CHAPTER 39 A

Kate watched Kacey in her office. She was surprised to see her pull out the smoke stick. Kacey ran her hand through her normally neat short hair, which made it messy. A sure sign of her frustration. Kate watched as Kacey took off her glasses and looked directly at the video camera. For several minutes through the camera lens, they looked eye to eye. The amount of despair, Kate saw reflected in those blue eyes, scared and shamed her because she helped put that look there.

Kacey looked away from the camera. Kate notice that she would take her glasses off and chew on the bow when she was thinking. Kate pushed away from her desk and went to the Bridge. "I will be in the Hanger if you need me. Liam you have the Bridge."

"Aye Katie."

"Hanger" Kate said as she entered the lift.

Kacey sat behind her desk. She chewed on the bow of her glasses as she thought about what she wanted to add to the review she was currently working on.

"I think those things work better if you actually wear them?" Kate said from the door.

"TAKING AWAY MY FLYING PRIVILEGES WAS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, NOW YOU DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY OF RINIGNG THE BELL. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, CAPTAIN. I AM RATHER BUSY AT THE MOMENT." Kacey said testily.

"If I thought for a second, you would have granted me entrance, I would have rang the bell. You certainly have been ignoring my hails." Kate pointed to the smoke stick. "Thought you only used them when you flew?"

"YOU KNEW WHERE I WAS. YOU HAVE HAD A VIDEO LOCK ON ME SINCE I LEFT YOUR READY ROOM. ANTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO FIND FAULT WITH, CAPTAIN. I DO NOT TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO IN YOUR OFFICE, DO NOT COME HERE AND TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO IN MINE. BESIDES, YOU GROUNDED ME, REMEMBER? YOU HAVE BOOZE IN YOU DESK DRAWER. MY SMOKE STICKS ARE NOT SOMETHING THAT IMPEDES JUDGMENT IN ANY WAY."

"How about you lose the attitude, Kacey."

"YOU COME BARGING INTO MY OFFICE UNINVITED AND COMPLAIN ABOUT MY ATTITUDE. SORRY IT IS THE ONLY ATTITUDE I HAVE RIGHT NOW. THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY OFFICE SO IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY ATTITUDE, THERE IS THE DOOR. I WILL ASK AGAIN, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

"For starters, how about a coffee?" Kate said.

Kacey went to the cabinet, took out another cup that she filled and handed to Kate. She sat back down and waited to hear what Kate would say.

"Now how about the truth. What is going on with you?"

Kacey looked away from Kate. "I told you days ago that nothing is going on."

Kate noticed how she looked away. "Still not the truth. How about we try for the truth this time. I WILL NOT LEAVE THIS ALONE, KACEY. SO JUST CUT OUT THE BULL SHIT AND TELL ME THE TRUTH. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THERE IS NOTHING WRONG. Kate said loudly.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG KATE. HOW MANY GOD DAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT?." Kacey kept her eyes on the computer screen.

"NO DAMMIT. LOOK ME IN THE EYE. RIGHT HERE, KACEY LOOK HERE." Kate yelled and pointed to her eyes. "RIGHT HERE AND TELL ME THE TRUTH."

Kacey met Kate's eyes. "Kate" She hesitated. "Kate" She tried again and stopped, unable to get the words out. "DAMN YOU." She shouted.

"You never could lie Kacey" Kate told her. "It is obvious to everyone and a blind cat that something is on your mind. Especially when you voluntarily go to talk to a Doctor when I have to order you to do that any other time. Talk to me."

"WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE?"

"Sorry Kacey that is something I can not do."

"I AM HANDLING THIS." Kacey continued to shout.

"IF THAT WERE TRUE, YOU WOULD BE OUT THERE WITH YOUR PEOPLE INSTEAD OF SITTING BEHIND YOUR DESK. I WILL GIVE YOU A CHOICE."

"GOING TO CALL IN THE BIG GUNS AND THREATEN ME WITH MOM?"

"THAT WAS NOT ONE OF THE CHOICES, BUT I WILL KEEP THAT IN MIND." Kate told her. "YOUR CHOICES ARE, YOU CAN TALK TO ME NOW, OR I WILL COMPLETELY REMOVE YOU FROM ALL DUTY AND HAVE YOU CONFINED TO SICK BAY. YOUR CHOICE?"

Kacey was quiet for a long time. Kate was certain Kacey would call her bluff, when she watched the anger leave and she started talking.

"Natalia has been after me to talk to you." Kacey said quietly.

"She knows?"

"Of course she knows. We are married. I could not keep this from her." Kacey paused. "I am scared, Kate."

"Of what?"

"I am scared I lost part of myself when I was unconscious."

"What makes you think that."

"I am finding there are..." she paused, "gaps in my memory. Nothing major. Not those things that are so ingrained that they are second nature like flying or playing the violin. Little things like what was my best friend's name when I was in school. I was showing Natalia some images from high school and I could not remember her name. Before you say, that was years ago, there are more current things. I can not remember graduating from the Marine Academy. I know I had to graduate."

"You did. You were first in your class. You gave the Valedictory address. Your diploma is hanging on the wall ."

"Then why can't I remember it. Every time I try to force myself to remember I get these really bad headaches."

"What does Dr. DiMarco say."

"She thinks there is something blocking those memories. She wants to try hypnosis to find out what is causing the blockage."

"What is stopping your from going through with it?"

"She wants someone... a member of the family present to verify that what I do remember are true memories."

"So what is the problem?"

"Oh it could be in the asking. I can just see bringing it up at a family dinner. By the way the doctor wants to hypnotize me and needs a family member present to verify if I am actually going crazy or if I just think I am."

"When do you want to do this?"

"What do you mean, Kate?"

"It is evident you do not want you ask mom or Liam. Natalia and Anya did not know you then. That leaves me. So I ask you again, when do you want to do this?"

Kacey felt tears sting her eyes. She fought the urge to cry. "Kate," was all she could say before she lost the battle with the tears. She covered her face as the tears overflowed.

Kate was shocked to see her strong stubborn sister break down. She circled the desk, and pushed back Kacey's chair. She put her arms around Kacey and let her cry. Kacey grasped Kate tightly and leaned against her. Kate held her until the sobs stopped. Kacey leaned back in her chair.

"I am sorry." She mumbled.

"Nothing for you to be sorry for. I am relieved you finally told me what was going on." Kate handed Kacey the box of tissues. She took several, wiped her face, blew her nose then threw the tissues in the garbage can.

"I am so scared, Kate. I am scared I will not get those bits back or that I will end up losing more. I am scared that all that garbage my brain absorbed is taking over who I am and there is not a God Damn thing I can do to stop it from happening."

"When was you last brain scan?"

"Last week. I am scheduled for another next week. The Doc want to continue running them every other week for a couple more months." Kacey told her. "Why"

"Lets go talk to the doctor."

"What good will that do?"

"It will get us more information than we have right now. Come on."

Kacey shut down her computer and followed Kate out the door.