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As Xena had intended,
Gabrielle's face lit up at the prospect of dessert. She regarded the bag,
and started rummaging trough it until she found a berry that fit her taste.
"This is really good,” she smiled when the first ripe berry exploded
on her tongue and filled her mouth with its delicious juice. She reached into
the bag again and retrieved another berry, holding it up between two fingers.
"Don't you want some?”
And Xena surprised them
both by gently taking the berry out of Gabrielle's fingers with her teeth.
"Thanks,” she managed, actually glad about the fact that it was
dark by now so Gabrielle couldn't see her blushing. When she mustered looking
up into Gabrielle's face again, she saw a delighted smile there that was worth
a thousand times the embarrassment she had risked. "You liked that, hmm?”
Gabrielle nodded. "It's
good to see you happy,” she said seriously. "And if this does the
trick,” she dug out a nut this time to offer to the warrior, "I'll
be more than happy to please you.” And she watched Xena close her lips
around the nut and take it neatly out of her hand. This is silly, Xena
thought. And dangerous. And stupid. And... and... I like it, she grudgingly
admitted to herself, already peering for the next offering.
"Can you snatch
them out of the air, too?” Gabrielle teased.
"Gabrielle. You
know I have...”
"...many skills,
yeah. I know.” The grinning bard actually juggled a nut between two hands
before tossing it high into the air and watching Xena catching it neatly in
her mouth. "Very impressive,” she praised and her eyes met a flash
of white teeth.
"Now it's your
turn,” Xena ordered and took the bag out of Gabrielle's hands. "Lean
back and enjoy.”
Gabrielle regarded her
with a smile but did as ordered and settled back, her head pillowed by the
fur Xena had put there earlier. She opened her mouth as she watched Xena's
hand approach with a berry which the warrior placed neatly on her tongue.
"You know, Xena...”
Gabrielle managed around a mouthful, "...it actually tastes better this
way.”
Xena chuckled. "I
believe you. Well, you deserve to be spoiled, so enjoy it as long as it lasts.”
Gabrielle let those
words run around in her head while she crunched two nuts at once. "I
deserve it? I don't know, Xena. For what? For spraining my ankle? For being
stupid enough to not listen to you again and let somebody skewer me with an
arrow?”
Xena, who had leaned
against the rock with her left arm, propping up her head in her hand while
idly feeding herself and the bard with nuts and fruit, regarded her thoughtfully.
"Nooo...” she pronounced, lowering her voice. "For pulling
through although you were heavily wounded. For reminding me of what is really
important and what I had to do. And for still being alive when I had the antidote
so I could help you.” She let her friend pick a nut with her teeth from
between two fingers. "You were very, very brave, Gabrielle. Quit torturing
yourself like that.”
This was met with a
heavy sigh, but Gabrielle couldn't deny the soothing effect the words of the
warrior had on her. Her words, and the herbs in the tea that slowly kicked
in. "'m getting sleepy, Xena,” she mumbled, swallowing the last
berry. "Let's go to bed and look at the stars.”
Xena smiled quietly
to herself. See if you still can, she thought. She helped Gabrielle
over to her bedroll and tugged at the remaining boot, since she had sliced
the other one open with her chakram the day before to attend to Gabrielle's
sprain. You still owe me a pair of boots, Xena anticipated the bard's
words.
"You still owe
me a pair of boots, Xena. Don't you forget it,” the mumbled, yet predictable
comment came from a bard covered in furs up to her nose.
"I know,”
Xena said, slowly easing out of her leathers until she wore only her shift,
which she exchanged for a new one out of their gear. It was bad enough she
didn't have a chance to take a bath yet, not with her friend wounded and unprotected,
enduring the sweaty and restraining leather was just out of the question tonight.
And the area seemed quiet enough to allow that kind of luxury. The warrior
slid down under her covers, then peeked out and gave Gabrielle a little stub
on the nose. "I'll get you the best pair of boots we can find in the
whole entire market in Thessaly, I promise.”
"Good.” Gabrielle
seemed to be satisfied. The herbs did their part, Xena beside her, quite alive
at that, the crackling, warming fire and a cloudless night sky that had an
astounding likeness to a huge black silken cloth embroidered with shimmering
jewels, all had a very soothing effect on the young woman. When she glanced
sideways, she caught Xena looking at her in quiet affection. Gabrielle met
the look and let it warm her all the way through, until she knew it mirrored
her own. Carefully, she rolled sideways a little, trying not to hurt her shoulder
even more, and reached out for Xena's face. Her hand lingered on her cheek,
then slowly traced a path from her ear to her jaw. The movement reminded her
of something and shocked, she remembered herself doing the exact same thing,
back in Ch'in. With Xena in a stock, looking at her with this expression of...
of...
It hadn't been hatred.
