he adventures of the Star Traveler Andromeda that started in Among the Stars, Beyond the Farthest Planet, and So Far From Home, continues in the final chapter The Voyage Home.
Kate and Anya sat at their favorite table in the Mess Hall as they ate their lunch. The stars outside the windows provided the backdrop of millions of points of light that whizzed past.
"One of the things I will miss when we are home is watching the beauty and experiencing the peace of the stars as they go by." Kate stated. "Especially when you are seated in front of the window."
"Patricia told me many years ago of the fascination you always had with the stars, even as a child."
"I did. I even painted the night sky on the ceiling of my childhood bedroom."
"I am sure your parents liked that."
"They let me decorate my room as I wanted as long as it was in good taste and not offensive. Kacey was allowed to do the same thing."
"Speaking of her, have you heard anything about how their talk went?"
"Not a thing. It could be still going on.
"If that is true it would be a good sign." Anya said.
"Kacey can be so stubborn and judgmental, so yes, the longer they can talk the better. I am not looking forward to her confronting me on how long I have known."
"Us Kate, Patricia told us both. I will not allow you to face that alone."
"If she cannot forgive us, we will be looking at a very tense voyage home." Kate responded.
"Kate unless asked, I think we should stay out of it."
"How can we do that? We are right in the middle. We have been since that day mom told us, that day we met her roommate at the academy." Kate argued. "I think Kacey will come to you before she talks to me."
"Why do you think that?"
"She looks up to you and respects you. She would not argue with you and will listen to what you have to say. Me, she would just argue with me, or walk away. Kacey would not dare to that with you."
"All right but only if she or Natalia asks. Otherwise I will not interfere."
"I can accept that darling." Kate stated. "Knowing Kacey she can deal with it in any of several ways. She could work it out with exercise, block it out with music, or move on."
"How would you have dealt with something like this?"
"I have no idea. I would like to think that I could look at it rationally, but, I really do not know."
"What would you say to a walk around the ship before we return to the Bridge?"
"I like that idea very much."
They placed their empty plates in the area for cleaning and walked out of the Mess Hall. They held hands as they walked through the corridors.
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Patricia left Kacey's and wandered the corridors before she returned to the quarters she and Liam shared next to their daughters. She did not want to be alone and sought out other people. With Liam and Kate on duty, she headed for the medical offices.
" Perhaps ," she thought " I could speak to Doctor DiMarco. She helped both Kacey and Natalia. Maybe she can advise me what I can do to fix this."
She continued to the offices. The door to Doctor DiMarco's office was open. She knocked on the door frame. The doctor looked up.
"Mrs. O'Malley, come in."
"I should have called for an appointment."
"I am free for the next hour. Have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?"
"Tea please. I am not the coffee addict my daughters are." Patricia sat in the comfortable chair while the Doctor poured her tea. She pushed a button to close the door.
"May I call you Patricia?" Doctor DiMarco asked, as she handed Patricia the cup. "Yes."
"What can I do for you?" She sat next to Patricia.
"I guess the best place to start is when it first happened. Years ago I found out that one of my daughters was born with missing and underdeveloped reproductive organs. I never told her, but my husband and other daughter both knew."
"I take it that this information is now known and she did not hear it from you."
"Yes."
"And she is upset about this?"
"Very upset. We did talk today, but I do not think it did any good."
"Why did you not tell her before?"
"At first I told myself that she was too young to be told, then as time went on I found one excuse after another, to not tell her. When she went to the academy and we met her roommate, I made the mistake of letting a comment slip to her sister and I had to tell her. It was not something I ever planned to say, but rather just an offhand comment."
"So that means that only Kacey was left in the dark."
"I did not say it was Kacey."
"You did not have to, Patricia."
"The problem, or rather I should say one of the problems that has come back to bite me is the fact that I made such a big deal of them keeping secrets from me. Then I go and do the same. I am a hypocrite. She is angry with me and feels betrayed. We had made large inroads since that big fight we had when Kate was hurt in our second year."
"I heard about that, yet you weathered that storm did you not?"
"It took awhile. She, I should just say her name since we both know who 'she' is. Kacey is very slow in letting go of hurt and anger. It was during that time that I finally realized that she is no longer my baby or Kate's little sister. That she is a very capable adult."
