By
2012
Disclaimer: This an original work of fiction. Any similarities to people living or dead are purely coincidental. No unauthorized copying or re-posting of this story is permitted.
This story depicts a loving relationship between two, CONSENTING women. THERE MAY BE SEX OR INTIMATE MOMENTS. If you just pulled a distasteful face or it's illegal in your neck of the woods, then HAMBA KAHLE (GOODBYE).
There is some cussing so be aware. Nothing we haven't all said before and appropriate to the situation.
NOTE: I am a proudly South African woman. All my stories are based in South Africa with a uniquely South African point of view. Some of the places mentioned actually do exist and some are made up.
Thanks to the beta's who keep me on the right track.
All CONSTRUCTIVE feedback will be appreciated. This is my first so be kind but truthful. Send to: oceanbubbles143@gmail.com
DEDICATION: To my wife and son. All I am, everything I do, is for you. You are my inspiration, always.
CHAPTER ONE
From the first day I started school, I loved it. Each day was new and exciting with something new learnt a new challenge, and new tasks to master. I never wanted Mum to take me to the school gate but rather let me walk by myself and watch from a distance. I was probably the only child who was excited the night before school started; not because I missed my friends, I saw them almost every day of the holiday, but because I loved to learn, to discover. My mum said I was like a sponge.
School was the one thing I was good at and the one place where I felt confident to be myself. Unlike my sisters, Shanay and Shanelle, I was neither athletic nor beautiful; I wasn't charming or a fashionable dresser. I was just me, Lea; chubby, shy, polite, friendly enough, a jeans and t-shirt, down to earth kind of person. I socialised with people pretty well; Kim, Tracy and Michelle, were my best friends. We had been friends since grade one. That was the one nice thing about small communities, there was an opportunity to forge lifelong friendships.
The hype of social events unnerved me, made me feel like I wasn't in my own skin, I preferred being unnoticed at the back of the crowd. I suppose I didn't want to make a mistake and end up looking like a fool. I didn't see the point of taking hours and hours, if not days to get ready for a house party. I wasn't interested in flaunting myself to boys or even dating for that matter. Unfortunately I was the eldest and my sisters weren't allowed to go to parties without me so I constantly dragged myself to these pointless events.
Shanay was the quieter of the twins. She was the follower always doing as her twin did. Shanelle was a born leader; she always had a plan to do something, never content to just sit at home. She always had to have things her way and was the instigator of most of the trouble they found themselves in. I was the nerdy older sister that they had to tolerate in order to go to parties. They were constantly trying to add style to my dress sense and change me into a more fashionable chaperone. I usually sat in a corner with my friends and watched from afar, enjoying the music and conversation. We always argued about what time to go home, I usually won.
I had to excel at school. At least my brains would take me somewhere, since I was lacking in every other area of life. The fact that I loved it was a huge bonus. English was my favourite subject. Miss Jacks was our teacher; she really encouraged us to read as much as we could to improve ourselves. We didn't have a big library at school, a few shelves of old, tattered books ejected from other school libraries and kindly donated to our “poor” school. They weren't much to look at, some had no covers, most of the pages were falling out, but I was grateful for them anyway.
They took me somewhere else; to places I have never heard of, situations I have never imagined being in; mystery, murder, romance, sci-fi, drama, comedy. There were so many different emotions to explore; love, hate, honour, betrayal, heartbreak, joy, realisation, confusion; awe exploding off every page. I would immerse myself into every book, allow myself to get lost in its pages and return three hundred and sixty or so pages later.
I wanted to be a writer. Well a teacher and a writer, I was from the real world. I wasn't foolish enough to think that writing could pay the bills. It was just for a bit of fun, a hobby. My mom was thrilled that I wanted to be a teacher. ‘‘That is a good profession, Baby; good benefits. You will never be out of work, every country needs teachers.'' Writing novels didn't excite her as much. ‘‘As long as you don't get too carried away with writing and neglect your work. Teaching must come first.'' I'm sure she thought it was just a silly pipe dream and I would eventually lose interest in writing.
Our community was chock full of dreams lost to alcoholism, unemployment and all round bad choices. Mum wanted better for us. ‘‘You can be anything you want to be as long as you study and pass matric well,'' she would say. She was adamant about us all finishing school and studying further and getting ourselves out of Cloverton.
Technically you cannot call it a township because it wasn't an informal settlement but Cloverton was a township, a coloured township; a wasteland of untapped potential, rife with abuse, teen pregnancy, single parent homes, gangsters, drug and alcohol abuse. Mr Johnson, our youth leader, said that God would smite Cloverton one day because of all the sin that people refused to acknowledge and repent for. I suppose when you live in a place things don't seem so bad but to outsiders Cloverton was notorious for the crime sprees. There were a few decent, church-going, hard-working people who tried their hardest to overcome their situation. We couldn't help where we lived but we could help how we lived there.
Matric was the best year of my life; filled with excitement and nervousness. I worked hard often sacrificing social time with friends to stay home and study or go to the library and review previous test papers. I couldn't wait to start teachers' training college. I had applied with my grade eleven results and was provisionally accepted. I was in control of my life and heading towards a bright future. I was going to be successful and take my family out of Cloverton once and for all.
I didn't forget about writing during my matric year even though the work load had doubled. Writing was my therapy; I would write notes about things I saw, things I heard; anything that was strange, exciting, and entertaining and turn them into short stories. Miss Jacks enjoyed my compositions; she said I had real talent. I was asked to read my stories out at assembly a few times, always praying no-one would know who the story was really about since I changed the names and spiced up the stories a little.
Matric was stressful but waiting for our results to be released was pure torture. My tummy was in knots for days. I remember getting up at 5am on that Tuesday morning, getting dressed in a hurry and walking with my friends to the spaza on the corner to get the paper.
‘‘I'm so nervous guys, I couldn't sleep last night.'' Michelle was going to do beauty therapy; she was always bugging me to let her do a complete makeover on me.
‘‘How do you go back home if you failed; everyone waiting and staring at you? I couldn't stand the embarrassment; I will just go to Jo'burg straight from the spaza.'' Kim laughed; she was the comedienne of the group.
“You are so dramatic, relax,'' Tracy said.
“I'll find a nice, rich sugar daddy to set me up in an apartment, buy me a nice car and jewellery.'' Kim joked.
‘‘Give you HIV and who knows what other disease,'' I warned.
‘‘Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, always with your head the clouds. Don't you want to buy all those things for yourself? At least you can be proud that you worked hard for it.'' Michelle said.
‘‘Of course I worked hard for it; lying on your back and pretending to enjoy lousy sex with an ugly man is very hard work.'' We all laughed.
‘‘I give up with you.'' I knew she said these things just to rile me up and it worked every time.
‘‘Guys I will just be happy to find a job and help out at home.'' Tracy's family was really struggling. Her dad was very sickly and her mom worked as a cashier at the local supermarket. She had 2 brothers and a sister younger than her.
The papers arrived promptly at 6am. We laid it open on the pavement and slowly and carefully went through the list of names. Tracy passed, so did Michelle and I but we couldn't find Kim's name. We took turns searching through the names again, but nothing. Kim was hysterically sobbing and screaming. We tried giving her cold juice to calm her down but she just couldn't stop. ‘‘Oh God, help me. What must I do now?'' She almost fell off the pavement into the road. Tracy grabbed her and pulled her back. ‘‘How do I show my face again?''
I held her by the shoulders and shouted at her. ‘‘Calm the hell down, dammit. You almost hurt yourself.'' Her eyes focused on me again. I could see the pain, the disappointment; we hugged her tight trying in some way to make her feel better. ‘‘This is not the end of the world, you still have options Kim.''
‘‘Yeah, you can maybe just rewrite the papers you failed.'' Tracy was trying to be positive. Michelle was silent; she hadn't said a word the whole time. ‘‘Let's go to the school and pick up our results. We can see what subjects you need to redo and Miss Jacks can help you come up with a plan,'' Tracy suggested.
Inwardly I was rejoicing but it seemed inappropriate to celebrate. We never considered the possibility that one of us would fail. The taxi trip was silent, what more was there to say? No matter how we tried to sugar-coat this, it was bad and if it had happened to me, I would have reacted in exactly the same way. Kim's face was buried in my shoulder the whole way; I could feel her tears soak through to my skin.
When we got to the school it was like we had entered a carnival. Music blasted from the open car booths, vuvuzela's were trumpeting; it was one big party. Miss Jacks stood on the platform handing out the results.
She congratulated us with a big hug as she called out the names and handed out our statement of symbols.
‘‘Lea Stevens;'' I went up for my paper; the matric pupils were chanting my name as they had done for the others. I turned and smiled, waved my results in the air and tried not to look too thrilled for Kim's sake.
‘‘Kim van Wyk,'' Miss Jacks called.
“Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy,'' they all chanted. We looked at each other very confused. Kim looked like she was going to faint for sure this time. Was this a cruel joke?
“Kim come fetch your paper my girl,'' Miss Jacks insisted.
‘‘But Miss, my name wasn't in the paper, I failed,'' Kim said through tears. Miss Jacks looked at the paper in her and smiled.
‘‘No my dear you passed. It must have been a misprint, it happens quite often. That is why we prefer if you pick up your results from school.''
‘‘I passed, are you sure?'' Miss Jacks nodded and handed her the paper.
‘‘Thanks Miss, wooooooooooo, thank you Jesus''. Kim jumped up and down; the relief was enormous. We could celebrate without any guilt. I phoned my mom to give her the good news. They screamed so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear.
We celebrated with our friends for a while before heading back home. I was greeted with hugs and kisses at the front gate. ‘‘I'm so proud of you my baby'', my mum was of course crying her eyes out.
‘‘God has truly blessed you my child, I'm so proud today. My eldest grandchild matriculated.'' Gran was tearing too, even my sisters were happy.
‘‘I didn't doubt it for a second, Brain box,'' Shanay said.
‘‘You go on with your bad self, girrrrrl,'' Shanelle teased. I will never forget the pride on their faces; everything I had given up, everything I had worked so hard for was worth it just to see their faces now. Gran sent the twins to the shop for cake and cool drink and we celebrated.
‘‘Mom, its Justin's party tonight, can I please go,'' I asked.
‘‘Wooooo Lea at a party without being forced,'' Shanay teased.
‘‘Will wonders never cease? Can we go with?'' Shanelle was pleading; I think she had already picked out her outfit in her head.
‘‘No this is Lea's day and the two of you have been to enough parties to last you a lifetime.'' Mum scolded.
It was the first time I had ever enjoyed being at a party. I felt so comfortable, happy, and not self-conscious. I danced until my feet hurt, until my calves cramped. The tension, the pressure just all drained away. Joy filled my heart. My life started fresh from today.
CHAPTER TWO
The joy of passing was still in my heart when reality hit like a wrecking ball. My mom came back from work one day very upset. I was making supper when she came in; she barely greeted and went straight to her room. That was very unlike her. I made her a cup of tea and instructed Shanelle to watch the food.
‘‘Mum, some tea?'' I put it on the side table next to her bed. Her face was turned away from me but I could see the tears on her cheeks. ‘‘Are you okay Mum? Do you want to talk about it?'' She started to sob. I sat next to her on the bed and put my arms around her. ‘‘Is it work?'' She nodded. I was really worried now. Lots of people were losing their jobs these days. ‘‘Did you lose your job?''
‘‘No baby, they put us on short time,'' she said through the sobs. ‘‘Half day, three days a week. I don't know if it is going to be enough to sustain us.'' She held her head in her hands and started to cry again.
‘‘Mummy it's okay. Shh, don't cry. At least you still have a job and Granny still has her job at the Porters.'' I tried to be positive.
‘‘Granny was going to retire this year, at the end of the month in fact,'' she explained. ‘‘She's old now; her health is the main concern. The work is too strenuous for her.''
I was in shock. ‘‘Mum we will make a plan. You always tell us to pray when things seem hopeless and to have faith in God's plan. “The will of god will never take you...''
‘...where the Love of God cannot sustain you”, she continued. “I know baby, thank you for reminding me.” We both smiled and hugged each other.
‘‘Lea, I won't be able to send you to teachers' training college.'' My heart stopped. My ears rang. I didn't even think what this would mean for my studies.
‘‘Mummy it's okay,'' I assured her.
‘‘It's just that I was relying on a loan from work but with.....'' she tried to explain. I could see she felt really awful about it.
‘‘Mum really, it is ok.'' I smiled to put her at ease. ‘‘I will find a job and help the family out and study when things get better.''
‘‘I let you down, I'm so sorry.”
‘‘No you didn't Mum. You have always been there for us, now it's time we are there for you.'' Mum kissed me on the forehead and went to shower.
My head felt like it was going to burst; my heart was going to stop at any moment. How could this happen. Why now? Why us? Hadn't we been through enough for one lifetime?
My dad died when I was seven years old, the twins had just celebrated their first birthday. He was coming home from Kimberley where he was working and travelling through the night to get home. He wanted to surprise us. A truck ran him off the road into a ditch; he died instantly. Mum filled the role of two parents ever since. She could have been like other women and remarried but she didn't, she put us first. I don't remember much about him but Mum always said he had a strong will and a fighting spirit. He was God fearing and hard working. In his absence I would be the same.
Now I had to step up and help her. It didn't matter that I wasn't going to study this year and I wasn't about to mope around and make her feel guilty for it. What mattered is that the twins had to go to school, we had to buy food, pay for water and lights and Granny needed to retire. Thank goodness the house was freehold.
I sat the twins down in the living room and told them what had happened. We had to all work together to save money. I warned them not to make unnecessary demands on Mum and if they needed anything to come to me. They also had to help out around the house more. I didn't want Granny doing the housework herself. Not once did they complain, just nodded in agreement. I could tell they were very worried. ‘‘Are we going to lose the house?'' Shanay asked tearfully.
‘‘No, thankfully the bond is paid up but we still have lots of expenses to cover,'' I explained.
‘‘We could find weekend work or holiday work,'' Shanelle said, ready to do anything.
‘‘Thank you, but I want you to concentrate on school and do your best to pass,'' I said, ‘‘high school is no joke.'' They were starting grade eight this year.
‘‘We won't let you down.'' They both assured me.
‘‘I know you won't.'' I smiled and tried to make the mood a little less tense. ‘‘Another thing let's not mope around because of this. We are a happy, strong, God fearing family and that's how we must behave.''
It was pay weekend so Granny was coming home. I went to the bottom of the road to meet her and help carry her bags. I saw Michelle and Kim along the way; they were visiting at Lee-Anne's house. They waved me over but I wasn't in the mood for company. I gestured I would see them on the way back and hoped I could avoid them which thankfully I managed to do. Gran and I chatted on the way up. I hoped she would be able to calm Mum's fears.
That night we ate supper in silence. For once the twins cleaned the kitchen without any fuss, Gran led us in prayer and they were off to their room. Mum, Gran and I sat in the living room drinking tea, deep in our own thoughts.
‘‘It's simple; I will just retire next year. One more year is not going to kill me and it's not like I'm unhappy there,'' Gran offered.
‘‘Mum you can't,'' my mom interjected. ‘‘You know the doctor told you that you need to take things easy. You are sixty five now; you have worked for long enough.''
‘‘Mum is right Gran, besides I'm going to find a job and we won't need you to work.''
‘‘Okay, I will retire when you find a job, how's that for compromise?'' You couldn't argue with Gran when she had set her mind to something. They went to bed; I locked up the house and tried to watch some TV to get my mind off things.
It felt like the world had come to rest firmly on my shoulders. I wasn't a kid anymore. I had to step up and be an adult. This was the real world it wasn't school. In this world if you mess up you starve, lose your house, and get your lights cut. There are no make-up tests and do-overs. I had a responsibility to my family. I tried not to think about teachers training, my dreams, my wants, my desires. It wasn't just about me anymore. My priority was finding a job, a good job as soon as possible and tomorrow morning I would do just that.
I woke the next morning filled with enthusiasm; phoned my friends, told them what had happened and asked for their help in finding a job. It would only be a matter of time until the rumour mill started cranking its gears and churning out its lies so I wanted them to hear it from me first. This was one of the unfortunate realities about small communities; everyone knows your business and feels it their duty to share it with everyone else. I think it makes them feel better about their own misery. They were ready and willing to do their best to help me and so the search began.
As the days went by the enthusiasm faded into hopelessness. Just when it looked like there was a positive lead that might pay off and my hopes were raised, disappointment would follow a hundred excuses about why they were unable to employ me. I didn't realise how bad the economy was affecting people until I was one of those people. I felt guilty for all the times I had criticised others for being unemployed and thought them lazy. How many people were judging me right now, saying the very same thing about me? I just hoped my family knew how hard I was trying.
Two months had gone by slowly, painfully and tediously. I still hadn't found a permanent job. So far Mum seemed to be managing to buy food and pay for the other expenses with the help of Gran's salary. I wanted nothing more than to relieve the pressure that she felt especially since the twins needed so much more stationary in high school and they needed a whole new uniform. The school was very understanding and created an affordable payment plan for us. By the grace of God and Gran's Christmas bonus we made it through to February.
There were a few days when I helped out at the spaza shop on the corner and was paid R50 for the day and I sold newspapers at the traffic lights but nothing permanent. I called everyone I knew, checked the newspaper daily, and walked through central Durban giving my CV to department stores and supermarkets but NOTHING. They all had the same line ‘we have nothing at the moment but we will keep you in mind,' or ‘you don't have the necessary qualifications or experience we are looking for.' Why don't they just be honest and say, ‘we are going to throw your CV in the bin as soon as you walk out this door.'
The irony is I was looking for work at the very same places that had retrenched workers not two months before. It was like running at a solid brick wall every day and hoping this time it will fall over; a mixture of wishful thinking and tons of hope. No matter how many times I was shut down, I got up the next morning, said my prayers, and walked in faith that today would be the day. All I had was my faith, my love for God to keep me going. He knew what He was doing even if I couldn't see the plan.
‘Dear God, our loving Father, help me to find a job soon. Help me to know where to start. Bless my family and keep us safe from all evil, in Jesus name, amen.'
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CHAPTER THREE
It was February and Granny's blood pressure and sugar levels were erratic. The Porter's had called us three times in two months to tell us they had taken her to hospital and my mum and I went to see her in hospital. She was more at home than at work and it was out of pure loyalty that they hadn't replaced her yet. Mrs Porter called Mum on a Friday night to tell her Gran wasn't feeling well again but she refused to go to hospital this time. Mum asked me to go to the Porters to look after Gran until she was well enough to come home.
Granny had worked for the Porter's for eighteen years. She was employed to be a nanny to their little girl, Salome, and then their son Jonjo. She also cooked and cleaned for them. Mrs Porter was a hospital administrative manager and Mr Porter, the managing director of a shipping company. Salome and I were the same age, a few months apart to be exact. Jonjo was ten years old and an avid sportsman. Salome went to a private school and achieved four distinctions with her Matric results. Gran was just as proud of her as she was of me; she was like a granddaughter to her.
I jumped off the taxi on the main road and walked the rest of the way to the house. It was about a fifteen minute walk but in this heat and uphill, I was taking it slow. The avenue of trees provided well needed shade in these humid conditions. As I rounded the corner a huge, cream, double storey house appeared in front of me. It was bigger and grander than I remembered; the big, metal driveway gate the manicured lawn, raised flower beds and majestic angel fountain was clearly visible. “I'm not in Cloverton anymore”, I smiled to myself and pressed the intercom buzzer.
‘‘Hello.'' It was a young girl's voice, probably Salome.
‘‘Good morning, its Lea here to see Phyllis if that is possible.'' I tried to sound educated and well mannered.
‘‘Cool, come in.''
I walked down the driveway, passed the main house, along the stone path to the back yard. They had erected a wooden Wendy house near the pool for Gran to stay in. Their pool was sparkling blue; the water shimmered in the sunlight. It was so inviting after that long walk in the heat.
I knocked on the hut door. There were voices inside, then the door opened and Salome stood in the doorway. She had a tall, slim figure but not skinny, I would say more athletic; shoulder length light brown hair and bright blue eyes. She had obviously enjoyed her holiday in the sunshine because her tan was considerable.
‘‘Hey Lea. Long-time no see. How are you?'' she greeted.
‘‘Good morning. I'm fine thank you.'' I walked into the hut. It was one big room with a shower and toilet. Gran had a single bed and a double door wardrobe in one corner and a kitchenette in the other corner. There was a shelf for her two-plate stove and a sink with a cupboard underneath. Gran was sitting on the bed. She had a yet untouched sandwich and a cup of tea. I put down my bag and kissed her. ‘‘How are you feeling, Gran?''
‘‘I'm fine, just felt a little faint this morning. Nothing to worry about,'' Gran said smiling.
‘‘It's probably your blood pressure; did you take your tablets?''
‘‘Not yet, Salome made me something to eat first.'' I turned to Salome who was standing in the corner smiling.
‘‘Thank you, it was very kind of you.''
‘‘Yes she has looked after me well these few days.'' Gran continued.
‘‘Oh, Phyllis you have looked after me my whole life.''
‘‘I will be staying a few days until you are better, if that is okay?'' I looked to Salome for confirmation.
‘‘Of course it is Lea, no need to be so formal. We have known each other since we were little girls, even played house once or twice.'' She smiled and winked at me. She was in high spirits; then again I would be happy too if this was my life. ‘‘Come up to the house after you have settled in. We have lots of catching up on,'' she said and left.
I sat on the bed next to Gran. ‘‘How are you feeling, really?''
‘‘You worry too much, I'm fine,'' Gran insisted.
‘‘Gran I have come to take you home as soon as you are well again. Its time you retired; as soon as at the end of this month. I'm sure the Porters' will understand; they can see you are not well. Now please don't argue with me because I'm not listening to any excuses. It has been decided.'' I wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise.
Gran just smiled. ‘‘You know you looked just like your father when you said that. He would have been so proud of you.'' I could feel the tears fill my eyes. ‘‘Okay no arguments.''
Gran ate her lunch, took her tablets, and had a nap. I phoned my mom to reassure her about Gran's condition. She was really worried but happy that Gran had agreed to retire.
It was hot in the hut, even with the windows open. I opened the door hoping to let in more air. I hadn't noticed Salome lounging by the pool. ‘‘Hey you. Are you going to hide out in there all day? Come sit with me.'' Reluctantly I made my way over and sat on the lounger next to hers. She had a tiny silver bikini on. Who really wears a silver bikini , I thought, only in the movies . I felt so overdressed in my t-shirt and three-quarter pants.
‘‘I haven't seen you in years,” she said, “You were last here just before we started high school I think?''
‘‘Yes I think that was the last time.'' It was so long ago I couldn't really remember.
‘‘So where have you been hiding?''
‘‘Not hiding, just at home busy with school and just life in general.''
‘‘Oooh; your boyfriend keeping you busy hey, no time for friends.'' She leaned over and poked me in the ribs.
‘‘No, no, no. No boyfriend.'' What kind of girl does she take me for? This conversation could not get any more embarrassing. I could feel my ears go red. ‘‘Congratulations on your results, four distinctions, wow. And my sisters think I'm a brain box,'' I said.
Now she was embarrassed. ‘‘Ha, I have had years of extra tuition. Your granny told me about teachers'....''
‘‘.... So you are going to university, that's great hey.'' I cut her off mid-sentence. ‘‘What are you going to study?'' How could Gran tell her?
‘‘Law,'' she answered quickly. ‘‘Lea I'm sure...''
‘‘That's great. I hear there are lots of other things to do, besides studying.'' I was not about to discuss my misfortune with the bosses daughter. ‘‘I think I will go and check on Gran, enjoy your swim.'' I left before she could ask any more inappropriate questions. Gran was still asleep. I stayed in the room until Salome went inside and then I went for a walk in the garden.
It was a beautiful garden, colour bursting from every corner. It called you deeper and deeper into its existence. I took off my shoes so I could feel the soft, green, lush lawn under my feet. If my toes could they would have been laughing aloud as children do when they are having fun. This garden was a playground for my senses. The colours, textures and aroma of flowers I had never seen before. The small vegetable garden on the left invited me to taste its produce; green beans, lettuces, tomatoes and so much more. I had never seen a cucumber on the vine before; and the sounds; birds chirping, the wind rustling through the trees. This must be close to what heaven is, peaceful and beautiful.
I sat down on a patch of grass under a big tree completely in awe of my surroundings. What a charmed life Salome leads, her every need met, all her wants a possibility. She probably hasn't a worry in the world. I bet she doesn't even know how much any of this costs or what it took to get it.
Inwardly I laughed; I was just being catty and jealous. The truth was she was just trying to be friendly.
I couldn't understand why Gran would tell her about our family problems. I didn't need any one feeling sorry for me or my family. We will be fine. I will find a job soon, any day now, and things will be fine. Right now all I wanted to do was enjoy the quiet, perfumed surroundings I found myself in. How can you not believe in God when you see all this beauty he has created? I tried to read a bit of my book but I was tired, my eyes were heavy. I closed them for just a moment and dozed off.
I was startled by some birds flying through the trees. I hadn't meant to fall asleep but it was just so quiet, unlike at home where the twins either had loud music playing or the TV always on. I walked back to the hut. Gran was awake and feeling much better.
‘‘Where have you been?'' She asked enquiringly.
‘‘Enjoying the garden, it's so beautiful. It must cost a heck of a lot of money to keep it looking like this.''
‘‘Garden services my dear, they come twice a month.''
‘‘I don't remember it being this big; the garden, or the house. It must be nice to be rich hey, surrounded by luxurious things.''
‘‘Rich people are just people like you and I, Lea. They have their own set of problems. There is no one in the world without problems,'' Gran said.
‘‘That's true but Gran imagine if we lived like this.''
‘‘You know Lea, what we are going through is nothing new to us. Yes it's bad, even unfortunate but not new. Over the years there have been times of struggle and times of plenty but big sacrifices had to be made to have those times of plenty. Your dad had to work far away from home and he hated that. I had to live away from home and only see you girls one weekend a month. The one thing he insisted on is that your mom stays home to raise you girls. That is why when struggle comes we know how to ride the wave. For rich people it is very different. They are only used to living in one set of circumstances, comfort. When that comfort is threatened or disrupted they fall into a deep depression and don't know what to do next. They become consumed by it because they don't know how to handle it. The higher you climb, the longer and harder the fall.''
‘‘Sure but Gran they will never lose all of this,'' I insisted.
‘‘Maybe not but think of the sacrifices they make to keep all this. Mr Porter works all the time, even when he is at home he is in his study on the phone or the computer, most of the time he is on a plane to somewhere. He is completely missing out on his family. I don't think he has been to one of Jonjo's cricket or rugby games. Mrs Porter does everything on her own with the kids. The worse thing is that they have all accepted it as normal.''
‘‘Wow I didn't realise. Our parents have sacrificed the same things for us. Everything seems so perfect with them. I guess money can't buy everything.''
‘‘A sacrifice is still a sacrifice no matter how big or small, important or insignificant others may think it is.'' I nodded in agreement. The old girl made a lot of sense.
‘‘Gran will I be as wise as you are when I'm older?'' I enjoyed Gran's life lectures. Maybe she should write a book.
‘‘Probably, and a lot less full of shit than I am, I hope,'' she joked. We laughed at the prospect of me being old and grey.
‘‘Before I forget, make sure you go and say hello to Mrs Porter hey.'' I dreaded it but new it was good manners and I certainly didn't want to be rude.
Mrs Porter was very welcoming. She asked about Gran and invited me to stay as long as I wanted and make myself at home. She was a tall, beautiful blonde woman, very proper in her speech and the way she dressed, but sweet. Jonjo was happy to see me; I was surprised he remembered me.
It was almost time for supper so I made baked beans and sausage. Gran had a small, old, black and white TV that she kept in her wardrobe. We watched our soapies while we ate supper. I cleaned the dishes and went to shower, letting the water hit the middle of my head and wash over me. I thought about what Gran had said earlier. I guess everyone has their own stuff to deal with in life but I still would love to live in this house with this garden. One day is one day.
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CHAPTER FOUR
The next morning we were up early for church. I tried to discourage Gran reminding her of the walk but she was insistent. Thankfully the Methodist and Catholic Church were two roads away from each other so we travelled with the Porters; they are Methodist. Gran was dressed in her Sunday best with a hat, stockings and closed shoes. Mrs Porter looked very nice in a blue two-piece and Jonjo kept pulling at his tie and suit jacket. Salome was the last to leave the house; Mrs Porter had to hoot for her. She had a knee-length, purple, dress on with silver stilettos. I felt extremely underdressed.
The service was beautiful, the sermon very inspiring. Father Jones was a young priest, his sermon spoke directly to the youth about our responsibility in society and to ourselves. He sure did have a way with words, direct and to the point. When you start your week off like this it can only get better.
Gran introduced me to her friends. Some of them were retired, some still maids. What is it with old people, all they want to know is if you have a boyfriend and when are you getting married. Then they discuss which one of their grandsons or nephews will be perfect for you. All I could do was smile. One of them even commented that I had good hips to carry babies. We took the taxi home, I was thankful to be rid of the grannies. We took a slow walk up the road to the house and stopped frequently along the way to rest. Gran was giving me the details on each friend. I could tell she was going to miss them; it won't be easy to visit regularly because they were all old.
It was noon when we got home I took a cold shower and started lunch, my favourite chicken and cheese macaroni. It was too hot to do anything except lay still with the doors and windows open, appreciate the breeze, and read a good book. It was one of those cheesy love stories but at least it was something for me to do. I needed to go to the library as soon as we got back home.
‘‘Is the family usually away on a Sunday?'' I asked. I hadn't heard or seen them and I was sure Jonjo would want to swim on a day like this.
‘‘They usually visit Mrs Porters' mother at the old age home and eat out for lunch.'' Gran said sleepily. She soon took an afternoon nap; I think the walk drained all of her energy. I took my book and lounged at the poolside under the umbrella. The breeze was wonderful and managed to cool me off. Suddenly there was a shout and splash and Jonjo was in the water.
‘‘Come in Mum, the water is great.'' Mrs Porter was on the veranda outside the kitchen. I sat up when I saw her.
‘‘Lea, would you mind watching him for me please?'' she asked.
‘‘Not at all Mrs. Porter.” He was a good kid; a typical boy with endless energy, always on the go, never sitting still for long enough for you to catch up with him.
‘‘Why don't you swim too, it's so hot.”
‘‘Thank you Mrs Porter,'' I said as she disappeared inside. Jonjo and I were playing ‘pool cricket', I throw the ball and he hits it for a six, when Salome came down for a swim. She threw her towel at me.
‘‘Why aren't you swimming, it's the perfect day for it,'' she asked.
‘‘Jonjo and I are in the middle of a game and I'm winning,'' I teased.
‘‘Never,'' he insisted, ‘‘I'm the best of the best.'' He beat his chest proudly. She sat down on the edge of the pool with her feet dangling into the water and splashed herself with water to become accustomed to the temperature. Then she dived in and swam to the other side.
Jonjo and I continued our game. He made up his own colourful commentary for each shot that he hit. In the end he won, of course, and jumped around like a gummy bear celebrating the victory.
Salome swam towards us and splashed water at me. ‘‘Come in, the water is marvellous.'' She leaned back to wet her hair, it shimmered in the sunlight like stars.
‘‘No thanks, I'm fine right here,'' she didn't buy that excuse for one moment.
‘‘Oh come on Lea.'' She jumped and tried to grab my foot.
‘‘I didn't bring anything to swim in.” I had to tell her the truth in the hopes that she would stop bugging me.
‘‘You can borrow something of mine.''
‘‘Yeah right, like anything you wear would ever fit me. Maybe I could wear it as a hat on my head.'' I laughed.
‘‘What are you talking about,'' she splashed water at me again, ‘‘you are beautiful.'' I laughed even louder. ‘‘What's wrong with what you have on now?'' Her eyes dared me to make up another excuse but I knew she would have a comeback. Mrs Porter appeared on the veranda again with two bowls of snacks for us to munch on. Jonjo ran to fetch them. ‘‘Mum please tell Lea its fine to swim with what she has on,'' she was insistent.
‘‘Of course you can, we are very casual,'' Mrs Porter assured me. I darted a look, how could she put me on the spot like that.
‘‘You see, now get your butt in here.'' She was so pushy. I stepped into the water; it wasn't cold but almost lukewarm. ‘‘Now was that so hard?'' she said sarcastically.
‘‘Do you always get your own way?'' I asked.
‘‘Most of the time.'' Her smile was naughty. ‘‘Why?''
‘‘Well you are obstinate.'' It was my turn to put her on the spot.
‘‘Tell me how you really feel?'' Now she was being sarcastic.
‘‘Didn't your mama tell you that no means no.''
‘‘Sometimes people say no but they mean yes,'' she began to explain. Was this girl for real; that was the best argument she could come up with?
‘‘Oh I see so now there are times when no means yes. Is this some new rule of the English language that I don't know about?'' I said mockingly.
‘‘It's not a rule; I would say more of a feeling.''
‘‘And do you have these feelings often, Miss Porter.'' She swam below the surface of the water towards me and grabbing hold of my arms stood up.
‘‘Only with you,'' she said, her blue eyes dazzled.
‘‘Well I've been here all of one day so I would hardly call that accurate.'' She looked at me in a way that made me very uncomfortable. We weren't playing our silly game of friendly banter anymore, this was real. For a moment it felt like the world stopped. It was as if she could see me, really see me, passed the facade. My heart was beating really fast, I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. ‘‘I have to go.''
How I managed to get that out is beyond me. I turned and walked out of the pool bewildered. I don't even know if Gran was awake or even if she said anything to me. I went straight into the shower. What the hell had just happened? I closed my eyes and let the water beat on my face. I could still see her big, blue eyes looking at me. It was as if she was walking around in my mind with access to all my thoughts and feelings. She made me feel vulnerable and I didn't like it at all, not one bit.
I avoided Salome for the rest of the day. Because of the big lunch we had, Gran and I decided on toast and tea for supper. She felt much better after her nap but dreaded having to tell Mrs Porter that she was leaving. Eighteen years is a long time, in essence this too was her home. I could understand why it was so difficult for her to say goodbye but she was also relieved. Now she could just relax and enjoy the golden years. She always wanted to be more involved at church and this was her chance. The church at home was one road away so it wouldn't be too tiring.
I was happy for her. She had helped to support our family for years. I'm sure if Dad was still alive, she would have retired years ago. She had given so much of herself so that we were comfortable. That is love, to put your family's needs above your own and never complain, is pure love.
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CHAPTER FIVE
On Monday morning we woke at 5am to start work. Breakfast and lunches had to be made and the house cleaned but first Gran had to tell Mrs Porter that she was retiring. I went with her for moral support and to help with the strenuous chores.
Mrs Porter was on the telephone confirming flight arrivals, probably for Mr Porter. When she was done she greeted us. ‘‘Good morning Phyllis, Lea.''
‘‘Morning ma'am'' we said simultaneously.
‘‘I wonder if we can have a chat before you start.'' We sat around the dining room table. ‘‘How are you feeling?'' Mrs Porter asked very concerned.
‘‘I'm fine ma'am; the blood pressure is under control,'' Gran said
‘‘That's good to hear, you gave us quite a scare there. Phyllis you have been with us for eighteen years, you are part of our family. Mr Porter and I are very concerned about your health especially over the last few months.'' She was hesitant to continue trying to be gentle in her delivery. Gran and I both nodded, she was feeling very emotional. ‘‘I always knew this day would come but I have avoided it for as long as I possibly could,'' Mrs Porter continued. ‘‘We feel that for your sake you should consider retiring.'' Gran wiped her eyes with a tissue; Mrs Porter reached out to comfort her.
‘‘I have been discussing the very same topic with my family and they agree with you,'' Gran said. ‘‘As much as I would love to stay on, I cannot do it anymore. This will be my last month here.'' I put my arms around Gran's shoulders.
