i am so tired of struggling,

of taking one step ahead,

three steps back.

one clunker car after another

falling apart under me;

one more bill, one more lawyer,

one more ducked phone call,

one more time begging my mother for aid.

there are wolves at the door - ravenous, snapping,

and sharks around my leaking boat,

waiting to swallow me whole,

and there is Pain

of spirit and body,

Pain with no relief,

my cross to bear,

my daily burden,

my crap to deal with.

dissatisfaction

depression

despair

eat away at my resolve

to suck it up

try again

go forward

one day at a time.

I¹m tired.

© Ellie Maziekien

7/19/2000

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