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Aradia oversaw the horses being settled into the paddock outside of the stables. Then she made her way up the steps to the the upper town. The Queen was exhausted after the day’s work; she wanted nothing more than a hot bath, a warm supper, and a soft bed.

"I suppose I will have to settle for leftover rabbit stew and the bedroll in front of the hearth again," she said to herself with a sigh.

Wearily, Aradia made her way through the crowded streets of the upper town, raising her hand in greeting several times. She opened the door of her house to be greeted with the smells of baking bread and roasting fowl. There was a large wooden bathtub in front of the hearth and Aradia could see the steaming buckets of heated water waiting for her. Mhari was bustling about and greeted Aradia with a wide grin.

"She did all this?" asked Aradia.

"Most of it," said Mhari. "Remember, she took care of Silas from the time she was little."

"Yeah," said Aradia, allowing Mhari to lead her to her chair before the hearth and hand her a steaming cup of tea. "Listen Mhari, about Silas - "

"You think he betrayed us to the Romans," said the shamenki, sitting in the chair beside Aradia with her own cup.

"Aradia, we don’t know that is was Silas," said Mhari, shaking her head. "What’s wrong with you these days? You have never been one to worry so about what might be."

"Maybe if I had, things would have been different," said Aradia, looking down into her cup.

"Oh, for crying out loud, stop it," said Mhari, sternly. "If you are going to keep undermining yourself, maybe you should just step down and let Thraso lead the Amazons."

"Mhari, what - ?" began a bewildered Aradia.

"I will not listen to you whine about how it was all your fault, or if only you had done this or that, things would be different," said Mhari, rising and taking both cups to the kitchen where she continued her scolding of the queen. "Do you really have the hybris to think that you were solely responsible for what happened? Blessed Artemis, Aradia, you are not that key a piece in the great game the gods play with us mortals. ‘Maybe ... if only ...’ - I’m sick of your whining. Get over yourself, Aradia; you are not that important. All you can do is your best and if you keep wondering if that’s going to be good enough, then it won’t be."

She emerged from the kitchen to see Aradia, red-faced, almost choking, with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh! Oh, my, Aradia!" said Mhari, rushing over to her. "Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh! It’s just that ...." Then the shamenki realised that the queen wasn’t weeping; rather, she was struggling to not burst into laughter. Mhari stood and glared at her until Aradia, wiped her eyes and regained her composure.

"You haven’t needed it since then - until now," said Mhari.

"You are right, though," said Aradia, with a sigh. "I need to do something to change this feeling that no matter what I do, I will fail."

"Yes, you do," said Mhari, pouring the steaming buckets of scented water into the wooden tub. "Tell you what, why don’t you have a bath now? I know those horses might possibly be the salvation of the Amazons, but the smell ... "

"Okay, Mhari," said Aradia with a chuckle. "I get it." She looked at the shamenki for a moment. "Some privacy, if you don’t mind?"

"Oh, please, Aradia - I use to change your nappies," said Mhari.

"That was a long time ago," said Aradia. "Fine. Stay - just don’t say anything."

"About what, Dear?" asked Mhari, as Aradia began to disrobe. Mhari gasped at a series of horrible scars laced all over the queen’s torso.

"Not a word, Mhari," warned Aradia as she slowly descended into the tub. "Life as a Gladiator is not all glory and acclaim. There are certain punishments if one doesn’t perform as expected."

"Just hurry - that dinner smells wonderful and I’m starving," said Aradia, leaning back and closing her eyes as Mhari left the house.

Aradia relaxed, breathing in the aromatic scent of the steaming bath. She felt the soreness in her limbs begin to ebb.

"Must be some herb Mhari put in the water," she murmured to herself. There was a pleasant tickling sensation at the back of her neck as the water gently rose and fell in rhythm with her breathing. Her skin tingled and her breathing grew slower and deeper. Aradia felt herself being just at that place before sleep took her, not quite awake, but aware.

Images of every battle she’d ever fought replayed before her closed eyes several times. Every possible outcome based upon Aradia’s actions was shown to her. She watched with detached interest until the Battle of Chadesia replayed itself. Aradia felt her body grow more tense, then consciously, she eased it; this was the one battle she needed to see all the way through.

Again, she and Thalia were fighting side by side. She moved behind Thalia and the two fought back to back, as did the other Amazons. But it was no use. They were trapped. Briefly she turned her head and saw Thalia was battling one on one with Yarg himself. She could only spare momentary glances at Thalia, but it was enough to see that her friend was being hard-pressed as were all the Amazons. Suddenly, she felt Thalia slump against her. She whirled around to see Yarg pulling his sword from her breast. With a howl of pure rage and agony, Aradia turned and began to fight Yarg. Her eyes saw only his blood all over her hands as the way to wash away the grief she felt at the loss of Thalia. She fought the Gorgons first all around her, then turned her attention to Yarg. She fought him one on one, finally running him through. Aradia suddenly saw only darkness as a Gorgon hit her from behind. When she awoke, she was on a Roman slave ship, bound for the Gladiator Arena ...