It had been utter disappointment and ultimately, contempt at this betrayal.
Topped by a quiet giving in to the situation, the giving up of all hope that
Gabrielle had never, ever seen before in the face of the Warrior Princess.
An expression so tortured, it had told Gabrielle that death was now regarded
as a welcome parting from this world where friends, soulmates, turned
into traitors.
Gabrielle's face must
have betrayed her thoughts. Before she could retract her hand, Xena had captured
her wrist and made a point of keeping eye contact. She turned the young woman's
hand so she was able to place a small kiss onto its palm. And when Gabrielle
didn't react, another, longer one until the silently pained expression slowly
eased out of her face and made room for utter sadness and regret. That was
the moment when the Warrior Princess' heart decided to let all pretense go,
and so she slid under Gabrielle's covers, gathering the smaller woman close
and holding her until the silent sobbing slowed.
So much pain was left
between them, so much separation and so much regret. Xena could forgive Gabrielle
as often as she needed; she had already told her that. But as long as Gabrielle
didn't forgive herself, until she dared to step forward and out of her guilt,
she couldn't move towards healing. Xena had her own ways of dealing with her
regrets, her defense mechanisms put firmly in place, and she did as much as
she could bear at one time. But Gabrielle... her feelings were so much more
on the surface, so much more real to her...
"Xena...”
she finally heard her friend, muffled by the fabric of her now thoroughly
drenched shift.
"I'm here,”
the warrior assured her, stroking her fair hair soothingly.
"I... I...”
Sobs were making it hard for Gabrielle to speak. "I'm so sorry, Xena.”
Another sob. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to
you. I'm...”
"Sshh...”
Xena started to rock her gently. "It's alright, Gabrielle. All of this
is in the past. All I want is to be with you right now. You're my best friend.
You are my family. I love you, Gabrielle.”
Another sob shook the
bard and her good arm clenched and unclenched convulsively around Xena's middle.
Finally, she looked up and into Xena's face, just inches above her own. "R...
really?” Her green eyes were upon Xena's in anxious expectation.
"With all my heart
and with all my soul,” Xena soothed. And then a quick decision was made.
Something deep inside Xena's innermost core decided that this was the right
moment to renew a promise once made: That she wouldn't leave Gabrielle alone,
no matter what.
She ducked her head
and her lips met Gabrielle's in a vow to stay at her side. And Gabrielle stretched
herself into the kiss as if Xena delivered Food of the Gods, tangling a desperate
hand in dark hair and pressing herself against the woman she so loved yet
felt she so didn't deserve.
The kiss lasted much
longer than Xena had anticipated. When they parted for the first time, she
let herself drown in Gabrielle's emerald eyes, then met her lips again when
Gabrielle rose up for another, deeper kiss. Their lips lingered, then explored,
hands caressing each other's face, and hair, in a desperate attempt at stilling
a hunger they had not even known existed. Yet real enough it seemed, elemental
like the need for air and water.
Soothed, Gabrielle loosened
her death grip on the Warrior Princess after what seemed to be a very, very
long time, yet still tried to find a position that agreed with her shoulder
and at the same time gave her access to as much body contact as was possible
with Xena.
Xena watched her curiously,
smiling, very much aware of the wriggling body so close to her own. When Gabrielle
had found a spot that agreed with her, her green eyes met Xena's blue ones
again. "Thank you,” she said, her voice still quivering. Holding
Xena's gaze for a long time, Gabrielle finally closed her eyes with a small
sigh, giving in to the feelings of exhaustion her sickness, the traveling,
the tears, and last but not least, the herbs had caused, and let herself be
carried over into Morpheus' arms. And on her way there, she was escorted by
a low, vibrating voice, carrying an ancient tune that she had heard a thousand
times, yet for the first time she registered the meaning of the words:
You know I'd do most anything
you want.
Every day, I try to
give you everything you need.
I'll always be there
for you.
I don't believe in
many things, but in you I do.
Chapter II
She was in a dark place.
Completely dark.
No voices. No sound
whatsoever.
The dark thickness around
her seemed to be breathable.
She took a lungful and
choked, coughed. But it was everywhere. No way to escape it.
Xena knew when to stay
calm to keep her strength up.
She listened. Her keen
hearing was only met with deafening silence.
And she couldn't feel...
anything. It was as if she was suspended in midflight, without knowing when
she would land.
She tried to touch her
face, to find out if she, herself, was real. She was.
Xena breathed.
In... out. In... out.
She set a rhythm aimed
to slow her racing heartbeat when...
thundering hoofbeats
invaded her consciousness. It wasn't just hearing, it was feeling, with every
single fiber of her body. Her body thrummed in beat with the sensation, her
ears threatened to explode from the sound - she was
the beat. Hard shells of horn beating upon the earth...
and then a violent
jolt and she felt herself dragged, her feet bound to an unseen steed. The
sensation was painful, no way to escape, as her feet were tied. The woman
cried out in frustration as she realized she couldn't do anything to get free.
