Chapter Five
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seems to me all the uses of this world!
Shakespeare, Hamlet
The Conqueror rose at her usual pre-dawn hour, despite having slept little.
Having bathed her face and body with cool water, she dressed swiftly but
with careless elegance in a doublet of blue silk, its puffed sleeves slashed
with white, and black trousers. Surrounded by servants, guards and administrators
most of her waking hours, there were some things Xena insisted on doing
alone and her morning ritual was one of them. Of course, no one dared question
the Conqueror when she expressed a need for solitude, but it drove her
heads of household and her security officers to distraction that she seldom
allowed an attendant of any sort in her bedchamber. "If I can't defend
myself in my own chamber," she'd argued to more than one worried administrator
or guardsman, "then nothing you can do will keep me from being killed outside
it." She'd never guessed that the price she had to pay for being the Conqueror
would include the loss of all personal privacy.
Don't forget the price of love and family, that
dark, derisive voice at the back of her mind reminded her. Your brothers
are dead; your mother won't acknowledge you exist, and your son... Well,
who knows where your son is, eh, Conqueror? Your beloved Solan, sacrificed
to anonymity so he wouldn't have to share the cost of your fame-- or is
it infamy? Is today the day you decide whether or not it was worth it?
That voice, she sometimes thought, was the last remnant of the idealistic
young tavern keeper's daughter who had watched her younger brother murdered
by a savage warlord and had taken up the sword to defend her village when
no one else would. At first, that voice had spoken of heartbreak, outrage,
shock, but years of being locked away, ever deeper, in the increasingly
bloody and vengeful vaults of the Conqueror's mind had faded the voice
to merely bitter. And bitterness the Conqueror
had no time for, so she simply ignored the voice and finished braiding
her hair. In the fifteen years since her journey of personal-vengeance-turned-world-domination
had begun, the Conqueror had gotten good at shutting that particular voice
out. She'd had to, or risk losing her mind.
Settling a rather lethal-looking eating dagger inlaid with Gallic enamelwork
in her belt, she made her way to the huge dining hall at the center of
the palace to break her fast with those of her household already awake.
It didn't pay to sleep in if one hoped to advance in Xena's army, so the
dining hall was full. She paused a moment just outside the doorway, eyeing
the scene within, gauging the crowd. The room was furnished with long trestle
tables, full this morning of rowdy men-- and a few women-- at arms engaged
in breakfast and conversation; conversation that rumbled near the level
of battlefield noise as the warriors sought to speak from group to group,
talking, shouting, and laughing over one another. The jests were as usual
crude and demeaning, but the Conqueror detected a thread of aggression
in the remarks, a faint whiff of challenge that bordered on bloodlust.
Maybe,she mused, they're as bored as I am without a war to fight.
Or do I have a situationbrewing?
Her practiced eye swept over them, defining three obvious camps: those
who followed Darphus, including many of his former cronies, though she'd
wisely dispersed his officers within her own ranks when she took his army;
those who sensed a change in favor under way and had begun aligning themselves
with Palaemon; and those loyal only to herself who sought to stay out of
a coming conflict between the "old guard" under Darphus and Palaemon's
young Turks. She noted the faces in each group, filing it away for future
reference in the crystalline memory for which she was famed. Xena never
forgets an enemy, the saying went, or fails to reward a friend. "If she
hasn't killed them already," the punch line-- never stated before her,
but heard nonetheless-- finished.
She stepped forward into the doorway, allowing her audience to see her
and was gratified by the immediate silence that fell. Instantly, everyone
stood and saluted. With a slow, stately swagger, studied in its negligence,
she made her way to the raised dais on which her throne rested. A perfunctory
gesture indicated that they could all reseat themselves as she was brought
her morning fare. Talk resumed at a much lower pitch.
"My sovereign queen," Palaemon, ever the opportunist, stood to greet the
Conqueror.
"Isn't that redundant?" The Conqueror asked, receiving a round of laughter
from those listening with pretended nonchalance to the exchange.
The young second colored slightly, but bowed again acknowledging the hit.
"We were discussing the Persians' famous chariot maneuver." He gestured
to the young men surrounding him. "Perhaps, since you've faced it and defeated
it, you could explain why it doesn't work."
Xena grinned. "It just didn't work against me, Palaemon. I've used it against
others since."
The ensuing discussion of cavalry tactics grew lively as the Conqueror
let her warriors have free rein on their opinions. She even allowed and
accepted a challenge from Palaemon to a chariot drill two candlemarks past
noon.
"Pick two men to side with you," the Conqueror ordered. "Titus and Darphus
will form my wedge against you."
"Great." Darphus, who had maintained a sullen silence as the debate swirled
around him, let his spoon drop noisily into the empty bowl before him and
rose. "Then I'd better take care of my other duties if I'm to spend the
afternoon at child's play," he half-snarled. "By your leave, Conqueror...?"