‘‘It really is for the best Phyllis but that doesn't mean we must lose contact with each other and you will always be welcome here,'' Mrs. Porter assured her.
Gran smiled, ‘‘thank you ma'am.'' They had really been good to her over the years.
‘‘I simply hate the thought of a complete stranger in the house,'' Mrs. Porter continued, ‘‘and because we know your family is going through hard times at the moment, we would like to offer Lea the housekeeping position.''
I sat up straight in my chair and unfortunately couldn't hide the shock on my face. So much was going through my mind that I didn't know what to say.
‘‘That's if you don't already have a job?” She asked.
‘‘No Mrs Porter I don't have a job yet.'' I swallowed hard. I never imagined myself being a maid but how could I turn down a permanent job, my family.
‘‘The salary is R2500 a month and you will stay on the premises. You will be required to basically run the household on a day to day basis, cook and clean and supervise Jonjo. I noticed the two of you got on well yesterday?'' I smiled. I could barely hear what she was saying. I could see her lips moving but her voice was faint as if far off in the distance.
Was this it, my big break? A maid? My family needed this though, wasn't that the most important thing? It won't be for long, just until I find something better. At least it would take the pressure off Mum for a while.
‘‘Lea does that sound good to you?'' Mrs Porter was unsure of my reaction.
‘‘Yes Mrs Porter, thank you for the opportunity.'' I stood up and reached over the table to shake her hand. Gran was shocked but very pleased.
‘‘Phyllis could you show Lea what her duties are and all our special needs that need to be met at various times of the week,'' she asked.
‘‘Not a problem ma'am and thank you again,'' Gran said excitedly. Mrs Porter left the table and Gran clapped her hands in delight. ‘‘God is really good to us, my child; you are so fortunate that she gave you the job.'' Trust gran to see the silver lining. ‘‘We must phone your Mum and tell her, I'm sure she will be relieved. At least we won't be losing out on a salary and the Porters' are very generous.'' I just smiled, I had nothing to say. ‘‘There is a lot to remember so I think you better write it all down. There's a book and pen in my wardrobe.” Just then Salome walked in to the kitchen.
‘‘Good morning all,” she said cheerfully.
‘‘Morning'' was all I could muster.
‘‘Phyllis I hear that you are retiring,'' she came over to hug Gran. ‘‘I'm going to miss you so much, who is going to make my chocolate pancakes just right?''
‘‘Lea,'' Gran said excitedly. They both turned and looked at me, one with utter dismay and the other with pure pride.
‘‘Lea? Lea is the new maid?'' The pitch of Salome's voice grew to almost a squeak.
‘‘I'm going to get that book and pen, Gran.'' I walked out the kitchen door.
Salome grabbed my arm as I reached the stairs. ‘‘Lea you cannot be serious?'' Her eyes were wide open and dark blue.
‘‘Salome I don't have time for this so please,'' I continued down the stairs.
‘‘A maid, Lea, really?'' I stopped and turned towards her.
‘‘What's wrong with a maid?'' I was irritable and my voice was getting progressively louder. ‘‘A maid raised you didn't she?''
‘‘That's not what I meant. You can be so much more than this.'' She held my hand and moved closer. ‘‘I'll help you.''
‘‘I don't need you to tell me what I am or am not, Salome and I don't need your help,'' I pulled away from her. ‘‘You don't know me; you don't know anything about me. What I decide to do with MY life is none of your damn business.'' I couldn't stop; the rage built up and built up until I couldn't control it. ‘‘Now I have a job to do if you don't mind, your majesty,'' I mocked her and walked away.
‘‘Lea, I....''
‘‘Back off Salome.'' I shot her an angry look, she knew I was serious.
My heart was pounding as I looked through the wardrobe for the book. That stupid girl, she just never stops, always pushing and pushing. Who the hell does she think she is telling me about me? I was ranting in my head. The book and pen were in Gran's bottom drawer. I washed my face and tried to calm down. I couldn't let gran see me like this. If I was a smoker, now would be a good time for a cigarette. In fact now seemed like a good time to start smoking. I took deep, slow breathes. That girl had a way of getting under my skin. I wish she would just leave me alone. She acts as if we are long lost friends and we're not. I have friends and they definitely don't judge me, they are supportive. What the hell did she think she was doing? I walked back to the house to start my new career.
Gran was making chocolate pancakes when I came in. ‘‘Did you find it?'' she asked. I held up the book. ‘‘Right then, let's get started.'' We started with the packed lunches for Mrs Porter and Jonjo. ‘‘You need to make breakfast which must be served by 6.30am,'' Gran said. “The dining room table is to be set with placemats, side plates, cereal bowls and cups and saucers. Cereal, milk and toast must be made available.
Cheese, marmalade and butter for the toast can be served in the condiment bowls. On weekends the breakfast is more substantial usually bacon and eggs.'' I noticed that Gran was not making eye contact with me. She was stern and very business-like.
At 6.30am Mrs Porter and Jonjo came to the breakfast table dressed and ready to eat. Gran warned that I had to make sure that Jonjo had his lunch in his bag and his sports kits for the various days' practices; the list was on the fridge. True to form he had forgotten his swimming kit which he ran back upstairs to fetch. They both had toast for breakfast and were off for the day by 7am.
To say the list was long was an understatement, it was endless. Thank goodness I was writing it all down; there was just so much detail to remember. Every Sunday Mrs Porter and I would plan the menu for the week ahead; breakfast, lunch and supper. Washing and ironing was to be done every second day and dusting and vacuuming was daily. How would I manage it all, this was not a small house?
The first floor had the kitchen, dining room, living room and guest room with en-suite bathroom, the laundry and Mr Porter's study. Up the stairs and to the left was the main bedroom, Jonjo's room was straight ahead and Salome's room was on the right. There were wooden floors throughout the house except for the porcelain tiles in the kitchen and the carpets in the bedrooms and study. There were two huge rugs; one in the centre of the living room and one under the dining room table.
By the time I had completed all my tasks on the ground floor; it was lunch time so I made sandwiches and tea for Gran and I. She did not speak to me at all; just quietly ate her lunch. ‘‘Gran is everything okay?'' She looked up from her plate; I could tell she wasn't pleased with me at all. ‘‘Have I done something wrong?'' I asked. She slowly put down her cup of tea.
‘‘What happened outside this morning between you and Salome? I heard shouting and then she came in very upset.''
‘‘She should learn to butt out of people's business,'' I was being loud and defensive and it didn't impress my granny at all. ‘‘It's about time someone put little Miss Princess in her place.''
‘‘Lower your voice,'' Gran scolded. ‘‘What are you talking about; that girl has been nothing but nice since you got here.''
‘‘She has been nothing but bossy; always so pushy about everything.'' I felt very justified at what I did. The irritation and anger was beginning to rear its ugly head again.
‘‘Lea; I cannot believe your attitude,'' Gran sat back in her chair shaking her head in disbelief at my behaviour.
‘‘She better just back off and leave me to do my job,'' I said irritably.
‘‘Lea!'' Gran shouted at me; it stopped me dead in my raging tracks. I was upsetting her with all of this and her blood pressure was going to go up. ‘‘Where is all this anger coming from my child? This is not like you at all; this is not my Lea.''
‘‘I'm sorry granny; I didn't mean it, I'm just....'' I didn't have the words to explain it. I hung my head in shame. What was going on with me?
‘‘You are definitely not angry with Salome but you sure are taking it out on her.'' Gran said concerned. ‘‘You are angry at life for cutting you a raw deal.''
‘‘It's unfair Gran. I worked so hard at school; missed out on so much as a teenager because I was determined. I could have been messing around like other teenagers but instead I was diligent. For what? This?'' I complained.
‘‘Yes it is all very unfair, Baby and if I could, I would give you your dreams.''
‘‘It hurts right here Gran,'' I beat my chest as I swallowed back the tears. For months I had been pretending to be strong; pretending like I was okay with my situation.
‘‘You don't always have to be strong, we are a family, and we share the burdens and the joys.'' Granny held me tight; so, so tight and wiped away my tears. ‘‘Please make up with Salome,'' I nodded, I realised I had been very unfair to her. Yes she came on a little strong but it wasn't her fault that I was so angry. She was showing concern for me; being nice to me, trying to make me feel at home and I treated her terribly. I felt ashamed of my behaviour. Gran was right; this wasn't me. I had to humble myself and apologise; she deserved at least that.
We drank the rest of our tea in silence, and then went upstairs to start cleaning there. Salome wasn't upstairs, nor did I see her at lunch, I wondered if she went out without us seeing her. She didn't have any classes today so she had to be around here somewhere. It was a big house so it's easy to avoid someone.
The main bedroom was huge. It had a king size bed, two walk-in closets, an en-suite bathroom with a spa bath and a shower and as if that wasn't enough, they managed to fit in a mini lounge area and still have enough space to swing a cat. It was decorated in neutral, earth tone colours; very restful. The bed was already made and the room was tidy. The bathroom took a long time to clean but it was manageable.
Jonjo's room was super untidy; it looked like it hadn't been cleaned for days. He had a single bed near the window and a desk with a computer on it. There was a huge storage unit with shelves and pigeon holes for all his stuff. I couldn't understand why with all that, convenience he still threw things on the floor. I knew I would be spending lots of my time cleaning this space and I did.
I was reluctant to go into Salome's room but had no choice. It was a breath of fresh air; tidy, everything in its place, simple and elegant. The walls were lavender with cream curtains. She had a double bed, a wardrobe and a desk where she worked on her laptop. Above the desk were shelves for her school books. It was surprisingly not ‘princess' like at all; in fact the only eccentric item was the pink dream catcher above her bed. There was nothing for me to do except dust and vacuum.
The whole time I was in there I thought about how to apologise to Salome, how was I going to make it right. I worked for her family and I didn't want tension and bad vibes between us. No matter what I thought of her I had to be professional.
It was almost time to prepare supper; chicken salad and garlic loaf. That was easy enough but the recipe was bland and boring so I tweaked it a little. Besides reading and writing short stories, cooking shows was my favourite thing to watch. Gran was a little apprehensive at trying new flavours, she wasn't confident that the Porters would like it even though she was confident in my cooking skills. My concoctions were nothing new to her. I used spring mix instead of regular lettuce; roasted chicken pieces with Portuguese spice instead of boiled; but the crowning glory was the sauce; mayonnaise, garlic chilli sauce, dry mint and parsley, pepper and salt. Instead of boring garlic loaf I added mozzarella cheese on the top with a pinch of Italian herbs and smoked paprika and toasted it in the oven.
Jonjo came home with his mom because he had swimming practice. He was starving but Mrs Porter insisted that he have a fruit so as not to spoil his appetite for supper. ‘‘Something smells gorgeous,'' she sniffed the air, ‘‘is that chicken salad?''
‘‘Yes ma'am,'' I was thankful for her positive reaction. She went upstairs to freshen up. Jonjo showered and did his homework then he hung around the kitchen unsatisfied by the fruit he ate earlier. I asked him to help me set the table to get his mind off eating.
Mrs Porter was very particular about eating times; breakfast was 6.30am in school time and 8am on weekends and holidays, 12pm is lunch and 6pm is supper. I served the spring mix, chicken slivers and sauce in separate bowls. I sliced the cheesy garlic bread, served it on a platter and rang the dinner bell.
‘‘This looks lovely, thank you Lea,'' Mrs Porter said as she sat down to dinner. Jonjo was already serving himself and she warned him to remember his manners. ‘‘Where is Salome?'' she rang the dinner bell again. Salome appeared from around the corner. ‘‘Where have you been,'' she asked.
‘‘In Dad's office, reading,'' she answered as she sat down. No wonder I didn't see her, I hadn't been into the office to clean today. She was hiding away from me, I felt ghastly for making her uncomfortable in her own house.
Gran was anxiously waiting in the kitchen. ‘‘Did they like it?'' she asked.
‘‘I don't know they haven't started eating yet.'' Five minutes into the meal I started to relax. If it was terrible then surely she would have summoned me. Gran was cooking our supper when the dinner bell rang. My tummy started to churn as I made my way to the dining room.
‘‘We will have our coffee in the living room please Lea and warm milk for Jonjo. Salome didn't look up from her napkin. I gathered the dishes and noticed that all the food had been eaten. I'm sure they could see how nervous I was. ‘‘Lea, that was the best chicken salad I have ever tasted, and I have eaten chicken salad all over the world, well done!'' she smiled.
‘‘Thank you ma'am,'' I smiled like a Cheshire cat as I went to the kitchen. ‘‘Gran they loved it,'' I said putting the dishes in the sink. Gran gave me two thumbs up; I think she was more relieved than I was. I poured the coffee and looked in the pantry for biscuits to serve with it.
On one of the shelves next to the biscuits was a sweets jar with one lonely caramel bear in it. I loved those sweets; the tummy of the bear was filled with caramel that oozed out when you bit it. I served the coffee and quickly ran upstairs.
In Salome's room I found post-it's on the desk. I wrote her a note, taped it to the bear, left it on her pillow and ran back downstairs. I cleaned the last of the dishes, Gran and I said goodnight and took our supper to the hut. I was so tired and hot and sticky that all I could think about was a shower. We ate dinner in front of the TV and by 8.30pm Gran was fast asleep. I lay on my bed wondering if Salome found the bear. I knew it wasn't enough of an apology but it was a start, a small gesture. I was too tired to worry about it now. It was an early start tomorrow morning and I needed rest.
CHAPTER SIX
I woke early the next morning, ready for the day ahead. I felt very confident because I managed to get all my chores done and the family enjoyed the supper. Maybe this won't be so bad. I can manage this job until I find something better, as long as I kept my nose clean everything will be okay.
I went into the kitchen and started making the lunches, then set the table for breakfast. Mrs Porter came down looking for coffee. She said Salome was going to a youth camp for the day so I didn't have to worry about making lunch for her. Also Mr Porter was coming back on Friday so I was to make sure his office was cleaned.
Jonjo was late, untidy and unprepared. Thankfully he had no sports practice today so he would be home by 2pm. I helped him to get ready and packed his bag while he ate breakfast. Mrs Porter was already irritable with him for being so clumsy so when he dawdled to the car she shouted and he sulked. I understood what Gran meant about the mornings getting hectic, I would have to find a way of getting Jonjo ready on time. By 8pm Salome was gone as well. She came downstairs, grabbed a fruit and said goodbye as she walked out the door; all in one motion.
Firstly I collected the dirty clothes from each hamper and put it on to wash, and then I dusted, vacuumed and washed the floors. By then the clothes were ready to go into the tumble dryer. Things seemed to be going much smoother today, I found my rhythm.
I opened the door to Mr Porter's office; I thought I had stepped into heaven. The walls were cream with a dark, charcoal, grey carpet. Two walls of the office was floor to ceiling dark wood shelves filled with books; it looked like a library. He must have started collecting these books as a teenager, some of them looked very old. I was almost afraid to dust them too hard. His mahogany desk looked as big as a dining room table with three drawers on each side with pictures of his family on it. In one corner were two armchairs on either side of a small round table with a lamp on it. Against the opposite wall was a long side board with many drawers and above that was an oil painting of the countryside.
No wonder he spent so much time in here. There was an aura in this room, a certain kind of vibe. This room was made for business, for inspiring great ideas and closing deals. I cleaned quickly trying not to disturb the vibe and quietly shut the door. I wondered if I could borrow some of these books.
It was lunchtime already and Gran had come to check on my progress. ‘‘I'm impressed everything looks good,'' she complimented.
‘‘Did you doubt it?''
‘‘Not for a moment,'' she smiled, ‘‘let's eat.'' We sat down to sandwiches and tea.
‘‘Gran, Mr Porter's office is amazing; all those beautiful books. Has he read all of them?''
‘‘I thought you would like it,'' Gran laughed. ‘‘I suppose he has read them all, they are in his office.''
‘‘Do you think I could borrow a book from time to time or will that be too presumptuous?'' I asked.
‘‘Just don't go making yourself a nuisance and don't ask wait to be offered.'' Granny knew me so well.
‘‘I wasn't going to ask; but I will throw out a hint that I love books and see what happens,'' I said cunningly. Granny smiled and shook her finger at me.
I ironed, hung and folded the washing from the tumble dryer and took it upstairs. Mrs Porter bed was already made and the room was tidy so I dusted, vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom, and then put away the clothes. The closet was beautiful, shelves of shoes, drawers of scarves and rows of hanging space. In the centre was a free standing long mirror and a round ottoman.
Jonjo's room looked like a tiny tornado had vacationed there and smelled like shoes. I picked up his toys and books and arranged them on the shelves. His bed was made but under the bed was a junkyard. I could see that this was where most of my time would be spent. Once it was tidy it was beautiful. I went to put his clothes away and found more dirty clothes tangled with shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe. I emptied the entire wardrobe and re-packed it neatly. I hoped he would keep it this way.
Salome's room was a breath of fresh air. I put away her clothes, dusted, vacuumed and was done. I couldn't help but notice that the room smelled like her, not just the perfume she wore but that special something, a scent that was all Salome. I wondered what she thought of my gesture; I'm sure I would find out soon enough, one thing she could not do is hide her feelings for long.
I waited for Jonjo at the driveway gate at 2pm. David's mom, his friend from down the road, brought him home. He looked like he had an awful day. ‘‘Are you okay?” I asked as he threw his bag out of the car? He didn't answer. Instead of picking it up, he wanted to drag it down the driveway. I was not going to tolerate that attitude for the rest of the afternoon.
‘‘Right young man, we are not taking one step more until you tell me what the matter is.''
‘‘I just had a bad day, nothing went right from this morning and Mum was shouting at me all the way to school.'' He rambled on barely taking a breath.
‘‘You brought it upon yourself, so don't go blaming anyone else. If you were better prepared then you could just eat and walk out the door and your mother would never have to scold you.'' He didn't seem too happy with me. I felt sorry for him. ‘‘Ok, I will help you get all your things ready the night before and when I come in the morning I will make sure that you are ready on time. But you also have to help yourself. Is that a deal?'' I held out my hand for him to shake. He shook it eagerly and his smile returned.
‘‘Deal.'' He agreed.
‘‘What if I let you swim for half an hour before you start your homework?'' I offered, ‘‘will that make you feel better?''
‘‘Are you serious,'' he was in disbelief, ‘‘you are the best, Lea.'' He ran down the drive way and into the house to change. He played in the pool for half an hour exactly, ate his fruit and yoghurt snack and went to shower. He did his homework on the dining room table while I completed my chores.
Tonight's supper was steak roll and salad. Since they enjoyed my chicken salad so much; I thought I would tweak this recipe as well. I was in the middle of making the Greek salad when Mrs Porter came home with Salome. ‘‘Hello Lea, how are you,'' Mrs Porter said. She put the crispy rolls on the kitchen counter and went to kiss Jonjo. ‘‘Hello my boy how was school?'' She floated past not waiting for an answer.
‘‘Dad is coming home on Friday,'' Salome explained.
‘‘Is supper ready yet, I'm starving.'' Jonjo moaned.
‘‘You just ate this,'' Salome said lifting the messed bowl in front of him.
‘‘That was just a snack.”
‘‘I tell you what,'' I began, “go and pack your stuff for tomorrow and when you are finished, supper will be ready.'' He smiled, gathered his homework, and ran upstairs. Salome followed him. ‘‘Did you enjoy your day?'' I asked trying to break the glacier that stood between us.
‘‘It was okay, and yours?''
‘‘Good. No problems.'' I wanted to ask about the caramel bear.
‘‘If I were you I wouldn't promise Jonjo anything,'' she warned, ‘‘he will nag you to death until he gets it.''
‘‘I never do,'' she looked at me a little confused, ‘‘make promises I can't keep,'' I continued. She wondered around the kitchen, took a fruit and went upstairs.
I kept my promise, supper was done by the time he was done packing. The family sat down to dinner and enjoyed it immensely. ‘‘You have done it again Lea, fabulous meal,'' Mrs Porter praised. ‘‘I'm quite enjoying these new flavours on an old favourite.''
‘‘Thank you ma'am,'' I smiled in appreciation. They had coffee in the living room while I washed up the last of the dishes. I went upstairs to make sure Jonjo had packed everything he needed. He hadn't forgotten a thing; everything was neatly packed and waiting at the bedroom door, even his sports kit. I was so proud of him; I said goodnight and went home.
Gran had supper ready but I had to shower the day's labour off first. ‘‘Good day?''
‘‘Yes, it seemed to go much smoother today; except this morning with Jonjo. Mrs Porter shouted at him for being slow and clumsy. Otherwise I think I'm getting the hang of it,'' I said as Gran handed me my supper.
‘‘Yep, Jonjo has made many a morning interesting and very stressful,'' Gran laughed. We ate and watched TV and soon Gran was out like a light. I switched off the TV and looked for something to read. I found an old magazine. I thought of Mr Porter's office; I wonder if he would let me borrow a book or two or all. I sat outside the door of the hut; it was too hot to sit inside and was surprisingly not sleepy.
The garden was well lit for security reasons. I heard the kitchen door close and looked up to see Salome coming down the stairs. ‘‘What's up?” She asked as she reached me.
‘‘Nothing much, just paging through,'' I answered.
‘‘Mind if I sit?'' Her passive attitude took me by surprise. I moved up slightly so she could sit on the pavers instead of the damp grass.
‘‘I didn't know you were a poet,'' she said.
‘‘Me?'' I said in surprise. She reached into her pocket and out came the caramel bear with the note still attached to it. My ears felt hot and my cheeks flushed. I prayed she didn't read it aloud.
‘‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm sorry I was an asshole to you.'' She did; she read it out loud. She could see how embarrassed I was. She nudged me with her shoulder and started to giggle. I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn't.
She broke the bear in half; caramel oozed out and dripped down her hand. She gave half to me; ‘‘your treat for a great poem,'' we laughed again as she licked the dripping confection. I sucked the caramel out; it was delicious. ‘‘Thank you,'' Salome said, ‘‘no one has ever done anything like that for me before.''
‘‘Write a crappy poem,'' I teased.
‘‘I'm serious,'' she held my hand with her sticky fingers; she was serious. “I'm sorry for the other day, the way I reacted. You are right, I know nothing about you. I was way out of line.”
“Yes you were,” I said looking her straight in the eye, “but I had no right to talk to you that way. I'm sorry.”
‘‘You have a real way about you, Lea,'' she said, ‘‘I don't know exactly what it is but something about you that just pulls me in.''
‘‘I'm not sure what you mean.'' I was confused.
‘‘I'm drawn to you like a magnet draws metal.'' She fiddled with a small stone on the pavers. How do I respond to a statement like that, but I felt like I should say something. I opened my mouth to speak. Salome locked her arms in mine and rested her head on my shoulder, and then she let out a deep sigh and squeezed tight.
This was not a moment for words. I wondered if there was something bothering her; she seemed to be deep in thought. She wasn't the boisterous, sarcastic, bossy girl that greeted me that first day; she was gentle, vulnerable and almost needy in a way. We sat there in silence for a long while.
‘‘You better get to bed, I'm sure you are exhausted from taking care of us all day,'' she said as she stood up to leave. I stood up too.
‘‘Not at all, I'm used to late nights,'' I assured her.
‘‘Thank you Lea,'' she came forwards for a hug and kissed me on the lips. I was frozen on the spot, I could not move. ‘‘Goodnight,'' she said and walked away.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
I woke early the next morning but was very lethargic. I didn't get much sleep last night, not after that kiss. I was so confused; I didn't know what to think or feel about what happened. What exactly did happen? What did it mean? I told myself it was nothing but then why could I still feel her touch on my arm and her lips on mine.
I ran up the stone path, already a few minutes late. No one was awake yet to see me so I started my day. Breakfast was on time and by 7am Jonjo and Mrs Porter were on their way. I assumed Salome was still asleep and very grateful that I didn't have to deal with an awkward moment this morning.
Today I wanted to familiarise myself with the kitchen; yesterday I opened almost every cupboard just to find a salad bowl. Mrs Porter had every gadget imaginable; espresso machine, pasta maker, juicer, deep fryer, pressure cooker, slow cooker, mixer, blender, chopper, shredder, you name it and she had it. It was all supposed to make cooking easier and faster; if you knew how to use it properly. Mrs Porter never cooked so who was this all for?
The pantry was made up of two rooms. The front room had floor to ceiling shelves for non-perishables and this led into a climate controlled back room for perishables with shelves on either side. The shelves were a little disorganised so I repacked them to make it easier for me to find what I needed.
It was around 9am when Salome came downstairs starving. ‘‘Morning, can I make you something for breakfast?'' I asked.
‘‘No thank you, I can help myself.'' I took the opportunity to busy myself in the laundry and then ducked up the stairs to start my chores. I cleaned the main bedroom and scrubbed the bathroom. Jonjo's room was untidy again; clothes, toys and shoes lay merrily on the floor making friends with each other. The clothes hamper was a few centimetres away and empty; I had to change his bedding because he spilled milk on it. The most part of my time was spent just trying to organise and clean that room; I couldn't believe I had cleaned it just yesterday.
I was just done cleaning the main bathroom when I heard movement upstairs. I hoped she wouldn't come to find me. When things quietened down I tiptoed out; Salome's door was open and I needed to get the clothes. I knocked before I went in; there was no answer and the bed was made so I thought I would clean quickly. While I was dusting the side tables next to her bed, I felt a hand on me, rubbing my back up and down. I moved to the desk breaking contact, ‘‘I can come back later if you like,'' I said.
‘‘Don't be silly,'' she yawned and lay on the bed. ‘‘Did you have a good sleep?''
‘‘Yes thanks,'' I lied, ‘‘and you?''
‘‘I had a fabulous sleep.'' She threw her arms into the air, stretched and rolled onto her tummy. She looked extremely content. I was done vacuuming so I picked up the clothes from the hamper and left. ‘‘Wait I'm coming with you,'' she said.
We walked down the stairs in silence; I could feel her eyes burning a whole into the back of my head. She followed me right into the kitchen. ‘‘Are you busy today,'' she asked as she poured herself coffee.
‘‘No more or less, the usual.” I was confused by her curiosity. ‘‘Why?''
‘‘No reason, just asking,'' she smiled and took her coffee to the living room. I could feel her watching me but every time I looked her way, she faced the TV. Was I just being paranoid? Maybe I was just making something out of nothing. Thankfully there was lots of laundry to do; we didn't have to run in to each other for the rest of the morning.
I was still ironing when I heard a loud crash in the kitchen and ran to see what happened. Salome was busy in the kitchen; she looked up from the mess on the floor. ‘‘I'm making lunch,'' she explained.
‘‘Do you need some help?'' I offered looking at the calamity before me.
‘‘No, no, no,'' she waved me away. ‘‘I have this under control.''
‘‘Are you sure?''
‘‘Go!'' She chased me. I couldn't help but smile, she's always up to something that girl.
She knocked on the laundry door while I was putting the last of the washing into the tumble dryer. ‘‘Lunch time,'' she said as cheery as ever.
‘‘Ok, I will be with you in a minute to set the table.''
‘‘No, not to set table,'' she undid my apron strings, her hands brushed across my stomach, ‘‘to eat.''
‘‘I'll eat later, after I finish the ironing,'' I said and began to tie my apron. She pulled the strings from my hands.
‘‘I made lunch for us,'' she said sternly, ‘‘and you, Lea Stevens are going to eat right now.'' There she was again, bossy Salome was back. When she looked at me like that I knew it was pointless to argue.
The table was beautifully set as if we were expecting special guests. ‘‘You sure did go through a lot of trouble just for lunch. I usually just have a sandwich.'' I sat down.
‘‘Well today lunch is special.'' She put a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and chips in front of me; it smelled delicious.
‘‘Wow, this looks delicious.'' I waited for her to sit down.
‘‘Will you say grace please, Lea.'' She held out her hand and I took it and we bowed our heads.
“Heavenly Father, we thank you for the food we are about to eat, bless the hands that made it. We pray for all those that are hungry and struggling, Father, we ask you to bless them with your plentiful bounty. Amen. “
She squeezed my hand, ‘‘that was beautiful. Bon apatite.''
The food was scrumptious; the eggs were light and fluffy, the bacon was perfectly fried and the chips were crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. ‘‘Are you enjoying it?'' she asked, “I didn't screw anything up did I?''
‘‘No,'' I assured her as I sipped my juice, ‘‘it's perfect.''
‘‘Well good because it is all I know how to make.''
‘‘And you perfected it,'' I encouraged. I ate every bit of it down to the last morsel. ‘‘Thank you for lunch.'' I started to clear up.
‘‘Wait there's still desert,'' she raced off to the kitchen and came back with two plates of pancakes with berries and ice-cream. I couldn't possible eat anymore but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I slowly ate small pieces at a time, just to make her happy. ‘‘I wanted to do something special for you because you are so special to me, Lea,'' she smiled. The butterflies were awakened in my stomach.
‘‘Salome I have to get back to work. Thank you for the lovely meal. I will eat dessert later.'' I got up to leave.
‘‘Last night wasn't an accident,'' she said. I ran out the back door and headed for the hut.
I think Gran said something to me and I think I answered her, I must have answered. I ran straight into the bathroom; it felt like I was going to vomit. ‘‘Lea, are you okay? Gran shouted through the door.
‘‘Yes fine, just a little ache,'' I said.
‘‘I don't think I have any medicine for you, Baby,'' Gran said. My head was bursting. This was all too much for me; too much was happening all at once. I needed everything to just slow down. I came out of the bathroom. ‘‘Are you okay?'' Gran was very concerned, ‘‘you ran in here like the devil was chasing you.''
‘‘It's just a really bad headache, that's all,'' I assured her. Gran, I was thinking that maybe we should go home this weekend. You are well enough and I'm coping with the work so I really feel that this is the perfect time,'' I rambled on barely taking in air.
‘‘I promised the Porters that I would stay till the end of the month and I cannot go back on my word. They have been very good to me, I owe them that at least,'' Gran was very confused.
‘‘I'm sorry Gran, I'm not thinking straight, of course we can stay, its only right,'' I said as I went back to the house.
Salome was washing dishes. ‘‘I'll do that,'' I said and went to the sink.
‘‘Why are you always running away from me?'' she held my hand.
‘‘I'm really busy right now, there's still a lot to do.''
‘‘Lea we have to talk,'' she insisted. I started to wash the dishes trying to ignore her. Lea talk to me!'' she shouted. I turned towards her, she was pleading with me but I couldn't do this now and I didn't want another argument. I held my head; the pain was shooting through my brain. ‘‘What's wrong?”
“It's just a headache,''
‘‘Then sit down,'' she brought me aspirin and water. I drank it gratefully; hoping that is would end the pain soon. Thankfully she didn't press me to talk about last night. Slowly the pain began to subside.
‘‘I need to finish the laundry before your mother gets back and there's still supper to be cooked.'' I got up and went to the laundry. She didn't try to stop me.
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CHAPTER EIGHT
Mrs Porter phoned to say she was bringing pizza for supper. I suspected Salome had something to do with that. Jonjo lay in front of the TV. He had finished his homework and was too hot to do anything. Salome sat on the couch next to him reading a magazine. I had finished my chores and packed away the last of the ironing when Mrs Porter came home. The pizza was still hot and she wanted to eat right away. She invited Gran and me to eat with them so I set the table for dinner and called Gran.
The pizza was scrumptious; one was spicy chicken with pepper dews and the other was steak and mushroom, but after that big lunch I couldn't eat. ‘‘Not hungry Lea?'' Mrs Porter asked. She must have noticed me nibbling at my piece.
‘‘I had a late lunch Ma'am,'' I answered. What I didn't tell her is that my stomach was still in knots, my headache hadn't really gone away and I was dreading the conversation with Salome; which was inevitable.
‘‘You can take it home in case you get hungry later.”
‘‘Thank you ma'am,'' I said and drank my juice.
‘‘And you Salome. Did you also have a late lunch or were you snacking on junk all day?''
‘‘You know me Mom,'' she smiled.
‘‘I will eat it if no one else wants it,'' Jonjo said with a mouth full of pizza. We couldn't help but laugh.
Gran helped me clean the kitchen. Thankfully no one wanted coffee so we said goodnight and went home. ‘‘Did you and Salome have another fight,'' Gran asked as I was opening the door.
‘‘No. Not at all.”
‘‘Then what is going on with you two?''
‘‘Nothing, we're cool,'' I insisted trying to downplay the obvious tension between us.
‘‘If you say so,'' she said unconvinced. I showered quickly and was in bed early pretending to sleep. I didn't want to answer any more questions. When Gran finally fell asleep I went outside hoping the fresh air would help my nagging headache.
I tried not to think about the kiss, the lunch and the conversation. But it was all that was on my mind. I lay down on the lounger and closed my eyes for just a while. What was happening? Why was this happening? I didn't know anything anymore. When I opened them again Salome was standing over me with aspirin and water.
‘‘Headache still bad?'' she asked giving me the medicine. All I could do was nod. I drank it praying it would act quickly. ‘‘Sit forward.''
‘‘Why?''
‘‘Just sit forward.'' I moved up and she sat behind me guiding my head onto her chest and slowly and methodically massaged my temples. ‘‘Is it helping?''
‘‘Yeah don't stop.” I couldn't help but relax and let the pain drain away. She pressed down the back of my neck and into my shoulders, then down my arms and across my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. I moaned in satisfaction. I didn't mean to but this was nice, I didn't want to move from this spot. We stayed like that for a while. I could feel her chest rise and fall as she breathed, I could smell the conditioner in her hair and the lotion on her body.
‘‘I'm sorry about this afternoon,'' she finally said.
‘‘It wasn't your fault, it was me,'' I assured her.
‘‘Lea you ran out the door looking like you were about to vomit; clearly it was me.'' I sat up. ‘‘Please don't leave?'' she grabbed my hand.
‘‘I'm not going to leave.'' I turned to face her. ‘‘Why did you kiss me the other night?'' I asked. She was surprised. I could tell she didn't know what to say. ‘‘You're not my sister, mother, granny, aunty or cousin; so why did you kiss me?''
‘‘I wanted to,'' she finally answered.
‘‘What does that mean?'' I had put her on the spot and she was uncomfortable. She tried to leave but I managed to get a hold of a finger to stop her. ‘‘Don't you run away, now,''
‘‘I don't know what to say to you, I can't explain it.'' She looked vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable.
‘‘Just say what you mean, say what is true.''
She took a deep breath looking at me without pretence, ‘‘in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to just kiss you.''
‘‘Salome we are two girls, two Christian girls; we know this is wrong.”
‘‘What exactly is wrong? It's not wrong Lea it's just… different.''
‘‘In the eyes of God it's a sin Salome; plain and simple.''
‘‘Being gay is not a sin; it's not even a choice. It's who you are; like you have dark skin and brown eyes.'' She started pacing infuriated.
‘‘Oh, so you are gay?'' I asked
‘‘I didn't say that.''
‘‘Then you are not gay?''
‘‘I don't know. Why are you trying to fit everything into a neat little box,'' she huffed.
‘‘I'm trying to understand this… thing,'' I explained. ‘‘A few days ago I knew exactly who I was and now I'm questioning everything, can you understand that?'' I was walking in circles like a troubled soul. ‘‘I liked it.''
‘‘Come again? Did you say...'' she was confused.
‘‘I said I liked it, all of it; the kiss, the lunch, the massage just now, all of it. I loved it,'' I confessed with a heavy heart. ‘‘When I look at you I don't just see a girl; I see an intelligent, beautiful, sexy woman. I have never in my entire life found another living soul sexy. Never.'' She was stunned into silence. ‘‘Do you know what this means?'' I continued, ‘‘I'm an abomination in the eyes of God.”
‘‘Lea that is just what stuffy, religious fanatics say when something, they don't understand, comes along and shakes the wobbly foundation of their religion. How could God hate what He created?'' She preached. ‘‘God is love. That is the only teaching you need to know.''
‘‘Maybe this is God's way of punishing me,'' I said irrationally.
