The following portrays characters from Xena, Warrior Princess which is copyrighted to MCA/Universal/Renaissance. The rest is copyrighted to me (posted Nov 12, 1998 - L.N. James).
Rooks wrote a companion piece to this called Midnight Musings. Do check it out..very nicely done. (Rooks stories have been removed from the web.)
I'm writing this as we're both sitting around the fire. How often we've lived this scene over the years, I don't know. Tonight it seems like the stars multiplied and when I look up, I see so many more than I can recall. No matter how many times I study them, they all seem to spell out the same thing, except different words come to mind when I try to say them aloud. When I was younger, I used to think they told stories of mystical beasts and great heroes. I remember one time falling asleep after Lila finally stopped her turning and tossing and I dreamed of this big battle waged in the sky, each streaking star a fallen warrior. There was a horse and rider crossing the night over and back. Did I ever tell you that I dreamed of you that night? I didn't know it at the time but I saw you in the stars burning bright and hot. You rode the wind and sped across the darkness, outshining all others. I saw my future that night too.
Now, when I dream, I see so many more things than I ever could have imagined. You and I both know that when we met, I thought you rescued me, took me away from a place where I couldn't grow, where I was fading. And you did rescue me. You showed me things, taught me so much. After what we've been through, I see now that I rescued you too.
Maybe it's the way the fire dances across your face tonight that reminds me of all that has changed and all that remains to be seen. Sometimes I know you better than anyone else and sometimes I think you are a stranger hidden in the shadows of yourself. I wonder if you think the same of me. It was easy back then to know me because I was new and green and open. Now, I barely recognize myself.
I think when I lost Hope, I lost a big part of me. I used to hold on to things tightly, guarding them with my heart until each one slipped through my fingers like sand...like blood. We both thought I could keep the faith and I could keep the light. I tried, believe me, I tried. I used to think I was so right, so true, so...
I thought I had to be strong for both of us, had to show you the way. The truth was you were strong too and you knew one way and I knew another. Somehow, we've ended up in the middle I think, neither right, neither wrong.
When I look up in the sky or I look into my dreams, I see you and me together, only you're the same and I'm different. Or maybe that's just the way I make sense of things because I know the good of you has always been inside, you just lost your way. Me, I look down at my hands as I write this and wonder where the bad of me has been hiding all this time. That light you say I have has dimmed over the years, too much has happened. I know that.
It would be so nice if you could rescue me again, like you did those years ago, like some hero from a story I heard when I was young, like I tell now. But, I need to find my way on my own, find answers you don't have, I don't have. I don't plan on leaving, at least not now. I have to laugh at the times I left in the past, I was so young then it seems. I'm older now. You said that we're all looking for answers. I hope we find them soon.
You smile over at me and ask if I'm ready for bed. With a deep breath, I nod and look up. The stars above all have their place and I have mine, next to you. For better or for worse.