The Conqueror gave him a measured look. "Your tone lacks some...forethought,
Darphus," she warned. "Change it before I see you again."
"My apologies," he forced out, bowing, but the stiffness of his movement
betrayed his simmering rage. Turning on his heel, he stalked from the dining
hall. Xena hid a smirk behind her tankard and turned amused eyes back to
her palace security chief.
"May I pick the chariots?" Palaemon requested. Xena saw through the ploy
immediately, but let him go. She had nothing to fear from the brash young
man.
"Certainly... and the horses."
Palaemon left the hall well pleased with the morning's maneuvering. Darphus
had no skill at chariot fighting everyone knew, and Palaemon knew he had
made life uncomfortable for the Captain of the Imperial Guard.
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After breakfast came the Conqueror's usual morning briefing with the commanders
of the standing Greek army. It was uneventful, for once, though the commanders
seemed rather unsettled by what had taken place at the public judgment.
"I made the decision to take her down," Xena shrugged when one of them
finally got nerve up to ask for clarification of the rumors that already
swept Corinth.
"Athens and Thebes may get ideas, Your Majesty," General Thessikles warned.
"There've been several skirmishes with rebels in the countryside."
"And they've been put down easily," the Conqueror replied curtly. "When
I've finished with the insurrectionists here in Corinth, those in the countryside
will not dare to raise their hands to scratch their... bellies, let alone
to draw their swords."
With some relief, she broke free of their worries and moved to the next
chore: two hours dealing with the business of distant lands overseen by
her administrators. A constant stream of reports flooded the mail and messenger
lines within the Empire. In the main, the reports were confirmations of
long-term plans engineered by Xena and put into motion by her regents.
As such, they were seldom very interesting, and often downright tedious,
but Xena, being Xena, found it difficult to be less than completely informed
and in control.
Many items of "news" were months old by the time they reached the Conqueror.
On more delicate matters, however, Xena demanded that her regents get her
approval before taking action, so there was a second, less publicly discussed
system of communication: carrier pigeons. Used only in times of greatest
need, it could still take weeks for Lao Ma to send a message from Chin
and receive an answer, but Xena was careful in the amount of outright power
she allowed those who ruled for her.
Urgent messages were brought to her immediately, though, so she knew the
next two hours would be as dull and mundane as they usually were. She made
her way reluctantly through the cool, dark corridors of the palace to the
administrative offices.
"The Persians have resisted sending their winter grain taxes for another
month, my liege," Milosz, the Conqueror's Mediterranean administrator,
informed her, without preamble, as she entered the room.
"The granaries at Athens are full," the Conqueror thought aloud, "but it
wouldn't do to give them the idea they can get away with it."
"Macedonia is experiencing some shortage due to a bad harvest," Milosz
confirmed. "Therefore, Athens will have to send out some of their grain.
The Persian taxes would ensure no one goes hungry."
"We'll be forced to send a punitive expeditionary force from the legion
outpost at Caesarea," the Conqueror ordered calmly, then grumbled. "Gods,
I hate that name. Can't they go back to whatever they were before Caesar
decided to lend them his name?"
"Umm, I believe he founded that city, Your Majesty."
"Ahh," Xena smiled wickedly. "All the more reason to change the name. He
threatened me once with historical oblivion; let me return the favor. Henceforth,
Caesarea shall be called... Xenantium."
"Thy will be done, Conqueror," Milosz grinned openly, making a note on
the administrative file for the former Caesarea. Then he began the endless,
uneventful reports from the other, fully stabilized districts of her empire.
________________________________________________________________
Xena paced restlessly about her chamber as Corinth drowsed in the early
afternoon resting period that followed a typical Greek lunch. Her thoughts
were even more dark and brooding than usual.
She had conquered the Known World in a stunningly short time span, her
forces a whirlwind of violence and bloodshed that had made hers a name
and reputation to be reckoned with. Nation after nation had fallen before
the Destroyer, overwhelmed by greater strength, greater numbers, and a
single, driving Will that controlled them both. And now that Will was being
stymied, stifled, blunted. Now, the controlling force was controlled, trapped
in a relentless cycle-- both stressful and monotonous-- of fighting to
maintain the balance of the power she had striven to gain.
She paced to the bed and flopped her long-legged form upon it. She needed
rest, she knew, but her mind and body refused to relax. Instead, she twitched
and fidgeted, finally drawing the covers completely over herself and curling
onto her side.
Ruling taxed her mentally and emotionally in ways simple fighting never
could. There were still moments of intense action or thought-- overcoming
some armed resistance, putting down a rebellion, planning fortifications
and economic programs-- but they were followed by months of inaction--
reading reports, drilling troops, judging complaints or criminal trials.
She went through the same routine, no matter which of her Imperial cities
she was visiting, and all that changed was the faces which led her through
the daily, weekly, monthly repetitions of identical decisions, events,
and discussions.