‘‘For what Lea, you are being silly. Would you stop pacing like a caged animal and sit down! Please, Lea.” I sat on the other lounger needing to keep the distance between us. “How is it possible that an intelligent person like you is so brainwashed when it comes to religion.''
‘‘Silly, is losing everything; my family, my friends.''
‘‘You are being melodramatic; you are not going to lose anything. Why are you getting so worked up over a stupid kiss?''
‘‘So that's all it was, a stupid kiss?'' I asked annoyed. “You turn my life upside down for what, an experiment.”
‘‘No!'' she shouted. ‘‘You know that is not true, you know how I feel.''
‘‘I don't, you haven't told me anything except that you wanted to and it was stupid.''
‘‘Lea please let's not fight?'' she pleaded. ‘‘I don't have answers for you; this is new for me too.''
‘‘I'm not fighting. I'm just trying to...'' What was I trying to do? Understand, pretend it didn't mean anything, and hope this was just a phase. ‘‘This can never happen again,'' I said sternly. ‘‘It was a mistake. Let's just forget it ever happened and ask God to forgive us and move on.'' She looked at me, bewildered at my request and left in silence.
I threw myself on my bed, my soul torn up by what I had allowed to happen, I knew better than to be snared in the devil's trap. I had admitted too much to her, my mind was clouded for a moment but now I was thinking clearly. I had to put a stop to this foolishness. If I was devout and sincere, my Lord would forgive me.
‘Dear God, please don't punish me? Whatever I did or said, I am truly sorry. Please don't do this to me. Please Jesus help me rid myself of this demon.'
I prayed every prayer I knew, I prayed until I cried. I finally fell asleep with the Bible clutched in my hands.
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CHAPTER NINE
I woke the next morning exhausted after a restless night. I wanted to go home; back to my family and friends, back to where everything was simple and made sense, now it was just too complicated. Thankfully Gran was still asleep. I wondered if she heard us arguing last night.
There was an overnight bag on the kitchen counter when I went into the house then Salome appeared unexpectedly. ‘‘Good morning,'' I said wearily.
‘‘Morning,'' she grunted putting the last of her clothes in the bag when Mrs Porter came in.
‘‘Are you sure Tamara's parents said it's okay?'' she asked Salome.
‘‘Mom I told you it's okay,'' she answered, ‘‘it's all sorted.''
‘‘It's all just so sudden Salome.'' Salome didn't answer. A car hooted outside, she kissed her mother goodbye and left with not so much as a look in my direction.
‘‘I will never understand young people. How do you just get up at 5am and decide to go away for a few days,'' Mrs Porter said walking up the stairs.
A few days; where was she going for a few days? And who the hell was Tamara? She didn't even say goodbye, she could have at least said goodbye. I don't care? She can come and go as she pleases? She doesn't have to answer to me. This was a blessing; at least there would be some peace now. I could just get on with my work and forget about the bad things. ‘‘Thank you Jesus,'' I murmured looking to the ceiling and started my work.
Everything was running smoothly; I managed the work load and the family enjoyed my cooking. Gran would check up on me from time to time just to make sure I was on track. Her health was improving from all the rest she was getting. I missed my family and friends but we kept contact via WhatsApp. Everyone was getting on with their lives as was I. Tracy worked with her mother as a cashier; Amanda went to beauty school with Michelle and was enjoying it. The twins were enjoying high school and doing well and Mom was managing the household with the two incomes.
Mr Porter finally came home on Friday. He was of average height and medium build. In many ways he was the adult version of Jonjo. He wasn't much of a conversationalist but when he did speak he was always polite, a true gentleman. Mrs Porter had taken the day off to pick him up from the airport and to spend time with him. He spent most of the day in his office and she was ran in and out taking care of his needs. I had never seen her so ruffled before. Jonjo went on as usual neither happy nor upset that his father was home. I made my famous chicken pasta for supper and Mrs Porter told him about my cooking skills. ‘‘I'm looking forward to tasting all this lovely food I've been hearing about,'' he smiled.
Supper was served on time as usual. Jonjo scoffed it up like a hungry wolf and wanted seconds. Mr Porter seemed to be enjoying it but Mrs Porter was on tender hooks awaiting his approval. ‘‘Supper was marvellous thank you Lea,'' he finally said. I could see the tension drain away from Mrs Porter's face. ‘‘I will take my coffee in the office please,'' he requested.
‘‘Sweetheart surely you are not going to do more work now?'' she was almost pleading with him.
‘‘Just a few overseas faxes and emails, Darling, I won't be long.'' He bent down and kissed her on the forehead before retiring to his office.
Jonjo went to his room after supper and Mrs Porter watched TV. I suspect she was waiting for Mr Porter to finish. He was so busy on the phone that he didn't notice me come in with his coffee. I said goodnight and went home. I felt sorry for Mrs Porter; she seemed always in second place, competing with paperwork.
Gran was waiting with supper. I showered, ate and read for a while. We chatted a little before she fell asleep. I watched a movie, not really concentrating. My mind kept drifting to Salome.
I tried to shake the thought of her out of my head but she seemed to creep in again, somehow. It was good that she was away; at least I could keep my head clear without her pushing the agenda. I wondered what she was doing right now. Wherever she is and whatever she is doing is none of my concern. It was a beautiful starry sky, I wonder if they are having good weather? Dammit this was pointless, it's better if I'm asleep.
The next morning Gran made coffee and hummed church tunes while I dressed. ‘‘Gran, who is Tamara?'' I asked inquisitively.
‘‘Oh she is Salome's best friend. They have been friends since pre-school. Why?''
‘‘She went away with them for a few days,'' I said.
‘‘That's not unusual. They have a holiday home down the south coast I think,'' Gran said. I drank my coffee and went to work.
The Porters' were off to the country club for the day. Mr Porter had a golf game and Mrs Porter and Jonjo were going to occupy themselves until he was done. Except for not having to make breakfast, the day started as usual. Because it was Saturday, I only worked until 1pm so I made sure that the clothes were washed and ironed and ready for Monday. I put on some music; Mr Porter had some lovely classic jazz CDs, and it seemed to help me flow through my routine.
Salome was on my mind all day, the truth is I missed her five minutes after she left. I tried to think of something else, deliberately erase her from my thoughts, but there she always was. I couldn't control my impulse to go into her room. The scent reminded me of the night she massaged my headache away. I missed her even though I didn't want to admit it. I sat on her bed just happy to be surrounded by her things, taking it all in when I heard Gran calling me. I felt like I had been caught out and quickly ran down to the kitchen.
Gran sat at the dining room table. ‘‘It's your Mum's birthday at the end of the month and I want to do something nice for her,'' she said.
‘‘That sounds good. What did you have in mind?'' I asked happy to have this distraction.
‘‘I thought maybe a new dress or earrings or shoes, something really nice, something just for her. She has been so stressed lately.”
“Maybe we can also take her to lunch at Orientals, she loves that place.'' I said excitedly.
‘‘That might be a bit too expensive for all five of us.''
‘‘Not if we have budget meals and Mum can order whatever she likes.'' Gran and I were so excited to be doing this for Mum. She really deserved it.
Soon my morning was over; I had the rest of the day to relax. I called my friends to catch up on the gossip at home and then phoned the twins to tell them of our plans for mum's birthday. The rest of the afternoon I spent laying in my special spot at the end of the garden reading and trying not to dwell on Salome.
Somehow here I felt so at peace. Here it was possible to shut out the rest of the world and just be with myself.
‘Why lord? Why me? Why now? Why so all of a sudden? Why with her? Why?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER TEN
As usual we were ready for church early and got a ride with the Porters. I was almost afraid to go in to church. What if people could see what I was feeling? What if they took one look at me and knew I was a sinner. What if I started to burn just by being on holy ground? I couldn't concentrate throughout the service; it felt like there were eyes on me; probably the eyes of Jesus hanging on the cross above the altar. I didn't go up for communion either. It just didn't feel right to receive the body and blood of my saviour into a body that was fighting within itself. I was grateful when the service ended. Gran chatted with her friends for a while before we made our way home.
Salome was coming home today; there was a flutter of excitement inside me. I lay on the bed watching TV while Gran made lunch. Am I gay? What does it mean to be gay? Have I always been gay and not known? I've always been a tomboy, handy with tools and fixing things around the house but that was out of necessity. I liked cars and had lots of male friends but I've never been attracted to a woman before. I don't think I know any gay people; there aren't any in Cloverton that I know of.
‘‘Gran are gay people going to hell?'' I asked out of the blue.
‘‘What made you ask that of all things?'' she said puzzled.
‘‘Does God make people gay to punish them?''
‘‘Why are you talking about these devil things,'' she said revolted by the mere mention of gay people. ‘‘They are possessed by the devil, doing these ungodly things. Sodom and Gomorrah was burned for that sin. Do you know they are so desperate for sex that they sleep with just anyone?'' I could hear the disgust in her voice and see the contempt on her face so I changed the subject; she was obviously passionate about the way she felt. My religious teachings and my rational mind were fighting with each other. Was Salome right? Or was Gran right?
The Porters were out all Sunday, Gran snoozed and I read. I decided to take a walk to my special spot under the big tree again. I needed a little bit of heaven to surround me since I was on a slow drift to hell. I didn't want to think about anything anymore. Why was this happening to me, why now? I didn't think I was possessed. I didn't feel evil. I was still just me, a little more interesting but still me.
As I walked back to the hut I noticed movement in Salome's window. The curtain moved and a hand opened the window further; she was home. I couldn't help but smile, my heart beat faster and somewhere in my soul happiness was awakened. I wanted to go to her, welcome her back; but I didn't. Instead I paced around the hut nervously not knowing whether to follow my heart or my head.
Saying hello is harmless. It would be rude to just ignore the fact that she is home. I felt like an insane person trying to convince myself of my next action. What if she is hungry? I decided I would just say a quick hello, see if she needed anything and leave. That would be easy enough.
I ran up the stone path, into the kitchen and stopped at the foot of the stairs. My heart pounded and I couldn't catch my breath. I slowly made my way up, trying to control my heavy breathing, and found myself nervously standing at her door. Should I knock? Maybe she's resting and I'm disturbing her. This was stupid, what was I doing here? I should be avoiding situations like this not placing myself in the middle of it. I turned to leave when the door opened.
She was wearing a white vest with pink shorts and no shoes, her hair was windblown and she looked beautiful. She didn't say a word but my eyes were drawn to her lips. Don't stare, I told myself. She stood in the doorway not inviting me in but not chasing me away either.
‘‘You're back,'' I said nervously and tried to smile. What a stupidly obvious thing to say. ‘‘I saw you in the window, I mean I noticed....'' This was not going well at all. She just stood there, expressionless, motionless while I tripped over my tongue repeatedly. ‘‘I was wondering if you needed me to make you anything, are you hungry?''
‘‘No.'' She said harshly and closed the door in my face.
The sensible thing to do was to turn around and go home at that instant. She was obviously annoyed with me; I should just leave her alone. But what was she angry about? I hadn't seen her in days; this wasn't fair. I didn't have to come up here. It's my day off; I was being polite, thoughtful even. I opened the door and went in. ‘‘Will a little gratitude kill you?'' I asked sarcastically. ‘‘It is my day off after all.''
She looked up from her book. ‘‘Get out of my room!'' she ordered.
‘‘What the hell is your problem?''
She jumped off the bed. ‘‘Get out!'' She was in my face and I didn't like it. I refused to move so she tried to push me out the door but I was bigger and stronger. I lifted her by her waist and threw her on the bed. ‘‘How dare you handle me like that,'' she said shaken.
‘‘Well chill out and stop acting like a brat, then. What is your problem, exactly?''
‘‘Why the heck do you care, just get out,'' she shouted. Why did I care? If this is how she wanted to behave; be my guest. Why should I give a damn?
‘‘I was just showing concern,'' I shouted back.
‘‘Let's just forget about it and move on,'' she mocked. Finally the light bulb went on.
‘‘Ah this is about the other night,'' I said. “I hurt your feelings. Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean....''
‘‘No you are not sorry,'' she interrupted. ‘‘You don't understand anything. All you care about is yourself; it's all about you and what you want.'' She threw the teddy bear at my face. I grabbed her hands and pinned her on her back. I was angry, more than angry. I wanted to slap her for doing that; it was disrespectful and incredibly rude. But I couldn't.
My God she looked sexy. Laying there, anger burning her eyes dark blue; she was still fighting me. I bent down and kissed her lips softly; then I kissed her again longer and deeper. I could feel her body surrender. She slipped her hand under my shirt and gently caressed my back; my skin burned from her touch. Her leg slid up my thigh and onto my bum; she rolled me with very little effort, I was pleasantly surprised.
‘‘Why did you kiss me,'' she said playfully straddling my legs. The anger was gone. Her hair fell softly on either side of her face.
‘‘I wanted too,'' I mocked and tried to kiss her. She pulled away taunting me.
‘‘What about all those things you said the other night?' she asked more seriously. I sat up and wrapped her legs around me.
‘‘Shhhh, don't spoil it,'' I whispered enticing her lips with my tongue. She moaned and gripped my hair. I felt something I had never felt before; an ache deep inside. If I was a man; my soldier would be standing at attention and saluting, since I am a woman; my ballerina was dancing.
Everything I said the other night was still true. We both knew it was, but I didn't care. I didn't care about going to hell or disappointing my family. I just wanted to be here, now, with her. I couldn't resist this feeling. I squeezed her tighter; there was no way I was letting go.
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CHAPTER ELEVEN
Footsteps running up the stairs startled us; the bedroom door was open and we were in a compromising position. Salome jumped off me and sat at her desk; I picked up a book on her side table and pretended to be reading. Our clothes were untidy and our cheeks flushed; we looked suspicious.
Jonjo came up the stairs followed by Mrs Porter. He ran past without a word; straight to his bedroom. I suspect he wanted to escape from his suit. ‘‘And what are you two up to,'' Mrs Porter said standing in the doorway, blocking the exit.
‘‘Nothing much,'' Salome answered fiddling with things on her desk; purposely not making eye contact with her mother.
‘‘My word you are sunburnt,'' she said inspecting Salome's face.
‘‘No it's just hot in here,'' Salome said opening the window further. ‘‘We should go and sit outside instead.” She was hinting at me to make my move towards the door.
‘‘How was your trip,'' Mrs Porter continued.
‘‘It was okay but I'm glad to be home,'' Salome smirked. I could see the naughty look in her eyes.
‘‘And you Lea? How was your day?''
‘‘Just fabulous thank you Ma'am,'' I said unable to control my smile. Mrs Porter left the room and closed the door behind her. Salome and I looked at each other and laughed. That was close, too close. ‘‘I'd better go,'' I said rising from the bed.
‘‘No stay,'' she said holding me tight. Her hair smelled so good; like a morning breeze through a dew soaked field. ‘‘I have to,'' I said kissing her forehead. ‘‘But we can meet up later tonight.''
‘‘Promise?'' she said looking at me with sparkling eyes.
‘‘Promise,'' I said and kissed her softly one more time before I left.
I walked down the stairs in a hurry. I knew I had a stupid grin plastered on my face. I greeted Mr Porter who was watching TV and raced out the door. As I was walking along the path, I heard something fall next to me. It was a pen. I picked it up and continued down the path when another pen landed a few steps ahead of me. I looked up and saw Salome standing at her window. She blew me a kiss; I returned it, picked up the pens and went inside.
Gran was watching TV and snacking on biscuits and tea. ‘‘Where are you coming from?'' she asked as I put the kettle on.
‘‘Just walking through the garden,'' I said putting coffee into the cup.
‘‘I called for you, but you didn't answer.''
‘‘Oh, sorry Gran. Salome came home and we were talking in the house. Did you need something?”
‘‘No. Just wondering where you were. I'm glad you two are getting along,'' she said and continued watching her programme.
I lay on my bed with coffee and biscuits pretending to be interested in the programme on TV. I couldn't stop thinking about Salome and smiling when I thought about her. Everything was different now, everything had changed. I couldn't go back to the way things were, I didn't want to go back to being the old me. I felt so alive, so free like something heavy had been lifted from me. There was an awakening in me; a realisation. The funny thing is that I didn't know how caged up I was. I didn't know that there was more to this life. I just thought I was strange for not being boy crazy. I felt like waving my arms and kicking my legs in the air. I definitely did not have a demon in me, I was too free.
I couldn't wait to see her later, to hold her close to me again and feel her soft touch. I wanted to kiss those pink, rosebud lips and breathe her in. What did she see in me? A beautiful, intelligent, sexy girl wanted to be with me; chubby, boring, dull me. I wasn't attractive nor did I dress well. What did I have to offer her? I had never felt like this before; liked anyone this much before. I felt invincible.
What time was it? I looked for my watch on the kitchen table; almost 5pm. How much longer until I was with her again. She was consuming my every thought.
‘‘Its 5pm shouldn't you get going?'' Gran said. I was confused, where was I going? ‘‘Mrs Porter, the weekly menu, you are supposed to be planning with her.' I jumped up.
‘‘I forgot Gran, thanks for reminding me.'' I said and ran up to the house. Mrs Porter was making coffee when I came in. We sat at the dining room table and methodically planned every meal for the week from breakfast to supper and everything in between. She was happy with me tweaking all of the recipes as long as it wasn't too hot and spicy; Mr Porter had an ulcer. We walked through the pantry making a shopping list. Mrs Porter preferred to get her groceries on a weekly basis as opposed to monthly. In that way she wasn't restricted in planning the menu.
Mr Porter came into the kitchen as we were finishing up. His ulcer was playing up and he was wishing for mielie meal porridge. I was astonished, I didn't realise rich people even knew about such humble food. It was one of his favourite things to eat when he wasn't feeling well. I offered to make it for him and he was very grateful. Mrs Porter gave him some medicine to ease the discomfort and they went to the lounge.
Salome and Jonjo came in looking for food just as I was serving Mr Porter's porridge. She winked at me as we passed each other. Mr Porter didn't look well at all and slowly ate the porridge. ‘‘Do you want a sandwich?'' Salome asked as I entered the kitchen.
‘‘No thanks, I don't want to impose,'' I said politely.
‘‘Oh don't be crazy,'' she said rolling her eyes. ‘‘Sit down; we're having toasted ham and cheese.''
‘‘Can I help?'' I offered.
‘‘I got this,'' she smiled. ‘‘Just relax for once.'' She looked like a natural in the kitchen first she laid all the ingredients out in a line and quickly assembled the sandwich. ‘‘Am I doing it right?'' she asked glancing over her shoulder. I just smiled.
‘‘When is this going to be ready? I'm starving!'' Jonjo moaned.
‘‘When it's ready.'' Salome replied.
‘‘Why don't we play “HANGMAN” while we wait,'' I suggested. Jonjo was keen to play games and went to get a pencil and paper. He came up with some interesting spelling for things. ‘‘You really should read more,'' I said to him. ‘‘It will improve your spelling. I could take you to the library.''
‘‘Maybe,'' he said. Salome had my sandwich and coffee ready.
‘‘You should give Jonjo first,'' I said and slid my sandwich to him; he scoffed it like a hungry bear.
‘‘You spoil him too much,'' Salome said bringing our sandwiches. She touched my hand as she put the plate down and smiled. When Jonjo finished he wanted to run off; I reminded him to pack his bags for school tomorrow and warned that I would check before I left. He moaned all the way up the stairs.
Salome and I continued our meal. ‘‘This is nice,'' I said, ‘‘eating together.'' She smiled.
‘‘Am I going to see you later?'' how could she make sipping coffee so sexy.
‘‘Yep. What time?''
‘‘After 8pm; everyone goes to their rooms by then.”
‘‘Gran will also be asleep at that time.'' Salome kept looking at me as if she had a burning question to ask. ‘‘What?''
‘‘What?”
‘‘You want to ask me something?''
‘‘No, it's nothing.''
‘‘Come on; spill.'' She was quiet for a long time, probably calculating her words. I patiently waited for the question which seemed to be making her increasingly uncomfortable.
‘‘You have done a complete 180 degree turn from the other night and I'm wondering what made you change your mind?'' she asked. Her candidness shocked me.
I shrugged my shoulders. ‘‘I don't know. The way you left without warning and was gone for days with no word. I missed you. And then when I saw you through the window earlier…'' She nodded in understanding.
Jonjo came running down the stairs demanding that I come immediately to see how well he packed his things. I sipped the last of my coffee and followed him. He had done very well. His uniform hung behind the door and both his sports bag and school bag was packed. ‘‘I'm very proud of you,'' I said and sent him to bath and get ready for bed.
I was heading down the stairs when Salome called me from her room. She stood by the wardrobe picking out clothes. ‘‘What are you doing?'' I asked.
‘‘Lectures start tomorrow and I've got to look good,'' she said.
‘‘For who?'' I asked with a hint of venom that surprised even me.
‘‘That green-eyed monster sure did show up quickly,'' she laughed. I was not amused and she could see it. ‘‘I'll see you later,'' I said and left.
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CHAPTER TWELVE
By 8:15 she still hadn't come. Gran was sleeping, the lights were off and my mind was drifting. Maybe I freaked her out when I got so jealous earlier and she changed her mind. I didn't mean to come across as jealous, it's one of those things that you cannot control, it just happens. At 8:45 there was a tap on the window; I moved the curtain and saw her waving at me. I slowly opened the door trying to prevent it from creaking.
She took my hand and led me into the bottom part of the garden. ‘‘Where are we going?'' I whispered but she didn't answer. I recognised where we were; it was my spot under the big tree. She laid a blanket on the floor and we sat down.
‘‘Sorry I was late,'' she explained. ‘‘The folks were hanging around till late.”
‘‘I thought you had changed your mind.''
‘‘Why would I do that?''
“Because I got jealous earlier,'' I replied sheepishly.
‘‘That was cute,'' she laughed and lay looking at the stars. I lay down facing her; examining the masterpiece before me.
‘‘You are so beautiful.'' She smiled at the compliment. ‘‘Why would you want to be with someone like me?” She looked at me confused then took my hand and placed it over her heart.
‘‘That is you,'' she said. ‘‘No one makes my heart beat like you do. From the moment I opened the door that Friday morning.” The moonlight shimmered through the leaves just right and lit up her face just perfect. She pulled me down to kiss me. I loved it when she kissed me; I was putty when she kissed me. She was my kryptonite.
I put my arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Her kiss wasn't gentle anymore; it was hungry and passionate. She straddled my legs, slowly undoing the buttons of my shirt and kissed my stomach. I could feel the ache grow intense. She kissed my body up to my neck. My hands moved along her back lifting her shirt off to expose two beautiful, round breasts.
I kissed them gently; they were warm and soft. My tongue found her nipples; full and hard. She moaned, arched her back and rolled onto the blanket. I licked and teased them until her moans grew louder.
‘‘I want you,'' she whispered. ‘‘I want you now.'' She grabbed my bum and lifted her hips towards mine. I could feel us losing control; we were moving too fast. I wanted her so bad; I wanted to be consumed by her.
‘‘Baby wait.'' I stopped, heaving to fill my lungs with air. She looked at me confused.
‘‘What's wrong,'' she asked concerned
‘‘We're moving too fast,'' I said sitting up. I needed to catch my breath. I handed her the t-shirt; I could see she was angry and confused. She hurriedly put it on and stood up to leave. I pulled her down onto my lap. ‘‘Don't be angry with me, please,'' I pleaded kissing her neck and her cheek. She looked at me with hurt in her eyes. ‘‘Aww Baby, don't look at me like that,'' I hugged her close.
‘‘What's wrong?''
‘‘Nothing is wrong; everything is so right,'' I assured her.
‘‘Then what,'' she threw her hands up in the air.
‘‘Look at me.” She was reluctant. ‘‘Baby please look at me,'' she looked like she was going to cry. ‘‘You are so special to me,'' I continued. ‘‘It's like you have awakened something inside me; made me new and whole,'' I smiled. ‘‘This afternoon was amazing; just now, was amazing too but Babe it's my first time.''
‘‘What do you mean?''
‘‘You are the first person I have kissed.''
‘‘Ever?'' she was surprised.
‘‘Ever!'' I said. ‘‘There is no need to rush and I don't want the first time we make love to be like this.''
‘‘I didn't realise,'' she said thoughtfully.
‘‘I want to wait. I promised myself that my first time would be with the person I marry and for most of my life I thought it would be my husband but maybe it could be my wife. I want to keep that promise,'' I said.
‘‘You are killing me,'' she said throwing her arms around my neck, ‘‘but I respect your values and you are right; there is no rush.''
‘‘I'm killing myself, believe me. It's not an easy promise to keep when I'm with you,'' I teased. ‘‘We'd better get you to bed; it's a big day for you tomorrow.''
We held hands and walked back to the hut; I kissed her one more time just before we got to the bright light at the pool. ‘‘What's your number, we can WhatsApp,'' I said. We exchanged numbers and she went into the house. I immediately went onto the site to invite her.
Salome is online
You: thank you for tonight
Salome: It ws wondaful. Miss u alredi
You: me too. Gna mis u 2mrw.
Salome: dnt rmind me I'm so nervus and xcited
You: u'll b fine. Wat tym u leavn?
Salome: 8. Tammy's mom takn us
You: we'll hav a lil alone tym in da morning
Salome: dat sounds gr8
You: u beta get to sleep. Mxah
Salome: yep I'm xhaustd
You: nyt baby, sweet dreams
Salome: nyt. Neva stop caln me Baby
You: I promise I wnt
Salome is offline
I lay back on my pillow not able to get her out of my mind. She was special, that was for sure. Today was certainly a very busy day; it was a very busy week. Life continues to surprise me. When Mrs Porter offered me this job, I thought that it was the end of my life, the end of my dreams and in a way it was but it was also the beginning of something new. I feel more like me than I've ever felt.
“Dear Lord, thank you for bringing Salome into my life. Help me to always do right by her, not to hurt her in anyway. Keep her safe tomorrow at university. Bless my family and friends and keep them forever in your loving arms. Amen.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Monday morning started as usual. I rang the breakfast bell and the whole family came to eat; Salome winked at me as I served the scrambled eggs. By 7am Mr Porter and Jonjo were off to school; Jonjo was much happier this morning and Mr Porter was impressed at how organised he was for a change. Mrs Porter left soon after and Salome had gone upstairs to dress while I cleaned the kitchen.
She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my back. ‘‘I don't want to go,'' she said. ‘‘I want to stay here with you.'' I smiled and emptied the sink.
‘‘You have to go,'' I encouraged. ‘‘I will be waiting when you get back.'' She kissed me sweetly and we sat down with coffee waiting for her friend to arrive.
‘‘I hope we don't have late lectures.''
‘‘It's the first day and you are already moaning before you even get there. Enjoy yourself, tour the campus, meet new people, and for goodness sake relax,'' I insisted. We sat for a while talking and laughing. It was so easy to be with her; lost in our own world.
Tamara arrived at 7:45 and hooted at the gate. Salome hugged and kissed me goodbye before she left. A few seconds later a SMS came through; it was Salome , “I miss you already.” I couldn't stop smiling.
“I bet you are not even in the car yet.”
The morning went as smoothly as usual. There were times when I wanted to SMS Salome and ask her how it was going, but I didn't want to disturb her. At around lunch time she sent a message , “everything going great just one lecture after the other. Will be home at 3. Miss you. Sal.” I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
Gran joined me for lunch and we talked about mum's birthday. I wondered if I could invite Salome to come with, then she could meet the family. We would have to be discreet; I could never tell my family the truth. We could just be friends; I would love it if my family got to know her.
Mrs Porter called just after lunch. Mr Porter's brother and his family were coming to dinner and she wanted me to cook something special; roast chicken and vegetables with a green salad and milk tart for dessert. ‘‘I'm sorry for the short notice, Lea but I just found out myself. I usually get a caterer to deliver but it's too late,'' Mrs Porter explained apologetically, “and Mr Porter really enjoys your food.''
‘‘It's not a problem at all Ma'am, really,'' I assured her. Gran was surprised and offered to help. ‘‘I better do the milk tart now so it sets in the fridge.” Gran pulled out her book of recipes from the bottom drawer.
The only change I made was to add a few drops of almond essence to the custard and a sprinkling of nutmeg and cinnamon on top. I decided to season the vegetables and chicken and leave it in the fridge until I was ready to cook it. I liked being organised and prepared; it made things less chaotic. Now all I had to do was stick the chicken and vegetables in the oven and make the salad.
Gran took out the guest crockery and cutlery and shone it while I was in the laundry ironing the tablecloth and napkins. Salome burst in through the kitchen door, ‘‘Honey I'm home!'' she announced loudly with her arms thrown out wide.
Gran was startled and so was she; she didn't expect to see Gran sitting there. I peeped around the corner amused at the strange looks they were giving each other.
‘‘You are rather happy,” Gran said. ‘‘Did you have a good day?''
‘‘Uhm yes thanks. I had a great day,'' Salome replied.
‘‘Did you meet lots of new friends?''
‘‘Yes quite a diverse crowd.'' Salome's eyes scanned the house looking for me. She walked towards the living room where she caught me peeping from behind the wall. ‘‘That wasn't funny,'' she said darting into the laundry.
‘‘The look on your face was priceless,'' I laughed with tears rolling down my cheeks. ‘‘Priceless, absolutely priceless.”
‘‘I almost had a heart attack,'' she said smacking my arm. I wiped my face and continued ironing.
‘‘How was your day,'' I asked still giggling, trying to compose myself.
‘‘Good, nice people, nice lecturers and I finish at 3pm every day. I'm most happy about that. The university is massive; if it wasn't for Tamara I would have been lost at least a hundred times.''
‘‘Well lucky for you Tamara is around,'' I said with an ounce of jealousy. The green-eyed monster was rising again and I had to put her back in the cage.
‘‘By far the best part of my day is coming home to you,'' she smiled flirtatiously; moving ever closer.
‘‘Don't you dare,'' I warned. ‘‘Gran is stealthy; we will never hear her coming.''
‘‘Oh how excitingly dangerous.'' She inched closer until I could feel her breath on my cheek.
‘‘You are crazy,'' I said and pecked her lips quickly. It had been a long day, it was going to be a long night and this was just the elixir I needed to sustain me.
‘‘And that is why you love me,'' she teased squeezing my bum.
‘‘Love? Baby I just barely like you,'' I mocked and held her tight. ‘‘Now you better go and sit over there so I can finish my work.'' I directed her to the top of the tumble dryer.
‘‘How was your day?''
‘‘Well it just got very busy; your aunt and uncle are coming to visit.''
‘‘Which one?''
‘‘Your father's brother and his family and they are staying the night. I have so much to do and very little time. I still have to clean and dress the spare room.''
‘‘Oh hell no. why me Lord,'' she moaned.
‘‘Don't you like them?''
‘‘Not at all,'' she stressed. ‘‘They are so snooty. Uncle Jim is nice, very down to earth and friendly but his wife and Stepford son are annoying.”
‘‘Doesn't he go to school?”
‘‘Oh heavens no, public schools are not good enough for JJ. He is home schooled by his mother.”
‘‘WOW. You really don't like them.''
‘‘Teaspoonful's only,'' she gestured.
‘‘You are terrible,'' I laughed.
‘‘Brace yourself for tonight,'' she warned. ‘‘All she is going to talk about is how brilliant JJ is and what a good teacher she has evolved into.” She jumped off the dryer grabbing towels and bedding from the shelf. “I will help you with the spare room,'' Salome offered.
I gave Gran the table cloth and napkins and told her that our guests were now staying over. ‘‘That woman is so fussy,'' Gran said. ‘‘If there is anything out of place she will make such a huge deal out of it.'' Salome and I went to prepare the guest room.
It was a little stuffy from being closed for a long period of time so I opened the windows and lit some vanilla essence to make it homely. It was a trick I learned from one of those woman's magazines; apparently the scent of vanilla was calming. Salome vacuumed while I dusted everything from the windows to the doorknob. We made the bed up with fresh linen and pulled out the camp bed for their son to sleep on. ‘‘You look sexy when you concentrate so hard,'' I teased. She was making up the camp bed.
‘‘You are making me blush.''
‘‘Thank you for your help. I would never have been able to get it done so fast without you.''
‘‘Oh you didn't think I did that for free,'' she teased.
‘‘What do you mean?''
‘‘Com-pen-sa-tion.'' I looked at her confused. ‘‘Payment; I will take hugs and kisses and for so much hard work, you owe me lots.'' I pulled her towards me and closed the bedroom door. It felt good to have her in my arms again. ‘‘I waited all day for this.''
‘‘I missed you.''
‘‘I was beginning to think you hadn't. Not so much as a hug when I came in.” I nuzzled her neck breathing deeply; taking in her scent.
‘‘Of course I did,'' I said kissing her gently. “I just didn't want Gran to catch us and we better get back before she comes looking for us.” We kissed once more before making our way back to the kitchen.
Gran had just finished setting the table. It looked beautiful almost like a hotel. The napkins matched, the cutlery shone, the water and wine glasses matched as well and there was a beautiful candelabrum in the centre. Salome went out to fetch Jonjo and they both went upstairs to do homework, bath and get ready. I still had tons to do and if what they were telling me was true, then I was in for a very long and difficult night.
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
James, Meredith and James junior, affectionately known as JJ arrived at 6.30pm. Mrs Porter was very irritable by their tardiness; she was a stickler for eating on time and they were half an hour late.
James Porter was very much like his brother; medium height and build but plumper around the waist. He was very friendly, a real chatterbox, and the children seemed to enjoy having him around. Meredith was thin and tall and a good 10 years younger than her husband. She sat very upright scoping out her environment. Any compliments she made were always followed by a story of who she knew who had something better or more expensive. She was a real know it all. JJ looked like his mother; not at all athletic nor much of a conversationalist. He spent most of his time browsing on his cell phone and only answered the question he was asked; direct and to the point.
I could see Mrs Porter's blood pressure rising as the time ticked by and supper still hadn't been eaten. She reminded me of a cartoon I used to watch called “Stressed Eric.” Soon Mrs Porter's throbbing temple would strangle her. By 7pm she ushered them to the dining room for supper, pleased that everyone moved swiftly, and rang the dinner bell.
James was impressed by the table setting. There were two ice buckets; one for wine and one for grape juice. We served supper immediately and it was still hot which pleased Mrs Porter to no end. Having Meredith around really put her on edge and yet I never really took Mrs Porter for someone who could be easily shaken.
Twenty minutes later Mrs Porter rang the bell again for us to clear the table. ‘‘Compliments to the chef,'' James said to Mrs Porter.
‘‘I'm flattered that you think it was me Jim but all the credit must go to Lea,'' Mrs Porter said proudly.
‘‘Well then compliments to you young lady,'' he smiled.
‘‘Thank you Sir,'' I replied filling the serving trolley with dirty dishes.
‘‘It was too spicy for me,'' Meredith interrupted. ‘‘Too much going on,” she gestured, “I prefer my cuisine simple.''
‘‘Bland and boring you mean,'' Salome said irritably. Both Mrs Porter and I looked at her sternly in an effort to discourage her from shooting her mouth off. ‘‘I am so glad Lea has introduced us to new things,'' she continued ignoring the daggers of disapproval from her mother, ‘‘aren't you Dad?''
‘‘Oh yes,'' Mr Porter agreed, ‘‘it's the best I have tasted in a long time.''
‘‘Thank you Sir,'' I said once more leaving the room.
‘‘Lea is Phyllis's granddaughter,'' Mr Porter continued, “She will be working for us from now on because Phyllis is retiring.” They drank more and talked more which gave me time to clean the kitchen before dessert. Salome was not happy with Meredith's comment at all but I hoped she wouldn't say anything to cause her mother embarrassment.
Mrs Porter came into the kitchen and requested dessert on the patio. It was a beautiful warm night. She went into the pantry to get the citronella candle; it would chase away any unwanted bugs. She asked me to please stay a little later than usual to tend to our guests at bedtime. I served the coffee and milk tart and returned to the kitchen to eat my supper. Gran was so tired already. ‘‘Thank you for all your help Gran,'' I said, “but I don't want you over doing it; get some rest. Mrs Porter asked me to stay late.''
