For Disclaimers see part 1.
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Part 9
When we last left our story Salmoneus was pitching his idea to a skeptical Xena, Gabrielle, and Lyceus.
Salmoneus: As I was saying I want people to come to the tavern not just for the food and brew but for the experience.
Lyceus: What experience?
Salmoneus: The bard and warrior experience of course.
Xena: When you say “bard and warrior,” just to whom are you referring?
Salmoneus: I only know of only one warrior and bard in this room.
Xena: Salmoneus!
Salmoneus: What?
Xena: You always seem to put the cart before the horse.
Salmoneus: Did you come up with that on your own?
Xena: Yes, why?
Salmoneus: I’m impressed. I guess the bard is rubbing off on you. Although I don’t really know what carts and horses have to do with anything?
Gabrielle: I try to rub off on Xena as much as I can.
Xena: I’m one lucky warrior!
Gabrielle: I’d say we are both lucky.
Salmoneus: Now Xena correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you once say that the only reason you do any good at all is because of Gabrielle?
Xena: You’re right.
Salmoneus: Didn’t you also say that you’re going to make sure other people know that as well? {Xena nodded her head in agreement.} What better way to sing the praises of Gabrielle then a place where people can go to revel in all things bard.
Gabrielle: Salmoneus you’re crazy! No one would be interested in that.
Salmoneus: Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve traveled the land, and surveyed all types of people on all things warrior and bard.
Gabrielle: And?
Salmoneus: The bard beats the warrior princess.
Xena: I could have told you that. Gabrielle never believes me when I tell her she’s got many more admirers than I.
Salmoneus: Well, believe me Gabrielle when I tell you that you are admired and loved by all, unlike tall, dark, and deadly over there. No offense Xena.
Xena: None taken.
Salmoneus: Gabrielle people are drawn to you because they feel like they know you. You’re someone they feel they can talk to. They want to know all about you.
Gabrielle: It can’t be all about just me.
Salmoneus: Oh, don’t worry Xena will be included too, but you’ll be the main focus.
Xena: Salmoneus have I told you how brilliant your idea is?
Salmoneus: Why no Xena you haven’t.
Xena: Salmoneus your idea is brilliant!
Salmoneus: What did you say Xena? I didn’t catch it the first time.
Xena: I said your idea was brilliant.
Salmoneus: And what else?
Xena: I was wrong and you were right.
Salmoneus: Now the next time when I say I have a brilliant idea will you believe me?
Xena: Hey! Don’t push it.
Salmoneus: Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying.
Xena: Sure, I can.
Salmoneus: Xena, you never give a guy a break do you?
Xena: Someone's got to keep you on your toes.
Salmoneus: Oh, is that what you're doing?
Xena: Yes.
Gabrielle: I don't know about this.
Lyceus: I agree with Xena. I think it's a wonderful idea.
Salmoneus: It'll be great! Picture this – Gabrielle we’ll have your scrolls on the wall. We'll also display your weapons and outfits.
Gabrielle: Xena's too?
Salmoneus: Yes, we'll have you wear them first for authenticity and then they can be displayed. It's all about everything being the real deal. I plan of having replicas of everything that your fans can purchase. Of course if they want items that you have used then we can charge more for that.
Xena: Ok, now that’s where I draw the line. I’ll let you display my outfits and weapons but no one is buying them. My stuff is not for sale.
Salmoneus: But Xena…
Xena: But Salmoneus…..NO!
Salmoneus: Gabrielle?
Gabrielle: I agree with Xena.
Salmoneus: Lyceus can you help me out here?
Lyceus: Sorry no. It’s all up to Xena and Gabrielle on this one.
Salmoneus: Fine! Have it your way.
Xena: Oh we intend too.
Gabrielle: So who’s going to be making the weapons and outfits you have on display?
Salmoneus: I haven't gotten that far yet but I want to have it done here in town. I think the town needs to benefit from this too.
Xena: I'm surprised you don't want to have the work done somewhere cheaper like in Chin or something.
Salmoneus: Believe me the thought did cross my mind. For right now I think it's important to use local businesses.