She could swear she sometimes felt herself losing that mental edge that
had gotten her where she was; felt it as it was chipped away with each
interminable council or endless state dinner. The repetition and boredom
were as insidious as rust, for with the boredom came insomnia, and the
dark thoughts and internalized anger that action kept at bay tormented
her in the night. She spent whole weeks analyzing her past, second-guessing
every past decision, wishing for things she couldn't have... Just as she
had done this morning; just as she was doing now.
"Enough!" The Conqueror sat up impatiently. "Now I remember why I hate
afternoon naps," she muttered, throwing off the dark thoughts with the
sheets and rising.
Deliberately, she focused her mind on selecting her armor for the coming
chariot exercise. No need for full armor or the ceremonial gold plated
cuirass of her Roman Command armor. She knew what she wanted, what she
needed, to settle her emotions and focus her thoughts. She stepped beyond
the armor racks and opened the trunk at the foot of her bed.
With tender, almost reverent hands, she lifted from storage the familiar
leather battle dress and ornate breastplate in which she felt most at home;
the second skin which she'd worn for ten years as she swept the resistance
of every civilized nation before her like a scythe harvesting wheat. A
slight smile worked its way over her face as she touched the swirling design
of the breastplate. She inhaled the beautiful scent of leather that rose
from the fabric like a caress.
These clothes defined her, steadied her, reminded her of who she was and
what she had done with nothing more than iron will and unquenchable desire.
She might wear the robes and crown of an Empress now, but Xena the Conqueror
had been born in the much-scarred, restitched, and repaired leather and
brass she now held.
Nostalgia?She wondered. Gods, how old do
I think I am?
Rueful now, she allowed herself to rationalize the choice: This armor was
light, allowed her to move easily, and would protect her from most possible
damage. Not that she was particularly worried, she continued the thought
as she efficiently dressed herself. Palaemon had potential, but his skills
needed sharpening; that's why she'd agreed to his little challenge. Darphus,
on the other hand, hated chariot fighting and, consequently, was blatantly
awful at it. She'd insisted he come just to humiliate him.
The Conqueror had never forgotten or forgiven Darphus' betrayal six years
ago. She remembered fondly the fear she'd seen in his eyes when she'd ridden
into his camp a year later with twice as many men as he had at her back.
Join or die, she'd offered him and his soldiers the choice, and
Darphus, always looking out for his own skin, had submitted and joined
her army. He'd been a useful tool, and she had used him, and would continue
to use him, until a better tool came along. Then there'd be an excuse--
there was always an excuse with someone like Darphus-- to complete the
revenge she'd planned as she recovered, alone and disregarded, from The
Gauntlet.
I'll put that fear back in him someday soon,she
thought. Probably as soon as he springs whatever stupid plot
he's working on at present.
Following up on that thought, the Conqueror eased noiselessly through the
bathing room and garderobe to the other bedroom of the suite to check on
Gabrielle.
The bard, like the rest of Corinth, was abed, asleep. Xena moved to the
bedside and looked down at her unlikely prisoner. Long, fair lashes swept
against cherubic cheeks and the cupid's bow mouth parted with relaxed breathing.
Beautiful,Xena thought again as she had when she first saw the young
woman. Now, however, she saw another level of beauty in her. She doesn't
shy away from anything, this bard. Into a lifestyle full of sycophants
and hypocrites, Gabrielle had brought a breath of candid curiosity and
genuine spirit. The Conqueror smiled slightly. At the moment, this
was the one thing that held any fascination her, she realized, eyes traveling
the sleeping features again. This was a face that, for now at least, piqued
all her rather substantial curiosity. Xena's smile fell suddenly. I
hope to the gods I don't end up having to kill her.
________________________________________________________________
Palaemon had arranged himself and two of his subordinates in a loose chariot
wedge at the west end of the chariot pitch, the Conqueror noted as she
rode down from the city. He'd chosen a matched pair of Persian ponies that
she'd gotten in tribute only three days before and hitched them to a light
Celtic chariot like those she'd used in Gaul during her last campaign against
those recalcitrant Parisi. His wedge and he rested in the shade with the
sun at their backs. Her mouth quirked at his audacity.
"You gonna let him do that?" Darphus asked, taking in only the field position
Palaemon had taken advantage of.
"Sure," the Conqueror smirked. "It won't matter in a few minutes when I
drive him up against those outcroppings on the southern side."
Darphus brightened a little, swinging down from his mount, but his expression
soured as he saw the cramped Egyptian chariot that she motioned him toward.
The Conqueror, as usual, was enjoying herself at her Imperial Guard Captain's
expense.
"Ready, my queen?" called Palaemon from the other end of the field.
She didn't reply, just slapped the reins down on the backsides of her ponies
and trundled toward him, forcing him out of his shady resting spot and
into the glare of midafternoon. She saw him try to cut to his left, north,
away from the outcroppings she'd intended to send him into, and she grinned
avidly.
"Little bastard did do his reconnaissance," she murmured, moving to intersect
his line.
