A Prayer For You
By Lariel
General Disclaimer: Characters are owned by MCA/Universal
and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit gained by this.
No violence, subtext is in the eye of the beholder and an awful lot of love. Bit sad, too.
Comments welcome: I’d love to know what you think.
**************************************************************
Here, I brought your favourites again. Chrysanthemums. Such beautiful yellow flowers. They remind me of you, of the colour of your hair - just like newly cut corn. Y’know, I can’t pass a cornfield now without thinking of you, Gabrielle. Such bittersweet memories.
Still, here they are...hope you like them.
The daisies are in bloom - they’re everywhere here now. I think you would’ve liked this place - no, I know you would’ve. It’s so beautiful, and peaceful. And full of love. But then, everywhere you are is always full of love - it’s like it’s soaked into the ground, and risen into the air. It surrounds me, and I can almost feel you here. You were so full of love. I love this spot.
So, here we are again, huh? Every year - well, I promised. Didn’t I? And you know I keep my promises, especially to you. Every year.......yeah, y’know what’s ...what’s funny, Gabrielle? They say it gets easier with time....heh...but.....gods, I still miss....I still miss you ...so much, Gabrielle....gods, I’m sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this......
S’okay.....I won’t cry again. I know you wouldn’t want that - you never did like to see me cry, did you? I think it hurt you, to see anyone cry really. I used to love....love that about you. Heh - still do. Can’t stop....loving you...
You’d like the daisies and the flowers here. They’re so small and dainty. And so pure - so white, and so alive as they dance in the breeze. Kinda lucky really that this place is still so untouched - more and more of the land round here is being claimed for farming and grazing livestock. I don’t know what I’d do if that ever happened. This place...you, here...gives me a reason to go on living. To come here every year, like I promised I would. Keeps me sane, gives me a purpose. Reminds me of a time when I had you in my life, and I need to remember those times. I miss....gods, I’m...sorry....
So, what has it been now? Five years. I.....I can’t believe it’s been so long.....it still feels like yesterday. But how many times have we been here before? How many times have I prayed for your life, and you’ve come back to me? That time - watching you fall into the pit with Hope....did I ever tell you how that made me feel? My heart didn’t break, Gabrielle - how could it? You can’t break something that suddenly ceases to exist. You took my heart into that fire with you, and I gave it to you gladly. I didn’t think I could ever hurt that bad, but when I saw you on the cross, with the nails driven deeply into your tender flesh....yeah. I knew right there what hell was.
Do you know? In spite of all the times we had together, sometimes in the howling night, when the darkness takes me, that image of you is all I see. But you came back again, and I knew then that I could never really lose you. As long as I keep you close in my heart. And no matter how many times I see it; how many times I see the sword tear through your chest and hear your scream......and that’s every night...every night.....of my life........
Bet you’re glad I came today, huh? What am I doing talking to you of these things? I should be thinking of the good times....Y’know, I’m so glad I got the chance to tell you I loved you. I don’t think I could’ve lived with myself if you’d gone without knowing that.
I love you so much, Gabrielle. I miss you...every day.....
I wish you were here. Sometimes, it’s so hard.
I wonder what you think of me now? If you approve of what I’ve become? I had to kill a man last week, and it hurt. I knew you wouldn’t have wanted me to - you never did like to see me kill - but I had no choice. Well, it was more of an accident really. Typical. I hope you understand. I’ve tried so hard to be what you wanted me to be....for you. It’s my monument to you.
Oh....guess I’m gonna have to be going now. Xena’s here. I guess you two will want to be alone for a while. She still misses you like crazy - she doesn’t say much....doesn’t talk much. You know Xena. But I can tell. She still carries your quill tucked into her bracer and sometimes, when she thinks I’m asleep, she gets it out and cries over it. I think she’s written you a poem this time. Yeah, I know. The warrior princess, writing love poems to a dead bard. Who’d have thought it? Almost as unlikely as me being her sidekick now. All I ever wanted, until I met you. You were all I ever wanted, and I’m so proud I got the chance to know you. To be your friend.
Anyway, she’s here now. I better go; I know she has a lot she wants to talk about. Goodbye, Gabrielle. See you next year.
I love you.