‘‘It was nice being busy again, I was getting a little bored just sitting around doing nothing,'' Gran smiled. I walked her home and came back to finish the last of the dishes.
Salome cleared the dessert dishes so I helped her. ‘‘That was marvellous,'' James praised once more. ‘‘It had a slight eastern flavour if I'm not mistaken.'' I smiled in appreciation.
‘‘Yes Lea has been a real welcome discovery, a diamond in the rough,'' Mr Porter said. This time Meredith did not say a word, she just sat with arms folded staring into the garden.
‘‘You should be a chef,'' James said, ‘‘I would frequent your restaurant daily.''
I never thought about being a chef. My food always received compliments but it wasn't restaurant quality. He was just being polite; my food certainly wasn't to everyone's taste. Food is tricky like that; some like spice and a little extra heat while others don't, some like to stick to the traditional methods and flavours of making a dish awhile others, like me, enjoy experimenting. I couldn't imagine how chefs manage to cater to everyone's tastes.
Salome came into the kitchen for water. ‘‘You are still here?'' she said surprised.
‘‘Yep your mom wants me to hang around in case they need anything.'' Salome rolled her eyes.
‘‘For heaven's sake can't they get it themselves,'' she huffed.
‘‘Please don't make a big deal out of it; it's just for one night.''
‘‘Will I see you later?''
‘‘I doubt it. I am going to finish up late and I have to be extra early to make a full breakfast before they go.''
‘‘But we've hardly had any time together today,'' she pouted.
‘‘Babe when do you want me to find time? I'm running out of time.'' I didn't like seeing her so disappointed. ‘‘I can fit you in for five minutes somewhere,'' I teased. I gave in far too easily.
By 10.30pm they were ready for bed. I helped James carry the bags to the room. ‘‘If you need anything, Lea will be here for the next fifteen minutes,'' Mrs Porter said and went upstairs.
‘‘Is this where JJ is sleeping?'' Meredith asked turning her nose up at the camp bed.
‘‘This will be just fine,'' James interrupted.
‘‘Can I get you anything before I go?'' I asked politely.
‘‘You can iron these for us to wear tomorrow and try not to burn anything,'' Meredith snapped. She gave me a bundle of clothes; pants and shirt for JJ, a shirt for James and a pants suite and blouse for herself. She also gave me a laundry bag of clothes that she wanted washed.
I couldn't believe this woman; eleven o' clock at night and she expected me to do all this? Couldn't she have given this to me earlier? I wanted to give her a piece of my mind but instead I dutifully did what I was told.
Salome found me in the laundry putting the washing on. ‘‘What are you doing,'' she asked rather loudly.
''Your aunt needs this done by tomorrow morning,'' I said quietly.
‘‘What?'' she shouted and stormed off before I could stop her. She returned a few minutes later with Mrs Porter.
‘‘I'm so sorry Lea,'' Mrs Porter said. ‘‘I didn't realise she had laundry. You really don't have to do it.''
‘‘Its fine Ma'am; it won't take me too long,'' I said.
‘‘This is absolute rubbish Mum, she's just taking advantage,'' Salome said spitting venom with each syllable. She was working herself up to tell Meredith off. Mrs Porter was overwhelmed and didn't know what to say.
‘‘It will only take me an hour and its only one night,'' I said trying to calm both of them down.
‘‘Thank you Lea,'' Mrs Porter said and returned to her room.
‘‘But Mom.''
‘‘Salome,'' I said sternly. ‘‘Please just leave it.'' She didn't want to drop it. ‘‘For me, please.'' I begged.
‘‘Well I'm keeping you company then,'' she insisted and went to pour us some coffee. I smiled, thankful that she was calmer but knowing full well that she hadn't let it go.
I put the clothes on a quick wash and started with the ironing. Salome transferred the washing to the tumble dryer and put the second load on while I tackled Meredith's suit and blouse. ‘‘At least we get to spend time together,'' I said trying to find the silver lining; but it was late and we both were tired.
‘‘But it's not quality time,'' she moaned stressing the word quality.
‘‘Oh come on,'' I teased. I was ironing Meredith's blouse when she came in.
‘‘I just came to see if you were ironing my blouse properly; it's very delicate so be careful,'' she instructed. ‘‘What are you doing here?'' she asked turning to Salome.
‘‘Would you like more coffee Lea?' Salome asked without answering Meredith and pushed past her to get through the door. Meredith lingered for a while inspecting the clothes I had already ironed and left. I put a cloth over the blouse and ironed it so the iron didn't come into contact with the delicate material; a trick Gran taught me.
Salome put the last load of washing into the tumble dryer and it was almost finished. By 12am I was done; the ironed clothes were on hangers and the clean washing was neatly folded and put back into the laundry bag.
‘‘I'm exhausted,'' I said stretching my tired body. ‘‘Do you mind if I go straight to bed?''
‘‘Of course not,'' Salome said trying not to sound disappointed. ‘‘Let me walk you down to the hut.''
‘‘No ways,'' I insisted. ‘‘It's late, just lock up behind me.''
‘‘Please just halfway then,'' she pleaded. We turned off the lights and walked hand in hand down the path.
‘‘We are halfway; now go back inside,'' I ordered.
‘‘Don't I at least get a kiss?”
‘‘Not under these bright lights.'' She pulled me behind a fragrant topiary of yellow bell flowers.
‘‘How about now?'' I pulled her against my chest; I could feel her breasts rise and fall as she breathed. She kissed me gently, her warm lips moving with mine. I squeezed her tight and lifted her off the floor.
‘‘I could get lost in you,'' I said looking into those beautiful blue eyes and kissed her again. ‘‘You better go inside.''
‘‘Goodnight,” she whispered and walked up the path and into the house. I waited at the door of the hut until I could see her in her room window. She waved and blew me a kiss. I was falling for this girl; falling hard and fast.
“Jesus help me!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The next morning was a 5.30 am start. I had to cook a full breakfast; eggs, bacon, cooked porridge, toast and coffee. To top it off there was still lunches to make. By 6.30 they were all seated at the table and eating breakfast.
‘‘I'm surprised to see you awake this early, Salome,'' Meredith commented, ‘‘especially after your late night rendezvous.'' She smirked over the rim of the coffee cup.
I looked at Salome shocked and afraid. My heart pounding. Had Meredith seen us? Was she watching us from the kitchen the whole time? Salome looked nervous too. ‘‘What do you mean?'' Salome said as cool as ever while buttering her toast.
‘‘I saw you sneak into the kitchen last night,'' she accused. ‘‘It was way after midnight. I must say I was surprised a young lady like you was out that late. I just assumed you had all gone to bed.'' Meredith forced the issue; she had Salome by the throat so to speak and she enjoyed it. It was obvious that Salome and Meredith did not care much for each other and this cat and mouse game could get dangerous for us.
‘‘Oh!'' Salome replied non-chalant as ever and continued eating her breakfast; offering nothing more in terms of an explanation.
‘‘Well where did you go,'' Mrs Porter finally blurted out the suspense in Salome's silence was killing her.
‘‘I gave Lea a walk to the hut,'' she replied as if that was a normal occurrence. I almost dropped the coffee pot. Why did she mention my name?
“That was awfully late for a walk,'' Meredith snorted. Salome ignored her. I poured more coffee for Mr Porter and cleared the dishes.
‘‘What were you doing out there so late,'' Mrs Porter asked looking at Salome and me.
‘‘Just talking,'' she said and smiled at me. ‘‘Next time I will be sure to clock in and out so you know exactly what time I come and go,'' she said sarcastically. That ended the interrogation immediately. Meredith was noticeably dissatisfied with the outcome. I was relieved that it didn't go any further.
Slowly everyone began to leave; first Jonjo and Mrs Porter and then Mr Porter walked his brother and nephew out. Meredith kissed Salome on the cheek. ‘‘I know you were not chatting last night,'' she whispered. ‘‘I came outside and you were not by the hut.''
‘‘You are a sad, ugly, gold-digger Meredith with nothing going for you in life except your snotty son and my uncles' money,'' Salome said and marched up the stairs to her bedroom. I busied myself around the kitchen. Meredith was clearly annoyed that Salome had won this round and exited the kitchen in a huff. I must ask Salome what the deal is between them.
Salome came down shortly after wearing a beautiful white summer dress with tiny orange flowers. ‘‘Wow,'' I said. “You look ravishing.”
‘‘Feel free to ravish,'' she teased.
‘‘Don't tempt me. I need very little encouragement,'' I warned.
‘‘Leave all that and come and sit with me,'' she insisted.
‘‘Baby why do you and Meredith hate each other so much,'' I asked as I sat down.
‘‘Oh Love please let's not spend any more time talking about that cow,'' she begged, ‘‘besides I can think of far better things to do with your mouth.'' My cheeks grew hot and pink; she certainly knew all the right buttons to push.
‘‘You know we have to be more careful from now on; what if it had been your mother or father?'' Salome rolled her eyes. ‘‘Are you ready for the consequences? We sat in silence holding each other contemplating exactly what those consequences would be when Tamara hooted at the gate.
I was on a ‘go slow' for the rest of the day. The late evening had taken its toll on me. Gran came up to help me where she could; she put on the washing and dusted the furniture. Mr Porter telephoned and said he was getting take-away for supper; thank goodness I didn't still have to cook. Tonight was definitely going to be an early night for me.
Salome was back by 3:30pm and flopped herself on the couch. ‘‘Come and kiss me,'' she demanded and I obliged.
‘‘Hey baby, tough day?” She rolled off the couch, took my hand, and headed for the stairs. ‘‘I can't love; I still have loads to do.''
‘‘Shh,'' she insisted. As usual she was not listening to me. She pulled me onto the bed and snuggled close. ‘‘That's all I wanted,'' she smiled in satisfaction. I kissed her forehead conceding defeat. We laid there silently just content to be holding each other and inevitably dozed off.
I woke with a fright; what time was it? The clock radio said 4pm. There were voices downstairs. I tried to get up without waking Salome; she looked gorgeous and peaceful, but as I moved she opened her eyes. ‘‘Where are you going babe,'' she asked drowsily; then she heard the voices. ‘‘Who the hell is that,'' she jumped up.
‘‘I don't know,'' I said nervously straightening my clothes. ‘‘I'm going down, don't follow me now,'' I instructed.
‘‘What are you going to say?'' Salome whispered.
‘‘I don't know yet” I said and raced down the stairs.
Gran and Jonjo were in the kitchen, she was making him a snack. ‘‘Where were you,'' she asked as I came in.
‘‘Cleaning the en-suite bathroom,'' I said.
‘‘Mrs Van Rooyen was hooting and hooting, waiting for you to fetch Jonjo,'' she said in a snappy voice.
‘‘I heard hooting'' I lied ‘‘but I wasn't expecting him back so soon.''
‘‘And Salome, I saw her come in ages ago.''
‘‘She's napping, I think. Mr Porter has invited us for supper tonight,'' I said trying to change the topic. ‘‘He's getting take-away.''
I busied myself in the laundry, grateful to be away from Gran's glaring eyes. Salome emerged later, bathed and in pyjamas. She helped Jonjo with his homework and sent him to bath. I finished up in the guest room and closed it until it was needed again.
Mr Porter came home with two platters of seafood; calamari, lobster tails, prawns, muscles, battered fish, baby quid and sauce. It must have cost a month's groceries just for those two platters. I wasn't used to eating seafood but I loved it. I had only ever eaten prawns and fish before. We ate to our hearts' content, I was stuffed.
‘‘Lea I would like to apologise for my sister-in-law's terrible behaviour yesterday,'' Mr Porter said, ‘‘and thank you for the extra you did, we really appreciate it.''
‘‘It was not a problem, Sir,'' I assured him as I cleared the dirty dishes.
‘‘Is there anymore milktart,'' Jonjo enquired.
‘‘Where would you put it,'' Salome teased.
‘‘I wouldn't mind some,'' Mr Porter agreed. I brought the tart and plates to the table and everyone had a piece. Gran thanked them for the treat and retired to her hut for the night. The rest of the family went up to their rooms.
Salome helped me to clean the kitchen; there really wasn't much to clean just a few plates and coffee cups, I washed while she dried and packed away. ‘‘What happened with Phyllis this afternoon,'' she asked.
‘‘I just said that I didn't expect Jonjo early so I ignored the hooting. I hope Mrs Van Rooyen doesn't tell your mum that she had to wait outside for me,'' I said nervously.
‘‘Are you very tired?'' she asked.
‘‘Nothing an early night can't fix.'' She looked disappointed; I knew where this conversation was heading. ‘‘Or a cosy night with someone special.'' She tried to hide her beaming smile. ‘‘Just let me shower and I will meet you under the big tree at 8pm.”
‘‘Don't make me wait,'' she warned.
Gran was asleep early so at 8pm I made my way down to the bottom of the garden. Salome was sitting on a blanket and fiddling in a packet. ‘‘Hey honey'' she said.
‘‘What's this?'' I asked sitting down. She removed two champagne glasses, a juice and a packet of chips and dip from the packet. ‘‘Oooooooo a picnic,'' I said excitedly.
‘‘Hardly a picnic, a snack,'' she said pouring the juice. I was impressed with the effort she made.
‘‘Well thank you anyway.'' We fed each other chips and dip and toasted to our new beginning.
‘‘Am I your girlfriend?'' she asked warily. I almost choked on a chip.
‘‘What do you mean?'' I asked.
‘‘Are we in a relationship or what?” I was caught off guard by her boldness.
‘‘I don't know, I suppose you could say we are.'' I replied thoughtfully. ‘‘I've never dated before so I don't know how it's supposed to work.''
‘‘Okay,'' she said sipping her juice.
‘‘Well what do you think?” She shrugged her shoulders busying herself with tidying up the blanket. ‘‘Baby please doesn't act like this doesn't matter to you. You wouldn't have brought it up otherwise.”
‘‘Salome,'' she turned to look at me ‘‘I was wondering if you would like to be my girlfriend?'' she smiled and blushed all at the same time. She held me tight for a long while. ‘‘Happy?''
‘‘Ecstatic,'' she replied and kissed me long and hard. We lay back on the blanket; my hand moved under her shirt towards her breast. ‘‘Baby, stop,'' she said.
‘‘I don't want to stop.'' I rolled on top and lifted her shirt.
‘‘Baby we can't,'' she said pushing my hand away. I growled so loud we were sure the neighbours must have heard it. ‘‘Shhh,'' she giggled blocking my mouth with her hand. ‘‘What's gotten into you?'' I buried my face in her tummy.
‘‘You are going to get me into a lot of trouble one day,'' I said. She laughed aloud.
‘‘Then you are going to need a very good lawyer,'' she teased. We lay talking for a while; I found it difficult to keep my hands off her.
‘‘I'm going home this weekend,'' I said.
‘‘I forbid it,'' she joked. ‘‘What will I do without you?''
‘‘The same thing you did all these years without me.'' She pulled her face contemplating the three days we would be apart. ‘‘I'm going to miss you so much.''
We walked slowly back up the path. I waited until she was safely inside the house before I went to bed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I woke early on Friday morning and packed my bag. Gran was also awake packing the last of her things into a box. ‘‘Are you sure we can take all of this today Lea? Won't it be too heavy?''
‘‘I promise you it will be fine Gran, the twins are meeting us.'' She had asked me this question every day this week. I ran up to the house to get an early start. Salome was waiting for me in the kitchen.
‘‘It's Friday,” she said as I came in. “What time are you leaving?''
“At 2pm,'' I said preparing breakfast. I was working as fast as I could.
‘‘But I won't be back yet?''
‘‘I know, I'm sorry but it takes two taxis to get home.''
‘‘I understand,'' she said and went upstairs. My heart was sore to leave her but I couldn't worry about that now.
By 7am the family were on their way. ‘‘Bye Lea,'' Jonjo hugged me as he ran out to the car.
‘‘Have a good weekend Lea,'' Mr Porter said.
‘‘We will see you Sunday,'' Mrs Porter said. ‘‘This is your salary for the three weeks that you worked.''
‘‘Thank you Ma'am,'' I said surprised. I hadn't expected to get paid; I was just filling in for Gran.
They met Gran on the pathway. There was a lot of tears and hugging from what I could see through the window. It was the end of an era. I could understand why it was so hard to say goodbye on both sides. Gran came into the kitchen holding an envelope. ‘‘Can you believe they paid me for the full month plus a bonus,'' Gran said happily.
‘‘They gave me three weeks wages as well, Gran.''
‘‘I told you they were good people,'' Gran said. Just then Salome came down the stairs looking breath-taking.
She sat down to have coffee with Gran and reminisced about when she was younger. They laughed and were teary at the same time. ‘‘I still have so much to pack,'' Gran said. She hugged Salome and kissed her on the forehead. ‘‘Make me proud,'' she said.
‘‘I'm going to miss you so much,'' Salome said through restrained sobs. When Gran had left she sobbed in my arms. ‘‘Don't cry, Baby,'' I whispered trying to console her.
‘‘Can't you come back early on Sunday,'' she asked drying the tears.
‘‘I can't Baby it's my mother's birthday and we are taking her out, besides you will be out all day Sunday anyway.”
‘‘Shit I forgot. Why is this so hard?'' Tamara hooted and she looked at me like we were saying goodbye forever.
‘‘I'm coming back on Sunday, I promise,'' I said and kissed her softly we parted when Tamara hooted a second time.
“Sunday!”
“Sunday”
I worked as fast as I could, concentrating mainly on the washing and ironing. I went into the garden and picked Salome a posy of flowers and sprayed the note with my perfume, it read ‘you will always be my baby.'
Soon it was time to go; Gran took one last look around before she locked up. ‘‘This has been my life for so long,'' she said unshed tears brimming her eyes.
‘‘Now you can do all those things you were unable to do.'' I carried Gran's heavy box and bag. Luckily for us there was a taxi waiting for passengers at the bottom of the road.
Gran was very quiet in the taxi; I had to put my phone on silent because Salome kept sending messages. Thankfully we jumped off one taxi and straight onto the Cloverton taxi. It was a 30 minute wait for the taxi to get full and the weight of the box and bag was making my legs numb. Gran was tired; it had been quite an emotional day for her.
The twins met us at the bottom of the road and helped with the heavy box. I never imagined being so happy to be home; the familiar faces that greeted me as we walked home, the spaza shop on the corner where all the kids hung out. We met Tracy along the way, I missed being with my friends every day. She was on her way to work but she promised to come and visit me later. I was glad to see her so happy and bubbly.
As we entered the gate I could smell my mother's cooking. No matter how well you eat anywhere else the one thing you crave is your mother's food, prepared in that special way that only she knows how to do. Mum was so happy to have her whole family under one roof again. ‘‘How are you my baby,'' she asked pouring coffee.
‘‘I have no complaints Mummy, how's thing been here?''
‘‘We are all fine, as you can see.''
‘‘Have these rascals been behaving without me kicking their butts into gear,'' I said teasingly.
‘‘Yes, they have been wonderful, they are even learning how to cook,'' Mum boasted. ‘‘How are you doing Ma,'' she said to Gran.
‘‘Lea was a blessing,'' Gran said. ‘‘I have made a full recovery; my pressure and my sugar levels are normal.''
‘‘You are looking well rested, I really expected you to be frail even though Lea has been keeping me posted.''
‘‘Gran is fine,'' I said, ‘‘it was just a bit of an emotional day.''
I threw myself on my bed happy to have time to myself. I was answering Salome's messages when the twins came into my room to chat. Shanelle made it her duty to tell me all the latest gossip. It seems that much had happened in the three weeks that I was away.
‘‘So you are the new maid,'' Shanay said cautiously.
‘‘Yes.''
‘‘How is it?'' Shanelle asked.
‘‘It's just like when I had to clean up after you dirty rats,'' I teased trying to lighten the tone.
‘‘You are so much better than that Lea,'' Shanelle said.
‘‘Don't ever let Gran hear you speak like that. She was a maid for over twenty years and she supported this family. There is no shame in honest work; would you rather starve because you are too proud to do ‘menial' work?'' I didn't mean to scold her, I think I was convincing myself more than them.
“What's the family really like?''
‘‘They are very good people. They treated us like family not employees.''
‘‘And the snot noses,'' Shanelle asked.
“They are fine.'' I realised that I was missing Salome more than I had expected.
“We should go for a walk, I'm sure you are tired of being in the house all the time,'' Shanay said.
“Actually that is a great idea, just let me freshen up,” I said. I locked the bathroom door and dialled Salome, she should be home by now.
She picked it up on the first ring. ‘‘I miss you so flipping much, how could you abandon me?'' she said.
‘‘I miss you too babe, are you home?''
“Yes. Do you know how awful it is coming home to an empty house?''
“Baby, don't pout.”
‘‘Why are you whispering?'' she asked concerned.
‘‘I'm in the bathroom, I don't want my sisters to hear. Babe I've got to go, we will chat later.''
‘‘Okay baby, bye'' she said blowing me a kiss over the phone.
The twins were standing outside the door as I came out. ‘‘Who were you talking to,'' Shanelle said inquisitively.
‘‘Three weeks and you have already found yourself a rich, white boy,'' Shanay added.
‘‘Are we walking or not,'' I cut them off.
‘‘Defensive! It must be serious?'' Shanelle teased. I ignored the prodding and continued out the door.
We were standing at the spaza shop on the corner when Mum sent me a message to come home for supper, I hadn't realised the time. I was talking to some of the boys from school, so many of them were despondent because they couldn't find permanent work and they couldn't afford to study.
Mums chicken curry was delicious; I discarded my fork and ate it with my fingers. After supper Gran went to bath and the twins cleaned the kitchen while Mum and I had a chat.
“I know you are not happy with this job but I want to thank you for all you are doing for this family. I didn't realise how much I relied on you until you were gone. I think I've realised that we all rely on you too much,” Mum said with tears in her eyes.
‘‘Mum it really isn't that bad. If I wasn't working then I would be doing the same thing at home; now I just get paid for it,'' I said.
‘‘Are they treating you well?''
‘‘They are treating me just fine Mum, stop worrying. In fact they paid Gran for the full month plus a bonus and they gave me three weeks' pay as well.''
‘‘What? That is more than fair,'' Mum said. ‘‘Thank you baby.'' She hugged me for longest time.
I locked up the house before going to bed; making a quick call to Salome to say goodnight.
‘Thank you Jesus for bringing us home safely. Thank you for keeping me able to help support my family even though I was very frustrated in the beginning. Lord I'm falling in love with Salome. If this is against your will then give me a sign. Help me to always do the right thing no matter how difficult it is.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A message from Salome woke me at 6am the next morning. It was a request for me to log on to WhatsApp. She was missing me. We didn't chat for long last night when I must have fallen asleep.
Me: hey baby sorry about last night.
Baby: it's okay. How's your family?
Me: they are all fine, happy to have me home.
Baby: I miss you so much
Me: I know. I miss you too. What are you up to?
Baby: LYING IN BED!
Me: don't start. You are so naughty so early in the morning.
Baby: LOL. It really is a pity you are not here.
There was a knock on my door, Mum brought me coffee. ‘‘I thought you might be awake so I made coffee.''
‘‘Thanks Mum, I will come and drink it with you,'' I said getting out of bed. Salome had left me several messages, sounding very irritable at the fact that I was not answering.
Me: would you relax, I was talking to my mum.
Baby: oh. I thought you fell asleep again.
Me: I have to go. I will chat to you when I get time.
Baby: WTF!
Me: what?
Baby: such a short chat and you going? Remember you promised.
Me: babe, I'm only one person, I can't split myself in two. I'm busy today.
Baby: so must I just sit and wait for you to find time for me?
Me: don't be a brat, try to understand. I only have two days at home; I have a lot to do today.
Baby: well don't bother because I'm going out anyway. I won't have time either.
Me: I'm going before I get angry. Enjoy your day.
I logged off without waiting for a response. I couldn't believe she was being so unreasonable, why must she spoil things. I threw my phone on the bed and went to the lounge to sit with my mum.
‘‘Gran tells me that you and Salome are quite close,'' Mum said questioningly. I almost choked on my coffee. ‘‘I didn't think you two would have anything in common.''
‘‘I wouldn't say close, just acquainted.''
‘‘Oh? Gran says you two spend all your free time together.'' Apparently Gran had noticed more than I thought.
‘‘I suppose it's just because we are the same age. How's work?'' I had to change the topic.
‘‘I'm still on short time and I'm going to be late if I don't leave now,'' she said looking at the clock on the kitchen wall. I watched her walk down the road to the taxi rank admiring her persistence. No matter how hard things got she always held her head high and never felt sorry for herself.
I had so much to do today; I had to pack my things, go shopping for Mum's present and I also wanted to spend some time with my friends. We kept in contact over WHATSAPP but it wasn't the same. Packing up my things would take the most time so I started with that first.
I obviously couldn't take everything but the hut was going to be my new home and I wanted it to feel like home to me, to reflect my personality.
As much as I had hoped that this would be a temporary arrangement, I think it was becoming obvious that I would be there a while.
I took the duffle bag from Mum's wardrobe and packed most of my clothes and shoes in there. In a box I packed my radio, CDs, my favourite DVDs, an old DVD player that was laying in the cupboard, my precious books, and a few posters.
The whole time I was packing I couldn't stop thinking about Salome. I wanted to call her and clear the air but she had to be the one to apologise for behaving in such a bratty way. She needed to understand that my life consisted of other people and other things and didn't just revolve around her.
By the time I was done with the packing, Gran and the twins were awake. “The room is ready for you Gran, you can move your things in.''
‘‘I feel so guilty for taking your room Lea.''
‘‘Don't be silly Gran, you need your own space and so does Mum,'' I assured her. We had breakfast and discussed Mum's present.
‘‘I think a dress would be nice,'' Shanay said.
“Yes, her clothes are so old and dull,'' Shanelle agreed.
‘‘We are going to take her to Orientals for lunch but we must choose budget meals, nothing expensive,'' I warned. “Will you come to town with me?''
‘‘You didn't think we were going to trust you with style decisions,'' Shanelle teased and the twins went to get ready.
‘‘With the extra money, I'm going to get Mum a new sandal,'' I said to Gran. “She deserves something a little extra.''
“You are an angel. Your dad is very proud when he looks down on you.''
‘‘Far from it Gran, sometimes you hurt people even when you do everything you can not to.'' I was thinking about Salome, maybe I should just call her.
********
The city was very busy, since it was the end of the month. We walked from shop to shop trying to find something suitable, not too old fashioned and not too youthful. Mum did not want to look like ‘mutton dressed as lamb.'
Shanay was walking passed a shop window when she saw the perfect sandal. It was a sandy colour, leather sandal with amber jewels along the centre strap and it was on sale; perfect. We immediately went into the busy shop and pushed our way to the counter. Luckily they still had a few size 6 in stock. We were very pleased that we had at least one present.
A few shops down we saw a beautiful halter-neck summer dress. I knew Mum would not wear it but it reminded me of Salome's dress. I sent her a message; ‘ I'm sorry baby.' Immediately she replied; ‘I'm sorry too.' My heart was smiling again.
Shanelle suggested we walk through ‘The Workshop' market to find a dress. We had no sooner arrived when she squealed in excitement. She ran to the stall and picked up a beautiful cream and brown strappy dress. Mum had a shawl that she could throw over her shoulders for church. Shanay described it as elegant yet sassy; our shopping was done. I left the girls browsing at costume jewellery; there was something I had to do.
I walked in the opposite direction pretending to browse so I could call Salome. “Hey baby,'' I said as she answered.
‘‘Just give me one minute.'' There was talking and laughing on the other end and then she was back. “Sorry about that, how are you honey,'' she said out of breath.
“Where are you,'' I asked.
“Shopping at ‘The Pavilion' and you?''
‘‘The Workshop. We found a lovely dress and sandals for my mum,'' I said excited.
“That's super Hun. I'm sorry about this morning,'' she said sincerely.
“Forget about it Baby. I miss you so much,'' I moaned.
‘‘I miss you too Honey,'' she said. I could hear someone calling her. ‘‘I have to go, we are having lunch.”
‘‘Okay, talk to you later.''
‘‘Bye Honey, love you.'' She was gone.
My heart sat firm in my throat. What did she say? “Who were you talking to?'' Shanelle enquired. I jumped at the sound of her voice.
“No one. Are we done?'' I asked.
“Not yet,'' Shanelle said and went off to browse other stalls, Shanay followed.
I was replaying the conversation over and over in my head. Did she say “love you” or luv ya;” it made a very big difference. Did she mean it or was it just an automatic response? Surely if she meant it then she would say it again.
We were home by 2pm; Michelle, Tracy, and Amanda were waiting for me. We sat outside catching up with each other's lives and made plans to go to the youth dance in the church hall that night. They were very supportive of my decision to work for the Porter's and encouraged me to save up and study. ‘‘It is nothing to be ashamed of,'' Michelle said.
“At least it is an honest days' work,'' Tracy added.
‘‘I know that but it's just so far removed from what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to do better, to be better than just this.''
“It's just a stepping stone, to greatness,'' Amanda said. “Somehow you are going to make this work to your advantage and do better.''
These were real friends, people who didn't look down on you when your circumstances changed, people who always built you up no matter how low you were feeling.
I wondered, though, would they still stand by me if they knew about Salome. Last night my mother was grateful for the sacrifices I made for my family but would that count when she realised I'm not the daughter she thought she had. Will they all just see me as a disgrace, a disappointment, an abomination?
What was the alternative?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I had just gone into the shower when Shanay knocked on the bathroom door. ‘‘Your phone is ringing,'' she said
‘‘Just leave it on my bed, I will reply later.''
‘‘Who's Sal?'' Shanelle asked.
‘‘Stop being so nosey and put my phone down,'' I commanded. A wave of nervousness came over me; Shanelle would definitely go through my inbox investigating ‘‘Sal''. I could hear them arguing in the passage so I stepped out of the shower and opened the door. Shanelle had somehow gained possession of the phone. ‘‘Not your business,'' I said and snatched it from her.
A few minutes later Salome called while I was styling my hair. We spoke about her shopping spree and the wonderful items she purchased and how she couldn't wait for me to see them. I had to laugh; she was such a ‘girl'. I eventually had a gap to tell her about my day. ‘‘I'm going to a dance tonight; my friends came over this afternoon to invite me.'' There was a few seconds of silence; ‘‘babe you there?''
‘‘Yep,''
‘‘All my classmates and friends will be there, I'm looking forward to catching up with them.''
‘‘What time is it; the dance,'' she asked.
‘‘7 till late. We will go straight after supper; the girls are meeting me on the corner.'' Salome was not her usual chirpy, talkative self. “What's wrong?''
“Nothing, I'm going to the movies with friends so I can't chat with you tonight. I have to go and get ready, bye,'' she said and ended the call abruptly.
I knew something was wrong, I could hear the change in her tone. I tried to call her back but she wouldn't answer; I kept trying until Mum called us for supper. I sent her a message, 'what now?' There was no response.
We had just finished supper when Michelle and Tracy arrived; Amanda was going to meet us there. Mum made a plate of snacks for us to take with. The twins bounced up the road ahead of us visibly excited.
The hall was decorated like a 70s disco; there was cooldrink and snacks galore on the buffet table where we added our plates of snacks. There were a few parents that were chaperoning the dance; just making sure things don't get out of hand.
The twins went off with their friends and we found a corner to sit in.
Just then Justin came in with a few of his friends; very unsavoury characters. They were drinking beer from quarts and were being very rowdy. Some of the dads went to ask them to leave and an argument started. There was cussing and swinging of fists and beer bottles. The police broke up the fight and arrested Justin and his crew.
I was shocked; I never expected that from Justin of all people. “What happened to him?'' I asked.
‘‘Life!'' Michelle said.
“His dad was retrenched so he couldn't go to university anymore,'' Tracy continued.
“So instead of doing something good with himself he started selling drugs, drinking and he joined a gang,'' Amanda said sitting down. “You my dear Lea have taken your lemons and are making lemonade. He just sucked on his lemons until....''
‘‘Okay, okay we are not going to get all depressed about things, let's dance.'' The music was perfect; and the company even better. Donovan and Mark arrived late, after work. Mark and Tracy had been dating since grade 9 and Donovan and Michelle since grade 10; they were really great guys.
Donovan hugged me and swung me around and around. “The prodigal returns,'' Mark teased.
“We missed you, Bud.'' They called me Bud as a nickname because I was more like one of the guys; I had knowledge about sport and cars and good music, real knowledge not the kind you fake to impress the guys.
‘‘I missed you guys too,'' I said.
“So what's it like living with the rich and not so famous?'' Mark teased. Tracy smacked his arm.
“Different,'' I said.
“So you home for good?'' Donovan asked chewing a sausage roll.
“No, I'm going back on Sunday. I start work on Monday.''
“We are very proud of you, Bud,'' Mark said. “The way you stepped up for your family, it's incredible.'' I smiled unable to vocalise how much that comment meant to me. The tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away. Amanda sensing my discomfort and ushered us all onto the dance floor again.
I needed some fresh air so I took a walk outside; the sky was clear and the stars visible all around. I dialled Salome, I needed to hear her voice.
Twice the call was picked up and then cut so I tried her again. This time she picked up but before I could talk the voice on the other side said “please stop calling, we are trying to watch a movie and you are seriously disturbing us.” I heard giggling in the background and Salome begging for her phone. I ended the call; that must have been Tamara.
A few seconds later Salome called, ‘‘I'm sorry baby,'' she said in a panic, ‘‘Tamara pulled my phone away from me and.........''
‘‘...relax, breathe, calm down,'' I said. I was irritated but I didn't want to take it out on her. “Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Not really,'' she said, ‘‘I would rather be kissing you.'' I smiled at the proposition.
‘‘I would rather be holding you and dancing with you,'' I added.
“What time are you coming back tomorrow?'
‘‘Late afternoon. We're taking Mum to lunch for her birthday then I'm coming home straight after that.''
‘‘I have to go,'' she said reluctantly.
‘‘Me too. Be safe and behave.''
“You just better keep your eyes off all that ass floating around,'' she warned.
‘‘I'll try but there is just so many cream buns out there,'' I teased.
“Don't you dare, you are spoken for.''
‘‘I know,'' I laughed. ‘‘bye baby.''
“Only love can make you that happy,'' Amanda commented walking towards me. I smiled not wanting to comment further. “So who is he?''
“There is no one, Mandy, no ‘he' to speak of,'' I said.
“She?'' She looked at me like she knew.
‘She? What do you mean ‘she'?'' I responded disapprovingly. “If I didn't know better I'd say you were tipsy; let's go dance.'' I pulled her along.
We re-joined our friends; Shanelle and Shanay were leading the ‘electric slide.' This was home; my people, my culture. Here I knew everything would be okay. Tomorrow I would go back to the Porter's. Thank goodness for Salome, she made it all so bearable.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER NINETEEN
The twins and I woke early Sunday morning to make breakfast; toast eggs and sausage. Mum was surprised and delighted when she saw the table beautifully set. After breakfast Gran gave her the gifts. She was in tears hugging and kissing us.
‘‘I am the luckiest mother to have children like you,'' she said admiring the gifts. She was even more surprised when we said we are going out for lunch.
She received a special blessing in church and looked beautiful in her new dress and sandals. We came home to fetch my things. ‘‘This is my wages Mum,'' I said handing her the envelope.
“You keep it, you might need to get yourself things,'' Mum insisted.
“You need it more than I do, I'll just take R100 for necessities.''
“No, now no more arguing so please lets go,'' she insisted picking up the duffle bag. The twins helped me to carry my things, I took one last look around my room before I closed the door.
