. Given a choice, she would have stayed within clan territory but her soulmate needed space and she did not want to crowd the bard by staying in the vicinity. So she’d flipped a coin and headed east.
It felt good, being on the road again, helping people in need and falling into the familiar habits of old. Two days into her travels, she came across rumours of a woman spreading the message of love in a town 5 days due east. For a moment, Xena had been tempted to follow the rumours and see if her daughter, Eve, who was now more commonly known as the Messenger of Eli, was indeed in the area. It would be good to see her daughter again. And let Eve know that the rumours of her death were untrue.
But travelling 5 days east would take her too far away and so she’d contented herself with verifying the rumours in the surrounding villages. There would be time to visit with Eve before they returned to Greece. Besides, she wanted Gabrielle with her when they broke the news that Eve was going to be a big sister. Xena had so many regrets where Eve was concerned. Events outside of her control had transpired to separate her daughter from her when she was just a baby, depriving Eve of a mother’s love for 25 long years.
That had caused a lot of resentment in Eve towards her mother and Xena knew that the news of Gabrielle’s pregnancy could easily reopen old wounds for her daughter. They would need to be careful in how they broached the subject with Eve. Considering how she’d botched things with Gabrielle, she would definitely need the bard along for that particular sensitive chat.
It was getting late in the day and the warrior was in the process of looking for a campsite when she came across a group of bandits harassing a family of 4—two kids and their parents. The bandits were shabbily dressed and looked seriously malnourished, due in large part to the secluded area they’d chosen to waylay unsuspecting travellers. They were quite a ways from the main roads and were lucky there was even anyone to rob. Xena suspected the family was either lost, or had decided to take an ill-advised shortcut to avoid being out on the roads after dark.
She stepped out into full view of the bandits, drawing her sword and twirling it casually in one hand as she did so. “Look boys, two for the price of one. Guess it must be your lucky day.”
A stupid smile appeared on the face of one of the bandits as he caught sight of the warrior princess. He was young, in his early twenties and his broad smile revealed brownish black teeth rotting within. “See boss, tol’ ya our luck was gonna change. I ‘as right, ain’t I?” He was addressing a balding man in his late forties dressed in clothes less threadbare than the rest. The leader of the motley crew was the only one armed with a sword. The other bandits wielded crudely made clubs and staffs.
Having taken note of Xena’s attire and the casual skill with which she wielded her sword, the bandit leader said, “Ya stoopid boy, that ‘un’s trouble.” He then pointed to the family and said, “Take their stuff, quick.”
Xena planted herself between the bandits and the family, gesturing for them to stay behind her. “That would be a no.”
The bandit leader hawked up a gob of phlegm and spat in disgust at the sudden turn of events. “Shite luck. Let’s go.” He turned to leave but found himself confronted by pale blue orbs that stared straight into his soul. Damn, that broad’s fast, didn’t even see her move.
“It’s rude to leave without saying goodbye.” Xena told him. She sucker punched him in the face then turned to address the rest of the bandits. “C’mon boys, party’s just getting started.”
Driven by desperation and probably hunger, the bandits rushed her instead of running away. A grin of wicked delight lit Xena’s face as she waited for them to come closer. Once they did, she spun into action, slapping aside their weapons with ease and knocking them out. When she was done, she took a rope from her pack and tied the bandits securely to a tree.
Satisfied they would not be going anywhere, Xena turned to the family. She learned that they had been visiting relatives at a nearby village and was rushing to get home before it got dark. Along the way, their younger child, had come down with a bad case of diarrhoea, and delayed their return home. They had resorted to the shortcut, not realising that bandits had taken up residence in the area.
The younger child, a 7-year-old girl, was hiding behind her mother. Xena crouched down to make herself less threatening. Smiling reassuringly, she pointed at the child’s stomach and asked, “Does it still hurt?”
The girl glanced up at her mother who nodded encouragingly at her. She looked back at the strange foreign woman and shook her head no.
“Can I touch it?” Xena asked.
This time, the child nodded yes. Xena gently placed her hand on the girl’s stomach, pressed down in a few places and asked if it hurt. The girl shook her head each time. Satisfied, Xena patted her on her head and stood up. To the parents, she said, “She’s fine. It’s late. I’ll walk you home.”
Xena spent the night in the family barn. The grateful parents had offered her one of the girl’s beds but she had declined. There was no reason to deprive a child of their bed when she would be as comfortable in a pile of hay as she would be in a proper bed. She turned onto her back, stared up at the thatched roof high above her and thought of Gabrielle.
***
Gabrielle had no idea why she’d lost her temper. She hadn’t even given Xena a chance to explain. That was stupid. Now, she didn’t even know if there was anything to be angry about. Yes, it seemed likely her soulmate had known or suspected she was pregnant. But it could have been as simple as putting two and two together and coming up with four.
There was no reason to believe the warrior had known before Gabrielle’s symptoms had started; except there had been something about her soulmate’s response that had made her believe otherwise. Xena had said she wasn’t sure.
What did that mean? If her soulmate had known beforehand, why wouldn’t she be sure? She had initially believed Eli had done it at Xena’s behest but the warrior’s response had been unequivocal. That was where things got muddy. If it hadn’t been Eli, Gabrielle didn’t know who it could have been. The gods of Jappa? Chin? The sacred dragon? The possibilities were endless.
Aside from that, Gabrielle was also terrified. Her first taste of pregnancy and motherhood had been a nightmare. What if history repeated itself? When Xena had been pregnant with Eve, she’d said there was life in her and it was good. Well… Gabrielle didn’t feel anything. How would she know if it was good or if it was something she needed to rid herself of?
She placed both hands flat on her tummy, willing herself to feel something, anything. But all she felt was her heart racing a mile a minute, like a spooked deer racing through the woods. And then the nausea started. Her eyes immediately lit on the packets of tea that Xena had left. She fingered them absentmindedly and picked up the lemon instead. Using her fingernail, she scratched off a thin strip from the peel, put it to her nose and took a deep breath. The clean citrusy smell settled her stomach instantly. But it was time she made some tea. She picked up one of the tea packets and headed for the communal dining area.
At the kitchen, the cooks and their assistants were bustling around, prepping food and cooking. Gabrielle wondered how she was going to make her tea when one of the assistants spotted her and hurried over.
“Golden one, do you need something?” The kitchen assistant asked with a bow.
“I need some tea.” Gabrielle said, taking out the packet and showing it to the assistant.
“Ah yes. Your soulmate left instructions.” The assistant said as she skilfully moved Gabrielle out of the way of someone carrying a pot full of hot water. “Please wait outside. I will bring the tea and your lunch shortly.” She plucked the packet from Gabrielle’s fingers and disappeared into the maelstrom of activity that was the kitchen.
“She left instructions… Of course…” Gabrielle muttered to herself, taking a seat on one of the benches nearest to the kitchen.
Not long after, the assistant came outside and handed Gabrielle a tray with the tea and a covered dish. “What’s in that?” The bard asked.
“Beef stew. We strained out most of the oil with cheese cloth and added a little ginger. We also put the rice inside the bowl before we poured in the stew.”