Palaemon, she actually liked, seeing a lot of her younger self in his constant
boundary pushing and arrogant disregard for propriety. He had a measure
more caution than she had had, but then he'd come to maturity under the
Conqueror, with whom caution was more of a requirement. Xena knew if she'd
met a leader like herself when she was his age, she would have gladly followed,
learning everything she could. Of course, she'd have killed her teacher
and taken the power as soon as she was done, she laughed internally. Palaemon
would need to do a lotmore reconnaissance before he got the chance
to follow that particular tradition.
Ambition I can deal with, she decided, but
treachery like Darphus' mustn't go unpunished.
She swept down on the opposing wedge alone, having outdistanced Darphus
and Titus, but she managed to split them and cut Palaemon off from his
flankers. He made a run for the eastern end of the pitch, but she stayed
level with him and pushed him more north. He fought his team to a standstill,
intending to cut around behind her, but she simply dropped the reins and
launched herself into his chariot. When Darphus, sweating heavily and sawing
on his team's reins, drew up, she had Palaemon in a wrestler's hold on
the bottom of the chariot, both of them laughing like children as she gave
him a knuckle rub through his spiky blonde hair.
"That was useless," Darphus spat out, as Xena released Palaemon and hopped
down from his chariot.
"Not completely," Palaemon objected, grinning. "I got to run these new
ponies."
Darphus looked at the Conqueror, his expression that of one child tattling
on another, but she cut his protest off immediately.
"We're not done, by any means. That was only one pass. Palaemon's going
to demonstrate that Persian feint he was arguing so passionately this morning,
then I'm going to show him why it doesn't work."
Darphus turned his chariot without further protest and struggled back to
his end of the field.
They mock-fought for the next two candlemarks, until the horses and they
themselves were sweated and weary and--in some cases-- injured. Palaemon
sported a steadily darkening black eye, given him by the Conqueror in a
rather heated engagement, but the young man bore it like a badge of honor
because, firstly, he'd forced her into a situation where she'd had to hit
him full force or be hit herself, and, secondly, he'd remained conscious.
Xena returned his grin rather ruefully. The young man actually managed
to lift her out of the dark mood she'd been in earlier.
"I'm sure Nevon's arm will heal straight," the cocky blonde assured her
for a third time, a glint in his eye. The Conqueror found herself laughing
at his brazen attempt to tease her.
"Come and eat with me tonight, Palaemon," she invited. "I'm going to bathe
and read the Indian dispatches. Come at the beginning of fourth watch."
"Thy will be done, Conqueror," he bowed.
Darphus gave her a sour look, but remained silent: she'd cut his lip with
a blow from her chariot whip, and he wasn't in the mood to taste his own
blood again.
________________________________________________________________
A servant interrupted Gabrielle's afternoon interview with her physician.
"Brysas, the Corinthian head of household," the young woman announced and
held the door as the immaculately clad majordomo entered.
"You are Gabrielle of Poteidaea?"
Gabrielle, trying to look for all the world like she didn't recognize the
note of ill-concealed condescension in his voice, smiled politely. "I am."
He snapped his fingers and servants entered bearing more clothing, vases
filled with flowers, furniture, including a large desk and a padded chaise
lounge, and, finally, scrolls, more scrolls than Gabrielle had seen outside
the Corinthian library.
"The Conqueror has ordered that your chambers be made more comfortable,"
the officious little man recited, as if reading from a script he had not
written. "The palace servants are at your disposal, and they can get you
anything you require until you are more...mobile. At that point, you will
be assigned an escort, and you may move freely about the city."
Gabrielle, by no means slow on the uptake, saw immediately that she was
to remain a very pampered prisoner in a silk-bedecked jail. Immobilized
for at least nine weeks, regaining the use of her legs for perhaps another
three weeks, Gabrielle was effectively debarred from escaping, but by giving
her palace servants and an escort, the Conqueror guaranteed that none of
the Corinthian dissidents dared risk contacting her while she was recuperating
or afterwards. The Conqueror was making sure her single clue was secure
and untampered-with until she solved the mystery surrounding her vision.
Nonetheless, Gabrielle felt a measure of security at the new arrangement.
Xena was sparing her, whatever the reason, and, after her close brush with
death, Gabrielle rejoiced at any confirmation that she would live a while
longer.
The bard nodded to the majordomo as if she'd spent every day of her life
in a palace. "The Conqueror is most kind and you are most efficient in
your duties, Brysas." She wondered idly if he annoyed the Conqueror as
much as he did herself. She was fairly certain he did. "I thank her for
her concern and you for your faultless service."
He stiffened a little at that, realizing that she was indeed treating him
as a servant, but the memory of the Conqueror's glittering gaze stilled
any disrespectful retort he might have aimed at the bard. He bowed precisely.
"You are too kind. Please do not hesitate to ask for anything you might
require."
When the servants had all filed out, Gabrielle found herself alone with
the physician from Chin once more. He wore an odd expression as he watched
her and Gabrielle found herself embarrassed by his perusal.