We were in town by 12pm; Salome had sent half a dozen messages wanting to know if I had left yet. ‘‘Boyfriend?'' Shanelle enquired. She was sitting next to Mum who looked at me and smiled. ‘‘Sal sure is phoning you a lot this weekend.'' I shot her a look to quit the inquisition. I could see Mum smiling.
We sat down at Orientals for our meal; Mum ordered a surf and turf, Gran had fish and chips and the twins and I had burgers and chips. For dessert they brought out a large slice of chocolate cake with sparkles and we all sang ‘happy birthday' to her. She couldn't hold back the tears and thanked us again. My mother was a strong woman but a humble woman.
All too soon it was time for me to leave; I had to be back in time to do the menu with Mrs Porter. ‘‘I'm so grateful for everything you are doing for us,'' Mum said while we waited for the taxi. ‘‘I can't imagine only seeing you for two days a month.'' She hugged me tighter.
The taxi was hot and I was squashed with my heavy box and bag on my lap. My family waited with me until the taxi pulled off.
Salome tried calling but it was too noisy to answer; I sent a message saying that I was on my way. It was the longest half an hour I had ever experienced. The lady sitting next to me kept pushing the box away and I kept apologising for the inconvenience. I was very grateful when my stop came up; I swung my bag over my shoulder and balanced the box on my knee to get a firm grip.
The path ahead was all uphill; daunting but unavoidable. I stopped to answer the phone; ‘‘where are you,'' Salome asked.
‘‘At the bottom of the road,'' I said out of breathe. She shrieked and cut the call. I picked up the box and resumed my trek up the road. I heard someone calling me so I stopped to look back; I was alone on the road. Someone called again and I looked up and saw Salome running towards me. I put the box and bag down grateful for the rest. What was this crazy woman up to now?
She ran into my arms ecstatic and kissed me. ‘‘Are you crazy?'' I said putting space between us. ‘‘Someone will see us.''
‘‘Surprise,'' she said disappointed at my reaction.
‘‘We have to be careful baby,'' I said in a gentle voice.
‘‘I came to help you; I figured you would be carrying your stuff from home and it's heavy.'' She tried to pick up the box but it was too heavy.
‘‘You take the bag,'' I laughed. She carried it like a backpack straining under its weight but determined to help. She really was something, this girl. ‘‘Thank you for coming all this way to help me,'' I said.
“You are my girl, why wouldn't I?'' she puffed. ‘‘I'm so glad you are home, this weekend was torturous. We stopped for a moment to rest; the box had cut into the flesh of my arms. ‘‘Aww baby.'' She rubbed the sore spot, ‘‘let me call Mum to pick us up.''
“No way, we are almost home. You can't rely on your parents for every little thing babe, you must learn to do things for yourself.” I picked up the box and we continued up the road. We were soon at the driveway gate, those last few metres down the path were excruciating.
The hut looked so empty with all Gran's things gone. She left me a picture of the ‘Divine mercy' above my bed. It was a blank canvas for me to fill with my personality to make it my home, my place of peace and relaxation after a long day.
Salome flopped backwards onto the bed prying the straps of the bag from her shoulders. ‘‘My goodness, did you bring all your clothes,'' she said squirming to get the straps off.
“Most of them, I'm going to be spending most of my time here and I needed nicer clothes for church.'' She opened the bag and began to unpack. “Leave that babe, I will unpack slowly over the week; I'm too tired now.''
“You make coffee and I will do it for you,'' she offered.
‘‘I can think of better things for you to do for me,'' I said pulling her closer. She gasped; her hands gripped my arms tightly. ‘‘You smell so good,” I said nuzzling her neck. We kissed, her soft lips smothering the longing created by the weekend we spent apart. The familiar ache rising within me, I loved having her in my arms. She was delicate yet confident and that was the sexiest thing about her. She moaned when I teased her lips.
“Oh my,'' she whispered, her cheeks noticeably flushed.
“Did I mention that I missed you.''
“Feel free to mention it often,'' she teased.
‘‘What time is it?'' I checked my watch it was 5:15pm. I was supposed to meet with Mrs Porter at 5pm. “Shit babe I'm late for your mom, let's go quickly.”
“You go so long, I will lock up,'' she offered. I grabbed my notebook and pencil and ran out.
I greeted Mr And Mrs Porter and apologised for being late. They were cuddling on the sofa watching TV and Jonjo was laying on the carpet. He ran to hug me, ‘‘Why did you take so long to come back?'' he asked.
“Did you miss me?”
“Sort of,'' he replied matter-of-factly and returned to the carpet.
“Don't let him fool you Lea, he couldn't stop asking when you would be back,'' Mr Porter laughed.
Mrs Porter and I sat at the kitchen counter planning the menu for the week. Mr Porter had requested that I make at least two days of cooked porridge and dried fruit for breakfast. We walked into the pantry to do the shopping list. When we were done I went to say goodnight but Jonjo insisted that he needed to show me something in his room.
We ran upstairs to Jonjo's room; he showed me his ‘man of the match' medal that he got on Saturday. In his most animated performance he re-enacted the highlights of the match; the sixes, the fours, the catches. He was so excited and I was so proud of him. It was also the first time that his father attended a match which made it even more special for him. We packed his sport and school bag and hung his uniform before I left.
I knocked on Salome's door but there was no answer. It was after 7pm, I thought she would have come up by now. I said goodnight and went home.
The door of the hut was locked so I knocked hoping she was inside. She opened it slowly, only enough to show her face. “Close your eyes,'' she commanded.
“What did you do?'' I asked nervously.
‘‘Just close them.'' I obliged, she took my hand and led me into the hut. “Don't peep.'' We walked a little further. “Okay, open.'' I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room slowly turning so as not to miss any details.
She was lying on my bed. The bed's position had been changed to make more space and dressed with clean linen, there was a new, little table on the side of my bed with a reading lamp, and the kitchen table had a cream tablecloth, two candles, and a vase of garden flowers. There was another table for my TV, DVD and CD player. I was speechless; no one had ever done anything like this for me before.
“You like it?'' she asked very proud of her achievement. I pulled her up, squeezed her tight, and kissed her over and over again.
“Do you know what you have done?'' I said with a lump in my throat. “You have made me a home.''
“You really like it Hun?''
‘‘I love it baby, absolutely love it. Thank you so much,'' I hugged her again. “How did you do it so quickly and where did you get the extra furniture from?''
“Let's just call it magic,'' she laughed.
‘‘I'm blown away, Baby. You are a very special kind of woman, do you know that.''
‘‘I did it for us Hun, now we have a comfortable place to be together.''
“You did a great job, you hide your talents well,'' I teased.
“Sit, let's have supper.'' She made scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. We ate at the kitchen table, laughing and talking about anything and everything then Salome cleaned the dishes while I put on a movie for us to watch.
We sat on the bed, she leaning against my chest enfolded in my arms. I could stay like this forever, it felt good to belong to someone and have someone belong to me. I wanted to come home to her every night; if time could just standstill and this moment will last just a little longer. I could feel her breathing and smell the perfume on her neck, I kissed it gently, and she raised her hand to my cheek.
I wasn't falling for this chick, I had fallen already.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY
It was June and winter had settled in; the mornings and evenings were bitterly cold while the sun warmed the earth to a bearable temperature from mid-morning to mid-afternoon. The menu had changed to soups, stews, and mild curries. Mrs Porter bought food flasks so everyone could take hot lunches; it also meant that I had to cook extra so that there was enough for lunch.
The days passed by effortlessly; every morning I started at 5:30am, Salome and I spent an hour alone together before she had to leave for university. I enjoyed that time together, it was time for us to really get to know each other.
Once she was gone I ground out the day methodically, my greatest challenge was getting stains out of Jonjo's sports clothes and making supper. Many of the recipes were new to me; we didn't eat much fancy soup at home. Salome would send me messages periodically throughout the day and jump into my arms when she got back home; she had started driving lessons in the afternoons and had regular projects to complete and exams, so we relished our evenings together even though they we short
After supper she would sneak out of the house and come down to the hut, then sneak back an hour later.
One night she was late and wasn't answering the phone; I kept running to the window to see if she was in her room or coming down the path. There was an empty feeling inside of me as I realised that I was not going to see her tonight.
Unable to concentrate, I switched off the TV and went to bed, although that was futile. I was tossing and turning in bed unable to get comfortable enough to sleep when there was a tap on the door. Jumping out of bed I peered through the window; Salome was shivering in the cold. She was out of breath and had no shoes on. She came in and sat by the heater with a blanket around her, I made a hot cup of tea and rubbed her arms and back to make her warm.
“Are you crazy to come out of the house like this?'' I said indicating her lack of appropriate attire for a winters' night. She kissed me long and tender, her hands, warmed from the coffee cup caressing my neck and face. I couldn't get enough of her, I had been so disappointed thinking that she would not come and now here she was cold and beautiful and she did it just for me. I stared into the sea that was her eyes and felt the emptiness start to fill up again.
“Baby are you okay?'' she asked.
‘‘I'm fine love.'' I snapped out of my trance. ‘‘Let's watch a movie.''
“Comedy, please.'' She didn't explain why she was late and I didn't ask, it didn't really matter, she was here now.
We sat on the bed with the heater at our feet and a blanket covering both of us. She was still shivering a little so I put my arms around her. She snuggled into me resting her head on my chest. My heart was beating so fast I was convinced she could feel it on her back.
I was not concentrating on the movie, even though it was one of my favourites. It was as if my senses had shut the rest of the world out and was tuned only into the delicate vibrations which was Salome; her breathing, her laughter, her smell, the way her hair stood on her arm when I touched her.
She snuggled closer and squeezed my arms tighter around her. Somewhere deep inside my being I could feel something alight; a small but significant burn. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to understand this feeling.
“You are not yourself tonight.'' She reached over and paused the movie.
‘‘I'm just tired,'' I smiled half-heartedly.
‘‘I know when you are tired, this is something else.'' She was kneeling in front of me, her blonde hair laying across one shoulder and her eyes staring at me as if trying to see past what was obvious. I pulled her closer, holding on longer than I ever had before and kissed her neck. Her ringing phone broke the silence, Mrs Porters face prominently on the screen.
“Answer it,'' I said in a panic.
“Hello? I'm here with Lea, we're watching a movie. I'll be home in thirty minutes; it's almost at the end.'' She put the phone down. I was pacing the room nervously; had we been caught out? What if Mrs Porter forbid Salome from leaving the house after dark?
‘'Was she angry?'' I asked dreading the answer.
“No just concerned. She was looking for me and I was nowhere to be found.''
‘‘You better go before we get into trouble.'' I had a good relationship with the Porters and I didn't want that to change. Something like this could cause irreparable damage; their daughter fraternising with the help.
“Are you kicking me out.'' She was astonished at my sudden cowardice.
‘‘Don't be silly,'' I said turning the TV off and rinsing the coffee cups; hoping that she would just go and smooth things over with her mother.
“Fine I'm leaving.'' She jumped off the bed and made hastily for the door. I stopped her just in time; I didn't want her thinking that I was abandoning her to face the music alone.
‘‘I want many more nights like this; I don't want your mom stopping us from seeing each other. If you don't go now, then she is going to think you are being defiant. Imagine how worried she must have been not being able to find you; we have to be more considerate.'' I was hoping that my words had convinced her, she could be so overly sensitive sometimes. I spun her around and kissed her hard bending her body over. ‘‘Do you want me to come with you?''
“No, I'll be fine.'' She had softened up and thankfully understood the point that I was trying to make.
“Take my jacket and slippers.'' She was drowning in both, her delicate figure disappearing under the cumbersome load, she almost slipped with the oversized slippers. How did she manage to make everything look great?
I locked the door and turned off the lights, then lay in bed waiting for her call. I was unable to sleep; there were so many thoughts in my head. ‘‘I love Salome,'' I whispered into the still of the night. The realisation excited and scared me. ‘‘I love Salome.'' Somehow it seemed more real when I said it again. I loved her, adored her, I wanted to be with her all the time. A message came through on my phone, ‘everything's cool with mum.' I was glad that there would be no awkwardness tomorrow morning.
I contemplated telling her how I felt but I wasn't sure if it would freak her out or make her happy; we had only been together four months, it was definitely too soon to make declarations of love. At some point I managed to fall asleep and when I woke the next morning it was the last Friday of the month and I was going home. We had not even spoken about it last night but then again I was a little busy realising that I was in love.
Going home was difficult. Salome was getting used to me being away but I was finding it hard not to share my happiness. It was as if I was two different people. When I went home I had to pretend. Pretend Salome was just an acquaintance. Hide the joy I felt when I spoke about her.
I sit and listen to my friends speak about their relationships. I watch Tracy and Mark, Donny and Michelle and Amanda and her new beau Trevor, how free they are to express their attraction for each other. I am the ‘fifth wheel', so to speak, yet I have a beautiful girlfriend whom I adore that I can never tell them about.
Is this how it will always be? Will I never be able to share this part of me with them?
Dennis Lambert, walked up the road one day while we were at the shop on the corner. Some boys sitting on the corner shouted some nasty things to him, things I don't want to recall. He was 56 years old. He and his ‘roommate' Ivan had been living together for nearly twenty years. It was never confirmed but everyone ‘knew' they were a couple. We all just stood and watched, we didn't stand up for him, and we didn't chastise those boys because we didn't want to become a target for their ridicule. He held his head high, not once glancing in their direction and walked proudly up that road.
That will be me one day. Unless I leave Cloverton or become straight, that will be me. Will I ever be able to just be me without wondering who is watching and judging or snarling.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The winter was cold and windy but that did not deter Salome from evening prowls. The winter holiday had started so we didn't get much time alone with Jonjo in the house. Salome reluctantly went out with her friends occasionally but evenings were mine. We relished the days Jonjo had a play date at one of his friends' houses because it meant he would be gone until after lunch. Now that her mother knew we were spending time together, there was no need for sneaking.
‘‘I hope Salome is not making a nuisance of herself,'' Mrs Porter said one evening, ‘‘don't feel like you have to entertain her.''
‘‘I enjoy the company Mrs Porter.'' Salome was smiling into her bowl of oats. Every evening she bravely came down the path wrapped in a blanket with gloves and a woolly hat on.
I bought a small fan heater and we snuggled on the bed warming our toes near the heater and sipping hot coffee.
I had decided not to tell her that I loved her, I wanted to see if it was real or infatuation. I was so overwhelmed by my own feeling it would surely freak her out. Besides there was no rush, I just wanted to enjoy what we had right now. We were navigating new territory and it was important to tread carefully.
In my opinion people said ‘I love you' too easily, too quickly, too eager to blurt out the words in order to hold on to someone. Love is a verb, its action; living breathing, moving, growing, changing all the time. I needed to take this slow, very slow.
We were watching a movie one night, a romantic comedy, one of those real ‘chick flicks.' “When are you taking me on a date,'' she asked. I laughed, she couldn't be serious, I thought.
“A date?'' she was very serious and not at all impressed with me for laughing. “Out there, in public?'' Her expression grew sterner, she was clearly surprised that I was surprised at her request.
“Did you think that we were going to hide out here forever?'' I sipped my coffee feeling like a total fool; that is exactly what I expected. We lived in a bubble, safe from prying eyes and potential gossipers now she wanted to go out into the world and announce our relationship to everyone.
I didn't think about having to go out in public as a couple; I didn't know if I was ready to be ‘out.' What if someone saw us and told her parents or worse someone from church would tell my granny. How would people react to us as a couple? Did she expect us to hold hands and act like a normal couple on a date?
“Well, I'm waiting.'' Her arms were folded across her chest. I couldn't just fob her off or change the subject, she wanted an answer, and I had no clue what to say.
‘‘I hadn't thought about it,'' I finally said hoping it would squash any further conversation on the matter. She threw her arms up and continued watching TV. I didn't want to lose her, this was obviously something she wanted or needed to do, but I didn't want to be pushed into something that I wasn't ready for.
‘‘I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'' I said leaning over and rubbing her back, I hated it when we argued. She did not move, just vacantly stared at the TV. I moved closer, to hold her.
“We can go out if you want.'' There would obviously be rules that needed to be followed but now was not the time to bring it up.
‘‘I need to go,'' she said shrugging me off.
‘‘Baby please don't leave angry,'' I said trying to stop her from leaving. ‘‘I'm sorry that you are disappointed but I don't want to be forced into anything.'' It came out before I could stop myself.
‘‘Forced?'' She looked like she was going to explode like a ‘roman candle.'
“You know what I mean? Why can't we just be together like this, like we have been? What's the rush?''
‘‘You know sometimes it would be nice for you to just figure shit out on your own.''
“What are you talking about now?''
‘‘I'm tired of always being the one to suggest things and make plans and initiate stuff between us. It's like this whole thing would never have happened if I didn't make the first move.'' She slammed the door closed behind her.
What had just happened? How does a lovely evening turn so ugly? I had forgotten what a brat she could be when she didn't get her way. Where the hell did all that come from? We were together; what more did she want from me? I was very confused, perhaps when she is calmer we can talk about her outburst.
……………………………………..
Things were clearly not better in the morning; she hurriedly ate breakfast, went upstairs, and didn't come down until she heard Tamara hooting. I sent numerous messages but she didn't reply to any of them. She came home just after her mother arrived and stayed in her room until supper then she ate and returned to the room immediately after.
I needed to talk to her and I knew there was no way she would come down to the hut tonight. I hung around the kitchen, tidying the pantry and the cupboards. Mr Porter went to his office and Jonjo and Mrs Porter went to their bedrooms. I ran up the stairs quietly and tapped on Salome's door. ‘‘I'm sorry baby,'' I whispered when she opened the door.
“For what?'' she stepped aside to let me in.
“For disappointing you.” I tried to hold her hand but she moved away. ‘‘I was being honest with you; I hadn't thought about it.''
“Why not?'' Her tone was icy, unfeeling. I had no answer to give her, nothing that sounded good enough to say out loud
‘‘This is my first relationship...''
“Oh please Lea, how long are you going to use that tired excuse; it doesn't work anymore. Some things are just common sense, a relationship progresses.'' I was stunned into silence, not knowing what to say or do next. ‘‘I have a lot of homework to do,'' she said and sat at her desk. There was nothing left for me to say.
I could not sleep, unable to get comfortable; she was right about everything. You don't need to be a relationship expert to know how to do the basics, it was common sense.
I wasn't ready to be out as a couple, to be out as a lesbian; I was scared of losing everything. What if someone from church saw me and told granny? What if someone attacked us for being together? I didn't want to lose Salome but I wasn't going to be forced into anything until I knew for sure that this was going to be forever. Tomorrow I would tell her and if she really cared about me then she would understand.
…………………………………………………
‘‘I'm not ready,'' I blurted out as she entered the kitchen. We were alone in the house.
‘‘I can't talk about this now.'' Tamara was outside. They had a big project to finish before the semester started in just over a week.
‘‘I'm not ready to be out , for people to know about us. It's too soon, I'm just getting used to the idea myself.'' She left without a word; she didn't answer my calls or reply to my messages and eventually I stopped trying. I was glad that I told her the truth, there was no sense in pretending.
She came home late for the second day in a row and went to her room. I was just finished laying the table for supper when she sent me a message to come to her room. I ran up the stairs excited to put this behind us and just go back to enjoying each other again.
“THANK YOU JESUS!” I whispered as I took the stairs two at a time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The sun was too bright streaming through the windows. The alarm sounded as if the speaker was embedded in my ear. I could barely lift my head off the pillow to get an asprin for the monster headache I had. Rolling out of bed I eventually made it to the bathroom. I was going to be late and this was a cooked porridge day.
“Good heavens Lea, you look terrible,” Mrs Porter said as I came in. She was at the counter, coffee in hand and signing cheques.
“Good morning Ma'am.”
“Are you feeling sick?”
“I'm not sure what's wrong with me actually. I'm dizzy and have a pounding headache.”
“There is no way you can work when you are sick. Please go back to bed right away. Do you have any medicine that you can take?”
“No, I don't have anything besides a few asprin but I'm sure that I will be fine Ma'am.”
“No arguments.” She went into the pantry and came back with a bottle of flu medicine that I needed to take three times a day. I thanked her and went back home, fell on my bed and slept.
I could hear knocking but it sounded as if it was far away. Rousing myself from sleep I sat up wondering if I had imagined it. There was a knock on the door again. I got up to open it wondering who it was. The clock said 9:30am, everyone was gone for the day.
Salome.
“Hey” she said coming in and placing the tray of food on the table. My heart definitely stopped beating. Her perfume wafted through my nostrils as she passed me. I willed myself to breathe, to move.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“How are you feeling?”
“I'm fine.”
“Sure you are. Come and eat.” She pulled out the chair for me to sit.
“I'm not hungry.”
“Please don't argue with me. You have to eat to take your meds so please eat.”
“I'm not sick Salome, I don't need meds,” I said toppling the chair.
She picked it up and pushed it closer to the table. “I know.” Her voice was so faint I could barely hear her.
“Good, then you can go.” I stormed into the bathroom to freshen up and put some much needed distance between us. I stood under that shower for the longest time trying to clear my head. Last night's conversation hadn't stopped playing in my head; over and over again like it was on an eternal loop.
Running up the stairs I thanked Jesus for Salome forgiving me. I hated fighting with her, I just wanted to go back to how we were.
I knocked on the door before I went in. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands between her knees. She didn't look up at me. “I don't think this is going to work out between us. We want different things and I don't want to fight.” She got up from her bed and went to sit at her desk, still not once looking at me. She put her earphones in her ears and continued with her assignment.
I had been unceremoniously dismissed. Closing the door I returned to finish supper in complete shock. I must have been running on auto- pilot because I don't remember much else except I couldn't stop crying once I got home.
The water had become cold which woke me from my daydream. Looking at myself in the mirror I realised that I was acting silly. It was a crush, it's over and now it was time to move on I decided while brushing my teeth and hair. That was how mature people behaved.
Salome hadn't left. Instead she made my bed and laid out clothes for me to wear. She was warming the soup on the stove when I came out the bathroom. “I thought I told you to leave,” I spat, far more venomously than I originally intended.
“The food got cold.”
“I don't need you to do that. I'm not an invalid, I'm very capable of helping myself.”
“Can you just quit being mean for five minutes,” she begged.
“Look Princess you made your feelings very clear. I've accepted it and am moving on so how about we stay a professional distance apart. You know, upstairs/downstairs, maid and madam.”
“How can you say that? I never treated you like the help and you damn well know it. Don't you dare put this all on me? I didn't choose, you did.”
“Me? You are the one that did all the talking and then dismissed me without giving me a chance to say anything.”
“What were you going to say that you hadn't said already?”
“You didn't give me half a chance, now you will never know.”
“Lea….” I held up my hand ending the conversation right there. I didn't want to hear anymore. We could go on blaming each other forever. She broke my heart, I didn't need to relive it, I couldn't forget even if I desperately tried.
I changed in silence while she served the soup for the second time. I wanted to scream that I didn't want her help but my rumbling tummy protested loud enough for us both to hear.
“Thank you,” I said sitting down to eat. Food was exactly what I needed.
“You're welcome.” She sat next to me the whole time not saying a word, clearing the dishes and washing them while I drank my coffee.
I didn't want her here, but I didn't want her to go because I knew she would never come back. This was the last time we would be together in this room. I wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to take both our sadness away. I couldn't, I couldn't lay myself open to her again. I wasn't strong enough to survive her rejection. Again.
“You don't have to do that.”
“I know.” She came back to sit next to me when she was done. “I didn't mean to hurt you Lea.” I jumped up from the table emptying the rest of my coffee and rinsing the cup. Something had reached into my chest and was ripping it open, I could feel it. I couldn't breathe trying to swallow the lump in my throat. ‘ Hold it together Lea.'
“You didn't. Thank you for the food but if you don't mind I have work to do.” She rose from the table and opened the door.
“I hope we can still be friends.” She walked away not waiting for a response and I was not going to give Salome one more minute of thought.
Marching up to the house I started my day hoping to avoid her for the rest of it. She was scarce, staying in her room except for once or twice when I heard her in the kitchen. I respected her space and didn't go in to clean.
Mrs Porter had come home early to cook supper and was surprised to see me up and about. “Are you sure you are okay Lea.”
“Yes ma'am I'm just fine,” I said smiling. “Supper will be ready on time. I took the last of the laundry upstairs before starting supper.
Salome and I managed to be cordial and not raise suspicion. When her mother asked if she was going to watch a movie with me she said she had too much homework.
“I'm going to stay at Tamara's for the rest of the holiday,” she informed her mother. “We have these projects and assignment due and it's just easier than driving up and down.” After confirming plans with Tamara's mother Mrs Porter gave her permission.
Salome was running away. I can't say that I blame her but it hurt like hell.
I went home and read a book, when that didn't distract me I turned on the TV. Nothing was able to stop my mind from working. No matter how meaningless and trivial I tried to make Salome, my heart knew the truth. This was not something I was just going to get over soon.
Was it wrong for me to want to take things slow? I never lied to her, I was honest from the very beginning. It's not fair for her to push me into doing something that I don't want to do. She knew this was all new to me, she was my first.
Too much had happened in such a short space of time. It felt like I was on a conveyor belt and no matter what my feelings are the belt kept pushing me forward. I had to take control. Maybe this was a blessing. Maybe I need to just stop, and breathe.
I was so swept up in Salome I had neglected so much of my own interests. I hadn't read a good book in forever, I hadn't written a single poem or short story since I got here. It was time to get back to being me.
I heard a car hooter and peered out the window. I watched her roll her suitcase up the path and load it into the car. I watched her get in the passenger side and drive away.
She didn't say goodbye. She didn't look back.
I may have never told her I loved her but I did and she broke my heart.
‘Dear Jesus. Well I asked for a sign not too long ago. I love her, You and I both know it but there's nothing I can do now. Just please help me to get through this with dignity.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
No matter how good your intentions are, sometimes the hurt gets in the way of resolve. It's difficult to avoid someone that you see every day. It's impossible to stop loving someone when you smell her perfume every time you iron her clothes or clean her room. When you see how beautiful she looks every day before she goes to varsity. When you hear her voice somewhere in the house or her laughter when she's on the phone. It's impossible, all it does is breed resentment and jealousy because she is happy without you.
We had become cordial acquaintances. Speaking only when necessary and avoiding each other as much as we could unless forced to be in the same vicinity. It had been a month since we started this particular dance. I'm sure her family noticed us being ‘cool' with each other but nothing was ever said.
When I went home Gran noticed my less than enthusiastic responses about Salome. She asked if we had been fighting and I told her we weren't spending much time together because she had lots of assignments. She seemed to accept my explanation and didn't ask again.
Every morning I got up motivating myself to get through the day. Every morning I would be excited that I was going to see her and every night brought dreadful loneliness because I knew I would spend the evening alone. We would never watch a movie cuddled on the bed eating popcorn. I lay on my bed browsing through photos of her, of us, on my phone. No matter how much I tried to stop, I wasn't ready to stop.
I was on the phone with my mother one evening. She had obviously noticed the change in my demeanour. I was only half listening to her and offering one word answers when she abruptly said, “Lea come home.”
“Sorry?”
“Just come home. You have been depressed for weeks now. You looked terrible when you were here last. We don't need the money that badly.” I could hear the emotion thick in her voice which made me sit up and pay attention. This thing was starting to affect my family. Mum didn't need to be more stressed than she already was and she didn't need to carry around all this guilt.
“Mum, I'm fine just a little tired but fine, really. Please don't worry. I'm really happy here, they treat me very well and the work is not difficult. All is good Mum. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay. I love you Mum. Sleep tight.”
“I love you too Baby. Night.”
Tears were streaming down my face. I knew how guilty my mother felt because I was a maid, because I didn't go to college, because of everything. She thought this was all her fault and I couldn't tell her the truth. This couldn't go on, I couldn't go on like this anymore. I had to pull myself back together.
I took out my journal and started to write. I wrote about everything from the circumstances that brought me here, to falling for Salome, to breaking up with Salome. I silently teared, I sobbed and the times I had to scream, I buried my face in my pillow so it couldn't be heard. I purged all the negativity from my soul and then I laughed. I didn't know what exactly I was laughing at but my tummy hurt by the time I was done.
I opened the picture gallery on my phone and scrolled through the pictures I'd seen a million times. I stopped on my favourite picture of Salome. I remembered taking it one Saturday afternoon as we lay on a blanket in my favourite spot at the bottom of the garden. I was reading her a rather erotic passage from a Mills and Boon book that someone had lent her. We were laughing and teasing each other, the sun fell on her face just right. I took a series of pictures with my phone camera, her face was alive with sunshine and smiles.
“I love you Salome. I think I always will but I need to move on. Don't think it is because I have forgotten you, because I haven't. I just need to be whole again.” I kissed the picture running my finger over her lips. It's sort of weird talking to a photo but I needed to say it out loud. It needed to be in the ethos somewhere and maybe make its way to her.
It was just after midnight when I finally fell asleep. I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, especially since I was surrounded with everything that reminded me of her, including her, but I would take it one day at a time.
………………………………………………………………
Saturday I went to the library and applied for a card. Thankfully I was able to take out some books immediately. I sat at one of the computers and played games for a while after spending almost two ours browsing the shelves. I loved the smell of books, I couldn't explain it but it smelled of history and knowledge and dust all rolled into one. The librarian was a fifty-something lady, very bubbly and eager to help. She never stayed at her desk but moved around to make sure everyone was doing okay and constantly glancing to her desk in case someone needed her.
I made a point of writing in my journal every night. Some days were better than others. A particularly difficult day is when Salome went for her driver's test. Mrs Porter had taken the day off to offer support. They came back with cake, chips and cooldrink to celebrate her getting her license. We stood and looked at each other while Mrs Porter telephoned everyone telling them the good news. The effect those blue eyes had on me had not diminished with time.
“Congratulations,” I finally managed to croak out.
“Thank you.” Be both smiled, neither of our smiles reaching our eyes. Mrs Porter called her to the phone and I continued to the laundry.
I shook my head trying to clear my eyes of unshed tears, taking deep breaths to get my pounding heart under control. We had spoken about this day; made plans to go cruising on weekends and trips for ice-cream or to a movie during the week. Now it would never happen.
The Porters insisted I stay after supper and celebrate with them. I sat across from her faking smiles as she told us about the inspector and the route she had to drive. Jonjo went to bed and I began to clear the dishes. She helped me carry the plates to the kitchen. We worked around each other in silence but I could feel her filling the space.
That night tears tracked down my cheeks and dropped off the end of my chin, staining the page as I wrote. That night I had to recommit myself to mending because at that point I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay that way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Mrs Porter called just as I was folding the laundry. She apologised for the late notice but I was to set an extra place for one of Salome's friends for supper. Beef stew, rice and roast pumpkin was on the menu. I figured I could slap up a quick bread pudding and custard for dessert.
The porters were sitting in the lounge when their guest arrived. I went to open the door. It was a boy with flowers. He introduced himself as Seth and said Salome was expecting him. I stepped aside to allow him in and escorted him to the lounge. He shook hands with Mr Porter and presented Mrs Porter and Salome with flowers.
I was transfixed watching the seen play out. Mrs Porter noticed me and asked if I could put the flowers in water. Salome looked up as she handed them to me. Maybe she could see the pain I felt reflected there because she shut them tight and turned away.
I thought it would be Tamara. It was a guy. Seth. Her boyfriend. All I could feel is my heart beating in my ears. It was hard to take a deep breath.
Before I could get too caught up in my mind, the dinner bell rang. I loaded the bowls of food onto the trolley and prepared to serve.
“Seth this is Lea. She has prepared this wonderful meal for us,” Mrs Porter introduced.
“Lea?” he looked confused. “Lea is a maid! The way you spoke…..”
“Seth!” Salome said embarrassed. Both Mr and Mrs Porter looked confused.
“Pleased to meet you,” I offered before I left. I didn't like him at all. I put the flowers in vases and placed them in the lounge. Mrs Porter rang the bell for me to clear the dishes and serve dessert. He kept looking at me as I moved around putting dishes on the trolley.
“Dinner was delicious as always, thank you Lea,” Mr Porter commented. I thanked him and served dessert. After supper they had coffee in the lounge in front of the fire place.
Seth and Salome were sitting next to each other. His hand was on her knee I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the gut. My heart ached so, that I couldn't take a deep breath.
She shrugged his hand off and stood to help me clear the cups, following me into the kitchen.
“Lea,” she breathed my name. I felt my body give in from the inside, a sob crawled out and I somehow cleared my throat to disguise it. I fought to hold back the tears while rinsing dishes not wanting to make eye contact. I felt her leave and it was more than just a physical thing.
I said goodnight once I was done and went home. The damn broke as I walked down the path. Maybe somewhere deep inside I thought that there would always be a chance to fix this. It was well and truly over.
……………………………………
The days went by in a blur. I don't know if it was getting easier or if I had built walls around my heart but somehow I didn't seem to hurt so much.
Saturday became my library day. I think I just needed a change in scenery by the end of the week. Seth seemed to always be around and Salome unnerved me still. He managed to be insulting towards me at every opportunity and disguised his ridicule with ‘no offence Lea but…. ' And conveniently when Mr and Mrs Porter were not in the room. He never allowed me to forget that I was just the maid. Salomé would make a feeble effort to stop him but he ignored her.
I was sitting in a wing chair near the window reading ‘ sense and sensibility .' I am a huge Jane Austen fan. The sun filtering through the glass pane warmed me all over.
“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?” I was startled by the person standing close to my chair. “Sorry I didn't mean to surprise you,” she smiled.
“Umm no, sorry. Of course, please feel free to sit.” I stammered. “Sometimes I get too lost in my reading.”
“Amanda,” she said sticking out her hand.
“Lea.”
“I promise to be quiet, I just love to work in this area, it's so warm.” She proceeded to lay her work out on the table.
“You won't be disturbing me at all.” I continued with my book while she did her assignment. It was almost an hour later when I looked up again. She was packing away her work.
“The library is closing,” she smiled. I checked my watch as I stood and collected my books. We said goodbye to Mrs Murray, the librarian, and walked out together.
“Can I give you a ride home?” she asked. “It's getting a little chilly.”
“I'm fine thanks. The walk will keep me warm.”
“I'm not a serial killer, I promise,” she said raising both her hands. “I see you every Saturday sitting and reading or browsing the shelves.
I wanted to introduce myself last week but you were in and out so fast that I didn't get the chance.” A long silence stretched between us. “Say something”
“Ummm……..”
“I'm not a stalker either,” she joked. I smiled trying to wrap all this around my foggy brain.
“This is only the third Saturday I've been here. You couldn't have seen much.” Her laugh was full and throaty and reached all the way to her eyes.
“Would you like to go get coffee? The centre isn't too far.” I considered this for a while, it would be nice to make new friends.
“Sure, I'm buying.” We drove in her green Citi Golf. I was a little nervous knowing she had noticed me and wanted to get to know me. We decided to go to Wimpy instead as we were wishing for waffles and ice-cream.
“So,” she began as we waited for our order. “Tell me about yourself.”
“There's nothing much to tell. I'm 19, originally from Cloverton. I moved here 6 months ago for work and that's about it. You already know that I love reading.”
“What else.”
“I love sport, music, movies, cooking and writing.”
“Wow a writer, can I read something of yours sometime.” I laughed trying to hide my nervousness.
“I don't really let anyone read it.” The waiter placed our waffles and coffee on the table which gratefully ended that part of the conversation. We ate in silence for a while, savouring the first few mouthfuls of hot waffle, cold ice-cream and copious amounts of syrup and sprinkles.
“So tell me about yourself Amanda. I noticed that you are studying early childhood development.”
“Yes, how observant of you. I would love to teach Grade R but at the moment I teach the 2-3 year old group at Little People Day-care. Ultimately I want to own my own pre-school by the time I'm 25. I just turned 18, three months ago; I love music and dancing and movies and reading. We moved here 4 years ago because my dad was promoted. I live near the library in Sycamore, it's about three roads away.