“Xena asked you to do all that?” Gabrielle asked somewhat incredulously.
“Not really. We just followed her instructions. Less oil, ginger in every dish, things like that.” The kitchen assistant replied.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
The kitchen assistant looked at Gabrielle with a wistful almost dreamy smile as she said, “Your soulmate doesn’t look like the kind and sensitive type but I wished my partner was as considerate as she is.”
Gabrielle returned the smile with one of her own and said with not a little pride, “Looks can be deceiving. You’d be surprised by how kind and sensitive Xena really is.”
***
Gabrielle spent the three days since Xena’s departure wondering where her soulmate was, what she was doing, and when she would return. Every morning, upon waking, and every night, before she slept, she would search for the warrior through their soul-link. Xena was no longer within the clan territory but was somewhere to the east of her. Part of her wondered if her soulmate was ever coming back. There was no reason to believe Xena wouldn’t. And Gabrielle knew deep down in her heart that her soulmate would never abandon her. But she could not help the fears and worries that assailed her constantly. It was almost as if her emotions had run amok.
After what she’d told Xena, Gabrielle knew the warrior wouldn’t initiate contact or return unless and until she reached out first. She desperately wanted to. But an irrational part of her was convinced that the whole debacle with Hope would repeat itself as long as the warrior was part of her life.
Whenever she thought of Hope, she would inevitably think of Xena. It was like they were two sides of the same coin. Gabrielle dug her fingernails into her palm until the pain drove the incessant thoughts out of her head. She looked at the last packet of tea sitting forlornly on the table and decided a visit to the clan healer might be in order.
An assistant greeted Gabrielle at the clan healer’s abode. But instead of leading her inside, the assistant informed her that the healer was away and not expected to return for a few days.
Gabrielle hadn’t been expecting that. She asked, “Who’s in charge while he’s away?”
“The chief assistant. Do you wish to see him?”
“Yes.” Gabrielle said. She couldn’t wait for him to return. Her tea was running out and she needed to consult with a healer before she went crazy.
“This way please.” The assistant led her to the treatment room where a young man who bore a striking resemblance to the clan healer was seated.
“Thank you, junior.” The young man said to the assistant before bidding Gabrielle welcome. “I do not believe we have been formally introduced. My name is Bi Dan. I am the chief assistant here.”
“Bi Dan… Are you related to the clan healer in any way?” Gabrielle asked.
The chief assistant smiled. “Yes. He is my father.”
“I didn’t know he had a son.” Gabrielle said.
“My father is a private man.” Bi Dan told her. “To the outside world, he is my master and I am his student.”
“You look just like him.”
“Have you come for more tea?” Bi Dan asked, changing the subject.
Gabrielle nodded. Bi Dan went to one of the cabinets, opened a drawer and took out a few packets. He handed them over. They looked exactly like the one she had left on her bedroom table.
“Did Xena pack these?” Gabrielle asked, running her fingers over the packets of tea.
“She did.” Bi Dan admitted.
“When?”
“Before she left.”
Tears welled up in Gabrielle’s eyes and she swiped them away angrily. “Sorry about that, I seem to be doing a lot of that these days.”
Bi Dan looked at her compassionately. “It’s the pregnancy. It makes women more emotional and their emotions stronger, especially in the first 3 months.”
“So that’s what it is… I thought I was going crazy. I don’t suppose there’s a tea for that.” Gabrielle said half-jokingly.
“Unfortunately not.” Bi Dan said. “You may want to keep your soulmate close during this period. Something about the soul bond keeps the mood swings under control.”
“That explains a lot.” Gabrielle said wryly. “Thank you.”
***
After speaking with Bi Dan, Gabrielle felt better. All the anxiety and fear she’d been feeling were totally valid, just amplified out of whack, the same way it had been with her sense of smell. Understanding what was happening helped a lot but it was difficult to be rational when her emotions were playing tricks on her.
One part of her wanted to ask Xena to return this very minute. Another part was screaming that her soulmate had run out on her and would not be coming back. And that she would only be setting herself up for rejection if she tried. Then there was the treacherous part, clamouring that Xena would never have left if she’d truly loved her.
She spent the rest of the day wrestling with herself and her doubts. And most of the night tossing and turning. Eventually, she fell asleep. The dream came almost immediately.
In the dream, she saw a small rundown farmhouse with an equally ramshackle barn next to it. It was night and the only light came from the full moon above. A cloud drifted across the moon, hiding it from sight and everything went dark. Suddenly, there was a spark, then two, three… The sparks turned into flames, the flames into hungry tongues of fire licking at the barn until it became wholly engulfed. Backlit by the fire, a dozen dark figures stood in a circle around the barn. Light glinted on their drawn katanas. They were dressed in black robes, just like the ones who had tried to steal Xena’s ashes before.
The black robed figures glanced at each other as the roof of the barn collapsed inwards. They were on edge, as if waiting for someone or something. Moments later, the door of the barn flew outwards like a burning missile, disgorging a tall dark figure from within. Dark blue eyes set in a fearsome mask framed by long dark flowing hair; the figure was instantly recognisable as Xena. There was something slung over her shoulder and she had a nasty burn across her back.
At the sight of the warrior, the black robed figures flowed into action. They converged on Xena but she somersaulted over them and ran towards the house. She dodged a flash of silver and turned to the left. Something must have caught her attention because she changed directions. A child burst out from the house, running towards her. There was a flash of silver and Xena was flying—fingers reaching. She grabbed hold of the child’s clothes, pulling the child down just in time to avoid being hit by the shuriken. But whoever had thrown the missile must have anticipated Xena’s move because two more throwing stars followed closely behind. One hit its target, embedded deep in the side of the warrior’s neck.
Bright red blood immediately spurted from the wound. Gabrielle knew what that meant; she’d seen enough of combat injuries to know her soulmate would die if the bleeding was not stopped immediately. She woke up screaming, “Xena!” Luckily, the chief’s abode was empty. Both the chief and Ci Nu had left that morning to meet with the other clans.
The shout immediately roused Xena. She had one hand on her sword and was rolling onto her feet before she remembered Gabrielle was back in the clan village.
Gabrielle? What’s wrong? Xena asked telepathically.
Are you in a barn?
Yes. Did you have one of your dreams?
You need to get out now. Mikaboshi’s assassins—they’re coming for you. I saw the barn on fire.
Xena’s mind went into overdrive. She could not afford for the assassins to find her here. There were too many innocent people who could get hurt or lose their lives if things went wrong. And the family did not deserve to lose their home or livelihood to a fire just because they had unwittingly crossed paths with her. She needed to lure the assassins to somewhere secluded, where there was no chance of anyone accidentally stepping into the line of fire.
Be careful when saving the child. It’s a trap. Gabrielle told Xena.
The barn door squeaked open and the small figure of a child slipped through. Gabrielle, I need to go. Xena grabbed her weapons and went to find out why the child was sneaking into the barn in the middle of the night.
“I love you, Xena… be careful.” Gabrielle murmured into the dead silence of the bedroom.
***
“What’re you doing here?” Xena asked gently, trying not to startle the little girl.