"Why did you not tell her then? To clear the air completely?"
"I do not know, Doctor. Perhaps I was afraid that she would think I was striking out at her because I was angry with her when Kate was injured. Or perhaps I did not want to add to the tension between us. Or..."
"Or?"
"I hurt her so badly at that time, I was afraid. I was a coward. I am a coward. A trait I am happy to say I did not pass on to either of my daughters."
"So you kept your silence and she found out from a stranger. That is to say someone who is not a member of your family."
"That is what happened. Now once again she is angry with me and feels betrayed and I do not have any idea on how to fix our relationship. Or if it can even be repaired at this point."
"I believe your relationship is sound. Yes you have hit a rocky patch. Every relationship does."
"So what can I do to fix this?"
"Give her time to come to grips with this."
"That is it? Give her time?"
"There is no magical formula, or pill that can make this better. Time is the only remedy. Do not avoid her. Go about your regular routine. Talk to her as you normally do. This is a fight you cannot give up on."
"I would not do that ever. One good thing that came out of this today and gave me hope, was that Kacey said she would not deprive their children of their grandparents and aunts."
"Then you have reason to be hopeful that you can overcome this latest crises in your relationship. Patricia, she has been given a shock and she is off kilter right now. Eventually her equilibrium will right itself. She will not be as angry or hurt. It will never fade entirely, but over time the brain protects itself with memory scar tissue and dims the pain. Give her time. Give yourself time. Your relationship with her is worth giving her that time."
"Thank you Doctor. I will follow your advice." Patricia stood and left the office, feeling slightly better.
>
Kacey ducked out of sight as Doctor DiMarco's door opened and Patricia walked out. She held her breath as Patricia walked past her hiding spot, surprised that her mother sought help from someone outside the family. She, herself, in a moment of weakness after Patricia left, felt the need to talk to an outsider. She contacted the Doctor who had helped her before.
Prior to this mission, the thought of voluntarily talking to a shrink outside of the mandatory yearly psyche evaluations, was unthinkable. Kacey checked the corridor to make sure it was empty before she left her hiding place. She walked to the Doctor's office and knocked on the open door.
"Kacey, come in and have a seat."
"Doc, thanks for seeing me on such short notice."
"That is not a problem. It has been a quiet day. How have you been?"
The Doctor closed the door and poured Kacey a cup of coffee before she sat next to her.
"Thanks Doc. Until recently Doc I have been really good. We are all healthy. Natalia and I are very happy, and the children are great."
"That is good to hear. What has happened recently that has upset you?
"The problem started, no not started, it is the reason or the result of the decision Natalia and I made to have more children."
"Congratulations. Where does the problem come in?"
"The problem is that because Natalia was the one who was pregnant the first time, I would be the one to carry the next baby. We went to see Doctor Amstell so that I could get tested. What the tests showed was that even if I could get pregnant I would not be able to carry the child full term, due to, I guess you could call it a disability."
"You had no idea about this problem?"
"Not a clue. Oh I always considered myself lucky that when I did get my monthly, it would only last a few hours. Made Kate angry every time it happened. I never realized that it was because there was a problem with me."
"Is this why you are here today?"
"The main reason I am here is because this condition was hidden from me since I was a teenager. My mother knew and did not say anything. My father knew. As did Kate and more than likely Anya, yet no one said anything. It was some big dark secret they felt, oh Hell I do not know." She started to pace. "It was like they needed to protect me from knowing the truth. You know what Doc? I think what pisses me off the most is mom made such a big God Damned deal over secrets Kate and I kept from her when we were younger. And all that time she had one of her own. She told dad and Kate not to say anything to me."
"That made you angry."
"That made me damned angry, Doc."
"Who are you angry with?"
"My whole family at this point, but mostly my mother for not having the courage to tell me herself and secondly for not allowing anyone else to tell me."
"You feel betrayed?"
"Yeah."
"The saddest thing about betrayal is it does not come from our enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."
"That is certainly true. So what am I supposed to do?"
"What do you think you should do?"
"Damned if I know."
"Let me ask you this. How long have you known?"
"Umm, let me think. I found out just before we landed on Athena."
"That was weeks ago. Why did you wait so long to say anything?"