It didn't hurt, it was just humiliating .
Her hands flailed about, trying to get a grasp on... nothing, as there was
nothing besides the all-encompassing thunderous hoofbeats. She used her strength
to try and touch her ankles, to untie them, but there was nothing. A long
wail escaped her throat...
and she could feel it.
The grassy soil, beating against her skin, slashing, biting, grinding.
She raised her arms
to protect her head, but there was nothing she could do, the dragging so fierce.
A sob escaped her. To feel so... helpless to a beating. She couldn't even
see her
tormentor, no target to concentrate on but her own pain. No plan to engage
against her attacker. She felt that she would lose consciousness soon, and
then...
suddenly, her surroundings
became visible. At an incredible speed, she was dragged behind a large horse
whose rider she couldn't make out for she couldn't hold her head still long
enough. Blue sky, green grass and the sound of waves breaking on a rocky shore.
They came closer and closer and closer to that sound, when the rider took
a turn to the right, while Xena kept going straight, her bounds gone. She
was flung into nothingness, above her the sky, a long drop under her, and
she felt her heart stop in horror.
She managed to raise
her eyes to the magnificent rider on her great horse, catching a glimpse of
long, dark hair, before she felt herself falling...
falling...
falling...
* * *
"I hate you!!!"
Xena woke with a start.
Her heart racing, she looked around, but still, and again, only darkness greeted
her. It took her a moment to realize that she had left the site of her dream.
She was able to distinguish sounds, and she could also feel solid earth under
her - earth she was close enough to clutch and kiss.
She forced herself to
slow down her labored breathing, and listened for anything unusual. But there
wasn't anything, just the familiar sounds of wildlife around her, and Argo's
reassuring form nearby, watching over them. Heavy rainclouds had moved in,
and cast an almost impenetrable darkness around them. The only source of light
was the nearly dead fire they had left burning to warm them and keep away
wildlife.
Xena slumped back onto
her bedroll, turning a little to see if Gabrielle's sleep had been disturbed.
But the bard was resting comfortably on her side, her arm wrapped around what
consisted of most of Xena's sleeping furs, a peaceful expression on her face.
Xena smiled, and moved
her hand to push a stray lock out of the young woman's face, when somehow,
she remembered, as her dream came into focus again. This is where she had
a bad blow, the warrior remembered, touching Gabrielle's cheek. And
a really bad gash right here. She moved up to the young woman's forehead.
Not to mention the rest of her body. A dark wave of anguish rolled
through the restless warrior, the feeling of being dragged against her will
fresh in her mind.
On its way, it swept
up every rational thought that was in her and left her in a state of panic.
Her eyes widened in shock, Xena indeed clutched to the earth now, trying to
ride out this wave of unbelievable panic that overwhelmed her.
She turned her head,
to fasten her eyes onto the face of that little bard, the woman she had hurt
so badly, to tie her to the earth, and to a speck of hope. The haunting image
of the battered bard would always be with her, always. Oh
gods, Gabrielle, sorry doesn't cover it. And never, ever will.
But Xena knew she had
lost against the panic when she felt disconnected from everything around her,
her knees weak, her heartbeat racing and cold sweat breaking out of every
pore on her body. She tried to keep it in check, taking deep breaths, but
she knew she had lost when after several minutes of scorching panic, she felt
the familiar sensation of an upset stomach, and she pulled herself up, and
managed to put a few paces between herself and the bard before the nausea
overwhelmed her and made her relieve herself.
The warrior trembled
with exhaustion, both mentally and physically, and finally, she gave in to
the tears. She had been weakened considerably by her battle with the Persians,
one that she could hardly remember, and the impending loss of Gabrielle had
shattered her composure much more than she had thought. This dream had made
it nonexistent.
Xena's body shook under
her sobs, her tears, and nose, running freely. To think, that Gabrielle had
come to her, to her, to ask her forgiveness. A new series of sobs made
Xena hold on to the roots of the tree she was crouching in front of, and she
started rocking back and forth unconsciously. The irony of that. And the
truth.
Her arms remembered
the feel of the lithe woman in them, and her body reminded her of the joy
she had felt when they had kissed. And it hadn't been the kiss Xena had planned
it to be, one of gentle assurance, one of a promise. There had been more to
it, and she knew it.
Right now, it was hard
to decide what scared her more: the prospect of losing Gabrielle or the prospect
of them becoming something else than best friends and family. If they did,
how was she to prevent herself from inflicting more pain on Gabrielle, from
hurting her as she had before?
She wasn't someone prone
to panic attacks, although she had lived through them earlier in her life.
