Disclaimers: All characters referenced in this story are mine and mine alone. Any similarities between them and anyone else living, dead, or fictional, is purely accidental/coincidental. Basically, hands off without my permission-pretty please.
If you like them, feel free to let me know about it at Jeaninehemail-public@yahoo.com if you don’t, please don’t be mean.
Warnings: This story will depict relationships between women. If that bothers you, I’m sorry for your narrow-minded approach but please leave now and come back when you come out. If it is illegal for you to view this type of story due to age or location then please come back when you age or move. There will at times be somewhat graphic descriptions of medical events, nothing too graphic but not for those who faint at the mention of an IV. With that said, I hope you enjoy!
I’d like to thank Vic and Trish, the two people that encouraged me to put this out to let others decide its fate.
Also, for Sue, the reason I want to do my best is to be the woman you deserve-I’m always on call for you!
Chapter Four
Tones, I heard tones, but I wasn’t at work, was I? I struggled to wake up and figure things out. This was strange though, if tones were dropping, why wasn’t I waking up? I always get up quickly for a call.
Suddenly, I sat upright, remembering the fire call from earlier in the day. After work I had gone home to take a nap before going to the hospital. I was lying on my couch, in the twilight hours of early summer. I realized that those weren’t station tones I was hearing, it was my cell phone ringing. I grabbed the phone from the coffee table and answered it, just before it went into voicemail.
It was Caty, I had forgotten to call her after work, and she wanted to know if I was still coming over. Damn it! I totally forgot about our plans. I explained about my plans being derailed by my nap, and asked if she minded if I went to the hospital first. Since she was part of the “family,” she understood my need to check in there. Those guys weren’t part of my close group, but they were part of my station house, and therefore, my brothers.
“I have a better idea Chloe, why don’t you come over here and I’ll take you to the hospital. That way, you don’t have to worry about driving later when you’re upset or tired but you’ll have your car here if you need it.”
Well, she did have a point, I was beat! After I heard about the guys being all right, we had been tapped four more times without stopping. It certainly had been a long shift, and I could use a good dose of my best friend right about now.
“Yeah, that sounds great Cait, thanks. I appreciate you understanding too. See you in fifteen?” She gave me an affirmative and I went to get myself together.
#
The hospital waiting area for the fourth floor was still full of firefighters and their families. The guys were doing better, but we all wanted to see that for ourselves. I paid my respects to Scott’s wife, and Ryan’s parents, talked to the Captain, and then saw Spike by herself in a corner. Caty walked over to her and gave her a quick hug; she said something to Spike that made her give a halfhearted smile.
I walked over to the two of them and nudged Spike’s shoulder. “Hey, how long ya been here Spike? Have you gotten any sleep since we left work?”
“Negative, I’ve been here since then. I mostly came to keep an eye on Tony. I’m not thrilled with the way he acted, but I haven’t really talked to him yet. I’m just waiting for the Cap to give me a few minutes out of the crowd, then I’m outta here, and headed for dreamland.”
“Where is Tony? I don’t see him anywhere.”
“Coffee run for the families. He’s been on his best behavior here, but I’m still worried. I’m hoping the Cap has some ideas on how we should handle things. I can’t have my partner going off half-cocked, causing more patients, and losing rescue crew at scenes.”
“I hear ya, but in his defense, this guy was his roommate and the closest thing to a blood relative he has around here. I mean, I know he was wrong, scene safety and trust are paramount, but he is still a rookie, ya know?”
Spike nodded slowly, as if the weight of her position was weighing heavily on her today. Cait looked on as we talked things over, not speaking, but I could almost hear the wheels turning, and I could see the questions in her eyes. Thankfully, she didn’t ask me about it, I hadn’t told her about Tony’s meltdown at the scene yet. I didn’t want her concerned about things that hadn’t happened to her sister or me.
We took off after saying our goodbyes, and went out to the Caty’s car. We were quiet for a moment, and then she asked me softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. I could see Tony running for the collapsing building in my head. Again, I saw him shove me away, and keep running. Only this time, I didn’t stop him and he ran in to the building, just as it gave way again. I reminded myself that it hadn’t happened that way, I was just seeing what could have happened, but it didn’t help. I filled her in on the call and the reaction we all had to hearing the firefighters down call. I finished just as we pulled in to her driveway.
“Did you guys get your debrief yet?”
