Xena has always been this way. No man can pin her down, at least not for good... And no woman can have her, at least not all the time... And it is not her heart. It is no longer closed off, not like before. It is just the way she is made, it is just how she is.
Lovers have come and gone. Some of them tried to keep her and found out the hard way... You can’t keep her. She has to keep moving, keep going. Xena tried to belong to one person, once or twice, and failed. Her body always overruled her mind...
Everyone wants more, Xena knows this. They want her heart, her soul, her love, her passion. Xena kept them all at bay, except for some. Even those, even those she cared for in one way or another, wanted more. Xena tried to let them down easy, but it never worked. A heart gets broken and Xena is left feeling guilty.
Now, she keeps those people away. If she can... Of course, Gabrielle is different. Xena can love her and Gabrielle understands. Gabrielle gets it like no one else ever has.
It became apparent to Xena that Gabrielle would get her heart and Xena, unlike many times before, was ready to give it to the bard. It felt right. Xena didn’t expect it to go further... It never does. But it did, as if the Fates were laughing at Xena. It went further than she planned.
Gabrielle... Even now, with Xena on top of some relatively unknown person, that name causes a stir of complex emotions. Even now, with this person giving as much as they can in order to pleasure Xena, she cannot focus. Which has never happened, not in all these years...
Once done, Xena shows them to the door of this room. Then she puts her leathers back on, getting angry with herself. The night was not supposed to go this way...
She puts on her armor and, with the final piece in place, leaves the inn. The person is at the bar and she pays them no mind. That is the pleasure in one-night stands, no need for interaction after the fact.
Besides, Xena is not in the mood for interaction. Not now. Something is changing and Xena is not sure she likes it... Or if she can stop it from happening. She finds her steps getting quicker, knowing that she will reach a warm fire, a soft animal skin and... and...
“Gabrielle?”
Xena hears no reply. The embers are warm, but not on fire. The pallets are laid out, but the bard is not there. Xena scans the ground and, yet, finds no sign of struggle.
It is kind of like she is leaving...
And Xena cannot hold back the rush of panic that surges through her bones at this thought.