But something about this thought had opened an age-old wound and with opening
it, had brought up all the fears and trepidations that were connected with
it.
To be open to feel.
And to be open to be hurt. Again.
It took the dark woman
a while to slowly gather herself up again. Maybe because she didn't really
want to. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to feel, to
feel so deeply that it actually affected her. How she had wiped away any feelings
on the straight way to her heart. How she had held up a picture of herself
as being strong and knowing it all. And now look at me... she added
wryly. THIS
is what I am.
The sobs slowly subsided,
leaving the warrior drained and hollow. She pulled herself up, her limbs pure
lead, and slowly made her way over to the still glowing firepit and the waterskin
she had left there with Argo's saddle.
Xena drenched her hurting
throat, splashing some of the water into her face and cleaning it. She proceeded
to stir the fire a little, until it flared up with flying sparks, consuming
the branch she had added to it and providing her a place to rest her eyes.
The mare, as if feeling
that her mistress was in distress, had idly grazed her way up to the dark
haired woman's side, now standing behind her, letting her head hang low.
"Is it all worth
it?" Xena asked her honeycolored friend, her voice almost inaudible.
Argo swiveled her ears in the direction of her mistress' voice and snorted.
"To open up, and to dare trusting someone, and then have... have to find
out that they, too, are able to betray you?" Xena's eyes searched the
soulful one's of the animal beside her. "Is it?" But there was no
answer from her friend other than a trusting eye. "Or maybe I should've
stayed like I was and waited until finally someone was better than me and
just die in battle... as it should be..."
But while she was still
speaking, she knew the truth. She knew her truth. Gabrielle and her,
they had been through Tartarus and back. They had hated each other, but still,
they had pulled through. How likely is it that will happen again? she
asked herself wryly. How likely is it it'll get worse? And if the end of
all this is that we know we are... connected somehow... that we could even
be... One eyebrow rose at the thought and she managed a tired chuckle,
not even wanting to think the word "lovers”. Yeah, right.
She shook her head and tried to think of something else, but couldn't really.
Sighing, she turned,
and leaned against the horse's forelegs. Argo lowered her head, familiar with
the procedure, to have her ears scratched, which she loved. The warrior was
happy to comply. Argo gave her a point to hold onto amidst the still rolling
waves of slight panic that weren't overwhelming anymore, yet frightening enough
to look for some kind of anchor. And Argo happily provided a warm and furry
one. "You're a good friend, Argo.” Xena whispered, suddenly hugging
the horse's head fiercely to her chest, which Argo ended by pulling free and
shaking her mane in protest. Xena smiled, and waited for the mare to calm
down and lower her head for more scratching. She thought of Gabrielle again,
of her fine hair under her caressing hands, and a warm feeling spread through
her body. Not of wanting, of conquering, but of belonging. If I
can't trust myself in this, she resolved,
maybe I can trust Gabrielle.
That thought helped to
soothe her, and after a long while of staring into the fire, cuddling the
horse and sipping on a wineskin she had dug out of their saddlebags, Xena
managed to shake off the anguish, and now she felt tired, and just wanted
to go to sleep ...beside Gabrielle, she admitted to herself with a
wry smile. She checked the fire again for safety and, satisfied, proceeded
to lie down beside the woman she wanted to be close to.
Gabrielle still clutched
Xena's sleeping furs to herself, and Xena debated with herself for a short
moment if she should take them from her or not. She decided on doing it, partly
because she really was cold, and partly because somehow, something inside
of her hoped, like a little girl, that Gabrielle would wake up, and she wouldn't
be alone anymore. She tugged at the fur gently, and was rewarded with Gabrielle
making a mewling noise, and opening one green eye to gaze at her sleepily.
"Whaisit?” she mumbled, her expression confused at the interruption.
Xena almost regretted
her selfishness. Gabrielle really needed her sleep. "I need my furs back,”
she whispered. "Go back to sleep.” She pulled out the furs from
under Gabrielle's grip and wrapped herself into them, settling down on her
side. When she met the eyes of her friend again, they were more alert. "Are
you ok?” the bard asked gently. "You don't look so good.”
"I'm better now,”
Xena assured her. "Don't worry.”
"Was it something
I said?”
"No, no. You're
fine.” Xena covered the younger woman's hand with her own. "Just
go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you.”
Unexpectedly, Gabrielle
pulled Xena's hand close to her, scooting a little closer and clutching her
arm against her warm chest. "I'm not,” she said, letting her other
hand travel idly up and down Xena's upper arm. "It makes me feel protected
all over again.”
Me, too. Xena's
eyes drank in the sight of her friend, memorizing the gentle expression in
her eyes, and felt how that expression covered her pain with a healing layer.
Worth it? Oh, yes. All over again. For this feeling, all over again.