“And yet you drove instead of walked,” I commented. She stuck her tongue out at me.
“I'm a hopeless cook, okay not hopeless but not creative. I can do the basics efficiently enough.” I had to laugh at that. “So where do you work?”
I ate my waffle silently. It wasn't that I wasn't expecting to answer that question it's just that I think for the first time I felt ashamed of being a maid. I wasn't going to lie though.
“I'm a maid,” I said not looking up for the reaction, “for the Porter's in Azalea Avenue.”
“Cool. What's it like?” I looked up into eyes filled with no judgement at all, instead she was waiting expectantly for the answer.”
“Not challenging at all but at least I get to explore my creative cooking side,” I sighed. “I actually wanted to be a high school teacher. I was accepted at Edgewood but it wasn't meant to be.”
“Finances?”
“Got it in one. Sorry for dampening the mood. Anyway, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this.”
She reached over the table and covered my hand with hers. “You can tell me anything you need to.” She was such a sincere person, caring and interested in what I had to say.
I smiled and steered the conversation towards more neutral topics. We spoke about our families, growing up and our favourite things. She was easy to talk to and the conversation was never one-sided. We laughed a lot and that was the best of all.
We left about six o' clock and she insisted on driving me home. In the driveway we exchanged numbers and made Saturdays our meeting day since we both would be at the library.
I lay on my bed unable to stop thinking about the wonderful afternoon we had. It was nice to have a new friend. It felt good to be really happy for a change.
We had similar interests and even the differences were not unbearable. I took out my journal, grateful for something happy to write about. It was then that I realised that I hadn't thought about Salome at all. This was good, great even. I was finally moving forward.
The rest of my Saturday was quiet. I read a little, called my family and watched a DVD. Amanda sent me a SMS. It was a silly joke but it made me smile. I needed to smile more.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY- FIVE
Mrs Porter and I were planning the menu for the coming week and making grocery lists when Mr Porter came into the kitchen to get coffee.
“So have you asked her yet,” I heard him say as I moved a few containers around in the pantry.
“Not yet. We're just finishing up. Where is Salome?”
“Out with Seth and Jonjo is playing PC games.”
“Lea,” she called. They were both staring at me as I walked out the pantry. I thought I was in trouble. Maybe they found out about Salome and me or maybe they noticed how distant we had become.
“Please have a seat,' Mr Porter offered. “We are having a surprise birthday party for Salome. Nothing too big, just about a hundred family and friends.” I let out the breath I hadn't even realised I was holding.
“Mr Porter adores your food and so do I. We were wondering if you could cater the party.” My eyes were probably as wide as saucers.
“Mrs Porter I have never cooked for that many people before. I wouldn't want to let you down or embarrass you in front of your guests.”
“Okay, I understand that but before you say no let me lay out the plan.” I nodded. “Firstly we are looking for finger-food like drumsticks or sticky wings or mini pies etc. Secondly we want you to quote the price for your services as if you are a catering company. This means you can hire help because we also want you to have waiters walking around with drinks.”
“We have every confidence in you Lea,” Mr Porter added. “You are intelligent and capable. Don't answer now but take a day or two to roll it around in your brain and come up with a plan and let's take it from there, okay?”
“Okay,” I said rising from the chair. “Thank you for having so much confidence in me. I really will give this my best shot but please be honest with me if it's not what you like.” They both nodded their agreement and we said goodnight.
………………………………….
“You will never freaking believe what just happened.”
“Well hello to you too,” Mandy laughed. “So what has you so excited on a Sunday evening?”
“The Porter's want me to cater their daughter's birthday party. Can you believe it, and they are going to pay me extra. I have to give them a quote for food and waiting staff. I'm freaking out. I've never done this before. How in heavens name am I going to pull this off for a hundred people? And where do I find waiting staff?”
“STOP! Stop. You are rambling. Take a breath and relax. We can figure this out.”
“Mandy, I can't screw this up.”
“You won't, I promise you won't. You couldn't even if you tried.”
I smiled, “you have that much confidence in me?”
“More. Let's get together before Saturday and throw around some ideas and see what we come up with.”
“Okay, when are you free?”
“I work until 3pm so any time after that.”
“How about you come over then and stay for supper. I'm usually finished at the Porters by 7pm and then we can have supper.”
“Mmmm, I finally get to taste this famous cuisine.”
“Don't get too excited, it will be something simple.” We spoke a little longer before she had to go but as usual she left me smiling.
Mandy and I had become close friends very quickly. We met on Saturdays at the library and sat at the same table; she worked on her assignments while I read. We would spend a little time on the computers before going for coffee. Sometimes we would go and meet with friends of hers and watch sport at the pub. I loved that my circle of friends was increasing.
She was the first person I thought of calling after I spoke to the Porters. It was strange to think that we only knew each other for about a month, but then again why do we put time limits on relationships. You could know someone your whole life and never really KNOW them or you can meet someone and know them well simply because they were open and honest.
…………………………………………
Mandy arrived at 3:30pm, tired and hungry. We had toast and coffee while she helped Jonjo with his homework. Jonjo was immediately smitten with her. There was no doubt that she was a great teacher, she had the right amount of patience and encouragement to get through to kids. He wanted her to promise that she would help him every day.
He pulled Mandy to his bedroom to show her his Playstation games while I started supper. He was so excited to have someone interested in his hobbies and Mandy had extensive knowledge of gaming so he was in heaven.
“You really are a genius in the kitchen aren't you?” She was leaning against the counter smirking. “Can I help with anything?”
“I don't know, can you?”
“Hahahah, and a comedian. You're just full of surprises aren't you?”
“Oooooo you don't know the half of it.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Her smile widened immediately and even became a little naughty.
“I look forward to peeling back the layers.” My eyes widened and I turned away attempting to hide the flush creeping up my neck. She sensed my uneasiness and changed the subject.
Mrs Porter and Salome came home together. I introduced Mandy to them. Salome was polite but abrupt, staring between Mandy and me then excusing herself.
Mrs Porter was her usual bubbly self, asking questions and making her feel welcome. Mr Porter was equally as welcoming when he came home.
Mandy waited for me in the kitchen as I served supper even though I gave her the key to the hut. She was washing dishes when I came back in. “You don't have to do that.”
“I know but the faster we finish the faster we can go,” she smiled. We worked well as a team and were finished on time. Salome was already in her room when I went to say goodnight to the family.
“I apologise for not asking permission before Mandy came over. She's helping me with the ‘project' you have given me.”
“Lea I'm glad that you are making friends and getting out more. You can have friends over so long as it doesn't get too rowdy.”
“Thank you Mrs Porter but I will ask permission first next time. And we will stay in the hut or in the garden.” I went back to the kitchen and found Salome filling her flask with coffee.
“Goodnight,” I said reaching for the door. Mandy was waiting on the steps outside.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“Pardon?” I asked turning to face her. We just looked at each other not saying anything then she turned and left. I closed the door behind me and went home.
Mandy helped me to make baked beans and sausage for supper. She set the table while I dished it into the bowl and put it on the table. We ate in silence for a while; Salome annoyed me. She didn't have a right to ask me questions like that. We were not even friends anymore.
“This is delicious Lea,”
“It's just baked beans.”
“Well its delicious baked beans.” I smiled but it didn't quite reach my eyes. “What's wrong?” she asked putting her fork down.
We had never spoken about Salome. I had never told her I was attracted to women. Although some of her friends were gay and she was very comfortable around them, I was not comfortable talking about me. It wasn't that I was lying or hiding, it just never came up.
“I'm just worried about this party.”
“Bull!” She reached over the table but I reached for my glass to drink some water. She saw it for what it was and pulled away. “We should get started. I need to be home by 10pm.”
We cleaned the dishes and sat down at opposite sides of the table to discuss the party. Mandy pulled out a file, she had done some research on how to write up a quote and had printed out a template that we could use. She also had almost twenty recipes to give us ideas of what to serve. There were also ideas on how to set out the buffet table, what drinks to serve and what the waiters should be doing.
“Wow,” was all I could say as I read through the file. “When did you do all this?”
“Last night. We have a computer at home so….”
“Thank you Mandy, this is awesome. Everything I need to know is here.”
“I'm glad to help. You look through the file and decide what you want to do and we can talk about it more on Saturday, if you want,” she said gathering her bag and jacket.”
“Don't you want some coffee?” It was only 8:30pm and I wanted to spend more time with her.
“No thanks, maybe another time.” I walked her to her car and we said goodnight promising to meet on Saturday. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I guess I was hoping we could just spend time together. I loved being with her whether we were watching a movie or chatting it didn't matter. I just wanted her around. Maybe it was selfish of me to want to monopolise her time.
I read over the file again making notes on some blank pages that she left in there for this purpose. She had done so much work on this, made it so easy for me. It didn't feel like such a daunting task anymore. It seemed possible, maybe we could even rope in some of her friends to be waiters. Most of them were students and needed extra cash.
I sent her a message , ‘thank you for all the research. You are a rock star. What do you think about getting some of your friends to be waiters?”
‘It was my pleasure. We can ask them on Saturday when we meet for the game at Joe's. They are your friends too Lea. Night.'
‘Please Jesus don't let me mess this up. These people are counting on me. And Salome will think I did it on purpose…'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY- SIX
Mandy was already working when I got to the library barely looking up when I greeted her. I didn't want to disturb her so I sat down with the folder and went over some of the notes I had made during the week.
I had come up with a menu; 3 meat dishes with 3 vegetarian options. I also tried to tweak the recipes a little to be calorie conscious but maintain flavour and was also playing around with the idea of two mini desserts. I figured we would have to hire side-plates, I couldn't imagine these people eating out of paper or plastic ones, catering trays and champagne flutes and buy lots of serviettes.
I would need about four waiters dressed in black carrying trays of food and drinks. I would have to be in the kitchen co-ordinating the food while Mandy made sure everything ran smoothly outside. I made a note to check with Mrs Porter if she was having tables and chairs set out, there was actually quite a few questions I had to ask her.
I kept looking up from my notes hoping to catch Mandy's attention. She was acting very strange, not just today but the whole week. Maybe she was just busy, studying and working was no easy task and I couldn't expect her to drop everything to listen to my ideas.
Mrs Murray rang the bell informing us that the library would be closing in 15 minutes. We silently packed up our things. “Are you okay?” I finally had to ask.
“Just peachy. How about you?”
“I'm okay,” I said walking with her towards the exit. The sun was way too bright outside and I needed a minute to adjust my eyes. When I looked around a second later, she was already at the car. “Mandy!” She stopped but didn't look at me. “What's going on with you?”
“Nothing,” she said getting in and unlocking the passenger door. We put on our seat belts and she drove towards Joe's Pub with the radio on maximum volume to discourage any conversation.
The gang was waiting for us, they had a good table near the view screen so we wouldn't be disturbed during the game. Patrick bought the first round, as usual the guys refused for any of us to pay for our drinks, and the girls clubbed together for a tray of snacks.
Mandy sat across and at the opposite end of the table to me and kept her eyes on the screen or talking to the other ladies. “So, everyone ready for round two?” John asked. With nods all around to the affirmative he asked me to help carry the jugs of draught. “Trouble in paradise?”
“What?”
“You and Mandy. Things seem a bit off between you.”
“I know, I don't know what's up, she's been kind of aloof the whole week.” He laughed and patted me on the shoulder. “You haven't made a move yet, have you?” I swear my heart stopped beating and I turned lobster red.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh come on Lea, the way you two eye-blaze each other and have that constant ‘shit-eating' grin on your faces when you are together, it's kind of obvious mate. But seriously what are you waiting for?” John grabbed two jugs and headed back towards the table.
“John,” I said grabbing his arm. He stopped and smiled, “relax, and just go for it. You won't be sorry.” I deposited the jugs on the table and went to the toilet. My brain was on overload, was John right? I know we flirt with each other and we tend to be close together wherever we are but I didn't think that meant I was giving her signals. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”
Leonie came in as I was pacing in front of the sink, John must have sent her. “Hey Casanova!” I looked up but didn't stop pacing. She stood in front of me stopping my caged animal routine. “You like her?”
“What?” She put her arms around my shoulders. “Mandy. You like her.” I blinked rapidly trying to find my equilibrium. Leonie smiled at the answering look in my eyes. “Then what's the problem?” I hung my head on her shoulder. “Wait, you are gay aren't you?” she asked pulling away.
“As of about six months ago, yes. Is it that obvious?” She smiled and squeezed my hand. “This is all very new to me and I'm not sure I'm ready to be OUT. It's what ruined my last relationship, if you can even call it that, and I'm not sure I can do that again.”
“You have to leap with someone. It's not even a far leap, from the outside looking in, you look like you are together. Explain it to her and if she understands and is willing you move forward into something new and if she isn't at least you both know where you stand.” Mandy chose that very moment to come through the door. She spotted us in a rather intimate embrace, apologised and fled. Both of us calling after her had no effect.
She was already out the front door when I exited the bathroom and ran after her. “Mandy wait!” She wasn't listening keys already in hand to unlock the car. “Wait!” I said just in time to grab the door before she slammed it shut. I took her hand to help her out but she shrugged me off. “Please.” She got out the car and slammed the door. “Walk with me, the park is not far.”
“For what?”
“Please I really don't want to do this here.” I reached for her hand again but she turned away towards the park. We walked for a while quietly with a great distance between us.
“Leonie and me, it wasn't what it looked like,” I finally said. No response. “She was just giving me some much needed advice.” No response.
She sat on the first bench near the entrance of the park. It was after 4pm n dusky so I knew we couldn't stay here long. There were a few people in the park; an old guy walking his poodle, kids playing on the jungle gym, a couple with their baby strolling around the perimeter. We sat and watched them in silence for a while.
“ I crouched in front of her, taking both hands in mine, this time she didn't pull away but her eyes were on everything but me. “I like you Mandy, I really, really do. I wish you would just tell me what is bothering you. Since Monday you have been… off.” She still didn't respond. “Talk to me, please.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I'm sorry.” She didn't reply or even look in my direction. “Mandy.” I reached out to her and when she didn't pull it away relief washed over me. “Please, Mandy.” She turned towards me but focused on the floor, discreetly wiping her eyes. “I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't even realise that I was doing anything until today….”
“Lea!” her stern tone startled me.
“You have been distant since Monday. I don't know what I said or did but I didn't mean to. I value your friendship….”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“I know you had a thing with Salome. I assume It's over which would account for the tension between the two of you. I know you are not over her and that just leaves me…..” She got up and walked towards the exit. I grabbed her shoulder.”
“Hey you chicks need a ride?” It was John and Patrick in John's car. “It's getting dark, thought you should be heading back.” Mandy shrugged my hand and got into the back.
“I'm okay. I need to walk” I said walking around the car and back up the road.
“Wait!” Pat shouted and ran after me.
“Pat I'm really not good company.”
“I know.” John turned the car and drove past us. Pat walked with me in silence except for the pounding of his shoes on the pavement. When we reached the pub, I hesitated deciding whether to go in or go home. “This round is on me. Anything you want. I think something stronger than draught.”
“I don't think….”
“Look Lea. Whatever is going on with the two of you, is hurting you both. We are your friends too. I suspect you need someone to talk to…or not. Whatever you need, I'm here.” We walked into the pub and sat at the bar. Pat ordered two whiskey on the rocks and two shots of tequila. I downed the shots without blinking an eye and slowly sipped the whiskey.
Pat was great, he just sat with me not asking questions or trying to make idle conversation to get my mind off things. That was exactly what I needed, this was something I had to sort out for myself. I didn't need anyone to tell me how fantastic she was, I knew that already. I looked over at the table where Mandy sat. Leonie was trying to get her to eat something but she nibbled a bit on a samosa and set it aside.
“I don't want to lose her Pat. I can't.” He followed the path of my eyes.
“Then don't.”
“It's so complicated. What if I lose her anyway?”
“Nothing worth having is ever easy my friend.”
“I don't know what I'm doing.” Downing the last of my drink I stood to leave. “I'm going. Pat, thanks for everything.”
“I'll take you home.”
“No, you shouldn't be driving. Just please make sure Mandy gets home safely.” He nodded his agreement and I went to say goodbye to the others. I walked around to where she was sitting and crouched in front of her.
“I'm going home. She turned and looked down at me. The sadness in her eyes was almost my undoing, swallowing hard I continued, “John and Pat will make sure you get home safe, okay?”
“I'll drive you,” she offered undoubtedly recognising the major buzz I had going.
“No, I'll be fine. You text me when you get home. I don't care how late it is.” She nodded and I squeezed her hand. Standing I said my goodbyes to everyone and left the pub. Leonie caught up with me outside as I waited for a taxi on the curb. She hugged me tight and kissed my cheek.
“That was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. You really have it bad huh?”
“Honestly, I don't know.” The taxi pulled up and I got in. “Don't let Pat drive I shouted out the window as the taxi pulled away.
………………………………………………………..
For the next couple of days all I could think about was Mandy. I knew the Porters were anxious to see the quote and menu but I couldn't seem to settle down and do it.
I had some rough ideas written out but I wasn't sure if it was acceptable and I didn't want to make a fool of myself.
I hadn't spoken to Mandy in days. She texted me when she got home on Saturday night but that was the last communication. I sent her messages but she didn't reply. I called but it just went to voicemail. Leonie, Pat and John called to check up on me, they really were starting to feel like my friends too.
On Wednesday Mrs Porter asked to see what I had come up with so far. I was nervous but honest from the beginning about never doing this before. She was pleased with my menu choices but cut it down to two meat, two veg and two desserts. Mr Porter was in charge of the beverages and Mrs Porter was doing all the hiring of equipment so I gave her a list of what I would need.
We discussed the possibility of waiters serving the dishes one at a time; first the two veg courses, then the two meat courses and then the two dessert courses. According to Mrs Porter, no one had any special dietary needs.
She was going to give me an itinerary of the evening's events so we could plan when to start serving and when the champagne for the toast needed to be ready to serve. Two waiters were to walk around with champagne at all times while four served the various courses. They also needed to clear the empty dishes and glasses at regular intervals. I made a note to find out what was the right amount of time to elapse between each course.
I now had a clearer picture of what was expected of me for the evening. Mrs Porter gave me till Monday to come up with a quote so we could move forward.
I sat down on my bed going over the notes I had made. Taking the recipes out of the file, I started to make a grocery list. I had to make one hundred units of each which meant I needed help preparing as well. It was then that I remembered I needed to ask Mandy if she organised the waiters.
I picked up the phone and started to dial when I remembered that she wasn't talking to me. She gave me the confidence to do this, now how do I do it without her.
It's not that I didn't find her attractive, I would have to be totally blind not to see it. Man, she was beautiful, but in that homely, understated way. Her long, curly brown hair accentuated her amber eyes. She was my height, medium complexion and had a rocking body, obviously someone who played sport at school, but she never dressed sexy to purposely show it off. She was intelligent and funny and witty as hell.
The truth is after Salome I didn't want to find anyone else. I didn't want to hurt like that again and I saw it as a reprieve from having to admit I'm gay. I chastised myself many times for staring at Mandy too long especially when she laughed, she has the most infectious laugh. It doesn't matter if something is funny or not, you want to laugh because she is laughing. And she has the kindest eyes, loving and kind.
I definitely knew I was flirting with Mandy, I knew we were getting closer, I guess I tried to ignore what was happening. I was definitely interested and I suspected she was too but the situation with Salome still haunted me. I was just trying to protect myself. I didn't want to lose another friend but it seems as though I was going to lose one anyway.
I scrolled through my photo gallery. Looking at the pictures of Salome and I and a few of Mandy and I. I didn't feel the same way I felt about Salome but then again I'm not the same person I was back then. I knew better, I had matured, become more comfortable with who I am. I had read many LGBT novels and spent time on the internet doing ‘research', even hired a few LGBT movies, which I was now hooked on.
I was still hiding, still unsure but it was better than before, I was better than before but was I good enough for Mandy? Could I give her what she wanted, what she deserved? Was I completely over Salome? I didn't want to start something I knew I couldn't finish. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her or disappoint her.
Prayer had always been my ‘go to' in times of distress but tonight I just couldn't seem to say my usual prayers. I looked to heaven and closed my eyes, hoping I could still my mind long enough for some clarity.
‘What do you want me to do? Just tell me what I should do.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Salome did not go to university on Friday. Mrs Porter said she was not feeling well and asked if I could keep an eye on her.
I took breakfast up to her room after everyone had left and I had cleaned the kitchen. I figured she was hung over from the night before; she had gone out with Seth to one of their friend's birthday party. She probably needed headache tablets, a good breakfast and a lay in.
I knocked on the door but received no response. I figured I'd just drop the tray off and she could eat when she wanted to. She came in behind me wrapped in a towel. “Hey”
“Hey, I figured you could use a cure so I got coffee, strong, sweet and black; two paracetomol and a bacon sandwich.” I put the tray on the desk.
“Thanks.” She was standing at her wardrobe searching for something to wear. I noticed the bruising on her upper arm first and then on her wrist. I couldn't help myself, it was as if an invisible cord was pulling me towards her. She gasped when I touched the bruise on her arm, I then turned her wrist over to see if it went all the way around. She pulled away and put on a long sleeve sweater.
“Who did this to you?”
“Thanks for the breakfast.”
“Salome who did this to you?” She flinched at my raised voice. I could feel a ball of anger rise from within me. I approached her cautiously standing close but not touching her. “Tell me who hurt you.” The hostility in my voice was undeniable. She looked up and I could see the uncertainty, then she turned away.
“No-one. Some drunken asshole knocked me over and I hit my arm on a table.”
“And your wrist?”
“Oh Seth grabbed me so I wouldn't go all the way over.”
“Since when do tables leave fingerprints Salome? If he's hurting you….”
“Look Lea, no-one is hurting me and this is none of your business anyway. So how about you stick to your job description.” The shock was palpable. She had never treated me like the help before but she was right, this was not my business.
“Yes, Ma'am,” I said as I closed the door behind me. I didn't see her for the rest of the day but heard her in the kitchen while I was ironing. At supper she was her same old talkative self but something was missing in her eyes.
………………………………….
Leonie called Friday night to confirm our night out at the club on Saturday. She said Mandy was coming as well and John's brother would be the designated driver. I was excited but nervous about seeing Mandy. She hadn't answered any of my calls or messages.
John picked me up at 9:30pm. Leonie, Mandy and I sat at the back while John and Dave were in the front. The others were going to meet us at the lagoon. Mandy was quiet for most of the trip, adding a comment now and then. I was happy just to be sitting next to her and feeling her warmth against me.
Pat had his car-boot open and playing music really loudly. It was way too early to go to the club so we sat at the ‘Blue Lagoon' listening to music and getting a start on our alcohol consumption. From somewhere across the car park I heard my name but figured it was only a coincidence, then I heard my nickname ‘Bubbles' being screamed. Kim and Michelle were running across the parking lot towards me with Donovan and Trevor behind. They both hugged me and Donovan swung me around.
“What are you doing here?” Michelle asked surprised eyeballing the beer in my hand.
“We're going to the club later, what are you guys doing here?” At that moment Patrick came up behind me with another beer.
“You need a refill?” he asked handing me another cold beer. I downed the last bit in the bottle and handed him the empty one. This caused raised eyebrows from Michelle and Kim. I introduced Patrick to the gang and he invited them to join us. The guys opted for beers while the girls drank ciders. I introduced everyone else except Mandy and Tony who had gone to the toilet.
“I'm glad to see you have made some good friends,” Donovan said, “I was worried you were so isolated and lonely out there.”
“I was for a while but it's all good now. I go to the library every Saturday and after, we meet at the pub to watch soccer or rugby, it's really cool.”
“So is Patrick your….” Kim wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. I had to laugh.
“No, that honour belongs to me,” a voice came from behind. Tony and Mandy had returned from the toilet. I smiled at his playfully, exasperated look. “But if I had to swing the other way, Stud here would definitely be my first choice,” he said kissing the top of my head.
“And this is Amanda,” I said rising to give her a seat. Tony went off to find Pat saying he thought it was time for us to get going.
“He's gay!” Michelle whispered. I hadn't noticed the shocked look on their faces before, but now it was evident. My two worlds had collided and there were rumblings of an earthquake. My ‘home friends' were not used to hanging out with a diverse crowd of people. The very fact that we were a group of mixed races mingling together, knocked them for a six.
“Uhmm yes. Pat and Tony are a couple, they live together. We are a diverse crowd; black, white, gay, straight, rich, working class but all we see is our friendship so it doesn't matter to us.”
“God Lea, what would your mother say.” Mandy got up to leave but I stopped her, she needed to hear this. Up until this point I didn't realise that I would defend my new friends so passionately to my home ones. I truly never believed that the two would ever coincide.
“There's nothing to say. These are my friends. These are people, human beings. Is it better to be friends with a straight demon or a gay angel? Who he loves does not tell me anything about the type of person he is.”
“Last week I was feeling really low,” I glanced sideways at Mandy, “and Patrick he was a great friend to me, he was there for me exactly the way I needed him to be. That tells me that I can trust him, that I can depend on him. And Tony, Tony is an angel of a man. He's kind, warm and loving. When you are in his home he makes you feel welcome and you don't really want to leave. But step on his toes or attack someone he loves and he will defend any one of us like a Mama Bear.” Mandy had slid her hand into mine. By now the rest of the gang had gathered around us and John had his hand on my shoulder.
“I'm sorry that you guys can't see past that. I know it's because of the way we grew up but I have really had my horizons broadened. Not everything we were taught was right, we have to own our own truth.”
“You've changed,” Kim said, “I feel like I don't know you anymore. I mean you are drinking and hanging out with fags and going clubbing. You were never like this when you were at home.”
“You are right, I have changed. I've seen things, done things, realised things and I am learning new things about myself every day. I'm growing up guys. I'm still me just a lot more interesting.” Mandy rubbed circles on my back with her free hand.
“We better get going,” Trevor said and they walked away. Unshed tears stung my eyes. Donovan glanced back and half- smiled.
“Thank you,” Tony said as he and Pat engulfed me in a hug.
……………………………………….
We sat in the V.I.P lounge at the club. I had a few more beers which got a good buzz going but I didn't want to overdo it. I was feeling very sad about what had happened earlier. I knew now with absolute certainty that my friends at home would never accept me for who I was. I would have to leave them behind, people I have known my entire life, and start anew.
I also knew that it would only be a matter of days before word got to my family. I was going home in a week. I could feel a migraine start at the base of my skull. How did I get here? I was coasting along, life was good and I had a future my family could be proud of. Now! Now everything was different, I was in the wilderness with no signposts.
“Hey Stud, that's enough now,” Tony said sternly. I looked up from peeling the label off my bottle. “No more moping. What's done is done.” He placed the bottle on the table and dragged me to the dance floor. I started to feel better by the second song.
The DJ switched the tempo to slow jams so each couple paired off. “Go and ask her to dance,” Patrick encouraged. Mandy had been dancing across the circle from me. She caught me staring a few times but I played it down as coincidence. Now she was turning to leave when a rather good-looking guy approached her. He must have asked her to dance which she declined with a shake of her head but he was being persistent trying to block her exit.
“She's taken,” I said stepping between them. I don't know when I had started to move but here I was challenging a guy who stood a head and shoulders above me. He raised his hands in surrender and walked away.
“Thanks,” she said shyly.
“Dance with me, please.” She looked unsure so I slid my hand around her waist and stepped into her personal space. I took her left hand in my right and held it to my chest. We started to sway in time to the music, our eyes locked together.
We stayed that way for a few songs, lost in our own world, I couldn't tell you what song was playing. My thumb unconsciously rubbed her knuckle, my eyes were drawn to her lips when she licked them. She felt so good in my arms, I had missed her so much this last week. My hand shifted to the small of her back so I could pull her closer, I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed it. She came undone, I could see the panic on her face and she stepped away turning to flee. I held on to her hand and led her outside to Patrick's car.
The fresh air was a welcome reprieve from the stuffiness of the club. There were a few people outside; couples looking for some alone time, friends chatting and drinking, music playing from the cars. I leaned my back against the car-boot and pulled Mandy closer. She resisted. “Lea…”
“I have to say something so just let me say it, okay?” I took both her hands and pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her waist. She placed her hands on my upper arms in an attempt to gain leverage to push away.
“I missed you so much this week. I don't ever want to be without again. I'm sorry for causing you to hurt.” She was looking everywhere but at me. “I was too comfortable with what we had and shit scared of messing up our friendship if things didn't work out. It happened before and I didn't want that to happen again.”
She stopped struggling, stopped pushing and lay her forehead on her my chest. I kissed the top of her head and wrapped her up in my arms. “I'm interested Mandy, very interested. I just need to take things slow and I need you to understand that. If you can't, I will understand.”
“I'm in love with you,” she said raising her head. “I need you to understand that.” My heart stopped beating, my chest felt tight and warm all at the same time. “I understand that this is new to you. I get that you need to take things slow but you need to get that if we are in a relationship then we are in a relationship. And there are certain things that people in a relationship do. If you can't then you need to tell me now.”
“It was my reluctance to be ‘out' in public that caused Salome and me to break up. She wanted to go out and I was scared of how people would react and that it would somehow get back to my family and I had all these religious issues. She was right, I was a coward. Since meeting you and hanging out with every one, I think I'm more open to the possibility of really being in a relationship, especially with you. I mean look how great Pat and Tony are. I will probably disappoint you sometimes but it won't be on purpose.”
She rubbed her hands over her face and mumbled, “God, what am I doing?”
“Just give me a chance Baby, please. I promise to always be honest with you and to communicate better but you have to promise to do the same.”
“You are going to break my heart.” I held her face and slowly kissed her soft lips. She responded, holding the back of my neck and pulling me closer. It was soft and sensual. I couldn't keep my hands still, rubbing her back and squeezing her closer to me. We reluctantly pulled apart both needing air.
“I won't break your heart, just trust me.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
We had a lazy Sunday and I was happy to spend it with Mandy. Pat and Tony insisted that Mandy and I stay over at their home. Mandy slept in the guest room while I slept on the couch. I would have loved to sleep holding her but it was too soon for both of us.
We woke after 10am had a shower and breakfast. Tony lent me shorts and a vest to wear. Mandy wore a summer dress that Patrick's cousin left when she visited.
Tony kept spare toothbrushes and bath sponges in case guests stayed over. When we were done he placed them in plastic bags with our names on them for the next time we stayed.
It was a beautiful day with a slight breeze so we spent most of our time lounging outside. Patrick insisted on making cocktails, as if we needed anymore alcohol after last night, while Tony made a platter of snacks for us to munch on. After our late breakfast we just had the munchies by noon.
Mandy was unsure of how to be with me. I kissed her when she woke and brought her coffee after her shower. At breakfast I sat next to her and draped my arm along the back of her chair. I was determined to show her that I cared about her and that I wasn't afraid to display my affection. Outside, I took the seat next to her and rested my legs on her lap. She smirked then rested her hands on them unconsciously rubbing with her fingertips.
Tony and Patrick told us how they met and the difficulties they faced. They had been together since grade 10 but had to hide their relationship in school and from their parents. They came out to their parents after matric exams were over. Of course there was drama but they were determined to live their own lives. Tony worked as a promoter for an event's organiser. Because of his physique he did lots of promotions in bars for the ladies and had many funny and embarrassing stories to tell. Pat was a waiter until he was lucky enough to get an apprenticeship with the municipal electricity department. They managed to work and educate themselves but not without many stumbling blocks. Three years later they were both qualified and living in their own home and some of the family have begun to be a little more accepting.
“It's going to be a difficult situation and sometimes love will pull you through and sometimes you will wonder if it is all worth it,” Patrick advised.
“I'm going home this coming weekend and I'm sure my mother would have heard something about last night's happenings by then. Small communities tend to spread news fast.”
“Are you prepared for that? They don't know you are gay but it's only a matter of time before they start putting two and two together,” Pat added.
“I know. I'm still getting my head wrapped around it, how do I make others understand? My family are staunch catholic, like on committees and prayer every night, attend weekday as well as week-end masses. Very involved in the church. So was I until I started working. I still attend services regularly.” Mandy got up and collected the glasses, offering a refill. I sensed the tension build between us as the conversation became more serious.
I followed her after a while not wanting to stifle her but not wanting her to panic about all the thoughts I knew were running through her head. She was standing by the basin, I assumed intending to wash the glasses, gripping the edge of the counter.
“Relax,” I whispered, slipping my arms around her waist and pulling her into me.
“This is not going to work.” I could hear the quiver in her voice.
“Shh. You are over thinking this. Just let it be for a while. I don't have to go home this weekend…”
“So you are running away?” She said spinning around. “How long are you going to run away and avoid them? Months? Years? Don't you think they will come looking for you? They do know where you are?''
“Baby, baby, breathe. I have no intention of running away or hiding you, okay? I just think we could use some time together without the added pressure.” I pulled her closer burying my face in her neck. She wrapped her arms around me and held on tight.
“You smell so good,” I said nibbling her neck. She giggled. “Can we just stay in our bubble a little longer before the world and its issues come crashing in? Please?” She nodded, smiling her beautiful smile and I couldn't resist those lips any longer. It was soft and sexy at first then became needy and wild. Her hands slipped under my vest and that sent a jolt of lightning between my legs. I moaned grabbing her bum and pulling her into me, she ground her hips into mine.
“God, I want you so bad, baby.”
“We better stop.”
“Mmm hmmm, yep.” But neither of us did. The scraping of the chairs on the patio brought us back to reality. She lay her forehead on mine.
“You are going to get me into a lot of trouble.” I was reminded of a similar situation a few months back when I said the same thing to Salome. I smiled not wanting to unnerve her. Just then Pat came in asking me to go to the shop with him. I put on my shoes and kissed Mandy goodbye.
Patrick refused to share the expenses for the braai saying Tony would kill him, so I bought two bottles of wine, more snacks and a box of Lindt chocolate for Mandy. They were her favourite. On the way home I called Mrs Porter to excuse myself from our menu meeting. She said she was happy to do it on her own and would leave it on the fridge door. I was relieved to have more time with Mandy.
“You better not break that girl's heart, Stud.”
“Oh Pat I have no intention of doing that. I don't know when or why I changed my mind but I think being away from her this week and knowing I hurt her, even though unintentionally, woke me up. I just want to make her happy. I just want to be happy.”
“And what about your family? And Salome'?”
“I have no blinkers on. I know exactly what is going to happen. I also know that I can't live miserable to make others happy. I tried that after Salome'. I've given a lot up for the sake of my family but not this.” Patrick smiled then turned the radio to max volume and we belted out Bon Jovi all the way home.
…………………………………………………
“Hey baby.”
“Hey, just give me a minute I'm getting in the car.” I could hear shuffling and doors banging.
“Hey Love, how is your day going?”
“Better now. How was your day?”
“You are a shameless flatterer,” she giggled. “I'm feeling sluggish but it was good.”
“Babe why don't you come over for supper tonight, nothing fancy.”
“Love I have my portfolio to do. Its due in two weeks and I need to make a start. I'm sorry”
“Oh cummon. Make a start now and come over at 7pm. Please! I miss you. I won't keep you late, I promise.”
“I miss you too especially those lips.”
“Oh hell, now I'm going to be worked up for the rest of the day.” Her laugh was infectious. “So dinner?”
“Okay but I really can't stay long.”
“Perfect, see you later.”
“Later Love.”
…………………………………..
Salome, Jonjo and Mrs Porter came home at 5:30pm. Salome was going out for supper and Mr Porter was in Cape Town on business, so Mrs Porter decided to order Pizza for her and Jonjo. I ordered two meaty subs for Mandy and myself. Mrs Porter gave me the rest of the evening off so I had enough time to do something a little special for Mandy. I texted her to come earlier and she agreed. I set the table with candles, Gran always had candles for emergencies, and flowers that I ‘borrowed' from the garden. An R&B love songs CD was ready in the player just to set the mood.
