For Disclaimers see part 1.
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Part 11
When we last left our story Aphrodite had offered to temporarily change Xena's anatomy.
Xena: That's a tempting offer.
Gabrielle: Hold on there Warrior Babe. I like your anatomy the way it is.
Xena: It would just be temporary.
Gabrielle: This is Aphrodite we're talking about.
Xena: You have a point there.
Aphrodite: Hey, I have always come through for you two.
Gabrielle: I was a nervous wreck thinking Xena might be stuck in Daphne's body forever.
Aphrodite: I said I was sorry for that.
Gabrielle: I know. I just don't want to take the chance that you might not be able to change her anatomy back.
Aphrodite: That won't happen.
Gabrielle: There is always a first time for everything.
Xena: Sorry Aphrodite but I won't be taking you up on your offer.
Gabrielle: Thank you!
Xena: The thought of possibly having a male attribute forever is too unpleasant to think about. No offense guys.
Eli and Lyceus: None taken.
Aphrodite: I can do the opposite for you boys temporarily if you want.
Lyceus: Thanks for the offer but no thanks.
Aphrodite: How about you Eli?
Eli: I'll pass.
Aphrodite: If any of you change your mind just let me know. I guess I'm not needed here so I'll be off.
Lila: I need you.
Aphrodite: My brother is a lost cause so I can't help you there.
Lila: Darn!
Aphrodite: I can however try to find you another love match.
Lila: You'd do that for me?
Aphrodite: Of course. I am the Goddess of Love after all.
Lila: I do have one condition though.
Aphrodite: You ask for my help and then you are giving me a condition? What is it?
Lila: Promise me you won't use any love spells?
Aphrodite: That makes my job a little harder.
Lila: Please?
Aphrodite: Alright. I have a job for you then.
Lila: What is it?
Aphrodite: I want you to answer this questionnaire.
{A book an inch thick suddenly materializes in Aphrodite's hands. Aphrodite hands it to Lila.}
Lila: It's awfully big isn't it?
Aphrodite: You want old fashion matchmaking then I need to know as much about you and what you are looking for in a love match. Just give me a shout out when you are finished.
{Lila opens the book to the first page.}
Lila: Describe my innermost thoughts as a baby? You weren't kidding when you said you wanted to know everything! I don't see how what I thought as a baby is going to help you.
Aphrodite: You mortals! You don't want spells and then when I try to help you the old fashioned way you complain!!
Lila: I'm sorry Aphrodite. You're right. I'll do my best to answer everything. If I don't know all the baby questions I'll ask mother or Gabrielle.
{Hercuba and Cyrene enter the kitchen. Both are wearing simple yet elegant evening dresses. Cyrene’s dress is light blue and Hercuba’s is a deep royal blue.}
Hercuba: Ask me what dear?
Aphrodite: My! My! Don’t you lovebirds look stunning this evening!
{Hercuba and Cyrene both blush with the compliments as everyone concurs with Aphrodite.}
Aphrodite: You two better keep a good eye on one another because a lot of women and men will be trying to steal you away from each other.
Cyrene: Oh, believe me I won’t be able to keep my eyes off her for a second!
Hercuba: As I with you. Now Lila what were you going to ask me?
Lila: Aphrodite has given me this questionnaire to help her find my soul mate and it asks things about my thoughts as a baby. I was hoping you could help with some of it.
Hercuba: Of course I can.
Lila: Thanks mom! I asked her not to use any love spells.
Hercuba: And you agreed Aphrodite?
Aphrodite: You mortals all want the real thing. I don’t get much call for my love spells anymore except from Joxer who asks me daily.
Lila: He does?
Aphrodite: Yes he does. I think the two of you should get together.
Lila: But I’m not in love with him.
Aphrodite: Details! Details!
Lila: That’s a very big detail if you ask me.
Hercuba: Lila love will find you when you least expect it. It’ll come to you just be patient.
Lila: It’s hard to be patient when everyone around me has their soul mate and I’m still waiting for mine.
Aphrodite: My offer of a love spell still stands.
Lila: Thanks but I’m not that desperate yet.
Aphrodite: Suit yourself but if you change your mind just give me a shout. I’m outa here.
{Aphrodite pops out of the kitchen.}
Cyrene: We’re out of here as well.
Xena: Enjoy your evening and dinner.
Cyrene: We will.
{Cyrene and Hercuba depart for their dinner at Lao Ma’s.}
Gabrielle: I don’t think their minds will be on dinner.
Lila: What do you mean?
Gabrielle: Did you see the way they were looking at each other?
Lila: Gabrielle!
Gabrielle: What?
Lila: That’s our mother you’re talking about!
Gabrielle: She may be our mother but she’s a woman with desires just like the rest of us.
Lila: Yes, but I don’t want to know about that.
Gabrielle: Why?
Lila: Because she’s our mother that’s why!
Xena: I agree with Lila. It’s not that I mind that my mother has desires but I just really don’t want to know about them, just as I don’t think she wants to know about mine.
Gabrielle: Well, actually…..
{Xena puts her fingers in her ears.}
Xena: Lalalalalalalala!!!!!!
{Gabrielle laughs and takes Xena’s fingers out of her ears.}
Gabrielle: I was only kidding Xena.
Xena Thank the goddess!!
Lyceus: Gosh Xena the look on your face was too funny!! Gabrielle really had you going.
Xena: I’m glad you found it so funny little brother but I don’t think you would be laughing if Gabrielle was talking about your love life to our mother.
Lyceus: Gabrielle wouldn’t have to talk to mother about my love life because I do that fine on my own.
Xena: You’ve got to be kidding me!
Lyceus: Why would I be kidding?
Xena: I can’t believe you talk to mother about your love life.
Lyceus: I feel comfortable talking to mother about everything. You never were one for sensitive chats.
Xena: I only feel comfortable doing the sensitive chats with Gabrielle.
Lyceus: Are you sure you don’t mean sexual chats?
Gabrielle: She does those too. Xena has many skills!
Eli: I’m looking forward to experiencing all Lyceus’s many skills.
Lyceus: And I yours.
Lila: Ok, I don’t want to hear any more!
Lyceus: We’re sorry Lila. We’ll stop.
Lila: Thank you.
Xena: I’m going to start the fire for the steaks. Gabrielle’s stomach is starting to make grumbling noises.
{Xena leaves the kitchen to go outside.}
Eli: I wondered what that noise was.
Lila: You know when we were younger I always snuck food for Gabrielle to eat before we went to sleep because if I didn’t the noise from her stomach would keep me awake.
Gabrielle: And I always made sure I fell asleep first so Lila’s snoring wouldn’t keep me awake.
Lyceus: I can relate. I used to try to fall asleep before Xena started doing fighting drills. She did them almost every night before she went to bed.
Gabrielle: When I first started traveling with Xena I found it comforting to fall asleep while she was doing her drills.
Lila: What about later?
{Gabrielle smirks.}
Lila: Ok, I get the picture.
Gabrielle: I was hoping you would. I’ll be back. I’m going to check on the fire.
Lila: Check on Xena you mean.
Gabrielle: That too!
Coming up next:
It’s not just the grill that’s heating up!