The younger daughter looked up at the tall foreign woman and spread her arms wide for a hug. “Bad dream.” She mumbled.
Xena bent down and the girl ran into her arms, burying her face in the warrior’s bosom. She stroked the child’s hair and said, “It’s alright. It’s just a dream.”
Once the child had calmed down, Xena said, “You and me, we’re gonna play a lil’ game. You’ll need to be really quiet. Can you do that?” The little girl nodded enthusiastically, her eyes wide at the idea of sneaking around in the dark. “Good girl. I need you to bring me to your sister. Then we’re gonna play hide and seek. Okay?”
“Okay.” The little girl said, holding firmly onto Xena’s hand as they exited the barn.
The door to the house stood wide open, a sure sign that something was amiss within. Xena turned to the little girl, placing one finger over her lips in a hushing motion. Thinking it was all part of the game, the child repeated the gesture with a broad smile on her face. The warrior picked up the sounds of people in one of the rooms as she carefully stepped through the front door.
She took a step towards the room but was stopped by the little girl who pointed to a small bedroom to the left. Signalling for the 7-year-old to stay where she was, Xena darted into the bedroom and gently roused the older girl. She gestured for the sister to follow her and was helped by the younger girl who appeared at the doorway, her finger on her lips in a conspiratorial manner.
When Xena got the children outside, she whispered, “Is there somewhere safe to hide?”
“Why?” The elder sister asked.
“We’re playing hide and seek.” The younger sister said, looking at Xena for confirmation. The warrior smiled and nodded.
“The cellar. It’s behind the house.” The elder sister said.
“Okay. I want you both to go there. Lock the door and don’t open it until you hear me or your parents. Do you understand?”
Both girls nodded. The elder sister had realised by now that they weren’t really playing hide and seek. Xena’s instructions had made that very clear.
“Good, go now.”
The sisters ran off without a word into the darkness, the elder leading the younger by hand.
When they were gone, Xena stepped back into the house. She heard a heavily accented male voice asking questions about a foreign woman who’d been spotted in the area. The parents insisted that they had seen nothing and knew nothing. They don’t know I’m here. Xena thought with satisfaction. I can use that to my advantage.
She crept silently through the house until she came to the room where the voices were coming from. Drawing her sword, she cautiously extended it past the doorframe so that she could use the blade to see within the room. Inside, three black robed figures stood with their backs towards her. The parents were on their knees by the side of the bed.
Xena sheathed her sword slowly, careful not to make a sound. She did not want to alert the assassins to her presence before it was too late. A wail from inside the room spurred the warrior into action and she burst through the doorway. She took out the nearest assassin with a swift chop to the neck. The remaining assassins immediately turned around to face her. Xena punched one of them in the face, breaking his nose before following up with an elbow to the temple that knocked him out cold. She exchanged blows with the last assassin, keeping him focused on her hands before kneeing him in the groin when the opportunity presented itself.
Leaving the last assassin rolling around squealing on the floor, Xena turned to the parents. She told them to hide in the cellar with their children until the coast was clear. After they left, she pulled the groaning assassin up and asked him, “Where’re the rest of your friends?”
The assassin spat at her. Xena wiped the spit from her face, her eyes narrowing as she glared at him. “Now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.” When he hawked and tried to spit at her again, she backhanded him. “Guess you prefer the hard way.”
She put the pinch on him and said, “I’ve cut off the flow of blood to your brain. You’ll be dead in 30 seconds unless you agree to do what I say. I’ll give you some time to think about it while I take out the trash.” She picked up his unconscious companions and left the room.
When she returned, the assassin was gasping for air, blood dribbling from both nostrils. “So, what’s it gonna be?”
“I d-don’t want to d-die…”
“That’s reasonable.” Xena said. “All you have to do is call your friends to me. Not here. I’ll tell you when we get there.”
“O-o-kay.”
“Glad you decided to see it my way.” Xena released the pinch and punched his lights out.
She slung the assassin over her shoulder and walked out of the house, melting into the shadows as she headed out into the wilderness.
***
Xena was a goodly distance from the house when she heard an owl hooting to the north. The warrior cocked her head at the sound. A few seconds later, another owl answered from the south. Shortly after that, there was a hoot from the east.
The calls from all three directions had been the same, a soft hoo-hoo that sounded like a great grey owl defending its territory. Xena thought about it for a moment and decided she might as well join in all the fun.
“Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.” She pitched it slightly higher than the other hoots she’d heard, pausing for nearly half a minute before repeating the female great grey owl’s mating call. Answering hoots came from 5 different directions.
“Guess I don’t need you after all.” Xena muttered to the assassin she’d been carrying. She used vines to tie him up so that his friends would have something to keep them occupied while she waited for them in the branches of a nearby tree.
It did not take long for the first group of assassins to come into view. There were 3 of them and they came from the east. From her vantage point, Xena could see another 3 making their way over from the south east. She decided to take care of the assassins in the south east first. If she could make them disappear without a trace, that would be 3 less assassins to deal with.
She ran along the tree branch she was on, jumped to another branch that led her in the direction she wanted to go and made her way from tree to tree until she had circled around behind the group she’d been aiming for. Running out onto the end of a tree branch, the warrior gripped the branch with her thighs and allowed herself to swing upside down behind the last assassin in the group. She struck the neck of the unsuspecting assassin with a double knifehand strike, causing him to slide bonelessly to the ground.
Job done, she sprung back up onto the tree branch and headed for her next target. She repeated the same manoeuvre with equal success. But this time, instead of disappearing back up into the trees, she dropped lightly to the ground and caught up with the last assassin. She tapped him on the shoulder. When he swung around, she hit him in the Adam’s apple with her elbow. His eyes rolled back into his head and he fell rigidly backwards, like a falling tree after someone had shouted ‘Timber!’ Xena checked to make sure she had not accidentally killed him. Satisfied, she grabbed a tree branch and swung herself back up into the tree.
On her way back, she took out 2 more groups of assassins, one from the south, and the other from the west. That left 2 groups; the ones from the east, who should have reached their bound friend and the ones from the north. When Xena caught up to them, both groups stood arguing amongst themselves. The group from the north was the largest, numbering 6 strong.
Now that she had the assassins gathered in one place, the time for stealth was over. Xena dropped out of the tree and brazenly walked up to the bickering men. “Lost something?”
“You!” One of the assassins said, accusingly.
“So, you found me.” Xena said. She unsheathed her sword and held it in both hands, turning in a circle as the assassins quickly moved to surround her. She gave a sinister chuckle and asked, “Who wants to be the first to die?”
“Isn’t she a bit tall? And her hair is black. Wasn’t the foreign woman supposed to be blonde and short?” One of the assassins asked. Upon hearing his words, the other assassins started mumbling amongst themselves.
Xena could have easily made use of the distraction but she had worked up an appetite for a fight. So she chose to add fuel to the fire by saying, “That’s cos I’m the ghost you’re chasing. When you see Mikaboshi, tell him Xena sends her regards.”
“Xena!”
“Get her!”
“For the glory of the dark lord!”