With a glint in her eyes, Xena caught the traveling hand and, wrapping her
own arm around Gabrielle's fur covered midsection, helped it slide up until
it was wrapped around her neck. "That, too?” she asked, light teasing
in her voice, referring to their shared closeness.
"Hmm, yeah...”
Gabrielle sighed contentedly. "Even more.” She smiled at Xena. "I
love you."
The words slid down
Xena's hearing like an ointment meant to go directly to her heart.
"I love you, too,”
she whispered, voice thick with emotion.
Probing eyes searched
her face, but found nothing but dedication there, much like the expression
Xena had worn back in the armory. Gabrielle nodded lightly, and kept watching
Xena's expressive face, until the warrior closed her eyes, content to feel
the bard close to her.
You saw me. And I
hurt you. Like I do with everybody. And still you are here. And telling me
you love me. Gabrielle. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Nothing.
Chapter III
For Gabrielle, waking
up in the morning meant taking in all kind of impressions one by one. Her
eyes still closed, she basked in the warmth of the fur wrapped around her,
smelling faintly like leather and warrior. Her face was bathed in wonderfully
warm sun rays, telling her that it must be mid-morning. Her ears strained
for any sound that would tell her that Xena was present. When they came up
with nothing, Gabrielle allowed her eyes to open.
An empty camp greeted
her. The camp fire was crackling away, bearing a pot with a bubbly liquid.
Water, most likely. Another sweep revealed Argo grazing nearby, all
tacked up. That indicated that Xena planned on leaving camp soon.
Xena's absence didn't
worry Gabrielle. Even absent, her protective presence hung over the camp and
shielded the bard from worries about outside influences. She would never
leave me unprotected. The thought produced a smile on Gabrielle's face.
Never? a small
voice in the back of her mind commented ironically.
Oh, shut up,
the bard thought back at it. Not if she can help it. Besides, I should
be able to think for myself every now and then.
Another morning habit,
cleverly disguised as drowsiness, was to take mental inventory on her state.
Gabrielle wiggled her toes. Working, she checked. Next were her ankles.
The sprained ligament still hurt, but the bandage supported it nicely. Knees
and legs appeared to be working properly. I'm hungry, the inventory
brought up next. What else is new? Preparing for the pain, Gabrielle
carefully rolled first her healthy, then her injured shoulder. It hurt. Plain
as that. Xena's poultice had helped extracting harmful substances, at the
same time numbing the area and encouraging healing. Still, the punctured muscles
complained with pain over their ruptured state. Gabrielle sighed.
The sound of footsteps
distracted her from her musings, and she lifted her head to see Xena come
into camp, appearing between some shielding shrubbery. She was clad in a fresh
shift that clung to her wet body in a most enticing way, with her long locks
trailing a dark path along her back. Gabrielle raised both eyebrows at the
resulting flutter in her stomach. Hello? she thought, surprised. What's
that?
The warrior looked magnificent,
she admitted to herself. Tall, strong and incredibly beautiful, with her breasts
and hips clearly outlined by the thin fabric. Gabrielle caught her eyes resting
on said places, and she resisted the urge to lick her lips. Must be the
herbs Xena is giving me, she mused. Why else should I feel so hot all
of a sudden?
"Good morning,
sleepyhead." Xena's good-natured greeting woke her out of her musings.
"Slept well?"
Gabrielle's first attempt
at a reply was swallowed by an undignified croak that made her blush.
Xena came closer, rubbing
her hair with a dry linen, and smiled at the younger woman. "What did
you say?"
"Just great..."
Getting a closer look at the warrior didn't help at all. Seen from down on
her bedroll, Xena's legs appeared to be endless, honed muscles playing under
tanned skin... All the bard's senses kicked into a higher gear, and she blurted,
"What in Tartarus is in the tea you keep giving me?"
Xena was beside her
in an instant, checking her temperature with a cool hand on a hot forehead.
"You're hot, but not feverish," she commented. "Can you sit
up?"
All my joints have
turned into jelly, thank you very much. "I think so."
Assisted by the warrior,
Gabrielle sat up slowly. "Ouch..." she commented. "My muscles
feel so sore. It's like I trained flips all night."
"It's the residue
from the poison," Xena explained, running a look over her injured friend.
"How are your shoulder and ankle?"
"My ankle likes
the bandage you put on it. And my shoulder feels as if it was run through
by a poisoned arrow..."
Against her will, Xena
had to chuckle at the woebegone expression on her partner's face. She pulled
her closer, brushing a hand over her fair hair. "There, there,"
she said. "Should I kiss it to make it all better?" It was meant
to cheer up her companion, but as soon as the words were out, she felt Gabrielle
stiffen and retreat from her embrace. The ensuing look of scrutiny made her
rack her brain for anything she could have done or said that warranted this
reaction.