“Not yet, it is scheduled for tomorrow, that way, the crews had time to get to the hospital and send a little time with their families before going back in.” I silently added my thanks that I was able to spend my time with her. My brother and his family only lived a couple of towns away, but this wasn’t something I could bring to him. We’ve never been the kind of family that talked about our feelings and fears. I could see that his wife had been working on him about it, but he and I still had not made that leap.
We went inside and I pulled Caty in my arms. She leaned in and gave me soft kiss, then she rested her head on my shoulder as I held her. I just needed that connection, to feel like someone outside the firehouse would care if I had been the one injured in the line of duty. Finally, I pulled away a bit and looked into her eyes. I almost gasped at what I saw reflected there. I could feel her fear as she tightened her grip on me. She looked scared in a way I had never associated with her before.
I guided us over to her sliding glass doors and out on to the patio. We sat down on the glider bench and I pulled her closer to me. I held her tightly and asked, “What are you thinking Cait?”
She pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then she looked over at me with a glimmer of moisture in her eyes. I didn’t know how to make this better for her, but I was also afraid that she wouldn’t want to be with me now that she had seen the danger of it.
“I’m not a novice Chloe, I know what you and Pauly do is dangerous. It is almost as dangerous as it is noble and brave. Yes, I was worried about you both. When I realized it was a big scene and you were both involved, I switched out from running the major call, to several smaller ones. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to you two there all day.”
I nodded, I was right when I thought that she had been the dispatcher, before her voice vanished. I waited for her to continue since I had a feeling she wasn’t done yet.
“Every day I listen to you guys go out on calls. Hell, I send you out on those calls. Could you ever forgive me if I was the one that sent you or one of your friends out, on the call that got them hurt seriously or worse? I was suddenly afraid to be the voice that directs things from afar.”
Damn, I didn’t see that coming! I thought she was afraid we would get hurt, not that we, or more correctly I, would blame her for sending us in harm’s way.
“Sweetie, this isn’t something you can control. You don’t cause the calls; you don’t determine the nature or locations of the calls we go on. You guys get a phone call, help scared people stay calm until we get there, and you sound the alarm that sends us where we are needed. You are our lifeline when we need help or equipment on scene. You don’t have any control over whose call it is, or what will happen on any given call. I would never blame you for doing your job, never!”
She buried her head into my neck and didn’t speak. I was confused by her behavior. What was I supposed to do next? I really wasn’t sure what was going through her head and she wouldn’t look at me. Finally, out of frustration, as well as concern, I pulled back enough so that she had to look at me.
“If you won’t talk to me, then we can’t fix it Caitlin! Please, we’re both so new at this relationship stuff. Please don’t shut me out. I want to help you, I want to fix it all for you, but I don’t know how!”
She looked scared, I felt my heart beat faster as I looked at her. I wanted to protect her, I wanted to fix this, more importantly, and I didn’t want to fail her, as I had failed Karen.
“Chloe, this isn’t about you as much as it is about me. I’m terrified of all of this.”
She motioned to include, everything I guess. I wasn’t sure exactly, but it was a large gesture and I grew more concerned.
“I can’t send you out on calls all day wondering when I’m going to hear the phrase firefighter down applied to you. I’ll have been the one to send you there; don’t you get it? It was okay when we were friends, but it has been tougher since I started developing feelings for you. Now that we’re together, I just don’t know if I could live with myself if anything happened and you were hurt from one of my dispatches. Pauly and I lost our father on the job. I can’t lose you two! Especially if I’m the one that sent you in harm’s way. My sister and you are the two most important people in my life. How do I deal with that and do my job?”
I didn’t know what to say, it never occurred to me that Cait would feel that way about dispatching me or her sister. I knew about her father, of course that would go through her head. I should have thought if it first. I held her and tried to offer comfort as my mind spun, reaching for anything I could say or do to fix this feeling she was having. I was simply out of my experience though, how do you convince someone that they are not to blame if something their job does sends someone into a harmful situation? It was especially difficult in our field. I felt guilty whenever I didn’t make the save, when I didn’t fix the problems, or couldn’t prevent an injury to one of our own.
“Sweetie, look at me, please?”
I tilted her chin up so that she was looking at me. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs, took a breath, and tried to help.
“This isn’t easy for me. I’m not used to talking about feelings with other people. You know how we are in the job, we shove it away or make a joke, whenever something bad happens, or we lose a patient. I’m not sure this will come out right, so bear with me.”
She nodded slightly as her eyes grew curious. A slight tilt of her head indicated she was ready to listen.
“When we go out on a call, no matter who does the dispatch, we are thankful as hell to have someone, somewhere, listening in to ensure we are safe. Dispatchers are the safety line. Do you remember that bad wreck a couple of years ago? The one where that young cop got hit?”