Gabrielle: I really like the idea of that.
Xena: So I take it the name of the tavern is going to change?
Salmoneus: Yes. I've been running some names through my head.
Xena: Let's hear them.
Salmoneus: The Quill and Chakram Cafe, The Bard and Warrior Cafe, The Battlin' Bard Bistro, and my favorite The Bard Rock Cafe.
Gabrielle: What does the rock have to do with anything?
Salmoneus: Nothing, I just like the way it sounds.
Gabrielle: It's original. I'll give you that.
Salmoneus: I envision selling all sorts of things with the name and the location on it. I've got a lot of work to do and people to see so I'll be in touch.
{Salmoneus opened the kitchen door to leave and there stood Lila and Eli with their hands full of bags. Salmoneus held the door open for them to enter.}
Lila: Thanks Salmoneus!
Salmoneus: You're welcome. Bye all!
{Salmoneus closed the door. Eli and Lila set their bags on the counter and turned around.}
Lila: Thanks again Eli. You are a god send.
Lyceus: You can say that again!
Eli: Why thank you both.
Gabrielle: So Eli how was your shopping adventure with Lila?
Eli: It was quite an education.
Gabrielle: How so?
Eli: I learned to never get in the way of a woman in search of a bargain.
Xena: That's a very important lesson. I leave a wide berth whenever Gabrielle is shopping. I just stand back and watch and then hold her packages when she's done.
Gabrielle: Xena's one smart warrior.
Xena: Yes and this smart warrior says we have a customer.
Callisto: Hello?
Gabrielle: I'll be back.
{Gabrielle goes out to the dining room.}
Callisto: It's about time. I think you need to work on your service.
Gabrielle: Well, hello to you too!
Callisto: Can we cut the pleasantries and get down to business?
Gabrielle: Fine. What can I get you?
Callisto: I need lunch for three to take with me.
Gabrielle: We have ham sandwiches, chicken soup, and nut bread.
Callisto: Can you throw in three apples too?
Gabrielle: Sure.
{Gabrielle walks over to the kitchen.}
Gabrielle: I need three walking lunches and throw in three apples.
Xena: Coming up.
{Gabrielle walks back over to Callisto.}
Callisto: What?
Gabrielle: Did I say anything?
Callisto: No, but it looked like you were going to.
{Xena emerges from the kitchen with a box filled with lunch items and walks over to stand next to Gabrielle and Callisto.}
Xena: Here you go. Fast enough service for you?
Callisto: Yes, now Gabrielle just needs to work on her speed and you guys would have a good thing going.
Gabrielle: Speaking of going, why don't you?
Callisto: Before I go I thought you might be interested to know your mothers were in the shop when I left. I must say your mothers have good taste. They picked out some lovely lingerie for each other. I think they were even looking at things for the two of you. Thanks for lunch. Put it on my tab will you?
{Callisto takes the box from Xena and leaves the tavern.}
Xena: Gabrielle I hope Callisto is making that up about our mothers shopping for us.
Gabrielle: With Callisto it’s hard to tell.
Xena: Now our mothers shopping for lingerie for each other is one thing, but shopping for us is quite another. It’s just not right.
Gabrielle: Yes, gods knows it’s the only time I can actually get you to shop with me and enjoy it.
Xena: And enjoy it I do. I think we are due to go on a lingerie seeking mission soon.
Gabrielle: That’s my kind of mission!
{Lyceus steps out into the dining room.}
Lyceus: Another mission? But you just got home!
Xena: With this mission we get to stay in town.
Lyceus: Good, I like that type of mission. I wish you would have more of them.
Xena: So do we.
{Gabrielle and Xena smile at each other}
Lyceus: Oh oh! I think my idea of your mission and yours are two totally different things!
Xena: You got that right!
Lyceus: Ok, I’m not even going to ask!
Xena: You’re one smart brother!
Lyceus: Yes, and I learned from the best.
{Xena smiles.}
Lyceus: Mother!
{Xena stops smiling.}
{Hercuba and Cyrene enter the dining room.}
Cyrene: Yes?