"You did yesterday,
didn't you?" Gabrielle said, her eyes narrowing.
"Did what?"
"Kiss me."
"Oh." Somehow,
that was all the brilliant discourse Xena managed at that particular moment.
Well, nothing like the truth. "Yes."
Gabrielle's brow furrowed,
several emotions playing across her face in rapid succession. Xena watched
her with fascination, not sure what to expect.
"Did I like it?"
Xena was close to laughing
out loud. This situation accumulated a quality of the absurd with an astonishing
speed. "As far as I can tell, yes, I would say you liked it." Remembering,
a smile played on her lips. "A lot," she added.
Did it mean anything
to you?! Gabrielle's mind shouted, while she stored away that information.
Her memories were fuzzy past the point that Xena had administered her medicine,
but an emotional memory residue was still present. Of being comforted and
loved. Of being held and sung to. Of a moment where all pain had had to step
aside to make space for the utter feeling of belonging, of being in the right
place at the perfect time. Of two hearts beating as one.
"Don't you remember?"
Gabrielle raised her
eyes to the worried face of her companion. Knowing Xena, she worried most
likely about the fact that she may have taken advantage of her friend, of
having read the signs wrong, of having betrayed her trust. "I'm beginning
to," she said. "Everything's fuzzy past the point you gave me those
herbs."
Xena chuckled self-consciously.
Now she thinks I drugged her to take advantage of her? "No wonder
you want to know what's in that tea." She raised an eyebrow. "It's
purely medicinal - cleans the blood, helps you sleep, dulls the pain."
Enhances your beauty
in my eyes. "Makes me susceptible to the advances of certain Warrior
Princesses?" Gabrielle finished the warrior's thought, but she smiled
while she was saying it. "If that's one of the side effects I certainly
hope I'm the only one you're administering it to.” One of the bard's
hands found Xena's, covering it.
Xena's heart did a flip,
ending up in her throat, where it kept beating double-time, rendering the
warrior speechless for a moment.
Gabrielle watched her
jaw drop. Didn't expect that, did you? For that matter, did I?
She felt that something
elemental was happening here. It was as if rivers decided to find a new bed
to run in, never to look back. How many times had the bard proclaimed her
love for the warrior? Ten times? A hundred? And how often had it been in moments
of extreme pain, when that proclamation was used as a last desperate resort
to reach out to a warrior so detached, only her shell was walking beside the
bard, essentially a stranger to her?
If they became more
than best friends, family, would it be in an attempt to save something that
was long gone? Or was it a path that had been obscured from their eyes so
far and was only now detectable for them? Now that they had been cleansed
and burnished by the fire of pain, leaving only their essence, naked to the
world and to each other.
For one, breathtaking
moment, Gabrielle saw both herself and the woman sitting before her with her
inner eye, glowing from the inside out, their souls connected by a band so
strong, breaking it would break either one of them, as well. She gasped, knowing
a revelation when she saw one.
"Gabrielle?”
"I'm fine.”
The bard's eyes refocused on the dark woman's face. "I'm fine.”
"Are you sure?”
Xena's brow furrowed as it only did when she was worried about Gabrielle's
welfare.
"Yes. Sure.”
The bard smiled up at Xena from under her long bangs and watched the worried
expression wash away. "Something occurred to me.”
"What is it?”
"There's only one
way to find out.”
"Find out what?”
"If me... enjoying
that kiss... had anything to do with the tea or not.”
Xena blushed. "Oh,
yeah?”
Gabrielle enjoyed seeing
the warrior flustered. "Seeing that I hurt again, I deduct the tea has
done its work last night, and I will need a new dose this morning, right?”
Xena mumbled something
unintelligible about residue in the bloodstream.
"Still, it's as
out of my system as it can get right now, isn't it?”
Xena lifted a hand,
then dropped it and just nodded.
"That means, if
I kissed you now, we'd find out almost certainly if I would really enjoy that
or not?”
The warrior blanched.
"I guess so,” she said, weakly. She felt herself spun into the bard's
reasoning like a hapless fly into a spider's web. Somehow, this situation
reminded her of her early teenage years. Do I look good enough? What if
she doesn't like me? I'll make a fool of myself...
"Are you nervous?”
Incredulity and amusement laced the bard's worried question.
Try mortal fear.
"Just a minor case of performance anxiety, nothing major,” the warrior
appeased.
Gabrielle chuckled.
"You got us into this, you know.”
"I couldn't predict
you wouldn't remember anything this morning.” Xena mock pouted. "Besides,
you were so worried last night...” The cerulean eyes unfocused in memory.
"I wanted to show you that I was there for you. It just... got out of
hand a bit...”
"It did?”
Gabrielle's curious face was suddenly very close.
"Yeah...”