The more zealous of the assassins rushed her and Xena flashed them a feral grin. She swung her sword out to the right, pushing aside a katana and kicked the wielder into another assassin. Twisting her right wrist, she rolled her sword around just in time to catch the tip of another katana on the blade of her sword. She continued the motion, allowing her body to turn so that the katana slid harmlessly past her right shoulder.
Swivelling her hips, she pushed off from her left foot, reversing the swing of her sword so that her blade bit into the shoulder of the assassin whose katana she’d just deflected. Flowing into the move, she placed all her weight onto her right foot and kicked out with her left, sending the injured assassin out of her way. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a metallic blur and realised that another group had arrived and taken to the trees with their shuriken.
If there was a sixth group, there might be a seventh, or even more. But the stage was set and the battle joined. It did not matter whether there were 10 opponents or a hundred. She would take them all down. Xena brought up her sword, deflecting a shuriken into an unlucky assassin that happened to step into its path.
In one smooth motion, she unhooked her chakram from her belt and sent it ricocheting into the trees to take out the new group. Her sword immediately swept up and down, beating away two katanas before cutting right, nearly severing an assassin’s sword arm at the wrist. The assassin went down screaming and Xena threw herself backwards as someone swung a katana at her. With her weight supported by her left hand, she kicked upwards with her left foot, connecting squarely with the jaw of the assassin who’d tried to cut her in half.
Xena pushed herself upright as the chakram came flying back. It clipped an assassin on the head before she plucked it out of the air. Six assassins were still on their feet though they were no longer eager to cross blades with the crazy foreign devil woman. Noticing their reluctance, Xena went on the offensive. She swung her sword at one of the assassins, causing him to hop back nervously.
But it was a feint. She was trying to tempt one of those behind her to take advantage of the opening she’d presented. And two of them did. One swung his katana high, trying to cut off her head, while the other swung his katana low, trying to cut her off at the knees. Xena allowed her momentum to turn her around, swinging her sword down to block the katana down low. Her left arm went up to block the katana up high. Seeing the foreign woman fully engaged and seemingly unable to extract herself, the assassin who had hopped back now leapt forward, his katana leading, its tip aimed for a spot between her shoulders.
Sensing him, the warrior dropped her left arm and left shoulder, rotating down and to the right. Without the resistance from Xena’s left arm, the katana that had been aimed at her head continued its path, cutting into the neck of the assassin who had been trying to skewer Xena. In turn, that assassin found himself impaled on the sword of the man he’d just killed. The two assassins stared at each other in disbelief before toppling to the ground.
Meanwhile, Xena shoulder checked the assassin who had been aiming for her knees. He hit the ground with a loud ‘oof’ and received a boot in his family jewels for his troubles. The remaining three assassins stared at the warrior as if she had sprouted eight arms. She spread her hands wide and drawled, “Whasamatter boys? We ain’t done yet.”
A metallic glint to her left reminded her that there were still at least 2 assassins in the trees. She raised her sword so that the throwing star bounced off the blade and fell harmlessly to the ground. Not taking her eyes off the assassins, she reached down and felt in the grass until she had the shuriken in her hand. She was in the process of straightening up when another glint caught her eye. Without a second thought, she gripped the throwing star between her thumb and index finger, at the thickest part of one of its points. Tracking the flying missile with her eyes, she raised her hand towards her ear and flung the shuriken with a flicking motion of her wrist.
Just like her chakram, the shuriken was unwavering in its accuracy. It struck the oncoming throwing star, deflecting it into the back of an assassin before continuing a new path to embed itself in the hand of an assassin hiding in the trees. Perhaps it was the easy mastery with which Xena had thrown the shuriken, or perhaps it was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Whatever the reason was, the assassins turned as one and faded into the night.
“Well… that was fun…” Xena mumbled. With no one left to fight, she sheathed her sword and headed back to check on the family she’d left hiding in the cellar.
***
There was no sign of any assassins when she returned to the house. She did a quick search of the perimeter and even checked the house and barn before heading to the back of the house. Hidden in the wild grass out back was a square wooden door that jiggled in place but did not budge when Xena tried pulling on the handles.
“It’s safe to come out now.” Xena called. She waited a few seconds before she heard the locking bar being lifted. Shortly after, the doors were pushed open and the father peered out at her.
“Are they gone?” The father asked.
Xena nodded. “Is everyone alright?”
“Yes, thanks to you.” The father climbed out of the cellar first then stooped to help his wife and children out.
“I don’t think they’ll be coming back. But it would be best if I leave.” Xena told them.
Both girls ran over and hugged her legs. The warrior crouched down and gave them a hug and a huge smile. “Both of you were very brave. Take care of your parents and each other.” She told them. The sisters nodded solemnly.
Xena collected her belongings from the barn and left. It was still dark but dawn was not far away. She took a pull from her wineskin and debated contacting her soulmate. It had been at least a few hours since Gabrielle had woken her up. The bard could be asleep, though she highly doubted it.
She found a nice quiet spot, dropped her pack and bedroll to the ground and sat on it. Deciding that her soulmate had most likely spent the night awake worrying about her and not wanting to prolong that worry, Xena tapped into their soul-link. Gabrielle?
Xena! The answer came almost instantly, accompanied by a huge sense of relief. How did it go?
Thanks to you, there was no fire. Everyone’s fine.
I’m glad to hear that. There was a pause. Where are you headed next? Gabrielle mentally slapped herself. That wasn’t what she had intended to say.
Reading between the lines, Xena replied, I thought I’d head back—if you’re ready for me to.
Gabrielle bit her lower lip to stop herself from screaming yes. Instead, she very calmly told Xena, I would like that.
Are you still mad at me? Xena asked.
I’m sorry I lost my temper. Gabrielle told her soulmate. My emotions have been a little crazy recently. But you still owe me an explanation.
Xena wasn’t sure she could explain it to her soulmate’s satisfaction but she said, I’ll try.
Gabrielle sighed, a heavy weight lifted off her shoulders. I’ve missed you, Xena. I shouldn’t have sent you away.
You didn’t. I volunteered. Xena replied. After a slight pause, she asked, Should I not have… left?
Next time I ask you to leave me alone, ignore me. Gabrielle answered.
You said you didn’t want to see me. I thought you wanted me to leave. Xena said.
It’s not your fault, Xena. Just come back soon, will you? Gabrielle thought over what she’d just said and added a disclaimer. But no skipping meals or travelling through the night.
Xena mulled it over. She would not need to travel through the night and she could eat while she walked. I’ll be there by night fall.
***
Dusk had come and gone when Xena finally arrived at the cave that hid the entrance to dragon territory. At the back of the cave was an elaborate carving of a dragon. She placed her hand on it and the cave wall turn insubstantial once the clan guardian had ascertained that she was a legit member of the clan.
She stepped through into a dense forest, her pace picking up the closer she got to the village. Most of the clan were already in their homes and the few that were still outside waved at the warrior as she passed by. Xena smiled and nodded in acknowledgement but did not stray from her path. She made straight for the clan chief’s abode, which lay smack dab in the middle of the village. The silence was almost palpable when she entered, letting her know that there was nobody home. She filed that knowledge in the back of her mind and headed further in, where light could be seen flickering from an open doorway.