It had been a nightmare of a scene. It was a freezing rain and a young officer made a standard traffic stop at dusk. He was run over by a reckless motorist, who ignored the flashing lights of the cruiser, and plowed right into both the officer and the person he had stopped.
She grimaced and nodded. “Yeah, I was on phone center that night and I took one of the calls from a civilian who stopped to help out. That was a mess. I forgot you were at that one.”
“Well, it sucked, but dispatch heard his call for help, sent us and another crew, as well as additional officers to the scene, and kept him talking. He stayed awake and was able to fill us in on what happened. When we got to him, he was starting to go into shock but that dispatcher helped keep him aware long enough for help to get there. He made it through that, he even went back to the job eventually. What I’m saying is, you don’t put us in the dangerous spots, the job does it for us. We chose to do those jobs and we… I, accept the risks inherent in my profession. I count on the professionalism of my crew, my station, and the others in the system to keep me as safe as they can. I also trust that they will do their jobs and render aid if I should ever need it. That includes you, I feel safer knowing you are there to look out for me and my crew.”
Slowly, Cait lifted her head and looked into my eyes. I could tell she was searching for something. Apparently, she found it because she leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss. It spoke of caring, of appreciation, and of understanding. My mind almost melted from the intimacy of the moment. I was starting to feel that fear again, the fear that I as getting in to deep. All I knew, all I felt, was that I wanted this woman in my life, but I was still so damn afraid.
“Cait, since we’re talking about feelings and stuff …” I trailed off, unsure of how to ask what I needed to ask her. I was afraid that if I asked her, it would show her what an insecure loser I really was in a relationship.
“What is it Chloe? I’m sorry I had a meltdown about this, please don’t be scared off!”
I heard the fear in her voice, and I was confused by it. What was she scared of, other than the risk of my job? Damn it all, was I blowing it again?
“I’m not upset or afraid of you’re reaction to the call, really I’m not. I’m afraid you will decide it isn’t what you want. That I’m not what you want. The risks are too high, the hours are too crazy, the clan of the firehouse isn’t who you want over for a holiday barbecue. I’m scared Caty, I’m just scared!”
I was crying. I almost never cry, yet the tears sliding down my face and dripping from my chin to my shirt were real. Now, mind you, I wasn’t sobbing or wailing, it was more of that silent crying thing, but she still noticed. She lifted her hand to my face, gently, oh so gently, wiping away my tears, before speaking.
“Chloe, I can promise you this much. I will talk to you when our jobs become too much, the hours suck, or anything else that comes up, okay? I grew up with a firefighter family around me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not going to run away Chloe, I’m here, and I’m staying here. I pro—“
I cut her off with a hard, crushing kiss. I could feel our hearts racing; I could feel her tongue tangling with mine, the hardness of her teeth, the softness of her lips. I could feel a shift; something had changed for both of us.
I felt the heat of her skin through her clothes. I felt her hands roaming over my back in random patterns. I left her sweet lips, shifting slightly, so I could reach her neck. I kissed my way down, drawn to the pulse in her neck, tasting the sweet and slightly salty taste of her skin, craving the softness and strength that was Caty. I moved my hand down from her back to her side, and then I reached up to cup her breast. I could feel the firm weight of it as it filled my hand with just a little left over. I skimmed my thumb across her nipple and felt it, already tight and stiff, begging for my lips.
She shifted and started to pull away before standing up. Her eyes were dark with desire as she looked at me, still on the swing. She held out her hand and I took it, weaving my fingers with hers. We went to the house and, as had become habit, she stopped in the hallway. She left the choice to me, to the bedroom or the living room. I chose the direction, the bedroom, definitely the bedroom this time.
I was nervous. I knew that this act was irreversible. Once we crossed the line and became lovers, our friendship would be changed, forever. I couldn’t have stopped it, even if I had the desire to do so. I had to admit that I was in love with my best friend and we were about to consummate that relationship and become lovers.
She led me into her room, switched on the lamp across the room from her queen size sleigh bed, shedding a dim light across the room. “Is that alright? I want to see you as I make love to you.”
I felt my mouth go dry when she said that to me. I gave a nod of my head as I swallowed hard and tried to remember how to undress. My hands fumbled with buttons and zippers, until she came near me and stilled my hands.
“Let me, please Chloe, let me do this. I’ve dreamt about taking these off of you.”