Xena's train of thought got lost in clear green orbs.
"Was it anything
like this?” Gabrielle closed her eyes, leaning forward and letting her
lips brush against the warrior's. The touch produced a pleasant shiver.
Xena smiled at her lovingly,
cupping the bard's face with one hand. "Actually...” the hand made
its way sensuously to the back of Gabrielle's head, digging into the fair
hair. "It evolved into something like this...”
Again, soft lips met,
then Xena's parted for the tip of her tongue, asking the bard for entrance.
Gabrielle invited her in, her senses awash in a tide of sensations. The touch
conjured up images of a greater intimacy, of sweating bodies sliding against
each other. Gabrielle felt Xena's touch all the way to her groin, and with
a whimper, she pressed her body against the warrior's, clinging to the damp
shift on her back with one hand.
Panting, they parted,
Xena grinning wildly. I looked good enough, she likes me, and I didn't
make a fool of myself, she dismissed her earlier adolescent worries. "Are
you ok?” she addressed the slightly rumpled looking younger woman.
"Well, it wasn't
the tea,” Gabrielle deadpanned.
"It wasn't?”
"No.” The
bard grinned up at her friend. "I guess I need to do some soul searching
now.”
"Over me?”
"Over the kiss.”
"Ah.” Gabrielle
looked just adorable in Xena's eyes as she sat there with that dreamy smile
on her face. About time I did something right. "Can I... hold
you while you do the soul searching or would that distract you?” Her
body ached for contact.
"You don't plan
on influencing the thinking party, do you?”
"Wouldn't dream
of it.” Xena produced a most innocent look complete with batting lashes
and made the bard laugh.
"Actually...”
Gabrielle's nose twitched. "No offense, but I think I should take a bath
first.”
Xena laughed. "Alright.
We can do that.”
"We?”
Xena met an inquiring
gaze. "Well, you have to get to the stream somehow, don't you?”
As it turned out, the
way to the stream was quite rocky and required Gabrielle to be carried by
Xena. They collected the necessary utensils, then Xena helped Gabrielle into
her arms, both their eyes shiny, hearts racing.
Xena's heart was still
on overdrive, and the feeling of warm, living bard in her arms felt entirely
too good as she set out through the bushes she had come through earlier, climbing
the rocky surface, before the small path dropped down again and gave them
free sight of a small stream, pooling at that particular bend, into what looked
very much like a large tub.
"It's not very
warm, though,” the warrior warned, but was careful to set the bard down
at a point near to where the water was shallow and thus warmed by the sun.
Gabrielle sighed. "I
don't care, as long as it's water...” She spared a loving smile for the
warrior before she started to untie her belt and dropped her skirt. She tugged
at the laces of her top next, but then realized that she would need help to
get out of it. The knot, holding the laces in place, was caked with blood
and sweat. To open it in her condition was almost impossible. Besides, the
garment was ruined anyway. And there was no way she could raise her arms to
pull it over her head. Her shoulder wound would break open for sure.
"Xena...”
she asked tentatively, very aware of the warrior, hovering not far away.
"Hmm?” the
lazy answer came.
"I might need your
knife... did you bring one with you by any chance?”
"Sure did...”
Xena drawled, coming closer and eyeing the bard curiously. "What do you
need it for?”
Gabrielle pulled at
the front of her top for an explanation. "I can't get out without tearing
my shoulder.”
"Ah...” Xena
reached into her cleavage and pulled out her breast dagger. "Let me help
you...” Her hand, including the dagger, was already on her way to Gabrielle's
chest, when she caught Gabrielle's startled look. "Maybe not?” she
said, shrugging, a dancing devil in her eyes, and handed the dagger to her
very uncomfortable looking friend, who took it with a relieved sigh. Xena
went back to her spot behind her to sit down, her eyes never leaving the shapely
back of her companion, who obviously succeeded in her struggle with dagger
and top. Xena saw her pushing it off her right shoulder and then carefully
sliding it off the other. Then the bard paused, obviously thinking. The warrior
waited.
"Xena...”
the expected reaction came.
"Yeah...”
"Don't you have...
anything else to do than sit there and... umm... watch me?”
Xena's brows knitted
at that question. They had shared many a bathtub or stream, with no problem
whatsoever. So far. Now if this was foreshadowing the problems they'd have
when things... changed between them, she didn't like it. But maybe all this
took was a little time.
"Like - why don't
you go fishing or something?” Gabrielle suggested, trying to give her
voice a cheerful note.
"You wanna get
rid of me?” Xena actually sounded a little insulted. "I thought
I'd stay here and help you wash your hair. Besides, I have to make sure you're
safe. You're not exactly in any shape to defend yourself, you know?”
Gabrielle checked all
the points Xena had raised in her head and they all came out as being valid
ones. She sighed. "Ok...” but she didn't sound convinced, and Xena
noticed that.