"There is an old saying among your people which you may recall," he finally
broke the silence. "Everything has two handles: one by which it may be
borne, another by which it cannot." He gathered his medical supplies and
walked to the chamber door. "I think, Gabrielle of Poteidaea, you have
chosen the correct handle."
________________________________________________________________
On a whim, Xena stuck her head through the connecting door to Gabrielle's
room after her bath was prepared.
"Okay, bard, I'm getting ready to get in the tub. Any requests I should
know about first?"
Gabrielle colored attractively at the obvious teasing and set aside the
scroll she'd been reading. "No... I'm fine." She made a small gesture indicating
the newly furnished room. "Thank you for...for this."
Xena glanced around, finally noting the changes. "Oh..." she shrugged,
a bit discomfited. "No big deal."
A pause developed and both searched their minds for a way to smooth it.
"Well..." they both said at once.
"I'm eating in about an hour," Xena forged on. "One of my commanders will
be there. If you'd like, you could join us."
"If I won't be in the way...?" Gabrielle smiled gratefully. "I've been
rather bored in here all day alone."
"You won't be in the way," Xena assured her. "I'll send someone for you
in a bit."
________________________________________________________________
The Conqueror came herself, it turned out, and found Gabrielle freshly
bathed and changed into a lovely blouse and skirt of mossy green edged
with yellow and maroon embroidery. Her red-gold hair had been brushed and
braided attractively in the latest of Corinthian fashions. Xena smiled
inwardly at the obvious preparations and carried Gabrielle into the other
room. Did she do that for me, or my unknown guest? The Conqueror
couldn't help wondering.
"This is an informal dinner," she told Gabrielle teasingly as she settled
her into the chaise beside the low table at which they would dine. A servant
moved forward to draw the Conqueror's own chair out for her.
Gabrielle flushed. "You gave me all these wonderful clothes. I just thought
I should wear them."
That brought the Conqueror up short, and not knowing what to say, she grunted
noncommittally and motioned for the servants to pour the wine. A knock
interrupted the awkwardness.
"Lord Palaemon," Alita, who'd answered the door, announced.
The young man strode in, smiling that charming smile of his, and Xena,
watching Gabrielle out of the corner of her eye, saw the bard's green eyes
widen. She looked at Palaemon to see what so intrigued the bard, then realized
it was just the sight of a handsome young man. Great, the Conqueror
thought disgustedly. All I need is a lovesick bard. She'll be spewing
bad poetry inside ten minutes.
Palaemon made his formal bow, but his eyes never left the blonde vision
before him. It took the edge off the Conqueror's disgust to see him so
obviously distracted.
"Palaemon," she purred in her most affable tone. He jerked his attention
back to his ruler, flushing. "Meet Gabrielle of Poteidaea, a bard. Gabrielle,
this is the chief of palace security, Palaemon."
To Xena's well-hidden amusement, Palaemon kissed the back of the hand Gabrielle
extended to him. The bard blushed, pulling away rather quickly, but gazing
at him with open encouragement.
"A lucky man am I," Palaemon announced, seating himself, "to dine with
the two most beautiful women in the world."
"Save it for the bard," Xena cautioned him, giving him an eyebrow-lifted
smirk.
Gabrielle's blush deepened, but she rallied enough to speak. "Thank you,
m-my lord," she glanced to the Conqueror to confirm the honorific and received
a nod. Green eyes sparkled naughtily as she continued. "I appreciate the
flattery of being favorably compared to the Conqueror in beauty. She is
that high peak to which all womanhood aspires."
Xena shot her a quelling look, but Palaemon, undaunted, nodded solemnly.
"Yes, it is widely known that only Aphrodite is thought more fair than
our Empress."
"Gods, not both of you," Xena rolled her eyes, but she was more off-balance
than she wished to admit. It had been a long, long time since someone,
especially two someones, had made an effort to compliment her. "Let's turn
this excess of youthful energy to the food. I think that rumble like thunder
is Gabrielle's stomach."
The introductions set the tone for the evening, and Xena was to remember
for a long time afterward the laughter and conversation that filled her
bedchamber that night. Once the servers had withdrawn, Gabrielle and Palaemon
flirted outrageously and tried to outdo one another with teasing comments
about and flattery of the Conqueror herself.
"So," Gabrielle finally asked the security chief, having held herself in
check for a whole course, "what happened to your eye?"
Palaemon grinned. "Xena happened," he quoted mock-solemnly.
It was a standard answer in the ranks: What happened at the battle of
fill in the blank? Xena happened.
The Conqueror gave Palaemon the same quelling look that had failed against
Gabrielle; it didn't seem to faze him either. "Palaemon forgot to duck."
"Palaemon," said the man himself, "didn't even see your hand move before
he hit the floor of the chariot."
Gabrielle looked from one to the other eagerly.