She arrived promptly at 6pm and called me from the gate. I was just buttoning my shirt when I heard a knock on the door. “Hey, how did you get in?”
“Salome was on her way out,” she said kissing me. “Wow!”
“You like?” I asked sliding my arms around her from behind and kissing her neck.
“It's beautiful Love.”
“You're beautiful.” She turned to face me, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I loved those soft lips and the taste of cola flavoured lip gloss. I wanted to touch all over her body without any barriers.
“We better stop.”
“I know.” With a final kiss I led her to her seat, lit the candles, pressed play and served supper. The first thing I loved about Mandy is how easy it was to just be with her. We never ran out of things to say and even when we were silent, it was comfortable.
After supper we sat on my bed with our tea, cuddling and listening to music. We kissed and it always seemed to go too far but one of us would stop in time. I loved how she smelled and her laugh and her mind and her wit, just everything about her really. I loved her completely. The thought sent shivers through my body and I started to panic. I felt the sweat break out on my forehead and my heart beat faster.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom, Mandy couldn't see me like this. She would think I was having second thoughts and I wasn't really. It was just all happening too fast, I was falling too fast. I didn't want a repeat of Salome and me. I had to slow things down.
I don't know when I became so bold but maybe I needed to reign it in a little. Was I really ready to give up my family and friends to be with her? Was this really love or just lust? Washing my face with cold water I decided that it was best to put some space between us.
“Hey Mandy did I show you the progress I made on the party menu?” I said exiting the bathroom. “Mrs Porter and I have made the final decisions but I want to practice the recipes beforehand.” I handed her the file and sat at the table instead of next to her on the bed. “So what do you think?”
“It looks good. You are going to need help with preparing though.”
“Yeah. I was going to ask you and Tony to help me in the kitchen and Pat, John, Dave and Leonie to do the actual serving. What do you think? I will pay them of course.”
“That sounds good. We can ask them on Saturday at the braai.”
“How much should I pay them though?”
“We will have to find out what the going rate is. When do you have to have the quote in?”
“Wednesday but she seems okay with everything. I was wondering if we could maybe test out the recipes next week.”
“Lea, why are you sitting all the way over there?”
“No reason.” I went to sit on the couch next to her but not touching. She put the file away, took my hand and sat on my lap.
“Talk to me.” Before I could start my sentence she brushed her lips over mine. “You promised.” I couldn't lie to her, I promised I would communicate more.
“I'm scared. I'm falling in love with you too fast. A week ago I was unsure, now I can't stand to be without you for a minute and it's only been two days.”
“So?”
“I don't want to make the same mistakes. This is exactly how it happened before and I was overwhelmed and it ended really badly. I can't survive that again.”
“Love, I am not Salome and you are not the same Lea. You said yourself that you have grown as a person, matured and broadened your horizons. And we have known each other longer than two days. These feelings have been bubbling under the surface for a long time.”
“I love you Mandy. It is so easy for me to say that but it scares the shit out of me, not because I doubt you but because I don't want to let you down and I'm so afraid I might.
“Babe, breathe. There is no deadline to figuring this out. That's why we are DATING!” I let out a deep breath and held on tighter. I really didn't want to mess this up. “Listen we can just date and see what happens. I don't expect you to be out to your family, I'm not even really out to mine. They know how strongly I feel about gay rights and I've never had a boyfriend or shown any interest in boys but I haven't come out to them. Honey, I don't want to be a ‘poster couple' for the LGBT community. I just want to be free to love you and express that love no matter where we are. I don't mean mauling each other in public either, I think that is so gross.” She pulled a face and giggled.
“I know what you mean babe. Some couples take it too far, it's totally unnecessary to behave that way in public. You are my girlfriend not my possession, I want people to know we are together but not that I own you. I think a peck on the cheek,” kiss , “or lips,” kiss , “or hand,” kiss , “is acceptable as well as hand holding.”
“Are you trying to start something Miss Stevens?” she said running her fingers through my hair.
“Oh I'm sorry, I'm clearly being too subtle.” I kissed her like it was the last time I would ever kiss her, trying to poor everything that I was feeling for her into it. I wanted to drive away all doubt from myself and from her.
It was getting late and she had her project to do, it was the last big project before her graduation. There were a few assignments after that and she would graduate in October. We walked to her car holding hands, “so I will see you Saturday?” I leaned against the driver's door and pulled her closer for one last kiss.
“I'm going to the library for some research, then we can go to the park for a light lunch and then we are all meeting at John's house at 3pm.”
“Okay, I have books to exchange anyway. Can we go shopping for ingredients, I really want to test out those recipes as soon as possible.”
“Sure Love. Now kiss me so I can go.” Just then Salome and Seth drove up.
“I love you Baby. Drive safe and text me when you get home.”
“I love you too Babe. Bye.”
“Hey,” Salome greeted as we walked down the path.
“Hey.”
“Had a good night?”
“Yes. You?”
“Mmm. You look happy.”
“I am. Goodnight.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY
The week of the party was totally chaotic and I had to calm Mrs Porter down many times before she went into full panic. Thankfully Mandy had finished her portfolio and had more time to help me with final preparations. All of our friends agreed to help and didn't want to be paid, but I insisted. Mandy and I had tested the recipes and tweaked them a little. Everything was ready for the party. Tony and Mandy were taking the Friday before the party off from work so they could help me shop. I was so nervous about messing this up and embarrassing the Porters but Mandy kept me focused and assured.
Our relationship was progressing steadily. I didn't go home at the end of the month with the excuse that I needed to concentrate on preparations for the party; which saddened my mother but I just needed some time for us. I had mentioned Mandy and the rest of our friends in conversations with my family and they were happy that I had made friends and was not lonely. I was surprised but relieved that Kim and Michelle had not told my mother about our argument. Tracy, Mark and Donovan still kept in contact with me but I did not feel comfortable enough to come out to them, yet.
Mandy and I ate supper together at least twice a week and she slept over on most weekends, on a blow-up mattress. We held hands and kissed in public and I was very comfortable with people seeing that we were a couple.
I had been invited to her parent's home for Sunday lunch two weeks in a row and it seemed to be becoming a standing date. They were a loving, down to earth family and included me in all their activities. She had a younger brother, Kyle, in grade nine who loved sports just as much as I did, we even supported the same English premier league team, Liverpool FC. We had taken him out with us a few times; to eat or the arcade or when we watched a game at a friend's house, just to have fun and get to know each other better. Mandy had introduced me as a friend so it was important to keep ourselves in check around them.
Mandy and I had spoken about disappointing our families. It was going to be difficult but eventually necessary to be truthful. We wanted a future together, a future where we were married, had kids and a home. Neither of us had said it outright but our conversations always seemed to drift in that direction. I thought Mandy's family would be far more understanding than mine, she didn't seem to think so. I was sad that our families would miss out on so much. I knew one thing for sure, I didn't want tomorrow without Amanda Wilson.
…………………………
Mandy, Tony and I started early on Friday morning with the shopping. Tony had suggested that we get all the desserts made and stored in the fridge at his house. He bought wine and cheese for us to snack on while we worked and had the music blaring from the stereo. We were making lemon meringue tartlets and strawberry cheesecake. The meringue would be piped on and caramelised before serving as would the cream topping be added to the cheesecake.
After two and a half hours we had the last of the pastry shells baking in the oven. My feet were sore from not only making pastry but dancing around in the kitchen as well. We were lounging on the couches stuffed with cheese and crackers and far too much wine. Tony had a bit of work to do in his office while we took a much needed break.
“We drank too much wine,” Mandy moaned with her head on my lap. I was content with my head back and eyes closed, gently stroking my hair.
“Let's not do that again until we are done with all the food preparation.” She lifted my t- shirt and kissed my stomach. I shivered from my crown to my soles. “Baby.” It came out as a whispered moan. She lifted it a little more nipping the flesh above my belly button and my fingers tightened in her hair. “Baby, Mandy stop. Please!” Instead she climbed up my body until we were face to face.
“I'm not going to survive the abstinence…thing,” she said biting my bottom lip.
“Not if you keep doing that. It's difficult for me too, believe me but I really want to do this. For both of us. I know I am old fashioned but some things, in my opinion shouldn't be compromised.”
“I agree Love, it's just so damn difficult when all I can think about is touching you, and licking you and tasting you…”
“STOP WOMAN! Jeez I'm only human, you are killing me.” She laughed then kissed me once more, chastely.
“Come lazy bones. We have fillings to prepare.” We were almost done making the lemon curd when Tony resurfaced. We laughed and sang along to music while filling pastry shells and storing them in boxes in the fridge. Tony had learned some packing tricks back when he was a food and beverage promoter and two hundred desserts fit perfectly.
I was going over the menu with Tony while Mandy washed up. We had decided to marinate the chicken cubes and pork chops now so they will have more flavour and the less we had to do tomorrow the better. The chicken cubes were for the chicken salad in lettuce cups while the pork chops would be crumbed. Pat arrived with Dave, John and Leonie and a packet of marinated meat for a braai. Leonie had rolls and a green salad and the boys had two cases of beer.
Mandy was in charge of making sure we stayed on schedule according to Mrs Porters itinerary. She made sure we all had black pants and black shirts with black shoes or sneakers and hair tied back for the girls and neatly combed for the boys. They would all serve sparkling wine for the toast at the beginning then John and Dave would serve fruit cocktail punch while Leonie and Pat served the food. Tony and I would be preparing and plating in the kitchen. We all had to meet at 4pm at my place, dressed, for a final run through of the itinerary. She took her job very seriously and made sure everyone knew not to drink too much and get an early night's sleep.
Mandy and I were staying over with Tony and Pat. Mrs Porter sounded extremely stressed when she telephoned me but I assured her we were well prepared and on schedule. She wanted to meet at 10am just to run through things one more time. Salome was staying with Tamara and was under the impression that the two families were going to dinner to celebrate her birthday. The chairs, glasses and decorators would arrive at 10am to begin and the cake would be delivered at 5pm.
Mandy was in the shower while I spoke with Mrs Porter. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, she's just stressed, wants everything perfect.” I gave her a quick kiss before taking a shower. Mandy was under the covers reading a magazine when I came out the bathroom. I grabbed the pillow and a blanket and went to kiss her goodnight.
“Stay with me.”
“I don't think that's a good idea, love.”
“Please, I will be good, I promise. I didn't sleep well last time knowing you were on the couch. Please babe.” She was pouting, knowing full well I would give in eventually.
I climbed into bed next to her making sure to stay on my side. She put the magazine away and turned off the side lamp, then moved until she lay in the crook of my arm with her head just above my breast, her leg over mine and her hand stroking the side of my neck.
I was tingling all over and was sure she felt me shiver. She moaned and snuggled closer, “night my love.”
“Night baby.” I listened to her breathing even out, get slower and deeper. I could feel her chest rise and fall against my side. I loved being here with her, like this. I loved her so damn much. I wanted to be worthy of her. That is why I was so nervous about the party. Somewhere at the back of my mind I wished it would lead to more parties. I didn't dare to dream or speak my wish out loud but somewhere deep inside was a flame of hope.
I was sure I wasn't going to sleep that night. The combination of nervousness about tomorrow and arousal caused by Mandy was too much and I couldn't relax. I lay awake going over the plan in my head, making sure we had everything on the list ticked. “Stop thinking so hard,” she croaked. “We have planned for everything.”
“You can never plan for EVERYTHING.”
“Face that way,” she commanded then spooned me from behind. “Close your eyes.” I could never deny her anything.
…………………………………….
I woke to the smell of coffee and toast. Mandy was not asleep next to me. I went into the bathroom to freshen up and noticed my clothes ironed and placed on a hanger behind the door. After changing I made the bed and went to look for her. “Morning sunshine, breakfast is ready and the boys are just waking up.” She came around the counter to kiss me.
“You weren't in bed when I woke up,” I said nipping at her neck.
“I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed but you are too eager to start your day.” I grabbed the tray and went back to the bedroom, she followed.
We lay on the bed eating breakfast and chatting. “Love can I ask why you want us to wait to make love?”
“Well, I promised myself a long time ago that I would wait until I was married. I have seen too much and heard too many regrets and sad stories I suppose. People think that they are in love, that this is their one and only love and they will be together forever and then they regret their actions for the rest of their lives. You know how many times I've heard people say they wish they had waited?”
“So you don't think we will be together forever?”
“It's not about doubting us. I don't doubt us, at all.” I turned towards her framing her face with my hands. “I am doing it out of respect for you, respect for your parents, respect for my family. It's not because I don't love you because God knows I do.” She smiled and kissed my lips ever so gently. “I know I'm old fashioned about this and I know it's weird but please just bear with me. This is who I am, this is what I need to do.”
We cuddled and kissed for a bit until we heard the boys in the living room. It was time to get our day started. “In case it gets hectic today and I forget to tell you; I love you Baby, very much. Thank you for everything you have done to keep me sane and make today happen.” And with a kiss we were off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The morning was hectic and overwhelming. Mrs Porter called on me for support often which took me away from my food preparations. She kept second guessing decoration placement or wanting to swop items on the itinerary and asked my opinion on everything. I felt sorry for her and obliged. Mr Porter was off playing golf, Jonjo was at David's house, thankfully and Salome knew nothing of this party, which left Mrs Porter all alone.
Mandy helped her as well which gave me time in the kitchen. Mandy was awesome, the way she calmed her down, pointing out how perfect her original thoughts had been and not to panic and change things. She even managed to get her to take time to eat and have tea.
Tony and I were a well-oiled machine. By 2:30pm all preparation was done and thankfully that gave us time to put our feet up. Tony went home to shower and change and would be back at 4pm. Mandy and I went to pick up her clothes at her house. We sat around for a while chatting with her parents.
Mr Wilson wanted me to cater one of their meetings the following month, managers from all the regional branches were coming together for a full day conference. I promised to get the details from him as soon as my mind was done with this party. He and Mrs Wilson had been our guinea pigs when we were testing the recipes and they both loved the taste and presentation. That tiny spark of hope became a small flame when he asked me. Maybe this was my future career, if so I wanted to study a little to make a proper successful business out of it.
We were back at the house by 3:30pm. We both showered and changed into our work clothes just in time to let our friends in. Mandy went over the routine with everyone making sure we all knew exactly what to do and when. Tony and I checked our preparations and formed an assembly line so the food would go out on time and looking perfect. My nerves were making my tummy flutter and a constant feeling of nausea surrounded me.
Mandy noticing how pale I looked pulled me into the cooler room. “Babe, I really don't have time.” She kissed me soundly, pressing her body into mine and massaging the nape of my neck with her fingers.
“Better?” she asked straightening my shirt. “You looked like you needed to relax and focus. Everything is perfect so stop worrying.”
“I love you.”
“I know, now get out there and show them what you are made of.”
……………………………….
By six thirty all the guests had arrived and Salome was on her way with Tamara. According to the itinerary; Salome would arrive, her parents would make a speech, followed by Tamara's speech and her godparents would make a toast. Then she would be presented with her gift and we could then serve the food. It did seem a bit formal for a nineteenth birthday but many of Mr and Mrs Porter's colleagues were here so it was important to keep up a certain standard. This gave us about half an hour before we served the first hors d'oeuvre.
Mandy was watching the proceedings and would keep us on time. Tamara had just ended her speech when we served the sparkling wine. Mandy, Tony and myself formed an assembly line and served the stuffed mushroom followed fifteen minutes later by the spinach and feta quiche. Pat came in to refill his tray with fruit punch and mentioned that people had great comments about the food.
Mrs Porter came in after we had served the second round of drinks and confirmed that the food was getting wild reviews, I think she was more excited than I was. The chicken salad and herb crumbed pork chops were just as popular. My nerves began to settle slightly; could it be that I managed to pull this off? Pat and Dave served drinks while Leonie and Mandy ate, I had made sure to make extra so we could have supper as well.
Tony and I took a breather outside while the dancing at the party commenced. Mrs Porter did not want to serve dessert too early and said she would let us know 20minutes before. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.
I looked over at the Audi A1 Salome received as her gift and somewhere in my mind remembered all the plans we made so long ago, a lifetime ago, it seemed. I was glad she got everything she wanted. We both deserved to be happy. I still wished that things could have gone better between us, maybe in time we could be friends.
Tony had come back out with some bottled water, we were both admiring the car when we heard what sounded like an argument coming from the direction of the driveway. At first we ignored it, figuring it was a couple having an argument but when the shouts got louder and it sounded as if someone was crying out, we ran up the path towards the driveway.
………………………………..
I blinked rapidly, my heart was racing, Mandy was holding my face, saying something or other and someone was gripping me too tightly, pinning my arms to my sides. I tried to struggle free but the grip got tighter.
“Baby why are you shouting at me?” Mandy's eyes were wide darting between me and whoever was holding me, looking back I saw Tony looking just as wide-eyed. “Tone I love you too but could you please let me go?” Unsure, he slowly released his grip and I straightened my shirt.
“Babe, are you okay?” Mandy sounded as if she was going to cry. I turned around concerned by how shook up she was.
“I'm fine. What's wrong? Has Mrs Porter called for dessert yet, we still have to top them.”
“Lea…” Tony spoke up, turning me to face him.
“I'm calling the police you bitch. You can't do that to me and get away with it.” I noticed Patrick and Dave holding Seth back while he spat blood in my direction. “I'm going to kill you, I swear to God, you are dead.”
Patrick, Dave and Tony were staring at me. It was then I noticed Leonie holding a crying Salome, her face bright red on one side.
“What happened,” I said moving towards her. She threw her arms around me and cried harder. “Hey, shhhh. What's going on?” I wiped the tears from her eyes and pushed her hair out of her face. She cried all the more, gripping the back of my shirt so tight the collar was starting to choke me.
Tamara came around the corner at almost full speed, in high heels. “Oh my God Salome,” she exclaimed. “I knew something was wrong when you didn't come back.” Salome seemed to calm down and was wiping her face with tissues Tamara gave her.
“Now can someone tell me what happened? Why are you crying?” Seth was mumbling in the background but Tony and the guys had pulled him away and seemed to threaten him to be quiet.
“You don't remember?” I turned to face Mandy whose hands were shaking.
“Remember what? Baby why are you shaking.” I asked gathering her in my arms, noticing how her whole body was shaking. She lifted my right hand between us and I saw the blood and broken skin on my knuckles. “NO!”
“What do you remember?” Tony asked walking cautiously toward me.
“We heard someone arguing, then it got louder and it sounded like someone got hit, so we ran up here.” I tried to think about what happened after that but my mind was a complete blank. “Then Mandy was shouting at me and you were holding me too tight.” Mandy was rubbing small circles on my back, not letting go.
“We came up here and saw him,” he pointed to Seth, “grabbing Salome by the wrist and twisting it and she was crying out in pain.” I looked over and saw Salome's bruised wrist and noticed the right side of her face was red and slightly swollen. I could feel the anger build up in me as I stared daggers at Seth.
“You moved so fast, mate, that I didn't even know what was happening until it was too late. Next thing I knew you punched him to the ground, and didn't stop hitting until I pulled you off. I almost couldn't hold you, you were seething with anger, growling, trying to get at him. I kept shouting your name, trying to get you to calm down but you wouldn't respond.”
“We heard the commotion in the kitchen and came running,” Mandy continued. I looked into her eyes filled with sadness, tears brimming over. “I kept calling your name, trying to get you to look at me. You didn't know it was me and I was standing right in front of you.”
The tears were flowing freely down her face. I had scared her, behaved like an animal instead of a human being. My mind was reeling from all this, I needed to get away from here, I needed time alone. Scrubbing my face with my hand trying to think, I remembered the party and the dessert that still needed to be served.
“We need to serve dessert. Tamara get Salome cleaned up and back to the party.”
“No!” Salome cried gabbing my hand. I cupped her cheek gently over the red swelling. My heart broke for her, her eyes had changed. They weren't that vibrant blue, she looked almost like the light had gone out in them. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever.
“Why didn't you tell me? I asked you when I saw the bruises, why didn't you tell me.” She squeezed my hand tighter, fresh tears flowing down. “Were you so mad at me that you let this creep do that to you? How long Salome? How long has this been going on?” She shook her head trying but unable to talk. Seth didn't appreciate me calling him names and spat out colourful racist, sexist crap at me. I turned towards him the anger visibly building from my core all over again.
“Let him go.” Pat looked at me unsure. “Let him go Patrick.” Reluctantly Dave and Patrick let go of Seth.
“You are going to pay for this you dyke bitch. By the time I'm done with you, you won't even be the fucking maid anymore.” He spat out. I moved towards him but Salome held me back with a tight grip on my forearm with both her hands.
“Please honey just leave it,” she begged.
“It will be okay, I promise,” I assured her.
“I'm going to tell everyone you're a dyke too you useless bitch,” he spat out at Salome, “no wonder you wouldn't let me have you.” I had enough of his voice and him. I was determined to shut him up once and for all.
“Shut up you pompous bastard,” I said grabbing him by the collar and sweeping his legs out from under him until he was flat on his arse. It was a defence move Donovan had taught me, using someone's own body weight and positioning against them. He tried to get up but I slammed my knee into his chest and moved it further up to choke him. Mandy shrieked from behind and Tony pleaded for me to stop.
“Now listen to me you spineless cretin. You are going to leave and we are never going to see you again. Don't you ever come near, look at, speak to or even think of Salome ever again. If you do, I will find out and I swear to God and all the angels above I will make every moment of your life a living hell. I'm from Cloverton you prick, I can make anything happen to you and they will never…even…find…your…body.” I released him and pulled him to his feet.
“Tamara,” I shouted over my shoulder, “you tell me if this shit, his friends, family or any one this asshole knows tries anything with Salome.” I heard her croak out a ‘yes' behind me. “Now fuck off dick.” I didn't move until he was in his car and driving away.
When I turned around they were all bunched together staring at me. Tony had his arm around Mandy. Her head was down but I could see the tears on her cheeks. “Let's get back to work, we can talk about this later.” I said walking past them.
*****************************
Tony helped me to dress the desserts and fill the trays. The boys were serving alone because Leone was with Mandy somewhere. Everyone moved around in utter silence. Tamara helped Salome to freshen up and apply more make-up, I could hardly tell she had been crying when they came back downstairs.
“Lea…”
“Not now Sal, we will talk later, I promise.”
Tony and I worked in silence getting the desserts served, we also had to cut up the birthday cake and serve that as well and then clean the kitchen. It was an hour before Leonie and Mandy came back into the kitchen. I couldn't look her in the eye. I couldn't imagine what she thought of me after my behaviour earlier. I couldn't believe that I did that.
Dave came in for more drinks and told me Mrs Porter was asking for me. Tony made sure my clothes looked clean and had no food bits on them. I brushed my thumb over the back of Mandy's hand as I went out.
Mrs Porter was parading me from one group of people to the next introducing me as her personal chef, not as the maid. I humbly accepted the praise and made sure to give credit to my team for their efficiency. Honestly there was not one bad comment from any of the hundred people there. There were many offers to cater future parties, luncheons, dinners, and meetings. I didn't want to be presumptuous as I was employed by the Porter's as a full time maid and that was my priority.
Mrs Porter said that they should contact her for available dates stating that I was a talent that had to be shared. I felt so proud at that moment and so grateful for all the Porter's had done for me. I wanted to share my joy with Mandy but I couldn't.
**********
Everyone was gathered in the kitchen talking and drinking punch. The conversation died abruptly when I came in. I told them about the praise we received from all the guests and thanked them for all their help. I also mentioned that future jobs were in the pipeline which inspired a resounding cheer.
It was 11pm and most of the guests had started to leave. Salome and her friends were the only ones left and they occupied one table. Mrs Porter came into the kitchen and thanked us and said Salome wanted us to join her at the table. We gathered up what was left of the food, punch and sparkling wine and joined them. The DJ was a friend of hers so he would play as long as we wanted him to.
I sat at the end of the table next to Leonie, sensing Mandy needed some space but I couldn't bear to be far away from her. Conversation flowed around the table and the DJ played ‘slow jams' to fit the relaxed mood. Tamara sat next to me when a space opened up and thanked me for helping out earlier. She filled me in on the details of Seth and Salome's relationship which were not pretty. I couldn't fathom how a confident, out-going person like Salome could allow someone to constantly treat her badly.
Jon B's ‘Pretty Girl' started to play. It was a song I always played at home when I missed Mandy. I excused myself from Tamara and moved behind Mandy's chair. I put my hand on her shoulder and felt her jump at the contact. At that moment I literally felt my heart tear. “Please dance with me?” I asked hoping she wouldn't chase me away. After staring at me for a while she placed her hand in mine and we walked slowly to the dance floor.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
It was starting to drizzle a little and the breeze was cooler. It had been a long night, physically and emotionally. I held Mandy close to me, she looked everywhere but at me and I could see her pulse trying to beat out of its position on her neck.
“I would never hurt you,” I whispered close to her ear. “I would die first.” I pulled away to look in her eyes. I could see the confusion, the uncertainty and maybe a little fear. “That has never happened to me before today, I don't even know what happened but the only thing I regret,” I said taking her face in my hands, “is that I put that look in your eyes.” She closed them and looked away. “I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person,” I continued, “but he was hurting her and if I'm truthful I cannot regret defending her. I would have done the same for you or Leonie. I don't know why I can't remember….”
“It's because you love her. Your rage consumed you when you saw her in danger,” Mandy said in a shaky voice wiping away her tears. We had stopped dancing and she was walking away before I could say anything further. I tried to hold on but I didn't want to make her more afraid, make her feel trapped. She walked to the table and said something to Leonie. Everyone started to gather themselves to leave. I stood there on the dance floor unable to move not sure what I should do and watched Leonie take her away.
Tony came over to give me a hug. “We will look after her Stud. She's staying over at our place tonight. I insisted.”
“Tone, I...”
“It will be okay tomorrow. Get some sleep, let her work it out in her head. Come over for lunch tomorrow, you can figure it out then.” I nodded not knowing what else to say.
After a few more songs, Salome's friends went home as well. Tamara and I were helping the DJ to his car with all his equipment while Salome' threw away the empty bottles we had accumulated.
“We need to talk,” Salome said as I came to say goodnight. Tamara excused herself and we sat down at the table, the tension between us palpable. “So she is your girlfriend after all,” she said breaking the silence.
“Why did you lie to me Salome? I could have done something before things got this out of hand. Were you so mad at me that me that you allowed this to go on?” She looked way, tears running over. “Say something for God's sake.”
“What do you want me to say Lea. I miss you? I never stopped loving you? I want you back? I tried to make you jealous and it backfired? What do you want me to say?” My mind was whirring with her confession.
“Why didn't you just leave him? You didn't have to stay with him? I watched you die little by little and I didn't know why. I saw the light go out in your eyes and I didn't know why. Didn't you think I would notice?”
“I didn't know what to think. All I knew is that I had lost you because of my own stupid insecurities and now I was in a situation I didn't know how to get out of.” She started to sob and I wrapped her up in my arms. “I told him it was over after the first time but he wouldn't leave me alone and he did change for a while but then it just was the same again.”
“I love you Lea…”
“Salome', don't do this,” I begged moving away from her.
“You love me too Lea, I know you do and after what happened earlier you cannot deny it.”
“I'm not denying anything. We just don't work, you and me. We don't fit into each other's worlds. We can be friends but that's all. I'm with Mandy.”
“I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your wife!”
“Salomé…”
“Just don't Lea.”
“I'm sorry. I really would like us to be friends again. I will probably always love you but I'm not in love with you. I was for a long time and it hurt like hell when we broke up but I had to move on and I did and then Mandy came into the picture and I almost screwed that up to. I will always care about you and always be there for you. I want you in my life but as a friend.”
“You really love her, don't you? You don't have to answer that, it's painfully clear.” She wiped her eyes and put on her stoic face. “Friends,” she said sticking out her hand for me to shake it. I pulled her into a hug and we held on for the longest time.
It was time for healing, for letting go and holding on.
*************************************
I was just standing in front of Tony's door. I hadn't knocked yet. I wanted nothing more than to see Mandy but I was so afraid of her rejecting me.
After my talk with Salomé, I had a shower and went to bed but couldn't sleep. I laid there trying to figure out what had happened. I kept going over it a step at a time but there was always this blank spot that I just couldn't account for. It scared me that I was capable of such violence, I had never ever even attempted to hit anyone in my life. Worst of all, Mandy feared me. I vowed to never lose my temper like that again, never again, no matter what happened I would stay in control.
At about 4am I started spring cleaning my flat and washing my dirty clothes. I then hung them outside to dry and had another shower before I dressed and went to church. It was a slow walk on a beautiful, warm spring day. I tried to clear my head but it remained noisy. There was so much at stake. I was an hour early for mass so I lit a candle and kneeled in front to pray but I couldn't so I just knelt there quietly, hoping peace would wash over me.
After some time the organist started to play and the choir was warming up. I don't know how long I had been kneeling there. People were filing into the benches so I took my usual seat towards the back. The service was good. Today's message was about putting love into the world. Are we a source of love in our homes, our community and our work place? What are we putting into the world and what are we getting back.
I didn't go to communion. After what I had done to Seth, I couldn't because I wasn't sorry at all for doing it. He deserved it for what he had done to Salome'. Did that make me a bad person? A violent person?
Now I am in front of this door at 10:00am, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I hadn't meant to come here so early but after church I didn't want to go home and my legs just brought me in this direction.
I couldn't stand not being near her, not knowing if she was okay. Would this be the end or would we move on from this. Could we move on from this?
Patrick opened the door, smiling brightly and giving me a comforting hug. “How is she?”
“She seems a lot better this morning. We are just about to have breakfast,” he said ushering me inside.
“I'm sorry for being so early. I just ended up walking in this direction after church. I can come back later.”
“Are you kidding? Since when do you need an excuse to be here? Come on.” We walked into the kitchen where Mandy and Tony were sitting and drinking coffee at the table.
“Morning Stud. Grab a chair and some breakfast,” Tony said winking to let me know everything was okay.
“Morning everyone, sorry for the intrusion. I came straight from church.”
“Oh shut up, you have a toothbrush here for goodness sake,” Tony scolded. Patrick and I dished eggs, bacon and toast onto our plates and sat at the table. Tony poured us each coffee and we proceeded to eat in silence. I glanced at Mandy a few times but she didn't look at me once, concentrating on making an egg and bacon sandwich with her toast.
“So yesterday was a huge success, Lea, I'm sure you are going to be swamped with more jobs.” Pat said.
“Uh…yes, thanks for all your help, I could never have done it without you.”
“Oh hell, that's what family is for,” Tony replied.
“Mrs Porter said she would pay me by Monday afternoon so maybe we can have supper at my place on Tuesday and I will have your money then.”
“We don't want the money Lea. use it to further your business.”
“Guys…”
“Not another word. You use that to start your business. We all know Mrs P is going to push this for you and you are going to be a huge success. We will help in any way we can.”
“Thank you. You guys are just… Thank you for having confidence in me.” Mandy still hadn't said a word. We finished up with breakfast and Tony and I cleaned the kitchen while Mandy went to get dressed and Pat washed the car.
“I really fucked up didn't I Tone.”
“No, we were all just a little shocked that's all. What happened Lea?”
“I don't know. I've been going over it all night and that part is still a blank. I don't know what happened Tony but it has never happened before.”
“Are you still in love with Salome'?”
“God no. I love Mandy, I'm in love with her,” I said throwing the dishcloth into the sink. “I want this Tony, what you and Pat have and I want it with her. The whole thing; bond, car, kids; all of it. I want her to be proud to be of me and I want to give her everything she desires and even things she doesn't know that she desires.”
Tony smiled and gave me a hug. “Go and talk to her, tell her everything you told me. We will be here if either of you need anything. We're not taking sides here Lea. We just want both of you to be okay.”
I walked down the passage and knocked on the bedroom door, there was no answer. I continued persistently until the bathroom door opened. “Oh, I thought you were in the room.” She walked past me, into the bedroom, without a word. “I'm sorry about yesterday, Baby,” I said following her in and closing the door. “I've been going over it the whole night and I just can't seem to remember what happened.” She stood silently, staring in the mirror while brushing her hair. “I'm sorry I scared you, I really didn't…”
“…do you love her?”
“What?”
“Answer the question and don't even think about lying to me Lea because I will leave and that will be the end of us.”
“As a close friend, yes, but nothing more. You know the story Mandy, I didn't hide it from you but you have nothing and no-one to be worried about.” She sat down hard on the edge of the bed.
“I need some time, to think, to sort this out. I'm not…I don't know…”
“No!” Her eyes widened at my forceful reply. “You and me, right here right now, we thrash this out until we come out on the other side.
You say everything you need to say, be brutally honest. I will have my say and when we leave this room we, we move on, however you want to.”
“So it's all on me. That's unfair Lea.”
“I want you, I will ALWAYS want you, and so nothing said here will change that. I have far more to say but I don't want to influence anything you need to say. So go on baby, hit me with it, as hard as you want.”
“I'm not doing this,” she said moving to leave. I lifted her away from the door and locked it, putting the key in my pocket. I then deposited her on her feet again. “Let me out,” she demanded.
“Not until you talk to me. I'm not losing you like this. Please, Baby, please.” I saw her resolve break, I saw love fill her eyes again instead of the confusion and disappointment that had replaced it since last night. There was hope and that was all I needed. Hope.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
I walked home, needing the fresh air to clear my mind, calm my nerves; it had been a long day and I was exhausted. I wanted, needed a hot shower to beat down on me and drain all of it away, make me forget today and yesterday.
It was getting dark very quickly and there was an icy breeze. Home was two roads away, not very far usually but today it felt like an eternity. I made my way as swiftly as possible without actually running. I noticed Salomé's light on as I walked to the hut. I had called Mrs Porter and told her I wouldn't be in time to do the menu. She figured I was tired after the party and let me off the hook.
The shower was scalding but it did what I needed. Feeling a little less tense, I curled up in bed and tried my best to put this day behind me. Mandy's eyes haunted me, no matter how much she tried to mask her reaction, her eyes always gave it away.
We were in that room for what seemed like days; back and forth. At first Mandy said nothing, resisting. I started off explaining how Tony and I ended up on the driveway. The few minutes that I attacked Seth were still a blank. She explained how afraid she was when she saw me; bloody knuckled, growling at Seth, fighting against Tony's restraining arms. She described, with tears flowing down her cheeks, how she stood in front of me hoping to snap me out of the rage and how her heart broke when I registered no recognition of her.
Once she started, she emptied her soul of all that bothered her; how she hated the fact that Salome' was my first, the way she called me honey and hung onto me like I belonged to her. She hated that I saw her every day because she knew Salome still loved me and wanted me back; she saw it in the way Salome regarded her every time she was at the house but especially after the incident. She hated that I freaked out for Salome', not that I helped her but that my reaction was so over the top.
“I know you don't want to admit it, but one doesn't just freak out for someone that they don't have really strong feelings for. I don't think I can live with that.”
“I admit it, I'm not denying it and I never have Babe. I can't change that she was my first and I wouldn't want to but it ended and for good reason. I learned from my mistakes and I'm so grateful I won't be making those same mistakes with you.” I was kneeling in front of her, my hands slowly rubbing up and down my forearms.
“Yes, she does still love me and she probably would take me back but she is also a good person and she knows how much I love you. She would not come between us, it's not who she is.” I stood then, putting space between us, pacing a little.
“I know I can be emotionally cut off and I don't always say what I want because I over- think things and try to anticipate the perfect time and the perfect words and all that calculation just ruins everything.” She looked at me for the first time since we entered this room. I stood still, inches in front of her and stretched out my hand to help her up. Light brown eyes searched dark brown eyes. I want my babies to look just like her, was the stray thought that wafted through my mind.
I had so much more to say, to empty every thought I ever held back from her because I didn't think it was the right time or I thought we were moving too fast or that it might overwhelm her or it was completely overwhelming me. All I did was wrap her up in my arms and held on tight. She didn't resist, wrapping around me just as tightly. I felt the sobs pulsate through her body as tears tracked down my face. We stayed that way for a long time, just holding each other.