"Do you want me
to turn around?” she offered.
Gabrielle blushed and
just wanted to be swallowed by the earth. Right here and now. Why, oh why
did this heighten her sense of modesty of all things? Things that had been
perfectly normal to her now took on a new quality, and she had to get used
to that, first. "Xena, I...” But when she turned around, she saw
that Xena was already sitting with her back to her. As quickly as was possible
with her injuries, Gabrielle stripped off her undergarments and limped into
the water.
Her teeth were chattering,
but she threw herself bravely into the cold water and noticed with relief
how good it felt that it carried her weight. "Oh gods, Xena, this feels
wonderful!" she exclaimed, turning to her partner, who was watching her
from the rock that Gabrielle had sat on only moments ago, grinning.
"What's so funny?”
"Just enjoying
the sight...” the warrior said, pointing her to the fact that the water
was very clear and easily to look through.
Gabrielle spared a look
down, blushing slightly. "You're so bad,” she chided.
"What am I always
telling you?” Xena laughed. "Do you want me to come in and wash
your hair now?”
Gabrielle felt her blush
deepen. "You're going to get wet all over again,” she warned, only
to turn crimson when she caught the second meaning of what she had just said.
Xena's eyebrows did
a little dance. "You want me to?”
Gabrielle chose that
moment to sink beneath the surface in embarrassment.
Xena chuckled and hopped
off the rock. She wandered over to the pile of Gabrielle's fresh clothes and
grabbed the soap before she launched herself into a lazy flip and landed safely
on top of one of the large rocks that were scattered throughout the stream.
Sitting down on it, she playfully dangled her feet in the water.
"Come on over!”
she called to the bard, who had appeared again and was kicking the water mere
feet away from her.
The cold water had apparently
helped her cool down a bit, and she had decided not to be embarrassed by anything
Xena said anymore - well, at least she would try very hard not to.
"You truly are
a woman of many skills, Xena, I'll give you that,” she called out while
she slowly worked her way over to the rock. When she looked up into the dark
woman's face, a very pleased-with-herself grin was showing there. "And
you can be so full of yourself, too...” Gabrielle said, slapping the
warrior's right knee, before she comfortably wrapped her arms around Xena's
calves on either side of her and stretched her neck to give Xena access to
her long hair. She heard the warrior wetting her hands in the stream and rubbing
the soap to work up a lather between them, then felt her strong fingers applying
it to her scalp. Gabrielle just leaned back and relaxed under her partner's
capable fingers. Xena gave great massages...
The warrior watched
Gabrielle with a smile. She carefully worked the lather into Gabrielle's fine,
soft hair, enjoying the feeling and the closeness they shared.
Her thoughts went back
to this morning, when whatever had made her panic last night was washed away
by the sight and feel of Gabrielle wrapped in her arms. Xena had greeted the
sun with an utter feeling of relief at the fact that they were still alive,
but also with a triumphant grin, as the first rays of a newly awakened hope
had broken their way through to the warrior's pained soul. There had been
no way she could've held still, and so she had blessed Gabrielle's brow with
a fleeting kiss before getting up and expressing her joy with a run through
the still dewy grass... checking the perimeter in the interim, or so she was
telling herself.
She had returned to
the campsite not much later, starting a pot of water, and caring for Argo,
getting her ready to travel as soon as Gabrielle woke up. Then, the urge to
finally take a bath had been too great to ignore, and she had done just that,
after making sure that their surroundings were still peaceful.
And now she was sitting
here, with Gabrielle close to her, and every breath seemed to be a precious
gift not to be wasted. Xena turned her face to the sun and let her rays tickle
her skin. For the first time in a long while, Xena allowed herself to open
up just a little to the sensations around her just to enjoy them, rather than
for practical matters.
"Xena...”
Gabrielle's voice shook her out of her daydreaming, but not unpleasantly so.
"Hmm...?”
Xena practically purred back, playfully teasing Gabrielle's sides with her
toes.
"He he...”
Gabrielle giggled, getting her revenge by reaching up and tickling Xena under
her right knee.
"Yikes!” Xena
exclaimed. "What is it you want? I'll tell you everything, just stop
tickling!”
"Tell me everything,
huh?” Gabrielle turned around to look into her companion's face. "Hmm...
let me think...”
Xena's gaze was fastened
to Gabrielle's twinkling eyes and mischievous smile, when her peripheral vision
warned her that something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Xena's head snapped up,
scanning the stream again. Yes, she had been right. "Gabrielle, get out
of the water,” she said, in a no-nonsense tone.
"But... why...
what is it, Xena?”
Xena nodded in the direction
behind her. "There's blood in the water, Gabrielle. Let's get out of
here.”
...continued
in Part 2
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