The Conqueror shrugged, gnawing idly on the end of a chicken bone. "That
was a nice little counter you used," she allowed his comment to pass. "Hadn't
seen that before."
The blond officer shook his head ruefully. "Not that that stopped you from
turning it."
The Conqueror shrugged again. "It's all in the grip. Once I saw the grip,
I knew where you were headed."
He frowned and flexed his hand as if holding a sword hilt. "So, you watch
the hand?"
Xena smiled unpleasantly. "I watch everything. And listen. And feel."
"Feel?" Gabrielle probed.
"He puts off energy; everyone does. If I concentrate, I can feel the energy
shift. Or I can hear the change in his breathing as he gets ready to swing.
I used to practice blindfolded to learn to fight in the dark."
The bard couldn't help the disbelief that shaped her expression. "Fighting
blindfolded?"
The Conqueror grinned cockily. "Yeah. I'll show you. Palaemon?"
The two warriors wiped their hands on their napkins and rose. Palaemon
had seen the Conqueror demonstrate this particular skill on other occasions
and he had to admit it was not only amazing, but actually frightening.
The rumors in the corps of her bond with Ares explained some of her abilities,
but nothing could rationalize this one. Warriors were a superstitious lot,
and Palaemon found himself making a sign to ward off evil eye as he chose
a sword from the Conqueror's armor rack.
"Tie this," the Conqueror ordered, handing him a silk scrap she'd pulled
from a spear guidon. "And don't cover my ears."
They settled the blindfold, and she turned, taking her stance.
"Very well, bard," she teased. "Watch closely. Come on, Palaemon. Give
it your best shot."
Palaemon took a deep breath, praying to whichever god was listening that
he wouldn't get seriously injured in the Conqueror's little display, and
began to circle to his left. The Conqueror followed his movement, easing
to her left as well, keeping the distance between them. When he'd turned
her a quarter turn from where they'd begun, he tried an overhead swing,
but her blade snapped up and stopped it with a clang. She grinned that
damned feral grin of hers.
"Don't suck in such a big breath before you swing," she advised.
He flushed, embarrassed. "It's never been a handicap before," he gritted
out, sliding a thrust at her as he finished the last word.
She turned that and slipped past him, elbowing him in the kidney as she
went by. He "oof"ed and swung again, but she ducked away. He barely averted
the slash that followed, so he stilled his movements and took a couple
deep breaths. She wasn't just playing with him, he could tell. She fought
with her usual precision, despite the blindfold, and Palaemon decided prayer
wouldn't help, so intelligence would have to. He watched her a moment,
seeing the tilt of her head as she focused her hearing on him, the gentle
sway of her hips and shoulders as she waited to shift with his next advance.
The Conqueror continued to grin, correctly reading her security chief's
silence as a pause to think. Can't let him do that,she told herself
and thrust again at where she felt his trunk to be. He slid away to his
right, but she anticipated and aimed a swing at his right thigh. He caught
it with a grunt on his sword and tried to turn her wrist, but she disengaged
speedily and tossed her sword to her left hand. Before he could adjust,
she rained a series of blows at him. He evaded them all, but he was breathing
heavily by the last pass and she knew she'd have no problem hearing him
now.
"You'll have to do better than that," she taunted him, poking her sword
at him. He charged, as she knew he would, and she laughingly launched herself
into a low flip and landed lightly behind him. When he turned, she reached
up and pulled the blindfold off, revealing laughing blue eyes.
"Care to continue?" she invited.
Palaemon shook his head, expression a mixture of awe and frustration. She
managed to make him look like an untrained private, even missing the most
important of her senses. The Conqueror tossed him her sword and back-flipped
over the table, coming down before her chair and collapsing back onto the
fur and silk cushion.
"How do you do that?" Gabrielle asked, her eyes starry with excitement
like a child at a magician's show.
"Years of practice," the Conqueror took a sip of water. "I probably tried
my flip 300 times before I got it right."
Palaemon nodded in agreement as he sat the swords back in the hanger and
returned to the table. He'd seen the grueling regimen she still put herself
through to keep her fighting skills honed.
"But..." Gabrielle shook her head, working through what she wanted to say.
"That seems to imply anyone could learn to be as good as you."
Xena laughed. "Well, I wouldn't go that far."
"Some people are fated to be warriors," Palaemon observed.
"Fate...destiny..." the Conqueror said the words as if they tasted sour.
"I don't know if I believe all that. I think you make your own destiny.
You change it with every decision, every act."
"Change destiny? Isn't it decided by the gods before our birth?" Gabrielle
was thrilled with the direction the conversation was headed. She had loved
theoretical philosophy at the Academy, and her dream all along had been
to discuss such things with the Conqueror.
"No," the Conqueror argued confidently. "Life is like... like a river.
Acting or making a decision is like throwing in a rock: There are ripples,
aftereffects, to every action."
"But the ripples eventually die out," Palaemon stated.
"Ah...but the rock is still there," the Conqueror smirked triumphantly,
raising one long finger, "so the river is changed."