"At first I was stunned, then embarrassed and shame kicked in."
"Shame? Why shame? You had no control over something you were born with."
"Shame was not the right word to use."
"Kacey you are not alone. Many thousands of women are unable to conceive or carry a child full term. What you are feeling is pain. Not a physical pain, but an emotional pain. You hurt because of first, the inability to carry a child, and second because of the betrayal of those closet to you."
"How do I get rid of this pain?"
"Time. There is no magic pill that will ease the pain. The pain will never go away, but with time the brain protects itself and learns to dull the pain until it no longer consumes us."
"That is all you recommend? Time?
"Yes. If you let it, the pain can fester until it destroys your life. Or maybe it will make you want to strike out and hurt the person who hurt and betrayed you. What would you say would be the one thing that would hurt your family the most?"
"Not having any sort of relationship with them or allowing our children to have any sort of relationship with their grandparents or aunts." Kacey stated without hesitation. "That is something I would not stop Natalia or the children from having a relationship with them."
"That is good to hear. But what about your relationship with your family?
"That is another matter all together. I have no idea. I cannot avoid seeing them for very long. Andromeda is not that big and as the top two officers, Kate and I have to work too closely at times to avoid each other." She stopped pacing, and sat back down. "After we landed on Athena, I was able to work and keep my mind occupied enough to drive all other thoughts into the background. I worked double plus shifts to tire myself physically and mentally. But now with little to occupy my mind..."
"The thoughts come flooding back?"
"With a vengeance, Doc."
"This is the first step towards dealing with this issue. You came here today because you not only want a way to deal with the emotional turmoil, but to find a way to deal with your family and ultimately forgiving them. Kacey you have come a long way since that first time you were ordered to talk to me. To come here today, voluntarily, shows how much you have grown."
"Hell it had to happen eventually Doc, no matter how much I tried to prevent it."
"Being able to crack jokes is also a good start. Kacey do not be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to regroup and recover. Do not give up on yourself and your family. They love you. They did not keep this information from you to cause you pain."
"I have never doubted the love we have for each other. That is a constant. No matter how angry we get with each other, the love is always there." Kacey finished her now cooled coffee. She stood up. "Doc I know you have to tell Kate I was here today, but I would rather you not tell her why?"
"That is certainly your right."
"Thanks Doc."
"Anytime Kacey. After we return to Earth, Olive and I will be reopening our practice just off the grounds of the Space Administration.
"Who knows, maybe you will see me again." Kacey left the Doctor's office. Her spirits were raised a small amount. The anger was still present, but not as fierce as before.
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Kate worked on her never ending reports. End of the month, personnel, damage, after action, and even inventory reports all came across her desk. Her computer pinged with the medical announcement notifying her each time one of the crew sought medical help. She read through the list quickly, then backtracked when she read both Patricia's and Kacey's names. " Well ?" She thought. " Their talk must not have gone well if they both sought help from a third party."
" Thankfully I have never had to go to a shrink beyond the mandatory psyche evaluations we all have to go through. I encourage my people to talk out their problems." She thought. A little voice talked back to her. " You are such a hypocrite, Katie. Perhaps now is the time for you to go see the onboard counselor just like you encourage every else. You had a part in this deception." Kate sent a request to the Doctor before she really thought about it and received a response in just a few minutes. She sent another message to Anya's console telling her of the appointment. Anya quickly send a reply. She leaned over and whispered to Natalia.
"It seems the talk did not go well."
"What are we going to do to help them?"
"I am not sure what we can do or if we should even try. You definitely because you are married, but I am not sure if I should. I was part of the deception." Anya stated. "Although Kate did ask if I would talk to her."
"She respects you and will not argue with you." Natalia said.
"All right Natalia. I will go over after our duty shifts." Anya's console beeped. She pulled up the message. "I wonder if she is psychic?"
"Kacey?"
"Yes, she just asked me to come over after my shift has ended." Anya sent a message back.
"I will pick up the children and visit with Patricia and Liam while you talk."
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Anya stood outside Kacey's quarters and rang the chime. "Come in Anya." She heard through the closed door. Anya opened the door and walked in to find Kacey staring out at the passing stars.
"I was going to come talk to you today before you messaged me." Anya stated.