“Gabrielle?” She called, walking through the doorway and into their bedroom. She had barely stepped inside when a blonde blur launched itself at her. Her arms were suddenly full of bard and her mouth full of demanding tongue. It was a good thing Xena had braced herself for the impact; otherwise they would have both hit the floor—hard. Gabrielle had her arms locked around Xena’s neck in a vice grip and her legs wrapped around the warrior’s waist.
Xena placed one arm around the curve of Gabrielle’s butt and shrugged her pack and bedroll off her shoulder. Once unencumbered, she tightened both arms around her soulmate, pulling the bard closer as their kiss continued with the kind of desperation that came after a long separation. Without her eyes or hands to guide her, she had to rely on her memory of the bedroom’s layout to make her way to the bed.
Mindful of Gabrielle’s delicate condition, Xena was careful not to jostle her soulmate too much as she climbed onto the bed. Feeling the bed under her, Gabrielle broke off the kiss. She was clad in only her undergarments, either having changed for bed, or in anticipation of Xena’s return.
She pulled on Xena’s breastplate, her fingers suddenly fat and clumsy as she fumbled with the clasps. “Let me.” The warrior said, unhooking her breastplate and dangling it over the side of the bed before letting it fall on the floor. Between the two of them, one pulling and the other tugging, or vice versa, the soulmates managed to divest themselves of everything that was in the way.
The feel of Xena’s bare skin against hers seemed to catapult Gabrielle’s desire to new heights. She pulled her soulmate down against her and growled huskily into the warrior’s ear, “I want you to take me, Xena. Make me utterly and completely yours. No holding back.”
Xena pulled back, her eyes turned a deep dark oceanic blue, nearly black, as if a dangerous predator was hidden within its depths. “Gabrielle…” She growled.
The bard, staring into those unfathomable depths suddenly caught a glimpse of the monster lurking within and she couldn’t stop a shudder from running through her. It was how a prey would feel in the presence of an apex predator—the helplessness, the surrender to the inevitable. “Xena…” Gabrielle said breathily. “Let me in…”
The warrior blinked as the words and their incongruity registered. Her eyes lightened to a more manageable blue and the monster was gone as quickly as it had surfaced. “Gabrielle?”
“I want to feel what you feel. The way you looked at me just now, all raw animalistic desire. I need to feel that.”
“You want me to drop my shields.” Xena said, studying the bard so intently that she squirmed.
It took all of Gabrielle’s willpower to meet Xena’s gaze but she managed it. Her need was greater than her fear. “My mind has been playing tricks on me. I don’t know what is real anymore. I need something to anchor me. This way, I’ll know what I’m feeling is real. Please Xena, I know it goes against every grain of your being. But I need this.”
Piercing light blue eyes stared at her searchingly, then the look on the warrior’s face gentled. “Alright. You might want to brace yourself.” Xena said, mentally throwing the door to their connection wide open.
Gabrielle had a momentary sense of vertigo and thought that she was going to be sick again. But she wasn’t. Instead, she was in two places at once, both staring down intensely at herself and looking up at her soulmate. She reached out a hand and placed it on Xena’s chest, feeling her own heart skipping a bit. Or was it her own? Her hand moved, seemingly of its own accord, down, her fingertips grazing lightly over her soulmate’s skin like feathery appendages.
In that moment, Gabrielle’s own shields came crashing down and all the doubts and fears that had assailed her for the past few days washed over Xena. The warrior growled, her eyes turning black as the feral part of her responded instinctively to the threat to her soulmate.
Desire, all dark and shadowy and armed with razor-sharp teeth rose up within both of them, burning Gabrielle with its sheer intensity. She barely let out a gasp before Xena’s mouth was on hers, possessive and demanding without any hint of apology. Gabrielle was only too willing to cede control and give herself up completely. She yielded to the all-consuming desire that was Xena, her body responding readily to the warrior’s forcefulness—the strong unshakeable grip on the back of her neck, the knee forcing itself between her legs.
Lips, hair, tongue, hands, fingers, palms, breasts, thigh, skin. The bard’s body and senses melded with the warrior’s until Gabrielle could no longer tell who was who. Her hands were stretched above her, held in place at the wrists by fingers that felt like iron bands in their unforgiving rigidity. She let out a small cry as fingertips traced a path down her inner arm to the erogenous zone that was her armpit. A hot breath in the same spot caused a shiver to run down her spine and she startled when a hot wet tongue traced an ever dwindling circle around her armpit.
Strong callused hands caressed her thighs, running down the outside then turning so that the thumb ran along the inside, stopping short of where her legs met. The thumb dug into the inside of her thigh, pulling her legs further apart. Xena’s knee pushed up into the space, grinding against her womanhood and the bard eagerly pushed down to meet it. Gabrielle was already dripping wet and her juices coated the top of the warrior’s knee as they moved together.
She moaned when Xena’s long fingers splayed out on her sensitive breasts, squeezing them almost to the point of pain before releasing and repeating. Tongue and lips replaced the fingers. The tension within Gabrielle had built to a breaking point and the feel of Xena’s teeth grazing the top of her nipple brought the bard screaming over the edge.
But the warrior was not done. Her soulmate had asked to be made utterly and completely hers. And that was what Xena set out to do. She switched up the angle of her attack and brought Gabrielle to orgasm after orgasm until the bard was a limp quivering mass. Then she leaned over and whispered fiercely in her soulmate’s ear, “You’re mine, Gabrielle, mine.”
***
Gabrielle felt as if someone had thrown a barrel of black powder at her head and blown her mind to bits. Everything she’d known and everything she’d believed in—it had all been a lie. The truth lay in the ferocious unfettered desire that had devoured her; the raw animalistic part of her that had revelled in claiming and being claimed. Xena once said that sex with a man was different every time—you’re always hoping for Greek fire but sometimes you just get diddly. In that sense, Gabrielle felt lucky. With Xena, she never had to settle for diddly but this—was in another stratosphere altogether.
“Xena, you scare me sometimes.”
The warrior didn’t blame Gabrielle. The bard had always been afraid of her dark side. And even though her soulmate had learned to accept that part of her, Xena was careful to keep it hidden away most of the time. If she’d thought things through, she might not have allowed her dark side free rein to do with the bard as it pleased. But she had, and Gabrielle’s words made her wonder if she’d gone too far.
“I know.” Xena said, propping herself up on her elbow so that she could see her soulmate’s expression. “Did I hurt you?”
Gabrielle turned her head and met her soulmate’s eyes. “Xena, I think you just blew my mind. Like literally. I feel discombobulated.”
“That’s a big word.”
“Never mind that.” Gabrielle said, trying to remember if such a word existed and realising it didn’t. “I think I just made that up.”
“So did I blow your mind in a good way, or a bad way?” Xena asked.
“I’m not sure.” Gabrielle admitted. “Xena, I know you like it wild. But tonight, it was like unleashing a wild beast that had been caged up forever. Even our wildest lovemaking seems tame compared to this.”