"But...but..." Gabrielle looked from one to the other, "what if they're
the wrongrocks?"
"The wrong rocks?" Palaemon queried, seeing the Conqueror's brows pull
together at the continued dispute, which she thought she'd won, and fearing
her mercurial temper.
"Yes. What if the decisions were the wrong decisions? The wrong rocks thrown
into your life river?"
"Then you'll pay for it in Tartarus," Xena cut in heavily.
Palaemon could sense that things were also becoming a little too personal
for the Conqueror. Gabrielle was implying, through the analogy, that Xena
might have made decisions that were wrong. Not a way to please the Conqueror.
He decided to try a little levity.
"At least you know your friends will be there," he joked
"It's the friends I putthere that worry me," the Conqueror revealed.
Her tone allowed them all a chuckle, lightening some of the tension.
"So, we're doomed to suffer eternally for our wrong decisions?" Gabrielle
frowned. "I just can't believe that that is our soul's destiny."
"You can come back," Palaemon said quietly.
"Just me?" Gabrielle grinned, laying a hand on his forearm.
He flushed. "No, I mean any one of us. At least, that's what Plato argues."
"You've read Plato?" Gabrielle excitedly squeezed the muscled arm under
her hand. "He's one of my favorites."
"Palaemon's father was an academician. He's one of my most well-educated
soldiers." For once, Xena's voice held no note of mockery.
"So, what does Plato say?" Gabrielle encouraged the now-embarrassed security
chief.
"Well, actually, Philo of Alexandria took Plato's idea and worked it out
to a logical conclusion: he says that some souls, reaching the Isles of
the Blessed, find that they long for the familiar and accustomed ways of
mortal life, so they return to this world to live again."
"Not as ghosts?" The Conqueror seemed intrigued by that idea.
"No, they're born and live again. Reincarnated."
"Why?"
Palaemon shrugged. "Maybe to try to undo something they did... or to be
near someone they loved."
"I believe that," Gabrielle nodded, eagerly. "I believe I've been here
before." She blushed suddenly at the Conqueror's disbelieving stare and
struggled to explain. "Haven't you ever walked into a place you've never
been before and... and recognized it? Or heard a song that you know you've
never heard before, yet you find you know the words." The Conqueror's face
was so still that Gabrielle thought she'd lost her audience and rushed
on with another example. "Surely you've met someone and within moments
or candlemarks, you've fallen into instant rapport with them."
Only you, the thought-- accompanied by a brief
reappearance of the vision of Gabrielle's eyes as she lay on the cross--
flitted through Xena's consciousness and she was greatly disturbed by it.
Gabrielle, eyes locked on the Conqueror's steely blue ones, could almost
see the shields go up and she felt like an unexpected blow the rejection
and sudden disinterest. The blonde's expression fell.
"Plato," the Conqueror recovered, her tone rudely dismissive, "he's the
one that thinks philosophers are the only ones qualified to rule."
"Yes," Gabrielle agreed quickly, taking umbrage at the Conqueror's tone,
"but he said warriors are philosophers."
"He also said dogs are philosophers because they decide who to bite based
on knowing or not knowing," Xena countered, leaning forward into the confrontation.
Gabrielle opened her mouth to reply hotly, then closed it. Then opened
it again.
"But..."
She suddenly realized that that was exactly what Plato had said, and she--
trained in rhetoric and debate-- had just been out-argued. Just like Palaemon
had been easily out-fought, she realized. She broke into rueful laughter.
Xena, correctly reading all the emotions that had crossed Gabrielle's all-too-expressive
face, also found herself laughing. Palaemon released the breath he'd been
unaware he was holding.
"Are you one of Gabrielle's warrior philosophers, Palaemon," Xena teased,
eyes sparkling still from the shared laughter.
"I've learned a lot in your army, Conqueror," he stated modestly.
"That reincarnation stuff is the religion in India," the Conqueror mused.
"In Persia, they believe that we're all the soldiers in two giant armies
that fight through eternity. One is the army of Light and the other the
army of Darkness."
"Which army do you belong to?" Gabrielle thought it safer to ask Palaemon
the question first.
"Light being good and dark being evil?" he clarified. At her nod, he smiled,
"Light... I think."
"Well, that's the problem, isn't it?" the Conqueror's eyes looked distant.
"Who decides good and evil... just and unjust?"
"Our hearts know," Gabrielle said quietly.
Xena came back to the discussion suddenly and fixed Gabrielle with a devastatingly
charming and altogether reckless smile. "I don't have a heart."
Gabrielle took a moment to recover her dropped jaw, then rolled her eyes.
"Your soul, then."
"I fear my soul is rather biased," Xena sighed, but her tone wasn't as
light as she tried to make it. "I'm surely bound for an eternity in Tartarus."
"You said you can change your destiny every day," Gabrielle objected. "You
could change that."
Xena drained her wine with a flippant air. "Or I could just wait til next
life and hope everything turns out better."