"I have only one question and I know you will not bullshit me."
"What do you want to ask me?"
"When did mom tell you?"
"It was accidental. She let it slip the weekend we helped you move into your dorm room and met Mike your roommate. As we were leaving, Patricia blurted out, at least we did not have to worry about your getting pregnant. Kate asked why not. That is when Patricia broke down and told us. She also said that you did not know and asked that she be allowed to be the one to tell you. We had no idea she had not said anything yet." Anya stated as she walked to Kacey's side. "I know you are very angry and hurt and that was the reason behind you putting in so many hours on Athena." She paused. "If one of our girls was facing the same, I do not know if I would have the courage to tell them. Do you know Patricia blamed herself for the longest time? She thought she had done something wrong when she was pregnant with you." Kacey looked at her. "Ahh I take it from that look, that she did not tell you how guilty she felt."
" She mentioned that today, but apparently she did not feel guilty enough to tell me."
"You have no idea how she felt." Anya stated angrily. "You can be so hard at times. You see everything as right or wrong, black or white, but the world and life are not that way There are so many variations and degrees. You are quick to anger and so very slow to forgive."
"So in other words, I am a piece of shit." Kacey snapped.
Anya grabbed her arm and spun her away from the window. "That is not what I am saying at all and you know it." Anya snapped back. "You will never hear me say that about you. Yes at times you act like petulant child that needs to have their backside blistered."
"You would not dare."
"Then do not push me little sister." Anya threatened. "Tell me, in your vast life have you never made a mistake?"
"Of course I have. I am human not perfect."
"Patricia is human also. She made mistakes. One of which was not telling you before you heard it from someone outside the family. That does not mean that she does not love you."
Kacey cleared her throat. "I know that." She fought to keep her voice steady as her emotions fought against the tight rein she kept on them. She swallowed several times.
Anya watched the muscle jump in her cheek and her fight to contain her emotions. "Do not fight it Kacey. I know the hurt is fighting, struggling to come out." Kacey shook her head no. "It will hurt less if you just for once let go of that tight control and cry. You give anger a free rein why not sadness. When was the last time you really cried. I do not mean tearing up but actually let go?"
"Drop it Anya." Kacey warned and tried to turn away but was held fast. "Do you know how easily I could break your hands?"
"I have no doubt about that but I know you will not. Tell me the last time you let go of that control." Kacey shook her head no again. "Tell me." Anya ordered. "Did you cry when Kate was hurt?"
"Leave it alone Anya." Kacey said and tried to turn away again.
"WHEN." Anya demanded and shook Kacey. TELL ME."
"THE DAY I KILLED CASTOR. THERE ARE YOU SATISFIED? DAMN YOU ANYA. GOD DAMN YOU." Kacey shouted.
"Crying does not make you weak and it will lessen the hurt."
"So you expect me to do what? Just let go and cry? Not going to happen."
"Then we are in for a long night because I am not leaving. Kacey I have done my share. There is no shame in letting go. I remember you holding me when I cried when Kate was hurt. You were there for me, then. Let me be there for you." She watched the blue eyes fill with tears. "Do not fight it." Kacey put her head down. Anya placed a finger under her chin and raised her head. "Do not hide your tears. Not from me." "I do not want..."
"It is not about what you want to do, but what you need to do. Let it go Kacey. Let it go." Anya whispered. "You are hurting inside. Let go of the hurt. Let go of the pain."
"It hurts so badly Anya." Kacey could no longer fight the emotions and let go. She cried out her pain on Anya's shoulder.
"That is it, let it go little sister. Let it go." For several minutes, Anya held Kacey as she cried away the pain. She rubbed the strong back in comfort. The sobs tapered off and Kacey released her hold on Anya. "How do you feel now?"
"The pain is not as sharp."
"That is the first step. Now take the next step and call Patricia over. I will stay with you if you want or need me to."
"Yes please stay." Kacey stated and pressed her communicator. "Mom would you come over please?"
"I will be right over." Patricia replied.
Anya went to the replicator. One brandy, two white wines."
The glasses materialized. Anya placed ice into the brandy and handed it to Kacey. She placed one of the wines on the coffee table. When the door chimed, Anya went to open the door. She handed the other wine to Patricia.