"You didn’t really believe I’d stay away from this and let you have all the fun did you?" asked a grinning Thalia. They moved into position, fighting back to back until Aradia felt Thalia slump against her. She whirled around to see Yarg pulling his sword from her breast. With a howl of pure rage and agony, Aradia turned and began to fight Yarg. Her eyes saw only his blood all over her hands as the way to wash away the grief she felt at the loss of Thalia, but that was not to be. She saw herself, run through by Yarg’s sword, being dragged away and hung on a cross beside Thalia ...

Over and over, the scene replayed itself, but always with the same result; no matter what Aradia did differently in each instance, the result was the same: either defeat and capture or defeat and death. Finally, she saw herself hanging on the cross next to Thalia, dead. She felt no sensation, but watched as the crows came and ate away her flesh, turning her body to mere bones and hair.

"That’s how it should have ended," she whispered to herself. "If defeat was fated from the beginning, I should have died, too."

"You are hopeless," Aradia heard and opened her eyes to see the Great Goddess who had rescued her from the Gladiator cell. Her eyes flashed in anger. "I thought you were stronger than this; that you would be able to overcome this self-pity and self-recrimination for what is clearly not your fault. Evidently, I was wrong. Go on back, then, to what you think you deserve."

Aradia felt cold. She shivered as the chill breeze from the flapping crows’ wings beat upon her face. They pecked at her tender flesh. She tried to bat them away, but her wrists were securely fastened to the wooden cross-beam.

All of a sudden the crows wore human faces. At first, Aradia saw the faces of all the Amazons who had fallen in the Battle of Chadesia. They cawed at her, harsh recriminations for their deaths. She saw Athtar, cackling madly as she pecked out one of Aradia’s eyes and flew off with it. A crow wearing Yarg’s face buried his beak in her belly and tore out her entrails, dragging them along the ground as he flew away with them.

A large, glossy black crow wearing Aurelian’s face peered at her for a moment, as if it were looking at a particularly revolting insect before taking off her nose. Aradia saw the Roman who had bought her for the arena and beat her when she didn’t generate as much money as he expected, fluttering and tearing at her throat. One by one, she saw all those who had fallen before her sword in the arena, friend and foe alike, tearing bits of her off and flying away until there was almost nothing left but her bones.

She turned her head, the bones in her neck creaking and grinding, and looked over to the cross next to her where Thalia hung, dead. Only Thalia was gone. A large crow wearing Thalia’s face was perched on top of the wooden cross, glaring at her with one yellow eye. She flew at Aradia, perching on her bony shoulder.

"You failed," she rasped at Aradia. "You failed my daughter." Then the crow who wore Thalia’s face swung down and pecked away at Aradia’s heart, pulling through the bare ribs before flying off with it.

Then came the wolves. They leapt up and tore her bones down from the wooden cross, grabbing them and worrying at them until every shred of meat was gone, then carrying the dry bones away to the centre of the crossroads. The huge flock of crows awaited them. Aradia somehow continued to see what was happening. The Great Mother stood in the centre of the crossroads, waiting. She gathered the bones from the snarling wolves first and arranged them in their proper order. Then she motioned for the crows, who rose up in the air and descended en masse, covering Aradia’s skeleton in a blanket of black feathers. They rose up in the air and flew away, leaving only Aradia’s re-formed, though still lifeless body and the Goddess in the centre of the crossroads.

The Goddess held up her hands and the crow who was Thalia flew down and deposited the heart in them. She perched on the Goddess’s shoulder to watch.

"I am the Circle of Re-Birth," she said, bending and placing the heart inside of Aradia’s chest. "Your soul has been reborn, my daughter; let its wounds and scars be healed so that it may move on and do what you are destined to do."

Aradia sat up with a gasp. The bath water had grown cold. Her skin was wrinkled and water-logged.

"A dream," she whispered, allowing her heart to slow. Then she scowled. "Or a drug-induced nightmare. What in Tartarus did Mhari put in the water?"

"Did the bath soothe you, Dear?" asked the shamenki, smiling. Aradia merely glared at her. "No? That’s odd. Ah well, are you hungry?"

"Yes, actually, I’m starving," said Aradia, her mood lightening a bit.

"It’ll pass," said Aradia, smiling proudly at the girl.