Xena shrugged. “I usually keep it on a tight leash.”
“I know. I felt what you were feeling. And I’m starting to think you have been holding back all this time we’ve been together. I’m not sure what I feel about that.”
“Gabrielle, it’s not about me. It’s about what makes you happy.”
“But, Xena, I want you to be happy too.”
“I’m happy if you are happy.” Xena told her.
“Is this about me saying that gentle and kind men make good lovers?”
Xena let out a low chuckle and Gabrielle joined her after a while. They had been staying with the Amazons when one of the girls had asked an innocent enough question: ‘What makes a man a good lover? Being gentle and kind?’ The soulmates had answered the question at the same time but their answers had been the exact opposite of each other. Gabrielle had glossed it over by claiming that it was a complicated subject—but not before Xena had shot her an affronted look.
“Gabrielle, you respond better to sweet and gentle. You may like it rough sometimes. But that’s only when the mood hits you.” Xena said.
The warrior had hit the nail squarely on the head. “Well—I think I might be more open to experimenting with my wilder side.” Gabrielle said.
“Gabrielle, you don’t need to do this.”
“Xena, you blew my mind. It would be a shame to lock the beast in the cage and just throw away the key. But I don’t think I can…” Gabrielle was having difficulties trying to articulate her thoughts. She was a bard, words usually came easily to her, but none of the words she had seemed capable of conveying what she wanted to say.
“How about this, next time the mood strikes you, just tell me—like you did today.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Gabrielle agreed readily.
***
It was the morning after. With Xena’s little demonstration, followed by a good night’s rest, and having her soulmate back by her side, Gabrielle’s emotions no longer resembled an out of control roller coaster ride. This was the most rational she’d felt since she’d first learned about her pregnancy.
She pushed her breakfast tray to the side and said, “It’s time for that explanation.”
“About that…” Xena got up, turned her chair around before sitting back down, straddling the back of the chair and placing it between herself and Gabrielle. It was an unconscious defensive mechanism. This was one topic the warrior was not comfortable with. But it needed to be done. She just didn’t know where to start. “Whaddya wanna know?”
“How about everything?” Gabrielle said.
Xena looked down at the floor, as if hoping that a chasm would open up and swallow her whole. Seeing how lost her soulmate looked, Gabrielle took pity on her. “When did you know?”
That was a question with an easy answer and the warrior was able to answer confidently, “When you told me.”
Gabrielle was not expecting that. She was sure Xena had known about her pregnancy before that day so she changed the wording of her question. “When did you suspect?”
“When you were sick. I know that feeling. I’ve felt it twice before—with Solon and Eve.”
The answers made sense. And Gabrielle would have accepted them at face value if Xena hadn’t been so calm about the whole situation. Her soulmate had to know how she had fallen pregnant, otherwise the warrior would have raised hell and demanded to know who the father of her baby was. “So how did this happen?” Gabrielle asked, laying one hand on her still flat tummy.
“It was—me.”
Gabrielle stared at her soulmate, at a loss for words. That wasn’t the answer she was expecting. Xena couldn’t have gotten her pregnant. It was physically impossible. And yet, Xena hadn’t been physically present during the time when the baby was supposedly conceived. “Can ghosts even do that? Father a child? Not to mention you’re a woman. Xena, that’s a sure way to get myself chain up in an asylum like Orestes—telling people my ghostly lover impregnated me while we were making love.”
“I don’t know the answer to that, Gabrielle. It wasn’t something I could do—when I was a ghost...” Xena said.
“You’re not answering my question.”
“My memory’s a little fuzzy around the edges… especially after your fight with the tyrant.” Xena paused, swallowing hard.
She had never spoken about what had happened that day. If she’d a choice, she never wanted to remember that feeling again. She had merged her soul with Gabrielle’s, just long enough to turn the tide of the fight in the bard’s favour. But when it was over, she had no physical body to return to. It hadn’t been like the time she’d possessed Autolycus or Gabrielle. On those occasions, she would return to her ghostly state after being expelled from their bodies.
After the fight with the tyrant, there hadn’t been a way to return to her ghostly form. Instead, without anything to hold her together, her soul had started disintegrating. One moment, she’d been whole. The next moment, she was a million tiny fragments soon to be relegated to a memory. Belatedly, Xena had realised that there would not be a next life for her. She would not be Arminestra, Mother of Peace and she would never see Gabrielle again—not as Shakti or any of her other reincarnations. In that split second, Xena did not know who or what guided her, but she’d reached out and secreted a part of her within Gabrielle; something for the bard to remember her by—and to keep her company on the long road ahead.
Xena took a deep breath and said, “I'm sorry I never gave you a choice, Gabrielle. But I didn't have much time and I thought I would never see you again. It just felt—right...”
The pieces finally fell into place for Gabrielle as she stared at the warrior in shocked comprehension. She had some idea of the sacrifice Xena had made when the warrior intervened to save her during the showdown with the tyrant. But her soulmate had steadfastly refused to talk about it. It must have been a terrifying ordeal, not that Gabrielle could even begin to imagine.
What must that have been like, knowing that only a few heartbeats stood between yourself and complete annihilation? Not just of the physical body but the essence of who you were—your soul. She hadn't thought about it much. Had actually avoided thinking about it. If their roles had been reversed, Gabrielle didn’t know if she could have done it. But Xena had.
Time and again, the warrior had jumped into danger knowingly and willingly, heedless of the consequences to herself, all for the sole purpose of getting to Gabrielle and saving her. And she felt guilty for putting Xena in those situations, especially that time in Madador when the warrior ended up a convenient punching bag for Gurkhan's men just because Gabrielle had been blinded by her need for revenge.
That had been the worst beating Gabrielle had ever seen Xena suffer but even that had paled in comparison with what the warrior had gone through after the fight with the tyrant. Even then, her soulmate only had her best interests at heart. “You didn’t want me to be alone.”
Xena nodded. “It was the only thing I could think of. Gabrielle, I saw how hard you took my death in Jappa. I couldn’t let you go through that again. You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“How can I? You’re always looking out for me, making sure I’m taken care of. Though I don’t understand why you couldn’t have told me about this earlier.”
“I only have flashes of memory from that time. When you brought me back in Bimini, I thought it’d been a dream.” Xena said, struggling to explain herself. “You weren’t showing any signs.”
“Until my morning sickness.” Gabrielle said. “You could’ve told me then.”
“Gabrielle, I’m not good with these—things. I didn’t know how you would react.” Xena said, her hands gripping the back of the chair so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.
The warrior's face was an impenetrable mask but Gabrielle could sense the turmoil raging behind those pale blue eyes. This was the woman who had demonstrated the pinch on herself, held her hands, looked into her eyes, blood trickling from her nostril, and told her that was how she wanted to spend the last thirty seconds of her life, looking into Gabrielle's eyes. All when Xena had really meant 'goodbye Gabrielle, I love you'. The warrior hated seeing her hurt, but more than that, she hated hurting her in any way.
Suddenly, Gabrielle understood what was troubling her soulmate—understood her hesitancy. “Cos of what happened with Hope.”