Her sobs stilled, my tears dried up and she released me just enough to wipe her cheeks. I went to the bathroom to get her a glass of water and a cool cloth for her face. “Thanks”
“You okay Baby?”
“I don't know Love.”
“I'm sorry for scaring you yesterday. I…”
“Shh, I know. I know,” she said cradling my face. “Just kiss me please.” I did. It was soft and slow; not demanding but tender; I poured everything I had into that kiss, everything that words weren't enough to express. She pulled away, keeping our foreheads together, her fingers running through my hair and clasping at my neck. “I love you so fuckin much,” she whispered.
“I love you so fuckin much too.” That smile. Heaven. “Baby, can we lay down, I haven't slept since Friday night.” I could smell her perfume and her wet hair tickled my chin while her fingers delicately traced my belly button. The skin on her back was soft and she quivered when I drew a finger up her spine.
There was a knock on the door just as I was nodding off. Mandy fished the key out of my back pocket rather amusedly and opened the door. Tony and Pat were going to the shop because Pat wanted to have a braai for lunch. They had invited John, Leonie and Dave as well and wanted us to listen out for them. We wanted to share the expenses but of course Tony wouldn't hear anything about that. After he left I phoned John, he was bringing a case of beer and Leonie, rolls and salads. I asked him to buy two five litre boxes of margarita cocktail mix and I would square up with him when he got here.
We were just settling down again when my mom called. She asked how the party went and said everyone missed me at home. I promised to come home at the end of the month because I missed them too. I told her we were having a braai for lunch and she asked how Mandy was doing. They had spoken on the phone twice before and I always seemed to say something about her when I spoke to my mom, so I handed her the phone after saying goodbye. They spoke about the party and the great response and Mrs Porter encouraging me to turn it into a business venture. I watched her laugh and smile while chatting to my mom as if they had known each other for years. She ended the call and placed the cell phone on the nightstand.
“What?” she asked noticing me staring?
“Everything that I have, everything that I am and everything that I will be is yours.” I watched her eyes search mine. Watched the tears pool and spill over as cheeks rose and lips divided into a radiant smile. She twined our fingers and kissed the knuckles.
“Everything that I have, everything that I am and everything that I will be is yours,” was her reply.
******************
It is amazing how we take things for granted. I took Mandy for granted and I almost lost her today. I assumed she knew how I felt about her, I assumed she knew I wasn't an overly emotional person and accepted that so I didn't try harder to change. I becomes we and you do things for the betterment of us .
I suppose I had all these preconceived ideas about what a relationship was, I don't remember my parents being together. All my ideas came from couples in the community. I've seen women constantly beaten and some that do the beating, alcoholic spouses that drink up their wages before they buy food for their families. People so dependant and dominated by their partners that they look like caged animals and can't even say hello without looking around for permission first.
I swore I would never be one of those people. The problem is I was so fixated on what I didn't want a relationship to be that I didn't really know what I did want. Love changes everything, whether it lasts or not, your perspective is changed forever.
That is what dating is for, learning about the other person, learning about yourself, setting boundaries and shifting perspective. If people would just give dating a chance instead of jumping into bed with the first available body; they would grow.
It doesn't matter how many people you have kissed, dated, bedded or played , all that matters in the end is did you hold on to the right one and are you worthy of her. Have you lived so that she can hold her head high for being with you or will your past always haunt your relationship?
One thing I know for sure is, what is done can never be undone, we have this attitude that we need to ‘play the field' before we settle down. WHY? Whose bright idea was that? Here's an idea, why don't we lead and let others follow instead of always trying to play ‘catch up'.
When you love someone, you are supposed to change, to grow into a better version of yourself. I had my second chance, I had hope, and I was not going to take anything for granted ever again.
“Thank you Lord for opening my eyes. Thank you for opening her heart to give me a chance. Please give us strength and patience when we have to tell our families, especially mine. Thank you for bringing this great love into my life.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“Are you sure about this?” she nodded confidently. “But this is your graduation dinner Baby, maybe we should wait for another time.”
“Love, my family is here, our friends, the Porters are all here for support and it couldn't be a more perfect time. Unless you are having second thoughts?”
“No way.”
“Well lead the way my love.” The applause resounded as we entered the back yard and they started to sing ‘for she's a jolly good lassie'. Mrs Wilson and I had planned this party even though Mandy insisted she didn't want anything big. Aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of her family, our friends and her parent's friends were in attendance. Her dad gave a speech and I made a toast and then supper was served.
I had hired permanent staff since I had at least one catering job a week since Salome's party. Most of them were small dinner parties, corporate meetings or conferences and birthday parties. I supposed people wanted to test me out on small events first. Mrs Porter was my marketing manager, accountant and secretary all rolled into one and she loved doing it. She was teaching Mandy how to do everything so she could take over.
“Hey Love, how you doing?”
“I'm fine Baby just checking on the dessert.”
“Have you spoken with my dad yet?”
“No, he was talking with your uncle and then I lost him in the crowd.”
“He's in the house, getting more wine.” I could feel the sweat running down under my arms and down the back of my neck. “I'll get Mom.”
I walked into the kitchen and spotted Mr Wilson bending into the fridge. My throat went dry and words would not come out. I looked around for a clean glass to drink some water.
********************************
I had the same sick feeling in my belly that I had months ago. It was three weeks after Salome's party and Mandy and I had worked through our problems. She and Salome' were getting on pretty well, becoming more comfortable in each other's company. Tamara and Salome had joined us for a braai at John and Dave's house and were consumed into the group just as they had done with me.
“So when are you two telling your parent's,” Dave asked. Leonie swatted his arm and Tony shook his head. “What? We were all wondering, I was just brave enough to ask.”
“Today,” Mandy replied. I chocked on a pork rib. “Today is as good a day as any and when I drive you home we will tell your family.” I choked on the beer which I drank to stop me from choking on the rib.
“Well it all seems decided,” John smirked, “let's watch the game.”
“When did you decide all this,” I whispered.
“Just now. Is there a problem?”
“Don't you think we should prepare or something.”
“Prepare what, a speech? Come one Love, no matter how we say it, we are still saying the same thing. Buck up soldier,” she said swatting my arm. I was a zombie for the rest of the game, running speeches and scenarios through my mind.
From somewhere in the room someone made a whipping sound.
********************
When we arrived at her house I was as nervous as all hell. Her mom and dad were watching the end of an action movie and Kyle was making popcorn. “Hey you're just in time for ‘Grown Ups 2,' her dad said.
“Actually Dad, can we talk to you and Mom for a moment? It's important.” Her mom frowned, my heart literally stopped beating as we sat down on the sofa.
“Mom, Dad…” she hesitated not sure how to start. She looked to me for courage but I was like a deer caught in the headlights. “You know how I haven't really dated like EVER? Well I have met someone who I really, really like. In fact we have been seeing each other for almost five months now and we are in love.”
Her dad just nodded waiting for the rest. Aunty Anne was more upset that Mandy was dating someone and hadn't told them or brought the person home. “Well actually you have met them.” She turned then and looked at me and all too suddenly three pairs of eyes felt like they were burning holes through me.
“No! No, no, no, no, no. You're gay? As in you…”
“Anne,” her dad said sternly. He slowly got up, took his car keys and went for a drive. Aunty Anne asked me to leave as politely as she could. Mandy made a big fuss but I figured they needed time to talk. Especially when her dad got back. I saw Kyle in the passage eavesdropping as I walked to the door. He put a fist over his heart as a show of support, which I appreciated, and I returned the gesture.
I naively thought Mandy's parents would be the cool ones. If this is how they reacted what were my family going to be like?
I must have cleaned every inch of the hut and washed clothes and swept the path outside. I didn't want to call and disturb them but I was anxious to know if she was okay.
Mandy called much later, I had put a movie on to try and distract myself. She said she had a long talk with her parents when her dad got back. There was a lot of crying and questions and they admitted that they had suspicions because she never spoke about boys except her friends who were coupled up anyway.
Two weeks later I was invited to Sunday lunch again. The atmosphere was tense even though Mandy and Kyle tried to engage light hearted topics. Both Uncle Paul and Aunty Anne asked me questions and I answered them honestly. Eventually we seemed to regain some of the easy banter that we previously enjoyed. They wanted to know when I was going to tell my family, was Mandy going with me and how I thought they would react. They advised us to give them all time to get used to the idea.
True to their word, they accepted our relationship after a while, we were careful to only hold hands in their presence but as the months went by we all became more comfortable and less restrained. Most of her extended family were quite accepting of the relationship, eventually. I was sure her mom and dad made it very clear that they would not tolerate anything less.
****************************
“Jeez Lea,” he said clearly startled, “why are you standing there so quiet.”
“Sorry Mr Wilson.” I rubbed the sweat from my palms. “Mr Wilson, I need to talk with you.”
“It must be serious if I'm Mr Wilson.”
“Sorry Uncle Paul but this is a Mr Wilson kind of moment.” He smiled, put the wine down and sat on the chair. Mandy came in with her mom and seated her next to her dad.
“Mr and Mrs Wilson I know that you haven't known me very long and you may feel that you need more time to judge my character. And I…we thank you for all the support that you have shown us over the past few months since we told you that we were…together.” I stopped to clear my throat praying for a glass of water to appear. “I would like you to know that I have the utmost respect for your family and especially your daughter.” Mandy slipped her hand into mine, “Mr and Mrs Wilson I would like to ask permission to marry your daughter.”
There was dead silence for a few heartbeats. “You are so young, not even twenty yet,” Mrs Wilson replied. “Your business is just starting and Mandy just graduated. Isn't this taking on too much in one go?”
“What's the rush? You're not pregnant are you?” Mr Wilson teased.
“Dad!”
“Mr Wilson I swear….”
“I'm teasing Lea. Relax. So what is the rush?”
“It's not a rush Dad. We love each other and we want to start our life together. We are both working and Lea's catering business is doing well so far. It feels right. Besides she won't shack up with me.” I was flabbergasted, was this really the time for jokes?
“I know I don't have much to offer but I am a hard worker and I will spend every day making her happy. I swear.”
“You already make her happy, you are supportive and you work hard and any blind person can see how devoted you are to her. You know it wasn't a complete shock when Mandy told us she was gay. We had our suspicions but hearing it out loud was completely different and we did the best we could not to over-react. I think our old fashioned upbringing, religious beliefs and pre-conceived stereotypes about gay people had a lot to do with that. As a mother you dream about your daughter's wedding day and her having children and the kind of life she will lead. You may not be the man I imagined her ending up with but you certainly are the person I always prayed for.”
“Aunty Anne and I had nothing when we got married. Yet here we are almost twenty-five years later and I haven't had one miserable day in that whole time. I agree, you are exactly the PERSON I would have wanted for Mandy. So, you have our blessing and know we are always here for both of you. Just promise me one thing; neither of you must ever sacrifice your dreams.”
“We promise Dad.”
There were hugs all round and Uncle Paul patted me on the back and said “another one bites the dust.” He suggested we get together sometime so he can give me a crash course in how to handle Wilson women. Aunty Anne swatted his arm and joked that he hadn't mastered it yet. I was relieved and happy but also sad at the same time.
We re-joined the party after a few minutes. Mandy's mom and dad were excited and let everyone know that I had proposed and Mandy had accepted. There was congratulations all round and questions about the ring.
To Mandy's surprise I pulled the jewellery box out of my jacket pocket. Keeping with tradition I got down on one knee and proposed; slipping the ring on her finger with lots of ooooh's and aaaaah's in the background. The DJ played our song and we were surrounded by our family and friends on the dance floor.
Except my family.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
My family on the other hand was exactly how I expected it to be. I phoned my mom and told her Mandy would be coming with so she wasn't completely surprised. She made us a lovely dinner on Friday night and we sat around and talked for a while before going to bed. Mom insisted I give Mandy my room but she said we were used to sharing a bed at our friend's house so it was fine. We lay in the dark, tangled together, neither of us able to sleep. “What are you thinking?” Mandy asked.
“That this is going to be the last time I sleep in this room for a very long time.”
“Oh my love.” She held me tight and kissed every spot on my face. “No matter what happens, we will always have each other.”
“Always Baby.” Sleep eventually came.
I woke to an empty bed and the sound of laughter in the kitchen and checked my watch, 8am. Really not wanting to get up and face this day, I cradled Mandy's pillow and closed my eyes.
Mandy came in a few minutes later with a cup of coffee. “Wakey, wakey sleepy head.”
“Baby you are far too chipper this morning,” I groaned into the pillow, eventually rolling over and gratefully accepting the coffee.
“I love you, Lea.”
“I love you too Baby.”
“I don't think we should tell them today.” I was astonished. Was she having second thoughts? “I'm not having second thoughts, Love. It's just that they haven't seen you in a while and I don't want to spoil that. We're going home tomorrow anyway, we can tell them before we leave.”
“Why?”
“I want them to get to know me before they hate me.”
“No one could ever hate you Baby, I wouldn't allow it,” I said taking her in my arms. There was a knock at the door and then the twins flew in like a tornado. I don't even think they noticed how close we were sitting, they were so excited to show Mandy around Cloverton.
“Everyone is awake and your mom and I are making breakfast so get your ass moving,” Mandy teased.
After breakfast we walked around Cloverton showing Mandy where I went to school, the church, and the shop on the corner where everyone hangs out. I introduced her to a few of my ex classmates and neighbours that we greeted along the way.
As we were walking back from the shop I spotted Kim, Tracy and Michelle with a few other girls standing outside Tracy's gate. I was unsure of whether to go talk to them or just walk by like I didn't see them. “Go and say hi.”
“How do you do that?”
“What?”
“How do you know what I'm thinking?” She just smiled and nudged me in their direction. We walked towards the little group and silence fell upon them. “Hi.” Tracy who had her back to me the whole time was overjoyed and gave me a big hug.
“Hey stranger, how the hell are you doing?” Clearly Michelle and Kim had not told Tracy about the incident.
“I'm good thanks; busy but good.” Michelle and Kim just stared at me. “This is my friend Mandy.” I heard a grunt but was not sure who did it. “Mandy this is Tracy and you have met Kim and Michelle. Mandy and Tracy shook hands and she said hello to the others.
“We will see you later Trace, when you have more time,” Michelle said.
“Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you two?” I shouted feeling the anger. “You got something to say, then say it. Grow a pair and say it to my face.”
“Lea!”
“No Mandy, they obviously have something to say. Come on you spineless shits. You turn your noses up at me like I'm carrying a bad smell. SAY IT!”
“Fuck off Dyke. Go back to your rich friends, we don't want the likes of you around here”. I heard a gasp and then there was silence. Mandy held on tight to my hand. I looked into the faces of my childhood friends and realised I didn't know them at all.
“Let's go.” Mandy pleaded. “Lea, let's go.” We walked past them, Mandy still holding my hand, and continued up the road. It was then that I realised that Shanay and Shanelle had witnessed that and turned around to find them following close behind in silence.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “I was planning to talk to the family tomorrow before we left. I didn't want you to find out like that.”
“So it's true?” Shanelle said. I nodded.
“Oh Lea, it all makes so much sense now,” Shanay added and they both hugged me for the longest time.
“You can't say anything to Mom or Gran yet. I want to tell them.”
“Well you better do it tonight, because that big mouth Kim is going to spread it like wildfire.” Shit. “So Mandy is your girlfriend, girlfriend?” I nodded again and Mandy blushed.
“She's so cute!”
“Hey I'm standing right here, and puppies are cute, I am a beautiful woman.” We laughed and walked home.
**************
Mandy and I decided to cook supper. I was getting more nervous as time went on, knowing that this conversation was inevitable. After a rather quiet dinner, the twins offered to clean the kitchen so we could talk to Mom and Gran. Mandy and I sat side by side but not touching.
“Urr Mom can we talk?” My palms were sweaty and my heart beat way too hard and fast. Knowing how they would react did not make it any easier.
“Sure baby. What's up?” she said and muted the TV. I closed my eyes knowing that would be the last time I would hear that. Mandy put her hand on the small of my back and a calm instantly came over me. I took a deep breath and looked at my grandmother and mother. These two woman who were strong and independent. Who had been such a driving force in my life and then I looked at Mandy. She was just as important as they were now. Her love had freed me, liberated me from my pigeon-hole thinking, and made me see life and its possibilities in its entirety.
“I love you both so much,” I started. “My strength and humanity comes from you. I learnt how to love completely and unconditionally because that is how you love me.” I paused to swallow the lump forming in my throat. My mouth was so dry I didn't know if I could get the rest out. Mandy got me some water which I gratefully accepted with trembling hands and slowly sipped.
Mum and Gran looked on very confused but did not say anything, they knew to just give me time to say what I needed to. Mandy sat closer and linked our arms offering all the support she possibly could. The twins came in at that point to offer support as well. Shanay stood behind me with her hands on my shoulders and Shanelle sat on the armrest of the couch and took my hand.
“I hated having to take the job at the Porter's, not because they were bad people but because my dreams had come to an end and at that point I thought my life had ended too. It took me a while but I made friends, and I found love, or rather love found me.” I cleared my throat. “I found a love that you always told me about Mom; someone who I can trust absolutely with my heart, someone who believes in who I am and gives me the confidence to be all that I want to be. Someone who is good and kind and loving and puts up with all of my whims, and believe me I have many.” I smiled.
“But I almost threw that love away because I didn't want to lose my family and I knew I would. I tried to live without it, I was determined but there was no point. I found my soul mate, the other half of myself. Mom. Gran. I'm gay.” A loud gasp filled the air. The three people surrounding me tightened their grip creating a bubble of protection.
“OH Jesus, NO!” my mother said clutching at her heart. “How can you disgrace us like this! This is evil! Oh Jesus what have they done to my child,” she wailed. Gran was crying and shaking her head but said nothing.
“Mom, no one did anything to me. I was born like this, this is who God made me. I am still the same person I always was, that hasn't changed.”
“Don't you dare utter god's name in vain?” Gran spat venomously. “Some really bad evil has taken a hold of you if you think that. How could you do this Lea, you have been raised in the church. You know this is wrong.”
“You are coming home immediately. I will not have my child in that environment. I'm phoning the Porter's and telling them you are done working there.”
“NO Mom! I am not moving back home. I have a job and a new business and a wonderful woman that I refuse to leave,” I said looking at Mandy.
“Mandy! Mandy is the…girl? And you brought her into my house?” Into your father's house? I am glad he isn't here to see this filth. He must be turning in his grave.”
“Get out! Get out of this house you evil girl.” Gran screamed.
“I'm sorry I disappointed you, but this is who I am and this is who I love,” I said pulling Mandy up to stand next to me. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I hope someday we can be a family again but if you want to be a part of my life then you have to accept Mandy as a part of that life. It's all or nothing.”
We hugged the twins' goodbye and I promised to keep in touch as often as I always did. We collected our bags from the room and I threw the last of my things in a bin bag, erasing myself from this house. Mom and Gran were crying and praying as we left. I didn't look back, it was too painful. The tears came as the car pulled away. “I'm so sorry Love,” Mandy said.
“We did the right thing Baby. It will be okay, all of it will be okay.”
‘Dear God, help me!'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
If I know one thing to be certain, it is that nothing is ever certain. We live on hope. Hoping we have made the right decision, hoping all goes well and hoping it all works out the way we need it to. Hope. Then we work our butts off to turn hope into reality.
The reaction of my mother and grandmother, though expected, rocked me to the very core of my being. I had lost two of the most important and influential people in my life. Two people who had moulded me into the woman I was today. The look on their faces; the disgust and disappointment, is an image that I cannot shake. In the still, quiet time, it played over and over in a never ending loop. I couldn't help feeling guilt for disappointing them.
The Wilson's and the Porter's absorbed me into their respective families but something still felt peculiar. I spoke to my sisters at least once a week. I was worried that Gran would become ill but both she and mom were fine and they prayed every night for the devil to release his hold on me. I was depressed on the inside but I never wanted to show it. Mandy sensed the change and often wanted to talk about it but I would brush it off as me being tired.
The business was growing steadily. Through some family friends of Mrs Porter we had catering contracts with three companies plus Mr Wilson's dealership. We had weekend jobs scheduled for the next three months and requests on a daily basis for smaller events. The Christmas staff parties and family dinners certainly put us under immense strain in December, but the money we made was enough to rent shop space and set up a professional kitchen.
Mandy and I attended Christmas day mass with her family and had lunch at her grandmother's house with the rest of her family. I called home after lunch and spoke to the twins but neither my mother nor my granny would speak to me. I received a few calls from my extended family with requests for me to visit more and congratulating me on the new business, I was sure they had heard by now from my mother, yet none of them mentioned it.
Christmas evening we exchanged gifts and had dinner with the Porters. Mr Porter had negotiated a thirty percent discount on shop space at the mini mall, which was the perfect spot. He also had a contact that would give me a discount on kitchen equipment and shop fitting. I was overwhelmed and blown away by the gesture and thanked them with tears streaming down my face. Mrs Porter hugged me and assured me that they would always be there whenever I needed any help and I could live in the cabin rent free for as long as I needed.
***************************************************************************
January went by in a complete blur. It took the better part of the month to get the shop ready for business. My sisters visited just before school started and helped. Mandy was busy with Mrs Porter organising the administrative side of the business; a bank account, suppliers, a new computer with software tailored for the business, they also designed a web page and set up advertising on social media networks and Tony was my official accountant.
Andrew and Tony organised a party on the Saturday that the sign was installed. I stood in the parking lot holding Mandy and watching the sign go up. The cheers went up all around us. On Monday morning we would be open for business.
“I'm so proud of you Love.”
“Of us Baby. I would never be able to do this without you. I love you so much Mandy,” I said kissing her gently. “And don't think that I have forgotten about your dream.” Her eyes creased. “In a year we will start with your pre-school plans. I'm going to make sure I put a little something away every month just for that. Okay?”
“Actually…um… I have been offered a grade R teaching position in a government school in Wentworth. The interview is this Thursday.”
“Baby, that's fantastic. Why didn't you tell me?”
“We were just so busy with the shop and Leonie called me up Friday and I sent my CV through straight away….”
“I am NEVER too busy for you my love. I don't care what is going on, nothing is more important than you and me. Never forget that. Promise me?”
“I promise.” We stood holding each other watching, surrounded by loved ones as Andy completed the electric connection on the sign. And yet my heart still ached.
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“Hello?”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“Don't play with me Lea.”
“I'm not playing. I really have no idea what you are talking about? What time do you finish work today?”
“Lea?”
“Mm? By the way are you on lunch?”
“Yeah? Why?”
“Come to the parking lot.” I watched her come down the main staircase looking all around, then I slowly drove down the driveway towards her.
“Hey little lady, going somewhere?” That morning I had passed my driver's license test and gone straight to the dealer and picked up the panel van I had bought. Thanks to Uncle Paul, everything went through smoothly and quickly and I was able to pick up the van right away.
“You passed.” She shrieked throwing herself into my arms as I exited the vehicle. “And this?”
“This is the new van for the business. I picked it up today. Your dad worked a sweet deal for me.”
“It's beautiful Love.” She walked around the car and sat inside checking it out before she had to go back to work.
“Babe? Did you hear from that school in Wentworth yet?”
“Nope, not a word yet, but they said they would make their decision by the end of the week.”
“You are going to get it Hun, I can feel it in my bones.” I teased.
“From your lips to God's ears, Love. Drive safe. Love you.”
“Love you too Baby.”
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We had a christening that we were catering lunch for and I was loading the van with the food and the cake to take it to the church hall. “Love, there's a call for you.”
“Take a message, I really need to get going with this stuff.” Charmaine, one of our new staff members, was sitting in the back making sure that the cake arrived safely. Matthew was in the front with me. I had hired two ladies; Paula and Charmaine; to do the baking and cake decorating. We had so many requests for cakes that I felt we were missing out on a lucrative part of the business.
“It was your Aunt Yvonne and she wants you to call her back. We're done after this so I'll lock up and see you at home?”
“Yeah. Matt said he can handle things and he'll call if there's an emergency or when I need to pick them up.”
I ended up staying longer than expected, chatting with people from church as well as the priest. People were inquiring about the cake and some about exactly what we are able to do, so I stuck around to answer questions and hand out a few cards. I was ready to leave when my phone rang, it was my aunt.
“Hello stranger. We don't hear or see you anymore. What have you been up to?”
“Hey Aunty Von, I'm great, just super busy. How's everyone at home?”
“We are all okay. You know, the same old, same old. Listen, Shanelle told Myra that you have your own catering company now. I don't know why your mother hadn't suggested it in the meeting but we are planning a dinner/dance for the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Catholic Women's League and I was wondering if you could help us out?”
“Um… sure…what do you need and when?”
“Well we are having a meeting Tuesday morning to iron out the details but it would probably be about two hundred people for supper and dessert. We are looking at the first weekend in March.”
“Ooh that's going to be tough. I'm booked up until May. Look I'm not saying no but it's not a definite ‘yes' either. Get me the details and let me see what I can do. Okay?”
“Sure, thanks angel. Why don't you come for supper next Saturday? We would really like to see you.”
“I'll check and see what we have on next weekend. I'm sure I can pop in for a little while. Is it okay if I bring a friend?”
“Sure. Chat to you Tuesday. Bye.
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“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just…”
“Love, we don't have to go broadcasting our relationship to every person we meet. I mean it's not like we paw at each other every second. Just relax.” After one knock the door was flung open and I was engulfed in loving hugs from the front door to the living room. It felt so good to be welcomed by MY family. Selfishly I wanted it to last for just a while, but it wouldn't. I knew Mandy was somewhere behind me and I would have to introduce her and I had no intentions of denying who she was to me.
At some point in everyone's life you have to push your shoulders back, stick your chin out and stand up for what you believe in. I believed in love, in our love.
“Come, come and sit.” My aunt invited. “What would you like to drink? Wine, beer, cooldrink?”
“Cooldrink please, I'm driving. Um… this is Mandy by the way.” I introduced everyone to Mandy by name.
“Pleased to meet you all. I will have cooldrink as well thanks.” The conversation flowed all through supper. They were very interested in getting to know Mandy and hearing about the business. Aunty Von called me into the kitchen to help set out dessert. She sent Myra out to keep Mandy company with Uncle Walter.
“Talk to me angel.”
“About what?”
“You and your mother and Gran. Even the twins are tight lipped about it and you know how you can barely get a word in edgewise with those two.” My body slumped into the chair and I stared at my hands on the counter. Aunty Von sat next to me and waited.
“I have had such an awesome time tonight. It was great to spend time with my family for a change.” I took a deep breath. “Something happened while I was away, I fell in love. The real kind of love, that once in a lifetime love that all literature tells you to hold onto for dear life. Well I was so afraid that I almost lost it. To tell the truth I think I was trying to lose it, to prove that it wasn't real.” I started to pace on the other side of the table. “I was so miserable Aunty Von. I couldn't stay away, I really tried but I couldn't give up no matter the consequences.”
“I don't understand? So you fell in love, so what…” her brows creased.
“I'm…I…I'm gay Aunty Von.” I heard the gasp. My eyes were fixed on the floor because I couldn't bear to see the disgust and disappointment. “I better leave. Thanks for supper.”
“Wait,” she whispered grabbing my wrist to stop me. “Sit down a minute.”
“Look, I know how we were raised and that there are all these preconceived ideas about gay people but…”
“Shh just give me a minute.” She hadn't let go of my wrist. “Start from the beginning, the very beginning.
“You know how I always felt awkward. I really thought there was something wrong with me but I was so caught up in school that I just didn't think about it. The truth is I was never interested in boys, EVER, not like that anyway. It wasn't that I was attracted to girls like that either but I could appreciate a beautiful woman, if you know what I mean. I thought it was more envy than attraction.” I blew out a breath and started to pace again. “I met someone when I was working for the Porters and for a few months it was great until she wanted to start going out in public and I just freaked out. I was still really struggling with being attracted to her and after a huge fight, it was over. I was so relieved but sad at the same time. I threw myself back into writing and reading and all the things I used to do and I was doing great though I was lonely. Then one day at the library this angel sat down next to me.” I smiled remembering the moment in vivid detail. “We became friends and hung out together every weekend. She introduced me to her friends and we just became a big group of…friends. Anyway to cut a really long story short, I was in denial, she was upset and when push came to shove I couldn't live without her. I always knew I had fallen in love with her from the very beginning. I almost lost her again, for good, a few months later and that's when I decided that we couldn't go on like this anymore. I had to make a decision to be all in or all out but this halfway was killing both of us.
“Wow. Wow.”
“Yeah. We told her parents, they came around eventually, then mine and they disowned me.”
“Lea…” just then Myra and Mandy came into the kitchen. Sensing the bristling tension in the room, Mandy came around the table and stood next to me at the sink.
“You okay?” I nodded. She rubbed my tummy, which is something she always did when I was tense, she didn't even realise she was doing it and neither did I until I looked up and saw the wide eyed expression on my aunt's face. Myra on the other hand was not phased in the least.
“You knew?” I directed at Myra.
“Yeah Shanelle told me and she's right, you two are as cute as hell together.”
“She told you everything?” Myra nodded. I turned to my stunned aunt. “Aunty Von this is my fiancé Amanda Wilson.” After still more silence we decided to leave. I entrusted Myra with letting the rest of the family know and they could decide to contact me or not.
I was done hiding. And I certainly was done apologising. I had a family who loved me and supported me by choice not obligation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
The next few months went by rather fast. Mandy got the job and we traded her car in for a new one since I didn't trust her travelling that distance every day in her old Golf. She loved her job and the benefits package was great.
True to form Myra had ‘spread the word.' A few called, some disgusted and some could care less while others didn't know how to feel but thought they should check up on me anyway.
I was working full time at the shop and Mrs Porter decided to get a maid service a few times a week. Jonjo was doing great at school and Salome had a new boyfriend who treated her well.
Business was steady, bookings and walk-ins were frequent and according to my accountant, Tony, we were set for a good profit year. Our confidence grew with every new job and soon the staff were taking on more responsibility. Matthew was my second and he marshalled everyone like a seasoned drill sergeant, including me.
I hadn't spoken to my mother or my Gran for months. The twins kept me up to date with the happenings in the family and I'm sure kept them up to date on what was happening with me. I never received one call from any of my old friends. It hurt but I had so many great people who loved and supported me in every way that it made it easier to handle the bad stuff.
We had managed to help Aunty Von out with their dinner/dance. Mum was there with the other ladies decorating the hall when we arrived with the food. Mandy was helping Charms carry in the cake when Mum spotted her. She turned and found me looking at her and darted out the back door. Mandy wrapped an arm around my waist, “go say hello,” she whispered.
“She clearly doesn't want anything to do with me and I have stuff to do.”
“Do you trust me?''
“Wh…”
“Then go and say hello. Make it quick I have plans for you when we get home,” she teased smacking my butt and pushing me towards the exit.
I walked through the doors cautiously and spotted Mum on a bench. “Hello Mum.” She turned and looked at me tears streaming down her face. I knelt down beside her and rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. “How have you been?” She looked at me for the longest time but didn't pull away. “I miss you Mum, I really do. There's so much I want to tell you then I remember you don't want to see me. I think I've almost dialled home a hundred times.”
“Y…you still…you…”
“Yes mum I'm still with Mandy, I'm still very much in love with her. Actually we…” She pulled her hand away and stood up almost knocking Matthew over going through the door.
“Sorry boss. We're all set up just waiting on your briefing.” I nodded following him into the hall. I found Aunty Von and discussed the specifics on when dinner would be served and to let her know Matt was the go-to for the night. She was disappointed that we wouldn't be staying but understood. After briefing the troops on the particulars, I handed Matt the van keys and was ready to leave.
I wrapped my arm around Mandy's waist, “let's go home Baby.” For the first time ever, I really didn't give a shit who was looking.
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“Matt, I really need to finish this. Just give me a minute okay.”
“Get yourself out of that chair and go now or you are going to ruin the surprise. I will finish the order.” I was torn between finishing this order and going home. I had decided to have a special weekend for Mandy and I. We had both been working so hard we hadn't even spoken about the wedding and I felt it was time for us to start planning. “Matt I owe you big time. It's the cutlery and crockery for Mr Paulus' 80 th birthday next week.”
“No problem Boss. I've put the box in the van. Cassie put detailed instructions in there as well,” he chuckled.
“Does she think I don't know how to cook,” I laughed. “Thanks Matt, see you Monday.”
Cassie had gone all out. There was nothing for me to do the entire weekend except place things in the oven and dress salad. I was really lucky to have such an awesome staff to work with. That was thanks to Mandy, she made sure that the people we hired were not only experienced but great people.
I had about an hour before Mandy got home. I gathered the laptop and magazines that Tony and Leone had helped me collect and stashed them in the van along with our bags. It was Friday so she was home early. “And this? Waiting on the driveway?” She chuckled before she kissed me.
“You have fifteen minutes to shower and change. So move it.” I refused all attempts she made to find out where we were going.
We drove a little up the north coast to a wonderful private beach that was owned by one of Tony's clients. I had managed to rent it for the weekend. “Surprise!”
“Wow.” Mandy walked around the house in awe while I put the bags in the bedroom. “Love this is…”
“We have plenty of time to check this place out later. For now, I'm starving,” I said grabbing the basket and walking onto the beach, which was the back yard. There was no-one else around but I suspected that would change as people arrived later for the weekend. Mandy helped me spread out the blanket, I sat and pulled her into my lap. We kissed for what seemed like forever and yet it wasn't enough.
“You are amazing,” she said putting her forehead against mine.
“I love you so much, Baby but it's not enough for me anymore. I want more, I want it all and then some.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked very concerned.
“I hate sleeping alone. I hate saying goodbye every night and driving away or watching you leave. I want to marry you, I want to come home to you every night and curl up next to you on our couch and hold you as we fall asleep in our big bed. I want to make love to you all night and watch the sun come up totally exhausted from loving you.”
“I want that so much too, Love, so, so much. We have just been so busy lately that there just wasn't any time.”
“I know. So we have the whole weekend out here to plan our wedding. And come Sunday afternoon we will be done with the planning.”
“But my mom would want to…”
“That's fine but it's our wedding and I want what we want. Little details is fine for your mom and anyone else to help out with. Okay?”
“Yeah, I would love that. Can we eat now, I'm really starving.” I reached over for the basket and started unpacking it. “Lea, I really love you.”
“I know.” I smiled, “now eat before you wither away.”
Our lunch was a fried food and beer bonanza. I sent a quick text to thank Cassie for all her hard work. We sat on the beach just enjoying each other's company until the sun began to sink and a slight autumn chill blew over us. Then we gathered our picnic and went back into the house. I lit a fire and locked up the windows and the doors.
“Lovey, there is no TV here.”
“I know, isn't that awesome. What ever shall we do to pass the time?” I teased nipping her ear. “Okay so I have the laptop set up and some bridal magazines we can go through…” Mandy had a feral look in her eyes. “What?”
“Mm…oh nothing.” She began to unzip her jeans. “Just want to get more comfortable.” She stepped out of the legs and kicked them to the side. “Hmm…I really want to try out the Jacuzzi, love. Do u know I have never, ever been in one.” She said lifting her t-shirt off and tossing it away. I know I have read it in romance novels a thousand times and thought it rather corny BUT the flames did dance on her skin highlighting the contours of her curves and muscles.
“My God you are beautiful.”
“Coming?”
There was plenty of time for planning tomorrow. Tonight I wanted to bask in her glow and pray I had the fortitude not to be lead into temptation.
‘Lord, thank you for the gift of this woman. I need only look at her to know she was ordained for me. Bless all those who cannot see past the superficial to recognise love in any form. Thy will be done, as always. Amen.”
‘Dad if you are looking down on us, I'm sorry if I disappointed you but I didn't disappoint me.'
THE END………FOR NOW?!