Her touch was gentle, her motions controlled and sure. Caty’s hands made quick work of my shirt, I had already kicked off my shoes, and she moved closer to me, gathering me in her arms. Her lips met mine for a kiss that still curls my toes just thinking about it. The softness of her lips, the desire we both felt, the connection, the electricity that shot straight through to my groin; this is what I felt and remember. Her hands skimmed down my shoulders, moving between us to slide the zipper of my jeans down, sliding them over my hips and letting them pool at my feet. I stepped out of them and moved closer to the bed as she followed. I allowed her to remove my bra and briefs, leaving me naked in front of her. She let out a soft moan that sent a rush of warmth through me.
I pulled her down on the bed, pulling at what was left of her clothing, desperate to feel her naked skin against mine.
Our tongues wrestled and thrust, hands were everywhere, I moved on top of her, settling with one of my legs between her thighs with my weight resting on my arms. I watched her face carefully, I was still afraid of this moment, though I wanted it more than anything else I had ever wanted. She smiled up at me, her hazel eyes burning with desire, her rich, brown hair, in sharp contrast to the white of the pillowcase. I was overwhelmed by it all. I had to explore her body. I kissed my way down her neck, pausing at the rapid pulse beat, nipping at the tendons that revealed themselves as she arched into me. As I lowered my head to the valley between her breasts I inhaled the wonderful scent that meant Caty to me. The smell of sage and sandalwood, as well as a slightly sweeter tone, more like fresh cut grass. She shifted slightly, which brought the tip of her breast closer to my mouth. I kissed all around the areola, and then I slipped my mouth over her nipple, already rigid with desire. I moaned loudly, swept up by the need to taste her everywhere. I moved to her other breast, allowing part of my weight to rest on her body, bringing our skin into greater contact. While my mouth entertained one breast, the other was being squeezed and molded by my free hand.
“Please Chloe, please touch me. I need to feel you, I need …” She gave a groan, cutting herself off.
“I’m here baby, I’m here. Are you sure? You know this changes everything right?” I was still nervous, no matter how badly I wanted her, I was afraid.
“Oh God yes, please. I want this, I want you! I need to feel you inside of me!”
I couldn’t help myself, with that plea still on her lips, my hand slipped between her thighs. The warmth, the wetness, welcomed me inside. I stroked my fingers through her wetness. My hips were moving against her on their own, as if I had no control over their movement. I felt the opening I searched for, slipped one then two fingers inside my Caty, and I almost lost my mind with the realization that I was actually inside of her. I felt the muscles clenching me, tightening at the slide and movement of my fingers. Her head moved from side to side on her pillow. Her hands were roaming my body, one toying with my nipples, the other pulling my ass towards her, encouraging my rhythmic thrusting.
There was nothing left but this, glorious wetness, thrusting, sliding together and her moans of my name. I felt her muscles clench, pulling me deeper and deeper inside. I allowed my thumb to slide around her clitoris, gently rubbing her shaft until I felt her grow impossibly hard against me. Caty’s hips started thrusting wildly into me, and I knew she was about to lose control. I wanted that more than anything else in my life, I wanted to be the one to cause her to lose control, I wanted to make her come with a fierce intensity.
“C’mon Caty, let me feel you, let me see you. I’ve got you sweetie, let go. I’ve got you.” I was shuddering, on the verge of losing control myself but I was determined to wait until she came first.
“Oh God … Oh God, Chloe … I’m gonna come for you baby, I’m coming!” She gave a sharp shout and I felt her entire body wracked with spasms, my fingers locked inside of her and her arms locked around me. She held me tightly against her, her knee pushing against my clit pushed me over the edge and I joined her in ecstatic bliss.
When I was aware of my surroundings again, I looked down to find Caty looking up at me with the biggest smile on her face that I had ever seen. I realized that I was lying on her fully and my hand was still inside of her cunt. I gently started to slide my fingers out, feeling the slight after shocks still rolling through her body. She groaned at me as I pulled out.
“Uhh, don’t go, stay inside me, please?”
Well, how could I resist that? I stopped my exit and instead pushed forward gently. I felt myself grow hard again as I did it, and there was a spark in her eyes, a slight intake of breath that I recognized as the rekindling of her desire. I slid in as far as I could, curling my fingers up to find her G-spot. I rubbed it gently and I leaned down to kiss her. What started as gentle quickly became heated. I felt her responding, her slickness coating my entire hand and her thighs. I had to taste it, I had to taste her. Without waiting, I pulled away from her mouth and shifted my body so that I could keep my fingers inside of her, but I could reach my goal with my mouth. This was my first good look at her and she was beautiful, breathtaking, and so very wet for me. I dove into her wetness, rubbing it all over my face as I worked my tongue through her hot folds. I let the tip of my tongue tease her clit, nudging the hood back from her erection, then I started a gentle licking motion, using my entire tongue to make wide and soft swipes over her most sensitive spot.