“Hope.” Xena echoed. She could still see Gabrielle as she had been back then, her long straw blonde tresses streaming behind her as she fled, a bundle held tightly against her bosom, wrapped in a soft blanket the same colour as the sack cloth dress she had been wearing. Through a forest, across a stream, up a hill, they’d gone; the scent of wildflowers dogging their every step. Until the ragged cries of Gabrielle had brought Xena running. Running—her heart pounding like a crazed drum in her chest; running—her fear for Gabrielle pumping adrenaline through her body; running—her certainty of purpose gnawing bitterly at her heart.
She'd found the bard hunched over a cliff where she claimed to have thrown Hope after the baby had tried to strangle her. But Xena knew what a mother's love for a child could do. After all, she had carried Solon still covered in birth fluids through the night and into enemy territory, all so he could be safe. At first she'd doubted Gabrielle but with Hope nowhere to be found, she had believed, until the fateful day when Hope's reappearance had pitted mother against mother, to the detriment of them both.
Gabrielle was similarly lost in memories. She remembered her best friend’s anguished screams, the warrior's heart shattering into pieces as Xena cradled Solon's limp and unresponsive body; her self-loathing and pain as she poisoned Hope, cursing herself for doubting her best friend; wishing she was dead, the mouth of the wineskin just inches away from her lips.
It would have been so easy to end it all just then but something had stopped her. And she'd learned why when Xena came into view after Gabrielle had dumped the poison out. The look of pure hatred on the warrior's face had caused her heart to stop beating, as surely as if Xena had physically stuck a dagger into her chest, piercing deep to bite into the deceitful organ within. “Bad memories, huh.” She whispered.
Xena nodded absently, her mind far away. There had been nothing but hatred when she’d rode into the Amazon village that day, nothing but rage when she’d dragged her best friend behind her horse, nothing but pain when she’d stood at the edge of the precipice holding Gabrielle aloft—as an offering, a sacrifice.
The crashing of the waves far below and the salty tang of the cool air had barely registered in her berserk state. Nothing had registered until that frenzied kick Gabrielle had landed on her head. If things had turned out differently, Xena had no doubt she would have killed her best friend that day. She shook her head violently, trying in vain to dislodge the sound of Gabrielle's voice screaming loudly 'I hate you!' Those three words reverberating over and over again in her head. No, that had definitely not been one of her better days, not by a very long shot.
The pain emanating from Xena was enough to snap Gabrielle out of her own. Crawling on all fours, she slunk off the bed and closed the distance between them. Her hand reached out of its own accord for her soulmate, as if the demons they still carried could be exorcised by touch alone.
A buzz of energy hummed through their veins when Gabrielle's fingers grazed Xena's arm and the warrior flinched visibly at the contact. She shook her head vigorously when Gabrielle reached for her again. “Don't.” Xena said, her voice ragged with emotion. “I don't like myself very much right now.”
Ignoring the warning, Gabrielle drew closer, hands cupping the warrior’s face as she leaned down, their lips meeting tentatively. A shiver through down their bodies at the contact and they sighed in unison, their bodies relaxing. They deepened the kiss, seeking to breathe each other in, both needing, both surrendering, filling themselves with the all-encompassing love that is their other half. After a long moment, they finally disengaged.
Gabrielle tenderly tucked a few stray hairs behind her soulmate’s ear. “Xena, you never did like yourself much. It's a good thing I like you enough for both of us.” She teased.
“You do, do ya?” Xena rumbled, her breath hitching in her throat at the revelation. “What’d I ever do to deserve you, Ga-brielle?” She murmured, her voice catching on the second last syllable of her soulmate’s name.
“Xena, I could say the same about you.” Gabrielle laid a finger on the warrior’s lips, shushing her. “And before you say anything, let me say that you’re the best thing that ever happened in my life. Bar none. So stop beating yourself up over it.” She chided softly.
Xena turned away, self-loathing once again evident in her voice as she said, “Gabrielle, how can you say that? I tried to kill you! I was a monster, a killing machine with only one goal in life: revenge.”
Gabrielle turned her soulmate’s face back towards her, catching the warrior’s stormy blue eyes with her own. “Xena, we're not doing this again.” She stated emphatically. “Remember our little talk after Illusia? And what we discovered? Without Ares and Callisto inciting us against each other, things would’ve turned out differently. I know it. We might’ve struggled a little initially but we would’ve worked things out eventually. Just look at where we are now.” She flashed a smile at her soulmate.
Shaking her head in surrender, Xena decided not to press her point. No matter what Gabrielle said, she knew differently. She remembered that clearing in the forest just like it had been yesterday. After taking care of Callisto, she’d been headed back to the centaur village when she'd stumbled upon Gabrielle. A piece of burlap covered the figure of a child beside her, the forlorn look upon the bard's face leaving no doubt whatsoever that the child was Hope—and that Hope was dead.
She’d watched as Gabrielle lifted a wineskin to her lips and even though Xena couldn't smell its contents from where she was standing, she knew instinctively that it contained poison. That the Gabrielle she knew could have murdered her own child was shocking enough but for her to then take her own life? It was unthinkable. At least, it would have been if Xena hadn't given herself over to hate.
The bard had needed her and the Xena who’d been Gabrielle's best friend would have rushed over and wrapped the obviously stricken woman in her arms. But that Xena was dead, in her place a heartless monster remained, one that would like nothing more than for Gabrielle to drink the poison and save her the trouble of killing the bard herself.
Instead of feeling relief, she'd been disgusted when Gabrielle had emptied the wineskin into the ground. That was when she had finally shown herself, hatred etched upon every plane of her face as she’d glared at the bard. Oh how she wished she could turn back time. There were so many things she wanted to make right. But the warrior had learned a long time ago that there was nothing she could do to change the past, only the present; which meant living with her guilt every day for the rest of her life.
Gabrielle did not need to see the dark cloud passing behind Xena’s eyes to understand that her soulmate would never stop blaming herself for what had happened with Hope, with Solon, and with her. Neither would she. But if Gabrielle was to be honest, this was what she’d always dreamed of—a child with someone she loved and who loved her. This child was a miracle, the antithesis of the abomination that had been Hope. With this child, she could finally put that unhappy memory out from her mind for good. And they would both get a chance to correct everything that had gone wrong with their children.
She took her soulmate’s hand, placed it on her stomach, and said, “Xena, I always wanted a child with you. This child has something none of our other children ever had: it was conceived out of love—our love. With this child, we can start afresh.”
Xena stared at their intertwined hands. The bard made a lot of sense. It had also been one of the reasons she’d thought it would be a good idea to give Gabrielle a child. This would not make up for what had happened with all of their children. But they had a chance to do it right for once. And Xena would give her life, if that was what it took, to make that a reality.
***
Gabrielle was into her second month of pregnancy when Ci Nu and the clan chief finally returned to the village with the news. The other clans had agreed to open up their territories to the Amazons. It was time for them to return to Greece to speak with the Amazon tribes and convince them to make the long trip to Chin.