"You could come back as a dog," Palaemon offered.
With the ensuing laughter, the conversation turned and faded in intensity.
Finishing desert and drinking their wine, they argued humorously over whether
animals had souls and would go to the Elysian Fields. The Conqueror was
adamant on only one point: Argo was Elysia bound.
"That reminds me of a story..." Gabrielle announced and launched into a
seemingly endless supply of humorous tales and jokes she recalled or--
Xena suspected-- invented on the spot. Much, much later, after Palaemon
had made his laughingly effusive goodbyes, Xena found herself chuckling
as she carried Gabrielle back to her side of the suite.
"Aesop's ass and the serendipitous slide," she repeated to Gabrielle's
questioning look.
"I could tell you were an ass woman," Gabrielle quipped.
The Conqueror snorted. "You had too much to drink," she hazarded, setting
the bard down carefully.
"Something like that," Gabrielle agreed, lying back on the soft mattress,
feeling the room rotate slowly around her.
Xena went to the dresser and poured a goblet of water from the carafe sitting
there. She returned to seat herself on the edge of the bed.
"Palaemon has a nice ass," Gabrielle observed dreamily.
"Do tell?" the rich voice held exasperated amusement.
"Not as nice as yours," the long lashes fluttered open, revealing softly
glowing green eyes.
"Don't say things you'll regret in the morning," the Conqueror cautioned,
seeing hero worship mixed up with a little unconscious infatuation in the
green gaze. She held the look a moment longer than necessary, then forced
herself to break the connection. "Speaking of things you'll regret in the
morning..." she unceremoniously hauled Gabrielle up and held the goblet
to the bard's lips. "Drink this. All of it."
"Wha-?"
"You'll thank me when your head doesn't feel like Aesop's ass kicked it."
Gabrielle choked a little laugh, but obediently swallowed all the water.
"Do you think you'll be sick?" Xena asked. "I can get Alita to sleep here
with you tonight. In case you have to get up."
"No, I'll be fine." Gabrielle swayed, catching herself on her hands. "I
may need help getting undressed."
"You can sleep just as you are," Xena protested.
"And ruin my clothes? No, if you could call someone...?"
Xena sighed impatiently. "Here," she handed Gabrielle the goblet and reached
behind the other woman's neck to unfasten her blouse.
"Oh, no, you shouldn't..."
"Hush, I've done it already," the Conqueror frowned, pulling the garment
over Gabrielle's head, turning it wrong side out in the process.
Gabrielle acquiesced uncertainly, unbuttoning her skirt and helping Xena
slide it down over her splinted legs. At Xena's bidding, she rolled to
the other side of the bed so Xena could pull the covers aside, then rolled
back to be tucked in.
"There now," the Conqueror said in long-suffering tones, watching the blonde
settle herself under the light cover and stifle a huge yawn. "Good night,
Gabrielle."
Gabrielle's lashes had fallen again, but she managed a murmur in her softest,
sleepiest voice. "G'night, Xena."
The Conqueror didn't know why she shivered as she blew out the bedside
candle.
________________________________________________________________
In the cold hours before dawn, the Conqueror sat bolt upright in bed, gasping
against the pounding of her heart, awake from a nightmare of the crucifixion,
but tangled in the images still. Reaching down, she touched her shaky,
sweating palms to her lower legs. The fierce ache there faded with the
receding dream, and, with a sound almost like a sob, she threw herself
sideways over the cooler side of the bed, laying with wide, staring azure
eyes in the creaking silence of the castle.
Now there were two versions of her oldest night terror, she thought, sickened.
In the familiar, almost comfortable first, she watched the man she'd called
friend, though they'd been more, order her legs broken with icy nonchalance.
She'd seen it so many times, in so many beds, that she could turn it, change
it, take it forward to its true end many years later when she stood at
the foot of Caesar's cross and smiled as she ordered him punished in exactly
the same manner.
This new dream of crucifixion, an extension of the vision she'd seen the
day before, was painfully unfamiliar: snow, soldiers, smooth wood against
her back, and her eyes filled with Gabrielle and that adoring green gaze.
She shuddered at the memory. In this dream's grasp, she twisted and throbbed
with uncontrolled emotion: anger, of course, but also guilt, anguished
and caustic, at someone else's injury, heartbreak at her own helplessness,
and finally, overwhelmingly, the deep, terrifying, abiding love for the
woman sharing her fate. She felt tears well at even the memory of that
depth of caring. No one in all her life had made Xena feel what she felt
for that wraith, that imaginary woman whose double slept just two doors
away.
Xena forced herself upright and out of her bed. Pathetic! she hissed
to that internal weakness. I didn't get where I am crying over little
girls with broken legs!
She seized her sword from the rack beside her armchair and began in silence
to drill, facing the imaginary opponent she'd fought many long nights in
a quest to win through to rest and peace. Tonight, she tried not to notice
that that invisible figure wore her own face.