“Ung, I’m, oh! You! ... God Chloe, I can’t take it … too intense, it’s too much.”
She begged and pleaded so I gave in. I moved my fingers in and out of her, making sure to keep my fingers curled to hit her spot inside and I lay claim to her copious moisture with my tongue. I lapped up every drop I could then sucked on her clit while teasing it gently at first, then harder, with my tongue. She let out a high, keening wail, an almost scream as her body tensed and arched up. She stayed arched off the bed for a minute before collapsing down and pushing my face away from the over sensitive area between her thighs.
I slipped out of her and moved up to hold her. I kissed her lips gently and stared at her with wonder. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Honey, after that I need to thank you! That was unbelievable Chloe, I have no words.”
She held me tightly a moment and them kissed me again. Her hand trailed down my body, starting a journey that her mouth followed. I groaned, letting my legs spread apart further, allowing her greater access. She made her way to my clit, licking up one side and down the other, while her fingers held my lower lips further apart. She teased my opening with the tip of one finger and glanced up at me, as if to ask permission. I granted it willingly.
“Yes Caty, please,” was all I could groan out but it was enough.
She used two fingers, then added a third inside of me. She set a thrusting pattern that her tongue followed, as it danced over my turgid clit. I was certain that it was impossible for me to get any harder, yet feeling her fill me up so much, I felt myself grow and stiffen even more. I knew I was close and she knew it as well.
“Harder, please Caty!”
Her tempo increased, she started thrusting with more force until all I could see were the fireworks behind my eyelids and I lost all control over my body. When I finally calmed down, I pulled her up to lay beside me and I held her closely. I had to keep touching her, to keep reminding myself that this was real, not just another of my dreams.
“Are you okay?” asked Caty.
“Mmmm, yeah, I’m great, you? Are you sorry we …?”
“How could you ask that? I’m not sorry for anything other than it taking me so long to tell you that I wanted you like this!”
“Like this?” I questioned. “You mean to tell me you wanted me boneless, helpless, and naked in your bed?” I quirked an eyebrow at her and gave her a half grin.
Laughing, she rolled on top of me, “You are a great many things dear, but helpless is not one of them. I could never be sorry for loving you.”
Her hazel eyes gazed into mine as she said that, she said she loved me. My heart stopped, my mind reeled. Caty loves me? What? I knew she was waiting for me to say something but my brain was stuck for a moment. When it unstuck I hugged her closely and whispered, “I’ve loved you for so long. I’m sorry I was too afraid to tell you.”
We fell asleep wrapped up in one another, our limbs and hearts entwined. For the night, we could forget the realities of our jobs and our lives. We would deal with the rest in the daylight.
#
I woke up to find a body snuggled in behind mine, a warm hand reaching around to cup my breast, and a soft, shapely leg thrown over my legs. I gave a brief thanks to whatever deities might exist that I hadn’t simply been dreaming, yet again, of spending the night with Caty. We really had made love and spent the night together. Then I remembered that I had to get down to the station for our company debrief. The last thing on my mind was the station, or at least, it should have been, but I knew I had to get there on time. I started to gently disengage myself from the body wrapped around mine, but warm arms pulled me back to bed.
“Mmm, don’t go anywhere,” Caty whispered, her voice slightly hoarse in the early morning. “I don’t want you trying to get away.”
“You know I want to stay Caty, I have to get to the station though, we have that critical stress incident debrief this morning. I have to do it, it’s mandatory with no way out. I want to stay, you know I do.”
“Fine, I accept defeat this time. Go get your stuff done, but will you come back later? I’m off today and would like to spend it with you.” She looked uncertain as she asked.
“Of course, I have the next two days off in the rotation. I’m all yours today if you want me here.” I was amazed that she would doubt that I would rush back here. I couldn’t think of a better place to spend my day off than next to Caty.
She smiled at me, kissed me once, then pushed me out of bed. “Since you are coming back, I will let you go temporarily.” She got out of bed, and strode across the room to the bathroom. Standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a smile, she turned to look at me over her shoulder. “I’m going to start the shower, care to join me?”
Now, I’ve been naïve about things at times, and I know I’m not always quick to notice signals from women, however, even I understood that it would be foolish to miss out. I jumped up and followed her into the shower. I just hoped I got out in time for my meeting.