"Your mother had a way with all animals, but especially horses," said Aradia with a wistful smile. "When Thalia rode, it was as if she and the horse were one being. When she worked with the horses, they would do anything she wanted them to - you could almost imagine that she was asking them nicely and they were responding to that. She loved them and they returned that love. You could just feel it."

"With that gift, Thalia could have followed the path of the shamenki," said Mhari, sadly. "Instead, she chose to be a warrior."

"And died for that choice," said Aradia, bitterly. "She wouldn’t even hunt - how ironic is that? She could kill a man with a smile on her face, but she wouldn’t hunt an animal for food. Said it wasn’t fair to use her gift to lure a creature to its death."

"No need for the bedrolls," said Mhari. "This girl of ours cleaned the bedrooms and managed to procure fresh, clean mattresses and bedding."

"You ... my, you did have a busy day didn’t you, Kiddo?" said Aradia, obviously pleased. "Go on to bed, then. I’ll take care of everything out here."

"Mhari, what did you put in that bath water?’ asked Aradia.

"Just some relaxing herbs, a little rose and lavender for scent," said the shamenki. "Why?"

"I dozed off and had a ... a troubling dream," said Aradia, frowning.

"Well, moon-dark approaches; it is a time for dreams of omens and portents," said Mhari.

"Why must you always be so cryptic?" said Aradia. "As shamenki you can interpret dreams, can’t you?"

"That’s what I do, Dear," said Mhari, with a smile. "That and talking to the spirits, of course. What did you dream?"

Aradia recounted the dream with as much detail as she could remember. Already the images were fading from her memory and she struggled with them. Mhari smiled and gently patted her hand.

"The experience of seeing one’s body torn apart and put back together is unsettling, isn’t it?" she said.

"You could say that," said Aradia. "What does it all mean?"

"Well, if you were younger, I might say that the spirits were calling you to the vocation of a shamenki - and it may be that they are. It sounds like an Initiation. But I think the beginning of the vision is equally, if not more, significant. What do you think that part means?"

"That no matter what I do, if the Amazons are fated to lose this battle, then they will no matter what I do," said Aradia, quietly.

"Hm, I don’t think so," said Mhari.

"Then what?" asked Aradia.

"You did not see the outcome of battles to come, only battles of the past," said Mhari. "Unlike the past, the future is infinitely changeable."

"Oh," said Aradia, her eyes widening slightly. "I think ... I think I see. I can’t change what happened; the Battle of Chadesia was lost and will remain so, no matter how many times and different ways I re-fight it."

"And the other part?" asked Mhari, smiling in encouragement.

"Part of me died that day," said Aradia, her eyes taking on a far away look as she remembered. "And more of me continued to die, little pieces at a time during my captivity. Now it’s up to me to pull myself together - so to speak - and be fully alive again, no matter how painful that may be."

"Well?" said Mhari. "What will you do?"

"I think it should be obvious, Mhari," said Aradia, smiling slightly. "It wasn’t only instinct and reflexes that made me fight for my life in the arena; I want to live."

*************

"Mother?" said the girl.

"Okay," said the girl, pulling on her leather breeches and boots.

"We must be very quiet - don’t wake the others," said Thalia, leading her to the window and boosting her out to the soft ground.

"To the Temple," said Thalia. "I must show you something."

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"Yeah," said Thalia. "But I’m still with you; I always will be."

"Do you remember where Aradia found the scrolls?" she asked.

"I am very pleased that you learn from your mistakes, Little One," said Thalia with a small chuckle. "Unfortunately, I can offer you no proof that would make you believe what I say. You just have to have faith."

"Under the Temple is a tunnel which leads to a chamber," said Thalia. "Only the priestesses remembered it. In that chamber is something which will help Aradia against Aurelian and the Romans. I want you to get it and give it to her."

"Because only a priestess is permitted to enter this chamber," said Thalia.

"Oh, but you are," said Thalia, smiling at her. "You were destined for the Temple since you were born."

"It is?" said the girl.

"Of course - the Goddess does not want unwilling servants," said Thalia.

"That depends on your definition of ‘terrible’," said Thalia. "I think if you choose another vocation, you will spend the rest of your life feeling unfulfilled because you’re not doing what you are best suited to do, but I don’t see any great catastrophe befalling you or the Amazon Nation just because you exercised free will."

"I know," said Thalia, tears welling in her own eyes.

She walked until the she came to a wooden door at the end of the tunnel. She tried the door, but found it locked.

"Stop!"

"Who told you this?" asked the Guardian.

"By what sign do I know you are to be permitted?" asked the Guardian.

*************

(To Be Continued)

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