But before that, Gabrielle thought it would be a good idea to pay Eve a visit. Their daughter was somewhere in Chin, spreading the message of Eli. It would be a good opportunity for them to share the news of their pregnancy. And Xena would certainly appreciate being able to spend some time with their daughter.
It was a little more complicated for Gabrielle. She loved Eve. After all, Eve was their daughter. She’d been there at her birth, held her as a baby, rocked her and fed her. But then they’d woken up from 25 years on ice to find a stranger where their sweet little daughter had once been.
Eve, known as Livia at the time, had attacked the Amazons and sold them as slaves to Gurkhan. She had also persecuted the followers of Eli and had tried to kill both Xena and Gabrielle. And when Joxer tried to intervene, Livia had killed him. For all those reasons, and the fact that Eve was now physically older than her, Gabrielle found it difficult to reconcile her memories of baby Eve and this adult iteration of their daughter.
She understood none of it had been their daughter’s fault. As her soulmate had pointed out, Eve had been born with Callisto’s soul and inherited Xena’s darkness. That was a lethal enough combination. With the addition of Ares’ influence, Eve hadn’t stood a chance. Things would have turned out differently if they’d been around to watch Eve grow up. But Ares had robbed them of that. And added insult to injury by corrupting their beloved daughter.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Xena’s arrival. The warrior had noticed Ci Nu’s return and hurried back to hear the news for herself. “How did it go?” Xena asked.
“The clans are in agreement. Before we return to Greece, I thought we might drop in on Eve. And tell her about…” Gabrielle waved a hand at herself.
Xena nodded and said, “You do the talking. I wouldn’t want her to take it the wrong way.”
“I know.” Gabrielle said. “We need to tell Lila and Sarah too.” As much as she was worried about how Eve would take the news, she thought their daughter would be more understanding than her sister and niece would be. The idea of her being pregnant with Xena’s baby was so ludicrous that Lila would be more likely to believe that it was a cover story for Gabrielle’s indiscretion. “I’m not looking forward to that…”
Xena sat beside Gabrielle and wrapped an arm around her. “They’re your family, Gabrielle.”
“Sometimes family are the worst.” Gabrielle said, resting her head on Xena’s chest and snuggling up against her soulmate. “But it can’t be helped.”
The warrior kissed the top of her head. “Have you thought about what you wanna do after we bring the Amazons to Chin?”
“We don’t know they’ll agree to the move.”
“You’ll convince them.” Xena said with conviction. “With your condition, we need to think ahead. It’s not a good idea for you to be on the road. It’s too dangerous.”
“Xena, you did it. Why can’t I?”
“I had no choice.” Xena replied. “You do. Gabrielle, you know how inconvenient it can be. Do you really want to give birth in the middle of nowhere?”
“We can always find a town when the time comes. And it’s not like I’m sick anymore.” Gabrielle reasoned.
“Is that what you want?” Xena asked. “I thought you might wanna stay here or with Lila. You’ll need to stay with the Amazons, at least until they are settled in.”
Gabrielle turned, putting some distance between her and her soulmate so she could maintain eye contact. “We can continue our travels once they get used to each other. Xena, you’re not leaving me behind.”
“I thought you’d prefer to stay in one place. You wanted to settle down before.” Xena said, referring to the time they’d stayed with the Amazons after Gabrielle had given Eve her right of caste.
Gabrielle shrugged. “I got sick of howling at sister moon. And all that mud wasn’t doing my skin any good. Besides, you’re not the kind to settle down, Xena. We both know that.”
“We could give it a try.” Xena said. “With the dragons, we could go anywhere and still be back in the village within a day or two.”
“You’ve actually given this some thought.” Gabrielle said, realising that her soulmate wasn’t just throwing out possible scenarios for the sake of it. Settling down with the Southern Forest clan wasn’t a bad idea. Her sister Amazons would be close by and they could have the best of both worlds. She said thoughtfully, “We won’t have to worry about babysitters.”
“You can even do all that queen stuff.” Xena added.
“I’m not sure I wanna go through all that again. But… it could work.”
“This would be a good place for you to raise our child if anything happens to me.” Xena added. “You’ll be safe here and the dragons love you. Add in the Amazons, and you’ll never be lonely.”
“Don’t talk like that, Xena. Nothing’s gonna happen to you.”
“I’m a warrior, Gabrielle. How many old warriors have you seen? Besides, I’ve cheated death too many times. It’s gonna come for me one of these days. And when that happens, I want to know you’ll be well taken care of.”
“Then we’ll go to our deaths together.” Gabrielle said defiantly.
“I don’t think so.” Xena raised her index finger when Gabrielle appeared ready to interject. “Do you remember our next life? You were a young man and I was an old woman. Isn’t it obvious you would spend more time in this life than me?”
“That doesn’t mean anything.” Gabrielle insisted, though she couldn’t deny Xena’s words had a ring of truth to them. Arminestra had been at least thirty years older than Shakti. She did not want to imagine living without her soulmate for 30 long years. “Our bond is too strong for either of us to live if the other dies.”
If the bard hadn’t been pregnant with Xena’s child, she would have been right. But the simple act of implanting a part of her soul within Gabrielle meant their soul-link would recognise their child as a part of Xena. It did not work the other way around though. If Gabrielle died, she would die too—which was why, for the sake of their child, nothing must happen to Gabrielle.
After she’d confirmed Gabrielle’s pregnancy, Xena had asked Bi Dan to do some research on its implications with regard to their soul bond. It had taken the chief assistant a while but he’d found records suggesting that soulmates who had children together were less likely to die within a short period of each other. And it was Bi Dan who had come up with the theory that the bond would regard the child as being part of the deceased soulmate. The young dragon had a quick mind when he put his mind to it and Xena was glad the clan healer had decided to give Bi Dan a second chance.
To Gabrielle, Xena said, “You’re carrying my child. That changes things.” She continued by giving a brief summary of the young dragon’s theory but left out the part where Bi Dan believed it would not apply to Xena due to the way their child had been conceived. In a conventional male-female soulmate pairing, the child would inherit a part of their soul from both parents. That was obviously not the case for them.
Gabrielle was ambivalent about the change in their circumstances. It was logical that a child should not have to lose both parents if something happened to either of them. But Xena had been right. Serious injury and death were very real risks they ran when they were on the road. And those risks would only increase for the warrior if Gabrielle insisted on continuing their travels in her condition.
Her soulmate would be sure to pay particular attention to ensure her safety. It could be potentially dangerous, especially later in her pregnancy when her ability to fight and protect herself might be hampered. But some of those risks could be mitigated if they stayed with the Southern Forest clan. They could bring one of the dragon warriors along on their trips. Having an extra person to share the fighting would definitely help. And they could always retreat to the safety of the village anytime the need arose—for example in the event of an injury or illness.
The more Gabrielle thought about it, the more attractive the idea became. To Xena, she said, “Let’s stay here after we bring the Amazons over… At least until our child is born.”
“I thought you’d say that.” Xena said with a relieved smile. “Shall we go have a chat with the clan chief?”
Gabrielle nodded. “And then we can start packing up. I can’t wait to get back on the road.”
“Me too.” Xena said.
-The End-